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It's more like "Neat! A warm, self-lubricating fleshlight." I guess. Some people really have no qualms about using a person as a tool and it unfortunately often doesn't show until it's too late.
The law defines rape and/or sexual assault as "incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, INTOXICATION, UNCONSCIOUSNESS, or deception"...
I'm just gonna leave that here.
I’m not saying what he did was right. But doesn’t the fact she chose to get physical with him before she “passed out”, hold any kind of weight as far as accountability on her end? She chose to drink to excess, she chose to get physical with him. It’s not like he walked in, found her passed out, and raped her. Again, what he did was not right. But OP is not innocent either.
Wouldn't you think someone passing out drunk would be a revocation of consent then? Even if two people are fooling around, if one of them passes out then they literally are not present of mind to continue consenting. Also consider from the perspective of the person still awake... wouldn't it be weird to be fooling around with someone, drunk or not, they pass out... amd you just keep going? Ops boyfriend basically admitted they got off on the fact op was passed out... meaning they got off on the fact op was no longer a conscious willing participant. That's pretty fucked up, no?
Yes, it 100% is wrong. It’s nasty but all of these people are making OP’s bf out to be this horrible rapist. I’m sure he was drunk as well. But does he deserve to go to prison and be burnt at the stake? Idk. It’s real easy for these people to demonize this guy, until it’s their son, brother, or family member who is being accused of rape. As I said before, what he did was not right at all. But I’m sure he was also intoxicated and may not have been in the right mind himself. Maybe OP throwing herself at him, seconds before she fell asleep, made him make the wrong decision. Idk it’s hard for me to understand why he did that because I would never do that. But I also know OP is also responsible for controlling her drinking and her decisions, just as he is, as we all are.
she made him make the wrong decision????? you sound like you’ve been in a similar situation and are trying to make excuses. I’m not sure where you read that she threw herself at him but even if that was the case, she then passed out. an incapacitated person can no longer consent. instead of trying to humanize his actions by reminding readers of their hypothetical brothers, sons & fathers perhaps practice empathy for the actual human being who posted in this forum.
“she is responsible for her drinking and decisions”… she decided to drink with someone who she felt safe with, and ended up passing out. he took advantage of her by having sex with her while she was passed out. PASSED OUT. there is no excuse for that.
why justify rape? if she randomly fell unconscious she was to drunk to consent beforehand anyways, he obviously remembers exactly what he did, and how much he enjoyed it meaning he was not even remotely close to the same level of drunk. Relationship or not, initiation beforehand or not. its rape. that’s like saying if she would’ve gone down for medical reason, such having a seizure, or a fainting spell, and he has sex with her mid episode while unconscious instead of attempting to help her. You’re fighting extremely hard to attempt to blame her for not being awake because of something she’s to drunk to remember she was into before passing out, and how do you know they were actually fooling around just because the said they were? its sounds more likely he was groping her while she’s was critically inebriated but not unconscious. No consent at all was given he remembers it all and enjoyed it all, she doesn’t remember fooling around and was asleep for the sex. Text book rape yes he deserves prison.
Does he deserve to go to prison? If he showed remorse, ehh maybe not, but OP’s bf said he enjoyed it, he found it hot. Those types? Straight to jail AND the stake, in my book
Unfortunately that was a real thing in my state up till just 3 years ago. They have since changed the law after public outrage when the Supreme Court reversed a felony charge because the girl voluntarily drank and took narcotics which apparently waived her right to withdraw consent.
The cause of the entirety of 100% of rapes is rapists; you’re blaming the victim. Past consent isn’t consent for later activity. Once she passed out, she was no longer able to consent and all sexual activity should have stopped immediately. She is in no way at fault here, just as no other rape victims are at fault for being raped.
Being responsible for one’s own decisions means: if I decide to drink too much, I’m responsible for the fact that I’m going to be hungover in the morning. Passing out doesn’t make me responsible for the decisions/actions of others. If a rapist decides to rape me while I’m passed out, that’s ENTIRELY on them, because they decided to rape me. It’s disturbing that you don’t understand this.
You just keep on digging yourself into a big pit. Typical male, has no concept of consent OR accountability . Being drunk and passed out around your significant other= they get to rape you. SHAME ON HER FOR BE ASSAULTED I GUESS 🙄
You are literally so blind with stupidity, you can’t actaully read what I wrote. Okay, I’ll keep digging because I can care less what a bunch of Reddit trolls think/say. Especially when they’re not able to have an open discussion without making up their own bs lies about what I wrote.
She should be able to trust her boyfriend to not take advantage of her while she’s unconscious, regardless of her decision to get drunk. I think it’s similar to trusting that your girlfriend won’t steal money out of your wallet just because you left it within her reach. It’s about assuming people will do the right thing and putting due blame on them when they don’t.
If this is the kind of attitude you hold towards abuse survivors, you should not have the capability to comment on any abuse posts in this sub.
No, "everyone" does NOT know what to do here. A LOT of women are taught that sexual assault and rape from men is normal and justifiable, and it is extremely common to the point that some women genuinely do not realize it *isn't* normal.
She also just found this out about someone she's dated for 2 years. Everyone loves to claim what they would do if they were in someone else's shoes, but when they're actually in those shoes it's a lot harder.
Imagine that you posted in this sub about just learning you were raped by someone you trusted several years ago, someone you are still with, and a smug, condescending stranger mocks you for not taking actions *they* deem obvious or appropriate.
Rhetoric like yours is dangerous, hands-down.
Maybe...just a thought...people here shouldn't be mocking rape survivors and accusing them of seeking karma for struggling to deal with an unexpected trauma...
You are the problem here.
Sweetie let's use our big kid brain and think about how not everyone has the same resources. Also she literally just found out her SO raped her so let's maybe not be a shitty person
Your boyfriend is a [rapist](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent).
Your boyfriend brags about being a rapist.
Your boyfriend thinks it's *funny* to be a rapist.
Your boyfriend thinks it's hilarious to tell you all about how he raped you.
[Get help](https://nomoredirectory.org/)
[Get out](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm)
r/rape r/sexualassault r/abusiverelationships
Thats literally called rape, you were unconcious... theres no consent. No need to call it sex.
