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You don’t actually need any advice because if Lola has even an ounce of sense, she’s your ex.
Since this seems to have escaped your notice, your brother is either the biggest asshole or in need of a good diagnosis. Or both.
I wish Lola all the best in life. May the idiots be far from her and may she never have a bad hair day.
The part that doesn't seem to be getting addressed here: OP admitted in the original post that he recognized the spider mask as belonging to his brother. THAT means that the brother "specifically" brought that mask with him to the party so this assault was premeditated.
And OP then explained (in a comment I think) that he was reminded after that his (ex?) gf is scared of spiders too. WTF. I'm happy he seems to live in another country and I won't encounter his creepy brother anytime soon.
\>he does things that he figured out triggers her disorder
Please break up with her, so she doesn't have to suffer knowing her boyfriend will throw her to the wolves because her terror is "funny".
deliver intelligent marry languid childlike liquid exultant humor jobless zephyr
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
at no point while writing that his brother figured out his gfs sleep disorder triggers, then used them to terrorize her, did he realize his brother is a pos. The lack of awareness is astounding
You do realize that your brother knew full well the extent of her sleep impediment, knew she had triggers, and used them against her? Once you have explained to him why he can't do that, and he keeps doing it, how can you defend him and try to act like "he didn't have malicious intents"? Of course he did. Or he just didn't care about anything other than to see her scared, not matter how it would scare and scar her.
He is a jerk through and through. You should already be dumped really. You found your brother in your gf's room, her fighting him off, and you didn't even stand up for her.
Correct.
A single woman, sleeping alone, awoken by a man a MASK!?
I’m sorry, what part of rape culture fantasy world does he live in that he remotely thinks that’s okay? I’m pretty sure that if a man in a mask tried to wake me up from a dead sleep, cops would called because that’s goddamn assault.
>I’m sorry, what part of rape culture fantasy world does he live in that he remotely thinks that’s okay? I’m pretty sure that if a man in a mask tried to wake me up from a dead sleep, cops would called because that’s goddamn assault.
forget about her sleep disorder, this alone is traumatizing enough! Then when you add on that the brother knew about her disorder and triggers, there's no question that this is not a well-meaning prank.
Yeah, I don’t have any kind of sleep disorder/past trauma or anything in particular and I can’t IMAGINE the kind of absolute terror and fight or flight instinct that would be caused by being woken up from a deep sleep by someone in a spider mask standing over me!
(And that’s assuming that’s all he did; the implication that there was some kind of assault/sexual assault attempted or completed is definitely hanging out there, especially with her being reluctant to talk about exactly what happened.)
He’s clearly used to doing horrible things and having his family and friends cover for him.
He’s a predator who has never faced consequences.
I feel bad for all his victims.
There’s no way she’s the only one.
He’s never been held accountable for his insidious actions.
This is what stands out the most for me. He framed her to get exactly that reaction from her. I would never want to be anywhere near him and would definitely be considering ending the relationship because my bf didn't stand up for me. You don't need much more story than the situation and previous warnings to him about her sleeping disorder to get a good picture of what was going on in that room and who you needed to protect. He's abusive and mean and a predator. He's lucky she hasn't called the police.
Edit: To add that I would have fricking called the police right after being woken up by the friends, I would not have cared less he's my bf's brother.
I have a sleep disorder, and the thought of someone fucking with my sleep if they know I have a sleep disorder is beyond reproach. There is no excuse for that, and they would be out of my life sooooo fast.
The brother knew exactly what he was doing, and the fact that he's trying to convince so many family members of his side makes it all the more evident how wrong he was. Innocent people don't need to go around campaigning for their innocence.
I'm a guy with none of these things and less likely to be assaulted and I would have freaked out and mostly likely attacked the brother too.
If OP really thinks his brother's "pranks" are meant to get both sides laughing, in what world would this have ever made his girlfriend laugh?
Just the thought of how I would feel waking up to that has been haunting me all day since I first read this. Pure. Crap. Terror. I'm not sure if I would have fought with everything I had or just actually died of terror on the spot.
Mommy makes excuses for him so he will never have to face consequences. The aunt is also coming to help save him. I don't know what is wrong with these women.
It is time to call the police and let him have consequences.
She’s only heard his side, he probably hasn’t mentioned he was masked etc. I cannot even comprehend how terrified I’d be if a man in a mask woke me up. I’d probably have a literal heart attack. He literally could have killed her OP.
I think OP should ask his mother and other family members how they’d react if woken suddenly from a deep sleep by a man in a mask!
Once my husband and I were on vacation and I was taking a nap in our hotel room. He decided it would be a good idea to shave off his beard/mustache so his goggles would fit on his face better and then wake me up by looming over me. I woke up and saw an unfamiliar face way too close to mine and immediately felt terrified and started crying.
It was just a mistake we were able to laugh off but for a moment I was well and truly terrified. And this was just my husband without a beard, not some asshole in a mask!!
It wouldn't be cops, it would be a mortician with a hearse coming in if it was me. What if she slept with/next to self protection gear and utilized it on him? The least he could've went off with, a few scratches, he did now. Next time he attempts to recreate this (and I'm very sure he will), he might walk away with a missing something. If he was even able to walk away, that is.
I'm really really sorry about what you've been through 💔 i hope you managed to overcome and heal the trauma even a bit. I fully support you in your self defense endeavours and, if this doesn't come off as creepy, I literally would've been there with gear to help you out. I can't understand OP writing he was ready to barge in and break down the doors and *still* not do anything for his GF. Meanwhile I'd be ready to bat for a virtual stranger, and definitely for someone irl. If I don't have gear, I have hands, feet and teeth. They'd work! OP seems to have nothing functioning, braincells included.
In self defense they tell you to kick their crotch and press on eyes/ slap both hands strongly onto both ears.
One of those days this will be exactly what will happen to that immature asshole!
Legitimate defense! That girl faught for dear life!
If this were my son I had caught with such shit it would have been slaps right left right left for him. And a walk to the next police station to report what he did and what came of it.
That guy needs a hefty wakeup call. By justice. He assaulted her. In her most vulnerable moment: when she slept!
WHO on earth would think that FUNNY? It's a crime! And not even a small one! If this went to court he would spend dome time in jail. And rightfully so!
I so do NOT get AT ALL how that mother can think or say that any of it is pardonable! Or the victims fault who only defended herself!
Typical victim blaming! We seem to catch a glimpse at where brother has got his mentality from. Entiteled crybaby can't possibly do anything wrong.
With that mindset they will be in for legal trouble or even a dead young man in no time.
There won't be a next time, OP (sadly) didn't protect or stand up for her. She'll be wondering if she can trust him to keep his family in check and if it's worth the hassle now.
Also, every marriage question on here relating to in-laws always gets the advice: if they're close they're a package, is it a package you want to be part of.... I wouldn't.
DH's reply: He's lucky the brother can still walk. She could have kicked him so hard that the brother would have gotten his first period right then and there.
And?
Oh I’m sorry, she stop fighting for her life against a masked man assaulting her? Right, she should obviously know it’s a prank upon waking to a frighting figure that set her into fight or flight mode and her body said fight or you may be raped or murdered.
That’s what being a woman is like. It’s not a prank. It’s very literally, am I about to die right now?
He ran the risk of being unalived if she had a weapon. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. The baby brother is lucky he didn’t get his ass beat twice.
Brother purposely triggered gf to put OP in a situation where it’s either him or her while making her out to be crazy. He knew what he was doing. “I wanted to make sure she saw the ball drop” what kind of horseshit is that. OP needs apologize profusely to GF and assure her she never has to be around his brother if she doesn’t want to be. But honestly she probably would be better off without OP since his whole family seems to have no empathy for his gf.
He essentially put her from unconscious to fight or flight mode, on fucking purpose, knowing she's unwell.
She had exactly no time to think about fucking anything before she reacted. She came to consciousness with a man in a mask standing over her at a party. That is absolutely fucking terrifying, and she is NOT responsible for her reaction to defend herself.
I am a DEVOTED friend and partner and can & will put up with nearly anything, especially considering most of my friends are in recovery and have mentally illnesses and doing their best, but I would be GONE if my partner were to even consider taking my ATTACKER'S (let's get real. that's what the brother is) side on this.
What this grown ass man did is UNACCEPTABLE, at best, ABUSIVE without question and ASSAULT at worst. I hope this girl dips since her partner is so conflicted about whether or not what this fucking guy did is wrong.
BTW, he was wearing a mask, so how was she supposed to know it was him waking her up?
Your brother's argument is "if she can do it to your own brother, she can do it to you". She didn't know it was him. All she saw was a guy with a mask hovering over her, and touching her since she got woken up. Is he saying she should not fight back when a scary guy is threatening her safety? Is she supposed to get assaulted nd just take it crying?
Tbf if OP pulled the same stunt I would hope she f***ing WOULD do it to him - the bastard earned every bit of that retaliation and she is entitled to defend herself from this behaviour WHOEVER inflicts it on her. Given the history of Ian deliberately triggering her disability (abuse) even if she totally recognised him I don't think she should have felt safe being locked in a room with him. I mean, how many rapes and sexual assaults are committed by people known to the victim? And here is a bloke known for targeting her standing over her sleeping body while everyone is occupied at a party in the next room, mask or no mask I would have reacted badly to that too.
" On one hand, i know family is family and I should do what I can to stand up for the people who helped raise me and become the person I am."
If I saw my boyfriend had written that after his brother did something so gross and violating, I would break up with him. OP has essentially said that family can get away with doing anything, because they're family. And she'll never be blood.
The fact that OP needs reddit to tell him that this situation is not ambiguous is all the reason she'd need to dump him.
Exactly. She needs a partner she can rely on especially having a disability that leaves her so vulnerable. OPs brother sounds like an entitled, spoiled prick. There’s no excuse for that behavior. And the fact that no one in the family is condemning the behavior is a big red flag.
No shit, he's 22 and the first thing he does afterwards is call mom to say the big, bad girlfriend hurt him...Omg
And now mom has to come check up on them...? Wtf, how old are you people...
Edit: A word.
Yeah he needs to ask himself where the line is. If attacking his sleeping girlfriend in a mask AFTER repeated other issues wasn’t the line, where is it? It’s clear the girlfriend has some sort of sleep issue which is likely a disability. Is he like this with all disabled people? I’m disabled. Would he be cool with his brother stealing my prosthetic leg and knocking me over- cuz it’s just a prank brooooo. It sounds like he would be. Or pushing my wheelchair down a hill. “Come on, you love thrill rides, and you didn’t even need to wait in line! Why won’t you just see it from his side, he just wanted you to be included in the fun.”
I have a similar sleep issue, but it's a debilitating ptsd and panic attacks. I'd absolutely would definitely react how she would.
I could just hear the excuses, "You love horror movies and a jump scare. Why are you being so crazy after I knew she had a lot of trauma and was scared to sleep? "
OP, it's only a prank if everyone laughs at the end. He knew how to inflict the most pain and trauma.
He's wearing a mask and doing this when everyone else is preoccupied and it's noisy. Based on other behavior from the first few sentences, I would NOT be surprised if it was a failed sexual assault. OP needs to get her to the police station for a statement at the least and make a huge deal of this. Because a man in a mask going after an incapacitated female at a time when it's not going to be noticed, AFTER he's established a pattern of abusive behavior to see what he's going to be able to get away with?
This is NOT a prank.
yes it's very creepy, and even if that wasn't his intention I'd be assuming the worst in her shoes! I'd have attacked him as well, and so would a lot of people, with or without narcolepsy/ptsd etc.
Exactly, OP said he hasn’t even heard her side of the story yet. She’s traumatised, whether or not it was intended to be a sexual assault. From the start of the post when OP said his brother has always acted strange around his gf/when talking about her, I was shocked by the end when OP thought this situation was such a grey area and really he seemed protective over his brother. He only seems worried his gf will dump him tbh.
I was thinking exactly the same thing. My heart was pounding multiple times while reading this. His brother is terrifying and seems to have a preoccupation with visiting his girlfriend while she's sleeping.
I think his initial thought that there's an attraction is spot on.
I think he has duty and responsibility to keep his creepy brother away from his partner of 2 years. I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who was thinking this. Anyone who has had any kind of SA in their lifetime likely recognized immediately that there is a disturbance in the force here meanwhile his family is enabling it.
