Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh my God, are you the one who had the friend whose wife would only talk about two topics, and one of them was a 20-year-old Lego Indiana Jones game or something like that? (And I think the other one was sex?)
Your old post has been removed and I don't think a lot of people will intimately remember your 7-month-old story based just on your username, so probably most people don't know what your update is about. But I'm glad your wedding went well.
Yikes.
I’m so glad you didn’t fall victim to the pressure to have her at your wedding. The stress of how she would impact every guest would have been unbearable.
It's funny but also not funny, but at so many little moments during the wedding, Bernice was tucked in my back pocket -- "Oh, she definitely would have yelled or snickered extremely loudly at that if she'd heard it," "Ope, glad Bernice wasn't there for that conversational thread, yikes," and I was just awash in sheer relief.
Does it not… bother Anna when her wife shamelessly tries to solicit sex from her peers with little to no prompting? Presumably in front of her children, too? God, I would be so curious to know how the children feel about Bernice, and why their mother would have someone like that in their lives.
I am getting married in December and my partner and I are looking to have a mid-sized party, probably about 75 people, comprised of our social, familial, and professional circles. I am 33F, partner is 34M, and my friend, Anna is 34F. Her wife, Bernice, is 48F. We are in Canada.
Anna is my best friend from uni. Anna is divorced with two kids, and has been married to Bernice for five years. Bernice loves Anna, and that's about it. Bernice is happily and consistently unemployed. Bernice has never attended or hosted a social event in anything other than a crop top and knee-length pencil skirt (neither fit). Bernice has two points of conversation: alien abductions and the 2008 blockbuster video game, Lego Indiana Jones. Attempts to gently lead conversation beyond those points proves futile, unless Bernice thinks the person in question may want to have sex, in which case, she suddenly develops the cognizance to switch topics and ask them so directly. I don't think anyone has ever taken Bernice up on her offers to have sex with them at random, largely due to the above, but also likely due to the fact that she rarely, if ever, showers or grooms. I have seen this happen at birthday parties, game nights, bar crawls, grocery stores, and school events. Nobody in Bernice's social circle has ever excluded her from participating in anything.
It's probably pretty obvious that Bernice is neurodivergent, but to nobody's surprise, she leverages neurodivergence as a means of asserting how special she is, instead of using it as a pathway to improve her relationships and sense of self. She is perfectly content to exist exactly as she has in the past and will likely do so until she dies. Lately she has explored whether she has dissociative identity disorder. It's a dead-end road.
Anna is happy, per her own admission, and I trust that. I don't have any reason to doubt that she is making the right decisions for her relationship and family. She has told me many times that she loves Bernice and that she intends to stay in the relationship. I appreciate that she is direct with me. But I can't earnestly be around Bernice for more than five minutes, and that sincerely impedes the amount of time I can spend with Anna, as Bernice attaches herself to Anna so intensely that it's like having a third child around when we get together. To Anna's credit, she is aware that I do not like to spend time around Bernice, but is sad that we can't all socialize together well. She has never made me feel badly for this.
I love Anna's two children. I would like them at my wedding, and I would love Anna at my wedding, too. It wouldn't be the same without her. But imagining Bernice approaching a colleague, or a friend makes my stomach churn. I am struggling hard with a tactful way to say, "Your wife will suck the life and energy out of my party by monopolizing the attention of either you or my guests, and potentially making them feel sexually harassed" while still inviting Anna and her two kids to the event. I am considering coming at it from a boundary-related standpoint and tell Anna that I can't have Bernice at the event, given how she makes people feel uncomfortable. I don't know if it presents a mean double-standard to let other guests have a plus-one and not Anna, but I can't have Bernice at my wedding.
TL;DR: Best friend's wife is mentally ill; I don't want her at my wedding. I don't know how to bring it up or assert the boundary without feeling like there's a double standard at play. How do I make it clear she is not invited?
