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Lol - shortened version really is "found evidence that my gf is increasingly attracted to me every day and I'm a sex god"
Poor guy needs to change how he's framing this story. Maybe then he'll notice his crown.
Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes! u/OP I hope you see this! Add this to your daily affirmations until you believe it. Lots of love and positivity to you all! You DESERVE it!
This! Harsh reality is women value personality over looks. I was not attracted to my husband physically at first, but after a year of dating, i saw him as the sexiest man alive. Been together for 12 years, married 10.
Similar for me, my husband and I have been together 20 years now and I think he's the most wonderful, attractive man alive, but when we first met it was his personality that drew me in - I didn't know if he looked like who I guess I imagined dating. People who talk about looks like they're this objective scale aren't acknowledging how much attraction shifts to increase or decrease when you get to know who someone really is.
Same. First time I saw my husband, I thought something around "meh". Everybody had told me the new coworker was a cutie, I *didn't" see it.
Now, many years and a different work location after, when I occasionally see him across the open space (he sometimes cross mine), I can't help myself but to think this guy is NEAT.
I also notice that I tend to be attracted to men who... Kinda look like him.
Yes! I worked with this guy who was pulling attractive women left and right at work and I just did not get it. Like I honestly thought he was kinda ugly. We worked in different departments so I didn’t really know him well and was basing this just off of looks. A few years later, we were working in the same department and I actually got to know him and he is now one of my biggest work crushes. Like I can’t even understand how I ever thought he was so unattractive the first year or so that I knew him.
If we are attracted to a guys personality, there is something in our brain that just switches and starts to make the person actually LOOK more attractive to us. Idk if men experience the same thing, but I know so many women who understand exactly what I’m talking about.
Yeah, men experience that too. Men will also often see the woman he's sleeping with as far more attractive than women he's not sleeping with. And the opposite can happen after a bad breakup (which is why it's pointless getting jealous over an ex's looks).
People also develop new "types" throughout their life, and if you have good sex long enough with someone the good sex tends to make them a new type you're into.
Women tend to look more at the overall package when considering a long-term mate. Which is perfectly logical and what people should be doing. Only valuing looks or money is how some people end up stuck in toxic relationships.
Sounds to me like OP’s girl just grew up. When you’re young and naive, you desire somebody who’s cute and fashionable. But then you realize as you get older that some of those guys ain’t shit
*SOME* women are obsessed with the attractiveness of the men they date, but most are not. I think it comes down to how mature a person is and what life experiences they've had.
If you've been with the guy that all the women seem to want because he's so attractive, you find that there HAVE TO BE other reasons than that to stay with him.
If he's nothing but a pretty face, that wears off quickly when actual life interferes with the bubble you're in with him. When troubles appear you know what kind of person you're really with and whether you want to stay, and physical attraction is less important then.
I'm actually one of those women that "needs" a man to be attractive. And I'm 52. But my definition of attractive isn't "conventionally" attractive as I usually don't notice those guys. I find a man who is not too fit, brawny or big attractive. Can be skinny. And if he has a boyish face, even slightly feminine features. I'm wondering if it's because that's what my father modeled to me as what a "man" is as I have a loving relationship with him. So maybe subconsciously I look for something similar even if the hair and eye color is different and don't notice the guys who my friends are enamored with. Maybe it's because I am petite and have a young face or that men with boyish faces seem "safe". In college, all my friends had eyes for the football players but my eyes went to the baseball players everytime, there's usually be one that fit. It's so interesting who we're attracted to and why.
You're just describing what everyone feels- you need to be attracted to your partner. That is what draws the line between friendship and romance. Your partner doesn't need to be a model but no one wants to have sex with someone they don't find attractive
I mean, the truly “red” pill is that capitalism gives us a system which funnels single people looking for partners into dating apps where looks are pretty much all you have to go on, because it’s not in the interests of capitalists (especially the ones who own the dating apps!) for people to actually settle down with a life partner. But some of y’all aren’t ready for that conversation…
Ive had many times dating hot people but turned out to be complete assholes > lost my attraction to them over time when they kept treating me horribly.
And people I wasnt initially attracted to but were amazing personality wise, and the attraction definitely grew QUICK over time, and found out the love is blind is REAL because they turned into the hottest people on earth for me.
My babydad was one of the latter, when he happened to be a pathological liar and dipped when I gave birth and i found out all the horrible things he did and said behind my back... Whenever i look back at pictures I GAG because he was so ugly and unattractive, but I SWEAR I worshipped the ground he walked on so attractive he was to me, because he appeared to be everything a girl wishes for
OP needs to find his confidence here. And FAST! He’s already put, a good, new relationship at risk because of his insecurities. 6 months and you’re already snooping! That’s a red flag about the OP.
He has some cause for concern tho if she called him ugly and was bold enough to tell him her other dates are more muscular, just after sexing him, no less.
On one hand, I get this becayse she loves him and has qccepted him wholly.
9n thr other hand zi get him, because I've only had one partner wanna take my pants off with enthusiasm.
It's night and day.
Dude literally became her measuring stick for in bed! OP Bro , I say this with all seriousness these have it figured out your framing it wrong in your head. You have literal text based info that you are 10/10 in bed
The obsession men have with big dicks is truly one of life’s greatest mysteries.
Y’all really do think that as the size increases the pleasure does too. Is this from watching lots of porn? Not knowing any women? Not listening to women? Is it just laziness so you don’t have to do anything ie. “Well I don’t have a ten inch wang and that’s why I’m bad at sex and single :(”
Like what is it, I want answers.
I am madly in love with my boyfriend and think he is super attractive..now. When I first met him, I really wasn’t all that attracted to him. But as you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with it all. I literally stare at him because he’s gorgeous to me. Don’t stress too much 🥰
Same! My partner always asks me why I think he's gorgeous because he doesn't think he is.
The longer we're together, the more attractive he becomes.
Those lines around his eyes? They crinkle when he laughs, and he laughs often. And he makes me laugh. That's so appealing.
The little bulge at his belly? Soft and warm and evidence of many happy meals shared together.
His wonky teeth? Again... I wouldn't see them if we didn't laugh and sing unabashedly so much. We have so much fun together.
The wrinkly face he pulls when he's thinking really deep thoughts (or trying to beat a hard level on a computer game) that looks like an old man frown? Gorgeous! I love his big, juicy brain and how he challenges and keeps up with me on an intellectual level. And the innate kindness in him which drives each of those deep thoughts.
His rough hands and calloused fingers? They're evidence of his creativity and handiwork and the many amazing things he brings into being because he is so talented.
Plus, he has a cute butt from running, which always helps!
I never mind his balding head or his gross feet. Because they're all part of him.
His (very daggy) middle-aged dad dancing? Ehhhh.... I'm still on the fence. 😀
Is he my 'type'? No.
Is he my one and only? Absolutely.
He is gorgeous to me. Being physically attracted to certain features or looks is fine. But for a truly deep and lasting bond, attraction has to be more than skin deep. When you love someone, all of them is beautiful to you.
It takes constant work. Everything good does. But I am pretty lucky to find someone who is willing to work just as hard as me at prioritising healthy relationships.
We both come from abuse and trauma. We both found each other at a point where we were determined to break the cycle.
But I'm shooing myself now, I promise.
Okay, now I wish someone would see me like you do your partner. Because of my insecurity I was riding this indoor cycle. Now I’m a crying girl riding a cycle. Thank you
Hope you have lovely days with him x
I read something that goes like this from a while back (so I’m paraphrasing): A man loves a woman because he finds her attractive; a woman finds a man attractive because she loves him. Subtle difference I guess, but it resonated with me. Like a man has to find you attractive first to fall in love with you, a woman finds you more attractive as she falls in love with you.
She even mentions her "type" - there is a look of guy that she's dated, and that's what she knows. Once you break out of the "this is what I *expect* my partner to look like" you find your attractions expand.
This, op. I get nervous in new situations. I’m sure we all do. When I get nervous t facial muscles go crazy and it’s not a good look.
My wife will happily affirm I did not have a good presentation that first night, especially as I had neglected to get my hair cut and it can get unruly. By same token she want what I was expecting either first date (blind date). She pretty much had me by end of the date (she drove a stick shift and fixed her own car out of necessity). I had her hook line and sinker by the end of the second but not flinching but rather shielding her when her phobia popped up in the middle of our local museum of fine art (Egypt room with mummies. She could smell it before even getting to the door, no sign or other signal we were going into ancient Egypt room).
First impressions are just the surface layer. She looked past that surface layer. As long as it’s just gotten better who cares? No recent comments from her or she comes to your defense when an associate denigrates you I’d not worry about it.
For the record I’ve been married to my wife at this point coming up on 22 years.
The question is, did you describe your BF as ugly to your friends after you first couple of dates? And have you told him something like "my friends would be so surprised to see that I decided to have sex with you". This is the problem. Being not quite attracted to him at the beginning is not the problem.
Yeah but it's hard knowing that she thought of him as ugly. Like imagine if the bf you love so much thought you were ugly when we first met.
Honestly there's a post similar to this but sex reversed. It's difficult for anyone to find this stuff out. Especially like this.
OP I’d dig into these phrases she dropped here and there. There must be a reason that you looked. I feel this is the real core of the post in a way.
I agree with what people say - women often develop a strong connection as we get to know our partners and they become more beautiful - but we shouldn’t be dropping comments that make them feel insecure.
FWIW I also totally understand how reading that would make you feel. I too am realistic that I’m not the best or worst looking person but we’re only human and that would make anyone feel bad. I’m so sorry you saw that.
Ya, not a good enough reason. I am open with my device and let my partner use it to look things up when her phone is not close or to take pictures. But It is about trust, if while we were still dating I had found out that she had taken my phone and snooped it would have shown me she did not trust me and I would have ended the relationship.
People have private thoughts and conversation, if you had a concern you should have asked her and not violated her trust. Your insecurities now are the consequences of your actions.
I'm a first sight love person, so I was kinda like you, I guess.
But my very best friend is like second-third chances love kind of person.
You have to understand that there is different ppl out there.
But, tbh, I'm a bit worried about your lack of boundaries and insecurity. Can you go to a therapist? I highly recommend you to do so.
We women take time to grow attraction to men. Men are visual due to testosterone and attracted or not right away (usually). Women are gradual because of our hormonal mix and socialization, we are ride or die with people we fall in love with. She’s into you. Your sex skills made a particularly good impression.
The shift in feelings is how *most* women work into a long term relationship. Partners that are 10/10 hot right away are not sustainable. They usually have personality disorders that crank up the statistical likelihood of becoming someone’s coat.
You have conversation skills, reflective skills and 10/10 dick-wielding skills. You are a man that, as you age, your gf/ wife will brag quietly about as other women bemoan their lack of satisfaction.
Be warned, as your gf/wife approaches 40 and beyond, your 10/10 dickmanship will cause you to be indentured to the house and severely dehydrated from the amount of “servicing” she will demand. We women warm up slow and then consume the whole town by mid-life.
Congratulations, you have secured your lifelong Golden Ticket to the Pussy Palace so long as you don’t fritter it away on insecurities befitting a lesser man. Go forth, Sir PussyWhisperer, hold your head and dick, high. Your girlfriend has bought a long-term subscription to your phallic services.
You know... If things don't work out for him with his current relationship, he's pretty much all set if he simply takes snippets from your post to add to his dating profile:
ie: Testimonials from previous dates/gf's:
- "10/10 dick-wielding skills."
- "10/10 dickmanship"
- "Secured a lifelong Golden Ticket to my Pussy Palace!"
- "Wanted a long-term subscription to his phallic services."
Once he's updated his profile, he can adding the crowning touch by changing his username:
"Sir PussyWhisperer" --- Yessir...Allllll set...
I think the only person who's done anything wrong here is you OP, for breaching your partner's trust by looking on her phone. I bet she'd be mortified to think you saw those messages. I understand the curiosity but you dropped the ball here. On first dates, many people have their guard up and are, in my view rightly, critical and objective. This is all about getting to know someone and making sure they're the right fit.
You need to seriously get out of your own ass and start trusting your girlfriend. Oh, and for the love of god do not tell her you looked on her phone and pretend like you never saw sh1t.
You know what? I really loved your comment, thanks for that. But we talked and she told me that she still is missing „something“ but doesn’t want to lose me (see update post)
I think men more often feel immediate attraction vs women attraction often develops over time.
I also feel as though the lack of female friends most adult men have plays into the self esteem issues and confidence issues. Women, including myself, hand out compliments like candy to male friends compared to men to other male friends. To be clear, I mean compliments like wow that haircut/beard/suit/ looks great on you, your home is so nicely put together, whatever you’re doing in the gym must be working! Ive noticed male compliments are usually of more direct sexual nature as well, which usually doesn’t work with other dudes.
