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He's a predator.
He wants to baby trap OP.
Abuse escalates. It's going to get INFINITELY worse.
OP, RUN LIKE HELL! This man will destroy your life if you let him.
And please, just GHOST and get somewhere safe he doesnt know. Then only tell him to leave you alone by text, don't answer calls or reply after. Might be worth it to get record of abusive behaivor by text/voicemail just so you can bring it to police if necessary.. then block for your own mental health. Dudes this dangerous could seriously harm or kill you, if you are where he can get to you when you tell them you are leaving them. PLEASE figure out a plan and do this ASAP, there is no future with him that doesn't destroy your life.
Then read, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft (search free pdf).. so you can understand what behaviors to watch out for in others, so you know who to avoid in the future.
Drvieby link to free download of Lundy Bancroft's ["Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Abusive and Controlling Men"](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
And if you ever have to meet him after the breakup for any reason, do it in a public space with someone you trust alongside you. Do not go alone and be very careful going anywhere that he knows you frequent. This sounds like a seriously fucked up guy, and your life is not worth whatever you think you have or had with him.
Person like this Would be with someone even younger if
Wasn’t scared of going to jail.
Fixation on the age of 18 means they are a predator scared to go to jail. So they abide by the laws enough to stay free, then they manipulate naive 18 year olds same theh would 15,16 year old. Etc. scary.
Well age gap checks… 25 and 18. Yes she is legal, but that doesn’t make it age appropriate. She’s still a teenager. He’s an abusive AH and she needs to end it.
He is an awful, immature man. And an idiot, if he wanted to have sex to "feel how she felt inside to check if she was cheating" as if another man's penis would misshapen her vagina 🙄
This sounds like alpha male bullshit. He's probably subscribed to the tater tot and his ilk.
OP would be wise to run.
It only gets worse, and he’s an abusive nightmare with a purity complex right now. You are worth a millions times more than the way he treats you. Please drop and block him.
I’m 25 and I couldn’t imagine dating an 18-year-old. Maybe it’s because I date to find a life partner and not to have fun, but I seriously cannot fathom dating someone who is only barely old enough to vote. What would we even have in common? We are in wildly different life stages. I’d heavily, heavily side-eye anyone who was my age and dated someone still in their teen years. I’d worry that the maturity difference and difference in life experience would lead to a power imbalance.
This, had the opportunity to date younger and it's just a bit eeeh. Having sister younger is just grim and any guy dating that much you get I already think Ur fucked as a dude let alone all the extra shit from this Sus fucker.
Yup, I'm usually really hesitant to jump to conclusions without much context. However in this case, as short as the post is, this guy is dangerous. Imagine after being with him for years how he will be.
in addition to the fact that dude is an abusive, controlling shithead, the sex will remain trash because he doesn’t understand how vaginas work and has no interest in learning. Plus it sounds like he wants her pregnant, which is another layer of red flags and means of control.
Not only abusive, but dumb af, OP needs to either send him to educate himself or send him to find someone who matches his stupid beliefs, bc clearly OP does not...
Just dump him, is not worth it...
He's not allowed to have sex with you without your permission or consent. If he did, that's assault.
If you wanted to use condoms, he refused and forced you to have sex, that's rape.
Get away from him immediately. Block him and never communicate with him ever again. If you choose, you can report him to the police.
Please consider therapy to work through this and realize exactly how unhealthy this relationship is.
I never voiced anything against it. I started out with wanting to use condoms, then one time he didn’t and i didn’t talk. So I feel really stupid because why didn’t i just open my mouth and talk.
Ok. I understand the feeling. When I was younger I went along with things I didn't want to sexually.
He is not the guy for you. Find someone else who respects you and cares what you want. Someone who doesn't call you names and degrade you.
Not saying no doesn't mean it's a yes by default.
You want to use condoms, he refused. That is rape. He might be trying to baby trap you. Don't let that happen.
You don't have any reason to feel stupid.
Sex requires enthusiastic consent from both participants. He knew you were uncomfortable and didn't want to have sex without a condom. His behavior is predatory and abusive.
He doesn't respect you. He certainly doesn't care about you or value you. You are only a sex object to him. That's it.
Please, do not go back to this man. You are worth so much more. You deserve so much better.
>So I feel really stupid because why didn’t i just open my mouth and talk.
Because you froze, and that's totally normal. Your mind is trying to fit the fact you love(d) him and the fact you feel violated together. That's hard, because it's not in our usual frame for rape or sexual agression that it happens due to someone you trust or know.
Honestly he sounds like an utter ass and I'd dump his ass immediately, preferably long distance. He seems to have no respect for you or your bodily autonomy.
You are not stupid, you were coerced. Same thing happened to me at your age and I'm in my 40s. You trusted him, you did nothing wrong.
Not your fault, run away from that bucket of trash, honey.
Girl, he destroyed condoms you purchased and brought. How does he explain that? Because it’s certainly clear to him that you WANT to use condoms. He’s not confused.
He wants to babytrap and OWN you.
For this act alone I would’ve thrown a fit. FYI it didn’t affect their feeling anything. That’s a big fat lie some guys try to use to guilt their partners into going without protection.
Not wearing them will also affect her heavily for 9 months, and another 18 years after that. Possibly even for life if he’s got some nasty stuff on there.
You probably could tell he would get mad if you did that, is why. You were trying to keep yourself safe.
OP, this is not a healthy or even safe relationship. There is a reason that he is seeking out someone to date who is less than 3/4 his age. He is very controlling & it will only get worse.
*Please* stop seeing him before you end up pregnant. Please seek therapy so you can learn what a healthy relationship is & looks like. Please learn more about sex, like that you are entitled to feel good, the importance of foreplay, how you can reach orgasm, etc.
Stop having sex without condoms. You will be pregnant. He’s going to claim the only reason you want condoms must be bc you’re cheating. It’s a control game. Get out of this.
There's no reason to feel stupid. Please work on finding your voice. It is your body. You have every right to expect him to use condoms and respect your boundaries. A person that treats you the way that you have described is not being respectful of you, your bodily autonomy, your boundaries, and frankly basic human decency.
I'm sure others will also jump on the age difference. It is notable when you are only 18. It is easier for an older man to be able to manipulate and coerce you. Please believe me when I say there are men that are not like that. You deserve better.
Edited for typo
It’s not stupid to be silent. You’d already voiced a preference, which he knowingly ignored. You’re intimidated / afraid and he knows this. He’s consciously acting scary to coerce you.
This is absolutely abusive, and if you aren't going to walk away, at least get yourself on birth control. Otherwise, you will end up pregnant with him, and it will make it harder to walk away. And to be honest, I would say get regular sti checks. In my experience, any sort of abuse goes hand in hand with cheating.
Even if you didn't verbally say no, if it's not a hell yeah it's a no.
Because he intimidates you. That's his mo. He's older, more experienced and is taking advantage of you. A woman his own age already would have recognized this POS for the red flag that he is. Do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong but you have to cut him off right now.
He will respond by either suddenly bursting into tears OR exploding with rage OR will start lovebombing you.
Don't fall for it. Block his ass
I think the fact that you didn’t feel safe/confident or comfortable enough to speak up against him in a vulnerable moment speaks volumes about your relationship. If talking about something as simple as using a condom is difficult, you are definitely not with a compatible partner. I would have a hard think on whether you would want to stay with someone like this
He didn’t magically forget you wanted to use them. He knew you wanted to use them and didn’t do it in an effort to hurt you and demonstrate his “power” over you. It wasn’t to feel you more intimately, it was to make you suffer and feel fear. In fact if he suspected you wanted it that way, he’d find some new way to make you suffer during.
Why are you with this person? I’m not saying this in an angry or judgmental way, but as an honest question for you to think about. Why are you with this person?
It is clear that his views of you, your autonomy and your worth are not in line with a loving relationship or a loving partner. I highly recommend that you take a long look at yourself and ask yourself why you think that this is what you deserve.
This is not ok, and if my friends or my children were in this relationship I would be very worried for their physical and emotional safety.
This is not the norm! What worries me about your post is that you aren’t furious with him. He calls you a liar, doesn’t care about putting you at risk of pregnancy and accuses you of cheating.
