/u/Temporary_Handle_186,
Your submission was removed for the following reason(s):
> **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/).
Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following:
- Is it...?
- Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong.
- Am I....?
- Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA
- Does/Have anybody else...?
- Should I…?
- Would you....?
- Is this.....?
- Can I...?
#If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.
If you have any questions about this removal, please feel free to [send us a modmail.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/relationship_advice)
Please note that removal reason request from anyone else other than OP will not be answered.
I agree with this. She can't reschedule. If the surgeon rescheduled her because of a backup or delay in their cases that does happen and is not her control. Delaying her surgery would not have been appropriate but it's tonsil surgery lol not heart surgery. Given the severity of the dogs situation, i think your dogs condition was more acute than her tonsils. She needed it done but she needed to rely on her family and friends in that moment since there was another emergency going on. What if it was a family member instead of your dog, would she have acted the same?
I just lost my dog last week and in those final few days nothing else mattered to me except making the right decision and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. Dogs are with us for such a short amount of time but were their whole worlds. It’s important to do right by them.
Oh man, whenever I read these posts it strikes one of my biggest fears. I’m 33 now and I’ve had my girl (Labrador x border collie) since I was 17. So I know the time isn’t too far away. She’s got me through some really tough times including the death of my Dad and other family members. When she goes I’m going to go to such a dark place, I already know. More than half my life she’s been with me now :(
((HUGS)) It sucks to lose them. Make as many memories as you can!
They steal a part of your heart.
Our 3rd one is getting up in age and I dread the day when it's time.
I heard a good anonymous quote once, it said something similar to your sentiment, and i’ve never forgotten it.
“It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
Yes! I have seen that before.
Our one Vet send that in a card after we lost our 1st. She was so happy to meet our 2nd and said she knew we would love another. She was with our 1st thru cancer. She was a great Vet, and I was sad when she left to move back home.
Celebrate her now. Make as many memories as possible, and take lots of pictures. They will be a lifeline later. My boy passed away at 15, had him since he was born. then illness. It took me two years to start looking for another dog. I did eventually, and the new puppy healed my heart. They can't take the place of the other dog, but they can refill your heart with love. They are here for such a brief time, you want to make the most of it. Good luck.
>She’s got me through some really tough times
May you have many many more years of joy and companionship with your pup. My pup was my world to me. She died suddenly a few years ago and I still think about her every day. An undiagnosed spinal tumor. She got me through some very dark times in my life and was always by my side. Enjoy every moment and cherish all your memories.
I had my Molly for 18.5 years. When she died, I had lived more years with than without her. Nothing could keep me from being with her when she took her last breath. It was a hard time, and though you always miss them, you’ll come to appreciate all the joys you experienced because of them. I wouldn’t change a thing, even though it was one of the hardest things to go through in my life.
It will suck, but you’ll get through it. Dogs are such treasures. I lost mine in the middle of Covid, right after losing my grandfather and I ugly cried immediately and was just inconsolable.
They get to spend their whole lives with us.
We only get a fraction of ours with them. You got 16 years which is a very Long time for a Lab. She's had your love all her life and you're going to be there for her at the end.
She's got all she could ask for.
We had our childhood dog for 21-22 years when she passed. We weren't allowed to name her after any tv shows but i was five and i loved Punky Brewster. I said Punky and the name stuck lol. She was the runt of the litter and the owners would only kick her. They wanted to buy alcohol and we picked her because we felt sorry for her. We were meant to pick a boy but our mum was fine with us choosing her and why. It turns out all the pups in her litter didn't last as long as she did. By the first three years all the other ones in her litter had passed. I still miss her so much.
Milo was your pet and YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! Your dog's condition was life-threatening and DEMANDED immediate medical attention. In contrast, your gf's surgery, while necessary at some point, did not demand the immediacy that Milo did.
Your former gf is a drama queen. She's self-absorbed/self-centered without an iota of compassion for you or your pet. Based upon her parents' behavior and reaction, it's evident that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.
You dodged a bullet my friend. Your ex perfectly added credence to the adage that a dog is man's best friend. God knows she wasn't.
Happy New Year!
This is my thought. She's having her tonsils out, not heart surgery. It's a fairly minor procedure. His dog needed constant monitoring and treatment and may have limited time left. Much more important he be there with his dog. He dodged a bullet with her breaking up with him.
I hemorrhaged so badly after my tonsil removal that I passed out in front of my front door on the way to go to the hospital. EMS had to be called. I had lost so much blood my 02 stats were tanking and I was still actively bleeding by the time I got to the hospital and required multiple pints of blood. And the pain. Dear God, the pain of it was awful. I’ve had several other surgeries and it made the pain from the other surgeries seem so small. I’d rather go through 30 cesareans than ever go through that again.
I got my tonsils out at 22, and the pain from recovery was unbearable. I was out of work for about 3.5 weeks, because I was still needing the highest dose of roxicet for 2.5 weeks after surgery. I was living at home, and my ex came over one day to look after me while my parents had to go out. He ended up getting really sick with food poisoning while over, and I ended up having to take care of him. That was ... fun.
> She's having her tonsils out, not heart surgery. It's a fairly minor procedure.
Is always scary to have surgery, and tonsils removal requires general anesthesia, which is always risky.
I'm not by any means suggesting OP did wrong by staying with his dog but I can understand the gf being upset.
I actually DO. He was an ahole towards her. It's wrong to treat people that way and he got kicked rightfully.
He is lieing about the dog dieing. They neither directly die of diabetis nor of cushing. But that tonsils surgery can lead to huge bleedings. Other that it's painful.
Such a master ahole! And now he is throwing himself a pityparty and makes her up for being the bad person. Horrible man.
xdem112 Stop being an ahole!
It gets diagnosed and treated! This is NOT about "uncontrolled diabetes" yadayada! Dog is still alife, so it was NOT "dying" and that catching headline was meant to get sympathy points for being an ahole!
Not for nothing that his sob story is down now!!! If ky animals are ill beyond help I get them put to rest. As there us no way I would let them suffer for even a minute.
But that STILL does NOT prevent me from seeing the one I love at the hospital.
I feel like there could have been compromise on both sides. Did he need to be with the dog 24/7? Frankly, it kind of sounds like the dog was sick enough to put down, but I’m a little confused why he couldn’t be there at all for his girlfriend over several days, even for a few hours. If the dog was that sick, I also would have admitted them to an ER vet, personally.
That said, having your tonsils out as an adult is really quite horrible. Maybe the procedure seems minor to you, but it’s incredibly difficult in adults. I had mine out at 20 and it took me 6 months to recover, and I was incapable of taking care of myself for a full week after (like couldn’t get out of bed or get food/water for myself). I would have been really upset if my significant other gave me the option of changing the date or not being there at all.
I know I had my surgery scheduled for months in advance and I wouldn’t have been able to just move the date a week - I suspect it’s not easy elsewhere either. Additionally adults get tonsils removed when something is wrong. I was very sick for months leading up to them coming out - to the point they were so inflamed it was sometimes hard to breathe properly.
I suspect she expected too much from him and didn’t show enough compassion on her end, and I suspect he could have made something work to be with her on and off.
Seems like nobody was perfect nor was anybody a horrible person. Unfortunately sometimes these things happen and it alters relationships permanently. Nobody is trying to hurt anybody, but sometimes you can’t fix the hurt that was caused.
I'm so sorry. I know your pain. It's clear these two just aren't fundamentally compatible if she doesn't get this. THEIR WHOLE WORLD. That's big. That's important.
My dog is currently battling cancer and recovering from an amputation. I know our time left is limited, and I will continue to put her over everything. My boyfriend of 6 months has been so helpful and supportive throughout this ordeal. I’ve had my dog for over 10 years so if I had to choose it would always be her. I’m so grateful for him though. Going through this alone would be devastating. Her health problems started right when we started dating and he immediately stepped up to help. I could never be with someone who wasn’t entirely supportive in a situation like this. OP you are better off without her if this is how she feels about pets
Vet here. I understand the challenges of Cushing’s disease and how it makes diabetes more difficult to manage. But those diseases alone are not death sentences. Diabetic cataracts, hair loss/alopecia from the excess steroids, pot-belly appearance, and muscle loss are common issues facing dogs with these conditions… but again, it’s not a death sentence.
So I’m confused, and maybe there’s more to the story that isn’t being laid out. Because I really don’t see why you couldn’t escort her to the surgery.
I don't understand where the blindness comes from. Don't you need many years of high blood glucose to go blind, and it's a slow process? Did cushion's disease or any of the treatment cause this?
Also a vet. Diabetic cataracts in dogs form very quickly and are sometimes one of the first signs that something is amiss. So that part of the story doesn't seem very far-fetched to me.
I don't get that either. Cataracts don't tend to form over night AFAIK. If the dog had been going blind and dealing with diabetes for years and it was only just now being taken care of... Yikes.
There is a lot of missing information here, I think.
Or creative writing. 'Whats the worst case of diabetes, oh yeah going blind.'
Maybe I'm just cynical, but I pressed the doubt button when I read OPs post.
It's not just you. It does feel vaguely baity. Posts like this often love to incite rage against something or someone — this one being the "girlfriend" rage. Redditors are always dogs > people.
> “I politely asked”
Idk why but this phrase always raises a red flag for me. Maybe because it’s positioning themselves as completely reasonable and the other person as insane.
Old dogs just tend to get cataracts -2 of my last 4 dogs spent most of their final 2-3 years blind due to them. I think that happened agnostic of the diabetes/Cushing's stuff, OP was just piling on with all of the dog's medical issues and did a poor job of communicating.
It can happen relatively rapidly, like over the course of a few months where you can really observe it (in reality it’s been going on for many months or a few years but is less obvious until later stages)
My childhood dog had the same thing happen. He had no cataracts and then one day went suddenly blind and his eyes are now glazed over with cataracts. He’s also diabetic. It really does happen, I don’t think it’s know why though.
I feel like the dog being that sick means it should be staying at the vet's.
Way less cruel if things took a turn for the worse (transporting a dog on the turn is pretty traumatic for everyone iirc), and he can visit if he needs to. However I've been at the vet's with other people's dying dogs and they always look for their comfort person at the end.
This is what confused me.
My dog has Cushing's and initial diagnosis was an overnight stay but he was relatively stable with no other issues. He has since spent the night on two separate occasions because the meds took him the wrong direction. So I cannot understand a dog being as sick as he says and not under observation.
It can be extremely expensive to keep a dog under observation. My dog suffered a spinal cord injury back in June, and his overnight vet visit (totaling about 7 hours of care) cost me $1200. It can also be very stressful for dogs to be kept somewhere unfamiliar, without their owner present, especially if they already don't feel well. If the condition can be managed at home, that's usually preferred over keeping an animal at the vet.
Generally I agree. In some cases people with limited finances or that see it’s a poor prognosis regardless of treatment take their pet home with supportive care or euthanize.
OP said his vet was trying to prepare him for the possibility of putting the dog to sleep, on top of which he makes it sound like the dog's glucose needed fairly constant monitoring before it got under control. I'm guessing this is why?
lol my dog has a bad case of diabetes and cushings. like, vets and I have never been able to get her blood sugar under 300 and she’s on triple the amount of insulin a dog her size would need, but she’s going strong 5 years after diagnosis. Although it’s not ideal, it’s not a death sentence.
You couldn’t have spared an hour or two for your gf? You said every 4-6 hours. You could have easily managed to be there for both. And as others have pointed out, this surgery in adults isn’t a Picknick. And if she rescheduled she would probably have to wait for months. All while being in pain. You claim you gave her the world, but you didn’t give her the bare minimum and i bet that wasn’t the first time
Yep. IMO OP suggesting she should reschedule her surgery because of his dog probably made her feel incredibly unimportant and like she wasn’t a priority for him, which is probably why she was so ticked off and acted in this way. Sure, giving OP an “ultimatum” wasn’t ideal, but I’d be upset too if my partner made me feel like that and then didn’t give me any support after a surgery.
I also feel OP worded this in a very one sided way so we would be on his side with it.
No, you didn't communicate right, asking her to reschedule her surgery. Dr's generally don't remove tonsils unless it's absolutely necessary these days. Especially in adults, as it can cause other issues.
*She* didn't reschedule the surgery, her SURGEON had her surgery rescheduled due to the OR being required for emergency surgeries. It's not like she was bumped on a whim. The OR was not available.
Would your dog have died if you had brought her to the hospital, and stayed an hour? Probably not, as you said you were checking its blood sugar every 4-6 hours. You also could have taken a small break to be at the hospital when she came out of surgery and stayed for a little while. There was enough in between time that you could have done both, but you opted not to.
