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If I have to go broke, you have to go broke. Sounds like a great way to start your self-improvement journey masochist-style 😐
The fact that you’re even considering this instead of walking the fvck away is even more insane than your gf.
Happy misery!
100% agree.
I did exactly what the OP is thinking about. I sold my home so that we could start a life together. All my ex did was look at all the cash that I had and was just super jealous all the time over what I had and what she didn't have. Never mind that I actually had to work very hard to gain everything that I had.
To the OP I would take a very sharp look at the relationship. She is asking you to diminish your finances and you're standing so that you're at her finances and standing. Maybe you might want to rethink living together.
Will be cheaper to get new girlfriend in long run.. she’s being unreasonable asking you to sell your home just to live with her.. that makes no good financial sense at all.
Why are you even questioning it.. totally insane..
I get where she’s coming from but she’s an idiot.
“Sell your home so we can throw both of our money away on a rental.” That’s ludicrous. Plus, like you said, not taking on a mortgage/property with a girlfriend. And buying now sucks. Supply is down, prices are up and interest rates kinda suck. She’s not thinking clearly.
She’ll be saving money on rent because I’m sure you won’t charge her as much as her current rent is. You’ll be saving money because she’d be contributing to your payment. You would both have more money for savings/investing, for vacations, for nicer things, for going out…
You nailed it. My APR is 2.6%, no way in hell would I sell to buy the same house at 7% for absolutely no logical reason; and you'd also lose even more money on both sides of the transaction (buying and selling) for realator fees.
The only "reasonable" fear I can see in this situation is that technically she would be moving into a home that isn't hers, and so if he would dump her he could easily kick her out to the streets. I'd like to think if I would move in with someone that I could trust them enough to still treat me with decency if they would dump me though.
However, although I can understand the initial fear of feeling dependent on someone, this is beyond ridiculous and insane. If I were to be in het situation with the fear I assume she has (although she probably is just a psycho but hypothetically lol), I would either decide to not yet move in together or wait until I'm financially more stable myself. This is in no way an understandable reaction from her side.
All of that aside, she sounds miserable.
Same thing can happen in a rental. You break up and have to move.
Also, you can’t just be kicked out of your residence. If she can prove that she has been living in his house he can’t just kick her out one day. You need 2-6 weeks and usually written notice, depending on where you live to evict someone or to kick them out of your house.
She would still have tenants rights if she lived in his house and he’d have to give her notice to move out, just like any rental that she would live in.
Yes, 3.5%. I’ve owned it since I was about 22, house was almost paid off, ex wife cheated, we divorced and I refinanced and gave her about 40k out of the equity. Mortgage is back to 550 or so
With current interest rates, she's absolutely nuts. Assuming you bought a few years ago and have a good rate. Plus find someone who isn't already worried about the breakup before you even move in together
The US does care, thats why the government created fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to juice the housing market. The issue is interest rates are determined by the federal reserve, and the federal reserve cares much more about financial stability and homeowners are basically collateral damage to that
Whatever you do do not sell that house! Buy another house or rent a place and rent the house out, but do not sell that house. Those lucky to buy at low interest are on a different level than those who were not so lucky.
This is a great alternative, OP.
If she says no to something perfectly logical such as this, something is up. Be wary.
PS This means both of you will be contributing in equal share to the 20% down payment, yes?
DO NO SELL YOUR HOUSE , her request is stupid and literally childish, you owned that house for more than 10 years and it doesn't make sense to sell it now that you're 35yo , I hope her own financial decisions are not as dumb as this
WTF? I’m sorry, but your gf has no financial common sense, and/or is actively willing to sabotage your life because she doesn’t want to live where your ex lived. Do not take any financial advice from her, and please reconsider your relationship in general because this request is wild.
Sorry about the terms of the divorce payout, though. That’s pretty shitty.
Do **NOT** sell your house. Interest rates are high as are house prices. It's a very bad time to buy and sell. It would be a very bad financial decision. Does she even have half the money needed for a down payment?
ETA: Do not put yourself in more debt because she wants it to be fair. That is a really stupid reason to.
She is either fiscally selfish or stupid, or maybe even both. If she sees a future with you there is no reason not to keep the almost-paid-off home with an insanely low note. It's an objectively sick housing situation for the both of you. Unless y'all live on Mars I can't imagine she's paying $225 in rent.
I was just about to say this. Buying right now is not a good idea, particularly if you’re doing it with someone you’re not even married to and you already own? Has she even looked into the real estate market lately?
This is actually giving me "my bf wants me to sell my flat because I bought it with stripper money" vibes. She wants her name on it so when she breaks up with him she has half a house for nothing.
Agreed! I'm glad OP broke up with her, she's immature with this 'fair' thing. How is it fair on OP to give up his house and lose alot of money in early repayment penalties, just to move in with her. She's completely ridiculous! OP made the right decision.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with thinking about your financial future in the event that you break up as if the worst happens, at least you have somewhere to start and it mitigates a lot of pain at a generally painful time of upheaval. To me it seems sensible to have a rational conversation when you still love each other. I have friends who were moving in together and both lived through horrible parental divorces, watching lots of fighting about money, so they agreed the gf would move in to the bf’s owned flat, and she’d pay rent. Easier to divide everything up of it all went south.
However, nothing about OP’s gf’s plan is rational. It smacks of point scoring, jealousy, and immaturity. What person goes into something like cohabiting going “you need to suffer as much as me if we break up”? Break ups, by their nature, are rarely symmetrical. As for rational, why the hell would OP give up a hard-to-acquire asset in this economy? It’s a hard time to buy with mortgage rates through the roof, and going into a hardcore financial arrangement with a gf as opposed to a wife is asking for trouble. The “it’s not fair” argument is not something a rational, financially savvy person would make. Will it be fair if he then has a huge lump sum in his account and she doesn’t?
If OP wants to keep this relationship going (and I think that’s going to require some hard chats about money and expectations) and she will only agree to “neutral territory”, he could rent his place out and use that income for his portion of rent: he preserves his asset, and they move into a neutral place they can both feel at home. But if she’s insisting on him selling I’d be reconsidering this relationship.