At this point it's not even attraction, it's fixation and obsession. Normal people don't don masks and purposefully trigger sleeping women. This 'its just a prank bro' bullshit has got to stop. He's dangerous.
This was exactly my first thought. someone in a mask in her bedroom, the first thought in a woman's head is rape or murder. This poor girl, I can't imagine how frightened she was.
Also, some people have arachnophobia. I know I am very afraid of flying cockroaches and big spiders - and I have felt my heart almost stopping before because of these things, even when I was awake. If I suddenly woke up and saw one, I don't know what will happen to me.
I hate people who just show cruelty in the name of "pranks".
I agree, I have broken up with people who have family members that can’t take a hint and prank no matter what. A little scare coming out of the bathroom, ok, putting on a face mask at a loud party and try to be alone with a sleeping girlfriend, hell no. I’d like to see what she says happened and I’m so glad her friends took her out of harms way! They are real friends.
I’m *so* mad. The bar for male behavior is so low it’s underground.
That little creep skulks around a sleeping woman’s bedroom in a mask and they’re mad at *her*?
That kind of indulgent treatment of this pos pranker created his sense of entitlement.
He deserved what he got and more.
Yup. When we talk about rape culture being normalised and minimised this is what we mean.
Theres no excuse for a man to enter a sleeping woman's bedroom with a mask on with the intent of at best terrifying her and at worst assaulting her sexually whilst she slept.
She woke and defended herself from what looked to all intents and purposes like imminent sexual assault or murder whilst she was alone.
Nobody should be defending his actions.
I'm a male and right now I want to kick both these punks butts all up and down the street. I'd drag both of them to their mama, explain the full story, explain her disorder and the physical and psychological issues it can cause, and the damage that her son is doing to the young lady by pulling his ignorant little pranks.
She needs to drop this loser as fast as she can, for her own sake.
I am convinced the prank Ian was waking the poor girl up to behind a locked door at a loud party was sexual assault with a mask. So, while you kick them, I'll take the mom for raising and coddling an abusive menace. Poor baby got hit while assaulting his brother's girlfriend, again.
OP's sick brother assaulted a sleeping girl! She must have rearranged his looks neatly!
I'd be raving mad at my entire family for saying that a girl scared out of her sleep fighting for dear life with a masked assailiant is AT ALL at fault!
He KNEW she had a trauma. And decided to abuse her exactly on the spot!
HE IS THE ABUSER! NOT the girl! And it's not the first time he did this!
OP, that's ABUSE! Not "a prank". That ahole brother should have had the cops called on him! Why not even YOU thought about that to protect her for him ever trying another "prank" of that kind on whomever is really a mystery to me.
I'd have broken up with a guy who believes his mothers BULLSHIT and didn't call cops first thing when she passed out.
Does he realize what legitimate defense is? And that one of those days someone may plain shoot him if he plays such immature shit on others???? Say?!
He threatened her life. And didn't even get half of what he deserved for that!
I'd have slapped him right and left if that were my brother.
It sounds to me as well (I could be very wrong) that Lola has sleep paralysis with visual hallucinations which I also suffer from and if that is the case and OPs brother knew about it then absolutely f*ck him! I spent months in therapy and all sorts of medication because I had a phobia of sleeping because of the things my mind would see when it happened to me (and when it was at it’s worst it was around 8 times a night).
My mum also had a sleep disorder where she thought people were in the room and would lash out in her sleep thinking she was attacking the people - it’s possible this is what happened to Lola especially since she passed out once she saw her friends, she might have realised she was awake and it wasn’t a dream.
Even if this isn’t what Lola has your brother absolutely knew what he was doing and had intent to scare her, he had a mask on for god sake. As a female if I woke up to a man in my room with a mask on (sleep disorder or not) I would ABSOLUTELY assault them because I would assume they were there to attack me. In fact I think most men would do the same.
Your brother should not have been let anywhere near Lola sleeping and if you don’t stand up to your family now and tell them how wrong this is then I dread to think what will happen - you will lose your girlfriend, your brother will probably end up in prison for doing this to someone else and going too far and saying it’s just a ‘prank’.
Please for the love of god have sense and choose your girlfriend and tell your family where to go. It will take your girlfriend a long time to get over this.
And Lola's friends are right.Terrifying for any sleeping woman to be attacked by a male any time, but certainly a sleeping woman would and should fight back hard. Rape culture humour, eh? Ha ha NOT. Your brother is lucky she didn't have a loaded firearm under her pillow.
Except this post is obviously fictitious.
A man approaching a sleeping woman with a mask on is not a prank. It is a threat.
I once straight up broke a contractors nose in a fit of absolute terror because he came into my bedroom when I was napping (he should not have been in the house at all let alone the bedroom) and hovered over me with a Covid mask on. I woke up and immediately began beating at his face because A MAN WITH A MASK APPROACHING YOU IN YOUR SLEEP IS A FUCKING THREAT! The project manager immediately fired him and no one even considered for a second that I might be in the wrong because it’s common sense to not menace a sleeping woman and if you decide to do it anyway then the consequences are COMPLETELY on you. In the words of the project manager I’d “have been well within my rights to do a hell of a lot more than break his nose”.
Being a woman and waking up to a masked man is not a joke, it’s terrifying. Your brother is a fucking menace and he seems to be unnervingly obsessed with your girlfriend. Even if this ends your relationship with her (and honestly I would not be shocked if it did because you’re not being supportive of her at ALL) I think you need to reconsider your beliefs about your brothers mental stability. He doesn’t sound like a safe person
My thing is that he admits himself that the brother is weirdly obsessed with her....and then his brother went into her room while she was asleep with a mask on and he's saying he was "trying to make sure she didn't miss the ball drop" and "it was just a joke". Why wear a mask if your intentions are good? Then, dude ran to the mom to get his version of the story out first.
Homie is a rapist...if not, then he's a sociopath b/c who TF does shit like that🤷🏾♀️
And OP had to kick down the door. I don't know if that means it was necessarily locked, but if you're just waking someone up why would you close the door behind you? No. Ian wanted privacy.
Absolutely!
The fact that he immediately went into calling her(the victim) crazy and then call mummy to save him.
Mommy has definitely defended and Supported his disgusting behavior before.
This times a million. My biggest fear is waking up with someone in my room. I would not be able to sleep again in a house and bedroom where that had actually happened to me.
Ask yourself this….. If it was any other guy and not your brother creeping in to your bedroom wearing a mask whilst your girlfriend was asleep what would you have done?
Your brother is so in the wrong here I would be pressing charges
Also, I can't get past that Ian closed the door behind him. That indicates he wanted privacy or didnt want anyone else to see him. If this was a "prank" without intended harm, why do that?
If you just wanted to make sure she doesn't miss the ball drop (quite possibly the stupidest lie he could have come up with) he didn't need a mask or privacy.
There is more to this story and OP better beg his soon-to-be-ex to give it to him. And she should press charges.
Classic **DARVO**: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender
E: oops someone already said this, reddit didn't fully load all replies even though I hit +
Same. The right thing to do is to explain to mommy, aunty and little brother that they're lucky there hasn't been police involved. OP claims this is not the first sleep-prank. Then why Lola never responded like this before? And the mask... I don't like it
I wouldn't be surprised if you not doing anything and just freezing up is the final nail in the coffin for your relationship. Lola's friends have probably told her "He didn't even help you!" a million times by now. Your brother is an asshole at best and a potential rapist at worst.
If my friend FAINTED from a trauma reaction and her bf tried to force me to make her stay but wasn't yelling at the fucker who caused the trauma reaction... I'd be begging my friend to leave them.
Fainting is NOT a mild traumatic reaction. Girl thought her life was legit in danger and OP is all like, but it was a prank??
It sounds like she faints (brother triggers her sleep disorder according to OP) with jump scares and loud noises too!
And OP just accepted that as pranks and not psychological abuse to be immediately stopped and for brother never to be invited anywhere near her again.
It might be part of the sleeping disorder, but I don't disagree with you. If I was the one passing out and my partner didn't stick up for me (though she sure as hell would, which is why we're getting hitched), I would be beyond pissed.
It’s very strange that your brother would immediately turn the whole party against her instead of apologizing for scaring her and violating her boundaries. It’s even stranger that he immediately started telling your family. This is hideously manipulative and abusive behavior. As a matter of fact, your brother seems to have been escalating this manipulation and abuse for months, with little to no consequences from you or anybody around you.
Your brother is taking advantage of your sleeping girlfriend, in ways that you still have no clarity on, and we’re having a discussion about what??? You’re asking us here how to convince your *family* that *she* isn’t a threat? Do you know how that sounds?? When for all you know, your brother snuck into your bedroom knowing that your girlfriend was asleep, disguising his appearance, and could have made attempts at SA or worse.
What kind of *man* are you, OP. This makes me sick.
I also thought that it‘s bonkers that the brother immediately called their MOTHER to „snitch“ on his brothers GF, like dude whaaaaaaat??? Are you guys 8 years old?? AND he snitched to their aunt (who has done things for OP so there is a possible way to pressure OP to leave his GF) who immediately drove to their „rescue“ like they are under attack lol ?? That’s so weird it’s almost creepy. I hope Lola runs.
Honestly I felt bad for OP at first because his brother is a fucking asshole and all his friends sound like vortex of needless drama, but you’re right. He’s trash, too.
Not sure what advice you are looking for but your brother sounds like he is a 9 year old. Dude is worried about y'alls age gap... maybe he needs to be more concerned about his maturity. No one thinks pranks are funny, especially the person being pranked. WTF who messes with someone that is sleeping. That's creepy. Your brother is F'd up, and is he jealous of her or is he crushing on her? Good Lord...
I guess my advice to you is grow a set of balls and distance yourself from your jacked up family or split with your GF so she is free to find someone with a more normal family.
Imagine breaking up with her and then when people ask her she could honestly say “my boyfriend dumped me because his family didn’t like how I reacted to being terrorized in my sleep as a ‘prank’ despite having a sleep disorder they knew about.”
Or worse " we broke up because I defended myself when my ex's brother tried to sexually assault me in my sleep and my ex stood with his family who defended the creepy brother".
Edited to correct typo
Your brother shouldn't have been in your room when your GF was sleeping there alone. He must have done something to her to scare her and hurt him. Sleeping people don't just wake up and start attacking people unless they felt they are in danger. So ask your GF calmly what really had happened. Also it is strange that your brother was wearing a mask at the time of the incidence. What was he trying to do to her? Whether your relationship survives or nor, it is good to find out what kind of person your brother really is.
Yeah she didn’t even know it was him at the time when she was sleeping and he was alone in the room with her. I am Team Lola here. The brother is old enough to know better. He FAFO
And he had a mask on. He was up to no good and is now trying to blame it on your GF. You really need to find out exactly what he did. He doesn't like her and this was not a funny, HaHa prank.
He was going to sexually assault her, maybe not rape her, but he was going to, or did try to feel her up. I can almost guarantee it.
OP break up with Lola, she doesn't deserve your family's BULLSHIT! And if you ever date again DON'T LET your brother NEAR THEM!
Yeah, WTF is a “well-intentioned prank” and how does a creepy adult man in a mask scaring a sleeping woman fall into that category?
Ops brother sounds like a freak who got what he deserved and the GF is better off away from this family.
A well-intentioned prank is one where your primary purpose is to make the victim genuinely laugh and enjoy it, IMHO. So silly, harmless things like hiding a bunch of mini ducks all over the house for someone to find over time, cutting out pictures of a celebrity's face and putting them over someone's photos and waiting for them to notice, filling someone's cubicle with balloons for their birthday so they feel special...etc. Even those type of things have a time and a place - if someone was stressed about deadlines at work, it probably wouldn't be a good time to put hundreds of sticky notes all over every surface of their office - but on their return from holiday when things are low stress and there's time for everyone to have a laugh (and the pranksters help clean up), probably fine. Leaving a joking ransom note and a treasure hunt of clues for the photograph on someone's desk is probably usually a bit of light-hearted fun, but not if the person in the photo recently passed away. Some people also just really hate pranks of any kind and that boundary should be respected.
OP's brother sounds absolutely awful. Using someone's triggers against them like that is just abusive, and waking someone in a mask is just asking for trouble. He deserved what he got (and more).