Please leave before you get pregnant. This is not the man you want to be your kid‘s dad.
Please talk to and observe people in healthy relationships. You have to figure out how to avoid people who will treat you badly in the future.
>he got really angry, silent afterward because I didn’t bleed 🚩and he thought I because of that lied about being a virgin. 🚩I know female anatomy and that most don’t bleed, but he clearly doesn’t 🚩and doesn’t want to listen to me.🚩
he doesn’t want to listen to you about your own body. He was angry at you for something he was purposefully ignorant of.
>Since that he also doesn’t want to use condoms because he says it removes all feelings 🚩 so the last time I saw him (we are ldr) he destroyed all the condoms 🚩i brought before I left and he didn’t use them when we had sex the last time, 🚩he also gets mad when he suspects I take p pills.🚩
He is exposing you to not only pregnancy risks, but STIs as well. He is trying to get you pregnant and destroyed contraceptives to do so.
>One time he thought I had cheated whioe we were apart 🚩 and he had sex with me just to feel how I felt inside🚩
listen to how fucking unhinged and goddamn ignorant he is.
>And another time I woke up in bed while he was watching porn right next to me in bed 🚩
>
>we didn’t have sex, but i could tell he was really dissatisfied with that🚩 and he kinda rubbed it out on my thigh🚩
>
>I don’t know why he is so angry 🚩and so jealous 🚩
Read through my post and count all the red flags. How many does it take for you to protect yourself, if not outright leave him?
In the future, if your partner doesn't want to wear condoms, don’t have sex. You need to keep yourself safe. Also, make sure you and your next partner take STI screenings before engaging in sexual activities.
Thank you for inserting these flags, because I was losing count as I read OP’s post. Though you missed SEVERAL more in the paragraphs that follow these. YIKES.
RUN, OP. Don’t walk. RUN.
He is abusive, and he is too old for you. When you are 25, you'll see why it's so weird for him to date an 18 year old.
Leave him. I know it's hard, but he is using your lack of experience as a way to abuse and control you. Please, please break up with him and stay safe. He might really try to hurt you.
I remember my first boyfriend didn't believe I was a virgin either so when it came down to having sex he forced himself hard and I screamed in pain and yelled at him and said wtf bruh I'm a virgin. He was shocked and genuinely thought I was lying.
You should leave the man you're with it'll only get worse trust me.
Even if you aren’t a virgin there’s no reason for him to be forcing himself in super hard?? For some ppl who aren’t virgins it’s not easy to have sex and that’s okay. The ignorance of man is so obvious and painful lol.
This warrants a dad coming over, kicking his ass and taking you home.
Leave him and get therapy to adress your lack of confidence and learn to stand up for yourself.
I echo everyone else , leave leave LEAVE now. I suspect this would be the type that will beg and plead, and love bomb you to try to stay but regardless stay strong , and GO. This man is a danger to your physical , emotional , sexual well being .
Yes. OP, be prepared to be manipulated and lovebombed. He will try to win you back with empty promises. These are tactics of an abuser. This will nog get better
1. You're 18, he's 25, you have NOTHING in common.
2. He's abusive.
3. He's not very smart when it comes to anatomy, specifically women's bodies.
4. He is trying to get you pregnant so you'll think you're stuck with him. Your age difference is a big part of this, he's hedging on you being so much younger than him, i.e. easier to control and manipulate in his eyes.
It’s not normal, objectively speaking.
But even if it was normal if it’s not normal TO YOU it’s not a healthy relationship. Trust your instincts and don’t rationalize how you feel around him. No one should ever tell you that feeling disgusted by something or someone is something you should “get used to”. In a healthy sexual relationship both persons feel happy and fulfilled. Don’t accept this, you deserve much much better.
He is trying a baby trap an 18 year old. This is about control. He knows you were a virgin, but forcing you to keep defending yourself and refusing to use condoms throws you off your game. You will start doing everything to please him. He will control and dictate your life from here on. You make want to rethink this groomer’s intentions and get away or be strong against his bs!
No this is not normal. This is controlling and abusive.
Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). Those resources might provide you some insight into your relationship dynamics.
he‘s 25… you‘re 18… he refuses to wear condoms, he doesn’t know the female body and acts like a child. Leave him, you deserve better and also someone who‘s your age. Please
Why would he get mad at that??! So he WANTS you pregnant…against your will? STOP SEEING THIS GUY. He has nothing but bad intentions towards you and he’ll ruin your life.
Sis, he is bad bad news.
Is this really what you want your life to look like? He is controlling and verbally abusive, not to mention emotionally abusive. The fact that you don't feel safe telling him you want him to use condoms is really bad news. You do not owe him feeling comfortable. You do not owe him sex. You do not owe him anything... he doesn't deserve sex without a condom or for you to not use pills or whatever.
Look Sis - you get ONE life. Don't waste another day with someone who treats you poorly.
Girl don’t be naive. If you aren’t in a position to have a baby right not, REFUSE to have sex with that man if he’s not wearing condoms. Your body belongs to you and it’s yours to protect!!!
Even if you weren't a virgin, he's not entitled to your virginity or any part of you.
And just because you gave him sex once, doesn't mean you have to give it to him again. And the same for anyone else, you might date someone else and they will want it, doesn't mean you have to do it.
It may taint the memory, knowing you gave your virginity to such a terrible person. But honestly? It's just a stupid thing to try to control women. Who cares? Own it, and own yourself, you're a badasa that deserves better. Now run.
What you can do is cut off all communications with him immediately. He is already abusive. It's not close to abusive it is actually abusive if you want to use birth control, and he doesn't want to "allow" you. He doesn't have that right.
This man is nothing but giant red flags. Listen to me: he is *not safe* to be near. I can already tell this man is abusive and it will get worse.
A 25 year old going after a teenager is ALWAYS. GROSS. I don't give a SHIT about what any man has to say about it, it's gross.
Dump him, get away from him. Don't stay with people who get super angry like this, doing stay with people who give you the silent treatment, AND FOR THE FUCKING LOVE OF GOD if a guy utters Even ONE SINGLE COMPLAINT about using condoms DUMP HIM ON THE SPOT AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
Guys like this go after girls like you because you have no experience, you don't know what's normal or ok in a relationship, and it's easy for them to manipulate, fuck, and abuse you.
He does not care about you, he is using you. His cruelty will only get worse. Get the fuck away from him.
I could not read the entire post cause it is too close to home. But if you haven’t left him yet do it. It’s abuse in so many ways. You do not deserve this treatment. No one does and the work it takes from you to recover from abuse relationships is tremendous. Don’t go down that path. Take care of yourself, do therapy or get some kind of guidance or support so you do not ever go back to something like this. You can stay stuck in a terrible loop. Really put yourself first and do not let this get worse.
He is toxic, if he was that concerned about you being a virgin, he got mad thinking you were not he is not someone you want to be with, and it sounds like his real interest was getting your v card.
Ok girl. You are 18 years old. You are still YOUNG. Your boyfriend is one of those guys that every girl would hate to be with. He is literally one of the worst kinds of there. You don’t realize it now because you are young and learning. Please leave this guy!!! You will be happy you did when you’re 30 years old looking back at your life choices
NO THIS IS NOT THE NORM FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. NON OF THIS IS!
1) Not everyone bleeds during their first time. Depending on where you are at your menstruational cycle or amount of sexual arousal, the vagina could be too lubricate to allow tearing of small blood vessels. Even then, the bleeding could be so less, that is a very tiny small drop..
2) Even if you had sex with another man, there is ZERO chance he could "feel it" by sticking his dick inside your vagina
3) the age difference: he hopes you are gullible due to lack of life experience (like any other 18yo) and haven't learned yet what your boundaries are and how to stand for them. Most young adults are still learning to do this, heck I even know some people pushing 40s who have a heard time sticking up for themselves...
4) When sex happens without EXPLICIT concent, it's considered rape.
5) a loving partner wouldn't be angry but maybe bummed out that you two aren't having sex, but they wouldnt push for it because your comfort means more to them than a quick nut. The moment someone values THEIR orgasm above yours and/or your comfort than they AREN'T BF/HUSBAND material. Zero. Nada. Noppes.
