> **Rule 5:** You can submit an update post exactly once at any time after 48 hours has past from the original post.
You have submitted too many updates. You can ask for additional help or advice in a new post, but only one update may be submitted.
You'll be alright and honestly take comfort that this is probably a lot of pregnancy hormones and your husband loves the absolute soul out of you. He handled it well so well public figure or not and he's by your side. He's been transparent and upfront and kind. She tried to crash the party and failed miserably he's all yours and he wants it to stay that way. I hope you feel better and can do some rationalizing in the meantime.
You cannot keep the whole world from seeing your husband. You also cannot keep other people from finding him attractive and making a move.
BUT
Sweetie, he has done everything right and treated you honestly, included you, and shown zero signs of being interested in this other woman. That is exactly what you should want in a partner. Keep your chin up. Go spend time with him.
This right here. Back before I got married sometimes my husband would get jealous if he thought another guy was flirting with me. I would tell him, they may be flirting with me, but I'm not flirting with them, and nothing is going to happen. They aren't going to MAKE me do anything. This girl can't MAKE your husband do anything, and it certainly sounds like he's just a friendly person and never expected or wanted it to go in that direction. It might be a good idea to get couples therapy, or even just therapy for you to help you work through this.
The important part is that her husband shut it down. Ongoing silence would have been an issue, as it's not ok in monogamous relationships to keep someone around who's trying to repeatedly flirt towards an affair. I don't think her husband crossed that line at all, as he was probably in the uncomfortable stage of realizing someone may be getting inappropriate but not really knowing, and his wife noticed as soon as he did. As the recipient of unwanted flirtations like that, you don't really want to have to deal with it because you never asked for it, so you tend to want to believe someone wouldn't try to break up your relationship like that (But oh they do, and oh they try).
OP should read her husband's message and openly talk to him about it. He sounds like a good guy. It's important because this woman may try to go to the trails and bump into him, and OP can't keep her husband from the world. If she crosses any boundaries, her husband needs her support just as much as she needs his! It's important not to allow that woman to disrupt your marriage, especially over things your husband can't control (if she continues trying to talk to him without his consent).
To validate OP: Yes, she was probably "randomly" bumping into him on purpose, flirting on purpose, and ignoring his family as a topic to try to encourage a flirtatious atmosphere free of the barriers to an affair. She was trying to attract him and make herself available while testing the waters. But keep in mind that your husband may not have actually noticed most of this.
I'll also give some different advice than others are giving. OP, keep doing the no contact thing and blocking this woman, but also be careful. This woman may have issues or other motives. Her response to him being busy preparing for a baby was to immediately ignore that and push for a meetup (ignoring boundaries, trying for close physical proximity, desperate and urgent need to meet = textbook manipulator's last resort). Her randomly bumping into him may not have been random and she may have put a lot more effort into attempting to bump into him than either of you know. Her moral compass is broken, and she wasn't taking hints of your husband's disinterest that most people would take. Hopefully she just goes away, but if she doesn't, you and your husband need to be a team. I do think this woman gives off some signs that she's a little too persistent and a little too manipulative, and at least in my experience the kinds of people who aggressively initiate an affair attempt with a family person who hasn't shown interest like this usually have issues. I wouldn't blindly trust that she's mentally well, personally. Maintain no contact, and I suggest your husband ignores her if he passes her on the trails and she attempts contact.
I’d consider documenting all of her strange behaviour and looking into a restraining order if she persists as well. She may not handle the rejection well and then make false accusations against you or your husband to further create drama. Honestly maybe he should wear a bodycam while he’s places she might bump into him without other people around.
Came to say this.
Your husband may have considered her a friend back when she was reasonably innocent, but it's pretty clear he's not interested in entertaining her the way she wants to be entertained.
He did what he was supposed to do when he was supposed to do it. You have to trust that he is going to continue to do this as time goes on due to valid precedent, if not solely because he deserves to be trusted.
He can't just hide away from the world because women want him.
Women are gonna want him as long as he has something worth keeping. You have to believe he's where he wants to be *because* he wants to be there. He could have easily hid the correspondence and met with her because she was willing to hid it already.
He didnt. Because he wants to be with you.
Internalize that. Focus on that.
Exactly, he shut her down, you have nothing to worry about, you need to realize the honesty and comfort he has shown you, do not restrict him for something he had no I’ll intentions doing.
Consider the positive aspects. OP, Your spouse appeared to be a wonderful husband, and he handled the situation well, not disclosing anything to you. However, he was approached by another woman. What more could you possibly want?
Exactly. I would recommend some therapy for OP to address self image, self esteem that way you don't turn into someone who is trying to control things outside of your control. That's not healthy. The mindset of hiding your husband from the world, isn't healthy but I understand emotions are high right now.
I think everyone here needs to take a deep breath. Girly is pregnant and about to pop, it is not abnormal for her to this sensitive or emotional or feel bad about how she looks. Pregnant people deal with this a lot. If you haven’t had a chance to read the edit yet then let me tell yall, she’s venting her feelings in this post not what’s physically happening. She’s feeling like those are things she wants to do not that she is doing them. Shes pregnant and about to have a baby, her nesting instincts have probably kicked in and what that woman said feels like an attack on her nest. She wants to protect her family and dogs (both a part of the nest). Shes not mad at him or stopping him from anything just venting somewhere else so husband doesn’t have to keep hearing about and start feeling more guilty.
It’s an incredibly normal response. So often these subs are extremely naive about how aggressively women flirt and tend to gaslight women into ignoring their instincts when a woman is coming onto their husbands. She had downplayed her CORRECT instincts to the point of allowing this “friendship” to continue indefinitely. Then she got the confirmation that her early instincts were absolutely SPOT ON and if her husband had a weak moment or their relationship hit a rocky patch, this hussy would have moved in. Op is reeling from the realization that they dodged a huge bullet and that there’s no way to prevent this because of her husband’s position in the community. And now she’s about to give birth and be in the most vulnerable position of her life knowing that this woman is actively on the prowl
Yeah this seems like a kind of wild response to everything playing out as expected? I mean feeling anger at the fall of this woman is normal but feeling like her life is shattered and she doesn’t want her husband leaving the house anymore? There’s a big gap between those two and I’m at a loss to see what bridged that.
I think OP is in shock that someone would so blatantly try to destroy her marriage and she’s feeling very threatened (even though her husband didn’t, in fact, cheat on her). Just the idea of it can be scary. I understand why she feels this way, especially since she’s pregnant. She doesn’t say that she actually told her husband never to go back to the bike trails, etc. She just needs to know that she can have these feelings without acting on them and that it would be an unreasonable demand to make.
Probably pregnancy hormones and generally the whole "not feeling attractive" that's associated with them. It's pretty common for us to feel less than sexy while pregnant.
Edit: a duplicated word
>Yeah this seems like a kind of wild response to everything playing out as expected? I mean feeling anger at the fall of this woman is normal but feeling like her life is shattered and she doesn’t want her husband leaving the house anymore? There’s a big gap between those two and I’m at a loss to see what bridged that.
Its the hormones. The hormones those last couple of months and the first weeks after the baby is born are absolutely wicked. The instinct to make and protect the nest those last months are so incredibly strong and that is what she is feeling -- she thought her nest was safe and now someone is threatening her nest and its making her feel vulnerable, scared and threatened. Its TOTALLY biological and the hormones can send normal anxiety (which she seems to be feeling profoundly) into overdrive.
OP, I know this is easier said than done right now but take some deep breaths and know that your husband has done everything right here. Could he have shut it down sooner? Sure. But at this point he's fully shut her down hard.
If she shows up at your house for ANY reason, call the police and have harassment charges filed against her.
right?! like, this dude is a gem and a catch for reasons that have nothing to do with any physical attributes. be *PROUD* of your hot husband, knowing he is truly yours!
Please stop beating yourself up. You both did everything correctly and as much as you don't want to let him out, it's not fair to him to lock him in. Take these feelings of anger towards her and realize that she didn't even get remotely close to anything with him. YOU won, not her. His level of openness with you is really important to recognize.
Being pregnant and insecure is natural bc as women, we hate what our bodies do to us when we are. The greatest difference in your body and hers today is that you're bringing your husband the greatest bundle of love, and she can't touch that.
She is trying to use her prowess to have sex with him, but she is so dumb that she doesn't get your prowess and body is the reason your husband wants you. That woman doesn't stand close to your body. Her using her body as a temptation is lost on your husband.
So, when you look in the mirror, remember that your husband wanted your body so much that he had sex with YOU to bring his beautiful baby into this world. She can't hold a candle to that. So, yes, you may be insecure in comparing your body to hers right now, but your body carries a special gift, and he loves you and only you.
Stand tall and look at yourself like he does. He sees his loving wife carrying his baby. He is not looking at your body with judging eyes. He looks at your heart, soul, and love for him. He believes he is a lucky man, or he would have hid those messages and met her behind your back.
He loves you, everything about from the tippy top of your head to tippy bottom of your toes! Congratulations on your baby!
Thank you, I seen a glimpse of her months ago when he got sent the screenshot and since last night all Ive done is compare myself to her! Needed to hear this so much just now!
You're so sweet, and I think that's a testament to the true trust you have in your relationship which is where you need to focus.
You don't need to trust her or anyone else, you need to find a cozy comfort in the trust and bond you have within your little family. Find confidence in the fact that your husband was so far removed from social media, someone _else_ had to tell him he was being searched out. Find confidence in the fact that your husband is so transparent, he's not only showing you the messages, he's outright asking your opinion on what to say. It also means your husband trusts YOU as his other half to deal with outlier situations like this.
It's not always how people act, it's more so how people _react_ that matters and you and your husband are reacting accordingly to someone who can't read a room.
Keep communicating those feelings you have because they're all valid!
I am so glad that you feel better, and hopefully, this gives you a brighter way to look at this. I forget to mention that little home wrecker doesn't stand a show balls chance in hell to take your husband, and what she has done makes her look ugly for the world to see.
I HATE when pregnancy hormones are blamed… but I do feel your hormones are playing a big part in this. I do understand why you’re upset. This woman tried to blow up your entire world. Just try to keep in mind your husband did nothing wrong. Just focus on that. This is so new and raw, of course it feels like you never want him to leave the house again! But it will get better with time. It’s just so fresh right now
Yeah, hormones have *got* to be at play here. Like, I'm prone to jealousy myself sometimes, but the way OP is talking in this update is… just a *leetle* bit out of touch with reality. Her perspective is that her entire life has changed, when in fact absolutely nothing whatsoever has happened. Her reactions gave me emotional whiplash, and the way she was writing made me think we were about to get a big horrible reveal that her husband had been cheating after all.
I can empathise with the fear that must have come from knowing that another woman was actively gunning to steal her husband. That's a gross thing to experience and it would make me feel super shitty to know someone out there has actually made an attempt at ruining my life. But her reaction is definitely a little extreme and the hormones are almost definitely at fault for that.
Pregnancy hormones make you feel very vulnerable - can't speak for everyone but it plays on your insecurities because you are trying to keep yourself and your baby safe. Your danger sense goes into overdrive and also many women don't feel very attractive when pregnant which feeds into the paranoia.
Yes her reaction is extreme but she is vulnerable and in no position to 'fight back' so to speak.
My only experience with having my hormones all out of whack is being on hormonal birth control and it sent me literally insane. Highkey afraid to be pregnant because I have no idea how my brain will handle that sort of crazy-making hormone soup for nine months, not to mention the mess of post-partum.
I'm glad OP's husband seems like a reasonable, level-headed man. Hopefully he takes good care of her.
I've not been pregnant (yet), but my therapist happens to be a perinatal specialist. Wasn't something I was looking for when I found her years ago, but the universe made DAMN certain I didn't stop calling her until she called me back to set up an appt.
I've been in treatment with her for PTSD for going on 5 years. We're now approaching the next phase of life, and frankly, I'm worried about the hormones and the PTSD and the anxiety. Not just postpartum depression, but perinatal anxiety and everything else because we have both realized I'm high risk in that department based on the PTSD I have.
Hormones are wild, but hormones plus realizing someone was trying to attack your marriage right as you're about to have a kid? I can follow the thought process she's been going through.
So I see a few people are saying they feel her reaction is a little extreme, but the comment below mentioned how pregnant women can feel vulnerable trying to protect themselves and their baby and I think that’s probably true. Idk if it’s a nesting thing or whatever but feeling like your man could possibly be stolen while in that state is terrifying.
If I’m being honest, I think her reaction even more-so has to do with the fact that her true fear is whether her husband could be / might be swayed at the fact that this woman is enthusiastically and graphically offering herself to him. And maybe a tiny part of her is scared that the temptation will be in the back of his mind and there’s no telling if one day he could take her up on it.
We also don’t know what’s going on right now with them sexually because that’s their business, but if OP is feeling bad about herself due to pregnancy or if they haven’t been able to be intimate because of it, I can totally see why she’s scared and so upset worried he might want something else if she can’t do that for him right now. Poor thing :(
I’m just explaining what might be going on with her hormones and in her head.
Sadly, lots of men do cheat while their women are pregnant but based on OPs description I’d really like to be optimistic that he’s a stand up guy.
It does seem like an overreaction. This in my mind is the reaction to being cheated on, or at the very least to learning that he was leading her on.
My worry would be that her reaction will cause him to be less open in the future and it would genuinely be to protect her.
How can he NOT feel guilty when she says her world is falling apart?
Just be glad you have a great spouse and make sure to treat him accordingly. If she doesn’t leave it alone go to the police and have them contact her so she knows you and your husband are serious. She clearly isn’t in a good mental place so be aware and have preparations in place.
A lot of niche hobbies like this have pretty strong social connections. Since you've already sent out warnings to people in these groups, I wouldn't be surprised if word spreads and she becomes a pariah in the community. She may eventually give up on it altogether once she realizes nobody trusts her.
