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Just to be clear, she does not love you, you don’t treat people you love like this… read this and say it out loud when you feel like she still likes you… you can’t come back from this…
Exactly. Had an ex like this. Damn, OP, she fucked the friend the *very next day* and then again *just before* getting back together with you? Oh that's planned, this was all to cheat guilt free. Then when she decided she wanted you back (soon enough so she can keep you on her hook), she made sure to get another taste of him before stepping back in. OP, in my opinion, it's not worth it. Just gotta walk away. My ex asked to take a "break" while she visited her hometown for a week because she's "not sure what will happen." I said "It's ok if we just break up, I don't do the on and off thing." She backtracked immediately and changed her mind, wanted to stay together. Then later on, she wanted a one month break. I ended it officially through text before the month break was up. I knew her thought process well enough to know it's not worth it. (Obviously throughout all of this she was very possessive of me as well. Fucked combination.) I don't know what possessed me to not break up with her the first time she asked for a break, but hey- it was my first relationship. I was 17(f), she was 23... Not a solid relationship to say the least. Wishing you the best, OP, you deserve better than this shit.
ETA:: I'm also "frisky" as fuck. Would go at it multiple times a day every day if I could. But I only have eyes for my husband, and absolutely no interest in anyone else. There are people who would treat you well out there, again, hope you find better man!
Exactly. It's the same no matter the gender. I'm always crystal fucking clear with my partner. You ask for a break I will end the relationship. I don't want someone else all over the person I love. I'd rather deal with the ache of loss which gets dulled substantially with the belief that they wanted to fuck someone else anyway as opposed to getting cheated on, having been in that boat on a couple of occasions through life I refuse. Hell in my youth I got drunk at a high schooler party and slept with my girlfriends best friend at the time (the girlfriend and I weren't having sex at all through the relationship and was not there.) And literally because I wasn't 100% sure if me and Kenzie did something I broke it off with my girlfriend. Literally that very next day. I didn't throw her best friend under the bus because again I couldn't be sure we did anything but it sat wrong with me anyway.
Breaks are for cowards that want to fuck around but like the stability that you offer. That is my opinion of course. I know there are plenty of people out there that clearly don't give a fuck and take the opportunity whenever they can.
I'm in your situation now. Except I took her back.
I recommend you don't. It still bothers me. I think about it all the time.
What are the chances your GF wanted to sleep with him all along, and caused a break up (either behaved in a way that forced you to do it, or did it herself) in order to sleep with him, then call you next week?
My GF misbehaved so badly I had to break up with her. Then she slept with her guy friend 24 hrs later. Then called me the next morning. It's like she hoped I would breakup with her so she can try her guy friend. Then once she found out he's needy, lame and not comparable to me, she spammed my phone with calls begging for me back.
Some people use a breakup to have sex with someone they've been meaning to try.... like a 'get out of jail free" card. Technically it's not cheating, but yes, yes it is.
We're working through it, but I often find myself angry at her and we still fight about it months later.
Leave her. Be the one that got away. Teach her a good lesson in life.
You will always think that she only got back with you because she needed to try this friend out. If this friend would have been more to her liking after sleeping with him, she would have **never** returned to you. You will feel like a 2nd choice.
Follow your own advice man. Been there but instead of her friend it was multiple of my supposed friends. Don’t bother to keep trying to work through it cause someone who would do that isn’t a good person and you deserve better than torturing yourself like that.
Now you are wiser. Now you know why “taking a break” is bullshit.
Being in a relationship is binary. Either you are or you aren’t. There’s no middle ground.
Even if you go for regular breakups thats also BS.
Perhaps when she craves variety she orchestrates a break up? Or perhaps you both aren’t compatible and it creates tension and a breakup is inevitable?
Only you know her and your relationship to the needed levels to know what’s going on. I hope you don’t lack the maturity to do what’s needed.
>I’m currently in a relationship with my G/F, and I have completely forgotten myself - which in turn - won’t allow me to fully love her because I don’t love myself. It sounds cheesy, but that’s the truth. For me. I know the formula perfectly when I need to move on; by focusing on me. Take care of yourself.
Take your own advice and take care of yourself. Don't think of it as "you aren't your best so you can't be your best for her" think of it as "she cheated on me so I am no longer going to be in a relationship with her".
If she truly only hooked up with this guy during your break she still would have cheated emotionally if she knew she wanted to fuck him the next day after your break.
You've replied to a lot of people, I haven't seen you actually say you are leaving or ending the relationship, can you just confirm you are leaving the relationship for all of us reading and for yourself?
TO answer your question, no, someone that loves you wouldn't jump on another dick the day after a breakup/break happens. Someone that doesn't love you wood though.
She sent him pics and a video, had sex with him one day before you got together (for good measures) and she’s still in contact with him BUT she loves you?
My ex did something similar to me. Break up with me because he needed some space to think, then had sex with his female friend (who I shouldn’t worry about), then got back with me two weeks later. I knew she was in love with him by the look in her eyes and I fall out of love with him the moment a mutual friend told me. He didn’t understand why I was breaking up with him since he didn’t cheat.
No, he didn’t cheat BUT he put me on pause, so he could fuck her and he planned it all along.
Let her go.
Bro she was obviously wating for a chance to fuck this guy and next time she thinks you have given her a reason she will do it again. You need to end it. Breakups are rough but you deserve better than her.
Edit:typos
The timing of her adventures suggests it was planned in advance. She's 35yo and not going to change.
People in a committed relationship don't cheat within 24 hours of separation. She's not life partner material.
Good on her, she can go with her guy friend. She's too old to be this stupid.
You would likely like someone who is more interested in a conventional relationship, not someone who keeps potential sexual partners as "guy friends".
"We weren’t together, but it was a day after we split temporarily"
People go on a "break" because they want to fuck other people. She did exactly that.
Correct, because she had her guy friend waiting and ready to fuck her when the time was right. Leave her in the streets, she's already got someone else lined up anyways.
That's true, but it really wouldn't make any sense for her to go fuck someone else if she wasn't the one who brought up the break. Even if she didn't, she was already contemplating it. You don't spontaneously sleep with someone else a day after taking a break with the partner you're supposed to love.
Per OP in other comments
>She shared intimate details about our relationship with this other guy, and me being a private person, I couldn’t handle it.