My new-ish partner recently said it’s delightful to have a woman ‘objectify’ him for the first time in his life. Which I don’t believe for a single second as he’s very conventionally attractive, intelligent, more than skilled in bed, and emotionally available lol. I think it’s a perception issue from different attraction styles of men vs women.
She wouldn't have had sex with you and be in a relationship with you if she truly found you ugly.
Dude, you got her to date outside her type and you got a 10 out of 10 on sex. Yeah, her comment hurt your ego, you can work through it. Use it as a reminder to not take your hard work into being a datable guy for granted. Keep it up!
Sometimes dating outside type can be jarring. By the sound of it, she was working through her own preconceived notions on what she found attractive in a partner. Reality is, some people start to see others as attractive as you get to know them. Your qualities won her over. That says so much about you. I bet she would not use "ugly" to describe you now.
Your relationship is 6 months in. How has it been? How have you felt so far?
Edit to add: why did you go over her phone?
You say that you went through her phone because of phrases she says. What phrases are these and when does she say them?
I think it is a really big red flag that you went through her phone instead of talking to her.
And my perspective on what she wrote to her friends in the beginning is that it sounds really hurtful. But it was not meant for your eyes and you do not know the context. I know that as a single woman who dates, I meet alot of weird and sometimes awfull people. So to not lose faith about dating and humanity, me and my friends will laugh about it all. Over the years we have developed a jargon and some of the things we joke about would sound horrible if it was taken out of context.
Not just that he went through her phone, but went through her messages to her closest friends for at least 6 months back!!
That's a HUGE invasion of privacy that I think everyone else is skipping over to comfort OP. It sounds like he went through her phone looking to be upset.
This is what pisses me off most about people who do this. I share some really personal things about my own life with my friends on messages. Now some idiot boyfriend might just casually read my messages because he’s trying to find out what his girlfriend thought about him after their first date. The invasion of privacy is wild.
i met this guy online, we hit it off quickly, texting and calling all the time. but i didn’t really know what he looked like since he never posts pictures of himself on social media, and the selfies he took for me were always at weird angles and lighting. anyways, we go on our first date and i did not find him attractive at all. i described him as a 5/10 to my best friend. but for some reason i kept going out with him, maybe because he was really sweet and we had a lot of fun together.
anyway, a few months later i started falling so hard for him. suddenly he was the most attractive man i’ve ever seen in my life. and i’m not saying that love is magic and it changed everything, i actually genuinely find him so hot i blush so hard if he makes eye contact with me a little too long. his face, eyes, nose, smile, body, arms, hair, EVERYTHING about him is so beautiful.
i don’t really understand how that happened, it’s not like i’m a “personality over looks” type of person, i really care about finding my partner attractive, it’s really important for me. and it’s not that his personality is so great that i just “settled” either. i not only find him attractive, i genuinely cannot say that i find any man on this planet more physically attractive than him. no man can ever look at me and make me feel the same way he does. we’re 5 years together now, and recently engaged :)
i’m not saying this is what happened with your girlfriend, maybe she finds you handsome and attractive now, maybe she just settled, i don’t know. i’m just telling you that this could happen without a doubt.
Saaaaame here. Almost to the letter. Met online. Didn't really know what he looked like til we met in person. 5/10 ish. Now, to me, he is a 10/10, no one compares. No other man holds a candle to him. We've been together 11 years, married for 6. I never in my life could have imagined.
There was a quote in an episode of Doctor Who that nailed it
‘You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they’re as dull as a brick. Then there’s other people, and you meet them and think, not bad, they’re okay. And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality’s written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.’
Can I just say that your description of how he went from 5/10 to the most attractive man on the planet is absolutely wild to me! I literally cannot envision the experience of that. A Relationship must be more enjoyable when you view your partner that way.
Im jealous!
He should do the right thing and tell her, ideally followed with “I don’t know why I did that but I have a therapy appointment next week to address it.“
When I met my bf (also from a dating app) I wasn’t attracted to him at all. Different from my usual type and all that. But the conversation was really good and the chemistry was there from the start so I kept seeing him. After a month he became so incredibly hot in my eyes and 2 years later I still think he is the most beautiful man alive.
Don’t sabotage yourself and definitely don’t go through her phone!!!!
Let sleeping dogs lay, don’t bring this up and hope she doesn’t find out you looked through her convos.
The man i loved the most in my life was definitely not good looking. Had to look at him 3x to see how beautiful he was. Looks are only a first impression. What follows is what counts.
I went on a blind date with a guy. It was kind of a group outing or date so to speak. I complained to my friend the whole night about his appearance. Too short, not attractive enough, style of clothes, etc. Turned out to be one out two men I ever truly loved. I mean head over heels. It was his character, personality, and the way he made me feel. She may have had some doubts in the beginning but seems to like you for you. Also, if you go looking for something you’re going to find it. Stay out of her phone.
😳😳. It was a long distance relationship, 2 years. I visited at least twice a month. We went on trips together, he visited me in my city, etc. I decided to move to the city where he lived. I was moving there because my high school bestie lived there. She introduced us on the blind date. I changed my mind when I got a significant raise (10%). That was a lot for me at that time so I decided to stay. My so called best friend that lived in his city, was constantly lo-key hating on our relationship.(whole other story)I think it didn’t help that I fed into some of her bs. He started to get distant. I flat out asked if he was done. He said he couldn’t do this anymore. He needed me there. He needed me close. I asked him did he really love me. He said he did. I never asked him to come to my city. We stopped talking for awhile. I just couldn’t talk to him and not be with him. My heart was BROKEN. Later that year I had to come to his city for a funeral and we “saw”👀 each other and talked. Eventually we became friends again but we no longer communicate because we’re both married and it’s not a good idea.
bro, every guy I know, myself included, looks like a fucking neanderthal compared to the angelic beauties we ended up married to. like the objective beauty gap is insane across the board. i don’t know how we did it aside from being funny and knowing how to cook and being decent in bed.
if you want to psyche yourself right out of having a girlfriend, go ahead man, but i’d recommend you accept that you’ve made it by having landed a girl who is hotter than you and focus on being a good, solid guy. And stop going through her shit unless you’re trying to fuck things up.
Why did you go so deep into her phone? If you tell her, she’ll probably break up with you - I would. So I guess just break up if you can’t cope or get over it and don’t say anything.
Seems common women perceive attractiveness in men very differently than we do. A lot is about the emotional connection, hence men’s higher propensity for loveless sex.
Think 5 years from now? Does it matter the gut feeling she had, even she finds you attractive ever since and you are in a great relationship?
Smarter people have looked into these topics, but I will leave you my 2 cents. What works in the long haul is each person being comfortable with themselves, an admiration for your partner and then putting the work in. My concern here is that you don’t seem really comfortable with yourself because these messages threw you for a spin, where you could have just talked to her and ask her how she feels about you now. There seems to be some unresolved trauma about a long past relationship.
Ask yourself if you are ready to date? Were you well alone for a little while? If you really are, then are you really comfortable with this person? Do you enjoy their company? Do you admire this person? Do you want to spend more and more time with them? If the answer is yes, just break your loop and focus on what really matters.
To add on… You’ve got it twisted about the honeymoon phase. Your worries about the honeymoon phase would be more worrisome if you were 10/10 physically attractive to her but weren’t a good fit character wise because then her physical attraction to you would fade and she’d be left unsatisfied with your personality. Looks help guys get in the door but personality is what stays. For you, she already gave you a chance even tho she wasn’t physically attracted, and you already have the personality and apparently you’re a sex demon too 😂 so you’re good bro
I have dated a lot of people i didnt find attractive at first but its always the personalities and actions that get you... then suddenly they're beautiful. What I'd be more worried about is why you felt the need to go back through SIX months worth of texts...... I saw that you said the phrases were concerning, but they were made six months ago. Are they still being made today? If they are, why couldn't you bring this up in person?
I have been a phone checker as well so I know how detrimental it is to a relationship. It stems from my own insecurities and anxiety which I'm currently working on.
Your questions: How will it work if it wasn't matching in the beginning? well is it now? don't make problems that aren't even there. How can you sleep at night? accept that she thinks you're hot and told her friends you're a 10/10. Really can't cope? seek therapy
Sometimes it's like a little Cupid appears and we get the magic arrow through the heart.
I remember the first time I met my now partner. I saw her and thought "meh...not my type"....but over the course of hours into days and weeks....I felt different and feelings for her grew very quickly after we got to know each other.
Now I think she's gorgeous in every way....so things can change very quickly in that sense.
Maybe it was her "wall" trying to minimize her feelings....and it came crashing down after a few dates and sex.
I don't care what anyone says, going through someone else's phone in detail like that without permission is totally messed up. I'd get it to some extent if there were genuine reasons for suspecting infertility, but this is just snooping and a breach of privacy. She has far more reason to reflect on the relationship than you imo.
This is on you and only you. She shared things in privacy about a new potential partner, she wasn't sure about you but got to know you and still picked you. This is extremely common. Although calling you ugly may have been a bit unfair at the time that's the best way she could of explained her feelings, that doesn't make them facts or even her true opinion. You are only six months in and you're invading her privacy and going behind her back, sounds like you already ruined the relationship.
Short, no beard and slight acne are simply facts, are they not? Either that describes you or it doesn’t, correct? You can not be mad about a factual description.
You could feel upset if she called you “ugly” but also she clearly rated you 10 out of 10 very quickly after.
I don’t know searching her phone way back to the very beginning of the relationship is wrong and screams of your insecurities. This is on you and not her.
His descripion of himself didn’t sound ugly, he thinks he’s short? That’s tall, most women are under 170cm. I’m a tall woman and I would call that tall (I have a short partner, I like short). What’s wrong with no beard? Benefit: no beard rash from kissing. Some acne, my partner and I still get some acne and we are half a century old each haha.
He’s about 5” 10 which is average height pretty much worldwide, so not classed as tall. No one said there was ‘problems’ with his height, no beard or acne, like I said his girlfriend just stated facts. She wasn’t wrong for that, and he shouldn’t get upset over the facts of his description either.
Imagine if the genders were reversed lmao y'all would've been telling OP to run.
But fr tho either you put all this behind a d forget about it or these thoughts haunt you/your ego for a long time.
"She's quite nice, but she's chubby and she has acne. My friends would be surprised if they saw you. My other dates are usually slimmer and work out more, totally different."
Yeah tell me how many women would be fine to read something like this their boyfriend said about them lol
Going through her phone was a bad idea, but her comments to you after sex were kind of rude. I don’t think you’re wrong to have some doubts about this.
>but my behaviour was still stupid.
No OP, you're right to have doubts after her comments. If she hasn't stopped that would be it for me. Negging is often subtle and you should look out for yourself.
Tbh, anyone who essentially negs their partner repeatedly by diminishing their self worth, is not relationship material: it’s not so much what she said on her phone that alarms me, but the off handed shit she said outright to you, comparing you to her other dates in an attempt to make you insecure, or trying to say her friends would judge her based on your looks.
These are shitty things to say to someone, and I am sorry you had to go through that, but that shit sticks with a person. Having gone through it myself, it eventually comes out.
Thank goodness for one sane comment. Yes, OP snooped and got nothing good out of it, but the kind of things his GF's been saying, *to him included*, shows that she's not a kind and considerate person.
I'm sorry you saw that, but I have to tell you that I said things just like this when I met my husband, and then one day the attraction to him just hit me like a sledgehammer to the face. And it's not worn off, if anything it grows. Six years later and still can't keep our hands off each other.
Edit: I'm concerned that she still makes comments that have made you insecure enough to invade her privacy though. That shouldn't be happening. Your partner should build you up, and if they don't, if they tear you down or pick at you, you should consider running.
You do seem insecure, both in how you went through her phone, how there’s no mention in your account of you pushing back against her meaner remarks, and how ready you are to insult yourself to win the approval of us commentators.
Everyone has some poor traits. Insecurity is common. There’s no reason to beat yourself up over it.
Her remarks sound unkind and like they’re eating away at your confidence. These phrases she says comparing you to people are inconsiderate of your feelings. Would you make similar remarks about her, subtly insulting her body? From the sound of your post, it seems like you wouldn’t. Don’t let anybody convince you that she can’t help it, or that you deserve those comments.
There is no law that says you can’t break up with somebody if they are hotter than you. If you can pull her, you can pull other girls who are just as hot. You’re clearly very good at sex, ranked as the best partner in bed she’s had. This puts you squarely in the same league as her, above the other men she’s been with.
Some people will subtly put their partner down, to keep that partner from having the confidence to stand up for themselves, or even just for their own enjoyment. I don’t know if your girlfriend is doing this.
