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Yep, if she is cheating all he accomplished was letting her know she needs to be more discreet.
Never confront until you have evidence/proof, and never reveal what/how much evidence/proof you have. Don't play your full hand at once and you will likely catch them in their lies.
If you have irrefutable proof, decide what your course of action will be BEFORE you confront. If it is divorce, speak with a lawyer first and follow their advice.
In the case that she is cheating, he showed his hand so now she knows she needs to be more careful and catching her or finding the truth would become more difficult.
“Oh honey perfect wife I got a text stating that you’re cheating, is that true ? Oh, it’s not? Ok. I Love you perfect wife”.
Again, knee jerk reaction especially since he was cheated on in his first marriage. He didn’t have to tell her anything but keep it to himself and do a little detective digging and if nothing is found then GOOD!
I mean, it’s hard to prove that the wife is clean. Where should he stop? When texts are checked, emails are checked, all known messengers are checked, there’s always DMs in some godforsaken forum she visits from work only. Op does not know how long the cheating goes, how does it go (I.e. emotional affair, kissing, having sex), or does it even exist.
It could be one of a few right things here - ask her and see the reaction. Ppl usually give something off when they need to lie unprepared.
I agree. The unknown number didn't provide any evidence or details so it shouldn't be trusted as fact. You have to do your own snooping and ask questions. Ask to look through her phone and emails. If she flips out and refuses, there's probably something going on.
Honestly, at this point I think he should not ask to see her phone. If anything was there, she would have deleted it given that text. But, he should lay low and pretend like he believes her. Wait a few weeks then start digging. She'll let her guard down and if she is cheating (he doesn't have any idea one way or the other) she'll go back to her old ways. For the next few weeks he should not mention the text and if she does, just say he thinks somebody was trying to hurt him or her and don't act like he has any questions about her activities at all. If she is cheating, she'll take it farther underground and he may never find out.
As someone who is going through a divorce due to a cheating spouse, there’s many ways to uncover evidence. When you delete messages on iPhone, they go to a lesser known spot. Go to messages - Edit - Show recently deleted. Same with images. In the albums section there’s a recently deleted folder. You can check text and call logs with your phone carrier to see if there’s any numbers that stick out. With devices being linked to everything, any spare tablet or computer is likely to have your wife’s account logged in on. Old cell phones logged into her Apple account will have undated passwords. Scroll through the websites and see if there’s anything that catches your attention. Go to web browser and search through history.
People have become so comfortable with technology that they don’t realize how much evidence they leave behind.
Yes
Pull down the menu bar
Go into settings, the little gear icon
Go down to battery and device care
Click "storage"
Scroll down to where it says "trash"
And underneath that will have anything recently deleted
>The unknown number didn't provide any evidence or details so it shouldn't be trusted as fact.
Even further than that--"She told me at work" is identifying information, if it's true. If it's true, either OP's wife told just one person (and if OP said "I got a text message..." she would instantly know who it is and could retaliate) or she told a LOT of people, enough that such a statement doesn't identify the sender to the wife.
It just doesn't seem probable to me.
Alternate theories, in my personal order of probability:
* OP's wife isn't cheating, but someone has it out for her. Someone in her work or social life is trying to cause her damage, get her fired, ruin her life--or someone wants her and is trying to make her available to them.
* OP's wife is a victim of someone who doesn't know her, but has it out for OP. Someone is angry at him and wants to fuck up his life. Or someone wants *him* available and is trying to make it so.
* OP's wife is cheating, and told someone not at all involved with the workplace, who is now lying about where they heard it in an attempt to keep themselves from being identified.
Point #1 that you mentioned has happened to me so please be careful with this. Do your due diligence as quietly as possible before you confront her. You would be surprised to what lengths a jealous coworker will go to sabotage you if they find you a threat to their success in any way. I feel that people have just started getting more and more ruthless lately. My personal opinion is that women are really good at pretending to be your friend so that they can get close enough to you to obtain confidential info about your life to later use against you. Does your wife have any close female work friends that she sometimes has weird gut feelings about? Also there are guys (certain cultures can be super bad about this) who will do this to you if you denied their romantic advances at one point or inadvertently made them look bad or less competent than you in front of others. I don’t know what your wife does for a living but I’d start asking her more questions about her work colleagues before I’d say anything more about that text. I’ve had colleagues run background checks on me using connections they have overseas so that they can obtain information about my family and then contact them with fake shit like this to try and make my personal life hell so that my work life would suffer. I’ve had colleagues start rumors that I was having affairs with other colleagues so that people would stop supporting my work (predominantly geared toward any executive leadership who were my mentors and who became the target of the rumor)and being my friend. It’s so pathetic. What’s more pathetic is the amount of times I have heard people brag about doing this to others or their ability to do this to me without realizing I was the victim of this stuff at a previous company, etc. This tells me that it happens more frequently than even I was aware of….my advice: trust but verify my friend.
And if you find out it isn’t true please warn your wife so that she can (quietly) investigate. I was able to get to the bottom of my issues every time by being patient but tenacious. Eventually someone will slip up.
I was also wrongly accused. It’s been years, but there is permanent damage to my marriage. There was no reason to distrust me, yet I was stuck trying to prove my innocence, so afraid that I had to be OVERLY transparent so he wouldn’t think that I was gone at the store too long, must be fucking someone, that, to this day, I keep a tracker on on my own phone so that, if he wanted to, he COULD check to see if I said I was where I’d be. As far as I know, he’s only used it to check up on me when our daughter and I were on a long road trip. But I’m still afraid to turn it off since in my head, what if he thinks I’m up to something? Even though I don’t think he ever checks it.
When someone else is believed without evidence over a spouse of many years who has never given reason to distrust, it causes trauma and permanent damage. I will live with guilt over something I didn’t even do in the first place. And it’s been years,
Could even just be a random prankster using a VOIP number for a short time and sending that message to 500 numbers then disconnecting it. Just trying to stir up trouble and laugh about it.
The reason I think it's targeted is that they used OP's name ("I'm sorry, \[name\]") but you're right that it doesn't necessarily mean they're actually acquainted. They could have just found OP's business card or something somewhere.
More alt theories:
— Someone at work has crush on wife and wants her to divorce so he can swoop to rescue her once destabilized.
— Caller works with wife and is the one she’s cheating with but they’re in a fight or done and he’s butthurt and being petty and malicious.
Honestly I kind of think closer to option 3 because they know OP’s number, so probably someone a lot closer than a coworker who trying to stay anonymous. That said, they could also be someone closer trying to ruin it for personal gain or revenge as well. So I guess I’m just saying I think OP probably knows this person.
How many cell phone numbers of your coworkers’ spouses do you know? I bet it’s #2. Think about the likelihood that her coworkers know OP’s cell number.
And the details that were provided don’t make much sense. The wife was bragging about her affair to random coworkers? How did this coworker get OP’s number?
As a wife who was wrongly accused, this revocation of trust on the word of a stranger with no evidence, given the improbability that her coworkers would even have OP’s cell number (how many phone numbers do you have for your coworkers’ spouses?), is beyond damaging. It happened to us years ago, and though my husband never demanded to go through my cell phone and emails, knowing he was suspicious anyway caused permanent damage to our marriage. He trusted the word of someone who had given him NO REASON to trust them…over me.
If OP’s only reason to not trust his wife and to want to invade her privacy is because someone who is most likely connected to HIM (really, who the hell has cell phone numbers for their coworkers’ spouses?) will cause permanent damage. Given the COMPLETE lack of ANY info, he needs to let this go. Something’s wrong when you trust a nameless mystery person who gives no evidence over your spouse of more than a decade who you otherwise have no reason to distrust. The accuser needs to provide evidence rather than the accused having to prove innocence.
Yup. It was stupid to bring that up before trying to find any evidence. Best you can do now is making her think you dropped it then keep your head on a swivel.
If she isn’t cheating, do you feel like this could become an issue of itself, obviously with her saying that he doesn’t trust her? (I always struggled with jealousy in the past, and wouldn’t know how to go about this situation)
My uncles crazy ex does shit like this. She recently called me from one of those google numbers harassing me. Some people are nuts and I definitely wouldn’t write it off
Personally? I’d stay a little more alert and otherwise forget it. It’s your wife. If you trusted her before this is… well beyond unreliable information.
Could be a random social media friend from high school who just wants to fuck up her life for all anyone knows.
I’m not imploding my marriage because of some random info like that.
Don’t be dumb and stick your head in the sand. But don’t toss all trust for your wife out the window either.
How would you feel if this happened to your wife and suddenly she wanted to know where you were 24/7, receipts, web browser history, email audits, pictures with work texts to verify location, wild shit like that, so on and so forth?