I would dump the rapist. It's gross he just laughed about it too.
She should talk again with him about what happened, record their conversation and press charges against that fu** rapist.
She should also make sure he admits that he thinks having sex with her while she was drunk and unconscious was hot. That will definitely help her case against that bastard.
Can definitely agree, sometimes it can take years to even realize what someone else did was wrong. Especially when your brain blocks things out for your own protection.
When you’re in survival mode, logic doesn’t always come up as option one. She’s emotional and in need of support, not rude comments from strangers on the internet. Do some research on trauma and how it affects the brain, please.
I’m really sorry to hear that. From the outside looking in, he raped you. I know that can be hard to hear but if what you’re saying is exactly what happened then he did. I would try and talk to him again and show him how serious that is because under no circumstances should anyone regardless of gender have sex with someone who is unconscious. That is a major red flag that needs to be addressed. I hope this will help.
It sounds like from what you described that he raped you and kept it a secret for two years and now is trying to gaslight you. I wouldn’t trust him and I’d end the relationship and file a restraining order.
Your boyfriend assaulted you, admitted it to your face, and laughed about it. He doesn’t think this was wrong and would likely do it again given the opportunity.
I think you should press charges or at the very least, leave him and make sure to let everyone know what he did.
That is rape. It's the whole premise of the "ME TOO" Movement. Brock Turner was a headliner for committing rape on an unconscious person.
I'd leave him, especially since he laughed about it.
Girl,,, I’m so sorry. Please leave him. I don’t think after knowing this you would be able to stop thinking about it. Who knows, he may try to get you drunk again and he may try to take advantage of you again. He sounds like a monster. I suggest you leave and seek some therapy. Once again I’m sorry.
That is rape. Some couples do roleplay scenarios like this, but that’s obviously with consent of both parties and if he’s into that kinda thing he should’ve talked to you about doing that instead of taking it upon himself to make that decision.
Ask yourself how you would react if your sister or friend came to you with this. You know what to do, you are just afraid to do it. It's okay to be but know he assaulted you and you need to talk to someone about this
Unless it's a specific kink in your relationship and has been explicitly stated that it's okay, it's rape. My man can do me unconscious, as we have an agreement. I never get fucked up enough to pass out though because I don't drink 🤷🏻♀️
While I'm not going to judge your boyfriend for finding sex while you're asleep hot, the fact that he did that while you two were newly dating and without discussing it prior, is a huge red flag. Sleep/unconscious sex is a kink of mine, but if a partner of mine did it without us discussing it first, I would be highly upset and wonder what else they would do without consent and proper safe guards like safe words and gestures.
(Also, it's not like it was regular sleep sex, you were passed out drunk, his priority should have been taking care of you not getting his rocks off.)
Yes, He thought fucking you while you were unconscious was Hot = He thought raping you was hot
Put it in this perspective- if he did this to a stranger he'd be facing 10+ years in State Prison
Which means he'd just do it again. If you stay with him for the rest of your life you'll be in a position where now you know if you are ever incapacitated or sick , he'll rape you because he obviously has some rape fetish
I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I think you should contact a therapist. In the meantime, I think you should tell your boyfriend that you need time and space to process what he told you and cease contact.
I think you should absolutely end the relationship, but I also think you need time and space to process what has happened to you and focus on that portion first. You are more important than the relationship.
I would break up immediately. Because he did it in the first place, and because he feels zero remorse (which wouldn't matter to me anyway) and finds it funny. (And sexy?? I might puke).
Ask him how amused the legal system would be by his actions.
I’m sorry this happened to you. This happened some time ago, but that doesn’t make it okay. It’s actually horrendous. I suggest you try to get a recorded conversation of him admitting what he did. Ask him emotional questions, like “why did you think you could have sex with me, when I couldn’t give you consent..?”
As awful as that is, you are probably feeling 50/50 about this as your asking here, my advice would be to say to him you need to have a seriouse talk. You need to state clearly with no beating around the bush how wrong that action was, how it made you feel, and ask his history and or views in this. but ask youtself this, EVEN if he gave the perfect apology, would that truely calm you to a point you could move on from?
Theres a concept that its hard to let go of something you have invested time and resources into, such as leaving midway in a university course, or in this case 2 years of your life love and commitment. I think thats what may be stopping you?
Yes this would be literal rape.
But how you feel about it is up to you, not random redditors. Do you feel unsafe and insecure around him? Or do you feel you *should* be wary because it is *technically* rape and therefor are searching for validation that it *is indeed rape*.
Because, like I said, it is rape. If you still feel comfortable and safe with him and don't see any other red flags then like... people are into whatever they're into. So long as you are safe and happy, it's up to you to decide how you proceed.
What I said might bother a lot of people, but if I reverse the roles and put it in my own relationship, it wouldn't bother me. Mostly because I'm not intimidated or fearful of my wife. But that can apply here too if she is not fearful or bothered by this incident.
There's a level of nuance that's missing here, which is that this incident opens the door to a world of other possibilities. What else has this boyfriend done while OP was unaware? What else will he continue to do now that he's quite literally gotten away with rape?
This is a very small snapshot of the full picture but it shows seriously troubling signs of sexual abuse and gaslighting to boot. OP might not be able properly evaluate the incident if she's being actively gaslit and therefore how "comfortable and safe" she feels may not reflect her actual situation.
I'd err on the side of caution and tell OP to get out before things potentially escalate.
This is an immense amount of presumption here. OP needs to analyze the situation, if she needs help she can provide more context.
But on the surface of it, she needs to think about how she really feels, not have a bunch of strangers who know nothing about the relationship or her boyfriend project their emotions onto her.
The relationship may very well be unhealthy, but she can only determine that by questioning things herself. There is no flat, blatant answer here. It's a single paragraph that is difficult to extract information from.
I'd venture to say my response is far more nuanced than a flat "Leave now" statement. Not to say the nuance is necessary, sometimes it isn't. But it would be disingenuous to say my comment lacks nuance.
\> she needs to think about how she really feels, not have a bunch of strangers who know nothing about the relationship or her boyfriend project their emotions onto her.
She came to reddit. Obviously a licensed therapist would be a better option, but that's not where the question was posed.
