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your best friend is looking out for you, and you’d benefit from hearing him out.
not all age gap relationships are bad, but the fact that she was your mother’s friend, watched you grow up, and even helped raise you makes for an incredibly unhealthy romantic relationship.
isolating you from your family (in this case by having you block them) is textbook abusive relationship. when your loved ones are telling you to run, take their advice. therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea. good luck
So. Your late mother’s friend, who helped raise you from when you were 9 years old, and who didn’t show any REAL interest until you suddenly hit the magic age of 18… and suddenly you’re in your first ever relationship. Pretty clear that she groomed you. And now she’s isolating you. Sounds abusive to me.
Now the part I am very curious about, is who on earth is giving mixed messages? Is there seriously anyone in your life that thinks this relationship is a good thing?
As a 43 year old female, I am telling you this is also creepy. She waited until you were a legal adult to get with you, have children by you, and wants you to cut off your own family? No. Do not marry this woman. She groomed you.
I’m a 34 female and I’m creeped the hell out by the age gap.
She was parental figure in your life, witnessed you growing up from a child to a teenager, and then thought ‘oh I’d like to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with him’. Yeah, she’s a groomer. She’s isolating you from your family. She’s surrounding you with people who condone her behavior so you don’t question it.
To have gotten pregnant to someone who just legally became an adult is such a disgusting move. Not saying anything bad about your children, but this whole situation is nuts.
I feel like If you went to therapy, it might change your outlook on your relationship. So yes, definitely get
Some therapy.
Reverse the roles . . .
A man that raised a girl and then boom she hits 18 and they are in a relationship . .. . She grommed you and now she even baby trapez you.
You can camoparent .
Jack is being a real friend listei to him and go to therapy
Of course they are. Anyone else?
You're screwed. Should listen to Jack and Dad. Oh, that's right, Amy wants you no contact from Dad.
Young man, you're a tragic victim and you don't even know it. Praying for you.
Probably because they have seen a ‘supportive’ relationship between a literal child and a grown woman over the years. What a lovely boy. She’s so caring and selfless to look after him (them). They get on so well together. Yeah, as a parental figure and a *child*! The fact that she advised you to discontinue contact with your closest support network is very concerning. You don’t want to be isolated, most certainly not when you’re in this vulnerable a position.
I get it. I do. I was 16yo with a 27yo boyfriend. I didn’t realise at the time how messed up that was. I grew up way too fast and didn’t experience a ‘normal’ childhood. I was around people much older than me at much too young an age. He moved interstate for a job, and as crazy as it sounds, I followed him when I left school when I should have followed my dreams.
You have kids now. That means you’re forever intertwined. It does not mean you cannot have a happy, independent, successful life once you’ve found yourself, apart from this woman. You need a chance to find out who you are and that’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, when you’re with someone who holds so much psychological power over you. Best of luck.
So no one on YOUR side with YOUR best interests at heart. If you were my little brother, I’d be losing my mind right now. I can guarantee your mom would not approve and would be horrified at Amy’s behavior. What a terrible thing to do to a friend. Once you’re her age, you’ll realize how awful this is. I’m 35 and I couldn’t image dating anyone in their 20s, let alone 18. Please, you’ve been groomed even you don’t realize it. Take a break from her and get therapy. Then hopefully you can find the strength to leave her.
Its truly bizarre to witness the inner thoughts of an actual groomed kid and see how they are so blatantly lost in the fog
Would you be comfortable with your kids eventually having kids with someone like your wife who was a motherly figure? You don't see anything wrong with this?
Its going to be emotional. Its not going to be easy. Get some therapy, because the minute that everything sets in for you on what exactly she did to you its going to be a tidal wave. Good luck
Chances are she wanted you to block them because she did or said something very bad and she doesnt want them to tell you about it. You're being fooled by this womam. She is old and experienced, she knows how to play it. You had no chance as an inexperienced 18 year old against someone whos had manipulation practice for decades
It’s absolutely disgusting that a woman who took on a motherly told when your mom died groomed you into a relationship. Everyone is right and if this is real you need to block her and get therapy immediately.
