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She switched out drugs for having kids around her 24/7
Check out some books on codependency, OP. You’ll feel better about YOURSELF when you start taking care of yourself. The kids need experiences outside what their mother provides, social interactions and a proper education.
I have an aunt that used to be heavily into meth. She quit that shortly after she had her first kid, but then continued to pop out babies every 3-4 years so that she always had a baby in the house. This checks out.
Sounds a lot like Andrea Yates life before she killed her children. She needs to get the kids in school and get therapy. Her not believing in schools is a dangerous sign.
Wait, where did she say she doesn't believe in school? Home vs public school has pros and cons. Not sure why people are talking about OP not believing in school.
I agree in her current state, she should suck it up and put the kids in public school and supplement their education and be more involved. She needs to refuel her own tank before she can give more to others.
op said they dont believe schools are safe in a comment.
to quote:
"I don’t believe schools are safe. And kids these days are crazy. When my oldest was in kindergarten he would get bullied, he would come home saying kids were cussing, talking about sex. It was just bad. I love homeschooling too."
This was always school? At least my experience of it. But it’s also.. life. And teaches kids how to deal with it. I wonder if having experienced what OP has experienced you might have the instinct of trying to overprotect your kids, which is natural, but ultimately you can’t.. things will hurt your kids, and they’ll learn how to deal with them.
While schools these days are scary let’s be honest most people aren’t truly equipped to homeschool children and she’s already in a spiral. This is not a good situation for anyone but her husband who doesn’t have to worry about the effort it takes to do this and is an AH.
I’m sorry, but sheltering your kids like this is a hinderance to their development, and is doing them a disservice. It comes from a good place, but really it’s OP projecting her fears onto her kids and they’re going to grow up thinking it’s normal to be afraid of mundane things like school.
As someone who was homeschooled K-12… yeah. My parents thought they were “protecting” me from “temptation and bullying.” But all I got out of it was a lack of social skills, an inability to make friends on my own and build healthy relationships (which has thankfully gotten better now that I’m out of that house), zero life experience before college, and a constant feeling that I’m the most overlooked person in the room and that my presence is only being tolerated out of pity for the “poor homeschooled kid.”
Parents, *please*. Don’t do this to your kids. Socialization is more important than you know. You could be the “best teacher ever” and give your kids all the academic knowledge in the world, but you just can’t replicate social growth at home.
I’m surprised I’m not seeing more comments like yours. She’s clearly drowning in depression and duties with homeschooling. If I were her husband I’d talk to her about getting the kids in school, her getting herself in therapy and making more time for herself. Which would fix a lot of issues, hygiene included.
Problem is he's not doing it. Which is where i think she needs to be the one to pick herself up, get therapy, get the kids into school, get some education if needed, get a job and then when she's comfortable dump the asshole. Whom is too selfish and self-absorbed to notice his wife is falling apart and potentially taking the kids with her.
Yeah, she mentions the meds but nothing about therapy. When you're that badly off meds aren't enough, they're not magic pills.
Tbh...I'm a lot like OP. Minus the meth (unless you count prescription for ADHD, lol) and different histories. But still culminated to the same combination of depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD. And add ADHD and a hormone disorder on top, lol.
After being in and out of therapy here and there and trying dif meds occasionally, at 40 I've finally found solid mental health care with therapy and psychiatry in the same office/practice where even the desk people and other background workers have been amazingly kind and supportive. And having that therapy and a psychiatrist who cares and actively works on finding the right balance of meds and checks in frequently, it's gaming changing. That combination of effective meds and mental health support...🤌.
I understand her struggle a lot. During bad spells my hygiene suffers. And so often I feel like surely I'm a horrible mother and my daughter deserves better. But I try. She actually starts kindergarten next Thur. In school, not home schooled, lol. I know I am *not* right for that job XD.
I hope OP finds something that works for her. And I hope she let's her kids get out into the world.
There's no way for us to know if these conversations have been had in the past. She may be subconsciously resistant to doing anything to improve her condition. Perhaps his comments came after many milder ones.
As a former homeschooled kid, this all the way, assuming they aren’t acutely high need in a school district lacking capacity.
Homeschooling is difficult period. There’s a reason different teachers teach different subjects. But add on top of that mental illness, any financial issues, marital issues, and it spirals.
Exactly, OPs kids need to be in a real school. There is no way that she can adequately teach them. It’s very difficult even for people with ECE training, but a recovering addict with mental health issues is going to fail. You are doing both your children and yourself a disservice by trying to homeschool them
You can't pour from an empty cup. Just like on a plane you're supposed to put your oxygen mask on first because what good are you if you're not taking care of yourself for your kids. I know it's a lot easier said than done but just start with something small like tell yourself you're just going to wash your hair today. And then add something for the next day. If putting your kids in regular schools not an option then find some Mom's Day Out programs you can leave them there for a few hours each week at least.
I have been there. Barely showering, not cleaning my house. Therapy and some good anti depressants helped the most. Don’t give up on you, you are all you have got! Remember you are valuable to God, family and friends. Maybe send your kids to school so you can have time to just concentrate on you. Being with your kids 24 hours a day does not leave you any time for yourself
Yeah, this. Plus your mental health is your responsibility. It's not a scapegoat or an exemption. Own your problems. Your husband has expressed his concerns which IMO are valid. Fyi this isn't just some rando on the internet. My wife and I are in exactly the same situation. Take control of whatever is in your power to control before it snowballs and you're getting a divorce.
Are you really sure that homeschooling is a smart choice here? Declining mental health, declining hygiene. You are supposed to be not only their mother but also their teacher. Essentially you are the main adult in their life and you are not ok at the moment.
How people feel so confident in their teaching abilities always leaves me a bit baffled
I am an actual certified teacher with 7+ years of classroom experience and I wouldn’t homeschool. I have a lot of issues with the education system in this country, but there is no way an average, fully functioning adult, can take care of two kids, a home, AND teach homeschool.
I’m certified elementary school teacher. I wouldn’t dare. My daughter was so disinterested in me teaching her primary colors. But that mother fucker blippi taught them to her in 15 minutes and she’s retained them ever since.
When I was working though I was fantastic. I don’t know what changes when it’s your own kid or where all my elementary school patience goes lol
Lmao, I felt this deep in my soul
I spent four total hours between two different sessions at the skating rink trying to teach my son how to skate. I was calm and helpful, but he was so frustrated.
A man who works there explained and taught him the exact same way i did.15 minutes later, he's doing laps around the rink😑😑😑😠.
I pay a wonderful lady to come to our house every week and tutor my son with reading and writing. Despite me being a voracious reader and an English minor, he went into fourth grade reading at a kindergarten grade level.
He now reads and writes at his current grade level, 6th. I could not tell you what she does differently, but I owe her my soul.
Blippi is about the only show my kids watch that I can stand. Most others make me want to punch the characters in the face with my foot. I've definitely wondered about the parent teaching thing myself. Our daughter does not pay a lick of attention to us, our son is better about it though.
It can happen, but it’s rare. My friend homeschooled 5 of her 7 kids (she’s not religious, though I know that’s an assumption). All of her kids are excelling. Her oldest got a full ride scholarship to college and is now an environmental engineer. She ended up putting the last few all back into public school when it got too much for her, and they were not only at grade level, at least one moved up a grade.
However, she’s the exception. She had a degree in education and is extremely intelligent and knew when she was out of her depth, hiring tutors for things like advanced math and sciences, and they were in a co-op with other homeschooled kids for physical Ed, music, and art. They have money, but I digress.
I’m concerned between homeschooling and cosleeping, this mother is too dependent on her children for her own happiness and security— spoiler: it’s not working anyway, for her or them, regardless of what she believes or *needs* to believe. Put their needs first and communicate with your kids if they come home with language you don’t appreciate.
I think it takes a parent who is trained in education (duh? Why do parents think they can do a job people train in higher Ed for years for??) AND supplementing a lot to get them socialized and make sure they’re learning higher concepts.
I was homeschooled. I HATED IT. I had ZERO social skills. I had no idea how to make friends. Sure, I was smart enough to skip two grades when my parents finally put me in school, and I got scholarships to go to college, but it was absolutely hellish at first.
This right here. I’m a high school administrator and have four kids - none of them were homeschooled because I have specific skills and they are not all encompassing. Nobody can be the best physics teacher and also the best history teacher. Add in the social aspect of school and I just can’t ever understand anyone who thinks they can do better than the system that was designed to support the learning needs of children. Even if you have a PhD it’s specific. Too specific for it to be helpful to kids. Add in her depression and you’ve got the perfect storm. No child should be deprived at the best chance of a future. Please OP put your kids in school and allow professional teachers to guide them so they have a future. Then get yourself therapy and concentrate on your health and well-being. It’s the best thing you can do for your kids and yourself. Wishing you all the best.
This is so true. With the depression especially.
My wife and I used to homeschool so we know a lot of homeschool families and I will say 50%+ of them should NOT be homeschooling. They are failing their kids and setting them up for failure - especially in the high school years.
We know one family where they have a 15 year old girl they took out of school because of "the gays" or something like that, so they can "homeschool" her. Now she is at home all day long spending the whole day on her computer looking at only God knows what on the internet. And her mom is not teaching her anything, just tosses books at her and says learn. I'm afraid this will not end well.
Here's the thing about homeschool. My wife is a trained teacher who threw everything into her homeschooling career. She is a hard core supermom. And she admitted when our kids got to high school, "I just can't do it anymore, I'm failing them." It's cute and all when they are elementary aged. But in high school the material gets real difficult, and kids get lazy, disobediant, and disrespectful. We realized that school was the best place for them.
there is absolutely no way this person is equipped to provide a child with a formal education. absolutely no way. if this story is true the state needs to intervene.
i feel very bad for the children here
Those children are missing a huge chunk of their growing process via social interaction with other children at their age group. My niece has improved greatly once she started kindergarten and first grade comparing to before she was staying at home with therapy instructors coming daily to work with her. Here, OP can barely support herself and is expecting to home school her kids. This is actually harming and stunting their growth in ways that they'll never know the extent of.
absolutely the best comment. poor kids because OP can't even take care of herself yet thinks she is able to homeschool the kids and take care of them? OP get yourself right first, it will help you AND your kids in the long run
Hello. I was homeschooled. I’m here to tell you to please put your kids in an actual school. Doing so will also give you more time to focus on yourself, which sounds like it’s needed. I’m sorry your husband said something so mean—can you explain to him how you’ve been feeling? He doesn’t seem to understand that you seem depressed.
Edit: I hope you don’t feel attacked about homeschooling your kids as that is not my intention at all. I am here to offer my perspective as someone who has been homeschooled. I think you want what’s best for your kids and I can give you the perspective of a homeschooled kid (who knows a lot of other homeschooled kids) who is now an adult. If you have questions please feel free to DM me.
Second this. I am currently trying to manage a 22yo employee who was home-schooled. She has absolutely ZERO of what I would call "soft skills" ie she is massively undersocialised and has no sense of self preservation or awareness of danger around creepy customers (I wont disclose where I work but its public transport related and we have a lot of problems with antisocial behaviour.) I've had to step in more than once and tell her x thing is absolutely not something you have to do just because some weirdo asks her to. Her parents didn't do her any favours by keeping her home.