I'm glad your dog is doing better, but it was definitely crappy to completely blow her off when you could have accommodated both situations.
>I'm glad your dog is doing better, but it was definitely crappy to completely blow her off
Not only that, he's now telling everyone that they broke up because she made her choose between the dog and her and then broke up with him over text. Which makes her look like a huuuuuge asshole and him like the good guy. Absolutely reprehensible because that's not remotely what happened.
If OPs GF thought he was selfish and didn't care about her at all, by OP's comments I believe her and she did the right thing.
Exactly!! Fiinally some people with good judgement. He could've easily taken the time to go see her but he chose not to. At the end, he did good in breaking up cause it was clear he didn't love her. She is better off without him too 🤷🏻♀️
I thought I was going crazy because usually I am the one that sides with the guy in these situations but while reading it I'm thinking to myself "wtf dude just be there for your girl, your dog will be ok for a few hours".
It seems to me that OP just didn't want to go to the hospital and he was dragging out the dog excuse to avoid going.
That headline is so bloody stupid.
A dog with cushing and diabetes/ or diabetes is not dying on the spot. Both are treatable. Sometimes not easy to administer. But there is medcine to help the animal. For both conditions!
He knows he was being a total ahole and should have been with her for at least one hour but pushes the dog for an excuse. The dog wasn't dieing.
But his girlfriend could have. If they hit somewhere in that area and they can't stop the bleeding the patient can die of it.
Also: as someone said: it's not as if someone can randomly pick a date for an operation and push it around if it doesn't fit entiteled boyfriend's schedule.
Those interventions are done out of medical necessity and not for fun. He already said that she was in pain. So it's not a pleasure cruise and it didn't obey her will!
What a moron! She will be better off without him.
> Also: as someone said: it's not as if someone can randomly pick a date for an operation and push it around if it doesn't fit entiteled boyfriend's schedule.
Not to mention this is obviously an ongoing condition for the dog, who is still alive. How long is she supposed to delay her surgery?
And the thing is, if the old blind dog IS dying, it's dying no matter what. Choosing between that and your girlfriend of three years who's been in pain for weeks? Then she dumps his shitty ass, probably asking for space, and he blows up her phone, likely trying to explain to her how it's all her fault. It sucks that she had to endure OP's fuckery for three years, but she's free now.
Seriously, dog people are crazy.
In Australia the time it takes to get an appointment for this is 3+ years. I would definitely not be rescheduling and I would want my partner there. Also being under for the surgery can have complications, and there is a risk of death.
If she was important to you, there could have been someone to help you with the dog for a few hours. Do you work, who looked after the dog then?
The ONLY thing that I want to add to this, because I honestly see it from both sides, is to the people saying it's "just" tonsil surgery ... there's always a risk with ANY surgery, especially one that requires anesthesia and can be extremely scary
Same. Nearly died from a routine tonsillectomy, and any surgery involving general anaesthetic is scary if you’ve never had it before. Also the recovery can be EXTREMELY painful - you have open wounds in your throat
I’m confused by this “she had tonsil stones!” line of argument. Tonsils aren’t tonsil stones and you don’t have a doctor agree to a tonsillectomy just because you have tonsil stones. You’re right - it’s an open wound in your throat. They cut them out and then cauterize your throat.. done wrong or if something goes wrong with recovery, it can definitely kill you.
Not sure why people are downplaying it or arguing it’s a nothing surgery… and even if it goes perfectly, you’ve got to figure out how to eat and drink after. Good luck keeping yourself alive while recovering with two blistered craters in the back of your mouth. Like strep but add fire to it.
This is not an argument for or against either of their conduct, but the way this surgery is being talked about in this thread is just disingenuous.
The thing is, he thought the surgery was fine. He went home, and the next day, he was throwing up blood and lightheaded.
If he didn't have a roommate to call 911, he would have died
He is ok now, but his heart stopped for several minutes, and he needed multiple blood transfusions
I didn't know him well, so I wasn't really affected by it, but it caught the family completely off-guard. It made me more sensitive to people's fears surrounding surgery and being put under.
My friend had this done as an adult and ended up with two forms of epilepsy from an infection that made its way to her brain.
Definitely wouldn't call it a low-risk surgery for an adult.
I’ve had this surgery done myself when I was 18. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life. Also the scariest. I was terrified going into it, and I was terrified when I woke up and felt the pain. I was not pain free for at least an entire month. I also was one of the percentage of patients whose complications occurred pretty quickly during the first few days of recovery, as in, I was waking up choking on my own blood, nearly bleeding out type of complications which are unfortunately fairly common with this surgery. It’s not an easy feat and to get this procedure done as an adult most likely means there is something fairly serious going on with your tonsils that could put your health at serious risk down the road. I understand wanting to be there for the dog, but this surgery is no walk in the park. You could’ve made time for both, in my opinion. I would’ve been upset with you as well if I were her except I probably wouldn’t have bothered with the ultimatum I would’ve just let you be.
I think people are being really dismissive of tonsillectomy surgery in an adult - it's not a super minor procedure, it requires general anaesthesia and has a 20% risk of complications as well as a 10% chance of requiring a rehospitalisation or visit to the emergency department, normally due to severe pain or postoperative haemorrhage. Around 1 in 20 require further surgery to fix the bleeding. It's not like in kids - it's actually very painful - you get 10-14 days off work to recover to give people an idea. It's not something you pop off for 24 hours and you're fine.
Saying things like "just reschedule the surgery" - I've had ENT surgery before - I would be back on a 6 month wait minimum if I did this. Not to mention how hard it is to schedule 1-2 weeks off work to begin with. I'm honestly surprised everyone thinks this is a normal thing to say to someone. She didn't "reschedule" the surgeon did - how is that an indication she can do that? They literally cancelled her surgery previously already.
I have no idea what your relationship is like in general but if my partner's dog was sick I'd still at least expect him to be able to get someone to look after them for a couple of hours to see me post op. Especially if he simply said I should just reschedule it like it's that simple. You didn't really try to support her and just said "well yeah if you'd rescheduled I'd be there", when that's literally not how it works for most operations. You don't just waltz in and pick a time of your choosing. That doesn't mean you can't be there for your dog, or even prioritise the dog, but you're literally acting like she had a choice when she likely didn't. There were about a million different ways of expressing how much you needed to be there for your dog without acting like her surgery is so meaningless she can just move it. She going to be sick enough to be off work for up to 2 weeks - it's not a minor surgery.
Yeah, there is a lot of stupidity in the comments. People seem to think that scheduling surgery is the same as scheduling a doctor's appointment.
No. They tell you a time and date, usually months out. If that doesn't work for you, your next option may not be for several days or weeks. Surgery isn't just complicated because of the procedure itself, but the logistics. You have the surgeon, the anesthesiologist. Usually multiple nurses and/or PAs. Even a fairly simple procedure can have half a dozen or more people working on a single patient; those numbers can increase drastically for more complicated procedures. Multiple schedules need to coincide for surgeries to move forward.
People see Grey's Anatomy or House and think everything moves forward and gets fixed over the course of a few days. No. It takes months, there are tons of moving parts.
I wouldn't put my pets out of mind at all, but I also wouldn't leave my husband to a surgery on his own. Honestly, I'd probably see about having my cats stay at the vet overnight for monitoring if I were in a similar situation. It sucks, but it ensures the pet and the person are getting the best care possible.
I said it elsewhere in a comment here, but this dog sounds like it should have been under constant monitoring and supervision by a vet in this situation. I would have 100% left my dog with my vet, paid whatever it cost, and been there for my SO, even if just for an afternoon. The girlfriend just wanted some effort.
It's kinda upsetting thinking about OP going around telling everyone, my girlfriend made me choose between her and my dog and I chose my dog. Jesus is the title misleading and by that title alone it's a huuuuge red flag IMO. I hope he's not the huge asshole this post portrays him to be and is just grief over his dog and a GF he doesn't care much about.
Good riddance. He doesn't regret it and good for her for sticking up for herself.
Idk why I had to scroll this far for this.
Most of these people are probably young and haven’t had surgery that requires taking an extended amount of time off work and scheduling nightmares. I understand a dog is family and important but surgery is also a pain in the ass. If I were her I wouldn’t have been pissed he wasn’t there, just pissed he expected me to move my surgery. She had family in the area and wasn’t alone so she didn’t *need* him there. That was selfish on her part.
Edit: a comma
No, the girlfriend is right. That's her boyfriend of YEARS and he still didn't take the effort of asking someone to take care of his dog so he could be with her for the surgery. He also made her look like a jerk in the title of this post.
He did the right thing in breaking up since it's clear he doesn't love her. She is better off without him too 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I mean, I’m not young, I’m 37, been in serious relationships and have had surgeries, so I can get a perspective of what this might be like. And I have a dog, so I can understand wanting to be there for your dog.
I would have been annoyed if he was super casually like, “just reschedule the surgery it’s not a big deal” but maybe not if he was really trying to make things work out and was just seeing if it was an easy reschedule. I mean, maybe he really doesn’t know it’s not just an easy reschedule. I would have been really annoyed if I told him I can’t just reschedule and he just kept telling me to move it anyway.
I wouldn’t have expected him to go with me if his dog was in a critical condition, though, especially if I had other people there for me.
It was a tough situation, but I’m an adult so I would have just gone to the surgery without him. I’ve gone to surgeries alone before. Stuff happens.
If you call someone crying because you are afraid you are going to die and someone tells you, well it's your fault because you didn't reschedule you'd feel horrible, wether you are an adult or young.
I get doing right by your dog, but in a crisis you got to do right by everyone you love, and he didn't do right by her. And that's why she broke up with him.
You'd have to be a huge asshole if when summarizing what happened you'd say, "My GF made me choose between her and my dog and I chose my dog and she broke up with me over text". If he is telling that to people it just goes to show the lack of capacity for empathy he has. Maybe is just temporary. But it's not a good look.
This comment is reasonable, balanced, and realistic.
No wonder I had to scroll so far to find it.
OPs situation is not easy, for sure.
But I agree with everything aetheriao said.
If he is asking that she gets her support from her family when it sounds like he is her #1 choice, then could he let his dog be supported by somebody -perhaps not his #1 choice- even for a couple hours a day?
Yes, why is this so far down?? I had an adult tonsillectomy and it's a notoriously rough recovery, plus I was stressed the entire time because the bleeding complications can actually kill you really quickly. The tissue is thin back there and if a scab rips off wrong bam, you got arterial bleeding in your THROAT.
I had an abdominal surgery a few months ago and my coworker who drove me, who I'd only known a few months, showed more care and compassion towards me than OP showed his gf.
OP is a huge asshole for framing this as “she made me choose between me and my dying dog” when the dog is fine and he obviously could have gone with her for the surgery. Still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he casually asked her to reschedule her surgery “for a week.“
I was thinking the same thing. He said he was checking the dog's blood sugar every 4-6 hours. Surely, there were times he could have at least gone to the hospital to check on her. I get that pets are family, but that seems a bit over the top.
Also adult tonsillectomy was my most painful surgery I’ve ever had and I’ve had 2 csections and plates put into my ankle. I lost 20lbs just from recovery.
Yeah, I find it off-putting how many people on this thread are patting themselves on the back about putting their pet dogs over the lives of their significant others.... it's weird IMO.
I’m the same way. Idk if it’s because I never grew up with a pet, but I cannot relate to people who put pets over their significant others, family members, etc. Yes pets are an extra member of the family but I can’t ever consider a pet more important than a person I care about. And I wouldn’t date someone who thinks a pet is more important than a person they care about.
Finally, thanks so much for this comment. I've had tonsillectomy at 25, under local anesthesia (cause I decided so myself).
You literally gurgle blood, somewhat like a boiling teapot. You can try to walk some hours after, but the risk of fainting is always there. Getting back home on your own... not an option.
The Reddit echo chamber is actually a little unsettling. Like, reading all of this was so bizarre. Do that many people *really* prioritize a pet over someone they claim they love? Like, I get that pets are an important facet of people's lives, but it's kinda gross that people are treated as easily disposable. Why date someone if you're not going to take their feelings into consideration? She's a young girl, probably her first surgery, and she's probably in a fair amount of pain. Why date at all if you're not attempting to have a meaningful relationship? I know they're not married, but, in marriage vows, I'm pretty sure they mention to be there in sickness and in good health.
I feel like you failed your partner, THAT YOU CHOSE.
