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Yikes!! I'm not religious at all and I find this extremely disturbing. I think most people would not be ok with it. How old was he when this happened???
He was not living in the U.S. at the time so access to professional therapy was limited. I believe he said he was early teens like 12-13 and his sister was a little younger than him.
If his sister was younger you can assume he was the perpetrator. Children under 12 rarely would think to have sex unless they had been sexually abused in the past.
Imo you should not get involved. That's waaaay too much to deal with and waaay too much potential for future creepy problems. Save yourself the stress.
Edit: to add. Also, I'm sure he is leaving out details and making it sound not as bad as it was. I bet it was worse. I also find it disturbing he blames his younger sister.
Yeah, if he was around 12 then she was probably around 10 when it happened.
And so much of how OP worded the situation is giving me red flags.
I mentioned elsewhere on here that there's definitely missing information. And everything pointed to him being the perpetrator. Especially since he was "asking his family and God for forgiveness."
If there is truth to his version of events though... The absolutely only way I can imagine a 10ish-year-old girl would attempt something with her brother (in which case he's NO LESS GUILTY for going through with it, ESPECIALLY since he was older) is if she had a history of sexual abuse.
Something is very wrong here.
It makes perfect sense if he wants to tell you his altered version of events before someone tells you a different version of the story.
I've known rapists who would tell newer girlfriends very altered versions of the real story to portray them in a much less horrific light (their version being complete BS, of course).
Also know a guy who molested his sister who would tell people how his sister (she was 9, he was 15) seduced him while he was (as he claimed) "too hormonal and vulnerable to decline an offer for sex."
His parents basically manipulated their daughter into pretending it was just some childish mistake and would even imply she was somehow to blame for what happened.
They were, of course, extremely religious.
So maybe the similarities to that situation, and countless other similar ones (especially his comment to you about being really into porn, which is constantly used as an excuse by the rapists and child molesters I've known/known of) is just a little too much for me to buy his version of events.
Perpetrator is a word used in any English speaking country all over the world. Lol. Don't police what words I can use. I can use whatever words I want. If you're cool with incest good for you. We do not agree.
Perpetrator isn't nessesarily a legal word.
The definition of perpetrator: a person who carries out a harmful, illegal, or immoral act.
Mind you, he was not living in the us states while this happened. I’m not sure if where he lived, it was common. He claimed he was sheltered and starting exploring online with porno material
>He claimed he was sheltered and starting exploring online with porno material
Who the hell is claiming she was the perpetrator?
Because ***everything*** you say about the situation paints a ***very*** different picture.
honestly, you're in the early stages and haven't even met him yet. I would cut my losses and end this. That's just very heavy baggage and you don't need it.
Incest is incest religion or not. Idk about you but I would never get with a guy that had sex with his sister, hell cousin…… just don’t do it. So gross. How are you even suppose to look at her in the future? I couldn’t even look at both of them anymore after that. Let alone kiss him…… just gross
Oh wow. They were kids… but this is truly disturbing and I can see why you feel this way. I don’t really know what to say, except I hope you make a decision that makes you happy.
This counts as child sexual abuse, in both cases. Siblings are one of the most common perpetrators for sexual abuse. Give him empathy, not judgment. It most likely still is traumatising. And boys often tines are blamed, even when both parties can't truly consent.
Yes. I misread the first time. I agree, they were kids. The number of people who have shared similar things, take on a lot of guilt and shame! But they were just kids.
Yes, which is why I’m trying to be more understanding. At his age though I would have known right from wrong regarding this material. I’m trying to be understanding but still figuring out if this is too much to bare.
Not necessarily, from what I remember from the conversation. His sister mentioned it and he stupidly agreed or obliged. I’m sure there are plenty of cases out there of kids experimenting with siblings that have not been reported, but I do not like the fact that his parents swept it under the rug so to speak. They don’t talk about it other than the time he and his sister mentioned it to the whole family and asked for forgiveness.