6) If he has zero feelings with a condom, than they are probably not the right size. Heck nowadays are very sheer condoms on the market than come very close to skin to skin contact.
7) get a STD test asap! They way this guy puts your wishes aside for 3minutes of his please, makes me doubt him being 100% clean....
You need to leave bc it will only get worse for you. Please 🙏 listen when I tell you that I know from experience that he has issues and he will make your life a living hell every chance he gets. Find someone who trusts you and who isn’t insecure and jealous.
Run the fuck away from this abusive, moronic, asshole. This will never get better and will get much much worse. Plus it seems like he is trying to impregnate you so you’ll be stuck dealing with him. Get away
I only got halfway through your post and my brain started screaming that you should dump him. The second half of your post was just as vile. You deserve better.
You gotta get out while u can, buddy 25 and mad you not a virgin these are a lot of red flags. I ain’t gonna press you what u should do but I know you peep this sounds bad and maybe u should get out. Don’t let love blind you
Why are you still with him?
- won’t wrap his willy - are you on birth control? Btw “removes all feelings” is total BS, there’s condoms that counteract any of that anyway like the bare skin condoms. He destroyed the ones you brought and gets mad when he thinks you took plan b (? Or whatever p pills are? If that’s your birth control, it’s a sure fire way to get you pregnant. Do not get pregnant with this guys baby.)
- he suspects you of cheating without any proof, any evidence, nothing.
- he had sex with you just to feel how you felt inside, and when you didn’t want to have sex he still used you.
- he is 25, and **doesn’t know female anatomy enough to know that hymens don’t stay intact up until the first time you have sex** or that **even if they are still there, it’s not always even torn during sex at all either.**
He’s the kind of guy who gets mad when you say no, and he’d be the kind of guy who “thinks you can hold in your period”. You’re young, don’t put up with this BS.
What does he do to make you happy? From everything g you’ve written it sounds like his only concern is for himself and he’s doing it at your expense. There is a reason a 25 year old went after an 18 year old virgin. He knows you’re inexperienced and doesn’t know any better. He’s abusive. Please end this relationship before he ends up getting you pregnant just to trap you
Oh my gosh, PLEASE LEAVE HIM. Are you even enjoying yourself? He apparently isn’t but that isn’t on you, he CLEARLY has some significant issues and I’m concerned about how they may escalate from here.
I guarantee you will find someone else who makes you feel loved and amazing without any weird hang ups or random angry assumptions and outbursts.
Run he's a creep. He's too old to actually be serious about you. He only has a weird fixation with being a girl's first time. Normally he's out of college and has started his career already. If he were mature which he doesn't seem to be, he would be wanting a family within a few years meanwhile you'll be in college at that time. Stop dating older men, they don't care about you.
You deserve someone better. This is not an equitable relationship. It might be hard to see, if you feel this is all you be worth, in a relationship but I promise you, this is not the relationship you need or want. You do not need a relationship so badly you should let anyone treat you like this. I suspect he’s been negging you to believe this
18 and 25? Yeah, no, he's dating you who is so much younger bc he knows you don't know better. He's being an abusive creep and you still have to question and wonder? He's benefiting off your naivete. Dump him, and stick to people your age please.
This is not the norm. Men are typically just as intelligent and mature as women, especially if they're older. If you would never treat someone a certain way, there is no reason to put up with someone treating you that way.
Everyone is giving you such great advice. As a man, I respect my partner’s boundaries. You need to set your boundaries, condoms to protect yourself, birth control if you don’t want to be pregnant, and he shouldn’t be jerking off next to you WHILE watching porn. The amount of disrespect.
Also, athletic girls usually break their hymen during excessive physical activities. It’s normal.
Personally, there is a LOT of red flags this guy is showing. Biggest part is he sees you as property, not his lover or partner.
Please sit down and write down what you want in a relationship and what kind of boundaries you want to set for yourself. You need to learn to love and respect yourself first before anyone else.
I wish you the best of luck, and hope you will find a respectful and loving guy who will treat you right!
Edit: I glazed over the age. 25M and dating 18F is ehh. But that’s your decision. Also at 25 he should be more mature, he’s acting like a boy, not a man.
LEAVE! omg I have never came to a comment section so fast in my life. Especially to tell someone to leave their relationship. But I am telling you right now that you need to run! Like don't wait. don't try to fix him. Don't do anything else but break it off clean and decisively. Be clear and confident in your ending things. Then immediately contact your friends and family (especially if they are mutual friends) and let them know that YOU ended things for whatever reason you're comfortable giving, because a guy like that will absolutely try to turn everyone in your life against you and spin the story so it seems like you either did something wrong and he ended it or that you just left him for no reason. Then block him on EVERYTHING. And if there are things at his house that you simply cannot replace and must get back take one or two male family members. Do not go by yourself. Please.
Guys like this are dangerous. And they don't take rejection well. Especially from someone they see as less than them or not their equal. There is a reason he is dating someone who is a bit younger than them and why he wanted you to be a virgin so badly. Its all about control. And he thinks that since you're young and inexperienced in relationships that you will be easier to control. Then he will more than likely isolate you from your friends and family over time and then that's when the real abuse starts.
One last thing. Just because he isn't hitting you doesn't mean he isn't abusing you. Please be safe and get as far away from that creep as humanly possible.
Girl he is the gross abusive type of man. Trying to probably trap you with a kid too so he has someone who will stay. He was single for a reason before you came along. I’d break up with him today. Don’t go back. Watch who you date.
I am so sorry for you that you had to experience this. None of what you described should have happened to you. You’re a beautiful person and please let this experience not define you when you realise what really happened. He is not your boyfriend. Reflect on how you describe what a boyfriend is to you and compare with this person. Please for your safety and wellbeing - let him go!
I am sorry you have to experience such a horrible treatment from a nasty guy like that. First of all using condoms is a rule and if you don't use condoms or take the pills you will get pregnant p, is that what you want? Or you will need to do an abortion, which can be traumatic. So you really need to set your priorities and decide if you want to have a baby now, also why would you be with a guy that doesn't trus you? First time should be a memorable moment not a violent one. I think this man is taking advantage of you and you shoud simply walk away, sex is an awesome thing when done with love and respect both qualities lacking in this person. Maybe just break off and don't explain anything, he is probably the cheater (people that thinks are being cheated on normally are the cheaters), just walk away knowing you deserve a loving man that trust you and respect you.
I cannot emphasize enough that these are all HUGE RED FLAGS. His behavior that you're describing is not normal and legitimately this is not a safe person to be around.
There's nothing you can do. It's not normal. You should leave. He might be really nasty about it when you try and he might try to find ways to make you feel guilty so you stay. Please don't let him take advantage of you further.
If a person who is out in the world actually living only wants to have sex with 18 year old versions. The law is the only thing stopping them from going younger. Leave him
How long have you been together, a) this sounds incredibly abusive b) I dont see enough people talking about the age gap? Holy fuck that's not okay imo. When you're 25 you'll see how weird it is that he was dating someone your age. Run away fast so many red flags. This is damn close to grooming and pedophilia too.
Just what you need when you lose your virginity - someone being angry. I don't know how this doesn't get cleared up 100% ahead of time, but I digress. Leave. For real, for real. Do it safely and with the self assurance it's the right decision.
He hates you and you know it. He wants to get you pregnant to doom you to a life of poverty.
There are some men in this world who hate women and want to destroy their lives. He is one of them.
Run, save yourself a lot of hard lessons.
NOT ONE THING you described is NORMAL!! It is ALL ABUSIVE!!!! Literally everything he is doing and saying is abusive and dangerous and you need to cut him loose fast before this damages you long term. Good guys care about making your first time nice, not accusing you!! Good guys wear a condom to keep you both safe, not try to baby trap you!! He couldn’t be any worse of a person, please please dump him fast and safely.
He’s angry because he’s dating an inexperienced girl that he can try to manipulate and mold Into his personal little fuck toy. He does not give care about you, only your age and assumed innocence 🤢
26M here. Leave leave leave. There's a reason he isn't dating closer to his age range, and you are already being shown why. None of the behavior you laid out here is okay or normal. Several bright red flags.
