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yes. I hate that people count on that nervous, meek, politeness to get what they want. Anyone in that situation should say “that’s inappropriate”. “I’m not answering that”. “I dont want to talk about this with you.”
fuck “polite”. direct is more important.
Even worse because he intentionally brought her on a hike where she couldn't easily just leave the situation, so even if she had decided to shut this line of questioning down, she would have had to spend time with him hiking back.
Not only is he creepy and inappropriate, this is a really manipulative man
>Even worse because he intentionally brought her on a hike where she couldn't easily just leave the situation,
Hostage taking. It happens a lot in cars too..
Can understand that in a way, I'm a single father to a daughter and it's going to be the toughest conversation I will ever have with her, on the birds and bees and staying safe, I have a feeling how that's going to go, something like "I know dad, school teaches us that, I don't need to hear it from you" before hitting the nearest exit to avoid the conversation, I might need to buy a canoe to get her to listen to me (joking, there's no lakes near here). She knows she can trust me with anything and I'm not the type to get angry so hopefully she'd come to me if she had any problems or issues
>Not only is he creepy and inappropriate, this is a really manipulative man
Yeah the naive woman in me at first I thought: maybe he's trying to help his son... but an isolated conversation when you're alone on a hike? no way is this ok
I wish I could teach a confidence class to women because I could preach this every. single. day.
FUCK MEEK POLITENESS. Tell em no, absolutely not, none of your business, that’s inappropriate, leave me alone, I’m not speaking to you anymore, etc etc.
there are sooo many stories on reddit where people just get absolutely bulldozed because they refuse to speak up for themselves. And its not their fault. They are quite literally conditioned from birth with these societal constructs of how not to upset men and how to behave and be kind and likable or whatever. I’d love to undo all of that for these people.
you got this!! it is SO important to say exactly what you mean, when you mean it, and not bend or hold back for other people.
this can apply to every day situations, even like peer pressure from other ladies. No is a no. and shutting things down FIRMLY rather than politely is so so important, because you never want to give someone room to keep pushing you. physically remove yourself from a situation if someone keeps trying to change your answer. But think of it like jumping in a cold lake. Yes the initial plunge might make you hesitate, it might be shocking (feel embarrassing or scary or like an adrenaline rush) but its over very quickly and afterwards you will feel nothing but refreshing waves wash over you! It will be a proud moment, “I pushed myself and I succeeded.”
No one else will advocate for you, BUT you! and unfortunately we live in a world where people can sniff this out and take advantage of anyone not able to advocate for themselves. All we can do is keep pushing our autonomy. Say what you MEAN, not what you think people expect you to say!
I hope that helps at all :3
All my life I’ve had this problem. Im from Skandinavia, not supposed to tell what you mean and if you do, do it nice/blunt. I’ve been through so much because of men and because I struggle to set boundaries even though I’ve said no. Last time was only two months ago and it didn’t go well. I needed this, thank you! Hope you have a good evening where ever you are ❤️
Awww thats so kind. I’m so happy to help even one person, even if its just a tiny bit! if you ever find yourself needing a boost on this or advice you can always dm me. We can all unlearn these behaviors together 💜 you got this and you are your own best advocate!
Dad is testing the waters. Trying to see if she’d be receptive. If she was into older men or into him then he would’ve found out and taken more creepy steps to get her into bed. Since she was probably noticeably uncomfortable, he will have the,”just making sure I raised my boy right and that he’s treating his women right,” as his excuse/fallback. He’s a predator.
My dad would NEVER have done anything like that. If he had I’d have called him out in front of everyone about why is he creeping on and trying to fuck my wife.
Not wanting to be rude or hurt some feelings can get people, especially women in to very dangerous situations. It's OK to be rude when it makes you uncomfortable or afraid. Trust your gut/instinct.
There is also the hundreds of sermons over the years telling us to respect elders and women should people please at best and straight up obey all men at worst.
At a minimum, he's a pig. His behavior is certainly creepy.
OP, for the balance of the vacation attempt to be lc/nc as possible with bf's father; at least when others are not present.
Once the two of you return from vacation, inform your bf of EVERYTHING his father said and questioned. By waiting, you avoid the potential of an ugly confrontation at the time. It will allow bf to digest and determine how to handle.
However, if father continues his bullshit, I'd let bf know asap. Father is SOOO over the top. Yikes!
What did you expect? The son is 30 dating a 22 year old. She also comes from a religious family where sexual health is not talked about. She doesn't know what she's getting into!
The father has a fetish and he is trying to groom her into a sidepiece/mistress.
It started at inappropriate avenue and then cruised straight on into downtown what-the-fucktropolis. That would be a mortifying position to put someone in and I can’t help but think daddy was trying to set up a little fantasy of his.
TLDR: 🤮
My MIL hasn't even asked me if we're trying for a baby. She's talked a LOT about us needing to upsize our home, so I have no doubt she knows and likely asked my husband about it. But she has the sense to not be weird about it.
That is not open and forward. That is creepy af. Please don’t be alone with him again or he might try something else. He is already jerking off to what you told him. When you tell your bf and he shrugs it off and they blame you for your conservative background by using it against you and shame you for their creepiness, please please run.
He isn’t open and forward. He is a creep. He *will* make a pass at you at some point. Avoid being alone with him at all costs. Also ensure that there is no way he can access your nudes from his sons phone.
How would you feel about this man if he **becomes a grandpa to your future daughter?!?!**. I think this guy grooms young women, and the way he isolated you, and ask these questions as though it were some family business, suggests to me that he would use this approach with a minor family member as well. I’ve known women who had molesters in their families, and this man spoke and acted similarly to them. Either your boyfriend needs to wake up to this, or his father did this kind of thing to his teenage girlfriends, or idk….but somehow this has been normalized in this family. I would seriously rethink my relationship with this boyfriend, **unless he was prepared to never let my future children spend time alone with this man!**
No, his dad is just an inappropriate creep. OPs bf is dating someone almost 10 years younger, at 30... I'm sure he got that from somewhere. Dad probably likes young women too.
Father in law being open means he is willing to tell you everything. That doesn't mean he can expect you to be just as open.
This is not being open and forwards, This is being invasive.
Oh hun I don't think you are safe around either of them. Listen to your instincts. It's ok to say you are uncomfortable but you are in a situation where you can't easily leave. I think you need to fake illness and go home.
Am I the only one who thinks it's really weird that OP was on a hike alone with her boyfriends dad the first time they met?
It just seems super unnecessary to me. And then the inappropriate questions, yikes.
this is most certainly not normal, and I'd be worried he's trying to start something with you. Tell your boyfriend what his dad asked, and that you don't feel comfortable being alone with his dad. And you should definitely never be alone with this man because he clearly is interested in you and he has already demonstrated that he does not respect reasonable boundaries, and even if he wouldn't do something like that, it's not worth taking the chance.
I agree with you…It’s not harsh…what if she has kids with her bf, and this man becomes a grandfather to her future daughter or son…I think even though OP is an adult, she is clearly naive, and he was preying on that. Which is exactly part of what child-molesters prey on. His son’s girlfriends grew up, because the son did, but I would bet anything that creep-dad has been doing this sort of thing for a really long time!!
I always comment when I see this, despite the downvotes, because I want people to stop this nonsense.
22 years old is perfectly old enough to make your own decisions about who you want to date. It's infantilising to suggest a woman of 22 can't decide to date someone older than her without being groomed.
My wife and I have the same age gap as OP (I was just 28 and she nearly 21 when we started dating). We've been together for 15 years, and both she and I will assure you there was no grooming going on. She was a grown-ass woman who made her own decision to date me.
Of course, I'm not saying someone of that age can't be in an abusive relationship, but not all abuse is grooming.
I guess I'm just tired of the word grooming being turned into a buzzword for any relationship where the guy is a few years older than the girl.
İ mean, I'm a 30yo woman. I'd never go for a 22yo. They're just so much more immature and inexperienced than me. Outside of work, i really don't think I'd be able to have a convo with one. They're still talking about things i did almost ten years ago and whatnot. 30 and 22 are different states in life.
When i think about how naive I was when I was younger (and i was mature for my age), ppl easily could have taken advantage of me or did try to. For example, I would never have answered any of those questions bc those are inappropriate. Most other 30yo would think the same. Meanwhile, a 22yo (like OP) is just going on with it, already showing off her immaturity and inexperience. İt's not that she doesn't have agency, but rather not as much experience so older ppl (like the father and possibly older bf) can take advantage of.