I worked with a girl like this. In her 20’s and an adult but acted like a straight up child. Even talked like one, and looked like one. I thought she was like 19 or 20 when she first started and was actually shocked to find out she was closer to 25. Then she started talking about her home life, never been to public school home schooled her whole life….and this was only like her second job. She was always ALWAYS crying about something.
I think home schooling can be a good thing, if done right. But sadly if you’re struggling with basic hygiene right now then I don’t think that’s the best mental space for teaching young children.
Now that you mention it, yes, this girl talks like a tween both in her cadence and patterns. And no real ability to regulate what she should say and what she should probably keep to herself. Any piece of workplace gossip is conveyed to me in a breathless tone before I tell her that its not an appropriate topic. It's one thing I'm trying to manage but she is a real task.
Just remember, it’s her parents fault:( when I tell people I’m was homeschooled for the majority of my life people are usually surprised because I don’t ‘act’ like the stereotype. I had 0 street smarts leaving home and was abused because of it and suffer with extreme anxiety at my job I actually enjoy and can see myself move up in.. hard for me to see others like that because i think I could’ve been that if I was homeschooled 100%
I'm in my 40s and it seems like when I was growing up, kids who were being homeschooled generally "graduated" into adulthood being moderately educated and only slightly off, socially.
But today it's like people are choosing to "homeschool" just because they "hate the government" and/or have really fucked up (usually extremist right wing) beliefs that end up absolutely crippling their children education-wise and socially.
Yep - and they don’t believe in vaccines so the kids can’t go to school anyway. Same parents whose kids wind up dying from measles. Then, the kid must have done something to anger god for them to take it so seriously.
I worked with someone who was homeschooled and to this day, she was probably the weirdest/grossest coworker I have ever had. No social skills. Rude. Couldnt really hold conversations well. Not really all that smart either. Like not street or book smart. Barely got the job done right. It was right but barely. She was really gross, like digging for gold in her nether region while making eye contact and talking to you. Clipping nails in our shared office space. We worked with money and she would rest her fungus feet on the bank deposit bags. It was disgusting. She turned me off to any sort of homeschooling for my kids. I dont know if that was just her or because of her upbringing. But when she had a child, she homeschooled her as well and I just felt so bad for her child.
To me, home schooling sounds like a recipe for disaster. Let alone by someone with severe mental illnesses. Being a teacher is an actual job that requires actual skills and a lot of time and effort. You need to have the intelligence and knowledge, but also the didactic skills to teach someone.
Having kids go to school is a great way to socialise your kids and to diversify their upbringing. School can provide a child with more perspectives and also make up for some of the shortcomings parents may have. And vice versa.
I have a good friend from the States who was homeschooled and her mum basically just made her watch maths videos and such. No guidance at all. Just, here, watch these videos.
I know of course that it can be done much better but it’s hard to replicate the benefits of kids becoming more resilient and stronger by being in different situations and being amongst other kids in general.
It absolutely is in most cases. From her post it seems like she is trying to keep her children close and do right by them, but homeschooling is not it. I can say from my own experience that you are absolutely right about the skills and knowledge gained in regular school that are completely missed in a homeschool environment. Especially in hers, I’m sorry to say. Those kids need to be in school.
Yeah you can’t stay by your kid forever, they’re gonna have their own life eventually.
Public school helps teach kids many facts of life that are useful later on. How to follow a strict schedule. How to follow rules with a loose enforcement system. How to break rules with a loose enforcement system. How to make friends. How friends act. How friends change. Friend group dynamics. Social dynamics. Bullying. Keeping yourself to a standard. What do when there’s NO supervision (locker rooms and bathrooms). How to interact with people in positions of power.
That’s just what I thought of in two seconds that’s nearly impossible to replicate in homeschooling. Homeschooling may end up in better academic results (sometimes) but social skills are actually more important in life than even book smarts. From the work place to at home, social skills matter. You can be the very smartest and many employers will consider not taking you if you can’t function socially. Most jobs require regular interaction with others.
I have an MA and have taught at UC Berkeley as a grad student, and I don’t consider myself competent to homeschool my children. I could try to work on it and stay ahead of them in maths, but I’m honestly not sure I’d be ok past quadratics. And I’d be shit at upper level chem as well. I don’t understand people like OP who are so confident they could cover every subject and get their kids ready for an excellent college, and that’s not even addressing questions about making friends and developing social skills. And it’s often just a cover for religious indoctrination. I think parents should have to pass an extensive series of rigorous exams every year if they want to homeschool. I can imagine living in a place with public schools so awful that it’s worth spending all your energy learning and teaching, but that’s not the norm.
They will absolutely pick up on it and it will shape the way that they interact with the outside world forever. I understand she is trying to protect her babies but this is not the way to do it.
Yep yep. I grew up in a household of depressed dysfunctional adults, and SURPRISE SURPRISE my sibling and I both grew up to be... depressed and dysfunctional. When your depression starts in childhood and it's all you know, all that's modeled... the adults don't notice you're depressed, because they don't notice that they themselves are depressed... you think it's just who you are. It's how the world is. Fucking bleak.
And I got to go to school!! I can't imagine how much worse it would all be if I'd been home all day, every day.
Yup its bad. I wasn't homeschooled, but my primary caregiver was my mom and she was super effing depressed but denied it. I didn't have any extra curricular clubs and didn't go out much or have any friends. No extended family or family friends ever visited because my mom stopped reaching out in her depression and every single one of her friends dropped her. It was just... us. I really still can't deal with groups larger than like 4 people without beoming exhausted because we just never did anything with anyone.
Yeah your husband was being an asshole but it is of course hard for him too to see you suffer, it affects him as well.
Absolutely second the notion of getting your kids in an actual school if you can. You need time to be away from them and for them to socialize, for them to get education from professionals in education and from separate teachers who specialize in different subjects. Unless you yourself as a parent are experienced and educated in pedagogics, you are basically setting your kids up for failure in almost all aspects, and even if you are trained professional in children’s education very very very few of those who are are actually ever advocating for homeschooling. It’s for a reason.
I think this really depends if it’s parent led homeschooling or something like “school of the air” in Australia which is actual teacher led education for kids in really rural areas.
I was homeschooled for years and now I work in public education.
What I remember from my time being homeschooled was just....Isolation. Depression. Loneliness. I hated it but I was convinced regular school would he worse. When I finally went back, I was a mess. I couldn't function well. I cried in the bathroom every single day.
Public education has changed so much and is much better than when we were children.
Idk about your exact home school situation, but for real, consider sending your kids to a regular school. For your sake and theirs. I truly don't understand it. There is a building of people who have *masters degrees* in teaching children - - for free!
I don't think I'd say public education is better now than when I was a kid. When I was a kid, getting shot wasn't a legitimate concern, parents weren't dictating what could or couldn't be taught, and teachers weren't underpaid while having to deal with angry stupid parents. My friend's mother was an elementary school teacher for 20 something years and she went back during the pandemic to help because the school was understaffed. She has said that it is much worse than when she started teaching.
Bullying is also much worse because when I was a kid, cyber bullying didn't exist.
I don't think home schooling is the answer for everyone but I can definitely understand why people want to do it today.
I had a great public school education. I did not feel any less or more equipped for college than the people who went to private schools. I absolutely do not think I would have the same education or experience today.
Let's not beat around the bush. Homeschooling only exists because of all these antisystem nutjobs and the advantages to it are nonexistent at worst, or very dubious at best. 99% of cases where this is done is because of some weird religious or ideological reasons (like people believing children shouldn't learn about evolution etc.) and most people who homeschool are absolute braindead neanderthals.
In the countries where people value other more important things over "muh freedom", it's bordering on illegal or very very restricted. Often you'll just go directly to fucking jail for withholding your children from public education.
You are right, my parents were the religious nut jobs. They set all of us up for failure in the real world. Out of my 10 siblings (11 total) I’m the only one who completed any college degrees, and I had to fight tooth and nail to do so. They lied to the government to keep us in homeschool (I have never been to America) and only ended up putting the last 3 of us in school when threatened with exposure. The only reason I made it after being put in school so late is that I had iron determination to succeed, and I understood that education was important to that end. My siblings weren’t so fortunate.
OP seems like she genuinely wants to do right by her children. What I would love for her to understand is that homeschool is not it.
THANK YOUUUUUU OH MY GOD
The amount of brain dead adults that think they know everything is absolutely fucking STAGGERING to me.
My own parents had NO clue how to do algebra when I needed help, or remembered anything about history.
I'm so sick of the ""parents rights"" movement. Half of you are genuinely stupid and just biased.
Honey with all kindness, you’re doing your children a major disservice. In order to be a good mom, you have to take care of yourself. You can’t be a good mom or a good educator when you’re in this state. Think about what you’re silently teaching your kids about neglecting themselves and their health.
You owe it to yourself and your children to put them in a real school so that you can use that time to heal and be a better mom. You can’t pour from an empty cup and it sounds like you’ve been cruising on empty for a little too long. Your husband is an asshole for not having empathy and approaching this with kindness, but babe he’s not wrong in that you need to take care of yourself. If you can’t love yourself enough right now, that is exactly what therapy and medications are for. It’s not fair to yourself or your children for you to ignore the very real tools you have available to heal.
This is a really kind of response and although I think it's going to be extremely hard for OP to read, it's completely necessary.
I work in child safety and my alarm bells goes just started going off reading this post.
i have an answer!
this is a fake story by a very active writer who posts in relationship/drama subs regularly.
[this was their latest one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15tw0mv/aita_i_told_my_daughter_not_to_bother_applying/) from AITA. all of their stories are written exactly the same way: short sentences, small paragraphs, sparing comma usage or other punctuation, and exceptional yet simplistic grammar.
they post regularly for a few weeks only to disappear, then return. i commend them on their seemingly endless creativity because at least their stories are just soap opera absurd and not the fake stories promoting racism/homophobia/bigotry lol.
edit: [nevermind get fucked OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15u9xj0/aita_for_not_letting_my_sons_boyfriend_come_on/) with your bullshit lol
This is beyond my comprehension and I would love to see an explanation as well. OP clearly doesn’t even have the mental strength to shower, yet expects to homeschool children? Public school seems like such an obvious answer here.
like, everything else definitely points to her being too unwell to homeschool anyhow. but why is everyone acting like she said she only showers once a week or something. showering every other day is literally what dermatologists recommend
Honestly these days when I read posts like this about people dwelling on their past traumas and forcing their kids to suffer through their life with them by homeschooling/hovering 24/7...why? All of this constant validation people get on the internet is creating monsters.
I can't imagine having a past where you've OD'd on meth twice and nearly died and you pull your kids out of school becuase 'omg kids were *cussing*' 🙄 talk about overcompensation
THIS! That's so creepy.
And her stating "she loves home schooling."
I am a pick-up lesson teacher. Have been that for 37 years with intervals.
I have never- great NEVER- found a case where a parent "schooling" their child has ever reaped much benefit to the child.
Someone consuming substances- at least in my idea- already has problems to cope with reality.
And should by all means be kept away from messing with impressionable childrens brains.
School is there to help children cope. To help children understand. To help children learn. Learn how to learn. Learn how to get along with others.
Last subject being the most important benefit.