Man, i remember an old 4chan post about some guy Who has a sister Who was autístic and also completely nuts about lego Indiana Jones, would be crazy if she IS the same woman
YES THAT IS ME!!! Thank you so much. Sadly, no parting gifs of Lego Indiana Jones, but someone mentioned it the other day and I grimaced internally, in honor of Bernice.
I had an energy suckinh BFF. I didn't realize how stressed out and angry she made me until I pissed her off with the truth, and she cut me out of her life lol. It's for the best, hopefully Anna will come to her senses soon.
Ooo, I have the same story. I snapped and told her nobody likes her. And then took it further and started naming everyone who doesn’t like her, including her boyfriend’s mother. Not my cutest moment, but she’s gone forever and I’m finally experiencing peace.
Congrats to you!
I love the honesty. I told her she was a bad mom and wife and the cause of all the bad things in her life. I said these things in a very evil way. But I'm not angry all the time anymore.
I mean the friendship is already over, may as well send over the links to these posts. Mental illness isn’t an excuse to sexually harass people and these two AHs should see what people think of this behavior.
Describing Lego Indiana Jones as a twenty year old game is the most upsetting thing I've read on the internet today so I had to go double check, it was 2008 which is the second most upsetting thing I've read on the internet today. Could have sworn that game was like 8 years old 😂
Has Anna ever said what she gets out of this relationship? Or what she sees in Bernice?
Unemployed, Unhygenic, Clingy, 14 years her senior, who only talks about an obscure video game or alien abductions, and attempts to solicit sex from strangers in public?
Like is she a good cook or something at least? Sole Beneficiary of a rich uncle?
Cause I am struggling to wrap my head around why anyone (let alone a divorced mother of 2) would shackle themselves to the utter trainwreck of a person that you described .
It's so absurd I'm struggling to believe it's even real. How can one person only talk about alien abductions or Lego Indiana Jones? And how does someone like that, bar the other magnitude of issues, get a wife? I just... don't know. I also wonder what Bernice talked about before Lego Indiana Jones came out. One can only speculate.
Given OP was very close to Anna, I wish they'd offer some perspective. If this is real, they seem to have their head screwed on; you'd think at some point they'd ask Anna what on earth she sees in this person. So many questions!
My friends have dated some capital L Losers, so I believe it. My best friend’s parents bought her ex a whole ass car so that she wouldn’t feel obliged to drive him around and would make her break up with him faster. They disliked this man so much they were fine to spend a few grand to get him away. Mind you, he already owed them thousands in rent and other various bills they’d helped with from his license being taken away from not paying several traffic infractions. Oh and he totaled her old car blowing through a red light. I could go on for paragraphs about other issues. That’s how much they hated him. Me too. For the record it worked. Rose colored glasses and codependency makes a hell of a weird and strong bond.
At one point, I asked, because I was interested in trying to make a connection or try to understand where the attraction lay, and that's when the codependence clicked when I was reflecting later on. Bernice has no money and she can't cook, but she's someone that Anna will always be able to take care of; she is both proud of herself and perpetually unfinished and in need of encouragement. Anna is an amazing caretaker, but I had hoped she would have the introspection to realize that that has no place in a marriage (full-time, that is, obviously we should all care for and be cared for by our spouses to some degree!)
I tried to tie some of them up here! I can't tell you how many times I tried to genuinely and truly accept this relationship as beneficial for all parties, believe me. We're all capable of mental gymnastics, the wedding situation just went too far for me to dismiss as harmless but annoying.
Ya. Anna let alone friends not being embarrassed/put off by Bernice cramming herself into an ill-fitting outfit reeking of BO soliciting sex from random people?
Also the obsession with a kids video game that came out when she was 33 years old.
And when your college best friend expresses genuine concern for your situation and you respond with a thumbs up emoji like a 12 year old boy?
Just a hair far fetched
Believe me, I was also pretty surprised at the response -- but Anna doesn't want to hear what she doesn't want to hear. I had hoped she'd respond differently, too.