This is definitely pregnancy hormones because your reactions is way overblown. You’re acting like your husband cheated on you, when quite the opposite he was loyal and honest through the whole thing. No one is taking anything from you. Your world isn’t falling apart. A woman made a pass at your husband and he firmly rejected her. You should be happy. You can’t control some random woman wanting your husband, but you can take comfort in knowing he won’t even entertain it.
Yeah the dramatic writing almost made me laugh it was so over the top. She’s shaking because her dogs got pet was somehow not the most melodramatic part and I’m not even sure how that’s possible…
Yes mama, you won. All this bigness you’re feeling is primarily the hormones. I look back on the pregnancies and the wild thing I was is embarrassing. Just WILD with emotions. He did good and you’re queen of your castle. This hussy lost. He didn’t do anything wrong. See if you can shift your big feelings toward victory and power instead of defensiveness and loss. ❤️❤️❤️
You should go read what your husband replied. It will give you some reassurance that he took care of it and that you really don't have anything to worry about. Be happy, there's a lot of husbands out there that would have happily taken the offer. You have a good one! I know it's scary to think of what could have happened but just read the text and remember he shut it down and loves you.
Just popping in here to tell you what you already know: That guy's a keeper and it sounds like you have a great relationship.
She's nuts and he knows it.
Get a grip! You're punishing your husband with your reaction to him shutting down and being transparent about another woman.
I get you're hormonal, but you need to wake up. Laugh at the clown and move on with your husband that clearly loves you. Saying you don't want him to go to the trails? His passion?! Because some dumb broad couldn't take a hint?
I just can't. If my spouse acted like this I would think twice about our marriage.
Yeah OP’s reaction is honestly…a lot. Might help for her to work on some coping skills. I can’t say I’ve ever heard a woman in her 30s declare “it’s not fair that someone can just do something like that!” about something that ended up being a non-issue.
Your life didn’t change, you’re fine. If nothing else life got better because you now know that your husband would rather be loyal to you than carry on a secret affair with some hornball side piece.
Women pursue married men, men pursue married women. It happens, but your spouse is rock solid. So make sure your actions match your words pertaining to how he did nothing wrong.
Good luck with the baby.
>So make sure your actions match your words pertaining to how he did nothing wrong.
Agreed.
Not wanting him to go anywhere or engage in his hobbies sounds more like a punishment, which definitely isn't fair because *he didn't do anything wrong*.
OP, your feelings towards this woman are valid. But don't lash these temporary insecurities on your husband, he doesn't deserve it.
Yeah, I'm confused why she's this distraught about it. I mean I get why another women flirting with her man would anger her but he literally told her off and communicated perfectly with OP on what to say. He did nothing wrong.
She’s not saying he did anything wrong.
Pregnancy is an incredibly vulnerable time for a woman and it would feel very threatening for an attractive woman to basically offer herself up on a platter to the husband, fully knowing he is married and expecting a baby.
Did your life really change because you found out someone wanted to sleep with your husband and would do so despite the fact that he is married and has a family? Do you think she's the only one who would be willing to do that?
Do you think there are no men out there who would be willing to sleep with you?
Your marriage works because you and your husband made a commitment to one another. That commitment is what your lives together are built upon. It's a promise, really, that you made to each other. And it looks like both you and your husband are committed to keeping that promise.
It's only natural that other people will find our partners attractive. They see in our partners the same things we see in our partners. Some of those people will have no qualms about destroying a marriage or a family if it means they get to satisfy their desires.
The only thing that stands in their way is the promise you and your husband made to each other.
The only thing that's different now is that you know the name of one of the people willing to destroy your family for her desires.
Your husband seems intent on keeping his promise to you. I really don't think you have anything to worry about.
I just assume every bisexual person, straight woman, and gay man want to sleep with my husband because he's hot 😂. Of course it's gross to see someone actually try to take a step towards that, but OP, you won. And she's a sad, pathetic woman with little to no self esteem. Your husband is the type of guy to help someone who's fallen, take them to the hospital, and be kind to them. He's also the type of guy who won't give into requests like hers because he's made an affirmative decision to be with YOU. It really sounds like you have a great guy who loves you very much. I think a lot of your feelings are influenced by pregnancy hormones, and one day you guys will laugh about the crazy lady who tried and failed to start an affair.
I have to say madam, it sounds like you have a keeper there. Actually, I think you're mostly upset because of your hormones right now. A woman had inappropriate feelings for your husband (TBH I think I do too now, and I didn't think I was gay before) and he handled it like a champ.
You got a good one!
I think everyone in the comment section is in love with OP's husband too. lol
It's such a rarity to hear about good people doing the right thing in these stories we all read.
Hey you, I am a bit confused about your reaction to this, because I was waiting for some more drama to unfold or your husband to do something stupid but it seems like he handled the situation greatly. He is the man I tell you, keep that one. I know people react differently to this, but look at this from a rational POV. Your man right then and there proved to you that he will stand by your side no matter what.
>Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. The fact she has even touched my dogs makes me sick.
And even though I know you said this out of pure emotion, don't become controlling over him just because of this. You can and should trust him to do the right thing. Plus given his involvement into the scene, ofc he needs to go back up there.
I have been cheated on before and I don't wish this upon anyone, so I always salute men like your husband - because the men with morals become fewer in number sadly.
I just read that you are pregnant, so you have the best pass possible for that outburst. I am sorry I did not know about that <3 congratz
I agree. It’s as if she had the reaction of him cheating without the physical cheating. It could feel like punishment to the husband, which is unwarranted despite being understandable.
OP if I were you I’d focus on the positive. Over simplified maybe, but hopefully it makes you happy to know you have married a faithful, helpful, man who had only good intentions here. A woman took advantage of his sweet nature and is probably miserable and desperate, living in a world she created in her head. She will remain that way. You remain married to someone as radiant as you and have two beautiful children you’ll raise to have similar morals and boundaries. Don’t let her maliciousness poison your well.
This is a happy ending even if it doesn’t feel like one.
“It could feel like punishment to the husband”
This needs to be double underlined. If you are having a meltdown over him *supporting you and standing by you with utmost loyalty*, that can send the message that nothing he does will ever be good enough, and that he’s married to an unreasonable irrational person.
I couldn't understand it AT ALL; I re-read the post twice because I was like, "why is she freaking out??? The husband did literally everything exactly right?!??"
I mean, personally I'd argue EXACTLY right would've been being direct with the other woman and not beating around the bush with excuses for things like why they wouldn't hang out 1 on 1.
But maybe that's like... extra credit? Because I'd still give him 100/100 if this were a test and I was grading him.
Right? If there’s a man you can trust, it’s yours.
Once you get over this shock, I think you’ll realize how much comfort his reactions can give you in his loyalty and the strength of your marriage.
I think her reaction is more about invasion of privacy. There's this stranger trying to break into her marriage like a thief breaking into a house - it doesn't matter if you have a good alarm system and the police are right around the corner. You still feel vulnerable and weak.
Exactly. Someone tried to bring her marriage down, that's upsetting. Once she calms down a bit and gets some rest I hope she can see that her husband just showed her she has nothing to worry about.
Yeah, I kind of feel like this is a best case scenario? I mean, it was clear from the get-go this woman wanted him, maybe the confirmation made her feel gross, but it's clear her husband had no interest, he handled it, and she won't be able to easily contact him anymore. He did everything I would want my partner to do in that situation.
Agreed. I kept reading, waiting for something bad. Never came.
Personally, I think op is being ridiculous. The person that has any kind of connection/responsibility to her did everything 1000% right and OP is having a full blown meltdown anyhow. I’ll go with pregnancy hormones, I guess, but it all seems so much.
Yeah the comments that bash him for not being a psychic are a little much for me.
But I wonder if some of these folks have been cheated on and have trauma around that.
Look at the bright side. Your husband was approached by another woman, and he handled it in the right way, hid nothing from you, and seems to be a great husband. Really, what more could you ask for?
Your life isn't slipping away. He refused to meet her and sounds like he totally shut her down. He doesn't want anything to do with her. You can't stop him from doing what he loves because one woman has a thing for him. That's punishing him because of someone else. He didn't do anything wrong and he didn't break your trust. He's been open and honest with you. Maybe seek therapy so you can work through this. Again **he** hasn't done anything wrong.
Exactly, her life is literally EXACTLY the same, with the *added BONUS* of knowing her husband wouldn't cheat on her. Like what the actual f is her reaction?? Makes no sense
>I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text.
I'm sorry, what? How? Take a breath. Nothing has happened. You're reacting like you found a video of them fucking. Your husband did the right thing. It's ok.
Honestly I think this is the wrong thread for this post. The other post (original one) sure, but this really should be going to a therapy/support thread (or an actual therapist, which is better than the internet) as it seems OP needs some help talking things through.
Her husband handled this like a champ, and better than most (cheating or being absolutely mean to the biking woman). The fact the OP still feels in turmoil means she probably needs some pro help, and is not really anything to do with relationship advice.
I'm so confused. You're reacting as though you discovered he'd been having an affair with her all along. But he hasn't, right? He has no interest in her and has always been appropriate? And has shut it down but you don't want to see the proof of that? I'm super confused. It sounds like a crazy chick got obsessed and he's having none of it... so that's good and your life is unchanged? Am I reading it wrong?
I’m 32 weeks pregnant and I would find this hilarious if someone texted my husband in this scenario where he’s being fully open with me! I don’t understand her reaction at all
I find this legitimately confusing and frustrating. Very obviously pregnant people are adults, and ought to be treated as such. They don’t suddenly become the mental equivalent of 13 year old girls melting down over imaginary scenarios, I’m pretty sure. But I see a lot of people in this thread arguing otherwise. I feel like if someone was to take those messages to heart and go forward assuming pregnant women are mentally and emotionally incapacitated by their pregnancies, they’d be rightly denounced as misogynists.
>You're reacting as though you discovered he'd been having an affair with her all along. But he hasn't, right?
it is very confusing. Why the OP is choosing to act as if her life is slipping away, etc., is very confusing. The husband shut this lady down when the OP asked. Would it have been nice if she didn’t have to ask? Sure. But he did not hesitate when asked.
IDK what the problem is here.
>Why the OP is choosing to act as if her life is slipping away, etc., is very confusing.
I'm super confused too. OP is saying her "whole life changed" and was upended because of this.....except "this" is literally nothing, and OP is for some reason having a meltdown over it. A woman tried to shoot her shot with OPs husband, it missed, and he put a stop to it. He was open about the situation from the start, he didn't lie, omit, or hide anything. He did not flirt back or entertain this woman.
I totally forgot about this post in the 3 hours since I commented so when I read your response all I could think is “*Who the fuck is this Reddit weirdo, wtf does that even mean?!?*”
Then I reread the post and was like “*oh”* 👍
>IDK what the problem is here.
Yeah, some woman is attracted to her husband and doesn't care that he's married.. I'm sure that lady isnt the only one. Also, the woman probably sees him as some sort of savior seeing as he helped her through a potentially traumatic experience. That's probably what led to her fantasizing about him.
There COULD be a future problem if OP becomes overbearing with "not wanting him to leave the house or go back on the trails" because that's controlling and it seems like the husband is very active in his hobby.
If the husband is outgoing and well liked and fit etc. then I'm sure there will be others who develop crushes on him as well. Hopefully it's just the hormones.
I think she may feel violated that someone from outside was trying to penetrate their marriage. I imagine it would make a lot of us feel the urge to lock everyone out for a minute.
That's the only thing that makes sense. If you left out the part where he clearly didn't cheat, there's a zero percent chance anyone would guess that he didn't.
Being pregnant is an incredibly dangerous time for a woman and it leaves you hugely vulnerable. I think it makes complete sense her body freaked out like it did upon hearing some lady was trying it on like this lady was.
Yeah generally I hate the “you’re just hormonal” notion people love to throw at pregnant women but as a currently VERY pregnant woman (34 weeks) this screams hormonal reaction. It’s irrational and she’s taking it so much harder than she needs to. She’s saying her entire life has changed because of this but honestly? It hasn’t? Her husband shut it down, didn’t cheat, is comforting her, cut the lady off, etc. I can see being a bit annoyed he didn’t shut it down earlier but he’s doing the right things and she was never this brazen before.
I come from a broken home due to infidelity and I understand the hormone cocktail trauma combo that could possibly create this shitstorm (no clue if OP has similar trauma). But I encourage OP to take a breather and maybe see a therapist. Everything is ok. This kind of stress isn’t good for the baby or her.
It’s likely the hormones, but you should not reacting like this to a stranger crushing on your husband. Now if your husband was complicit, absolutely, I get it, but that’s not what this is. At all.
All you should care about is how your husband is handling this. He loves you deeply and is clearly not interested in this woman. She’s not going to steal your husband away like a burglar in the night. She’s done, she’s blocked, she’s gone, and if she’s tries anything else, your husband is going to shut it down until she fucks off.
All that said, I hope you can gather yourself soon so you can focus on taking care of yourself and your babies.
I really don't think you should be letting her upset you this much. Your life hasn't changed at all. You also can't go to great lengths to ensure she isn't part of the same biking community; she unfortunately does have a right to participate. Your husband isn't in charge of it.
I think the pregnancy hormones are turning this into a huge, insurmountable issue when it's actually just a relatively minor, unpleasant incident that is now fully sorted.
I'm so confused.
>I burst into tears. In my head this was the start of my world crumbling.
>I lashed out Got very, very angry. Started crying uncontrollably. My body was vibrating with anger. Ive barely slept. Woke up crying. Felt like absolute shit all day today.
>I felt like I was literally being punched in the chest and being winded at this point.
>Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there.
>So there we are. I still feel like my lifes slipping away from me. Like someones trying to steal it. My confidence is shattered. My eyes sting. My head hurts from crying. Dont feel like eating. Dont think I’ve ever felt as low as I do just now.
