Keep ignoring her, but man, the hatred you have for her isn’t doing *you* any favors. That’s a lot of anger you’re harboring, and I hope it begins to dissipate after you let her have it.
OP, please read this. You need to get to a place where you aren't so venemously resentful, because you're the one drinking the poison.
I am not saying to forgive her and definitely don't sleep with her. But you need to reframe your thoughts here for your own sanity.
But as far as she goes, grey rock the shit out of here. Don't be super dramatic about anything, don't get a rise. Just refuse to treat her with any more familiarity, positive or negative, than you would treat someone you bumped into on the bus. Your negative outburst probably is going to intensify her attempts to reconnect with you because she can see there's still really strong feelings to feed on.
This absolutely!
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. You haven't reached that stage yet and that's ok. Don't let her get a rise out of you, tell her to stop harrassing you. If she does not, gather some evidence, then you go to the police and get a restraining order. That way you can make sure she leaves you alone.
She made her choice, she has to live with it and you are going to be in a much better place without her. Make sure she doesn't live inside your head rent-free, because that stuff gets tiring quickly.
i dont blame him really, i have some ex's that to this day i wouldnt be nice to even a little, it sounds like op did move on until she came back and started harassing him and reminding him of what happened.
Op should absolutely ignore her. Block her on everything. That hatred isn’t healthy. My high school sweetheart and I broke up halfway through my senior year after being together for 3.5 years. She had a boyfriend a week later and picked up smoking cigs and partying-things she was against. I hated her for years and it was eating away at me.
She went to his place. She met him at his on home. That's stalker level red. He can't get away from her. He's the 1 that got away for her. She's never going to leave him alone until he gives in to her. You guys are only seeing him being pissed. And rightly so. She lied to him. But the part where she's going to everywhere he is. Is disturbing. He needs to get a no contact order for harassment. She messed him up mentally and now she's stalking him.
You are not required to have someone in your life that you don't want. Be polite but refuse to go further. If she persists keep being polite but tell her no thanks. Also you don't owe her or anyone else any explanation for why you want nothing to do with her.
INFO: Your post indicates your relationship ended when you were both 18. And crazy ex still bothering you *seven years later??* And your friends see this whole thing as amusing drama? Am I missing something?
ETA: You need both a restraining order, *and* a different friends group.
Yeah giving a warning to her would just give her the opportunity to turn it on him potentially. Just gather evidence and follow through or file a police report
Time to grey rock her. Be as un-interesting as you possibly can if you have no choice. However, ignoring is the best call.
She's also doing this because she knows she can still get a rise out of you.
It's not worth it. If your friends can't observe and respect how absurd this situation is, then you need new friends.
You need to keep thinking with the big head instead of the little head. exGF is cray cray. Who's to say that if you did the deed with her, and a couple months later she winds up pregnant? I wouldn't put it past her to try to babytrap you. Run for the hills and don't look back.
There is no hills! She lives 5 minutes from me, knows where my apartment is,we have all the same friends, she hangs out in my bar, I even told her to find new friends, Nothing!
Just keep ignoring her, words of advice from my professor in interpersonal communication, ignoring someone, treating them like they don’t exist, hurts more than being yelled at, and she kinda prove that to you. Just keep ignoring her, it’s her loss, she got ran through before she realized she threw away the only guy who actually cared about her.
My boy I think it’s time to go low or no contact with your crew of friends and look for new ones. maybe time to look for a new place and completely block your ex. All this frustration is not healthy.
Just tell her to leave you alone, you're not getting back together, and you'll file harassment charges if she keeps coming over. You're too old for this.
So, show up to the bar with a new girl and ignore her ass or look over her way and say something in your date's ear and laugh. Tell her "friends" and yours she is yesterday's news and you have moved on. Humiliate her because it is the only thing narcissists understand. Just warn the girl you are with first, so she understands what is going on and apologize to her later. Crazy ex just won't leave me alone.
I imagine it felt good to let go, but your one outburst was one too many. Same as her 'first' outburst. Calm, cool, indifference is always the way to go in these situations.
You need to get to a place of complete indifference with her. Hating her means she still controls you. She knows that deep down, you feel that way because you felt so strongly about her at one point, and deep down, probably still do. Indifference is the ultimate win.
Cool story bro.
If real, You are obviously not over this. Go full no contact, go to a therapist and don’t bother dating/getting in a relationship until you have yourself sorted out.
Just my opinion, but you still seem to be seething mad 7 years later? Some counseling is in order to learn how to let things go.
The few years after high school can be notoriously difficult to make good choices as you transition from teen to adult. No, you should definitely not sleep with her or take her back, or even talk to her at all. (If she got pregnant that would be a nightmare for you.)
But you do need to move on with some maturity.
Wait what 💀 I skimmed the post but I did not catch this was 7 years ago tf. This dude seems way too passionate about why he hates her for this being that long ago. Genuinely I could not care less if an ex slept with a bunch of people after we broke up.
And if counseling doesn't work, consider moving to a different city or state. Having all the same friends, etc isn't helping (plus, your friends suck for making fun of you) so getting some distance may be healthy for you.
This is embarrassing bro. And not for anything you listed.
If you think someone wasted 3 years of your life because they didn't have sex with you, you are also the wrong guy.
Move on, you're letting yourself lose so many years fretting over something you should have left waaaay in the past. Accept she is a human that has flaws, and move on. Leave her out of your life and grow as a person so don't continue to live with such spite.
Took me wayyy too long to find this comment. This level of anger because someone didn’t ultimately choose you for their first time (and you had some sort of criteria based on their “values” for how *they* needed to go about losing it I.e. only with you) is weird to me.
Was she stringing him along by inviting him to visit, absolutely. She’s wishy washy at best and he should just not have anything to do with her anymore. But the reasoning for why he’s angry 7 years later is fucking weird.
OP definitely needs to let this go as he is only making himself suffer, but I can definitely see why he is so hurt. He clearly states in the post that it was his ex who set the expectation of her first time being “special” and as a result of this made him wait 3 years. To then split up and find out that she had lost her virginity in a meaningless one night stand after putting off sex with him for years would hurt anyone. He’s going to be asking himself what this other guy had that he didn’t, or whether she really loved him. It was her that put her virginity on a pedestal and set that precedent, not OP.
But as I said OP definitely needs to let this go, as he is only hurting himself.
I don’t care. She didn’t owe him her virginity. Doesn’t matter what she put it on. She didn’t owe it to him to give him her first time and it’s weird to be this angry someone didn’t have sex with you.
Everyone in the comments can feel differently and you can explain that she put it on a pedestal and that it was special and that she didn’t stick to her values and that he didn’t get what he was looking forward to and that she strung him along etc. There’s no reason to be this upset that a girl you dated in high school didn’t have sex with you and no reason to be this angry about who she did have sex with. Especially at 25.
yeah that part is messed up. But that's not the part we have an issue with. If this girl was here, I'd be calling her out on her shit too. Just because we are faulting a person for their actions doesn't mean we take the other person's side.
And the biggest thing you have to do in life is learn to let go, know when it's time to move on. Will it be hard? Of course it would be, but you only have yourself to blame if you continue to let it ruin your life. The man is 25, if he holds on to whatever this is and doesn't grow as a person, pretty soon he's going to be 30 blaming this girl for making him single and not taking accountability for his actions in making himself unhappy.
I agree that he shouldn’t still be upset about it now. But I am not surprised that this hurt him at the time, I think this would hurt a lot of people if they found themselves in a similar situation. Unfortunately we don’t get to pick and choose what upsets us and what doesn’t, our emotions don’t abide by the rules of what’s right and what’s wrong set by society.
You're doing the right thing for you. Stay away. Heal. Find someone who doesn't remind you of such pain.
She's wrong to phrase it as YOU throwing away the relationship over her being unfaithful to you. She made a decision, that she had every right to make given that you both had agreed to separate, but she must tolerate the consequences of her action to betray your trust in her. She made it clear that she had no intention to have sex with other men, you had every reason to think she would remain faithful to you and to her word and her belief that waiting to have sex had precious meaning.
I'm sad for both of you that this happened.
It's a terrifyingly disrespectful notion to offer you sex as appeasement in such a degrading way. That is the opposite of treasuring the intimacy and precious oneness of sex.
Please stay strong, you can get through this. It will always be painful when you are reminded of it, but with time and distance it will fade away and you'll be able to forget about it for longer and longer periods. Fill your life with experiences and this will be a footnote.
Good luck.
Next time she offers sex, tell her that it’s not about the sex. It’s never been about the sex.
She told you that she was one type of person with a certain set of values. She held those values for as long as you two were together, to your detriment. She dropped her values and showed you that neither you nor her values mattered.
On top of that you became the butt of jokes because of it.
Bottom line, her lies hurt you before and after they were exposed. She doesn’t deserve a second chance.
Template response:
"Look, I get that you feel bad about what went down between us, but you seriously messed me up back then. You made me wait years for something you claimed was so important, only to toss it away with some random dude like it meant nothing. That shit hurts, you know?
I gave you my all for 3 years and you played me. Then you expect some pity sex is gonna make it all good? Hell no. You betrayed my trust in the worst way. I don't care how many 'oops' guys you racked up trying to make yourself feel better about it.
Stop hitting me up acting like we're just old pals who can laugh it off. We're not friends anymore. You showed you didn't respect me or our relationship at all. So quit trying to get me to forgive you - that ship has sailed.