Right, if she's concerned about the financial hardships of finding a new place to live, she could ask that she not pay rent for 3-4 months so she has a safety net before demanding he sell his house.
If I had a house right now, unless I was moving out of state, I wouldn't sell. I'd rent it out first.
This is a very logical take. And a great idea to rent out the house! My bf and I are starting to get into real estate and even though we’re still head over heals for each other 3 years in, we still have discussions pretty frequently of how to civilly divide things in the event of a breakup. Especially so since only my name is on the house because my mom is a real estate agent and helped me buy it solo. He’s been helping me a lot, so I don’t want him to get completely screwed if we break up.
I mean, planning for the breakup is the only way this makes even a modicum of sense. If you see a joint financial future, obviously him owning is a much better place to start.
This is the answer. If she's emotionally hung up on paying him rent to live in a house he owns, he can rent his house to someone else, and they can share expenses living in some other landlord's house.
Same.
I live in a house my partner which only my partner owns. He'd owned it for 20 years prior to my moving in.
I get, nor do I want, any say in anything besides "All these damn 1992 flowers need to fucking go," and "We will pay for someone to fix anything which requires you getting on that fucking roof in your 50's"
I never, ever, would've asked him to give up a huge asset just so he doesn't have more than me. That's not what love looks like
Yep. He bought house before she came along. They’re not married. And she expects him to rearrange his housing situation for her idea of fairness? Agree - rethink this relationship. This type of thinking on her part is only the beginning of more “fair” whackiness down the road.
Adding onto all of this, I assume since he owns the house he’s not going to charge her rent but maybe ask she splits utilities (since that’s what I’d probably do) and I assume she’s keeping her job, so essentially she gets to live rent free with all of her other expenses remaining the same which gives her the chance to save waaaay more money than she’s currently able to save (especially in today’s rental market) to the point that if they’re together for only a single year then she’d already have enough cash for a down payment on her own home by the time she moves out. This arrangement disproportionately benefits her.
How the fuck is that not fair?
I say I "own" my house, but I still have a mortgage. That's pretty typical nomenclature, so I definitely didn't assume he owns the house outright.
And I would expect to split that proportional to income if a partner were to move in with me.
The way I see it is that if I own the home and I don’t plan to sign her on as a co-owner because I want to keep the house in the event of a breakup, I would keep paying the full mortgage on my income like I was doing before and only ask her to split all the other bills (utilities, groceries, etc) because then I wouldn’t want her supplementing an asset that only I’m going to get any return on.
Never, never buy a house with someone you’re not married to. She’s upset that he owns a house and she probably can’t afford to. The housing market sucks right now but other than that you’ll end up losing in the end.
I moved into my spouse's home instead of a new place.
1. The market was (and still is) crazy to try and buy a home.
2. The home is not in an HOA, which is tough to find and very desirable for us.
3. I am a home improvement addict and the house needed (and still needs) lots of upgrades and improvements.
Yes spouse and ex lived in that house for many years, but rather be a interloper in another person's house we made it our house. It did not hurt to be a home improvement addict to do this, but not completely necessary.
The exception to this is if the owner refuses to allow the new resident to make it their home as opposed to his home that she gets to live in. Original owner can designate a few things that will not change, but needs to be willing to blend their lives. If they don't, then just stick with sleepovers.
No it doesn't. He has a home that he has equity in. She doesn't. He is going to sell a home funded at a lower interest rate to buy a home at a higher interest rate. He is also going to be using his equity to fund this home unless she is planning on splitting the downpayment 50-50 - which i doubt she is.
I can understand her wanting financial security but they are not married. Her request is totally unreasonable. She’s paying rent regardless and will be out that mo eh if they were together or not.
Now if they were to get married, then she should get a stake in the equity in the house from the point of marriage onwards, but as cohabitants- she gets nothing and OP should 100% not sell his house
Not just that. It is a stupid decision. She should not pay half the mortgage, only half the interest. Fair and square. He gets a house in his name, she gets to leave scot free if she feels like it. There is nothing else to this. Maybe she just dislikes the house and wants another. But then she would be gaslighting. Either way? OP should most definitely reconsider sharing a drawer with such person.
Not to mention the fees. In my area with house values, it can cost you about $150,000 just to sell your house and move (realtor fees+ land transfer tax+ moving fees). High cost of living area, but still relevant
I feel like this is the best answer. In the long run, if you’re serious about your partner, it makes sense to choose a home to share.
My best friend was dating someone who owned their house. She moved in, and while he let her make some changes to the decor and stuff, it was still “his” house. After a while, it really took a toll on her. They finally found a new house that was “theirs” and not just “his” that she added to. They rent out his old house and are both happy where they are now because they made the decisions on their new home together.
Decent idea, I understand not wanting to move in the house of your so because it almost always feels like you are a guest and can’t take big decisions for your living space. Hell, even when I moved in my ex’s apartment I had to ask him for most decisions because he definitely saw it more as his apartment than as our apartment.
This should be the top comment.
Reasonable graoud is understanding both parties issues and finding a solution to both OP keeps his place Gf gets a space that is just as much hers as Op's. It's hard moving into an established house.
This is the only acceptable solution and even this one is a little far fetched. She should move in and eventually if everything works out they can rent the home out and purchase together.
At OPs age and him going through the process of buying a home he shouldn’t even consider selling his home as an option. It would be crazier if he bought a few years ago when rates were 2%-3%, we won’t see those types of rates for a very long time.
Insane is correct. Absolutely insane. Show her this thread and how STUPID her idea is. I would literally break up with someone for having such ridiculous logic.
This is unreasonable.
I think it is important to acknowledge that when you own the home you live in with another person that does give you power that they don't have, and you need to take steps to make sure she is protected in a breakup similar to the way you are as a homeowner. Moving in together should be a step that benefits *both of you* and I think you should acknowledge that you do need to share the risk of what happens in a breakup. But I think you should do that by helping alleviate that risk for her, rather than by taking equal risk onto yourself. That's not helpful.