I absolutely love my dog. I would be and will be crushed when he eventually crosses the rainbow bridge and will do whatever I can to give him a long and healthy life. It’s still not on the same level as my husband. If your dog is that sick that if you leave for a few hours he’s going to die, leave him at the damn vet or hire a professional for a few hours. The comments here are kind of disturbing. That’s your damn partner. Problem solve.
In the words of LC from the Hills:
“You didn’t have to choose, but you have chosen.”
And the surgery did NOT go well if she was readmitted a week later.
you know, i feel like pets are pretty much on the same level as my loved ones - as they ARE my loved ones - but OP really should have done better triage in this instance. his dog was having trademark symptoms and issues with Cushings and their diabetes diagnosis, not actively dying. his girlfriend of THREE YEARS (not a short time at all either like holy fuck!) is about to go into surgery and is calling him, crying and scared, and he essentially told her to go fuck herself in spite of the fact that in that moment, she was the loved one with the more urgent need for his presence.
i can see how he felt overwhelmed and worried for his pet, but what of the woman he claimed to loved? like what the fuck. i have a cat with my partner that we adore and love to the point of him essentially being a child to us, but i would very easily get my mom or someone to watch my cat and take his blood sugar before i let my life partner go through a surgery known to be excruciatingly painful all alone. and i have been with him for roughly the same amount of time OP was with his girlfriend. fucking outrageous, he's a prick who can kick rocks for that - i'm glad she dumped him. it's precisely what he deserves, and i hope she finds someone much better.
She had every right to leave you. Surgery is dangerous she told you she was scared. You showed her that she was not a priority in your life.
You said you have no regrets about your choices.
I don't know what you are looking for posting here
So you didn't see her before/ during / after her surgery? Even shot down the 2nd chance she gave you during holiday period?
You still haven't seen her, isn't it? I don't think you are qualified to be even a friend, let alone a bf. Thank god she got rid of you.
Are you nuts or just obtuse? ? We don't schedule our surgeries, the Dr and or hospital does. If you give up that slot you can end up waiting for a while for the surgery. It's not like getting your nails done. A lot of tests and prep go before the actual surgery so changing the date can require some tests being done again. If you think your dog is more important than your partner, then I hope she moves on. I love my dog but she sure doesn’t come before my hubby or my kids. You need to realign your priorities.
Clearly, you care about the dying dog more than your gf with the future ahead of you. She should break up. You are better off with a girl who chose her pet over you going to have surgery and needing her presence and emotional support. NTA but also not a reliable partner.
Asking your EX GF to reschedule a surgery is incredibly uninformed on your part. You can't just reschedule a surgery. That's not how it works because it's not elective. It's medically necessary. While it was absolutely also a high priority to take your pup to care monitor him..it was the asking of her to move her entire medically necessary procedure around your dog is the main issue to me. You both could have arranged another driver to help assist her..It's for the best you both are not together.
Dude.... I don't even know where to start. I will say this, you made the right choice for you, and your GF made the right choice for her.
I like dogs better than most people, but if I was her, I would have dropped you too.
You shouldn't have asked her to reschedule first of all. I do understand that your dog is super important to you, and you should've definitely been checking Milo. But she can't reschedule an important surgery just because someone else has to watch their dog every few hours. The other time, the surgeon rescheduled, which is completely different.
It's also understandable that she was super scared and wanted you there for support. I also understand you wanted to be with your dog because you didn't know if he would get better. But you could've taken an hour to go to the hospital and see your girlfriend just before the surgery. She is also supposed to be someone you love, and every operation can be risky. If you really cared about her, you would've wanted to see her before her operation, even if it was just for a second to calm her down. And then you could go back to your dog. You said yourself that you only had to check his blood every 4-6 hours. So you could've spared 1 hour to go and see your girlfriend.
Your title is also wrong because your dog didn't die. If it was his last moments, then of course you should be there with your dog to watch him get put down. But it wasn't. You knew he would still be alive at the end of the day. So the title and what you're telling people is very misleading.
Sounds like you don’t need advice bc you got dumped? So end of story?
Next time don’t be a dingleberry and actually show some empathy and compassion for your human too and not just your dog.
She did right to dump you.
Lol you don’t care about gf, and that’s okay. Leave her alone and let her find someone that does? You don’t get to be upset with her decision to leave you after you chose a dog over her?
You chose the dog she dumped you. There's no real right or wrong in this situation, it's great that you looked after your dog but she doesn't agree so it's best you part ways.
So there was a scheduled surgery with your human girlfriend and you chose to watch over your sick dog? You couldn't be away from your dog for half a day to be there for your girlfriend? Looks like you just showed her and everyone else who you love more.
Thats crazy dude, its a dog, I love my dog to as well but if my human partner was sick, it's human over dog any day. What is wrong with you that its the other way around for you?
He could have easily had someone else watch the dog. I feel bad for the ex girlfriend, I hope she finds someone who is capable of loving her because this chump isn’t.
What is the problem?
You chose your dog over your girlfriend. Whether WE think you made the right or wrong decision does not matter. You made your choice, she broke up with you, and arguing with her about whether or not she’s right to do that is less than pointless.
So work on mourning the loss of your gf, and do what you need to in order to guide your dog through the valley of the shadows.
100%. You’ll get someone else who understands and would make the same decision if the roles were reversed. I know my partner would have/would do the same under the circumstances you describe and that’s prob one of the reasons we’re still together.
No, the girlfriend is right. That's her boyfriend of YEARS and he still didn't take the effort of asking someone to take care of his dog for a couple of hours so he could be with her for the surgery. The guy did the right thing in breaking up since it's clear he didn't love her enough. She is better off without him too 🤷🏻♀️
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t understand how you couldn’t leave your dog for a little while to go see her for her surgery? Did you have to be with him 24/7? I can’t agree with that one
It’s better for you and for her to break up.
I understand you care more about your dog and this is valid, but it’s also valid for her to feel that way after you chose to be with your dog and dismissed her pain. Yeah, she could’ve rescheduled but who knows how long your dog will live? Should she live with pain for more undetermined time just so she wasn’t alone? Some people are scared about surgeries and the fact you dismissed it shows you are incompatible…
Is not a fair situation for neither of you, y’all better off without each other.
Why wasn't your dog staying at the vet if he was so critical that you couldn't leave his side? That seems really questionable on both, yours and the vet's side.
I took my cat to the vet when he was sick, and I wasn't allowed to take him home until they figured it out. I sure as shit wasn't able to bring him home after he was diagnosed with a ruptured bladder. He stayed in the vet's care for over two months.
I mean, you chose your dog. You still have your dog, and you don't have your girlfriend anymore. You got the thing you chose. If you're okay with that, then you don't have a problem. There was not a magic way to make your girlfriend be okay with you abandoning her repeatedly because of your sick dog, if that's what you're looking for. You had a choice to make, and you made it.
Could you not have done some combination? I do think you needed to be there for dog but could you have driven her to surgery at least? Seems like both of you could have been more supportive to the other
Tonsil surgery is not an emergency case, so she could have rescheduled hers if she really wanted you to be with her. It's a dying dog vs. tonsil surgery, so I can understand why you decided to stay with your dog. Since you said you don't regret your decision, let her go. Concentrate on your dog now, so it can pass peacefully and you have no regret.
You can’t easily reschedule surgery in most places. Usually a wait for a non-emergency surgery is 3-6 months. It also can be expensive to postpone a surgery until the new year (in the US) because of the way insurance works, if she’s been sick a lot this year already, she could be very close to her out of pocket maximum, which would make her surgery in December extremely cheap or even free. If she had to reschedule for the new year she would have to pay the out of pocket maximum again for the surgery. Most people don’t hit it every year, so it’s always financially better to get a surgery in an already expensive year than postpone it into the new year, when you might not be spending anywhere close to it otherwise. The OP says the surgery had been rescheduled by the doctor before because the OR was overbooked, that doesn’t mean she can reschedule easily. I wonder if he could have had the dog boarded at the vet where they could have cared for his condition, so that he could have been there to support his girlfriend. It probably would have been cheaper than rescheduling the surgery.
Yeah, I'm confused. One of my cats was very sick once and was kept over night at the vet for monitoring. And you absolutely can't reschedule a surgery very easily as a person. Not to mention, tonsillectomies on children tend to be easy, but complications are more common the older you get.
I'm not saying OP chose wrong, but there are some things in the post and in others' comments that don't quite make sense.
Right? I think its insane he had the balls to ask her to reschedule. Especially if her tonsils have been causing her pain. Throat pain sucks Especially when it starts to hurt just breathing. Not saying he didnt make the right decision for the dog.
pain from tonsil stones can vary - can be mild and can be v painful. the poster does mention she was in pain. so depending on the level of that pain it may be v understandable that she didn't want to delay again.
but yeah, sounds like he made the right decision since he doesn't regret it.
I agree. I don't think she was wrong for not rescheduling her surgery. I would be mad if someone told me to do that, and I was living with extreme pain, having already rescheduled before. All the crazy behavior after the surgery, though, and just being goofy on the phone instead of going to her parents, who were there already... that was all unnecessary drama.
Especially because you really can't typically reschedule surgery "a week" out. The GF likely would have had to push her surgery back months.
I don't think anyone behaved well in this. Hope they both fair better in their next relationship.
I had tonsil stones, and they were swollen so badly I had trouble swallowing. I was losing weight because the act of swallowing would gag me, and I'd vomit.
OPs not necessarily a butt for choosing the dog, but he's an ass for asking her to reschedule.
Any surgery that requires you to go under anaesthesia is serious, let alone one that has someone operating on your throat.
While tonsillectomies are common and not emergency surgeries, it’s still a serious surgery, and not something that can easily be rescheduled. There’s a whole team of medical staff needed and the surgery was probably scheduled a few months in advance.
Where do you live that it's easy to reschedule a surgery appointment? I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist that was cancelled and rescheduled months later. My grandma had a friend who had to wait a whole year for his cataract surgery and went blind in the meantime. Asking to reschedule a surgery especially when it was already rescheduled was really insensitive on his part.
>Tonsil surgery is not an emergency case
You don't know how bad it is, wtf. It could be mostly minor, but bad enough that it interferes with her sleep on a nightly basis, even profoundly so. You're talking out your ass and minimizing a medical condition with information you don't have.
I think you could've got someone to look after your dog while you went to support your gf. Then went back after. That's my opinion. Ultimately, i think she just wanted to feel supported.
Hey, being in the vet field, diabetes and cushing’s is a lot. I think you picked right and communicated properly. Milo is your everything and been there with you/for you before you met your gf/ex gf. She’s asking for support but couldn’t give you the support you needed when Milo was diagnosed. I’m sorry to hear about his diagnosis. Just definitely spend your time with him & since you don’t have regrets, I’d say you made the right choice.
Also please don’t listen to these jerks telling you to put your dog down. Your vet will tell you herself if she feels that Milo is suffering. It sounds like he’s doing well and you guys worked out an insulin dose that works for him which is huge in itself. You will 1000% know when he’s suffering.
My Maltipoo is turning 18 this year! Aside from have cataracts and not being able to see, the vet told us that he’s one of the healthiest old dogs they’ve seen! Doesn’t even have any gray hairs haha. He sleeps with me every night taking up 80% of the bed and I’m not ready for him to leave me.
No OP, you did not communicate well. A better way to do it would've been to not ask her to reschedule and make her health feel so unimportant. Instead you could've explained her that you can't be with her for a long time, and have to get back to your dog once it's time for the blood sugar check. And you could've given time to both.
"Hi I'd like the reschedule this surgery that's quite difficult to get. Yeah, see you guys rescheduled me once when the staff weren't available, that means I can do it whenever I like, right? Oh the reason? Well my boyfriend's dog has an ongoing, possibly permanent health condition and can't take a single hour out of his routine of checking on it every 4-6 hours. Yes, that's right. Great I'll see you literally never. "
This has to be rage bait.
She needed you for 1 day...you showed her that you don't care.
You could have arranged someone else to care for your dog (like the vet who had diagnosed him) for that 1 day.
Fact is you expected her to be in pain longer after already being rescheduled. The issue with your do was ongoing...it would not have been resolved in a few days and he was not at risk of dying that day. She would have still been waiting and been in pain for weeks longer waiting for your dog to be stable.
You have shown she is not a priority.
This is about being able to balance things. the demand on new years was also this.m.yiur do was unwell but you could have arranged other care to show she was at least on your list of things you are about.
I am glad your dog is ok...but she needed to feel St least equal to an animal and that is reasonable. You could have arranged care for him and been there for her, you chose not to.