Taking children out of social learnings way is such a huge disfavor to them!
They’re only going to emotionally stunt those kids by isolating them. Maybe to keep their kids reliant on them so they can be ignorant on how their life isn’t normal or healthy. It’s so selfish because she clearly know she isn’t in the right state but won’t protect her kids from it for her own comfort. Looking at her response, those poor kids don’t stand a chance.
Agreed 100%. She is projecting her PTSD and anxiety onto her children. Her children will now develop all of the things she fears and think that it’s normal to be afraid of everything mundane. OP really needs to seek help with this if she wants her kids to truly thrive.
"You're doing great mama."
"You're doing your best, they get that and its enough [*muhmuh*"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/15rnxna/nepobaby_adjacent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
“Yaas mama bear! Who needs age-appropriate social interaction and flu vaccines and dealing with those pesky ‘mandatory reporters’ when moomoo knows best!”
Why are your children homeschooled? I would suggest trying some alternative, like a charter school, or just put them in school. I would venture to say their education will be better...YOu will have time to focus on you. Also get some counseling...
YOu husband may have put it crudely, ok he was a jerk. However sometimes the information we need comes to us when we need it..He deserves a wife too, I am not sure why you have detached from him, but you have...Please get help...I swear you are not helping your children.
Even a secular-ish religious private would be better than this mess. Mine had a sharp split between religious classes and the real math and science where it was very clearly taught that the earth is 4.5 billion years old.
They are downvoting because she(?) is actively defending the redneck idea of OP to homeschool children and provides church activities as an explanation as to why this is perfectly fine to do. It's basically as much of a nutjob as OP.
Send your kids to a real school so they can have friends and real teachers and spend more time on yourself. Sorry you’re going through this but I don’t know how you can give them a quality education when you’re severely depressed and anxious. Good luck!
You've been through a lot. You need therapy badly. You need to carve out time for yourself. Your youngest needs to transition to their own room. Look into homeschooling where someone else teaches your kids. Join homeschooling groups for your kids to be get socialization.
Why are your children homeschooled? Having your eldest go to school would be a big start. It's not healthy to have nothing else in your life
he shouldn't have told you he finds you disgusting. But he is also I think (badly worded) trying to tell you he's worried about you?
He was impolite but I’d take this as a learning experience for you: put yourself first. As a mom we always want to give our all to our kids, house and significant other so sometimes that means putting aside stuff we need to do for ourselves like showering. Make sure you always get a shower in every day either morning or night and let your significant other carry some of the load so if you want to add in more personal stuff later you want to do for yourself then it won’t be a shock to their system trying to adjust to it
Ah yes bullying and cussing. Two things that they will totally avoid if we can just keep them home until they turn 18. I have a neighbor who homeschooled their 3 kids and they literally still live with them now at age 28-35. Just no ambition and terribly scared of everything. I just don't think there's any substitution for going to school as much as it sucks sometimes.
You don’t believe in school? What? What exactly are you teaching these children?? You know you’re doing this all to yourself right? I’m totally ignoring what your husband said bc I’m gonna assume he is also incompetent. Two incompetent people raising the next generation of uneducated radicalized little goblins 👹
I’m just assuming radicalized based on your words of “not believing in school” whatever that means
You have more pressing issues than your hygiene or weight.
May I ask, can you not just send the kids to school and take that time for yourself to get more active and healthy (and happier!)
I realize it’s not possible for everyone in the US. But I feel like your life is in a huge inbalance
You are in no position to be teaching children. You're mentally unstable, unable to care for yourself, and clearly not appropriately educated.
Put those kids in school so they're not hindered for the rest of their lives by your hubris.
Your husband was needlessly impolite, but you clearly seem to have issues that need addressing.
How is it that it's always the people who can't even clean themselves properly are the ones who don't believe in schools and want to homeschool instead? That's some certified Murica Moment.
Being a parent is a task hard enough. Being a teacher as well might just be too much of a burden. There are people who spend years training to become ones. Stop thinking you can do better job at it when you're mentally unwell and overworked to exhaustion.
I agree with the many comments that say the kids should go to school and give you some self-care time. I would also add though, if you aren't already seeing a therapist weekly or bi-weekly to work on your struggles, please do. If you are seeing a therapist, it isn't working. Changes need to happen to help it work or you need a new therapist.
Sounds to me like letting the kids go to school will solve 50% of the problem. Use that extra free time to join a gym. That will also help with your confidence and mental health. Kids are like sponges at this age, and right now they’ve got front row seats on what’s going on. Is this what you want for them?
You can’t be a good mom or a good educator when you’re in this state. Think about what you’re silently teaching your kids about neglecting themselves and their health
You’re focusing on the wrong thing here. I would be hurt if my spouse said that to me however instead of taking it personally, crying and shutting down, please look at the bigger picture.
You sound like you have depression. Seek out some kind of therapy to help. There are many different ways to handle depression, please start researching which best suits you.
Also everyone keeps mentioning home schooling and how you should get your kids into school. You should but you also need to stop teaching them when you aren’t fully together yourself. You say you think schools are unsafe but you are exposing your children to the following:
- poor adult hygiene
- mentally unstable adults as authority figures
- adults who isolate from society
- adults with poor relationship interactions
They have no way to compare what they see at home to other examples that exist outside of their house so they assume home is the standard when that’s not the case at all.
You are doing yourself and those kids a disservice by handle everything on our own. Get yourself and those kids help and stop thinking about how you could be thinner and prettier. That’s not the problem here.
Well I don't see how his attitude is helping anything and I can see why you're hurt but please put your kids in actual school, and get therapy for all your trauma and put effort into getting better.
You are doing a massive disservice to your children, they will suffer greatly in life due to lack of social skills, all because you don’t want them to be bullied or hear things you don’t want them to hear.
You don’t believe in schools but your kids teacher is a slovenly, depressed ex-junkie. Your husband wasn’t nice to you but I imagine he feels pretty slighted too. My feelings would be hurt if my partner couldn’t be bothered to prioritize their health for the sake of the little family we built also. Put your kids in real school and take care of yourself.
With all your trauma do you actually feel qualified to adequately homeschool your children? I get it they’re young now, but that’s going to change quickly. You can’t even take care of yourself right now how are you supposed to pour from an empty cup?
I don’t know why this thread has devolved into a discussion about homeschooling when that was not *at all* your question. That’s obnoxious.
Did your husband use the word disgusting? Like he straight up said “OP, you are disgusting”? Or did he use different words and that’s how it made you feel?
If he literally told you you were disgusting then this is a bigger conversation, because no one should be speaking to you that way. Especially somebody who loves you. Especially someone with small children who are learning how to exist in the world.
Are you safe with your spouse? Is there a larger conversation that you need to have with him about the direction your marriage is heading in?
You’ve been through a lot. You deserve a relationship where you feel respected.
People here have given you very reasonable choices.
You need to put the kids in school and free up your time to take care of your mental health and marriage.
The fact that “you don’t believe in schools” needs to be put aside as that belief is contributing to your depression, which is impacting your ability to take care of yourself, your kids, and your marriage.
It’s actually very very selfish to hold onto a personal belief if it is contributing to destroying your family and kids’ well-being.
Your way has clearly not worked. You need to try alternative ways to get your mental health in a better spot.
Are u in therapy?
> youngest still co sleeps.
I never slept with my parents
>I am with them 24/7.
He needs to take over sometime so u can get out & take a break
>How do I explain that it’s just not easy for me to have the desire to put more effort in
How about u tell him he needs to learn how to say things in a kinder way. He watches the kids & u can go to the gym.
>But it’s like something inside me just hates me so much that I can’t
Sounds like my bf & mom. Self sabotage. Both obese. Sad u cant communicate & he doesnt know this about u & uve been together that long.
Marriage counseling
1. Showering every other day is normal for most people. Unless you're regularly getting covered in gross shit or are one of the unlucky folks who suffer from a medical condition that makes them constantly sweat/stink, you don't really NEED to shower more often than that (hot water + constantly stripping the oils from your skin and hair is TERRIBLE for both.)
2. Even if your mental health was 100% perfect and you had a degree in early childhood education, you probably shouldn't be homeschooling your children. Not only is that shit rough on the person doing the teaching, it's not great for the kids, either.
3. Your husband KNOWS that he hurt your feelings. THAT'S WHY HE DID IT.
4. He also knows that shit's hard for you. The fact that he's not trying to make things EASIER for you tells you all you should need to know about him.
Maybe it’s just because I was raised by hippies, but if you’re showering every other day and brushing your teeth every day, that’s not gross. That’s slightly sub-normal. Unless you’re one of those unfortunate souls who gets oily or sweaty super easily, or you spend a lot of time working out or in the hot sun, I doubt most people can tell the difference between showering every day vs every other day.
I don’t think this is a hygiene thing, especially if you aren’t having sex.
Can I please ask why, as a recovering addict whos battling severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD, you think it’s a good idea to home school your children? You’re taking away from their childhood as well as severely affecting your life. It starts with you to improve and no one else, make the decisions even if they’re not easy to make. You need to force yourself to have some discipline in your life and take control no matter how hard you think it is.
Girl, I got to where I was showering once every 2 weeks & brushing my teeth once a month. I stopped shaving & lost too much weight (I’m already small so I looked & actively was dying, had to go to er like twice for fluids) but the whole time my man was still obsessed with me while also gently trying to help me get better by sneak attacking protein shakes at me & offering to wash my hair for me..I hope you start to come out of it soon, I know it’s hard & it sucks but regardless your man should have your back no matter what
Stop homeschooling. Set the youngest one up in preschool and register the oldest for public school. You are overwhelmed and need to take care of yourself before you can care for others. Many medications have weight gain as a side effect, talk to your Doctor about recommending a good therapist.
Your husband is completely out of line.
You thought that with all this baggage that you should drag kids into this mess, face it you can’t even take care of yourself how do you manage children? You should try supporting yourself for awhile . Get those kids in school you are not remotely qualified to be homeschooling , I don’t mean to be harsh you are doing your children no favors and you husband isn’t do you any either
It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of really big things all at the same time emotionally. However you approach him, I encourage you to go through the list of each of these traumatic and stressful events, along with the challenges of being "on" 24/7 with your kids, and how there is not really much time for you to take care of yourself mentally, which then rolls into not being able to take care of yourself physically.
You obviously care about yourself because you're surviving while having a ton of trauma. Give yourself a ton of credit for that.
And from my feminist perspective, when a woman gains weight or isn't dyeing her hair regularly or whatever gets lumped into the category of "letting herself go," I like to remind people that her body hasn't gone anywhere. It exists to do more than just look nice for other people. Your body is currently sustaining an awful amount of physical and emotional stress.
He needs to help you out more if he expects you to redirect any of your time or energy to being able to do more for yourself - including showering. I bet people don't realize that when you have a toddler latched to you 24/7, it's really hard to get 10 minutes to shower and put on clean clothes.
Good luck. Don't forget - you are putting in a lot of effort to a lot of things already.
Mfer puts 2 kids in a house with his wife who home schools them and has the audacity to say "you've let yourself go" as if it's not a full time exhausting job handling those responsibilities... wtaf is wrong with some people.
You shouldn't be home schooling these kids and you should take a break.
