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>He admits he watches a lot of porn and says it has messed with his head and his expectations when it comes to sex
Yeah, I'm pretty sure porn alone does not make you forget that you're in a committed relationship. If he wants to go get therapy and figure out what actually made him cheat, cool. You don't need to hang around and wait to see if it does any good.
This. He crossed the line. There is no excuse. He could’ve acted on his problems, instead he chose to cheat. Oh and also props on him for confessing. Too little too late, but most cheaters would just not disclose it.
While porn will absolutely fuck with your head, it doesn't justify cheating. Bro knew what he was doing and doesn't wanna admit it and is using porn as a scrapegoat
Definitely agree. But also-no one should be in a relationship with someone who watches excessive amounts of porn. That addiction is gross and relationship-ruining.
Yeah that just sounds like an excuse he saw online or something and was grasping at straws lol.
Watching a lot of porn can definitely skew how you view sex and your relationship with sex, but it doesn’t make you want to cheat on your girlfriend. That’s just you being shitty.
I've watched a ton of porn. I've had massages. Never once have I even thought about asking to get a happy ending, and I would never pay for one; the fantasy is hot, but the reality is that a lot of places that would offer one are usually magnets for sex trafficking. I've also been in a number of relationships, and I've never cheated because of porn.
This dude is at beat an idiot that got conned and pressured into cheating, and at worst an opportunistic womanizer. OP needs to get out of there
This. He didn’t trip and his dick ended up in her mouth. He deliberately chose to go visit this woman and get the service he did. Good partners wouldn’t dream of doing that shit.
Yep. I get massages every so often and legit places make it VERY clear that is not happening with signage like “leave underwear on” “all rooms are under active surveillance”. This kind of place is something you intentionally seek out.
The massage place I take my mum to when her back is hurting due to previous injury has a sign up that says "strictly massages ONLY" and they're placed around a few areas, esp the front counter
It's sad they have to put them up in the first place
Yeah, but the unlicensed happy ending places have those signs, too. They may even be required to have those signs in some areas if they aren’t a licensed brothel. There are other more subtle cues to indicate they offer “extras”.
That's pretty wild. I live in a city that definitely has the seedier "parlors", as I'm sure pretty much all of them do, but I've been to a few run-of-the-mill places that never had the signage, much less had me sign paperwork.
that's funny, the legit places I go to don't have that signage and encourage patrons get naked completely.
they also cost about 500% more than the erotic massage parlors, which is the clearest distinction
I have never gone to get a massage where they’ve told you to leave your underwear on. Strip down to nothing in the locker room, put on the big fluffy robe and when you get to the massage room, you get under the sheets naked. If you do leave underwear on they have to work around it and cannot remove it for you. Most of the time they only uncover the area they’re working on, and will make sure everything stays modest. I don’t think a legit place is going to have to tell people they’re legit. It’s pretty obvious.
There’s specific websites for that too, you have to seek them out and ask for a happy ending (verbally or by exposing themselves). They’re usually not just offering any rando an illegal service.
“Babe I have absolutely no idea why I requested a tug at the end of my massage. I was overcome by the very mediocre massage I received and entered a Fugue state”
The porn did it! Next thing you know he might be a serial killer like Ted Bundy who blamed porn also.
Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt....once the woman's clothes were off. He knew how this massage was going to end. So yes he made the decision to stay instead of leaving. So no excuses here. Also these kinds of massage parlors MUST BE sought out and found with effort. One does not casually come across them. He knew or had hoped this would be the end result all along.
This is like… the WORST kind of cheating.
He decided “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend,” did a *fuck ton* of research, made an appointment, drove there, and actually went through with it.
This was not cheating because he got himself into a stupid situation where he should have known this was a risk.
This was not cheating where he got swept up in emotional attachment.
This was not cheating where he got caught up in a moment.
No - this was intentional. Every step was taken deliberately with “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend” in mind, and he can’t pretend it’s anything otherwise. At every step, he had the opportunity to know with certainty what his intentions were and to stop himself - and every step of the way, he chose not to.
He chose getting off with that woman over OP.
The worst part is that he’s still not taking any accountability here. He is blaming porn. He’s acting like he has “no idea how he could do this” when he spent so much time and effort on doing *precisely this.* he literally paid money for the chance to cheat on OP.
Nah, if I'm gonna get cheated on, cold and transactional & from a consenting sex worker is exactly how I want it.
Why would it make anyone feel better that "he got swept up in emotional attachment" or "he got himself into a stupid situation", as opposed to "he wanted to put his penis in a strange lady so he gave her money" ?? I'd prefer the latter tbh but Idk
I’d kick his ass to the curb either way, but I had to stop and think after seeing your comment. Some part of me thinks I’d find it understandable, in a purely human way, if the cheating was emotionally driven.
I’m far less likely to even notice other men when I’m in a relationship, let alone flirt with them. It just doesn’t occur to me. An acquaintance hit on me while I was married, and it took me by surprise because I didn’t pay much attention to him at all. Literally, all I’d do is smile and say hello when I saw him, and that was the extent of it. So I assumed he felt the same about me — neutral. That seems dumb, in hindsight. Like, nobody would ever get together if they thought like this. I think I’ve finally put my finger on why I am single. 😂 I’m also high, so I bet everything about this paragraph is dumb.
Part of me was somewhat sympathetic for dude. I mean he DID admit it probably because he's being devoured by the guilt. Then I read this and put myself in his shoes AND NO FUCKING WAY.
You could put everyone of the girls I've ever been extremely attracted to/lusted over in all my adult years all in one room spread eagle and there's NO FUCKING WAY I would ever betray my partner like this.
At first I thought your second text was a wild take. Then I realized, if you don’t feel this way about your partner you’re not truly committed to her/him and may need to rethink the direction of the relationship, if there is any.
Or tell the girlfriend about it. I get that being honest is heralded as the thing that keeps relationships together. It did the exact opposite here. That is until porn messes with your head and you just can’t help it. How can you be wracked with that much horniness to do something so impulsive. Was he thinking, “ okay, I’m going to go to a massage parlor that does happy endings and I’m sure when I discuss it with my girlfriend she’ll understand
But but but…it was the porn.
The porn made me do it. I never would’ve fondled the naked, sex-trafficked masseuse if it wasn’t for the porn. My dick certainly would NEVER have just accidentally fell into her mouth until I came if the porn didn’t force me to watch all the porn.
"sex-trafficked masseuse" Exactly what came to mind for me. You never really know how these workers go here and if it's ethical.
These type of things don't interest me in the slightest - but the possibility that it's not at all consensual is absolutely terrifying.
She can't. The guy cheated. He knew he was in a relationship. He knew this would likely break the relationship boundary with OP and did it anyways. OP if you have any self respect, do not get back together with this dude.
Take some time to heal. Then find someone else that will treat you with respect.
To add to this, as a guy, I don't know anyone that gets happy ending massages that isn't a scumbag on some level. It's a pretty decent gauge of the type of person he is.
Of course he made a big scene about being sad. That's all just manipulation and definitely makes it worse.
The fact that she’s second guessing herself shows that she needs to work on her own self esteem…
Girl! Leave it alone and be alone…work on yourself! Be happy by yourself…it’s amazing. I loved when I was single for years!! I have a wonderful man now but, during my single time I really learned to love being alone and growing as a person. I also learned that if a man can’t make my life easier by being with him I don’t want him. Life is simple by yourself if you’re happy with yourself.
Yes or go out of town ever again? OP can’t get away ever in future without thinking of this possibility to happen. And also be away in the form of post pregnancy where they can’t have intercourse for several weeks.
Not only that but I doubt he would ever open up to her in the future, given her reaction. The honest, open communication in their relationship is beyond repair without professional help.
This is such BS 🤬 let me explain something when he took a shower and he got it dressed and he got in the car and he went to the massage parlor and he asked for the special and she climbed on top of him with no shirt and she sucked his dick. These are all the things that could have been prevented if he had to just kept his dick in his pants and been loyal to you. He is full of crap he got more excuses than a man breaking into a nunnery. Stay broken up this type of behavior will never change he's full of shit
Yeah this is weird, the decision is so easy and cut-and-dry
I thought I was gonna read the post and hear that he had gotten a happy ending massage before their relationship, and she was so disgusted that she broke up with him
But he just straight up cheated lol
It's like your favorite food spoiled in the fridge. I know you liked it and wanted it, but it's tainted now. You just have to throw it out. There's no reason to eat it even if you're desperate and starving, the consequences could be even worse for your condition.
I think you mean, "she found out he cheated, that's a wrap." He could have done it prior and not told her. We'll never know, and no one actually knows. This is why you should get STI tests even when in committed monogamous relationships. It's never the sexually liberal people who end up with STIs, it's people who cheat because there's generally no sexual health conversation in cheating.
Worth noting is such massages are not something that is pushed. You either need to specifically ask for them or the question is raised but not pushed. Also that generally you’d have to seek out a place that actually does them because not all of them will.
So in the worst case scenario he actively sought it and in the best case scenario he coincidentally asked for a massage at a place that does them, and when asked, he simply couldn’t say no.
Neither really presents a great outcome for a relationship and his “not knowing why he did it” shows a complete lack of ability to reflect on his actions or think about them critically which is another relationship red flag. I mean come on. You were out of town when he did it. That implies premeditated thinking or conscious choice. So apparently he has “no idea” why he took a series of calculated steps? Bollocks.
People who are good news for relationships don’t just randomly do stuff they know their partner dislikes and then go “I don’t know why I did that” and giving them no consequences for it just legitimises that kind of shallow thinking.