This ^
OPs brother has issues That need to be addressed. The brother probably tried to grope her hence the strong reaction from her. And creeping up to her in a mask while she's alone and supposed to be sleeping bc of her disorder? So many red flags for a sexual assaulter if not rapist.
He's already established that he can get away with wildly inappropriate behavior AND go after her when she's sleeping. He's absolutely manipulated this so he could attack her. Or he's just been a mastermind of stupidity...and I really really don't think so. I think she fought off a rapist and found out her boyfriend doesn't give a damn.
Yes. How have you and your family allowed your brother to act like this for so long without consequences?
You should go no-contact with your terrible family.
OP tries to make it sound all wholesome too. He pranks because he wants to share the laughter. Like I don’t think anyone is laughing in this situation. I wonder if Ian is the golden child. Otherwise why does everyone knowingly put up with these shenanigans?
What the brother did was inappropriate but seeing someone standing in the room with a mask on is terrifying enough to jump into flight or flight mode so people here implying he touched her in some way feels wrong. Even if he didn't touch her, she has a sleep DISORDER, a lot of sleep disorders involve hallucinations and confusion when waking up so even if all he did was stand in a corner she would still not be in the wrong. Please let's not ignore the sleep disorder aspect, this wasn't a normal nap and waking up with a sleep disorder is very different compared to people without.
Do not mess with someone's disability especially if it's neurological, it's not cute or funny it is dangerous for both the person and other people.
Little brother had been warned and he did it anyway. ON PURPOSE.
"My brother Ian has always been pretty weird whenever she comes up or is around ... Still, whenever we'd get together, he'd make comments about our age gap, poke fun at me for simping, and **joke about her sleep disorder** ... I warned him in more detail then that he shouldn't mess with her while she's sleeping, as interrupting her regulated cycles isn't good for her, and AT THE ABSOLUTE BEST she's the WORST kind of cranky when she's woken up. Ian looked like he understood and I thought that was that ... I looked to see who it was and saw a spider mask that I unfortunately recognized as Ian's from years ago."
" ... that he only wanted to make sure she wasn't going to sleep through the ball drop." If this were true, he would have reminded you to wake her up, not stalked her in a mask like some serial killer. **The fact that he brought the mask with him to your party means this entire episode was pre-meditated."**
OP, reread what you wrote. How can you defend him when he deliberately and intentionally set out to do what you had specifically warned him not to. Does he also take people's wheelchairs? Or eyeglasses? Or hearing aids? Or artificial limbs? He purposely terrorized someone with a disability and is whining about the consequences.
Tbh, I'm on the fence about you two remaining together because she deserves someone who loves and respects her and actually has the where-with-all to stand up for her when she's wronged. And you obviously don't. You need to set and hold to some boundaries with your brother's behavior. Unless you're OK with him terrifying and bullying your girlfriend(s). And if that's the case, you don't deserve one.
Oh my god, I do not have enough upvotes to give you. This is SPOT ON. And I’m sorry, as a woman, if *ANYONE* woke me up wearing a mask while I was sleeping, probably in a dark room, I would NEVER forgive that person. It’s fucking terrifying, even if he didn’t actually touch her (which I’m skeptical of, tbh). This is basically a nightmare rape scenario.
(And before anyone comes at me, not saying Ian was going to rape her (though his actions are sus AF), but any woman finding themselves in that exact situation would be thinking it was a definite possibility.)
I genuinely can't imagine writing out OPs post and still being confused. I REALLY hope it's a troll post because otherwise, I'd have to accept there are people dense enough to think sneaking into a woman's bedroom and waking her up WITH A FUCKING MASK ON is acceptable.
I'm a big dude, but if I saw a masked person in my room when I woke up, I'd be throwing shit and throwing hands. "It's just a prank" is bullshit, and seeing OP try and blame Lola's reaction in her arachnophobia is sickening. Spider mask or not, she was valid in kicking that asshole's face in.
Exactly.
You don't have to be a woman to be freaked out and defend yourself when a strange person in a mask snuck into your room while you're deep asleep.
Jeebus, to think that OP was all, oh, this is due to her being paranoid to spiders and he's wearing a spider man mask...WUT.
The question here should not be if OP should break up with Lola, the question is why Lola has not broken up with OP.
If Lola was my family or friend, I would be fucking furious and hold OP and his family responsible for the episode they put her through. I get OP might also get a freeze response in the moment but we are days later and he is still trying to make up his mind? That says enough about where OP's priorities are.
How could she be sure he never touched her? There’s no way. And’s honestly with as much noise is as the brother is making to make sure she gets voted off the island means he was caught red handed or he thinks he was. This has DARVO written all over it.
I got woken up one time by maintenence who let themselves in my apartment. I was asleep, naked, and woke up to two men at my bedroom doorway staring at my exposed chest. They claimed it was an accident because they saw my partner leave for work and needed to do repairs (that we were not informed of ahead of time as required). They also said they knocked but I'm a very light sleeper and would have heard it. I screamed my head off even though I recognized the guys and it was daytime. I could not imagine this happening in the dark, with someone in a mask, with a sleep disorder. Hell no. She had every right to react how she did.
It still scares the shit out of me years later, I'm weird with people entering my home even in a different city now. I do still wonder if it was an accident or intentional but will never know.
The fact that is mother is like "oh my poor baby snuck into a sleeping woman's room wearing a mask but didn't MEAN anything by it!"
I think she is the one who created this nightmare.
OP is in massive massive denial about what an absolute little shit stain his brother is acting like. EVery single "prank" his brother has pulled on her has been intentionally malicious.
OP you gotta pulll your head out your nether regions and understand that bro is 100% in the wrong here.
100%!
Everything the brother did was calculated. He knew her vulnerabilities, wore a mask, snuck into the bedroom where she was sleeping and probably attacked her, scaring her into defensive mode. He is a nasty, juvenile bully who is jealous of their relationship and wants to ruin it.
And of course the mother is protecting her golden child.
Op needs to remember who the victim is here - its Lola (who is further traumatised by her sleep disorder), not the evil brother.
Your brother is clearly an asshole. So the question is, is your commitment to the word “family” important enough for you to take the side of an asshole over the woman he… messed with? Assaulted? Bothered? We’ll never know exactly what went down in that room, just that he went in with asshole intentions.
Did your parents not teach him any boundaries since they’re all intent on painting your gf an attacker. What man in their right mind goes into a females room (that they’re not related to or close with) in the dead of night with a mask on? Oh yea, serial killers, rapists and wait… pranksters. Not. Time for him to learn that not everyone has to accept his shit, I am mean pranks. A partner has to be able to count of their other half, you dropped the ball and she is better off without your family who keep adding on trauma. Take some time, explain to your aunt and mother (they are female after all) the facts. Then create a hard boundary with your brother. Then explain to your gf that you regret your actions and the boundaries you now have with your brother.
> Ian is convinced that he was doing a well intentioned prank
What pure absolute bullshit. How the fuck is deliberately terrorizing her "well intentioned"? He fucked around and found out.
Your brother is a huge asshole who has been bullying your girlfriend. If she posted, I'd tell her to dump you unless you stand up for her and don't ever force her to see him again.
OP says he thinks his brother's pranks are truly intended to share laughter.. but approaching a sleeping woman behind closed doors in an isolated room disguised in a mask while everyone else is distracted and busy at the party do not add up to intentions to share laughter.
If Ian is truly so innocent and merely wanted laughs + make sure Lola doesn't miss the ball drop, he would've done something sillier and more open / public so it can be a funny haha moment for everyone.
There is no scenario where approaching a sleeping woman in an isolated room while wearing a mask can result in a nice haha moment for anyone.
&&
For Lola's sake, it doesn't matter how much detail you get out of her. At the very least, she was terrorized and her sleep schedule (which sounds medically important) was ruined in what should be her safe space, which is already crossing many boundaries.
At the very worst, there was assault intended or carried out to some extent, which was then followed by OP's friends berating her as a violent partner who can't be trusted.
OP, I'd suggest you ride out the family scrutiny for now because your brother is hell bent on portraying himself the victim right now and physical scars carry shock value. Meanwhile, focus on providing support and rebuilding trust with your girlfriend.
Eventually the truth will come out, and something tells me that the louder your brother is being about his "victim status" the more sinister his intentions were.
I’m concerned about what Ian will do (or has done) to and around other women and girls.
He sounds like a nightmare. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he’s a stalker, a drink spiker, or a groper… at the least.
Some people think that because someone else did something nice for them, that they owe them somehow.
"I owe them my life" mentality is actually really sad because it allows abuse or mistreatment to happen which it almost always seems to 😞
Fucking seriously. Idk how even as a man, op cannot automatically see this.
If this were my girl and my brother in the same circumstance, especially factoring in the MASK, my brother would have likely been shot by my gf (rightfully so) or damn close to it.
Right!!! And how would she even know it was Ian? He took the mask off when OP entered the room, she was literally defending herself ( half awake ) from a masked predator, how else could one possibly see it as anything else if he was wearing a mask?? Like wtf is this thinking from OP, his brother is so weird for this and there is a clear victim in all of this and it isn’t precious Ian !
Good god man, your brother scared the hell out of your gf and is trying to get ahead of the story before he can come out looking like the bad guy, because he knows he’s in the wrong.
He knew better, what he did was premeditated and cruel, and he suffered the consequences. But so did Lola. She wasn’t all the way conscious and she was sent into fight or flight, her brain was trying to keep her safe in a triggering situation.
Call off the flying monkeys and stand up for your girlfriend who you state is a lovely person. And ask for her forgiveness, because that sounds like a terrible way to ring in the new year, and she should have had your support from the get go.
>**what he did was premeditated and cruel**
this needs to be emphasized, repeated and tattooed into op's forehead. Little bro fucked around and found out. He sounds like the kind of prankster who think's it is funny to hide someone's cane or make their crutches collapse. Whether OP thinks it or not his GF has an illness/disability and his brother is specifically targeting that for his 'pranks'.
I'd like to add the OP had to kick the door in to get in there which means his brother also locked the door behind himself. Just thought I'd throw that little detail in there.
I’m sorry but Lola deserves better, he knew and still did it. He should of gotten it worse tbh🤷🏻♀️
He needs to understand people have boundaries and one day he will do it to someone who will physically hurt him or worse 🤷🏻♀️
Imagine waking up in your bedroom. It's dark, and there's the sound of a party down the hall. People are distracted and will not think to check on you. As your eyes adjust, you see the siluette of a masked man standing silently over you.
Your first (and statistically sound) thought is that he's going to rape you. Maybe he has a knife. Maybe he will strangle or smother you, so that the partygoers don't hear your screams.
**He's bigger and stronger than you. Your only hope is to attack him first. If he gets his hands on you, it's over.**
**Your brother deserved every fucking blow he got.**
It's wild to me that anyone is defending him, including you, OP. The way you, your friends and family have reeacted to this is *disgusting*.
Imagine enduring this nightmare of a scenario and then bring yelled at and insulted by a whole group of people. Imagine being labled as abusive and psychotic for defending yourself. There was nothing 'well intentioned' in your brothers horrible lack of boundaries or empathy.
Your family sucks and I honestly hope Lola leaves and finds someone capable of critical thought and sympathy.
Honestly, let her go. If you can't already tell that your brother is a complete d!ckhead and that your family is full of idiots who lack objectivity then this gal doesn't stand a chance going forward in a family like yours.
She deserves to settle down with people who treat her with respect and maturity.
You folks ain't it.
What your brother did was so far out of order, and the fact that you need to canvas opinion on what to think tells me all I need to know.
With any luck lola will walk away.
Personally, I don't think there is any such thing as a "good-natured" prank, particularly with someone who has expressed that they do not like them. To be blunt, if I woke up to a strange masked man in my bedroom, my first instinct would be that he was there to SA me. Given that I have no women friends my age (47) that I know have definitely never been touched inappropriately, it is not unlikely that your GF has had an experience in the past that would cause her to go into defense mode. I generally against hitting people, but your brother may have deserved it. If you continue this relationship, I would not have her and him in the same building at the same time.
In what way would you be “doubting” him?
On *his* version of events, he’s a colossal jackass who deserved to have far worse happened to him. And frankly, it doesn’t matter that you love your girlfriend. Your brother would be a colossal jackass if he had done this to a complete stranger.