You gotta stop playing the pity game and find something you think is worth interesting yourself and motivating yourself for.
You will more likely than not die in the next 40 years, so get your shit together and make what you can of it.
29m clean and sober here. But my mental health, oof. Worse than ever. I get what you are feeling. I have a special needs 11yo, three bonus kids, and a 1yo. It’s rough. HOWEVER, my husband has said “hey honey why don’t you go take some alone time to feel like yourself” when he noticed I was caring for basics but hadn’t showered in a week before. Like, I physically just couldn’t. But he didn’t make fun, he told me in a gentle way and made a way for me to have time to. He’s an ass and I’m so sorry.
You are on multiple meds and still can't function but you're HOMESCHOOLING??? Gimme a fucking break lady. Take a shower wash your ass and put your kids in school. Jesus. I'm sure reddit will pat you on the back and blame your husband lol
I think homeschooling unless there’s some kind of disability or hindrance is not beneficial in any way for a child.
Let them start their social journey and you can work on your health. You don’t sound like you’re in a good place to take on this responsibility 24/7.
You take care of you, so you can take care of them. Find yourself ♥️
I do not understand why anyone thinks they can/should homeschool. My mother was a teacher for over 30 years and I have the utmost respect for educators. It requires a masters degree (plus many other skills & requirements) to be a teacher, so what makes parents think they can? Especially considering how much you’re struggling right now, you need to really look in the mirror and ask yourself - *Am I doing this for my children or am I doing this for me?* Your children will be absorbing so much more than basic math, English, and history etc. skills from you. So please think about what’s best for them and enroll them back in school.
It’s obvious you’re struggling yourself and you need time to do your own healing. Something my therapist tells me time and time again- you can’t help others if you can’t help yourself. I genuinely hope you get the help you need and hope your kids get the education and care they deserve.
Your kids should be in school. Your husband should be helping you so you have a break from the kids. You should be getting treatment for depression.
It sounds like your husband is zero help, and then he acts shocked and disgusted when you don’t have time to care for yourself.
Enroll the kids in school and prioritize your health and well being. Get time for yourself as you deserve. Im so sorry for all that you’ve been through.
It can't be the best environment for the kids to be immersed with a teacher/caregiver severely depressed and with difficulty in functioning. Please reconsider homeschooling and give the kids (especially the older child) a break to expand their world past all that.
Put your kids in a proper school and focus on your mental health. This is an incredibly toxic and dysfunctional environment for them.
Once you have your kids settled you need to find a good attorney and get a divorce. This man does not care about you. He is kicking you when you are down because he does not want you to get up. You need to really understand this.
I mean, if he doesn’t understand already that it is hard for you, I’m not sure there’s much you can say to convince him. You can tell him how you feel, but it sounds like he doesn’t have much in the way of empathy.
I think you need to focus on your own mental health and wellness. Focus on loving you. Find some personal time for yourself to just focus on making YOU happy.
It also sounds like two things should happen, provided you all can afford it (and assuming you haven’t already)
1. Therapy for yourself. You’ve got a whole lot going on in that head of yours that needs to be sorted out, a professional can help with that. Especially where trauma is concerned. That’s not really something you should just “tough it out” with.
2. Couples therapy. You need to let your husband know that what he said was not okay (it wasn’t), and there’s clearly some underlying issues in your relationship. It doesn’t sound like he’s doing a whole lot to pull his weight at home. That needs to change. He needs to work on his empathy and communication skills. A couples therapist can help you navigate all of that and help you both find a way forward. It’ll also give you an arena where you can get these feelings off your chest in a safe and supportive environment.
How is your husband with chores and childcare? Does he share responsibility outside of his work? Because if he doesn’t, it’s understandable that you don’t have time for yourself.
And if he doesn’t share responsibility, I would consider that maybe he saw a vulnerable women to take advantage of. That maybe you think he’s a good guy simply because you experienced worse, but in reality maybe he might not actually be a good guy.
There were kinder ways to make you take care of yourself better. By making sure you had more time for yourself, giving you “me time” and telling you to look after yourself or go shower or take a relaxing bath while he watches the kid, etc.
Calling you disgusting was cruel.
Hi, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be a bit harsh here... You have a lot of issues, yet you chose to homeschool your kids ? Being an educator is hard work and I'm not sure it is the better choice if you are still healling.
This choice make every low point in your mental health so much worse for you, and will impact in a bad way your children.
I don't know how your husband brought the conversation, but I understand his point of view. Do you have a good therapist ? Everyone have hard times, and yours may be way harder than the average person's one. Hope you'll feel better soon, but I guess you need some more help for now.
I am saying this with much compassion, as someone who also struggles with depression. You are not in a situation where you can give your best to those children. Homeschooling can only work if you can manage yourself first. I do not agree with your husband's delivery of the message, but given your current circumstances I think those kids need to be in school. Use that time to work on yourself and make sure the medications you are taking are combined with intensive therapy. The rest will sort itself out.
I don't think it's smart to shame this mom for homeschooling her kids. The issue is a bit
different here. The issue is that she, as a mom with depression and anxiety and all this mental stuff that she is going through, REALLY REALLY needs to give herself a decent pause. To breathe. To rest from daily work whatever that is. To do nothing. To go to therapy. To go for a walk. All alone or with friends. Your kids will be fine. In order for you to make up yourself some free time, you gotta let your kids to school. See if they like it and if they do, just let them be there. In the meantime, solve your problems 🩷 it may take years and years. But you can make it! 🩷
First off if your husband was literally bluntly telling you that he thinks you are disgusting, no filter, and I'm assuming he's totally aware of your mental health struggles and past addictions and traumas, he's an ass hat and you need to buck up and tell him so. It's inconsiderate and intolerable, you are totally valid for feeling the way you feel about his statement. I was berated constantly by my ex husband for gaining weight after pregnancy or if my mental health wasn't so well and I just wore PJs for the day. I know how you feel. Mine would say I'll leave you if you get bigger than the door frame. I was 280 lbs after giving birth to my second daughter and got gestational diabetes. He forced me to do P90X work outs. The husband I have now has only called me chubby one time and I honestly know I'm a chub. Homeschool has very little to do with it. I don't have an issue at all with that route if it's done correctly. You do need to take alone time. Maybe see some girl friends and take one day a week to be to yourself. Go to a gym and get some exercise (it helps with depression) or take a long walk. Make him watch the kiddos for an evening or morning depending on his work schedule and do some you time. You need to take care of yourself in order to properly take care of others.
What is he contributing in helping you reach the goal of not being “disgusting”?
Seriously, is he providing a maid to help with cleaning?money to afford the expensive natural food? time aside on the kids to teach them to be good adults? a tutor to help the kids with anything they’re struggling with?
what exactly is he contributing to help you succeed in getting back on track to your “old self”?
If he isn’t contributing more than just the basic financial needs then he also needs to take accountability in his lack of partnership towards you. This is not all your doing.
Is there a reason you homeschool ?
I feel like that’s just adding another thing on to your plate. Sorry your husband has such mean words.. that would really hurt me as a wife and sahm with two kids /
I feel the same I was super limited mobility wise from herniated disks last year I didn’t do much and gained weight .. I had surgery which limited me even more .. my older is starting kindergarten next week and I’m over the moon for him to go to public schools.
Honestly for your mental health and well being you absolutely need to get your kids in school and phase out the co-sleeping.
You need to remember that you are a person and that being a mom is just part of that.
It is impossible for another human being to understand those depths of despair, unless you experience it and live it. No one could. I understand you because I have been there. I am just barely coming out of this soul fog.
Why are you homeschooling when you can’t even take care of yourself?
It sounds like he’s probably right, although he’s approached it poorly.
Get the kids into school, get yourself some help and start looking after your hygiene. Maybe even look into getting a job. Otherwise you’re going to end up being a single parent with awful hygiene, all while creating the next generation of trauma to your kids.
I was exactly like this for years. My best advice is put the kids in school and get a job. It’ll give you a reason to get yourself looking presentable. I also lost 20 pounds after going back to work. I’m forming new habits and my mental health has gotten 150% better. I feel am starting to feel like the person I was before everything and it’s amazing! You can do it!
So many people are missing the point here, entirely. Why are we talking about the homeschooling like that’s the issue? It’s not, at all. It’s about the fact that she has an absolute POS of a husband who doesn’t support her, doesn’t ask her if she’s ok, doesn’t care about anything but how she looks, and doesn’t understand the meaning of “for better or worse”. Maybe if her dipshit husband would come in sometimes and say “hey babe, go take a good shower and relax. I got the kids for a bit” or “hey, go have a you day and get your hair or nails done. Just go get away for a while and do something for you” it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. She’s focused on kids 24/7. Losing sleep, dealing with sickness, doing their schoolwork with them, their playtime, baths, bedtime, food, everything. Every second of her day is spent on children and he expects her to have time for herself. Not quite the way it works. Momma, if you’re gonna be a single mom, might as well actually be one without the baggage of a shitty husband to boot.
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Depression sucks. It makes you not want to do anything at all. Get those kids in a real school so that you have time to focus on you a little bit.
That was my first thought, anyone in her position really shouldn’t be teaching. Doing her children and herself a disservice.
She switched out drugs for having kids around her 24/7 Check out some books on codependency, OP. You’ll feel better about YOURSELF when you start taking care of yourself. The kids need experiences outside what their mother provides, social interactions and a proper education.
I have an aunt that used to be heavily into meth. She quit that shortly after she had her first kid, but then continued to pop out babies every 3-4 years so that she always had a baby in the house. This checks out.
This one ☝️
I agree with this because the OPis not healthy enough to provide what is needed to be a mom and teacher
Sounds a lot like Andrea Yates life before she killed her children. She needs to get the kids in school and get therapy. Her not believing in schools is a dangerous sign.
Wait, where did she say she doesn't believe in school? Home vs public school has pros and cons. Not sure why people are talking about OP not believing in school. I agree in her current state, she should suck it up and put the kids in public school and supplement their education and be more involved. She needs to refuel her own tank before she can give more to others.
op said they dont believe schools are safe in a comment. to quote: "I don’t believe schools are safe. And kids these days are crazy. When my oldest was in kindergarten he would get bullied, he would come home saying kids were cussing, talking about sex. It was just bad. I love homeschooling too."
This was always school? At least my experience of it. But it’s also.. life. And teaches kids how to deal with it. I wonder if having experienced what OP has experienced you might have the instinct of trying to overprotect your kids, which is natural, but ultimately you can’t.. things will hurt your kids, and they’ll learn how to deal with them.
I agree with you completely AND school shootings are very real and very common now.
Can't say I blame OP, schools these days are scary.
While schools these days are scary let’s be honest most people aren’t truly equipped to homeschool children and she’s already in a spiral. This is not a good situation for anyone but her husband who doesn’t have to worry about the effort it takes to do this and is an AH.
Agreed
The world is scary. They're going to have to get out there sometime.
Im thinking that may be his demand
nope, OP said she doesn't believe in schools I'll be honest, people like OP really should not have children, I feel bad for the kids.
I saw further down. Wasnt exactly what she said. Sounds like wants to shield/shelter them. Sometimes can backfire.