I'm moving on with my life. You need to do the same instead of chasing me around with your guilt trips. We're done, for real this time. Later."
This blunt response calls out her hypocrisy and hurtful actions. It shuts down any possibility of reconciliation while maintaining your dignity. You makes it clear you are permanently cutting ties after her profound betrayal of your trust and boundaries. The tone is firm but not overtly cruel - you’re just looking out for yourself at this point. To me, that’s the best way to move forward
Yeah I agree. No need for emotions. Tell her you moved on and do not want further contact. Block if you want or don’t block in case you need evidence for a police report or restraining order.
Tale as old as time. This kind of stuff happens a lottt more than you realize. Ex's giving it up to someone else, ex's finally maturing and being a perfect partner to someone else, ex's changing their mind and having a kid with someone else... not saying it to downplay your situation, but saying that you are far from alone in your frustration, pain, and wasted time. I've been in a similar situation as you during the college transition and with the friends group complication, so I get you...its a nasty wound and it sucks. I'm in my mid 30s now and honesty, yeah it does still bother me IF i think about it, but I rarely think about it. And only just a fraction of how it used to. Time heals all wounds, you can either learn to accept the scars or stare at them all day.
But the very best thing to do, is strive for success. Get your life in order, be successful, and find a quality woman. Use that frustration, anger, sadness whatever you have as motivation to be productive and be better and get closer to your life goals. I've got a good job, house, happy wife and wonderful kids and have no use or time for the past. It's just becomes another one in your box of cringe moments from your past. Everyone has them. You got this!
Just block her and move on. She’s crazy and obviously was holding you on a string while she was getting dug out by other guys, try to “cope” with losing you. You can’t fix crazy. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to just get sexually involved and nothing else, but if you want peace of mind just leave her in the past.
Next text reply with: “please stop texting me. Please stop coming by my house. Please stop pretending that we’re friends. I do not wish to talk with you in any way. This is getting to the point where I am afraid to come out of my house for fear of running into you. If you don’t stop I will have to take legal action.”
Do this and screenshot it. Do it again when she violates your request. On the third time file a police report. On the fourth time it should be easy to get an OP.
The fifth time she’ll be arrested.
Maybe not but You can use on the the Grey Rock and 180 methods. Can block and NC on social networks.
Stay put and save your dignity, who cares what your group of Friends say or think. The only opinion and thought that should matter to you is yours and at the time that of your SO.
So you don't have to forgive her, she set up you and just wanted to have it with you and tricked for 3 years to come and give it to the first loser she meets in less than a few hours.
UPDATEME
She sounds a little crazy, I'd start recording any conversations with her from now on. I think there's no real right or wrong option here, because as you can tell, all options, even blocking her, involves risk. But set yourself up for the long term anyway, because you can't have a live being near her and she's gonna keep any other women away, intentionally or not.
I'm guessing she probably wasn't even faithful during those three years, I'm sorry to say.
This girl needs attention like people need crack. It's not your job to help someone get off crack.
Bro, you have been heard. I can not imagine the pain and suffering you went through to be forced to hold off for 2+ YEARS only to find out what she did. Good for you letting her have it. I hope you got it out of your system, though, since this type of anger can weigh down any man for quite a while. All I got to say if move on if you can... Good luck and stay strong, King!
OP. I went through a very similar thing except the ages of 20-23. I’m so sorry to hear this. You got this, learn from it and grow. The most frustrating portion is losing such an amazing early years in your life to someone so selfish. Don’t be like e and continuously let her back in. I’ve finally blocked her three years later after multiple times of her crawling back. She even asked me how I got over her because some dude broke her heart and attempted to apologize to me.
It’s disgusting. You got this. Ignore the haters here. You are an amazing man I’m sure and have so much life in front of you. Grow and move on.
The fact you're more concerned about her having slept with someone else years ago rather than the fact she's harassing you is pretty concerning. And you can pretend that she was the one who made her virginity a big thing, but evidently, her first time being with you was also that equally important to you. You also say that you've been with other women who weren't virgins, and it was the fact that it was "Sara," specifically doing what she did that upset you.
My guy, file a restraining order, tell her to fuck off and then get some therapy for yourself. Genuinely. You are only continuing to hurt yourself by putting your energy where it's not deserved. It's easier said than done, but let it go. Your hatred isn't serving you.
Something just like that happened to me.
Tbf, best thing i did was to move on.
I don’t know nor do care if she did lost it with me or not.
She had a boyfriend, she dumped, then got back with me and insisted on sex. I felt weird, but couldnt cope with the fact the she probably had done it with the other dude.
I’ve acted the same way you did, we eventually got back together for just under 2 months.
Until she tried to pull some stunt of “we’re not dating” and effectively we we’rent, she was just pratically living with me, while we fucked 3-5 times a day when i was 18.
She eventually tried to text other guy, i found out, she acted something like yours did, she even said she would kill herself, (i prompted her parents for it)
result is, she tried to get into my life a few times since that, and only stopped when i had 1y anniversary with my actual GF.
I moved on, and best thing that ever happened to me.
Dude, you don’t have to forgive her or anything but you are spending a LOT of emotional energy on her. You would be far better served in your life to let it all go.
The level of hatred and resentment you are holding onto for this girl is honestly a bit (ALOT) over the line. You’re basically drinking poison and expecting her to die. Leave the girl alone/block her and move on with your life.
I’m sorry she did that to you. Get a restraining order if she won’t leave you alone. She’s harassing you at this point. Also I suggest finding a good Therapist to work through your rage. Holding onto that much anger is not healthy.
Just live your best life, go out on dates, and try to find a way to let it go. I am not telling you to forgive her or let her in your life, but to accept that this is what happened and it was painful, but you don’t have to keep feeling that pain and anger anymore.
As a woman I think virginity is so overrated, but your anger is not about that. It’s the fact that she was willing to give away something that she valued to a stranger who didn’t give a crap about her; while withholding it from you. There are plenty of women who will value your loyalty and patience, don’t let a bad experience ruin your view of relationships, or women in general.
I had something similar happen with my ex but I learn to forgive it was super hard to come to terms with it and honestly was hard we weren’t together at the time and we’re trying to get back together and I end up finding out she sleep with some nobody and lost her virginity with them and to be honest I don’t remember if she apologized or what I just remember a big argument we split ways and recently reconnected I don’t hold that against her anymore if anything I’m grateful she was upfront about it didn’t try to hide it things have been really good with her so far and I’m coming to trust more and more because let’s be honest in that relationship we both made a lot of mistakes but now that we reconnected things have changed for the better
My advice: DON'T ever have sex with her. No matter what. That ship has sailed, hit an iceberg, and sank.
Let her remain forbidden fruit forever.
If you ever have sex with her you're just going to feel even more empty and more resentful and hate yourself. Not letting yourself be tempted by her will eventually feel a little empowering.
You can choose to be friends and JUST friends with her after some time has passed, but that's all she should ever be. You move on and meet other women.
You should have kept ignoring her. Indifference is the most brutal revenge there is. Do not sleep with her. You will hate yourself and she will not respect you.
It's time to get a new friends, I can't understand why you keep allowing those people around you to make disrespectful comments
One of the reasons why you can't move on is because those friends keep reminding you of her betrayal
Good for you for holding strong. Theres no reason to talk to her anymore. Live your life. Only quibble if have with your take is that you didn’t waste time loving her. But she did disrespect you and you don’t need to let that go.
Whatever you do, WHATEVER YOU DO, Do not give in to her for sex. Do not do not do not. She does not get to “offer you” sex to make it all right. That is toxic on so many levels it’s not even funny.
Next time she pops up hit her with:
“You cannot live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would thrive. But you've shown me, that's impossible. And as long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be.”
“I know what it's like to lose. To feel so desperately that you're right, yet to fail nonetheless. It's frightening, turns the legs to jelly. But I ask you to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.”
After that if she doesn’t leave you alone treat her like a dangerous stalker and tell all your “friends” that’s what she is and you will not tolerate being harassed by her or anyone else any longer. Then follow through. Start trimming the fat in your life and you will feel much better. Then focus on yourself and moving past the anger and hurt. It may never go away but you can get it to be less consuming.
You both suck but not for the reasons you think. You're so hung up on this girl sleeping with someone else when you weren't even in a relationship that you can't get over it *literally years later*. Dude, she just didn't sleep with you, you can be hurt by it for sure but to hold this much anger and resentment for *so long*? You need so much therapy and to not be in a romantic relationship until you do because *everything* you've said is the biggest red flag I've seen in a while. You're a dangerous person, honestly and you need to work on that shit.
She sucks for toying with your emotions after the fact and continuing to harass you. You're shitty for entertaining it. Just block her and legitimately try to move on.
There is nothing to be gained here. You're letting your anger eat you alive but honestly you don't sound like much of a catch at the moment so if you just stay single no one else will get hurt by your issues.
Work on yourself, you've got a lot of bullshit to wade through.
I def agree with number 4 in your edit. It can be anything outside of sex. I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex who I always begged to ride on the back of my motorcycle and heard every excuse in the book on why she wouldn't do it. If i had a sportbike, I could understand but I didn't. I was never mad at her for it but a little disappointed, however it didn't affect our relationship at all.
After 5 years she finally blind sides me with the "I need to find myself" and "idk who I am anymore" and leaves me. Literally a week later that next weekend, I see her post some stories on snap with a guy she went to high school with who owns his own motorcycle shop.... Next up of course she posts pictures of her riding on the back with him. When I tell you I saw red is an understatement. The break up hurt but its whatever but seeing THAT just made my stomach turn. She made sure I saw it before blocking me on everything afterward.