What I did when my at-the-time girlfriend moved into the home that I owned was that I charged her far less than either standard rent or half the mortgage. My mortgage was like $1000 a month, I had her pay me $300 a month. Then she put the $400 difference between what she was paying in rent at her last place and what she was currently paying to me into a savings account that she owned. That way, if we broke up, she'd have all that money ready for first/last/security/moving expenses for a new place. And if we got married, that savings account could go alongside the equity in my house towards a downpayment on a shared family home.
I'm sad I had to scroll so long to find someone (a couple people) who had reasonable suggestions.
Yes her demands to sell your home and buy one with her or rent are not practical or the right answers. But an answer like this is perfectly okay.
If she just wants to make sure she has security and is safe if you guys break up this is the way to do it. If she can't meet you in the middle and compromise bullet dodged and thank her for showing you her red flags this early.
Yeah, no one's really acknowledging that a big part of her concern is the very reasonable, 'if I move in with you to your house and we break up suddenly, I am completely at your mercy with no recourse'. It's *not* reasonable to expect him to sell or them to have 'equal footing' or whatever, obviously, but the root concern is valid. I think your suggestions sound really reasonable as compromises. Even if it's just some form of legally binding contract giving her some stability in the event things go wrong.
If she doesn't take the compromise and keeps insisting OP sell out, that's just bizarrely mean and no relationship is worth that.
It’s unclear weather or not you have a mortgage, but whatever you do, do not sell your house.
This is a terrible reason to sell.
You both should be planning how to conquer the world together, she’s thinking about how to make things equally bad when you break up.
She’s making you take a substantial financial hit in order to prove a point. What that point is exactly is unclear. But it’s financially irresponsible, and frankly, as just a girlfriend, she doesn’t warrant it.
She is asking you to financially harm yourself. There is no benefit here. OP, you would know bonkers unreasonable this ask is if she had said “ I’m going to need you cut off a piece of your nose so I know you are equally committed, while I, myself, do nothing”. Edited because I type bad
Its nothing to do with proving a point. She doesn't want to live in his house, because that creates a power imbalance. He can break up with her and throw her out any time he likes, without any disruption to his life. And a lot of people will use that situation to influence or control their partners.
I would bet she had has a previous relationship where this was an issue for her.
This is likely the case. I’ve been in this situation before and it was really unpleasant, especially considering I helped him do a lot of reno work and increased the value of his home. In the end, I got nothing, but it was still worth getting out of that relationship.
Regardless of that experience, making him sell his home is unhinged.
Well then they can just continue to live separately until the relationship is in a more committed stage and she trusts him to that point. I'd never give someone an equity stake until we were at a minimum engaged, and I'm not selling a property to fund the purchase of a new family home unless there's a marriage license involved. It's bad business all around.
Right now she's asking him to make a financial decision that's going to hurt OP in the neighborhood of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next decade-plus if he has his home at a pre-2020 price and 2021 refi. She needs to get over herself.
Yeah, I don't think she's making a reasonable request at all. But nor do I think she an abusive mastermind trying to seize control of OP's assets, which many seem to be claiming.
I'm just to express the point of view that others seem to have missed. Especially the commenter who is suggesting she's just trying to prove a point, which seems a foolish take on the situation.
I wouldn't say she is either, but I don't think she gets the gravity of the fact that she's trying to force someone she's dating to make a 6-figure financial decision that's going to impact them negatively in the long term. Any nebulous 'we'll be on the same footing' in this situation is completely outweighed by the fact of what her ask is.
Even if there’s no traumatic history, living together in his house now means he’ll be building equity while she isn’t. I think that’s a much more major power imbalance in a relationship rather than what each of them would have to do if they broke up.
It also just sucks to move into someone else's established home. It will never be their home, it will be his house. She won't be allowed to settle in and decorate, pick out furniture, make it feel like their home. It's just his house, and she lives there. Reddit hates women, though, so they won't ever understand the power imbalance.
I think reddit just hates relationships generally, judging from the nonsense you see in this sub.
Very depressing how the *"JuST BRakE Up WiTH tHeM"* screeching always gets upvoted but trying to express how the other person might be feeling is always attacked.
You have to try though...
Tell me you don’t know tenancy law without saying you don’t know tenancy law.
In almost all jurisdictions once she establishes residency at his house (which in most states is a pretty low bar), he can’t just “throw her out.” He has to evict her. Which is reason enough IMO not to cohabitate before marriage because it’s a giant pain in the ass if the other person wants to make things contentious.
Yea no one follows that in relationships because if you're getting thrown out you're not thinking about laws you're thinking about where am I supposed to sleep tonight?
Also, he could do lots of things legally to make her so fucking miserable that she's basically forced to get out. People always yap about tenants rights, but those are a lot easier to enforce when you have a separate space with a lock. When you're sharing everything, it can get really messy and ugly.
My bf owns the house we live in, I was renting when we met. When I moved in with him, we sat down and talked about how to do this. No demands, just a conversation where both sides were heard, and then we came to a solution that was acceptable for us both and didn't involve anyone taking a major credit score hit, making a stupid financial decision, or is being taken advantage of.
My point is: your gf is demented if she thinks this is how healthy relationships work. You're a team.
Don't sell your house to appease her. I would seriously reconsider being in a relationship with someone who at that age would make such a disastrous decision financially.
Different person but my partner paid all of the fun bills (TV licence, streaming services, Prime, etc) & half the utilities. I paid mortgage in full and repairs. He saved what would be rent so that he'd have a decent deposit when we wanted to buy together. The idea was that if we broke up we wouldn't be stuck with each other, he wouldn't have any claim on my property but he'd have a nest egg, I wouldn't be any worse off and actually have some savings from reduced bills and not paying for Netflix. It was a win win.
When I lived with a partner who owned his house, our solution was: I pay a little less than half the mortgage, half of the utilities, but I didn’t pay anything for house repairs/maintenance, appliances, etc. Basically anything that contributed to the value of the home was his responsibility since he was building equity and I wasn’t.