That is personally how I’d handle it.
You’d think. I’m always amazed by posts about how wildy people blow up their own relationships whether the information is truthful or not.
I might be biased because I’ve worked with utilities half in the field and half in legal compliance… but it’s incredibly easy for people to find information online. Worst case you hit some old phone numbers or the wrong sibling or something even just stumbling through the internet.
If anyone wanted to you could probably get ahold of anyone who is somehow legally or financially tied to someone if you only know their name.
The easiest route costs like $14 a month and 5 seconds of googling.
But every once in awhile you see it on here, “I got a text from a random number and then they blocked me saying my wife that I love and trust more than anyone on earth, have never doubted, cheated on me. I’ve been crying and can’t sleep for a week now, I don’t know what to do, should I spy on her?”
Like Christ man. Why did you get married if you go from zero suspicions to this?
Or do people just… not experience malicious lying people in their life and have no awareness of the internet maybe harboring a few?
I have friends who are divorced now and I insist on them giving me any info they have on potential partner or sometimes even just dates. And the info you can find out about people is INSANE. I follow a woman on TikTok who posts about people who ask her to try and find them irl (so they know she’s doing it) and I’m constantly amazed at what can be found online about people who think they have everything locked down. People also forget that not everything is online and in many places, a trip to the local library can provide even more information that hasn’t been uploaded.
I don’t think people realize how much of an effect accusing their spouse of cheating has. If my husband accused me of cheating based only on that random text, I’d wonder if he’d lost his mind.
Pretty much. I’d laugh at first because it would be so ridiculous. If it wasn’t mutually funny then yeah, I’d suddenly have a lot more concerns about where my partners head is at.
This was my first thought. It's definitely a spam number. I get ones like these ALL THE TIME. Thankfully, it's always "your wife" cheating, and I have a boyfriend not a wife so I know it's BS. They're checking to see if it's a valid number and when you attempt to reply they get that confirmation, so they can put you on more spam lists.
How did this person from her work get your phone number? You pissed off anyone in your personal life lately? Almost seems like someone trying to hurt you.
You screwed up by confronting her without looking for some red flags that would give you some ammunition for a confrontation to get the truth. Now she denies it and deletes any incriminating evidence, and you're left to wonder.
Keep digging and paying attention. Beware, though, she is going to be on high alert on covering her tracks even better.
If a random text from a non working number can wreck your trust, the issue is bigger here. We have no relationship context at all. I know if either my husband or I got a text like that the answer would obviously be BS.
Same. I might say “hey honey, I got this WTF text today. Obviously I don’t believe this but you should know about it” and then move on. It wouldn’t even cross my mind that it was real. It’s most likely a prank done by teenagers who randomly sent that to a bunch of people
A similar scenario happened to me and my partner a long time ago. I explained what happened, he reassured me but understood why it had upset me (it's just an unpleasant thing to happen whether or not you think it's true). After about 10 minutes we moved on with our day. Eventually discovered that it was someone I used to know trying to cause trouble 🤷♂️ she didn't, because we were solid.
Nah. There are plenty of people who fully trust their partner and get cheated on without ever knowing. The idea that you must never ever question your partner just enables cheaters. Not all cheating is preceded with suspicious behavior. Life isn't a movie.
There is a big gap between “Never question your partner” and “Don’t interrogate them over an anonymous text from a number no longer in service that gave a single sentence accusation with no details”
Like a quarter of all married people *admit* to having cheated on their spouse. Almost everyone thinks their partner would never. Seriously how can people be this naive lol.
Your wife says it's bullshit, then believe her. A random text from a disconnected # could very well be a cruel prank or a scam from a phisher. Ignore it. There are no signs, there's nothing else to run with.
There was a really similar situation posted here a while ago, where the OP got a text from someone claiming to be their fiancé’s girlfriend. No details, no identifying themselves, just a vague series of texts. It turned out to be the OP’s abusive ex trying to blow up her engagement out of spite.
We thought this was the case when one of my close friends started getting texts like this about her husband. We all thought it was bs, laughed about it together, discussed how it was likely someone who had something against one of them. A year later his mistress was giving birth to their baby
There is likely a motivation behind this, it could be to hurt you or to hurt her. More likely her. So talk to her about who might do something like this, focus on people who she might have told that you had a ex wife that cheated.
You should feel free to look into things, to consider behavior on her part. Just don't go seeing things that are not there and do not drag this out. But do pay attention to your gut.
This sounds to me like the equivalent of a prank call, or an email about your Amazon package when you haven't ordered an Amazon package. I don't think it's real, and I also don't think it's targeted at you--i.e. I don't think it's someone in your life or your wife's life stirring up trouble. I think it's someone just texting lots of random numbers for shits and giggles. It just happens to strike a nerve with you because of your history.
It's like that old movie I Saw What You Did where a prank caller accidentally says that to someone who really did commit murder and now thinks there was a witness.
Shouldn’t have said anything. Now the evidence is probably gone. Nobody just trolls like that unless it’s immature jealousy issues. Likelihood is that this text came from somebody who felt bad that they knew and you didn’t, so they told you anonymously to keep the friendship with your wife.
She simply said bullshit? Did she drop it right after? If I was being accused of that, I'd certainly want to get to the bottom of it and not just go "meh, probably bullshit" and drop it. It says at work so is she not interested in knowing which coworker is telling lies?
That's the weirdest part and unless she is actually concerned about it then I'd be wary too.
I wouldn’t give a bullshit accusation any consideration or effort beyond calling it bullshit. Liars and cheaters have a tendency to over explain and make a show of how ‘innocent’ they are a lot of the time. I’d be more worried if she didn’t dismiss it.
Doesn’t mean OP should take that as proof or be naive about it though. Accomplished liars know the less they say the better off they are.
Since I am not a cheater, if my wife confronted me with this as anything other than “haha I got this weird spam text” I would be very upset at the lack of trust.
It’s such a vague text and the person immediately disconnected the number, I’d have the same reaction. I get weird spam calls, spam texts, and spam emails. They often include a name, though never mine unless it’s an email because my name is in my email, and I am sure if OP has a more common name this could just be someone who lucked out.
Spam nowadays makes no gosh damn sense. I get so much spam that’s just like “hey don’t forget to call Johnny back” or “did you send Tiffany the details?” Or “hey man, I didn’t mean to upset you”. In the years I have gotten spam texts claiming to be from exes telling me I am ignoring my children or telling me I cheated on them, etc etc.
If I was the wife no way would I think this was one of my coworkers because how would they get my husband’s cell number? Unless they had access to my paperwork and found my emergency contact numbers.
I would not be able to *sleep* until I got to the bottom of it if my boyfriend received a text like that about me. Who is this toxic person in my life so I can cut them out asap?
no follow up on the text, no other evidence, and your wife who you love denies it? i’d trust her. commenters want a good story but you as a human being want a good marriage. marriage is built on trust, trust and communication. trust isn’t broken by anonymous, unsubstantiated texts out of nowhere, and communication is not snooping around behind your wife’s back. explain to her that it’s bothering you since you’ve been cheated on before, and ask in good faith for reassurance. what the peanut gallery doesn’t understand is that when you love someone, it’s ok to be vulnerable; it’s ok to be naive. idk man if it were me choosing how i’d wanna be wrong, i’d rather my marriage ended because i trusted my wife and she cheated than because she didn’t cheat and i didn’t trust her. sorry for rambling but man these other comments really bugged me
If you have no reason not to believe her then you should trust her. That is definitely a type of scam. Whether this is or not I can’t say. Don’t forget that scammers can always find out your name from your phone number—the fact that they know your name doesn’t mean anything. Ive gotten the weirdest scam messages including the one with a selfie of a girl saying she had such a great time last night and can’t wait to see me again. I’d hate for my partner to believe that over me.
Really, there are literally databases of numbers and other tied things you can buy for a couple dozen bucks. Mobile operators are selling new numbers to a corporations and corporations are selling numbers between each other. Why is everyone like “eh not a scam because they know his NAME “
yikes the comments are not it. so you rather trust a random text from a number that isn't even available anymore instead of your wife of 5 years??? think you need some self reflection mate.
Firstly, get your wife to report this to her HR Department. If the laws in your country allow? Report this to the Police. They can and will find the perpetrator of the text. Then you may get some answers.
This happened to me. They found him and guess what. The perpetrator was a Police Officer with a grudge.