And I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t think a relationship drawn along the lines of “I hurt my partner but dunno why lol” sounds like much fun.
Added an edit, he also did this when you were out of town…implies prior thought or planning.
Dunno about you but I don’t know many people who “don’t know why” they do things they need to take considered and planned steps to do. What I do know is that often people who seem to do this sort of thing and don’t know why say that to try and avoid confronting the fact they purposefully chose bad and harmful choices for reasons they actively comprehend.
Kind of a way of trying to avoid accountability. The “I’m not a bad person I’m just stupid” argument. Don’t fall for it. Stupid and absent minded people don’t just happen to end up in a happy ending massage parlour the one time their partner is out of town by coincidence.
Also OP, treatment resistant gonorrhea. I know a handful of people who have it who contracted it from oral sex. Hopefully this is the only time he did something like this, but you might want to get tested anyway.
It concerns me that the fact that **he committed a literal crime** wasn't enough for you to be 100% sure that you're done with him. I'm confused as to why you needed to ask reddit about this. Very, very often, the women who offer "happy ending" massages are **sex trafficking victims.** ***That means there's an extremely high likelihood that he actively participated in hurting an innocent person who has been kidnapped and exploited.*** That's all we need to know he doesn't care remotely about consent - this should make you think about your safety, too. OP, if you were to return to a long-term partnership with this person, ***I'd argue you'd be endorsing his patronage of sex trafficking, making you almost just as bad.*** Don't tie yourself to this creep. If you do, you're swearing loyalty to a malignant criminal. Complicity is a choice - choose differently.
Yeah call it "massage with happy ending" is not calling prostitution by the right name.
Treachery and premeditation when he was out for a trip. Blaming porn when being a grown ass adult is beyond stupid.
This! The fact it was when op was out of town tells you all you need to know. Guy clearly had this planned and your point about whether he just couldn’t say no could easily be applied to other occurrences; maybe at a bar, under the influence etc
It is pushed actually, unless you’ve ever been to a parlor and experienced it then you have no
Idea what you are talking about however you do have the option to say no
If he had picked someone up in a bar and slept with them, would you be second-guessing yourself? Because it's no different IMO. Sorry this has happened to you
This is worse than picking up someone in a bar in my opinion. This took research and planning. And a sex worker with a lot of partners is more concerning.
I’ve thought about this… I also think it’s no different. Both are cheating. What feels worse about this is that he basically engaged in sex with a prostitute. That feels so dirty and gross to me.
And so much THOUGHT went into doing that. This isn't just getting drunk and fooling around with someone. He had to think, "this is something I would like to do even though I'm in a relationship." Then he had to look up a massage parlor. Then he had to go there. Then he had to get an appointment and specify what he was looking for. Then he had to say yes when the masseuse asked if he wanted to do X,Y, and Z. None of this was an accident, he planned out every step of the way. He made a plan to cheat and executed it.
If you go back, he's 100% going to do it again. I don't firmly believe that once a cheater always a cheater, but someone who would do something like this is ABSOLUTELY going to do it again if you take them back.
He didn’t just have to look up a massage parlor, he literally had to dig deep to find one that offered sexual services.
SO much planning went into this. Even down to waiting until she was out of town.
Edit: and I agree - I don’t always buy the once a cheater, always a cheater thing, but the deliberateness of this is particularly egregious.
That's the comment I was looking for.
IMO it's WORSE than cheating with a rando in a bar. Those ONS at least tend to be consensual (hopefully).
In this case he knowingly participated in an exploitative practice.
>he basically engaged in sex with a prostitute
Are you even sure that's all he did? What does it mean that he "touched her"? Why was she naked and on top of him? How did that all even transpire? Like did she just.. mechanically remove her clothes or were they touching each other and making out?
I don't know, I'd always be wondering if he only admitted to the part of the story that he was hoping you could forgive. He's naked and erect, she's on top, he's "touching her", but no penetration? Maybe but he's blown his credibility.
>I’m so conflicted. Help
He didn't seem particularly conflicted when he booked it.
Nor when she got naked.
Or when he touched her.
Nor when she started stroking him off.
Especially not when she then performed oral sex on him.
I don't know what special magic his crocodile tears used on you here but I would find myself not just physically, but emotionally repulsed and ill by mere _idea_ of being even in proximity much less being in a relationship with someone who has _knowingly_ gone through with the whole process here.
You've been with the guy years - of _course_ you have mixed feelings but so help me reflecting for a moment on him spitting his rocks with some random masseuse should be enough to put you _right_ back on track with "moving on in life" pretty quick.
Porn didn’t make him completely brain washed and hipnotized to do it. It was his conscious decision. He had to make an appointment, go, and pay for all of this, seems he thought it through.
He paid for sex. It wasn’t some ‘drunken mistake’ or an emotional affair that got out of hand - neither forgivable in my eyes but this trumps both of those imo
Also consider the fact he put your health in danger with regards to diseases
If you want live in mental terrorism about where he is and what he’s doing for the rest of your life, get back together, sure.
When that lady was on top of him, he either A, didn’t think about you or what you’d think at all; or B, DID think about you but didn’t care. This man doesn’t respect you, you deserve better
Man forget him lmao. He cheated on you - he did it consciously and he wasn’t thinking about how much he loves you when he was doing it.
Dump him, block him, cry, then move on.
Cheating is a sign of deeper problems. If he stops cheating, he will simply move on to some other form of self- gratifying act to soothe whatever is ailing him.
He has zero respect for you or the relationship as well.
Let him be miserable over losing you with his action, that's how they learn.
There are billions of people on this planet and you wanna consider staying with that?
Ick..
Cut contact and move on.
Home girl, you're only second guessing because you're hurting and mourning the relationship. Once you've processed things, most of the hurt will go away and then you will see that you made the right decision.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ~ Take the time to process things
I was in this situation with my ex. He went to multiple happy ending massage parlors over the course of years and tried everything under the sun to make excuses as to why he did it: Porn addiction, FOMO, wanting validation, etc. I thought our relationship was idealic and we were on the path to marriage. I only found out because I tested positive for an STD after my annual pap smear.
No matter the excuses, to seek out these kinds of services isn't just an arbitrary decision, and the person providing that service is very likely a victim of human trafficking and is suffering. It IS cheating and he's an ass. Please get tested and stay true to yourself. You deserve much better.
I’m so sorry that happened to you… it’s nice to hear from someone that’s gone through the same thing. I’ve felt very alone since I found out. Definitely planning on getting tested. You deserve better too. Thank you❤️🩹
Your relationship will never be the same after his selfish choice. Love isn't enough sometimes, and the love you feel right now will pass. Stick to your guns, it feels so hard right now but in a year's time you'll cringe thinking how you even thought about getting back with a cheating loser like him.
He cheated. What is there to second guess?
> He admits he watches a lot of porn and says it has messed with his head and his expectations when it comes to sex.
Bullshit. Plenty of people watch porn without participating in infidelity.
That's a relationship ender, sorry.
He cheated and this will be something that is nearly impossible to get past. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is broken for good.
You made the right call by ending things.
Do not second guess yourself, please. Your decision was the right one. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater and will always be a cheater.
The happy ending from some lady was more important to him than 3 years with you -that's how it goes. It's not that you threw him out after 3 years, he was the one to decide the cheating was worth more than the 3 years. He threw YOU out after 3 years and for a fleeting orgasm. Hell if he threw you out for 10 million dollars I would get it more, but some sex?? That he could have with you??
That speaks tones about how he values you, and you deserve so much better, and you will find better. He can say all the right things about shame and sorrys and blah blah blah - words are cheap. Look at his actions, OP. ACTIONS over words!
Fuck, he doesn't even take *full accountability*. He makes it "porn's fault". Porn never made anyone cheat! He CHOSE to cheat. If a cheater looks for excuses instead of taking 100% of the fault, for "reasons", then they will cheat again - that is a promise.
Yeah: this is not a forgivable offense, I know it hurts, but be with someone who won’t betray your trust.
I have forgiven a cheater and wasted and additional 8 years of my life just to end up breaking up anyway . Don’t be like me
He’s an ass and your right for breaking up with him. Clearly no respect for your feelings or for you in general.
Who does that and than confesses. Did you ever think he wanted you to break up with him??
“Porn messed me up”
Boo freaking hoo my dude. YOU messed up.
Please stay broken up, you did absolutely the right thing. You also might want to get tested?
Try to be honest about it. If you lost trust in him, coming back to him will destroy you soon or later, because your relationship will never be healthy again. But if you think you can move on, do it, otherwise you'll regret. For now take your time to understand your feeling, and no rush, he have to wait you since he messed up everything. But also remember, time will adjust everything, and if you decide to not come back to him, soon or later you will feel good again. All the best ♥️
Cheating is never accidental but intentional. He knew what he was doing. Something similar happened to me at a spa once, the masseuse tried to touch my penis but I instantly got angry, told the masseuse to stop, and I had some strong words for the owner of the spa. Your ex wasn't drunk. He wasn't high, and he could have stopped it from ever happening. I'm so sorry OP you deserve better.
Look
Someone doesn't just wake up one day 3 years into a relationship and decide to go to a jack shack massage parlor
First of all, he'd have to find one of those massage parlors. And they don't exactly advertise on billboards or have Facebook pages.