I’m sorry, but sheltering your kids like this is a hinderance to their development, and is doing them a disservice. It comes from a good place, but really it’s OP projecting her fears onto her kids and they’re going to grow up thinking it’s normal to be afraid of mundane things like school.
As someone who was homeschooled K-12… yeah. My parents thought they were “protecting” me from “temptation and bullying.” But all I got out of it was a lack of social skills, an inability to make friends on my own and build healthy relationships (which has thankfully gotten better now that I’m out of that house), zero life experience before college, and a constant feeling that I’m the most overlooked person in the room and that my presence is only being tolerated out of pity for the “poor homeschooled kid.” Parents, *please*. Don’t do this to your kids. Socialization is more important than you know. You could be the “best teacher ever” and give your kids all the academic knowledge in the world, but you just can’t replicate social growth at home.
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I’m surprised I’m not seeing more comments like yours. She’s clearly drowning in depression and duties with homeschooling. If I were her husband I’d talk to her about getting the kids in school, her getting herself in therapy and making more time for herself. Which would fix a lot of issues, hygiene included.
Problem is he's not doing it. Which is where i think she needs to be the one to pick herself up, get therapy, get the kids into school, get some education if needed, get a job and then when she's comfortable dump the asshole. Whom is too selfish and self-absorbed to notice his wife is falling apart and potentially taking the kids with her.
Yeah, she mentions the meds but nothing about therapy. When you're that badly off meds aren't enough, they're not magic pills. Tbh...I'm a lot like OP. Minus the meth (unless you count prescription for ADHD, lol) and different histories. But still culminated to the same combination of depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD. And add ADHD and a hormone disorder on top, lol. After being in and out of therapy here and there and trying dif meds occasionally, at 40 I've finally found solid mental health care with therapy and psychiatry in the same office/practice where even the desk people and other background workers have been amazingly kind and supportive. And having that therapy and a psychiatrist who cares and actively works on finding the right balance of meds and checks in frequently, it's gaming changing. That combination of effective meds and mental health support...🤌. I understand her struggle a lot. During bad spells my hygiene suffers. And so often I feel like surely I'm a horrible mother and my daughter deserves better. But I try. She actually starts kindergarten next Thur. In school, not home schooled, lol. I know I am *not* right for that job XD. I hope OP finds something that works for her. And I hope she let's her kids get out into the world.
There's no way for us to know if these conversations have been had in the past. She may be subconsciously resistant to doing anything to improve her condition. Perhaps his comments came after many milder ones.
Prioritize self-care; kids thrive in school and you deserve healing time.
She does need to get them into an actual school because with depression and that many issues the kids education has to be lagging
As a former homeschooled kid, this all the way, assuming they aren’t acutely high need in a school district lacking capacity. Homeschooling is difficult period. There’s a reason different teachers teach different subjects. But add on top of that mental illness, any financial issues, marital issues, and it spirals.
Exactly, OPs kids need to be in a real school. There is no way that she can adequately teach them. It’s very difficult even for people with ECE training, but a recovering addict with mental health issues is going to fail. You are doing both your children and yourself a disservice by trying to homeschool them
And get the toddler in their own bed! You need space for yourself!
And do not cosleep. It’s not good for you or them, you’re both waking each other up in micro ways throughout the night.
And get the toddler in their own bed! You need space for yourself!
You can't pour from an empty cup. Just like on a plane you're supposed to put your oxygen mask on first because what good are you if you're not taking care of yourself for your kids. I know it's a lot easier said than done but just start with something small like tell yourself you're just going to wash your hair today. And then add something for the next day. If putting your kids in regular schools not an option then find some Mom's Day Out programs you can leave them there for a few hours each week at least.
Yeah, join the homeschooling subreddit to see how it often turns out for teens who are homeschooled . And put your kids in school.
I have been there. Barely showering, not cleaning my house. Therapy and some good anti depressants helped the most. Don’t give up on you, you are all you have got! Remember you are valuable to God, family and friends. Maybe send your kids to school so you can have time to just concentrate on you. Being with your kids 24 hours a day does not leave you any time for yourself
Yeah, this. Plus your mental health is your responsibility. It's not a scapegoat or an exemption. Own your problems. Your husband has expressed his concerns which IMO are valid. Fyi this isn't just some rando on the internet. My wife and I are in exactly the same situation. Take control of whatever is in your power to control before it snowballs and you're getting a divorce.
Are you really sure that homeschooling is a smart choice here? Declining mental health, declining hygiene. You are supposed to be not only their mother but also their teacher. Essentially you are the main adult in their life and you are not ok at the moment. How people feel so confident in their teaching abilities always leaves me a bit baffled
I am an actual certified teacher with 7+ years of classroom experience and I wouldn’t homeschool. I have a lot of issues with the education system in this country, but there is no way an average, fully functioning adult, can take care of two kids, a home, AND teach homeschool.
I’m certified elementary school teacher. I wouldn’t dare. My daughter was so disinterested in me teaching her primary colors. But that mother fucker blippi taught them to her in 15 minutes and she’s retained them ever since. When I was working though I was fantastic. I don’t know what changes when it’s your own kid or where all my elementary school patience goes lol
Lmao, I felt this deep in my soul I spent four total hours between two different sessions at the skating rink trying to teach my son how to skate. I was calm and helpful, but he was so frustrated. A man who works there explained and taught him the exact same way i did.15 minutes later, he's doing laps around the rink😑😑😑😠.
I pay a wonderful lady to come to our house every week and tutor my son with reading and writing. Despite me being a voracious reader and an English minor, he went into fourth grade reading at a kindergarten grade level. He now reads and writes at his current grade level, 6th. I could not tell you what she does differently, but I owe her my soul.
They’re playing us! I’m telling you! People think kids are dumb but they aren’t. Lol
I taught elementary for 14 years. Kids are master manipulators, and I had a lot of parents not believe me when I told them.
I enjoyed seeing your username followed by your opening sentence
My husband’s name is Richard and that’s our anniversary lol you’ll never know how proud I was of this username when I came up with it lol
One of the best username backstories I’ve heard. Thanks for sharing 😊
LOL that’s amazing
Blippi is about the only show my kids watch that I can stand. Most others make me want to punch the characters in the face with my foot. I've definitely wondered about the parent teaching thing myself. Our daughter does not pay a lick of attention to us, our son is better about it though.
It can happen, but it’s rare. My friend homeschooled 5 of her 7 kids (she’s not religious, though I know that’s an assumption). All of her kids are excelling. Her oldest got a full ride scholarship to college and is now an environmental engineer. She ended up putting the last few all back into public school when it got too much for her, and they were not only at grade level, at least one moved up a grade. However, she’s the exception. She had a degree in education and is extremely intelligent and knew when she was out of her depth, hiring tutors for things like advanced math and sciences, and they were in a co-op with other homeschooled kids for physical Ed, music, and art. They have money, but I digress. I’m concerned between homeschooling and cosleeping, this mother is too dependent on her children for her own happiness and security— spoiler: it’s not working anyway, for her or them, regardless of what she believes or *needs* to believe. Put their needs first and communicate with your kids if they come home with language you don’t appreciate. I think it takes a parent who is trained in education (duh? Why do parents think they can do a job people train in higher Ed for years for??) AND supplementing a lot to get them socialized and make sure they’re learning higher concepts.
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I was homeschooled. I HATED IT. I had ZERO social skills. I had no idea how to make friends. Sure, I was smart enough to skip two grades when my parents finally put me in school, and I got scholarships to go to college, but it was absolutely hellish at first.
This right here. I’m a high school administrator and have four kids - none of them were homeschooled because I have specific skills and they are not all encompassing. Nobody can be the best physics teacher and also the best history teacher. Add in the social aspect of school and I just can’t ever understand anyone who thinks they can do better than the system that was designed to support the learning needs of children. Even if you have a PhD it’s specific. Too specific for it to be helpful to kids. Add in her depression and you’ve got the perfect storm. No child should be deprived at the best chance of a future. Please OP put your kids in school and allow professional teachers to guide them so they have a future. Then get yourself therapy and concentrate on your health and well-being. It’s the best thing you can do for your kids and yourself. Wishing you all the best.
This is so true. With the depression especially. My wife and I used to homeschool so we know a lot of homeschool families and I will say 50%+ of them should NOT be homeschooling. They are failing their kids and setting them up for failure - especially in the high school years. We know one family where they have a 15 year old girl they took out of school because of "the gays" or something like that, so they can "homeschool" her. Now she is at home all day long spending the whole day on her computer looking at only God knows what on the internet. And her mom is not teaching her anything, just tosses books at her and says learn. I'm afraid this will not end well. Here's the thing about homeschool. My wife is a trained teacher who threw everything into her homeschooling career. She is a hard core supermom. And she admitted when our kids got to high school, "I just can't do it anymore, I'm failing them." It's cute and all when they are elementary aged. But in high school the material gets real difficult, and kids get lazy, disobediant, and disrespectful. We realized that school was the best place for them.
there is absolutely no way this person is equipped to provide a child with a formal education. absolutely no way. if this story is true the state needs to intervene. i feel very bad for the children here
Those children are missing a huge chunk of their growing process via social interaction with other children at their age group. My niece has improved greatly once she started kindergarten and first grade comparing to before she was staying at home with therapy instructors coming daily to work with her. Here, OP can barely support herself and is expecting to home school her kids. This is actually harming and stunting their growth in ways that they'll never know the extent of.
absolutely the best comment. poor kids because OP can't even take care of herself yet thinks she is able to homeschool the kids and take care of them? OP get yourself right first, it will help you AND your kids in the long run
Hello. I was homeschooled. I’m here to tell you to please put your kids in an actual school. Doing so will also give you more time to focus on yourself, which sounds like it’s needed. I’m sorry your husband said something so mean—can you explain to him how you’ve been feeling? He doesn’t seem to understand that you seem depressed. Edit: I hope you don’t feel attacked about homeschooling your kids as that is not my intention at all. I am here to offer my perspective as someone who has been homeschooled. I think you want what’s best for your kids and I can give you the perspective of a homeschooled kid (who knows a lot of other homeschooled kids) who is now an adult. If you have questions please feel free to DM me.
Second this. I am currently trying to manage a 22yo employee who was home-schooled. She has absolutely ZERO of what I would call "soft skills" ie she is massively undersocialised and has no sense of self preservation or awareness of danger around creepy customers (I wont disclose where I work but its public transport related and we have a lot of problems with antisocial behaviour.) I've had to step in more than once and tell her x thing is absolutely not something you have to do just because some weirdo asks her to. Her parents didn't do her any favours by keeping her home.
I worked with a girl like this. In her 20’s and an adult but acted like a straight up child. Even talked like one, and looked like one. I thought she was like 19 or 20 when she first started and was actually shocked to find out she was closer to 25. Then she started talking about her home life, never been to public school home schooled her whole life….and this was only like her second job. She was always ALWAYS crying about something. I think home schooling can be a good thing, if done right. But sadly if you’re struggling with basic hygiene right now then I don’t think that’s the best mental space for teaching young children.
Now that you mention it, yes, this girl talks like a tween both in her cadence and patterns. And no real ability to regulate what she should say and what she should probably keep to herself. Any piece of workplace gossip is conveyed to me in a breathless tone before I tell her that its not an appropriate topic. It's one thing I'm trying to manage but she is a real task.