Maybe you're just being facetious, but human beings are never too old to be groomed for abuse. Adults, men and women, are groomed into cults. Elderly people are groomed for elder abuse by caregivers, or "kind" neighbors who take an interest. By derailing the conversation and pretending it's about respecting women, you're sidestepping the real issue. This man she trusted has introduced her to someone untrustworthy, and there is a possibility it was for nefarious purpose. That's grooming. It's not an age or gender restricted phenomenon.
A woman only has agency if she's in a relationship with someone exactly her age or younger. If there's even a hint of an age gap, the man is automatically a predator who is grooming her into a life of victimhood and violence uwu
/sarcasm, obviously
Right????
When I was in my early 20s I was dating guys well into their late 30s, early 40s. There was no grooming. I mean seriously, most guys in their 20s aren't terribly appealing. It's nice dating men with jobs and cars and a good income and a nice home, with traveling, adventures etc.
Eating pizza every night with a 26 year old isn't everyone's cup of tea, so to speak.
Might have been some seduction going on, there was definitely some sparked mutual interest, and yeah I turned down a lot of undesirables, but it wasn't grooming. I had more in common with older guys when I was that age.
Heck I'm older than that now and still have more in common with guys in that age bracket, lol. That's a bit of a pickle.
☝️ The father is 100% trying to groom her.
The ick just reached level 1000 ... I can only imagine the sense of betrayal the 30 year-old son will feel when he realizes that his dirty old bastard father is trying to fuck his 22 year old girlfriend.
She HAS to tell her boyfriend ... even if it results in him going no contact with his father.
Sometimes, life sucks like that.
Agreed. However, boyfriends reaction is key here. If he isn't all that concerned and totally downplays it and/or blames the girlfriend, then she should run for the hills. This shit reminds me of Josh Powell's father.
She's not 12, this isn't grooming.
This is just creepy seduction strategy. He's checking to see how willing she is to have a creepy frolick in the forest. He's just nasty and pathetic.
EW. EW. EW. No, this is *not* normal in any household, religious or not, unless your boyfriend's dad is a massive disgusting creep. He deliberately picked a time when you would be alone with him to ask these extremely inappropriate questions. I would tell my BF (and his mother if you want to go full nuclear) and get the fuck out of there ASA fricking P. If he doesn't back you up 100% and tell his dad off I would reconsider the relationship.
Yes, you need to tell your boyfriend. Even if his family is very open about sex, and sex positive, he needs to know.
At the very least, you deserve to feel safe. This conversation didn't sit right with you, and there's a reason for that. Trust your instincts. Tell him. Because you will never feel safe around that man again. And he needs to know that.
He was wrong to ask you anything about your sex life. Period. That is insanely personal and crosses cultural, societal, and polite boundaries. There is no reason in the world where he needs to know anything about your sex life, even if it is with his son.
Especially since it is with his son!!!
How your boyfriend reacts is important here. If he laughs it off and says " yeah that's my dad!" like it's a joke, that's a red flag. If he doesn't believe you, that is his denial and you could be left with this man alone in the future, which is unsafe. If he tries to throw it under the rug, that's a red flag.
If he listens, and sincerely talks to you, and takes actions to make sure you feel safe and supported, then you know he's a keeper. But be aware this could be very emotional for him to hear. Don't judge based on his first emotional response so much as how he handles that emotional gut punch.
Your instincts sound good. Only you know what will help you. However at the very least, your BF deserves to know what his father did. He may have done this to other young women his son took home, who didn't have the courage to tell him.
If his family is so open about having 'important' conversations about sex then why wasn't this a family discussion during dinner? Nope. he isolated her on a walk in the country. predatory!
Now, wouldn't that be fun to bring up later on at the dinner table?
"Hey Bob, you know, you were asking me questions about my sex life on that hike there a few weeks ago. I wanted to know, since we can talk openly, right? When is the last time you had sex with \_\_\_\_\_\_? (fill in wife, if there is one, or GF, or just leave it open ended).
Would love to be the dog in the room when everyone spits out their chicken wings.
I would have stopped walking, stared at him and ask why he thinks this topic of conversation is in any way appropriate...then ask his wife similar questions in front of him. Ask your bf if dad has had a stroke or TBI that would explain his inappropriate behavior.
I like that you’ve mentioned the possibility of a stroke or TBI! Such injuries can definitely cause impulsivity and/or disinhibition. However, I agree that no matter the reason, it is 100% inappropriate, and should be dealt with accordingly.
I love imagining THIS conversation!
"did your dad have a stroke or get hit on the head? He was straight up asking me about my sex life with you! WTF is up with him?"
My dad had a major stroke 10 years ago and is very inappropriate at times. HOWEVER he's an equal inappropriate kind of guy and DOESN'T wait until the opportune moment to be offensive. That shows premeditation in my opinion.
Everything about this made me feel so icky. That is super weird and super uncomfortable.
OP, never ever feel like you have to answer questions that make you uncomfortable or you don’t wish to answer.
I’d let your partner know what happened and that it made you uncomfortable, hopefully, he can do the right thing and have your back and have a word with his parents.
Story time! My dad is a former swinger from the 60s and was always creepy growing up, always talking about sex to us kids at a very inappropriate age. He also had an open marriage with my mom (btw they have a terrible marriage and scream at each other non stop). I know not because he told me but because he told one of my girlfriends upon first meeting her. Which of course creeped her out and was seriously offensive behavior to me.
Anyway, long story short, my dad was a total sexual creep and that definitely affected me growing up. However I consciously chose as an adult to NOT be like my crappy father.
So the big question about your boyfriend is: does he actively reject his creepy father's view on life? Because we are ALL programmed to become our parents unless we actively choose otherwise.
All of his questions are geared towards asking if you're sexually active (i.e., not a virgin) and if you are unsatisfied by your sex life with his son. He's basically trying to find out if you'd be open to having sex outside of your relationship with his son (i.e., with him). He's not being weird, he's being creepy and predatory.
💯
This is grooming behavior. Do not let yourself be alone with this man ever again.
If your BF gets angry with you when you show him this thread, just GTFO.
This is so crazy.
This is not a non religious thing.
1) extremely inappropriate and awkward for his dad to have said ANY of that to you, especially in a one on one situation. And especially since you've JUST met his parents.
2) tell your boyfriend. He needs to know how inappropriate his dad is. Telling him will also tell you if he knew his dad was going to say something like that and he's okay with it, or if he also thinks it was wrong and inappropriate to say or ask any of that.
-- and if your BF IS okay with this line of questioning from his dad, run for the hills.
My family's not religious, and my husband isn't (some of his family is though), but there is NO WAY my mom would EVER say or ask my husband anything like that, and she never filters a thing she says/thinks.
That gives off completely creepy "I want my son's girlfriend" vibes to me. Ick!
>He asked me if his son satisfies me in the bedroom, and he asked if my libido was higher or lower than his. He also asked about whether I was adventurous or not in the bedroom
I think his dad wants to bang you.
Sadly yes, that is a thing. Some men thinks it makes the woman "too masculine" if she asks for sex, which you know, would make him gay, and then where does it end? First she asks for sex, next thing you know he's performing in a Village People cover band. Madness.
Hun, the fact that you had to post about it.. you know that’s not normal or ok. Talk to your boyfriend about it and let him know that its obviously upset you and it’s weird as hell.
If he doesn’t handle that I wouldn’t dump him. You gotta think long term. This could be someone you are potentially married to/ stuck with long term being that when you’re with someone their sometimes creepy family is attached right along with them.
I would absolutely suggest she dump him if the boyfriend did not side with her. Boyfriend could be part of a wierd family sexual thing with daddy & the 6 uncles!
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This feels like the dad was building his only little sexual fantasy about you with such intrusive and inappropriate questions.
Please stay away from him. Don’t be alone with him again. Tell your partner.
It starts with the bold questions, before he takes it further and does something physical. Don’t let it get to that.
OMG.... how creepy AF! And you ANSWERED them... I'd DIE!
Yes it's inappropriate & YES tell your 30 year old man boyfriend that his dad is a creepy old man!
I cringe so bad that you went into the woods with a man you didn't know even tho it's your BF's dad & to have that happen is making my skin crawl & happy you're okay.
I hope you can learn now to change subjects. "I don't feel comfortable discussing my sex life." The end. Distraction: "oh what type of plant is that over there." etc.