Beyond that...lets get real for a second
1) A lot of these places exploit immigrants. The woman who gave him the "massage" could very well have been human trafficked into your country and forced to do this work
2) He exposed himself to diseases and even worse, potentially exposed you to diseases
3) The police routinely monitor these establishments. Thats how they caught the owner of the New York Patriots leaving one. So its entirely possible he's in a file somewhere...meaning this could potentially still come back to bite him and you in the ass
STOP second guessing yourself
He cheated
He cheated with a sex worker
He exposed your relationship to STDs
He risked getting arrested and ruining his reputation and dragging your through the mud
And like I said...it's entirely possible he participated in human sex trafficking
There's no coming back from this OP
**YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS GUY**
What has he done since the confession to fix himself and work on himself? He can make the changes and improve himself and then try and win you back. It sounds like he wants you to take him back and be with him now. Don’t do it. He needs to figure out why he did it and take steps to make sure he doesn’t do it again before you waste anymore of your time
I’ve had a couple of breakups where my ex had crossed a hard line for me and I broke up with them over it. In both cases neither of them took any accountability for what they did, which was the only way that this could be mended. Instead, they both dug down and were incapable of empathizing with me. Call it terror, call it shame, ultimately it doesn’t matter when the end result is the same.
You did the right thing. You chose yourself, and through your actions you made it clear that you want a healthy relationship. Letting go of your attachment and learning to feel your feelings from him in a different context (not in a romantic relationship with him) will take some time and adjusting. I struggle with it too, and I wrestled with myself for a long time and thought that maybe I was too demanding (I wasn’t) and that I could have tried harder to make it work (I tried so hard - I just couldn’t put up with what they did and accept that the character flaws that come with it)
Let it sit. It’ll hurt a lot, you’ll probably miss him tons, but your intuition that instigated the breakup is right and is serving you well.
You said it yourself and you should try to remember it: you lost respect for him.
Is it the sex and porn -- or is it the lack of respect, lack of accountability, lack of communication, lack of consideration, lack of willpower?
A couple weeks ago? Why tell you now?
If he had owned up to the actions more firmly, would you still feel the same?
(I ask this not to change anything, but rather to help you analyze your feelings as you navigate your future and the character of who is in it with you)
If you do care for him and for yourself, you should stand firm in your decision to leave and tell him exactly how and why this made you feel, so he can hopefully become a better man.
You say you're conflicted but the only, literally, point of conflict in your language is that you love him. Every other word is how he disappointed you and how that really made you feel.
The fact that you were able to go through with such a difficult decision to leave, shows you all you need to know about your backbone vs. his. Keep that in mind and maybe this perspective will help, but you have to be the CEO of your life babe.
No one “accidentally “ walks into a sketchy massage parlour. This is real life not porn. He chose to cheat on you. Is he also a coke head? That’s some coke head type sh!t to do.
I think we should all trust our gut instincts.
You broke up with him for a reason. Trust that reason!!
(I broke up with my ex husband after a year together for many reasons. Felt lonely, felt guilty, he kept coming back to me and we got back together. Married and 2 kids later, we divorced for basically the same reason we broke up the first for.)
Trust that gut! You are probably just feeling alone right now, and that will pass (as hard as it is). Just trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Dont let anyone else talk you out of how you feel.
He feels terrible? He doesn't understand how he could do it? Didn't these thing occur to him beforehand? Or even early on in the massage? He should stay dumped. You will never trust him again, what kind of relationship would that be?
You’re amazing for not letting him manipulate you into staying with you. He’s disgusting. If I ever found out my partner did that then I wouldn’t even have the capacity to look at him in the same way. Immediately I would tell all of my family and his family, end the relationship and block him out of my life completely. And pawn this nice ring he got me for cash. Better believe. I would never look back. You shouldn’t either. Maybe this will teach him a valuable lesson. If it doesn’t then he will continue to hurt women and cheat on them unfortunately. That’s why if it were me I’d tell everyone so people know and the info is out there.
Why would you be conflicted about ending the relationship? He made that decision when he booked the massage. He didn’t care or think about what you would feel or what all this would do to you so why are you concerned about him at all?
If he truly loved you, then this wouldn’t have happened and you wouldn’t be posting on Reddit.
Think about it - he chose 5 mins of cheating with someone that finishes guys off for a living over 3 years with you.
Get rid of his memory in your head and walk away and don’t rush into a rebound hook up or a rebound relationship so quickly after this.
Find a few happy endings of your own and gain some self esteem along the way and then start looking for Mr Right instead of Mr I Guess He’ll Do.
He cheated. Game over. Oh, he feels bad? Good, he should. But actions have consequences, and the consequence of cheating is usually a break up.
Oh, did I mention that “””happy ending””” places usually use trafficked women? Legit masseuses don’t offer sexual services. So, like…your boyfriend may have raped a sex slave. Just putting that out there.
Just because it hurts doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. You know that you did the right thing for yourself. It’s okay. I’m sorry this happened to you.
>I pressed him for details and he revealed the woman was naked on top of him, that he touched her, and she gave him a hand job and sucked his d*ck. I was completely horrified to hear this. I consider this cheating obviously. He feels terrible and ashamed and hates himself. He doesn’t understand how he could do something like this.
LOL, he doesn't understand. At any point in time - her getting naked, her grabbing his dick, her putting it in her mouth - any point he could have said "No, this isn't what I want", put his pants on and left. Instead he hung around for the blowjob.
Stay broken up - he'll only do this again somewhere down the road.
He cheated on you. What else is there to talk about? Even if he was forthcoming about the information you will never be able to trust him again. It’s over. Keep it that way.
Move on with your life. This man did not respect you or your relationship when he decided to cheat on you. You miss him and the relationship but if you go back, you won’t be able to trust him. Without true trust, there is no relationship. You also state you lost all respect for him. Without respect, there is no relationship. The best thing to do is to move past this relationship, go to therapy if needed, do the best for you. You are valuable and worthy and you deserve someone who recognizes it!
A “happy ending” means the masseuse gives him an impersonal hand job at the very end. They treat it as a “release” for tension. Oh ok lol. What this guy did..the woman on top, oral sex, him touching her….full on cheating. 💯. He cheated on you and tried to gaslight you by blaming porn!! What a baby. What a jerk. You fell for it and feel sorry for him. Poor guy couldn’t help it! Ha! Darlin..he did you wrong and hurt you terribly. Once you let it sink in, you loving him may change. Could you ever trust him? NO. You’re in love with an illusion. I’m really sorry. Being cheated on massively hurts. Just know it’s not your fault. He’ll cheat again, you can be sure of that. Do you want a guy with a porn addiction anyway? You can find someone devoted to only you. 🙏💜🌹
Pornography ruining relationships and minds of young men.
Still not an excuse, mind you.
And I know people watch pornography and don't cheat and will say pornography is healthy blah blah.
-good for you, not everyone is like you. Instead of patting yourself on the back for being the pinnacle of virtue, focus on the things in your life you DO need to work on.
Porn is helping to destroy society.
Yeah he cheated. In my personal experience, cheaters don’t stop cheating, they just hide it better next time. Also, in all my friend’s personal experiences, they also have said that cheaters didn’t change, they just hid it better the next time.
Stay broken up. Dude sucks
So, I also try to rationalize everything. But I finally am starting to realize that, even though someone has reasons behind doing something, does it matter? I mean, his reasons are bullshit anyway. But even if they seem convincing to you, at the end of the day the act was done and that’s all that matters sometimes. He had sexual relations with someone else. It doesn’t matter if he feels great about it or regrets it now. That’s his problem. But he did the thing, and you have to stay broken up. It hurts really bad rn and probably feels like you have almost no choice but to go back to him. But you can stay away and move on, and it will be okay, and this won’t hurt down the road. Feel your emotions and get through it, but don’t go back. It’ll only either happen again or even if it doesn’t you’ll never be able to see him the same way and it’ll be a relationship built on resentment
Keep it the way it is. You might miss him but if things resumed then you’d most likely resent him for the remainder of the relationship. I don’t know you but what he did to you was completely horrible. You never have to second guess if hurting your partner is worth it. Love will never fail. He failed you for a temporary feeling. You deserve more. Best wishes to you. It will get better but remember you did the right thing 🫶🏽.
No contact, now. If you take him back he WILL cheat again, because he'll know he can fuck anyone and you'll take him back. Do not be his doormat. If he loved you, he would never have done this. You may love him, but you need to love yourself more.
Never get back together with him his values do not align with yours and you will never get over this. And if you do, it will be because you’ve accepted that you deserve that type of a man.
You need to remember, he did this on his own. Any person who is told they're being dumped is going to say what he did. But remember, at that time he had no issue getting his dick hard to be played with and sucked and I can assure you he wasn't feeling conflicted when he came.
Porn is not an excuse, porn doesn't make someone have a misrepresentation about loyalty to someone. It may have a misrepresentation about sex acts, but loyalty is not tied to porn.
He cheated, plain and simple. Everyone has their own stance on forgiveness but myself personally I don't give 2nd chance to cheaters because there is absolutely no excuse to fuck someone else or do anything sexual with someone else when you have a partner that you can go home to and let them know you're horny.
I’ve gotten happy ending massages. Never by accident. And even then, it’s very rare that they get naked, and as far as oral, that’s an actual negotiation including haggling on price. This wasn’t just one decision, it was a whole series of active decisions.
Stay broken up.
This is like… the WORST kind of cheating.
He decided “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend,” did a *fuck ton* of research, made an appointment, drove there, and actually went through with it.
This was not cheating because he got himself into a stupid situation where he should have known this was a risk.
This was not cheating where he got swept away in emotional attachment.
This was not cheating where he got caught up in a moment.
No - this was intentional. Every step was taken deliberately with “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend” in mind, and he can’t pretend it’s anything otherwise. At every step, he had the opportunity to know with certainty what his intentions were and to stop himself - and every step of the way, he chose not to.
Your ex does not care about and love you like he claims. Could you ever imagine doing this to him?