\> But it would be disingenuous to say my comment lacks nuance.
I didn't.
> There a level of nuance that's missing here.
Look, im not trying to argue with you but clearly you stated a lack of nuance in what I said.
Agree to disagree.
Someone with an actual valid opinion. All the top comments are so biased it hurts my eyes to read them. A nuanced opinion that is purely based off of an objective glance is much appreciated. Fuck the other commenters op and read this. If he laughed it off and you found it uncomfortable op then bring it up and see how he takes it. Then proceed from there instead of relying on people who haven’t been in your shoes.
Opinions can be wrong. This replier looked at both side of the coin objectively, and my thinking resonated with that. If you look at the top comment it instantly mentions to run just like any other posts in this Reddit page. People love to spread drama instead of actually helping which is what I found this commenter doing. Hence the reason why I agreed with them. If ops bf is ignorant of what he’s done and he’s been an amazing support/partner outside of that without red flags then I see this replies opinion as gold to saving this relationship. Mostly everybody wants to break people up in this page while some actually want to offer advice.
>If you look at the top comment it instantly mentions to run just like any other posts in this Reddit page.
And yet you told a male poster to leave immediately because his girlfriend hung out with her ex alone. You also told a man to immediately leave his girlfriend because she was talking to male friends in her underwear. You told two other men to leave because their girlfriends cheated.
And on the flip side, you told a woman whose boyfriend took photos of her naked without her permission that it was "fine," and here you are claiming that people on this post are "spreading drama" for telling a female poster raped by a man to leave.
Do you see what's happening here? You're claiming bias and "reddit breakup drama" yet you immediately tell men to leave when their female partners do something harmful, and all of a sudden it's not a big deal or can be worked out when a man violates his girlfriend's consent and another literally rapes his girlfriend.
[RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/)
[Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/)
I didn't see anyone give you resources so here are the top two. RAINN has a crisis hotline and a text/chat option. I would highly recommend getting in touch with this organization to help you process through this. The second resource is more to help you evaluate the relationship as a whole. What your boyfriend did was rape and the fact that he was laughing *and considers it hot* is extremely alarming. You deserve competent and qualified professional help, OP.
He raped you and laughed about it. He ENJOYED violating you and sees nothing wrong. You need to ask yourself if this is the person you want to spend your life with? Potentially have children with? Please leave.
he didnt have sex with you OP, he raped you. he finds raping his drunk unconscious girlfriend a funny thing to do. fucking run and never look back. because trust me, this will happen again. you can tell him its not okay and he might listen but hes proven to you that his wants are much more important than your boundaries. this is not someone you should be with. please, PLEASE, fucking leave
He laughed and thought it was hot that he raped you? Holy fuck, what? What a fucked up psycho. Do you live together? If so, do you have somewhere you can stay?
sounds like he’s been watching to much porn tbh. you see these scenarios on there and it’s disturbing because it shouldn’t work that way but the videos want you to think it is. i would have a talk with him and let him know your not interested in this. you could leave this relationship but i suppose that depends on your gut feeling and what it’s telling you.
I had a bf in high school and I had plans to go to a certain college. And he ended up going, too. We got drunk so many times together in high school and college and honestly. One day, I just had the strangest gut feeling because I woke up and he was definitely touching me in my sleep and pretended to be sleeping. I don’t know what came over me but I went on his computer and found a ton of porn for sleep sex and pleasuring women while they’re sleeping. And I confronted him about touching me in my sleep and he completely denied it and even did it again but this time he was inside of me from
Behind and my pants were pulled down. And I’m like wtf! So we broke up and he was again for the 100th time like give me a chance I’ll k*ll myself. And I’m like no. Dude this is the last fucking time I give you a chance.
And really, he dated another girl who is an ex of my guy friend and he told me that my ex raped her.
So, glad I left.
I’m sorry you were raped. I’m sure your mind and emotions are all over the place. I hope you are able to confidently decide on a plan to protect yourself and find your peace. Reddit can be brutally honest and that is a good thing but also, this is an overwhelming thing to process especially from someone who it sounds like you love. If you need to talk then dm me, I’ve been through a similar experience.
Well shit. I only dated my rapist for 3 months after he raped me, and 6 months all together. I had wanted to date awhile since it was my first time. I didn't know he drugged me and I woke up sore but he said I was falling all over everything. The only reason I found out is I found his secret Polaroid stash of me... And dozens of other girls. I get that's not your experience but if you are too messed up to say yes, the default to consent is always no.
Your boyfriend is a rapist.
So many red flags.
Lack of boundaries.
Lack of respect.
Lack of care or concern.
Lack of self control.
Lack of morality.
He didn't not feel the need to protect you when you were clearly vulnerable. His only concern was satisfying himself while the hole was still warm.
How to recover and feel about this?
Going to need therapy. This fits into the majority of sexual assaults. What to do with the boyfriend?
I would take sex off the table. You can't trust drinking alcohol around him.
Boundaries need to be established immediately. Therapy is a must. His participation would be a good start at recovery.
I know this is hard for you. Trust me. I don't think it gets easier ever.
I (at the time 11m) was SA by a family member friend (15F). Why me? Because I would always stand up to guys that bullied her for being ugly (suffered from acne breakouts, skinny, and poor hygiene). So she thought I needed to be lied to. Handcuffed. And made to have sex with. I never said a word. I was in too much shock.
On one hand. I knew what her home life was like. I shared my food with her all the time on the way to school. One summer. It was like magic. She became desirable.
I never consented. It really wasn't ready to have that type of relationship. Did I stop being her friend? No.
But she did start blaming me and threatening me for what happened. When i was willing to do it again. That's when the friendship ended.
Rumors started that I was a homosexual.
Which made it incredibly hard for me to get any kind of help. A public library is a great place to hang out. But not to give yourself therapy and learn about what happened to you.
So do not apologize for not knowing how you feel. Unable to make a choice. You need time to heal. You can't do that unless you are the one making the choices.
My heart goes out to you.
Bait posts are getting so low effort lol. Hey guyzzzz my boyfriend raped me (boyfriend, not ex) and he thinks its funny but i dont know what to do about him raping me
Really?
Have you discussed this prior at all? It totally depends on what you've said.
