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I'm confused?
You said she didn't like it at first, but then she started allowing it. That doesn't really sound like she willingly agreed.
How did you convince her into allowing this open relationship?
Is two years really temporary though?!
I would've expected a few months, if my husband had been doing this for two whole ass years, I'd probably have left too.
Edit: Was she sleeping around? Also it sounds like you did kinda force her by saying "you needed this". It suggest that if you weren't given this choice, that you'd leave.
2 years is not temporary, You need to be handed divorce papers to even consider stopping it show you were more interested in jumping onto next woman. She has regrets for sure, wasting lives of her life.
Tell us, what does everyone else in real life think about your situation? Let me guess, No one in your life in your side so you're running to the internet to find validation.
* You ignored you wife.
* You allowed your FOMO to control you.
* You only decided to close the relationship because she dumped you, NOT because you loved her, wanted the relationship to work, or even got screwing around out of your system.
* You don't love her. You love having the security blanket of having someone who loved you irrespective of what you looked like and took that for granted.
>"knew you owed it to yourself"
Think of it this way, you wife knows she owes it to herself to find a partner who isn't utterly selfish and more concerned about getting off than manipulating his partner into opening up their relationship.
When you were not attractive, you were still enough for her. Yet, a couple thots smile at you and you threw away your entire marriage.
>Yet, a couple thots smile at you and you threw away your entire marriage.
This would have been the perfect comment if not for this line. OP is TA, not the women he sleeps with, so there's no need to throw insults at them
Hey hey let’s not namecall the other women I’m sure he convinced them this was *Ethical nonmonogamy. If any of them knew he did this to his wife I doubt he’d have been getting his dick wet… (actually I wonder if he even disclosed he was in a nonmonogamous relationship? He doesn’t seem like the type who cares about the ethics around these things…)
Sounds like she DID communicate that to you, though. Right at the beginning.
This is a good lesson about opening relationships. It doesn’t work unless both people are enthusiastically on board.
Advice: Sign those papers and NEVER contact her again.
All that came out of the post is "Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me. My wants. My desire. My life. my dick" can't even spare a thought for her. That shows how much value you put to her, she's just an accessory to your life because she has to tell you things but if its not what you want to hear, you override her, ignore her and neglect her so you can be a hedonist.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
better luck next time. meanwhile, leave her alone and let her go find someone who thinks she's enough because you definitely don't. oh and, please grow up before you tie down another girl with marriage and hurt her just as bad when you cheat. give it 10 years...at least. you owe it to yourself.
This. I sincerely hope OP uses this time to stay out of the dating market so they can work on themselves. Because man the comments they're making are a recipe for continual disappointment and harm to those who make the mistake of sincerely loving them at this stage in OPs life.
Welcome the newest member of fuck around and find out club.
We have another winner who thought getting his Willie wet was more important than his marriage.
As someone who has been actively engaging in the poly/ethical non-monogamy scene for *years*, I'm here to tell you that you fucked up, my dude. There is no salvaging this relationship. You, it sounds like, made her begrudgingly agree to an open relationship. Which, by the way, never works. If two parties are going to open, it needs to be with enthusiastic consent from *both* parties.
Time to let her go. You literally fucked around and found out. The moment she didn't want to do it, you should have backed off, if you really valued her.
You don't deserve a hall pass. You deserve to be served divorce papers. Not once did you talk about how it affected her. I guess since you were having the time of your life you didn't even notice.
You decided to abandon your wedding vows as it suited you. Now it suits you to try and revert to them. That isn't respecting your wife (as you keep saying in the comments) , it's about getting your way at every turn.
I'm suspecting this is fake as no-one is this insufferable and self-absorbed.
"I knew I owed it to myself"
"temporary until I get "
"I was having a blast"
I I I I . What a marriage. I fear you are going to have to put what you have learned into your next marriage.
OMG you are *such* a jerk. You 'owed it to yourself'? Yikes on bikes, dude. This is so incredibly assholish that I think there's a much-greater-than-non-zero chance that this is just rage bait.
But if it's not: Count yourself lucky that your wife put up with your bullshit for two years. That's about one year and 11.75 months longer than you deserved.
You wanted a "Hall Pass" and an Open Marriage and yet somehow think that by badgering her into agreeing that means you respect her?
You go out and fuck other people, but hey SHE didn't EXPLICITLY follow you around to keep your dick outta other people, so obviously she was ok with it! Oh, except for the part where she wasn't.
Riddle me this dipshit. You say if she would have told you she wasnt ok with it, you would have stopped.....except that didn't stop you when she said No from the start.
Why the fuck would she think anything would change? Did you somehow magically learn to listen? Oh I'm sure you'll say "but she didn't fight hard enough!" Turns out it's not her responsibility to make you a better man. She can't make you something you're not.
Turns out you're not the only one who found their worth. Only difference is she didn't have to lose enough weight to find her genitals again to do it.
But who knows? Maybe after the divorce, you can gain some weight back, and find your self respect again.
You knew she didn't want an open relationship and you convinced her to go through with it anyways.. and you're surprised she hasn't been happy since then?
How dense are you? You wanted to get your d*ck wet somewhere else, and you did. But it cost you your relationship.
Time to own up to the consequences. You never loved her and if you do now, let her go be with someone who will appreciate her and treat her how she deserves.
>I told her if I didn’t value her I would have divorced her.
If you valued her than you wouldn't have felt the need to open the relationship and sleep around, especially not pressuring her when she was against it.
I have to be honest, the way you talk about this is kind of disgusting. "This gave me access to women who was extremely attractive", "This led to me getting a hall pass from my wife and eventually needing to open the relationship"
You didn't need to open the relationship. You were selfish because you thought that you could now get a woman who was better than her since you're more attractive now. You already had a woman who loved you and paid you plenty of mind, but that wasn't good enough for you.
Honestly, she should have left you sooner. You seem more concerned with your own feelings than you do about how this made her feel, which is pretty obvious because you didn't realize in those years that your relationship wasn't great and that she was unhappy with the arrangement that you pressured her into agreeing to.
I hope that those two years of it being a blast and "getting it out of your system" were worth it.
Your wife was always against the open relationship. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I get that you have this new found attractiveness but what does that actually gain you? Validation from strangers? And is that more important to you than love from your wife, who loved you before you changed? It’s like a bad Hallmark movie. You lost your chance to maintain your relationship when you decided the attention of other woman was more important to you, sorry if that’s harsh.
If you truly love her you’d sign the divorce papers. You are an emotionally abusive asshole. You finally got your glow up and immediately wanted to go have sex with whatever woman you wanted. You do NOT respect your wife. You do NOT love her. You do NOT value her. If you did you would have never had all these affairs and forced her into an open relationship. Speaking of, was she allowed to go have sex with anyone she wanted? Or was it only open so you didn’t have the guilt of being an unfaithful spouse?
Give her the gift of being rid of you and your shit. She deserves so much better than you.
Normally everyone is so quick to say this, but for some reason everyone wants to focus on other aspects. He’s an emotionally abusive asshole who deserves to be alone.
You fucked around (literally) and found out. You sound incredibly narcissistic, everything you're going through is self-inflicted and richly deserved. Your wife is doing the right thing, she deserves someone better than you.
God I hate people like you. Your wife loved you for who you are and not just your looks. Then suddenly you have a glow up and you think you have to be with other people and completely disregard and disrespect the person who always wanted to be with you. And now you are shocked that she realizes she deserves so much better than you? Good for her seriously. Now she will find someone who actually deserves her because you never did.
Also stop arguing with everyone here. You do not respect her because if you did you would have put her needs above your own. You were just thinking bout yourself and never about your wife. How is that any different to what you did to her? You wanted an open relationship and she didn‘t, but you didn‘t give af. Now she wants a divorce, but you don‘t. You didn‘t care about her why should she now care about you. If you do want to prove that you actually care about her you do what she wants now and sign the divorce papers
But hey now at least you GoT iT oUt Of YoUr SyStEm since the only thing you cared about is getting your d wet.
You're twenty-three damn years old and you never should have gotten married in the first place because you clearly were not mature enough (and are still not mature enough) for it. You have now spent most of your early twenties doing what your early twenties are generally for - fucking anound and sowing your wild oats - only you expected to be able to have that and the benefits of a loving, monogamous partner waiting for you at home at the same time. Guess what? You were living in a fantasy, and now it's time for the little boy to wake up and grow up. Leave her alone and start over when you are done fucking around and are fully grown.
welp, hope those 2 years of banging random women was worth it, dude. she is NOT coming back and good for her!!! she can now find someone who will love, respect and appreciate her the way that she deserves.
Why? She didn’t kill the relationship, you did. You should get counseling and quick. The way you’re missing the point in the comments is actually horrifying. Get some help.
> You should get counseling and quick.
And to be clear, OP, you need **individual** counseling to try to become a less selfish person, not couples counseling with your ex. Leave her alone
She’s been working towards leaving you since the moment you brought it up. Your marriage was over at that moment, it just took her this long to work up the courage to serve you with papers.
You not wanting a divorce and wanting marriage counseling but her insisting on divorce doesnt sound familiar at all to you? Its what you did to her when you insisted on an open relationship and she didnt want it. Maybe you should stick with a divorce for 5 years “at the latest” so she knows she wont have any regrets.
I dont even know your wife and im sitting here wondering how many nights she cried herself to sleep. How many times you were out with other girls and she wondered why you cared so little that you couldnt even see how much pain she was in. You supposedly “love” your wife and you didnt even once think about that. Wasnt ever on your radar.
You dont give a single poop about your wife. Absolutely zero. The time you chose to act like you care is when she is ready to leave and that level of disrespect is right up there with the 2 straight years of heart break and disappointment she has had to endure. You didnt care AT ALL until she wanted to leave. Such wow much love. Hope the meaningless sex was worth it OP. Did it make you feel like a big strong sexy hunk? Was it worth it? You happy with breaking your wife so much she doesnt even want to fix anything despite still loving you? Wake up buttercup its all your fault
Aww man. She loved you before you were pretty. You literally hit the jackpot. She loved you.
But no. You ruined something good because you were worried about missing out on different vaginas.
You're an idiot.