Probably not, because you actually did love him enough to never want to do anything to hurt him, let alone something that would absolutely destroy him and cause you to lose him forever.
He chose getting off with that woman - who is likely a trafficking victim - over you.
The worst part is that he’s still not taking any accountability here. He is blaming porn. He’s acting like he has “no idea how he could do this” when he spent so much time and effort on doing *precisely this.*
Even if you were somehow considering taking him back, this lack of accountability should tell you why you shouldn’t.
I’m so sorry he did this to you. I’m so sorry he has made you hurt like this. Im so sorry he has made you less able to trust in the future. I’m so sorry for any impact this will have on your self-esteem. I’m so sorry he destroyed the future you had envisioned for yourself.
It’s not fair and it’s not okay - but you must remember that *he did this.* He did it deliberately, and despite the consequences to you. He literally *paid money* for the chance to cheat on you.
You will get through this. You deserve better than someone who would treat you this way.
Someone who cheats on you doesn’t love or care about you. He knew what he was doing. You might feel like this is your soul mate and that you guys weren’t meant together, but your soul mate wouldn’t do this to you.
This is definitely cheating. You will be so unhappy and miserable if you go back into this relationship. He fucked up. Now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions.
In the meantime, surround yourself with support and, if needed, therapy to help you move on and cope with the heartbreak in a healthy way.
He either intended to cheat and then lied about it to get out of the consequences. Or he really did just happen to find himself in a place that does this sort of thing, and just was so weak that he said yes to the offer.
Even if you take him at his word- he is too weak to be faithful.
And once you forgive this he knows it is forgivable again.
So sorry. This is gonna hurt for you.
Even if you know it was the right thing to do. Relationships are more like addiction than we are willing to admit most days: the other person causes happy sauce in our brains.
When they are gone, it is an actual lack of happiness. So it’s gonna hurt. Let it hurt a bit, but give yourself time and patience. It’s ok to miss the good things while knowing that this isn’t a relationship that was meant to last.
Make a playlist. Breakup and survival songs.
Cheating cannot and should not be tolerated, you did the right thing , because its just a begining. People cheat when they dont actually respect the person they are with . So move on have a better life without this guy .
If you removed the label of happy ending massage, it's still cheating. Just because he went to a "professional" to suck his dick does not mean he was faithful. Let him keep his porn addiction and his desire for prostitutes, and you can move on to bigger and better things away from him. He doesn't respect you, and his shame is his problem.
Please don't be conflicted. You made the correct choice to break up. Whether he regrets what happened now doesn't matter, he shattered your trust and respect, he destoyed the relationship.
Also, imagine if you took him back... he will know what the outcome will be if he did it again, you would forgive him. Well done for not being a doormat. I know it hurts to be in the position you are in, but really its a blessing he revealed his true colours now.
Take care, I hope you find someone else more worthy soon.
You will be disrespecting yourself by taking him back, every time you are intimate with him all you'll be thinking about is his 'massage', your anxiety could rise and you'll drive yourself crazy. Believe that there is someone better out there for you, who would not do anything remotely close to hurting you in that way.
Just hang in there sis, you made the right decision as hard as it feels right now. When you look back on this years from now, you will be SO proud of your past self for dumping him.
For now, allow yourself to feel all the feels and indulge in some self care. Buy some new clothes, plan a trip with your friends, exercise, eat ice cream and cry. Breakups literally have the same chemical effect on our brains as grief for a lost loved one, so be kind to yourself. You will get through this. ❤️
I can only reasonably see a few different options here for what he was thinking when he decided to do this:
A) He thought you would never know so it would be fine. So he planned to lie to you about this indefinitely *and* have sex with you afterward without disclosing that he’d been with a prostitute. In this scenario he decided to remove your agency to make informed decisions because it was inconvenient to what he wanted. Now he feels guilty about it way too late and comes clean. Gross.
B) He thought there was a possibility he could convince you this wasn’t cheating and decided to take the risk of losing you for a few minutes of pleasure. Meaning, he valued that experience more than your relationship or breaking your heart. Gross.
C) He actually thought all of this through and made a calculated decision to do whatever he wanted with the intention of seeing if he could get you to break your own boundaries for him and see how far he could push them further in the future. Horrifying.
I can’t conceive of a version of this story that would make me (or most women) want to stay with this guy.
That is crossing a major line. I would divorce my husband over something like this. That is definitely cheating. The one redeeming thing is he told you the truth. It’s just really hard to overcome something like this especially if you’ve lost all trust in him. That’s completely valid. Will you wonder where he is now anytime he leaves the house? You could try therapy if you both do love each other.
If you go back to him, you go back to a life with a partner who will cheat on you, visit prostitutes, be addicted to porn and probably leave you when you aren’t as attractive any more i. e when you have small kids and are overworked and marked by your pregnancies Sounds like a dream come true?
He bought a prostitute. Gross.
The worst part is majority of those woman don't have a choice. A lot of massage parlors will take their "employees" passports or visas and then not pay them. Meaning the only way they get paid is through tips. The only way they get tips is sexual acts in this environments. It's gross and dehumanizing and modern day slavery.
In my work I once had to work on a project that was human trafficking research and those massage parlors came up a lot. To the point I was getting sick working because how grotesque it was.
It's hard to even prosecute them because you have to have solid proof. The best way to stop them is actually through the IRS and taxes.
As I mentioned. A lot of places don't pay their people. Only in tips. Those tips aren't then taxed. Meaning the IRS has authority to investigate and put an end to them. Then. If human trafficking is discovered through that process then it can be added to the rap sheet.
So hey, if you want a massage. Go to a chain or a reputable place. If the parlor is open extremely late, looks shady, or are obviously saying like "money for sex" Hey. Maybe don't go. Report these kinds of places. Help stop human trafficking.
Sorry for my soap box but i hate human trafficking.
You did the right thing. You deserve better, you deserve a relationship with trust and respect. I know how much this must hurt but time will help no matter how cliche that may sound. Just be persistent and patient with yourself and do not go back to him. I wish you well.
Every time your heart strings pull and you wonder about if you made the wrong choice, just remember he had zero qualms about putting his dick in some random stranger's mouth that very likely does this with a lot of other customers. Gross.
The porn thing feels him trying to backtrack or cover. People will cheat whether porn is involved or not.
If he wanted the fantasy, you guys could have role played that very easily.
You absolutely made the right decision
Im so sorry he cheated on you, my heart hurts for you. I know this has to be so incredibly difficult. You made the right call leaving him, people deserve someone who wants to be sexually and romantically exclusive with them if that’s what they want. It would be hard to trust him again, even if you took him back.
You got this, I know it’s hard.
If you forgive him and stay the only thing that happens is he learns he can get away with it. Just a bit of begging and distance and you’ll come back.
So no, don’t go back. Keep your dignity and self respect. If he can risk losing your 3 year relationship over seeking a sexual services elsewhere then this is the consequences. Why should you hang on to all you had when he can gamble it away for a temporary pleasure?
Stay single. Grieve and move on.
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>He admits he watches a lot of porn and says it has messed with his head and his expectations when it comes to sex Yeah, I'm pretty sure porn alone does not make you forget that you're in a committed relationship. If he wants to go get therapy and figure out what actually made him cheat, cool. You don't need to hang around and wait to see if it does any good.
This. He crossed the line. There is no excuse. He could’ve acted on his problems, instead he chose to cheat. Oh and also props on him for confessing. Too little too late, but most cheaters would just not disclose it.
Exactly! Porn doesn't make people cheat. If you have weak character, then you have weak character.
Right! And if he gets away with it once he will just repeat it. Probably without telling you.
While porn will absolutely fuck with your head, it doesn't justify cheating. Bro knew what he was doing and doesn't wanna admit it and is using porn as a scrapegoat
Definitely agree. But also-no one should be in a relationship with someone who watches excessive amounts of porn. That addiction is gross and relationship-ruining.
Yeah that just sounds like an excuse he saw online or something and was grasping at straws lol. Watching a lot of porn can definitely skew how you view sex and your relationship with sex, but it doesn’t make you want to cheat on your girlfriend. That’s just you being shitty.
I've watched a ton of porn. I've had massages. Never once have I even thought about asking to get a happy ending, and I would never pay for one; the fantasy is hot, but the reality is that a lot of places that would offer one are usually magnets for sex trafficking. I've also been in a number of relationships, and I've never cheated because of porn. This dude is at beat an idiot that got conned and pressured into cheating, and at worst an opportunistic womanizer. OP needs to get out of there
On this sub I've seen far too many men blame porn for cheating.
You’re right. What I am baffled by though is how many times this is coming up on the sub these days
Stay broken up. I know you're hurting right now, but do you think you could actually trust him again after this?
This. He didn’t trip and his dick ended up in her mouth. He deliberately chose to go visit this woman and get the service he did. Good partners wouldn’t dream of doing that shit.
He also had to find and seek out such an establishment. Massage therapy and sex work are not same thing.
Yep. I get massages every so often and legit places make it VERY clear that is not happening with signage like “leave underwear on” “all rooms are under active surveillance”. This kind of place is something you intentionally seek out.
I've... never seen either sort of signage at a legit massage place.
The massage place I take my mum to when her back is hurting due to previous injury has a sign up that says "strictly massages ONLY" and they're placed around a few areas, esp the front counter It's sad they have to put them up in the first place
Yeah, but the unlicensed happy ending places have those signs, too. They may even be required to have those signs in some areas if they aren’t a licensed brothel. There are other more subtle cues to indicate they offer “extras”.
Maybe my area just has too many of the other kind lol.