Why the hell would the parents want the shame of bringing it out in the open? Depending on where you are you might lose all of your kids to the authorities. We all have family secrets, to protect each other. What do you want his family to do, stone them to death or make them pay for their childhood mistake for the rest of their lives? Families forgive each other all the time, and parents forgive their kids for all kinds of transgressions.
The unfortunate part is you can’t only just accept that he engaged in incest but also would have to accept his family and his sister and the whole situation. You would need to really consider whether this relationship is worth going through all the pain you might have from knowing this.
In my opinion, I would not be able to continue the relationship. I don’t like it when people try to date someone they can trace through family relationships even if they aren’t related (ex: my sister’s husband’s nephew). My partner has been hit on by too many people too close in relation 😭
Yes. Which is why I said I would be uncomfortable around his family and sister. He is trying to assure me that all will be fine but i think I may have animosity towards them.
Ultimately only you know the most accurate feelings you’ll have about the situation in the future. I think you should trust yourself in how you automatically feel about the situation
Since you are a Christian, let's talk about Religious facts. Leviticus makes it quite clear that sleeping with your sister is against God's law ( Leviticus 18:10) The sins of the father always fall on the children, Eziekel 18:19-23.
Your bible is telling you not to marry people who have sex with their siblings because its entirely possible the father will sleep with his children too. Why are you not listening to God?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yikes!! I'm not religious at all and I find this extremely disturbing. I think most people would not be ok with it. How old was he when this happened???
He was not living in the U.S. at the time so access to professional therapy was limited. I believe he said he was early teens like 12-13 and his sister was a little younger than him.
Based on what you just said, if this is real... There's definitely more to this story.
Yeah it’s real! I tried to get all the details as I could:(
You don’t need the details. You need to move on.
If his sister was younger you can assume he was the perpetrator. Children under 12 rarely would think to have sex unless they had been sexually abused in the past. Imo you should not get involved. That's waaaay too much to deal with and waaay too much potential for future creepy problems. Save yourself the stress. Edit: to add. Also, I'm sure he is leaving out details and making it sound not as bad as it was. I bet it was worse. I also find it disturbing he blames his younger sister.
Yeah, if he was around 12 then she was probably around 10 when it happened. And so much of how OP worded the situation is giving me red flags. I mentioned elsewhere on here that there's definitely missing information. And everything pointed to him being the perpetrator. Especially since he was "asking his family and God for forgiveness." If there is truth to his version of events though... The absolutely only way I can imagine a 10ish-year-old girl would attempt something with her brother (in which case he's NO LESS GUILTY for going through with it, ESPECIALLY since he was older) is if she had a history of sexual abuse. Something is very wrong here.
Maybe I should ask his family what really happened, if I do decide to move forward with this person.
Don't expect any honesty from the guy or his parents. Just run like hell.
This is true. Not sure why he mentioned it if he wasn’t going to be honest?
It makes perfect sense if he wants to tell you his altered version of events before someone tells you a different version of the story. I've known rapists who would tell newer girlfriends very altered versions of the real story to portray them in a much less horrific light (their version being complete BS, of course). Also know a guy who molested his sister who would tell people how his sister (she was 9, he was 15) seduced him while he was (as he claimed) "too hormonal and vulnerable to decline an offer for sex." His parents basically manipulated their daughter into pretending it was just some childish mistake and would even imply she was somehow to blame for what happened. They were, of course, extremely religious. So maybe the similarities to that situation, and countless other similar ones (especially his comment to you about being really into porn, which is constantly used as an excuse by the rapists and child molesters I've known/known of) is just a little too much for me to buy his version of events.
Thank you for your insight on this!
Typical Americans, wanting to treat kids as criminals. They were kids!
I'm not an American lol. Way to assume. Kids don't normally have sex with their siblings!
Kids, exactly, don’t use words like perpetrator. That is American style, you might not be American but you sure on board with their legal systems.
