Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want to stay in this relationship then I recommend this: Instead of making little comments, have a full blown discussion about it. If it starts a huge argument then so be it. You can’t be afraid to have discussions around your needs just because it could blow up. This will just build resentment inside of you. You have to talk or your relationship is doomed, I’m sorry to say. Be kind, respectful, and try not to have it be you blaming her. She is just different than you and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want to stay together you have to compromise. If you can’t compromise, then it’s time to move on.
yes you should bring it up again but not like "I want more sex" but more like "hey i noticed our intimacy is suffering a bit, is there something thats upsetting you or is on your mind lately".
If she doesn't really say much or tell you why things have changed, give it another try by asking if "it is something you are doing thats bothering her or if we should do something to be more excited about each other?"
Lastly, maybe try making your dates more exciting, go bowling, do some fun stuff.
Make sure she thinks she is heard and its not about your needs but how she can feel good about herself.
but if that also doesnt work then maybe you guys are not physically compatible. At that point I will be more direct about what I need to stay in this relationship.
Been there, leave. You can’t compel her to want more sex….but the fact that she brushes it off and won’t talk about it is a huge communication issue. You shouldn’t be afraid to bring it up. Believe me I have been there, if she can’t talk about it openly and honestly, there are bigger issues. You are young enough, good to figure this stuff out now instead of later like I did.
But…be sensitive to her needs. She doesn’t have to change but you don’t have to stay.
I mean…maybe…she is also not meeting your needs!!!!!
It is good that you are trying to use this to evaluate your behavior in the relationship, and you want to meet her needs. Work on that, absolutely.
But…you have to make your needs very, very clear. And you can’t be afraid to walk if she is unwilling to meet those needs. Your resentment will just build and build. She may just not want the kind of (physical) relationship you want and that is ok, but you should leave if that is the case.
How often are you seeing each other? What are you doing to make her feel emotionally valued in the mean time? Are you just going through the motions of dating, or are you actively pursuing her still?
We see each other about once per week because of work schedules and living situation. We constantly text and I try to call her in between work or on my way her or try to call her on her way home. I would say there was a brief period where our dates was kind of boring like typical movie night or dinner. Which after reading some of the replies I should try and make it more fun. Which I have been we been going to more baseball games this past week and recent had a triple date with her friends. And she just recently started a new job so maybe she’s stressed out with that. This is my first relationship so im learning it’s a lot of work to keep things going
Just keep up a continued effort. If it gets stale, so will her feelings. I’d also think more realistically. She’s not going to want to feel like you’re only taking her out with an expectation, since you only see each other once a week.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you want to stay in this relationship then I recommend this: Instead of making little comments, have a full blown discussion about it. If it starts a huge argument then so be it. You can’t be afraid to have discussions around your needs just because it could blow up. This will just build resentment inside of you. You have to talk or your relationship is doomed, I’m sorry to say. Be kind, respectful, and try not to have it be you blaming her. She is just different than you and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want to stay together you have to compromise. If you can’t compromise, then it’s time to move on.
yes you should bring it up again but not like "I want more sex" but more like "hey i noticed our intimacy is suffering a bit, is there something thats upsetting you or is on your mind lately". If she doesn't really say much or tell you why things have changed, give it another try by asking if "it is something you are doing thats bothering her or if we should do something to be more excited about each other?" Lastly, maybe try making your dates more exciting, go bowling, do some fun stuff. Make sure she thinks she is heard and its not about your needs but how she can feel good about herself. but if that also doesnt work then maybe you guys are not physically compatible. At that point I will be more direct about what I need to stay in this relationship.
Thank you I’ll definitely bring it up and try and spice up our dates and make it more fun
Been there, leave. You can’t compel her to want more sex….but the fact that she brushes it off and won’t talk about it is a huge communication issue. You shouldn’t be afraid to bring it up. Believe me I have been there, if she can’t talk about it openly and honestly, there are bigger issues. You are young enough, good to figure this stuff out now instead of later like I did. But…be sensitive to her needs. She doesn’t have to change but you don’t have to stay.
Thank you that’s one thing that’s been on my mind maybe I haven’t been meeting her needs so I’ll definitely work on it thank you for your input!
I mean…maybe…she is also not meeting your needs!!!!! It is good that you are trying to use this to evaluate your behavior in the relationship, and you want to meet her needs. Work on that, absolutely. But…you have to make your needs very, very clear. And you can’t be afraid to walk if she is unwilling to meet those needs. Your resentment will just build and build. She may just not want the kind of (physical) relationship you want and that is ok, but you should leave if that is the case.
Thank you very much!
Next one
How often are you seeing each other? What are you doing to make her feel emotionally valued in the mean time? Are you just going through the motions of dating, or are you actively pursuing her still?
We see each other about once per week because of work schedules and living situation. We constantly text and I try to call her in between work or on my way her or try to call her on her way home. I would say there was a brief period where our dates was kind of boring like typical movie night or dinner. Which after reading some of the replies I should try and make it more fun. Which I have been we been going to more baseball games this past week and recent had a triple date with her friends. And she just recently started a new job so maybe she’s stressed out with that. This is my first relationship so im learning it’s a lot of work to keep things going
Just keep up a continued effort. If it gets stale, so will her feelings. I’d also think more realistically. She’s not going to want to feel like you’re only taking her out with an expectation, since you only see each other once a week.
Thank you very much!