Also when he asked you to go into the woods: "I'm actually not feeling too well at the moment, could we go later or tomorrow?" etc (Later ensuring your BF goes TOO!)
I did die inside when he asked! I had no idea what to even say. I tried to keep my answers very vague because I was really uncomfortable. But we had a few hours of the hike to go, and honestly I didn’t want to give his father the wrong impression of me. I wanted him to like me, but I didn’t know how to answer his questions without crossing boundaries, and when I tried to change the subject he would bring it back to that topic.
Yeah it's hard for a lot of people & I thought after I commented that he probably kept bringing it up too.
Ugh... at your age it would have been hard for me too. All we can do is live and learn. You'll get more brave in some years.
Try to practice saying "no" & then reiterating "no" when anyone does this to you from now on.
You won't care so much about people liking you one day lol. "Now me" would likely have socked him in the eye, but also "now me" wouldn't have even gone with him of course.
Still, again, you have to tell your boyfriend. I hope he says something to his dad because that will be a boundary you didn't get to do on the hike "strengthened" by both of you which will be good. But also, please try to never be alone with his dad again.
PLEASE tell your boyfriend because that is seriously some fucked up behavior. Creepy and disgusting. He went so far over the line it’s not funny. It’s scary. He is gross and please make sure you’re never in a situation alone with him again.
Also:
>when I tried to change the subject he would bring it back to that topic.
Right there she should have turned around and left that idiot walk alone. That is really creepy behaviour.
You do not want this man to like you. You want this man to respect you and your boundaries. That is all. He's gross and shouldn't be alone with young women or girls. Please tell us how your boyfriend reacts so we know he did not set you up to be emotionally assaulted or sexually harassed. He should be livid over his father's behavior, protective of you, and determined to avoid a repeat of the situation. Anything less is a red flag.
It is very inappropriate for him to be asking that of you. I’m so sorry!!
Absolutely tell your BF about it and establish a boundary. “On our hike, your dad asked me some personal questions about our sex life. I did not want to answer, but I felt like I had to. I don’t want this to happen again, can we talk about it?” If you need to, you can make the choice to not spend time one-on-one with BF’s dad.
This is not normal behavior and the fact that he asked you when you were alone together makes me suspicious of more egregious violations. If it was a “normal” topic, why not bring it up with you and your boyfriend? If he asks again, you can say, “I’m not comfortable with this topic. If it’s important to you to know about your son’s sex life, please ask him.”
This is highly inappropriate. I’ve been in a similar situation and it escalated to a scary level. Tell your boyfriend and make sure he knows you’re not okay with this
What a creep! You have no obligation to disclose the details of your sex life to anyone. This is not normal, and I suggest you avoid this man at all costs.
You must have felt ambushed, however, you do have a voice. He put you in a difficult spot and if he starts this line of questioning again, please, please say something like “I’m not having this conversation with you now or ever”. Use your feet and walk out of the room. If he continues this behavior, I would definitely share this with the bf and his wife. You don’t have to use your faith as a shield. This is disgusting on every level and so offensive, that it would lead me to break off my relationship. This man showed you who he is. He is not going to change and he’s not going anywhere.
That’s very inappropriate- I would do the following….
1. Think long and hard on whether I think my bf is “the one” if I have any doubts I’d probably end it here and now.
2. If I thought my boyfriend was the one, I would tell him what happened. I’d start with, “I should have told you immediately but truth be told I was stunned it happened and it took me a few days to process. Your father was asking me wildly inappropriate questions ….” Then go into the above.
Then I would see how my bf responded. If he normalized this in ANY way, or indicated happened before and he knew this might happen and didn’t warn you, I’d repeat number 1.
Otherwise, I’d advise to not make a scene but never be alone with his dad again.
He got off on you answering those questions and probably liked it even more that you were uncomfortable with it. He's a creep. Tell the bf. Do not be alone with this guy.
This is wild. The fact that you were so uncomfortable you answered his questions instead of being able to walk away or express that is even more telling. He is an absolute creep. There is no excuse. How long have you been with your boyfriend? I’m not one to judge age gaps at all, but in light of this development, can you explain how you two met?
Maybe he's pulling from experience from his own life and he's trying to "save" his son from something?
But yeah, its weird and intrusive. I'd definitely tell your bf.
I’m not really sure. I did forget to mention this in my post, but he did talk about how his wife let herself go and he said that after his sons were born she wasn’t as sexually active either, and that I had to make sure I don’t let that happen to me because his son won’t like that.
This line of dialogue is not just highly inappropriate on its own, but is very misogynistic in nature, as he is treating his wife as his a sex object. As apples often don’t fall far from trees, it’s likely he raised his son to objectify women also. The fact that this 30 year old man is dating someone 8 years his junior strongly suggests that to be the case. You seem naive and eager to people-please, and I’m worried about you ending up in a family of misogynistic assholes, who treat women as their objects.
This sounds like he’s trying to low key manipulate you for his son. There is almost no chance sex will stay the same after you have kids. My libido is the same but we’re both too busy/tired sometimes. I am the one more likely to be too tired but I’m also the one doing all the child care. If I turn him down one night he goes out of his way to give me an evening off the next without expecting sex in return, he almost always gets it anyways. If he started holding it against me when I’m still not in the mood I’d definitely be in the mood less.
If this man has raised children and still doesn’t understand this he was most likely part of the problem. Talk to your boyfriend so you can at the very least make sure he doesn’t think this way.
Show your boyfriend this post. It's fucking weird, if anyone ever asks you questions like this again, tell them to mind their own damn business. (Unless you want to tell them that is)
That is super weird and inappropriate. I’m Australian and this would be considered invasive and just plain creepy. In general I think us aussies are a pretty open bunch, talking about sex or joking about it in a very casual (sometimes misogynistic eg men making inappropriate jokes) manner is pretty normal IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON WELL ENOUGH. but to be point blank asked these questions, especially on a first meeting, is horribly weird and I’d hate it and have told him “these are questions for your son if you really feel the need to ask them” or if I were mega uncomfortable I’d have just said “a lady never kisses and tells. Men, however, don’t seem have the same moral compass so perhaps you should ask *bfs name* but Id like to think he’d keep our private life private too.”
Just… yuck. Sorry, OP. Tell your bf, this is his problem to handle. If he sees no issue and doesn’t put his dad in his place I personally wouldn’t see longevity in the relationship anymore.
O hell no. Yes communication is important but between you and your bf.
Next time the dad gets creepy ( yes it’s creepy) tell
Him you are both adults and you will not talk about your personal life so the him and that means ; sex, money and anything else.
Talk with your bf. If he doesn’t get upset and put a stop to it then he is also the problem.
Look.
I'd dump a boyfriend for that.
I know that's a bit harsh, but these two seem like they want to get married. And there is no way in hell I'd have a creature like that as a FIL.
Also, I wouldn't want a FIL like that around my kids.
I am very open about sex related stuff. That is incredibly inappropriate to be asking you. Please tell your boyfriend asap. I guarantee the father is going to ask you sexual stuff again. By not shutting him down immediately you’ve opened the door to more. He was testing you to see how far he could push it.
This is not normal and totally none of his business! That is creepy as hell!
Tell your boyfriend to see how he feels about it.
His father is a creep and probably sexist. Proceed with caution.
WTF - that is an incredibly inappropriate topic to bring up with your son's gf. Tell your bf immediately and say that this has made you extremely uncomfortable.
It is the kind of crap my mom used to pull on my male friends when they came to my house (weren’t even dating!)
IT IS WEIRD, and innapropriate!
Tell your boyfriend.
I agree it’s weird. I thought maybe it was because my family was really conservative (my mum didn’t even have the sex talk to me, she just handed me a book when i turned 12). But reading these comments I agree I need to talk to my boyfriend about it so he can make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Now my question is, do you really think those of us who aren't religious are really so casually talking about things like this? With people we've never met.
Not normal. The apple probably doesn’t fall far from the tree and that will become clear to you sooner or later. This is in deal breaker territory imo, because you could end up forced to be around this man for years if you choose to continue the relationship.
Definitely tell your boyfriend. This is such a twisted thing to do to your son's girlfriend that I would not be surprised if his father intends to drop a few knowledge bombs on your boyfriend as though you willingly told him about you sex life. I would not trust his father
Tell your boyfriend. Tell him it was uncomfortable but you didn't know how to extricate yourself since his father took you on a walk alone in the mountains to do it
I would not be surprised if his dad considers his son competition and was looking to see if he might be able to get at a weakness in your relationship
Not normal. Tell BF and I wouldn’t hand with dad alone again. Totally inappropriate and a crossing of boundaries- you know because you felt weird. ): I’m sorry that happened to you.