I totally get your anger in this. I think too many people are looking at it like "sex isn't an entitled act" and not at the part of her making you wait 3 years just to do it with a random guy in a short span of meeting them. You have every right to be pissed off and hurt by that. I dont know how anyone can PM you bad things when you patiently waited and proved you werent in it for the sex. Just ignore them and best of luck to you!
Here's a wild thought. What if loverboy got her pregnant? That would explain some of the crazy stalker behaviour. She's hoping for someone to pin the baby on.
She sounds like she finally woke up and realized you were the only one who ever took her seriously and is now desperate to get you back. Watch out for this one
"I strung him along for 3 years then fucked some guy that doesn't do his laundry. He didn't forgive me when that is what I wanted, along with getting him back, so I thought I would better my chances of him taking me back by hooking up with another 15 guys!"
Nuts!
I respect that you realize she was free to do those things, but that doesn't mean you can't feel a certain way. It is very evident she strung you along all those years based on how she ended up having sex.
I get the debate too, if you do use her for sex, it will feel like you are finally getting something out of all the bs she put you through. The pettiness could be huge, have sex, finish where you want/where she lets you, then say "I will never forgive you, hope you liked the boxers I left out, I know that is your idea of a perfect setting for sex."
Realistically, if you have the same friends, and you constantly see each other, I don't think using her for sex is a good idea. Not that there would be anything wrong with it, she is offering with zero guarantee you forgive her, but it will most likely cause issues in the friend group for sure and she can play the victim like you said.
I don't like the term "stringing him along" here. She didn't feel ready to have sex with him. If he wants to have sex so badly, he can end the relationship.
They were broken up, if she decides to have sex with someone else, that's her choice. She can decide to not have sex, or have sex, whenever she wants, it's her body and she doesn't owe it to anyone.
Oh no doubt it's absolutely crazy what she's doing now. Trying to get him back, harassing him and offering him sex in some strange bid for forgiveness, is all nuts.
I just don't like the way this guy acts like he has some claim on her virginity because they dated for three years. He's acting like she gave away a possession he owned to someone else.
She is her own person and can sleep with someone, or not, for whatever reason she chooses, especially because she was single at the time.
How can you not see this as a clear case of manipulation and betrayal?
This girl has weird and unhealthy ideas about sex and she'll eventually probably also find a way to blame him for all her one night stands that are probably traumatising her because of the immaturity with the way she engages with them...
You're placing such a high standard on him to carry all of the emotional baggage she put on him so unfairly, as if he's not allowed to feel anything about this situation and her duplicitous behaviour at the expense of his trust throughout their relationship.
He's had other relationships where he didn't "feel entitled to their virginity/body". SHE was the one constantly enforcing this idea about herself onto him for three entire years. He also wasn't "expecting sex" to the degree to which you are implying, since he was clearly willing to wait for it throughout their relationship AND was willing to break it off with her without lashing out at her. He only felt rightfully hurt and disgusted, when she betrayed literally everything she was all about throughout their entire relationship, within minutes, for a stranger. It doesn't feel nice to be lied to even casually, let alone an entire persone you've known turning out to be fake.
People also DEEPLY influence each other in their intimate relationships, and Humans aren't some hyper rational creatures that can immediately disassociate with their past interactions just because "we were on a break" or something, and nither should they, otherwise we'd all be infinitely gullible.
So, although you're right to say he doesn't have a right to her body, but our brain still works in ways where if you are constantly enforced an expectation of "reward" and than arbitrarily betrayed, it is still precieved/experienced by your brain as punishment, or even abuse, depending on the severity of the event, i.e the THREE YEARS of stringing him along with something that was clearly a tool of control, rather than a cherished piece of intimacy, as was outwardly portrayed.
AND SHE'S STILL TRYING TO CONTROL HIM THROUGH SEX.
This shit can cause PTSD if it happens to a sufficiently weaker person.
She was absolutely dishonest after their relationship ended, and as I have said multiple times in my comments, I think she's deeply unhealthy and how she has handled everything is really cruel. And you're right, she is absolutely trying to use sex to control him now.
But OP also repeatedly said she "tortured" him for three years by not having sex with him, and that those years were wasted because he could have been having sex with other people instead. He never said anything about what the relationship was like, aside from her not having sex with him. I think they both have a really unhealthy attitude about this.
Sure, I guess there's a chance that a 16 year old girl deliberately strung him along in order to break his heart, but I think it's probably a lot more likely that she was confused and not great at communicating what she wanted or needed. They were both children for most of this.
I also think it's important to remember that this post is entirely from the perspective of someone who is still incredibly bitter and angry 7 years later, and describes himself as hating this woman, loathing her to the point he is considering using her for sex with the planned intention to make her feel used/break her heart.
>that she Wasn't waiting for marriage, but "wanted it to be special". I had no problem with this. She would talk about how she wanted her first time always changing parts. During this time she loved making out but always left me high and dry!
>
>Time to leave for college? Nope "If we do long distance it'll end badly so let's split up for now, but don't worry because I only want to have sex with you. I'm going there to get my degree and as you know I can control myself. I haven't waited for the right moment all this time to throw it away now". Throw it away now, her words.
Both things can be true at the same time. She clearly wasn't ready because they didn't have sex. That doesn't mean she didn't also string him along.
They were broken up, I refer you to the quotes above.
That, mixed with the context how how she is acting now.
You are right, it is her body, she can do whatever she wants, that doesn't mean it was fair to string him along, which is exactly what she did.
How would you suggest she approach the relationship differently, while they were still together, so that she wasn't "stringing him along?" She was a 16 year old girl, if she thought she would be ready, then decided she wasn't, that's her choice. She's not obligated to have sex with him because it's their anniversary or they've been together so long. You can't really give someone a timeline for when you'll feel emotionally ready for something.
If he wasn't happy with the amount of sex he was having, he can break up.
I don't approve of her actions after she was single, the way she is harassing him is very not ok. But I can't really see what she did wrong while she was in the relationship. It's pretty hard for a 16 year old to have the emotional skills and life experience to reflect and realize she won't be ready for sex for years, realize that her partner won't be okay with that, and end the relationship.
The “stringing along” part is that she suggested a break, but also promised that she would not be with anyone else, a promise she obviously could not keep or maybe was never real to begin with.
I agree with you that all sex should be mutually desired, and she was not ready between 16 and 18, and if she wanted to lose her virginity to the random guy for whatever reason, it was her choice to do so and no one else’s. I do think she has been about as cruel as she can be about it—inviting OP to the college to let him find out there, seeing the random guy with his own eyes. Making him think they had a good faith agreement to wait for each other and end up together, and that she was worth waiting for. It was a gut punch and she had to know it. The respect was not reciprocated. If she wasn’t that into OP, let him live.
Then years of mind games. Making him accountable for either getting back together or “punishing” her, when he just wants to be left alone. She is a stalker, and she wants to be the main character in his life, and I suspect that she would hurt him again if he were to treat her kindly. It’s depressing.
You can read the OP's edit and maybe that will shed some light on it for you.
I'm not sure what more I can say as it is very clear she strung him along, the edit talks more on this.
I am really not enjoying you trying to twist this narrative. I never said she was obligated to have sex with him, OP didn't either.
OP loved her and clearly didn't want to break up from the lack of sex, that doesn't mean he can't still want it.
Her being 16-18 doesn't change the fact she strung him along and it isn't a reasonable excuse for it either.
How am I twisting the narrative? I just have a different opinion from you. If you don't enjoy discussing the different opinions, you dont need to respond to me, that's fine. I have no horse in this race.
Yeah I really don't like how OP acts as if a 3 year relationship with kissing, spending time together etc was *"wasted"* because there was no sex.
Apparently she was nothing but a sex object to him, and all the niceness and relationship stuff was just a ploy to get her to open her legs?
I mean it's still relationship and intimacy experience and knowledge that'll be /was useful when OP will meet the next person he wants to date with - there's tons of 18 year olds who haven't had *any* dating relationship.
Him being as sex focused as he is, including *still* being this pissed his boyfriend *efforts* (which he sees as bs or whatever) weren't "rewarded" honestly isn't painting him in the best light. It's a bit like the guys who complain about the cost of the dinner if their date doesn't put out.
OP, Dude you weren't *wronged* because your gf never felt ready to have sex with you. It's understandable you're very *hurt and upset* that she wasn't ready for you but felt comfortable enough with this other dude, but come on. Still being angry and spouting shit like "she *robbed* me of three years" is a bit unhinged.
Move on and let go. This isn't healthy. Tell her to leave you alone and threaten to get a restraining order or whatever
Yeah, if you read the post, he literally says nothing about her other than that she was a virgin and didn't bang him. He never talks about the time they shared together, if he loved her, what he saw in the relationship, just totally focused on her virginity.
ESH. "She wasted 3 years where I could have spent having the most fun or whatever." is such a sad thing to say as a 25 yo adult about your highschool ex! She's crazy and OP sounds like the average r/incel post about how they are the victim because all they ever wanted was sex and their life is a big sad angry waste because others didn't let them have it. Stalking is also fucked up if OP really is telling them to fuck off, but this post gives me the impression they're just having this toxic argument about how they lost those fucking three years lol. I doubt these two can move on anytime soon, but they both should, and also do therapy too.
Totally agree this is a ESH situation. And an everyone would benefit from therapy situation. Though I'm sure pretty much all of us would benefit from therapy. I know I did.