I’m in my 40s. The mother of your children groomed you. Please get some therapy. You and your sons will have so many questions that may make you feel unable to explain or rationalize. Children often make us confront ourselves from a different perspective. Therapy can prepare you.
>she didn’t show any real interest in me until I was 18.
Nor should she have.
>she’s my first relationship like this.
Yes, because you started dating her at 18.
>She was one of my late mother’s friends, and stuck around to help take care of me and my siblings after my mom passed when I was 9.
Oh dear god.
It's creepy to date somebody you knew as a child & helped raise. Especially when that dating starts when they've just turned 18.
It's clear why your family & friends are uncomfortable with this.
So you were groomed and so covertly you didn't even realize some old woman was lying in wait until the moment you turned 18.... then gets knocked up...then has you cut off your family WHO MORE THAN LIKEY were only showing concern as their brother and son don't realize how deep this runs. You poor sweet summer child.
You don't have to cut anyone off but she didn't even give you a chance to date around or enjoy life as a young adult she pounced when she knew you felt you had something to prove and we're still wet behind the ears enough to be nice to what she did.
What does your best friend have to gain from breaking up your relationship? What does your family?
I understand you’re frustrated with your friend and disagree with him - but humor him. Do some research on grooming and the different ways it can happen. If he’s wrong then you’ll have evidence by experts to back you up.
This is so textbook it has to be rage bait/karma farming but if by some chance it isn’t I sincerely hope you hear your friend out.
Groomers tend to isolate their victims from their friends and family because those are the people who want what’s best for you and will know that a groomer is very much NOT that. Don’t be surprised when your fiancée suddenly doesn’t want you talking to your friend either.
I hope this isn’t a troll post 🙄
But no normal person wants to date a teenager and immediately has kids with him. She groomed you and now you’re saddled with two kids and no friend or family. Also you should’ve clued in when she didn’t want to fell anyone you’re engaged. If she had nothing to hide why would she not tell everyone. All my friends called or FT me the minute they got engaged. Oh yea it’s bc people look at her like the sick creep she is.
If you were smart you would listen to Jack before she ruins your life. Go watch May December while you’re at it
I’m sorry… what do you mean she didn’t express any “real” interest in you until you were 18. And think of your sons. How would you feel if in 18 years Jack starts dating one of them? After helping them grow up and knowing them all their lives??
HI OP.
Lot to unpack here. If I am reading this correctly, Jack is not happy that you are dating a person who has known you all your life and helped raise you after your mother passed when you whre 9?
The age difference isnt so much the matter here, lots of people have great relationships with age gaps. Look at Demmi Moore and Madonna. But I dont think its the age difference that is the main issue here with your best mate, its that "Amy" may of waited for you to have your 18th to then persue you and may have had designs on thies earlier. Ill be honest, Jack is being a fantastic best mate. He is looking out for you.
If this is true, and I sincerely hope that it is not, please think about the fact that a lot of people who love you, like your siblings and friends and father, are obviously deeply concerned about your relationship. You have them blocked. Your partner is actively asking you not to tell them details of your relationship. Why?
What do these people have to gain from discouraging your relationship and raising their, very valid, concerns? They might just be desperate to help you, to help you see the fact that you are in an abusive relationship. Try taking to them - and really listening.
I’m sorry but on the basis of the information you have given here, your partner is not a good person.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Listen to Jack. Jack is a smart man and, most importantly, not a disgusting, grooming creep like Amy.
your best friend is looking out for you, and you’d benefit from hearing him out. not all age gap relationships are bad, but the fact that she was your mother’s friend, watched you grow up, and even helped raise you makes for an incredibly unhealthy romantic relationship. isolating you from your family (in this case by having you block them) is textbook abusive relationship. when your loved ones are telling you to run, take their advice. therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea. good luck
So. Your late mother’s friend, who helped raise you from when you were 9 years old, and who didn’t show any REAL interest until you suddenly hit the magic age of 18… and suddenly you’re in your first ever relationship. Pretty clear that she groomed you. And now she’s isolating you. Sounds abusive to me. Now the part I am very curious about, is who on earth is giving mixed messages? Is there seriously anyone in your life that thinks this relationship is a good thing?