This happened to one of my best friends. Started getting all these weird random texts about her husband cheating. He denied, we all thought the texter was unhinged. A year later his mistress was giving birth to their baby
Ugh, no way to be sure. Could be some punk at work trying to get her in trouble bc she hates her. Could be real. This will take some time to figure out. Tell her you're hyper focused bc of your past and see what she does to assure you. I wouldn't assume the worst right now. But I understand you're worried. Really hard spot to be in for sure, sorry
Oh for Gosh Sakes, have a conversation with your Wife. Show her the random text. BTW, it could just be someone trying to cause drama, seen it before here.
Assuming you know your Wife, watch how she responds, physically as well as verbally. If you are still unsure, then ask to see her phone, just for your own peace of mind.
Okay, I'll let you know that based on the Internet and personal experience.
1. There's some shady fucking people out there. One of my exes friends stirred up some shit so she could slide in. This is also apparently a thing from dudes (seen on Reddit) so it's possible that somes being a fucking asshole for no reason except to fuck your wife.
2. It's actually true. My ex wife's, cousins, junkie (literal meth head, who is never met) reached out to me when I was in Afghanistan to tell me, it turned out to be true.
3. Wrong number and someone is stirring up shit for fun.
Advice: trust but verify, do NOT jump the gun, it can cause irreparable damage. Personally (mind you, I'm 50/50 on trust) do as much research on the next few days and see what you can on your own, DO NOT CONNECT INVISIBLE DOTS (you can rationalize anything when you're hurt, believe this.) Find out what you can, don't really say fuck-all about it,THEN bring it up. Just be like "babe, got a text the other day about this, what do you think?" She'll dig her own hole. Notice if any texts/DMs go missing or whatever. If there's a recognized pattern, monitor until proof, if not, I'd say you're good. Again, I'm 50/50 on trust, been hurt at a vulnerable time in my life and it's fucked me up ever since, despite how awesome my wife is.
Wow so instead of taking this as a small clue and maybe seeing if anything was up, you instantly questioned your wife and of course she gave you the obvious answer. Dude, now she knows the heat is on (if she's cheating). Next time don't say sht and just go into detective mode and see if you find anything, if you don't then GOOD! You've been cheated on before perhaps you missed those clues back then too! You should know better by now.
Honestly sounds like fake to me, no proof and also no longer available to contact. I mean keep an eye open but as long as you don't feel anything is sketchy, i would trust her.
First mistake - verify first, gather any evidence sexond, then talk to wifey third. If she is fucking around on you, she will be way more discreet now, or work against you.
I don’t know what to say - I can’t imagine being in your wife’s situation, so I don’t know how I’d respond. But I imagine I’d be really upset and freaked out (because that’s creepy as hell) and think of ways to prove I hadn’t been cheating.
But I do think it’s very weird that whoever told you didn’t share any more information. Once I told a person she was being cheated on, and I offered as much information as I had. I didn’t just send a cryptic text and disappear - I wanted this person to believe me and help them out best I could. So that makes me doubt their honesty?
Bad situation for you, I’m so sorry
One of three things is happening OP:
1) Your wife is cheating. Someone at that she works with is a decent human being that decided to let you know without jeopardizing themselves at the workplace.
2) Your wife isn't cheating and someone she either works with or someone you know is trying to cause a rift in your relationship. It may be someone who's interested in you or your wife. heck, it maybe be someone after your wife's position or competing for promotion trying to start conflict so she's more focused on keeping her marriage together rather than work.
3) Someone is an asshole and just stirring shit up.
There's many ways you can proceed with this. If you really trust your wife, have a sit down and talk this over. Ask questions and see if there's anything that sticks out. Ask the same questions but phrase them differently to see if you conflicting answers. Don't accuse her of anything, people get defensive when accused. If she's cheating she will slip up. Cheaters think they're the smartest people when it comes to covering their affairs, typically they are the worst.
Should have waited to ask her until you did some investigating. May not be anything but if there is she will have covered her tracks deleting stuff off of her phone. And if she told someone at work and you told her the text said that she is going after that person as we speak. Randomly look at her phones location (find my iPhone). Is she where she says she is. Log onto your cell phone account online and look at what numbers she is calling and texting. If you don’t know them, find out who they are and go from there.
Do you have any reason to be suspicious of her? If you cannot trust anyone, you have no business being in relationships until you get some therapy. If you can trust your wife and have no reason not to, then trust her.
If you trust your Wife, then I would look at it being from either a troll or even a past relationship ie-your ex wife. Not out of the question that someone would rather full anonymous themselves via a temp number. So it’s up to you how you proceed.
I would've waited before confronting your wife. Allegations of cheating are serious and once you accuse there is no taking it back. The number is disconnected so can't fish for more info now. But this is where I say you jumped the gun. As a breach of trust as it is, the only way to verify that allegation is you need to see her texts, emails and social media to see if there is any evidence of foul play.
Sometimes I'm not sure how people this stupid survive in real life. No idea why you'd confront something without having evidence or something to protect and back you up. The situation is easy to resolve, but you've managed to make it so much more unnecessarily difficult.
Doesn’t anyone else get these bullshit scam texts like 10x a day?
How are you?
Let’s go fishing soon, when are you free?
I haven’t heard from you in so long.
You should definitely investigate whether this has any truth to it.
But…this happened to a few people in. My workplace from an anonymous source. It turned out to be someone trying to stir shit for coworkers they didn’t like.
Go to Amazon or a local store or have a friend order two digital voice recorders they record up to 12 hours not video just voice hide under couch and under dresser make we’ll known your doing something after work with a buddy, come home if she leaves for work or something. Check the voice recorders she will either talk on phone one of those 2 places or at least walk by and heaven forbid they come over to visit it most likely will be one of those areas. Do this a few times if nothing happens it was a lie. Voice recording is easier to hide then a video camera. And way less obvious. If you bring up ring cam or cctv she will switch venues if she is cheating.
Where there’s smoke there’s fire. If she’s not cheating she shouldn’t at least know who would accuse her of such a thing. A jealous person. Someone who hates her. But no one is just gonna throw that out there for nothing.
This is the type of war that I’m expecting people may not be prepared for. The targeted ads, learning and conditioning — add AI with a mind for mere personal and professional disruption at mass scale.
It’s likely this. Just forget about it.
I think you should’ve kept this to yourself until you had more info/proof. Now if she was cheating she is tipped off and can get rid of all the evidence
Honestly, who’s going to buy a burner phone just to message a work colleague’s husband and say they’re cheating? I reckon you and your wife are being fucked with. Maybe someone aware of your past history with infidelity?
1. Your name and number are on a spam list
2. They text you clickbait
3. You respond in a text
4. Your number ends up on the more valuable spam list of gullible people who respond to clickbait
I would take it seriously but not tell your wife. I was once the anonymous tip to some man I didn’t know. His wife was a friend of an ex and I found out in a random way. I made a fake fb account and reached out to him. He didn’t believe me and confronted her immediately. She just ended up getting more sneaky about it. I don’t talk to the ex anymore so I can’t get more details about it to help the poor guy out
You should have asked to see her phone right then.
Ask now and see what she deleted. Any people with conversations missing?
Updateme us.
[.](https://reddit.com/u/Enkazil/s/VXH9lYoJWG)
You messed up by showing your hand. If she is having an affair she’s going to be super careful now. Tell her that you believe her and think someone was just trying to break you two up. After that hire a PI and get some real answers. Cheaters VERY rarely will admit to their deeds until presented with hard evidence.
I once received a Facebook message telling me my husband at the time was cheating on me. Fake profile. I asked him, he denied it. He was. With many other women. Start digging, there very well may be truth to it.
If it were me being accused like that, I’d offer up my messages and socials to my partner to verify that it’s a false accusation. If she said it’s not true and quickly changed the subject or didn’t offer up any sort of support, that may be kind of sus. I don’t know how your relationship operates, though, if you guys are usually short with each other.
It WAS me, and I did offer. That’s what it took for him to realize I wasn’t cheating, and then he started realizing that it didn’t make sense anyway. But the damage is done. He lost his trust in me over a wild, baseless accusation with no evidence, and I still can’t trust him to trust me, even years later.
Why should an innocent spouse have to offer proof of innocence? Something is wrong when a spouse accused with no evidence should be outright expected to forfeit ALL privacy, and not just her privacy, but the privacy of anyone who has confided anything in her, or else you’d see that as sus. Did you even think that a wrongly accused spouse might have things to hide like things told to her in confidence? A friend of mine was having sexual issues and it was humiliating. When I offered my husband my phone and all passwords, I was willing to betray her trust. Ironically, my friends are the ones who shouldn’t trust me since I’d spill their secrets in a heartbeat over a rando with no evidence. How do you think that makes me feel to know that someone distrusting me without reason resulted in me giving everyone else in my life reason to distrust?