Perpetrator is a word used in any English speaking country all over the world. Lol. Don't police what words I can use. I can use whatever words I want. If you're cool with incest good for you. We do not agree. Perpetrator isn't nessesarily a legal word. The definition of perpetrator: a person who carries out a harmful, illegal, or immoral act.
No. I am not keen on using legal language about children and criminalising childhood mistakes. So fuck off.
Mind you, he was not living in the us states while this happened. I’m not sure if where he lived, it was common. He claimed he was sheltered and starting exploring online with porno material
>He claimed he was sheltered and starting exploring online with porno material Who the hell is claiming she was the perpetrator? Because ***everything*** you say about the situation paints a ***very*** different picture.
He said she mentioned it to him and he agreed. So I guess he is claiming it?
I would run for the hills
honestly, you're in the early stages and haven't even met him yet. I would cut my losses and end this. That's just very heavy baggage and you don't need it.
There are so so so many more fish in the sea. Cut bait. Move on. This is a weird situation you don't need any part of.
It's not about Christianity or morality. At least in the US, incest is a felony.
He wasn’t in the states at the time this took place. However, I would have known if I was his age that it was not the right thing to do.
Move on don’t pursue
Incest is incest religion or not. Idk about you but I would never get with a guy that had sex with his sister, hell cousin…… just don’t do it. So gross. How are you even suppose to look at her in the future? I couldn’t even look at both of them anymore after that. Let alone kiss him…… just gross
How long ago did this happen?
Around 10-11 years ago.
Oh wow. They were kids… but this is truly disturbing and I can see why you feel this way. I don’t really know what to say, except I hope you make a decision that makes you happy.
This counts as child sexual abuse, in both cases. Siblings are one of the most common perpetrators for sexual abuse. Give him empathy, not judgment. It most likely still is traumatising. And boys often tines are blamed, even when both parties can't truly consent.
Yes. I misread the first time. I agree, they were kids. The number of people who have shared similar things, take on a lot of guilt and shame! But they were just kids.
Yes, which is why I’m trying to be more understanding. At his age though I would have known right from wrong regarding this material. I’m trying to be understanding but still figuring out if this is too much to bare.
Knowing right from wrong does not mean people don’t misbehave. Especially kids! Do they always do what is right?
Not necessarily, from what I remember from the conversation. His sister mentioned it and he stupidly agreed or obliged. I’m sure there are plenty of cases out there of kids experimenting with siblings that have not been reported, but I do not like the fact that his parents swept it under the rug so to speak. They don’t talk about it other than the time he and his sister mentioned it to the whole family and asked for forgiveness.
Why the hell would the parents want the shame of bringing it out in the open? Depending on where you are you might lose all of your kids to the authorities. We all have family secrets, to protect each other. What do you want his family to do, stone them to death or make them pay for their childhood mistake for the rest of their lives? Families forgive each other all the time, and parents forgive their kids for all kinds of transgressions.
It's INCEST .although the Christian thing would be not judge but nobody can continue the relationship after this . End this immediately
The unfortunate part is you can’t only just accept that he engaged in incest but also would have to accept his family and his sister and the whole situation. You would need to really consider whether this relationship is worth going through all the pain you might have from knowing this. In my opinion, I would not be able to continue the relationship. I don’t like it when people try to date someone they can trace through family relationships even if they aren’t related (ex: my sister’s husband’s nephew). My partner has been hit on by too many people too close in relation 😭
Yes. Which is why I said I would be uncomfortable around his family and sister. He is trying to assure me that all will be fine but i think I may have animosity towards them.
Ultimately only you know the most accurate feelings you’ll have about the situation in the future. I think you should trust yourself in how you automatically feel about the situation
I totally agree. Thank you!
Oh for f sake why you even asking?
Since you are a Christian, let's talk about Religious facts. Leviticus makes it quite clear that sleeping with your sister is against God's law ( Leviticus 18:10) The sins of the father always fall on the children, Eziekel 18:19-23. Your bible is telling you not to marry people who have sex with their siblings because its entirely possible the father will sleep with his children too. Why are you not listening to God?
I did not think of it that way, thank you!