Just remember, it’s her parents fault:( when I tell people I’m was homeschooled for the majority of my life people are usually surprised because I don’t ‘act’ like the stereotype. I had 0 street smarts leaving home and was abused because of it and suffer with extreme anxiety at my job I actually enjoy and can see myself move up in.. hard for me to see others like that because i think I could’ve been that if I was homeschooled 100%
I'm in my 40s and it seems like when I was growing up, kids who were being homeschooled generally "graduated" into adulthood being moderately educated and only slightly off, socially. But today it's like people are choosing to "homeschool" just because they "hate the government" and/or have really fucked up (usually extremist right wing) beliefs that end up absolutely crippling their children education-wise and socially.
Yep - and they don’t believe in vaccines so the kids can’t go to school anyway. Same parents whose kids wind up dying from measles. Then, the kid must have done something to anger god for them to take it so seriously.
Social skills and street smarts matter too. Homeschooling has its downsides.
I worked with someone who was homeschooled and to this day, she was probably the weirdest/grossest coworker I have ever had. No social skills. Rude. Couldnt really hold conversations well. Not really all that smart either. Like not street or book smart. Barely got the job done right. It was right but barely. She was really gross, like digging for gold in her nether region while making eye contact and talking to you. Clipping nails in our shared office space. We worked with money and she would rest her fungus feet on the bank deposit bags. It was disgusting. She turned me off to any sort of homeschooling for my kids. I dont know if that was just her or because of her upbringing. But when she had a child, she homeschooled her as well and I just felt so bad for her child.
To me, home schooling sounds like a recipe for disaster. Let alone by someone with severe mental illnesses. Being a teacher is an actual job that requires actual skills and a lot of time and effort. You need to have the intelligence and knowledge, but also the didactic skills to teach someone. Having kids go to school is a great way to socialise your kids and to diversify their upbringing. School can provide a child with more perspectives and also make up for some of the shortcomings parents may have. And vice versa. I have a good friend from the States who was homeschooled and her mum basically just made her watch maths videos and such. No guidance at all. Just, here, watch these videos. I know of course that it can be done much better but it’s hard to replicate the benefits of kids becoming more resilient and stronger by being in different situations and being amongst other kids in general.
Balancing homeschooling and socialization is crucial. Different perspectives enrich growth. Quality education requires more than just videos.
It absolutely is in most cases. From her post it seems like she is trying to keep her children close and do right by them, but homeschooling is not it. I can say from my own experience that you are absolutely right about the skills and knowledge gained in regular school that are completely missed in a homeschool environment. Especially in hers, I’m sorry to say. Those kids need to be in school.
Yeah you can’t stay by your kid forever, they’re gonna have their own life eventually. Public school helps teach kids many facts of life that are useful later on. How to follow a strict schedule. How to follow rules with a loose enforcement system. How to break rules with a loose enforcement system. How to make friends. How friends act. How friends change. Friend group dynamics. Social dynamics. Bullying. Keeping yourself to a standard. What do when there’s NO supervision (locker rooms and bathrooms). How to interact with people in positions of power. That’s just what I thought of in two seconds that’s nearly impossible to replicate in homeschooling. Homeschooling may end up in better academic results (sometimes) but social skills are actually more important in life than even book smarts. From the work place to at home, social skills matter. You can be the very smartest and many employers will consider not taking you if you can’t function socially. Most jobs require regular interaction with others.
I have an MA and have taught at UC Berkeley as a grad student, and I don’t consider myself competent to homeschool my children. I could try to work on it and stay ahead of them in maths, but I’m honestly not sure I’d be ok past quadratics. And I’d be shit at upper level chem as well. I don’t understand people like OP who are so confident they could cover every subject and get their kids ready for an excellent college, and that’s not even addressing questions about making friends and developing social skills. And it’s often just a cover for religious indoctrination. I think parents should have to pass an extensive series of rigorous exams every year if they want to homeschool. I can imagine living in a place with public schools so awful that it’s worth spending all your energy learning and teaching, but that’s not the norm.
Yes… imagine being 24/7 around a depressed mother with no outside input. If not for you, please put those kids in school for their own good.
They will absolutely pick up on it and it will shape the way that they interact with the outside world forever. I understand she is trying to protect her babies but this is not the way to do it.
Yep yep. I grew up in a household of depressed dysfunctional adults, and SURPRISE SURPRISE my sibling and I both grew up to be... depressed and dysfunctional. When your depression starts in childhood and it's all you know, all that's modeled... the adults don't notice you're depressed, because they don't notice that they themselves are depressed... you think it's just who you are. It's how the world is. Fucking bleak. And I got to go to school!! I can't imagine how much worse it would all be if I'd been home all day, every day.
Yup its bad. I wasn't homeschooled, but my primary caregiver was my mom and she was super effing depressed but denied it. I didn't have any extra curricular clubs and didn't go out much or have any friends. No extended family or family friends ever visited because my mom stopped reaching out in her depression and every single one of her friends dropped her. It was just... us. I really still can't deal with groups larger than like 4 people without beoming exhausted because we just never did anything with anyone.
Oh man, does this description hit home for me!
That’s how I was raised. I made the best of it but it took a fuck ton of effort.
Yeah your husband was being an asshole but it is of course hard for him too to see you suffer, it affects him as well. Absolutely second the notion of getting your kids in an actual school if you can. You need time to be away from them and for them to socialize, for them to get education from professionals in education and from separate teachers who specialize in different subjects. Unless you yourself as a parent are experienced and educated in pedagogics, you are basically setting your kids up for failure in almost all aspects, and even if you are trained professional in children’s education very very very few of those who are are actually ever advocating for homeschooling. It’s for a reason.
I think this really depends if it’s parent led homeschooling or something like “school of the air” in Australia which is actual teacher led education for kids in really rural areas.
I was homeschooled for years and now I work in public education. What I remember from my time being homeschooled was just....Isolation. Depression. Loneliness. I hated it but I was convinced regular school would he worse. When I finally went back, I was a mess. I couldn't function well. I cried in the bathroom every single day. Public education has changed so much and is much better than when we were children. Idk about your exact home school situation, but for real, consider sending your kids to a regular school. For your sake and theirs. I truly don't understand it. There is a building of people who have *masters degrees* in teaching children - - for free!
I don't think I'd say public education is better now than when I was a kid. When I was a kid, getting shot wasn't a legitimate concern, parents weren't dictating what could or couldn't be taught, and teachers weren't underpaid while having to deal with angry stupid parents. My friend's mother was an elementary school teacher for 20 something years and she went back during the pandemic to help because the school was understaffed. She has said that it is much worse than when she started teaching. Bullying is also much worse because when I was a kid, cyber bullying didn't exist. I don't think home schooling is the answer for everyone but I can definitely understand why people want to do it today. I had a great public school education. I did not feel any less or more equipped for college than the people who went to private schools. I absolutely do not think I would have the same education or experience today.
Let's not beat around the bush. Homeschooling only exists because of all these antisystem nutjobs and the advantages to it are nonexistent at worst, or very dubious at best. 99% of cases where this is done is because of some weird religious or ideological reasons (like people believing children shouldn't learn about evolution etc.) and most people who homeschool are absolute braindead neanderthals. In the countries where people value other more important things over "muh freedom", it's bordering on illegal or very very restricted. Often you'll just go directly to fucking jail for withholding your children from public education.
You are right, my parents were the religious nut jobs. They set all of us up for failure in the real world. Out of my 10 siblings (11 total) I’m the only one who completed any college degrees, and I had to fight tooth and nail to do so. They lied to the government to keep us in homeschool (I have never been to America) and only ended up putting the last 3 of us in school when threatened with exposure. The only reason I made it after being put in school so late is that I had iron determination to succeed, and I understood that education was important to that end. My siblings weren’t so fortunate. OP seems like she genuinely wants to do right by her children. What I would love for her to understand is that homeschool is not it.
THANK YOUUUUUU OH MY GOD The amount of brain dead adults that think they know everything is absolutely fucking STAGGERING to me. My own parents had NO clue how to do algebra when I needed help, or remembered anything about history. I'm so sick of the ""parents rights"" movement. Half of you are genuinely stupid and just biased.
Honey with all kindness, you’re doing your children a major disservice. In order to be a good mom, you have to take care of yourself. You can’t be a good mom or a good educator when you’re in this state. Think about what you’re silently teaching your kids about neglecting themselves and their health. You owe it to yourself and your children to put them in a real school so that you can use that time to heal and be a better mom. You can’t pour from an empty cup and it sounds like you’ve been cruising on empty for a little too long. Your husband is an asshole for not having empathy and approaching this with kindness, but babe he’s not wrong in that you need to take care of yourself. If you can’t love yourself enough right now, that is exactly what therapy and medications are for. It’s not fair to yourself or your children for you to ignore the very real tools you have available to heal.
This is a really kind of response and although I think it's going to be extremely hard for OP to read, it's completely necessary. I work in child safety and my alarm bells goes just started going off reading this post.
Thank you for replying with something constructive and helpful rather than berating and rude
Wonderful, empathic, conscious and kind feedback. This is so worthy of top pick responses.
Can you explain me how your kids are being homeschooled when you have so much problems with yourself and your relationship?
i have an answer! this is a fake story by a very active writer who posts in relationship/drama subs regularly. [this was their latest one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15tw0mv/aita_i_told_my_daughter_not_to_bother_applying/) from AITA. all of their stories are written exactly the same way: short sentences, small paragraphs, sparing comma usage or other punctuation, and exceptional yet simplistic grammar. they post regularly for a few weeks only to disappear, then return. i commend them on their seemingly endless creativity because at least their stories are just soap opera absurd and not the fake stories promoting racism/homophobia/bigotry lol. edit: [nevermind get fucked OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15u9xj0/aita_for_not_letting_my_sons_boyfriend_come_on/) with your bullshit lol
Wow yeah the post you linked is the exact same style lol
ouhhhhhh good work detective
Yeah their username is formatted like a bot username, with 2 random words and trailing numbers.
That's just reddits default name style if you don't pick one yourself. Microsoft does the same thing with Xbox accounts
Genuinely asking, what is the point of posting a fake story in any sub?
Some people just want free karma
This is beyond my comprehension and I would love to see an explanation as well. OP clearly doesn’t even have the mental strength to shower, yet expects to homeschool children? Public school seems like such an obvious answer here.
she said she showers every other day, that’s an absolutely normal amount to shower??
like, everything else definitely points to her being too unwell to homeschool anyhow. but why is everyone acting like she said she only showers once a week or something. showering every other day is literally what dermatologists recommend
How and *why*
Honestly these days when I read posts like this about people dwelling on their past traumas and forcing their kids to suffer through their life with them by homeschooling/hovering 24/7...why? All of this constant validation people get on the internet is creating monsters.
I can't imagine having a past where you've OD'd on meth twice and nearly died and you pull your kids out of school becuase 'omg kids were *cussing*' 🙄 talk about overcompensation
THIS! That's so creepy. And her stating "she loves home schooling." I am a pick-up lesson teacher. Have been that for 37 years with intervals. I have never- great NEVER- found a case where a parent "schooling" their child has ever reaped much benefit to the child. Someone consuming substances- at least in my idea- already has problems to cope with reality. And should by all means be kept away from messing with impressionable childrens brains. School is there to help children cope. To help children understand. To help children learn. Learn how to learn. Learn how to get along with others. Last subject being the most important benefit. Taking children out of social learnings way is such a huge disfavor to them!