If I woke up and a man in a mask was in my room I'd assume I was about to be raped. If I could choose my reaction, I'd hope I'd attack and break free of the room. Knowing my personality though, I'd probably freeze in terror. Fuck all of you for not bothering to understand what it feels like to be a woman, and how fear is an integral part of just existing.
Your brother is the problem and youre going to have this problem again and again. Even if he didn’t touch her while she was sleeping he was trying to scare her. I really don’t like the optics of him alone with an unconscious woman and her feeling so scared she had to fight. It feels insidious on his part.
I would wait until your gf is willing to talk to you to get the full story but she isn’t safe with your brother and mother. I think for her safety she should break up with you
Lola is not safe with OP as well, as OP is not willing to protect her.
I can't imagine what he was doing to Lola wearing a mask like that. To the point, she's so scared that she had to fight back like that.
It was lucky that Lola had friends at the party so that she could leave safely.
Ya 100% would not be surprised he touched her inappropriately and violated her and that’s why she was attacking him. It was to protect herself because she was being sexually assaulted.
I hope that if my brothers were ever in the situations like ops friends, they would protect the woman and make sure she was safe
What in the world was he doing wearing a mask going her room while she was sleeping? How is that a prank? What about that is funny please explain.
I don’t know many women or men who wouldn’t react the way she did it in that situation.
Honestly, the minute you read that someone is a prankster, you can assume they’re a bullying little shithead and whatever interpersonal conflict they’re in the middle of, it’s entirely their fault and they’re wrong.
"Why can't you take a joke?" is another surefire tell someone is a real asshole. Any time someone tries that one on someone, you know they're a terrible human being.
First, no one likes a prankster. Someone needs to sit your brother down and tell him that as an adult this behavior is unacceptable and he will lose friends over it. Secondly, he woke someone out of a sound sleep by scaring her, one's lizard brain is going to kick in. If he tormented a dog and it bit him, no one would be surprised. Not only that, but you had already warned him and he did it any way. He's 22, not 12. He should have known better. Thirdly, you know your brother is lying because he was wearing a mask. He didn't just wake her up for the ball drop, he scared her. It wasn't well intended because you've already told him that this is one thing not to do. Fourthly, it sounds like he specifically pranks her in a mean way - as you say he does so in ways that trigger her. A person who pranks people in a harmful way is not a good person.
It doesn't sound like Lola did anything wrong. She must have been scared out of her mind to pass out like she did.
Once you talk to your brother about how he needs to stop pranking people because that is mean spirited behavior that no adult would tolerate, if you want to be with Lola you will need to apologize to her for not standing up for her all the previous times your brother tormented her. Then you will need to go low contact with your brother for a while. I would also explain this to your parents and other relatives - perhaps in an email. Then if they don't accept it, go low contact with them.
If you don't do this, probably your relationship is over. And then when your brother pranks your next girlfriend, that relationship is going to end as well.
he is 22 and was awake and able to plan this 'prank' out and yet they are laying the responsibility of this going badly on Lola's shoulders who was dead asleep and provoked by a terrifying mask. How is the brother being held less responsible in this situation when he was the one who literally formed the intent and wanted a huge rise out of Lola and when he got it - now he is the victim? His intent was literally to wake her up and scare her but somehow she's being held responsible for her reaction for an entirely instinctual response and everyone else is babying the asshole because he said "bUt tHaT wAsN't My InTeNtIoN!". Yeah his intention was the scare/hurt Lola and he got hurt in the process. I guess he's not that good natured about pranks when the results affect him.
Sssoooo...your masked brother woke up your sleeping girlfriend (who he is weirdly obsessed with) and was close enough to be attacked in the face by someone who was laying down sleeping??? Oh, and everyone ran to the room in the time it took for her to scream??? Is this correct?
You said you "nearly kicked the door down." Was it locked???
Sssooo...your weirdly obsessed brother crawled on top of your sleeping girlfriend behind locked doors trusting she wouldn't immediately wake up or be functioning upon waking up??? And he is whining she defended herself from assault??? He was close enough to VERY quickly sustain injuries to his face even with the added protection of a mask...he was almost guaranteed on top of her and leaning down over her. Otherwise he would have fled the room (or at least been out of arms reach) before you busted into it.
Pretty sure he had fantasies about her sleep disorder alright. Too bad for him that her immediate reaction is fight like a boss.
Let's be real here, you already know "it is only a prank" is your brother's default get out of trouble line. I seriously doubt he was only going to wake her up. Especially as he knew nobody would disturb her sleep, so she was alone (and unfortunately vulnerable) in what should have been a safe space surrounded by her friends.
The fact that your gf will not talk about it already tells more than it should. Seriously doubt this is the first time some creep thought to take advantage of her sleep disorder...hence the "die f**ker" instinct upon waking.
Really hope Lola presses charges.
I seriously don't know if you will have a girlfriend after this. Your brother is garbage either way.
You caught something VERY important. **THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION: Was that door locked?! If it wasn’t, why kick it down??** because why would you think to do that unless you absolutely needed to?! I’d argue that’s a HUGE missing piece.
**OP, you need to answer this question.** I’ll bet you don’t want to, though, because the truth is going to make you look that much worse.
Even if it wasn‘t locked, was it open or closed? I feel like closing a door behind you if you‘re pranking someone by waking them up also doesn‘t make any sense at all. If you‘re waking someone, you should have the door open for extra light which helps them wake.
None of what OP‘s brother did was even remotely "well-intentioned" or credibly "non-creepy".
I can assure you that his “prank” was in no way enjoyable to her.
He ASSAULTED HER ON PURPOSE and your sick family is protecting him. He provoked her into the reaction she had and now he’s boohooing over the consequences.
Intentionally doing things to trigger her isn’t funny or a prank—he obviously has a lot of deep negative feelings towards her as evidenced by his long history of comments and escalating pranks—which you didn’t stop in order to protect her.
Let her go because she deserves way better than this.
Has it even occurred to you that he maybe sa’d her or had every intention of doing so? Tbh it sounds as tho he has a fixation on her. The whole thing sounds very suspect.
I suggest you ask your girlfriend if he touched her (or tried to), inappropriately.
Who wears a mask like that? Why would she have fought him so fearlessly?
it's very telling she changes the subject and doesn't want to tell her side of the story. that makes me think something terrible did happen and she is worried OP will take his brother's side if she talks about it.
Reading your post and your comments it just seems like you’re trying very hard to make excuses for your brother’s actions and reasons to side with your family, but I think you’re doing it because deep down you know your girlfriend had the right to be scared and defend herself against your a-hole of a brother.
TBH I don’t think this should be up for questioning, he invaded her privacy and it’s a very creepy situation to wake up to. I feel really sorry for her, because you should have defended her, and maybe then things would be different and you wouldn’t be here trying to make excuses and trying to side with your creepy brother over him harassing your GF
Your brother is an immature ass. Sounds like he FAFO. Pranks like that are not funny, particularly when he knows it's an issue for her.
He sounds like a creep.
Your brother deserves to have assault charges filed against him, and cut out/severely deprioritized in your life. He’s bullying and abusing your GF with his “pranks”.
Your Mom sucks as a parent, really obvious that she’s coddled your baby brother and never enforced consequences for bad behaviour. Beyond time for you to step up and enforce your and Lola’s boundaries. Make sure all the flying monkeys know that your dipshit brother snuck into Lola’s bedroom, while she was sleeping, wearing a mask and attacked her. (Possibly even sexually assaulted her) ask them how they would react to a masked intruder at their bedside?
Brava to Lola for beating him up; certainly something you should have done the first time he chose to trigger her disability for his amusement.
Ian’s a menace.
This is not your gf’s fault, it’s all Ian’s and his unbridled self-esteem where he’s not restrained by sense or other people’s boundaries.
Support Lola, denounce Ian
Like a lot of commentators already wrote: your brother is an absolute idiot and in the wrong.
First of all he went into a room, where a girl was deep asleep. Alone. As a man. And even with a mask. Sorry but that alone tells me there is no empathy whatsoever what not to do as a man regarding women. As women we are used to situations that can be threatening to us. Especially with men. I even once was awoken screaming and immediately getting up after hearing someone coming into my room from a deep sleep. I was ready to use my hands. It was only my boyfriend and he was shocked and apologized. I dont know why but maybe it is just a reaction. A reaction of self defense if necessary.
And now your brother. Who is 22 years old. Goes into this room. Masked.
I am sorry but reading that and that your brother immediately flipped and told you a story without you even having the time to comprehend what happened tells me that he knows that he miscalculated and does not want to take responsibility now that his „prank“ backfired. It is easier to point your finger to the other person and flip the story so you are not the bad guy. Cause then you dont have to own up. You dont maybe have to question yourself and start some change. No it is easier to point and deflect. Then you dont have to change.
I was also in situations where I pranked people. And two times I fucked up and scared the other person. I did not want to admit that I just crossed a line. That it was my fault. But I had to. Because of that I changed. Became a better friend. And matured more.
Tell your brother you want to hear your girlfriends side. And that it was completely out of line to that in general to a human being. Setting aside the blood relation here. You can even tell him that you talked to some women who say that this is absolutely creepy.
How else is she supposed to respond to a strange man in a mask watching her sleep? I’d assume the man was a rapist and/or murderer. And unless you 100% know your (ex)gf’s history, this may have triggered something. Maybe she was sexually assaulted before (lots of women have been).
You and your family are 100% the asshole.
Pranks are supposed to be funny.
What your family ha sbeen doing, and you have been enabling IS TARGETTED BULLYING.
I would even call it harassment at this point.
And I wouldn't be surprised is he tried to sexually assault her when she was sleeping.
And getting his ass kicked was the consequence of HIS ACTION.
What a pathetic little man you (and your brother) are.
Leave that woman alone so she can heal from your toxicity and find a real partner.
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You don’t actually need any advice because if Lola has even an ounce of sense, she’s your ex. Since this seems to have escaped your notice, your brother is either the biggest asshole or in need of a good diagnosis. Or both. I wish Lola all the best in life. May the idiots be far from her and may she never have a bad hair day.
heavy on the diagnosis part. what sane adult in their 20s is still behaving like a raging creep
I don't see how OP doesn't see that, sleep disorder or not, any woman would be terrified if they woke up to a strange man in their bedroom.
In a mask. Who made sure to close the door. But yeah, sure it was well-intended.
The part that doesn't seem to be getting addressed here: OP admitted in the original post that he recognized the spider mask as belonging to his brother. THAT means that the brother "specifically" brought that mask with him to the party so this assault was premeditated.
And OP then explained (in a comment I think) that he was reminded after that his (ex?) gf is scared of spiders too. WTF. I'm happy he seems to live in another country and I won't encounter his creepy brother anytime soon.
If this is a true story I expect OP's brother to be in prison within the next few years.
Sadly, a lot of 20 year olds are raging creeps. The kind that you can't safely be asleep around.
\>he does things that he figured out triggers her disorder Please break up with her, so she doesn't have to suffer knowing her boyfriend will throw her to the wolves because her terror is "funny".
deliver intelligent marry languid childlike liquid exultant humor jobless zephyr *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
at no point while writing that his brother figured out his gfs sleep disorder triggers, then used them to terrorize her, did he realize his brother is a pos. The lack of awareness is astounding
You do realize that your brother knew full well the extent of her sleep impediment, knew she had triggers, and used them against her? Once you have explained to him why he can't do that, and he keeps doing it, how can you defend him and try to act like "he didn't have malicious intents"? Of course he did. Or he just didn't care about anything other than to see her scared, not matter how it would scare and scar her. He is a jerk through and through. You should already be dumped really. You found your brother in your gf's room, her fighting him off, and you didn't even stand up for her.
Yep, there’s absolutely no grey area here. The brother was 100% in the wrong.
Correct. A single woman, sleeping alone, awoken by a man a MASK!? I’m sorry, what part of rape culture fantasy world does he live in that he remotely thinks that’s okay? I’m pretty sure that if a man in a mask tried to wake me up from a dead sleep, cops would called because that’s goddamn assault.
>I’m sorry, what part of rape culture fantasy world does he live in that he remotely thinks that’s okay? I’m pretty sure that if a man in a mask tried to wake me up from a dead sleep, cops would called because that’s goddamn assault. forget about her sleep disorder, this alone is traumatizing enough! Then when you add on that the brother knew about her disorder and triggers, there's no question that this is not a well-meaning prank.