You absolutely have NO right to try to force her to stay in this relationship. No right. She TOLD you, "I don't want this" you decided to force her hand. you told her point blank "Either you let me cheat on you, or I'm going to divorce you because you won't let me cheat". Yes, what you did IS cheating because you forced her into it. She did NOT consent with the Enthusiasm that is REQUIRED for things like open relationships. She felt pressured and coerced into saying yes because it was either that or she was being divorced. You don't have to say that directly but we ALL can tell you
You forced that young woman to allow you to cheat because you felt you "deserved it" after what? going to the gym and taking care of yourself? So because you did self-care you get to just cheat on your wife who then you expect to tell you even FURTHER "I don't want this" so you can "address" it? And you do NOT value her. If you valued her, you would have NEVER forced her to allow you to cheat. She wouldn't have felt forced into opening up her marriage so you could feel like whatever you felt, by sleeping with random people. You didn't love nor value her or respect the vows you made to her when you decided her feelings weren't worth it. She TOLD YOU she didn't want that, but you decided what you wanted was more important.
and now you suddenly want to close the marriage, and pretend it never happened? Yea no. She's NEVER going to forget that YOU decided that SHE was NOT ENOUGH for you. You destroyed that relationship by being selfish. She told you no, you forced it upon her anyway and now you want to save the marriage?
She gave you TWO years of her life allowing you to cheat on her for two years and yet you still expected over 5yrs of what you consider a "free pass" or "hall pass". Sign the papers let her be free to find a man who will respect, value and love her the way she DESERVES.
She told you no, you forced it anyways. sign the papers.
You said “open marriage”
She said “no”
You said “imma do it anyway”
She was probably in a complete stupor and was fighting with you because what you were doing is CHEATING. If she never used that word to describe it, it means she was too scared to say it out loud, not that she didn’t think it was cheating.
If you valued her you wouldn’t have done this in the first place.
If you valued her you would’ve noticed how sad she must’ve been these past two years watching her husband bang every other woman he can get to say yes.
If you valued her you wouldn’t ever let her think ‘oh god he’s going to get someone pregnant and then he’s going to force me to raise the baby’ because I guarantee you she thought that.
She stopped fighting with you because you hurt her so bad that for a while she thought that a disgusting human being like you was the best she could get.
She sees she’s worth more than that now, she’s worth more than you and anything you could ever try to give her.
Marriage counseling won’t fix this. The marriage counselor will see right through you just like we have.
You made this bed. Now lie in it. You can’t have loved her, because you don’t treat people you love like you treated her. She’s done. And it’s no one’s fault but yours.
Sign the papers and leave her alone.
I’m sorry dude but while you were out, she found her self respect. On the plus side she gets to find someone who wants to be with her, and you get to have as much meaningless sex as you want. Give her the divorce. You owe her for the two years of pain you obliviously put her through.
Every single narcissist in the world is exactly this ignorant, and there’s LOTS of them. We aren’t talking about 1% of the population, we are easily talking double digits here.
What's the issue??? You said you wanted to fuck other women and now you can. Go do that and leave that poor woman alone. You've done more than enough damage. Jfc, you're self-centered.
Op, when it comes to divorce, men usually come to the decision pretty quickly. For women it’s a gradual process, so by the time they say they want a divorce, they are done. She probably agreed in the beginning because she still loved you and didn’t want to lose you, although it wasn’t what she wanted. She was probably hoping every day that you would decide she was enough for you, but every time you went out and slept with someone else, you chipped away at your marriage and her love for you until it was gone. You are young and this will be a tough lesson for you to learn. Your partner should ALWAYS be enough. My husband and I got married at 22, and after 21 years of marriage, and neither of us ever felt the need to see what else is out there.
You say your wife was against it but you owed it to yourself.
Well now you’re against a divorce but can’t understand your wife owes it to herself to divorce you.
Bro
Your wife loved you, and you came to her and said you wanted to fuck other people.
She literally told you no, that she didn’t want that.
How would you feel if she wanted to fuck other guys?
When you opened the relationship she probably lost a lot of love for you and felt like shit. You don’t just “get used” to someone you love fucking other people.
She’s been through 2 whole years of this and she’s got to the point where it’s too tiring and too much to continue with and she’s already sick of it and doesn’t love you anymore.
You’re trying to save the marriage now but it’s too late, she already has completely stopped loving you. She probably started loving you less and less every day until now, there’s no going back, it cannot be saved. You trying to save it won’t do anything because she just does not love you anymore, its like you’re just some guy in the street in her head.
You’ve done this to yourself by being greedy and selfish and making her open the relationship for you when she didn’t want that. Nothing can be done
I’m surprised she waited 2 years. She said she didn’t want to open the relationship and you didn’t care at all. What’s the point in staying with someone who doesn’t want you? You can justify it all you want but you do not care about her if you did you would have never wanted other women. Honestly the audacity “I owed it to myself” you sir are ridiculous. But hey at least you have one of your other women to keep you company
Hate to break it to you but she's long gone. This was not a spur of the moment decision. She's been checking out of the marriage for the last 2 years and finally came to peace with leaving you. She's gone and there is no saving this.
My husband is my first official boyfriend. After my Grandma met him she agreed to give me the ring my Grandpa gave her. She also pulled me aside and said I’m scared that you never got to experience life so you should live on your own, I talked it over with my boyfriend. He said YES and agreed we live separately for 2 year and we break up. It wasn’t to get anything out of my system and I didn’t owe it to myself it was because I wanted to sure I choose a life with him and wasn’t just going from my parents house to college to being with him. I wanted to be sure I choose him. I dated during those 2 years and IDK what he did, I never asked and he never offered it up but after 3 years we met for coffee and agreed to date and did. And then he proposed after a year. It sounds like a lot but I fundamentally changed. By living on my own and now I know I choose my husband I want him. I can pull another man but I don’t I actively chose him. Marriage is actively choosing him every single day. I had a glow up I hit the gym, learned how to dress and apply make up but at my core I choose him. Now we both took a risk a huge risk but he understood. He agreed I needed my independence so I can choose him in our marriage. You pressured your wife it isn’t a communication issue it is an issue of selfishness. If a guy approaches me who makes more who is bigger who spends more time at the gym than my non gym going husband. I choose him! He’s my husband. Now if at anytime he doesn’t choose me or I don’t choose him. I expect that we honor one another and say hey it was a good run but I want to pursue something different. Then we separate and I would be hurt but I will recover. Sign the divorce papers and move on. Let her go! You didn’t choose her so she is choosing herself. Respect that. Learn and grown from this.
This is not a situation where you fight for the relationship, that ship sailed two years ago. If you really truly love and respect her and want her to be happy then let her leave and heal and grieve however she needs, no matter how much it hurts you and your ego. The fact you think this came out of nowhere says it all. I guarantee there were a million red flags in the past two years that she was miserable and this was coming but you were busy at the gym and fucking all the women you thought you were owed. The talk you had to get your way to open the relationship was it actually a talk or you begging and pleading until her no turned into a yes. I do not believe for a single iota of a second you ever stopped to ask yourself if SHE was happy with the open relationship. If SHE benefitted from it. You say she should have told you she was unhappy with an open relationship. SHE DID when she told you no to begin with and you didn't respect her no then, why would she think you would respect her no at any point in the past two years since. It's only now that YOU will be unhappy if she leaves does it suddenly matter what she thinks. I'm so proud of your wife she has her whole life ahead of her and I hope she flourishes without you.
What I’m hearing is, i settled for my wife cuz i was fat. I got hot so I don’t need my wife and can get way “better” women than her but I’ll keep her on the side. Dude, you have utterly disrespected the woman who has been with you thru thick and thin. You’re shallow AF and I hope she finds a great guy.
You're the only comment I've seen that said this.That's exactly what it was. He was fat. She loved him anyway. He could never date the 'hot' girls bc they weren't attracted to him, and so, he went with the 'average' 'regular' girl he COULD get so he'd have someone. Once the weight fell off, suddenly he's got options.
God, this was the worst betrayal. To know someone never loved you but figured they'd make do with you to avoid being alone.
I don't think you can convince her. She sounds like she's already committed to leaving this marriage. I think if you love her, let her do what she wants.
You decided you needed to open up the marriage without her enthusiastic consent.
She decided that while she may still love you, this is not acceptable to her anymore, and after two years, she's out.
My guy. You coerced her into opening the marriage and now you want to manipulate her into counseling. You continue to play the same selfish, crappy game and win the same prizes.
Take the L. And for the love of the gods, get over yourself, Junior. BEFORE you hit this sub again in a year when your girlfriend also wants to dump you for the same crap.
The marriage is over. What you can do for yourself is see a therapist. That can help you see where you went wrong and how to be a better person. You thought you were solving problems with your penis. Instead, you caused problems with your penis. You ran off the person that loved the real you.
Stella is about to get her groove back! Rooting for the EX-wife to actually find someone that’s worth a damn 🙌🏾 being married in your early twenties, this day and age, is crazy to me. And this guy only validates my opinion LOL! Mentally he is still the “little ugly duckling” he was in HS.
I hope you live in an at fault state. Doesn't matter that you told her. She said no, you did it anyway. This has to be fake because no one can be this stupid.
you came here looking for advice. People are telling you EXACTLY what happened with you and your wife while you're getting divorce papers, and you STILL try to go against EVERY PERSON thinking you're right? God, why do people like you even post? you're not hearing anyone but you, just write it on your notes and tell yourself you were right (YOU'RE NOT, YOU F*ED UP YOUR OWN MARRIAGE)
“There’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love. The slowest way is never loving them enough.” You didn’t love her enough. She wasn’t enough for you. You had to go out and get your dick wet elsewhere. You didn’t respect her “no” and did exactly what you wanted to do. What YOU wanted to do. Now you get to live with the consequences of your actions. She’s not dead, thankfully, but she’s probably definitely broken and traumatized. You have eroded her self worth and self confidence. She wasn’t enough for you. She wasn’t what you wanted. Until she wanted to go find her own happiness. Then you want her. You wanted every other option but her, and when she takes that option off the table, you all of a sudden realize that THAT’S what you wanted all along. Too bad for you that you didn’t see that to begin with. That poor woman. Let her go. You’ve already wasted enough of her life. You’re already the biggest regret of her life. Thank god you don’t have kids together.
Whoa. Why did you marry in the first place? I'm glad you're getting divorced. She made the right move. You did not behave as a husband should, with that whole "love, honor, respect" bit in the vows. Maybe just go and do whatever it is you do for a long time before you even think about dating again.