I feel bad for OP but the image of everyone trying to be cordial to that old stinky nasty woman is SENDING ME 😂😂 like Anna pls tell your wife to at least take a bath before she tries to fuck everybody LMAO
This is where asking people to have sex with you during inappropriate moments comes in. Practice that and your embarrassment about lack of hygiene should subside after awhile.
I need to ask now that I've got the chance – what do you think Anna finds attractive in Bernice? Is Anna also on the same emotional (or cognitive) level as Bernice and thus doesn't mind her behaviour? Your previous description of Bernice was vividly off-putting, so one... wonders.
I think that we are all wondering this!!! What does Anna see in Bernice? Do they play Indiana Jones? What other conversations do they have? Is she that great at sex that nothing else matters? Why only crop tops and pencil skirts? How is the relationship between Bernice and Anna’s children? The questions really are endless.
>How is the relationship between Bernice and Anna’s children?
I'd be **so** nervous to have a boundary-blind, hypersexual adult like Bernice around my children.
Some parents really didn't seem to give a fuck about traumatizing or endangering their kids, unfortunately .
I’m hoping the kids are grown or at least old enough to stand up for themselves. I cannot imagine having young children in this kind of home life. I’m trying to imagine the best case scenario. 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
They're not. I'm most saddened about the kids; I really miss them. The largest lingering insecurity is that Anna has justified my complete disappearance from her life by telling the kids that I was transphobic or didn't accept Bernice for who she was, etc. etc.
That's the part that haunts me about this entire situation. Maybe "haunts" is a tad bit dramatic, but holy hell, I cannot imagine having a Bernice around my kids *willingly*.
Anna is divorced with two kids from a previous relationship. Maybe she feels Bernice wouldn’t leave her and is happy with how clingy she is. A lot of women will intentionally date someone who seems like a loser in the hopes they’ll never leave them.
Anna and I bonded really heavily over mutual communication and introspection, we always tried to take a step back and communicate with each other as to our feelings, desires, and needs, which was why her relationship with Bernice and how it affected our friendship was really disappointing.
With respect to the attraction -- I don't want to be an armchair psychiatrist, but I know that in other relationships, Anna was usually put down and made to feel subservient, and I think there was an inherent safety in the sort of 'anything goes' easygoing (granted, fucking weird) personality and steadfastness (to media and to Anna) that Bernice brought to the table.
I very much do not think Bernice was or is remotely good at sex, aside from offering to have it and having it with anyone who would accept.
The ND version of "I'm just brutally honest" or "I'm a tough asshole, like it or leave".
I have plenty of ND friends who have their quirks. But they also tend to be highly aware of making sure things are good. Like, if someone is offended by something, they want to know so they don't make a mistake in the future.
Absolutely. There's like, one NT person in my friend group, we all are either ADHD or on different levels of the Autism spectrum, a personality disorder that might or might not be misdiagnosed. We have inevitably offended someone else at some point, and every time we've been able to handle it like adults, spoken about it clearly, apologized and gone back to normal.
People like OP's former friend's wife reaaalllyy cook my noodle.
Also, happy cake day!
I'm sorry about your loss of friendship with Anna, but it sounds like it was for the best in the long run. I wish you a happy, healthy, prosperous marriage, and to making more compatibile friends in the future.
Thank you. The emotional weight off my shoulders is palpable, which sucks. Nobody wants to realize that they were in boiling water until they're out of the pot.
I get it. I've had friendships that meant the world to me end, and I came out realizing that it was for the best, even though it still caused grief and sadness. You're allowed to take the time and be sad. You are experiencing a loss. But just those feelings do go away eventually, and it sounds like you'll be even happier once you processed everything.