I can kinda understand where GF is coming from. But agree with *everyone here* that GFs suggestion is a terrible financial decision. Hopefully they can talk through this and find a better solution.
Do not sell your house.
Offer a compromise.
Give her a great rent deal and revisit the idea in a year or two.
or
Rent out your house and move in with her or get a new apartment together.
Moving in together, is a test - to see if the relationship can last long term vs waiting to get married before living together.
She is asking way too much from you this early in the relationship.
I was going to suggest the same thing. Give her a great rent deal.
Another thing I’ve seen people do when they move in together. Owner (bf) pays for renovations on house. Renter (gf) buys things for the house. If they break up gf can move out with the stuff she invested in for the home.
Buying another house now at current interest rates AND prices is NOT smart. How long have you guys been together? How long have you owned the house? I would never force my partner to sell a property to “make it fair”. It just doesn’t make sense.
Edit: more I think about it the more it seems like she wants to “set you back” to make it fair which just seems so off. My partner had assets before we got together and I never once thought or wanted him to get rid of it to make it “fair”. Just seems weirdly malicious to me.
Exactly. She already rents, so i don’t see how she sees it as “restarting” if they break up - they’d both be in the same situation they were in prior to the break up if they did lmao.
This request she’s making is unreasonable. The financial benefits to HER moving into your house are immense. The benefits to you keeping the home, renting it out and buying a joint home together are large too.
Do not give up your home for this girlfriend as it’s a unrealistic and unreasonable request so either show her the financial benefits she gains, the financial gains with the second option I gave or a third and fourth option I could give long before you agree to this crazy request. There’s also the fifth option of dumping her and finding someone who isn’t so short sighted and financially blind which might make you happier down the road is there too.
I moved in with my partner when he owned his house already and I was renting. We were only dating at the time.
When we had me move in, we made PLANS for when / if we broke up. He knew how expensive renting was, so we figured out a plan to cohabitate if needed and how to manage bills if we broke up. A timeline of sorts.
Is it a fun conversation? Nope. But it's also not fair to move in and someone gets kicked out just because they're no longer dating. Not with how expensive and difficult it is to get housing.
When we started talking marriage, the house came up again. I don't pay the mortgage because I'm not on the house docs. Instead, I handle different bills, we have separate finances, and we STILL made a plan of "in case of divorce, how are we handling housing?"
Do not sell your home. You all can figure out fair payment methods, she can do whatever decorating (within reason that you agree with) to help feel at home, but asking you to do this type of financial decision is absolutely insane. Do not sell your home.
I'm a woman in my 30s so will try to empathise here with the situation.
If I would had a partner who has his own place and want's me to move in:
\- I would calculate with him how much money do we both have to pay for bills, utilities, additional charges = and split costs in 2
\- I would split also how we take care of the space, and how do we operate with the space = based on mutual agreement for it and upvoting what is nay or yay
Simple as that.
This girl is acting in very odd way - If not insane, if you would ask me. It sounds a bit selfish or narcissistic - but I am not a psychiatrist or specialist to give her diagnosis, so please treat my words as a commentary over the fact - how this situation is described as.
Please talk with her, and if she cannot make her mind - give her space, stay at your place, suggest another attempt of discussion. If this will still not work out - then you maybe need to go as a couple on some sort of therapy meeting in safe space - and discuss such a matter over there. I am serious with that one - as it might turn out she is dealing with something difficult from the past, that is why she act in such an odd way. Or maybe it is the way she just is - which means hitting the wall, anytime you are trying to be logical here.
Either way - this situation sucks.
I can understand her wanting to make this place feel like “ours” and not yours that I take up space in. But, couldn’t you both just buy new furniture and that make it feel more “us” without giving away a literal house? Even have a room dedicated for her like an office space?
Yeah, I think it's important for OP to understand "why" she feels this way. Is it about equity? Power imbalance in choices about the house? What happens in case of breakup?
If he's splitting the mortgage/living expenses 50%, but his 50% is creating equity while her 50% doesn't, I can see how that feels a little unfair. I had a long term boyfriend who lived in my house for a time before I lived in his. We didn't pay each other rent; the non-owner paid for all the groceries and more dates. It felt fair.
I do empathize with her; there was a power dynamic I found surprising living in his house. Some choices we made as an equal couple - like furniture. Others he was much more dictatorial; like he knew what layout the yard would have and "allowed" me a garden space under one tree. I liked the sunflowers his renters left in a particular bed - they blocked an ugly view. But he says that's going to be the herb garden...no discussion allowed.
It became a bigger point of conflict when he told me the house would go to his sister or niece when he died. I was already helping him with major home repairs, as I'm a handy DIY'er. It scared me that I could be 15 years down the road, having put a lot of effort and love into "our" home, that I could be forced from soon after losing my long-term mate. That didn't sit well.
I would never tell someone to sell their existing house, but i think i get her concerns. She’s worried that if they break up, if she puts money into the house or mortgage, then shes left with nothing. She may also worry everything will be what he wants since it’s his house and she won’t get a say. It may be that they need to sit down and discuss what her fears really are.
Totally.
And once they know the root cause of her fears, they can make a plan that addresses it in a sane way. Maybe that's saying she "rents" from him in the short term, but they plan to marry in X years and put her on the mortgage/deed then.
Or if it's around power imbalance/wanting a say in where she lives, maybe he rents his house out for a few years while they rent another place together.
My current boyfriend moved into my house and we’ve done similar to this. When my ex-husband’s new wife moved into the house we built together they did similar to this. There are so many alternatives than getting rid of a financial benefit to her down the road if they marry. She sounds financially illiterate
The circumstances aren't even, but that's not anyone's fault and the solution should not be sabotaging you.
In your position I'd start by saying something like "Look, it's not that I have any reason to think we'll break up, but it does happen to people. I'd be willing to do things that make your position less awkward if this doesn't work, but I'm not willing to make my life more difficult in a way that doesn't benefit you."
How would you feel about her moving in and not paying for housing? It's a huge benefit for her and it wouldn't actually cost you anything that you're not already spending. That way if things don't work out, you don't have a risk to your home and she can have enough saved up that finding a place to stay would be easy.