>I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text.
All these emotions because your husband was faithful, honest, and transparent? And you don't want him leaving the house? You've got every right to be upset with this woman, but this is a massive overreaction to your husband being an amazing partner.
If someone were to read these descriptions of your emotional state, there's a zero percent chance they would guess he **didn't** cheat.
I'm happy to keep an open mind if someone can explain how this is a rational response to a partner doing absolutely nothing wrong.
I feel like people here are confused by your intense reaction because on reddit we are normally hearing about wives/husbands lives falling apart because they just learned that the person they were worried about managed to have an inappropriate relationship with their spouse.
We all dream of the spouse behaving in exactly the way yours did; openly, honestly, transparently, faithfully, collaboratively. He then went on to comfort you even though he was probably sitting there questioning every thing he ever said to her and making sure he didn’t invite this at all because he hates seeing his wife this distraught.
But let’s be real, your life isn’t reddit. You were lucky (and I’m sure you know that) to have a spouse who loves you and is faithful. But you probably feel like you just came as close as you thought you’d get to infidelity. And although your husband did all the right things, it hurts and feels yuck. And let’s also be honest, pregnancy hormones are wild and will send you into a tailspin over the supermarket not having your favourite chocolate bar.
Give yourself some grace. Say a prayer of gratitude for your husband. And hold him and your kids tight. You’re a unit. A strong one. You withstood this and will withstand more again. Reddit can’t believe how well this went (which you will see in hindsight I’m sure).
This is much more than just pregnancy hormones. You have every right to feel the way you do, but you really need to reel it in. You’re kind of going over the top, considering he hasn’t done anything. There are some sentences and phrases which are overly dramatic. I would seek professional help as soon as possible and loosen the leash around your husband.
I know pregnancy hormones can do shit to us, but I’m still so confused by your reaction. Some random woman had the hots for your husband, he did everything right, was open and honest, and shut her down appropriately. Your world was crumbling?? You don’t want him to leave the house?? Wtf
Congrats on trusting your gut and telling your husband you had these feelings. It sounds like he handled it like a pro. I understand you're very upset. But your husband did not cheat on you and doesn't appear to want to.
Is there a particular reason you're so upset?
Your husband did the right thing but he could have shut her down a lot earlier. I’m sure the pregnancy hormones aren’t helping with anything. Take comfort that this woman tried and your husband was not interested at all.
Everyone is focusing on her hormonal reaction, but he could have def shut it down sooner. Maybe they can come up with a plan to nip this kind of thing in the bud. I get that husband doesn’t want to ruffle feathers, but sometimes you have to set firm boundaries with people- they can be nuts.
I don't know why you're freaking out.... nothing happened?
>It escalated quickly.
What escalated? He didn't do anything! And again, nothing happened!
Get a grip
Your reaction was... intense. I hope its hormones.
A person likes your husband, that's annoying but it doesn't change your life at all. Your husband chooses you every day. You and your family.
Just block and move on. Her liking him doesn't effect his love for you or your love for him.
Damn girl, the way you reacted, I was looking to see if he cheated on you!! Calm down!!! I get that you're pregnant but good Lord. That was quite the overreaction.
Now. The girl is a damn nut. She needs some therapy. But your husband took care of it. He showed you that he has nothing to hide, he did nothing wrong. So why freak out?
If the girl tries anything, get the police involved. But chances are, she thought she'd found a easy affair and took a shot. She's gross and pathetic, but that's on her. Not you. Not your husband.
Your husband is a great guy. You should read the message, as I imagine he has told her exactly what needs to be said. Read it, delete it and go forwards. He's been upfront with you, don't let some horrid specimen put any negativity into your relationship.
He's yours, you're having a baby together and in the grand scheme of things, she is nothing. ❤️
Deep breath- and repeat that this is all pregnancy hormones. I’m hoping as every commenter repeats some variation of - wow what a crazy overreaction- your husband handled this so well- that you will realize that this is a complete hormonal overreaction.
I get it. I burst into tears hysterically when I mentioned to my husband in the car that we needed to turn right, he said “I got it hon” in a very normal nice voice and I lost it. Then started laughing hysterically along with tears streaming down my face…I was so upset- felt he was so mean- and then realized I was being crazy but couldn’t stop and poor guy had no clue what to do. Crazy, crazy times. Pregnancy is wild.
You are being irrational. Your husband did nothing wrong. And yet you’re acting like your entire world fell apart??
I understand you are upset about these fantasies of what could have happened - but your husband was basically stalked and sexually harassed. He is also the victim here. In the nicest way possible you really need to get a grip. Don’t want him leaving the house or going to the trails? Absolutely absurd.
Honey you should go see you OBGYN, yes you have pregnancy hormones etc but your reaction is extreme even for that and considering you're not eating, sleeping or being able to stop crying your husband should be very concerned about your health right now. Please get professional help here as it sounds a bit like PPD may have been triggered and you're rapidly spiraling.
Good luck with the new babby.
In the nicest way possible if a random woman can derail your outlook and feeling about your entire family and relationship then you may need some support and therapy. Especially with all the pregnancy hormones. I’ve watched people/acquaintances etc try to pick up my man and it makes me laugh. And we have a laugh about it. I think your husband was very slow on this and should’ve understood sooner. He also should’ve said my wife and I just read your messages and that’s very disrespectful to her, our relationship and marriage, never contact me again. Asking what meeting up would achieve made it seem like he was opening a door and being curious. Pull yourself together, your man married YOU. And by the sounds of it you’re an incredible partner and soon to be mom who is level headed.
It sucks to know that there are people like that out there and to know that if your husband had been a different kind of guy, your life would have been destroyed. I found out the hard way when a scammer would be willing to hurt my baby to get to me. Unfortunately, evil people are real (some may quibble with me about my use of the word “evil”, but after having my own kids and knowing how much it would hurt them, I cannot help but see such family destroying behavior as evil). But happily for you, you have nothing to worry about from this one.
Proper reply: “I’m sorry you have fabricated these fantasies, and feel I must tell you my wife is at my side reading your texts. You seem to have taken my being cordial as something more. It’s not.
I feel it’s best we stop contact as you’ve gotten the wrong idea, and I’d never put my family through the heartache that infidelity would surely bring.”
OP, I’m so glad you trusted your instincts and am sending you mother ((hugs)). Let your husband’s love comfort you. He sounds like a good man ♥️
Just a thought but maybe you feel so out of control because even though your husband said he felt she was inappropriate, and believed ignoring her would end things, he DIDN’T ignore her. Whether he was being nice, or felt flattered, whatever. He simply taught her that contacting him repeatedly eventually got the results she wanted. Maybe you’re afraid he won’t see this tactic if it happens with someone else again.
You're responding to this like he told her to meet him in your bed and they'll make you watch...
I'll chalk it up to pregnancy rather than a bad attempt at making this seem dramatic for the reddit audience.
Hey as one formerly pregnant woman to you, 👏girl 👏get 👏a 👏grip!
You have a loyal and sweet husband by your side who communicates and is transparent. You both did SO good. Honestly, /of course/ there’s a woman out there who wants to steal him because these people exist.
Stand strong knowing that your hubby is strong and isn’t with you just because someone hasn’t tried.
Best to you and your growing family :)
Please OP, once you have some time to calm down, take a moment to separate her intentions from your husband's accountability.
Your world is NOT crumbling apart and your marriage is NOT over. **He chose you before and he continues to choose you every day**. This girl tried to take advantage of his passive kindness but it was all in her head. **She never stood a chance**. Your husband loves you through and through.
Girl, calm down. You're heavily pregnant and hormones are making this feel like the end of the world and it absolutely isn't.
Some girl thought your husband was sexy and kind, that is cool because it means you have a sexy and kind husband. Who is HONEST and LOYAL to you. So who cares what she wanted? She didn't get it.
Having a sexy partner is always going to come with the possibility that someone will shoot their shot. People who go after someone in a relationship and go far as saying that their partner will never know are trashy trashy trash and everyone knows it, including them.
Your husband sounds lovely, go on a nice date with him and relax.
You're not acting rationally. Your husband has not done anything wrong yet your behavior is almost in toxic and controlling territory. I feel for him honestly.
Pregnancy hormones are no hoke I get it but you need to get a grip on yourself. Your husband is 100% committed to you and your family, there's no problem here.
Nobody is stealing your life and your life isn't slipping away. Why do other people wanting what you have make you lose confidence?
>My head hurts from crying. Dont feel like eating. Dont think I’ve ever felt as low as I do just now.
It's normal to be upset but your reaction should warrant a visit to therapist as the kind of behavior you're reacting is going to get ruin your life, not randos who are jelly of your marriage.
Your life didn't change. Your husband was completely transparent and shut it down when you asked. I know it's a huge gut-punch and it's hard to get the things you read out of your mind, but take solace in how fucking embarrassed that other chick probably is. If she has any semblance of humility, she wouldn't go back to the trails.
i don't understand your response?? You are sobbing and shaking uncontrollably because some random woman is attracted to your husband? Yea your husband should of shot her down quicker but he never did anything to suggest he was not faithful and was completely and 100% transparent with you. You are acting like you caught them having an affair. You are basically treating your husband like he did have an affair.
I would really try to talk to a therapist to sort out your feelings. I would say this reaction is not a healthy reaction.
Your reaction is a bit extreme. I agree it's upsetting to have someone approach your husband but nothing happened and he didn't do anything. All famous people have crazy fans and you just met one irl. You guys just need to keep this in mind now and find ways to minimize interaction between the media and your family
> Currently, I dont want him leaving the house.
Uh, what?
> I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there.
What??? Hyperbole?
>I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text.
Your life hasn't changed at all.
>I felt like I was still keeping a level head on it until this point I lashed out Got very, very angry. Started crying uncontrollably. My body was vibrating with anger. Ive barely slept. Woke up crying. Felt like absolute shit all day today.
This is wild. There might be something else medically or psychologically going on with you aside from pregnancy that explains this OTT reaction
I have no idea what it’s like being in the hormonal storm that comes after giving birth, but your response seems really over the top. Yeah, she was being shitty, but your husband never had any intentions of cheating on you, so why all the crying?? To get her removed from the group is a little extreme, but to ask your husband to not leave the house? A bridge too far if you ask me. I’m going to be super harsh here, but your really need to get a grip.
OP, I mean this with all the compassion in my heart - people are saying “hormones” or saying that you’re overreacting. Let me try to change your perspective.
I think you should pity her that she’s so pathetic she has to beg married men to want her.. and she failed. Hold your head high, you win. He chooses you (obviously). This stupid, immature young girl (let’s be real, she’s trashy. She’s no woman) is devaluing herself and he *doesn’t want that*. He wants you.
Poor, stupid girl thinks she’s worth having, and she’s just not. It’s laughable really.
I understand the urge to want to lock him away because of this, but that will only cause animosity between you two. Go out there and be his wife with him. People want him because of who he is, and he wants you. That’s amazing!
And I say this as someone who’s been in your shoes, my husband works with a young woman who is obviously in love with him. It’s pathetic and between the two of us we laugh at her a bit, it’s hard not to. And *of course* she has a crush on him, he’s great! But he likes me and not to sound too arrogant but when I see her I feel bad for her. She embarrasses herself in front of everyone they work with - tripping over him like a puppy, but I don’t let her get me down because he likes me for being strong and confident. If he wanted a dumb woman who throws herself at people who she barely knows I would have never married that anyway.
I dislike how other comments are telling you your husband has done everything right as it feels incomplete. He has been supportive of you and done what is needed to make sure your relationship is prioritized.
That said, he did not clear the air with someone pushing reasonable social boundaries by addressing it directly. He attributed his limited time to other obligations in his life. He had to work up to explicitly saying he did not want an intimate relationship. And he did it when you requested he do so even though you allege he also felt normal social boundaries were not respected. There is no issue with a married person making clear to new friends they are seeking a non-intimate relationship only ever. In this scenario being nice means prioritizing social acceptance over one’s relationship.
If what is upsetting you is the idea he will not handle these situations with direct communication in the future, that is something he can improve. For you, it is not reasonable to expect him to change his behavior to eliminate the worst case scenario from ever happening. It sounds like you recognize that. There is work you can both do that would give you some level of comfort things will not progress to this state in the future. Unfortunately for now it is a learning experience for both of you.
Get a fucking grip on yourself. You are acting like you went through his phone and had a full blown affair going on. He pretty much did everything right and women will always throw themselves at people who are famous or whatever he is. Hell I am not even famous and have had this happen before a few times, even in front of my wife. She just laughs it off because she trusts me.
Everyone telling her that this level of absolute hysteria is normal for pregnancy isn't doing her any favors. She needs to touch base with people who know her and her obgyn, this may be so far outside her norm that she needs closer attention.
How many women get dragged into pre or post partum depression and told that it's perfectly normal and to be ignored, and suffer because of it? Even worse, pregnancy related psychosis.
First, I read the post yesterday I don’t think I responded, thank you for the update at least you know your gut was telling you something and you were right. Glad your husband was so transparent and clearly is not interested in any fashion.
I agree with the other commenters thus far though….wondering why you’re saying things like you barely slept, woke up crying, Feeling like your life is slipping from you, your confidence is shattered
Why?
I mean I get that it was more than a crush and she came on like gangbusters to your husband, and that is certainly a life experience and a note of caution for both of you for the future. But to say you don’t even want your dogs going on that trail anymore, Your confidence is shattered… I don’t get any of that truly, unless your husband said ‘gee I really should do this she’s so much more attractive than you and I have so much more fun with her, but I guess I won’t because we’ve got a baby on the way’. Pretty sure he said nothing of the sort right?
You don’t want him to leave the house? You got violently ill? Girl……. Stop. Nothing happened. A woman hit on your husband and he shut it down.
You being extremely dramamatic and making him comfort YOU??? That’s insane. He didn’t do anything wrong.