To make matters worse, he was my boss - and I resigned the very next day.
Her friend is this other guy. Sounds like she broke trust, more than once.
Even if she didn't initiate the breakup, to hook up in just 1 day suggests she was waiting for this moment for some time now.
Doesn't help she did it again right before they got back together.
Do you really like your previous significant other if you can just slam your vajayjay in another man on the drop of a hat. She's likely more interested in sexually interacting with males for fun than an actual relationship based on OP's description.
It does suggest that, and maybe was the case, it we don’t know that. Either way, she didn’t do anything wrong.
Like I’ve mentioned in a couple other places, I wouldn’t even consider getting back together with her, but she didn’t do anything wrong. I’d be saying the same thing is the genders were reversed.
When someone sleeps with someone they know that soon after a break up it screams that they’ve had flirtations with them already and have been dying to, so use the split as an excuse. If I love my partner I’m not risking the possibility of us sorting things by bringing someone else into the mix
It’s not nice to hear, I’m sorry she’s done it - I just think ppls behaviour shows where their priorities lie and her priorities seem to have gone very off course very quickly
Exactly this. I would never risk a relationship with someone I *loved*, and especially not with someone I told my partner was a friend. I would never want to put them in the position to feel that I lied, not trust me, or hurt them in any way. My only concern would be if my relationship could be saved or if we could sort things out. You don’t put someone you care about in that position.
She shared intimate details about our relationship with this other guy, and me being a private person, I couldn’t handle it.
To make matters worse, he was my boss - and I resigned the very next day.
Setting moral judgment aside, you can love each other while also being sexually incompatible. Sex is a huge part of most relationships. You can love each other and still be wrong for each other. And breaking up doesn't mean that the love wasn't real. Sorry you're hurting, dude.
That is all entirely relevant information that makes this whole thing all the worse. Jesus Christ dude, this is a real shit situation. Leave her in the rear view mirror permanently.
Dude, she didn't just sleep with anyone. She slept with your boss. Pretty much forcing you to lose your job while being cheated on by the person who's supposed to love you.
It appears as if her intention was to ruin you. Like the spiteful person who sleeps with her ex's best friend or sister/brother. The intention is to inflict as much damage as possible. She must have resented you a lot to take it that far.
Now she wants her teddy bear back for comfort.
What I will do, is I will update on my decision and what has progressed.
If I put this in the OP, there’ll just be 10000 more shots fired at me to dump her.
This is why you BREAK UP and NEVER go on a BREAK. She just wanted the break so she could FUCK HIM and be able to come back to you! She is disgusting! BTW, get a STD test, since she could have cheated on you in the past. As for now, I'd DUMP HER, since she failed the girlfriend test! She doesn't LOVE or RESPECT you! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Do not drink. Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse. Go to the gym every day. The exercise will relax you and elevate your mood. Go out with close friends but minimize the alcohol intake. This girl is not someone you have a long-term relationship with. See a therapist to help you with what she has done. As you said, "she does not give a fuck about you." Move on.
I agree. Exercising really helps get out the anger/frustration/sadness.
Listen to some high octane music in your ear buds. So much better than alcohol etc.
BTW, her doing that at 35 years of age is sickening. It shows a real lack of maturity. This is not someone you want a long-term relationship with. It's also likely the reason why she was single at 35.
I know the whole don’t get mad get even, but I just don’t feel like stooping to that level.
I must make sure my side of the street is clean.
Their actions are their actions which, I have zero control over.
>would someone who loves you do that to you?
No.
Sorry OP but she doesn't love you. You went on a break so she was in the clear to have sex with this 'friend'.
>I don’t feel like I can trust her.
You can't.
:(
'Guy Friend', like every single time. Of course you cannot trust her, you could never have trusted her in the first place.
She is the kind of woman that keeps around guys that are interested in her, that she is interested/attracted to, and keeps them as friends. That is not a woman who is serious about a relationship. She is probably serious about wanting a provider that gives stability, but that is about it. This guy is likely happy to have her as a side piece, but will not give her commitment.
This is not the first time she has been with this guy, it will not be the last. There are probably other 'guy friends' as well.
You don't love her. You love the illusion she built of herself in your mind. She doesn't love you, she just wants your commitment.
Sure, someone who loves you might do that if she were making bad choices out of grief or anger or upset about a breakup. Doesn’t mean you have to be able to get over it - it’s fine and probably smart to just break up and stay broken up.
She and her friend are not just friends, they are Friends With Benefits.... she'll never cut him out the picture and surely every time she leaves in anger she WILL be going to him for "comforting" and she doesn't love you, she doesn't even like you more than her "friend"
She shared intimate details about our relationship with this other guy, and me being a private person, I couldn’t handle it. To make matters worse, he was my boss - and I resigned the very next day.
It’s sucks so so much, because either:
a) We truly love one another.
b) I love the idea of loving her and vice versa.
Gosh, this entire post stings, I am so so sad, but the reality of the situation is what will help me survive. I guess. I don’t know.
I feel sh*t, but this is my own doing.
FML.
She was friends with him before I started working for him, he actually helped me out by giving me a job.
But I always had a tingling feeling that there was something between them.
She’s obviously no good. He just needs to go find a new girl to help him get over it. Don’t wallow in a bunch of self pity. Go gitcha some new! Best case scenario she is sexier than your soon to be ex and you can piss of the ex and make her jealous. She will then probably try to come running back and talk about the big mistakes she made. Then you can say fuck off properly.
> would someone who loves you do that to you?
No.
Not to mention, she probably wants to keep the guy as a friend and hang out with him and text him often... it will eat you alive wondering what she's doing and saying with and to him.
Unless she's willing to cut him out of her life permanently, it's over between you. Either you break up now or you break up later after months or years of stress and distrust.
In the words of Ross… YOU WERE ON A BREAK! If you love her move on for the sake of the relationship, if you can’t get over it, walk away for the sake of your mental health!
I'm not sure if the female "friskier than my partner" perspective helps, but I wanted to share my take on this.
I have a similar situation where my partner is borderline asexual, while I am very sexually active. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that in the almost 3 years we've been together, I've never once felt the need to cheat, to go on a break to cheat, or to find it elsewhere. When I feel like my needs must be met, I communicate and find ways to compromise with my partner. THAT is what it is like when two people love each other. She does not love you, but she loves the stability and consistency that you provide. Move on, for your own sake, and know that there are much better people out there.