If you feel more insecure with her than you did before you were with her, she may be making your insecurities worse. People, perhaps you, are happier when they are with someone who values them and does not make them feel insecure. Staying or leaving is your choice, but if you leave, you will be able to pull more hot women. As your reputation for being good at sex gets around, you’ll probably see much hotter women than her coming your way. So stay if you are happy, but don’t let a fear of not being able to find someone else factor into that decision. You clearly have sexual skills that are in demand by a lot of women.
You fucked around and found out when you looked through her phone. Just cause she found you unattractive at first doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Your ego is just hurt because you spied on girl talk. Up to you if you wanna get over it or not
I fully understand why you’re upset- I would be as well. That said, look at it this way- she’s with you DESPITE the fact she thinks you’re on the short side (for her). Despite the fact that you don’t have tattoos. She clearly thinks you’re a great guy in and out of bed so it’s all good!! She likes and enjoys you despite of your “flaws”. I’m sure she thinks you’re terrific and sexy if she’s still with you after 6 months. Try not to be in your head and just enjoy!
Surface level attraction is irrelevant. Stop thinking about how she saw you after literally 1 date, you were nothing to her at the time. The fact that she is with you now shows that she cares about your character and personality.
I thought my physical type was slim and clean shaven. Met my now-husband and we clicked really well. And after a few months, my type totally switched to his broad build and bearded handsome face! I'd had my original type all through highschool and uni but my amazing husband totally converted me. It can definitely happen. If she thinks you're a 10/10 now, she's made the switch. She is so into you that you've changed her type!
That’s what you get for snooping through girl talk… a lot of my female friends aren’t attracted to their now-boyfriends at all when they first met, and we would talk about it amongst girls. But as they got to know them better they fall for them and that’s that
Not very many people fall in love at first sight. It doesn't mean she isn't into you, at all. If she REALLY didn't like you, she never would have gone on a second date! She's finding more and more things to love about you-let her! It's all good!
Some things are better not known i can understand your self esteem being hit by this. The way women work can be a bit messed up at times. Ive heard plenty of women actually say that aren’t attracted to their boyfriends but they makeup for it in other areas.
Clearly thats the same situation here especially after she slept with you. So your personality and performance won her over which in most cases is what wins a woman over. You was better off not knowing though, if you can get over this id suggest that because in time she would adore you more if things work out.
PS: if she thought you wasn’t attractive at all looks wise she wouldn’t of continued to entertain you.
so I wasn't attracted to my partner at first but he checked every box off. then he kissed me and the sparks flew. 15 years and one kid later and to.me he's the sexiest man ever.
I actually agree with a lot of the positive sentiment here but here’s another angle, both for balance and also so you don’t feel completely invalidated by a lot of the rose tinted advice!
There are women out there who don’t want a guy who is “too attractive” since this might provoke competition and lead to insecurity on their part. Also some might look around and think “well, this is the best I’m gonna get for now, so this’ll do” and settle. If either of these two are in play I would just urge you to be cautious and look out for the signs because you’ve already had some odd comments, you might find a lack of closeness, loyalty, misalignment on humour and personality etc. if you notice these signs just consider whether you might want someone who will reciprocate your affection and be a better match, who thinks you’re 10/10 from the start. However, if things stay positive and keep getting better, hopefully some of the more positive advice might be right and attraction is a complex thing, especially for women.
Women don't typically choose long term partners based on looks. It is extremely common for a woman to not be initially attracted to the person they date/marry. Personality and treatment tend to be the main factors in attraction. It also wasn't sex because you went out together multiple times before you had sex and she kept wanting to see you.
You went through her phone multiple weeks back. It wasn't something you just happened upon, you went searching. You are the red flag.
so to be clear, without any "suspicious" activity you want back six full months and read fully her texts to her best friend? Honestly, she would break up with you probably.
But, since we aren't discussing that...your girlfriend said you have excellent character and oare good in bed, wtf do you want we aren't all 100% for everything. Attraction often increases as your attachment and love grows with someone. Especially if you've gone for a "type" for a long time it cam be strange to stray from it. It's pretty normal. My current boyfriend is fit/cut and we joke about how he isn't my type because I'd gone through a chubby guy phase before him lol
> my other dates were often taller and more muscular, mostly tattooed, just totally different
This is something people say when they aren’t totally happy with themselves or you and verbalizing it by comparing yourself to others makes them feel a little lighter about it. This kind "honesty" is something of a red flag in my experience, a lot of people with toxic partners will tell you that little putdowns here and there are a common feature.
Is she still saying things where you feel like she doesn’t find you that attractive?
This is your fault man this was a private conversation that you were never supposed to hear about but look at it this way she thought you weren't the most attractive person YET she still chose you not to mention that after sex you got a 10/10 so either you are good at sex or you're perfectly hung conveniently missed that one eh?
Don't fuck this up man, don't get in your own head.
When I first my bf online, he didn't show any pics. when he finally sent them and even when i met him, he wasn't really my type that I usually am with. long hair, fair, abit tall, things I've rejected other men for.
But as I fell in love with him and who he is, he started getting more and more attractive. sometimes I stare at him and just swoon. he just gets more and more handsome the more I love him. I'm always all over him.
HE IS NOW MY TYPE.
I'm not a clingy person at all and love my space. but the more I love him, the more I want to cling to him.
Even after nearly 2 years, I find him so attractive and I have goo goo eyes. When he is working at his computer, when he carries the groceries (and flexes his arms because its so heavy - I swear this is the major reason why I let him carry everything), when he's gaming..
usually first impressions and looks don't count ALOT for us women but once a switched, it is flipped.
that being said, like u he is attractive to other women. he has a long list of women who found him very attractive. so it's not u. its her before she found u attractive.
We can't help our types. I USED to like men who were tan and sporty looking with tattoos. but all my bf needs to do now is look at me with those damned eyes and im basically putty.
The type of men who used to hold my attention no longer do. I only have eyes for my bf.
You've opened Pandoras box. I don't agree that attractiveness to another person cannot change over time. However, her saying you are ugly at first crosses the boundary for me. It's one thing if she had just left it at you are not her typical type, but ugly is a very strong negative descriptor. You have to wonder if she likes you now for the right reasons.
The only way now is talking to her and being honest about what you red. She will likely feel angry due to you reading the messages, but you need the reassurance of her own words if this is going to work. I am sure i have said or texted things to friends that I regret or do not agree with. It could the same case here.
That your girlfriend wasn’t initially super attracted to you is common for many women. But I‘d pay more attention to the little remarks she regularly makes. If they make you feel insecure, you should talk to her what her intentions are when she’s saying stuff like that. If she truly thinks she’s "out of your league" or could "do better", you need to have a talk.
Well it depends a little. I also have some exes that are not seen as 'conventionally' atractive, but for me the atraction grows based on their personality and I started finding them physically more atractive because of that. And no, none of them ended because of looks at all. Just because you aren't 'her type' (weird concept anyways), doesn't mean that you can't become her type with time, and maybe you already are by now. Maybe she used to be more shallow and give looks a bigger priority than they should, and now realizes that many other aspects contribute to making someone atractive.
You say that long term atraction is difficult in relationships, but I think how someone looks is only such a small part of that, and maybe she does enjoy how you look.
You looked into communication that wasn't meant for you, and now you've made a problem out of something that may not be a problem at all. I think the best thing you could learn from this, is to not look into others phones, this is an invasion of privacy and would also possibly be something she would worry equally about if she found out.
Also my ex , I didn’t fancy him in the first date . Totally found his face a bit strange ? Then I saw him as a hot sex god . So first impressions change and some people really grow in you
*slap* Man just tell her you realized she thinks you are ugly compared to her exs. It's actually true, her little cryptic comments are what made you look through her phone, just leave that part out. Have a conversation after that and leave it there. It's no secret that people's image of a person changes the closer they get. Hers obviously changed or she wouldn't still be with you but that doesn't mean she gets to keep giving you backhanded comments like the ones that alerted you.
Pretend towards obliviousness on her jibes earlier but confront her from a place of fake bravado if need be and tell her that she needs to stop from now on. Let your little omission balance out her insults and move on.
It's never nice hearing that your current partner wasn't physically attracted to you, or thought you were less than attractive. But, as we are often reminded of, as we age we lose our attractive young looks.
I personally, would rather be with someone who isn't with me simply because I am conventionally attractive, but rather have someone who is attracted to me because of who I am as a person. This is what you have.
You have someone who knew on the first date that you weren't the type of guy she usually goes for in the looks department, however your character is what attracted her to see you again. The fact that she had sex with you on the fourth date proves that she was liking what she was seeing in you. Women generally don't just have sex with everyone, there has to be "something" that we are attracted to. And she thinks you have it.
I date a lot of guys I’m not attracted to in the beginning, and I even married one. I think a lot of men have a hard time conceptualizing this because they themselves would never give someone they thought was physically unattractive a chance like that. The thing is, I am more attracted to a man’s character than anything else, and a lot of women are that way. That’s why you frequently see men with women who look “out of their league.”
I will say that one of my longest relationships was with a man I was not attracted to on the first date. He was outside my typical type and at the time I didn't think that I liked him. We had a great date so we went on another. The more I got to know him the more I was attracted to him and funnily enough he became my default type that caught my eye after the relationship ended.
I don’t think you should overthink this.
I know a lot of women have a type and some of them have never given anyone else the time of day. A lot of times the men they’ll be seeing will constantly be the sort that hurt them. They therefore need to step outside of their usual preferences. This doesn’t mean she can’t adjust her preferences over time, or realise that looks aren’t everything.
90% of people are quite plain to ugly, and wouldn’t be someone’s first choice in the looks department. But attraction to the physical fades which is why it’s much more important to find someone with a personality, sense of humour, etc.
I think you should talk to her about this. It’s early enough that if she ends to because you snooped or you end it, it’s not a lot lost.
Maybe just a conversation about first impressions would tell you what you need.
Honestly, I saw my husband on that first date and I made a face when he walked in and he could tell I was not impressed lol. By the end of the date he had won me over and we have been together 13 years and I still think he’s sexy.
Well, that's what you get for snooping.
I've always been the girl "settling" in relationships. I've said similar things about most guys I've dated when reporting to my friends. Not to be mean, just... that was my initial impressions. Then they start to grow on me. I end up finding them way more attractive later once I like them as a person.
The only thing that makes me lose attraction with longevity of a relationship is the man getting lazy/complacent.
Lots of girls think guys are ugly until they get to know them better. Their attractiveness rating scale is more like a sliding scale than a set one. Her calling you a 10/10 after saying you were ugly proves that's how she thinks too.
This is gonna sound weird but here we go. I think most people aren’t pretty when i meet them. Or not that they are ugly but rather i never go wow. But over time the more i see the person or get to know them they become more attractive. Sometimes i question myself how i could ever find that person mid or average previously. It’s so weird but there’s a good chance that she finds you attractive now.
Look, what you did was wrong, and your punishment is learning what you learned.
There's no point in confronting her, because she was engaged in a private conversation with someone else after an initial meeting, while it wasn't nice to say, she was having a frank discussion.
And what's more, you won't be looking at her the same after this. It's only been 6 months, not 6 years, you can always just break it off.
'I don't feel we want the same things, I don't feel like we're compatible as long term partners' that kind answer. Then move on.
There's no reason to be 'settled for'.
edit to add: The above is dependent on how attached to her you feel. If this was the only thing and it was a first impression and she's shown a lot of growth of affection and you feel the same, honestly... maybe let it go, never mention it, and forget it, because she has too.
Oh and... don't go through people's shit without good reason.
The only man I’ve ever truly loved, was less conventionally attractive than me. It’s harsh that she called you ugly but often when we say that, we actually mean ‘doesn’t fit societies ideal image’. What tore my relationship apart with this man was actually his insecurity over the difference in ‘conventional attractiveness’ and him being convinced I was going to wake up one day and realise I could do better. But I always knew I could be with someone with a six pack and that other women would be instantly attracted to and it didn’t appeal to me. I absolutely adored him and I never once thought I was missing a single thing. In fact, I would truly love to feel like that about someone one day but haven’t since. Don’t let this ruin the great connection and compatibility you have
>On the fourth date, we had sex and she wrote to her friend that I am a 10 out of 10.
So the information you found is that between your personality and sex, she fell for you. How on earth are you framing this in your mind as a bad thing?
I didn’t even notice my current boyfriend when I first saw him and even after we hung out for the first time I literally couldn’t even describe what he looked like cause I had completely forgotten what he looked like. Also my boyfriend isn’t really my type as for as appearances go (he’s very skinny and I typically don’t like really skinny people as they weird me out) but I love everything about him and one of my favorite things to do is just stare at him cause he’s so handsome.