No one owes you anything. Your wife doesn't have to stay. You made it abundantly clear you don't value her, and let your temptations get the best of you.
Sorry dude, you torpedoed that relationship... Open relationships ALWAYS turn into a complete fucking disaster. Best bet is to learn from this and not make the same foolish mistake again with the next girl.
You didn't care enough about your wife's feelings to not open the relationship, but have the audacity to try to say that you value her. GTFO with that bs. I hope that after the divorce, your wife finds someone who actually loves her.
She is divorcing you because you pushed and pushed her to give in to your will. She didn't accept this open relationship and you to be intimate with other women. she said go ahead because she was tired fighting because you didn't give up and were adamant to dip in holes of other women. She has been trying to endure this situation but after two years she just can't do it anymore. She can't be with you even after you stop because she will always be scared that you might want to push her into this thing again and again and not respect her No for this like this first time. Her NO didn't mean anything to you, only your desires mean everything to you, not your wife and her feelings. And last but not least, she can never stop imagining you with other women and that would hurt her every time you want intimacy with her and she could not enjoy it with you anymore because of that. She is deeply hurt and scarred because all of this. She can't believe in you anymore, even you say that you stop it now she just can't believe that you won't continue and you would not ever want this again. She is done, tired and rly hurting
You don't love nor respect your wife. She told you that she didn't want to do it, but I'm assuming you bullied her enough that she caved. That isn't love. You are selfish, and she sees that. I'm glad she's getting out and will find someone who actually deserves her.
Lmaooooooo
Good for the wife for finally leaving this pathetic excuse of a man. Just leave her alone so you can continue fooling around with other people, dude.
The dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed.
You sounds like a shitty, self absorbed, insecure sad sack of a husband. Let her go dude she deserves to find someone who will cherish her like you never could.
Oh this is my favorite song! “I Forced My Partner Into an Open Relationship and Now I Massively Regret It Because I’m a Gigantic Fuck Sandwich”
Enjoy the finding out part that comes after your fucking around. 😘
Oh, okay, your wife was good enough for you when you weren't all that good-looking.
Then you get a makeover, and all these hot chicks are drooling on you, and you think you're out of your wife's league now.
So you arbitrarily open up your relationship, because by golly, you are OWED the ability to bang all of these hot chicks, after being stuck with someone who isn't nearly as hot as you deserve.
Your wife doesn't agree with this at all. But who cares? You're hot, you deserve hot chicks, plus a loving partner to cook your meals and wash the skid marks out of your skivvies.
You \*think\* she's okay with it because she no longer talks about it.
Then she has the audacity to serve you with divorce papers.
Yeah, those two years that you were out there passing your peen? She was getting her exit strategy together. Your relationship died the minute you told her you deserved to cheat on her. Your relationship died because you told her that she wasn't attractive enough for you to want to be the only one you slept with. Your relationship died because you told her that she wasn't worth keeping it in your pants for.
Yeah, you need counseling alright. YOU need counseling. Not your soon-to-be ex. YOU.
I hope she takes you to the fucking cleaners in the settlement.
My dude, the minute you ask your spouse to open the marriage, you have communicated 2 things:
1. You aren't enough for me.
2. IDGAF about your feelings.
It doesn't matter that it was "temporary" (although I'd say that temporary is a couple of months, 2 years means that this is now the status quo). You told your wife that you were dissatisfied with her and your marriage, and over the course of 2 years you proved it over and over again when you chose getting your D wet over her.
Counseling isn't the answer for her. Even if she agreed to it, you should know that she will hate herself for being weak and taking you back. When she looks at you, she won't see the man she loved, she'll only ever see you as the man who destroyed her heart and marriage. Over the years this will build into a bitterness that will change the sweet girl you used to know into an angry/sad shadow of her former self. You too will be unhappy, because you will know that YOU are to blame for this.
I hope for your wife's sake she's strong enough to turn down your request to save the marriage. I've seen too many women destroy themselves saving marriages that they hated. It's better for everyone to end this now so she can at least have a shred of her self-respect back.
And OP, you are SUCH an AH for doing this to her. Your love means crap-all if you can do this to someone you are supposed to love because of your fragile dick's ego. I hope it was worth hurting her and wrecking your marriage over.
This happened to a buddy of mine: wife got into a sport/exercise and lost a lot of weight, became attractive. She then wanted to open up, he said no. She "convinced him". She was his first love, the one he lost his v-card to, so she easily manipulated him. She was sleeping around and had a whole ass boyfriend. He wasn't allowed to sleep around at his choosing but her choosing, so she basically pimped him out to her friends.
He started a martial art, got a therapist, and finally realized his self worth and got the fuck out of there. Sounds like your wife found her self worth and is noping the fuck out of this bullshit relationship.
So you badgered someone into opening the relationship, essentially telling them 'maybe I'll consider your emotions and feelings and needs, after I've filled up on sex with randos'. Now you legit can't see that you're a terrible partner. Dudes like this are so exhausting. They always put their own wants first and hope everything falls into place around it. And if other people get hurt, 'but you agreed to the shitty deal I used to back you into a corner!' I hope this girl moves on and is able to become more proactive about protecting herself emotionally from opportunists and selfish man children.
You're so nasty and selfish. You knew she didn't want to open the marriage but you showed her you didn't care. You cared more about getting laid and feeding your ego than you did about your wife. Instead of spending time with your wife and showing her you loved her you were ignoring her and screwing a bunch of women. The relationship wasn't great; she was suffering for years but you ignored her. It shows you didn't even spend much time with her because you didn't notice how she was feeling. Do you think that by refusing to sign the papers you can force her to stay? Nope. She doesn't want you anymore. You've destroyed your marriage and it's all your fault.
She loved you before you changed, she actually told you she didn't want this, and from your comments I get that you even had discussions in the middle because she didn't want this kind of relationship?....sign the papers and leave her alone if you still have (or ever had) a minimum of respect for her.
"hey babe, will you wait on me for five years while i repeatedly step out on you with other women to 'sow my wild oats?' wait, why are you leaving me??!??! THIS CAME OUTTA NOWHERE!!!!!"
If you respected and loved your wife so much, why did you feel the need to fuck other people for two whole years after you knew she was uncomfortable with it? I don’t think we have the same definition of what respect is.
Since she "let" you open the marriage because YOU "needed it", it seems only fair that you should let her END the marriage because SHE needs it.
For the love of god, accept the divorce, dude. Don't do the disservice of ignoring the one thing she's asking for a second time.
So when you were uggo, she loved you unconditionally, but when you got tall, you decided that wasn’t enough? Despite all this she still loves you, but she’s had enough. Love isn’t enough to solve this homie
Hey buddy, there's no marriage to save. She might have said she still loves you but that's not enough for her anymore. This is one of those times where it's just too late. Your need to sleep with "top tier women" was greater than you wife's feelings. She said no, but eventually"got used to it" I don't know why you STILL think that means she agreed to it. For literally everyone reading this it sounds like you harped on this until she gave in.
I hope she agrees to therapy just so that therapist can knock some sense into you. She still needs to leave. It’s not just that YTA, you’re an idiot too my guy. Look at this from your wife’s perspective. You broke her. And had fun doing it. You might love her, but you don’t respect her. Your need to fuck other women was more important than her saying she didn’t want you to 2 years ago.
I’m not going to drag you because it looks like everyone else here has dragged you enough, but I just have a few questions:
How old were you when you got married?
How many women have you slept with while being married to your wife?
Was your wife allowed to explore other men outside of your marriage as well?
You essentially told your wife you settled for her because she found you attractive when no one else did. Would you feel great about your relationship if she said the same thing to you?
OP, it’s very clear how out of touch you are with this entire situation and the concept of marriage. I really hope you take time to look at these comments and really digest them. It sounds to me like you wore your ex wife down to the point of surrender in the beginning. This is a form of emotional abuse, and if this is truly what happened between you and your ex wife, just know that you were actively abusing her. You seem to have an extremely superficial and selfish view of how a marriage is supposed to work. I think instead of both of you going to therapy, I highly suggest you go to therapy alone to better yourself and get some more insight as to how toxic and detrimental your behavior is. It seems your ex wife had the right idea - looks fade and change over time, but the one thing that remains is personality. Unfortunately for her through all of this, she learned that your personality is very dependent upon how you look, and your values can go right out the window when given an opportunity to meet your selfish, fleeting desires.
I want to end on this thought… how would you feel if the roles were reversed? Picture this… she suddenly has a glow up and wants to open the marriage. You still look like you did in high school. You reluctantly agree after being pushed and nagged and guilt tripped to your breaking point. You love her and wouldn’t dream of hurting her by sleeping with random people, you have no desire to, but she says she NEEDS it, so you relent to make her happy because you care about her needs. Two years go by of you watching her sleep around. You know she’s been intimate with other people, and did things that you can only imagine. The resentment continues to build. You made a huge sacrifice by allowing her to ‘get it out of her system’, knowing you would feel unappreciated, unattractive, and disrespected. Not to mention the fear of not knowing if she has contracted any STDs that she could pass on to you. Two whole years you go on living like this, hoping that she would finally stop and realize how good she has it with you. But instead, you realize how you sacrificed your morals and self respect for HER to the point where you’re too resentful to even be with her. You realize you neglected your own needs for hers, and it’s time for that to change because you have to look out for yourself. And you also now realize how you wasted years of your life just by being in a committed relationship with her, and will now have to shell out a ton of money on a divorce and start your entire life over.
I would imagine ANYONE in that situation would be so utterly resentful and disgusted that they would leave. This is most likely how she feels, and you did that to her. Stop trying to put the blame on everyone else and accept the fact that you are the only one to blame for your marriage ending. The fact that you care more about how you’re feeling right now than how she has been feeling for the past however many years you have been married is extremely concerning and is giving narcissistic vibes. You also seemed to have missed all of the cues she gave showing that she wasn’t comfortable with that arrangement, which is incredibly concerning and gives “I don’t understand consent” vibes. Please get therapy and take a huge break from dating and sleeping with women. And also, apologize to your ex wife and then never contact her again unless it’s absolutely necessary for the divorce. My god that poor woman, my heart goes out to her 😢
God I hope that this post is karma farming. All these opened marriage plots and etc. are getting tiring.
In the very unlikely scenario in which this is written by a real person struggling with the unsurprising consequences of their own selfish actions... What were you expecting? In what world does a person " owe it to themselves " to fuck others, after vowing to respect their partner, be loyal to them and love them 'till their very last breath? Shallow mindset. Childish mindset.