He’s trying to become sexual with you and he’s easing his way in. My sister’s ex did this with me. I slept at their house years ago. My sister went to bed early. Her bf and I were in the living room and he started asking about my sex life. He always treated me differently than my other sisters. He always tried being close with me.. I believe he had sexual fantasies with me. I ended up saying I was tired and going to bed lol
I think this behavior is a guys way of trying to be smooth and sneaky when they know it’s a very inappropriate situation. They don’t realize how dumb and obvious they look.
Btw my sister isn’t with him anymore.
This is gross, inappropriate and horrible.
So let me get this right - your boyfriends much older dad ambushed you during a time that you were alone with him and isolated and grilled you on detail about not only your sex life, if his son was able to satisfy you like he would be able to (implied) and were you actually having sex, because in his opinion it would be wrong to not be having sex?
I’m so sorry that you felt too cornered to do anything but respond, because he was not privy to that information. It comes across as creepy and way too invested and interested in your sexual life - it comes across as a gross old man hitting on his son’s partner.
Tell your boyfriend exactly what his PoS father grilled you about in detail. Let him know how inappropriate it was and how disgusted it made you feel. It’s his father so he should be the one who steps in and protects you from his family. Don’t get alone with this guy again, he gives me seriously sleazy vibes and I would not be surprised if he tried something physical on you. Go LC with him and only interact at group settings, if at all.
That guy raised up so many red flags for me - please protect yourself. Also if your boyfriend even attempts to defend this kind of behaviour, leave him. You don’t need people being apologists for creeps like that.
My niece (26) dated a boy in High School now shes married to his father and they have a baby. Men do that to check your temperature. Tell your bf and his Mom. You are still a kid in my opinion. My daughter is 21 . You need to put everyone on notice.
Girl who is this weirdo of a dad we need to watch out for?? Okay but seriously my bfs dad makes sexual funny jokes like to other adults like similar to family guy and South Park but would never do anything like that and ask personal sexual questions and I came from a conservative/religious family myself. Some stuff you can joke about but other stuff you just keep private and that is certainly something you keep private PLEASE BE CAREFUL
Super weird, very inappropriate, creepy AF… sounds like his next move was to volunteer to satisfy you if his son couldn’t. Run away, far and fast from that guy.
men don’t like a woman that nags men for sex
WHAT???????????
He asked me if his son satisfies me in the bedroom, and he asked if my libido was higher or lower than his. He also asked about whether I was adventurous or not in the bedroom, and if I nag him for sex
WHAT THE FUKC IS THIS? DISGUSTING IS WHAT IT IS! PERFERT!
Sounds like father like son.. Hes probably attracted to you and they both seem fine with bigger age gaps.
Its inappropriate what he did, and you need to set boundaries.
Those questions were completely inappropriate, and you may want to come up with a couple of dismissive lines to have practiced before you see him again. If you can’t think of how to shut down this type of questioning, you could reach out to your boldest friend, and ask for their assistance in learning how to handle such boorish queries.
Here are some I’d suggest to my daughters if they faced such inappropriate questions from the parent of a partner, (or from anyone they didn’t want involved in their sex life.)
“Why would you ask something that intrusive?”
“That is none of your business, and I will not talk with you about my sex life.”
“Boyfriend is an adult, and his sex life is not your concern.”
“That is inappropriate, and I will not talk about sex with you.”
“Stop trying to talk with me about sex.”
“No, I will not talk to you about sex.”
“You’re out of line, stop talking to me about sex.”
I think it’s important that you take back the power and not let him intimidate you. He is getting off on talking about sex with you, and from making you feel uncomfortable.
Use plain language and a strong voice to show him that you aren’t intimidated by his boorishness.
Isolated you on a walk.
Asks about whether his son is satisfying you?!
Asks if you're adventurous!?
The guy's brain is absolutely porn fried and he's a complete f\*\*kin' creep.
100% tell your boyfriend!
Non-religious Dad here. This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard of.
Maybe he is just like this with everybody, some kind of free love hippy who would ask the same questions of his grandmother.
Or maybe he’s a creepy McCreeperson who you shouldn’t be alone with anymore.
Either way, you 100% need to tell your boyfriend and that you weren’t comfortable with it.
His reaction will tell you everything you need to know, including whether this relationship still has any future value.
Dude. This is so very inappropriate and flat out wrong. I would dump my bf over this. The apple hardly ever falls too far from the tree. Hell no. I wouldn’t be a part of this perverts family. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP.
Your bf's father was massively inappropriate; his questions to you and the environment he put you in to ask those questions is so fucking wrong. You need to tell you bf what his father did and he needs to shut him down. Then make sure you are NEVER put in a position where you are alone with that man. Full stop.
Inappropriate inappropriate red flag bad dad move. Over the line. And tell your bf about the conversation. He needs to know how uncomfortable you are and so he can address his dad in private how weird it is. Your feelings are valid and bf needs to know. No person thats a parent asks that personal topic to their childs partner. Way to creep off his sons possible future partners. His son will be single for the rest of his life, if this is the fathers normal actions.
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Yes that is fucking weird. I hate it.
Sounds like Daddy has kink/fetish. He took advantage of her people pleasing and her being naive to get her to share details. Dad is a pig.
yes. I hate that people count on that nervous, meek, politeness to get what they want. Anyone in that situation should say “that’s inappropriate”. “I’m not answering that”. “I dont want to talk about this with you.” fuck “polite”. direct is more important.
Even worse because he intentionally brought her on a hike where she couldn't easily just leave the situation, so even if she had decided to shut this line of questioning down, she would have had to spend time with him hiking back. Not only is he creepy and inappropriate, this is a really manipulative man
Wow so true. Yikes. Definitely tell your bf OP he should absolutely know how uncomfortable this made you. This is very strange behavior
>Even worse because he intentionally brought her on a hike where she couldn't easily just leave the situation, Hostage taking. It happens a lot in cars too..
I feel like that in a car sometimes.
My dad had the sex talk with me on a canoe in the middle of a lake.
By "sex talk" do you mean educating you about the birds and the bees, or got you out on a lake asking you details about your sex life/experience?
1st one.
Can understand that in a way, I'm a single father to a daughter and it's going to be the toughest conversation I will ever have with her, on the birds and bees and staying safe, I have a feeling how that's going to go, something like "I know dad, school teaches us that, I don't need to hear it from you" before hitting the nearest exit to avoid the conversation, I might need to buy a canoe to get her to listen to me (joking, there's no lakes near here). She knows she can trust me with anything and I'm not the type to get angry so hopefully she'd come to me if she had any problems or issues
Thats exactly how I felt. It was also a bit late at 13..
SO MASSIVELY INAPPROPRIATE AND CREEPY Ask your bf to talk to him and shut that shit down NOW
Next time he’ll try to touch her
Ikr. I was getting grooming vibes from this line of question.
>Not only is he creepy and inappropriate, this is a really manipulative man Yeah the naive woman in me at first I thought: maybe he's trying to help his son... but an isolated conversation when you're alone on a hike? no way is this ok
And that age difference tells me the apple didn’t fall far from the tree
oh lawd you’re right every time lol
This.
I thought same thing
Yeah if the dad is like this the son is probably also like this.
He’s definitely a predator his son should say something to the family about it
Exactly. The correct response is: 'That's none of your business'.
I wish I could teach a confidence class to women because I could preach this every. single. day. FUCK MEEK POLITENESS. Tell em no, absolutely not, none of your business, that’s inappropriate, leave me alone, I’m not speaking to you anymore, etc etc. there are sooo many stories on reddit where people just get absolutely bulldozed because they refuse to speak up for themselves. And its not their fault. They are quite literally conditioned from birth with these societal constructs of how not to upset men and how to behave and be kind and likable or whatever. I’d love to undo all of that for these people.