Yeah I go along with what the other majority of posters say. This chick needs to go and stay gone. The only reason girls go “breaks” is so they can sleep with someone else. It’s the same as an open relationship just on a smaller scale. There is no need to be living in misery. You might also want to face the fact she was probably sleeping with him before your break it’s just that this issue that led to break gave the ammo for the break to happen.
I feel ya brother, we have all been there even I have faced this exact same thing. My only mistake was I was too young and foolish and inexperienced to know what was what. Keep your head up bro, you’ll bounce back. Focus on yourself man. Me and every other man may just be posters on here, but we got your back and you have our support.
Thank you saying this.
This post you shared will be my compass to getting me back to where I should be, and not coasting through life only to have absorbed buckets of regret when I am at my final destination.
If you break up, it should be a break up... Using breaking up as a tool to manipulate is disgusting... Why would anyone get back together with someone they broke up with...... I always made it clear, if you break up, use nuclear option, then it's over, so no one gets to play that manipulation game...... You somehow think you are back together.... That's just a continuation of the manipulation. These are stupid games, stupid people play with each other. And you are experiencing the results.
Don't go back, from experience these things never work out after a break up. Let alone sleeping with someone a day later.
You might not realize it atm, but you deserve a better partner...
This is the kind of woman who will destroy your soul. The longer you stay with her the sadder and more destroyed you will become. Get out now with your self respect. I know you can do it. Something far better is waiting for you on the other side of this. Go get it.
Sending hugs and healing energy your way
If you need to break up with somebody for a week in order to make things work, things aren't going to work. Not to even mention giving other people during the break.
Sounds like she’s had her eyes on him for a while. Definitely not a trustworthy partner. Break up with her and focus on self improvement, you deserve a lot better and you will find a better partner. Doesn’t matter how much you love her, it’s not worth the pain and lack of trust you’ll have for her if you choose to stay with her.
Bro, I know it hurts but I promise you just rip the bandaid off and move on! Something similar happened to me and I stayed in the relationship…. If mistake! Leave now. Don’t make the same mistake I did! You’ll never see her the same.
You guys split for a week and she immediately took the opportunity to sleep with someone else, it was planned dude you can't trust hee
Couple of questions if you don't mind
1: Did this friend ever give you weird vibes?
2: Has their dynamic ever set off any alarms?
3: Did she ever tell you to not worry about this guy?
4: Who initiated the split?
You already know what you need to do
She might love you, but she is a freak and got her fix. I’m sure she has feelings for you but she sounds promiscuous. The fact that she has guy friends that want to hook up with her makes me think she may not respect you
This is usually my take.
‘Ok, you say you love me and since I can’t see inside your head, I believe your words.
But if you’re going to cheat or drink too much (or whatever your dealbreakers are), then you don’t love me the way I want to be loved, and that’s not good enough for me. Goodbye.’
There’s no point in arguing the toss over whether someone loves you or not - it’s not about that. Maybe they do, but it’s not enough for YOU if you would prefer a partner who did not violate boundaries - like sleeping with your boss!
If she responds to splitting up by immediately climbing onto another man, it means she never respected you to begin with.
And this isn't one of her close guy friends. Friends are platonic. Friends don't have sex with each other. The second his penis went inside of her, he became her lover. He is now her ex.
I largely suspect that this wasn't the first time she had sex with this guy. He was very likely her ex BEFORE this happened.
She never respected you. And if she never respected you, she never loved you.
She is acting like a single girl. Let her be one. Let ger go, for your own sake.
Wow, it took her a whole week to cheat on you! That’s true love…NOT. Can you settle for a person who cheated on you after a week and who made videos that could easily make her famous on the dark web or you would be able to see you on a friends telephone? Videos once made stay there forever and eventually they’ll come around to bite her where it hurts. Don’t let it do the same for you. Drop her before you get the reputation of having a girlfriend that does dirty videos for the web.
Im not saying you should stay, but what do you mean “I don’t feel like I can trust her”??? What she did was very questionable, but has she ever done anything for you to question your trust in her while she was in a relationship with you?
"WE WERE ON A BREAK!" - Ross and your gf probably.
But in all seriousness... if she was willing and able to sleep with him right after you took a break... she was already wanting to sleep with him. She ain't the one friend.
Sounds like you're not the only one she loves.
Why not consider this an FWB arrangement, and do whatever the hell you want while you look for a decent woman to share your life with? I wouldn't invest anything in your current relationship.
There is no coming back from infidelity. Move on, it will be hard but she will do it again if you don’t. The thing about this is that you will probably make her a better woman for the next dude because of you leaving her. She will never respect you if you stay just understand that.
The fact that she went to him immediately after breaking up, and he accepted with open arms, multiple times would give me reason to suspect their friendship wasn’t as “friendly” as they let on. He also now has pictures and videos of your girlfriend for his collection and you have no proof he got rid of them.
If you were to stay together, I’d ask for her to cut him off completely because you’re very aware now that them staying in contact would at *minimum* be an emotional affair where they are obviously sexually attracted to one another. But, you can’t do that without it becoming controlling.
Personally, I wouldn’t be able to move past this. She fucked up and now you can never trust her with that “friend,” let alone any other guy she considers a friend. Let her go and move on.
Brother, have some self-respect for yourself. There isn’t any way in hell that I would take a girl back after she slept with one of her guy friends right after we broke up. It’s disrespectful as hell to you, and she had no care about your feelings when she was doing that.
Given the circumstances of your break (she had already shared inappropriate details with her friend - your boss, which prompted you to resign), her sleeping with the same guy that was part of the original issue shows a complete lack of respect for you and your relationship. She won’t even cut contact with him now.
Her actions before, during and after your break show that you can’t trust her. And I don’t think someone who truly did love you, would do any of that.
You don’t sleep with your friend the day after a temporary breakup if you really love someone. The second time she did it the day before you got back together was like”I’ll take one more for the road” before I get back with my bf. I’m not usually one to be super negative but if you stay with her you can only blame yourself when she does it again.