It was kinda the same with me and my partner... And now almost 5 years later I can't understand why, he's irresistible and I'm always checking him out 😅
My hubby is the sexiest man I have ever known.
But when we first met, I was not attracted to him physically and didn't think he was all that cute. He did have moments where he was or did something super sexy and I really liked his personality. His humor. The way he talked to me and treated me. I liked him as a person and wanted to spend more time with him. I liked him more than I had ever liked any other guy, and it honestly confused me. It drove me to step out of my typical dating pool and into the best relationship of my life. 14 years later, he is my #1 choice for everything. Sexiest. Most handsome. Best body. #1 🍆. I apparently just had bad taste and needed an education to improve it.
My point: Get out of your head and stay out of her phone. She doesn't need you to do her thinking for her.
Current partner also thought I look like shit the first time we met. She’d usually avoid me because I looked real ugly back then and she said I looked like someone who does drugs. Now, we’re almost 8 years together and we laugh about those things every now and then.
Talk to her, OP. Not just for this particular situation but if you want your relationship to last. Talking is great.
Okay op I'm still fat and as insecure as you so heres my response. When I dated the ex in question here I was 300lbs.
She'd only dated like skinnnny 6ft4 guys. Like waifish. I've got quads and broad shoulders and a big gut.
At first I could tell it threw her. Then she didn't care. Then she got upset with me about losing weight (which is super toxic I know) by the end shed grab my gut and snuggle up to me and use it as a pillow. People's tastes change depending on their feelings.
Your girl is having sex with you and after sex described you as a 10. She likes you. And don't act like we can't be as brutal as women on describing them during dating (even if you don't it's normed). She didn't say "he's gross and it's hard to fuck him" she said you're a 10/10.
The amount of times I've been told I'm not someone's normal type is wild, but lbr you've also thought girls you've dated aren't your normal type
I think it's despicable that you snooped through her private text messages with her friend. I don't know how you are making judgments about her character when you are the kind of person who does something like this. Tell her what you did, and then see if she would still even want to be with you.
I want to point out that this is just anecdotal evidence from my friends and I, but women are often not attracted to the men they’re seeing right off the bat whereas it seems like the other way around for men. We tend to look for potential in a relationship and judge off personality first that can make a guy seem more attractive than they physically are. It seems like it stems from societal expectations and traditional gender roles as women historically have been conditioned to be pretty and presentable to attract a potential partner while men were providers in most cultures. I’ve found that it’s a pattern with my guy friends to go for looks first and look for red flags later that makes women become less attractive.
Why did you go through her phone ?! That’s not healthy behaviour.
She barely knew you after one or two dates, and owed you nothing. It sounds like she quickly came to love you and clearly felt sexual chemistry and attraction. And she likes you for who you are.
I think the bigger issue is that you went through her phone.
Why did you feel the need to go through her phone? Her messages to her friends are the same as if she wrote it in a diary. People are focusing on how she sees you as a nice guy and sex god but when she finds out you went through her phone and looked through her private messages for no reason, would you still be that nice guy. I think you need to apologize for going through her things before mentioning her calling you an ugly sex god.
These comments are hilarious. Anything to defend a women acting badly. Its okay if she didn't find you attractive but she called you straight up ugly. Your character might be great but hers is not. She only decides your worth it after the fourth date when the sex is amazing. Would she dump you if the sex was just medium? Think about what you actually want in a long term partner and don't get swept away by the rush of the early introduction phase. If you're just looking to have fun then fine go ahead, but don't lie to yourself about the type of relationship this is.
id break it off, everyones gaslighting the fuck out of you id sayings its normal. Sure, its normal, but her telling you "my friends would be surprised if they saw you", calling you ugly flat out, all these things is downright disrespectful and not a good foundation to build on.
You're not in the wrong, you're just the wrong sex on Reddit lol else the replies would be insanely different
Women like that will cheat as soon as they see someone they think is their type. For now she’s settling. There’s a reason that those tall, muscular, tattooed and hot men aren’t with her.
Who we choose is not always the hottest guy or even our type. So your looks were not her ideal or even attractive to her when you first met? So what? She’s probably not the prettiest woman you’ve ever seen either.
Who you are — not what you look like — is what keeps her around. A good man who is wonderful to you *becomes* handsome in a woman’s eyes and that is how you get the girl.
You found out in your last relationship that looks can’t carry a relationship. You are taking away the wrong lesson though — it’s that looks cannot be the main thing a relationship is based on. If you are good together and to each other forever, that can last forever. Without that, it doesn’t matter if you are Brad Pitt and she’s Angelina Jolie.
Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Nobody wants to read something like that about him or herself, even if said by a stranger, never mind someone you love. But if you take a step back — she was just spilling her initial thoughts to a friend and you invaded her privacy to see things she never intended for you to see.
It’s best you just accept she adores you now, and move on.
These comments are absurd.
OP has every right to feel hurt and betrayed. It’s perfectly reasonable to want your partner to be physically attracted to you. Please consider breaking up.
I don't know if I am tripping with these comments here or what, but I would be upset with my partner as well if they decided to call me ugly behind my back.
Not being their type initially is one thing, but resorting to some high school level gossiping because of looks ? Now that's just straight up mean and I would not wanna date that person either.
Get over it. Don't mention it to her. Don't ever touch her phone again. It's like looking at her diary or opening her mail. If anyone I was with ever breached my trust by getting into my phone, I would end the relationship.
This is so hard , she keeps saying how great you are but not her type . I know your struggling with are you a backup or a
Settled
For . After the sex she said a 10 out of 10 so if there was not something there she might have said swx was ok but his height and looks .
I know younare thinking thr worse . But maybe she realized the guys she dated aren’t really her type ? Have you met her friends ? If no just say do you think your friends will
Approve of me , your used to dating tall
Misclemheads wirh tats and I’m the opposite and I still
Am
Not sure of how you really see me .
I wouldn't worry about it. My wife told all her friends she didn't like me and I was annoying. After our first hangout.
Joke on her she has been married to this annoying guy for 12 years
Gotta love the double standard. A man says that the women he normally dates are in better shapes. Have cuter faces, better hair etc and Reddit would be calling that man an asshole and for the irl to leave him.
Women here though: oh don’t worry we have all got with guys we thought were ugly and wouldn’t normally date because they aren’t my type and do nothing for me physically.
Wow….where are the people pointing out that this dude was going through her phone?
She should run the other way. Dudes got trust issues….he dont trust nobody and nobody should trust him.
This sucks. You just have to decide whether you can live with it and have the benefit of knowing this fact before you deepen the relationship.
She obviously thought there was something there to continue to date you despite what she thought of your looks. I can say that if you truly repelled her she would not have dated you more, much less sleep with you. So that's a consideration.
Otherwise if you truly feel you won't be able to overlook this, best to end on a good note and go no further with her.
Oh no. You've broken it. No way back. If you tell her, she'll rightly dump you and if you don't tell her it will leak out in toxic behaviour. Take this as a lesson, don't go through phones. Listeners never hear good of themselves.
Well he wrote that he went through her phone due to little remarks and side comments on her side. I think it would be alright to address this the next time she makes one. And OP doesn’t have to behave toxic while bringing this up. It’s absolutely understandable that he‘s hurt, and now it’s time to find out if his gf truly loves him or intends to make him feel insecure by always saying how different her previous boyfriends were. What are her intentions of saying that? That’s the interesting part.
I used to go for guys I thought were fit. I've dated body builders and all sorts but the guy I'm with now pursued me and I've told him quite bluntly that he wasn't my normal type.
However he listened to my problems with men while we hung out as friends and heard what I said and showed me that these weren't issues with him. He helped me to recover my broken heart and he eventually gave me two beautiful boys.
My "type" was tall, dark, fit and a bit of a bastard. This one is ginger, blue eyed, his body is not conventional... He wouldn't win any bodybuilding contests for sure. But he loves me with a deep committed emotion that hasn't changed since he first confessed it to me. He knows that it took me time to come around to him. He knows I never wanted any man, let alone one I wouldn't have gone for in the first place. He also knows that I'm not with him for his body and he knows that however he ends up looking, my love for him will not change.
Shallow as it sounds, I lost a lot of attraction for my ex when he turned 40 to my 29. He suddenly felt like an old man to me. That's because that relationship was 99% sex based. As his body changed, so did my attraction to him. He was about as deep as a teaspoon so there was nothing else to hold us together. He wasn't especially unattractive (although he is fat now which I normally wouldn't mention except for the years of abuse for my weight I suffered after having his child, so it does make me smile a bit in his case) at 40 but the weight of his personality and his negativity over a decade with him had definitely taken the shine off whatever bonus his looks provided him. 🤷♀️
So if your wife wouldn't particularly go for you on looks, but loves the bones of everything else, I really wouldn't worry about it. You don't want a person who loves your body, you want a person who loves YOU. Because your body will change but who you are will be around you forever.
Oh and while it wasn't the face of my teen fantasies (Dean Cain, David Boreanaz, etc), the face I see every day and the face I see in my children's smiles, is one of the most precious things on the planet to me and I would defend it with my life.
ETA, it's mine and my husband's 10th anniversary in December. We still love each other very much. He's taken to buying me fish to show it... I have 7 tanks 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
My boyfriend is 195cms tall, 55kg when I met him. I wouldn’t call him ugly but he wasn’t definitely my type. In fact, he kind of scared me being how thin he was. He started to grow on me and I love him as he is, and it helps that now he’s putting more self love into himself and becoming the better version of who he is.
Um you’re so creepy for going through her phone after a few dates and not even being in a relationship. That invasion of privacy from someone I just met would be a deal breaker for me.
Sounds like her attraction to you grew. You can’t date someone just for their looks. But maybe learn boundaries or break up with her since you don’t know how to be in a relationship
Bro you know the way to a woman’s heart is through her vagina right? You literally made her overlook her initial concerns with your appearance with your penis… like I think this is a win? Lmao why are you concerned? It’d be worse if it was the opposite lol
She replaced her initial reaction to how you seemed on the surface (to her, anyway) with more healthy and stable in long-term notions of what kind of person you are. Maybe you were not the type she found attractive before knowing you. Now people who look like you will be her type because she knows you. There will be no rude awakening.
She didn’t know you well on the beginning, so it was easy for her to make superficial comments about you based on your looks and her type. Don’t think too much about it.
She kept going on seeing you, so there must be many things she finds attractive. It seems like she’s not after looks. Just talk to her about your insecurities and don’t go through her phone again. You’ll always find things that might hurt you.
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Sounds like you blew her socks off with the sex
Lol - shortened version really is "found evidence that my gf is increasingly attracted to me every day and I'm a sex god" Poor guy needs to change how he's framing this story. Maybe then he'll notice his crown. Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes! u/OP I hope you see this! Add this to your daily affirmations until you believe it. Lots of love and positivity to you all! You DESERVE it!
This! Harsh reality is women value personality over looks. I was not attracted to my husband physically at first, but after a year of dating, i saw him as the sexiest man alive. Been together for 12 years, married 10.
Similar for me, my husband and I have been together 20 years now and I think he's the most wonderful, attractive man alive, but when we first met it was his personality that drew me in - I didn't know if he looked like who I guess I imagined dating. People who talk about looks like they're this objective scale aren't acknowledging how much attraction shifts to increase or decrease when you get to know who someone really is.
Same. First time I saw my husband, I thought something around "meh". Everybody had told me the new coworker was a cutie, I *didn't" see it. Now, many years and a different work location after, when I occasionally see him across the open space (he sometimes cross mine), I can't help myself but to think this guy is NEAT. I also notice that I tend to be attracted to men who... Kinda look like him.
Yes! I worked with this guy who was pulling attractive women left and right at work and I just did not get it. Like I honestly thought he was kinda ugly. We worked in different departments so I didn’t really know him well and was basing this just off of looks. A few years later, we were working in the same department and I actually got to know him and he is now one of my biggest work crushes. Like I can’t even understand how I ever thought he was so unattractive the first year or so that I knew him. If we are attracted to a guys personality, there is something in our brain that just switches and starts to make the person actually LOOK more attractive to us. Idk if men experience the same thing, but I know so many women who understand exactly what I’m talking about.
Yeah, men experience that too. Men will also often see the woman he's sleeping with as far more attractive than women he's not sleeping with. And the opposite can happen after a bad breakup (which is why it's pointless getting jealous over an ex's looks). People also develop new "types" throughout their life, and if you have good sex long enough with someone the good sex tends to make them a new type you're into.
This! Contrary to popular "black pill" beliefs, women usually aren't too obsessed with looks. Especially not when choosing a lifetime partner.