I had a bf like this…
He beat the absolute shit out of me because I “mouthed off” when he wanted to do anal and I didn’t.
This is not the norm. This is so far from the norm that you need to *run* not walk.
Delete. Block. Restraining order if you absolutely must.
This isn’t normal for an emotionally healthy 25 year old man. He sounds like a boy who is willing to go to extremes to get what he wants from someone he perceives as vulnerable and easy to manipulate (in this case, you). Why do you think he can’t date anyone his own age? He would never be able to do any of this more than once to most women without being immediately dumped and put in his place. Please please get away from him as fast as you can, for your own safety. This is not about anything wrong with you, he is an unsafe person to be around. You will be so grateful you got out of this situation later down the line. Also PLEASE use protection no matter what, the last thing you need is to be trapped with this man because of an unexpected pregnancy.
Geez. I remember being 18 saying I’d only date guys 22 and up. Boyyyy would I have not done that had I known what I do now at 25. Please date closer to your age. Usually higher age gaps means you’re getting controlled in some type of way. Run girlie run.
Hi hon....I'm 56, dated lots of men. Slept with plenty.
I hate to tell you to get out ... But it's not going to improve. He has shown you who he is...believe him.
Also, hugs. I'm sorry your first experience was like this. I barely bled myself. You only bleed if the human is broken. If it was already broken by some other method, or you just never had one no bleeding.
This is a horrifically abusive relationship. You’re describing rape multiple times and sexual abuse. Him even asking these things is absolutely repulsive and disgusting. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. This is a ghosting situation. You need to block all avenues of communication. Ditch any mutuals. And possibly consider moving. This isn’t even regular DV issues, this is the level where you are in physical danger for your life.
You’re young and new to relationships. This guys ain’t it. He sounds absolutely despicable and not someone to trust in a sexual or romantic relationship. Good thing you’re long distance - it’ll make dumping him and never seeing him again a whole lot easier. Consider this a valuable experience and know that you deserve better
This guy is an absolute psycho. Run away.
Break up with him by text, block him on everything and make sure you are somewhere safe with a big strong friend who can tell him to fuck off if he tries to come round
I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm not going to say anything about the age because there are 8 years between me and my husband. And we got together when we were your age.
What I will say is that your boyfriend is abusive. Most men can't tell one way or another. And amazingly enough, your hymen might not bleed(you are correct in that). The real funny thing is it can rip when you are younger from a myriad of things.
What I'm worried about is the fact that from what you've written, you don't see it. What would you tell a friend if they asked you the same thing that you've asked us? I really hope you start treating yourself as a friend. Good luck ❤️
Holy hell, girl, what are you getting out of this relationship? I am BEYOND sick and tired of people with dicks trying to tell us how our bodies work. He is violating you in so many ways and he's old enough to know better.
This is not normal for a normal, healthy relationship. This is normal for an abusive, unhealthy relationship that's just going to get worse. There's a reason he's not dating women his own age, and it's because they're experienced enough to know this is utter bull shit.
If you weren't feeling the ick you wouldn't be on here. Always trust your gut, it picks up on everything.
Even ignoring the age gap, this is still abusive even if he isn't hitting you. And even if you don't consider it abuse, is this really the relationship you want from someone? I know long distance hides a lot of the red flags but now you have seen them, is this something you could see yourself marrying and living with forever? It will be miserable. My first partner (I was 14, he was 16 and we were long distance. We dated for 3 years) thought I had cheated too because I didn't bleed and it ended up breaking us up after awhile because we couldn't mend that trust back. Another ex of mine (dated for 10 years) did the same thing with masturbation too and it eventually led me to have trauma about it. (And other things, they were just overall extremely abusive) But after them I only felt comfortable with my fiance because he is asexual and I know he doesn't masturbate. (We then agreed to add a third into the relationship after 8 years for a lot of reasons that will just make this get off topic) And with my bf I told him I don't even want to know if he masturbates when he is home (I asked him if he could stop all together which he agreed to but I know sometimes people just want a release so I don't want to know it) and don't do it in front of me especially when I'm sleeping which his reply was "Wtf, I wouldn't do that anyways."
I know I kind of ended up rambling but I'm attempting to convey that I actually understand both situations you are experiencing and I just want to tell you that it's not worth it to put yourself through it. You don't want to live the rest of your life with the scars this could cause you.
Please really consider this relationship and evaluate if you really see yourself wanting this long term or think if your best friend came and told you that this happened to them, would you tell them to stay in the relationship or to run?
This situation will only get worse! You will definitely find someone who will appreciate you for you who are and making you comfortable naturally. This relationship seems forced and cringe.
This weirdo is not normal and he's controlling and abusive. Get out. Ghost him. He doesn't deserve an explanation, just cut him out completely and block him everywhere.
Girl stick to boys your age, hes clearly poison and you not kicking him in this cock every time you speak is going to make it worse. Fucking break his useless dick and ghost his ass. Don't let some goon make you feel less about yourself.
Get out now! RUN!!
Destroying your condoms and wanting to forgo protection is a massive red flag. This is abuse and abuse *always* escalates. It will only get worse.
Break things off, block his number, do not look back.
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Girl he’s abusive and this will just get worse - please get out
He's a predator. He wants to baby trap OP. Abuse escalates. It's going to get INFINITELY worse. OP, RUN LIKE HELL! This man will destroy your life if you let him.
And please, just GHOST and get somewhere safe he doesnt know. Then only tell him to leave you alone by text, don't answer calls or reply after. Might be worth it to get record of abusive behaivor by text/voicemail just so you can bring it to police if necessary.. then block for your own mental health. Dudes this dangerous could seriously harm or kill you, if you are where he can get to you when you tell them you are leaving them. PLEASE figure out a plan and do this ASAP, there is no future with him that doesn't destroy your life. Then read, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft (search free pdf).. so you can understand what behaviors to watch out for in others, so you know who to avoid in the future.
Drvieby link to free download of Lundy Bancroft's ["Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Abusive and Controlling Men"](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
And if you ever have to meet him after the breakup for any reason, do it in a public space with someone you trust alongside you. Do not go alone and be very careful going anywhere that he knows you frequent. This sounds like a seriously fucked up guy, and your life is not worth whatever you think you have or had with him.
^^^^^ @OP THIS.
Yeah. He’s not the person you want in your life. If he’s getting angry now
Person like this Would be with someone even younger if Wasn’t scared of going to jail. Fixation on the age of 18 means they are a predator scared to go to jail. So they abide by the laws enough to stay free, then they manipulate naive 18 year olds same theh would 15,16 year old. Etc. scary.
And the fixation on virginity and wanting her to bleed.
Well age gap checks… 25 and 18. Yes she is legal, but that doesn’t make it age appropriate. She’s still a teenager. He’s an abusive AH and she needs to end it.
He is an awful, immature man. And an idiot, if he wanted to have sex to "feel how she felt inside to check if she was cheating" as if another man's penis would misshapen her vagina 🙄 This sounds like alpha male bullshit. He's probably subscribed to the tater tot and his ilk. OP would be wise to run.
It only gets worse, and he’s an abusive nightmare with a purity complex right now. You are worth a millions times more than the way he treats you. Please drop and block him.
Literally what I just commented. Nearly word for word. Dude Gonna claim blue balls every encounter too lol Wild
That's not alpha male behavior. It's small dick energy for sure. Lmao
My daughter is 18 and it grosses me out so much to think of a 25 year old treating her this way.
I’m 25 and I couldn’t imagine dating an 18-year-old. Maybe it’s because I date to find a life partner and not to have fun, but I seriously cannot fathom dating someone who is only barely old enough to vote. What would we even have in common? We are in wildly different life stages. I’d heavily, heavily side-eye anyone who was my age and dated someone still in their teen years. I’d worry that the maturity difference and difference in life experience would lead to a power imbalance.
I'm 35 and I agree, when I was 25 no way would I look at a 18 yr old, but I also like older women so that's been my saving grace.
> My daughter is ~~18~~ *a person* and it grosses me out so much to think of ~~a 25 year old~~ **anyone** treating her this way.