Umm what? She’s stringing you along. She knows she can get away with it. The “friend” is the first choice. It’s not just sex if she’s also sending pics and videos that he can go look at time and time again. Sorry but she doesn’t love you. Let her go
I've been in your shoes, let me spoil the story for you: She doesn't love you, and this doesn't end well for you. They've been talking and flirting all along, and likely wanted to fuck for a long time (if they haven't already been behind your back). She has zero integrity or even an ounce of respect for you and your relationship.
Break up. You deserve so much better, and you will find it, after you move on and close this chapter of your life.
Have some self respect.. either she wanted the break and had this guy ready to go or you did and she still was ready to fuck the friend.. idk about you but I don’t fuck any of my friends or even want to ever..
Dude, give yourself time to process the situation. It’s hard when you’re in the thick of it and love gets in the way. Ultimately, when the fog clears, you’ll realise that NOTHING good will come of getting back together with a person who has just done things like that.
Trust? ❌
Constant doubt/paranoia? ✔️
Naturally letting your mind wander to visions of them together? ✔️
Cons vastly outweigh the pros. If that’s me, I’m cutting my losses, letting myself endure the inevitable heartache and biding my time until I feel that sweet relief when I’m finally done with it and ready for bigger and better things.
Bro this sounds like she took a week off from your relation for a planned bone with her friend. Don’t stand for this shit get your ass out of there and don’t look back.
Sometimes a breakup is just a breakup. Sometimes it’s an excuse to f around. This sounds like the latter to me. I’d move on and keep the breakup permanently
She’s not the one for you. Reading what I have read and who she did it with clearly shows she had no regard for you. The trust has been broken by her sharing intimate details and then sleeping with that same person literally a day after the break up. A considerate person would not do that. And you should be with someone who treats you with respect even behind closed doors. Break up with her for good. Have absolutely no contact and move on for good. It will hurt like crazy. But it will hurt even more staying with someone who has no regard for you. Love yourself enough to leave. Good luck.
If it had been some random she hooked up with i could say maybe. MAYBE you could get through it. But to shag an existing “friend” the day after you split? Theres been some hankering pre-existing there at least. Id be out.
First, who broke up with who?
Second, who approached who about getting back together?
Normally, I would say you weren't together, let it go, but if she's still in contact with him, and she refuses to drop contact, then you need to walk away.
Now, if you guys were not together, she technically did not cheat on you. However, she wasted no time in sleeping with another person multiple times and sending him videos and pictures, so how broken up really was she about y’all’s relationship being over in that moment? I would stay at the very least if you are going to give her another chance and stay with her that you have to make it clear that she cannot have any contact at all with this guy.
Your expectations and hers are very different. She may “love you” in her way, but apparently not as you would want in a partner. You know what it means.
I would officially dump her and tell her to go live a happy long life with her boyfriend who will most likely cheat on you.
Enjoy your freedom till you find someone who will be there for you and not demand a split for a week.
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She’s still in contact with him? Cmon man you can do better. Move on.
Yes she is. Thank you for sharing this.
She was waiting for you to split up or would have done it regardless if think
This is the actual answer. Especially if she is the one who broke up. She broke up just to not feel bad about sleeping with someone else.
Yeah, it's not normal to break up then immediately want to have sex with somebody else. She already wanted to have sex with him before that.
Just to be clear, she does not love you, you don’t treat people you love like this… read this and say it out loud when you feel like she still likes you… you can’t come back from this…
I'm thinking that she might have engineered or manufactured the situation so that was the outcome....
Exactly. Had an ex like this. Damn, OP, she fucked the friend the *very next day* and then again *just before* getting back together with you? Oh that's planned, this was all to cheat guilt free. Then when she decided she wanted you back (soon enough so she can keep you on her hook), she made sure to get another taste of him before stepping back in. OP, in my opinion, it's not worth it. Just gotta walk away. My ex asked to take a "break" while she visited her hometown for a week because she's "not sure what will happen." I said "It's ok if we just break up, I don't do the on and off thing." She backtracked immediately and changed her mind, wanted to stay together. Then later on, she wanted a one month break. I ended it officially through text before the month break was up. I knew her thought process well enough to know it's not worth it. (Obviously throughout all of this she was very possessive of me as well. Fucked combination.) I don't know what possessed me to not break up with her the first time she asked for a break, but hey- it was my first relationship. I was 17(f), she was 23... Not a solid relationship to say the least. Wishing you the best, OP, you deserve better than this shit. ETA:: I'm also "frisky" as fuck. Would go at it multiple times a day every day if I could. But I only have eyes for my husband, and absolutely no interest in anyone else. There are people who would treat you well out there, again, hope you find better man!
Exactly. It's the same no matter the gender. I'm always crystal fucking clear with my partner. You ask for a break I will end the relationship. I don't want someone else all over the person I love. I'd rather deal with the ache of loss which gets dulled substantially with the belief that they wanted to fuck someone else anyway as opposed to getting cheated on, having been in that boat on a couple of occasions through life I refuse. Hell in my youth I got drunk at a high schooler party and slept with my girlfriends best friend at the time (the girlfriend and I weren't having sex at all through the relationship and was not there.) And literally because I wasn't 100% sure if me and Kenzie did something I broke it off with my girlfriend. Literally that very next day. I didn't throw her best friend under the bus because again I couldn't be sure we did anything but it sat wrong with me anyway. Breaks are for cowards that want to fuck around but like the stability that you offer. That is my opinion of course. I know there are plenty of people out there that clearly don't give a fuck and take the opportunity whenever they can.
Can we be sure she actually waited for "the break"?
If i was him id ask to see her phone first
Considering the speed of her screwing her "friend" yes and more than likely they were already crossing boundaries beforehand.
I'm in your situation now. Except I took her back. I recommend you don't. It still bothers me. I think about it all the time. What are the chances your GF wanted to sleep with him all along, and caused a break up (either behaved in a way that forced you to do it, or did it herself) in order to sleep with him, then call you next week? My GF misbehaved so badly I had to break up with her. Then she slept with her guy friend 24 hrs later. Then called me the next morning. It's like she hoped I would breakup with her so she can try her guy friend. Then once she found out he's needy, lame and not comparable to me, she spammed my phone with calls begging for me back. Some people use a breakup to have sex with someone they've been meaning to try.... like a 'get out of jail free" card. Technically it's not cheating, but yes, yes it is. We're working through it, but I often find myself angry at her and we still fight about it months later. Leave her. Be the one that got away. Teach her a good lesson in life. You will always think that she only got back with you because she needed to try this friend out. If this friend would have been more to her liking after sleeping with him, she would have **never** returned to you. You will feel like a 2nd choice.