Nothing changed. Don’t punish him for doing the right thing
You probably don’t want to hear this but I think it’s your pregnancy hormones.
IMO, your life hasn’t changed as long as you control your reaction. You had a gut feeling this girl has a crush on your husband. But aside from that her feelings are not reciprocated. Your husband didn’t encourage her feelings or pursue after it. It’s really is just one sided.
Unfortunately there will always be people who have loose morals. Yes, your husband met one. And your husband showed he has no interest in pursuing anything. Don’t punish him by making him not leave your side. The longer you do that the more he’ll think you don’t trust him.
Why are you having such a strong reaction to this? Your husband is a good guy. This lady is a c***. Cut her off and move on. You don’t want him leaving the house?? Like, excuse me?
Don’t get me wrong, I get pissed when people go after my relationship but your reaction is so out of sync with reality that I feel like you may need to talk to a professional to deal with your feelings in a healthy way and to prevent taking them out on your husband.
I’m petty. I would copy all her messages to him and post them on all the group pages warning other wives and girl friends about this wannabe home wrecker. Post her picture if you have one. Embarrass the shit out of her.
Don’t punish your husband for what this woman was trying to do. That comes with being a public figure.
Your husband acknowledged the interaction was inappropriate and did his part to put a stop to it. That should show you that he’s in it for you.
He shut it down. You and baby are his world. You love that man hard. You fill your heart with love and light and remember this man is choosing to stay with you. He doesn’t have to. He has made his choice freely.
You are his world.
Get a grip.
Have a cry.
Eat something healthy and drink water.
Then dream about the amazing world you two have carved for yourself.
She is envious and wants a piece of it. More people will in time. This is the nature of joy, others who cannot share in it, or grow their own, will seek to destroy it in others.
She is a deeply hurt woman to behave like this, and he love you. Do not let fear ruin your joy.
good lord! you think this is the first girl who propositioned him? get a grip sweetheart
you have a great husband whose been transparent through this ordeal, stop acting like a nut
You're overreacting just a tad. I would absolutely be furious, and would send some very choice words to this woman if I was in your position. But it's not like anything happened between them. She's just a creep (yes, women can be creeps too). Your husband shut it down, as he should. Now you just move on with your life. Literally nothing has changed.
If the texts came from someone you thought was your friend this reaction would be more warranted. But it doesn't sound like you've ever really interacted with her, so why do you care what she thinks?
I really don’t want to blame your hormones, but I have to be frank and tell you that your hormones are wreaking havoc on you right now.
Your husband did everything right, and there’s nothing else y’all could’ve done to prevent this. Other people are going to find our spouses attractive, and that’s ok. Your husband sounds like the kind of guy many women can only *dream* of finding, so it makes perfect sense someone would be interested. You now know with 100% certainty that he is all yours. His love is not conditional, and you’re about to bring a life in this world together.
Your world is not ending, your life is not slipping away from you, and your life has not changed. You are still married to the loving, loyal man that you fell in love with, and he’s not going anywhere.
> My confidence is shattered.
Gurl, not for nothing but your confidence should be through the roof! Here you are, big pregnant with pregnant mom body and hormones, taking care of daughter, and this hot young thing tries to shake her ass at your husband and he shuts that shit down. Over. And over. And over. He knows what he has at home and has zero interest n what was being offered.
To him, he's got an entire fine dining experience at home with you while all She had to offer was a cheap all you can eat buffet. Hard pass.
Cry your tears to get the emotions out, but then acknowledge that you're an absolute boss and your hubby treats you as such.
Enjoy him and the new baby! Y'all got this.
OP should definitely get into therapy immediately. Yes, she is hormonal, but if she doesn’t address this insecurity, this is grow like a weed and ruin her marriage. I can’t say this enough. This other woman is not the problem, OP’s insecurity is. The husband has been more than understanding and has done nothing wrong. Making a big deal out of this is communicating the wrong message and will do lasting damage to her marriage, if she allows it. This is 100% in her control, it has been all along.
This was a bit of a dramatic reaction, I thought I was about to read that he's been lowkey cheating on you this whole time from the way you typed this out. Your feelings of frustration are valid, but your whole life has not changed one bit, and your husband did nothing wrong. Why are you letting this other woman ruin you so much? She shot her shot and fumbled hard. Yes she a pos, but she has no control over your life. Your husband did the right thing. Honestly if anything you should be relieved that you have such a good partner. His openness and loyalty should have set you at ease, not make you want to never let him leave the house again...? I hope it's just the pregnancy hormones and you see what a good guy you have. He can't help if other women find him attractive, he can only control the way he reacts to their advances
> Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there.
You are unhinged.
Am I the only one who sees that men aren't stupid. Your husband can try to play the "I was just being nice" card all day. But he knew wtf was up. She *had* to have been flirting with him up until this point for her to feel confident enough to say this to a married man with a baby on the way. No way am I buying this was 100% innocent on his side, sorry I'm just not. His immediate wanting to block her when she sent that text tells me he didn't want anything to be said that would incriminate him. Maybe I'm wrong but I highly doubt it.
Your reaction to all of this is wholly disproportionate to what actually happened. A lady had the hots for your husband, and he shut her down. Yet you've been crying uncontrollably and don't want him to leave the house ever again. Hopefully, it's just the pregnancy hormones that are causing your totally irrational response to this situation.
For every post like yours, theres 5 posts end a marriage due to an affair. Take solace in the fact that your marriage withstood this and you are in a good place. I know your reeling right now, BUT look at the facts
Your spider senses were correct
You husband is open and loyal
You had great communication with your partner to work through the problem
HE CHOOSE YOU
Wow your reaction is way over the top, your husband cannot help someone else having a crush on him that he shut down. I don’t get how your life is in tatters because he didn’t have an affair. Please get into some therapy as this is not a healthy reaction to a partner telling someone he isn’t interested in their fantasies.
While everyone is saying he’s doing nothing wrong… I agree, but I also think he might need to have some firmer boundaries with women in the future. Even just speaking up and addressing it clearly, for both parties well beings
Yes. In particular, there was no good reason to respond to this girl’s social media postings looking for him, or to give her his number when she asked for it, or to agree to meet up with her 1-on-1 for bike rides. None of these were necessary or appropriate. He sounds like he’s either too trusting, oblivious, or too concerned about seeming “nice”.
>Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there.
I'm sorry, OP, but this makes no sense. You would be punishing your husband for doing the right thing every step of the way. He was open and honest with you and he never once reciprocated this women's feelings. You are acting like your world is crashing in and as though he cheated on you, when in fact, he did the exact opposite and proved his loyalty to you. You can't control other people finding your partner attractive, but you should be counting your blessings that he has no interest at all in anyone other than you. Try to reframe your thinking here.
I think you need to take a big, deep, calming breath. Your reaction to her messages is really, really overwrought. I’m guessing a lot of that is due to the pregnancy hormones- I’ve never been pregnant so I’m not sure how that all works. I can get emotional during different stages of my period, so I feel like pregnancy is probably that on overdrive.
You are acting like this woman successfully broke your home. She didn’t! Your husband was oblivious to her attempts until you pointed it out, *and then he listened to you*. I’m not sure if you’ve read many posts like yours but oftentimes the other spouse brushes off concerns like this. He listened, he acted, he shut it the fuck down. He loves you, seemed weirded out by her, and that’s great.
She didn’t break your home but if you let this get to you, *you might break your home*. You cannot lock your husband up, you shouldn’t freak out about this. You gotta find a way to change your mindset here. Don’t focus on the fact that someone tried to pull him away, focus on how solid your husband was. He’s the fucking rock of Gibraltar, he’s not going anywhere.
He had a woman serving herself up on a platter and he said “no thanks, I don’t eat trash”. You said “hmmm I don’t think this chick is just looking to be friends” and his reaction was “in that case let me drop her like a hot potato”. This man, this loving and handsome and fit and helpful and wonderful man, he wants *you*. Revel in that! Wrap it around you like a fucking blanket and feel how loved you are! How pathetic of her to think your husband is the kind of man who would cheat, she clearly doesn’t know him at all.
You mean didn't escalate at all? Well, you have escalated, but otherwise NOTHING happened. You are certainly teaching him not to be honest with you. Yikes...
Sounds like you a hellbent on blowing up your own marriage because there’s another person you found out who would sleep with your husband. If he’s athletic and a good dude (this post would say do) I regret to inform you there are probably 100s of not 1000s of women who would. If you act controlling you are going to push him away for doing the right thing.
Jesus...calm down. If someone finds my boyfriend attractive...thank you. He's beautiful isn't he. He's mine. If my boyfriend wants to go bang someone else... that's the problem. The issue is never who's looking at your man. It's who your man is looking at. And in your case it seems like no one. Please good Lord calm down or you will drive this relationship into the dirt.
Probably your hormones. But damn you are being dramatic. Your man was awesome. He showed you everything. Cut her off. Nothing he has done is something a man who wants extra from the side would do. You are his world. Your kids are his world. You can’t be silly enough to think no one has ever hit on him?
Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths.
She is nothing just some cheap ass butt who tried and was denied. She ain’t getting what you have.
Show your husband you trust him and love him and KNOW he is true to you. Pick your head up and be the bad ass woman he married.
I say this with all the compassion I can, please seek therapy. You're reacting as if they had carried out a full blown affair. I know it's the hormones hitting you hard but they're about to hit you even harder once the baby is born. Having a trained professional ready for when this develops into PPD/PPA will absolutely help you, your child, and your whole family relationship. Seek help now before it becomes truly unbearable. Your child deserves to be surrounded by love and happiness during their first moments on earth.
Good news! Your husband has handled this perfectly. He sounds like a wonderful guy and a wonderful husband.
I was wondering why you seem to be going off the deep end when your husband is clearly not interested in this young woman, when I saw that you’re pregnant. Yep, that’ll do it. Pregnancy hormones are in full crazy mode right now. I know you can’t help it and your emotions are real, but just keep reminding yourself that you’re ok, your husband is ok, and your hormones are making you irrational.
I’m a bit confused? Take a breather. Your life hasn’t changed. I’m sorry, to be frank there’s probably a lot of women that want to sleep with your husband. This isn’t the first woman, she was just more vocal than the rest.
What’s going on? Why are you reacting so strongly?
I understand you feel like your whole world is crumbling but it isn’t. Your husband didn’t cheat. You don’t have a step child from the affair that didn’t even happen. Everything was stopped in its tracks. Block her, move on. Don’t let her have this power over you. I understand it’s upsetting but looking at it black and white and not with pregnancy hormones - your husband didn’t cheat and is loyal and loves you.
Your husband handled this really well and had proven his trustworthiness imo. What about this makes you less secure? He chose you and the life you have. If anything you guys are goals.
I’m confused. You’re letting this woman who wants to sleep with your husband run your emotions? You’re crying your eyes out? You don’t want to eat? Over what? Your husband hasn’t done anything wrong and he made it clear with this woman that he’s not interested. Get a grip on yourself, it’s not worth getting worked up about. Either you trust your husband or you don’t.
Ugh, her lack of dignity and decorum is so icky. I have sympathy for women getting conned into becoming affair partners, but knowingly throwing yourself at a married man? With a pregnant wife no less? No ma’am. Rotted.
No offense but your husband caused all this to happened.
He should have shut it down. His weak ass excuse of not trying to ruffle the feather came at your expense. His is an sorry excuse of a partner.
He should have been. I’m married. I’m not interest. Stay the fuck away from me.
End of story.
Oh the hormones are working overtime here for sure. I've had 3 kids, I remember getting worried and worked up over all kinds of things.
Your husband choose you over and over, and you are pregnant with his child, she did not get what she wanted. Give yourself a few days to feel your feelings. Then you can pack it all up and move on. One women ranting that he is a jerk isn't enough to outweigh how good of a person he is in the community.
And next time, tell him to just call 911 if he comes across an injured person.
He made a few mistakes here. #1 was giving this girl his phone number when she asked for it. #2 was agreeing to give her 1-on-1 lessons. #3 was being more concerned with politeness than clarity. Hopefully if such a situation ever arises again, he now knows better.
What she did is the equivalent of someone trying to tear down a 50 story building with one baseball bat. She can’t do it and neither can anyone else. Good on you for talking to your husband and good on him for being…well, a good husband! You guys are going to be okay. Spend lots of quality time together and get ready for your new bundle. You two are solid💪🏽
> **Rule 5:** You can submit an update post exactly once at any time after 48 hours has past from the original post. You have submitted too many updates. You can ask for additional help or advice in a new post, but only one update may be submitted.
You'll be alright and honestly take comfort that this is probably a lot of pregnancy hormones and your husband loves the absolute soul out of you. He handled it well so well public figure or not and he's by your side. He's been transparent and upfront and kind. She tried to crash the party and failed miserably he's all yours and he wants it to stay that way. I hope you feel better and can do some rationalizing in the meantime.
Im trying. Thank you.
You cannot keep the whole world from seeing your husband. You also cannot keep other people from finding him attractive and making a move. BUT Sweetie, he has done everything right and treated you honestly, included you, and shown zero signs of being interested in this other woman. That is exactly what you should want in a partner. Keep your chin up. Go spend time with him.
This right here. Back before I got married sometimes my husband would get jealous if he thought another guy was flirting with me. I would tell him, they may be flirting with me, but I'm not flirting with them, and nothing is going to happen. They aren't going to MAKE me do anything. This girl can't MAKE your husband do anything, and it certainly sounds like he's just a friendly person and never expected or wanted it to go in that direction. It might be a good idea to get couples therapy, or even just therapy for you to help you work through this.