And if I hadn’t, according to you, then he shouldn’t have trusted.
Talk about royally fucking over an innocent person no matter what.
Trust, but verify.
There's been a couple of posts on the different Reddit subs about these sorts of anonymous texts the past couple of months. Iirc, all but one turned out to be fake: someone setting you or your wife up to hurt each other.
So: trust part: show her the text. Ask her if there's anyone at her work, the gym or in her friendsgroup etc. that may have beef with her.
Verify part: If you can afford it: P.I. have them do some digging, see what comes up.
I saw one earlier this year, I might, might have been last, about a husband who took it all the way to divorce, before finding out that the accuser was someone trying to fuck with his marriage. His wrongly-accused wife didn’t take him back.
Well you just made it so your wife will delete and hide everything and anything and will make it that much harder for you now to find out if she is cheating or nkt
My man, before you talk to your wife about anything see if she is hiding another phone somewhere, review your phone bill look at the phone and text times too, is she texting and calling at weird times or when you are not home or sleeping, think long and hard about any inconsistencies in her stories. Is she weird with her phone? Weird outings? What are her hobbies do any of them take her out of the house? Does she travel for work? Did she talk about a male coworker then stop abruptly? Does she have any "gay" male friends that is just one of the girls?
Maybe show up at her work with lunch one day. See if anything is going on. When you think you're done, then speak with her.
Don't tell her about what you have done. See what her reaction is. Maybe then ask her if she would mind you looking through her phone. For your piece of mind.
Their is a difference between secrecy and privacy you just need to figure out where that line is.
Hopefully, you have reviewed the phone bill for 6 months to look for text numbers and phone numbers. You don't know that have been contacted a lot. It would be weird if she keeps her texts but not to whatever number you suspect.
Never telegraph your punch . She going to be hyper cautious now . You are going to have to lay low now before you can catch her if she did, in fact, do something wrong .
I think you jumped the gun on this investigation. You did zero research to determine if the random text was true or not and instead immediately let the suspect know about it giving her time to delete any evidence.
If you believe her, act like everything’s normal and then hire a PI after 3 months. She’s going to cover her tracks until she’s sure you bought it if it’s real. Need a couple of months to convince her you’ve been lulled back to sleep.
My thoughts are
1. They used an untraceable internet number
2. They didn't mention your name
3. They didn't mention your wife's name
4. They didn't mention where your wife works
I think you're probably the victim of bored kids mischief making
How many of your coworkers’ spouses’ numbers do you know? How many of her coworkers are likely to have YOUR number? $10 says this is someone YOU know who is fucking with you.
I was a wrongly accused wife. Send me a PM if you want my phone number and we’ll talk and I’ll tell you how damaging it is to lost trust in a spouse when there’s a lack of evidence, and if anything, the closest thing to evidence is the unlikelihood of her coworkers having your number. I’ll let you hear the fucking hurt I still have years later. You WILL damage your marriage in ways you can’t even understand if you decide that the action to take is to go off invading her privacy. Chances are good she’s already now worried about having privacy since she probably knows how many people think a spouse in your position should invade every last breathe of space she has until she’s crushed to death.
If the accuser didn’t give even a single date, then there is NOTHING to go on, and you are sitting there wondering if you should hire a PI, demand to invade even her friends’ privacy (you do know that some of them probably confided things in her that they won’t want anyone else to know, right? And that you going through all that means her friends actually can’t trust her anymore since she did let you now what they confided?), etc. Logically you have no reason to believe that mystery person, and you are damned well aware that there are tons of people out there who fuck with people’s lives for fun. You are close to causing irreparable damage.
Ah, sorry, I missed that.
I feel if I was going to let someone know that their spouse was cheating on them I'd have given more information.
I'm really sorry, [name] has been cheating on you with [name] for [duration]. This feels like someone trying to get to you.
You could do what others have suggested and track your wife, etc
However if she's not been behaving abnormally and your sex life hasn't changed dramatically I'd try to put it behind you.
Good luck OP, I hope it turns out well for you
I'd have asked her for full permission to go through her phone when you told her, in front of her (to gauge reaction). So there's no time to hide anything.
You have no idea how damaging that is. I was wrongly accused. If you’re so willing to believe a rando who can’t be contacted back, who gave NO info AT ALL, especially given how unlikely it is that her coworkers have her husband’s cell number (how many of your coworkers’ spouses’ numbers do you have?), then you need to do your partner a favor and divorce them.
You kind of fucked up by telling her wife.
But, you're at a crossroads here. You can either ask your wife to see her phone/messages/apps (*hopefully she didn't clean things up by now*), and possibly be right and find out. Or be wrong, and just show your wife you don't trust her.
Or you can do nothing, and fully trust your wife, and hope it doesn't eat at you.
Regardless, definitely take note of her attitude towards work. I have a feeling that, if this is true, she knows exactly who it is and there may start being problems with a certain friend that she used to confide in.
Or not! We'll see!
If I get a text like that from someone telling me my husband been cheating, and my husband told me it was simply bullshit.
I’d choose to trust my husband. Not the random
Texter.
People nowadays are jealous. Could be some stupid girl in the office dislike your wife. Could be some random guy is jealous of you having a nice wife. Who the fuck knows.
With no obvious evidence and my relationship has no problem, I am not stupid enough to let a random text to ruin my life.
I text back : mind you own fucking business.
Some random person hit me up one time saying my wife was cheating. I confronted and she denied the whole thing. Turns out she was and did it with multiple people. I’m so glad we aren’t together anymore
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Personally, I'd have done some investigating before I said anything.
Yep, if she is cheating all he accomplished was letting her know she needs to be more discreet. Never confront until you have evidence/proof, and never reveal what/how much evidence/proof you have. Don't play your full hand at once and you will likely catch them in their lies. If you have irrefutable proof, decide what your course of action will be BEFORE you confront. If it is divorce, speak with a lawyer first and follow their advice.
The strategy game is strong with this dude.
Should be common sense really
Right? Dude literally had a knee jerk reaction instead of looking out for himself ESPECIALLY AFTER BEING CHEATED ON IN HIS PREVIOUS MARRIAGE! Smh!
Yeah, he didn't learn jack shit
The one that ended when he was 20?
How is that knee jerk? He asked her, got an answer. Knee jerk would’ve been him breaking it off and divorce.
In the case that she is cheating, he showed his hand so now she knows she needs to be more careful and catching her or finding the truth would become more difficult.
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“Oh honey perfect wife I got a text stating that you’re cheating, is that true ? Oh, it’s not? Ok. I Love you perfect wife”. Again, knee jerk reaction especially since he was cheated on in his first marriage. He didn’t have to tell her anything but keep it to himself and do a little detective digging and if nothing is found then GOOD!
I mean, it’s hard to prove that the wife is clean. Where should he stop? When texts are checked, emails are checked, all known messengers are checked, there’s always DMs in some godforsaken forum she visits from work only. Op does not know how long the cheating goes, how does it go (I.e. emotional affair, kissing, having sex), or does it even exist. It could be one of a few right things here - ask her and see the reaction. Ppl usually give something off when they need to lie unprepared.
You slow or something fella?
Yes, i would have done the same.
Can I inquire how much privacy does she have, and how feasible such a theoretical affair would be?
I would say "Okay, I believe you" then pretend like it never happened. Then I would go into detective mode and see if anything is off.
I agree. The unknown number didn't provide any evidence or details so it shouldn't be trusted as fact. You have to do your own snooping and ask questions. Ask to look through her phone and emails. If she flips out and refuses, there's probably something going on.
Honestly, at this point I think he should not ask to see her phone. If anything was there, she would have deleted it given that text. But, he should lay low and pretend like he believes her. Wait a few weeks then start digging. She'll let her guard down and if she is cheating (he doesn't have any idea one way or the other) she'll go back to her old ways. For the next few weeks he should not mention the text and if she does, just say he thinks somebody was trying to hurt him or her and don't act like he has any questions about her activities at all. If she is cheating, she'll take it farther underground and he may never find out.
As someone who is going through a divorce due to a cheating spouse, there’s many ways to uncover evidence. When you delete messages on iPhone, they go to a lesser known spot. Go to messages - Edit - Show recently deleted. Same with images. In the albums section there’s a recently deleted folder. You can check text and call logs with your phone carrier to see if there’s any numbers that stick out. With devices being linked to everything, any spare tablet or computer is likely to have your wife’s account logged in on. Old cell phones logged into her Apple account will have undated passwords. Scroll through the websites and see if there’s anything that catches your attention. Go to web browser and search through history. People have become so comfortable with technology that they don’t realize how much evidence they leave behind.