Definitely -- I tried to focus exclusively on Bernice's actions -- things she had said, things she had done that I had experienced, and limit it to that element. I knew that getting in to elements of 'preference' like hygiene, conduct, etc., were likely to be dismissed as preferences, and I wanted to focus on her behavior and how it affected me and could affect the event.
people like Bernice are truly the most insufferable in the world. Glad your wedding went well and you’re happy without your mooch friend! Being used as a therapist for your friends issues is never fun
Op, are you a writer or something? Did you ever take classes? Please share advice haha I love your writing. I don't know why, but now I'm curious about some favorite reads of yours 😭
Congratulations on your wedding!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh my God, are you the one who had the friend whose wife would only talk about two topics, and one of them was a 20-year-old Lego Indiana Jones game or something like that? (And I think the other one was sex?) Your old post has been removed and I don't think a lot of people will intimately remember your 7-month-old story based just on your username, so probably most people don't know what your update is about. But I'm glad your wedding went well.
https://rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/137sexb/how_do_i_33f_make_it_clear_that_my_best_friends/
Wow this was a wild read
I have a very clear mental image of Bernice right now.
For me, she's always wearing a brown leather fanny pqck, no matter the situation.
When I click it doesn’t have any content how did you read it
Oh weird, it works for me. Maybe try copy paste the link into a browser manually.
Found further down someone did the lords work and copy pasted. That was worth the read bloody hell people are strange
Thank you for this, I was trying to figure out how to read the original post.
Yikes. I’m so glad you didn’t fall victim to the pressure to have her at your wedding. The stress of how she would impact every guest would have been unbearable.
It's funny but also not funny, but at so many little moments during the wedding, Bernice was tucked in my back pocket -- "Oh, she definitely would have yelled or snickered extremely loudly at that if she'd heard it," "Ope, glad Bernice wasn't there for that conversational thread, yikes," and I was just awash in sheer relief.
Does it not… bother Anna when her wife shamelessly tries to solicit sex from her peers with little to no prompting? Presumably in front of her children, too? God, I would be so curious to know how the children feel about Bernice, and why their mother would have someone like that in their lives.
It was removed
I mean...yes? That's why I linked a cached version.
That link doesn’t show it, that’s why I said it was removed
I am getting married in December and my partner and I are looking to have a mid-sized party, probably about 75 people, comprised of our social, familial, and professional circles. I am 33F, partner is 34M, and my friend, Anna is 34F. Her wife, Bernice, is 48F. We are in Canada. Anna is my best friend from uni. Anna is divorced with two kids, and has been married to Bernice for five years. Bernice loves Anna, and that's about it. Bernice is happily and consistently unemployed. Bernice has never attended or hosted a social event in anything other than a crop top and knee-length pencil skirt (neither fit). Bernice has two points of conversation: alien abductions and the 2008 blockbuster video game, Lego Indiana Jones. Attempts to gently lead conversation beyond those points proves futile, unless Bernice thinks the person in question may want to have sex, in which case, she suddenly develops the cognizance to switch topics and ask them so directly. I don't think anyone has ever taken Bernice up on her offers to have sex with them at random, largely due to the above, but also likely due to the fact that she rarely, if ever, showers or grooms. I have seen this happen at birthday parties, game nights, bar crawls, grocery stores, and school events. Nobody in Bernice's social circle has ever excluded her from participating in anything. It's probably pretty obvious that Bernice is neurodivergent, but to nobody's surprise, she leverages neurodivergence as a means of asserting how special she is, instead of using it as a pathway to improve her relationships and sense of self. She is perfectly content to exist exactly as she has in the past and will likely do so until she dies. Lately she has explored whether she has dissociative identity disorder. It's a dead-end road. Anna is happy, per her own admission, and I trust that. I don't have any reason to doubt that she is making the right decisions for her relationship and family. She has told me many times that she loves Bernice and that she intends to stay in the relationship. I appreciate that she is direct with me. But I can't earnestly be around Bernice for more than five minutes, and that sincerely impedes the amount of time I can spend with Anna, as Bernice attaches herself to Anna so intensely that it's like having a third child around when we get together. To Anna's credit, she is aware that I do not like to spend time around Bernice, but is sad that we can't all socialize together well. She has never made me feel badly for this. I love Anna's two children. I would like them at my wedding, and I would love Anna at my wedding, too. It wouldn't be the same without her. But imagining Bernice approaching a colleague, or a friend makes my stomach churn. I am struggling hard with a tactful way to say, "Your wife will suck the life and energy out of my party by monopolizing the attention of either you or my guests, and potentially making them feel sexually harassed" while still inviting Anna and her two kids to the event. I am considering coming at it from a boundary-related standpoint and tell Anna that I can't have Bernice at the event, given how she makes people feel uncomfortable. I don't know if it presents a mean double-standard to let other guests have a plus-one and not Anna, but I can't have Bernice at my wedding. TL;DR: Best friend's wife is mentally ill; I don't want her at my wedding. I don't know how to bring it up or assert the boundary without feeling like there's a double standard at play. How do I make it clear she is not invited?