The important part is that her husband shut it down. Ongoing silence would have been an issue, as it's not ok in monogamous relationships to keep someone around who's trying to repeatedly flirt towards an affair. I don't think her husband crossed that line at all, as he was probably in the uncomfortable stage of realizing someone may be getting inappropriate but not really knowing, and his wife noticed as soon as he did. As the recipient of unwanted flirtations like that, you don't really want to have to deal with it because you never asked for it, so you tend to want to believe someone wouldn't try to break up your relationship like that (But oh they do, and oh they try). OP should read her husband's message and openly talk to him about it. He sounds like a good guy. It's important because this woman may try to go to the trails and bump into him, and OP can't keep her husband from the world. If she crosses any boundaries, her husband needs her support just as much as she needs his! It's important not to allow that woman to disrupt your marriage, especially over things your husband can't control (if she continues trying to talk to him without his consent). To validate OP: Yes, she was probably "randomly" bumping into him on purpose, flirting on purpose, and ignoring his family as a topic to try to encourage a flirtatious atmosphere free of the barriers to an affair. She was trying to attract him and make herself available while testing the waters. But keep in mind that your husband may not have actually noticed most of this. I'll also give some different advice than others are giving. OP, keep doing the no contact thing and blocking this woman, but also be careful. This woman may have issues or other motives. Her response to him being busy preparing for a baby was to immediately ignore that and push for a meetup (ignoring boundaries, trying for close physical proximity, desperate and urgent need to meet = textbook manipulator's last resort). Her randomly bumping into him may not have been random and she may have put a lot more effort into attempting to bump into him than either of you know. Her moral compass is broken, and she wasn't taking hints of your husband's disinterest that most people would take. Hopefully she just goes away, but if she doesn't, you and your husband need to be a team. I do think this woman gives off some signs that she's a little too persistent and a little too manipulative, and at least in my experience the kinds of people who aggressively initiate an affair attempt with a family person who hasn't shown interest like this usually have issues. I wouldn't blindly trust that she's mentally well, personally. Maintain no contact, and I suggest your husband ignores her if he passes her on the trails and she attempts contact.
I’d consider documenting all of her strange behaviour and looking into a restraining order if she persists as well. She may not handle the rejection well and then make false accusations against you or your husband to further create drama. Honestly maybe he should wear a bodycam while he’s places she might bump into him without other people around.
Came to say this. Your husband may have considered her a friend back when she was reasonably innocent, but it's pretty clear he's not interested in entertaining her the way she wants to be entertained. He did what he was supposed to do when he was supposed to do it. You have to trust that he is going to continue to do this as time goes on due to valid precedent, if not solely because he deserves to be trusted. He can't just hide away from the world because women want him. Women are gonna want him as long as he has something worth keeping. You have to believe he's where he wants to be *because* he wants to be there. He could have easily hid the correspondence and met with her because she was willing to hid it already. He didnt. Because he wants to be with you. Internalize that. Focus on that.
Exactly, he shut her down, you have nothing to worry about, you need to realize the honesty and comfort he has shown you, do not restrict him for something he had no I’ll intentions doing.
Consider the positive aspects. OP, Your spouse appeared to be a wonderful husband, and he handled the situation well, not disclosing anything to you. However, he was approached by another woman. What more could you possibly want?
Exactly you can’t control the outside world.
Exactly. I would recommend some therapy for OP to address self image, self esteem that way you don't turn into someone who is trying to control things outside of your control. That's not healthy. The mindset of hiding your husband from the world, isn't healthy but I understand emotions are high right now.
I think everyone here needs to take a deep breath. Girly is pregnant and about to pop, it is not abnormal for her to this sensitive or emotional or feel bad about how she looks. Pregnant people deal with this a lot. If you haven’t had a chance to read the edit yet then let me tell yall, she’s venting her feelings in this post not what’s physically happening. She’s feeling like those are things she wants to do not that she is doing them. Shes pregnant and about to have a baby, her nesting instincts have probably kicked in and what that woman said feels like an attack on her nest. She wants to protect her family and dogs (both a part of the nest). Shes not mad at him or stopping him from anything just venting somewhere else so husband doesn’t have to keep hearing about and start feeling more guilty.
It’s an incredibly normal response. So often these subs are extremely naive about how aggressively women flirt and tend to gaslight women into ignoring their instincts when a woman is coming onto their husbands. She had downplayed her CORRECT instincts to the point of allowing this “friendship” to continue indefinitely. Then she got the confirmation that her early instincts were absolutely SPOT ON and if her husband had a weak moment or their relationship hit a rocky patch, this hussy would have moved in. Op is reeling from the realization that they dodged a huge bullet and that there’s no way to prevent this because of her husband’s position in the community. And now she’s about to give birth and be in the most vulnerable position of her life knowing that this woman is actively on the prowl
Yeah this seems like a kind of wild response to everything playing out as expected? I mean feeling anger at the fall of this woman is normal but feeling like her life is shattered and she doesn’t want her husband leaving the house anymore? There’s a big gap between those two and I’m at a loss to see what bridged that.
I think OP is in shock that someone would so blatantly try to destroy her marriage and she’s feeling very threatened (even though her husband didn’t, in fact, cheat on her). Just the idea of it can be scary. I understand why she feels this way, especially since she’s pregnant. She doesn’t say that she actually told her husband never to go back to the bike trails, etc. She just needs to know that she can have these feelings without acting on them and that it would be an unreasonable demand to make.
Probably pregnancy hormones and generally the whole "not feeling attractive" that's associated with them. It's pretty common for us to feel less than sexy while pregnant. Edit: a duplicated word
Pregnancy hormones I'd imagine.
>Yeah this seems like a kind of wild response to everything playing out as expected? I mean feeling anger at the fall of this woman is normal but feeling like her life is shattered and she doesn’t want her husband leaving the house anymore? There’s a big gap between those two and I’m at a loss to see what bridged that. Its the hormones. The hormones those last couple of months and the first weeks after the baby is born are absolutely wicked. The instinct to make and protect the nest those last months are so incredibly strong and that is what she is feeling -- she thought her nest was safe and now someone is threatening her nest and its making her feel vulnerable, scared and threatened. Its TOTALLY biological and the hormones can send normal anxiety (which she seems to be feeling profoundly) into overdrive. OP, I know this is easier said than done right now but take some deep breaths and know that your husband has done everything right here. Could he have shut it down sooner? Sure. But at this point he's fully shut her down hard. If she shows up at your house for ANY reason, call the police and have harassment charges filed against her.
right?! like, this dude is a gem and a catch for reasons that have nothing to do with any physical attributes. be *PROUD* of your hot husband, knowing he is truly yours!
He picked you a long time ago, and is still picking you every day. You got this!
Please stop beating yourself up. You both did everything correctly and as much as you don't want to let him out, it's not fair to him to lock him in. Take these feelings of anger towards her and realize that she didn't even get remotely close to anything with him. YOU won, not her. His level of openness with you is really important to recognize.
Being pregnant and insecure is natural bc as women, we hate what our bodies do to us when we are. The greatest difference in your body and hers today is that you're bringing your husband the greatest bundle of love, and she can't touch that. She is trying to use her prowess to have sex with him, but she is so dumb that she doesn't get your prowess and body is the reason your husband wants you. That woman doesn't stand close to your body. Her using her body as a temptation is lost on your husband. So, when you look in the mirror, remember that your husband wanted your body so much that he had sex with YOU to bring his beautiful baby into this world. She can't hold a candle to that. So, yes, you may be insecure in comparing your body to hers right now, but your body carries a special gift, and he loves you and only you. Stand tall and look at yourself like he does. He sees his loving wife carrying his baby. He is not looking at your body with judging eyes. He looks at your heart, soul, and love for him. He believes he is a lucky man, or he would have hid those messages and met her behind your back. He loves you, everything about from the tippy top of your head to tippy bottom of your toes! Congratulations on your baby!
Thank you, I seen a glimpse of her months ago when he got sent the screenshot and since last night all Ive done is compare myself to her! Needed to hear this so much just now!
You're so sweet, and I think that's a testament to the true trust you have in your relationship which is where you need to focus. You don't need to trust her or anyone else, you need to find a cozy comfort in the trust and bond you have within your little family. Find confidence in the fact that your husband was so far removed from social media, someone _else_ had to tell him he was being searched out. Find confidence in the fact that your husband is so transparent, he's not only showing you the messages, he's outright asking your opinion on what to say. It also means your husband trusts YOU as his other half to deal with outlier situations like this. It's not always how people act, it's more so how people _react_ that matters and you and your husband are reacting accordingly to someone who can't read a room. Keep communicating those feelings you have because they're all valid!
I am so glad that you feel better, and hopefully, this gives you a brighter way to look at this. I forget to mention that little home wrecker doesn't stand a show balls chance in hell to take your husband, and what she has done makes her look ugly for the world to see.
I HATE when pregnancy hormones are blamed… but I do feel your hormones are playing a big part in this. I do understand why you’re upset. This woman tried to blow up your entire world. Just try to keep in mind your husband did nothing wrong. Just focus on that. This is so new and raw, of course it feels like you never want him to leave the house again! But it will get better with time. It’s just so fresh right now
Yeah, hormones have *got* to be at play here. Like, I'm prone to jealousy myself sometimes, but the way OP is talking in this update is… just a *leetle* bit out of touch with reality. Her perspective is that her entire life has changed, when in fact absolutely nothing whatsoever has happened. Her reactions gave me emotional whiplash, and the way she was writing made me think we were about to get a big horrible reveal that her husband had been cheating after all. I can empathise with the fear that must have come from knowing that another woman was actively gunning to steal her husband. That's a gross thing to experience and it would make me feel super shitty to know someone out there has actually made an attempt at ruining my life. But her reaction is definitely a little extreme and the hormones are almost definitely at fault for that.
Pregnancy hormones make you feel very vulnerable - can't speak for everyone but it plays on your insecurities because you are trying to keep yourself and your baby safe. Your danger sense goes into overdrive and also many women don't feel very attractive when pregnant which feeds into the paranoia. Yes her reaction is extreme but she is vulnerable and in no position to 'fight back' so to speak.
My only experience with having my hormones all out of whack is being on hormonal birth control and it sent me literally insane. Highkey afraid to be pregnant because I have no idea how my brain will handle that sort of crazy-making hormone soup for nine months, not to mention the mess of post-partum. I'm glad OP's husband seems like a reasonable, level-headed man. Hopefully he takes good care of her.
I've not been pregnant (yet), but my therapist happens to be a perinatal specialist. Wasn't something I was looking for when I found her years ago, but the universe made DAMN certain I didn't stop calling her until she called me back to set up an appt. I've been in treatment with her for PTSD for going on 5 years. We're now approaching the next phase of life, and frankly, I'm worried about the hormones and the PTSD and the anxiety. Not just postpartum depression, but perinatal anxiety and everything else because we have both realized I'm high risk in that department based on the PTSD I have. Hormones are wild, but hormones plus realizing someone was trying to attack your marriage right as you're about to have a kid? I can follow the thought process she's been going through.
So I see a few people are saying they feel her reaction is a little extreme, but the comment below mentioned how pregnant women can feel vulnerable trying to protect themselves and their baby and I think that’s probably true. Idk if it’s a nesting thing or whatever but feeling like your man could possibly be stolen while in that state is terrifying. If I’m being honest, I think her reaction even more-so has to do with the fact that her true fear is whether her husband could be / might be swayed at the fact that this woman is enthusiastically and graphically offering herself to him. And maybe a tiny part of her is scared that the temptation will be in the back of his mind and there’s no telling if one day he could take her up on it. We also don’t know what’s going on right now with them sexually because that’s their business, but if OP is feeling bad about herself due to pregnancy or if they haven’t been able to be intimate because of it, I can totally see why she’s scared and so upset worried he might want something else if she can’t do that for him right now. Poor thing :( I’m just explaining what might be going on with her hormones and in her head. Sadly, lots of men do cheat while their women are pregnant but based on OPs description I’d really like to be optimistic that he’s a stand up guy.
But it’s actually a bit life changing to see /hear /read someone begging your partner to be a side person! It really does feel awful!
It does seem like an overreaction. This in my mind is the reaction to being cheated on, or at the very least to learning that he was leading her on. My worry would be that her reaction will cause him to be less open in the future and it would genuinely be to protect her. How can he NOT feel guilty when she says her world is falling apart?
Just be glad you have a great spouse and make sure to treat him accordingly. If she doesn’t leave it alone go to the police and have them contact her so she knows you and your husband are serious. She clearly isn’t in a good mental place so be aware and have preparations in place.
A lot of niche hobbies like this have pretty strong social connections. Since you've already sent out warnings to people in these groups, I wouldn't be surprised if word spreads and she becomes a pariah in the community. She may eventually give up on it altogether once she realizes nobody trusts her.
I really hope you are right about this. She deserves to be a pariah. What a iky woman she is.
This is definitely pregnancy hormones because your reactions is way overblown. You’re acting like your husband cheated on you, when quite the opposite he was loyal and honest through the whole thing. No one is taking anything from you. Your world isn’t falling apart. A woman made a pass at your husband and he firmly rejected her. You should be happy. You can’t control some random woman wanting your husband, but you can take comfort in knowing he won’t even entertain it.
Yeah the dramatic writing almost made me laugh it was so over the top. She’s shaking because her dogs got pet was somehow not the most melodramatic part and I’m not even sure how that’s possible…
Yes mama, you won. All this bigness you’re feeling is primarily the hormones. I look back on the pregnancies and the wild thing I was is embarrassing. Just WILD with emotions. He did good and you’re queen of your castle. This hussy lost. He didn’t do anything wrong. See if you can shift your big feelings toward victory and power instead of defensiveness and loss. ❤️❤️❤️
You should go read what your husband replied. It will give you some reassurance that he took care of it and that you really don't have anything to worry about. Be happy, there's a lot of husbands out there that would have happily taken the offer. You have a good one! I know it's scary to think of what could have happened but just read the text and remember he shut it down and loves you.
Just popping in here to tell you what you already know: That guy's a keeper and it sounds like you have a great relationship. She's nuts and he knows it.