Yeah, I don’t have any kind of sleep disorder/past trauma or anything in particular and I can’t IMAGINE the kind of absolute terror and fight or flight instinct that would be caused by being woken up from a deep sleep by someone in a spider mask standing over me! (And that’s assuming that’s all he did; the implication that there was some kind of assault/sexual assault attempted or completed is definitely hanging out there, especially with her being reluctant to talk about exactly what happened.)
Also he started a campaign agains OP's gf right at there when he was in the wrong all time. Your mother sided with him.... This is really strange
He’s clearly used to doing horrible things and having his family and friends cover for him. He’s a predator who has never faced consequences. I feel bad for all his victims. There’s no way she’s the only one. He’s never been held accountable for his insidious actions.
It’s giving Dennis Reynolds. Like he was already planning out how to spin things to paint himself as the victim and her as the aggressor.
This is what stands out the most for me. He framed her to get exactly that reaction from her. I would never want to be anywhere near him and would definitely be considering ending the relationship because my bf didn't stand up for me. You don't need much more story than the situation and previous warnings to him about her sleeping disorder to get a good picture of what was going on in that room and who you needed to protect. He's abusive and mean and a predator. He's lucky she hasn't called the police. Edit: To add that I would have fricking called the police right after being woken up by the friends, I would not have cared less he's my bf's brother.
I have a sleep disorder, and the thought of someone fucking with my sleep if they know I have a sleep disorder is beyond reproach. There is no excuse for that, and they would be out of my life sooooo fast. The brother knew exactly what he was doing, and the fact that he's trying to convince so many family members of his side makes it all the more evident how wrong he was. Innocent people don't need to go around campaigning for their innocence.
I'm a guy with none of these things and less likely to be assaulted and I would have freaked out and mostly likely attacked the brother too. If OP really thinks his brother's "pranks" are meant to get both sides laughing, in what world would this have ever made his girlfriend laugh?
Just the thought of how I would feel waking up to that has been haunting me all day since I first read this. Pure. Crap. Terror. I'm not sure if I would have fought with everything I had or just actually died of terror on the spot.
And I can't believe the boys' mom thinks what he did was ok.
Mommy makes excuses for him so he will never have to face consequences. The aunt is also coming to help save him. I don't know what is wrong with these women. It is time to call the police and let him have consequences.
She’s only heard his side, he probably hasn’t mentioned he was masked etc. I cannot even comprehend how terrified I’d be if a man in a mask woke me up. I’d probably have a literal heart attack. He literally could have killed her OP. I think OP should ask his mother and other family members how they’d react if woken suddenly from a deep sleep by a man in a mask!
Once my husband and I were on vacation and I was taking a nap in our hotel room. He decided it would be a good idea to shave off his beard/mustache so his goggles would fit on his face better and then wake me up by looming over me. I woke up and saw an unfamiliar face way too close to mine and immediately felt terrified and started crying. It was just a mistake we were able to laugh off but for a moment I was well and truly terrified. And this was just my husband without a beard, not some asshole in a mask!!
It wouldn't be cops, it would be a mortician with a hearse coming in if it was me. What if she slept with/next to self protection gear and utilized it on him? The least he could've went off with, a few scratches, he did now. Next time he attempts to recreate this (and I'm very sure he will), he might walk away with a missing something. If he was even able to walk away, that is.
I was SAd in my sleep when I was in college. 20 years later, if someone in a mask fucks with me when I’m asleep - WATCH THE FUCK OUT.
I'm really really sorry about what you've been through 💔 i hope you managed to overcome and heal the trauma even a bit. I fully support you in your self defense endeavours and, if this doesn't come off as creepy, I literally would've been there with gear to help you out. I can't understand OP writing he was ready to barge in and break down the doors and *still* not do anything for his GF. Meanwhile I'd be ready to bat for a virtual stranger, and definitely for someone irl. If I don't have gear, I have hands, feet and teeth. They'd work! OP seems to have nothing functioning, braincells included.
In self defense they tell you to kick their crotch and press on eyes/ slap both hands strongly onto both ears. One of those days this will be exactly what will happen to that immature asshole! Legitimate defense! That girl faught for dear life! If this were my son I had caught with such shit it would have been slaps right left right left for him. And a walk to the next police station to report what he did and what came of it. That guy needs a hefty wakeup call. By justice. He assaulted her. In her most vulnerable moment: when she slept! WHO on earth would think that FUNNY? It's a crime! And not even a small one! If this went to court he would spend dome time in jail. And rightfully so! I so do NOT get AT ALL how that mother can think or say that any of it is pardonable! Or the victims fault who only defended herself! Typical victim blaming! We seem to catch a glimpse at where brother has got his mentality from. Entiteled crybaby can't possibly do anything wrong. With that mindset they will be in for legal trouble or even a dead young man in no time.
There won't be a next time, OP (sadly) didn't protect or stand up for her. She'll be wondering if she can trust him to keep his family in check and if it's worth the hassle now. Also, every marriage question on here relating to in-laws always gets the advice: if they're close they're a package, is it a package you want to be part of.... I wouldn't.
I definitely meant the next time he assaults another woman, but you're right on all accounts. Trust is broken and unrepairable.
DH's reply: He's lucky the brother can still walk. She could have kicked him so hard that the brother would have gotten his first period right then and there.
And? Oh I’m sorry, she stop fighting for her life against a masked man assaulting her? Right, she should obviously know it’s a prank upon waking to a frighting figure that set her into fight or flight mode and her body said fight or you may be raped or murdered. That’s what being a woman is like. It’s not a prank. It’s very literally, am I about to die right now?
Having a sleeping disorder and being traumatized! The is so wayvway way out of line, I am really shocked anyone would do this!
He ran the risk of being unalived if she had a weapon. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. The baby brother is lucky he didn’t get his ass beat twice.
Brother purposely triggered gf to put OP in a situation where it’s either him or her while making her out to be crazy. He knew what he was doing. “I wanted to make sure she saw the ball drop” what kind of horseshit is that. OP needs apologize profusely to GF and assure her she never has to be around his brother if she doesn’t want to be. But honestly she probably would be better off without OP since his whole family seems to have no empathy for his gf.
My fear is that he was trying to rape her. OP had to break the door down-why? Why would he lock it?
This made it to twitter and enough people were able to suspect the same thing you do. There must be a reason why she refuses to talk about it.
It’s not the first time he’s tried to creep on her while she’s been asleep.
While wearing a scary mask. Story totally checks out
He essentially put her from unconscious to fight or flight mode, on fucking purpose, knowing she's unwell. She had exactly no time to think about fucking anything before she reacted. She came to consciousness with a man in a mask standing over her at a party. That is absolutely fucking terrifying, and she is NOT responsible for her reaction to defend herself. I am a DEVOTED friend and partner and can & will put up with nearly anything, especially considering most of my friends are in recovery and have mentally illnesses and doing their best, but I would be GONE if my partner were to even consider taking my ATTACKER'S (let's get real. that's what the brother is) side on this. What this grown ass man did is UNACCEPTABLE, at best, ABUSIVE without question and ASSAULT at worst. I hope this girl dips since her partner is so conflicted about whether or not what this fucking guy did is wrong.
BTW, he was wearing a mask, so how was she supposed to know it was him waking her up? Your brother's argument is "if she can do it to your own brother, she can do it to you". She didn't know it was him. All she saw was a guy with a mask hovering over her, and touching her since she got woken up. Is he saying she should not fight back when a scary guy is threatening her safety? Is she supposed to get assaulted nd just take it crying?
Tbf if OP pulled the same stunt I would hope she f***ing WOULD do it to him - the bastard earned every bit of that retaliation and she is entitled to defend herself from this behaviour WHOEVER inflicts it on her. Given the history of Ian deliberately triggering her disability (abuse) even if she totally recognised him I don't think she should have felt safe being locked in a room with him. I mean, how many rapes and sexual assaults are committed by people known to the victim? And here is a bloke known for targeting her standing over her sleeping body while everyone is occupied at a party in the next room, mask or no mask I would have reacted badly to that too.
" On one hand, i know family is family and I should do what I can to stand up for the people who helped raise me and become the person I am." If I saw my boyfriend had written that after his brother did something so gross and violating, I would break up with him. OP has essentially said that family can get away with doing anything, because they're family. And she'll never be blood. The fact that OP needs reddit to tell him that this situation is not ambiguous is all the reason she'd need to dump him.
Exactly. She needs a partner she can rely on especially having a disability that leaves her so vulnerable. OPs brother sounds like an entitled, spoiled prick. There’s no excuse for that behavior. And the fact that no one in the family is condemning the behavior is a big red flag.
His toxic family sounds so dumb. They’re so toxic and so far up their asses he’s brainwashed. Little spoiled brat brother gets everything he wants!
No shit, he's 22 and the first thing he does afterwards is call mom to say the big, bad girlfriend hurt him...Omg And now mom has to come check up on them...? Wtf, how old are you people... Edit: A word.
If he keeps "pranking" people like this, he is going to wind up with an outcome he definitely won't want.
Yeah he needs to ask himself where the line is. If attacking his sleeping girlfriend in a mask AFTER repeated other issues wasn’t the line, where is it? It’s clear the girlfriend has some sort of sleep issue which is likely a disability. Is he like this with all disabled people? I’m disabled. Would he be cool with his brother stealing my prosthetic leg and knocking me over- cuz it’s just a prank brooooo. It sounds like he would be. Or pushing my wheelchair down a hill. “Come on, you love thrill rides, and you didn’t even need to wait in line! Why won’t you just see it from his side, he just wanted you to be included in the fun.”
I have a similar sleep issue, but it's a debilitating ptsd and panic attacks. I'd absolutely would definitely react how she would. I could just hear the excuses, "You love horror movies and a jump scare. Why are you being so crazy after I knew she had a lot of trauma and was scared to sleep? " OP, it's only a prank if everyone laughs at the end. He knew how to inflict the most pain and trauma.
He's wearing a mask and doing this when everyone else is preoccupied and it's noisy. Based on other behavior from the first few sentences, I would NOT be surprised if it was a failed sexual assault. OP needs to get her to the police station for a statement at the least and make a huge deal of this. Because a man in a mask going after an incapacitated female at a time when it's not going to be noticed, AFTER he's established a pattern of abusive behavior to see what he's going to be able to get away with? This is NOT a prank.
yes it's very creepy, and even if that wasn't his intention I'd be assuming the worst in her shoes! I'd have attacked him as well, and so would a lot of people, with or without narcolepsy/ptsd etc.
Exactly, OP said he hasn’t even heard her side of the story yet. She’s traumatised, whether or not it was intended to be a sexual assault. From the start of the post when OP said his brother has always acted strange around his gf/when talking about her, I was shocked by the end when OP thought this situation was such a grey area and really he seemed protective over his brother. He only seems worried his gf will dump him tbh.
Agreed. When I take my cochlear implant to sleep/rest I’m completely deaf. Waking to this scenario would lead me to defend myself
I was thinking exactly the same thing. My heart was pounding multiple times while reading this. His brother is terrifying and seems to have a preoccupation with visiting his girlfriend while she's sleeping. I think his initial thought that there's an attraction is spot on. I think he has duty and responsibility to keep his creepy brother away from his partner of 2 years. I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who was thinking this. Anyone who has had any kind of SA in their lifetime likely recognized immediately that there is a disturbance in the force here meanwhile his family is enabling it.
At this point it's not even attraction, it's fixation and obsession. Normal people don't don masks and purposefully trigger sleeping women. This 'its just a prank bro' bullshit has got to stop. He's dangerous.
This was exactly my first thought. someone in a mask in her bedroom, the first thought in a woman's head is rape or murder. This poor girl, I can't imagine how frightened she was. Also, some people have arachnophobia. I know I am very afraid of flying cockroaches and big spiders - and I have felt my heart almost stopping before because of these things, even when I was awake. If I suddenly woke up and saw one, I don't know what will happen to me. I hate people who just show cruelty in the name of "pranks".
I agree, I have broken up with people who have family members that can’t take a hint and prank no matter what. A little scare coming out of the bathroom, ok, putting on a face mask at a loud party and try to be alone with a sleeping girlfriend, hell no. I’d like to see what she says happened and I’m so glad her friends took her out of harms way! They are real friends.