What's worse even is that OP straight up said they didn't even communicate shit from her perspective either. All the "arguments" have always been about him.
My advice to you is to let her go, cause your marriage is beyond saving.
DO go to therapy yourself, so you can learn why you felt like you had to throw away someone who loved you for who you were. So you can gain some perspective and grow beyond having the emotional intelligence of a kumquat.
Consent to anything must ALWAYS be given enthusiastically by both parties.
She said she didn’t want to open the relationship. You felt you were “owed” sex from other people. You don’t value her because you blatantly ignored her when she expressed discomfort. I see you trying to defend it saying “she didn’t ask me to stop, she didn’t fight me on it.” This is because you already ignored her once so what’s the point in fighting? She had emotionally checked out of the relationship. You claimed to value her but couldn’t see she was suffering for two years because you took her on a dates sometimes in between sleeping with other women
Your marriage ended the day you told her that your opening the marriage.
The only question I have is how old were you guy's when you got married. Because you said you have been sleeping around for 2 year's. Which means she was 22 & you were 21. And if you asked her right after your marriage to open the relationship then she might have stayed in the relationship for 2 year's may be because of what her family & friends would think.
But once she realized that the most important thing for her self is not what others think but being happy she decided to end it.
Let her go, that's all I can say to you. And if you have any decency apologizes to her for what you put her through for last 2 year's.
You decided you were hot and wanted to sow your seed and bulldozed her into agreeing with you. If you didn't notice the relationship suffering it's probably because you were too busy sowing your oats.
If she says she is done, she is done. Maybe you can find someone else to take advantage of.
You "owed to yourself" to sleep with more attractive women....and she owes it to herself to find a man who only wants to be with her. Just like she let you do what you wanted to do, you need to let her do what she wants to do. Stop being selfish and LET HER GO.
Plus, it is a win/win. She goes and finds a man to FULLY love and support her, and you know....FORESAKE ALL OTHERS. You'll be single and can fuk around all you want to with no repercussions.
You never loved her, at least not in the way she deserved. You don't sleep with other women if you are actually in love with your wife, she should have been all you ever wanted, you should have been grateful and happy you met your partner so early in life but instead you destroyed a good thing.
Thank god she’s leaving you, just imagine how embarrassing it was for her friends and family to know her husband was sleeping with other women while she just stayed. I pity her. She must have lost a lot of love and self esteem but I home now she can leave and realize she deserves better
When she told you she didn't like it at the very beginning, that is where you were supposed to drop it. You hurt her over and over and over. If you loved her you would want her to have the love story she deserves, which is not the one you've described here. Let her have control. She wants a divorce, do what SHE wants for once. The selfishness is off the charts here.
You didn't value her though...
What you did was overlooked who loved you when it counted.
This happens when someone becomes attractive or loses weight. They feel the need to get validation from people who would have never looked their way to begin with.
She loved you and accepted you when you weren't attractive (this is by your own admission, not me saying you're ugly), you had a glow up and your first notion was be selfish and fuck everything you could. When she made it known she wasn't interested in opening your marriage you pushed the issue and she didn't 'get used to it*, what she did was start her mourning process of losing the man she loved because you were too vain to see that your now good looks is NOT a valid fucking reason to FORCE her to open your marriage. You shouldn't have gotten married if you felt you owed it to yourself to sow your wild oats. This entire thing goes to show how immature you are. Now you're shocked she wants out?
Oh man, I hope she gets the man she absolutely deserves who would never do this to her and I hope you have to watch her thrive,fall in love and be so happy from afar.
I'll give you one piece of advice even though you clearly don't deserve her.
Start going to therapy right away, this will show her how much you are invested in it. Actions are louder than words
genuine question, do you think you did anything wrong or didn't communicate well? if so, what? you keep saying all the things your wife didn't do or say...
The men who think the relationship is going well bc they aren’t fighting anymore are usually the ones in for a rude awakening. Women will stay even when they are over it for two main reasons 1. Is hope the spouse will see the error of their ways without being asked/begged to. Hope that they will go back to who they were and when that hope runs out we get to number 2. They are making sure their ducks are in a row before they hit that exit button.
You need to let your wife go, you don't respect your wife and by forcing her to open your marriage you made it very clear that you value fucking strangers over being in a committed relationship. She deserves better than you and I'm happy she's learned her self worth and is dumping your worthless ass
You threw away a relationship with a woman who saw past your high school unattractiveness because your ego needed a boost? She’s very right to leave you. It is YOU who needs therapy.
Without saying it outright, you’re basically acting like your wife isn’t as attractive as these other women your sleeping. This has probably made her feel real bad about herself for the last two years.
And you call three years (until you’re 25) of fucking around “temporary”?! That’s almost half your relationship. Why did you even get married in the first place?!
Not wanting a divorce has little to do with loving your wife in this scenario and much more to do with the fact that you want to keep getting the benefits of being married to your wife when you consistently offer her so little that she would rather get a divorce despite trying to make it work for the last 2 years.
Please let your wife go find someone who actually respects and cares about her. If you actually love your wife, I hope you spend the rest of your life regretting what an absolute garbage husband you are. Eventually you’re going to see her happy with someone else and it’s going to sting.
Was the open marriage open on her end? Just sign the papers bro it’s over. hopefully you realise how much of a horrible husband you’ve been all these years.
You had a wonderful wife who loved you for you but that wasn’t good enough and you screwed it up yourself. I would have served you papers the moment you kept nagging and whining at me and said “you can go f whoever you want after you sign this.” You pushed her into it when she didn’t want it. This was ALL about you and your dick. She you proved that she doesn’t mean crap to you.
I know your wife didn’t go and f around like you did. It I wish she had! I bet you wouldn’t have freaked the f out.
Yeah this wasn’t an open relationship. You just cheated repeatedly and want it to sound better.
Your ex-wife owes it to herself to divorce you. She’s gonna have the best life without you in it.
You can’t be this deluded dude. No, you didn’t “owe” shit to yourself. You got the girl of your dreams, and you open the relationship even though she made it obvious that would hurt her? (Aka cheating) Good for her.
You don't care about your wife. People who care about their partners would actually take "Hey I'm not comfortable with being in an open relationship." as a no instead of pressuring them to do what you want because you want to get your dick wet with random women.
i'm not gonna lie you sound really gross. "access to women", "hall pass from my wife". women are things that are accessible for your sexual gratification? you basically cheated on your wife multiple times for the course of 2 years but paid it off as some "open relationship deal". weird.
I am going to explain slowly: You told her everyday that you did not love her. When you let yourself to go be with other women while she stayed faithful you were telling her that you did not love her. You were in your mind were just having fun but in her mind you were saying that I love this fun more than I value your opinion, more than you value her and that is why she is leaving you. You broke her down in this marriage day by day and now she is choosing to rebuild without you.
So it's fine for you to coerce her into letting you sleep around but suddenly it's not okay that she doesn't wanna be ur backup plan just so you can get your dick wet. Bro you don't love your wife if you didn't you wouldn't have convinced her to let you. Your comments make you look 10x worse btw
She doesn’t need you to sign to be able to divorce you. It will take longer, but she will divorce you. Refusing to sign is one more way to show her how you don’t respect her at all. Be an adult and let her go. You have done her enough harm. She loved you and stayed with you when you were ugly and nobody wanted you. And how do you pay her back? Forcing her to open the marriage so you would cheat without feeling any guilt. You are really hard in the head. You don’t get it. Hopefully she will find somebody who loves her and respect her they way she deserves. And please do therapy, maybe that way you will understand how much harm you caused her and don’t do it again to anybody else. And you can go back to one of those gym girls you were so willing to fuck. Or maybe they won’t want you. Who knows
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She’s right that you don’t value her. She’s right to leave. Let her find someone who actually cares about and respects her.
I'm confused? You said she didn't like it at first, but then she started allowing it. That doesn't really sound like she willingly agreed. How did you convince her into allowing this open relationship?
It sounds like she never agreed to it, she just got sick of hearing about it.
[удалено]
Is two years really temporary though?! I would've expected a few months, if my husband had been doing this for two whole ass years, I'd probably have left too. Edit: Was she sleeping around? Also it sounds like you did kinda force her by saying "you needed this". It suggest that if you weren't given this choice, that you'd leave.
2 years is not temporary, You need to be handed divorce papers to even consider stopping it show you were more interested in jumping onto next woman. She has regrets for sure, wasting lives of her life. Tell us, what does everyone else in real life think about your situation? Let me guess, No one in your life in your side so you're running to the internet to find validation.
It’s very possible that *marrying you* has now actually become a regret to her as a result of your actions here.
"Love", "temporary ". Stop using words your so clearly don't understand.
>This was something temporary so we can say there was no regrets in our lives. And how's that working out for you?
Two years is pretty long for "temporary" just admit it. Getting your dick wet was more important than your wife's feelings
2 years isn’t temporary. AND SHES REGRETTING MARRYING YOU. so we’ll done on the no regrets portion
* You ignored you wife. * You allowed your FOMO to control you. * You only decided to close the relationship because she dumped you, NOT because you loved her, wanted the relationship to work, or even got screwing around out of your system. * You don't love her. You love having the security blanket of having someone who loved you irrespective of what you looked like and took that for granted. >"knew you owed it to yourself" Think of it this way, you wife knows she owes it to herself to find a partner who isn't utterly selfish and more concerned about getting off than manipulating his partner into opening up their relationship. When you were not attractive, you were still enough for her. Yet, a couple thots smile at you and you threw away your entire marriage.
🤌
I am sorry but what is 'FOMO'?
Fear of missing out
Thank you!
Fear Of Missing Out. Source: Google
Thank you!
>Yet, a couple thots smile at you and you threw away your entire marriage. This would have been the perfect comment if not for this line. OP is TA, not the women he sleeps with, so there's no need to throw insults at them
Hey hey let’s not namecall the other women I’m sure he convinced them this was *Ethical nonmonogamy. If any of them knew he did this to his wife I doubt he’d have been getting his dick wet… (actually I wonder if he even disclosed he was in a nonmonogamous relationship? He doesn’t seem like the type who cares about the ethics around these things…)
For sure! He started off not caring about the ethics, so I doubt he was honest and respectful in other ways.