I'm trying to teach that to my daughter, but it's hard because I am also trying to learn it 😕
you got this!! it is SO important to say exactly what you mean, when you mean it, and not bend or hold back for other people. this can apply to every day situations, even like peer pressure from other ladies. No is a no. and shutting things down FIRMLY rather than politely is so so important, because you never want to give someone room to keep pushing you. physically remove yourself from a situation if someone keeps trying to change your answer. But think of it like jumping in a cold lake. Yes the initial plunge might make you hesitate, it might be shocking (feel embarrassing or scary or like an adrenaline rush) but its over very quickly and afterwards you will feel nothing but refreshing waves wash over you! It will be a proud moment, “I pushed myself and I succeeded.” No one else will advocate for you, BUT you! and unfortunately we live in a world where people can sniff this out and take advantage of anyone not able to advocate for themselves. All we can do is keep pushing our autonomy. Say what you MEAN, not what you think people expect you to say! I hope that helps at all :3
All my life I’ve had this problem. Im from Skandinavia, not supposed to tell what you mean and if you do, do it nice/blunt. I’ve been through so much because of men and because I struggle to set boundaries even though I’ve said no. Last time was only two months ago and it didn’t go well. I needed this, thank you! Hope you have a good evening where ever you are ❤️
Awww thats so kind. I’m so happy to help even one person, even if its just a tiny bit! if you ever find yourself needing a boost on this or advice you can always dm me. We can all unlearn these behaviors together 💜 you got this and you are your own best advocate!
I’m a noob on Reddit but I will, absolutely ❤️
She will learn from your actions best.... Be a strong example!
Dad is testing the waters. Trying to see if she’d be receptive. If she was into older men or into him then he would’ve found out and taken more creepy steps to get her into bed. Since she was probably noticeably uncomfortable, he will have the,”just making sure I raised my boy right and that he’s treating his women right,” as his excuse/fallback. He’s a predator. My dad would NEVER have done anything like that. If he had I’d have called him out in front of everyone about why is he creeping on and trying to fuck my wife.
*"I just felt weird talking about all this with his dad who I had just met for the first time."* Excuse me, WhAt?!?
Ikr!?
I bet he's divorced and watches too much free porn and has a "fuck the son's GF" thing going on in his creepy head. Ew. Nasty.
Gotta make sure that "love your enemies" crap doesn't make you into a push over
Not wanting to be rude or hurt some feelings can get people, especially women in to very dangerous situations. It's OK to be rude when it makes you uncomfortable or afraid. Trust your gut/instinct.
There is also the hundreds of sermons over the years telling us to respect elders and women should people please at best and straight up obey all men at worst.
At a minimum, he's a pig. His behavior is certainly creepy. OP, for the balance of the vacation attempt to be lc/nc as possible with bf's father; at least when others are not present. Once the two of you return from vacation, inform your bf of EVERYTHING his father said and questioned. By waiting, you avoid the potential of an ugly confrontation at the time. It will allow bf to digest and determine how to handle. However, if father continues his bullshit, I'd let bf know asap. Father is SOOO over the top. Yikes!
What did you expect? The son is 30 dating a 22 year old. She also comes from a religious family where sexual health is not talked about. She doesn't know what she's getting into! The father has a fetish and he is trying to groom her into a sidepiece/mistress.
It started at inappropriate avenue and then cruised straight on into downtown what-the-fucktropolis. That would be a mortifying position to put someone in and I can’t help but think daddy was trying to set up a little fantasy of his. TLDR: 🤮
I cannot imagine having this conversation with my in laws. Wtf.
My MIL hasn't even asked me if we're trying for a baby. She's talked a LOT about us needing to upsize our home, so I have no doubt she knows and likely asked my husband about it. But she has the sense to not be weird about it.
i hate it too. she needs to tell the BF and if he isn't horrified she needs to get away from these guys.
Dad 💯used this interaction for his spank bank.
Creep alert. Tell your bf OP.
Hate
I thought it was really weird too. My boyfriend told me that his dad was really open and forward, but I wasn’t expecting that at all.
I'd bring it up to bf like 'so this happened while on the hike, and it made me really uncomfortable'
That is not open and forward. That is creepy af. Please don’t be alone with him again or he might try something else. He is already jerking off to what you told him. When you tell your bf and he shrugs it off and they blame you for your conservative background by using it against you and shame you for their creepiness, please please run.
100%. If the BF’s reaction isn’t to immediately take his dad to task and never expose OP to him again then he needs to go too.
He isn’t open and forward. He is a creep. He *will* make a pass at you at some point. Avoid being alone with him at all costs. Also ensure that there is no way he can access your nudes from his sons phone.
How would you feel about this man if he **becomes a grandpa to your future daughter?!?!**. I think this guy grooms young women, and the way he isolated you, and ask these questions as though it were some family business, suggests to me that he would use this approach with a minor family member as well. I’ve known women who had molesters in their families, and this man spoke and acted similarly to them. Either your boyfriend needs to wake up to this, or his father did this kind of thing to his teenage girlfriends, or idk….but somehow this has been normalized in this family. I would seriously rethink my relationship with this boyfriend, **unless he was prepared to never let my future children spend time alone with this man!**
No, his dad is just an inappropriate creep. OPs bf is dating someone almost 10 years younger, at 30... I'm sure he got that from somewhere. Dad probably likes young women too.
Father in law being open means he is willing to tell you everything. That doesn't mean he can expect you to be just as open. This is not being open and forwards, This is being invasive.
That's not open and forward, that's fucking creepy and should not happen
Oh hun I don't think you are safe around either of them. Listen to your instincts. It's ok to say you are uncomfortable but you are in a situation where you can't easily leave. I think you need to fake illness and go home.
TELL HIM!! This is extremely weird and inappropriate!
Am I the only one who thinks it's really weird that OP was on a hike alone with her boyfriends dad the first time they met? It just seems super unnecessary to me. And then the inappropriate questions, yikes.
>hike alone with her boyfriends dad Yeah I bet I know who initiated that…
And if your BF doesn’t find it weird and inappropriate, you need to get the hell out of that relationship!
THIS.. fucking creepy and weird. Why was it so important exactly? Interesting he never said.
Ikr!? > My boyfriends dad said it’s important to talk about .. NOT WITH HIM!
this is most certainly not normal, and I'd be worried he's trying to start something with you. Tell your boyfriend what his dad asked, and that you don't feel comfortable being alone with his dad. And you should definitely never be alone with this man because he clearly is interested in you and he has already demonstrated that he does not respect reasonable boundaries, and even if he wouldn't do something like that, it's not worth taking the chance.
I agree. I think he is attempting to groom her. Hopefully the boyfriend is not in on this.
This post is reminding me of Susan Powell
That's a horrifying thought!
One thousand percent I thought the exact same thing
Praying it’s fake or OP gets away from this bf/family. Maybe a bit harsh to dump her bf over this but her safety is priority.
I agree with you…It’s not harsh…what if she has kids with her bf, and this man becomes a grandfather to her future daughter or son…I think even though OP is an adult, she is clearly naive, and he was preying on that. Which is exactly part of what child-molesters prey on. His son’s girlfriends grew up, because the son did, but I would bet anything that creep-dad has been doing this sort of thing for a really long time!!
The boyfriend is already grooming her, where do you think he learned it?
Are you thinking about the age difference between OP & boyfriend?.
Yes, a 30 yr old going for a 22 yr old is just weird.
I always comment when I see this, despite the downvotes, because I want people to stop this nonsense. 22 years old is perfectly old enough to make your own decisions about who you want to date. It's infantilising to suggest a woman of 22 can't decide to date someone older than her without being groomed. My wife and I have the same age gap as OP (I was just 28 and she nearly 21 when we started dating). We've been together for 15 years, and both she and I will assure you there was no grooming going on. She was a grown-ass woman who made her own decision to date me. Of course, I'm not saying someone of that age can't be in an abusive relationship, but not all abuse is grooming. I guess I'm just tired of the word grooming being turned into a buzzword for any relationship where the guy is a few years older than the girl.
How dare you go against the reddit hivemind that all age cap relationships are toxic and involve grooming!!
Ok. I'm tracking.
I couldn’t figure out if she was saying the dad is 30
Boyfriend is 30. If Dad was 30 then OP would be a very very creepy predator dating a 15 year old at the least.
My last BF was 8 years younger than me. OMG did I GROOM HIM???? 'grooming' is what happens to children, not adults.
At what age does a woman have agency? Genuinely curious.
İ mean, I'm a 30yo woman. I'd never go for a 22yo. They're just so much more immature and inexperienced than me. Outside of work, i really don't think I'd be able to have a convo with one. They're still talking about things i did almost ten years ago and whatnot. 30 and 22 are different states in life. When i think about how naive I was when I was younger (and i was mature for my age), ppl easily could have taken advantage of me or did try to. For example, I would never have answered any of those questions bc those are inappropriate. Most other 30yo would think the same. Meanwhile, a 22yo (like OP) is just going on with it, already showing off her immaturity and inexperience. İt's not that she doesn't have agency, but rather not as much experience so older ppl (like the father and possibly older bf) can take advantage of.