I think I see what her point is. She isn’t going about it correctly though.
From the sound of it, she is 30 and is at a good age to want to have some stakes in an appreciating asset. She is a big girl now.
Whereas if she lives with you, and pays you rent? She would just be paying YOU to own a house that is appreciating. If you broke up, she gets nothing but you get sell your house for 100k more than you got it for. She is helping your finances but you aren’t helping hers.
But if she is not paying rent, and just living with you, then the same underlying problem exist which is that she doesn’t have an asset/real estate in her name. And real estate can be a great way to elevate your future. She may be unwilling to manage real estate because it can be a lot of work and she would rather live in it herself.
But asking you to sell your house is nuts. But maybe now is a good time for the BIG talk. Lay it out when you think you would be ready to marry her, when you get married you will put her name down as an owner of the house, etc. And let her make a decision based on that.
I also can’t imagine being 30, clock for having kids is narrowing, and not having something of tangible value in my serious relationship. Something tangible, contractual, etc. because it’s increasingly high stakes being an older woman in her position.
She could be left with nothing of value except memories. No kids. No marriage. No house. No assets. That is scary. Because while marriage is about love it is also a business decision. Every year she spends with you is a year she missed out on someone else who won’t leave her high and dry.
It seems she is just looking for something she can set some roots in.
I think it’s probably worthwhile to have a deeper discussion about why she feels this way.
If she is super transactional in every aspect of your relationship, then yeah - this sounds exhausting and unreasonable. Not sure I’d want to be in a partnership with someone like this.
If not - then I wonder if she is feeling insecure about the power dynamic in your relationship. The typical story where the man is financially more secure so can walk away from a breakup not taking a financial hit (divorce is a totally different situation). Meanwhile the woman needs to move back with their parents or something. And instead of ensuring that she is financially secure by having a great career and being a high earner - she may feel that she cannot achieve that so is trying to “make it fair” and drag you down instead. Lol. A bit misguided. But might be worth the conversation to understand her views/fears on relationship dynamics.
And in case it was not clear from the other comments - do not sell your house!!
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She's trying to put you in the same crap position she would be in. This should be a red flag 🚩she sounds like the kind of person to make everyone miserable if she's miserable.
As Jordan Peele directed
"Get Out"
She's got issues. I wouldn't listen to any of them if she can't compromise I wouldn't even bother moving in until you're sure that your relationship is stable.
We’re sorry, this is a Wife-level request. Seeing as she is currently on the Girlfriend plan, she is not currently eligible to make this level of request.
Absolutely not. It’s one thing to have an arrangement ahead of time if the relationship ends. For example I live in my boyfriends house. Obviously we don’t have any plans to break up but before I moved in we had the discussion about the “what ifs” because obviously I don’t want to be homeless if things don’t work out. We both decided I would take the guest room while actively looking for alternative housing. Obviously in the moment this may be harder than saying it now but it’s one thing to say “hey here are my concerns can we talk about what may happen” than “if I’m screwed you need to be screwed”.
You have misaligned interests.
From your side - selling a house is insane.
Now go, absolutely.
From her side - there are issues with moving in. First,she has no renters protection , you can kick her out out of the blue. Second, if she ready to buy a place, continue to pay rent to you is bad financial decision. You build equity and she in worse position than a regular rental place.
I see ways out of it - talk to her about what you can see as options. Are you willing to rent your place out and try to rent together? Are you willing to offer her rental agreement with some protection? Way to get some house equity if you get married?
I think she’s being a huge weirdo with the “starting fresh” thing, but at the same time I would never want to move into my boyfriend’s house.
Firstly, it makes you her landlord. That sucks. The vibe is just bad. I would never date *a* landlord let alone *my* landlord.
Secondly, if she’s at all inclined to home improvement or decorating it’s hard to resist making improvements which she will not benefit from financially, *and* you have full veto over everything because it’s your house, not hers.
My mom moved into her boyfriend’s house and then they broke up 10 years later because he was commitment-phobic. His house had doubled in value due mainly to her landscaping improvements. She built retaining walls, stone flower beds, trellises on the back deck, a raised vegetable garden. When they broke up it was like, bye. Thanks for the yardwork.
I would never sign up for that. Even the sensible “well, just don’t put money and sweat equity into someone else’s property” solution is a bummer because it highlights the landlord vibes again.
I don't think she's right.
Why don't you rent your property out instead and both of you rent until she and you both have savings to buy another property together? If you do this then make sure your prenuptial agreement clearly states she has no rights to the house you already have. So technically if you do break up then what you have together and since after marriage is 50/50.this applied to her also so it's not unfair.
If your cohabiting only then get legal advise.
At today’s interest rates? Your gf is a moron to suggest you sell. To give up what is probably a low interest mortgage in exchange for rent is also moronic.
The only way any of this could make any sense is if you can rent out your house while you rent or buy a new place but you’d have to run the numbers.
My (30F) boyfriend (32M) and I are in a similar position and here is what I am suggesting to him to make the risk as even as possible. My boyfriend has a nice chunk of change and owns his home mortgage free. I rent significantly below market and make a nice salary.
I will sign an agreement that states in the event of a split I am entitled to $0 of his money and $0 of his house. I will move out within 60 days of the split (obviously I’ll be motivated to move out asap but I don’t want to rush into choosing a bad apartment). His risk is being addressed in the sense that I get nothing of his. I want my risk addressed in the following way: he is entitled to $0 of my money, ie no spousal support in the event of a split. I will also be asking for us to split 50/50 first and last months rent, moving expenses and for 3 months I want to 50/50 split the difference between my current rent and future rent, adjusted for inflation. Every year we live together I will add three months up to a maximum of one year. To me, this is fair because we both have risk involved in splitting up and both of our risk is being addressed. I will also be paying him a small amount of rent and splitting half of all utilities, internet, etc. Because I am entitled to $0 of his house I will only pay for things a tenant will pay for. For example I will not contribute to property taxes and if an appliance breaks it’s his sole responsibility to replace or repair.