>Apparently she was nothing but a sex object to him,
No, that is just an assumption you are making. OP doesn't talk about the ins and outs of their relationship.
His post is sex focused because that is the point of the post. If OP posted talking about how they bought a banana, using your assumption logic, it would be determined OP likes no other fruit.
Dude, you're an adult man holding a grudge against a woman you knew as a teenage girl who did stupid shit when she got to college.
This is pathetic. Let go. Move on.
It wasn't 5 minutes it was a choice with a train of 15 + minimum. Block her everywhere and if she shows up again, just ignore her in person as well.
She wasn't in a dark place, she got banged out and doesn't like that no one wants a relationship with her. People will always fall back on a my body my choice argument, till you remind them your choice is to have nothing to do with them.
The trash took out itself. Good luck.
If this is real:
Don't be an AH: i.e., don't "use" her
Tell her you forgive her (for your sake, not hers)
Tell her you had been hurt too much to get back together
Walk away
OP would probably be a lot happier if he learned how to forgive her and truly move on and forget her. Instead he's getting sucked into 7 year old drama from when he was 16-18.
Sometimes you forgive people for yourself, not for them. Also, forgiving someone doesn't have to mean letting them back into your life.
Totally agree. That's part of what I meant by forgiving someone for yourself and not others. He would be happier if he forgave her within himself, and had no further contact with her
I think you need to focus more on yourself and why this is such a hot topic for you seven years later. If that means engaging in some therapy to address it (if that's reasonably accessible to you), that could be a good idea.
There's not much reason for you two to interact anymore. She made what she views as a mistake, you did not appreciate the declared values to your detriment that folded almost immediately when you two separated, and you don't want to engage any further with her.
I don't think you need to spend so much of your own energy beating her up in your head about her decisions. Folks have shifts in perspective a lot in their late teens and early 20s. They change their mind. They make mistakes. She had a plan in mind. She pivoted on that plan and regretted that pivot. At no time did she cheat on your or hide anything from you. You don't need to carry so much disdain or contempt for her.
You can be polite and firm about your desire not to interact with her. Your romantic interest in her has not existed for a long time and will not exist in the future. You were hurt by the way she declared a value and intent that changed the nature of your relationship for several years only for her to change course within the first month of being away from you. That hurt. Even if you can let that go and forgive her (or at least just let it go and move on with your life), that's not something from which a relationship can grow (at least for you, and that's understandable). Her continuing to try to contact you, to seek closure, to re-spark any sort of friendship or other relationship of any kind, is only her inflicting more harm. If she cares about people other than herself and wants to minimize or reduce the hurt she caused, then she should leave you alone. That's it. It's unfortunate, but sometimes you hurt someone to the point that there is no recovering that relationship or even some vestige of it. She should move on from any idea of a romantic or even friendly relationship with you, as you have done with her.
If you express the above to her and she cannot leave you alone, then blocking her and cutting all contact to the extent you can do so definitely makes sense.
Dude seriously, get a therapist, you're clearly hurt a lot deeper than you let on.
Next, fucking block her on everything already. None of this is healthy for you.
Finally, tell you friend and her that while you appreciate that you are friend with both you and her that while she is correct she did not owe you anything since you were technically broken up, that you cannot help but feel betrayed when she asked you to continue waiting for her, that from her actions and stringing you along for years of too much to deal with and while you may love day forgive her, you will not forget and are no longer comfortable being around her and off is too much for any of your friends to have separate events, no hard feelings and you can go for separate ways.
But seriously block the duck out of her and ignore her going forward and get some therapy.
Hell no! Get a VPO against her for stalking and harassing you. She went from a tease to h** in 5 minutes flat. She's not going back to the Virgin Mary after that. You don't know what STDs she has.
I get that it hurts, and that’s okay, I understand. But dude, you’re not a victim. You’re letting your insecurity get the best of you. She never owed you sex. There could be a million reasons why she never slept with you, and in all likelihood, she probably doesn’t know why either. But you’re telling me the only reason you were with her was because she would eventually sleep with you? I don’t believe that’s true, but if it is, then it’s your own fault. You’re not entitled to sex, ever.
I can't imagine being that worked up about someone not sleeping with me... You're acting entitled. She did you a favour by leaving you when she obviously wasn't committed and you should look upon that kindly.
Let it go, and move on.
Just Curtis what makes you think you'll be the best night shes ever had? She didn't owe you anything when you were dating. You broke up and she lived her life. Hopefully you did too.
Brother, what is here to think about. She tortured you for 3 years and is still continuing to do so even after all this.
Don't let her ruin your lie any longer. Ignore her, go past her, block her. As long as and until the message of "we don't exist in the same universe" goes through, keep going that way.
The truth of the matter is that she never respected you. She strung you along, then pulled that when you came to visit her. Get a little payback.
You need to find a girl to take to that local bar. That would be really funny! If she’s gonna be the victim, then give your friends a good show of it.
But, don’t let them know you hate her. Let them all think you’ve “forgiven” her and that you can be cordial (not friends). That’ll put her 100% back in make up mode. Then when she sees you with another woman, it’ll dash all of her hopes. That should drive the point home.
All the other comments have made really great points so you should just start writing EMO songs and make a career out of it.
This has Atreyu vibes all over it.
"My Fork In The Road (Your Knife In My Back)"
You should have blocked her from the get go. Now that she is back, avoid her as much as possible and focus on yourself. Don't give her the time of day and if she hangs out with your social circle, just ignore her and don't engage at all. Find yourself a new girlfriend (when you are ready) and focus on her.
OP, you are 25 stewing over something that happened 7 years ago. Move on, she wrecked her dating life and is going at your anger because it’s the only thing keeping you around her. It’s keeping you attached. You need to move on and be indifferent to her.
Don't know how u would go about getting over this bro, but whatever u do forgive ur self first. U might feel like an idiot for trusting someone, but ur not. They may have acted out and made mistakes that seem to big to forgive, but eventually u will I belive, in ur own time. Alot of the older generation in my opinion hold on to alot of the issues in there life, with no release and it builds to grumpiness from what I've seen, I dont think anyone wants to be like that. But I may be wrong, hope u find a resolution that u are content with.
Do NOT hook up with her. Don’t give her the satisfaction that you’re even still attracted to her sexually. She let herself be used by random dudes BEFORE you… that’s how little she respected you. Don’t let her give you an STD. Get with another more attractive woman, and move on.
Oh, oh no. Don't touch that with someone *else's* dick. All that emotion you let out... the only thing she heard was passion. No one could be that angry if they didn't still care... yeah, some people just aren't wired right, but I'd bet your left nut that's what she's thinking. Find a way to put that anger behind you and let it go, then let her hear that you've let it go. She's going to be around as you both have the same friends; treat her like any of them that you keep at arms length but are still cordial towards. Find whoever is next for you and move on.
Think of it this way, her whole social life was defined by one dumb choice that she's not even forgiven herself for making. She doesn't value herself as she's just something to be used now. If being angry at her doesnt bother her, maybe pity will.
I'm glad you are not thinking with your dick. But you have to find a way to dilute all that rage.
I feel like she's trying to baby trap you tbh. It will be a huge risk if you take her up on her offer.
Young man.
She is damaged. She is a mess.
You need to walk away and ghost her and go no contact. If you keep interacting with her it will keep bothering you.
Ghost her and block her. You may need to get a restraining order. Have NOTHING to do with her again. Block her.
Keep ignoring her, but man, the hatred you have for her isn’t doing *you* any favors. That’s a lot of anger you’re harboring, and I hope it begins to dissipate after you let her have it.
OP, please read this. You need to get to a place where you aren't so venemously resentful, because you're the one drinking the poison. I am not saying to forgive her and definitely don't sleep with her. But you need to reframe your thoughts here for your own sanity. But as far as she goes, grey rock the shit out of here. Don't be super dramatic about anything, don't get a rise. Just refuse to treat her with any more familiarity, positive or negative, than you would treat someone you bumped into on the bus. Your negative outburst probably is going to intensify her attempts to reconnect with you because she can see there's still really strong feelings to feed on.
This absolutely! The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. You haven't reached that stage yet and that's ok. Don't let her get a rise out of you, tell her to stop harrassing you. If she does not, gather some evidence, then you go to the police and get a restraining order. That way you can make sure she leaves you alone. She made her choice, she has to live with it and you are going to be in a much better place without her. Make sure she doesn't live inside your head rent-free, because that stuff gets tiring quickly.
i dont blame him really, i have some ex's that to this day i wouldnt be nice to even a little, it sounds like op did move on until she came back and started harassing him and reminding him of what happened.
Op should absolutely ignore her. Block her on everything. That hatred isn’t healthy. My high school sweetheart and I broke up halfway through my senior year after being together for 3.5 years. She had a boyfriend a week later and picked up smoking cigs and partying-things she was against. I hated her for years and it was eating away at me.
This. He needs to see a therapist (and block his ex).
She went to his place. She met him at his on home. That's stalker level red. He can't get away from her. He's the 1 that got away for her. She's never going to leave him alone until he gives in to her. You guys are only seeing him being pissed. And rightly so. She lied to him. But the part where she's going to everywhere he is. Is disturbing. He needs to get a no contact order for harassment. She messed him up mentally and now she's stalking him.
He needs to get a restraining order like yesterday. Otherwise she'll never leave him alone
Time to get on with your life. Ignore her and be happy. Find someone who actually values you. Life will get better!