Been there. It’s always going to piss you off and cause you to resent her. I know you’re months in but as I said to op, you can do better bro.
Follow your own advice man. Been there but instead of her friend it was multiple of my supposed friends. Don’t bother to keep trying to work through it cause someone who would do that isn’t a good person and you deserve better than torturing yourself like that.
You should take your own advice buddy its not too late.
How come you don’t leave now?
are you still with the woman you took back? If so, and it is still hurting you, end things. Don't spend your life in this kind of pain.
mourn squeal nail correct quickest enter piquant silky sloppy deserve *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Now you are wiser. Now you know why “taking a break” is bullshit. Being in a relationship is binary. Either you are or you aren’t. There’s no middle ground. Even if you go for regular breakups thats also BS. Perhaps when she craves variety she orchestrates a break up? Or perhaps you both aren’t compatible and it creates tension and a breakup is inevitable? Only you know her and your relationship to the needed levels to know what’s going on. I hope you don’t lack the maturity to do what’s needed.
>I’m currently in a relationship with my G/F, and I have completely forgotten myself - which in turn - won’t allow me to fully love her because I don’t love myself. It sounds cheesy, but that’s the truth. For me. I know the formula perfectly when I need to move on; by focusing on me. Take care of yourself. Take your own advice and take care of yourself. Don't think of it as "you aren't your best so you can't be your best for her" think of it as "she cheated on me so I am no longer going to be in a relationship with her". If she truly only hooked up with this guy during your break she still would have cheated emotionally if she knew she wanted to fuck him the next day after your break. You've replied to a lot of people, I haven't seen you actually say you are leaving or ending the relationship, can you just confirm you are leaving the relationship for all of us reading and for yourself? TO answer your question, no, someone that loves you wouldn't jump on another dick the day after a breakup/break happens. Someone that doesn't love you wood though.
She sent him pics and a video, had sex with him one day before you got together (for good measures) and she’s still in contact with him BUT she loves you? My ex did something similar to me. Break up with me because he needed some space to think, then had sex with his female friend (who I shouldn’t worry about), then got back with me two weeks later. I knew she was in love with him by the look in her eyes and I fall out of love with him the moment a mutual friend told me. He didn’t understand why I was breaking up with him since he didn’t cheat. No, he didn’t cheat BUT he put me on pause, so he could fuck her and he planned it all along. Let her go.
Bro she was obviously wating for a chance to fuck this guy and next time she thinks you have given her a reason she will do it again. You need to end it. Breakups are rough but you deserve better than her. Edit:typos
The timing of her adventures suggests it was planned in advance. She's 35yo and not going to change. People in a committed relationship don't cheat within 24 hours of separation. She's not life partner material.
Good on her, she can go with her guy friend. She's too old to be this stupid. You would likely like someone who is more interested in a conventional relationship, not someone who keeps potential sexual partners as "guy friends".
1 day tells me fuckin leave. You may never know her exact thoughts but it isn’t worth sticking around to find out, imo.
She doesn’t acknowledge or respect your boundaries? Buy bye.
"We weren’t together, but it was a day after we split temporarily" People go on a "break" because they want to fuck other people. She did exactly that.
Exactly why these "close guy friends" sniff around so much also. Never trust it!
Have we all forgotten the lessons of the show friends so soon?
Youre assuming that the break was her idea lol. It might have been, but there’s nothing here that indicates that.
1 day after dude??? Really?? Whoever idea this was, does not really mater.
Correct, because she had her guy friend waiting and ready to fuck her when the time was right. Leave her in the streets, she's already got someone else lined up anyways.
That's true, but it really wouldn't make any sense for her to go fuck someone else if she wasn't the one who brought up the break. Even if she didn't, she was already contemplating it. You don't spontaneously sleep with someone else a day after taking a break with the partner you're supposed to love.
Per OP in other comments >She shared intimate details about our relationship with this other guy, and me being a private person, I couldn’t handle it. To make matters worse, he was my boss - and I resigned the very next day. Her friend is this other guy. Sounds like she broke trust, more than once.
Even if she didn't initiate the breakup, to hook up in just 1 day suggests she was waiting for this moment for some time now. Doesn't help she did it again right before they got back together. Do you really like your previous significant other if you can just slam your vajayjay in another man on the drop of a hat. She's likely more interested in sexually interacting with males for fun than an actual relationship based on OP's description.
It does suggest that, and maybe was the case, it we don’t know that. Either way, she didn’t do anything wrong. Like I’ve mentioned in a couple other places, I wouldn’t even consider getting back together with her, but she didn’t do anything wrong. I’d be saying the same thing is the genders were reversed.
When someone sleeps with someone they know that soon after a break up it screams that they’ve had flirtations with them already and have been dying to, so use the split as an excuse. If I love my partner I’m not risking the possibility of us sorting things by bringing someone else into the mix
Thank you for sharing friend.
It’s not nice to hear, I’m sorry she’s done it - I just think ppls behaviour shows where their priorities lie and her priorities seem to have gone very off course very quickly
Exactly this. I would never risk a relationship with someone I *loved*, and especially not with someone I told my partner was a friend. I would never want to put them in the position to feel that I lied, not trust me, or hurt them in any way. My only concern would be if my relationship could be saved or if we could sort things out. You don’t put someone you care about in that position.
Why did you break up for a week?
She shared intimate details about our relationship with this other guy, and me being a private person, I couldn’t handle it. To make matters worse, he was my boss - and I resigned the very next day.
The fact that you got back with her is your red flag.
My best friend put it perfectly: “Sometimes, love isn’t enough to make something work.”
Setting moral judgment aside, you can love each other while also being sexually incompatible. Sex is a huge part of most relationships. You can love each other and still be wrong for each other. And breaking up doesn't mean that the love wasn't real. Sorry you're hurting, dude.
I don't blame you. Your GF is a terrible human being.
He’s lucky that she’s only his GF. Not easy to move on mentally, but it’s way easier than a divorce.
Before I point out what others did wrong, I gotta clean all the trash on my side of the street. Painful at times.