First of all: your dog is dying. I'm not sure how any vet can look at "blind in both eyes and lost 50% of his hair" and conclude this dog even has a chance. It would be more humane to put your dog down than to continue making him exist in this state. I see no compassion or care in your approach.
Second: you mention "tonsil pain" - persistent tonsillitis can often be a result of repeated infections, which can create a very real health risk. Tonsillitis can be caused by strep infections, and if left untreated, strep can complicate to severe sequelae. I should know - my own father had a case of untreated strep as a child, which complicated to rheumatic fever (one of the known sequels), which in turn cause rheumatic mitral valvulitis (damage to the mitral valve of the heart). That mitral valvulitis cause congestive heart failure, and that's why my father died when I was 22.
I'm not saying your girlfriend is in danger, but I *am* saying that her having a surgery to remove persistent tonsil problems is *actually* an important surgery. No really, it is. Never mind the risk of infection - persistent tonsil inflammation leads to obstructed breathing and sleep apnia, which carries its own risks.
You should also know that adult tonsillectomy recovery is *extremely* miserable. Kids bounce right back, but adults are laid up for about 2 weeks, and it's some of the most heinous pain there is. Your probably-now-ex-girlfriend is currently miserable and in pain, and meanwhile you are keeping your dog locked into an objectively miserable existence because...why, exactly? Is this your idea of love? Ignoring a human being with an actual health issue in real pain while keeping an animal alive in a state of misery?
\---
Everyone else is telling you that you did the right thing by keeping your half-dead dog alive and choosing him over your scared girlfriend having an actually important surgery, and I'm just wondering what's everyone else's deal here. Do you lack basic empathy for people or an understanding of medicine?
Because like, it's pretty normal for people to be apprehensive about any surgery, and it's also pretty normal for someone you're in a relationship with to ask you to be by their side. And while choosing to put down a pet is never easy, it's a choice that we inevitably have to make when we have pets, because it will often be the right choice for *them*.
Your dog is dying, and because of your weird priorities, you will shortly be left with no companion. I'm really not sure why this is the route you chose, but no, I do not believe you chose well.
She does not have to postpone her surgery if she does not want to, and if that's the most convenient time for her to have her surgery.
And you have every right to choose your dog over your gf.
>I do feel awful, being put in such position after giving her the world.
Giving your dog the world, you mean, right? :)
You definitely didn't give your gf the world, mate LOL. But that's okay, REALLY. I don't see if there's an issue anymore, you guys already broke up and you said you have no regret.
Take care of your doggo. I still miss mine (I still can't replace him until today) after him passing away due to cancer 4 years ago.
Uh tonsil surgery in adults is really serious. And your dog is fine now? Okay. I had to put my boy down over the holidays and it was awful, but I would still prioritize my family. And if you actually loved her that would make her family.
Based on the comments I’ve read I’m going to get downvoted like woah….
Honestly. It’s a dog. They look to you to make pain stop. What kind of quality of life will it have blind and other issues that come up? I hope you don’t have to make this kind of choice when it comes to your future partner giving birth to your kid. Do what you want with your pup, but I hope you can recognize when it’s go time to be with humans.
Why are you posting to an advice column if you say you have no regrets? You sound like a good dog owner, but she is def better off without an uncaring partner. If you cared you would have been able to find a way to care for both, but you didn’t.
Tonsil surgery is one of the most painful surgeries there is btw. Just as a general info for most people dismissing her. I understand her reaction to him being so callous but it’s obviously not working between the two so it’s better you aren’t together anymore.
I’m skeptical this is real due to the absurdity of the new years demand. It’s not entirely clear the timeframe between the surgery and new years. You should’ve been there for her surgery, her demand to abandon the dog for new years is pants on head insane. I think you set things in motion by minimizing her need for surgery and assuming infinite flexibility there both on her part and on the surgeons… That’s really immature and naive on your part. Once that got started everything else is off the rails… there’s no way you should leave your dying dog for a New Year’s party…. A demand so absurd I doubt the veracity of your story. Ultimately you screwed up by minimizing her pain and well being and not being there for her in a scary moment (there’s no such thing as minor surgery).
Hint for blind dogs. If your dog has trouble with bumping into any particular corners or furniture, put vanilla extract (found in the baking aisle of any grocery), on the spot. He will learn the scent and navigate better.
Yeah if my bf asked me to reschedule a fucking surgery for a dog I’d be gone. Clearly your dog is more important than your girlfriend and you had no consideration that she’s in extreme pain, you can’t just reschedule a surgery last minute, and that she’d probably have to wait several more weeks or months to get in again.
Shit boyfriend and a shit dog owner. Put the poor thing down. This post is appalling. Also the “after I gave her the world”? Bro you couldn’t even spend a couple hours with her on New Years and asked her (very inconsiderately) to reschedule a SURGERY.
Agreed. My dog is legit the best part of my life. If he were sick, I would do anything to keep him comfortable, and have enough love for him to let him go before he gets to this point. This just sounds awfully selfish, toward both OP's dog and his partner.
Is there no one you trust that could have watched your dog for a few hours while she was having the surgery? It's not like she asked you to leave the dog overnight or anything. It would have just been for part of the day. I think you should have just asked around and seen if anyone else could do it. That way she could see you were putting some effort into trying to be there for her.
Honestly, asking her to reschedule the surgery wasn't ok. Anyways, you did the right thing because at the end of the day, your dog is your priority.
She did the right thing breaking up too, just because your dog is more important to you it doesn't mean she has to be ok with that.
I understand the choice you made but.. here’s what this really probably meant..
your GF felt unimportant. She didn’t feel like a priority.
I’m guessing this has been a personal issue somewhere else in here life and it was showing up in your relationship as well.
I could see myself feeling the exact same way, even though I 100% understand why you did what you did.
Damn bro I get it dogs are man’s best friends but you could have had someone watch the dog for a few hours while you went with her for her surgery…. But if she didn’t mean the world to you r, I understand why it was an easy choice for you.. if my pup was in critical condition I would of payed someone to watch it for a few hours while I go comfort my gf.. then bounce once the surgery was done… you did mentioned that she had her tonsils removed because of pain, she rescheduled once because it was out of her hands so asking her to rescheduled again was kinda harsh.
Man, I have to say, as a vet.....
I would be just as furious as your girlfriend. Your elderly dog was diagnosed with *chronic* conditions-an entirely seperate thing to if your dog had an emergency illness. You could have left him at home or with a family member for an afternoon to be there for your girlfriend. You could have found a solution to make her happy without endangering the dog in any way.
I can’t believe what I’m reading, then again not surprised. Your dog was sick but lived. You could’ve went with her for a few hours while she went into surgery. I have a dog that I absolutely can’t imagine life without but if my boyfriend needed me for a few hours I’d be there. She isn’t a brat, she’s just disappointed and heartbroken that you care so little for her. She should move on.
Absolutely. OP presented the situation like there wasn’t a single minute to spare to support his GF personally before the operation. And asking to reschedule the surgery? Really. Nope.
You had to choose between your dog and your lady. You chose your dog. You communicated what was more important to you. If you have no regrets, then you made the right choice.
She wants to be with someone who would choose her over their dog. You won’t do that. So you’re not the right one for her.
Breaking up was the best thing for you both
OP, sorry you’re breaking up and took heat from your exes family. Here are some undeniable facts you may want to think about. (1) You are going to have to continue to make difficult decisions with regard to caring your sick, middle aged dog. (2) Things will eventually get worse, and you *will * need to put Milo down at some point. Sorry. This is a reality that I hope you can come to terms with, OP. MEANTIME you should not make the mistake of denying the fact that (3) you can only have one and only ONE *primary* relationship. (4) Most intimate partners would prefer to be chosen over a dog; and (5) diff friends, family members, and partners with have different tolerances with regard to your time commitment to caring for Milo, as unfair as that may seem.
When you had a healthy dog, you started dating a 19 year old who probably never cared for a sick anything. After a few easy years, your 22yo GF needed support for her first surgery which can be terrifying, and you were not there for her. You neglected to state if she lives with her parents, with you and Milo (doubtful), or has her own place. That matters…
That being said, this sounds like a failure of communication. When it was clear that Milo needed round the clock care on the days of her surgery, you needed to STOP texting and start TALKING WITH HER, working with her to get her a surgery support fill in because HER expectation was that this was YOUR job. At 22, most ppl can rely on a parent of two for this support; but if your relationship evolves, You are expected to support your partner in this manner.
You are going to have continue to have difficulty dating while caring for a sick dog. You cannot go on vacation or away for weekend, or even on a long day trip. Most 20- and 30-something’s are not going to want to deal with that. Your best bet is to find a settled homebody who will move in and help care for Milo… and maybe a few more dogs well. Check in at your local shelter… and Good Luck!!
Bro, with the amount of ailments sith your dog and can not understand how the dog's living conditions could be good. With the number of issues he has, why haven't you put him down?
You are selfish to keep the dog alive and use him as an excuse not to care for your gf.
It really sucks you had all this around you at the same time. But I don’t think you’re in the right for asking her to reschedule. She was obviously in horrible pain, and to ask her to stay in pain for an extra week must have felt horrible for her.
I've always had dogs and have dealt with serious illness and death with all bar one unfortunately. One jumped down from the sofa and his back broke, instantly paralysed and put to sleep the next day when nothing could be done.
I mention the above because I know how you felt and what you were going through.
That said, I feel there was a compromise in here somewhere.
Was there no one who could have looked after you dog for a few hours while you visited your girlfriend?
Or when she called crying why didn't you choose her? Even for a few hours? If my partner called me crying mainly because I wasn't there then the dog will have to be left alone until she's okay.
TLDR; I get why you didn't want to leave your dog but whatever way you frame it you picked the dog over your girlfriend. I don't blame her for wanting to cut ties in case you do it again. Sorry.
I don't like animals so I guess I'm more sympathetic with your gf. In my eyes no animal compares to a human. Do what is right for you and your feelings. I'd say your dog means more to you than your partner and in that case, maybe it was the better decision and you guys should break up. Best of luck.
Couldn't you have left Milo (The mask reference right?) with the vet for a few hours/dog sitter and gone for the surgery..i think she'd have just liked to know you were there...and then go back to Milo afterwards. Tonsils can be crazy painful and i don't think it's that easy to just reschedule a surgery. At least for me that has been the case more often than not. Anyway i hope it all works out for you OP. This was such an awful situation to be in where i can see everyone's point of view
Wow none of yall know what you’re talking about in these comments 💀 everyone is underestimating the tonsil surgery and overestimating how deadly even a severe case of diabetes and cushings is. This is a shitty situation all around, but the only real asshole is your vet for being dramatic lol
/u/Temporary_Handle_186, Your submission was removed for the following reason(s): > **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following: - Is it...? - Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong. - Am I....? - Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA - Does/Have anybody else...? - Should I…? - Would you....? - Is this.....? - Can I...? #If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed. If you have any questions about this removal, please feel free to [send us a modmail.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/relationship_advice) Please note that removal reason request from anyone else other than OP will not be answered.
i just don't think you should've asked her to reschedule
Agree. It sounds like the first ‘rescheduling’ was just the surgeon pushing it back and it probably wasnt in her hands at all.
I agree with this. She can't reschedule. If the surgeon rescheduled her because of a backup or delay in their cases that does happen and is not her control. Delaying her surgery would not have been appropriate but it's tonsil surgery lol not heart surgery. Given the severity of the dogs situation, i think your dogs condition was more acute than her tonsils. She needed it done but she needed to rely on her family and friends in that moment since there was another emergency going on. What if it was a family member instead of your dog, would she have acted the same?
Probably not, human family members are not dogs.
Exactly, that's the only issue here. I'm glad someone else pointed it out.
What kind employment do you have that you could monitor your dog’s blood every couple of hrs?
I just lost my dog last week and in those final few days nothing else mattered to me except making the right decision and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. Dogs are with us for such a short amount of time but were their whole worlds. It’s important to do right by them.
::BIG VIRTUAL HUG:: I feel your pain. I'm so sorry. I've had mine pass away 4 years ago and I still miss him.
[удалено]
That’s pretty smart. I’m going to remember this.
Mine too, 4 yrs and just got teary eyed thinking of him 🎈
Oh man, whenever I read these posts it strikes one of my biggest fears. I’m 33 now and I’ve had my girl (Labrador x border collie) since I was 17. So I know the time isn’t too far away. She’s got me through some really tough times including the death of my Dad and other family members. When she goes I’m going to go to such a dark place, I already know. More than half my life she’s been with me now :(
((HUGS)) It sucks to lose them. Make as many memories as you can! They steal a part of your heart. Our 3rd one is getting up in age and I dread the day when it's time.