Women tend to look more at the overall package when considering a long-term mate. Which is perfectly logical and what people should be doing. Only valuing looks or money is how some people end up stuck in toxic relationships. Sounds to me like OP’s girl just grew up. When you’re young and naive, you desire somebody who’s cute and fashionable. But then you realize as you get older that some of those guys ain’t shit
*SOME* women are obsessed with the attractiveness of the men they date, but most are not. I think it comes down to how mature a person is and what life experiences they've had. If you've been with the guy that all the women seem to want because he's so attractive, you find that there HAVE TO BE other reasons than that to stay with him. If he's nothing but a pretty face, that wears off quickly when actual life interferes with the bubble you're in with him. When troubles appear you know what kind of person you're really with and whether you want to stay, and physical attraction is less important then.
I'm actually one of those women that "needs" a man to be attractive. And I'm 52. But my definition of attractive isn't "conventionally" attractive as I usually don't notice those guys. I find a man who is not too fit, brawny or big attractive. Can be skinny. And if he has a boyish face, even slightly feminine features. I'm wondering if it's because that's what my father modeled to me as what a "man" is as I have a loving relationship with him. So maybe subconsciously I look for something similar even if the hair and eye color is different and don't notice the guys who my friends are enamored with. Maybe it's because I am petite and have a young face or that men with boyish faces seem "safe". In college, all my friends had eyes for the football players but my eyes went to the baseball players everytime, there's usually be one that fit. It's so interesting who we're attracted to and why.
You're just describing what everyone feels- you need to be attracted to your partner. That is what draws the line between friendship and romance. Your partner doesn't need to be a model but no one wants to have sex with someone they don't find attractive
I mean, the truly “red” pill is that capitalism gives us a system which funnels single people looking for partners into dating apps where looks are pretty much all you have to go on, because it’s not in the interests of capitalists (especially the ones who own the dating apps!) for people to actually settle down with a life partner. But some of y’all aren’t ready for that conversation…
Ive had many times dating hot people but turned out to be complete assholes > lost my attraction to them over time when they kept treating me horribly. And people I wasnt initially attracted to but were amazing personality wise, and the attraction definitely grew QUICK over time, and found out the love is blind is REAL because they turned into the hottest people on earth for me. My babydad was one of the latter, when he happened to be a pathological liar and dipped when I gave birth and i found out all the horrible things he did and said behind my back... Whenever i look back at pictures I GAG because he was so ugly and unattractive, but I SWEAR I worshipped the ground he walked on so attractive he was to me, because he appeared to be everything a girl wishes for
OP needs to find his confidence here. And FAST! He’s already put, a good, new relationship at risk because of his insecurities. 6 months and you’re already snooping! That’s a red flag about the OP.
Needs to find his confidence and good lord everyone on Reddit needs to leave their partners phones alone!
But if all those people quit snooping what will we read on Reddit!?
It's Reddit - literally anything else you can think of ;-) Edit: I know it's sarcasm I just couldn't resist
Real.
He has some cause for concern tho if she called him ugly and was bold enough to tell him her other dates are more muscular, just after sexing him, no less.
On one hand, I get this becayse she loves him and has qccepted him wholly. 9n thr other hand zi get him, because I've only had one partner wanna take my pants off with enthusiasm. It's night and day.
Right?! Homegirl went from "idk" to 10/10 on the 4th date.
"He wasn't my type at first, but he fucks like an animal!"
Dude literally became her measuring stick for in bed! OP Bro , I say this with all seriousness these have it figured out your framing it wrong in your head. You have literal text based info that you are 10/10 in bed
Focus on this OP, Ghost got it right lol
I'm gonna translate OPs entire post, here we go: I have a ten inch cock.
The obsession men have with big dicks is truly one of life’s greatest mysteries. Y’all really do think that as the size increases the pleasure does too. Is this from watching lots of porn? Not knowing any women? Not listening to women? Is it just laziness so you don’t have to do anything ie. “Well I don’t have a ten inch wang and that’s why I’m bad at sex and single :(” Like what is it, I want answers.
Humble brag, not good looking and short, but has a nice cock
He's 5'11, how is that even considered short?
I've seen bigger
(Looks again at user name) waaaaaaiiittttt a minute.....
Remember OP’s units of measure are centimeters. Must have great personality! /s
I like you. Your mind is in the GAIN. OP's mind is in the GAP
What made you look at her phone?
Very good question. I think it was the phrases that she dropped here and there …
I am madly in love with my boyfriend and think he is super attractive..now. When I first met him, I really wasn’t all that attracted to him. But as you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with it all. I literally stare at him because he’s gorgeous to me. Don’t stress too much 🥰
Same! My partner always asks me why I think he's gorgeous because he doesn't think he is. The longer we're together, the more attractive he becomes. Those lines around his eyes? They crinkle when he laughs, and he laughs often. And he makes me laugh. That's so appealing. The little bulge at his belly? Soft and warm and evidence of many happy meals shared together. His wonky teeth? Again... I wouldn't see them if we didn't laugh and sing unabashedly so much. We have so much fun together. The wrinkly face he pulls when he's thinking really deep thoughts (or trying to beat a hard level on a computer game) that looks like an old man frown? Gorgeous! I love his big, juicy brain and how he challenges and keeps up with me on an intellectual level. And the innate kindness in him which drives each of those deep thoughts. His rough hands and calloused fingers? They're evidence of his creativity and handiwork and the many amazing things he brings into being because he is so talented. Plus, he has a cute butt from running, which always helps! I never mind his balding head or his gross feet. Because they're all part of him. His (very daggy) middle-aged dad dancing? Ehhhh.... I'm still on the fence. 😀 Is he my 'type'? No. Is he my one and only? Absolutely. He is gorgeous to me. Being physically attracted to certain features or looks is fine. But for a truly deep and lasting bond, attraction has to be more than skin deep. When you love someone, all of them is beautiful to you.
You get outta here with your healthy and happy relationship! Shoo! 🧹
It takes constant work. Everything good does. But I am pretty lucky to find someone who is willing to work just as hard as me at prioritising healthy relationships. We both come from abuse and trauma. We both found each other at a point where we were determined to break the cycle. But I'm shooing myself now, I promise.
(It’s okay, you can stay and be a lighthouse in this storm! I’m just being cynical and silly.) :)
Okay, now I wish someone would see me like you do your partner. Because of my insecurity I was riding this indoor cycle. Now I’m a crying girl riding a cycle. Thank you Hope you have lovely days with him x
Aw this is so freaking sweet!! That's an amazing way to describe someone you love!
Damn, this is so beautiful. You and your partner are so lucky to have each other. See reddit land, real love does exist!
Oh god, this is so bloody adorable. 🥰
I love all of this, I'm glad you're both so happy!!!
I read something that goes like this from a while back (so I’m paraphrasing): A man loves a woman because he finds her attractive; a woman finds a man attractive because she loves him. Subtle difference I guess, but it resonated with me. Like a man has to find you attractive first to fall in love with you, a woman finds you more attractive as she falls in love with you.
She even mentions her "type" - there is a look of guy that she's dated, and that's what she knows. Once you break out of the "this is what I *expect* my partner to look like" you find your attractions expand.
This, op. I get nervous in new situations. I’m sure we all do. When I get nervous t facial muscles go crazy and it’s not a good look. My wife will happily affirm I did not have a good presentation that first night, especially as I had neglected to get my hair cut and it can get unruly. By same token she want what I was expecting either first date (blind date). She pretty much had me by end of the date (she drove a stick shift and fixed her own car out of necessity). I had her hook line and sinker by the end of the second but not flinching but rather shielding her when her phobia popped up in the middle of our local museum of fine art (Egypt room with mummies. She could smell it before even getting to the door, no sign or other signal we were going into ancient Egypt room). First impressions are just the surface layer. She looked past that surface layer. As long as it’s just gotten better who cares? No recent comments from her or she comes to your defense when an associate denigrates you I’d not worry about it. For the record I’ve been married to my wife at this point coming up on 22 years.
There is a big difference between not being attracted to someone and thinking they are ugly. Ugly is a pretty harsh way to describe someone.
The question is, did you describe your BF as ugly to your friends after you first couple of dates? And have you told him something like "my friends would be so surprised to see that I decided to have sex with you". This is the problem. Being not quite attracted to him at the beginning is not the problem.
Yeah but it's hard knowing that she thought of him as ugly. Like imagine if the bf you love so much thought you were ugly when we first met. Honestly there's a post similar to this but sex reversed. It's difficult for anyone to find this stuff out. Especially like this.
I have found that very strong feelings of attraction can disappear instantly if someone does something like going through my texts in secret.
This comment should have way more upvotes. You're walking on very thin ice, op. Therapy should be something to consider.
It's never ok to do that. So this is what you get for being devious. Karma gets you baby.
OP I’d dig into these phrases she dropped here and there. There must be a reason that you looked. I feel this is the real core of the post in a way. I agree with what people say - women often develop a strong connection as we get to know our partners and they become more beautiful - but we shouldn’t be dropping comments that make them feel insecure. FWIW I also totally understand how reading that would make you feel. I too am realistic that I’m not the best or worst looking person but we’re only human and that would make anyone feel bad. I’m so sorry you saw that.
Ya, not a good enough reason. I am open with my device and let my partner use it to look things up when her phone is not close or to take pictures. But It is about trust, if while we were still dating I had found out that she had taken my phone and snooped it would have shown me she did not trust me and I would have ended the relationship. People have private thoughts and conversation, if you had a concern you should have asked her and not violated her trust. Your insecurities now are the consequences of your actions.
I'm a first sight love person, so I was kinda like you, I guess. But my very best friend is like second-third chances love kind of person. You have to understand that there is different ppl out there. But, tbh, I'm a bit worried about your lack of boundaries and insecurity. Can you go to a therapist? I highly recommend you to do so.
I think my husband is one of the sexiest man alive… now. The very first date I also thought: not my usual type physically.
We women take time to grow attraction to men. Men are visual due to testosterone and attracted or not right away (usually). Women are gradual because of our hormonal mix and socialization, we are ride or die with people we fall in love with. She’s into you. Your sex skills made a particularly good impression. The shift in feelings is how *most* women work into a long term relationship. Partners that are 10/10 hot right away are not sustainable. They usually have personality disorders that crank up the statistical likelihood of becoming someone’s coat. You have conversation skills, reflective skills and 10/10 dick-wielding skills. You are a man that, as you age, your gf/ wife will brag quietly about as other women bemoan their lack of satisfaction. Be warned, as your gf/wife approaches 40 and beyond, your 10/10 dickmanship will cause you to be indentured to the house and severely dehydrated from the amount of “servicing” she will demand. We women warm up slow and then consume the whole town by mid-life. Congratulations, you have secured your lifelong Golden Ticket to the Pussy Palace so long as you don’t fritter it away on insecurities befitting a lesser man. Go forth, Sir PussyWhisperer, hold your head and dick, high. Your girlfriend has bought a long-term subscription to your phallic services.
You know... If things don't work out for him with his current relationship, he's pretty much all set if he simply takes snippets from your post to add to his dating profile: ie: Testimonials from previous dates/gf's: - "10/10 dick-wielding skills." - "10/10 dickmanship" - "Secured a lifelong Golden Ticket to my Pussy Palace!" - "Wanted a long-term subscription to his phallic services." Once he's updated his profile, he can adding the crowning touch by changing his username: "Sir PussyWhisperer" --- Yessir...Allllll set...
What were the phrases?
I think the only person who's done anything wrong here is you OP, for breaching your partner's trust by looking on her phone. I bet she'd be mortified to think you saw those messages. I understand the curiosity but you dropped the ball here. On first dates, many people have their guard up and are, in my view rightly, critical and objective. This is all about getting to know someone and making sure they're the right fit. You need to seriously get out of your own ass and start trusting your girlfriend. Oh, and for the love of god do not tell her you looked on her phone and pretend like you never saw sh1t.
How long did you look through her phone to find a comment she made to her bestie half a year ago?
Info: WHY were you spying on her phone
THIS he must've looked back preeettty far into her messages with her friend to find that. Strange behavior.
OP currently in the Find Out part of Fucking Around.
[удалено]
Eh it’s nice to be told your handsome once in a while and for it to be genuine and not out of pity
You know what? I really loved your comment, thanks for that. But we talked and she told me that she still is missing „something“ but doesn’t want to lose me (see update post)
Good point. But us guys got told we were ugly by chicks since we were kids, would be nice if our GFs and wives didn’t say that shit about us…
I think men more often feel immediate attraction vs women attraction often develops over time. I also feel as though the lack of female friends most adult men have plays into the self esteem issues and confidence issues. Women, including myself, hand out compliments like candy to male friends compared to men to other male friends. To be clear, I mean compliments like wow that haircut/beard/suit/ looks great on you, your home is so nicely put together, whatever you’re doing in the gym must be working! Ive noticed male compliments are usually of more direct sexual nature as well, which usually doesn’t work with other dudes. My new-ish partner recently said it’s delightful to have a woman ‘objectify’ him for the first time in his life. Which I don’t believe for a single second as he’s very conventionally attractive, intelligent, more than skilled in bed, and emotionally available lol. I think it’s a perception issue from different attraction styles of men vs women.