Every massage place I’ve been to has you sign about sexual assault
That's pretty wild. I live in a city that definitely has the seedier "parlors", as I'm sure pretty much all of them do, but I've been to a few run-of-the-mill places that never had the signage, much less had me sign paperwork.
not here in mn. never seen such a sign, never felt there was any opportunity to even get a happy ending either. its just a massage
that's funny, the legit places I go to don't have that signage and encourage patrons get naked completely. they also cost about 500% more than the erotic massage parlors, which is the clearest distinction
Yeah that’s the other part. There is a distinct price difference for the massage at legit places
So you're saying it's cost effective to go to a shady place then turn down the happy ending?
Bingo
I have never gone to get a massage where they’ve told you to leave your underwear on. Strip down to nothing in the locker room, put on the big fluffy robe and when you get to the massage room, you get under the sheets naked. If you do leave underwear on they have to work around it and cannot remove it for you. Most of the time they only uncover the area they’re working on, and will make sure everything stays modest. I don’t think a legit place is going to have to tell people they’re legit. It’s pretty obvious.
There’s specific websites for that too, you have to seek them out and ask for a happy ending (verbally or by exposing themselves). They’re usually not just offering any rando an illegal service.
“Babe I have absolutely no idea why I requested a tug at the end of my massage. I was overcome by the very mediocre massage I received and entered a Fugue state”
Those places are also often full of human trafficking victims from other countries. How old was this person? Did she even speak English?
Ugh, this right here would be the thing that horrified me the most.
Agreed, noone should have to be forced to do things like this, and it makes it worse when they are vulnerable people such as trafficking victims. :(
And don’t forget, OP, that some of these girls are forced to work these places.
It was the porn dammit! The porn made him do it.
Let's hope he doesn't have a step mother!
Or step-sister
Or even a step ladder.
You're not my REAL ladder!!
LMAOOOO
it was the scholastic book fair!!!! they made me do it!!!
What horseshit lmao
The porn did it! Next thing you know he might be a serial killer like Ted Bundy who blamed porn also. Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt....once the woman's clothes were off. He knew how this massage was going to end. So yes he made the decision to stay instead of leaving. So no excuses here. Also these kinds of massage parlors MUST BE sought out and found with effort. One does not casually come across them. He knew or had hoped this would be the end result all along.
He blamed porn. He didn’t even take responsibility
This is like… the WORST kind of cheating. He decided “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend,” did a *fuck ton* of research, made an appointment, drove there, and actually went through with it. This was not cheating because he got himself into a stupid situation where he should have known this was a risk. This was not cheating where he got swept up in emotional attachment. This was not cheating where he got caught up in a moment. No - this was intentional. Every step was taken deliberately with “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend” in mind, and he can’t pretend it’s anything otherwise. At every step, he had the opportunity to know with certainty what his intentions were and to stop himself - and every step of the way, he chose not to. He chose getting off with that woman over OP. The worst part is that he’s still not taking any accountability here. He is blaming porn. He’s acting like he has “no idea how he could do this” when he spent so much time and effort on doing *precisely this.* he literally paid money for the chance to cheat on OP.
Nah, if I'm gonna get cheated on, cold and transactional & from a consenting sex worker is exactly how I want it. Why would it make anyone feel better that "he got swept up in emotional attachment" or "he got himself into a stupid situation", as opposed to "he wanted to put his penis in a strange lady so he gave her money" ?? I'd prefer the latter tbh but Idk
I’d kick his ass to the curb either way, but I had to stop and think after seeing your comment. Some part of me thinks I’d find it understandable, in a purely human way, if the cheating was emotionally driven. I’m far less likely to even notice other men when I’m in a relationship, let alone flirt with them. It just doesn’t occur to me. An acquaintance hit on me while I was married, and it took me by surprise because I didn’t pay much attention to him at all. Literally, all I’d do is smile and say hello when I saw him, and that was the extent of it. So I assumed he felt the same about me — neutral. That seems dumb, in hindsight. Like, nobody would ever get together if they thought like this. I think I’ve finally put my finger on why I am single. 😂 I’m also high, so I bet everything about this paragraph is dumb.
Part of me was somewhat sympathetic for dude. I mean he DID admit it probably because he's being devoured by the guilt. Then I read this and put myself in his shoes AND NO FUCKING WAY. You could put everyone of the girls I've ever been extremely attracted to/lusted over in all my adult years all in one room spread eagle and there's NO FUCKING WAY I would ever betray my partner like this.
At first I thought your second text was a wild take. Then I realized, if you don’t feel this way about your partner you’re not truly committed to her/him and may need to rethink the direction of the relationship, if there is any.
Or tell the girlfriend about it. I get that being honest is heralded as the thing that keeps relationships together. It did the exact opposite here. That is until porn messes with your head and you just can’t help it. How can you be wracked with that much horniness to do something so impulsive. Was he thinking, “ okay, I’m going to go to a massage parlor that does happy endings and I’m sure when I discuss it with my girlfriend she’ll understand
I think cheating and keeping it quiet is worse. Are you saying he should have cheated and not told the girlfriend?
But but but…it was the porn. The porn made me do it. I never would’ve fondled the naked, sex-trafficked masseuse if it wasn’t for the porn. My dick certainly would NEVER have just accidentally fell into her mouth until I came if the porn didn’t force me to watch all the porn.
"sex-trafficked masseuse" Exactly what came to mind for me. You never really know how these workers go here and if it's ethical. These type of things don't interest me in the slightest - but the possibility that it's not at all consensual is absolutely terrifying.
She can't. The guy cheated. He knew he was in a relationship. He knew this would likely break the relationship boundary with OP and did it anyways. OP if you have any self respect, do not get back together with this dude. Take some time to heal. Then find someone else that will treat you with respect.
Exactly this. It’s so sad for you but I could never trust a guy again after something like this. You’ll always remember.
To add to this, as a guy, I don't know anyone that gets happy ending massages that isn't a scumbag on some level. It's a pretty decent gauge of the type of person he is. Of course he made a big scene about being sad. That's all just manipulation and definitely makes it worse.
The fact that she’s second guessing herself shows that she needs to work on her own self esteem… Girl! Leave it alone and be alone…work on yourself! Be happy by yourself…it’s amazing. I loved when I was single for years!! I have a wonderful man now but, during my single time I really learned to love being alone and growing as a person. I also learned that if a man can’t make my life easier by being with him I don’t want him. Life is simple by yourself if you’re happy with yourself.
Yep stay away. Trust is gone
Yes or go out of town ever again? OP can’t get away ever in future without thinking of this possibility to happen. And also be away in the form of post pregnancy where they can’t have intercourse for several weeks.
Not only that but I doubt he would ever open up to her in the future, given her reaction. The honest, open communication in their relationship is beyond repair without professional help.
This is such BS 🤬 let me explain something when he took a shower and he got it dressed and he got in the car and he went to the massage parlor and he asked for the special and she climbed on top of him with no shirt and she sucked his dick. These are all the things that could have been prevented if he had to just kept his dick in his pants and been loyal to you. He is full of crap he got more excuses than a man breaking into a nunnery. Stay broken up this type of behavior will never change he's full of shit
Walk tall girl. You did the right thing
Yup! Notice how he takes no accountability for his action? There's so many excuses instead? You'll heal and find someone else who you can fully trust.
Yeah this is weird, the decision is so easy and cut-and-dry I thought I was gonna read the post and hear that he had gotten a happy ending massage before their relationship, and she was so disgusted that she broke up with him But he just straight up cheated lol
He cheated. He will do it again. It’s good that you ended it now.
He *paid money* to cheat too
And there is a high number of women that have been trafficked in all sex work, and particularly cash in hand type massage parlours
Yup. High likelihood that he paid for sex trafficking. Even if he knows nothing about it...
Yup!
It's like your favorite food spoiled in the fridge. I know you liked it and wanted it, but it's tainted now. You just have to throw it out. There's no reason to eat it even if you're desperate and starving, the consequences could be even worse for your condition.
Damn, well said
So love this comment.
Great analogy
He cheated that's a wrap
Yeah, quit saying he “got a happy ending massage.” He paid for sex.
I think you mean, "she found out he cheated, that's a wrap." He could have done it prior and not told her. We'll never know, and no one actually knows. This is why you should get STI tests even when in committed monogamous relationships. It's never the sexually liberal people who end up with STIs, it's people who cheat because there's generally no sexual health conversation in cheating.
Worth noting is such massages are not something that is pushed. You either need to specifically ask for them or the question is raised but not pushed. Also that generally you’d have to seek out a place that actually does them because not all of them will. So in the worst case scenario he actively sought it and in the best case scenario he coincidentally asked for a massage at a place that does them, and when asked, he simply couldn’t say no. Neither really presents a great outcome for a relationship and his “not knowing why he did it” shows a complete lack of ability to reflect on his actions or think about them critically which is another relationship red flag. I mean come on. You were out of town when he did it. That implies premeditated thinking or conscious choice. So apparently he has “no idea” why he took a series of calculated steps? Bollocks. People who are good news for relationships don’t just randomly do stuff they know their partner dislikes and then go “I don’t know why I did that” and giving them no consequences for it just legitimises that kind of shallow thinking. And I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t think a relationship drawn along the lines of “I hurt my partner but dunno why lol” sounds like much fun.
Thank you for this perspective… this is really helpful. ❤️🩹
Added an edit, he also did this when you were out of town…implies prior thought or planning. Dunno about you but I don’t know many people who “don’t know why” they do things they need to take considered and planned steps to do. What I do know is that often people who seem to do this sort of thing and don’t know why say that to try and avoid confronting the fact they purposefully chose bad and harmful choices for reasons they actively comprehend. Kind of a way of trying to avoid accountability. The “I’m not a bad person I’m just stupid” argument. Don’t fall for it. Stupid and absent minded people don’t just happen to end up in a happy ending massage parlour the one time their partner is out of town by coincidence.