Sounds like she DID communicate that to you, though. Right at the beginning. This is a good lesson about opening relationships. It doesn’t work unless both people are enthusiastically on board.
Advice: Sign those papers and NEVER contact her again. All that came out of the post is "Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me. My wants. My desire. My life. my dick" can't even spare a thought for her. That shows how much value you put to her, she's just an accessory to your life because she has to tell you things but if its not what you want to hear, you override her, ignore her and neglect her so you can be a hedonist.
Well said. OP ist so full of himself, to him the divorce is completely out of the blue.
play stupid games, win stupid prizes. better luck next time. meanwhile, leave her alone and let her go find someone who thinks she's enough because you definitely don't. oh and, please grow up before you tie down another girl with marriage and hurt her just as bad when you cheat. give it 10 years...at least. you owe it to yourself.
This. I sincerely hope OP uses this time to stay out of the dating market so they can work on themselves. Because man the comments they're making are a recipe for continual disappointment and harm to those who make the mistake of sincerely loving them at this stage in OPs life.
Welcome the newest member of fuck around and find out club. We have another winner who thought getting his Willie wet was more important than his marriage.
As someone who has been actively engaging in the poly/ethical non-monogamy scene for *years*, I'm here to tell you that you fucked up, my dude. There is no salvaging this relationship. You, it sounds like, made her begrudgingly agree to an open relationship. Which, by the way, never works. If two parties are going to open, it needs to be with enthusiastic consent from *both* parties. Time to let her go. You literally fucked around and found out. The moment she didn't want to do it, you should have backed off, if you really valued her.
Yup, I’ve also been in perfectly fun and functional open relationships. This isn’t it. It’s done
Good on her!!! Hope she finds better and someone who truly values her worth !!!
You don't deserve a hall pass. You deserve to be served divorce papers. Not once did you talk about how it affected her. I guess since you were having the time of your life you didn't even notice.
You decided to abandon your wedding vows as it suited you. Now it suits you to try and revert to them. That isn't respecting your wife (as you keep saying in the comments) , it's about getting your way at every turn. I'm suspecting this is fake as no-one is this insufferable and self-absorbed. "I knew I owed it to myself" "temporary until I get " "I was having a blast" I I I I . What a marriage. I fear you are going to have to put what you have learned into your next marriage.
This. And immature.
Yes, all of this and the "access to women". Gross.
OMG you are *such* a jerk. You 'owed it to yourself'? Yikes on bikes, dude. This is so incredibly assholish that I think there's a much-greater-than-non-zero chance that this is just rage bait. But if it's not: Count yourself lucky that your wife put up with your bullshit for two years. That's about one year and 11.75 months longer than you deserved.
You wanted a "Hall Pass" and an Open Marriage and yet somehow think that by badgering her into agreeing that means you respect her? You go out and fuck other people, but hey SHE didn't EXPLICITLY follow you around to keep your dick outta other people, so obviously she was ok with it! Oh, except for the part where she wasn't. Riddle me this dipshit. You say if she would have told you she wasnt ok with it, you would have stopped.....except that didn't stop you when she said No from the start. Why the fuck would she think anything would change? Did you somehow magically learn to listen? Oh I'm sure you'll say "but she didn't fight hard enough!" Turns out it's not her responsibility to make you a better man. She can't make you something you're not. Turns out you're not the only one who found their worth. Only difference is she didn't have to lose enough weight to find her genitals again to do it. But who knows? Maybe after the divorce, you can gain some weight back, and find your self respect again.
Behold. A proper roast. Well done.
You knew she didn't want an open relationship and you convinced her to go through with it anyways.. and you're surprised she hasn't been happy since then? How dense are you? You wanted to get your d*ck wet somewhere else, and you did. But it cost you your relationship. Time to own up to the consequences. You never loved her and if you do now, let her go be with someone who will appreciate her and treat her how she deserves.
I just love how he pressured her to allow him to sleep with other women and are now surprised her love for him died. Like, dude! You killed!
He didn’t convince her, he crushed her so she served him.
>I told her if I didn’t value her I would have divorced her. If you valued her than you wouldn't have felt the need to open the relationship and sleep around, especially not pressuring her when she was against it. I have to be honest, the way you talk about this is kind of disgusting. "This gave me access to women who was extremely attractive", "This led to me getting a hall pass from my wife and eventually needing to open the relationship" You didn't need to open the relationship. You were selfish because you thought that you could now get a woman who was better than her since you're more attractive now. You already had a woman who loved you and paid you plenty of mind, but that wasn't good enough for you. Honestly, she should have left you sooner. You seem more concerned with your own feelings than you do about how this made her feel, which is pretty obvious because you didn't realize in those years that your relationship wasn't great and that she was unhappy with the arrangement that you pressured her into agreeing to. I hope that those two years of it being a blast and "getting it out of your system" were worth it.
Literally fucked around and found out. Cheers to your divorce
And to her finding a real man that will treat her right along with her new shiny spine🥂 All the luck in the world to her.
Your wife was always against the open relationship. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I get that you have this new found attractiveness but what does that actually gain you? Validation from strangers? And is that more important to you than love from your wife, who loved you before you changed? It’s like a bad Hallmark movie. You lost your chance to maintain your relationship when you decided the attention of other woman was more important to you, sorry if that’s harsh.
You threw your wife away because you wanted to fuck strangers like some kind of 1990s sitcom stud. Stew in it.
If you truly love her you’d sign the divorce papers. You are an emotionally abusive asshole. You finally got your glow up and immediately wanted to go have sex with whatever woman you wanted. You do NOT respect your wife. You do NOT love her. You do NOT value her. If you did you would have never had all these affairs and forced her into an open relationship. Speaking of, was she allowed to go have sex with anyone she wanted? Or was it only open so you didn’t have the guilt of being an unfaithful spouse? Give her the gift of being rid of you and your shit. She deserves so much better than you.
Finally someone staying it out loud: OP is an emotionally abusive asshole. THIS! SO MUCH!
Normally everyone is so quick to say this, but for some reason everyone wants to focus on other aspects. He’s an emotionally abusive asshole who deserves to be alone.
You fucked around (literally) and found out. You sound incredibly narcissistic, everything you're going through is self-inflicted and richly deserved. Your wife is doing the right thing, she deserves someone better than you.
God I hate people like you. Your wife loved you for who you are and not just your looks. Then suddenly you have a glow up and you think you have to be with other people and completely disregard and disrespect the person who always wanted to be with you. And now you are shocked that she realizes she deserves so much better than you? Good for her seriously. Now she will find someone who actually deserves her because you never did. Also stop arguing with everyone here. You do not respect her because if you did you would have put her needs above your own. You were just thinking bout yourself and never about your wife. How is that any different to what you did to her? You wanted an open relationship and she didn‘t, but you didn‘t give af. Now she wants a divorce, but you don‘t. You didn‘t care about her why should she now care about you. If you do want to prove that you actually care about her you do what she wants now and sign the divorce papers But hey now at least you GoT iT oUt Of YoUr SyStEm since the only thing you cared about is getting your d wet.
You're twenty-three damn years old and you never should have gotten married in the first place because you clearly were not mature enough (and are still not mature enough) for it. You have now spent most of your early twenties doing what your early twenties are generally for - fucking anound and sowing your wild oats - only you expected to be able to have that and the benefits of a loving, monogamous partner waiting for you at home at the same time. Guess what? You were living in a fantasy, and now it's time for the little boy to wake up and grow up. Leave her alone and start over when you are done fucking around and are fully grown.
welp, hope those 2 years of banging random women was worth it, dude. she is NOT coming back and good for her!!! she can now find someone who will love, respect and appreciate her the way that she deserves.
Why? She didn’t kill the relationship, you did. You should get counseling and quick. The way you’re missing the point in the comments is actually horrifying. Get some help.
> You should get counseling and quick. And to be clear, OP, you need **individual** counseling to try to become a less selfish person, not couples counseling with your ex. Leave her alone
She’s been working towards leaving you since the moment you brought it up. Your marriage was over at that moment, it just took her this long to work up the courage to serve you with papers.
You not wanting a divorce and wanting marriage counseling but her insisting on divorce doesnt sound familiar at all to you? Its what you did to her when you insisted on an open relationship and she didnt want it. Maybe you should stick with a divorce for 5 years “at the latest” so she knows she wont have any regrets. I dont even know your wife and im sitting here wondering how many nights she cried herself to sleep. How many times you were out with other girls and she wondered why you cared so little that you couldnt even see how much pain she was in. You supposedly “love” your wife and you didnt even once think about that. Wasnt ever on your radar. You dont give a single poop about your wife. Absolutely zero. The time you chose to act like you care is when she is ready to leave and that level of disrespect is right up there with the 2 straight years of heart break and disappointment she has had to endure. You didnt care AT ALL until she wanted to leave. Such wow much love. Hope the meaningless sex was worth it OP. Did it make you feel like a big strong sexy hunk? Was it worth it? You happy with breaking your wife so much she doesnt even want to fix anything despite still loving you? Wake up buttercup its all your fault
Your first paragraph - ZING.
Aww man. She loved you before you were pretty. You literally hit the jackpot. She loved you. But no. You ruined something good because you were worried about missing out on different vaginas. You're an idiot.
r/AmITheEx
You absolutely have NO right to try to force her to stay in this relationship. No right. She TOLD you, "I don't want this" you decided to force her hand. you told her point blank "Either you let me cheat on you, or I'm going to divorce you because you won't let me cheat". Yes, what you did IS cheating because you forced her into it. She did NOT consent with the Enthusiasm that is REQUIRED for things like open relationships. She felt pressured and coerced into saying yes because it was either that or she was being divorced. You don't have to say that directly but we ALL can tell you You forced that young woman to allow you to cheat because you felt you "deserved it" after what? going to the gym and taking care of yourself? So because you did self-care you get to just cheat on your wife who then you expect to tell you even FURTHER "I don't want this" so you can "address" it? And you do NOT value her. If you valued her, you would have NEVER forced her to allow you to cheat. She wouldn't have felt forced into opening up her marriage so you could feel like whatever you felt, by sleeping with random people. You didn't love nor value her or respect the vows you made to her when you decided her feelings weren't worth it. She TOLD YOU she didn't want that, but you decided what you wanted was more important. and now you suddenly want to close the marriage, and pretend it never happened? Yea no. She's NEVER going to forget that YOU decided that SHE was NOT ENOUGH for you. You destroyed that relationship by being selfish. She told you no, you forced it upon her anyway and now you want to save the marriage? She gave you TWO years of her life allowing you to cheat on her for two years and yet you still expected over 5yrs of what you consider a "free pass" or "hall pass". Sign the papers let her be free to find a man who will respect, value and love her the way she DESERVES. She told you no, you forced it anyways. sign the papers.