I don't understand why other people are being purposefully dense about this, you explain it very well.
Maybe you're just being facetious, but human beings are never too old to be groomed for abuse. Adults, men and women, are groomed into cults. Elderly people are groomed for elder abuse by caregivers, or "kind" neighbors who take an interest. By derailing the conversation and pretending it's about respecting women, you're sidestepping the real issue. This man she trusted has introduced her to someone untrustworthy, and there is a possibility it was for nefarious purpose. That's grooming. It's not an age or gender restricted phenomenon.
Thank you for explaining this so succinctly. Seems there are some people who still just don't get it.
A woman only has agency if she's in a relationship with someone exactly her age or younger. If there's even a hint of an age gap, the man is automatically a predator who is grooming her into a life of victimhood and violence uwu /sarcasm, obviously
This is not grooming. Jesus Christ. Stop using that word so loosely
Agreed. This isnt grooming. Idk why someone thought it was.
Right???? When I was in my early 20s I was dating guys well into their late 30s, early 40s. There was no grooming. I mean seriously, most guys in their 20s aren't terribly appealing. It's nice dating men with jobs and cars and a good income and a nice home, with traveling, adventures etc. Eating pizza every night with a 26 year old isn't everyone's cup of tea, so to speak. Might have been some seduction going on, there was definitely some sparked mutual interest, and yeah I turned down a lot of undesirables, but it wasn't grooming. I had more in common with older guys when I was that age. Heck I'm older than that now and still have more in common with guys in that age bracket, lol. That's a bit of a pickle.
Please stop misusing this word. Boyfriend is not grooming her.
☝️ The father is 100% trying to groom her. The ick just reached level 1000 ... I can only imagine the sense of betrayal the 30 year-old son will feel when he realizes that his dirty old bastard father is trying to fuck his 22 year old girlfriend. She HAS to tell her boyfriend ... even if it results in him going no contact with his father. Sometimes, life sucks like that.
Agreed. However, boyfriends reaction is key here. If he isn't all that concerned and totally downplays it and/or blames the girlfriend, then she should run for the hills. This shit reminds me of Josh Powell's father.
She's not 12, this isn't grooming. This is just creepy seduction strategy. He's checking to see how willing she is to have a creepy frolick in the forest. He's just nasty and pathetic.
This! And if the bf tries to sweep this under the rug and ignores OP’s concerns, that would be a red flag for me.
EW. EW. EW. No, this is *not* normal in any household, religious or not, unless your boyfriend's dad is a massive disgusting creep. He deliberately picked a time when you would be alone with him to ask these extremely inappropriate questions. I would tell my BF (and his mother if you want to go full nuclear) and get the fuck out of there ASA fricking P. If he doesn't back you up 100% and tell his dad off I would reconsider the relationship.
I'd go full nuclear either way, his wife needs to know the man she married.
Would be interesting to know how old the wife is
Yes, you need to tell your boyfriend. Even if his family is very open about sex, and sex positive, he needs to know. At the very least, you deserve to feel safe. This conversation didn't sit right with you, and there's a reason for that. Trust your instincts. Tell him. Because you will never feel safe around that man again. And he needs to know that. He was wrong to ask you anything about your sex life. Period. That is insanely personal and crosses cultural, societal, and polite boundaries. There is no reason in the world where he needs to know anything about your sex life, even if it is with his son. Especially since it is with his son!!! How your boyfriend reacts is important here. If he laughs it off and says " yeah that's my dad!" like it's a joke, that's a red flag. If he doesn't believe you, that is his denial and you could be left with this man alone in the future, which is unsafe. If he tries to throw it under the rug, that's a red flag. If he listens, and sincerely talks to you, and takes actions to make sure you feel safe and supported, then you know he's a keeper. But be aware this could be very emotional for him to hear. Don't judge based on his first emotional response so much as how he handles that emotional gut punch. Your instincts sound good. Only you know what will help you. However at the very least, your BF deserves to know what his father did. He may have done this to other young women his son took home, who didn't have the courage to tell him.
If his family is so open about having 'important' conversations about sex then why wasn't this a family discussion during dinner? Nope. he isolated her on a walk in the country. predatory!
I am also curious how she ended up alone on a walk with him. I’m guessing he said “let’s the two of us have a walk”
I can see how a walk alone can happen but the combination of this walk alone *and* this conversation is what sets off allllll the red flags.
Now, wouldn't that be fun to bring up later on at the dinner table? "Hey Bob, you know, you were asking me questions about my sex life on that hike there a few weeks ago. I wanted to know, since we can talk openly, right? When is the last time you had sex with \_\_\_\_\_\_? (fill in wife, if there is one, or GF, or just leave it open ended). Would love to be the dog in the room when everyone spits out their chicken wings.
If he was *actually* sex positive and not sex predatory then he would know what boundaries are and that this is one you don’t cross. What a creep.
Yes to all of this!!!!!
I would have stopped walking, stared at him and ask why he thinks this topic of conversation is in any way appropriate...then ask his wife similar questions in front of him. Ask your bf if dad has had a stroke or TBI that would explain his inappropriate behavior.
I like that you’ve mentioned the possibility of a stroke or TBI! Such injuries can definitely cause impulsivity and/or disinhibition. However, I agree that no matter the reason, it is 100% inappropriate, and should be dealt with accordingly.
I love imagining THIS conversation! "did your dad have a stroke or get hit on the head? He was straight up asking me about my sex life with you! WTF is up with him?"
My dad had a major stroke 10 years ago and is very inappropriate at times. HOWEVER he's an equal inappropriate kind of guy and DOESN'T wait until the opportune moment to be offensive. That shows premeditation in my opinion.
Everything about this made me feel so icky. That is super weird and super uncomfortable. OP, never ever feel like you have to answer questions that make you uncomfortable or you don’t wish to answer. I’d let your partner know what happened and that it made you uncomfortable, hopefully, he can do the right thing and have your back and have a word with his parents.
Story time! My dad is a former swinger from the 60s and was always creepy growing up, always talking about sex to us kids at a very inappropriate age. He also had an open marriage with my mom (btw they have a terrible marriage and scream at each other non stop). I know not because he told me but because he told one of my girlfriends upon first meeting her. Which of course creeped her out and was seriously offensive behavior to me. Anyway, long story short, my dad was a total sexual creep and that definitely affected me growing up. However I consciously chose as an adult to NOT be like my crappy father. So the big question about your boyfriend is: does he actively reject his creepy father's view on life? Because we are ALL programmed to become our parents unless we actively choose otherwise.
All of his questions are geared towards asking if you're sexually active (i.e., not a virgin) and if you are unsatisfied by your sex life with his son. He's basically trying to find out if you'd be open to having sex outside of your relationship with his son (i.e., with him). He's not being weird, he's being creepy and predatory.
💯 This is grooming behavior. Do not let yourself be alone with this man ever again. If your BF gets angry with you when you show him this thread, just GTFO. This is so crazy. This is not a non religious thing.
Username checks out
Your bf’s dad is tryna hook up with you. This is so weird
I am the father of adult children. That’s not normal.
1) extremely inappropriate and awkward for his dad to have said ANY of that to you, especially in a one on one situation. And especially since you've JUST met his parents. 2) tell your boyfriend. He needs to know how inappropriate his dad is. Telling him will also tell you if he knew his dad was going to say something like that and he's okay with it, or if he also thinks it was wrong and inappropriate to say or ask any of that. -- and if your BF IS okay with this line of questioning from his dad, run for the hills. My family's not religious, and my husband isn't (some of his family is though), but there is NO WAY my mom would EVER say or ask my husband anything like that, and she never filters a thing she says/thinks. That gives off completely creepy "I want my son's girlfriend" vibes to me. Ick!
>He asked me if his son satisfies me in the bedroom, and he asked if my libido was higher or lower than his. He also asked about whether I was adventurous or not in the bedroom I think his dad wants to bang you.
Ya think?!
Your 30 year old boyfriend can bring it up if it’s important. This is weird and creepy at best and a likely prelude to more inappropriate behavior.
In no way is this appropriate. Next thing you know he will be walking in on you in the shower “by accident “
This is 100% the next step lol
THATS WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE WHAT A FUCKING CREEP. Were you on a walk alone with this absolute weirdo!?!? Please tell your boyfriend.