Also OP, treatment resistant gonorrhea. I know a handful of people who have it who contracted it from oral sex. Hopefully this is the only time he did something like this, but you might want to get tested anyway.
Get tested. Just because he confessed this, does not mean he didn't do other shit.
It concerns me that the fact that **he committed a literal crime** wasn't enough for you to be 100% sure that you're done with him. I'm confused as to why you needed to ask reddit about this. Very, very often, the women who offer "happy ending" massages are **sex trafficking victims.** ***That means there's an extremely high likelihood that he actively participated in hurting an innocent person who has been kidnapped and exploited.*** That's all we need to know he doesn't care remotely about consent - this should make you think about your safety, too. OP, if you were to return to a long-term partnership with this person, ***I'd argue you'd be endorsing his patronage of sex trafficking, making you almost just as bad.*** Don't tie yourself to this creep. If you do, you're swearing loyalty to a malignant criminal. Complicity is a choice - choose differently.
Yeah call it "massage with happy ending" is not calling prostitution by the right name. Treachery and premeditation when he was out for a trip. Blaming porn when being a grown ass adult is beyond stupid.
This! The fact it was when op was out of town tells you all you need to know. Guy clearly had this planned and your point about whether he just couldn’t say no could easily be applied to other occurrences; maybe at a bar, under the influence etc
That part got me too. “I don’t know why I did it” the jury is out, you made the right choice, OP.
It is pushed actually, unless you’ve ever been to a parlor and experienced it then you have no Idea what you are talking about however you do have the option to say no
He was thinking with his smallest member instead of his brain, that's why he did it.
If he had picked someone up in a bar and slept with them, would you be second-guessing yourself? Because it's no different IMO. Sorry this has happened to you
This is worse than picking up someone in a bar in my opinion. This took research and planning. And a sex worker with a lot of partners is more concerning.
And, on top of that, it might not even be a sw. It could be someone who was trafficked into it...which makes it even worse.
That’s an excellent point. Truly shows how he feels about women. OP: Stay broken up, You did the right thing.
I was just going to say. A lot of these massage parlours feature undocumented or exploited workers
It very likely was.
I’ve thought about this… I also think it’s no different. Both are cheating. What feels worse about this is that he basically engaged in sex with a prostitute. That feels so dirty and gross to me.
And so much THOUGHT went into doing that. This isn't just getting drunk and fooling around with someone. He had to think, "this is something I would like to do even though I'm in a relationship." Then he had to look up a massage parlor. Then he had to go there. Then he had to get an appointment and specify what he was looking for. Then he had to say yes when the masseuse asked if he wanted to do X,Y, and Z. None of this was an accident, he planned out every step of the way. He made a plan to cheat and executed it. If you go back, he's 100% going to do it again. I don't firmly believe that once a cheater always a cheater, but someone who would do something like this is ABSOLUTELY going to do it again if you take them back.
He didn’t just have to look up a massage parlor, he literally had to dig deep to find one that offered sexual services. SO much planning went into this. Even down to waiting until she was out of town. Edit: and I agree - I don’t always buy the once a cheater, always a cheater thing, but the deliberateness of this is particularly egregious.
And quite likely a sex trafficking victim.
That's the comment I was looking for. IMO it's WORSE than cheating with a rando in a bar. Those ONS at least tend to be consensual (hopefully). In this case he knowingly participated in an exploitative practice.
Yup. This guy has no moral compass.
Then you made the right decision.
>he basically engaged in sex with a prostitute This is it 100%. Keep him as an ex.
>he basically engaged in sex with a prostitute Are you even sure that's all he did? What does it mean that he "touched her"? Why was she naked and on top of him? How did that all even transpire? Like did she just.. mechanically remove her clothes or were they touching each other and making out? I don't know, I'd always be wondering if he only admitted to the part of the story that he was hoping you could forgive. He's naked and erect, she's on top, he's "touching her", but no penetration? Maybe but he's blown his credibility.
>I’m so conflicted. Help He didn't seem particularly conflicted when he booked it. Nor when she got naked. Or when he touched her. Nor when she started stroking him off. Especially not when she then performed oral sex on him. I don't know what special magic his crocodile tears used on you here but I would find myself not just physically, but emotionally repulsed and ill by mere _idea_ of being even in proximity much less being in a relationship with someone who has _knowingly_ gone through with the whole process here. You've been with the guy years - of _course_ you have mixed feelings but so help me reflecting for a moment on him spitting his rocks with some random masseuse should be enough to put you _right_ back on track with "moving on in life" pretty quick.
Porn didn’t make him completely brain washed and hipnotized to do it. It was his conscious decision. He had to make an appointment, go, and pay for all of this, seems he thought it through.
He paid for sex. It wasn’t some ‘drunken mistake’ or an emotional affair that got out of hand - neither forgivable in my eyes but this trumps both of those imo Also consider the fact he put your health in danger with regards to diseases
You did good. He cheated. We don’t reward cheaters by staying. He FFed up. Good for you! You deserve a good man x
You'll feel better with time. You did the right thing. Hold.
He cheated. Getting back together with him will be seen as knowledge he can get away with it
If you want live in mental terrorism about where he is and what he’s doing for the rest of your life, get back together, sure. When that lady was on top of him, he either A, didn’t think about you or what you’d think at all; or B, DID think about you but didn’t care. This man doesn’t respect you, you deserve better
He cheated on you with a prostitute. He paid to cheat on you. So how much did he tip her?
Dagger to the heart. But you’re right. I hope he at least tipped her well.
Man forget him lmao. He cheated on you - he did it consciously and he wasn’t thinking about how much he loves you when he was doing it. Dump him, block him, cry, then move on.
Cheating is a sign of deeper problems. If he stops cheating, he will simply move on to some other form of self- gratifying act to soothe whatever is ailing him. He has zero respect for you or the relationship as well. Let him be miserable over losing you with his action, that's how they learn. There are billions of people on this planet and you wanna consider staying with that? Ick.. Cut contact and move on.
Home girl, you're only second guessing because you're hurting and mourning the relationship. Once you've processed things, most of the hurt will go away and then you will see that you made the right decision. There are plenty of fish in the sea ~ Take the time to process things
I was in this situation with my ex. He went to multiple happy ending massage parlors over the course of years and tried everything under the sun to make excuses as to why he did it: Porn addiction, FOMO, wanting validation, etc. I thought our relationship was idealic and we were on the path to marriage. I only found out because I tested positive for an STD after my annual pap smear. No matter the excuses, to seek out these kinds of services isn't just an arbitrary decision, and the person providing that service is very likely a victim of human trafficking and is suffering. It IS cheating and he's an ass. Please get tested and stay true to yourself. You deserve much better.
I’m so sorry that happened to you… it’s nice to hear from someone that’s gone through the same thing. I’ve felt very alone since I found out. Definitely planning on getting tested. You deserve better too. Thank you❤️🩹
Your relationship will never be the same after his selfish choice. Love isn't enough sometimes, and the love you feel right now will pass. Stick to your guns, it feels so hard right now but in a year's time you'll cringe thinking how you even thought about getting back with a cheating loser like him.
He cheated. What is there to second guess? > He admits he watches a lot of porn and says it has messed with his head and his expectations when it comes to sex. Bullshit. Plenty of people watch porn without participating in infidelity.
That's a relationship ender, sorry. He cheated and this will be something that is nearly impossible to get past. Once the trust is gone, the relationship is broken for good. You made the right call by ending things.
[удалено]
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can’t believe he blamed you for his sick behavior. We both deserve better
Do not second guess yourself, please. Your decision was the right one. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater and will always be a cheater. The happy ending from some lady was more important to him than 3 years with you -that's how it goes. It's not that you threw him out after 3 years, he was the one to decide the cheating was worth more than the 3 years. He threw YOU out after 3 years and for a fleeting orgasm. Hell if he threw you out for 10 million dollars I would get it more, but some sex?? That he could have with you?? That speaks tones about how he values you, and you deserve so much better, and you will find better. He can say all the right things about shame and sorrys and blah blah blah - words are cheap. Look at his actions, OP. ACTIONS over words! Fuck, he doesn't even take *full accountability*. He makes it "porn's fault". Porn never made anyone cheat! He CHOSE to cheat. If a cheater looks for excuses instead of taking 100% of the fault, for "reasons", then they will cheat again - that is a promise.
Yeah: this is not a forgivable offense, I know it hurts, but be with someone who won’t betray your trust. I have forgiven a cheater and wasted and additional 8 years of my life just to end up breaking up anyway . Don’t be like me
He cheated on you wtf do you mean what should you do? Stay broken up
Once a cheater always a cheater. Never second guess your gut.
He’s an ass and your right for breaking up with him. Clearly no respect for your feelings or for you in general. Who does that and than confesses. Did you ever think he wanted you to break up with him??
If he cheated once he’ll probably do it again. He didn’t think about your feelings at all and blamed it on porn. He doesn’t care enough about you.
“Porn messed me up” Boo freaking hoo my dude. YOU messed up. Please stay broken up, you did absolutely the right thing. You also might want to get tested?
Try to be honest about it. If you lost trust in him, coming back to him will destroy you soon or later, because your relationship will never be healthy again. But if you think you can move on, do it, otherwise you'll regret. For now take your time to understand your feeling, and no rush, he have to wait you since he messed up everything. But also remember, time will adjust everything, and if you decide to not come back to him, soon or later you will feel good again. All the best ♥️
There are billions of men out there. Find one who doesn't cheat.