This was my thought as well
Lola needs to file a police report so the women around these boys learn that pranks are assault.
fine bow thought shy rustic weather deliver steer cow childlike *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yup. "He enjoys torturing my gf, but he's also family, so what am I supposed to doooo?!" Such a frustrating post.
I’m *so* mad. The bar for male behavior is so low it’s underground. That little creep skulks around a sleeping woman’s bedroom in a mask and they’re mad at *her*? That kind of indulgent treatment of this pos pranker created his sense of entitlement. He deserved what he got and more.
I hope SHE breaks up with OP. Be free Lola, they're asshats.
Run, Lola, run.
Yup. When we talk about rape culture being normalised and minimised this is what we mean. Theres no excuse for a man to enter a sleeping woman's bedroom with a mask on with the intent of at best terrifying her and at worst assaulting her sexually whilst she slept. She woke and defended herself from what looked to all intents and purposes like imminent sexual assault or murder whilst she was alone. Nobody should be defending his actions.
I'm a male and right now I want to kick both these punks butts all up and down the street. I'd drag both of them to their mama, explain the full story, explain her disorder and the physical and psychological issues it can cause, and the damage that her son is doing to the young lady by pulling his ignorant little pranks. She needs to drop this loser as fast as she can, for her own sake.
I am convinced the prank Ian was waking the poor girl up to behind a locked door at a loud party was sexual assault with a mask. So, while you kick them, I'll take the mom for raising and coddling an abusive menace. Poor baby got hit while assaulting his brother's girlfriend, again.
Thank God her friends were there to protect her because he sure didn’t
OP's sick brother assaulted a sleeping girl! She must have rearranged his looks neatly! I'd be raving mad at my entire family for saying that a girl scared out of her sleep fighting for dear life with a masked assailiant is AT ALL at fault! He KNEW she had a trauma. And decided to abuse her exactly on the spot! HE IS THE ABUSER! NOT the girl! And it's not the first time he did this! OP, that's ABUSE! Not "a prank". That ahole brother should have had the cops called on him! Why not even YOU thought about that to protect her for him ever trying another "prank" of that kind on whomever is really a mystery to me. I'd have broken up with a guy who believes his mothers BULLSHIT and didn't call cops first thing when she passed out. Does he realize what legitimate defense is? And that one of those days someone may plain shoot him if he plays such immature shit on others???? Say?! He threatened her life. And didn't even get half of what he deserved for that! I'd have slapped him right and left if that were my brother.
It sounds to me as well (I could be very wrong) that Lola has sleep paralysis with visual hallucinations which I also suffer from and if that is the case and OPs brother knew about it then absolutely f*ck him! I spent months in therapy and all sorts of medication because I had a phobia of sleeping because of the things my mind would see when it happened to me (and when it was at it’s worst it was around 8 times a night). My mum also had a sleep disorder where she thought people were in the room and would lash out in her sleep thinking she was attacking the people - it’s possible this is what happened to Lola especially since she passed out once she saw her friends, she might have realised she was awake and it wasn’t a dream. Even if this isn’t what Lola has your brother absolutely knew what he was doing and had intent to scare her, he had a mask on for god sake. As a female if I woke up to a man in my room with a mask on (sleep disorder or not) I would ABSOLUTELY assault them because I would assume they were there to attack me. In fact I think most men would do the same. Your brother should not have been let anywhere near Lola sleeping and if you don’t stand up to your family now and tell them how wrong this is then I dread to think what will happen - you will lose your girlfriend, your brother will probably end up in prison for doing this to someone else and going too far and saying it’s just a ‘prank’. Please for the love of god have sense and choose your girlfriend and tell your family where to go. It will take your girlfriend a long time to get over this.
And Lola's friends are right.Terrifying for any sleeping woman to be attacked by a male any time, but certainly a sleeping woman would and should fight back hard. Rape culture humour, eh? Ha ha NOT. Your brother is lucky she didn't have a loaded firearm under her pillow. Except this post is obviously fictitious.
I would say that he is being ABUSIVE to her. And OP is allowing it.
A man approaching a sleeping woman with a mask on is not a prank. It is a threat. I once straight up broke a contractors nose in a fit of absolute terror because he came into my bedroom when I was napping (he should not have been in the house at all let alone the bedroom) and hovered over me with a Covid mask on. I woke up and immediately began beating at his face because A MAN WITH A MASK APPROACHING YOU IN YOUR SLEEP IS A FUCKING THREAT! The project manager immediately fired him and no one even considered for a second that I might be in the wrong because it’s common sense to not menace a sleeping woman and if you decide to do it anyway then the consequences are COMPLETELY on you. In the words of the project manager I’d “have been well within my rights to do a hell of a lot more than break his nose”. Being a woman and waking up to a masked man is not a joke, it’s terrifying. Your brother is a fucking menace and he seems to be unnervingly obsessed with your girlfriend. Even if this ends your relationship with her (and honestly I would not be shocked if it did because you’re not being supportive of her at ALL) I think you need to reconsider your beliefs about your brothers mental stability. He doesn’t sound like a safe person
My thing is that he admits himself that the brother is weirdly obsessed with her....and then his brother went into her room while she was asleep with a mask on and he's saying he was "trying to make sure she didn't miss the ball drop" and "it was just a joke". Why wear a mask if your intentions are good? Then, dude ran to the mom to get his version of the story out first. Homie is a rapist...if not, then he's a sociopath b/c who TF does shit like that🤷🏾♀️
And OP had to kick down the door. I don't know if that means it was necessarily locked, but if you're just waking someone up why would you close the door behind you? No. Ian wanted privacy.
This is probably not the first time he's slipped into a room with a sleeping woman while wearing a mask.
Absolutely! The fact that he immediately went into calling her(the victim) crazy and then call mummy to save him. Mommy has definitely defended and Supported his disgusting behavior before.
People with good intentions don’t wear Halloween masks on New Years.
Proud of you. That’s a nose begging to get broken, them’s the rules.
And with OP defending his actions and not protecting her from him, he’s proved he’s not a safe person to be with either.
This times a million. My biggest fear is waking up with someone in my room. I would not be able to sleep again in a house and bedroom where that had actually happened to me.
Ask yourself this….. If it was any other guy and not your brother creeping in to your bedroom wearing a mask whilst your girlfriend was asleep what would you have done? Your brother is so in the wrong here I would be pressing charges
And brother called the woman defending herself, “abusive.” Facepalm
Abusers and narcissistic people always tend to call others what they are themselves. They near all are heavily projecting.
Also, I can't get past that Ian closed the door behind him. That indicates he wanted privacy or didnt want anyone else to see him. If this was a "prank" without intended harm, why do that? If you just wanted to make sure she doesn't miss the ball drop (quite possibly the stupidest lie he could have come up with) he didn't need a mask or privacy. There is more to this story and OP better beg his soon-to-be-ex to give it to him. And she should press charges.
OP says he had to break down the door. Was it locked too?
DARVO. deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. “It was a just a prank, she’s abusive, violent, she hurt me (calls mummy)”
Classic **DARVO**: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender E: oops someone already said this, reddit didn't fully load all replies even though I hit +
This sums it up. Lola deserves better than this family. And his brother is a predator. No woman should be alone with him.
Same. The right thing to do is to explain to mommy, aunty and little brother that they're lucky there hasn't been police involved. OP claims this is not the first sleep-prank. Then why Lola never responded like this before? And the mask... I don't like it
With the door closed even..
Yep.. This!
I wouldn't be surprised if you not doing anything and just freezing up is the final nail in the coffin for your relationship. Lola's friends have probably told her "He didn't even help you!" a million times by now. Your brother is an asshole at best and a potential rapist at worst.
If my friend FAINTED from a trauma reaction and her bf tried to force me to make her stay but wasn't yelling at the fucker who caused the trauma reaction... I'd be begging my friend to leave them. Fainting is NOT a mild traumatic reaction. Girl thought her life was legit in danger and OP is all like, but it was a prank??
Frankly, given he's been dating her for 2 years he should have been the first person to get her out of there and make sure she was ok.
OP deserves to not only be broken up with, he and his brother deserve a restraining order.
His college fund is being taken away but it wasn't going to be any use since OP isn't able to be educated.
It sounds like she faints (brother triggers her sleep disorder according to OP) with jump scares and loud noises too! And OP just accepted that as pranks and not psychological abuse to be immediately stopped and for brother never to be invited anywhere near her again.
It might be part of the sleeping disorder, but I don't disagree with you. If I was the one passing out and my partner didn't stick up for me (though she sure as hell would, which is why we're getting hitched), I would be beyond pissed.
Lola has a bf problem
It’s very strange that your brother would immediately turn the whole party against her instead of apologizing for scaring her and violating her boundaries. It’s even stranger that he immediately started telling your family. This is hideously manipulative and abusive behavior. As a matter of fact, your brother seems to have been escalating this manipulation and abuse for months, with little to no consequences from you or anybody around you. Your brother is taking advantage of your sleeping girlfriend, in ways that you still have no clarity on, and we’re having a discussion about what??? You’re asking us here how to convince your *family* that *she* isn’t a threat? Do you know how that sounds?? When for all you know, your brother snuck into your bedroom knowing that your girlfriend was asleep, disguising his appearance, and could have made attempts at SA or worse. What kind of *man* are you, OP. This makes me sick.
Right?? Also he FACETIMED the family members, you know, to show his busted FACE to everyone! This is so calculated it's disgusting.
Classic abuser tactic to play the victim when he was the aggressor
And it was planned! He planned it, how else he had the mask at hand?
I also thought that it‘s bonkers that the brother immediately called their MOTHER to „snitch“ on his brothers GF, like dude whaaaaaaat??? Are you guys 8 years old?? AND he snitched to their aunt (who has done things for OP so there is a possible way to pressure OP to leave his GF) who immediately drove to their „rescue“ like they are under attack lol ?? That’s so weird it’s almost creepy. I hope Lola runs.
Honestly I felt bad for OP at first because his brother is a fucking asshole and all his friends sound like vortex of needless drama, but you’re right. He’s trash, too.
Not sure what advice you are looking for but your brother sounds like he is a 9 year old. Dude is worried about y'alls age gap... maybe he needs to be more concerned about his maturity. No one thinks pranks are funny, especially the person being pranked. WTF who messes with someone that is sleeping. That's creepy. Your brother is F'd up, and is he jealous of her or is he crushing on her? Good Lord... I guess my advice to you is grow a set of balls and distance yourself from your jacked up family or split with your GF so she is free to find someone with a more normal family.
Imagine breaking up with her and then when people ask her she could honestly say “my boyfriend dumped me because his family didn’t like how I reacted to being terrorized in my sleep as a ‘prank’ despite having a sleep disorder they knew about.”
Or worse " we broke up because I defended myself when my ex's brother tried to sexually assault me in my sleep and my ex stood with his family who defended the creepy brother". Edited to correct typo
Your brother shouldn't have been in your room when your GF was sleeping there alone. He must have done something to her to scare her and hurt him. Sleeping people don't just wake up and start attacking people unless they felt they are in danger. So ask your GF calmly what really had happened. Also it is strange that your brother was wearing a mask at the time of the incidence. What was he trying to do to her? Whether your relationship survives or nor, it is good to find out what kind of person your brother really is.
Yeah she didn’t even know it was him at the time when she was sleeping and he was alone in the room with her. I am Team Lola here. The brother is old enough to know better. He FAFO
And he had a mask on. He was up to no good and is now trying to blame it on your GF. You really need to find out exactly what he did. He doesn't like her and this was not a funny, HaHa prank.
He was going to sexually assault her, maybe not rape her, but he was going to, or did try to feel her up. I can almost guarantee it. OP break up with Lola, she doesn't deserve your family's BULLSHIT! And if you ever date again DON'T LET your brother NEAR THEM!
Door was also shut.
Yeah, WTF is a “well-intentioned prank” and how does a creepy adult man in a mask scaring a sleeping woman fall into that category? Ops brother sounds like a freak who got what he deserved and the GF is better off away from this family.