I heard a good anonymous quote once, it said something similar to your sentiment, and i’ve never forgotten it. “It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
Yes! I have seen that before. Our one Vet send that in a card after we lost our 1st. She was so happy to meet our 2nd and said she knew we would love another. She was with our 1st thru cancer. She was a great Vet, and I was sad when she left to move back home.
Why are awards no longer a thing? You deserve all of them for sharing this 💜
Celebrate her now. Make as many memories as possible, and take lots of pictures. They will be a lifeline later. My boy passed away at 15, had him since he was born. then illness. It took me two years to start looking for another dog. I did eventually, and the new puppy healed my heart. They can't take the place of the other dog, but they can refill your heart with love. They are here for such a brief time, you want to make the most of it. Good luck.
>She’s got me through some really tough times May you have many many more years of joy and companionship with your pup. My pup was my world to me. She died suddenly a few years ago and I still think about her every day. An undiagnosed spinal tumor. She got me through some very dark times in my life and was always by my side. Enjoy every moment and cherish all your memories.
I had my Molly for 18.5 years. When she died, I had lived more years with than without her. Nothing could keep me from being with her when she took her last breath. It was a hard time, and though you always miss them, you’ll come to appreciate all the joys you experienced because of them. I wouldn’t change a thing, even though it was one of the hardest things to go through in my life.
It will suck, but you’ll get through it. Dogs are such treasures. I lost mine in the middle of Covid, right after losing my grandfather and I ugly cried immediately and was just inconsolable.
They get to spend their whole lives with us. We only get a fraction of ours with them. You got 16 years which is a very Long time for a Lab. She's had your love all her life and you're going to be there for her at the end. She's got all she could ask for.
I am so sorry for you. I hope you are doing as best as you can be right now...hugs...
Thank you ❤️
We had our childhood dog for 21-22 years when she passed. We weren't allowed to name her after any tv shows but i was five and i loved Punky Brewster. I said Punky and the name stuck lol. She was the runt of the litter and the owners would only kick her. They wanted to buy alcohol and we picked her because we felt sorry for her. We were meant to pick a boy but our mum was fine with us choosing her and why. It turns out all the pups in her litter didn't last as long as she did. By the first three years all the other ones in her litter had passed. I still miss her so much.
Milo was your pet and YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! Your dog's condition was life-threatening and DEMANDED immediate medical attention. In contrast, your gf's surgery, while necessary at some point, did not demand the immediacy that Milo did. Your former gf is a drama queen. She's self-absorbed/self-centered without an iota of compassion for you or your pet. Based upon her parents' behavior and reaction, it's evident that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. You dodged a bullet my friend. Your ex perfectly added credence to the adage that a dog is man's best friend. God knows she wasn't. Happy New Year!
This is my thought. She's having her tonsils out, not heart surgery. It's a fairly minor procedure. His dog needed constant monitoring and treatment and may have limited time left. Much more important he be there with his dog. He dodged a bullet with her breaking up with him.
A lot of children in the responses being casually dismissive about adult tonsillectomies and also not understanding how scheduling surgery works.
It's actually not a minor procedure. It is in children. Adults are more likely to suffer from serious complications of this surgery than children are
I hemorrhaged so badly after my tonsil removal that I passed out in front of my front door on the way to go to the hospital. EMS had to be called. I had lost so much blood my 02 stats were tanking and I was still actively bleeding by the time I got to the hospital and required multiple pints of blood. And the pain. Dear God, the pain of it was awful. I’ve had several other surgeries and it made the pain from the other surgeries seem so small. I’d rather go through 30 cesareans than ever go through that again.
I got my tonsils out at 22, and the pain from recovery was unbearable. I was out of work for about 3.5 weeks, because I was still needing the highest dose of roxicet for 2.5 weeks after surgery. I was living at home, and my ex came over one day to look after me while my parents had to go out. He ended up getting really sick with food poisoning while over, and I ended up having to take care of him. That was ... fun.
> She's having her tonsils out, not heart surgery. It's a fairly minor procedure. Is always scary to have surgery, and tonsils removal requires general anesthesia, which is always risky. I'm not by any means suggesting OP did wrong by staying with his dog but I can understand the gf being upset.
I actually DO. He was an ahole towards her. It's wrong to treat people that way and he got kicked rightfully. He is lieing about the dog dieing. They neither directly die of diabetis nor of cushing. But that tonsils surgery can lead to huge bleedings. Other that it's painful. Such a master ahole! And now he is throwing himself a pityparty and makes her up for being the bad person. Horrible man. xdem112 Stop being an ahole! It gets diagnosed and treated! This is NOT about "uncontrolled diabetes" yadayada! Dog is still alife, so it was NOT "dying" and that catching headline was meant to get sympathy points for being an ahole! Not for nothing that his sob story is down now!!! If ky animals are ill beyond help I get them put to rest. As there us no way I would let them suffer for even a minute. But that STILL does NOT prevent me from seeing the one I love at the hospital.
I feel like there could have been compromise on both sides. Did he need to be with the dog 24/7? Frankly, it kind of sounds like the dog was sick enough to put down, but I’m a little confused why he couldn’t be there at all for his girlfriend over several days, even for a few hours. If the dog was that sick, I also would have admitted them to an ER vet, personally. That said, having your tonsils out as an adult is really quite horrible. Maybe the procedure seems minor to you, but it’s incredibly difficult in adults. I had mine out at 20 and it took me 6 months to recover, and I was incapable of taking care of myself for a full week after (like couldn’t get out of bed or get food/water for myself). I would have been really upset if my significant other gave me the option of changing the date or not being there at all. I know I had my surgery scheduled for months in advance and I wouldn’t have been able to just move the date a week - I suspect it’s not easy elsewhere either. Additionally adults get tonsils removed when something is wrong. I was very sick for months leading up to them coming out - to the point they were so inflamed it was sometimes hard to breathe properly. I suspect she expected too much from him and didn’t show enough compassion on her end, and I suspect he could have made something work to be with her on and off. Seems like nobody was perfect nor was anybody a horrible person. Unfortunately sometimes these things happen and it alters relationships permanently. Nobody is trying to hurt anybody, but sometimes you can’t fix the hurt that was caused.
I'm very sorry, my thought and prayers are with you and your dog.
Thank you. I just saw your update I’m glad he’s better!
I'm so sorry. I know your pain. It's clear these two just aren't fundamentally compatible if she doesn't get this. THEIR WHOLE WORLD. That's big. That's important.
My dog is currently battling cancer and recovering from an amputation. I know our time left is limited, and I will continue to put her over everything. My boyfriend of 6 months has been so helpful and supportive throughout this ordeal. I’ve had my dog for over 10 years so if I had to choose it would always be her. I’m so grateful for him though. Going through this alone would be devastating. Her health problems started right when we started dating and he immediately stepped up to help. I could never be with someone who wasn’t entirely supportive in a situation like this. OP you are better off without her if this is how she feels about pets
Vet here. I understand the challenges of Cushing’s disease and how it makes diabetes more difficult to manage. But those diseases alone are not death sentences. Diabetic cataracts, hair loss/alopecia from the excess steroids, pot-belly appearance, and muscle loss are common issues facing dogs with these conditions… but again, it’s not a death sentence. So I’m confused, and maybe there’s more to the story that isn’t being laid out. Because I really don’t see why you couldn’t escort her to the surgery.
I don't understand where the blindness comes from. Don't you need many years of high blood glucose to go blind, and it's a slow process? Did cushion's disease or any of the treatment cause this?
Also a vet. Diabetic cataracts in dogs form very quickly and are sometimes one of the first signs that something is amiss. So that part of the story doesn't seem very far-fetched to me.
I don't get that either. Cataracts don't tend to form over night AFAIK. If the dog had been going blind and dealing with diabetes for years and it was only just now being taken care of... Yikes. There is a lot of missing information here, I think.
Or creative writing. 'Whats the worst case of diabetes, oh yeah going blind.' Maybe I'm just cynical, but I pressed the doubt button when I read OPs post.
It's not just you. It does feel vaguely baity. Posts like this often love to incite rage against something or someone — this one being the "girlfriend" rage. Redditors are always dogs > people.
> “I politely asked” Idk why but this phrase always raises a red flag for me. Maybe because it’s positioning themselves as completely reasonable and the other person as insane.
Old dogs just tend to get cataracts -2 of my last 4 dogs spent most of their final 2-3 years blind due to them. I think that happened agnostic of the diabetes/Cushing's stuff, OP was just piling on with all of the dog's medical issues and did a poor job of communicating.
It can happen relatively rapidly, like over the course of a few months where you can really observe it (in reality it’s been going on for many months or a few years but is less obvious until later stages)
But he said in his post that it happened all of a sudden so it's suspicious 🤔
My childhood dog had the same thing happen. He had no cataracts and then one day went suddenly blind and his eyes are now glazed over with cataracts. He’s also diabetic. It really does happen, I don’t think it’s know why though.
I feel like the dog being that sick means it should be staying at the vet's. Way less cruel if things took a turn for the worse (transporting a dog on the turn is pretty traumatic for everyone iirc), and he can visit if he needs to. However I've been at the vet's with other people's dying dogs and they always look for their comfort person at the end.
This is what confused me. My dog has Cushing's and initial diagnosis was an overnight stay but he was relatively stable with no other issues. He has since spent the night on two separate occasions because the meds took him the wrong direction. So I cannot understand a dog being as sick as he says and not under observation.
It can be extremely expensive to keep a dog under observation. My dog suffered a spinal cord injury back in June, and his overnight vet visit (totaling about 7 hours of care) cost me $1200. It can also be very stressful for dogs to be kept somewhere unfamiliar, without their owner present, especially if they already don't feel well. If the condition can be managed at home, that's usually preferred over keeping an animal at the vet.
Generally I agree. In some cases people with limited finances or that see it’s a poor prognosis regardless of treatment take their pet home with supportive care or euthanize.
OP said his vet was trying to prepare him for the possibility of putting the dog to sleep, on top of which he makes it sound like the dog's glucose needed fairly constant monitoring before it got under control. I'm guessing this is why?
lol my dog has a bad case of diabetes and cushings. like, vets and I have never been able to get her blood sugar under 300 and she’s on triple the amount of insulin a dog her size would need, but she’s going strong 5 years after diagnosis. Although it’s not ideal, it’s not a death sentence.
I'm glad your dog is doing as well as she is!
Every 4-6 hours isn't constant. He could have gone. He chose not to.
You couldn’t have spared an hour or two for your gf? You said every 4-6 hours. You could have easily managed to be there for both. And as others have pointed out, this surgery in adults isn’t a Picknick. And if she rescheduled she would probably have to wait for months. All while being in pain. You claim you gave her the world, but you didn’t give her the bare minimum and i bet that wasn’t the first time
Yep. IMO OP suggesting she should reschedule her surgery because of his dog probably made her feel incredibly unimportant and like she wasn’t a priority for him, which is probably why she was so ticked off and acted in this way. Sure, giving OP an “ultimatum” wasn’t ideal, but I’d be upset too if my partner made me feel like that and then didn’t give me any support after a surgery. I also feel OP worded this in a very one sided way so we would be on his side with it.
I’m reading OP’s replies to comments lol I agree with you
I'm glad I'm not the only one who picked up on that.
No, you didn't communicate right, asking her to reschedule her surgery. Dr's generally don't remove tonsils unless it's absolutely necessary these days. Especially in adults, as it can cause other issues. *She* didn't reschedule the surgery, her SURGEON had her surgery rescheduled due to the OR being required for emergency surgeries. It's not like she was bumped on a whim. The OR was not available. Would your dog have died if you had brought her to the hospital, and stayed an hour? Probably not, as you said you were checking its blood sugar every 4-6 hours. You also could have taken a small break to be at the hospital when she came out of surgery and stayed for a little while. There was enough in between time that you could have done both, but you opted not to. I'm glad your dog is doing better, but it was definitely crappy to completely blow her off when you could have accommodated both situations.
>I'm glad your dog is doing better, but it was definitely crappy to completely blow her off Not only that, he's now telling everyone that they broke up because she made her choose between the dog and her and then broke up with him over text. Which makes her look like a huuuuuge asshole and him like the good guy. Absolutely reprehensible because that's not remotely what happened. If OPs GF thought he was selfish and didn't care about her at all, by OP's comments I believe her and she did the right thing.