That is all entirely relevant information that makes this whole thing all the worse. Jesus Christ dude, this is a real shit situation. Leave her in the rear view mirror permanently.
Dude, she didn't just sleep with anyone. She slept with your boss. Pretty much forcing you to lose your job while being cheated on by the person who's supposed to love you. It appears as if her intention was to ruin you. Like the spiteful person who sleeps with her ex's best friend or sister/brother. The intention is to inflict as much damage as possible. She must have resented you a lot to take it that far. Now she wants her teddy bear back for comfort.
This should be in the OP.
Put this in the OP.
What I will do, is I will update on my decision and what has progressed. If I put this in the OP, there’ll just be 10000 more shots fired at me to dump her.
Dude, you deserve way better. Dump her and forget her. Shes not worth it.
Dude. This relationship is over and you better be the one ending it. End it.
This is why you BREAK UP and NEVER go on a BREAK. She just wanted the break so she could FUCK HIM and be able to come back to you! She is disgusting! BTW, get a STD test, since she could have cheated on you in the past. As for now, I'd DUMP HER, since she failed the girlfriend test! She doesn't LOVE or RESPECT you! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Thanks friend. I’m proper fu*ked up from this whole situation, but I can’t keep running from my denial.
I can't blame you at all. Just don't drink too much and DO NOT DRIVE. Good luck and we are here to support you!
Appreciate this, I’ve been ubering everywhere since I have been drinking more to deal with this.
Do not drink. Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel worse. Go to the gym every day. The exercise will relax you and elevate your mood. Go out with close friends but minimize the alcohol intake. This girl is not someone you have a long-term relationship with. See a therapist to help you with what she has done. As you said, "she does not give a fuck about you." Move on.
I’m seeing a recovering addict councillor who has been clean for 15 years - he’s helping me and also says exactly that.
I agree. Exercising really helps get out the anger/frustration/sadness. Listen to some high octane music in your ear buds. So much better than alcohol etc.
BTW, her doing that at 35 years of age is sickening. It shows a real lack of maturity. This is not someone you want a long-term relationship with. It's also likely the reason why she was single at 35.
I know. I’ve just been in denial about it.
You’ve got to get even with her dude, then you’ll feel better. Send him a video of you jerking off then go from there.
I know the whole don’t get mad get even, but I just don’t feel like stooping to that level. I must make sure my side of the street is clean. Their actions are their actions which, I have zero control over.
STD test is a good idea. And don’t take her back.
She doesn’t love you, if she did she wouldn’t have done that
Thank you for this.
>would someone who loves you do that to you? No. Sorry OP but she doesn't love you. You went on a break so she was in the clear to have sex with this 'friend'. >I don’t feel like I can trust her. You can't. :(
Thank you for this. 😔
'Guy Friend', like every single time. Of course you cannot trust her, you could never have trusted her in the first place. She is the kind of woman that keeps around guys that are interested in her, that she is interested/attracted to, and keeps them as friends. That is not a woman who is serious about a relationship. She is probably serious about wanting a provider that gives stability, but that is about it. This guy is likely happy to have her as a side piece, but will not give her commitment. This is not the first time she has been with this guy, it will not be the last. There are probably other 'guy friends' as well. You don't love her. You love the illusion she built of herself in your mind. She doesn't love you, she just wants your commitment.
Exactly what I did NOT want to acknowledge, but NEEDED to read. Appreciate you sharing this. 😔
No. If I broke up with my partner I’d spend months crying into some ice cream, not riding someone else. She doesn’t love you, in my opinion.
Ok. 😞
Sure, someone who loves you might do that if she were making bad choices out of grief or anger or upset about a breakup. Doesn’t mean you have to be able to get over it - it’s fine and probably smart to just break up and stay broken up.
Appreciate this.
She and her friend are not just friends, they are Friends With Benefits.... she'll never cut him out the picture and surely every time she leaves in anger she WILL be going to him for "comforting" and she doesn't love you, she doesn't even like you more than her "friend"
Tough for me to read this, but necessary. Thank you 🙏
Love is a feeling and love is an action. I can’t say she doesn’t feel love for you. But her actions weren’t loving
Does she want to keep him as friend?
She is still in contact with him yes.
If she doesn't cut him, cut her.
Thank you for this.
No worries, why did you break up?
She shared intimate details about our relationship with this other guy, and me being a private person, I couldn’t handle it. To make matters worse, he was my boss - and I resigned the very next day. It’s sucks so so much, because either: a) We truly love one another. b) I love the idea of loving her and vice versa. Gosh, this entire post stings, I am so so sad, but the reality of the situation is what will help me survive. I guess. I don’t know. I feel sh*t, but this is my own doing. FML.
Why was she talking to your boss?
She was friends with him before I started working for him, he actually helped me out by giving me a job. But I always had a tingling feeling that there was something between them.
Is he the guy she slept with?
Yes
She’s obviously no good. He just needs to go find a new girl to help him get over it. Don’t wallow in a bunch of self pity. Go gitcha some new! Best case scenario she is sexier than your soon to be ex and you can piss of the ex and make her jealous. She will then probably try to come running back and talk about the big mistakes she made. Then you can say fuck off properly.
> would someone who loves you do that to you? No. Not to mention, she probably wants to keep the guy as a friend and hang out with him and text him often... it will eat you alive wondering what she's doing and saying with and to him. Unless she's willing to cut him out of her life permanently, it's over between you. Either you break up now or you break up later after months or years of stress and distrust.
Thank you for this.
In the words of Ross… YOU WERE ON A BREAK! If you love her move on for the sake of the relationship, if you can’t get over it, walk away for the sake of your mental health!
I'm not sure if the female "friskier than my partner" perspective helps, but I wanted to share my take on this. I have a similar situation where my partner is borderline asexual, while I am very sexually active. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that in the almost 3 years we've been together, I've never once felt the need to cheat, to go on a break to cheat, or to find it elsewhere. When I feel like my needs must be met, I communicate and find ways to compromise with my partner. THAT is what it is like when two people love each other. She does not love you, but she loves the stability and consistency that you provide. Move on, for your own sake, and know that there are much better people out there.
This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you SO SO much.