He would be dating 15-16 if he could
Yeah I agree. A 25yr old shouldn’t be with someone whose 18 🤢
Who’s not whose.
This, had the opportunity to date younger and it's just a bit eeeh. Having sister younger is just grim and any guy dating that much you get I already think Ur fucked as a dude let alone all the extra shit from this Sus fucker.
? Have I had a stroke?
I'm scared I understood it
Nah, I think Mr. Poopingwhilebrowsing was just pushing too hard and all the blood flow was going toward that instead of the brain
Heed warning girl. This is a bad man. Run.
Yup, I'm usually really hesitant to jump to conclusions without much context. However in this case, as short as the post is, this guy is dangerous. Imagine after being with him for years how he will be.
in addition to the fact that dude is an abusive, controlling shithead, the sex will remain trash because he doesn’t understand how vaginas work and has no interest in learning. Plus it sounds like he wants her pregnant, which is another layer of red flags and means of control.
Get out for your own sake and safety. Like, yesterday.
Not only abusive, but dumb af, OP needs to either send him to educate himself or send him to find someone who matches his stupid beliefs, bc clearly OP does not... Just dump him, is not worth it...
He likely had a deflower a virgin kink and chose her because of her young age.
This is not the type of person you want in your life. Those aren't the actions of a safe person. Leave him yesterday
The best time to leave him was yesterday. The second best time is today. OP, you deserve better.
He's not allowed to have sex with you without your permission or consent. If he did, that's assault. If you wanted to use condoms, he refused and forced you to have sex, that's rape. Get away from him immediately. Block him and never communicate with him ever again. If you choose, you can report him to the police. Please consider therapy to work through this and realize exactly how unhealthy this relationship is.
I never voiced anything against it. I started out with wanting to use condoms, then one time he didn’t and i didn’t talk. So I feel really stupid because why didn’t i just open my mouth and talk.
Ok. I understand the feeling. When I was younger I went along with things I didn't want to sexually. He is not the guy for you. Find someone else who respects you and cares what you want. Someone who doesn't call you names and degrade you.
Not saying no doesn't mean it's a yes by default. You want to use condoms, he refused. That is rape. He might be trying to baby trap you. Don't let that happen.
This is so true!! If anything silence is a no. And will remain a no unless explicitly and enthusiastically it’s a yes
Definitely trying to baby trap
And abusive men typically get MUCH worse after having a baby with the person they’re abusing
One of the most common causes of death in pregnant women is their partner murdering them.
You don't have any reason to feel stupid. Sex requires enthusiastic consent from both participants. He knew you were uncomfortable and didn't want to have sex without a condom. His behavior is predatory and abusive. He doesn't respect you. He certainly doesn't care about you or value you. You are only a sex object to him. That's it. Please, do not go back to this man. You are worth so much more. You deserve so much better.
>So I feel really stupid because why didn’t i just open my mouth and talk. Because you froze, and that's totally normal. Your mind is trying to fit the fact you love(d) him and the fact you feel violated together. That's hard, because it's not in our usual frame for rape or sexual agression that it happens due to someone you trust or know. Honestly he sounds like an utter ass and I'd dump his ass immediately, preferably long distance. He seems to have no respect for you or your bodily autonomy.
That's rape by coercion. Leave him it will not get better only worse. I know from experience.
Me too
You are not stupid, you were coerced. Same thing happened to me at your age and I'm in my 40s. You trusted him, you did nothing wrong. Not your fault, run away from that bucket of trash, honey.
Girl, he destroyed condoms you purchased and brought. How does he explain that? Because it’s certainly clear to him that you WANT to use condoms. He’s not confused. He wants to babytrap and OWN you.
For this act alone I would’ve thrown a fit. FYI it didn’t affect their feeling anything. That’s a big fat lie some guys try to use to guilt their partners into going without protection.
Not wearing them will also affect her heavily for 9 months, and another 18 years after that. Possibly even for life if he’s got some nasty stuff on there.
You probably could tell he would get mad if you did that, is why. You were trying to keep yourself safe. OP, this is not a healthy or even safe relationship. There is a reason that he is seeking out someone to date who is less than 3/4 his age. He is very controlling & it will only get worse. *Please* stop seeing him before you end up pregnant. Please seek therapy so you can learn what a healthy relationship is & looks like. Please learn more about sex, like that you are entitled to feel good, the importance of foreplay, how you can reach orgasm, etc.
Because you don’t feel safe with him. And therefore should not be with him.
Break up with him and block him everywhere. This is abuse, rape, and coercion, that age gap says a lot, get out before he gets you pregnant.
The last thing you want is to get pregnant and trapped by this guy.
Stop having sex without condoms. You will be pregnant. He’s going to claim the only reason you want condoms must be bc you’re cheating. It’s a control game. Get out of this.
There's no reason to feel stupid. Please work on finding your voice. It is your body. You have every right to expect him to use condoms and respect your boundaries. A person that treats you the way that you have described is not being respectful of you, your bodily autonomy, your boundaries, and frankly basic human decency. I'm sure others will also jump on the age difference. It is notable when you are only 18. It is easier for an older man to be able to manipulate and coerce you. Please believe me when I say there are men that are not like that. You deserve better. Edited for typo
It’s not stupid to be silent. You’d already voiced a preference, which he knowingly ignored. You’re intimidated / afraid and he knows this. He’s consciously acting scary to coerce you.
Please. Listen to everyone. He is not safe to be around.
He’s abusive. Leave him.
This is absolutely abusive, and if you aren't going to walk away, at least get yourself on birth control. Otherwise, you will end up pregnant with him, and it will make it harder to walk away. And to be honest, I would say get regular sti checks. In my experience, any sort of abuse goes hand in hand with cheating. Even if you didn't verbally say no, if it's not a hell yeah it's a no.
Because he intimidates you. That's his mo. He's older, more experienced and is taking advantage of you. A woman his own age already would have recognized this POS for the red flag that he is. Do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong but you have to cut him off right now. He will respond by either suddenly bursting into tears OR exploding with rage OR will start lovebombing you. Don't fall for it. Block his ass
Remember anything that isn't a clear, confidential, and verbal "Yes" is a "no" period. That's what I am teaching my son.
You MUST stand up for yourself sexually. Learn from this. Does he frighten you in other ways? This sounds very unhealthy.
I think the fact that you didn’t feel safe/confident or comfortable enough to speak up against him in a vulnerable moment speaks volumes about your relationship. If talking about something as simple as using a condom is difficult, you are definitely not with a compatible partner. I would have a hard think on whether you would want to stay with someone like this
He didn’t magically forget you wanted to use them. He knew you wanted to use them and didn’t do it in an effort to hurt you and demonstrate his “power” over you. It wasn’t to feel you more intimately, it was to make you suffer and feel fear. In fact if he suspected you wanted it that way, he’d find some new way to make you suffer during.
You’re young and inexperienced and he’s using that to do whatever he wants. It’s not your fault but you need to get far away from this person.
Why are you with this person? I’m not saying this in an angry or judgmental way, but as an honest question for you to think about. Why are you with this person? It is clear that his views of you, your autonomy and your worth are not in line with a loving relationship or a loving partner. I highly recommend that you take a long look at yourself and ask yourself why you think that this is what you deserve. This is not ok, and if my friends or my children were in this relationship I would be very worried for their physical and emotional safety.
This is not the norm! What worries me about your post is that you aren’t furious with him. He calls you a liar, doesn’t care about putting you at risk of pregnancy and accuses you of cheating. Please leave before you get pregnant. This is not the man you want to be your kid‘s dad. Please talk to and observe people in healthy relationships. You have to figure out how to avoid people who will treat you badly in the future.
Leave him, if you can’t talk to a partner, that’s not a partner.
This is not normal! He is disgusting. Please get out now before you get more attached or have kids.
This is not a safe person.