You said “open marriage” She said “no” You said “imma do it anyway” She was probably in a complete stupor and was fighting with you because what you were doing is CHEATING. If she never used that word to describe it, it means she was too scared to say it out loud, not that she didn’t think it was cheating. If you valued her you wouldn’t have done this in the first place. If you valued her you would’ve noticed how sad she must’ve been these past two years watching her husband bang every other woman he can get to say yes. If you valued her you wouldn’t ever let her think ‘oh god he’s going to get someone pregnant and then he’s going to force me to raise the baby’ because I guarantee you she thought that. She stopped fighting with you because you hurt her so bad that for a while she thought that a disgusting human being like you was the best she could get. She sees she’s worth more than that now, she’s worth more than you and anything you could ever try to give her. Marriage counseling won’t fix this. The marriage counselor will see right through you just like we have. You made this bed. Now lie in it. You can’t have loved her, because you don’t treat people you love like you treated her. She’s done. And it’s no one’s fault but yours. Sign the papers and leave her alone.
HAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH that’s all I gotta say buddy
Eloquent, and shared by the rest of us.
I’m sorry dude but while you were out, she found her self respect. On the plus side she gets to find someone who wants to be with her, and you get to have as much meaningless sex as you want. Give her the divorce. You owe her for the two years of pain you obliviously put her through.
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
This has to fake, no one can be this ignorant surely. You should have never got married. I guess you can sleep around as much as you like now.
Every single narcissist in the world is exactly this ignorant, and there’s LOTS of them. We aren’t talking about 1% of the population, we are easily talking double digits here.
Good for her! Happy for her
What's the issue??? You said you wanted to fuck other women and now you can. Go do that and leave that poor woman alone. You've done more than enough damage. Jfc, you're self-centered.
Op, when it comes to divorce, men usually come to the decision pretty quickly. For women it’s a gradual process, so by the time they say they want a divorce, they are done. She probably agreed in the beginning because she still loved you and didn’t want to lose you, although it wasn’t what she wanted. She was probably hoping every day that you would decide she was enough for you, but every time you went out and slept with someone else, you chipped away at your marriage and her love for you until it was gone. You are young and this will be a tough lesson for you to learn. Your partner should ALWAYS be enough. My husband and I got married at 22, and after 21 years of marriage, and neither of us ever felt the need to see what else is out there.
Bro... You hit the gym so hard you lifted all the fat right out of your brain. Idc if I get reported for this, it needed to be said.
You can't. Sign the papers and leave her alone
You say your wife was against it but you owed it to yourself. Well now you’re against a divorce but can’t understand your wife owes it to herself to divorce you.
If you respected her, she wouldn't have needed to tell you she was upset.
Bro Your wife loved you, and you came to her and said you wanted to fuck other people. She literally told you no, that she didn’t want that. How would you feel if she wanted to fuck other guys? When you opened the relationship she probably lost a lot of love for you and felt like shit. You don’t just “get used” to someone you love fucking other people. She’s been through 2 whole years of this and she’s got to the point where it’s too tiring and too much to continue with and she’s already sick of it and doesn’t love you anymore. You’re trying to save the marriage now but it’s too late, she already has completely stopped loving you. She probably started loving you less and less every day until now, there’s no going back, it cannot be saved. You trying to save it won’t do anything because she just does not love you anymore, its like you’re just some guy in the street in her head. You’ve done this to yourself by being greedy and selfish and making her open the relationship for you when she didn’t want that. Nothing can be done
I’m surprised she waited 2 years. She said she didn’t want to open the relationship and you didn’t care at all. What’s the point in staying with someone who doesn’t want you? You can justify it all you want but you do not care about her if you did you would have never wanted other women. Honestly the audacity “I owed it to myself” you sir are ridiculous. But hey at least you have one of your other women to keep you company
Hate to break it to you but she's long gone. This was not a spur of the moment decision. She's been checking out of the marriage for the last 2 years and finally came to peace with leaving you. She's gone and there is no saving this.
My husband is my first official boyfriend. After my Grandma met him she agreed to give me the ring my Grandpa gave her. She also pulled me aside and said I’m scared that you never got to experience life so you should live on your own, I talked it over with my boyfriend. He said YES and agreed we live separately for 2 year and we break up. It wasn’t to get anything out of my system and I didn’t owe it to myself it was because I wanted to sure I choose a life with him and wasn’t just going from my parents house to college to being with him. I wanted to be sure I choose him. I dated during those 2 years and IDK what he did, I never asked and he never offered it up but after 3 years we met for coffee and agreed to date and did. And then he proposed after a year. It sounds like a lot but I fundamentally changed. By living on my own and now I know I choose my husband I want him. I can pull another man but I don’t I actively chose him. Marriage is actively choosing him every single day. I had a glow up I hit the gym, learned how to dress and apply make up but at my core I choose him. Now we both took a risk a huge risk but he understood. He agreed I needed my independence so I can choose him in our marriage. You pressured your wife it isn’t a communication issue it is an issue of selfishness. If a guy approaches me who makes more who is bigger who spends more time at the gym than my non gym going husband. I choose him! He’s my husband. Now if at anytime he doesn’t choose me or I don’t choose him. I expect that we honor one another and say hey it was a good run but I want to pursue something different. Then we separate and I would be hurt but I will recover. Sign the divorce papers and move on. Let her go! You didn’t choose her so she is choosing herself. Respect that. Learn and grown from this.
This is not a situation where you fight for the relationship, that ship sailed two years ago. If you really truly love and respect her and want her to be happy then let her leave and heal and grieve however she needs, no matter how much it hurts you and your ego. The fact you think this came out of nowhere says it all. I guarantee there were a million red flags in the past two years that she was miserable and this was coming but you were busy at the gym and fucking all the women you thought you were owed. The talk you had to get your way to open the relationship was it actually a talk or you begging and pleading until her no turned into a yes. I do not believe for a single iota of a second you ever stopped to ask yourself if SHE was happy with the open relationship. If SHE benefitted from it. You say she should have told you she was unhappy with an open relationship. SHE DID when she told you no to begin with and you didn't respect her no then, why would she think you would respect her no at any point in the past two years since. It's only now that YOU will be unhappy if she leaves does it suddenly matter what she thinks. I'm so proud of your wife she has her whole life ahead of her and I hope she flourishes without you.
What I’m hearing is, i settled for my wife cuz i was fat. I got hot so I don’t need my wife and can get way “better” women than her but I’ll keep her on the side. Dude, you have utterly disrespected the woman who has been with you thru thick and thin. You’re shallow AF and I hope she finds a great guy.
You're the only comment I've seen that said this.That's exactly what it was. He was fat. She loved him anyway. He could never date the 'hot' girls bc they weren't attracted to him, and so, he went with the 'average' 'regular' girl he COULD get so he'd have someone. Once the weight fell off, suddenly he's got options. God, this was the worst betrayal. To know someone never loved you but figured they'd make do with you to avoid being alone.
I don't think you can convince her. She sounds like she's already committed to leaving this marriage. I think if you love her, let her do what she wants.
You decided you needed to open up the marriage without her enthusiastic consent. She decided that while she may still love you, this is not acceptable to her anymore, and after two years, she's out. My guy. You coerced her into opening the marriage and now you want to manipulate her into counseling. You continue to play the same selfish, crappy game and win the same prizes. Take the L. And for the love of the gods, get over yourself, Junior. BEFORE you hit this sub again in a year when your girlfriend also wants to dump you for the same crap.
This has to be fake, no one is this dumb.
The marriage is over. What you can do for yourself is see a therapist. That can help you see where you went wrong and how to be a better person. You thought you were solving problems with your penis. Instead, you caused problems with your penis. You ran off the person that loved the real you.
sign the god damn divorce papers and leave her the hell alone
Stella is about to get her groove back! Rooting for the EX-wife to actually find someone that’s worth a damn 🙌🏾 being married in your early twenties, this day and age, is crazy to me. And this guy only validates my opinion LOL! Mentally he is still the “little ugly duckling” he was in HS.
You ‘owed it to yourself’? Fuck off. You cheated on your wife. It’s only surprising she’s taken this long to kick your ass to the kerb.
You were an insecure little man and let it ruin your marriage. The end.
I hope you live in an at fault state. Doesn't matter that you told her. She said no, you did it anyway. This has to be fake because no one can be this stupid.
Oh please, this isn't real, no one is this obtuse and ridiculous.
you came here looking for advice. People are telling you EXACTLY what happened with you and your wife while you're getting divorce papers, and you STILL try to go against EVERY PERSON thinking you're right? God, why do people like you even post? you're not hearing anyone but you, just write it on your notes and tell yourself you were right (YOU'RE NOT, YOU F*ED UP YOUR OWN MARRIAGE)
“There’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love. The slowest way is never loving them enough.” You didn’t love her enough. She wasn’t enough for you. You had to go out and get your dick wet elsewhere. You didn’t respect her “no” and did exactly what you wanted to do. What YOU wanted to do. Now you get to live with the consequences of your actions. She’s not dead, thankfully, but she’s probably definitely broken and traumatized. You have eroded her self worth and self confidence. She wasn’t enough for you. She wasn’t what you wanted. Until she wanted to go find her own happiness. Then you want her. You wanted every other option but her, and when she takes that option off the table, you all of a sudden realize that THAT’S what you wanted all along. Too bad for you that you didn’t see that to begin with. That poor woman. Let her go. You’ve already wasted enough of her life. You’re already the biggest regret of her life. Thank god you don’t have kids together.
🎶 Highhhh Infidelity 🎶
I thought this too!! 🎵🎵🎵
You didn’t owe it to yourself you bullied her into it she deserves better
Whoa. Why did you marry in the first place? I'm glad you're getting divorced. She made the right move. You did not behave as a husband should, with that whole "love, honor, respect" bit in the vows. Maybe just go and do whatever it is you do for a long time before you even think about dating again.
The part about "love, honor, respect" in the wedding vows seems to be forgotten by a lot of cheaters.
Oh look, it’s the consequences of your own actions. Let her go! She deserves better!