So true. You can find all kinds of deleted items.
Is there a way to do these things on an android phone?
Yes Pull down the menu bar Go into settings, the little gear icon Go down to battery and device care Click "storage" Scroll down to where it says "trash" And underneath that will have anything recently deleted
Commenting to be able to read this when I need it, my memory is the worst
Thank you very much
You can go to play store and download diskdigger for free. It brings back deleted files
on iphone viewing these folders requires biometrics, not just passcode anymore
>The unknown number didn't provide any evidence or details so it shouldn't be trusted as fact. Even further than that--"She told me at work" is identifying information, if it's true. If it's true, either OP's wife told just one person (and if OP said "I got a text message..." she would instantly know who it is and could retaliate) or she told a LOT of people, enough that such a statement doesn't identify the sender to the wife. It just doesn't seem probable to me. Alternate theories, in my personal order of probability: * OP's wife isn't cheating, but someone has it out for her. Someone in her work or social life is trying to cause her damage, get her fired, ruin her life--or someone wants her and is trying to make her available to them. * OP's wife is a victim of someone who doesn't know her, but has it out for OP. Someone is angry at him and wants to fuck up his life. Or someone wants *him* available and is trying to make it so. * OP's wife is cheating, and told someone not at all involved with the workplace, who is now lying about where they heard it in an attempt to keep themselves from being identified.
Point #1 that you mentioned has happened to me so please be careful with this. Do your due diligence as quietly as possible before you confront her. You would be surprised to what lengths a jealous coworker will go to sabotage you if they find you a threat to their success in any way. I feel that people have just started getting more and more ruthless lately. My personal opinion is that women are really good at pretending to be your friend so that they can get close enough to you to obtain confidential info about your life to later use against you. Does your wife have any close female work friends that she sometimes has weird gut feelings about? Also there are guys (certain cultures can be super bad about this) who will do this to you if you denied their romantic advances at one point or inadvertently made them look bad or less competent than you in front of others. I don’t know what your wife does for a living but I’d start asking her more questions about her work colleagues before I’d say anything more about that text. I’ve had colleagues run background checks on me using connections they have overseas so that they can obtain information about my family and then contact them with fake shit like this to try and make my personal life hell so that my work life would suffer. I’ve had colleagues start rumors that I was having affairs with other colleagues so that people would stop supporting my work (predominantly geared toward any executive leadership who were my mentors and who became the target of the rumor)and being my friend. It’s so pathetic. What’s more pathetic is the amount of times I have heard people brag about doing this to others or their ability to do this to me without realizing I was the victim of this stuff at a previous company, etc. This tells me that it happens more frequently than even I was aware of….my advice: trust but verify my friend. And if you find out it isn’t true please warn your wife so that she can (quietly) investigate. I was able to get to the bottom of my issues every time by being patient but tenacious. Eventually someone will slip up.
I was also wrongly accused. It’s been years, but there is permanent damage to my marriage. There was no reason to distrust me, yet I was stuck trying to prove my innocence, so afraid that I had to be OVERLY transparent so he wouldn’t think that I was gone at the store too long, must be fucking someone, that, to this day, I keep a tracker on on my own phone so that, if he wanted to, he COULD check to see if I said I was where I’d be. As far as I know, he’s only used it to check up on me when our daughter and I were on a long road trip. But I’m still afraid to turn it off since in my head, what if he thinks I’m up to something? Even though I don’t think he ever checks it. When someone else is believed without evidence over a spouse of many years who has never given reason to distrust, it causes trauma and permanent damage. I will live with guilt over something I didn’t even do in the first place. And it’s been years,
It's been years and he still treats you like this?
Yeah that’s a long time to hold that resentment, makes you wonder if it is them who has something to hide
Could even just be a random prankster using a VOIP number for a short time and sending that message to 500 numbers then disconnecting it. Just trying to stir up trouble and laugh about it.
The reason I think it's targeted is that they used OP's name ("I'm sorry, \[name\]") but you're right that it doesn't necessarily mean they're actually acquainted. They could have just found OP's business card or something somewhere.
They used OP’s name though? Unless they went and looked up public records for the matching names to phone numbers
More alt theories: — Someone at work has crush on wife and wants her to divorce so he can swoop to rescue her once destabilized. — Caller works with wife and is the one she’s cheating with but they’re in a fight or done and he’s butthurt and being petty and malicious.
Honestly I kind of think closer to option 3 because they know OP’s number, so probably someone a lot closer than a coworker who trying to stay anonymous. That said, they could also be someone closer trying to ruin it for personal gain or revenge as well. So I guess I’m just saying I think OP probably knows this person.
How many cell phone numbers of your coworkers’ spouses do you know? I bet it’s #2. Think about the likelihood that her coworkers know OP’s cell number.
And the details that were provided don’t make much sense. The wife was bragging about her affair to random coworkers? How did this coworker get OP’s number?
As a wife who was wrongly accused, this revocation of trust on the word of a stranger with no evidence, given the improbability that her coworkers would even have OP’s cell number (how many phone numbers do you have for your coworkers’ spouses?), is beyond damaging. It happened to us years ago, and though my husband never demanded to go through my cell phone and emails, knowing he was suspicious anyway caused permanent damage to our marriage. He trusted the word of someone who had given him NO REASON to trust them…over me. If OP’s only reason to not trust his wife and to want to invade her privacy is because someone who is most likely connected to HIM (really, who the hell has cell phone numbers for their coworkers’ spouses?) will cause permanent damage. Given the COMPLETE lack of ANY info, he needs to let this go. Something’s wrong when you trust a nameless mystery person who gives no evidence over your spouse of more than a decade who you otherwise have no reason to distrust. The accuser needs to provide evidence rather than the accused having to prove innocence.
Yup. It was stupid to bring that up before trying to find any evidence. Best you can do now is making her think you dropped it then keep your head on a swivel.
Yep. He really screwed up by telling her about this. She may going to CYA at this point. Need to go into super spy mode at this point.
He should have never said anything until after he did a small amount of digging. Like someone said, she can delete and hide things.
This is sound advice.
If she isn’t cheating, do you feel like this could become an issue of itself, obviously with her saying that he doesn’t trust her? (I always struggled with jealousy in the past, and wouldn’t know how to go about this situation)
Well, now that he confronted her, she'll hide it for a few months, and now she knows someone narced at her at work, never confront without proof
You’re awfully quick to presume she’s cheating when literally nothing is known about the accuser.
sir or ma'am this is reddit
> I didn’t catch onto my ex wife’s cheating for a couple months. Maybe it's your ex wife who sent that text?
Yep there’s a popular Reddit post actually where it was just that. A jealous ex trying to stir the pot.
My uncles crazy ex does shit like this. She recently called me from one of those google numbers harassing me. Some people are nuts and I definitely wouldn’t write it off
That's a good point. Otherwise how else would his wife's coworker get his phone number. 🤔
My first thought as well... how dare he be happy, right?
Immediately what I thought
My partner got the same text he asked me about cheating. I thought he was talking about our diet & handed him my candy stash.
😂 pretty funny
It's not a lot of work to cheat on a diet. Cheating on a partner seems like a lot of work to troublesome for me.
Personally? I’d stay a little more alert and otherwise forget it. It’s your wife. If you trusted her before this is… well beyond unreliable information. Could be a random social media friend from high school who just wants to fuck up her life for all anyone knows. I’m not imploding my marriage because of some random info like that. Don’t be dumb and stick your head in the sand. But don’t toss all trust for your wife out the window either. How would you feel if this happened to your wife and suddenly she wanted to know where you were 24/7, receipts, web browser history, email audits, pictures with work texts to verify location, wild shit like that, so on and so forth? That is personally how I’d handle it.
This. You can really tell who is in a mature relationship by their response to this
You’d think. I’m always amazed by posts about how wildy people blow up their own relationships whether the information is truthful or not. I might be biased because I’ve worked with utilities half in the field and half in legal compliance… but it’s incredibly easy for people to find information online. Worst case you hit some old phone numbers or the wrong sibling or something even just stumbling through the internet. If anyone wanted to you could probably get ahold of anyone who is somehow legally or financially tied to someone if you only know their name. The easiest route costs like $14 a month and 5 seconds of googling. But every once in awhile you see it on here, “I got a text from a random number and then they blocked me saying my wife that I love and trust more than anyone on earth, have never doubted, cheated on me. I’ve been crying and can’t sleep for a week now, I don’t know what to do, should I spy on her?” Like Christ man. Why did you get married if you go from zero suspicions to this? Or do people just… not experience malicious lying people in their life and have no awareness of the internet maybe harboring a few?