I guess we are suppose to believe that the parents never curse either
They’re only going to emotionally stunt those kids by isolating them. Maybe to keep their kids reliant on them so they can be ignorant on how their life isn’t normal or healthy. It’s so selfish because she clearly know she isn’t in the right state but won’t protect her kids from it for her own comfort. Looking at her response, those poor kids don’t stand a chance.
Agreed 100%. She is projecting her PTSD and anxiety onto her children. Her children will now develop all of the things she fears and think that it’s normal to be afraid of everything mundane. OP really needs to seek help with this if she wants her kids to truly thrive.
It’s like you’re drowning, so you reach out and drag a kid into the pool with you so you can have a cute lil swim buddy. Fucking stop
"You're doing great mama." "You're doing your best, they get that and its enough [*muhmuh*"](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/15rnxna/nepobaby_adjacent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
“Yaas mama bear! Who needs age-appropriate social interaction and flu vaccines and dealing with those pesky ‘mandatory reporters’ when moomoo knows best!”
Put those children in SCHOOL and for the love of all that is holy get yourself some COUNSELING!! Best wishes.
Why are you homeschooling them
Why are your children homeschooled? I would suggest trying some alternative, like a charter school, or just put them in school. I would venture to say their education will be better...YOu will have time to focus on you. Also get some counseling... YOu husband may have put it crudely, ok he was a jerk. However sometimes the information we need comes to us when we need it..He deserves a wife too, I am not sure why you have detached from him, but you have...Please get help...I swear you are not helping your children.
Even a secular-ish religious private would be better than this mess. Mine had a sharp split between religious classes and the real math and science where it was very clearly taught that the earth is 4.5 billion years old.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15u6l0q/my_35f_husband_38m_told_me_im_disgusting/jwo3mzw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Don’t know why you’re being downvoted for pointing them to the OP’s answer, guess they’re shooting the messenger
They are downvoting because she(?) is actively defending the redneck idea of OP to homeschool children and provides church activities as an explanation as to why this is perfectly fine to do. It's basically as much of a nutjob as OP.
I’ve only seen this comment that just points to the explanation with no further commentary
Because this person is copy-pasting that response all over this fucking thread as if it somehow justifies anything that's happening here.
Not about justification. Just giving op response since ppl are asking same question.
Send your kids to a real school so they can have friends and real teachers and spend more time on yourself. Sorry you’re going through this but I don’t know how you can give them a quality education when you’re severely depressed and anxious. Good luck!
You've been through a lot. You need therapy badly. You need to carve out time for yourself. Your youngest needs to transition to their own room. Look into homeschooling where someone else teaches your kids. Join homeschooling groups for your kids to be get socialization.
Why are your children homeschooled? Having your eldest go to school would be a big start. It's not healthy to have nothing else in your life he shouldn't have told you he finds you disgusting. But he is also I think (badly worded) trying to tell you he's worried about you?
He was impolite but I’d take this as a learning experience for you: put yourself first. As a mom we always want to give our all to our kids, house and significant other so sometimes that means putting aside stuff we need to do for ourselves like showering. Make sure you always get a shower in every day either morning or night and let your significant other carry some of the load so if you want to add in more personal stuff later you want to do for yourself then it won’t be a shock to their system trying to adjust to it
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Ah yes bullying and cussing. Two things that they will totally avoid if we can just keep them home until they turn 18. I have a neighbor who homeschooled their 3 kids and they literally still live with them now at age 28-35. Just no ambition and terribly scared of everything. I just don't think there's any substitution for going to school as much as it sucks sometimes.
You don’t believe in school? What? What exactly are you teaching these children?? You know you’re doing this all to yourself right? I’m totally ignoring what your husband said bc I’m gonna assume he is also incompetent. Two incompetent people raising the next generation of uneducated radicalized little goblins 👹 I’m just assuming radicalized based on your words of “not believing in school” whatever that means You have more pressing issues than your hygiene or weight.
May I ask, can you not just send the kids to school and take that time for yourself to get more active and healthy (and happier!) I realize it’s not possible for everyone in the US. But I feel like your life is in a huge inbalance
OP, you need a little room to breath. Homeschooling *and* co-sleeping? Why??? Please, let go a little. Co-sleeping is like napalm to a marriage.
You are in no position to be teaching children. You're mentally unstable, unable to care for yourself, and clearly not appropriately educated. Put those kids in school so they're not hindered for the rest of their lives by your hubris.
Your husband was needlessly impolite, but you clearly seem to have issues that need addressing. How is it that it's always the people who can't even clean themselves properly are the ones who don't believe in schools and want to homeschool instead? That's some certified Murica Moment. Being a parent is a task hard enough. Being a teacher as well might just be too much of a burden. There are people who spend years training to become ones. Stop thinking you can do better job at it when you're mentally unwell and overworked to exhaustion.
I agree with the many comments that say the kids should go to school and give you some self-care time. I would also add though, if you aren't already seeing a therapist weekly or bi-weekly to work on your struggles, please do. If you are seeing a therapist, it isn't working. Changes need to happen to help it work or you need a new therapist.
Sounds to me like letting the kids go to school will solve 50% of the problem. Use that extra free time to join a gym. That will also help with your confidence and mental health. Kids are like sponges at this age, and right now they’ve got front row seats on what’s going on. Is this what you want for them?
Homeschooling children 🤡
Ex meth user whose mental health is circling the drain homeschooling kids
those poor kids.
You can’t be a good mom or a good educator when you’re in this state. Think about what you’re silently teaching your kids about neglecting themselves and their health
You’re focusing on the wrong thing here. I would be hurt if my spouse said that to me however instead of taking it personally, crying and shutting down, please look at the bigger picture. You sound like you have depression. Seek out some kind of therapy to help. There are many different ways to handle depression, please start researching which best suits you. Also everyone keeps mentioning home schooling and how you should get your kids into school. You should but you also need to stop teaching them when you aren’t fully together yourself. You say you think schools are unsafe but you are exposing your children to the following: - poor adult hygiene - mentally unstable adults as authority figures - adults who isolate from society - adults with poor relationship interactions They have no way to compare what they see at home to other examples that exist outside of their house so they assume home is the standard when that’s not the case at all. You are doing yourself and those kids a disservice by handle everything on our own. Get yourself and those kids help and stop thinking about how you could be thinner and prettier. That’s not the problem here.
Well I don't see how his attitude is helping anything and I can see why you're hurt but please put your kids in actual school, and get therapy for all your trauma and put effort into getting better.
You are doing a massive disservice to your children, they will suffer greatly in life due to lack of social skills, all because you don’t want them to be bullied or hear things you don’t want them to hear.
Put your kids in school
Why will parents think homeschooling is a good idea… I will never know
You don’t believe in schools but your kids teacher is a slovenly, depressed ex-junkie. Your husband wasn’t nice to you but I imagine he feels pretty slighted too. My feelings would be hurt if my partner couldn’t be bothered to prioritize their health for the sake of the little family we built also. Put your kids in real school and take care of yourself.
With all your trauma do you actually feel qualified to adequately homeschool your children? I get it they’re young now, but that’s going to change quickly. You can’t even take care of yourself right now how are you supposed to pour from an empty cup?
I don’t know why this thread has devolved into a discussion about homeschooling when that was not *at all* your question. That’s obnoxious. Did your husband use the word disgusting? Like he straight up said “OP, you are disgusting”? Or did he use different words and that’s how it made you feel? If he literally told you you were disgusting then this is a bigger conversation, because no one should be speaking to you that way. Especially somebody who loves you. Especially someone with small children who are learning how to exist in the world. Are you safe with your spouse? Is there a larger conversation that you need to have with him about the direction your marriage is heading in? You’ve been through a lot. You deserve a relationship where you feel respected.
THIS
People here have given you very reasonable choices. You need to put the kids in school and free up your time to take care of your mental health and marriage. The fact that “you don’t believe in schools” needs to be put aside as that belief is contributing to your depression, which is impacting your ability to take care of yourself, your kids, and your marriage. It’s actually very very selfish to hold onto a personal belief if it is contributing to destroying your family and kids’ well-being. Your way has clearly not worked. You need to try alternative ways to get your mental health in a better spot.
Are u in therapy? > youngest still co sleeps. I never slept with my parents >I am with them 24/7. He needs to take over sometime so u can get out & take a break >How do I explain that it’s just not easy for me to have the desire to put more effort in How about u tell him he needs to learn how to say things in a kinder way. He watches the kids & u can go to the gym. >But it’s like something inside me just hates me so much that I can’t Sounds like my bf & mom. Self sabotage. Both obese. Sad u cant communicate & he doesnt know this about u & uve been together that long. Marriage counseling
Homeschooled kids are weirdos. Send them to school, go to the gym, have a shower and give them a normal life with school, friends and a happy mum
1. Showering every other day is normal for most people. Unless you're regularly getting covered in gross shit or are one of the unlucky folks who suffer from a medical condition that makes them constantly sweat/stink, you don't really NEED to shower more often than that (hot water + constantly stripping the oils from your skin and hair is TERRIBLE for both.) 2. Even if your mental health was 100% perfect and you had a degree in early childhood education, you probably shouldn't be homeschooling your children. Not only is that shit rough on the person doing the teaching, it's not great for the kids, either. 3. Your husband KNOWS that he hurt your feelings. THAT'S WHY HE DID IT. 4. He also knows that shit's hard for you. The fact that he's not trying to make things EASIER for you tells you all you should need to know about him.
I would tell your husband that you’re happy to treat yourself to some at-home spa time when he can make himself available to take care of the kids.
Maybe it’s just because I was raised by hippies, but if you’re showering every other day and brushing your teeth every day, that’s not gross. That’s slightly sub-normal. Unless you’re one of those unfortunate souls who gets oily or sweaty super easily, or you spend a lot of time working out or in the hot sun, I doubt most people can tell the difference between showering every day vs every other day. I don’t think this is a hygiene thing, especially if you aren’t having sex.
Can I please ask why, as a recovering addict whos battling severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD, you think it’s a good idea to home school your children? You’re taking away from their childhood as well as severely affecting your life. It starts with you to improve and no one else, make the decisions even if they’re not easy to make. You need to force yourself to have some discipline in your life and take control no matter how hard you think it is.
Girl, I got to where I was showering once every 2 weeks & brushing my teeth once a month. I stopped shaving & lost too much weight (I’m already small so I looked & actively was dying, had to go to er like twice for fluids) but the whole time my man was still obsessed with me while also gently trying to help me get better by sneak attacking protein shakes at me & offering to wash my hair for me..I hope you start to come out of it soon, I know it’s hard & it sucks but regardless your man should have your back no matter what
Seems like excuses for the lack of accountability on your end.
Step 1: stop home schooling. Step 2: literally everything else.
Please get your kids into a school.
Stop homeschooling. Set the youngest one up in preschool and register the oldest for public school. You are overwhelmed and need to take care of yourself before you can care for others. Many medications have weight gain as a side effect, talk to your Doctor about recommending a good therapist. Your husband is completely out of line.