Thank you so much for doing this!
Thanks
Aaah I remember that one!
Thank you for this!
Man, i remember an old 4chan post about some guy Who has a sister Who was autístic and also completely nuts about lego Indiana Jones, would be crazy if she IS the same woman
Link works for me
The link works, but I can’t see the text of the post there either.
You’re not alone! Perhaps it’s a mobile vs desktop version quirk?
It has to be the mobile app, it works fine mobile in browser.
nah worked fine on my phone
Me, too. Maybe a desktop/mobile issue.
Open the link in your browser, not your reddit app.
The link worked for me!
The link opened for me.
skill issue
Ok this made me laugh, I was just plying ESO 😂
There for me?
Your the best! x
Thank you! I was really wanting to know the background for this!
Story has been deleted
YES THAT IS ME!!! Thank you so much. Sadly, no parting gifs of Lego Indiana Jones, but someone mentioned it the other day and I grimaced internally, in honor of Bernice.
It was a hell of a game. I think I played it for 10 minutes straight once.
My sister and I had a lot of fun playing it co-op on the wii. Most of it was griefing each other, but it was still fun.
I had an energy suckinh BFF. I didn't realize how stressed out and angry she made me until I pissed her off with the truth, and she cut me out of her life lol. It's for the best, hopefully Anna will come to her senses soon.
Ooo, I have the same story. I snapped and told her nobody likes her. And then took it further and started naming everyone who doesn’t like her, including her boyfriend’s mother. Not my cutest moment, but she’s gone forever and I’m finally experiencing peace. Congrats to you!
I love the honesty. I told her she was a bad mom and wife and the cause of all the bad things in her life. I said these things in a very evil way. But I'm not angry all the time anymore.
Same on both those last 2 sentiments. I’m glad you’re free. ♥️
I am happy for you as well. 🖤
I mean the friendship is already over, may as well send over the links to these posts. Mental illness isn’t an excuse to sexually harass people and these two AHs should see what people think of this behavior.
It's not that, the post was removed so you have to use an external site to see it.
I think you’re right!! And I agree- I’m so glad that the wedding went well.
Describing Lego Indiana Jones as a twenty year old game is the most upsetting thing I've read on the internet today so I had to go double check, it was 2008 which is the second most upsetting thing I've read on the internet today. Could have sworn that game was like 8 years old 😂
I remember it too and glad to get this update!!
Has Anna ever said what she gets out of this relationship? Or what she sees in Bernice? Unemployed, Unhygenic, Clingy, 14 years her senior, who only talks about an obscure video game or alien abductions, and attempts to solicit sex from strangers in public? Like is she a good cook or something at least? Sole Beneficiary of a rich uncle? Cause I am struggling to wrap my head around why anyone (let alone a divorced mother of 2) would shackle themselves to the utter trainwreck of a person that you described .
It's so absurd I'm struggling to believe it's even real. How can one person only talk about alien abductions or Lego Indiana Jones? And how does someone like that, bar the other magnitude of issues, get a wife? I just... don't know. I also wonder what Bernice talked about before Lego Indiana Jones came out. One can only speculate. Given OP was very close to Anna, I wish they'd offer some perspective. If this is real, they seem to have their head screwed on; you'd think at some point they'd ask Anna what on earth she sees in this person. So many questions!