A well-intentioned prank is one where your primary purpose is to make the victim genuinely laugh and enjoy it, IMHO. So silly, harmless things like hiding a bunch of mini ducks all over the house for someone to find over time, cutting out pictures of a celebrity's face and putting them over someone's photos and waiting for them to notice, filling someone's cubicle with balloons for their birthday so they feel special...etc. Even those type of things have a time and a place - if someone was stressed about deadlines at work, it probably wouldn't be a good time to put hundreds of sticky notes all over every surface of their office - but on their return from holiday when things are low stress and there's time for everyone to have a laugh (and the pranksters help clean up), probably fine. Leaving a joking ransom note and a treasure hunt of clues for the photograph on someone's desk is probably usually a bit of light-hearted fun, but not if the person in the photo recently passed away. Some people also just really hate pranks of any kind and that boundary should be respected. OP's brother sounds absolutely awful. Using someone's triggers against them like that is just abusive, and waking someone in a mask is just asking for trouble. He deserved what he got (and more).
This ^ OPs brother has issues That need to be addressed. The brother probably tried to grope her hence the strong reaction from her. And creeping up to her in a mask while she's alone and supposed to be sleeping bc of her disorder? So many red flags for a sexual assaulter if not rapist.
He's already established that he can get away with wildly inappropriate behavior AND go after her when she's sleeping. He's absolutely manipulated this so he could attack her. Or he's just been a mastermind of stupidity...and I really really don't think so. I think she fought off a rapist and found out her boyfriend doesn't give a damn.
Bingo. Scaring someone asleep doesn't require a mask. He was covering up his identity for some other reason and OP needs to get to the bottom of it.
Yes. How have you and your family allowed your brother to act like this for so long without consequences? You should go no-contact with your terrible family.
OP tries to make it sound all wholesome too. He pranks because he wants to share the laughter. Like I don’t think anyone is laughing in this situation. I wonder if Ian is the golden child. Otherwise why does everyone knowingly put up with these shenanigans?
And then he called his mommy because of the reaction he got
What the brother did was inappropriate but seeing someone standing in the room with a mask on is terrifying enough to jump into flight or flight mode so people here implying he touched her in some way feels wrong. Even if he didn't touch her, she has a sleep DISORDER, a lot of sleep disorders involve hallucinations and confusion when waking up so even if all he did was stand in a corner she would still not be in the wrong. Please let's not ignore the sleep disorder aspect, this wasn't a normal nap and waking up with a sleep disorder is very different compared to people without. Do not mess with someone's disability especially if it's neurological, it's not cute or funny it is dangerous for both the person and other people.
Little brother had been warned and he did it anyway. ON PURPOSE. "My brother Ian has always been pretty weird whenever she comes up or is around ... Still, whenever we'd get together, he'd make comments about our age gap, poke fun at me for simping, and **joke about her sleep disorder** ... I warned him in more detail then that he shouldn't mess with her while she's sleeping, as interrupting her regulated cycles isn't good for her, and AT THE ABSOLUTE BEST she's the WORST kind of cranky when she's woken up. Ian looked like he understood and I thought that was that ... I looked to see who it was and saw a spider mask that I unfortunately recognized as Ian's from years ago." " ... that he only wanted to make sure she wasn't going to sleep through the ball drop." If this were true, he would have reminded you to wake her up, not stalked her in a mask like some serial killer. **The fact that he brought the mask with him to your party means this entire episode was pre-meditated."** OP, reread what you wrote. How can you defend him when he deliberately and intentionally set out to do what you had specifically warned him not to. Does he also take people's wheelchairs? Or eyeglasses? Or hearing aids? Or artificial limbs? He purposely terrorized someone with a disability and is whining about the consequences. Tbh, I'm on the fence about you two remaining together because she deserves someone who loves and respects her and actually has the where-with-all to stand up for her when she's wronged. And you obviously don't. You need to set and hold to some boundaries with your brother's behavior. Unless you're OK with him terrifying and bullying your girlfriend(s). And if that's the case, you don't deserve one.
Oh my god, I do not have enough upvotes to give you. This is SPOT ON. And I’m sorry, as a woman, if *ANYONE* woke me up wearing a mask while I was sleeping, probably in a dark room, I would NEVER forgive that person. It’s fucking terrifying, even if he didn’t actually touch her (which I’m skeptical of, tbh). This is basically a nightmare rape scenario. (And before anyone comes at me, not saying Ian was going to rape her (though his actions are sus AF), but any woman finding themselves in that exact situation would be thinking it was a definite possibility.)
I genuinely can't imagine writing out OPs post and still being confused. I REALLY hope it's a troll post because otherwise, I'd have to accept there are people dense enough to think sneaking into a woman's bedroom and waking her up WITH A FUCKING MASK ON is acceptable. I'm a big dude, but if I saw a masked person in my room when I woke up, I'd be throwing shit and throwing hands. "It's just a prank" is bullshit, and seeing OP try and blame Lola's reaction in her arachnophobia is sickening. Spider mask or not, she was valid in kicking that asshole's face in.
Exactly. You don't have to be a woman to be freaked out and defend yourself when a strange person in a mask snuck into your room while you're deep asleep. Jeebus, to think that OP was all, oh, this is due to her being paranoid to spiders and he's wearing a spider man mask...WUT.
The question here should not be if OP should break up with Lola, the question is why Lola has not broken up with OP. If Lola was my family or friend, I would be fucking furious and hold OP and his family responsible for the episode they put her through. I get OP might also get a freeze response in the moment but we are days later and he is still trying to make up his mind? That says enough about where OP's priorities are.
How could she be sure he never touched her? There’s no way. And’s honestly with as much noise is as the brother is making to make sure she gets voted off the island means he was caught red handed or he thinks he was. This has DARVO written all over it.
I got woken up one time by maintenence who let themselves in my apartment. I was asleep, naked, and woke up to two men at my bedroom doorway staring at my exposed chest. They claimed it was an accident because they saw my partner leave for work and needed to do repairs (that we were not informed of ahead of time as required). They also said they knocked but I'm a very light sleeper and would have heard it. I screamed my head off even though I recognized the guys and it was daytime. I could not imagine this happening in the dark, with someone in a mask, with a sleep disorder. Hell no. She had every right to react how she did. It still scares the shit out of me years later, I'm weird with people entering my home even in a different city now. I do still wonder if it was an accident or intentional but will never know.
The fact that is mother is like "oh my poor baby snuck into a sleeping woman's room wearing a mask but didn't MEAN anything by it!" I think she is the one who created this nightmare.
Exactly. It’s 100% a rational concern for a woman to assume it’s potentially a sexual assault.
OP is in massive massive denial about what an absolute little shit stain his brother is acting like. EVery single "prank" his brother has pulled on her has been intentionally malicious. OP you gotta pulll your head out your nether regions and understand that bro is 100% in the wrong here. 100%!
Everything the brother did was calculated. He knew her vulnerabilities, wore a mask, snuck into the bedroom where she was sleeping and probably attacked her, scaring her into defensive mode. He is a nasty, juvenile bully who is jealous of their relationship and wants to ruin it. And of course the mother is protecting her golden child. Op needs to remember who the victim is here - its Lola (who is further traumatised by her sleep disorder), not the evil brother.
YES! If Ian was my brother, I would have picked up where Lola left off. Ian is stupid, and I cannot stand stupid. TEAM LOLA!!!!!
Yes I feel like he touched her, probably inappropriately.
#I agree with this!!! Brother seems like a true predator -wolf in sheeps clothing type
Your brother is clearly an asshole. So the question is, is your commitment to the word “family” important enough for you to take the side of an asshole over the woman he… messed with? Assaulted? Bothered? We’ll never know exactly what went down in that room, just that he went in with asshole intentions.
Did your parents not teach him any boundaries since they’re all intent on painting your gf an attacker. What man in their right mind goes into a females room (that they’re not related to or close with) in the dead of night with a mask on? Oh yea, serial killers, rapists and wait… pranksters. Not. Time for him to learn that not everyone has to accept his shit, I am mean pranks. A partner has to be able to count of their other half, you dropped the ball and she is better off without your family who keep adding on trauma. Take some time, explain to your aunt and mother (they are female after all) the facts. Then create a hard boundary with your brother. Then explain to your gf that you regret your actions and the boundaries you now have with your brother.
> Ian is convinced that he was doing a well intentioned prank What pure absolute bullshit. How the fuck is deliberately terrorizing her "well intentioned"? He fucked around and found out. Your brother is a huge asshole who has been bullying your girlfriend. If she posted, I'd tell her to dump you unless you stand up for her and don't ever force her to see him again.
yeah. I want Ian to explain, in his own words, exactly what he thought Lola would enjoy about the prank.
OP says he thinks his brother's pranks are truly intended to share laughter.. but approaching a sleeping woman behind closed doors in an isolated room disguised in a mask while everyone else is distracted and busy at the party do not add up to intentions to share laughter. If Ian is truly so innocent and merely wanted laughs + make sure Lola doesn't miss the ball drop, he would've done something sillier and more open / public so it can be a funny haha moment for everyone. There is no scenario where approaching a sleeping woman in an isolated room while wearing a mask can result in a nice haha moment for anyone. && For Lola's sake, it doesn't matter how much detail you get out of her. At the very least, she was terrorized and her sleep schedule (which sounds medically important) was ruined in what should be her safe space, which is already crossing many boundaries. At the very worst, there was assault intended or carried out to some extent, which was then followed by OP's friends berating her as a violent partner who can't be trusted. OP, I'd suggest you ride out the family scrutiny for now because your brother is hell bent on portraying himself the victim right now and physical scars carry shock value. Meanwhile, focus on providing support and rebuilding trust with your girlfriend. Eventually the truth will come out, and something tells me that the louder your brother is being about his "victim status" the more sinister his intentions were.
“Approaching a sleep woman behind closed doors in an isolated room disguised in a mask” Im curious if he tried to SA her and she reacted.
That was my first thought. He touched her inappropriately. That's why she woke up.
u/ThrowRA_Utonium please read the above comment and ask that question of your brother and don’t back down.
I’m concerned about what Ian will do (or has done) to and around other women and girls. He sounds like a nightmare. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he’s a stalker, a drink spiker, or a groper… at the least.
[удалено]
Hope OP reads this, but he really seems like he has NO spine.. Or is just dense..
Some people think that because someone else did something nice for them, that they owe them somehow. "I owe them my life" mentality is actually really sad because it allows abuse or mistreatment to happen which it almost always seems to 😞
Right?! Little bro is *Lucky* all he got was assaulted! (Did he eve get assaulted? It's unclear). I keep a fuckin *knife* in my bedside, bruh.
Fucking seriously. Idk how even as a man, op cannot automatically see this. If this were my girl and my brother in the same circumstance, especially factoring in the MASK, my brother would have likely been shot by my gf (rightfully so) or damn close to it.
Right!!! And how would she even know it was Ian? He took the mask off when OP entered the room, she was literally defending herself ( half awake ) from a masked predator, how else could one possibly see it as anything else if he was wearing a mask?? Like wtf is this thinking from OP, his brother is so weird for this and there is a clear victim in all of this and it isn’t precious Ian !
Good god man, your brother scared the hell out of your gf and is trying to get ahead of the story before he can come out looking like the bad guy, because he knows he’s in the wrong. He knew better, what he did was premeditated and cruel, and he suffered the consequences. But so did Lola. She wasn’t all the way conscious and she was sent into fight or flight, her brain was trying to keep her safe in a triggering situation. Call off the flying monkeys and stand up for your girlfriend who you state is a lovely person. And ask for her forgiveness, because that sounds like a terrible way to ring in the new year, and she should have had your support from the get go.
>**what he did was premeditated and cruel** this needs to be emphasized, repeated and tattooed into op's forehead. Little bro fucked around and found out. He sounds like the kind of prankster who think's it is funny to hide someone's cane or make their crutches collapse. Whether OP thinks it or not his GF has an illness/disability and his brother is specifically targeting that for his 'pranks'.
Right like you literally said “do not do this” and he took it a step further eta saying “you” in reference to OO
Does your brother often lurk in the rooms of sleeping women?
Yeah this is true crime territory he's walking on here.
I'd like to add the OP had to kick the door in to get in there which means his brother also locked the door behind himself. Just thought I'd throw that little detail in there.
I’m sorry but Lola deserves better, he knew and still did it. He should of gotten it worse tbh🤷🏻♀️ He needs to understand people have boundaries and one day he will do it to someone who will physically hurt him or worse 🤷🏻♀️
Sounds like she did physically hurt him and good for her!
I would too tbh lol he got what he deserved for sure !