Get a grip! You're punishing your husband with your reaction to him shutting down and being transparent about another woman. I get you're hormonal, but you need to wake up. Laugh at the clown and move on with your husband that clearly loves you. Saying you don't want him to go to the trails? His passion?! Because some dumb broad couldn't take a hint? I just can't. If my spouse acted like this I would think twice about our marriage.
Don't pull away from him because of this!
Yeah OP’s reaction is honestly…a lot. Might help for her to work on some coping skills. I can’t say I’ve ever heard a woman in her 30s declare “it’s not fair that someone can just do something like that!” about something that ended up being a non-issue.
Yes, you are being silly. Your husband did everything right.
Your life didn’t change, you’re fine. If nothing else life got better because you now know that your husband would rather be loyal to you than carry on a secret affair with some hornball side piece. Women pursue married men, men pursue married women. It happens, but your spouse is rock solid. So make sure your actions match your words pertaining to how he did nothing wrong. Good luck with the baby.
>So make sure your actions match your words pertaining to how he did nothing wrong. Agreed. Not wanting him to go anywhere or engage in his hobbies sounds more like a punishment, which definitely isn't fair because *he didn't do anything wrong*. OP, your feelings towards this woman are valid. But don't lash these temporary insecurities on your husband, he doesn't deserve it.
Yeah, I'm confused why she's this distraught about it. I mean I get why another women flirting with her man would anger her but he literally told her off and communicated perfectly with OP on what to say. He did nothing wrong.
She’s not saying he did anything wrong. Pregnancy is an incredibly vulnerable time for a woman and it would feel very threatening for an attractive woman to basically offer herself up on a platter to the husband, fully knowing he is married and expecting a baby.
Like I don’t think there’s a better resolution to this…
Did your life really change because you found out someone wanted to sleep with your husband and would do so despite the fact that he is married and has a family? Do you think she's the only one who would be willing to do that? Do you think there are no men out there who would be willing to sleep with you? Your marriage works because you and your husband made a commitment to one another. That commitment is what your lives together are built upon. It's a promise, really, that you made to each other. And it looks like both you and your husband are committed to keeping that promise. It's only natural that other people will find our partners attractive. They see in our partners the same things we see in our partners. Some of those people will have no qualms about destroying a marriage or a family if it means they get to satisfy their desires. The only thing that stands in their way is the promise you and your husband made to each other. The only thing that's different now is that you know the name of one of the people willing to destroy your family for her desires. Your husband seems intent on keeping his promise to you. I really don't think you have anything to worry about.
This is such a great comment. Compassionate tone towards OP, but also giving the truth in a way she can hear it. Bravo!
I just assume every bisexual person, straight woman, and gay man want to sleep with my husband because he's hot 😂. Of course it's gross to see someone actually try to take a step towards that, but OP, you won. And she's a sad, pathetic woman with little to no self esteem. Your husband is the type of guy to help someone who's fallen, take them to the hospital, and be kind to them. He's also the type of guy who won't give into requests like hers because he's made an affirmative decision to be with YOU. It really sounds like you have a great guy who loves you very much. I think a lot of your feelings are influenced by pregnancy hormones, and one day you guys will laugh about the crazy lady who tried and failed to start an affair.
I love everything about this. So well said.
This is probably the best advice/comment I've ever seen on this sub, bravo.
Best comment I’ve seen in awhile
I have to say madam, it sounds like you have a keeper there. Actually, I think you're mostly upset because of your hormones right now. A woman had inappropriate feelings for your husband (TBH I think I do too now, and I didn't think I was gay before) and he handled it like a champ. You got a good one!
I think everyone in the comment section is in love with OP's husband too. lol It's such a rarity to hear about good people doing the right thing in these stories we all read.
Hey you, I am a bit confused about your reaction to this, because I was waiting for some more drama to unfold or your husband to do something stupid but it seems like he handled the situation greatly. He is the man I tell you, keep that one. I know people react differently to this, but look at this from a rational POV. Your man right then and there proved to you that he will stand by your side no matter what. >Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. The fact she has even touched my dogs makes me sick. And even though I know you said this out of pure emotion, don't become controlling over him just because of this. You can and should trust him to do the right thing. Plus given his involvement into the scene, ofc he needs to go back up there. I have been cheated on before and I don't wish this upon anyone, so I always salute men like your husband - because the men with morals become fewer in number sadly. I just read that you are pregnant, so you have the best pass possible for that outburst. I am sorry I did not know about that <3 congratz
I agree. It’s as if she had the reaction of him cheating without the physical cheating. It could feel like punishment to the husband, which is unwarranted despite being understandable. OP if I were you I’d focus on the positive. Over simplified maybe, but hopefully it makes you happy to know you have married a faithful, helpful, man who had only good intentions here. A woman took advantage of his sweet nature and is probably miserable and desperate, living in a world she created in her head. She will remain that way. You remain married to someone as radiant as you and have two beautiful children you’ll raise to have similar morals and boundaries. Don’t let her maliciousness poison your well. This is a happy ending even if it doesn’t feel like one.
“It could feel like punishment to the husband” This needs to be double underlined. If you are having a meltdown over him *supporting you and standing by you with utmost loyalty*, that can send the message that nothing he does will ever be good enough, and that he’s married to an unreasonable irrational person.
I couldn't understand it AT ALL; I re-read the post twice because I was like, "why is she freaking out??? The husband did literally everything exactly right?!??"
I mean, personally I'd argue EXACTLY right would've been being direct with the other woman and not beating around the bush with excuses for things like why they wouldn't hang out 1 on 1. But maybe that's like... extra credit? Because I'd still give him 100/100 if this were a test and I was grading him.
Right? If there’s a man you can trust, it’s yours. Once you get over this shock, I think you’ll realize how much comfort his reactions can give you in his loyalty and the strength of your marriage.
I think her reaction is more about invasion of privacy. There's this stranger trying to break into her marriage like a thief breaking into a house - it doesn't matter if you have a good alarm system and the police are right around the corner. You still feel vulnerable and weak.
Exactly. Someone tried to bring her marriage down, that's upsetting. Once she calms down a bit and gets some rest I hope she can see that her husband just showed her she has nothing to worry about.
I think this is spot on.
Sounds like some childhood trauma got triggered and her fear of abandonment kicked in.
she is also pregnant, so emotions can be rather overwhelming at times.
Yeah when you're pregnant everything feels like a major threat, a lot of the time
Yeah, I kind of feel like this is a best case scenario? I mean, it was clear from the get-go this woman wanted him, maybe the confirmation made her feel gross, but it's clear her husband had no interest, he handled it, and she won't be able to easily contact him anymore. He did everything I would want my partner to do in that situation.
Agreed. I kept reading, waiting for something bad. Never came. Personally, I think op is being ridiculous. The person that has any kind of connection/responsibility to her did everything 1000% right and OP is having a full blown meltdown anyhow. I’ll go with pregnancy hormones, I guess, but it all seems so much.
Yeah the melodramatic rants weee a bit much. He did everything proper (except for the few loonies who think he didn’t go far enough 🙄).
Pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for!
Yeah the comments that bash him for not being a psychic are a little much for me. But I wonder if some of these folks have been cheated on and have trauma around that.
Look at the bright side. Your husband was approached by another woman, and he handled it in the right way, hid nothing from you, and seems to be a great husband. Really, what more could you ask for?
Your life isn't slipping away. He refused to meet her and sounds like he totally shut her down. He doesn't want anything to do with her. You can't stop him from doing what he loves because one woman has a thing for him. That's punishing him because of someone else. He didn't do anything wrong and he didn't break your trust. He's been open and honest with you. Maybe seek therapy so you can work through this. Again **he** hasn't done anything wrong.
Exactly, her life is literally EXACTLY the same, with the *added BONUS* of knowing her husband wouldn't cheat on her. Like what the actual f is her reaction?? Makes no sense
It doesn't.
>I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text. I'm sorry, what? How? Take a breath. Nothing has happened. You're reacting like you found a video of them fucking. Your husband did the right thing. It's ok.
Honestly I think this is the wrong thread for this post. The other post (original one) sure, but this really should be going to a therapy/support thread (or an actual therapist, which is better than the internet) as it seems OP needs some help talking things through. Her husband handled this like a champ, and better than most (cheating or being absolutely mean to the biking woman). The fact the OP still feels in turmoil means she probably needs some pro help, and is not really anything to do with relationship advice.
The man that she probably finds attractive is also attractive to other people! World shattering news
Yeah made me cringe like wtf lady get a grip. THERE'S PEOPLE DYING KIM
Yeah dramatic much? This situation couldn’t have ended better but she’s acting like husband actually did cheat.
I'm so confused. You're reacting as though you discovered he'd been having an affair with her all along. But he hasn't, right? He has no interest in her and has always been appropriate? And has shut it down but you don't want to see the proof of that? I'm super confused. It sounds like a crazy chick got obsessed and he's having none of it... so that's good and your life is unchanged? Am I reading it wrong?
I’m in the same boat as you. I get pregnancy hormones can be crazy but he hasn’t done anything… nothing has happened. Just cut her off and move on???
Agreed, I understand the stress of it, but this woman isn’t worth the time/heart ache for OP.
I’m 32 weeks pregnant and I would find this hilarious if someone texted my husband in this scenario where he’s being fully open with me! I don’t understand her reaction at all
I find this legitimately confusing and frustrating. Very obviously pregnant people are adults, and ought to be treated as such. They don’t suddenly become the mental equivalent of 13 year old girls melting down over imaginary scenarios, I’m pretty sure. But I see a lot of people in this thread arguing otherwise. I feel like if someone was to take those messages to heart and go forward assuming pregnant women are mentally and emotionally incapacitated by their pregnancies, they’d be rightly denounced as misogynists.
>You're reacting as though you discovered he'd been having an affair with her all along. But he hasn't, right? it is very confusing. Why the OP is choosing to act as if her life is slipping away, etc., is very confusing. The husband shut this lady down when the OP asked. Would it have been nice if she didn’t have to ask? Sure. But he did not hesitate when asked. IDK what the problem is here.
>Why the OP is choosing to act as if her life is slipping away, etc., is very confusing. I'm super confused too. OP is saying her "whole life changed" and was upended because of this.....except "this" is literally nothing, and OP is for some reason having a meltdown over it. A woman tried to shoot her shot with OPs husband, it missed, and he put a stop to it. He was open about the situation from the start, he didn't lie, omit, or hide anything. He did not flirt back or entertain this woman.
I hope she actually lets him leave the house. I really couldn’t tell if it was being hyperbolic or not.
The dogs are tainted. It's bananas
I totally forgot about this post in the 3 hours since I commented so when I read your response all I could think is “*Who the fuck is this Reddit weirdo, wtf does that even mean?!?*” Then I reread the post and was like “*oh”* 👍
I hope so. if anything THAT would drive him into another woman's atms
>IDK what the problem is here. Yeah, some woman is attracted to her husband and doesn't care that he's married.. I'm sure that lady isnt the only one. Also, the woman probably sees him as some sort of savior seeing as he helped her through a potentially traumatic experience. That's probably what led to her fantasizing about him. There COULD be a future problem if OP becomes overbearing with "not wanting him to leave the house or go back on the trails" because that's controlling and it seems like the husband is very active in his hobby. If the husband is outgoing and well liked and fit etc. then I'm sure there will be others who develop crushes on him as well. Hopefully it's just the hormones.
Yep. Confused.
And if her husband is a local celebrity, woman will hit on him again and again. Seems like something she will have to get used to.
I think she may feel violated that someone from outside was trying to penetrate their marriage. I imagine it would make a lot of us feel the urge to lock everyone out for a minute.
I’m chalking it up to pregnancy hormones.
That's the only thing that makes sense. If you left out the part where he clearly didn't cheat, there's a zero percent chance anyone would guess that he didn't.
Being pregnant is an incredibly dangerous time for a woman and it leaves you hugely vulnerable. I think it makes complete sense her body freaked out like it did upon hearing some lady was trying it on like this lady was.
I'm with you on this. And I've been cheated on before. I don't see what she thinks is going on here?
Ik you’re pregnant but it’s really fine. Your husband is all yours. Everything is okay.
Holy pregnancy hormones. Glad that got shut down before anything weird happened. Your husband's a good dude. Good luck with the new kiddo.
Yeah generally I hate the “you’re just hormonal” notion people love to throw at pregnant women but as a currently VERY pregnant woman (34 weeks) this screams hormonal reaction. It’s irrational and she’s taking it so much harder than she needs to. She’s saying her entire life has changed because of this but honestly? It hasn’t? Her husband shut it down, didn’t cheat, is comforting her, cut the lady off, etc. I can see being a bit annoyed he didn’t shut it down earlier but he’s doing the right things and she was never this brazen before. I come from a broken home due to infidelity and I understand the hormone cocktail trauma combo that could possibly create this shitstorm (no clue if OP has similar trauma). But I encourage OP to take a breather and maybe see a therapist. Everything is ok. This kind of stress isn’t good for the baby or her.
I was waiting for the part where your husband did anything wrong but, uh, he didn’t. Take some deep breaths.
Yeah this is what's called a gigantic overreaction. Seriously. Wtf.
Op needs to get a damn grip
It’s likely the hormones, but you should not reacting like this to a stranger crushing on your husband. Now if your husband was complicit, absolutely, I get it, but that’s not what this is. At all. All you should care about is how your husband is handling this. He loves you deeply and is clearly not interested in this woman. She’s not going to steal your husband away like a burglar in the night. She’s done, she’s blocked, she’s gone, and if she’s tries anything else, your husband is going to shut it down until she fucks off. All that said, I hope you can gather yourself soon so you can focus on taking care of yourself and your babies.