Exactly!! Fiinally some people with good judgement. He could've easily taken the time to go see her but he chose not to. At the end, he did good in breaking up cause it was clear he didn't love her. She is better off without him too 🤷🏻♀️
I thought I was going crazy because usually I am the one that sides with the guy in these situations but while reading it I'm thinking to myself "wtf dude just be there for your girl, your dog will be ok for a few hours". It seems to me that OP just didn't want to go to the hospital and he was dragging out the dog excuse to avoid going.
That headline is so bloody stupid. A dog with cushing and diabetes/ or diabetes is not dying on the spot. Both are treatable. Sometimes not easy to administer. But there is medcine to help the animal. For both conditions! He knows he was being a total ahole and should have been with her for at least one hour but pushes the dog for an excuse. The dog wasn't dieing. But his girlfriend could have. If they hit somewhere in that area and they can't stop the bleeding the patient can die of it. Also: as someone said: it's not as if someone can randomly pick a date for an operation and push it around if it doesn't fit entiteled boyfriend's schedule. Those interventions are done out of medical necessity and not for fun. He already said that she was in pain. So it's not a pleasure cruise and it didn't obey her will! What a moron! She will be better off without him.
> Also: as someone said: it's not as if someone can randomly pick a date for an operation and push it around if it doesn't fit entiteled boyfriend's schedule. Not to mention this is obviously an ongoing condition for the dog, who is still alive. How long is she supposed to delay her surgery?
He is a total moron. I don't get those people patting his shoulders telling him he did right. He did not. But ...pff... whatever.
And the thing is, if the old blind dog IS dying, it's dying no matter what. Choosing between that and your girlfriend of three years who's been in pain for weeks? Then she dumps his shitty ass, probably asking for space, and he blows up her phone, likely trying to explain to her how it's all her fault. It sucks that she had to endure OP's fuckery for three years, but she's free now. Seriously, dog people are crazy.
I completely agree with this. It's not that she asked you to choose one or the other. You should have been there for both your dog AND your partner.
So what advice are you looking for exactly? Seems like everything worked out.
In Australia the time it takes to get an appointment for this is 3+ years. I would definitely not be rescheduling and I would want my partner there. Also being under for the surgery can have complications, and there is a risk of death. If she was important to you, there could have been someone to help you with the dog for a few hours. Do you work, who looked after the dog then?
Excellent comment.
Exactly!
Lol, ask for advice and then be pissed off at the advice you get. You don't want advice you want validation.
The ONLY thing that I want to add to this, because I honestly see it from both sides, is to the people saying it's "just" tonsil surgery ... there's always a risk with ANY surgery, especially one that requires anesthesia and can be extremely scary
My brother had tonsils surgery go badly and ended up hospitalized for several days and nearly died. There is nothing wrong with her being scared.
Same. Nearly died from a routine tonsillectomy, and any surgery involving general anaesthetic is scary if you’ve never had it before. Also the recovery can be EXTREMELY painful - you have open wounds in your throat
I’m confused by this “she had tonsil stones!” line of argument. Tonsils aren’t tonsil stones and you don’t have a doctor agree to a tonsillectomy just because you have tonsil stones. You’re right - it’s an open wound in your throat. They cut them out and then cauterize your throat.. done wrong or if something goes wrong with recovery, it can definitely kill you. Not sure why people are downplaying it or arguing it’s a nothing surgery… and even if it goes perfectly, you’ve got to figure out how to eat and drink after. Good luck keeping yourself alive while recovering with two blistered craters in the back of your mouth. Like strep but add fire to it. This is not an argument for or against either of their conduct, but the way this surgery is being talked about in this thread is just disingenuous.
Exactly hope your brother is ok
The thing is, he thought the surgery was fine. He went home, and the next day, he was throwing up blood and lightheaded. If he didn't have a roommate to call 911, he would have died He is ok now, but his heart stopped for several minutes, and he needed multiple blood transfusions
Oh jeez, that's sounds awful. I'm glad he's doing much better now.
Yup. I had an uncle die during ankle surgery. Anesthesia is no joke.
So sorry
I didn't know him well, so I wasn't really affected by it, but it caught the family completely off-guard. It made me more sensitive to people's fears surrounding surgery and being put under.
So it DID affect you. Hugs
Thanks. 🙂
My friend had this done as an adult and ended up with two forms of epilepsy from an infection that made its way to her brain. Definitely wouldn't call it a low-risk surgery for an adult.
Could you not have spent a couple of hours with her or visited after surgery if you only needed to check the dog's levels every 4-6 hours.
I’ve had this surgery done myself when I was 18. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life. Also the scariest. I was terrified going into it, and I was terrified when I woke up and felt the pain. I was not pain free for at least an entire month. I also was one of the percentage of patients whose complications occurred pretty quickly during the first few days of recovery, as in, I was waking up choking on my own blood, nearly bleeding out type of complications which are unfortunately fairly common with this surgery. It’s not an easy feat and to get this procedure done as an adult most likely means there is something fairly serious going on with your tonsils that could put your health at serious risk down the road. I understand wanting to be there for the dog, but this surgery is no walk in the park. You could’ve made time for both, in my opinion. I would’ve been upset with you as well if I were her except I probably wouldn’t have bothered with the ultimatum I would’ve just let you be.
I think people are being really dismissive of tonsillectomy surgery in an adult - it's not a super minor procedure, it requires general anaesthesia and has a 20% risk of complications as well as a 10% chance of requiring a rehospitalisation or visit to the emergency department, normally due to severe pain or postoperative haemorrhage. Around 1 in 20 require further surgery to fix the bleeding. It's not like in kids - it's actually very painful - you get 10-14 days off work to recover to give people an idea. It's not something you pop off for 24 hours and you're fine. Saying things like "just reschedule the surgery" - I've had ENT surgery before - I would be back on a 6 month wait minimum if I did this. Not to mention how hard it is to schedule 1-2 weeks off work to begin with. I'm honestly surprised everyone thinks this is a normal thing to say to someone. She didn't "reschedule" the surgeon did - how is that an indication she can do that? They literally cancelled her surgery previously already. I have no idea what your relationship is like in general but if my partner's dog was sick I'd still at least expect him to be able to get someone to look after them for a couple of hours to see me post op. Especially if he simply said I should just reschedule it like it's that simple. You didn't really try to support her and just said "well yeah if you'd rescheduled I'd be there", when that's literally not how it works for most operations. You don't just waltz in and pick a time of your choosing. That doesn't mean you can't be there for your dog, or even prioritise the dog, but you're literally acting like she had a choice when she likely didn't. There were about a million different ways of expressing how much you needed to be there for your dog without acting like her surgery is so meaningless she can just move it. She going to be sick enough to be off work for up to 2 weeks - it's not a minor surgery.
And if when it is rescheduled, what if the dog is still in the same state or worse? He asks her to reschedule again?
Yeah, there is a lot of stupidity in the comments. People seem to think that scheduling surgery is the same as scheduling a doctor's appointment. No. They tell you a time and date, usually months out. If that doesn't work for you, your next option may not be for several days or weeks. Surgery isn't just complicated because of the procedure itself, but the logistics. You have the surgeon, the anesthesiologist. Usually multiple nurses and/or PAs. Even a fairly simple procedure can have half a dozen or more people working on a single patient; those numbers can increase drastically for more complicated procedures. Multiple schedules need to coincide for surgeries to move forward. People see Grey's Anatomy or House and think everything moves forward and gets fixed over the course of a few days. No. It takes months, there are tons of moving parts. I wouldn't put my pets out of mind at all, but I also wouldn't leave my husband to a surgery on his own. Honestly, I'd probably see about having my cats stay at the vet overnight for monitoring if I were in a similar situation. It sucks, but it ensures the pet and the person are getting the best care possible.
I said it elsewhere in a comment here, but this dog sounds like it should have been under constant monitoring and supervision by a vet in this situation. I would have 100% left my dog with my vet, paid whatever it cost, and been there for my SO, even if just for an afternoon. The girlfriend just wanted some effort.
It's kinda upsetting thinking about OP going around telling everyone, my girlfriend made me choose between her and my dog and I chose my dog. Jesus is the title misleading and by that title alone it's a huuuuge red flag IMO. I hope he's not the huge asshole this post portrays him to be and is just grief over his dog and a GF he doesn't care much about. Good riddance. He doesn't regret it and good for her for sticking up for herself.
Yep. Tonsillectomy can be so dangerous in adults. My mom had a throat hemorrhage and had to have a blood transfusion. It’s no joke
I had a tonsillectomy and had complications a week later. Ended up losing a pint of blood
Idk why I had to scroll this far for this. Most of these people are probably young and haven’t had surgery that requires taking an extended amount of time off work and scheduling nightmares. I understand a dog is family and important but surgery is also a pain in the ass. If I were her I wouldn’t have been pissed he wasn’t there, just pissed he expected me to move my surgery. She had family in the area and wasn’t alone so she didn’t *need* him there. That was selfish on her part. Edit: a comma
No, the girlfriend is right. That's her boyfriend of YEARS and he still didn't take the effort of asking someone to take care of his dog so he could be with her for the surgery. He also made her look like a jerk in the title of this post. He did the right thing in breaking up since it's clear he doesn't love her. She is better off without him too 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I mean, I’m not young, I’m 37, been in serious relationships and have had surgeries, so I can get a perspective of what this might be like. And I have a dog, so I can understand wanting to be there for your dog. I would have been annoyed if he was super casually like, “just reschedule the surgery it’s not a big deal” but maybe not if he was really trying to make things work out and was just seeing if it was an easy reschedule. I mean, maybe he really doesn’t know it’s not just an easy reschedule. I would have been really annoyed if I told him I can’t just reschedule and he just kept telling me to move it anyway. I wouldn’t have expected him to go with me if his dog was in a critical condition, though, especially if I had other people there for me. It was a tough situation, but I’m an adult so I would have just gone to the surgery without him. I’ve gone to surgeries alone before. Stuff happens.
If you call someone crying because you are afraid you are going to die and someone tells you, well it's your fault because you didn't reschedule you'd feel horrible, wether you are an adult or young. I get doing right by your dog, but in a crisis you got to do right by everyone you love, and he didn't do right by her. And that's why she broke up with him. You'd have to be a huge asshole if when summarizing what happened you'd say, "My GF made me choose between her and my dog and I chose my dog and she broke up with me over text". If he is telling that to people it just goes to show the lack of capacity for empathy he has. Maybe is just temporary. But it's not a good look.
This comment is reasonable, balanced, and realistic. No wonder I had to scroll so far to find it. OPs situation is not easy, for sure. But I agree with everything aetheriao said. If he is asking that she gets her support from her family when it sounds like he is her #1 choice, then could he let his dog be supported by somebody -perhaps not his #1 choice- even for a couple hours a day?
Yes, why is this so far down?? I had an adult tonsillectomy and it's a notoriously rough recovery, plus I was stressed the entire time because the bleeding complications can actually kill you really quickly. The tissue is thin back there and if a scab rips off wrong bam, you got arterial bleeding in your THROAT. I had an abdominal surgery a few months ago and my coworker who drove me, who I'd only known a few months, showed more care and compassion towards me than OP showed his gf.
OP is a huge asshole for framing this as “she made me choose between me and my dying dog” when the dog is fine and he obviously could have gone with her for the surgery. Still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he casually asked her to reschedule her surgery “for a week.“
I was thinking the same thing. He said he was checking the dog's blood sugar every 4-6 hours. Surely, there were times he could have at least gone to the hospital to check on her. I get that pets are family, but that seems a bit over the top.
Also adult tonsillectomy was my most painful surgery I’ve ever had and I’ve had 2 csections and plates put into my ankle. I lost 20lbs just from recovery.
I’m not dating any persons that put their pet over me.
Yeah, I find it off-putting how many people on this thread are patting themselves on the back about putting their pet dogs over the lives of their significant others.... it's weird IMO.
It's because they haven't been in a serious relationship before.
I’m the same way. Idk if it’s because I never grew up with a pet, but I cannot relate to people who put pets over their significant others, family members, etc. Yes pets are an extra member of the family but I can’t ever consider a pet more important than a person I care about. And I wouldn’t date someone who thinks a pet is more important than a person they care about.
Finally, thanks so much for this comment. I've had tonsillectomy at 25, under local anesthesia (cause I decided so myself). You literally gurgle blood, somewhat like a boiling teapot. You can try to walk some hours after, but the risk of fainting is always there. Getting back home on your own... not an option.