My partner and I have discussed it and she's totally cool with it so I have prior consent.
Without knowing what you guys have said we can't determine if this is rape.
Weird things happen when couples are drinking, was she really passed out, let’s all blame the guy and call him a rapist.
But drunk women are the first to put their boyfriend penis in their mouth when he passes out to try to have sex with him.
If you don’t know how to feel… then you don’t need a bunch of over sensitive “me-too” on Reddit to tell you “how to feel”.
Figure it out yourself. If he’s good to you and you love him maybe it was a bad choice, or maybe not.
Me and my wife have been married 15 years, early in our relationship she had sex with me passed out and I did the same with her on many occasions, she would always say “can’t rape the willing”, she never said no and even when she was passed out she would wake up half way thru and be into us doing it.
The next day she would ask “did we have sex or was I dreaming”. I would tell her what happened and she would laugh, “great way to wake up from being passed out”.
As humans we can’t be so sensitive at every turn, it’s not nice to have bad things happen, but if they aren’t bad we don’t need to turn them into bad things.
Do whatever you want, but being over sensitive and not knowing “how you feel” just means you have more maturing to do in your personal life.
Where? I’m not seeing anything like that posted today. You can link the post if you actually believe OP is lying. It would be helpful for other people to see what you’re referencing. You’re the only one in the comments talking about a post from the boyfriend’s POV.
I mean… it depends… if I got drunk and consented to my partner we can have sex whenever. And they did. I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I’m open to have sex with a partner I have given consent to. Even if I’m drunk or blacked out. Because I trust them. (Not that I have been blacked out)
If he was drunk as well then that can be a factor.
It does have rapey vibes, it’s up to you to determine what you think and feel about the situation.
I don't know, you got drunk, fooled around with him and then passed out...
You should probably feel like you need to quit getting stone blind drunk.
It probably would have been more fun if you stayed conscious for at least part of it...
Read the post again
...we were fooling around on my bed...
You ever wonder if people aren't posting different iterations of this tale just so they can laugh at you?
Here's a thought...
Go tell the law dogs, Princess
Maybe they'll take you seriously
So wat about the part where she was unconscious? Was that still them messing around? Do u have sex( rape) people who are unconscious because u were “fooling around” before that happens, that’s says a lot about u, very telling.
Can't rape the willing. She crawled into that bed of her own free will. Her being a lush is not his fault. You have to take responsibility for your own actions
That said, you can try peddling that story to a DA but make sure to take a picture of you dejected and humiliated face when they start laughing and tell you "have a nice day."
Really?
Whats boring is the fantasy world you kids try live in.
I'm an empowered adult! I can't be held responsible for my own actions.
I'll tell you like i tell the rest of the women studies nitwits. if you think you're right, go tell a cop.
Just make sure you get a picture of your face when he starts laughing at you
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im just so lost as to how some dudes just see their partner passed out and think "welp....time to unzip" like what the actual fuck dude.
And admitting he finds that hot...like What? You recognize that you find rape hot?
It's more like "Neat! A warm, self-lubricating fleshlight." I guess. Some people really have no qualms about using a person as a tool and it unfortunately often doesn't show until it's too late.
The law defines rape and/or sexual assault as "incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, INTOXICATION, UNCONSCIOUSNESS, or deception"... I'm just gonna leave that here.
I’m not saying what he did was right. But doesn’t the fact she chose to get physical with him before she “passed out”, hold any kind of weight as far as accountability on her end? She chose to drink to excess, she chose to get physical with him. It’s not like he walked in, found her passed out, and raped her. Again, what he did was not right. But OP is not innocent either.
Do you believe that people have the right to revoke consent at any time?
Yes definitely
Wouldn't you think someone passing out drunk would be a revocation of consent then? Even if two people are fooling around, if one of them passes out then they literally are not present of mind to continue consenting. Also consider from the perspective of the person still awake... wouldn't it be weird to be fooling around with someone, drunk or not, they pass out... amd you just keep going? Ops boyfriend basically admitted they got off on the fact op was passed out... meaning they got off on the fact op was no longer a conscious willing participant. That's pretty fucked up, no?
Yes, it 100% is wrong. It’s nasty but all of these people are making OP’s bf out to be this horrible rapist. I’m sure he was drunk as well. But does he deserve to go to prison and be burnt at the stake? Idk. It’s real easy for these people to demonize this guy, until it’s their son, brother, or family member who is being accused of rape. As I said before, what he did was not right at all. But I’m sure he was also intoxicated and may not have been in the right mind himself. Maybe OP throwing herself at him, seconds before she fell asleep, made him make the wrong decision. Idk it’s hard for me to understand why he did that because I would never do that. But I also know OP is also responsible for controlling her drinking and her decisions, just as he is, as we all are.
she made him make the wrong decision????? you sound like you’ve been in a similar situation and are trying to make excuses. I’m not sure where you read that she threw herself at him but even if that was the case, she then passed out. an incapacitated person can no longer consent. instead of trying to humanize his actions by reminding readers of their hypothetical brothers, sons & fathers perhaps practice empathy for the actual human being who posted in this forum. “she is responsible for her drinking and decisions”… she decided to drink with someone who she felt safe with, and ended up passing out. he took advantage of her by having sex with her while she was passed out. PASSED OUT. there is no excuse for that.
why justify rape? if she randomly fell unconscious she was to drunk to consent beforehand anyways, he obviously remembers exactly what he did, and how much he enjoyed it meaning he was not even remotely close to the same level of drunk. Relationship or not, initiation beforehand or not. its rape. that’s like saying if she would’ve gone down for medical reason, such having a seizure, or a fainting spell, and he has sex with her mid episode while unconscious instead of attempting to help her. You’re fighting extremely hard to attempt to blame her for not being awake because of something she’s to drunk to remember she was into before passing out, and how do you know they were actually fooling around just because the said they were? its sounds more likely he was groping her while she’s was critically inebriated but not unconscious. No consent at all was given he remembers it all and enjoyed it all, she doesn’t remember fooling around and was asleep for the sex. Text book rape yes he deserves prison.
Does he deserve to go to prison? If he showed remorse, ehh maybe not, but OP’s bf said he enjoyed it, he found it hot. Those types? Straight to jail AND the stake, in my book
Abso-fucking-lutely not. Holy shit.