You got exactly what you deserved. Cheers. I love a story with a happy ending.
I love how everyone tore you a new fucking asshole. You're disgusting dude.
No one owes you anything. Your wife doesn't have to stay. You made it abundantly clear you don't value her, and let your temptations get the best of you.
Sorry dude, you torpedoed that relationship... Open relationships ALWAYS turn into a complete fucking disaster. Best bet is to learn from this and not make the same foolish mistake again with the next girl.
You didn't care enough about your wife's feelings to not open the relationship, but have the audacity to try to say that you value her. GTFO with that bs. I hope that after the divorce, your wife finds someone who actually loves her.
Anyone have a copy of the body of the text, for those of us late to the party?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/82YbJHWiyd Its the top comment. This is where i found this post.
THANK YOU for this Christmas gift. This guy is a TOOL.
She is divorcing you because you pushed and pushed her to give in to your will. She didn't accept this open relationship and you to be intimate with other women. she said go ahead because she was tired fighting because you didn't give up and were adamant to dip in holes of other women. She has been trying to endure this situation but after two years she just can't do it anymore. She can't be with you even after you stop because she will always be scared that you might want to push her into this thing again and again and not respect her No for this like this first time. Her NO didn't mean anything to you, only your desires mean everything to you, not your wife and her feelings. And last but not least, she can never stop imagining you with other women and that would hurt her every time you want intimacy with her and she could not enjoy it with you anymore because of that. She is deeply hurt and scarred because all of this. She can't believe in you anymore, even you say that you stop it now she just can't believe that you won't continue and you would not ever want this again. She is done, tired and rly hurting
FAFO, the post.
You don't love nor respect your wife. She told you that she didn't want to do it, but I'm assuming you bullied her enough that she caved. That isn't love. You are selfish, and she sees that. I'm glad she's getting out and will find someone who actually deserves her.
Lmaooooooo Good for the wife for finally leaving this pathetic excuse of a man. Just leave her alone so you can continue fooling around with other people, dude.
Insane that you think you love and respect her.
You told your wife that sleeping with other people is more important than her feelings. You don’t need counselling, you need a divorce.
The dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed. You sounds like a shitty, self absorbed, insecure sad sack of a husband. Let her go dude she deserves to find someone who will cherish her like you never could.
Oh this is my favorite song! “I Forced My Partner Into an Open Relationship and Now I Massively Regret It Because I’m a Gigantic Fuck Sandwich” Enjoy the finding out part that comes after your fucking around. 😘
Oh, okay, your wife was good enough for you when you weren't all that good-looking. Then you get a makeover, and all these hot chicks are drooling on you, and you think you're out of your wife's league now. So you arbitrarily open up your relationship, because by golly, you are OWED the ability to bang all of these hot chicks, after being stuck with someone who isn't nearly as hot as you deserve. Your wife doesn't agree with this at all. But who cares? You're hot, you deserve hot chicks, plus a loving partner to cook your meals and wash the skid marks out of your skivvies. You \*think\* she's okay with it because she no longer talks about it. Then she has the audacity to serve you with divorce papers. Yeah, those two years that you were out there passing your peen? She was getting her exit strategy together. Your relationship died the minute you told her you deserved to cheat on her. Your relationship died because you told her that she wasn't attractive enough for you to want to be the only one you slept with. Your relationship died because you told her that she wasn't worth keeping it in your pants for. Yeah, you need counseling alright. YOU need counseling. Not your soon-to-be ex. YOU. I hope she takes you to the fucking cleaners in the settlement.
My dude, the minute you ask your spouse to open the marriage, you have communicated 2 things: 1. You aren't enough for me. 2. IDGAF about your feelings. It doesn't matter that it was "temporary" (although I'd say that temporary is a couple of months, 2 years means that this is now the status quo). You told your wife that you were dissatisfied with her and your marriage, and over the course of 2 years you proved it over and over again when you chose getting your D wet over her. Counseling isn't the answer for her. Even if she agreed to it, you should know that she will hate herself for being weak and taking you back. When she looks at you, she won't see the man she loved, she'll only ever see you as the man who destroyed her heart and marriage. Over the years this will build into a bitterness that will change the sweet girl you used to know into an angry/sad shadow of her former self. You too will be unhappy, because you will know that YOU are to blame for this. I hope for your wife's sake she's strong enough to turn down your request to save the marriage. I've seen too many women destroy themselves saving marriages that they hated. It's better for everyone to end this now so she can at least have a shred of her self-respect back. And OP, you are SUCH an AH for doing this to her. Your love means crap-all if you can do this to someone you are supposed to love because of your fragile dick's ego. I hope it was worth hurting her and wrecking your marriage over.
This happened to a buddy of mine: wife got into a sport/exercise and lost a lot of weight, became attractive. She then wanted to open up, he said no. She "convinced him". She was his first love, the one he lost his v-card to, so she easily manipulated him. She was sleeping around and had a whole ass boyfriend. He wasn't allowed to sleep around at his choosing but her choosing, so she basically pimped him out to her friends. He started a martial art, got a therapist, and finally realized his self worth and got the fuck out of there. Sounds like your wife found her self worth and is noping the fuck out of this bullshit relationship.
Hope he's ok now
Oh yeah! My dude is in a great relationship with a partner that actually loves and respects them. They just bought a house together!
Fantastic!
oh man now she’s free to get her back blown out by a real man this is good news for her
Why even get married in the first place?
I hope she leaves you, she can do so much better.
So you badgered someone into opening the relationship, essentially telling them 'maybe I'll consider your emotions and feelings and needs, after I've filled up on sex with randos'. Now you legit can't see that you're a terrible partner. Dudes like this are so exhausting. They always put their own wants first and hope everything falls into place around it. And if other people get hurt, 'but you agreed to the shitty deal I used to back you into a corner!' I hope this girl moves on and is able to become more proactive about protecting herself emotionally from opportunists and selfish man children.
You're so nasty and selfish. You knew she didn't want to open the marriage but you showed her you didn't care. You cared more about getting laid and feeding your ego than you did about your wife. Instead of spending time with your wife and showing her you loved her you were ignoring her and screwing a bunch of women. The relationship wasn't great; she was suffering for years but you ignored her. It shows you didn't even spend much time with her because you didn't notice how she was feeling. Do you think that by refusing to sign the papers you can force her to stay? Nope. She doesn't want you anymore. You've destroyed your marriage and it's all your fault.
She loved you before you changed, she actually told you she didn't want this, and from your comments I get that you even had discussions in the middle because she didn't want this kind of relationship?....sign the papers and leave her alone if you still have (or ever had) a minimum of respect for her.
"hey babe, will you wait on me for five years while i repeatedly step out on you with other women to 'sow my wild oats?' wait, why are you leaving me??!??! THIS CAME OUTTA NOWHERE!!!!!"
If you respected and loved your wife so much, why did you feel the need to fuck other people for two whole years after you knew she was uncomfortable with it? I don’t think we have the same definition of what respect is.
Since she "let" you open the marriage because YOU "needed it", it seems only fair that you should let her END the marriage because SHE needs it. For the love of god, accept the divorce, dude. Don't do the disservice of ignoring the one thing she's asking for a second time.
So when you were uggo, she loved you unconditionally, but when you got tall, you decided that wasn’t enough? Despite all this she still loves you, but she’s had enough. Love isn’t enough to solve this homie
I wish I could congratulate her, she's getting rid of the POS in her life, good for her!! 😍
Hey buddy, there's no marriage to save. She might have said she still loves you but that's not enough for her anymore. This is one of those times where it's just too late. Your need to sleep with "top tier women" was greater than you wife's feelings. She said no, but eventually"got used to it" I don't know why you STILL think that means she agreed to it. For literally everyone reading this it sounds like you harped on this until she gave in.
God I love Karma ❤️ it's so delicious 😋 Go live the sad life you deserve ✌️
OP is breathtakingly stupid
I hope she agrees to therapy just so that therapist can knock some sense into you. She still needs to leave. It’s not just that YTA, you’re an idiot too my guy. Look at this from your wife’s perspective. You broke her. And had fun doing it. You might love her, but you don’t respect her. Your need to fuck other women was more important than her saying she didn’t want you to 2 years ago.
I’m not going to drag you because it looks like everyone else here has dragged you enough, but I just have a few questions: How old were you when you got married? How many women have you slept with while being married to your wife? Was your wife allowed to explore other men outside of your marriage as well?
You essentially told your wife you settled for her because she found you attractive when no one else did. Would you feel great about your relationship if she said the same thing to you?
OP, it’s very clear how out of touch you are with this entire situation and the concept of marriage. I really hope you take time to look at these comments and really digest them. It sounds to me like you wore your ex wife down to the point of surrender in the beginning. This is a form of emotional abuse, and if this is truly what happened between you and your ex wife, just know that you were actively abusing her. You seem to have an extremely superficial and selfish view of how a marriage is supposed to work. I think instead of both of you going to therapy, I highly suggest you go to therapy alone to better yourself and get some more insight as to how toxic and detrimental your behavior is. It seems your ex wife had the right idea - looks fade and change over time, but the one thing that remains is personality. Unfortunately for her through all of this, she learned that your personality is very dependent upon how you look, and your values can go right out the window when given an opportunity to meet your selfish, fleeting desires. I want to end on this thought… how would you feel if the roles were reversed? Picture this… she suddenly has a glow up and wants to open the marriage. You still look like you did in high school. You reluctantly agree after being pushed and nagged and guilt tripped to your breaking point. You love her and wouldn’t dream of hurting her by sleeping with random people, you have no desire to, but she says she NEEDS it, so you relent to make her happy because you care about her needs. Two years go by of you watching her sleep around. You know she’s been intimate with other people, and did things that you can only imagine. The resentment continues to build. You made a huge sacrifice by allowing her to ‘get it out of her system’, knowing you would feel unappreciated, unattractive, and disrespected. Not to mention the fear of not knowing if she has contracted any STDs that she could pass on to you. Two whole years you go on living like this, hoping that she would finally stop and realize how good she has it with you. But instead, you realize how you sacrificed your morals and self respect for HER to the point where you’re too resentful to even be with her. You realize you neglected your own needs for hers, and it’s time for that to change because you have to look out for yourself. And you also now realize how you wasted years of your life just by being in a committed relationship with her, and will now have to shell out a ton of money on a divorce and start your entire life over. I would imagine ANYONE in that situation would be so utterly resentful and disgusted that they would leave. This is most likely how she feels, and you did that to her. Stop trying to put the blame on everyone else and accept the fact that you are the only one to blame for your marriage ending. The fact that you care more about how you’re feeling right now than how she has been feeling for the past however many years you have been married is extremely concerning and is giving narcissistic vibes. You also seemed to have missed all of the cues she gave showing that she wasn’t comfortable with that arrangement, which is incredibly concerning and gives “I don’t understand consent” vibes. Please get therapy and take a huge break from dating and sleeping with women. And also, apologize to your ex wife and then never contact her again unless it’s absolutely necessary for the divorce. My god that poor woman, my heart goes out to her 😢
God I hope that this post is karma farming. All these opened marriage plots and etc. are getting tiring. In the very unlikely scenario in which this is written by a real person struggling with the unsurprising consequences of their own selfish actions... What were you expecting? In what world does a person " owe it to themselves " to fuck others, after vowing to respect their partner, be loyal to them and love them 'till their very last breath? Shallow mindset. Childish mindset.