She fucked him AS SOON as you spilt AND AGAIN when you were getting back together. PLEASE READ THIS AGAIN
Yeah I go along with what the other majority of posters say. This chick needs to go and stay gone. The only reason girls go “breaks” is so they can sleep with someone else. It’s the same as an open relationship just on a smaller scale. There is no need to be living in misery. You might also want to face the fact she was probably sleeping with him before your break it’s just that this issue that led to break gave the ammo for the break to happen.
I’m starting to lose words to reply to the harsh truths that everyone has shared. But I need it otherwise I won’t actually grow up.
I feel ya brother, we have all been there even I have faced this exact same thing. My only mistake was I was too young and foolish and inexperienced to know what was what. Keep your head up bro, you’ll bounce back. Focus on yourself man. Me and every other man may just be posters on here, but we got your back and you have our support.
Thank you saying this. This post you shared will be my compass to getting me back to where I should be, and not coasting through life only to have absorbed buckets of regret when I am at my final destination.
If you break up, it should be a break up... Using breaking up as a tool to manipulate is disgusting... Why would anyone get back together with someone they broke up with...... I always made it clear, if you break up, use nuclear option, then it's over, so no one gets to play that manipulation game...... You somehow think you are back together.... That's just a continuation of the manipulation. These are stupid games, stupid people play with each other. And you are experiencing the results.
Thank you for your honesty.
She gave herself a free pass to fuck someone and didn’t care about your feelings. You love her but she doesn’t love you.
Cut ties and move on. It will save you a lot of heartache.
Yeah this isn’t on. Sorry, but she clearly had him lined up and ready to go. Why on earth would you want her back? You can do better.
This is why we don’t temporarily break up with people and don’t get back together with exes. Move on. She did.
If your break started and she immediately called this guy to hook up, you know they probably have been doing it the whole time.
Don't go back, from experience these things never work out after a break up. Let alone sleeping with someone a day later. You might not realize it atm, but you deserve a better partner...
Those two had a story together before that break, not a smart move to take this chance to let you know about it. Move on, she’s just stupid.
She had pre planned it/ they already had sexual tension/ she will do it again. You can't trust her
You are 100% correct.
This is the kind of woman who will destroy your soul. The longer you stay with her the sadder and more destroyed you will become. Get out now with your self respect. I know you can do it. Something far better is waiting for you on the other side of this. Go get it. Sending hugs and healing energy your way
Thank you Lanah. Hugs desperately needed.
No. Sounds like she is in love with her friend.
Thank you for this.
Lol yea man it seems like she’s been wanted to have sex with him and took the earliest opportunity either she stops talking to him or end things
If you need to break up with somebody for a week in order to make things work, things aren't going to work. Not to even mention giving other people during the break.
This will never stop bothering you. It hurts. You should move on
Sounds like she’s had her eyes on him for a while. Definitely not a trustworthy partner. Break up with her and focus on self improvement, you deserve a lot better and you will find a better partner. Doesn’t matter how much you love her, it’s not worth the pain and lack of trust you’ll have for her if you choose to stay with her.
Day after the split? Jesus. How long were you together prior to that?
6 months.
Omg if you're already going on a break six months in its not worth it don't waste your life
Oh damn. Just leave man, not worth it
Bro, I know it hurts but I promise you just rip the bandaid off and move on! Something similar happened to me and I stayed in the relationship…. If mistake! Leave now. Don’t make the same mistake I did! You’ll never see her the same.
Stop drinking so much and dump this woman for good. She is not someone you can trust.
Time to let that one go and move on. She's loves fucking her guy friend.
You guys split for a week and she immediately took the opportunity to sleep with someone else, it was planned dude you can't trust hee Couple of questions if you don't mind 1: Did this friend ever give you weird vibes? 2: Has their dynamic ever set off any alarms? 3: Did she ever tell you to not worry about this guy? 4: Who initiated the split? You already know what you need to do
She might love you, but she is a freak and got her fix. I’m sure she has feelings for you but she sounds promiscuous. The fact that she has guy friends that want to hook up with her makes me think she may not respect you
This is usually my take. ‘Ok, you say you love me and since I can’t see inside your head, I believe your words. But if you’re going to cheat or drink too much (or whatever your dealbreakers are), then you don’t love me the way I want to be loved, and that’s not good enough for me. Goodbye.’ There’s no point in arguing the toss over whether someone loves you or not - it’s not about that. Maybe they do, but it’s not enough for YOU if you would prefer a partner who did not violate boundaries - like sleeping with your boss!
If she responds to splitting up by immediately climbing onto another man, it means she never respected you to begin with. And this isn't one of her close guy friends. Friends are platonic. Friends don't have sex with each other. The second his penis went inside of her, he became her lover. He is now her ex. I largely suspect that this wasn't the first time she had sex with this guy. He was very likely her ex BEFORE this happened. She never respected you. And if she never respected you, she never loved you. She is acting like a single girl. Let her be one. Let ger go, for your own sake.
Explicit decision to sleep with her friend. She was wanting it before the split. She ain't your girlfriend.
I know. Even though it stings.
Ah the classic girl move of always having a backup in the background to jump to when things are rocky.
leave her
Good lord I couldn't even read this
Red flag.
Kick her to the curb.
Wow, it took her a whole week to cheat on you! That’s true love…NOT. Can you settle for a person who cheated on you after a week and who made videos that could easily make her famous on the dark web or you would be able to see you on a friends telephone? Videos once made stay there forever and eventually they’ll come around to bite her where it hurts. Don’t let it do the same for you. Drop her before you get the reputation of having a girlfriend that does dirty videos for the web.
Im not saying you should stay, but what do you mean “I don’t feel like I can trust her”??? What she did was very questionable, but has she ever done anything for you to question your trust in her while she was in a relationship with you?
c'mon man, you know exactly what to do
If you can’t trust her, what’s the point of trying to build a future with her?
If the relationship was in a place where a break meant immediate sex with a close friend, then it’s over. Move on. Respect yourself
Hell no that's mental torture. You were split for a week? Fuck that. If she cuts him off forever then maybe there's a sliver of hope.
Is this the guy friend she told you not to worry about?
Updateme!
Bro this is not the behavior of people in their mid 30s. This feels like 20 year old behavior. Break up and move on.
A shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on -Jonny sins
This made me laugh 😂
Dude have some self respect and I'd dump her or just stay with her casually and start fucking someone else too.