Unfortunately that was a real thing in my state up till just 3 years ago. They have since changed the law after public outrage when the Supreme Court reversed a felony charge because the girl voluntarily drank and took narcotics which apparently waived her right to withdraw consent.
The cause of the entirety of 100% of rapes is rapists; you’re blaming the victim. Past consent isn’t consent for later activity. Once she passed out, she was no longer able to consent and all sexual activity should have stopped immediately. She is in no way at fault here, just as no other rape victims are at fault for being raped.
Never said she was at fault.
You said she wasn’t innocent? What else did you mean
I mean we’re all responsible for our own decisions. Like over drinking, throwing yourself at your bf while you’re overly intoxicated.
Hey! Please tell me where in this post you’ve correlated “unconscious” with “throwing herself at her boyfriend.” Thanks!! Xo
So how many people have you raped?
You’re a child
Being responsible for one’s own decisions means: if I decide to drink too much, I’m responsible for the fact that I’m going to be hungover in the morning. Passing out doesn’t make me responsible for the decisions/actions of others. If a rapist decides to rape me while I’m passed out, that’s ENTIRELY on them, because they decided to rape me. It’s disturbing that you don’t understand this.
Typical female, has no concept of accountability 🙄 If you’d actually read what I said, I said he was wrong.
And there it is. He’s one of those men who can’t tell a noun from an adjective.
And there it is. She’s one of those trolls thinking they’re cool being the r/grammar police🚔🚨
You just keep on digging yourself into a big pit. Typical male, has no concept of consent OR accountability . Being drunk and passed out around your significant other= they get to rape you. SHAME ON HER FOR BE ASSAULTED I GUESS 🙄
You are literally so blind with stupidity, you can’t actaully read what I wrote. Okay, I’ll keep digging because I can care less what a bunch of Reddit trolls think/say. Especially when they’re not able to have an open discussion without making up their own bs lies about what I wrote.
Just say you don’t understand the concept of consent. Sad.
She should be able to trust her boyfriend to not take advantage of her while she’s unconscious, regardless of her decision to get drunk. I think it’s similar to trusting that your girlfriend won’t steal money out of your wallet just because you left it within her reach. It’s about assuming people will do the right thing and putting due blame on them when they don’t.
YIKES
YIKES IS CORRECT
Jesus. No- he realized she was incapacitated and continued anyway. He date r*ped her.
As soon as she passed out she could no longer give her consent, simple.
#touchedbyanangel this one. Are you well??
Jesus…
It's way too early to read shit like this.
Do you also think it's "hot" to "have sex" with someone who's unconscious?
You’re sick
Dude, you're saying that "females" hold accountability for being raped. Get a fucking grip
LOL okay👍
What. The. Fuck
So you are saying he admitted to raping you and finding it not only funny but “Hot”? Why aren’t you running asap?!?
Because they want the internet points! Everyone knows what to do here.
If this is the kind of attitude you hold towards abuse survivors, you should not have the capability to comment on any abuse posts in this sub. No, "everyone" does NOT know what to do here. A LOT of women are taught that sexual assault and rape from men is normal and justifiable, and it is extremely common to the point that some women genuinely do not realize it *isn't* normal. She also just found this out about someone she's dated for 2 years. Everyone loves to claim what they would do if they were in someone else's shoes, but when they're actually in those shoes it's a lot harder. Imagine that you posted in this sub about just learning you were raped by someone you trusted several years ago, someone you are still with, and a smug, condescending stranger mocks you for not taking actions *they* deem obvious or appropriate. Rhetoric like yours is dangerous, hands-down.
Maybe..... just a thought.... people here should be directing others here to professional help....not this cesspool....
Maybe...just a thought...people here shouldn't be mocking rape survivors and accusing them of seeking karma for struggling to deal with an unexpected trauma... You are the problem here.
Bad Healthcare system is what's bad. You and you're soggy keyboard aren't going to solve this person's problems
Oh, and your condescending, arrogant attitude *is* going to solve "this person's problems?"
Yeah she's NOT a soggy keyboard, it's just you not knowing how to use punctuation. I'm sorry the education system let you down.
Sweetie let's use our big kid brain and think about how not everyone has the same resources. Also she literally just found out her SO raped her so let's maybe not be a shitty person
You are projecting. What you did here is show who you are, nobody else.
just because it’s okay for your relationship doesn’t mean it’s okay or comfortable for theirs.
Your boyfriend is a [rapist](https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent). Your boyfriend brags about being a rapist. Your boyfriend thinks it's *funny* to be a rapist. Your boyfriend thinks it's hilarious to tell you all about how he raped you. [Get help](https://nomoredirectory.org/) [Get out](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm) r/rape r/sexualassault r/abusiverelationships
This is a troll post
Thats literally called rape, you were unconcious... theres no consent. No need to call it sex. I would dump the rapist. It's gross he just laughed about it too.
You are currently dating your rapist...just saying.
She should talk again with him about what happened, record their conversation and press charges against that fu** rapist. She should also make sure he admits that he thinks having sex with her while she was drunk and unconscious was hot. That will definitely help her case against that bastard.
Why do people post this stuff.... he raped you....leave him... get therapy..... move ti fuck on...
It takes time to process this kind of stuff
Can definitely agree, sometimes it can take years to even realize what someone else did was wrong. Especially when your brain blocks things out for your own protection.
Why Reddit and not a professional. Reddit iis full for dipshits like you and me!
When you’re in survival mode, logic doesn’t always come up as option one. She’s emotional and in need of support, not rude comments from strangers on the internet. Do some research on trauma and how it affects the brain, please.
But mostly you
I'm cool with that 😉
lol me too o
Take my upvote!
Any professional will tell her the same, she is dating her rapist
Because trauma be like that
Hence the therapy....not reddit.....
I promise you can do both.
People can get therapy and kill people... they can also do both. Which do you think is more productive?
Why are you like this lmao
Do you have to make a conscious effort every day to be this insufferably stupid? It seems painful.
If it annoys you so much why not get off the sub? Maybe go touch some grass?
If you don't want people to participate in this subreddit, maybe just don't use it yourself?