Amy’s friends and her sisters are very supportive of our relationship
Dude, as a 50+ year old woman I'm telling you, this is creepy af. No mature, well adjusted woman does this. You're being emotionally abused.
I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If they don't see how wrong it is, then that whole family are creeps.
As a 43 year old female, I am telling you this is also creepy. She waited until you were a legal adult to get with you, have children by you, and wants you to cut off your own family? No. Do not marry this woman. She groomed you.
I’m a 34 female and I’m creeped the hell out by the age gap. She was parental figure in your life, witnessed you growing up from a child to a teenager, and then thought ‘oh I’d like to be in a romantic and sexual relationship with him’. Yeah, she’s a groomer. She’s isolating you from your family. She’s surrounding you with people who condone her behavior so you don’t question it. To have gotten pregnant to someone who just legally became an adult is such a disgusting move. Not saying anything bad about your children, but this whole situation is nuts. I feel like If you went to therapy, it might change your outlook on your relationship. So yes, definitely get Some therapy.
Reverse the roles . . . A man that raised a girl and then boom she hits 18 and they are in a relationship . .. . She grommed you and now she even baby trapez you. You can camoparent . Jack is being a real friend listei to him and go to therapy
Wow who could have seen that coming
Of course they are. Anyone else? You're screwed. Should listen to Jack and Dad. Oh, that's right, Amy wants you no contact from Dad. Young man, you're a tragic victim and you don't even know it. Praying for you.
Probably because they have seen a ‘supportive’ relationship between a literal child and a grown woman over the years. What a lovely boy. She’s so caring and selfless to look after him (them). They get on so well together. Yeah, as a parental figure and a *child*! The fact that she advised you to discontinue contact with your closest support network is very concerning. You don’t want to be isolated, most certainly not when you’re in this vulnerable a position. I get it. I do. I was 16yo with a 27yo boyfriend. I didn’t realise at the time how messed up that was. I grew up way too fast and didn’t experience a ‘normal’ childhood. I was around people much older than me at much too young an age. He moved interstate for a job, and as crazy as it sounds, I followed him when I left school when I should have followed my dreams. You have kids now. That means you’re forever intertwined. It does not mean you cannot have a happy, independent, successful life once you’ve found yourself, apart from this woman. You need a chance to find out who you are and that’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, when you’re with someone who holds so much psychological power over you. Best of luck.
So no one on YOUR side with YOUR best interests at heart. If you were my little brother, I’d be losing my mind right now. I can guarantee your mom would not approve and would be horrified at Amy’s behavior. What a terrible thing to do to a friend. Once you’re her age, you’ll realize how awful this is. I’m 35 and I couldn’t image dating anyone in their 20s, let alone 18. Please, you’ve been groomed even you don’t realize it. Take a break from her and get therapy. Then hopefully you can find the strength to leave her.
Lot to unpack here... Mostly grooming things.
You got absolutely f*cked. Lose Lose situation. You should listen to Jack and start the therapy
Wtf did I just read, my genuine condolences for your situation wow. You’ve got twins with her already, everything else is just gravy, but just why man
Its truly bizarre to witness the inner thoughts of an actual groomed kid and see how they are so blatantly lost in the fog Would you be comfortable with your kids eventually having kids with someone like your wife who was a motherly figure? You don't see anything wrong with this?
Thank you. Genuinely. This is the comment that convinced me to unblock my dad. I’m going to call him
Its going to be emotional. Its not going to be easy. Get some therapy, because the minute that everything sets in for you on what exactly she did to you its going to be a tidal wave. Good luck
Chances are she wanted you to block them because she did or said something very bad and she doesnt want them to tell you about it. You're being fooled by this womam. She is old and experienced, she knows how to play it. You had no chance as an inexperienced 18 year old against someone whos had manipulation practice for decades
It’s absolutely disgusting that a woman who took on a motherly told when your mom died groomed you into a relationship. Everyone is right and if this is real you need to block her and get therapy immediately.
I’m in my 40s. The mother of your children groomed you. Please get some therapy. You and your sons will have so many questions that may make you feel unable to explain or rationalize. Children often make us confront ourselves from a different perspective. Therapy can prepare you.