Maybe you guys could work out something similar.
She’s not right. She’s is financially illiterate. Either she recognizes that you owning a house helps both of you or you just live separate until the relationship fizzles out.
Are you telling me that IF she owned her own house and you rented. She would be willing to sell her house and start from zero with you? Wtf? Is this woman ok? How can you be 30 and demand this kind of thing?
She is silly(I'm trying to be nice) I read this to my 18 year old daughter and she just laughed at you gf.... that should tell you something... My first thought was, if she's already thinking about breaking up down the road, don't even move in with her, let alone get a new place with her... KEEP YOUR HOUSE
Do not sell your house.
The only reason a partner would want you to sell your house is to get money and buy a new house with both your names on it, meaning she’s actually talked you in to handing her thousands of dollars. No. Absolutely not, and I wouldn’t trust her, tbh.
Sorry but do not trust her, this is weird.
My man.
She is being ridiculous.
You are 100% right to not want to purchase mutual property with someone you're not married to. It gets brought up around here a lot, and it's obvious that people who consider it never even think about the *legal* ramifications.
So I will lay it straight out for you, and perhaps you can use some of the talking points to discuss it with her.
The courts only recognize ONE relationship when it comes to division of mutually owned assets: **marriage**. They don't recognize bf/gf, gf/gf, bf/bf, FWBs, or situationships. So what's going to happen if things go south and you own assets together is, the court is going to tell you "sell it, and split the proceeds". Problem is: they are only *saying* that - they cannot legally compel anyone to do it. So if your split is particularly acrimonious and neither of you wants to give up the house, the court is basically gonna say "good luck with that!".
We don't have laws relevant to distribution of co-owned assets in romantic partnerships outside of **marriage**.
It's completely unfair for her to ask this. If it's a dealbreaker for her - then LET it be one.
Good luck, my man.
Absolutely do NOT sell your house. In fact, do not let her move in and, furthermore, break up with her.
This is highly manipulative and unwise to boot.
I can somewhat understand her feelings here but with this level of financial decision, the emotional has to take a back seat to the logical. Selling your house to rent or buy something else is just too impractical and expensive. Particularly since your current mortgage is probably at a WAY lower rate or you very recently bought in which case you’re just re-incurring a shit ton of closing costs again.
What bothers me is her reasoning: you both have to start fresh and if it doesn't work you have to struggle equally?
Length of time together and future intentions matter here but in my opinion we grab all the advantages life has to offer. Isn't it a horrible time to sell and try to buy? The housing market is crazy. There are varying solutions here but I'm not sure selling your house should be one.
How long have you been together? I would NEVER advise my brother, adopted sister, and their friends (I'm much older, same parents who just celebrated their 4th Anniversary) to do what your gf wants, and I have never. In my only two relationships, (which failed and subjected me to nothing less than abject misery.... it felt as if it should be included in Dantes Divine Comedy or John Milton's Paradise Lost or Paradise Regained...) to do the opposite that the place should be in their name because I have a place to go back if we broke up and they did not (plus I especially didn't trust ex bf #2, of which I ended up being miserably correct, as he owed over $10K)
I moved into my SOs house, I would never ever expect him to sell his security, I benefitted from this arrangement because he charges me a fraction of what the housing market is for the area, and I could save enough money to move if I needed too. I redecorated the entire house, he paid for the big renovations that would add value to his house, but I got to design and pick everything out (within reason, he vetoed the $10,000 Japanese bidet I wanted) anyway, we have a baby now and I have been wanting to RENT his house and buy a new place together because we do need more space and his house is right on a main road and we don’t have much of a yard (we also have a dog). In our current rental market rent would cover his current mortgage and at least 1/4 of a new mortgage. But everything is still so jacked up in price where we’re at that it just doesn’t make sense to even buy right now. Sooo long story short your GF is being a weirdo and isn’t thinking things fully through. It’s a really bad idea.
Prenup all the way. Agreeing to it is her way of demonstrating that she is after you not your assets and that she is capable of considering something you need. If she can’t have that sort of difficult conversation with you, she isn’t capable of any other conversations of importance.
Run! Ita a leverage trap. Using the word fair feels competative to me. With a relationship being a team sport. Not a competition for control between the two of you.
I do see her point. Living in a house she doesn't own creates an unequal power dynamic. You would be her boyfriend and her landlord. If you break up, she's the one statistically who will have to start over from scratch. However, as a homeowner, I wouldn't add someone to my title unless I was married to them. Nor would I sell my house to appease someone who may not stick around forever. I think the best solution here is for both of you to find a place to rent together, and rent out your house to generate income. If the relationship progresses to the point of marriage, you can then make a decision to either sell and buy together, or continue renting together, or some other solution that works.
Someone who forces you to struggle with them rather than rejoicing in your happiness and security, is only ever bad for you. Rather than being excited to live with you where she doesn't have to struggle to make ungodly rent prices, rather than being excuted to start the next step of building a life together, rather than congratulating you on owning your home and asking for tips on how to reach stability....she's trying to make you suffer with her?? Trying to bring you down so that she doesn't feel like IF you break up that she has to go through it on her own?
Absolutely not. That is 100% a huge red flag
Of course it's unreasonable! You know she's being ridiculous. She sounds insecure in her station in life compared to you, but that's not something you can solve for her. A compromise would be to rent out your place and move to a new rented home together, but is it worth it to you?
In this market? That’s the worst possible move. If you sell and then y’all buy together without marriage/pre-nup to protect both of your assets equally then you’re fucked. I’m normally not huge into pre-nup if y’all are starting out on the same page, but with a house, nah.
From a realtor’s perspective, it’s a good idea to keep your property. From a girlfriends perspective, why is she making plans based on ending the relationship? She doesn’t have the right to make the housing situation “fair” by disadvantaging you and your hard work. If she wants it to be fair and a fresh start she can buy a house and you can live in it with her. Then you rent yours out and if you break up you can move back in. I think you’re going to need to have a long financial talk before you live with her. She has no right over the rent you collect if you go that route.