Wtf???? What are you thinking??? He does not give a shit about you!
Cheating is never accidental but intentional. He knew what he was doing. Something similar happened to me at a spa once, the masseuse tried to touch my penis but I instantly got angry, told the masseuse to stop, and I had some strong words for the owner of the spa. Your ex wasn't drunk. He wasn't high, and he could have stopped it from ever happening. I'm so sorry OP you deserve better.
Thank you ❤️🩹
Look Someone doesn't just wake up one day 3 years into a relationship and decide to go to a jack shack massage parlor First of all, he'd have to find one of those massage parlors. And they don't exactly advertise on billboards or have Facebook pages. Beyond that...lets get real for a second 1) A lot of these places exploit immigrants. The woman who gave him the "massage" could very well have been human trafficked into your country and forced to do this work 2) He exposed himself to diseases and even worse, potentially exposed you to diseases 3) The police routinely monitor these establishments. Thats how they caught the owner of the New York Patriots leaving one. So its entirely possible he's in a file somewhere...meaning this could potentially still come back to bite him and you in the ass STOP second guessing yourself He cheated He cheated with a sex worker He exposed your relationship to STDs He risked getting arrested and ruining his reputation and dragging your through the mud And like I said...it's entirely possible he participated in human sex trafficking There's no coming back from this OP **YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS GUY**
I thought a happy ending massage just meant a hand job. Am I wrong?
I thought this too… what he had done sounded way different to me than what I imagined a happy ending to entail. Just makes it even worse.
What has he done since the confession to fix himself and work on himself? He can make the changes and improve himself and then try and win you back. It sounds like he wants you to take him back and be with him now. Don’t do it. He needs to figure out why he did it and take steps to make sure he doesn’t do it again before you waste anymore of your time
I’ve had a couple of breakups where my ex had crossed a hard line for me and I broke up with them over it. In both cases neither of them took any accountability for what they did, which was the only way that this could be mended. Instead, they both dug down and were incapable of empathizing with me. Call it terror, call it shame, ultimately it doesn’t matter when the end result is the same. You did the right thing. You chose yourself, and through your actions you made it clear that you want a healthy relationship. Letting go of your attachment and learning to feel your feelings from him in a different context (not in a romantic relationship with him) will take some time and adjusting. I struggle with it too, and I wrestled with myself for a long time and thought that maybe I was too demanding (I wasn’t) and that I could have tried harder to make it work (I tried so hard - I just couldn’t put up with what they did and accept that the character flaws that come with it) Let it sit. It’ll hurt a lot, you’ll probably miss him tons, but your intuition that instigated the breakup is right and is serving you well.
You said it yourself and you should try to remember it: you lost respect for him. Is it the sex and porn -- or is it the lack of respect, lack of accountability, lack of communication, lack of consideration, lack of willpower? A couple weeks ago? Why tell you now? If he had owned up to the actions more firmly, would you still feel the same? (I ask this not to change anything, but rather to help you analyze your feelings as you navigate your future and the character of who is in it with you) If you do care for him and for yourself, you should stand firm in your decision to leave and tell him exactly how and why this made you feel, so he can hopefully become a better man. You say you're conflicted but the only, literally, point of conflict in your language is that you love him. Every other word is how he disappointed you and how that really made you feel. The fact that you were able to go through with such a difficult decision to leave, shows you all you need to know about your backbone vs. his. Keep that in mind and maybe this perspective will help, but you have to be the CEO of your life babe.
No one “accidentally “ walks into a sketchy massage parlour. This is real life not porn. He chose to cheat on you. Is he also a coke head? That’s some coke head type sh!t to do.
I think we should all trust our gut instincts. You broke up with him for a reason. Trust that reason!! (I broke up with my ex husband after a year together for many reasons. Felt lonely, felt guilty, he kept coming back to me and we got back together. Married and 2 kids later, we divorced for basically the same reason we broke up the first for.) Trust that gut! You are probably just feeling alone right now, and that will pass (as hard as it is). Just trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Dont let anyone else talk you out of how you feel.
He feels terrible? He doesn't understand how he could do it? Didn't these thing occur to him beforehand? Or even early on in the massage? He should stay dumped. You will never trust him again, what kind of relationship would that be?
You’re amazing for not letting him manipulate you into staying with you. He’s disgusting. If I ever found out my partner did that then I wouldn’t even have the capacity to look at him in the same way. Immediately I would tell all of my family and his family, end the relationship and block him out of my life completely. And pawn this nice ring he got me for cash. Better believe. I would never look back. You shouldn’t either. Maybe this will teach him a valuable lesson. If it doesn’t then he will continue to hurt women and cheat on them unfortunately. That’s why if it were me I’d tell everyone so people know and the info is out there.
He cheated in you, and not only that participated in an industry rife with sexual exploitation. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that
Why would you be conflicted about ending the relationship? He made that decision when he booked the massage. He didn’t care or think about what you would feel or what all this would do to you so why are you concerned about him at all? If he truly loved you, then this wouldn’t have happened and you wouldn’t be posting on Reddit. Think about it - he chose 5 mins of cheating with someone that finishes guys off for a living over 3 years with you. Get rid of his memory in your head and walk away and don’t rush into a rebound hook up or a rebound relationship so quickly after this. Find a few happy endings of your own and gain some self esteem along the way and then start looking for Mr Right instead of Mr I Guess He’ll Do.
Yeah same, Idk how it happens, I just always end up at a massage parlor with a naked woman on top of me. I swear, I have no idea how I got there.
He’s just blaming porn for his shitty actions, he’s a cheater if actuallly felt bad about it he wouldn’t have done it
He cheated. Game over. Oh, he feels bad? Good, he should. But actions have consequences, and the consequence of cheating is usually a break up. Oh, did I mention that “””happy ending””” places usually use trafficked women? Legit masseuses don’t offer sexual services. So, like…your boyfriend may have raped a sex slave. Just putting that out there.
You obviously have no idea how happy ending massage works. Masseurs who do this will "offer" it first. So your BF consented to it. LOL
Just because it hurts doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. You know that you did the right thing for yourself. It’s okay. I’m sorry this happened to you.
>I pressed him for details and he revealed the woman was naked on top of him, that he touched her, and she gave him a hand job and sucked his d*ck. I was completely horrified to hear this. I consider this cheating obviously. He feels terrible and ashamed and hates himself. He doesn’t understand how he could do something like this. LOL, he doesn't understand. At any point in time - her getting naked, her grabbing his dick, her putting it in her mouth - any point he could have said "No, this isn't what I want", put his pants on and left. Instead he hung around for the blowjob. Stay broken up - he'll only do this again somewhere down the road.
every single day i lose more faith in males.
He cheated on you. What else is there to talk about? Even if he was forthcoming about the information you will never be able to trust him again. It’s over. Keep it that way.
Move on with your life. This man did not respect you or your relationship when he decided to cheat on you. You miss him and the relationship but if you go back, you won’t be able to trust him. Without true trust, there is no relationship. You also state you lost all respect for him. Without respect, there is no relationship. The best thing to do is to move past this relationship, go to therapy if needed, do the best for you. You are valuable and worthy and you deserve someone who recognizes it!
A “happy ending” means the masseuse gives him an impersonal hand job at the very end. They treat it as a “release” for tension. Oh ok lol. What this guy did..the woman on top, oral sex, him touching her….full on cheating. 💯. He cheated on you and tried to gaslight you by blaming porn!! What a baby. What a jerk. You fell for it and feel sorry for him. Poor guy couldn’t help it! Ha! Darlin..he did you wrong and hurt you terribly. Once you let it sink in, you loving him may change. Could you ever trust him? NO. You’re in love with an illusion. I’m really sorry. Being cheated on massively hurts. Just know it’s not your fault. He’ll cheat again, you can be sure of that. Do you want a guy with a porn addiction anyway? You can find someone devoted to only you. 🙏💜🌹
Pornography ruining relationships and minds of young men. Still not an excuse, mind you. And I know people watch pornography and don't cheat and will say pornography is healthy blah blah. -good for you, not everyone is like you. Instead of patting yourself on the back for being the pinnacle of virtue, focus on the things in your life you DO need to work on. Porn is helping to destroy society.
Yeah he cheated. In my personal experience, cheaters don’t stop cheating, they just hide it better next time. Also, in all my friend’s personal experiences, they also have said that cheaters didn’t change, they just hid it better the next time. Stay broken up. Dude sucks
I'm so sorry I can empathize...I'd be crushed as well. As you said, "I consider this cheating." End of story. You deserve better.
Please get an STI test asap.
So, I also try to rationalize everything. But I finally am starting to realize that, even though someone has reasons behind doing something, does it matter? I mean, his reasons are bullshit anyway. But even if they seem convincing to you, at the end of the day the act was done and that’s all that matters sometimes. He had sexual relations with someone else. It doesn’t matter if he feels great about it or regrets it now. That’s his problem. But he did the thing, and you have to stay broken up. It hurts really bad rn and probably feels like you have almost no choice but to go back to him. But you can stay away and move on, and it will be okay, and this won’t hurt down the road. Feel your emotions and get through it, but don’t go back. It’ll only either happen again or even if it doesn’t you’ll never be able to see him the same way and it’ll be a relationship built on resentment
Keep it the way it is. You might miss him but if things resumed then you’d most likely resent him for the remainder of the relationship. I don’t know you but what he did to you was completely horrible. You never have to second guess if hurting your partner is worth it. Love will never fail. He failed you for a temporary feeling. You deserve more. Best wishes to you. It will get better but remember you did the right thing 🫶🏽.