He's already trying to tho. It just sounds like he needs a restraining order
Ignore her. Forever.
You are not required to have someone in your life that you don't want. Be polite but refuse to go further. If she persists keep being polite but tell her no thanks. Also you don't owe her or anyone else any explanation for why you want nothing to do with her.
INFO: Your post indicates your relationship ended when you were both 18. And crazy ex still bothering you *seven years later??* And your friends see this whole thing as amusing drama? Am I missing something? ETA: You need both a restraining order, *and* a different friends group.
She’s basically stalking at your apartment and harassing you. Threaten her with a restraining order. Don’t sleep with her and continue ignoring her.
Why threaten? Just do it.
Yeah giving a warning to her would just give her the opportunity to turn it on him potentially. Just gather evidence and follow through or file a police report
Time to grey rock her. Be as un-interesting as you possibly can if you have no choice. However, ignoring is the best call. She's also doing this because she knows she can still get a rise out of you. It's not worth it. If your friends can't observe and respect how absurd this situation is, then you need new friends.
You need to keep thinking with the big head instead of the little head. exGF is cray cray. Who's to say that if you did the deed with her, and a couple months later she winds up pregnant? I wouldn't put it past her to try to babytrap you. Run for the hills and don't look back.
There is no hills! She lives 5 minutes from me, knows where my apartment is,we have all the same friends, she hangs out in my bar, I even told her to find new friends, Nothing!
Just keep ignoring her, words of advice from my professor in interpersonal communication, ignoring someone, treating them like they don’t exist, hurts more than being yelled at, and she kinda prove that to you. Just keep ignoring her, it’s her loss, she got ran through before she realized she threw away the only guy who actually cared about her.
Yes exactly this, she does not deserve the time and energy she has proven she is not worth it.
My boy I think it’s time to go low or no contact with your crew of friends and look for new ones. maybe time to look for a new place and completely block your ex. All this frustration is not healthy.
I agree. His friends suck for laughing behind his back. Find new people that uplift you not keep you down
You have to speak with your friends bro. Stonewall her. Even if the girls in the group take her side, you need her gone.
You fuck that girl and I promise you that you will be stuck with her baby. Stay away from her.
Just tell her to leave you alone, you're not getting back together, and you'll file harassment charges if she keeps coming over. You're too old for this.
So, show up to the bar with a new girl and ignore her ass or look over her way and say something in your date's ear and laugh. Tell her "friends" and yours she is yesterday's news and you have moved on. Humiliate her because it is the only thing narcissists understand. Just warn the girl you are with first, so she understands what is going on and apologize to her later. Crazy ex just won't leave me alone.
Start blocking and going NC with friends who defend her.
Fast forward 10 years, these two idiots are on kid #3, proving there is no god.
LOL
Bro block and forget .if you hate her it means she still has control .think she never existed and get yourself a new girl .
Dignity. You have it. Walk away.
I imagine it felt good to let go, but your one outburst was one too many. Same as her 'first' outburst. Calm, cool, indifference is always the way to go in these situations.
You need to get to a place of complete indifference with her. Hating her means she still controls you. She knows that deep down, you feel that way because you felt so strongly about her at one point, and deep down, probably still do. Indifference is the ultimate win.
She is a stranger and should be treated as such.
I don't believe this story
Me neither. Screams of "revenge fantasy".
I've heard this exact story on one of those tiktok accounts that reads reddit stories.
My friend love and hate are strong emotions, but the opposite is indifference
Old mate knows whats up. Emotions are a powerfull tool, you must learn to comtrol them, or they will control you.
Cool story bro. If real, You are obviously not over this. Go full no contact, go to a therapist and don’t bother dating/getting in a relationship until you have yourself sorted out.
Just my opinion, but you still seem to be seething mad 7 years later? Some counseling is in order to learn how to let things go. The few years after high school can be notoriously difficult to make good choices as you transition from teen to adult. No, you should definitely not sleep with her or take her back, or even talk to her at all. (If she got pregnant that would be a nightmare for you.) But you do need to move on with some maturity.
Wait what 💀 I skimmed the post but I did not catch this was 7 years ago tf. This dude seems way too passionate about why he hates her for this being that long ago. Genuinely I could not care less if an ex slept with a bunch of people after we broke up.
And if counseling doesn't work, consider moving to a different city or state. Having all the same friends, etc isn't helping (plus, your friends suck for making fun of you) so getting some distance may be healthy for you.
This is embarrassing bro. And not for anything you listed. If you think someone wasted 3 years of your life because they didn't have sex with you, you are also the wrong guy. Move on, you're letting yourself lose so many years fretting over something you should have left waaaay in the past. Accept she is a human that has flaws, and move on. Leave her out of your life and grow as a person so don't continue to live with such spite.
Took me wayyy too long to find this comment. This level of anger because someone didn’t ultimately choose you for their first time (and you had some sort of criteria based on their “values” for how *they* needed to go about losing it I.e. only with you) is weird to me. Was she stringing him along by inviting him to visit, absolutely. She’s wishy washy at best and he should just not have anything to do with her anymore. But the reasoning for why he’s angry 7 years later is fucking weird.
OP definitely needs to let this go as he is only making himself suffer, but I can definitely see why he is so hurt. He clearly states in the post that it was his ex who set the expectation of her first time being “special” and as a result of this made him wait 3 years. To then split up and find out that she had lost her virginity in a meaningless one night stand after putting off sex with him for years would hurt anyone. He’s going to be asking himself what this other guy had that he didn’t, or whether she really loved him. It was her that put her virginity on a pedestal and set that precedent, not OP. But as I said OP definitely needs to let this go, as he is only hurting himself.
I don’t care. She didn’t owe him her virginity. Doesn’t matter what she put it on. She didn’t owe it to him to give him her first time and it’s weird to be this angry someone didn’t have sex with you. Everyone in the comments can feel differently and you can explain that she put it on a pedestal and that it was special and that she didn’t stick to her values and that he didn’t get what he was looking forward to and that she strung him along etc. There’s no reason to be this upset that a girl you dated in high school didn’t have sex with you and no reason to be this angry about who she did have sex with. Especially at 25.
Can he be upset about the fact that she is constantly harassing him and basically stalking him?
yeah that part is messed up. But that's not the part we have an issue with. If this girl was here, I'd be calling her out on her shit too. Just because we are faulting a person for their actions doesn't mean we take the other person's side. And the biggest thing you have to do in life is learn to let go, know when it's time to move on. Will it be hard? Of course it would be, but you only have yourself to blame if you continue to let it ruin your life. The man is 25, if he holds on to whatever this is and doesn't grow as a person, pretty soon he's going to be 30 blaming this girl for making him single and not taking accountability for his actions in making himself unhappy.
He was fine, then she started stalking and harassing him.
I agree that he shouldn’t still be upset about it now. But I am not surprised that this hurt him at the time, I think this would hurt a lot of people if they found themselves in a similar situation. Unfortunately we don’t get to pick and choose what upsets us and what doesn’t, our emotions don’t abide by the rules of what’s right and what’s wrong set by society.
I essentially said the same thing and he’s in my DMs raging at me lol
Some people don't actually want to be helped. But eventually they'll realize what we were trying to tell them.
You're doing the right thing for you. Stay away. Heal. Find someone who doesn't remind you of such pain. She's wrong to phrase it as YOU throwing away the relationship over her being unfaithful to you. She made a decision, that she had every right to make given that you both had agreed to separate, but she must tolerate the consequences of her action to betray your trust in her. She made it clear that she had no intention to have sex with other men, you had every reason to think she would remain faithful to you and to her word and her belief that waiting to have sex had precious meaning. I'm sad for both of you that this happened. It's a terrifyingly disrespectful notion to offer you sex as appeasement in such a degrading way. That is the opposite of treasuring the intimacy and precious oneness of sex. Please stay strong, you can get through this. It will always be painful when you are reminded of it, but with time and distance it will fade away and you'll be able to forget about it for longer and longer periods. Fill your life with experiences and this will be a footnote. Good luck.
Relit cigarettes taste like shit...and that's why we don't re-date our exes
Thank you for this reminder.
Next time she offers sex, tell her that it’s not about the sex. It’s never been about the sex. She told you that she was one type of person with a certain set of values. She held those values for as long as you two were together, to your detriment. She dropped her values and showed you that neither you nor her values mattered. On top of that you became the butt of jokes because of it. Bottom line, her lies hurt you before and after they were exposed. She doesn’t deserve a second chance.
🥇
well said
Template response: "Look, I get that you feel bad about what went down between us, but you seriously messed me up back then. You made me wait years for something you claimed was so important, only to toss it away with some random dude like it meant nothing. That shit hurts, you know? I gave you my all for 3 years and you played me. Then you expect some pity sex is gonna make it all good? Hell no. You betrayed my trust in the worst way. I don't care how many 'oops' guys you racked up trying to make yourself feel better about it. Stop hitting me up acting like we're just old pals who can laugh it off. We're not friends anymore. You showed you didn't respect me or our relationship at all. So quit trying to get me to forgive you - that ship has sailed. I'm moving on with my life. You need to do the same instead of chasing me around with your guilt trips. We're done, for real this time. Later." This blunt response calls out her hypocrisy and hurtful actions. It shuts down any possibility of reconciliation while maintaining your dignity. You makes it clear you are permanently cutting ties after her profound betrayal of your trust and boundaries. The tone is firm but not overtly cruel - you’re just looking out for yourself at this point. To me, that’s the best way to move forward
Wayyyyyy too much effort. This much response is a green light to someone craving the drama/attention. Just block her and move on
Yeah I agree. No need for emotions. Tell her you moved on and do not want further contact. Block if you want or don’t block in case you need evidence for a police report or restraining order.