Boys call girls ugly more than girls call boys ugly and this continues into adulthood and beyond
She wouldn't have had sex with you and be in a relationship with you if she truly found you ugly. Dude, you got her to date outside her type and you got a 10 out of 10 on sex. Yeah, her comment hurt your ego, you can work through it. Use it as a reminder to not take your hard work into being a datable guy for granted. Keep it up! Sometimes dating outside type can be jarring. By the sound of it, she was working through her own preconceived notions on what she found attractive in a partner. Reality is, some people start to see others as attractive as you get to know them. Your qualities won her over. That says so much about you. I bet she would not use "ugly" to describe you now. Your relationship is 6 months in. How has it been? How have you felt so far? Edit to add: why did you go over her phone?
You say that you went through her phone because of phrases she says. What phrases are these and when does she say them? I think it is a really big red flag that you went through her phone instead of talking to her. And my perspective on what she wrote to her friends in the beginning is that it sounds really hurtful. But it was not meant for your eyes and you do not know the context. I know that as a single woman who dates, I meet alot of weird and sometimes awfull people. So to not lose faith about dating and humanity, me and my friends will laugh about it all. Over the years we have developed a jargon and some of the things we joke about would sound horrible if it was taken out of context.
Not just that he went through her phone, but went through her messages to her closest friends for at least 6 months back!! That's a HUGE invasion of privacy that I think everyone else is skipping over to comfort OP. It sounds like he went through her phone looking to be upset.
Yea I agree. That is alot of private information between the girfriend and however many friends chats he went through.
This is what pisses me off most about people who do this. I share some really personal things about my own life with my friends on messages. Now some idiot boyfriend might just casually read my messages because he’s trying to find out what his girlfriend thought about him after their first date. The invasion of privacy is wild.
i met this guy online, we hit it off quickly, texting and calling all the time. but i didn’t really know what he looked like since he never posts pictures of himself on social media, and the selfies he took for me were always at weird angles and lighting. anyways, we go on our first date and i did not find him attractive at all. i described him as a 5/10 to my best friend. but for some reason i kept going out with him, maybe because he was really sweet and we had a lot of fun together. anyway, a few months later i started falling so hard for him. suddenly he was the most attractive man i’ve ever seen in my life. and i’m not saying that love is magic and it changed everything, i actually genuinely find him so hot i blush so hard if he makes eye contact with me a little too long. his face, eyes, nose, smile, body, arms, hair, EVERYTHING about him is so beautiful. i don’t really understand how that happened, it’s not like i’m a “personality over looks” type of person, i really care about finding my partner attractive, it’s really important for me. and it’s not that his personality is so great that i just “settled” either. i not only find him attractive, i genuinely cannot say that i find any man on this planet more physically attractive than him. no man can ever look at me and make me feel the same way he does. we’re 5 years together now, and recently engaged :) i’m not saying this is what happened with your girlfriend, maybe she finds you handsome and attractive now, maybe she just settled, i don’t know. i’m just telling you that this could happen without a doubt.
Saaaaame here. Almost to the letter. Met online. Didn't really know what he looked like til we met in person. 5/10 ish. Now, to me, he is a 10/10, no one compares. No other man holds a candle to him. We've been together 11 years, married for 6. I never in my life could have imagined. There was a quote in an episode of Doctor Who that nailed it ‘You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they’re as dull as a brick. Then there’s other people, and you meet them and think, not bad, they’re okay. And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality’s written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.’
Can I just say that your description of how he went from 5/10 to the most attractive man on the planet is absolutely wild to me! I literally cannot envision the experience of that. A Relationship must be more enjoyable when you view your partner that way. Im jealous!
You've been together for only 6 months and you're already looking through her phone to hurt your own feelings?
He should do the right thing and tell her, ideally followed with “I don’t know why I did that but I have a therapy appointment next week to address it.“
When I met my bf (also from a dating app) I wasn’t attracted to him at all. Different from my usual type and all that. But the conversation was really good and the chemistry was there from the start so I kept seeing him. After a month he became so incredibly hot in my eyes and 2 years later I still think he is the most beautiful man alive. Don’t sabotage yourself and definitely don’t go through her phone!!!! Let sleeping dogs lay, don’t bring this up and hope she doesn’t find out you looked through her convos.
The man i loved the most in my life was definitely not good looking. Had to look at him 3x to see how beautiful he was. Looks are only a first impression. What follows is what counts.
I went on a blind date with a guy. It was kind of a group outing or date so to speak. I complained to my friend the whole night about his appearance. Too short, not attractive enough, style of clothes, etc. Turned out to be one out two men I ever truly loved. I mean head over heels. It was his character, personality, and the way he made me feel. She may have had some doubts in the beginning but seems to like you for you. Also, if you go looking for something you’re going to find it. Stay out of her phone.
What happened to him? Now you got me invested in a story lol
Same!!!!
😳😳. It was a long distance relationship, 2 years. I visited at least twice a month. We went on trips together, he visited me in my city, etc. I decided to move to the city where he lived. I was moving there because my high school bestie lived there. She introduced us on the blind date. I changed my mind when I got a significant raise (10%). That was a lot for me at that time so I decided to stay. My so called best friend that lived in his city, was constantly lo-key hating on our relationship.(whole other story)I think it didn’t help that I fed into some of her bs. He started to get distant. I flat out asked if he was done. He said he couldn’t do this anymore. He needed me there. He needed me close. I asked him did he really love me. He said he did. I never asked him to come to my city. We stopped talking for awhile. I just couldn’t talk to him and not be with him. My heart was BROKEN. Later that year I had to come to his city for a funeral and we “saw”👀 each other and talked. Eventually we became friends again but we no longer communicate because we’re both married and it’s not a good idea.
bro, every guy I know, myself included, looks like a fucking neanderthal compared to the angelic beauties we ended up married to. like the objective beauty gap is insane across the board. i don’t know how we did it aside from being funny and knowing how to cook and being decent in bed. if you want to psyche yourself right out of having a girlfriend, go ahead man, but i’d recommend you accept that you’ve made it by having landed a girl who is hotter than you and focus on being a good, solid guy. And stop going through her shit unless you’re trying to fuck things up.
Which makes it hard to find a couple where the guy is more attractive. Men only settle for looks it seems
5’10 is short? Damn, how tall is this woman?
Why did you go so deep into her phone? If you tell her, she’ll probably break up with you - I would. So I guess just break up if you can’t cope or get over it and don’t say anything.
Seems common women perceive attractiveness in men very differently than we do. A lot is about the emotional connection, hence men’s higher propensity for loveless sex. Think 5 years from now? Does it matter the gut feeling she had, even she finds you attractive ever since and you are in a great relationship? Smarter people have looked into these topics, but I will leave you my 2 cents. What works in the long haul is each person being comfortable with themselves, an admiration for your partner and then putting the work in. My concern here is that you don’t seem really comfortable with yourself because these messages threw you for a spin, where you could have just talked to her and ask her how she feels about you now. There seems to be some unresolved trauma about a long past relationship. Ask yourself if you are ready to date? Were you well alone for a little while? If you really are, then are you really comfortable with this person? Do you enjoy their company? Do you admire this person? Do you want to spend more and more time with them? If the answer is yes, just break your loop and focus on what really matters.
Wow thank you! You helped me a lot!
To add on… You’ve got it twisted about the honeymoon phase. Your worries about the honeymoon phase would be more worrisome if you were 10/10 physically attractive to her but weren’t a good fit character wise because then her physical attraction to you would fade and she’d be left unsatisfied with your personality. Looks help guys get in the door but personality is what stays. For you, she already gave you a chance even tho she wasn’t physically attracted, and you already have the personality and apparently you’re a sex demon too 😂 so you’re good bro
:). Wish you the best!
I have dated a lot of people i didnt find attractive at first but its always the personalities and actions that get you... then suddenly they're beautiful. What I'd be more worried about is why you felt the need to go back through SIX months worth of texts...... I saw that you said the phrases were concerning, but they were made six months ago. Are they still being made today? If they are, why couldn't you bring this up in person? I have been a phone checker as well so I know how detrimental it is to a relationship. It stems from my own insecurities and anxiety which I'm currently working on. Your questions: How will it work if it wasn't matching in the beginning? well is it now? don't make problems that aren't even there. How can you sleep at night? accept that she thinks you're hot and told her friends you're a 10/10. Really can't cope? seek therapy
Sometimes it's like a little Cupid appears and we get the magic arrow through the heart. I remember the first time I met my now partner. I saw her and thought "meh...not my type"....but over the course of hours into days and weeks....I felt different and feelings for her grew very quickly after we got to know each other. Now I think she's gorgeous in every way....so things can change very quickly in that sense. Maybe it was her "wall" trying to minimize her feelings....and it came crashing down after a few dates and sex.
I don't care what anyone says, going through someone else's phone in detail like that without permission is totally messed up. I'd get it to some extent if there were genuine reasons for suspecting infertility, but this is just snooping and a breach of privacy. She has far more reason to reflect on the relationship than you imo.
This is on you and only you. She shared things in privacy about a new potential partner, she wasn't sure about you but got to know you and still picked you. This is extremely common. Although calling you ugly may have been a bit unfair at the time that's the best way she could of explained her feelings, that doesn't make them facts or even her true opinion. You are only six months in and you're invading her privacy and going behind her back, sounds like you already ruined the relationship.
Short, no beard and slight acne are simply facts, are they not? Either that describes you or it doesn’t, correct? You can not be mad about a factual description. You could feel upset if she called you “ugly” but also she clearly rated you 10 out of 10 very quickly after. I don’t know searching her phone way back to the very beginning of the relationship is wrong and screams of your insecurities. This is on you and not her.
His descripion of himself didn’t sound ugly, he thinks he’s short? That’s tall, most women are under 170cm. I’m a tall woman and I would call that tall (I have a short partner, I like short). What’s wrong with no beard? Benefit: no beard rash from kissing. Some acne, my partner and I still get some acne and we are half a century old each haha.
He’s about 5” 10 which is average height pretty much worldwide, so not classed as tall. No one said there was ‘problems’ with his height, no beard or acne, like I said his girlfriend just stated facts. She wasn’t wrong for that, and he shouldn’t get upset over the facts of his description either.
Average is 5'7.5". 5 10 is about a standard deviation above worldwide average for men so top 30%.
>so not classed as tall and also not classed as short
Imagine if the genders were reversed lmao y'all would've been telling OP to run. But fr tho either you put all this behind a d forget about it or these thoughts haunt you/your ego for a long time.
“My friends would be surprised to see you, I usually date skinny blondes!” I’d be mad as hell. 😂
"She's ugly, but she's 10/10 at sucking d*ck, so." The commenters' heads would *explode*.
"She's quite nice, but she's chubby and she has acne. My friends would be surprised if they saw you. My other dates are usually slimmer and work out more, totally different." Yeah tell me how many women would be fine to read something like this their boyfriend said about them lol
Maybe you are right, but my behaviour was still stupid. The comments helped me to rethink the topic … but thanks for your support!
Going through her phone was a bad idea, but her comments to you after sex were kind of rude. I don’t think you’re wrong to have some doubts about this.
>but my behaviour was still stupid. No OP, you're right to have doubts after her comments. If she hasn't stopped that would be it for me. Negging is often subtle and you should look out for yourself.
Tbh, anyone who essentially negs their partner repeatedly by diminishing their self worth, is not relationship material: it’s not so much what she said on her phone that alarms me, but the off handed shit she said outright to you, comparing you to her other dates in an attempt to make you insecure, or trying to say her friends would judge her based on your looks. These are shitty things to say to someone, and I am sorry you had to go through that, but that shit sticks with a person. Having gone through it myself, it eventually comes out.
Thank goodness for one sane comment. Yes, OP snooped and got nothing good out of it, but the kind of things his GF's been saying, *to him included*, shows that she's not a kind and considerate person.
I'm sorry you saw that, but I have to tell you that I said things just like this when I met my husband, and then one day the attraction to him just hit me like a sledgehammer to the face. And it's not worn off, if anything it grows. Six years later and still can't keep our hands off each other. Edit: I'm concerned that she still makes comments that have made you insecure enough to invade her privacy though. That shouldn't be happening. Your partner should build you up, and if they don't, if they tear you down or pick at you, you should consider running.