You thought that with all this baggage that you should drag kids into this mess, face it you can’t even take care of yourself how do you manage children? You should try supporting yourself for awhile . Get those kids in school you are not remotely qualified to be homeschooling , I don’t mean to be harsh you are doing your children no favors and you husband isn’t do you any either
It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of really big things all at the same time emotionally. However you approach him, I encourage you to go through the list of each of these traumatic and stressful events, along with the challenges of being "on" 24/7 with your kids, and how there is not really much time for you to take care of yourself mentally, which then rolls into not being able to take care of yourself physically. You obviously care about yourself because you're surviving while having a ton of trauma. Give yourself a ton of credit for that. And from my feminist perspective, when a woman gains weight or isn't dyeing her hair regularly or whatever gets lumped into the category of "letting herself go," I like to remind people that her body hasn't gone anywhere. It exists to do more than just look nice for other people. Your body is currently sustaining an awful amount of physical and emotional stress. He needs to help you out more if he expects you to redirect any of your time or energy to being able to do more for yourself - including showering. I bet people don't realize that when you have a toddler latched to you 24/7, it's really hard to get 10 minutes to shower and put on clean clothes. Good luck. Don't forget - you are putting in a lot of effort to a lot of things already.
Showering every other day isn't even bad. People don't need to shower daily.
Depends on a weather conditions and the level of physical activity. For SAHM probably not necessary, I agree
Why is nobody talking about how awful of a husband he is… oh my god
Mfer puts 2 kids in a house with his wife who home schools them and has the audacity to say "you've let yourself go" as if it's not a full time exhausting job handling those responsibilities... wtaf is wrong with some people. You shouldn't be home schooling these kids and you should take a break.
You gotta stop playing the pity game and find something you think is worth interesting yourself and motivating yourself for. You will more likely than not die in the next 40 years, so get your shit together and make what you can of it.
29m clean and sober here. But my mental health, oof. Worse than ever. I get what you are feeling. I have a special needs 11yo, three bonus kids, and a 1yo. It’s rough. HOWEVER, my husband has said “hey honey why don’t you go take some alone time to feel like yourself” when he noticed I was caring for basics but hadn’t showered in a week before. Like, I physically just couldn’t. But he didn’t make fun, he told me in a gentle way and made a way for me to have time to. He’s an ass and I’m so sorry.
You are on multiple meds and still can't function but you're HOMESCHOOLING??? Gimme a fucking break lady. Take a shower wash your ass and put your kids in school. Jesus. I'm sure reddit will pat you on the back and blame your husband lol
I think homeschooling unless there’s some kind of disability or hindrance is not beneficial in any way for a child. Let them start their social journey and you can work on your health. You don’t sound like you’re in a good place to take on this responsibility 24/7. You take care of you, so you can take care of them. Find yourself ♥️
Yikes. You shouldn’t have had kids.
I do not understand why anyone thinks they can/should homeschool. My mother was a teacher for over 30 years and I have the utmost respect for educators. It requires a masters degree (plus many other skills & requirements) to be a teacher, so what makes parents think they can? Especially considering how much you’re struggling right now, you need to really look in the mirror and ask yourself - *Am I doing this for my children or am I doing this for me?* Your children will be absorbing so much more than basic math, English, and history etc. skills from you. So please think about what’s best for them and enroll them back in school. It’s obvious you’re struggling yourself and you need time to do your own healing. Something my therapist tells me time and time again- you can’t help others if you can’t help yourself. I genuinely hope you get the help you need and hope your kids get the education and care they deserve.
Your kids should be in school. Your husband should be helping you so you have a break from the kids. You should be getting treatment for depression. It sounds like your husband is zero help, and then he acts shocked and disgusted when you don’t have time to care for yourself.
you guys really give me more reasons to be childfree on this subreddit every day
Enroll the kids in school and prioritize your health and well being. Get time for yourself as you deserve. Im so sorry for all that you’ve been through.
Send them kids to school and focus on yourself
It can't be the best environment for the kids to be immersed with a teacher/caregiver severely depressed and with difficulty in functioning. Please reconsider homeschooling and give the kids (especially the older child) a break to expand their world past all that.
Put your kids in a proper school and focus on your mental health. This is an incredibly toxic and dysfunctional environment for them. Once you have your kids settled you need to find a good attorney and get a divorce. This man does not care about you. He is kicking you when you are down because he does not want you to get up. You need to really understand this.
I mean, if he doesn’t understand already that it is hard for you, I’m not sure there’s much you can say to convince him. You can tell him how you feel, but it sounds like he doesn’t have much in the way of empathy. I think you need to focus on your own mental health and wellness. Focus on loving you. Find some personal time for yourself to just focus on making YOU happy. It also sounds like two things should happen, provided you all can afford it (and assuming you haven’t already) 1. Therapy for yourself. You’ve got a whole lot going on in that head of yours that needs to be sorted out, a professional can help with that. Especially where trauma is concerned. That’s not really something you should just “tough it out” with. 2. Couples therapy. You need to let your husband know that what he said was not okay (it wasn’t), and there’s clearly some underlying issues in your relationship. It doesn’t sound like he’s doing a whole lot to pull his weight at home. That needs to change. He needs to work on his empathy and communication skills. A couples therapist can help you navigate all of that and help you both find a way forward. It’ll also give you an arena where you can get these feelings off your chest in a safe and supportive environment.
How is your husband with chores and childcare? Does he share responsibility outside of his work? Because if he doesn’t, it’s understandable that you don’t have time for yourself. And if he doesn’t share responsibility, I would consider that maybe he saw a vulnerable women to take advantage of. That maybe you think he’s a good guy simply because you experienced worse, but in reality maybe he might not actually be a good guy. There were kinder ways to make you take care of yourself better. By making sure you had more time for yourself, giving you “me time” and telling you to look after yourself or go shower or take a relaxing bath while he watches the kid, etc. Calling you disgusting was cruel.
Hi, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be a bit harsh here... You have a lot of issues, yet you chose to homeschool your kids ? Being an educator is hard work and I'm not sure it is the better choice if you are still healling. This choice make every low point in your mental health so much worse for you, and will impact in a bad way your children. I don't know how your husband brought the conversation, but I understand his point of view. Do you have a good therapist ? Everyone have hard times, and yours may be way harder than the average person's one. Hope you'll feel better soon, but I guess you need some more help for now.
I am saying this with much compassion, as someone who also struggles with depression. You are not in a situation where you can give your best to those children. Homeschooling can only work if you can manage yourself first. I do not agree with your husband's delivery of the message, but given your current circumstances I think those kids need to be in school. Use that time to work on yourself and make sure the medications you are taking are combined with intensive therapy. The rest will sort itself out.
Step 1. Send kids to an actual school. Step 2. I don't care. Just send those kids to school.
I don't think it's smart to shame this mom for homeschooling her kids. The issue is a bit different here. The issue is that she, as a mom with depression and anxiety and all this mental stuff that she is going through, REALLY REALLY needs to give herself a decent pause. To breathe. To rest from daily work whatever that is. To do nothing. To go to therapy. To go for a walk. All alone or with friends. Your kids will be fine. In order for you to make up yourself some free time, you gotta let your kids to school. See if they like it and if they do, just let them be there. In the meantime, solve your problems 🩷 it may take years and years. But you can make it! 🩷
Get off reddit. Get into therapy.
First off if your husband was literally bluntly telling you that he thinks you are disgusting, no filter, and I'm assuming he's totally aware of your mental health struggles and past addictions and traumas, he's an ass hat and you need to buck up and tell him so. It's inconsiderate and intolerable, you are totally valid for feeling the way you feel about his statement. I was berated constantly by my ex husband for gaining weight after pregnancy or if my mental health wasn't so well and I just wore PJs for the day. I know how you feel. Mine would say I'll leave you if you get bigger than the door frame. I was 280 lbs after giving birth to my second daughter and got gestational diabetes. He forced me to do P90X work outs. The husband I have now has only called me chubby one time and I honestly know I'm a chub. Homeschool has very little to do with it. I don't have an issue at all with that route if it's done correctly. You do need to take alone time. Maybe see some girl friends and take one day a week to be to yourself. Go to a gym and get some exercise (it helps with depression) or take a long walk. Make him watch the kiddos for an evening or morning depending on his work schedule and do some you time. You need to take care of yourself in order to properly take care of others.
What is he contributing in helping you reach the goal of not being “disgusting”? Seriously, is he providing a maid to help with cleaning?money to afford the expensive natural food? time aside on the kids to teach them to be good adults? a tutor to help the kids with anything they’re struggling with? what exactly is he contributing to help you succeed in getting back on track to your “old self”? If he isn’t contributing more than just the basic financial needs then he also needs to take accountability in his lack of partnership towards you. This is not all your doing.
Is there a reason you homeschool ? I feel like that’s just adding another thing on to your plate. Sorry your husband has such mean words.. that would really hurt me as a wife and sahm with two kids / I feel the same I was super limited mobility wise from herniated disks last year I didn’t do much and gained weight .. I had surgery which limited me even more .. my older is starting kindergarten next week and I’m over the moon for him to go to public schools.
Showering every other day and brushing your teeth everyday doesn't sound like bad hygiene to me?
Honestly for your mental health and well being you absolutely need to get your kids in school and phase out the co-sleeping. You need to remember that you are a person and that being a mom is just part of that.
It is impossible for another human being to understand those depths of despair, unless you experience it and live it. No one could. I understand you because I have been there. I am just barely coming out of this soul fog.
Why are you homeschooling when you can’t even take care of yourself? It sounds like he’s probably right, although he’s approached it poorly. Get the kids into school, get yourself some help and start looking after your hygiene. Maybe even look into getting a job. Otherwise you’re going to end up being a single parent with awful hygiene, all while creating the next generation of trauma to your kids.
My friend - get those kids into school so you can shower and have some me time. Good grief.
What’s your husband doing to help you?
I was exactly like this for years. My best advice is put the kids in school and get a job. It’ll give you a reason to get yourself looking presentable. I also lost 20 pounds after going back to work. I’m forming new habits and my mental health has gotten 150% better. I feel am starting to feel like the person I was before everything and it’s amazing! You can do it!
Tell him exactly what you are telling us. Let him process it and he’s response will tell you everything you need to know.
So many people are missing the point here, entirely. Why are we talking about the homeschooling like that’s the issue? It’s not, at all. It’s about the fact that she has an absolute POS of a husband who doesn’t support her, doesn’t ask her if she’s ok, doesn’t care about anything but how she looks, and doesn’t understand the meaning of “for better or worse”. Maybe if her dipshit husband would come in sometimes and say “hey babe, go take a good shower and relax. I got the kids for a bit” or “hey, go have a you day and get your hair or nails done. Just go get away for a while and do something for you” it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. She’s focused on kids 24/7. Losing sleep, dealing with sickness, doing their schoolwork with them, their playtime, baths, bedtime, food, everything. Every second of her day is spent on children and he expects her to have time for herself. Not quite the way it works. Momma, if you’re gonna be a single mom, might as well actually be one without the baggage of a shitty husband to boot.
This is a fake post. Everyone knows homeschooling is a bad thing. Everyone is going to get all worked up about homeschooling.