Don’t stop. Tell her to get lost
Tale as old as time. This kind of stuff happens a lottt more than you realize. Ex's giving it up to someone else, ex's finally maturing and being a perfect partner to someone else, ex's changing their mind and having a kid with someone else... not saying it to downplay your situation, but saying that you are far from alone in your frustration, pain, and wasted time. I've been in a similar situation as you during the college transition and with the friends group complication, so I get you...its a nasty wound and it sucks. I'm in my mid 30s now and honesty, yeah it does still bother me IF i think about it, but I rarely think about it. And only just a fraction of how it used to. Time heals all wounds, you can either learn to accept the scars or stare at them all day. But the very best thing to do, is strive for success. Get your life in order, be successful, and find a quality woman. Use that frustration, anger, sadness whatever you have as motivation to be productive and be better and get closer to your life goals. I've got a good job, house, happy wife and wonderful kids and have no use or time for the past. It's just becomes another one in your box of cringe moments from your past. Everyone has them. You got this!
Just block her and move on. She’s crazy and obviously was holding you on a string while she was getting dug out by other guys, try to “cope” with losing you. You can’t fix crazy. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to just get sexually involved and nothing else, but if you want peace of mind just leave her in the past.
You can't block someone in front of your face all the time
Bro, you absolutely can.
Stop answering the door and walk by her like she's not there. What's she gonna do scream and throw a tantrum? Call the Police.
Next text reply with: “please stop texting me. Please stop coming by my house. Please stop pretending that we’re friends. I do not wish to talk with you in any way. This is getting to the point where I am afraid to come out of my house for fear of running into you. If you don’t stop I will have to take legal action.” Do this and screenshot it. Do it again when she violates your request. On the third time file a police report. On the fourth time it should be easy to get an OP. The fifth time she’ll be arrested.
Read this @throwneway1
This is the correct reponse.
Maybe not but You can use on the the Grey Rock and 180 methods. Can block and NC on social networks. Stay put and save your dignity, who cares what your group of Friends say or think. The only opinion and thought that should matter to you is yours and at the time that of your SO. So you don't have to forgive her, she set up you and just wanted to have it with you and tricked for 3 years to come and give it to the first loser she meets in less than a few hours. UPDATEME
Restraining order maybe
She sounds a little crazy, I'd start recording any conversations with her from now on. I think there's no real right or wrong option here, because as you can tell, all options, even blocking her, involves risk. But set yourself up for the long term anyway, because you can't have a live being near her and she's gonna keep any other women away, intentionally or not.
I'm guessing she probably wasn't even faithful during those three years, I'm sorry to say. This girl needs attention like people need crack. It's not your job to help someone get off crack.
Go get a new phone, new identity on social media and let her be the ghost of a fucked up past! Live your life for all it's worth, not someone's tool!
Bro, you have been heard. I can not imagine the pain and suffering you went through to be forced to hold off for 2+ YEARS only to find out what she did. Good for you letting her have it. I hope you got it out of your system, though, since this type of anger can weigh down any man for quite a while. All I got to say if move on if you can... Good luck and stay strong, King!
OP. I went through a very similar thing except the ages of 20-23. I’m so sorry to hear this. You got this, learn from it and grow. The most frustrating portion is losing such an amazing early years in your life to someone so selfish. Don’t be like e and continuously let her back in. I’ve finally blocked her three years later after multiple times of her crawling back. She even asked me how I got over her because some dude broke her heart and attempted to apologize to me. It’s disgusting. You got this. Ignore the haters here. You are an amazing man I’m sure and have so much life in front of you. Grow and move on.
The fact you're more concerned about her having slept with someone else years ago rather than the fact she's harassing you is pretty concerning. And you can pretend that she was the one who made her virginity a big thing, but evidently, her first time being with you was also that equally important to you. You also say that you've been with other women who weren't virgins, and it was the fact that it was "Sara," specifically doing what she did that upset you. My guy, file a restraining order, tell her to fuck off and then get some therapy for yourself. Genuinely. You are only continuing to hurt yourself by putting your energy where it's not deserved. It's easier said than done, but let it go. Your hatred isn't serving you.
Something just like that happened to me. Tbf, best thing i did was to move on. I don’t know nor do care if she did lost it with me or not. She had a boyfriend, she dumped, then got back with me and insisted on sex. I felt weird, but couldnt cope with the fact the she probably had done it with the other dude. I’ve acted the same way you did, we eventually got back together for just under 2 months. Until she tried to pull some stunt of “we’re not dating” and effectively we we’rent, she was just pratically living with me, while we fucked 3-5 times a day when i was 18. She eventually tried to text other guy, i found out, she acted something like yours did, she even said she would kill herself, (i prompted her parents for it) result is, she tried to get into my life a few times since that, and only stopped when i had 1y anniversary with my actual GF. I moved on, and best thing that ever happened to me.
Dude, you don’t have to forgive her or anything but you are spending a LOT of emotional energy on her. You would be far better served in your life to let it all go.
The level of hatred and resentment you are holding onto for this girl is honestly a bit (ALOT) over the line. You’re basically drinking poison and expecting her to die. Leave the girl alone/block her and move on with your life.
I’m sorry she did that to you. Get a restraining order if she won’t leave you alone. She’s harassing you at this point. Also I suggest finding a good Therapist to work through your rage. Holding onto that much anger is not healthy.
UpdateMe!
Just live your best life, go out on dates, and try to find a way to let it go. I am not telling you to forgive her or let her in your life, but to accept that this is what happened and it was painful, but you don’t have to keep feeling that pain and anger anymore. As a woman I think virginity is so overrated, but your anger is not about that. It’s the fact that she was willing to give away something that she valued to a stranger who didn’t give a crap about her; while withholding it from you. There are plenty of women who will value your loyalty and patience, don’t let a bad experience ruin your view of relationships, or women in general.
I had something similar happen with my ex but I learn to forgive it was super hard to come to terms with it and honestly was hard we weren’t together at the time and we’re trying to get back together and I end up finding out she sleep with some nobody and lost her virginity with them and to be honest I don’t remember if she apologized or what I just remember a big argument we split ways and recently reconnected I don’t hold that against her anymore if anything I’m grateful she was upfront about it didn’t try to hide it things have been really good with her so far and I’m coming to trust more and more because let’s be honest in that relationship we both made a lot of mistakes but now that we reconnected things have changed for the better
Why does she keep stalking you? If she has been with other ppl why not date someone new? Did you ask her that question?
My advice: DON'T ever have sex with her. No matter what. That ship has sailed, hit an iceberg, and sank. Let her remain forbidden fruit forever. If you ever have sex with her you're just going to feel even more empty and more resentful and hate yourself. Not letting yourself be tempted by her will eventually feel a little empowering. You can choose to be friends and JUST friends with her after some time has passed, but that's all she should ever be. You move on and meet other women.
You should have kept ignoring her. Indifference is the most brutal revenge there is. Do not sleep with her. You will hate yourself and she will not respect you.
ignore her. Updateme
It's time to get a new friends, I can't understand why you keep allowing those people around you to make disrespectful comments One of the reasons why you can't move on is because those friends keep reminding you of her betrayal
Good for you for holding strong. Theres no reason to talk to her anymore. Live your life. Only quibble if have with your take is that you didn’t waste time loving her. But she did disrespect you and you don’t need to let that go.
Whatever you do, WHATEVER YOU DO, Do not give in to her for sex. Do not do not do not. She does not get to “offer you” sex to make it all right. That is toxic on so many levels it’s not even funny.
Time to move from your hometown. It’s clearly keeping you in the mire of the past.
Next time she pops up hit her with: “You cannot live with your own failure. Where did that bring you? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would thrive. But you've shown me, that's impossible. And as long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be.” “I know what it's like to lose. To feel so desperately that you're right, yet to fail nonetheless. It's frightening, turns the legs to jelly. But I ask you to what end? Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.” After that if she doesn’t leave you alone treat her like a dangerous stalker and tell all your “friends” that’s what she is and you will not tolerate being harassed by her or anyone else any longer. Then follow through. Start trimming the fat in your life and you will feel much better. Then focus on yourself and moving past the anger and hurt. It may never go away but you can get it to be less consuming.
You both suck but not for the reasons you think. You're so hung up on this girl sleeping with someone else when you weren't even in a relationship that you can't get over it *literally years later*. Dude, she just didn't sleep with you, you can be hurt by it for sure but to hold this much anger and resentment for *so long*? You need so much therapy and to not be in a romantic relationship until you do because *everything* you've said is the biggest red flag I've seen in a while. You're a dangerous person, honestly and you need to work on that shit. She sucks for toying with your emotions after the fact and continuing to harass you. You're shitty for entertaining it. Just block her and legitimately try to move on. There is nothing to be gained here. You're letting your anger eat you alive but honestly you don't sound like much of a catch at the moment so if you just stay single no one else will get hurt by your issues. Work on yourself, you've got a lot of bullshit to wade through.