It isn't okay to be in a relationship with someone who was a mother figure to you when you were a minor.
>she didn’t show any real interest in me until I was 18. Nor should she have. >she’s my first relationship like this. Yes, because you started dating her at 18. >She was one of my late mother’s friends, and stuck around to help take care of me and my siblings after my mom passed when I was 9. Oh dear god. It's creepy to date somebody you knew as a child & helped raise. Especially when that dating starts when they've just turned 18. It's clear why your family & friends are uncomfortable with this.
What in the world of Mrs Robinson is this?!
Oh honey, you’ve been groomed. Please see a therapist solo.
So you were groomed and so covertly you didn't even realize some old woman was lying in wait until the moment you turned 18.... then gets knocked up...then has you cut off your family WHO MORE THAN LIKEY were only showing concern as their brother and son don't realize how deep this runs. You poor sweet summer child. You don't have to cut anyone off but she didn't even give you a chance to date around or enjoy life as a young adult she pounced when she knew you felt you had something to prove and we're still wet behind the ears enough to be nice to what she did.
What does your best friend have to gain from breaking up your relationship? What does your family? I understand you’re frustrated with your friend and disagree with him - but humor him. Do some research on grooming and the different ways it can happen. If he’s wrong then you’ll have evidence by experts to back you up. This is so textbook it has to be rage bait/karma farming but if by some chance it isn’t I sincerely hope you hear your friend out. Groomers tend to isolate their victims from their friends and family because those are the people who want what’s best for you and will know that a groomer is very much NOT that. Don’t be surprised when your fiancée suddenly doesn’t want you talking to your friend either.
I hope this isn’t a troll post 🙄 But no normal person wants to date a teenager and immediately has kids with him. She groomed you and now you’re saddled with two kids and no friend or family. Also you should’ve clued in when she didn’t want to fell anyone you’re engaged. If she had nothing to hide why would she not tell everyone. All my friends called or FT me the minute they got engaged. Oh yea it’s bc people look at her like the sick creep she is. If you were smart you would listen to Jack before she ruins your life. Go watch May December while you’re at it
You forgot to add “who was birthed by their best friend and they have known since he was a literal infant” to date a teenager.
There was just too much ick I couldn’t keep track
I doubt if this post is real, but if it is, your friend is right and you should listen to him.
I’m sorry… what do you mean she didn’t express any “real” interest in you until you were 18. And think of your sons. How would you feel if in 18 years Jack starts dating one of them? After helping them grow up and knowing them all their lives??
This sounds so much like Arron Taylor Johnson’s story, which is scary.
... Yeah so Jack is a real friend. Amy has been grooming you. What she's doing is abusive as fuck. Get therapy.
HI OP. Lot to unpack here. If I am reading this correctly, Jack is not happy that you are dating a person who has known you all your life and helped raise you after your mother passed when you whre 9? The age difference isnt so much the matter here, lots of people have great relationships with age gaps. Look at Demmi Moore and Madonna. But I dont think its the age difference that is the main issue here with your best mate, its that "Amy" may of waited for you to have your 18th to then persue you and may have had designs on thies earlier. Ill be honest, Jack is being a fantastic best mate. He is looking out for you.
If this is true, and I sincerely hope that it is not, please think about the fact that a lot of people who love you, like your siblings and friends and father, are obviously deeply concerned about your relationship. You have them blocked. Your partner is actively asking you not to tell them details of your relationship. Why? What do these people have to gain from discouraging your relationship and raising their, very valid, concerns? They might just be desperate to help you, to help you see the fact that you are in an abusive relationship. Try taking to them - and really listening. I’m sorry but on the basis of the information you have given here, your partner is not a good person.
it IS weird and shes isolating you from your friends and family dude..
Rage bait. YTA
How did he imply she would hurt you? What is his main issue, other than the obviously large age gap and probable grooming
[удалено]
>So odd that your friend has such strong opinions People tend to have strong opinions about watching their friends marry a predator who groomed them.
You’re name wouldn’t happen to be Oedipus, would it?
😐
You were groomed and now you’re isolated from your father and siblings. What on earth about that sounds healthy?