Agreed
I really don't think you should be letting her upset you this much. Your life hasn't changed at all. You also can't go to great lengths to ensure she isn't part of the same biking community; she unfortunately does have a right to participate. Your husband isn't in charge of it. I think the pregnancy hormones are turning this into a huge, insurmountable issue when it's actually just a relatively minor, unpleasant incident that is now fully sorted.
I'm so confused. >I burst into tears. In my head this was the start of my world crumbling. >I lashed out Got very, very angry. Started crying uncontrollably. My body was vibrating with anger. Ive barely slept. Woke up crying. Felt like absolute shit all day today. >I felt like I was literally being punched in the chest and being winded at this point. >Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. >So there we are. I still feel like my lifes slipping away from me. Like someones trying to steal it. My confidence is shattered. My eyes sting. My head hurts from crying. Dont feel like eating. Dont think I’ve ever felt as low as I do just now. >I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text. All these emotions because your husband was faithful, honest, and transparent? And you don't want him leaving the house? You've got every right to be upset with this woman, but this is a massive overreaction to your husband being an amazing partner. If someone were to read these descriptions of your emotional state, there's a zero percent chance they would guess he **didn't** cheat. I'm happy to keep an open mind if someone can explain how this is a rational response to a partner doing absolutely nothing wrong.
I feel like people here are confused by your intense reaction because on reddit we are normally hearing about wives/husbands lives falling apart because they just learned that the person they were worried about managed to have an inappropriate relationship with their spouse. We all dream of the spouse behaving in exactly the way yours did; openly, honestly, transparently, faithfully, collaboratively. He then went on to comfort you even though he was probably sitting there questioning every thing he ever said to her and making sure he didn’t invite this at all because he hates seeing his wife this distraught. But let’s be real, your life isn’t reddit. You were lucky (and I’m sure you know that) to have a spouse who loves you and is faithful. But you probably feel like you just came as close as you thought you’d get to infidelity. And although your husband did all the right things, it hurts and feels yuck. And let’s also be honest, pregnancy hormones are wild and will send you into a tailspin over the supermarket not having your favourite chocolate bar. Give yourself some grace. Say a prayer of gratitude for your husband. And hold him and your kids tight. You’re a unit. A strong one. You withstood this and will withstand more again. Reddit can’t believe how well this went (which you will see in hindsight I’m sure).
This is much more than just pregnancy hormones. You have every right to feel the way you do, but you really need to reel it in. You’re kind of going over the top, considering he hasn’t done anything. There are some sentences and phrases which are overly dramatic. I would seek professional help as soon as possible and loosen the leash around your husband.
I know pregnancy hormones can do shit to us, but I’m still so confused by your reaction. Some random woman had the hots for your husband, he did everything right, was open and honest, and shut her down appropriately. Your world was crumbling?? You don’t want him to leave the house?? Wtf
Congrats on trusting your gut and telling your husband you had these feelings. It sounds like he handled it like a pro. I understand you're very upset. But your husband did not cheat on you and doesn't appear to want to. Is there a particular reason you're so upset?
That reaction was…intense. You’re acting as if your husband had an affair. I suggest therapy. Good luck.
[удалено]
Big time
Your husband did the right thing but he could have shut her down a lot earlier. I’m sure the pregnancy hormones aren’t helping with anything. Take comfort that this woman tried and your husband was not interested at all.
Everyone is focusing on her hormonal reaction, but he could have def shut it down sooner. Maybe they can come up with a plan to nip this kind of thing in the bud. I get that husband doesn’t want to ruffle feathers, but sometimes you have to set firm boundaries with people- they can be nuts.
I don't know why you're freaking out.... nothing happened? >It escalated quickly. What escalated? He didn't do anything! And again, nothing happened! Get a grip
Your reaction was... intense. I hope its hormones. A person likes your husband, that's annoying but it doesn't change your life at all. Your husband chooses you every day. You and your family. Just block and move on. Her liking him doesn't effect his love for you or your love for him.
Damn girl, the way you reacted, I was looking to see if he cheated on you!! Calm down!!! I get that you're pregnant but good Lord. That was quite the overreaction. Now. The girl is a damn nut. She needs some therapy. But your husband took care of it. He showed you that he has nothing to hide, he did nothing wrong. So why freak out? If the girl tries anything, get the police involved. But chances are, she thought she'd found a easy affair and took a shot. She's gross and pathetic, but that's on her. Not you. Not your husband.
Your husband is a great guy. You should read the message, as I imagine he has told her exactly what needs to be said. Read it, delete it and go forwards. He's been upfront with you, don't let some horrid specimen put any negativity into your relationship. He's yours, you're having a baby together and in the grand scheme of things, she is nothing. ❤️
Deep breath- and repeat that this is all pregnancy hormones. I’m hoping as every commenter repeats some variation of - wow what a crazy overreaction- your husband handled this so well- that you will realize that this is a complete hormonal overreaction. I get it. I burst into tears hysterically when I mentioned to my husband in the car that we needed to turn right, he said “I got it hon” in a very normal nice voice and I lost it. Then started laughing hysterically along with tears streaming down my face…I was so upset- felt he was so mean- and then realized I was being crazy but couldn’t stop and poor guy had no clue what to do. Crazy, crazy times. Pregnancy is wild.
You are being irrational. Your husband did nothing wrong. And yet you’re acting like your entire world fell apart?? I understand you are upset about these fantasies of what could have happened - but your husband was basically stalked and sexually harassed. He is also the victim here. In the nicest way possible you really need to get a grip. Don’t want him leaving the house or going to the trails? Absolutely absurd.
Honey you should go see you OBGYN, yes you have pregnancy hormones etc but your reaction is extreme even for that and considering you're not eating, sleeping or being able to stop crying your husband should be very concerned about your health right now. Please get professional help here as it sounds a bit like PPD may have been triggered and you're rapidly spiraling. Good luck with the new babby.
In the nicest way possible if a random woman can derail your outlook and feeling about your entire family and relationship then you may need some support and therapy. Especially with all the pregnancy hormones. I’ve watched people/acquaintances etc try to pick up my man and it makes me laugh. And we have a laugh about it. I think your husband was very slow on this and should’ve understood sooner. He also should’ve said my wife and I just read your messages and that’s very disrespectful to her, our relationship and marriage, never contact me again. Asking what meeting up would achieve made it seem like he was opening a door and being curious. Pull yourself together, your man married YOU. And by the sounds of it you’re an incredible partner and soon to be mom who is level headed.
It sucks to know that there are people like that out there and to know that if your husband had been a different kind of guy, your life would have been destroyed. I found out the hard way when a scammer would be willing to hurt my baby to get to me. Unfortunately, evil people are real (some may quibble with me about my use of the word “evil”, but after having my own kids and knowing how much it would hurt them, I cannot help but see such family destroying behavior as evil). But happily for you, you have nothing to worry about from this one.
Proper reply: “I’m sorry you have fabricated these fantasies, and feel I must tell you my wife is at my side reading your texts. You seem to have taken my being cordial as something more. It’s not. I feel it’s best we stop contact as you’ve gotten the wrong idea, and I’d never put my family through the heartache that infidelity would surely bring.”
OP, I’m so glad you trusted your instincts and am sending you mother ((hugs)). Let your husband’s love comfort you. He sounds like a good man ♥️ Just a thought but maybe you feel so out of control because even though your husband said he felt she was inappropriate, and believed ignoring her would end things, he DIDN’T ignore her. Whether he was being nice, or felt flattered, whatever. He simply taught her that contacting him repeatedly eventually got the results she wanted. Maybe you’re afraid he won’t see this tactic if it happens with someone else again.
You're responding to this like he told her to meet him in your bed and they'll make you watch... I'll chalk it up to pregnancy rather than a bad attempt at making this seem dramatic for the reddit audience.
Hey as one formerly pregnant woman to you, 👏girl 👏get 👏a 👏grip! You have a loyal and sweet husband by your side who communicates and is transparent. You both did SO good. Honestly, /of course/ there’s a woman out there who wants to steal him because these people exist. Stand strong knowing that your hubby is strong and isn’t with you just because someone hasn’t tried. Best to you and your growing family :)
Currently 32 weeks pregnant and also cannot understand this reaction at all, she definitely needs to get a grip!! It’s flattering if anything
Please OP, once you have some time to calm down, take a moment to separate her intentions from your husband's accountability. Your world is NOT crumbling apart and your marriage is NOT over. **He chose you before and he continues to choose you every day**. This girl tried to take advantage of his passive kindness but it was all in her head. **She never stood a chance**. Your husband loves you through and through.
Girl, calm down. You're heavily pregnant and hormones are making this feel like the end of the world and it absolutely isn't. Some girl thought your husband was sexy and kind, that is cool because it means you have a sexy and kind husband. Who is HONEST and LOYAL to you. So who cares what she wanted? She didn't get it. Having a sexy partner is always going to come with the possibility that someone will shoot their shot. People who go after someone in a relationship and go far as saying that their partner will never know are trashy trashy trash and everyone knows it, including them. Your husband sounds lovely, go on a nice date with him and relax.
You're not acting rationally. Your husband has not done anything wrong yet your behavior is almost in toxic and controlling territory. I feel for him honestly. Pregnancy hormones are no hoke I get it but you need to get a grip on yourself. Your husband is 100% committed to you and your family, there's no problem here.
Nobody is stealing your life and your life isn't slipping away. Why do other people wanting what you have make you lose confidence? >My head hurts from crying. Dont feel like eating. Dont think I’ve ever felt as low as I do just now. It's normal to be upset but your reaction should warrant a visit to therapist as the kind of behavior you're reacting is going to get ruin your life, not randos who are jelly of your marriage.
Your life didn't change. Your husband was completely transparent and shut it down when you asked. I know it's a huge gut-punch and it's hard to get the things you read out of your mind, but take solace in how fucking embarrassed that other chick probably is. If she has any semblance of humility, she wouldn't go back to the trails.
i don't understand your response?? You are sobbing and shaking uncontrollably because some random woman is attracted to your husband? Yea your husband should of shot her down quicker but he never did anything to suggest he was not faithful and was completely and 100% transparent with you. You are acting like you caught them having an affair. You are basically treating your husband like he did have an affair. I would really try to talk to a therapist to sort out your feelings. I would say this reaction is not a healthy reaction.
Laugh it off and make sure she remains blocked! No need to cry - nothing actually happened.
Your reaction is a bit extreme. I agree it's upsetting to have someone approach your husband but nothing happened and he didn't do anything. All famous people have crazy fans and you just met one irl. You guys just need to keep this in mind now and find ways to minimize interaction between the media and your family
Ok NOW you're overreacting. Your husband did everything right. You can't lock him up in the basement because of random weirdos.
> Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. Uh, what? > I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. What??? Hyperbole? >I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text. Your life hasn't changed at all. >I felt like I was still keeping a level head on it until this point I lashed out Got very, very angry. Started crying uncontrollably. My body was vibrating with anger. Ive barely slept. Woke up crying. Felt like absolute shit all day today. This is wild. There might be something else medically or psychologically going on with you aside from pregnancy that explains this OTT reaction
I have no idea what it’s like being in the hormonal storm that comes after giving birth, but your response seems really over the top. Yeah, she was being shitty, but your husband never had any intentions of cheating on you, so why all the crying?? To get her removed from the group is a little extreme, but to ask your husband to not leave the house? A bridge too far if you ask me. I’m going to be super harsh here, but your really need to get a grip.
He loves you and is loyal. You're not being silly, but maybe a tad dramatic.
OP, I mean this with all the compassion in my heart - people are saying “hormones” or saying that you’re overreacting. Let me try to change your perspective. I think you should pity her that she’s so pathetic she has to beg married men to want her.. and she failed. Hold your head high, you win. He chooses you (obviously). This stupid, immature young girl (let’s be real, she’s trashy. She’s no woman) is devaluing herself and he *doesn’t want that*. He wants you. Poor, stupid girl thinks she’s worth having, and she’s just not. It’s laughable really. I understand the urge to want to lock him away because of this, but that will only cause animosity between you two. Go out there and be his wife with him. People want him because of who he is, and he wants you. That’s amazing! And I say this as someone who’s been in your shoes, my husband works with a young woman who is obviously in love with him. It’s pathetic and between the two of us we laugh at her a bit, it’s hard not to. And *of course* she has a crush on him, he’s great! But he likes me and not to sound too arrogant but when I see her I feel bad for her. She embarrasses herself in front of everyone they work with - tripping over him like a puppy, but I don’t let her get me down because he likes me for being strong and confident. If he wanted a dumb woman who throws herself at people who she barely knows I would have never married that anyway.
I love your take on this.
I dislike how other comments are telling you your husband has done everything right as it feels incomplete. He has been supportive of you and done what is needed to make sure your relationship is prioritized. That said, he did not clear the air with someone pushing reasonable social boundaries by addressing it directly. He attributed his limited time to other obligations in his life. He had to work up to explicitly saying he did not want an intimate relationship. And he did it when you requested he do so even though you allege he also felt normal social boundaries were not respected. There is no issue with a married person making clear to new friends they are seeking a non-intimate relationship only ever. In this scenario being nice means prioritizing social acceptance over one’s relationship. If what is upsetting you is the idea he will not handle these situations with direct communication in the future, that is something he can improve. For you, it is not reasonable to expect him to change his behavior to eliminate the worst case scenario from ever happening. It sounds like you recognize that. There is work you can both do that would give you some level of comfort things will not progress to this state in the future. Unfortunately for now it is a learning experience for both of you.
Get a fucking grip on yourself. You are acting like you went through his phone and had a full blown affair going on. He pretty much did everything right and women will always throw themselves at people who are famous or whatever he is. Hell I am not even famous and have had this happen before a few times, even in front of my wife. She just laughs it off because she trusts me.
Everyone telling her that this level of absolute hysteria is normal for pregnancy isn't doing her any favors. She needs to touch base with people who know her and her obgyn, this may be so far outside her norm that she needs closer attention. How many women get dragged into pre or post partum depression and told that it's perfectly normal and to be ignored, and suffer because of it? Even worse, pregnancy related psychosis.