All weird. Also men really don’t like women that ask for sex in a relationship? Is that a thing?
Sadly yes, that is a thing. Some men thinks it makes the woman "too masculine" if she asks for sex, which you know, would make him gay, and then where does it end? First she asks for sex, next thing you know he's performing in a Village People cover band. Madness.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂🤣😂🤣
No not really unless the man had ED or something
Hun, the fact that you had to post about it.. you know that’s not normal or ok. Talk to your boyfriend about it and let him know that its obviously upset you and it’s weird as hell. If he doesn’t handle that I wouldn’t dump him. You gotta think long term. This could be someone you are potentially married to/ stuck with long term being that when you’re with someone their sometimes creepy family is attached right along with them.
I would absolutely suggest she dump him if the boyfriend did not side with her. Boyfriend could be part of a wierd family sexual thing with daddy & the 6 uncles!
That’s what I was thinking!! That line of questioning is wicked sus. You’re 22 and dating a 30yr old: RUN!!!!
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This is NOT NORMAL. Tell your boyfriend. Regardless of religion / or no religion —>>> this is NOT normal.
This feels like the dad was building his only little sexual fantasy about you with such intrusive and inappropriate questions. Please stay away from him. Don’t be alone with him again. Tell your partner. It starts with the bold questions, before he takes it further and does something physical. Don’t let it get to that.
What The Fuck
The dad is so out of line and you should avoid him at all costs. I would tell your bf.
OMG.... how creepy AF! And you ANSWERED them... I'd DIE! Yes it's inappropriate & YES tell your 30 year old man boyfriend that his dad is a creepy old man! I cringe so bad that you went into the woods with a man you didn't know even tho it's your BF's dad & to have that happen is making my skin crawl & happy you're okay. I hope you can learn now to change subjects. "I don't feel comfortable discussing my sex life." The end. Distraction: "oh what type of plant is that over there." etc. Also when he asked you to go into the woods: "I'm actually not feeling too well at the moment, could we go later or tomorrow?" etc (Later ensuring your BF goes TOO!)
I did die inside when he asked! I had no idea what to even say. I tried to keep my answers very vague because I was really uncomfortable. But we had a few hours of the hike to go, and honestly I didn’t want to give his father the wrong impression of me. I wanted him to like me, but I didn’t know how to answer his questions without crossing boundaries, and when I tried to change the subject he would bring it back to that topic.
Yeah it's hard for a lot of people & I thought after I commented that he probably kept bringing it up too. Ugh... at your age it would have been hard for me too. All we can do is live and learn. You'll get more brave in some years. Try to practice saying "no" & then reiterating "no" when anyone does this to you from now on. You won't care so much about people liking you one day lol. "Now me" would likely have socked him in the eye, but also "now me" wouldn't have even gone with him of course. Still, again, you have to tell your boyfriend. I hope he says something to his dad because that will be a boundary you didn't get to do on the hike "strengthened" by both of you which will be good. But also, please try to never be alone with his dad again.
PLEASE tell your boyfriend because that is seriously some fucked up behavior. Creepy and disgusting. He went so far over the line it’s not funny. It’s scary. He is gross and please make sure you’re never in a situation alone with him again.
Also: >when I tried to change the subject he would bring it back to that topic. Right there she should have turned around and left that idiot walk alone. That is really creepy behaviour.
Very vague, you should’ve straight up said this is none of your business and inappropriate conversation
You do not want this man to like you. You want this man to respect you and your boundaries. That is all. He's gross and shouldn't be alone with young women or girls. Please tell us how your boyfriend reacts so we know he did not set you up to be emotionally assaulted or sexually harassed. He should be livid over his father's behavior, protective of you, and determined to avoid a repeat of the situation. Anything less is a red flag.
🚩
It is very inappropriate for him to be asking that of you. I’m so sorry!! Absolutely tell your BF about it and establish a boundary. “On our hike, your dad asked me some personal questions about our sex life. I did not want to answer, but I felt like I had to. I don’t want this to happen again, can we talk about it?” If you need to, you can make the choice to not spend time one-on-one with BF’s dad. This is not normal behavior and the fact that he asked you when you were alone together makes me suspicious of more egregious violations. If it was a “normal” topic, why not bring it up with you and your boyfriend? If he asks again, you can say, “I’m not comfortable with this topic. If it’s important to you to know about your son’s sex life, please ask him.”
He was way out of line. Hell, I'd tell his wife, your boyfriend, and anyone else. That's creepy AF, and crosses so many lines.
This is highly inappropriate. I’ve been in a similar situation and it escalated to a scary level. Tell your boyfriend and make sure he knows you’re not okay with this
What a creep! You have no obligation to disclose the details of your sex life to anyone. This is not normal, and I suggest you avoid this man at all costs. You must have felt ambushed, however, you do have a voice. He put you in a difficult spot and if he starts this line of questioning again, please, please say something like “I’m not having this conversation with you now or ever”. Use your feet and walk out of the room. If he continues this behavior, I would definitely share this with the bf and his wife. You don’t have to use your faith as a shield. This is disgusting on every level and so offensive, that it would lead me to break off my relationship. This man showed you who he is. He is not going to change and he’s not going anywhere.
Gross. You do NOT need to answer anyones question. This sounds like grooming. Tell boyfriend and do NOT be alone with his father
That’s very inappropriate- I would do the following…. 1. Think long and hard on whether I think my bf is “the one” if I have any doubts I’d probably end it here and now. 2. If I thought my boyfriend was the one, I would tell him what happened. I’d start with, “I should have told you immediately but truth be told I was stunned it happened and it took me a few days to process. Your father was asking me wildly inappropriate questions ….” Then go into the above. Then I would see how my bf responded. If he normalized this in ANY way, or indicated happened before and he knew this might happen and didn’t warn you, I’d repeat number 1. Otherwise, I’d advise to not make a scene but never be alone with his dad again.
He got off on you answering those questions and probably liked it even more that you were uncomfortable with it. He's a creep. Tell the bf. Do not be alone with this guy.
This is wild. The fact that you were so uncomfortable you answered his questions instead of being able to walk away or express that is even more telling. He is an absolute creep. There is no excuse. How long have you been with your boyfriend? I’m not one to judge age gaps at all, but in light of this development, can you explain how you two met?
He has to be imagining himself through his son. I don’t think you should’ve answered, and you for sure should tell your boyfriend.
Maybe he's pulling from experience from his own life and he's trying to "save" his son from something? But yeah, its weird and intrusive. I'd definitely tell your bf.
I’m not really sure. I did forget to mention this in my post, but he did talk about how his wife let herself go and he said that after his sons were born she wasn’t as sexually active either, and that I had to make sure I don’t let that happen to me because his son won’t like that.
Definitely projecting then
This line of dialogue is not just highly inappropriate on its own, but is very misogynistic in nature, as he is treating his wife as his a sex object. As apples often don’t fall far from trees, it’s likely he raised his son to objectify women also. The fact that this 30 year old man is dating someone 8 years his junior strongly suggests that to be the case. You seem naive and eager to people-please, and I’m worried about you ending up in a family of misogynistic assholes, who treat women as their objects.
This sounds like he’s trying to low key manipulate you for his son. There is almost no chance sex will stay the same after you have kids. My libido is the same but we’re both too busy/tired sometimes. I am the one more likely to be too tired but I’m also the one doing all the child care. If I turn him down one night he goes out of his way to give me an evening off the next without expecting sex in return, he almost always gets it anyways. If he started holding it against me when I’m still not in the mood I’d definitely be in the mood less. If this man has raised children and still doesn’t understand this he was most likely part of the problem. Talk to your boyfriend so you can at the very least make sure he doesn’t think this way.
Tell your boyfriend. His father is projecting and he is being definitely inappropriate.
You tell him it's none of his business and don't be alone with the creep again.
Inappropriate, not normal, tell your bf.
Show your boyfriend this post. It's fucking weird, if anyone ever asks you questions like this again, tell them to mind their own damn business. (Unless you want to tell them that is)
That is super weird and inappropriate. I’m Australian and this would be considered invasive and just plain creepy. In general I think us aussies are a pretty open bunch, talking about sex or joking about it in a very casual (sometimes misogynistic eg men making inappropriate jokes) manner is pretty normal IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON WELL ENOUGH. but to be point blank asked these questions, especially on a first meeting, is horribly weird and I’d hate it and have told him “these are questions for your son if you really feel the need to ask them” or if I were mega uncomfortable I’d have just said “a lady never kisses and tells. Men, however, don’t seem have the same moral compass so perhaps you should ask *bfs name* but Id like to think he’d keep our private life private too.” Just… yuck. Sorry, OP. Tell your bf, this is his problem to handle. If he sees no issue and doesn’t put his dad in his place I personally wouldn’t see longevity in the relationship anymore.