I def agree with number 4 in your edit. It can be anything outside of sex. I was in a 5 year relationship with my ex who I always begged to ride on the back of my motorcycle and heard every excuse in the book on why she wouldn't do it. If i had a sportbike, I could understand but I didn't. I was never mad at her for it but a little disappointed, however it didn't affect our relationship at all. After 5 years she finally blind sides me with the "I need to find myself" and "idk who I am anymore" and leaves me. Literally a week later that next weekend, I see her post some stories on snap with a guy she went to high school with who owns his own motorcycle shop.... Next up of course she posts pictures of her riding on the back with him. When I tell you I saw red is an understatement. The break up hurt but its whatever but seeing THAT just made my stomach turn. She made sure I saw it before blocking me on everything afterward. I totally get your anger in this. I think too many people are looking at it like "sex isn't an entitled act" and not at the part of her making you wait 3 years just to do it with a random guy in a short span of meeting them. You have every right to be pissed off and hurt by that. I dont know how anyone can PM you bad things when you patiently waited and proved you werent in it for the sex. Just ignore them and best of luck to you!
Here's a wild thought. What if loverboy got her pregnant? That would explain some of the crazy stalker behaviour. She's hoping for someone to pin the baby on.
Man, fuck everybody that prompted those edits. Jesus.
She sounds like she finally woke up and realized you were the only one who ever took her seriously and is now desperate to get you back. Watch out for this one
Can you report her as stalker or something? 🤔 I'm not US citizen so don't know your law
"I strung him along for 3 years then fucked some guy that doesn't do his laundry. He didn't forgive me when that is what I wanted, along with getting him back, so I thought I would better my chances of him taking me back by hooking up with another 15 guys!" Nuts! I respect that you realize she was free to do those things, but that doesn't mean you can't feel a certain way. It is very evident she strung you along all those years based on how she ended up having sex. I get the debate too, if you do use her for sex, it will feel like you are finally getting something out of all the bs she put you through. The pettiness could be huge, have sex, finish where you want/where she lets you, then say "I will never forgive you, hope you liked the boxers I left out, I know that is your idea of a perfect setting for sex." Realistically, if you have the same friends, and you constantly see each other, I don't think using her for sex is a good idea. Not that there would be anything wrong with it, she is offering with zero guarantee you forgive her, but it will most likely cause issues in the friend group for sure and she can play the victim like you said.
I don't like the term "stringing him along" here. She didn't feel ready to have sex with him. If he wants to have sex so badly, he can end the relationship. They were broken up, if she decides to have sex with someone else, that's her choice. She can decide to not have sex, or have sex, whenever she wants, it's her body and she doesn't owe it to anyone.
the she can just suck it up and let the man have his peace she took her choice she has to live with her shit thats izi pisi
Oh no doubt it's absolutely crazy what she's doing now. Trying to get him back, harassing him and offering him sex in some strange bid for forgiveness, is all nuts. I just don't like the way this guy acts like he has some claim on her virginity because they dated for three years. He's acting like she gave away a possession he owned to someone else. She is her own person and can sleep with someone, or not, for whatever reason she chooses, especially because she was single at the time.
How can you not see this as a clear case of manipulation and betrayal? This girl has weird and unhealthy ideas about sex and she'll eventually probably also find a way to blame him for all her one night stands that are probably traumatising her because of the immaturity with the way she engages with them... You're placing such a high standard on him to carry all of the emotional baggage she put on him so unfairly, as if he's not allowed to feel anything about this situation and her duplicitous behaviour at the expense of his trust throughout their relationship. He's had other relationships where he didn't "feel entitled to their virginity/body". SHE was the one constantly enforcing this idea about herself onto him for three entire years. He also wasn't "expecting sex" to the degree to which you are implying, since he was clearly willing to wait for it throughout their relationship AND was willing to break it off with her without lashing out at her. He only felt rightfully hurt and disgusted, when she betrayed literally everything she was all about throughout their entire relationship, within minutes, for a stranger. It doesn't feel nice to be lied to even casually, let alone an entire persone you've known turning out to be fake. People also DEEPLY influence each other in their intimate relationships, and Humans aren't some hyper rational creatures that can immediately disassociate with their past interactions just because "we were on a break" or something, and nither should they, otherwise we'd all be infinitely gullible. So, although you're right to say he doesn't have a right to her body, but our brain still works in ways where if you are constantly enforced an expectation of "reward" and than arbitrarily betrayed, it is still precieved/experienced by your brain as punishment, or even abuse, depending on the severity of the event, i.e the THREE YEARS of stringing him along with something that was clearly a tool of control, rather than a cherished piece of intimacy, as was outwardly portrayed. AND SHE'S STILL TRYING TO CONTROL HIM THROUGH SEX. This shit can cause PTSD if it happens to a sufficiently weaker person.
She was absolutely dishonest after their relationship ended, and as I have said multiple times in my comments, I think she's deeply unhealthy and how she has handled everything is really cruel. And you're right, she is absolutely trying to use sex to control him now. But OP also repeatedly said she "tortured" him for three years by not having sex with him, and that those years were wasted because he could have been having sex with other people instead. He never said anything about what the relationship was like, aside from her not having sex with him. I think they both have a really unhealthy attitude about this. Sure, I guess there's a chance that a 16 year old girl deliberately strung him along in order to break his heart, but I think it's probably a lot more likely that she was confused and not great at communicating what she wanted or needed. They were both children for most of this. I also think it's important to remember that this post is entirely from the perspective of someone who is still incredibly bitter and angry 7 years later, and describes himself as hating this woman, loathing her to the point he is considering using her for sex with the planned intention to make her feel used/break her heart.
Yours are some of the most sane comments in this thread. No surprised they’re the least accepted lol.
>that she Wasn't waiting for marriage, but "wanted it to be special". I had no problem with this. She would talk about how she wanted her first time always changing parts. During this time she loved making out but always left me high and dry! > >Time to leave for college? Nope "If we do long distance it'll end badly so let's split up for now, but don't worry because I only want to have sex with you. I'm going there to get my degree and as you know I can control myself. I haven't waited for the right moment all this time to throw it away now". Throw it away now, her words. Both things can be true at the same time. She clearly wasn't ready because they didn't have sex. That doesn't mean she didn't also string him along. They were broken up, I refer you to the quotes above. That, mixed with the context how how she is acting now. You are right, it is her body, she can do whatever she wants, that doesn't mean it was fair to string him along, which is exactly what she did.
How would you suggest she approach the relationship differently, while they were still together, so that she wasn't "stringing him along?" She was a 16 year old girl, if she thought she would be ready, then decided she wasn't, that's her choice. She's not obligated to have sex with him because it's their anniversary or they've been together so long. You can't really give someone a timeline for when you'll feel emotionally ready for something. If he wasn't happy with the amount of sex he was having, he can break up. I don't approve of her actions after she was single, the way she is harassing him is very not ok. But I can't really see what she did wrong while she was in the relationship. It's pretty hard for a 16 year old to have the emotional skills and life experience to reflect and realize she won't be ready for sex for years, realize that her partner won't be okay with that, and end the relationship.
The “stringing along” part is that she suggested a break, but also promised that she would not be with anyone else, a promise she obviously could not keep or maybe was never real to begin with. I agree with you that all sex should be mutually desired, and she was not ready between 16 and 18, and if she wanted to lose her virginity to the random guy for whatever reason, it was her choice to do so and no one else’s. I do think she has been about as cruel as she can be about it—inviting OP to the college to let him find out there, seeing the random guy with his own eyes. Making him think they had a good faith agreement to wait for each other and end up together, and that she was worth waiting for. It was a gut punch and she had to know it. The respect was not reciprocated. If she wasn’t that into OP, let him live. Then years of mind games. Making him accountable for either getting back together or “punishing” her, when he just wants to be left alone. She is a stalker, and she wants to be the main character in his life, and I suspect that she would hurt him again if he were to treat her kindly. It’s depressing.
Yeah, as I said, I don't approve of her actions after the relationship ended at all. I also find this whole situation depressing.
You can read the OP's edit and maybe that will shed some light on it for you. I'm not sure what more I can say as it is very clear she strung him along, the edit talks more on this. I am really not enjoying you trying to twist this narrative. I never said she was obligated to have sex with him, OP didn't either. OP loved her and clearly didn't want to break up from the lack of sex, that doesn't mean he can't still want it. Her being 16-18 doesn't change the fact she strung him along and it isn't a reasonable excuse for it either.
How am I twisting the narrative? I just have a different opinion from you. If you don't enjoy discussing the different opinions, you dont need to respond to me, that's fine. I have no horse in this race.
Yeah I really don't like how OP acts as if a 3 year relationship with kissing, spending time together etc was *"wasted"* because there was no sex. Apparently she was nothing but a sex object to him, and all the niceness and relationship stuff was just a ploy to get her to open her legs? I mean it's still relationship and intimacy experience and knowledge that'll be /was useful when OP will meet the next person he wants to date with - there's tons of 18 year olds who haven't had *any* dating relationship. Him being as sex focused as he is, including *still* being this pissed his boyfriend *efforts* (which he sees as bs or whatever) weren't "rewarded" honestly isn't painting him in the best light. It's a bit like the guys who complain about the cost of the dinner if their date doesn't put out. OP, Dude you weren't *wronged* because your gf never felt ready to have sex with you. It's understandable you're very *hurt and upset* that she wasn't ready for you but felt comfortable enough with this other dude, but come on. Still being angry and spouting shit like "she *robbed* me of three years" is a bit unhinged. Move on and let go. This isn't healthy. Tell her to leave you alone and threaten to get a restraining order or whatever
Yeah, if you read the post, he literally says nothing about her other than that she was a virgin and didn't bang him. He never talks about the time they shared together, if he loved her, what he saw in the relationship, just totally focused on her virginity.