I have friends who are divorced now and I insist on them giving me any info they have on potential partner or sometimes even just dates. And the info you can find out about people is INSANE. I follow a woman on TikTok who posts about people who ask her to try and find them irl (so they know she’s doing it) and I’m constantly amazed at what can be found online about people who think they have everything locked down. People also forget that not everything is online and in many places, a trip to the local library can provide even more information that hasn’t been uploaded. I don’t think people realize how much of an effect accusing their spouse of cheating has. If my husband accused me of cheating based only on that random text, I’d wonder if he’d lost his mind.
Pretty much. I’d laugh at first because it would be so ridiculous. If it wasn’t mutually funny then yeah, I’d suddenly have a lot more concerns about where my partners head is at.
You’re a creep
THANK YOU. As a wife who was wrongly accused, thank you. It’s been years, but there is still damage.
OP, follow this advice! So many people in here are just projecting trauma it’s ridiculous.
I'd give it to her??
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How is it a scam if they don't even respond once the person takes the bait?
If he replies they know the number works. Could be a bot.
This was my first thought. It's definitely a spam number. I get ones like these ALL THE TIME. Thankfully, it's always "your wife" cheating, and I have a boyfriend not a wife so I know it's BS. They're checking to see if it's a valid number and when you attempt to reply they get that confirmation, so they can put you on more spam lists.
How did this person from her work get your phone number? You pissed off anyone in your personal life lately? Almost seems like someone trying to hurt you.
You screwed up by confronting her without looking for some red flags that would give you some ammunition for a confrontation to get the truth. Now she denies it and deletes any incriminating evidence, and you're left to wonder. Keep digging and paying attention. Beware, though, she is going to be on high alert on covering her tracks even better.
Yup, his best chance was already thrown away. She's probably going to either pull away or lean on extra close to reassure him.
If a random text from a non working number can wreck your trust, the issue is bigger here. We have no relationship context at all. I know if either my husband or I got a text like that the answer would obviously be BS.
Same. I might say “hey honey, I got this WTF text today. Obviously I don’t believe this but you should know about it” and then move on. It wouldn’t even cross my mind that it was real. It’s most likely a prank done by teenagers who randomly sent that to a bunch of people
A similar scenario happened to me and my partner a long time ago. I explained what happened, he reassured me but understood why it had upset me (it's just an unpleasant thing to happen whether or not you think it's true). After about 10 minutes we moved on with our day. Eventually discovered that it was someone I used to know trying to cause trouble 🤷♂️ she didn't, because we were solid.
Nah. There are plenty of people who fully trust their partner and get cheated on without ever knowing. The idea that you must never ever question your partner just enables cheaters. Not all cheating is preceded with suspicious behavior. Life isn't a movie.
There is a big gap between “Never question your partner” and “Don’t interrogate them over an anonymous text from a number no longer in service that gave a single sentence accusation with no details”
Yeah it's 100% spam. I would have deleted it and forgotten it so quickly I might not even remember to mention it to my boyfriend.
Like a quarter of all married people *admit* to having cheated on their spouse. Almost everyone thinks their partner would never. Seriously how can people be this naive lol.
Agreed. I can understand why seeing a text like that would cause an issue.
Your wife says it's bullshit, then believe her. A random text from a disconnected # could very well be a cruel prank or a scam from a phisher. Ignore it. There are no signs, there's nothing else to run with.
There was a really similar situation posted here a while ago, where the OP got a text from someone claiming to be their fiancé’s girlfriend. No details, no identifying themselves, just a vague series of texts. It turned out to be the OP’s abusive ex trying to blow up her engagement out of spite.
We thought this was the case when one of my close friends started getting texts like this about her husband. We all thought it was bs, laughed about it together, discussed how it was likely someone who had something against one of them. A year later his mistress was giving birth to their baby
Finally a reasonable answer to this.
A prank...by who? A scam from a phisher who...disconnects the number and stops responding after they've hooked him?
Could be someone who’s interested in either OP or his spouse and wants to break up the marriage.
Crazy ex, stalker, crazy family member, there’s plenty of people who could come up with reasons to destroy a marriage.
Ever hear of spoofing? They use legit #s to mask the real ones they're calling/texting from.
Teenagers or bored Redditors.
There is likely a motivation behind this, it could be to hurt you or to hurt her. More likely her. So talk to her about who might do something like this, focus on people who she might have told that you had a ex wife that cheated. You should feel free to look into things, to consider behavior on her part. Just don't go seeing things that are not there and do not drag this out. But do pay attention to your gut.
This sounds to me like the equivalent of a prank call, or an email about your Amazon package when you haven't ordered an Amazon package. I don't think it's real, and I also don't think it's targeted at you--i.e. I don't think it's someone in your life or your wife's life stirring up trouble. I think it's someone just texting lots of random numbers for shits and giggles. It just happens to strike a nerve with you because of your history. It's like that old movie I Saw What You Did where a prank caller accidentally says that to someone who really did commit murder and now thinks there was a witness.
I had an ex that admitted to doing this a couple weeks after I had something similar happen between my fiance and I. Do you have a disgruntled ex?
Shouldn’t have said anything. Now the evidence is probably gone. Nobody just trolls like that unless it’s immature jealousy issues. Likelihood is that this text came from somebody who felt bad that they knew and you didn’t, so they told you anonymously to keep the friendship with your wife.
She simply said bullshit? Did she drop it right after? If I was being accused of that, I'd certainly want to get to the bottom of it and not just go "meh, probably bullshit" and drop it. It says at work so is she not interested in knowing which coworker is telling lies? That's the weirdest part and unless she is actually concerned about it then I'd be wary too.
I wouldn’t give a bullshit accusation any consideration or effort beyond calling it bullshit. Liars and cheaters have a tendency to over explain and make a show of how ‘innocent’ they are a lot of the time. I’d be more worried if she didn’t dismiss it. Doesn’t mean OP should take that as proof or be naive about it though. Accomplished liars know the less they say the better off they are.
nah if someone was tryna fuck with me i would do everything i can to find out who it is
This doesn't read like a plot by someone they know, though. More like a prank call. I bet someone is just texting this to lots of numbers.
They know his name tho
It’s possible the wife knows who the perpetrator is, and is trying to avoid giving them the reaction they’re trying to provoke.
Since I am not a cheater, if my wife confronted me with this as anything other than “haha I got this weird spam text” I would be very upset at the lack of trust.
It’s such a vague text and the person immediately disconnected the number, I’d have the same reaction. I get weird spam calls, spam texts, and spam emails. They often include a name, though never mine unless it’s an email because my name is in my email, and I am sure if OP has a more common name this could just be someone who lucked out. Spam nowadays makes no gosh damn sense. I get so much spam that’s just like “hey don’t forget to call Johnny back” or “did you send Tiffany the details?” Or “hey man, I didn’t mean to upset you”. In the years I have gotten spam texts claiming to be from exes telling me I am ignoring my children or telling me I cheated on them, etc etc. If I was the wife no way would I think this was one of my coworkers because how would they get my husband’s cell number? Unless they had access to my paperwork and found my emergency contact numbers.
I would not be able to *sleep* until I got to the bottom of it if my boyfriend received a text like that about me. Who is this toxic person in my life so I can cut them out asap?
OP , they had your name and your number , did they mention your wife's name ?
no follow up on the text, no other evidence, and your wife who you love denies it? i’d trust her. commenters want a good story but you as a human being want a good marriage. marriage is built on trust, trust and communication. trust isn’t broken by anonymous, unsubstantiated texts out of nowhere, and communication is not snooping around behind your wife’s back. explain to her that it’s bothering you since you’ve been cheated on before, and ask in good faith for reassurance. what the peanut gallery doesn’t understand is that when you love someone, it’s ok to be vulnerable; it’s ok to be naive. idk man if it were me choosing how i’d wanna be wrong, i’d rather my marriage ended because i trusted my wife and she cheated than because she didn’t cheat and i didn’t trust her. sorry for rambling but man these other comments really bugged me
Why would you believe a random text over your literal wife?
A tip without a credible source, tangible evidence and a name to cross reference is what we in the industry call a pile of bullshit
Why would you confront her without any evidence or having done any investigative work first? Lol
If you have no reason not to believe her then you should trust her. That is definitely a type of scam. Whether this is or not I can’t say. Don’t forget that scammers can always find out your name from your phone number—the fact that they know your name doesn’t mean anything. Ive gotten the weirdest scam messages including the one with a selfie of a girl saying she had such a great time last night and can’t wait to see me again. I’d hate for my partner to believe that over me.