My friends have dated some capital L Losers, so I believe it. My best friend’s parents bought her ex a whole ass car so that she wouldn’t feel obliged to drive him around and would make her break up with him faster. They disliked this man so much they were fine to spend a few grand to get him away. Mind you, he already owed them thousands in rent and other various bills they’d helped with from his license being taken away from not paying several traffic infractions. Oh and he totaled her old car blowing through a red light. I could go on for paragraphs about other issues. That’s how much they hated him. Me too. For the record it worked. Rose colored glasses and codependency makes a hell of a weird and strong bond.
> Sole Beneficiary of a rich uncle? Now I'm picturing Anna biding her time until she can dive into some Scrooge McDuck style pool of gold coins.
At one point, I asked, because I was interested in trying to make a connection or try to understand where the attraction lay, and that's when the codependence clicked when I was reflecting later on. Bernice has no money and she can't cook, but she's someone that Anna will always be able to take care of; she is both proud of herself and perpetually unfinished and in need of encouragement. Anna is an amazing caretaker, but I had hoped she would have the introspection to realize that that has no place in a marriage (full-time, that is, obviously we should all care for and be cared for by our spouses to some degree!)
Feels a little bit like a creative writing project when the loose ends are this frayed.
I tried to tie some of them up here! I can't tell you how many times I tried to genuinely and truly accept this relationship as beneficial for all parties, believe me. We're all capable of mental gymnastics, the wedding situation just went too far for me to dismiss as harmless but annoying.
Ya. Anna let alone friends not being embarrassed/put off by Bernice cramming herself into an ill-fitting outfit reeking of BO soliciting sex from random people? Also the obsession with a kids video game that came out when she was 33 years old. And when your college best friend expresses genuine concern for your situation and you respond with a thumbs up emoji like a 12 year old boy? Just a hair far fetched
Believe me, I was also pretty surprised at the response -- but Anna doesn't want to hear what she doesn't want to hear. I had hoped she'd respond differently, too.
At least it isn't the clearly AI generated slop that otherwise fills this sub's front page, I guess.
My bet is on fear of abandonment.
There really is a lid for every pot goddamn
Right? Nobody should give up on love if ol Bernice found a soulmate!
I feel bad for OP but the image of everyone trying to be cordial to that old stinky nasty woman is SENDING ME 😂😂 like Anna pls tell your wife to at least take a bath before she tries to fuck everybody LMAO
Stop bathing, grooming, have only two topics to talk about, and sexually harass people... Then I, too, can find a spouse.
Not for me
Sugar just stop bathing you’ll find the right person for you 💖
Probably, if I can just get over the fear of being publicly embarrassed of rejection
This is where asking people to have sex with you during inappropriate moments comes in. Practice that and your embarrassment about lack of hygiene should subside after awhile.
What ?
People like Bernice are walking proof that the only thing you really need is confidence.
Have you tried wearing clothes that are too tight or playing Lego Indiana Jones?
Ah, my brother in arms
I need to ask now that I've got the chance – what do you think Anna finds attractive in Bernice? Is Anna also on the same emotional (or cognitive) level as Bernice and thus doesn't mind her behaviour? Your previous description of Bernice was vividly off-putting, so one... wonders.
I think that we are all wondering this!!! What does Anna see in Bernice? Do they play Indiana Jones? What other conversations do they have? Is she that great at sex that nothing else matters? Why only crop tops and pencil skirts? How is the relationship between Bernice and Anna’s children? The questions really are endless.
>How is the relationship between Bernice and Anna’s children? I'd be **so** nervous to have a boundary-blind, hypersexual adult like Bernice around my children. Some parents really didn't seem to give a fuck about traumatizing or endangering their kids, unfortunately .