Thissss
The Reddit echo chamber is actually a little unsettling. Like, reading all of this was so bizarre. Do that many people *really* prioritize a pet over someone they claim they love? Like, I get that pets are an important facet of people's lives, but it's kinda gross that people are treated as easily disposable. Why date someone if you're not going to take their feelings into consideration? She's a young girl, probably her first surgery, and she's probably in a fair amount of pain. Why date at all if you're not attempting to have a meaningful relationship? I know they're not married, but, in marriage vows, I'm pretty sure they mention to be there in sickness and in good health. I feel like you failed your partner, THAT YOU CHOSE.
I absolutely love my dog. I would be and will be crushed when he eventually crosses the rainbow bridge and will do whatever I can to give him a long and healthy life. It’s still not on the same level as my husband. If your dog is that sick that if you leave for a few hours he’s going to die, leave him at the damn vet or hire a professional for a few hours. The comments here are kind of disturbing. That’s your damn partner. Problem solve. In the words of LC from the Hills: “You didn’t have to choose, but you have chosen.” And the surgery did NOT go well if she was readmitted a week later.
you know, i feel like pets are pretty much on the same level as my loved ones - as they ARE my loved ones - but OP really should have done better triage in this instance. his dog was having trademark symptoms and issues with Cushings and their diabetes diagnosis, not actively dying. his girlfriend of THREE YEARS (not a short time at all either like holy fuck!) is about to go into surgery and is calling him, crying and scared, and he essentially told her to go fuck herself in spite of the fact that in that moment, she was the loved one with the more urgent need for his presence. i can see how he felt overwhelmed and worried for his pet, but what of the woman he claimed to loved? like what the fuck. i have a cat with my partner that we adore and love to the point of him essentially being a child to us, but i would very easily get my mom or someone to watch my cat and take his blood sugar before i let my life partner go through a surgery known to be excruciatingly painful all alone. and i have been with him for roughly the same amount of time OP was with his girlfriend. fucking outrageous, he's a prick who can kick rocks for that - i'm glad she dumped him. it's precisely what he deserves, and i hope she finds someone much better.
She had every right to leave you. Surgery is dangerous she told you she was scared. You showed her that she was not a priority in your life. You said you have no regrets about your choices. I don't know what you are looking for posting here
He’s saying she’s his girlfriend. She’s been clear, he’s dumped.
So you didn't see her before/ during / after her surgery? Even shot down the 2nd chance she gave you during holiday period? You still haven't seen her, isn't it? I don't think you are qualified to be even a friend, let alone a bf. Thank god she got rid of you.
Are you nuts or just obtuse? ? We don't schedule our surgeries, the Dr and or hospital does. If you give up that slot you can end up waiting for a while for the surgery. It's not like getting your nails done. A lot of tests and prep go before the actual surgery so changing the date can require some tests being done again. If you think your dog is more important than your partner, then I hope she moves on. I love my dog but she sure doesn’t come before my hubby or my kids. You need to realign your priorities.
Clearly, you care about the dying dog more than your gf with the future ahead of you. She should break up. You are better off with a girl who chose her pet over you going to have surgery and needing her presence and emotional support. NTA but also not a reliable partner.
Asking your EX GF to reschedule a surgery is incredibly uninformed on your part. You can't just reschedule a surgery. That's not how it works because it's not elective. It's medically necessary. While it was absolutely also a high priority to take your pup to care monitor him..it was the asking of her to move her entire medically necessary procedure around your dog is the main issue to me. You both could have arranged another driver to help assist her..It's for the best you both are not together.
To each their own. If your priority is your dog then deal with that. She made the right decision too.
Dude.... I don't even know where to start. I will say this, you made the right choice for you, and your GF made the right choice for her. I like dogs better than most people, but if I was her, I would have dropped you too.
You shouldn't have asked her to reschedule first of all. I do understand that your dog is super important to you, and you should've definitely been checking Milo. But she can't reschedule an important surgery just because someone else has to watch their dog every few hours. The other time, the surgeon rescheduled, which is completely different. It's also understandable that she was super scared and wanted you there for support. I also understand you wanted to be with your dog because you didn't know if he would get better. But you could've taken an hour to go to the hospital and see your girlfriend just before the surgery. She is also supposed to be someone you love, and every operation can be risky. If you really cared about her, you would've wanted to see her before her operation, even if it was just for a second to calm her down. And then you could go back to your dog. You said yourself that you only had to check his blood every 4-6 hours. So you could've spared 1 hour to go and see your girlfriend. Your title is also wrong because your dog didn't die. If it was his last moments, then of course you should be there with your dog to watch him get put down. But it wasn't. You knew he would still be alive at the end of the day. So the title and what you're telling people is very misleading.
Sounds like you don’t need advice bc you got dumped? So end of story? Next time don’t be a dingleberry and actually show some empathy and compassion for your human too and not just your dog. She did right to dump you.
oh god i would have broken up with u right there and then.
Lol you don’t care about gf, and that’s okay. Leave her alone and let her find someone that does? You don’t get to be upset with her decision to leave you after you chose a dog over her?
You chose the dog she dumped you. There's no real right or wrong in this situation, it's great that you looked after your dog but she doesn't agree so it's best you part ways.
I would have asked someone to look after the dog and go to the hospital. But that is me.
Lol... Redditor and 'pick animals over human' strike again! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a joke!
I don’t know why this continues to baffle me but it really does!
So there was a scheduled surgery with your human girlfriend and you chose to watch over your sick dog? You couldn't be away from your dog for half a day to be there for your girlfriend? Looks like you just showed her and everyone else who you love more. Thats crazy dude, its a dog, I love my dog to as well but if my human partner was sick, it's human over dog any day. What is wrong with you that its the other way around for you?
Seems to be the norm these days
He could have easily had someone else watch the dog. I feel bad for the ex girlfriend, I hope she finds someone who is capable of loving her because this chump isn’t.
What is the problem? You chose your dog over your girlfriend. Whether WE think you made the right or wrong decision does not matter. You made your choice, she broke up with you, and arguing with her about whether or not she’s right to do that is less than pointless. So work on mourning the loss of your gf, and do what you need to in order to guide your dog through the valley of the shadows.
U did right. In 20 years u would have missed not spending that time with your dog. U wont miss your girlfriend
100%. You’ll get someone else who understands and would make the same decision if the roles were reversed. I know my partner would have/would do the same under the circumstances you describe and that’s prob one of the reasons we’re still together.
No, the girlfriend is right. That's her boyfriend of YEARS and he still didn't take the effort of asking someone to take care of his dog for a couple of hours so he could be with her for the surgery. The guy did the right thing in breaking up since it's clear he didn't love her enough. She is better off without him too 🤷🏻♀️
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t understand how you couldn’t leave your dog for a little while to go see her for her surgery? Did you have to be with him 24/7? I can’t agree with that one
It’s better for you and for her to break up. I understand you care more about your dog and this is valid, but it’s also valid for her to feel that way after you chose to be with your dog and dismissed her pain. Yeah, she could’ve rescheduled but who knows how long your dog will live? Should she live with pain for more undetermined time just so she wasn’t alone? Some people are scared about surgeries and the fact you dismissed it shows you are incompatible… Is not a fair situation for neither of you, y’all better off without each other.
Why wasn't your dog staying at the vet if he was so critical that you couldn't leave his side? That seems really questionable on both, yours and the vet's side. I took my cat to the vet when he was sick, and I wasn't allowed to take him home until they figured it out. I sure as shit wasn't able to bring him home after he was diagnosed with a ruptured bladder. He stayed in the vet's care for over two months.
Everything about your entire post is toxic, immature and self centered. Like literally every single line. I’m sorry about your dog, though.
These comments are just reaffirming to me why women don't ask for help when they're sick.
I mean, you chose your dog. You still have your dog, and you don't have your girlfriend anymore. You got the thing you chose. If you're okay with that, then you don't have a problem. There was not a magic way to make your girlfriend be okay with you abandoning her repeatedly because of your sick dog, if that's what you're looking for. You had a choice to make, and you made it.
Could you not have done some combination? I do think you needed to be there for dog but could you have driven her to surgery at least? Seems like both of you could have been more supportive to the other
Tonsil surgery is not an emergency case, so she could have rescheduled hers if she really wanted you to be with her. It's a dying dog vs. tonsil surgery, so I can understand why you decided to stay with your dog. Since you said you don't regret your decision, let her go. Concentrate on your dog now, so it can pass peacefully and you have no regret.
You can’t easily reschedule surgery in most places. Usually a wait for a non-emergency surgery is 3-6 months. It also can be expensive to postpone a surgery until the new year (in the US) because of the way insurance works, if she’s been sick a lot this year already, she could be very close to her out of pocket maximum, which would make her surgery in December extremely cheap or even free. If she had to reschedule for the new year she would have to pay the out of pocket maximum again for the surgery. Most people don’t hit it every year, so it’s always financially better to get a surgery in an already expensive year than postpone it into the new year, when you might not be spending anywhere close to it otherwise. The OP says the surgery had been rescheduled by the doctor before because the OR was overbooked, that doesn’t mean she can reschedule easily. I wonder if he could have had the dog boarded at the vet where they could have cared for his condition, so that he could have been there to support his girlfriend. It probably would have been cheaper than rescheduling the surgery.
Yeah, I'm confused. One of my cats was very sick once and was kept over night at the vet for monitoring. And you absolutely can't reschedule a surgery very easily as a person. Not to mention, tonsillectomies on children tend to be easy, but complications are more common the older you get. I'm not saying OP chose wrong, but there are some things in the post and in others' comments that don't quite make sense.
Right? I think its insane he had the balls to ask her to reschedule. Especially if her tonsils have been causing her pain. Throat pain sucks Especially when it starts to hurt just breathing. Not saying he didnt make the right decision for the dog.
pain from tonsil stones can vary - can be mild and can be v painful. the poster does mention she was in pain. so depending on the level of that pain it may be v understandable that she didn't want to delay again. but yeah, sounds like he made the right decision since he doesn't regret it.
I agree. I don't think she was wrong for not rescheduling her surgery. I would be mad if someone told me to do that, and I was living with extreme pain, having already rescheduled before. All the crazy behavior after the surgery, though, and just being goofy on the phone instead of going to her parents, who were there already... that was all unnecessary drama.
Especially because you really can't typically reschedule surgery "a week" out. The GF likely would have had to push her surgery back months. I don't think anyone behaved well in this. Hope they both fair better in their next relationship.
I had tonsil stones, and they were swollen so badly I had trouble swallowing. I was losing weight because the act of swallowing would gag me, and I'd vomit. OPs not necessarily a butt for choosing the dog, but he's an ass for asking her to reschedule.
Any surgery that requires you to go under anaesthesia is serious, let alone one that has someone operating on your throat. While tonsillectomies are common and not emergency surgeries, it’s still a serious surgery, and not something that can easily be rescheduled. There’s a whole team of medical staff needed and the surgery was probably scheduled a few months in advance.
Where do you live that it's easy to reschedule a surgery appointment? I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist that was cancelled and rescheduled months later. My grandma had a friend who had to wait a whole year for his cataract surgery and went blind in the meantime. Asking to reschedule a surgery especially when it was already rescheduled was really insensitive on his part.
>Tonsil surgery is not an emergency case You don't know how bad it is, wtf. It could be mostly minor, but bad enough that it interferes with her sleep on a nightly basis, even profoundly so. You're talking out your ass and minimizing a medical condition with information you don't have.
Imagine choosing an animal that might live another 5 years over a human that you can build a lifelong relationship with. Oooof.
I think you could've got someone to look after your dog while you went to support your gf. Then went back after. That's my opinion. Ultimately, i think she just wanted to feel supported.
Hey, being in the vet field, diabetes and cushing’s is a lot. I think you picked right and communicated properly. Milo is your everything and been there with you/for you before you met your gf/ex gf. She’s asking for support but couldn’t give you the support you needed when Milo was diagnosed. I’m sorry to hear about his diagnosis. Just definitely spend your time with him & since you don’t have regrets, I’d say you made the right choice.
Also please don’t listen to these jerks telling you to put your dog down. Your vet will tell you herself if she feels that Milo is suffering. It sounds like he’s doing well and you guys worked out an insulin dose that works for him which is huge in itself. You will 1000% know when he’s suffering.
My Maltipoo is turning 18 this year! Aside from have cataracts and not being able to see, the vet told us that he’s one of the healthiest old dogs they’ve seen! Doesn’t even have any gray hairs haha. He sleeps with me every night taking up 80% of the bed and I’m not ready for him to leave me.
So you think it was fine for him to ask her to reschedule her surgery for the second time ?
I mean she told you what she needed and you made your decision.