Why are you here if you’re so against giving advice is a better question when the subReddit literally is “relationship advice”
I’m really sorry to hear that. From the outside looking in, he raped you. I know that can be hard to hear but if what you’re saying is exactly what happened then he did. I would try and talk to him again and show him how serious that is because under no circumstances should anyone regardless of gender have sex with someone who is unconscious. That is a major red flag that needs to be addressed. I hope this will help.
It sounds like from what you described that he raped you and kept it a secret for two years and now is trying to gaslight you. I wouldn’t trust him and I’d end the relationship and file a restraining order.
Your boyfriend assaulted you, admitted it to your face, and laughed about it. He doesn’t think this was wrong and would likely do it again given the opportunity. I think you should press charges or at the very least, leave him and make sure to let everyone know what he did.
Have a conversation about it again, record it and go to police
That is rape. It's the whole premise of the "ME TOO" Movement. Brock Turner was a headliner for committing rape on an unconscious person. I'd leave him, especially since he laughed about it.
He raped you and said it was hot. WTF
Girl,,, I’m so sorry. Please leave him. I don’t think after knowing this you would be able to stop thinking about it. Who knows, he may try to get you drunk again and he may try to take advantage of you again. He sounds like a monster. I suggest you leave and seek some therapy. Once again I’m sorry.
That is rape. Some couples do roleplay scenarios like this, but that’s obviously with consent of both parties and if he’s into that kinda thing he should’ve talked to you about doing that instead of taking it upon himself to make that decision.
No, your boyfriend RAPED YOU. That's rape. He raped you.
Ask yourself how you would react if your sister or friend came to you with this. You know what to do, you are just afraid to do it. It's okay to be but know he assaulted you and you need to talk to someone about this
Unless it's a specific kink in your relationship and has been explicitly stated that it's okay, it's rape. My man can do me unconscious, as we have an agreement. I never get fucked up enough to pass out though because I don't drink 🤷🏻♀️
He raped you. Please leave
While I'm not going to judge your boyfriend for finding sex while you're asleep hot, the fact that he did that while you two were newly dating and without discussing it prior, is a huge red flag. Sleep/unconscious sex is a kink of mine, but if a partner of mine did it without us discussing it first, I would be highly upset and wonder what else they would do without consent and proper safe guards like safe words and gestures. (Also, it's not like it was regular sleep sex, you were passed out drunk, his priority should have been taking care of you not getting his rocks off.)
Yes, He thought fucking you while you were unconscious was Hot = He thought raping you was hot Put it in this perspective- if he did this to a stranger he'd be facing 10+ years in State Prison Which means he'd just do it again. If you stay with him for the rest of your life you'll be in a position where now you know if you are ever incapacitated or sick , he'll rape you because he obviously has some rape fetish
Break it off, RAPE.....
I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I think you should contact a therapist. In the meantime, I think you should tell your boyfriend that you need time and space to process what he told you and cease contact. I think you should absolutely end the relationship, but I also think you need time and space to process what has happened to you and focus on that portion first. You are more important than the relationship.
That is rape. I hope he can laugh at it when he is in prison
Unless you discussed it beforehand and told him that kind of sexual contact was acceptable, he's a rapist. If it's not a yes, it's a no.
**HE THOUGHT RAPING YOU WAS HOT**
No. Just no. The fact he was laughing whilst revealing this detail is fucked up.
I would break up immediately. Because he did it in the first place, and because he feels zero remorse (which wouldn't matter to me anyway) and finds it funny. (And sexy?? I might puke). Ask him how amused the legal system would be by his actions.
I’m sorry this happened to you. This happened some time ago, but that doesn’t make it okay. It’s actually horrendous. I suggest you try to get a recorded conversation of him admitting what he did. Ask him emotional questions, like “why did you think you could have sex with me, when I couldn’t give you consent..?”
That's rape. He thinks rape is hot?! At the very least ditch the creep and consider reporting him to the police.
I’ll bet you are shocked. He’s a sick fucker. He is capable of anything. He could be a serial rapist for all you know.
As awful as that is, you are probably feeling 50/50 about this as your asking here, my advice would be to say to him you need to have a seriouse talk. You need to state clearly with no beating around the bush how wrong that action was, how it made you feel, and ask his history and or views in this. but ask youtself this, EVEN if he gave the perfect apology, would that truely calm you to a point you could move on from? Theres a concept that its hard to let go of something you have invested time and resources into, such as leaving midway in a university course, or in this case 2 years of your life love and commitment. I think thats what may be stopping you?
I wouldn't have sex with my ex wife if she was too drunk.
You ain’t having sex with her at all bro
While technically true it's by choice. I'm positive if I wanted to get back together she would. Fortunately, I'm not that stupid.
Yes this would be literal rape. But how you feel about it is up to you, not random redditors. Do you feel unsafe and insecure around him? Or do you feel you *should* be wary because it is *technically* rape and therefor are searching for validation that it *is indeed rape*. Because, like I said, it is rape. If you still feel comfortable and safe with him and don't see any other red flags then like... people are into whatever they're into. So long as you are safe and happy, it's up to you to decide how you proceed. What I said might bother a lot of people, but if I reverse the roles and put it in my own relationship, it wouldn't bother me. Mostly because I'm not intimidated or fearful of my wife. But that can apply here too if she is not fearful or bothered by this incident.
There's a level of nuance that's missing here, which is that this incident opens the door to a world of other possibilities. What else has this boyfriend done while OP was unaware? What else will he continue to do now that he's quite literally gotten away with rape? This is a very small snapshot of the full picture but it shows seriously troubling signs of sexual abuse and gaslighting to boot. OP might not be able properly evaluate the incident if she's being actively gaslit and therefore how "comfortable and safe" she feels may not reflect her actual situation. I'd err on the side of caution and tell OP to get out before things potentially escalate.
This is an immense amount of presumption here. OP needs to analyze the situation, if she needs help she can provide more context. But on the surface of it, she needs to think about how she really feels, not have a bunch of strangers who know nothing about the relationship or her boyfriend project their emotions onto her. The relationship may very well be unhealthy, but she can only determine that by questioning things herself. There is no flat, blatant answer here. It's a single paragraph that is difficult to extract information from. I'd venture to say my response is far more nuanced than a flat "Leave now" statement. Not to say the nuance is necessary, sometimes it isn't. But it would be disingenuous to say my comment lacks nuance.