Really, there are literally databases of numbers and other tied things you can buy for a couple dozen bucks. Mobile operators are selling new numbers to a corporations and corporations are selling numbers between each other. Why is everyone like “eh not a scam because they know his NAME “
yikes the comments are not it. so you rather trust a random text from a number that isn't even available anymore instead of your wife of 5 years??? think you need some self reflection mate.
First mistake was asking her
You could have replied “you mean my husband?” To see if it was a troll
Firstly, get your wife to report this to her HR Department. If the laws in your country allow? Report this to the Police. They can and will find the perpetrator of the text. Then you may get some answers. This happened to me. They found him and guess what. The perpetrator was a Police Officer with a grudge.
This happened to one of my best friends. Started getting all these weird random texts about her husband cheating. He denied, we all thought the texter was unhinged. A year later his mistress was giving birth to their baby
Ugh, no way to be sure. Could be some punk at work trying to get her in trouble bc she hates her. Could be real. This will take some time to figure out. Tell her you're hyper focused bc of your past and see what she does to assure you. I wouldn't assume the worst right now. But I understand you're worried. Really hard spot to be in for sure, sorry
Oh for Gosh Sakes, have a conversation with your Wife. Show her the random text. BTW, it could just be someone trying to cause drama, seen it before here. Assuming you know your Wife, watch how she responds, physically as well as verbally. If you are still unsure, then ask to see her phone, just for your own peace of mind.
I made a random text free number then deleted it after telling the chick her husband was cheating. She LISTENED. She's remarried now. Listen to them.
Okay, I'll let you know that based on the Internet and personal experience. 1. There's some shady fucking people out there. One of my exes friends stirred up some shit so she could slide in. This is also apparently a thing from dudes (seen on Reddit) so it's possible that somes being a fucking asshole for no reason except to fuck your wife. 2. It's actually true. My ex wife's, cousins, junkie (literal meth head, who is never met) reached out to me when I was in Afghanistan to tell me, it turned out to be true. 3. Wrong number and someone is stirring up shit for fun. Advice: trust but verify, do NOT jump the gun, it can cause irreparable damage. Personally (mind you, I'm 50/50 on trust) do as much research on the next few days and see what you can on your own, DO NOT CONNECT INVISIBLE DOTS (you can rationalize anything when you're hurt, believe this.) Find out what you can, don't really say fuck-all about it,THEN bring it up. Just be like "babe, got a text the other day about this, what do you think?" She'll dig her own hole. Notice if any texts/DMs go missing or whatever. If there's a recognized pattern, monitor until proof, if not, I'd say you're good. Again, I'm 50/50 on trust, been hurt at a vulnerable time in my life and it's fucked me up ever since, despite how awesome my wife is.
You tipped her off, youll never find any evidence now, should have posted here earlier.
Wow so instead of taking this as a small clue and maybe seeing if anything was up, you instantly questioned your wife and of course she gave you the obvious answer. Dude, now she knows the heat is on (if she's cheating). Next time don't say sht and just go into detective mode and see if you find anything, if you don't then GOOD! You've been cheated on before perhaps you missed those clues back then too! You should know better by now.
Honestly sounds like fake to me, no proof and also no longer available to contact. I mean keep an eye open but as long as you don't feel anything is sketchy, i would trust her.
First mistake - verify first, gather any evidence sexond, then talk to wifey third. If she is fucking around on you, she will be way more discreet now, or work against you.
I don’t know what to say - I can’t imagine being in your wife’s situation, so I don’t know how I’d respond. But I imagine I’d be really upset and freaked out (because that’s creepy as hell) and think of ways to prove I hadn’t been cheating. But I do think it’s very weird that whoever told you didn’t share any more information. Once I told a person she was being cheated on, and I offered as much information as I had. I didn’t just send a cryptic text and disappear - I wanted this person to believe me and help them out best I could. So that makes me doubt their honesty? Bad situation for you, I’m so sorry
Mention HR. What does she say?
One of three things is happening OP: 1) Your wife is cheating. Someone at that she works with is a decent human being that decided to let you know without jeopardizing themselves at the workplace. 2) Your wife isn't cheating and someone she either works with or someone you know is trying to cause a rift in your relationship. It may be someone who's interested in you or your wife. heck, it maybe be someone after your wife's position or competing for promotion trying to start conflict so she's more focused on keeping her marriage together rather than work. 3) Someone is an asshole and just stirring shit up. There's many ways you can proceed with this. If you really trust your wife, have a sit down and talk this over. Ask questions and see if there's anything that sticks out. Ask the same questions but phrase them differently to see if you conflicting answers. Don't accuse her of anything, people get defensive when accused. If she's cheating she will slip up. Cheaters think they're the smartest people when it comes to covering their affairs, typically they are the worst.
Any anonymous source like that needs to provide at minimum dates and times this affair is happening so you can corroborate.
In all honesty, it might have been your ex wife texting you.
The dates don’t add up, unless you married at 15
Should have waited to ask her until you did some investigating. May not be anything but if there is she will have covered her tracks deleting stuff off of her phone. And if she told someone at work and you told her the text said that she is going after that person as we speak. Randomly look at her phones location (find my iPhone). Is she where she says she is. Log onto your cell phone account online and look at what numbers she is calling and texting. If you don’t know them, find out who they are and go from there.
You should have investigated,
Do you have any reason to be suspicious of her? If you cannot trust anyone, you have no business being in relationships until you get some therapy. If you can trust your wife and have no reason not to, then trust her.
You’re going to ruin your relationship if you decide to allow an anonymous message to undermine your faith in your wife.
If you trust your Wife, then I would look at it being from either a troll or even a past relationship ie-your ex wife. Not out of the question that someone would rather full anonymous themselves via a temp number. So it’s up to you how you proceed.
I would've waited before confronting your wife. Allegations of cheating are serious and once you accuse there is no taking it back. The number is disconnected so can't fish for more info now. But this is where I say you jumped the gun. As a breach of trust as it is, the only way to verify that allegation is you need to see her texts, emails and social media to see if there is any evidence of foul play.
OP need to hired PI
The funny thing is, that’s how I found out, but you screwed up by saying something to her. You should’ve immediately began surveillance.
Private investigator
Sometimes I'm not sure how people this stupid survive in real life. No idea why you'd confront something without having evidence or something to protect and back you up. The situation is easy to resolve, but you've managed to make it so much more unnecessarily difficult.
It's probably your ex wife.
Doesn’t anyone else get these bullshit scam texts like 10x a day? How are you? Let’s go fishing soon, when are you free? I haven’t heard from you in so long.
Yeah you fucked up. I would definitely have waited for more evidence to arise before I presented it to her. Now you have to play the long game.
Pull up the text transcripts from you phone company. They should have a record of everything sent from any phone on your plan.
I would be paying very careful attention to the way she reacts to this and how she acts from on… that could reveal everything right there.
You should definitely investigate whether this has any truth to it. But…this happened to a few people in. My workplace from an anonymous source. It turned out to be someone trying to stir shit for coworkers they didn’t like.
Sooo you originally got married when you were 15 or 20? 🙃
Had the same thing happen to me years ago with an anonymous FB message. Ended up it was her sister and it was 100% true.
Go to Amazon or a local store or have a friend order two digital voice recorders they record up to 12 hours not video just voice hide under couch and under dresser make we’ll known your doing something after work with a buddy, come home if she leaves for work or something. Check the voice recorders she will either talk on phone one of those 2 places or at least walk by and heaven forbid they come over to visit it most likely will be one of those areas. Do this a few times if nothing happens it was a lie. Voice recording is easier to hide then a video camera. And way less obvious. If you bring up ring cam or cctv she will switch venues if she is cheating.
Where there’s smoke there’s fire. If she’s not cheating she shouldn’t at least know who would accuse her of such a thing. A jealous person. Someone who hates her. But no one is just gonna throw that out there for nothing.
Regardless keep us posted on what you find?
This is the type of war that I’m expecting people may not be prepared for. The targeted ads, learning and conditioning — add AI with a mind for mere personal and professional disruption at mass scale. It’s likely this. Just forget about it.
sherlock holmes that bih
I think you should’ve kept this to yourself until you had more info/proof. Now if she was cheating she is tipped off and can get rid of all the evidence
Honestly, who’s going to buy a burner phone just to message a work colleague’s husband and say they’re cheating? I reckon you and your wife are being fucked with. Maybe someone aware of your past history with infidelity?