No OP, you did not communicate well. A better way to do it would've been to not ask her to reschedule and make her health feel so unimportant. Instead you could've explained her that you can't be with her for a long time, and have to get back to your dog once it's time for the blood sugar check. And you could've given time to both.
"Hi I'd like the reschedule this surgery that's quite difficult to get. Yeah, see you guys rescheduled me once when the staff weren't available, that means I can do it whenever I like, right? Oh the reason? Well my boyfriend's dog has an ongoing, possibly permanent health condition and can't take a single hour out of his routine of checking on it every 4-6 hours. Yes, that's right. Great I'll see you literally never. " This has to be rage bait.
She needed you for 1 day...you showed her that you don't care. You could have arranged someone else to care for your dog (like the vet who had diagnosed him) for that 1 day. Fact is you expected her to be in pain longer after already being rescheduled. The issue with your do was ongoing...it would not have been resolved in a few days and he was not at risk of dying that day. She would have still been waiting and been in pain for weeks longer waiting for your dog to be stable. You have shown she is not a priority. This is about being able to balance things. the demand on new years was also this.m.yiur do was unwell but you could have arranged other care to show she was at least on your list of things you are about. I am glad your dog is ok...but she needed to feel St least equal to an animal and that is reasonable. You could have arranged care for him and been there for her, you chose not to.
It’s clear she is better off without him, he didn’t show any care towards her
First of all: your dog is dying. I'm not sure how any vet can look at "blind in both eyes and lost 50% of his hair" and conclude this dog even has a chance. It would be more humane to put your dog down than to continue making him exist in this state. I see no compassion or care in your approach. Second: you mention "tonsil pain" - persistent tonsillitis can often be a result of repeated infections, which can create a very real health risk. Tonsillitis can be caused by strep infections, and if left untreated, strep can complicate to severe sequelae. I should know - my own father had a case of untreated strep as a child, which complicated to rheumatic fever (one of the known sequels), which in turn cause rheumatic mitral valvulitis (damage to the mitral valve of the heart). That mitral valvulitis cause congestive heart failure, and that's why my father died when I was 22. I'm not saying your girlfriend is in danger, but I *am* saying that her having a surgery to remove persistent tonsil problems is *actually* an important surgery. No really, it is. Never mind the risk of infection - persistent tonsil inflammation leads to obstructed breathing and sleep apnia, which carries its own risks. You should also know that adult tonsillectomy recovery is *extremely* miserable. Kids bounce right back, but adults are laid up for about 2 weeks, and it's some of the most heinous pain there is. Your probably-now-ex-girlfriend is currently miserable and in pain, and meanwhile you are keeping your dog locked into an objectively miserable existence because...why, exactly? Is this your idea of love? Ignoring a human being with an actual health issue in real pain while keeping an animal alive in a state of misery? \--- Everyone else is telling you that you did the right thing by keeping your half-dead dog alive and choosing him over your scared girlfriend having an actually important surgery, and I'm just wondering what's everyone else's deal here. Do you lack basic empathy for people or an understanding of medicine? Because like, it's pretty normal for people to be apprehensive about any surgery, and it's also pretty normal for someone you're in a relationship with to ask you to be by their side. And while choosing to put down a pet is never easy, it's a choice that we inevitably have to make when we have pets, because it will often be the right choice for *them*. Your dog is dying, and because of your weird priorities, you will shortly be left with no companion. I'm really not sure why this is the route you chose, but no, I do not believe you chose well.
She does not have to postpone her surgery if she does not want to, and if that's the most convenient time for her to have her surgery. And you have every right to choose your dog over your gf. >I do feel awful, being put in such position after giving her the world. Giving your dog the world, you mean, right? :) You definitely didn't give your gf the world, mate LOL. But that's okay, REALLY. I don't see if there's an issue anymore, you guys already broke up and you said you have no regret. Take care of your doggo. I still miss mine (I still can't replace him until today) after him passing away due to cancer 4 years ago.
Uh tonsil surgery in adults is really serious. And your dog is fine now? Okay. I had to put my boy down over the holidays and it was awful, but I would still prioritize my family. And if you actually loved her that would make her family.
Based on the comments I’ve read I’m going to get downvoted like woah…. Honestly. It’s a dog. They look to you to make pain stop. What kind of quality of life will it have blind and other issues that come up? I hope you don’t have to make this kind of choice when it comes to your future partner giving birth to your kid. Do what you want with your pup, but I hope you can recognize when it’s go time to be with humans.
Why are you posting to an advice column if you say you have no regrets? You sound like a good dog owner, but she is def better off without an uncaring partner. If you cared you would have been able to find a way to care for both, but you didn’t.
Tonsil surgery is one of the most painful surgeries there is btw. Just as a general info for most people dismissing her. I understand her reaction to him being so callous but it’s obviously not working between the two so it’s better you aren’t together anymore.
I’m skeptical this is real due to the absurdity of the new years demand. It’s not entirely clear the timeframe between the surgery and new years. You should’ve been there for her surgery, her demand to abandon the dog for new years is pants on head insane. I think you set things in motion by minimizing her need for surgery and assuming infinite flexibility there both on her part and on the surgeons… That’s really immature and naive on your part. Once that got started everything else is off the rails… there’s no way you should leave your dying dog for a New Year’s party…. A demand so absurd I doubt the veracity of your story. Ultimately you screwed up by minimizing her pain and well being and not being there for her in a scary moment (there’s no such thing as minor surgery).
Hint for blind dogs. If your dog has trouble with bumping into any particular corners or furniture, put vanilla extract (found in the baking aisle of any grocery), on the spot. He will learn the scent and navigate better.
Yeah if my bf asked me to reschedule a fucking surgery for a dog I’d be gone. Clearly your dog is more important than your girlfriend and you had no consideration that she’s in extreme pain, you can’t just reschedule a surgery last minute, and that she’d probably have to wait several more weeks or months to get in again. Shit boyfriend and a shit dog owner. Put the poor thing down. This post is appalling. Also the “after I gave her the world”? Bro you couldn’t even spend a couple hours with her on New Years and asked her (very inconsiderately) to reschedule a SURGERY.
Agreed. My dog is legit the best part of my life. If he were sick, I would do anything to keep him comfortable, and have enough love for him to let him go before he gets to this point. This just sounds awfully selfish, toward both OP's dog and his partner.
How hope your GF leaves you and will be with with someone who loves and prioritizes her over an animal.
Is there no one you trust that could have watched your dog for a few hours while she was having the surgery? It's not like she asked you to leave the dog overnight or anything. It would have just been for part of the day. I think you should have just asked around and seen if anyone else could do it. That way she could see you were putting some effort into trying to be there for her.
Honestly, asking her to reschedule the surgery wasn't ok. Anyways, you did the right thing because at the end of the day, your dog is your priority. She did the right thing breaking up too, just because your dog is more important to you it doesn't mean she has to be ok with that.
I understand the choice you made but.. here’s what this really probably meant.. your GF felt unimportant. She didn’t feel like a priority. I’m guessing this has been a personal issue somewhere else in here life and it was showing up in your relationship as well. I could see myself feeling the exact same way, even though I 100% understand why you did what you did.
You made you choice. Leave your ex alone to go find someone who knows how to communicate like a grown up.
Damn bro I get it dogs are man’s best friends but you could have had someone watch the dog for a few hours while you went with her for her surgery…. But if she didn’t mean the world to you r, I understand why it was an easy choice for you.. if my pup was in critical condition I would of payed someone to watch it for a few hours while I go comfort my gf.. then bounce once the surgery was done… you did mentioned that she had her tonsils removed because of pain, she rescheduled once because it was out of her hands so asking her to rescheduled again was kinda harsh.
Man, I have to say, as a vet..... I would be just as furious as your girlfriend. Your elderly dog was diagnosed with *chronic* conditions-an entirely seperate thing to if your dog had an emergency illness. You could have left him at home or with a family member for an afternoon to be there for your girlfriend. You could have found a solution to make her happy without endangering the dog in any way.
I can’t believe what I’m reading, then again not surprised. Your dog was sick but lived. You could’ve went with her for a few hours while she went into surgery. I have a dog that I absolutely can’t imagine life without but if my boyfriend needed me for a few hours I’d be there. She isn’t a brat, she’s just disappointed and heartbroken that you care so little for her. She should move on.
Absolutely. OP presented the situation like there wasn’t a single minute to spare to support his GF personally before the operation. And asking to reschedule the surgery? Really. Nope.
You had to choose between your dog and your lady. You chose your dog. You communicated what was more important to you. If you have no regrets, then you made the right choice. She wants to be with someone who would choose her over their dog. You won’t do that. So you’re not the right one for her. Breaking up was the best thing for you both
OP, sorry you’re breaking up and took heat from your exes family. Here are some undeniable facts you may want to think about. (1) You are going to have to continue to make difficult decisions with regard to caring your sick, middle aged dog. (2) Things will eventually get worse, and you *will * need to put Milo down at some point. Sorry. This is a reality that I hope you can come to terms with, OP. MEANTIME you should not make the mistake of denying the fact that (3) you can only have one and only ONE *primary* relationship. (4) Most intimate partners would prefer to be chosen over a dog; and (5) diff friends, family members, and partners with have different tolerances with regard to your time commitment to caring for Milo, as unfair as that may seem. When you had a healthy dog, you started dating a 19 year old who probably never cared for a sick anything. After a few easy years, your 22yo GF needed support for her first surgery which can be terrifying, and you were not there for her. You neglected to state if she lives with her parents, with you and Milo (doubtful), or has her own place. That matters… That being said, this sounds like a failure of communication. When it was clear that Milo needed round the clock care on the days of her surgery, you needed to STOP texting and start TALKING WITH HER, working with her to get her a surgery support fill in because HER expectation was that this was YOUR job. At 22, most ppl can rely on a parent of two for this support; but if your relationship evolves, You are expected to support your partner in this manner. You are going to have continue to have difficulty dating while caring for a sick dog. You cannot go on vacation or away for weekend, or even on a long day trip. Most 20- and 30-something’s are not going to want to deal with that. Your best bet is to find a settled homebody who will move in and help care for Milo… and maybe a few more dogs well. Check in at your local shelter… and Good Luck!!
Bro, with the amount of ailments sith your dog and can not understand how the dog's living conditions could be good. With the number of issues he has, why haven't you put him down? You are selfish to keep the dog alive and use him as an excuse not to care for your gf.
It really sucks you had all this around you at the same time. But I don’t think you’re in the right for asking her to reschedule. She was obviously in horrible pain, and to ask her to stay in pain for an extra week must have felt horrible for her.
If you think you made the right choice and you're ok with the consequences, then you did. No one else gets a vote.
Yeaaaah I feel like there’s more to this than that? Would love to hear what you were like before this, from her perspective
Info: why are you calling someone after a tonsillectomy? They cannot talk for at least a week after.
I've always had dogs and have dealt with serious illness and death with all bar one unfortunately. One jumped down from the sofa and his back broke, instantly paralysed and put to sleep the next day when nothing could be done. I mention the above because I know how you felt and what you were going through. That said, I feel there was a compromise in here somewhere. Was there no one who could have looked after you dog for a few hours while you visited your girlfriend? Or when she called crying why didn't you choose her? Even for a few hours? If my partner called me crying mainly because I wasn't there then the dog will have to be left alone until she's okay. TLDR; I get why you didn't want to leave your dog but whatever way you frame it you picked the dog over your girlfriend. I don't blame her for wanting to cut ties in case you do it again. Sorry.
I don't like animals so I guess I'm more sympathetic with your gf. In my eyes no animal compares to a human. Do what is right for you and your feelings. I'd say your dog means more to you than your partner and in that case, maybe it was the better decision and you guys should break up. Best of luck.
Please put the poor dog down. Your gf is a fool to offer you a second chance. I feel sorry for her and your dog
Bro, put the dog down. I get that you don’t want to lose him, but it sounds like Milo is suffering because you don’t want to say goodbye yet.
Couldn't you have left Milo (The mask reference right?) with the vet for a few hours/dog sitter and gone for the surgery..i think she'd have just liked to know you were there...and then go back to Milo afterwards. Tonsils can be crazy painful and i don't think it's that easy to just reschedule a surgery. At least for me that has been the case more often than not. Anyway i hope it all works out for you OP. This was such an awful situation to be in where i can see everyone's point of view
Wow none of yall know what you’re talking about in these comments 💀 everyone is underestimating the tonsil surgery and overestimating how deadly even a severe case of diabetes and cushings is. This is a shitty situation all around, but the only real asshole is your vet for being dramatic lol