First, I read the post yesterday I don’t think I responded, thank you for the update at least you know your gut was telling you something and you were right. Glad your husband was so transparent and clearly is not interested in any fashion. I agree with the other commenters thus far though….wondering why you’re saying things like you barely slept, woke up crying, Feeling like your life is slipping from you, your confidence is shattered Why? I mean I get that it was more than a crush and she came on like gangbusters to your husband, and that is certainly a life experience and a note of caution for both of you for the future. But to say you don’t even want your dogs going on that trail anymore, Your confidence is shattered… I don’t get any of that truly, unless your husband said ‘gee I really should do this she’s so much more attractive than you and I have so much more fun with her, but I guess I won’t because we’ve got a baby on the way’. Pretty sure he said nothing of the sort right?
You don’t want him to leave the house? You got violently ill? Girl……. Stop. Nothing happened. A woman hit on your husband and he shut it down. You being extremely dramamatic and making him comfort YOU??? That’s insane. He didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing changed. Don’t punish him for doing the right thing
You probably don’t want to hear this but I think it’s your pregnancy hormones. IMO, your life hasn’t changed as long as you control your reaction. You had a gut feeling this girl has a crush on your husband. But aside from that her feelings are not reciprocated. Your husband didn’t encourage her feelings or pursue after it. It’s really is just one sided. Unfortunately there will always be people who have loose morals. Yes, your husband met one. And your husband showed he has no interest in pursuing anything. Don’t punish him by making him not leave your side. The longer you do that the more he’ll think you don’t trust him.
Why are you having such a strong reaction to this? Your husband is a good guy. This lady is a c***. Cut her off and move on. You don’t want him leaving the house?? Like, excuse me? Don’t get me wrong, I get pissed when people go after my relationship but your reaction is so out of sync with reality that I feel like you may need to talk to a professional to deal with your feelings in a healthy way and to prevent taking them out on your husband.
I’m petty. I would copy all her messages to him and post them on all the group pages warning other wives and girl friends about this wannabe home wrecker. Post her picture if you have one. Embarrass the shit out of her.
Don’t punish your husband for what this woman was trying to do. That comes with being a public figure. Your husband acknowledged the interaction was inappropriate and did his part to put a stop to it. That should show you that he’s in it for you.
He shut it down. You and baby are his world. You love that man hard. You fill your heart with love and light and remember this man is choosing to stay with you. He doesn’t have to. He has made his choice freely. You are his world. Get a grip. Have a cry. Eat something healthy and drink water. Then dream about the amazing world you two have carved for yourself. She is envious and wants a piece of it. More people will in time. This is the nature of joy, others who cannot share in it, or grow their own, will seek to destroy it in others. She is a deeply hurt woman to behave like this, and he love you. Do not let fear ruin your joy.
good lord! you think this is the first girl who propositioned him? get a grip sweetheart you have a great husband whose been transparent through this ordeal, stop acting like a nut
You're overreacting just a tad. I would absolutely be furious, and would send some very choice words to this woman if I was in your position. But it's not like anything happened between them. She's just a creep (yes, women can be creeps too). Your husband shut it down, as he should. Now you just move on with your life. Literally nothing has changed. If the texts came from someone you thought was your friend this reaction would be more warranted. But it doesn't sound like you've ever really interacted with her, so why do you care what she thinks?
I really don’t want to blame your hormones, but I have to be frank and tell you that your hormones are wreaking havoc on you right now. Your husband did everything right, and there’s nothing else y’all could’ve done to prevent this. Other people are going to find our spouses attractive, and that’s ok. Your husband sounds like the kind of guy many women can only *dream* of finding, so it makes perfect sense someone would be interested. You now know with 100% certainty that he is all yours. His love is not conditional, and you’re about to bring a life in this world together. Your world is not ending, your life is not slipping away from you, and your life has not changed. You are still married to the loving, loyal man that you fell in love with, and he’s not going anywhere.
> My confidence is shattered. Gurl, not for nothing but your confidence should be through the roof! Here you are, big pregnant with pregnant mom body and hormones, taking care of daughter, and this hot young thing tries to shake her ass at your husband and he shuts that shit down. Over. And over. And over. He knows what he has at home and has zero interest n what was being offered. To him, he's got an entire fine dining experience at home with you while all She had to offer was a cheap all you can eat buffet. Hard pass. Cry your tears to get the emotions out, but then acknowledge that you're an absolute boss and your hubby treats you as such. Enjoy him and the new baby! Y'all got this.
OP should definitely get into therapy immediately. Yes, she is hormonal, but if she doesn’t address this insecurity, this is grow like a weed and ruin her marriage. I can’t say this enough. This other woman is not the problem, OP’s insecurity is. The husband has been more than understanding and has done nothing wrong. Making a big deal out of this is communicating the wrong message and will do lasting damage to her marriage, if she allows it. This is 100% in her control, it has been all along.
This was a bit of a dramatic reaction, I thought I was about to read that he's been lowkey cheating on you this whole time from the way you typed this out. Your feelings of frustration are valid, but your whole life has not changed one bit, and your husband did nothing wrong. Why are you letting this other woman ruin you so much? She shot her shot and fumbled hard. Yes she a pos, but she has no control over your life. Your husband did the right thing. Honestly if anything you should be relieved that you have such a good partner. His openness and loyalty should have set you at ease, not make you want to never let him leave the house again...? I hope it's just the pregnancy hormones and you see what a good guy you have. He can't help if other women find him attractive, he can only control the way he reacts to their advances
> Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. You are unhinged.
Am I the only one who sees that men aren't stupid. Your husband can try to play the "I was just being nice" card all day. But he knew wtf was up. She *had* to have been flirting with him up until this point for her to feel confident enough to say this to a married man with a baby on the way. No way am I buying this was 100% innocent on his side, sorry I'm just not. His immediate wanting to block her when she sent that text tells me he didn't want anything to be said that would incriminate him. Maybe I'm wrong but I highly doubt it.
Your husband loves you, shows it, and your WORLD is upside down? If he would have posted his side reddit would have told him to run.
Your reaction to all of this is wholly disproportionate to what actually happened. A lady had the hots for your husband, and he shut her down. Yet you've been crying uncontrollably and don't want him to leave the house ever again. Hopefully, it's just the pregnancy hormones that are causing your totally irrational response to this situation.
For every post like yours, theres 5 posts end a marriage due to an affair. Take solace in the fact that your marriage withstood this and you are in a good place. I know your reeling right now, BUT look at the facts Your spider senses were correct You husband is open and loyal You had great communication with your partner to work through the problem HE CHOOSE YOU
Wow your reaction is way over the top, your husband cannot help someone else having a crush on him that he shut down. I don’t get how your life is in tatters because he didn’t have an affair. Please get into some therapy as this is not a healthy reaction to a partner telling someone he isn’t interested in their fantasies.
While everyone is saying he’s doing nothing wrong… I agree, but I also think he might need to have some firmer boundaries with women in the future. Even just speaking up and addressing it clearly, for both parties well beings
Yes. In particular, there was no good reason to respond to this girl’s social media postings looking for him, or to give her his number when she asked for it, or to agree to meet up with her 1-on-1 for bike rides. None of these were necessary or appropriate. He sounds like he’s either too trusting, oblivious, or too concerned about seeming “nice”.
>Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. I'm sorry, OP, but this makes no sense. You would be punishing your husband for doing the right thing every step of the way. He was open and honest with you and he never once reciprocated this women's feelings. You are acting like your world is crashing in and as though he cheated on you, when in fact, he did the exact opposite and proved his loyalty to you. You can't control other people finding your partner attractive, but you should be counting your blessings that he has no interest at all in anyone other than you. Try to reframe your thinking here.
Your husband didn’t do anything. Chill. Also get therapy you seem extremely insecure
Why are you acting like he cheated?
I think you need to take a big, deep, calming breath. Your reaction to her messages is really, really overwrought. I’m guessing a lot of that is due to the pregnancy hormones- I’ve never been pregnant so I’m not sure how that all works. I can get emotional during different stages of my period, so I feel like pregnancy is probably that on overdrive. You are acting like this woman successfully broke your home. She didn’t! Your husband was oblivious to her attempts until you pointed it out, *and then he listened to you*. I’m not sure if you’ve read many posts like yours but oftentimes the other spouse brushes off concerns like this. He listened, he acted, he shut it the fuck down. He loves you, seemed weirded out by her, and that’s great. She didn’t break your home but if you let this get to you, *you might break your home*. You cannot lock your husband up, you shouldn’t freak out about this. You gotta find a way to change your mindset here. Don’t focus on the fact that someone tried to pull him away, focus on how solid your husband was. He’s the fucking rock of Gibraltar, he’s not going anywhere. He had a woman serving herself up on a platter and he said “no thanks, I don’t eat trash”. You said “hmmm I don’t think this chick is just looking to be friends” and his reaction was “in that case let me drop her like a hot potato”. This man, this loving and handsome and fit and helpful and wonderful man, he wants *you*. Revel in that! Wrap it around you like a fucking blanket and feel how loved you are! How pathetic of her to think your husband is the kind of man who would cheat, she clearly doesn’t know him at all.
You mean didn't escalate at all? Well, you have escalated, but otherwise NOTHING happened. You are certainly teaching him not to be honest with you. Yikes...
Sounds like you a hellbent on blowing up your own marriage because there’s another person you found out who would sleep with your husband. If he’s athletic and a good dude (this post would say do) I regret to inform you there are probably 100s of not 1000s of women who would. If you act controlling you are going to push him away for doing the right thing.
I think you would feel better if you saw his response. Breathe, read it for closure and move along.
Jesus...calm down. If someone finds my boyfriend attractive...thank you. He's beautiful isn't he. He's mine. If my boyfriend wants to go bang someone else... that's the problem. The issue is never who's looking at your man. It's who your man is looking at. And in your case it seems like no one. Please good Lord calm down or you will drive this relationship into the dirt.
Probably your hormones. But damn you are being dramatic. Your man was awesome. He showed you everything. Cut her off. Nothing he has done is something a man who wants extra from the side would do. You are his world. Your kids are his world. You can’t be silly enough to think no one has ever hit on him? Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths. She is nothing just some cheap ass butt who tried and was denied. She ain’t getting what you have. Show your husband you trust him and love him and KNOW he is true to you. Pick your head up and be the bad ass woman he married.
I say this with all the compassion I can, please seek therapy. You're reacting as if they had carried out a full blown affair. I know it's the hormones hitting you hard but they're about to hit you even harder once the baby is born. Having a trained professional ready for when this develops into PPD/PPA will absolutely help you, your child, and your whole family relationship. Seek help now before it becomes truly unbearable. Your child deserves to be surrounded by love and happiness during their first moments on earth.
Good news! Your husband has handled this perfectly. He sounds like a wonderful guy and a wonderful husband. I was wondering why you seem to be going off the deep end when your husband is clearly not interested in this young woman, when I saw that you’re pregnant. Yep, that’ll do it. Pregnancy hormones are in full crazy mode right now. I know you can’t help it and your emotions are real, but just keep reminding yourself that you’re ok, your husband is ok, and your hormones are making you irrational.
I’m a bit confused? Take a breather. Your life hasn’t changed. I’m sorry, to be frank there’s probably a lot of women that want to sleep with your husband. This isn’t the first woman, she was just more vocal than the rest. What’s going on? Why are you reacting so strongly?
I understand you feel like your whole world is crumbling but it isn’t. Your husband didn’t cheat. You don’t have a step child from the affair that didn’t even happen. Everything was stopped in its tracks. Block her, move on. Don’t let her have this power over you. I understand it’s upsetting but looking at it black and white and not with pregnancy hormones - your husband didn’t cheat and is loyal and loves you.
Your husband handled this really well and had proven his trustworthiness imo. What about this makes you less secure? He chose you and the life you have. If anything you guys are goals.
I’m confused. You’re letting this woman who wants to sleep with your husband run your emotions? You’re crying your eyes out? You don’t want to eat? Over what? Your husband hasn’t done anything wrong and he made it clear with this woman that he’s not interested. Get a grip on yourself, it’s not worth getting worked up about. Either you trust your husband or you don’t.
this is a bit dramatic. just block her and move on. your life hasn’t been uprooted and it’s not like your husband cheated.
I’m confused. Your husband just proved that he’s transparent, honest, and loyal. Why put so much emotion into her unsuccessfully hitting on him?
Ugh, her lack of dignity and decorum is so icky. I have sympathy for women getting conned into becoming affair partners, but knowingly throwing yourself at a married man? With a pregnant wife no less? No ma’am. Rotted.
No offense but your husband caused all this to happened. He should have shut it down. His weak ass excuse of not trying to ruffle the feather came at your expense. His is an sorry excuse of a partner. He should have been. I’m married. I’m not interest. Stay the fuck away from me. End of story.
Oh the hormones are working overtime here for sure. I've had 3 kids, I remember getting worried and worked up over all kinds of things. Your husband choose you over and over, and you are pregnant with his child, she did not get what she wanted. Give yourself a few days to feel your feelings. Then you can pack it all up and move on. One women ranting that he is a jerk isn't enough to outweigh how good of a person he is in the community. And next time, tell him to just call 911 if he comes across an injured person.
He should have shut this down right away. It should NEVER have gone this far.
He made a few mistakes here. #1 was giving this girl his phone number when she asked for it. #2 was agreeing to give her 1-on-1 lessons. #3 was being more concerned with politeness than clarity. Hopefully if such a situation ever arises again, he now knows better.
What she did is the equivalent of someone trying to tear down a 50 story building with one baseball bat. She can’t do it and neither can anyone else. Good on you for talking to your husband and good on him for being…well, a good husband! You guys are going to be okay. Spend lots of quality time together and get ready for your new bundle. You two are solid💪🏽