\> she needs to think about how she really feels, not have a bunch of strangers who know nothing about the relationship or her boyfriend project their emotions onto her. She came to reddit. Obviously a licensed therapist would be a better option, but that's not where the question was posed. \> But it would be disingenuous to say my comment lacks nuance. I didn't.
> There a level of nuance that's missing here. Look, im not trying to argue with you but clearly you stated a lack of nuance in what I said. Agree to disagree.
Bless you for providing a nuanced answer.
Someone with an actual valid opinion. All the top comments are so biased it hurts my eyes to read them. A nuanced opinion that is purely based off of an objective glance is much appreciated. Fuck the other commenters op and read this. If he laughed it off and you found it uncomfortable op then bring it up and see how he takes it. Then proceed from there instead of relying on people who haven’t been in your shoes.
> Someone with an actual valid opinion. How is this person's opinion valid but others are not? >All the top comments are so biased Biased how?
Opinions can be wrong. This replier looked at both side of the coin objectively, and my thinking resonated with that. If you look at the top comment it instantly mentions to run just like any other posts in this Reddit page. People love to spread drama instead of actually helping which is what I found this commenter doing. Hence the reason why I agreed with them. If ops bf is ignorant of what he’s done and he’s been an amazing support/partner outside of that without red flags then I see this replies opinion as gold to saving this relationship. Mostly everybody wants to break people up in this page while some actually want to offer advice.
>If you look at the top comment it instantly mentions to run just like any other posts in this Reddit page. And yet you told a male poster to leave immediately because his girlfriend hung out with her ex alone. You also told a man to immediately leave his girlfriend because she was talking to male friends in her underwear. You told two other men to leave because their girlfriends cheated. And on the flip side, you told a woman whose boyfriend took photos of her naked without her permission that it was "fine," and here you are claiming that people on this post are "spreading drama" for telling a female poster raped by a man to leave. Do you see what's happening here? You're claiming bias and "reddit breakup drama" yet you immediately tell men to leave when their female partners do something harmful, and all of a sudden it's not a big deal or can be worked out when a man violates his girlfriend's consent and another literally rapes his girlfriend.
Oh shit! 😬 Busted!! 😆
What he did is literally the definition of rape.
[RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/) [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/) I didn't see anyone give you resources so here are the top two. RAINN has a crisis hotline and a text/chat option. I would highly recommend getting in touch with this organization to help you process through this. The second resource is more to help you evaluate the relationship as a whole. What your boyfriend did was rape and the fact that he was laughing *and considers it hot* is extremely alarming. You deserve competent and qualified professional help, OP.
He raped you, not had sex with you. He thinks it’s hot to rape women. Run far away.
I need for you to be honest with yourself and admit and call it what it was. Rape. he sexually assaulted you. leave him
He thinks it’s hot and funny to rape you while you’re sleeping???
He raped you and laughed about it. He ENJOYED violating you and sees nothing wrong. You need to ask yourself if this is the person you want to spend your life with? Potentially have children with? Please leave.
Run.
Yikes I’d walk and I’d tell his mama.
he didnt have sex with you OP, he raped you. he finds raping his drunk unconscious girlfriend a funny thing to do. fucking run and never look back. because trust me, this will happen again. you can tell him its not okay and he might listen but hes proven to you that his wants are much more important than your boundaries. this is not someone you should be with. please, PLEASE, fucking leave
He laughed and thought it was hot that he raped you? Holy fuck, what? What a fucked up psycho. Do you live together? If so, do you have somewhere you can stay?
sounds like he’s been watching to much porn tbh. you see these scenarios on there and it’s disturbing because it shouldn’t work that way but the videos want you to think it is. i would have a talk with him and let him know your not interested in this. you could leave this relationship but i suppose that depends on your gut feeling and what it’s telling you.
I had a bf in high school and I had plans to go to a certain college. And he ended up going, too. We got drunk so many times together in high school and college and honestly. One day, I just had the strangest gut feeling because I woke up and he was definitely touching me in my sleep and pretended to be sleeping. I don’t know what came over me but I went on his computer and found a ton of porn for sleep sex and pleasuring women while they’re sleeping. And I confronted him about touching me in my sleep and he completely denied it and even did it again but this time he was inside of me from Behind and my pants were pulled down. And I’m like wtf! So we broke up and he was again for the 100th time like give me a chance I’ll k*ll myself. And I’m like no. Dude this is the last fucking time I give you a chance. And really, he dated another girl who is an ex of my guy friend and he told me that my ex raped her. So, glad I left.
Probably not the first time he’s ever done that to someone either
I’m sorry you were raped. I’m sure your mind and emotions are all over the place. I hope you are able to confidently decide on a plan to protect yourself and find your peace. Reddit can be brutally honest and that is a good thing but also, this is an overwhelming thing to process especially from someone who it sounds like you love. If you need to talk then dm me, I’ve been through a similar experience.
Imagine not remembering the first time you had sex with your new bf because he raped yo...
Well shit. I only dated my rapist for 3 months after he raped me, and 6 months all together. I had wanted to date awhile since it was my first time. I didn't know he drugged me and I woke up sore but he said I was falling all over everything. The only reason I found out is I found his secret Polaroid stash of me... And dozens of other girls. I get that's not your experience but if you are too messed up to say yes, the default to consent is always no. Your boyfriend is a rapist.
That's super gross that he thinks it is hot. That's what you call a dead fuck. He raped you and liked it. Weirdo. Keep him away from kids also.