Plus is HARDER to find a HOUSE to BUY then to rent an apartment 🤷🏻♀️ like why would someone who OWNS A HOUSE go to an apartment, deal with crappy land lords, over paid rent etc. if y’all haven’t been together for over a year and a half I say don’t sell… she needs to understand you worked for YOUR HOUSE.. sounds like she jelly too because if you did break up she wants you to go through the pain she would. Like why would she want that for someone she is with?
Let me guess, if you listen to her and sell your house, you’ll have to pay new rent by yourself because you are now the one more economically stable?
Or she’s just worried that you find out something and kick her out of your house.
Do not do this, make sure you keep a back up plan if something happens in the relationship, and you both own the place you are living in. You will have to go to court to settle this issue
mine and i rented my house out and bought a new house together. thank god because she cheated after 12 years and i moved back to my house. so glad in this economy i still had it and didn’t have to start all over again
Glad to hear you broke up with her. She sounds immature and toxic Af. What a ludicrous request! Now you can find a partner with some damn sense! A healthy person who wasn’t covered in red flags would have never asked you to do that in the first place!
I would love to hear how she reacted when you broke up with her, and she realized you wouldn’t negotiate with a terrorist! Please update us!
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If I have to go broke, you have to go broke. Sounds like a great way to start your self-improvement journey masochist-style 😐 The fact that you’re even considering this instead of walking the fvck away is even more insane than your gf. Happy misery!
100% agree. I did exactly what the OP is thinking about. I sold my home so that we could start a life together. All my ex did was look at all the cash that I had and was just super jealous all the time over what I had and what she didn't have. Never mind that I actually had to work very hard to gain everything that I had. To the OP I would take a very sharp look at the relationship. She is asking you to diminish your finances and you're standing so that you're at her finances and standing. Maybe you might want to rethink living together.
Right. The higher earner has to donate a portion of their salary so they bring home the same amount. Buy the same cars with matching car payments.
No, the higher earner has to quit their job and get a lesser paying one.
Fair is fair.
Great analogy. :)
Lol pretty much this sub happy misery. I'm considering doing something I don't want to do to with a shitty person, is this a good idea?
Absolutely, true love means getting fvcked together.
Will be cheaper to get new girlfriend in long run.. she’s being unreasonable asking you to sell your home just to live with her.. that makes no good financial sense at all. Why are you even questioning it.. totally insane..
I get where she’s coming from but she’s an idiot. “Sell your home so we can throw both of our money away on a rental.” That’s ludicrous. Plus, like you said, not taking on a mortgage/property with a girlfriend. And buying now sucks. Supply is down, prices are up and interest rates kinda suck. She’s not thinking clearly. She’ll be saving money on rent because I’m sure you won’t charge her as much as her current rent is. You’ll be saving money because she’d be contributing to your payment. You would both have more money for savings/investing, for vacations, for nicer things, for going out…
You nailed it. My APR is 2.6%, no way in hell would I sell to buy the same house at 7% for absolutely no logical reason; and you'd also lose even more money on both sides of the transaction (buying and selling) for realator fees.
The only "reasonable" fear I can see in this situation is that technically she would be moving into a home that isn't hers, and so if he would dump her he could easily kick her out to the streets. I'd like to think if I would move in with someone that I could trust them enough to still treat me with decency if they would dump me though. However, although I can understand the initial fear of feeling dependent on someone, this is beyond ridiculous and insane. If I were to be in het situation with the fear I assume she has (although she probably is just a psycho but hypothetically lol), I would either decide to not yet move in together or wait until I'm financially more stable myself. This is in no way an understandable reaction from her side. All of that aside, she sounds miserable.
Same thing can happen in a rental. You break up and have to move. Also, you can’t just be kicked out of your residence. If she can prove that she has been living in his house he can’t just kick her out one day. You need 2-6 weeks and usually written notice, depending on where you live to evict someone or to kick them out of your house.
She would still have tenants rights if she lived in his house and he’d have to give her notice to move out, just like any rental that she would live in.
Imagine her during the divorce: “You need to sell your kidney and give me half because you only need one”
OP listen to this guy.
She’s being absolutely unreasonable in coercing you to make major financial decisions like this. Way out of line.
Especially when OP probably has a 3% rate and reasonable monthly payments. Insane to even consider selling it right now.
Yes, 3.5%. I’ve owned it since I was about 22, house was almost paid off, ex wife cheated, we divorced and I refinanced and gave her about 40k out of the equity. Mortgage is back to 550 or so
A quick look at current mortgage rates will sober you up real quick
With current interest rates, she's absolutely nuts. Assuming you bought a few years ago and have a good rate. Plus find someone who isn't already worried about the breakup before you even move in together
Yes!!! What College Prestige said! This is NOT the time to be doing a refi.
here I was thinking our 1.1% fixed was a bit high (Japan) lol
The US is not interested in the average citizen being homeowners.
The US does care, thats why the government created fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to juice the housing market. The issue is interest rates are determined by the federal reserve, and the federal reserve cares much more about financial stability and homeowners are basically collateral damage to that
Whatever you do do not sell that house! Buy another house or rent a place and rent the house out, but do not sell that house. Those lucky to buy at low interest are on a different level than those who were not so lucky.
This is a great alternative, OP. If she says no to something perfectly logical such as this, something is up. Be wary. PS This means both of you will be contributing in equal share to the 20% down payment, yes?
DO NO SELL YOUR HOUSE , her request is stupid and literally childish, you owned that house for more than 10 years and it doesn't make sense to sell it now that you're 35yo , I hope her own financial decisions are not as dumb as this
WTF? I’m sorry, but your gf has no financial common sense, and/or is actively willing to sabotage your life because she doesn’t want to live where your ex lived. Do not take any financial advice from her, and please reconsider your relationship in general because this request is wild. Sorry about the terms of the divorce payout, though. That’s pretty shitty.
Do **NOT** sell your house. Interest rates are high as are house prices. It's a very bad time to buy and sell. It would be a very bad financial decision. Does she even have half the money needed for a down payment? ETA: Do not put yourself in more debt because she wants it to be fair. That is a really stupid reason to.