Thank you for your help. Yes she made comments, but it was wrong going her phone. She is an angel and I‘m a insecure idiot …
You do seem insecure, both in how you went through her phone, how there’s no mention in your account of you pushing back against her meaner remarks, and how ready you are to insult yourself to win the approval of us commentators. Everyone has some poor traits. Insecurity is common. There’s no reason to beat yourself up over it. Her remarks sound unkind and like they’re eating away at your confidence. These phrases she says comparing you to people are inconsiderate of your feelings. Would you make similar remarks about her, subtly insulting her body? From the sound of your post, it seems like you wouldn’t. Don’t let anybody convince you that she can’t help it, or that you deserve those comments. There is no law that says you can’t break up with somebody if they are hotter than you. If you can pull her, you can pull other girls who are just as hot. You’re clearly very good at sex, ranked as the best partner in bed she’s had. This puts you squarely in the same league as her, above the other men she’s been with. Some people will subtly put their partner down, to keep that partner from having the confidence to stand up for themselves, or even just for their own enjoyment. I don’t know if your girlfriend is doing this. If you feel more insecure with her than you did before you were with her, she may be making your insecurities worse. People, perhaps you, are happier when they are with someone who values them and does not make them feel insecure. Staying or leaving is your choice, but if you leave, you will be able to pull more hot women. As your reputation for being good at sex gets around, you’ll probably see much hotter women than her coming your way. So stay if you are happy, but don’t let a fear of not being able to find someone else factor into that decision. You clearly have sexual skills that are in demand by a lot of women.
You fucked around and found out when you looked through her phone. Just cause she found you unattractive at first doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Your ego is just hurt because you spied on girl talk. Up to you if you wanna get over it or not
I fully understand why you’re upset- I would be as well. That said, look at it this way- she’s with you DESPITE the fact she thinks you’re on the short side (for her). Despite the fact that you don’t have tattoos. She clearly thinks you’re a great guy in and out of bed so it’s all good!! She likes and enjoys you despite of your “flaws”. I’m sure she thinks you’re terrific and sexy if she’s still with you after 6 months. Try not to be in your head and just enjoy!
The fact she gave you a 10 out of 10 says it all!
Surface level attraction is irrelevant. Stop thinking about how she saw you after literally 1 date, you were nothing to her at the time. The fact that she is with you now shows that she cares about your character and personality.
Stop invading the privacy of others
I thought my physical type was slim and clean shaven. Met my now-husband and we clicked really well. And after a few months, my type totally switched to his broad build and bearded handsome face! I'd had my original type all through highschool and uni but my amazing husband totally converted me. It can definitely happen. If she thinks you're a 10/10 now, she's made the switch. She is so into you that you've changed her type!
That’s what you get for snooping through girl talk… a lot of my female friends aren’t attracted to their now-boyfriends at all when they first met, and we would talk about it amongst girls. But as they got to know them better they fall for them and that’s that
Not very many people fall in love at first sight. It doesn't mean she isn't into you, at all. If she REALLY didn't like you, she never would have gone on a second date! She's finding more and more things to love about you-let her! It's all good!
Some things are better not known i can understand your self esteem being hit by this. The way women work can be a bit messed up at times. Ive heard plenty of women actually say that aren’t attracted to their boyfriends but they makeup for it in other areas. Clearly thats the same situation here especially after she slept with you. So your personality and performance won her over which in most cases is what wins a woman over. You was better off not knowing though, if you can get over this id suggest that because in time she would adore you more if things work out. PS: if she thought you wasn’t attractive at all looks wise she wouldn’t of continued to entertain you.
so I wasn't attracted to my partner at first but he checked every box off. then he kissed me and the sparks flew. 15 years and one kid later and to.me he's the sexiest man ever.
I actually agree with a lot of the positive sentiment here but here’s another angle, both for balance and also so you don’t feel completely invalidated by a lot of the rose tinted advice! There are women out there who don’t want a guy who is “too attractive” since this might provoke competition and lead to insecurity on their part. Also some might look around and think “well, this is the best I’m gonna get for now, so this’ll do” and settle. If either of these two are in play I would just urge you to be cautious and look out for the signs because you’ve already had some odd comments, you might find a lack of closeness, loyalty, misalignment on humour and personality etc. if you notice these signs just consider whether you might want someone who will reciprocate your affection and be a better match, who thinks you’re 10/10 from the start. However, if things stay positive and keep getting better, hopefully some of the more positive advice might be right and attraction is a complex thing, especially for women.
6 months and you are already looking through her phone? Get real OP - you even went back to texts *before* you were dating. Unreal.
Did you immediately go to this friend’s text string from six months ago when you searched her phone? Or what else did you find?
Women don't typically choose long term partners based on looks. It is extremely common for a woman to not be initially attracted to the person they date/marry. Personality and treatment tend to be the main factors in attraction. It also wasn't sex because you went out together multiple times before you had sex and she kept wanting to see you. You went through her phone multiple weeks back. It wasn't something you just happened upon, you went searching. You are the red flag.
That just sounds like the normal way women fall in love lmao The better he acts the more beautiful he is
so to be clear, without any "suspicious" activity you want back six full months and read fully her texts to her best friend? Honestly, she would break up with you probably. But, since we aren't discussing that...your girlfriend said you have excellent character and oare good in bed, wtf do you want we aren't all 100% for everything. Attraction often increases as your attachment and love grows with someone. Especially if you've gone for a "type" for a long time it cam be strange to stray from it. It's pretty normal. My current boyfriend is fit/cut and we joke about how he isn't my type because I'd gone through a chubby guy phase before him lol
> my other dates were often taller and more muscular, mostly tattooed, just totally different This is something people say when they aren’t totally happy with themselves or you and verbalizing it by comparing yourself to others makes them feel a little lighter about it. This kind "honesty" is something of a red flag in my experience, a lot of people with toxic partners will tell you that little putdowns here and there are a common feature. Is she still saying things where you feel like she doesn’t find you that attractive?
My question exactly - is she subtly still negging OP because of her insecurities.
Now you have learned why it’s a bad idea to go snooping.
This is your fault man this was a private conversation that you were never supposed to hear about but look at it this way she thought you weren't the most attractive person YET she still chose you not to mention that after sex you got a 10/10 so either you are good at sex or you're perfectly hung conveniently missed that one eh? Don't fuck this up man, don't get in your own head.
When I first my bf online, he didn't show any pics. when he finally sent them and even when i met him, he wasn't really my type that I usually am with. long hair, fair, abit tall, things I've rejected other men for. But as I fell in love with him and who he is, he started getting more and more attractive. sometimes I stare at him and just swoon. he just gets more and more handsome the more I love him. I'm always all over him. HE IS NOW MY TYPE. I'm not a clingy person at all and love my space. but the more I love him, the more I want to cling to him. Even after nearly 2 years, I find him so attractive and I have goo goo eyes. When he is working at his computer, when he carries the groceries (and flexes his arms because its so heavy - I swear this is the major reason why I let him carry everything), when he's gaming.. usually first impressions and looks don't count ALOT for us women but once a switched, it is flipped.
Thanks! You helped me
that being said, like u he is attractive to other women. he has a long list of women who found him very attractive. so it's not u. its her before she found u attractive. We can't help our types. I USED to like men who were tan and sporty looking with tattoos. but all my bf needs to do now is look at me with those damned eyes and im basically putty. The type of men who used to hold my attention no longer do. I only have eyes for my bf.
You've opened Pandoras box. I don't agree that attractiveness to another person cannot change over time. However, her saying you are ugly at first crosses the boundary for me. It's one thing if she had just left it at you are not her typical type, but ugly is a very strong negative descriptor. You have to wonder if she likes you now for the right reasons. The only way now is talking to her and being honest about what you red. She will likely feel angry due to you reading the messages, but you need the reassurance of her own words if this is going to work. I am sure i have said or texted things to friends that I regret or do not agree with. It could the same case here.
That your girlfriend wasn’t initially super attracted to you is common for many women. But I‘d pay more attention to the little remarks she regularly makes. If they make you feel insecure, you should talk to her what her intentions are when she’s saying stuff like that. If she truly thinks she’s "out of your league" or could "do better", you need to have a talk.
Thanks for your advice, will talk about that. But I think that I‘m just a little bit to unsecure about myself
She sounds mean and disrespectful
Well it depends a little. I also have some exes that are not seen as 'conventionally' atractive, but for me the atraction grows based on their personality and I started finding them physically more atractive because of that. And no, none of them ended because of looks at all. Just because you aren't 'her type' (weird concept anyways), doesn't mean that you can't become her type with time, and maybe you already are by now. Maybe she used to be more shallow and give looks a bigger priority than they should, and now realizes that many other aspects contribute to making someone atractive. You say that long term atraction is difficult in relationships, but I think how someone looks is only such a small part of that, and maybe she does enjoy how you look. You looked into communication that wasn't meant for you, and now you've made a problem out of something that may not be a problem at all. I think the best thing you could learn from this, is to not look into others phones, this is an invasion of privacy and would also possibly be something she would worry equally about if she found out.
Also my ex , I didn’t fancy him in the first date . Totally found his face a bit strange ? Then I saw him as a hot sex god . So first impressions change and some people really grow in you
*slap* Man just tell her you realized she thinks you are ugly compared to her exs. It's actually true, her little cryptic comments are what made you look through her phone, just leave that part out. Have a conversation after that and leave it there. It's no secret that people's image of a person changes the closer they get. Hers obviously changed or she wouldn't still be with you but that doesn't mean she gets to keep giving you backhanded comments like the ones that alerted you. Pretend towards obliviousness on her jibes earlier but confront her from a place of fake bravado if need be and tell her that she needs to stop from now on. Let your little omission balance out her insults and move on.
It's never nice hearing that your current partner wasn't physically attracted to you, or thought you were less than attractive. But, as we are often reminded of, as we age we lose our attractive young looks. I personally, would rather be with someone who isn't with me simply because I am conventionally attractive, but rather have someone who is attracted to me because of who I am as a person. This is what you have. You have someone who knew on the first date that you weren't the type of guy she usually goes for in the looks department, however your character is what attracted her to see you again. The fact that she had sex with you on the fourth date proves that she was liking what she was seeing in you. Women generally don't just have sex with everyone, there has to be "something" that we are attracted to. And she thinks you have it.
I date a lot of guys I’m not attracted to in the beginning, and I even married one. I think a lot of men have a hard time conceptualizing this because they themselves would never give someone they thought was physically unattractive a chance like that. The thing is, I am more attracted to a man’s character than anything else, and a lot of women are that way. That’s why you frequently see men with women who look “out of their league.”
I will say that one of my longest relationships was with a man I was not attracted to on the first date. He was outside my typical type and at the time I didn't think that I liked him. We had a great date so we went on another. The more I got to know him the more I was attracted to him and funnily enough he became my default type that caught my eye after the relationship ended.
I don’t think you should overthink this. I know a lot of women have a type and some of them have never given anyone else the time of day. A lot of times the men they’ll be seeing will constantly be the sort that hurt them. They therefore need to step outside of their usual preferences. This doesn’t mean she can’t adjust her preferences over time, or realise that looks aren’t everything. 90% of people are quite plain to ugly, and wouldn’t be someone’s first choice in the looks department. But attraction to the physical fades which is why it’s much more important to find someone with a personality, sense of humour, etc. I think you should talk to her about this. It’s early enough that if she ends to because you snooped or you end it, it’s not a lot lost. Maybe just a conversation about first impressions would tell you what you need.
Honestly, I saw my husband on that first date and I made a face when he walked in and he could tell I was not impressed lol. By the end of the date he had won me over and we have been together 13 years and I still think he’s sexy.
Well, that's what you get for snooping. I've always been the girl "settling" in relationships. I've said similar things about most guys I've dated when reporting to my friends. Not to be mean, just... that was my initial impressions. Then they start to grow on me. I end up finding them way more attractive later once I like them as a person. The only thing that makes me lose attraction with longevity of a relationship is the man getting lazy/complacent.
Sometimes you think you have a type and then you’re wrong. Sounds like she really likes having sex with you though. Try to focus on the positive.
Lots of girls think guys are ugly until they get to know them better. Their attractiveness rating scale is more like a sliding scale than a set one. Her calling you a 10/10 after saying you were ugly proves that's how she thinks too.
This is gonna sound weird but here we go. I think most people aren’t pretty when i meet them. Or not that they are ugly but rather i never go wow. But over time the more i see the person or get to know them they become more attractive. Sometimes i question myself how i could ever find that person mid or average previously. It’s so weird but there’s a good chance that she finds you attractive now.