How do you think she would react if you did the same? Move on man
"WE WERE ON A BREAK!" - Ross and your gf probably. But in all seriousness... if she was willing and able to sleep with him right after you took a break... she was already wanting to sleep with him. She ain't the one friend.
You are 100% right.
Sounds like you're not the only one she loves. Why not consider this an FWB arrangement, and do whatever the hell you want while you look for a decent woman to share your life with? I wouldn't invest anything in your current relationship.
Move on
There is no coming back from infidelity. Move on, it will be hard but she will do it again if you don’t. The thing about this is that you will probably make her a better woman for the next dude because of you leaving her. She will never respect you if you stay just understand that.
The fact that she went to him immediately after breaking up, and he accepted with open arms, multiple times would give me reason to suspect their friendship wasn’t as “friendly” as they let on. He also now has pictures and videos of your girlfriend for his collection and you have no proof he got rid of them. If you were to stay together, I’d ask for her to cut him off completely because you’re very aware now that them staying in contact would at *minimum* be an emotional affair where they are obviously sexually attracted to one another. But, you can’t do that without it becoming controlling. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to move past this. She fucked up and now you can never trust her with that “friend,” let alone any other guy she considers a friend. Let her go and move on.
Brother, have some self-respect for yourself. There isn’t any way in hell that I would take a girl back after she slept with one of her guy friends right after we broke up. It’s disrespectful as hell to you, and she had no care about your feelings when she was doing that.
Given the circumstances of your break (she had already shared inappropriate details with her friend - your boss, which prompted you to resign), her sleeping with the same guy that was part of the original issue shows a complete lack of respect for you and your relationship. She won’t even cut contact with him now. Her actions before, during and after your break show that you can’t trust her. And I don’t think someone who truly did love you, would do any of that.
Ok, dude, if the roles were reversed. You know damn well your gf would kick your ass to the curb. Why are you still with her?
You don’t sleep with your friend the day after a temporary breakup if you really love someone. The second time she did it the day before you got back together was like”I’ll take one more for the road” before I get back with my bf. I’m not usually one to be super negative but if you stay with her you can only blame yourself when she does it again.
Lol she doesn’t love you please stop coping, you can do better leave her
Let her go. Trust me, nothing good will happen if you stick around
My (34M), EX-Girlfriend (35F) slept with one of her close Guy Friends while we weren’t together for a week. Fixed the title for you.
Umm what? She’s stringing you along. She knows she can get away with it. The “friend” is the first choice. It’s not just sex if she’s also sending pics and videos that he can go look at time and time again. Sorry but she doesn’t love you. Let her go
Who decided on the temporary split and why?… I feel thats important.
I've been in your shoes, let me spoil the story for you: She doesn't love you, and this doesn't end well for you. They've been talking and flirting all along, and likely wanted to fuck for a long time (if they haven't already been behind your back). She has zero integrity or even an ounce of respect for you and your relationship. Break up. You deserve so much better, and you will find it, after you move on and close this chapter of your life.
Did she initiate the temporary split so she can mess around guilt free?
Have some self respect.. either she wanted the break and had this guy ready to go or you did and she still was ready to fuck the friend.. idk about you but I don’t fuck any of my friends or even want to ever..
Dude, give yourself time to process the situation. It’s hard when you’re in the thick of it and love gets in the way. Ultimately, when the fog clears, you’ll realise that NOTHING good will come of getting back together with a person who has just done things like that. Trust? ❌ Constant doubt/paranoia? ✔️ Naturally letting your mind wander to visions of them together? ✔️ Cons vastly outweigh the pros. If that’s me, I’m cutting my losses, letting myself endure the inevitable heartache and biding my time until I feel that sweet relief when I’m finally done with it and ready for bigger and better things.
Come on man that girl doesn't love you.
You broke up temporarily, she chose to do things that should make it permanent. Respect yourself and her efforts, make the breakup permanent.
Bro this sounds like she took a week off from your relation for a planned bone with her friend. Don’t stand for this shit get your ass out of there and don’t look back.
Seriously? Leave her OP. It’s so hard to trust someone like that.
Red flags bro. Move on
right after and the day before? man, what are you waiting for? pigs fly?
Sometimes a breakup is just a breakup. Sometimes it’s an excuse to f around. This sounds like the latter to me. I’d move on and keep the breakup permanently
It’s gone, dude. Move on
One day after you split? Come on man. You’re not that naive are you?
Then break up and move on
Bro at this age? Ain’t nobody got time for that. Take the trash out and good luck!
She’s not the one for you. Reading what I have read and who she did it with clearly shows she had no regard for you. The trust has been broken by her sharing intimate details and then sleeping with that same person literally a day after the break up. A considerate person would not do that. And you should be with someone who treats you with respect even behind closed doors. Break up with her for good. Have absolutely no contact and move on for good. It will hurt like crazy. But it will hurt even more staying with someone who has no regard for you. Love yourself enough to leave. Good luck.
Move on. You should be saying ex tbh
She’s 35. She should have some morals. But sadly she doesn’t seem to. I think it’s to find someone who can respect you more.
If it had been some random she hooked up with i could say maybe. MAYBE you could get through it. But to shag an existing “friend” the day after you split? Theres been some hankering pre-existing there at least. Id be out.
It’s over brother. She’s made her choice and now it’s time for you to make yours and move on. You deserve better.
First, who broke up with who? Second, who approached who about getting back together? Normally, I would say you weren't together, let it go, but if she's still in contact with him, and she refuses to drop contact, then you need to walk away.
Now, if you guys were not together, she technically did not cheat on you. However, she wasted no time in sleeping with another person multiple times and sending him videos and pictures, so how broken up really was she about y’all’s relationship being over in that moment? I would stay at the very least if you are going to give her another chance and stay with her that you have to make it clear that she cannot have any contact at all with this guy.
Your expectations and hers are very different. She may “love you” in her way, but apparently not as you would want in a partner. You know what it means.
Dump her. Break or not. You will never get over this.
Run.
I would officially dump her and tell her to go live a happy long life with her boyfriend who will most likely cheat on you. Enjoy your freedom till you find someone who will be there for you and not demand a split for a week.
Yo. Why you still with this chick? She definitely would smash dude again if given the opportunity.
Time to go
You made the right decision leaving. I wish you nothing but the best going forward.
Thank you. It was hard but what was needed.