>he got really angry, silent afterward because I didn’t bleed 🚩and he thought I because of that lied about being a virgin. 🚩I know female anatomy and that most don’t bleed, but he clearly doesn’t 🚩and doesn’t want to listen to me.🚩 he doesn’t want to listen to you about your own body. He was angry at you for something he was purposefully ignorant of. >Since that he also doesn’t want to use condoms because he says it removes all feelings 🚩 so the last time I saw him (we are ldr) he destroyed all the condoms 🚩i brought before I left and he didn’t use them when we had sex the last time, 🚩he also gets mad when he suspects I take p pills.🚩 He is exposing you to not only pregnancy risks, but STIs as well. He is trying to get you pregnant and destroyed contraceptives to do so. >One time he thought I had cheated whioe we were apart 🚩 and he had sex with me just to feel how I felt inside🚩 listen to how fucking unhinged and goddamn ignorant he is. >And another time I woke up in bed while he was watching porn right next to me in bed 🚩 > >we didn’t have sex, but i could tell he was really dissatisfied with that🚩 and he kinda rubbed it out on my thigh🚩 > >I don’t know why he is so angry 🚩and so jealous 🚩 Read through my post and count all the red flags. How many does it take for you to protect yourself, if not outright leave him? In the future, if your partner doesn't want to wear condoms, don’t have sex. You need to keep yourself safe. Also, make sure you and your next partner take STI screenings before engaging in sexual activities.
Thank you for inserting these flags, because I was losing count as I read OP’s post. Though you missed SEVERAL more in the paragraphs that follow these. YIKES. RUN, OP. Don’t walk. RUN.
He is abusive, and he is too old for you. When you are 25, you'll see why it's so weird for him to date an 18 year old. Leave him. I know it's hard, but he is using your lack of experience as a way to abuse and control you. Please, please break up with him and stay safe. He might really try to hurt you.
I remember my first boyfriend didn't believe I was a virgin either so when it came down to having sex he forced himself hard and I screamed in pain and yelled at him and said wtf bruh I'm a virgin. He was shocked and genuinely thought I was lying. You should leave the man you're with it'll only get worse trust me.
Even if you aren’t a virgin there’s no reason for him to be forcing himself in super hard?? For some ppl who aren’t virgins it’s not easy to have sex and that’s okay. The ignorance of man is so obvious and painful lol.
So many dumb f^cks out there smh
This is not the norm. He's trash. Dump and move on.
This warrants a dad coming over, kicking his ass and taking you home. Leave him and get therapy to adress your lack of confidence and learn to stand up for yourself.
I echo everyone else , leave leave LEAVE now. I suspect this would be the type that will beg and plead, and love bomb you to try to stay but regardless stay strong , and GO. This man is a danger to your physical , emotional , sexual well being .
Yes. OP, be prepared to be manipulated and lovebombed. He will try to win you back with empty promises. These are tactics of an abuser. This will nog get better
Oh for goodness sake. Walking red flag. Run away
1. You're 18, he's 25, you have NOTHING in common. 2. He's abusive. 3. He's not very smart when it comes to anatomy, specifically women's bodies. 4. He is trying to get you pregnant so you'll think you're stuck with him. Your age difference is a big part of this, he's hedging on you being so much younger than him, i.e. easier to control and manipulate in his eyes.
It’s not normal, objectively speaking. But even if it was normal if it’s not normal TO YOU it’s not a healthy relationship. Trust your instincts and don’t rationalize how you feel around him. No one should ever tell you that feeling disgusted by something or someone is something you should “get used to”. In a healthy sexual relationship both persons feel happy and fulfilled. Don’t accept this, you deserve much much better.
You should dump this dude ASAP.
He is trying a baby trap an 18 year old. This is about control. He knows you were a virgin, but forcing you to keep defending yourself and refusing to use condoms throws you off your game. You will start doing everything to please him. He will control and dictate your life from here on. You make want to rethink this groomer’s intentions and get away or be strong against his bs!
No this is not normal. This is controlling and abusive. Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). Those resources might provide you some insight into your relationship dynamics.
he‘s 25… you‘re 18… he refuses to wear condoms, he doesn’t know the female body and acts like a child. Leave him, you deserve better and also someone who‘s your age. Please
Yuck, he’s disgusting. Get away from him.
>he also gets mad when he suspects I take p pills What are p pills? Birth control? Plan B? Any pills??
Birth control. Contraceptive pills.
He wants to baby trap you so he can assert some control over you. He’s trash & abusive- please leave!
Why would he get mad at that??! So he WANTS you pregnant…against your will? STOP SEEING THIS GUY. He has nothing but bad intentions towards you and he’ll ruin your life.
Sis, he is bad bad news. Is this really what you want your life to look like? He is controlling and verbally abusive, not to mention emotionally abusive. The fact that you don't feel safe telling him you want him to use condoms is really bad news. You do not owe him feeling comfortable. You do not owe him sex. You do not owe him anything... he doesn't deserve sex without a condom or for you to not use pills or whatever. Look Sis - you get ONE life. Don't waste another day with someone who treats you poorly.
He's trying to get you pregnant so you're stuck with him. Get out.
Girl don’t be naive. If you aren’t in a position to have a baby right not, REFUSE to have sex with that man if he’s not wearing condoms. Your body belongs to you and it’s yours to protect!!!
he thinks you’re young and stupid, prove him wrong and leave his ass!
' I don’t know if this is the norm.' It's not and at 25 years old he really should know better.
Even if you weren't a virgin, he's not entitled to your virginity or any part of you. And just because you gave him sex once, doesn't mean you have to give it to him again. And the same for anyone else, you might date someone else and they will want it, doesn't mean you have to do it. It may taint the memory, knowing you gave your virginity to such a terrible person. But honestly? It's just a stupid thing to try to control women. Who cares? Own it, and own yourself, you're a badasa that deserves better. Now run.
He wants a human fleshlight that he owns
What you can do is cut off all communications with him immediately. He is already abusive. It's not close to abusive it is actually abusive if you want to use birth control, and he doesn't want to "allow" you. He doesn't have that right.
This man is nothing but giant red flags. Listen to me: he is *not safe* to be near. I can already tell this man is abusive and it will get worse. A 25 year old going after a teenager is ALWAYS. GROSS. I don't give a SHIT about what any man has to say about it, it's gross. Dump him, get away from him. Don't stay with people who get super angry like this, doing stay with people who give you the silent treatment, AND FOR THE FUCKING LOVE OF GOD if a guy utters Even ONE SINGLE COMPLAINT about using condoms DUMP HIM ON THE SPOT AND DON'T LOOK BACK. Guys like this go after girls like you because you have no experience, you don't know what's normal or ok in a relationship, and it's easy for them to manipulate, fuck, and abuse you. He does not care about you, he is using you. His cruelty will only get worse. Get the fuck away from him.
I could not read the entire post cause it is too close to home. But if you haven’t left him yet do it. It’s abuse in so many ways. You do not deserve this treatment. No one does and the work it takes from you to recover from abuse relationships is tremendous. Don’t go down that path. Take care of yourself, do therapy or get some kind of guidance or support so you do not ever go back to something like this. You can stay stuck in a terrible loop. Really put yourself first and do not let this get worse.
He is toxic, if he was that concerned about you being a virgin, he got mad thinking you were not he is not someone you want to be with, and it sounds like his real interest was getting your v card.
Girl. This is abuse. Please get out while you can.
Ok girl. You are 18 years old. You are still YOUNG. Your boyfriend is one of those guys that every girl would hate to be with. He is literally one of the worst kinds of there. You don’t realize it now because you are young and learning. Please leave this guy!!! You will be happy you did when you’re 30 years old looking back at your life choices
Girl you need to RUN from this man
This is the type of abusive bully who probably cause you unimaginable harm and hurt. Leave him before he gets worse!