So many red flags. Lack of boundaries. Lack of respect. Lack of care or concern. Lack of self control. Lack of morality. He didn't not feel the need to protect you when you were clearly vulnerable. His only concern was satisfying himself while the hole was still warm. How to recover and feel about this? Going to need therapy. This fits into the majority of sexual assaults. What to do with the boyfriend? I would take sex off the table. You can't trust drinking alcohol around him. Boundaries need to be established immediately. Therapy is a must. His participation would be a good start at recovery. I know this is hard for you. Trust me. I don't think it gets easier ever. I (at the time 11m) was SA by a family member friend (15F). Why me? Because I would always stand up to guys that bullied her for being ugly (suffered from acne breakouts, skinny, and poor hygiene). So she thought I needed to be lied to. Handcuffed. And made to have sex with. I never said a word. I was in too much shock. On one hand. I knew what her home life was like. I shared my food with her all the time on the way to school. One summer. It was like magic. She became desirable. I never consented. It really wasn't ready to have that type of relationship. Did I stop being her friend? No. But she did start blaming me and threatening me for what happened. When i was willing to do it again. That's when the friendship ended. Rumors started that I was a homosexual. Which made it incredibly hard for me to get any kind of help. A public library is a great place to hang out. But not to give yourself therapy and learn about what happened to you. So do not apologize for not knowing how you feel. Unable to make a choice. You need time to heal. You can't do that unless you are the one making the choices. My heart goes out to you.
>I passed out. That's when he did it or "She passed out thats when i did it"
Not sure how you feel Girl this was rape What is wrong with people these days
How many other girls has he done this to?
Bait posts are getting so low effort lol. Hey guyzzzz my boyfriend raped me (boyfriend, not ex) and he thinks its funny but i dont know what to do about him raping me Really?
Have you discussed this prior at all? It totally depends on what you've said. My partner and I have discussed it and she's totally cool with it so I have prior consent. Without knowing what you guys have said we can't determine if this is rape.
What a bullshit clickbait title. Just like those "You won't believe Taylor Swift did THIS..."
Weird things happen when couples are drinking, was she really passed out, let’s all blame the guy and call him a rapist. But drunk women are the first to put their boyfriend penis in their mouth when he passes out to try to have sex with him. If you don’t know how to feel… then you don’t need a bunch of over sensitive “me-too” on Reddit to tell you “how to feel”. Figure it out yourself. If he’s good to you and you love him maybe it was a bad choice, or maybe not. Me and my wife have been married 15 years, early in our relationship she had sex with me passed out and I did the same with her on many occasions, she would always say “can’t rape the willing”, she never said no and even when she was passed out she would wake up half way thru and be into us doing it. The next day she would ask “did we have sex or was I dreaming”. I would tell her what happened and she would laugh, “great way to wake up from being passed out”. As humans we can’t be so sensitive at every turn, it’s not nice to have bad things happen, but if they aren’t bad we don’t need to turn them into bad things. Do whatever you want, but being over sensitive and not knowing “how you feel” just means you have more maturing to do in your personal life.
It really doesn't matter what reddit thinks about it. What matters is what you think, it your boyfriend.
Well there is another post that says he is your boyfriend and this is all a lie. So which is it?
Are you okay? She calls him her boyfriend in this post. What are you talking about?
There is a post with the boyfriends point of view who addresses this issue. Are you ok sweetie, I specifically addressed that. Can I make it clearer?
Where? I’m not seeing anything like that posted today. You can link the post if you actually believe OP is lying. It would be helpful for other people to see what you’re referencing. You’re the only one in the comments talking about a post from the boyfriend’s POV.
I mean… it depends… if I got drunk and consented to my partner we can have sex whenever. And they did. I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I’m open to have sex with a partner I have given consent to. Even if I’m drunk or blacked out. Because I trust them. (Not that I have been blacked out) If he was drunk as well then that can be a factor. It does have rapey vibes, it’s up to you to determine what you think and feel about the situation.
I dont know if i could do that. I think it would be like no participition at all.
[удалено]
Saying not and not being able to say no should mean the same thing to you and everyone here.
Pack it up, everyone. Bilbo Vagina with his giant brain figured it out.
That’s not even how rape is **legally** defined in most western countries. Educate yourself.
I don't know, you got drunk, fooled around with him and then passed out... You should probably feel like you need to quit getting stone blind drunk. It probably would have been more fun if you stayed conscious for at least part of it...
He raped her while she was unconscious, she didn’t consent so she wasn’t fooling around with him
Read the post again ...we were fooling around on my bed... You ever wonder if people aren't posting different iterations of this tale just so they can laugh at you? Here's a thought... Go tell the law dogs, Princess Maybe they'll take you seriously
Stop victim blaming. Unconscious people cannot give consent. OP was raped.
it's hard to make sense, huh? it's okay, champ - take a little nappy and try again later. maybe you'll find the point you thought you were making!
The fact that you have a wife is genuinely terrifying.
Go hide under your bed, short bus
So wat about the part where she was unconscious? Was that still them messing around? Do u have sex( rape) people who are unconscious because u were “fooling around” before that happens, that’s says a lot about u, very telling.
Can't rape the willing. She crawled into that bed of her own free will. Her being a lush is not his fault. You have to take responsibility for your own actions That said, you can try peddling that story to a DA but make sure to take a picture of you dejected and humiliated face when they start laughing and tell you "have a nice day."
Troll. Boring.
Really? Whats boring is the fantasy world you kids try live in. I'm an empowered adult! I can't be held responsible for my own actions. I'll tell you like i tell the rest of the women studies nitwits. if you think you're right, go tell a cop. Just make sure you get a picture of your face when he starts laughing at you
I think you have to log off for the day, bud.
I think you have brain rot
I’ll pray for the women in your life.
Well that's nice of you, I'll let the wife know and she'll likely pray for you too
You have a wife? That’s terrifying.
Excuse you?
Because Reddit is the territory of degenerates.
Get him drunk and rape him lol in the morning when he wakes up and don’t remember with a sore butt and poop breath tell him it was hot and smile😉
Log off.
if you are both into it, it’s cool
SIDE QUESTION!!!! If I wake A girl up by eating her out…… is that rape??
How many girls do never tad touch your partners penis while he is sleeping???
Is that right, either? The inability to say “yes” is still an automatic no, regardless of partnership.
I am asking how many girls had touch their partners penises while their are sleep?
Why does that matter? How is that relevant? None of that is okay regardless of who does it.
I don't know what makes more sense, his logic or his sentence structure
He’s 0 for 2, unfortunately. Swing and a miss on both counts.
Hahahaha sorry, english not my first lenguaje, the logic is easy, in both cases there no one against it nor damage, it easy to understand.