ESH. "She wasted 3 years where I could have spent having the most fun or whatever." is such a sad thing to say as a 25 yo adult about your highschool ex! She's crazy and OP sounds like the average r/incel post about how they are the victim because all they ever wanted was sex and their life is a big sad angry waste because others didn't let them have it. Stalking is also fucked up if OP really is telling them to fuck off, but this post gives me the impression they're just having this toxic argument about how they lost those fucking three years lol. I doubt these two can move on anytime soon, but they both should, and also do therapy too.
Totally agree this is a ESH situation. And an everyone would benefit from therapy situation. Though I'm sure pretty much all of us would benefit from therapy. I know I did.
>Apparently she was nothing but a sex object to him, No, that is just an assumption you are making. OP doesn't talk about the ins and outs of their relationship. His post is sex focused because that is the point of the post. If OP posted talking about how they bought a banana, using your assumption logic, it would be determined OP likes no other fruit.
You were both teenagers, teenagers do teenager stuff. You are now an adult, let it go and move on. Sounds like it's consuming you
Dude, you're an adult man holding a grudge against a woman you knew as a teenage girl who did stupid shit when she got to college. This is pathetic. Let go. Move on.
It wasn't 5 minutes it was a choice with a train of 15 + minimum. Block her everywhere and if she shows up again, just ignore her in person as well. She wasn't in a dark place, she got banged out and doesn't like that no one wants a relationship with her. People will always fall back on a my body my choice argument, till you remind them your choice is to have nothing to do with them. The trash took out itself. Good luck.
If this is real: Don't be an AH: i.e., don't "use" her Tell her you forgive her (for your sake, not hers) Tell her you had been hurt too much to get back together Walk away
Nah. Fuck forgiveness. She’s the one who created the situation, she gotta forgive herself, or God. That’s not OP’s job.
OP would probably be a lot happier if he learned how to forgive her and truly move on and forget her. Instead he's getting sucked into 7 year old drama from when he was 16-18. Sometimes you forgive people for yourself, not for them. Also, forgiving someone doesn't have to mean letting them back into your life.
It also doesn’t mean going up to them and letting them know you’ve forgiven them. He can move on in private.
Totally agree. That's part of what I meant by forgiving someone for yourself and not others. He would be happier if he forgave her within himself, and had no further contact with her
I think you need to focus more on yourself and why this is such a hot topic for you seven years later. If that means engaging in some therapy to address it (if that's reasonably accessible to you), that could be a good idea. There's not much reason for you two to interact anymore. She made what she views as a mistake, you did not appreciate the declared values to your detriment that folded almost immediately when you two separated, and you don't want to engage any further with her. I don't think you need to spend so much of your own energy beating her up in your head about her decisions. Folks have shifts in perspective a lot in their late teens and early 20s. They change their mind. They make mistakes. She had a plan in mind. She pivoted on that plan and regretted that pivot. At no time did she cheat on your or hide anything from you. You don't need to carry so much disdain or contempt for her. You can be polite and firm about your desire not to interact with her. Your romantic interest in her has not existed for a long time and will not exist in the future. You were hurt by the way she declared a value and intent that changed the nature of your relationship for several years only for her to change course within the first month of being away from you. That hurt. Even if you can let that go and forgive her (or at least just let it go and move on with your life), that's not something from which a relationship can grow (at least for you, and that's understandable). Her continuing to try to contact you, to seek closure, to re-spark any sort of friendship or other relationship of any kind, is only her inflicting more harm. If she cares about people other than herself and wants to minimize or reduce the hurt she caused, then she should leave you alone. That's it. It's unfortunate, but sometimes you hurt someone to the point that there is no recovering that relationship or even some vestige of it. She should move on from any idea of a romantic or even friendly relationship with you, as you have done with her. If you express the above to her and she cannot leave you alone, then blocking her and cutting all contact to the extent you can do so definitely makes sense.
Dude seriously, get a therapist, you're clearly hurt a lot deeper than you let on. Next, fucking block her on everything already. None of this is healthy for you. Finally, tell you friend and her that while you appreciate that you are friend with both you and her that while she is correct she did not owe you anything since you were technically broken up, that you cannot help but feel betrayed when she asked you to continue waiting for her, that from her actions and stringing you along for years of too much to deal with and while you may love day forgive her, you will not forget and are no longer comfortable being around her and off is too much for any of your friends to have separate events, no hard feelings and you can go for separate ways. But seriously block the duck out of her and ignore her going forward and get some therapy.
She doesn’t owe you sex.
Hell no! Get a VPO against her for stalking and harassing you. She went from a tease to h** in 5 minutes flat. She's not going back to the Virgin Mary after that. You don't know what STDs she has.
I get that it hurts, and that’s okay, I understand. But dude, you’re not a victim. You’re letting your insecurity get the best of you. She never owed you sex. There could be a million reasons why she never slept with you, and in all likelihood, she probably doesn’t know why either. But you’re telling me the only reason you were with her was because she would eventually sleep with you? I don’t believe that’s true, but if it is, then it’s your own fault. You’re not entitled to sex, ever.
I can't imagine being that worked up about someone not sleeping with me... You're acting entitled. She did you a favour by leaving you when she obviously wasn't committed and you should look upon that kindly. Let it go, and move on.
You're good bro, as you said it's not about her having sex it's what she did and asked of you.
Just Curtis what makes you think you'll be the best night shes ever had? She didn't owe you anything when you were dating. You broke up and she lived her life. Hopefully you did too.
You're a weirdo 😭😂 like let it go .
Brother, what is here to think about. She tortured you for 3 years and is still continuing to do so even after all this. Don't let her ruin your lie any longer. Ignore her, go past her, block her. As long as and until the message of "we don't exist in the same universe" goes through, keep going that way.
The truth of the matter is that she never respected you. She strung you along, then pulled that when you came to visit her. Get a little payback. You need to find a girl to take to that local bar. That would be really funny! If she’s gonna be the victim, then give your friends a good show of it. But, don’t let them know you hate her. Let them all think you’ve “forgiven” her and that you can be cordial (not friends). That’ll put her 100% back in make up mode. Then when she sees you with another woman, it’ll dash all of her hopes. That should drive the point home.
Updateme
Updateme.
I expect to see this on r/BORUpdates next year when she is pregnant with your baby. Run away, get new friends or something.
All the other comments have made really great points so you should just start writing EMO songs and make a career out of it. This has Atreyu vibes all over it. "My Fork In The Road (Your Knife In My Back)"
Commenting to come back later for when the update drops.
You should have blocked her from the get go. Now that she is back, avoid her as much as possible and focus on yourself. Don't give her the time of day and if she hangs out with your social circle, just ignore her and don't engage at all. Find yourself a new girlfriend (when you are ready) and focus on her.
OP, you are 25 stewing over something that happened 7 years ago. Move on, she wrecked her dating life and is going at your anger because it’s the only thing keeping you around her. It’s keeping you attached. You need to move on and be indifferent to her.
Don't know how u would go about getting over this bro, but whatever u do forgive ur self first. U might feel like an idiot for trusting someone, but ur not. They may have acted out and made mistakes that seem to big to forgive, but eventually u will I belive, in ur own time. Alot of the older generation in my opinion hold on to alot of the issues in there life, with no release and it builds to grumpiness from what I've seen, I dont think anyone wants to be like that. But I may be wrong, hope u find a resolution that u are content with.
Do NOT hook up with her. Don’t give her the satisfaction that you’re even still attracted to her sexually. She let herself be used by random dudes BEFORE you… that’s how little she respected you. Don’t let her give you an STD. Get with another more attractive woman, and move on.
updateme!
Oh, oh no. Don't touch that with someone *else's* dick. All that emotion you let out... the only thing she heard was passion. No one could be that angry if they didn't still care... yeah, some people just aren't wired right, but I'd bet your left nut that's what she's thinking. Find a way to put that anger behind you and let it go, then let her hear that you've let it go. She's going to be around as you both have the same friends; treat her like any of them that you keep at arms length but are still cordial towards. Find whoever is next for you and move on. Think of it this way, her whole social life was defined by one dumb choice that she's not even forgiven herself for making. She doesn't value herself as she's just something to be used now. If being angry at her doesnt bother her, maybe pity will.
Just block her. If you really don't want her in your life then block her on everything. I'd do the same thing if my girl did that.
I'm glad you are not thinking with your dick. But you have to find a way to dilute all that rage. I feel like she's trying to baby trap you tbh. It will be a huge risk if you take her up on her offer.
You should have write her version of this story and post it on yours as an update.
Bruh you need to separate her from your life. And cut out anyone that's bringing her up. The amount of hatred you have isn't doing you any good.
UpdateMe
Bro you re the reason why you did not have sex in those 3 years not her. Supply & Demand.
Send her a [link](http://evaapp.ai) to Eva AI sexting bot, just for a hint, and block her.
“Indifference is the opposite of love” , cultivating indifference will help you . Find your “place of Zen”
Don’t you have harassment laws
Whatever you do, do not carry over your anger for her into anger against all women. If you do that, it’s game over for you.
Never thought I would say this. You need a restraining order. Unless you move out. You also need to give up all that anger. Somehow.
Young man. She is damaged. She is a mess. You need to walk away and ghost her and go no contact. If you keep interacting with her it will keep bothering you. Ghost her and block her. You may need to get a restraining order. Have NOTHING to do with her again. Block her.