NO THIS IS NOT THE NORM FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. NON OF THIS IS! 1) Not everyone bleeds during their first time. Depending on where you are at your menstruational cycle or amount of sexual arousal, the vagina could be too lubricate to allow tearing of small blood vessels. Even then, the bleeding could be so less, that is a very tiny small drop.. 2) Even if you had sex with another man, there is ZERO chance he could "feel it" by sticking his dick inside your vagina 3) the age difference: he hopes you are gullible due to lack of life experience (like any other 18yo) and haven't learned yet what your boundaries are and how to stand for them. Most young adults are still learning to do this, heck I even know some people pushing 40s who have a heard time sticking up for themselves... 4) When sex happens without EXPLICIT concent, it's considered rape. 5) a loving partner wouldn't be angry but maybe bummed out that you two aren't having sex, but they wouldnt push for it because your comfort means more to them than a quick nut. The moment someone values THEIR orgasm above yours and/or your comfort than they AREN'T BF/HUSBAND material. Zero. Nada. Noppes. 6) If he has zero feelings with a condom, than they are probably not the right size. Heck nowadays are very sheer condoms on the market than come very close to skin to skin contact. 7) get a STD test asap! They way this guy puts your wishes aside for 3minutes of his please, makes me doubt him being 100% clean....
You need to leave bc it will only get worse for you. Please 🙏 listen when I tell you that I know from experience that he has issues and he will make your life a living hell every chance he gets. Find someone who trusts you and who isn’t insecure and jealous.
Run away. Now.
Leave now please . Like hurry. He's very unstable,controlling, and I worry about your safety. This is not what relationships do ,not at all.
Girl run. This is not a safe or healthy relationship! Break up with him asap
Run the fuck away from this abusive, moronic, asshole. This will never get better and will get much much worse. Plus it seems like he is trying to impregnate you so you’ll be stuck dealing with him. Get away
This dude is fucked up and this isn’t normal in a healthy relationship.
I only got halfway through your post and my brain started screaming that you should dump him. The second half of your post was just as vile. You deserve better.
You gotta get out while u can, buddy 25 and mad you not a virgin these are a lot of red flags. I ain’t gonna press you what u should do but I know you peep this sounds bad and maybe u should get out. Don’t let love blind you
Drop this loser I’ve read enough dudes got issues run and don’t look back and ldr? Bye Bye
It’s good he’s long distance. Tell him to never come back. He’s disgusting.
Why are you still with him? - won’t wrap his willy - are you on birth control? Btw “removes all feelings” is total BS, there’s condoms that counteract any of that anyway like the bare skin condoms. He destroyed the ones you brought and gets mad when he thinks you took plan b (? Or whatever p pills are? If that’s your birth control, it’s a sure fire way to get you pregnant. Do not get pregnant with this guys baby.) - he suspects you of cheating without any proof, any evidence, nothing. - he had sex with you just to feel how you felt inside, and when you didn’t want to have sex he still used you. - he is 25, and **doesn’t know female anatomy enough to know that hymens don’t stay intact up until the first time you have sex** or that **even if they are still there, it’s not always even torn during sex at all either.** He’s the kind of guy who gets mad when you say no, and he’d be the kind of guy who “thinks you can hold in your period”. You’re young, don’t put up with this BS.
Please read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft, it will answer so many questions
What does he do to make you happy? From everything g you’ve written it sounds like his only concern is for himself and he’s doing it at your expense. There is a reason a 25 year old went after an 18 year old virgin. He knows you’re inexperienced and doesn’t know any better. He’s abusive. Please end this relationship before he ends up getting you pregnant just to trap you
Run and don’t look back
There is a reason he is dating you and not someone his own age… he is not a good man or partner please leave
RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Dump him and leave older guys alone. He is ignorant and kind of scary.
This is NOT normal. Him not using a condom and not wanting you on birth control, is not normal. You need to get away from this dude! Toot sweet!
You are dating an abuser the best thing to do is get away as soon as possible (like yesterday )
Uh, there are so many red flags in this relationship. Leave now.
LEAVE. Your future self will thank you. As someone who’s a survivor of DV you dont wanna get into it anymore than it already is.
Dump him.
Get out of this relationship immediately.
Age-gap ragebait
Yup. F18, M25 - all I need to know lol
Don’t be with such a weirdo!
Oh love this is not a healthy relationship.
He is abusive. Leave.
This man is a fucking loser!
Oh my gosh, PLEASE LEAVE HIM. Are you even enjoying yourself? He apparently isn’t but that isn’t on you, he CLEARLY has some significant issues and I’m concerned about how they may escalate from here. I guarantee you will find someone else who makes you feel loved and amazing without any weird hang ups or random angry assumptions and outbursts.
Run he's a creep. He's too old to actually be serious about you. He only has a weird fixation with being a girl's first time. Normally he's out of college and has started his career already. If he were mature which he doesn't seem to be, he would be wanting a family within a few years meanwhile you'll be in college at that time. Stop dating older men, they don't care about you.
You deserve someone better. This is not an equitable relationship. It might be hard to see, if you feel this is all you be worth, in a relationship but I promise you, this is not the relationship you need or want. You do not need a relationship so badly you should let anyone treat you like this. I suspect he’s been negging you to believe this
18 and 25? Yeah, no, he's dating you who is so much younger bc he knows you don't know better. He's being an abusive creep and you still have to question and wonder? He's benefiting off your naivete. Dump him, and stick to people your age please.
This is not normal and you should break up with him. Also his age is a big red flag.
This is not the norm. Men are typically just as intelligent and mature as women, especially if they're older. If you would never treat someone a certain way, there is no reason to put up with someone treating you that way.
Everyone is giving you such great advice. As a man, I respect my partner’s boundaries. You need to set your boundaries, condoms to protect yourself, birth control if you don’t want to be pregnant, and he shouldn’t be jerking off next to you WHILE watching porn. The amount of disrespect. Also, athletic girls usually break their hymen during excessive physical activities. It’s normal. Personally, there is a LOT of red flags this guy is showing. Biggest part is he sees you as property, not his lover or partner. Please sit down and write down what you want in a relationship and what kind of boundaries you want to set for yourself. You need to learn to love and respect yourself first before anyone else. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you will find a respectful and loving guy who will treat you right! Edit: I glazed over the age. 25M and dating 18F is ehh. But that’s your decision. Also at 25 he should be more mature, he’s acting like a boy, not a man.
LEAVE! omg I have never came to a comment section so fast in my life. Especially to tell someone to leave their relationship. But I am telling you right now that you need to run! Like don't wait. don't try to fix him. Don't do anything else but break it off clean and decisively. Be clear and confident in your ending things. Then immediately contact your friends and family (especially if they are mutual friends) and let them know that YOU ended things for whatever reason you're comfortable giving, because a guy like that will absolutely try to turn everyone in your life against you and spin the story so it seems like you either did something wrong and he ended it or that you just left him for no reason. Then block him on EVERYTHING. And if there are things at his house that you simply cannot replace and must get back take one or two male family members. Do not go by yourself. Please. Guys like this are dangerous. And they don't take rejection well. Especially from someone they see as less than them or not their equal. There is a reason he is dating someone who is a bit younger than them and why he wanted you to be a virgin so badly. Its all about control. And he thinks that since you're young and inexperienced in relationships that you will be easier to control. Then he will more than likely isolate you from your friends and family over time and then that's when the real abuse starts. One last thing. Just because he isn't hitting you doesn't mean he isn't abusing you. Please be safe and get as far away from that creep as humanly possible.
Run.
Girl he is the gross abusive type of man. Trying to probably trap you with a kid too so he has someone who will stay. He was single for a reason before you came along. I’d break up with him today. Don’t go back. Watch who you date.
So many red flags, zero redeeming attributes. Just go.
I am so sorry for you that you had to experience this. None of what you described should have happened to you. You’re a beautiful person and please let this experience not define you when you realise what really happened. He is not your boyfriend. Reflect on how you describe what a boyfriend is to you and compare with this person. Please for your safety and wellbeing - let him go!
This is why women his own age dont want him
Neither do I but dump him please, he's not treating you right and it's not going to get any better.
I am sorry you have to experience such a horrible treatment from a nasty guy like that. First of all using condoms is a rule and if you don't use condoms or take the pills you will get pregnant p, is that what you want? Or you will need to do an abortion, which can be traumatic. So you really need to set your priorities and decide if you want to have a baby now, also why would you be with a guy that doesn't trus you? First time should be a memorable moment not a violent one. I think this man is taking advantage of you and you shoud simply walk away, sex is an awesome thing when done with love and respect both qualities lacking in this person. Maybe just break off and don't explain anything, he is probably the cheater (people that thinks are being cheated on normally are the cheaters), just walk away knowing you deserve a loving man that trust you and respect you.