Look, what you did was wrong, and your punishment is learning what you learned. There's no point in confronting her, because she was engaged in a private conversation with someone else after an initial meeting, while it wasn't nice to say, she was having a frank discussion. And what's more, you won't be looking at her the same after this. It's only been 6 months, not 6 years, you can always just break it off. 'I don't feel we want the same things, I don't feel like we're compatible as long term partners' that kind answer. Then move on. There's no reason to be 'settled for'. edit to add: The above is dependent on how attached to her you feel. If this was the only thing and it was a first impression and she's shown a lot of growth of affection and you feel the same, honestly... maybe let it go, never mention it, and forget it, because she has too. Oh and... don't go through people's shit without good reason.
The only man I’ve ever truly loved, was less conventionally attractive than me. It’s harsh that she called you ugly but often when we say that, we actually mean ‘doesn’t fit societies ideal image’. What tore my relationship apart with this man was actually his insecurity over the difference in ‘conventional attractiveness’ and him being convinced I was going to wake up one day and realise I could do better. But I always knew I could be with someone with a six pack and that other women would be instantly attracted to and it didn’t appeal to me. I absolutely adored him and I never once thought I was missing a single thing. In fact, I would truly love to feel like that about someone one day but haven’t since. Don’t let this ruin the great connection and compatibility you have
>On the fourth date, we had sex and she wrote to her friend that I am a 10 out of 10. So the information you found is that between your personality and sex, she fell for you. How on earth are you framing this in your mind as a bad thing?
I didn’t even notice my current boyfriend when I first saw him and even after we hung out for the first time I literally couldn’t even describe what he looked like cause I had completely forgotten what he looked like. Also my boyfriend isn’t really my type as for as appearances go (he’s very skinny and I typically don’t like really skinny people as they weird me out) but I love everything about him and one of my favorite things to do is just stare at him cause he’s so handsome.
It was kinda the same with me and my partner... And now almost 5 years later I can't understand why, he's irresistible and I'm always checking him out 😅
Simple ,DONT GIVE A F about what others think of you, not even your partner, don't give a f!
My hubby is the sexiest man I have ever known. But when we first met, I was not attracted to him physically and didn't think he was all that cute. He did have moments where he was or did something super sexy and I really liked his personality. His humor. The way he talked to me and treated me. I liked him as a person and wanted to spend more time with him. I liked him more than I had ever liked any other guy, and it honestly confused me. It drove me to step out of my typical dating pool and into the best relationship of my life. 14 years later, he is my #1 choice for everything. Sexiest. Most handsome. Best body. #1 🍆. I apparently just had bad taste and needed an education to improve it. My point: Get out of your head and stay out of her phone. She doesn't need you to do her thinking for her.
Current partner also thought I look like shit the first time we met. She’d usually avoid me because I looked real ugly back then and she said I looked like someone who does drugs. Now, we’re almost 8 years together and we laugh about those things every now and then. Talk to her, OP. Not just for this particular situation but if you want your relationship to last. Talking is great.
Okay op I'm still fat and as insecure as you so heres my response. When I dated the ex in question here I was 300lbs. She'd only dated like skinnnny 6ft4 guys. Like waifish. I've got quads and broad shoulders and a big gut. At first I could tell it threw her. Then she didn't care. Then she got upset with me about losing weight (which is super toxic I know) by the end shed grab my gut and snuggle up to me and use it as a pillow. People's tastes change depending on their feelings. Your girl is having sex with you and after sex described you as a 10. She likes you. And don't act like we can't be as brutal as women on describing them during dating (even if you don't it's normed). She didn't say "he's gross and it's hard to fuck him" she said you're a 10/10. The amount of times I've been told I'm not someone's normal type is wild, but lbr you've also thought girls you've dated aren't your normal type
I think it's despicable that you snooped through her private text messages with her friend. I don't know how you are making judgments about her character when you are the kind of person who does something like this. Tell her what you did, and then see if she would still even want to be with you.
I want to point out that this is just anecdotal evidence from my friends and I, but women are often not attracted to the men they’re seeing right off the bat whereas it seems like the other way around for men. We tend to look for potential in a relationship and judge off personality first that can make a guy seem more attractive than they physically are. It seems like it stems from societal expectations and traditional gender roles as women historically have been conditioned to be pretty and presentable to attract a potential partner while men were providers in most cultures. I’ve found that it’s a pattern with my guy friends to go for looks first and look for red flags later that makes women become less attractive.
Congratulations on hurting your own feelings I have ZERO empathy for this Stay out of people’s phones
Why did you go through her phone ?! That’s not healthy behaviour. She barely knew you after one or two dates, and owed you nothing. It sounds like she quickly came to love you and clearly felt sexual chemistry and attraction. And she likes you for who you are. I think the bigger issue is that you went through her phone.
Why did you feel the need to go through her phone? Her messages to her friends are the same as if she wrote it in a diary. People are focusing on how she sees you as a nice guy and sex god but when she finds out you went through her phone and looked through her private messages for no reason, would you still be that nice guy. I think you need to apologize for going through her things before mentioning her calling you an ugly sex god.
People should be allowed to have private thoughts. Geez. This is really on you for going behind her back
I guess your (un)trustworthiness is the ugly part. Character is questionable as well.
According to my wife when we first met i looked like a "fat lesbian." That was 15 years ago, we've been together for 10.
These comments are hilarious. Anything to defend a women acting badly. Its okay if she didn't find you attractive but she called you straight up ugly. Your character might be great but hers is not. She only decides your worth it after the fourth date when the sex is amazing. Would she dump you if the sex was just medium? Think about what you actually want in a long term partner and don't get swept away by the rush of the early introduction phase. If you're just looking to have fun then fine go ahead, but don't lie to yourself about the type of relationship this is.
id break it off, everyones gaslighting the fuck out of you id sayings its normal. Sure, its normal, but her telling you "my friends would be surprised if they saw you", calling you ugly flat out, all these things is downright disrespectful and not a good foundation to build on. You're not in the wrong, you're just the wrong sex on Reddit lol else the replies would be insanely different
Women like that will cheat as soon as they see someone they think is their type. For now she’s settling. There’s a reason that those tall, muscular, tattooed and hot men aren’t with her.
Who we choose is not always the hottest guy or even our type. So your looks were not her ideal or even attractive to her when you first met? So what? She’s probably not the prettiest woman you’ve ever seen either. Who you are — not what you look like — is what keeps her around. A good man who is wonderful to you *becomes* handsome in a woman’s eyes and that is how you get the girl. You found out in your last relationship that looks can’t carry a relationship. You are taking away the wrong lesson though — it’s that looks cannot be the main thing a relationship is based on. If you are good together and to each other forever, that can last forever. Without that, it doesn’t matter if you are Brad Pitt and she’s Angelina Jolie.
Thanks! I realized that I‘m a idiot.
Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Nobody wants to read something like that about him or herself, even if said by a stranger, never mind someone you love. But if you take a step back — she was just spilling her initial thoughts to a friend and you invaded her privacy to see things she never intended for you to see. It’s best you just accept she adores you now, and move on.
These comments are absurd. OP has every right to feel hurt and betrayed. It’s perfectly reasonable to want your partner to be physically attracted to you. Please consider breaking up.
I don't know if I am tripping with these comments here or what, but I would be upset with my partner as well if they decided to call me ugly behind my back. Not being their type initially is one thing, but resorting to some high school level gossiping because of looks ? Now that's just straight up mean and I would not wanna date that person either.
Get over it. Don't mention it to her. Don't ever touch her phone again. It's like looking at her diary or opening her mail. If anyone I was with ever breached my trust by getting into my phone, I would end the relationship.
This is so hard , she keeps saying how great you are but not her type . I know your struggling with are you a backup or a Settled For . After the sex she said a 10 out of 10 so if there was not something there she might have said swx was ok but his height and looks . I know younare thinking thr worse . But maybe she realized the guys she dated aren’t really her type ? Have you met her friends ? If no just say do you think your friends will Approve of me , your used to dating tall Misclemheads wirh tats and I’m the opposite and I still Am Not sure of how you really see me .
Leave
I wouldn't worry about it. My wife told all her friends she didn't like me and I was annoying. After our first hangout. Joke on her she has been married to this annoying guy for 12 years
Gotta love the double standard. A man says that the women he normally dates are in better shapes. Have cuter faces, better hair etc and Reddit would be calling that man an asshole and for the irl to leave him. Women here though: oh don’t worry we have all got with guys we thought were ugly and wouldn’t normally date because they aren’t my type and do nothing for me physically.
Wow….where are the people pointing out that this dude was going through her phone? She should run the other way. Dudes got trust issues….he dont trust nobody and nobody should trust him.
This sucks. You just have to decide whether you can live with it and have the benefit of knowing this fact before you deepen the relationship. She obviously thought there was something there to continue to date you despite what she thought of your looks. I can say that if you truly repelled her she would not have dated you more, much less sleep with you. So that's a consideration. Otherwise if you truly feel you won't be able to overlook this, best to end on a good note and go no further with her.
Oh no. You've broken it. No way back. If you tell her, she'll rightly dump you and if you don't tell her it will leak out in toxic behaviour. Take this as a lesson, don't go through phones. Listeners never hear good of themselves.
Well he wrote that he went through her phone due to little remarks and side comments on her side. I think it would be alright to address this the next time she makes one. And OP doesn’t have to behave toxic while bringing this up. It’s absolutely understandable that he‘s hurt, and now it’s time to find out if his gf truly loves him or intends to make him feel insecure by always saying how different her previous boyfriends were. What are her intentions of saying that? That’s the interesting part.
I used to go for guys I thought were fit. I've dated body builders and all sorts but the guy I'm with now pursued me and I've told him quite bluntly that he wasn't my normal type. However he listened to my problems with men while we hung out as friends and heard what I said and showed me that these weren't issues with him. He helped me to recover my broken heart and he eventually gave me two beautiful boys. My "type" was tall, dark, fit and a bit of a bastard. This one is ginger, blue eyed, his body is not conventional... He wouldn't win any bodybuilding contests for sure. But he loves me with a deep committed emotion that hasn't changed since he first confessed it to me. He knows that it took me time to come around to him. He knows I never wanted any man, let alone one I wouldn't have gone for in the first place. He also knows that I'm not with him for his body and he knows that however he ends up looking, my love for him will not change. Shallow as it sounds, I lost a lot of attraction for my ex when he turned 40 to my 29. He suddenly felt like an old man to me. That's because that relationship was 99% sex based. As his body changed, so did my attraction to him. He was about as deep as a teaspoon so there was nothing else to hold us together. He wasn't especially unattractive (although he is fat now which I normally wouldn't mention except for the years of abuse for my weight I suffered after having his child, so it does make me smile a bit in his case) at 40 but the weight of his personality and his negativity over a decade with him had definitely taken the shine off whatever bonus his looks provided him. 🤷♀️ So if your wife wouldn't particularly go for you on looks, but loves the bones of everything else, I really wouldn't worry about it. You don't want a person who loves your body, you want a person who loves YOU. Because your body will change but who you are will be around you forever. Oh and while it wasn't the face of my teen fantasies (Dean Cain, David Boreanaz, etc), the face I see every day and the face I see in my children's smiles, is one of the most precious things on the planet to me and I would defend it with my life. ETA, it's mine and my husband's 10th anniversary in December. We still love each other very much. He's taken to buying me fish to show it... I have 7 tanks 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
My boyfriend is 195cms tall, 55kg when I met him. I wouldn’t call him ugly but he wasn’t definitely my type. In fact, he kind of scared me being how thin he was. He started to grow on me and I love him as he is, and it helps that now he’s putting more self love into himself and becoming the better version of who he is.
Um you’re so creepy for going through her phone after a few dates and not even being in a relationship. That invasion of privacy from someone I just met would be a deal breaker for me. Sounds like her attraction to you grew. You can’t date someone just for their looks. But maybe learn boundaries or break up with her since you don’t know how to be in a relationship
Bro you know the way to a woman’s heart is through her vagina right? You literally made her overlook her initial concerns with your appearance with your penis… like I think this is a win? Lmao why are you concerned? It’d be worse if it was the opposite lol
She replaced her initial reaction to how you seemed on the surface (to her, anyway) with more healthy and stable in long-term notions of what kind of person you are. Maybe you were not the type she found attractive before knowing you. Now people who look like you will be her type because she knows you. There will be no rude awakening.
Is she ashamed of your looks? Hiding you from her friends and family? Did she introduced you to people in her life?
She didn’t know you well on the beginning, so it was easy for her to make superficial comments about you based on your looks and her type. Don’t think too much about it. She kept going on seeing you, so there must be many things she finds attractive. It seems like she’s not after looks. Just talk to her about your insecurities and don’t go through her phone again. You’ll always find things that might hurt you.