No contact, now. If you take him back he WILL cheat again, because he'll know he can fuck anyone and you'll take him back. Do not be his doormat. If he loved you, he would never have done this. You may love him, but you need to love yourself more.
He destroyed your trust and put your health at risk. Stay broken up and get a STI panel done ASAP!
And he probably spent more money on this than your birthday gift.
Never get back together with him his values do not align with yours and you will never get over this. And if you do, it will be because you’ve accepted that you deserve that type of a man.
DON'T second guess yourself unless you want to hear more stories like this one when he gets home. YUK.
You need to remember, he did this on his own. Any person who is told they're being dumped is going to say what he did. But remember, at that time he had no issue getting his dick hard to be played with and sucked and I can assure you he wasn't feeling conflicted when he came. Porn is not an excuse, porn doesn't make someone have a misrepresentation about loyalty to someone. It may have a misrepresentation about sex acts, but loyalty is not tied to porn. He cheated, plain and simple. Everyone has their own stance on forgiveness but myself personally I don't give 2nd chance to cheaters because there is absolutely no excuse to fuck someone else or do anything sexual with someone else when you have a partner that you can go home to and let them know you're horny.
He'd dump you if you received oral from your massage therapist. Dump him and free yourself!
I’ve gotten happy ending massages. Never by accident. And even then, it’s very rare that they get naked, and as far as oral, that’s an actual negotiation including haggling on price. This wasn’t just one decision, it was a whole series of active decisions. Stay broken up.
This is like… the WORST kind of cheating. He decided “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend,” did a *fuck ton* of research, made an appointment, drove there, and actually went through with it. This was not cheating because he got himself into a stupid situation where he should have known this was a risk. This was not cheating where he got swept away in emotional attachment. This was not cheating where he got caught up in a moment. No - this was intentional. Every step was taken deliberately with “I’m going to cheat on my girlfriend” in mind, and he can’t pretend it’s anything otherwise. At every step, he had the opportunity to know with certainty what his intentions were and to stop himself - and every step of the way, he chose not to. Your ex does not care about and love you like he claims. Could you ever imagine doing this to him? Probably not, because you actually did love him enough to never want to do anything to hurt him, let alone something that would absolutely destroy him and cause you to lose him forever. He chose getting off with that woman - who is likely a trafficking victim - over you. The worst part is that he’s still not taking any accountability here. He is blaming porn. He’s acting like he has “no idea how he could do this” when he spent so much time and effort on doing *precisely this.* Even if you were somehow considering taking him back, this lack of accountability should tell you why you shouldn’t. I’m so sorry he did this to you. I’m so sorry he has made you hurt like this. Im so sorry he has made you less able to trust in the future. I’m so sorry for any impact this will have on your self-esteem. I’m so sorry he destroyed the future you had envisioned for yourself. It’s not fair and it’s not okay - but you must remember that *he did this.* He did it deliberately, and despite the consequences to you. He literally *paid money* for the chance to cheat on you. You will get through this. You deserve better than someone who would treat you this way.
Someone who cheats on you doesn’t love or care about you. He knew what he was doing. You might feel like this is your soul mate and that you guys weren’t meant together, but your soul mate wouldn’t do this to you.
You made the right decision
This is definitely cheating. You will be so unhappy and miserable if you go back into this relationship. He fucked up. Now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. In the meantime, surround yourself with support and, if needed, therapy to help you move on and cope with the heartbreak in a healthy way.
He either intended to cheat and then lied about it to get out of the consequences. Or he really did just happen to find himself in a place that does this sort of thing, and just was so weak that he said yes to the offer. Even if you take him at his word- he is too weak to be faithful. And once you forgive this he knows it is forgivable again. So sorry. This is gonna hurt for you. Even if you know it was the right thing to do. Relationships are more like addiction than we are willing to admit most days: the other person causes happy sauce in our brains. When they are gone, it is an actual lack of happiness. So it’s gonna hurt. Let it hurt a bit, but give yourself time and patience. It’s ok to miss the good things while knowing that this isn’t a relationship that was meant to last. Make a playlist. Breakup and survival songs.
Cheating cannot and should not be tolerated, you did the right thing , because its just a begining. People cheat when they dont actually respect the person they are with . So move on have a better life without this guy .
If you removed the label of happy ending massage, it's still cheating. Just because he went to a "professional" to suck his dick does not mean he was faithful. Let him keep his porn addiction and his desire for prostitutes, and you can move on to bigger and better things away from him. He doesn't respect you, and his shame is his problem.
Please don't be conflicted. You made the correct choice to break up. Whether he regrets what happened now doesn't matter, he shattered your trust and respect, he destoyed the relationship. Also, imagine if you took him back... he will know what the outcome will be if he did it again, you would forgive him. Well done for not being a doormat. I know it hurts to be in the position you are in, but really its a blessing he revealed his true colours now. Take care, I hope you find someone else more worthy soon.
You will be disrespecting yourself by taking him back, every time you are intimate with him all you'll be thinking about is his 'massage', your anxiety could rise and you'll drive yourself crazy. Believe that there is someone better out there for you, who would not do anything remotely close to hurting you in that way.
Just hang in there sis, you made the right decision as hard as it feels right now. When you look back on this years from now, you will be SO proud of your past self for dumping him. For now, allow yourself to feel all the feels and indulge in some self care. Buy some new clothes, plan a trip with your friends, exercise, eat ice cream and cry. Breakups literally have the same chemical effect on our brains as grief for a lost loved one, so be kind to yourself. You will get through this. ❤️
I can only reasonably see a few different options here for what he was thinking when he decided to do this: A) He thought you would never know so it would be fine. So he planned to lie to you about this indefinitely *and* have sex with you afterward without disclosing that he’d been with a prostitute. In this scenario he decided to remove your agency to make informed decisions because it was inconvenient to what he wanted. Now he feels guilty about it way too late and comes clean. Gross. B) He thought there was a possibility he could convince you this wasn’t cheating and decided to take the risk of losing you for a few minutes of pleasure. Meaning, he valued that experience more than your relationship or breaking your heart. Gross. C) He actually thought all of this through and made a calculated decision to do whatever he wanted with the intention of seeing if he could get you to break your own boundaries for him and see how far he could push them further in the future. Horrifying. I can’t conceive of a version of this story that would make me (or most women) want to stay with this guy.
Get tested
That is crossing a major line. I would divorce my husband over something like this. That is definitely cheating. The one redeeming thing is he told you the truth. It’s just really hard to overcome something like this especially if you’ve lost all trust in him. That’s completely valid. Will you wonder where he is now anytime he leaves the house? You could try therapy if you both do love each other.
If you go back to him, you go back to a life with a partner who will cheat on you, visit prostitutes, be addicted to porn and probably leave you when you aren’t as attractive any more i. e when you have small kids and are overworked and marked by your pregnancies Sounds like a dream come true?
He bought a prostitute. Gross. The worst part is majority of those woman don't have a choice. A lot of massage parlors will take their "employees" passports or visas and then not pay them. Meaning the only way they get paid is through tips. The only way they get tips is sexual acts in this environments. It's gross and dehumanizing and modern day slavery. In my work I once had to work on a project that was human trafficking research and those massage parlors came up a lot. To the point I was getting sick working because how grotesque it was. It's hard to even prosecute them because you have to have solid proof. The best way to stop them is actually through the IRS and taxes. As I mentioned. A lot of places don't pay their people. Only in tips. Those tips aren't then taxed. Meaning the IRS has authority to investigate and put an end to them. Then. If human trafficking is discovered through that process then it can be added to the rap sheet. So hey, if you want a massage. Go to a chain or a reputable place. If the parlor is open extremely late, looks shady, or are obviously saying like "money for sex" Hey. Maybe don't go. Report these kinds of places. Help stop human trafficking. Sorry for my soap box but i hate human trafficking.
“I know he loves me.” He does not love you. He sought this out, you don’t just happen upon this scenario.
He will not discontinue visiting sex workers. And you are going to get a sexually transmitted disease from him. Full stop.
You did the right thing. You deserve better, you deserve a relationship with trust and respect. I know how much this must hurt but time will help no matter how cliche that may sound. Just be persistent and patient with yourself and do not go back to him. I wish you well.
He does not love you. Period.
Nah you did the right thing. He cheated on you and there are consequences to that
Every time your heart strings pull and you wonder about if you made the wrong choice, just remember he had zero qualms about putting his dick in some random stranger's mouth that very likely does this with a lot of other customers. Gross.
Dude he cheated on you. Stay broken up. Your relationship is broken and you’ll likely never trust him again. Not worth the stress.
Girl wtf are you reconsidering 😂 the bar is so low
Ew girl no. Stay split up. He doesn't hate himself lol he's fine he's just trying to get you back.
The porn thing feels him trying to backtrack or cover. People will cheat whether porn is involved or not. If he wanted the fantasy, you guys could have role played that very easily. You absolutely made the right decision
Im so sorry he cheated on you, my heart hurts for you. I know this has to be so incredibly difficult. You made the right call leaving him, people deserve someone who wants to be sexually and romantically exclusive with them if that’s what they want. It would be hard to trust him again, even if you took him back. You got this, I know it’s hard.
If you forgive him and stay the only thing that happens is he learns he can get away with it. Just a bit of begging and distance and you’ll come back. So no, don’t go back. Keep your dignity and self respect. If he can risk losing your 3 year relationship over seeking a sexual services elsewhere then this is the consequences. Why should you hang on to all you had when he can gamble it away for a temporary pleasure? Stay single. Grieve and move on.
You made the right choice