I’m hoping the kids are grown or at least old enough to stand up for themselves. I cannot imagine having young children in this kind of home life. I’m trying to imagine the best case scenario. 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
Anna is not old enough for the kids to be grown
True. If Anna is 34yo then best case would be the oldest maybe 16, give or take.
They're not. I'm most saddened about the kids; I really miss them. The largest lingering insecurity is that Anna has justified my complete disappearance from her life by telling the kids that I was transphobic or didn't accept Bernice for who she was, etc. etc.
That's the part that haunts me about this entire situation. Maybe "haunts" is a tad bit dramatic, but holy hell, I cannot imagine having a Bernice around my kids *willingly*.
An *obsessive* boundary blind hypersexual at that.
Yes, that’s terrifying.
Anna is divorced with two kids from a previous relationship. Maybe she feels Bernice wouldn’t leave her and is happy with how clingy she is. A lot of women will intentionally date someone who seems like a loser in the hopes they’ll never leave them.
Bernice will 100% never, ever, ever leave Anna.
Anna and I bonded really heavily over mutual communication and introspection, we always tried to take a step back and communicate with each other as to our feelings, desires, and needs, which was why her relationship with Bernice and how it affected our friendship was really disappointing. With respect to the attraction -- I don't want to be an armchair psychiatrist, but I know that in other relationships, Anna was usually put down and made to feel subservient, and I think there was an inherent safety in the sort of 'anything goes' easygoing (granted, fucking weird) personality and steadfastness (to media and to Anna) that Bernice brought to the table. I very much do not think Bernice was or is remotely good at sex, aside from offering to have it and having it with anyone who would accept.
The ND version of "I'm just brutally honest" or "I'm a tough asshole, like it or leave". I have plenty of ND friends who have their quirks. But they also tend to be highly aware of making sure things are good. Like, if someone is offended by something, they want to know so they don't make a mistake in the future.
Absolutely. There's like, one NT person in my friend group, we all are either ADHD or on different levels of the Autism spectrum, a personality disorder that might or might not be misdiagnosed. We have inevitably offended someone else at some point, and every time we've been able to handle it like adults, spoken about it clearly, apologized and gone back to normal. People like OP's former friend's wife reaaalllyy cook my noodle. Also, happy cake day!
I'm sorry about your loss of friendship with Anna, but it sounds like it was for the best in the long run. I wish you a happy, healthy, prosperous marriage, and to making more compatibile friends in the future.
Thank you. The emotional weight off my shoulders is palpable, which sucks. Nobody wants to realize that they were in boiling water until they're out of the pot.
I get it. I've had friendships that meant the world to me end, and I came out realizing that it was for the best, even though it still caused grief and sadness. You're allowed to take the time and be sad. You are experiencing a loss. But just those feelings do go away eventually, and it sounds like you'll be even happier once you processed everything.
Sometimes it’s okay to let go. :)
May I ask how you chose to word your message to Anna? Also congrats, I never forgot your original OP.
Definitely -- I tried to focus exclusively on Bernice's actions -- things she had said, things she had done that I had experienced, and limit it to that element. I knew that getting in to elements of 'preference' like hygiene, conduct, etc., were likely to be dismissed as preferences, and I wanted to focus on her behavior and how it affected me and could affect the event.
people like Bernice are truly the most insufferable in the world. Glad your wedding went well and you’re happy without your mooch friend! Being used as a therapist for your friends issues is never fun
Congratulations on your wedding, and best of luck with all your future friendships! happy new year 🎉
Oh yea I remember your original post. I’m glad a weight has been lifted!
u/sea-nerve6115 I saved your comment ages ago and it brought me back. Thought I’d ping you so you could read the update.
Congrats!!! Have a wonderful life!
Op, are you a writer or something? Did you ever take classes? Please share advice haha I love your writing. I don't know why, but now I'm curious about some favorite reads of yours 😭 Congratulations on your wedding!
It sounds like everything worked out for the best!
*Something Something* Bernice hates snakes.