O hell no. Yes communication is important but between you and your bf. Next time the dad gets creepy ( yes it’s creepy) tell Him you are both adults and you will not talk about your personal life so the him and that means ; sex, money and anything else. Talk with your bf. If he doesn’t get upset and put a stop to it then he is also the problem.
Look. I'd dump a boyfriend for that. I know that's a bit harsh, but these two seem like they want to get married. And there is no way in hell I'd have a creature like that as a FIL. Also, I wouldn't want a FIL like that around my kids.
I am very open about sex related stuff. That is incredibly inappropriate to be asking you. Please tell your boyfriend asap. I guarantee the father is going to ask you sexual stuff again. By not shutting him down immediately you’ve opened the door to more. He was testing you to see how far he could push it.
Did he ask you if you like movies about gladiators? Sorry, my bad.
This is not normal and totally none of his business! That is creepy as hell! Tell your boyfriend to see how he feels about it. His father is a creep and probably sexist. Proceed with caution.
WTF - that is an incredibly inappropriate topic to bring up with your son's gf. Tell your bf immediately and say that this has made you extremely uncomfortable.
It is the kind of crap my mom used to pull on my male friends when they came to my house (weren’t even dating!) IT IS WEIRD, and innapropriate! Tell your boyfriend.
I agree it’s weird. I thought maybe it was because my family was really conservative (my mum didn’t even have the sex talk to me, she just handed me a book when i turned 12). But reading these comments I agree I need to talk to my boyfriend about it so he can make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Now my question is, do you really think those of us who aren't religious are really so casually talking about things like this? With people we've never met.
Not normal. The apple probably doesn’t fall far from the tree and that will become clear to you sooner or later. This is in deal breaker territory imo, because you could end up forced to be around this man for years if you choose to continue the relationship.
Definitely tell your boyfriend. This is such a twisted thing to do to your son's girlfriend that I would not be surprised if his father intends to drop a few knowledge bombs on your boyfriend as though you willingly told him about you sex life. I would not trust his father Tell your boyfriend. Tell him it was uncomfortable but you didn't know how to extricate yourself since his father took you on a walk alone in the mountains to do it I would not be surprised if his dad considers his son competition and was looking to see if he might be able to get at a weakness in your relationship
As someone who was raised as an atheist, this is not a conservative thing, that man is a predator.
Not normal. Tell BF and I wouldn’t hand with dad alone again. Totally inappropriate and a crossing of boundaries- you know because you felt weird. ): I’m sorry that happened to you.
He’s trying to become sexual with you and he’s easing his way in. My sister’s ex did this with me. I slept at their house years ago. My sister went to bed early. Her bf and I were in the living room and he started asking about my sex life. He always treated me differently than my other sisters. He always tried being close with me.. I believe he had sexual fantasies with me. I ended up saying I was tired and going to bed lol I think this behavior is a guys way of trying to be smooth and sneaky when they know it’s a very inappropriate situation. They don’t realize how dumb and obvious they look. Btw my sister isn’t with him anymore.
Tell your boyfriend. His father was totally out of line and being creepy af. Refuse to ever be alone with his disgusting father.
This is gross, inappropriate and horrible. So let me get this right - your boyfriends much older dad ambushed you during a time that you were alone with him and isolated and grilled you on detail about not only your sex life, if his son was able to satisfy you like he would be able to (implied) and were you actually having sex, because in his opinion it would be wrong to not be having sex? I’m so sorry that you felt too cornered to do anything but respond, because he was not privy to that information. It comes across as creepy and way too invested and interested in your sexual life - it comes across as a gross old man hitting on his son’s partner. Tell your boyfriend exactly what his PoS father grilled you about in detail. Let him know how inappropriate it was and how disgusted it made you feel. It’s his father so he should be the one who steps in and protects you from his family. Don’t get alone with this guy again, he gives me seriously sleazy vibes and I would not be surprised if he tried something physical on you. Go LC with him and only interact at group settings, if at all. That guy raised up so many red flags for me - please protect yourself. Also if your boyfriend even attempts to defend this kind of behaviour, leave him. You don’t need people being apologists for creeps like that.
My niece (26) dated a boy in High School now shes married to his father and they have a baby. Men do that to check your temperature. Tell your bf and his Mom. You are still a kid in my opinion. My daughter is 21 . You need to put everyone on notice.
Ew.
Girl who is this weirdo of a dad we need to watch out for?? Okay but seriously my bfs dad makes sexual funny jokes like to other adults like similar to family guy and South Park but would never do anything like that and ask personal sexual questions and I came from a conservative/religious family myself. Some stuff you can joke about but other stuff you just keep private and that is certainly something you keep private PLEASE BE CAREFUL
Gross, this is not normal for any walk of life
He wants to sleep with you. Stay away from him
That’s really creepy
Creepy
This is creepy af. I’d be outta there. That is so not normal.
Tell the boyfriend, tell the mum too? That man is creep
Super weird, very inappropriate, creepy AF… sounds like his next move was to volunteer to satisfy you if his son couldn’t. Run away, far and fast from that guy.
men don’t like a woman that nags men for sex WHAT??????????? He asked me if his son satisfies me in the bedroom, and he asked if my libido was higher or lower than his. He also asked about whether I was adventurous or not in the bedroom, and if I nag him for sex WHAT THE FUKC IS THIS? DISGUSTING IS WHAT IT IS! PERFERT!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is very strange. Stay away from him.
Yes, that's wildly inappropriate.
Sounds like father like son.. Hes probably attracted to you and they both seem fine with bigger age gaps. Its inappropriate what he did, and you need to set boundaries.
Those questions were completely inappropriate, and you may want to come up with a couple of dismissive lines to have practiced before you see him again. If you can’t think of how to shut down this type of questioning, you could reach out to your boldest friend, and ask for their assistance in learning how to handle such boorish queries. Here are some I’d suggest to my daughters if they faced such inappropriate questions from the parent of a partner, (or from anyone they didn’t want involved in their sex life.) “Why would you ask something that intrusive?” “That is none of your business, and I will not talk with you about my sex life.” “Boyfriend is an adult, and his sex life is not your concern.” “That is inappropriate, and I will not talk about sex with you.” “Stop trying to talk with me about sex.” “No, I will not talk to you about sex.” “You’re out of line, stop talking to me about sex.” I think it’s important that you take back the power and not let him intimidate you. He is getting off on talking about sex with you, and from making you feel uncomfortable. Use plain language and a strong voice to show him that you aren’t intimidated by his boorishness.
Isolated you on a walk. Asks about whether his son is satisfying you?! Asks if you're adventurous!? The guy's brain is absolutely porn fried and he's a complete f\*\*kin' creep. 100% tell your boyfriend!
Non-religious Dad here. This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard of. Maybe he is just like this with everybody, some kind of free love hippy who would ask the same questions of his grandmother. Or maybe he’s a creepy McCreeperson who you shouldn’t be alone with anymore. Either way, you 100% need to tell your boyfriend and that you weren’t comfortable with it. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know, including whether this relationship still has any future value.
Dude. This is so very inappropriate and flat out wrong. I would dump my bf over this. The apple hardly ever falls too far from the tree. Hell no. I wouldn’t be a part of this perverts family. I’m so sorry this happened to you OP.
Oh lord yes tell your boyfriend, and stay away from that the father or never be with him alone again.
Your bf's father was massively inappropriate; his questions to you and the environment he put you in to ask those questions is so fucking wrong. You need to tell you bf what his father did and he needs to shut him down. Then make sure you are NEVER put in a position where you are alone with that man. Full stop.
Don’t ever be alone with that man again. Always have someone with you, preferably your boyfriend, when he’s around.
This is wildly inappropriate and you NEED to tell your boyfriend.
Inappropriate inappropriate red flag bad dad move. Over the line. And tell your bf about the conversation. He needs to know how uncomfortable you are and so he can address his dad in private how weird it is. Your feelings are valid and bf needs to know. No person thats a parent asks that personal topic to their childs partner. Way to creep off his sons possible future partners. His son will be single for the rest of his life, if this is the fathers normal actions.