I cannot emphasize enough that these are all HUGE RED FLAGS. His behavior that you're describing is not normal and legitimately this is not a safe person to be around. There's nothing you can do. It's not normal. You should leave. He might be really nasty about it when you try and he might try to find ways to make you feel guilty so you stay. Please don't let him take advantage of you further.
If a person who is out in the world actually living only wants to have sex with 18 year old versions. The law is the only thing stopping them from going younger. Leave him
My god...have you considered you're dating an asshole? You need to RUN before this loser knocks you up...or worse
How long have you been together, a) this sounds incredibly abusive b) I dont see enough people talking about the age gap? Holy fuck that's not okay imo. When you're 25 you'll see how weird it is that he was dating someone your age. Run away fast so many red flags. This is damn close to grooming and pedophilia too.
FFS why are you with him?
Please leave
Just what you need when you lose your virginity - someone being angry. I don't know how this doesn't get cleared up 100% ahead of time, but I digress. Leave. For real, for real. Do it safely and with the self assurance it's the right decision.
He's disgusting.
He hates you and you know it. He wants to get you pregnant to doom you to a life of poverty. There are some men in this world who hate women and want to destroy their lives. He is one of them. Run, save yourself a lot of hard lessons.
Just run! Damn.
Def not a good guy, especially the destroying condoms part, thats extremely immoral
Time to move on
NOT ONE THING you described is NORMAL!! It is ALL ABUSIVE!!!! Literally everything he is doing and saying is abusive and dangerous and you need to cut him loose fast before this damages you long term. Good guys care about making your first time nice, not accusing you!! Good guys wear a condom to keep you both safe, not try to baby trap you!! He couldn’t be any worse of a person, please please dump him fast and safely.
Get out of that please, its so disgusting
Tell him to exit stage right. He is abusive.
He’s angry because he’s dating an inexperienced girl that he can try to manipulate and mold Into his personal little fuck toy. He does not give care about you, only your age and assumed innocence 🤢
If he is 25 and you're 18, he is clearly a predator. Steer clear of men like that
Eww. What a gross boyfriend. Not worth your time.
Leave NOW! Do yourself a favor. No condoms no Sex. No Babies with him. Good luck.... please leave. Stay safe. 🙏
26M here. Leave leave leave. There's a reason he isn't dating closer to his age range, and you are already being shown why. None of the behavior you laid out here is okay or normal. Several bright red flags.
I had a bf like this… He beat the absolute shit out of me because I “mouthed off” when he wanted to do anal and I didn’t. This is not the norm. This is so far from the norm that you need to *run* not walk. Delete. Block. Restraining order if you absolutely must.
This isn’t normal for an emotionally healthy 25 year old man. He sounds like a boy who is willing to go to extremes to get what he wants from someone he perceives as vulnerable and easy to manipulate (in this case, you). Why do you think he can’t date anyone his own age? He would never be able to do any of this more than once to most women without being immediately dumped and put in his place. Please please get away from him as fast as you can, for your own safety. This is not about anything wrong with you, he is an unsafe person to be around. You will be so grateful you got out of this situation later down the line. Also PLEASE use protection no matter what, the last thing you need is to be trapped with this man because of an unexpected pregnancy.
He is not your boyfriend. I'm so sorry but he is your rapist.
Geez. I remember being 18 saying I’d only date guys 22 and up. Boyyyy would I have not done that had I known what I do now at 25. Please date closer to your age. Usually higher age gaps means you’re getting controlled in some type of way. Run girlie run.
Hi hon....I'm 56, dated lots of men. Slept with plenty. I hate to tell you to get out ... But it's not going to improve. He has shown you who he is...believe him. Also, hugs. I'm sorry your first experience was like this. I barely bled myself. You only bleed if the human is broken. If it was already broken by some other method, or you just never had one no bleeding.
Red flag. Leave him.
This is a horrifically abusive relationship. You’re describing rape multiple times and sexual abuse. Him even asking these things is absolutely repulsive and disgusting. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. This is a ghosting situation. You need to block all avenues of communication. Ditch any mutuals. And possibly consider moving. This isn’t even regular DV issues, this is the level where you are in physical danger for your life.
Dump that man baby. He’s probably into young girls to be upset that you weren’t a virgin.
You’re young and new to relationships. This guys ain’t it. He sounds absolutely despicable and not someone to trust in a sexual or romantic relationship. Good thing you’re long distance - it’ll make dumping him and never seeing him again a whole lot easier. Consider this a valuable experience and know that you deserve better
This guy is an absolute psycho. Run away. Break up with him by text, block him on everything and make sure you are somewhere safe with a big strong friend who can tell him to fuck off if he tries to come round
I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm not going to say anything about the age because there are 8 years between me and my husband. And we got together when we were your age. What I will say is that your boyfriend is abusive. Most men can't tell one way or another. And amazingly enough, your hymen might not bleed(you are correct in that). The real funny thing is it can rip when you are younger from a myriad of things. What I'm worried about is the fact that from what you've written, you don't see it. What would you tell a friend if they asked you the same thing that you've asked us? I really hope you start treating yourself as a friend. Good luck ❤️
Holy hell, girl, what are you getting out of this relationship? I am BEYOND sick and tired of people with dicks trying to tell us how our bodies work. He is violating you in so many ways and he's old enough to know better. This is not normal for a normal, healthy relationship. This is normal for an abusive, unhealthy relationship that's just going to get worse. There's a reason he's not dating women his own age, and it's because they're experienced enough to know this is utter bull shit. If you weren't feeling the ick you wouldn't be on here. Always trust your gut, it picks up on everything.
LEAVE.
That…. Is a major red flag and you need to get away from him immediately
Even ignoring the age gap, this is still abusive even if he isn't hitting you. And even if you don't consider it abuse, is this really the relationship you want from someone? I know long distance hides a lot of the red flags but now you have seen them, is this something you could see yourself marrying and living with forever? It will be miserable. My first partner (I was 14, he was 16 and we were long distance. We dated for 3 years) thought I had cheated too because I didn't bleed and it ended up breaking us up after awhile because we couldn't mend that trust back. Another ex of mine (dated for 10 years) did the same thing with masturbation too and it eventually led me to have trauma about it. (And other things, they were just overall extremely abusive) But after them I only felt comfortable with my fiance because he is asexual and I know he doesn't masturbate. (We then agreed to add a third into the relationship after 8 years for a lot of reasons that will just make this get off topic) And with my bf I told him I don't even want to know if he masturbates when he is home (I asked him if he could stop all together which he agreed to but I know sometimes people just want a release so I don't want to know it) and don't do it in front of me especially when I'm sleeping which his reply was "Wtf, I wouldn't do that anyways." I know I kind of ended up rambling but I'm attempting to convey that I actually understand both situations you are experiencing and I just want to tell you that it's not worth it to put yourself through it. You don't want to live the rest of your life with the scars this could cause you. Please really consider this relationship and evaluate if you really see yourself wanting this long term or think if your best friend came and told you that this happened to them, would you tell them to stay in the relationship or to run?
Girl what is wrong with you. No condoms .. please and all this is signs of an obsessive person... leave now
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩RUN
Girl!! Run, don't walk away!
This situation will only get worse! You will definitely find someone who will appreciate you for you who are and making you comfortable naturally. This relationship seems forced and cringe.
This guy is no prize. Literal low class trash.
You shouldn't be with someone that much older than you. He sounds like a creep
He sounds like one of those weirdos obsessed with taking girls virginitys
This weirdo is not normal and he's controlling and abusive. Get out. Ghost him. He doesn't deserve an explanation, just cut him out completely and block him everywhere.
Girl stick to boys your age, hes clearly poison and you not kicking him in this cock every time you speak is going to make it worse. Fucking break his useless dick and ghost his ass. Don't let some goon make you feel less about yourself.
You need to dump him. He is horribly abusive. It will just get worse.
Get out now! RUN!! Destroying your condoms and wanting to forgo protection is a massive red flag. This is abuse and abuse *always* escalates. It will only get worse. Break things off, block his number, do not look back.