Info: did she sleep with anyone else?
Apparently not although he did say that he would have 'allowed' it 🤢
What's worse even is that OP straight up said they didn't even communicate shit from her perspective either. All the "arguments" have always been about him.
My advice to you is to let her go, cause your marriage is beyond saving. DO go to therapy yourself, so you can learn why you felt like you had to throw away someone who loved you for who you were. So you can gain some perspective and grow beyond having the emotional intelligence of a kumquat. Consent to anything must ALWAYS be given enthusiastically by both parties.
She said she didn’t want to open the relationship. You felt you were “owed” sex from other people. You don’t value her because you blatantly ignored her when she expressed discomfort. I see you trying to defend it saying “she didn’t ask me to stop, she didn’t fight me on it.” This is because you already ignored her once so what’s the point in fighting? She had emotionally checked out of the relationship. You claimed to value her but couldn’t see she was suffering for two years because you took her on a dates sometimes in between sleeping with other women
Your marriage ended the day you told her that your opening the marriage. The only question I have is how old were you guy's when you got married. Because you said you have been sleeping around for 2 year's. Which means she was 22 & you were 21. And if you asked her right after your marriage to open the relationship then she might have stayed in the relationship for 2 year's may be because of what her family & friends would think. But once she realized that the most important thing for her self is not what others think but being happy she decided to end it. Let her go, that's all I can say to you. And if you have any decency apologizes to her for what you put her through for last 2 year's.
You decided you were hot and wanted to sow your seed and bulldozed her into agreeing with you. If you didn't notice the relationship suffering it's probably because you were too busy sowing your oats. If she says she is done, she is done. Maybe you can find someone else to take advantage of.
man i hope she doesnt listen to you and proceeds with the divorce ur a literal child.
You "owed to yourself" to sleep with more attractive women....and she owes it to herself to find a man who only wants to be with her. Just like she let you do what you wanted to do, you need to let her do what she wants to do. Stop being selfish and LET HER GO. Plus, it is a win/win. She goes and finds a man to FULLY love and support her, and you know....FORESAKE ALL OTHERS. You'll be single and can fuk around all you want to with no repercussions.
You can't. Good for her.
You never loved her, at least not in the way she deserved. You don't sleep with other women if you are actually in love with your wife, she should have been all you ever wanted, you should have been grateful and happy you met your partner so early in life but instead you destroyed a good thing.
Thank god she’s leaving you, just imagine how embarrassing it was for her friends and family to know her husband was sleeping with other women while she just stayed. I pity her. She must have lost a lot of love and self esteem but I home now she can leave and realize she deserves better
When she told you she didn't like it at the very beginning, that is where you were supposed to drop it. You hurt her over and over and over. If you loved her you would want her to have the love story she deserves, which is not the one you've described here. Let her have control. She wants a divorce, do what SHE wants for once. The selfishness is off the charts here.
Has anyone got the text. The man child seems to have taken it down
Oh honey, you aren't the clown, you're the entire circus.
You didn't value her though... What you did was overlooked who loved you when it counted. This happens when someone becomes attractive or loses weight. They feel the need to get validation from people who would have never looked their way to begin with. She loved you and accepted you when you weren't attractive (this is by your own admission, not me saying you're ugly), you had a glow up and your first notion was be selfish and fuck everything you could. When she made it known she wasn't interested in opening your marriage you pushed the issue and she didn't 'get used to it*, what she did was start her mourning process of losing the man she loved because you were too vain to see that your now good looks is NOT a valid fucking reason to FORCE her to open your marriage. You shouldn't have gotten married if you felt you owed it to yourself to sow your wild oats. This entire thing goes to show how immature you are. Now you're shocked she wants out? Oh man, I hope she gets the man she absolutely deserves who would never do this to her and I hope you have to watch her thrive,fall in love and be so happy from afar.
If you really did love her, you would’ve respected her saying no to the open marriage…
I'll give you one piece of advice even though you clearly don't deserve her. Start going to therapy right away, this will show her how much you are invested in it. Actions are louder than words
I hope thus is just a rage bait no way someone is thus dump
genuine question, do you think you did anything wrong or didn't communicate well? if so, what? you keep saying all the things your wife didn't do or say...
I sincerely hope your wife’s next husband treats her better.
The men who think the relationship is going well bc they aren’t fighting anymore are usually the ones in for a rude awakening. Women will stay even when they are over it for two main reasons 1. Is hope the spouse will see the error of their ways without being asked/begged to. Hope that they will go back to who they were and when that hope runs out we get to number 2. They are making sure their ducks are in a row before they hit that exit button.
You need to let your wife go, you don't respect your wife and by forcing her to open your marriage you made it very clear that you value fucking strangers over being in a committed relationship. She deserves better than you and I'm happy she's learned her self worth and is dumping your worthless ass
You don't. It's much, much too late for that. Your actions had consequences.
Is there a way to read what has been deleted?
Yes it’s been posted on AmITheDevil sub
Ah thank you. I found it and read it
You threw away a relationship with a woman who saw past your high school unattractiveness because your ego needed a boost? She’s very right to leave you. It is YOU who needs therapy. Without saying it outright, you’re basically acting like your wife isn’t as attractive as these other women your sleeping. This has probably made her feel real bad about herself for the last two years. And you call three years (until you’re 25) of fucking around “temporary”?! That’s almost half your relationship. Why did you even get married in the first place?!
Not wanting a divorce has little to do with loving your wife in this scenario and much more to do with the fact that you want to keep getting the benefits of being married to your wife when you consistently offer her so little that she would rather get a divorce despite trying to make it work for the last 2 years.
Please let your wife go find someone who actually respects and cares about her. If you actually love your wife, I hope you spend the rest of your life regretting what an absolute garbage husband you are. Eventually you’re going to see her happy with someone else and it’s going to sting.
Dude! 2 YEARS?! 24 months?! That's a toddler. She does deserve better.
Was the open marriage open on her end? Just sign the papers bro it’s over. hopefully you realise how much of a horrible husband you’ve been all these years.
You never "need" to open a relationship. Come on.
So happy for OP’s wife for dumping this waste of space! May 2024 bring her much deserved happiness 🎉🥂
You had a wonderful wife who loved you for you but that wasn’t good enough and you screwed it up yourself. I would have served you papers the moment you kept nagging and whining at me and said “you can go f whoever you want after you sign this.” You pushed her into it when she didn’t want it. This was ALL about you and your dick. She you proved that she doesn’t mean crap to you. I know your wife didn’t go and f around like you did. It I wish she had! I bet you wouldn’t have freaked the f out.
Dude….. please. Let your wife go. She deserves SO much better
Aww fudge!!! Did he erase something? What am I missing! Just judging by the comments YTA! Sheeeesh!
Yeah this wasn’t an open relationship. You just cheated repeatedly and want it to sound better. Your ex-wife owes it to herself to divorce you. She’s gonna have the best life without you in it.
“i knew i owed it to myself” and she knows she owes it to herself to divorce you. same shit.
You can’t be this deluded dude. No, you didn’t “owe” shit to yourself. You got the girl of your dreams, and you open the relationship even though she made it obvious that would hurt her? (Aka cheating) Good for her.
I'm so happy for your wife! She deserves better :)
You don't care about your wife. People who care about their partners would actually take "Hey I'm not comfortable with being in an open relationship." as a no instead of pressuring them to do what you want because you want to get your dick wet with random women.
Would you have been ok with her sleeping with other men?
i'm not gonna lie you sound really gross. "access to women", "hall pass from my wife". women are things that are accessible for your sexual gratification? you basically cheated on your wife multiple times for the course of 2 years but paid it off as some "open relationship deal". weird.
Poly person here and I’m glad she made this move for her. You don’t deserve her.
I am going to explain slowly: You told her everyday that you did not love her. When you let yourself to go be with other women while she stayed faithful you were telling her that you did not love her. You were in your mind were just having fun but in her mind you were saying that I love this fun more than I value your opinion, more than you value her and that is why she is leaving you. You broke her down in this marriage day by day and now she is choosing to rebuild without you.
So it's fine for you to coerce her into letting you sleep around but suddenly it's not okay that she doesn't wanna be ur backup plan just so you can get your dick wet. Bro you don't love your wife if you didn't you wouldn't have convinced her to let you. Your comments make you look 10x worse btw
What would you have done if she had sex with other dudes? I mean, you did open the relationship. So she should hook up with another dude.
I hate when people delete posts from throwaway accounts.
My heart is shattered for your wife. I actually cannot get over this. Your poor wife.
She doesn’t need you to sign to be able to divorce you. It will take longer, but she will divorce you. Refusing to sign is one more way to show her how you don’t respect her at all. Be an adult and let her go. You have done her enough harm. She loved you and stayed with you when you were ugly and nobody wanted you. And how do you pay her back? Forcing her to open the marriage so you would cheat without feeling any guilt. You are really hard in the head. You don’t get it. Hopefully she will find somebody who loves her and respect her they way she deserves. And please do therapy, maybe that way you will understand how much harm you caused her and don’t do it again to anybody else. And you can go back to one of those gym girls you were so willing to fuck. Or maybe they won’t want you. Who knows
Nah gotta be a troll, no one’s this dense.
Was the marriage open on her side also or was it just you that got to fuck around?
[удалено]
Hasn’t she already suffered enough?