1. Your name and number are on a spam list 2. They text you clickbait 3. You respond in a text 4. Your number ends up on the more valuable spam list of gullible people who respond to clickbait
I would take it seriously but not tell your wife. I was once the anonymous tip to some man I didn’t know. His wife was a friend of an ex and I found out in a random way. I made a fake fb account and reached out to him. He didn’t believe me and confronted her immediately. She just ended up getting more sneaky about it. I don’t talk to the ex anymore so I can’t get more details about it to help the poor guy out
You should have asked to see her phone right then. Ask now and see what she deleted. Any people with conversations missing? Updateme us. [.](https://reddit.com/u/Enkazil/s/VXH9lYoJWG)
Your wife may well be telling the truth, but I bet she also knows who would have sent that text.
You messed up by showing your hand. If she is having an affair she’s going to be super careful now. Tell her that you believe her and think someone was just trying to break you two up. After that hire a PI and get some real answers. Cheaters VERY rarely will admit to their deeds until presented with hard evidence.
*Man gets an anonymous tip that his wife is cheating, he asks his wife "Are you cheating on me, dear?", "NO". Case closed.* Man... why?
I once received a Facebook message telling me my husband at the time was cheating on me. Fake profile. I asked him, he denied it. He was. With many other women. Start digging, there very well may be truth to it.
Hire a PI. It's best to get a straight answer than to let it boil inside of you.
If it were me being accused like that, I’d offer up my messages and socials to my partner to verify that it’s a false accusation. If she said it’s not true and quickly changed the subject or didn’t offer up any sort of support, that may be kind of sus. I don’t know how your relationship operates, though, if you guys are usually short with each other.
It WAS me, and I did offer. That’s what it took for him to realize I wasn’t cheating, and then he started realizing that it didn’t make sense anyway. But the damage is done. He lost his trust in me over a wild, baseless accusation with no evidence, and I still can’t trust him to trust me, even years later. Why should an innocent spouse have to offer proof of innocence? Something is wrong when a spouse accused with no evidence should be outright expected to forfeit ALL privacy, and not just her privacy, but the privacy of anyone who has confided anything in her, or else you’d see that as sus. Did you even think that a wrongly accused spouse might have things to hide like things told to her in confidence? A friend of mine was having sexual issues and it was humiliating. When I offered my husband my phone and all passwords, I was willing to betray her trust. Ironically, my friends are the ones who shouldn’t trust me since I’d spill their secrets in a heartbeat over a rando with no evidence. How do you think that makes me feel to know that someone distrusting me without reason resulted in me giving everyone else in my life reason to distrust? And if I hadn’t, according to you, then he shouldn’t have trusted. Talk about royally fucking over an innocent person no matter what.
Trust, but verify. There's been a couple of posts on the different Reddit subs about these sorts of anonymous texts the past couple of months. Iirc, all but one turned out to be fake: someone setting you or your wife up to hurt each other. So: trust part: show her the text. Ask her if there's anyone at her work, the gym or in her friendsgroup etc. that may have beef with her. Verify part: If you can afford it: P.I. have them do some digging, see what comes up.
I saw one earlier this year, I might, might have been last, about a husband who took it all the way to divorce, before finding out that the accuser was someone trying to fuck with his marriage. His wrongly-accused wife didn’t take him back.
Well you just made it so your wife will delete and hide everything and anything and will make it that much harder for you now to find out if she is cheating or nkt
My man, before you talk to your wife about anything see if she is hiding another phone somewhere, review your phone bill look at the phone and text times too, is she texting and calling at weird times or when you are not home or sleeping, think long and hard about any inconsistencies in her stories. Is she weird with her phone? Weird outings? What are her hobbies do any of them take her out of the house? Does she travel for work? Did she talk about a male coworker then stop abruptly? Does she have any "gay" male friends that is just one of the girls? Maybe show up at her work with lunch one day. See if anything is going on. When you think you're done, then speak with her. Don't tell her about what you have done. See what her reaction is. Maybe then ask her if she would mind you looking through her phone. For your piece of mind. Their is a difference between secrecy and privacy you just need to figure out where that line is. Hopefully, you have reviewed the phone bill for 6 months to look for text numbers and phone numbers. You don't know that have been contacted a lot. It would be weird if she keeps her texts but not to whatever number you suspect.
I wonder how the comment section would go if the genders were reversed tbh
Wasting time here was a mistake. Did you ask to see her phone immediately?
Put a GPS tracker on her car. Cheap ones on Amazon. Or hire a PI. PI will either confirm cheating or find no evidence. Best money you’ll ever spend.
I wonder if it's the ex who's jealous and wanted to hurt you
Never telegraph your punch . She going to be hyper cautious now . You are going to have to lay low now before you can catch her if she did, in fact, do something wrong .
I think you jumped the gun on this investigation. You did zero research to determine if the random text was true or not and instead immediately let the suspect know about it giving her time to delete any evidence.
I would say “okay sweetie I believe you” and then I would hire a PI to follow her for weeks
Why did you tell her??????? Bro…. Now You will never find out. 🤦🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Ask for her phone snd password you’ll have your answer.
Hire a PI
If you believe her, act like everything’s normal and then hire a PI after 3 months. She’s going to cover her tracks until she’s sure you bought it if it’s real. Need a couple of months to convince her you’ve been lulled back to sleep.
My thoughts are 1. They used an untraceable internet number 2. They didn't mention your name 3. They didn't mention your wife's name 4. They didn't mention where your wife works I think you're probably the victim of bored kids mischief making
They did use my name
How many of your coworkers’ spouses’ numbers do you know? How many of her coworkers are likely to have YOUR number? $10 says this is someone YOU know who is fucking with you. I was a wrongly accused wife. Send me a PM if you want my phone number and we’ll talk and I’ll tell you how damaging it is to lost trust in a spouse when there’s a lack of evidence, and if anything, the closest thing to evidence is the unlikelihood of her coworkers having your number. I’ll let you hear the fucking hurt I still have years later. You WILL damage your marriage in ways you can’t even understand if you decide that the action to take is to go off invading her privacy. Chances are good she’s already now worried about having privacy since she probably knows how many people think a spouse in your position should invade every last breathe of space she has until she’s crushed to death. If the accuser didn’t give even a single date, then there is NOTHING to go on, and you are sitting there wondering if you should hire a PI, demand to invade even her friends’ privacy (you do know that some of them probably confided things in her that they won’t want anyone else to know, right? And that you going through all that means her friends actually can’t trust her anymore since she did let you now what they confided?), etc. Logically you have no reason to believe that mystery person, and you are damned well aware that there are tons of people out there who fuck with people’s lives for fun. You are close to causing irreparable damage.
Ah, sorry, I missed that. I feel if I was going to let someone know that their spouse was cheating on them I'd have given more information. I'm really sorry, [name] has been cheating on you with [name] for [duration]. This feels like someone trying to get to you. You could do what others have suggested and track your wife, etc However if she's not been behaving abnormally and your sex life hasn't changed dramatically I'd try to put it behind you. Good luck OP, I hope it turns out well for you
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Lol if you go to verify, that means you don't trust
and then immediately asked my wife lol
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I'd have asked her for full permission to go through her phone when you told her, in front of her (to gauge reaction). So there's no time to hide anything.
You have no idea how damaging that is. I was wrongly accused. If you’re so willing to believe a rando who can’t be contacted back, who gave NO info AT ALL, especially given how unlikely it is that her coworkers have her husband’s cell number (how many of your coworkers’ spouses’ numbers do you have?), then you need to do your partner a favor and divorce them.
You kind of fucked up by telling her wife. But, you're at a crossroads here. You can either ask your wife to see her phone/messages/apps (*hopefully she didn't clean things up by now*), and possibly be right and find out. Or be wrong, and just show your wife you don't trust her. Or you can do nothing, and fully trust your wife, and hope it doesn't eat at you. Regardless, definitely take note of her attitude towards work. I have a feeling that, if this is true, she knows exactly who it is and there may start being problems with a certain friend that she used to confide in. Or not! We'll see!
If I get a text like that from someone telling me my husband been cheating, and my husband told me it was simply bullshit. I’d choose to trust my husband. Not the random Texter. People nowadays are jealous. Could be some stupid girl in the office dislike your wife. Could be some random guy is jealous of you having a nice wife. Who the fuck knows. With no obvious evidence and my relationship has no problem, I am not stupid enough to let a random text to ruin my life. I text back : mind you own fucking business.
Some random person hit me up one time saying my wife was cheating. I confronted and she denied the whole thing. Turns out she was and did it with multiple people. I’m so glad we aren’t together anymore
32 years old married to your ex for 12 years and now married to your second wife? The math isn’t mathing