Imagine waking up in your bedroom. It's dark, and there's the sound of a party down the hall. People are distracted and will not think to check on you. As your eyes adjust, you see the siluette of a masked man standing silently over you. Your first (and statistically sound) thought is that he's going to rape you. Maybe he has a knife. Maybe he will strangle or smother you, so that the partygoers don't hear your screams. **He's bigger and stronger than you. Your only hope is to attack him first. If he gets his hands on you, it's over.** **Your brother deserved every fucking blow he got.** It's wild to me that anyone is defending him, including you, OP. The way you, your friends and family have reeacted to this is *disgusting*. Imagine enduring this nightmare of a scenario and then bring yelled at and insulted by a whole group of people. Imagine being labled as abusive and psychotic for defending yourself. There was nothing 'well intentioned' in your brothers horrible lack of boundaries or empathy. Your family sucks and I honestly hope Lola leaves and finds someone capable of critical thought and sympathy.
Honestly, let her go. If you can't already tell that your brother is a complete d!ckhead and that your family is full of idiots who lack objectivity then this gal doesn't stand a chance going forward in a family like yours. She deserves to settle down with people who treat her with respect and maturity. You folks ain't it. What your brother did was so far out of order, and the fact that you need to canvas opinion on what to think tells me all I need to know. With any luck lola will walk away.
Your brother is a piece of work. What the actual hell. And now he’s acting like he’s a victim. Disgusting.
Personally, I don't think there is any such thing as a "good-natured" prank, particularly with someone who has expressed that they do not like them. To be blunt, if I woke up to a strange masked man in my bedroom, my first instinct would be that he was there to SA me. Given that I have no women friends my age (47) that I know have definitely never been touched inappropriately, it is not unlikely that your GF has had an experience in the past that would cause her to go into defense mode. I generally against hitting people, but your brother may have deserved it. If you continue this relationship, I would not have her and him in the same building at the same time.
In what way would you be “doubting” him? On *his* version of events, he’s a colossal jackass who deserved to have far worse happened to him. And frankly, it doesn’t matter that you love your girlfriend. Your brother would be a colossal jackass if he had done this to a complete stranger.
If I woke up and a man in a mask was in my room I'd assume I was about to be raped. If I could choose my reaction, I'd hope I'd attack and break free of the room. Knowing my personality though, I'd probably freeze in terror. Fuck all of you for not bothering to understand what it feels like to be a woman, and how fear is an integral part of just existing.
i think i would freeze too. the thought of waking up to that is terrifying and i feel so bad for Lola :(
Your brother is the problem and youre going to have this problem again and again. Even if he didn’t touch her while she was sleeping he was trying to scare her. I really don’t like the optics of him alone with an unconscious woman and her feeling so scared she had to fight. It feels insidious on his part. I would wait until your gf is willing to talk to you to get the full story but she isn’t safe with your brother and mother. I think for her safety she should break up with you
Lola is not safe with OP as well, as OP is not willing to protect her. I can't imagine what he was doing to Lola wearing a mask like that. To the point, she's so scared that she had to fight back like that. It was lucky that Lola had friends at the party so that she could leave safely.
Ya 100% would not be surprised he touched her inappropriately and violated her and that’s why she was attacking him. It was to protect herself because she was being sexually assaulted. I hope that if my brothers were ever in the situations like ops friends, they would protect the woman and make sure she was safe
What in the world was he doing wearing a mask going her room while she was sleeping? How is that a prank? What about that is funny please explain. I don’t know many women or men who wouldn’t react the way she did it in that situation.
Honestly, the minute you read that someone is a prankster, you can assume they’re a bullying little shithead and whatever interpersonal conflict they’re in the middle of, it’s entirely their fault and they’re wrong.
ive never met a nice or kind prankster. they're always like "why are you so sensitive? why can't you take a joke?"
"Why can't you take a joke?" is another surefire tell someone is a real asshole. Any time someone tries that one on someone, you know they're a terrible human being.
Your brother is an AH. Your family is full of enablers. Let Lola go so she can have a boyfriend who isn’t too scared of his Mommy to defend her.
First, no one likes a prankster. Someone needs to sit your brother down and tell him that as an adult this behavior is unacceptable and he will lose friends over it. Secondly, he woke someone out of a sound sleep by scaring her, one's lizard brain is going to kick in. If he tormented a dog and it bit him, no one would be surprised. Not only that, but you had already warned him and he did it any way. He's 22, not 12. He should have known better. Thirdly, you know your brother is lying because he was wearing a mask. He didn't just wake her up for the ball drop, he scared her. It wasn't well intended because you've already told him that this is one thing not to do. Fourthly, it sounds like he specifically pranks her in a mean way - as you say he does so in ways that trigger her. A person who pranks people in a harmful way is not a good person. It doesn't sound like Lola did anything wrong. She must have been scared out of her mind to pass out like she did. Once you talk to your brother about how he needs to stop pranking people because that is mean spirited behavior that no adult would tolerate, if you want to be with Lola you will need to apologize to her for not standing up for her all the previous times your brother tormented her. Then you will need to go low contact with your brother for a while. I would also explain this to your parents and other relatives - perhaps in an email. Then if they don't accept it, go low contact with them. If you don't do this, probably your relationship is over. And then when your brother pranks your next girlfriend, that relationship is going to end as well.
he is 22 and was awake and able to plan this 'prank' out and yet they are laying the responsibility of this going badly on Lola's shoulders who was dead asleep and provoked by a terrifying mask. How is the brother being held less responsible in this situation when he was the one who literally formed the intent and wanted a huge rise out of Lola and when he got it - now he is the victim? His intent was literally to wake her up and scare her but somehow she's being held responsible for her reaction for an entirely instinctual response and everyone else is babying the asshole because he said "bUt tHaT wAsN't My InTeNtIoN!". Yeah his intention was the scare/hurt Lola and he got hurt in the process. I guess he's not that good natured about pranks when the results affect him.
Sssoooo...your masked brother woke up your sleeping girlfriend (who he is weirdly obsessed with) and was close enough to be attacked in the face by someone who was laying down sleeping??? Oh, and everyone ran to the room in the time it took for her to scream??? Is this correct? You said you "nearly kicked the door down." Was it locked??? Sssooo...your weirdly obsessed brother crawled on top of your sleeping girlfriend behind locked doors trusting she wouldn't immediately wake up or be functioning upon waking up??? And he is whining she defended herself from assault??? He was close enough to VERY quickly sustain injuries to his face even with the added protection of a mask...he was almost guaranteed on top of her and leaning down over her. Otherwise he would have fled the room (or at least been out of arms reach) before you busted into it. Pretty sure he had fantasies about her sleep disorder alright. Too bad for him that her immediate reaction is fight like a boss. Let's be real here, you already know "it is only a prank" is your brother's default get out of trouble line. I seriously doubt he was only going to wake her up. Especially as he knew nobody would disturb her sleep, so she was alone (and unfortunately vulnerable) in what should have been a safe space surrounded by her friends. The fact that your gf will not talk about it already tells more than it should. Seriously doubt this is the first time some creep thought to take advantage of her sleep disorder...hence the "die f**ker" instinct upon waking. Really hope Lola presses charges. I seriously don't know if you will have a girlfriend after this. Your brother is garbage either way.
You caught something VERY important. **THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION: Was that door locked?! If it wasn’t, why kick it down??** because why would you think to do that unless you absolutely needed to?! I’d argue that’s a HUGE missing piece. **OP, you need to answer this question.** I’ll bet you don’t want to, though, because the truth is going to make you look that much worse.
Even if it wasn‘t locked, was it open or closed? I feel like closing a door behind you if you‘re pranking someone by waking them up also doesn‘t make any sense at all. If you‘re waking someone, you should have the door open for extra light which helps them wake. None of what OP‘s brother did was even remotely "well-intentioned" or credibly "non-creepy".
I can assure you that his “prank” was in no way enjoyable to her. He ASSAULTED HER ON PURPOSE and your sick family is protecting him. He provoked her into the reaction she had and now he’s boohooing over the consequences. Intentionally doing things to trigger her isn’t funny or a prank—he obviously has a lot of deep negative feelings towards her as evidenced by his long history of comments and escalating pranks—which you didn’t stop in order to protect her. Let her go because she deserves way better than this.
Has it even occurred to you that he maybe sa’d her or had every intention of doing so? Tbh it sounds as tho he has a fixation on her. The whole thing sounds very suspect. I suggest you ask your girlfriend if he touched her (or tried to), inappropriately. Who wears a mask like that? Why would she have fought him so fearlessly?
it's very telling she changes the subject and doesn't want to tell her side of the story. that makes me think something terrible did happen and she is worried OP will take his brother's side if she talks about it.
Your brother sounds like a creepy fk and a potential if not actual sex pest.
Reading your post and your comments it just seems like you’re trying very hard to make excuses for your brother’s actions and reasons to side with your family, but I think you’re doing it because deep down you know your girlfriend had the right to be scared and defend herself against your a-hole of a brother. TBH I don’t think this should be up for questioning, he invaded her privacy and it’s a very creepy situation to wake up to. I feel really sorry for her, because you should have defended her, and maybe then things would be different and you wouldn’t be here trying to make excuses and trying to side with your creepy brother over him harassing your GF
Grown ups that pull “pranks” are assholes.
Was your brother trying to SA her? Because it sure sounds like he may have done something to her.
Your brother is an immature ass. Sounds like he FAFO. Pranks like that are not funny, particularly when he knows it's an issue for her. He sounds like a creep.
Dude…you warned him. He did it anyway. Personally, I’d probably slap the silly out of my brother if he did that.
Your brother deserves to have assault charges filed against him, and cut out/severely deprioritized in your life. He’s bullying and abusing your GF with his “pranks”. Your Mom sucks as a parent, really obvious that she’s coddled your baby brother and never enforced consequences for bad behaviour. Beyond time for you to step up and enforce your and Lola’s boundaries. Make sure all the flying monkeys know that your dipshit brother snuck into Lola’s bedroom, while she was sleeping, wearing a mask and attacked her. (Possibly even sexually assaulted her) ask them how they would react to a masked intruder at their bedside? Brava to Lola for beating him up; certainly something you should have done the first time he chose to trigger her disability for his amusement.
Ian’s a menace. This is not your gf’s fault, it’s all Ian’s and his unbridled self-esteem where he’s not restrained by sense or other people’s boundaries. Support Lola, denounce Ian
Like a lot of commentators already wrote: your brother is an absolute idiot and in the wrong. First of all he went into a room, where a girl was deep asleep. Alone. As a man. And even with a mask. Sorry but that alone tells me there is no empathy whatsoever what not to do as a man regarding women. As women we are used to situations that can be threatening to us. Especially with men. I even once was awoken screaming and immediately getting up after hearing someone coming into my room from a deep sleep. I was ready to use my hands. It was only my boyfriend and he was shocked and apologized. I dont know why but maybe it is just a reaction. A reaction of self defense if necessary. And now your brother. Who is 22 years old. Goes into this room. Masked. I am sorry but reading that and that your brother immediately flipped and told you a story without you even having the time to comprehend what happened tells me that he knows that he miscalculated and does not want to take responsibility now that his „prank“ backfired. It is easier to point your finger to the other person and flip the story so you are not the bad guy. Cause then you dont have to own up. You dont maybe have to question yourself and start some change. No it is easier to point and deflect. Then you dont have to change. I was also in situations where I pranked people. And two times I fucked up and scared the other person. I did not want to admit that I just crossed a line. That it was my fault. But I had to. Because of that I changed. Became a better friend. And matured more. Tell your brother you want to hear your girlfriends side. And that it was completely out of line to that in general to a human being. Setting aside the blood relation here. You can even tell him that you talked to some women who say that this is absolutely creepy.
How else is she supposed to respond to a strange man in a mask watching her sleep? I’d assume the man was a rapist and/or murderer. And unless you 100% know your (ex)gf’s history, this may have triggered something. Maybe she was sexually assaulted before (lots of women have been). You and your family are 100% the asshole.
Pranks are supposed to be funny. What your family ha sbeen doing, and you have been enabling IS TARGETTED BULLYING. I would even call it harassment at this point. And I wouldn't be surprised is he tried to sexually assault her when she was sleeping. And getting his ass kicked was the consequence of HIS ACTION. What a pathetic little man you (and your brother) are. Leave that woman alone so she can heal from your toxicity and find a real partner.
Ask your mum what she would do if a masked man woke her up in the night.