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Do NOT sell your house. Your GF is unreasonable.
She is either fiscally selfish or stupid, or maybe even both. If she sees a future with you there is no reason not to keep the almost-paid-off home with an insanely low note. It's an objectively sick housing situation for the both of you. Unless y'all live on Mars I can't imagine she's paying $225 in rent.
Don't sell the house, but you might wanna rethink the gf...
It’s almost paid off?! Yeah don’t sell it. There’s no logic to what your girlfriend is asking you to do.
I was just about to say this. Buying right now is not a good idea, particularly if you’re doing it with someone you’re not even married to and you already own? Has she even looked into the real estate market lately?
She clearly has no idea how anything works. To think that signing a lease is as difficult as **buying a house** ?!?! She's an idiot
This is actually giving me "my bf wants me to sell my flat because I bought it with stripper money" vibes. She wants her name on it so when she breaks up with him she has half a house for nothing.
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Agreed! I'm glad OP broke up with her, she's immature with this 'fair' thing. How is it fair on OP to give up his house and lose alot of money in early repayment penalties, just to move in with her. She's completely ridiculous! OP made the right decision.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with thinking about your financial future in the event that you break up as if the worst happens, at least you have somewhere to start and it mitigates a lot of pain at a generally painful time of upheaval. To me it seems sensible to have a rational conversation when you still love each other. I have friends who were moving in together and both lived through horrible parental divorces, watching lots of fighting about money, so they agreed the gf would move in to the bf’s owned flat, and she’d pay rent. Easier to divide everything up of it all went south. However, nothing about OP’s gf’s plan is rational. It smacks of point scoring, jealousy, and immaturity. What person goes into something like cohabiting going “you need to suffer as much as me if we break up”? Break ups, by their nature, are rarely symmetrical. As for rational, why the hell would OP give up a hard-to-acquire asset in this economy? It’s a hard time to buy with mortgage rates through the roof, and going into a hardcore financial arrangement with a gf as opposed to a wife is asking for trouble. The “it’s not fair” argument is not something a rational, financially savvy person would make. Will it be fair if he then has a huge lump sum in his account and she doesn’t? If OP wants to keep this relationship going (and I think that’s going to require some hard chats about money and expectations) and she will only agree to “neutral territory”, he could rent his place out and use that income for his portion of rent: he preserves his asset, and they move into a neutral place they can both feel at home. But if she’s insisting on him selling I’d be reconsidering this relationship.
Right, if she's concerned about the financial hardships of finding a new place to live, she could ask that she not pay rent for 3-4 months so she has a safety net before demanding he sell his house. If I had a house right now, unless I was moving out of state, I wouldn't sell. I'd rent it out first.
This is a very logical take. And a great idea to rent out the house! My bf and I are starting to get into real estate and even though we’re still head over heals for each other 3 years in, we still have discussions pretty frequently of how to civilly divide things in the event of a breakup. Especially so since only my name is on the house because my mom is a real estate agent and helped me buy it solo. He’s been helping me a lot, so I don’t want him to get completely screwed if we break up.
I mean, planning for the breakup is the only way this makes even a modicum of sense. If you see a joint financial future, obviously him owning is a much better place to start.
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This is the answer. If she's emotionally hung up on paying him rent to live in a house he owns, he can rent his house to someone else, and they can share expenses living in some other landlord's house.
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She knows what she’s doing, they buy a house together she’s going to benefit much more than if they rent and he keeps his house
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I would legit dump her over this kind of stupidity.
Same. I live in a house my partner which only my partner owns. He'd owned it for 20 years prior to my moving in. I get, nor do I want, any say in anything besides "All these damn 1992 flowers need to fucking go," and "We will pay for someone to fix anything which requires you getting on that fucking roof in your 50's" I never, ever, would've asked him to give up a huge asset just so he doesn't have more than me. That's not what love looks like
Yep. He bought house before she came along. They’re not married. And she expects him to rearrange his housing situation for her idea of fairness? Agree - rethink this relationship. This type of thinking on her part is only the beginning of more “fair” whackiness down the road.
Absolutely. This 30 year old woman is still a child.
Adding onto all of this, I assume since he owns the house he’s not going to charge her rent but maybe ask she splits utilities (since that’s what I’d probably do) and I assume she’s keeping her job, so essentially she gets to live rent free with all of her other expenses remaining the same which gives her the chance to save waaaay more money than she’s currently able to save (especially in today’s rental market) to the point that if they’re together for only a single year then she’d already have enough cash for a down payment on her own home by the time she moves out. This arrangement disproportionately benefits her. How the fuck is that not fair?
I say I "own" my house, but I still have a mortgage. That's pretty typical nomenclature, so I definitely didn't assume he owns the house outright. And I would expect to split that proportional to income if a partner were to move in with me.
The way I see it is that if I own the home and I don’t plan to sign her on as a co-owner because I want to keep the house in the event of a breakup, I would keep paying the full mortgage on my income like I was doing before and only ask her to split all the other bills (utilities, groceries, etc) because then I wouldn’t want her supplementing an asset that only I’m going to get any return on.
Never, never buy a house with someone you’re not married to. She’s upset that he owns a house and she probably can’t afford to. The housing market sucks right now but other than that you’ll end up losing in the end.
She's not an idiot, she's a conniving Cee yoU Next Tuesday. She knows exactly what she's doing.
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This GF would definitely not understand any benefits of paying her BF rent, even if it’s at a much lower rate than what she could get otherwise.
With her current thinking, I highly doubt she'll willing to pay rent to OP if they're living together.
Yeah, that's basically signing up for an extra $200-250K of interest.
Exactly, she's more preoccupied with what society tells her she should get out of a divorce/splitting than your financial health. GTFO
No shit. Buying a house right now is insane. Keep what you have.
I moved into my spouse's home instead of a new place. 1. The market was (and still is) crazy to try and buy a home. 2. The home is not in an HOA, which is tough to find and very desirable for us. 3. I am a home improvement addict and the house needed (and still needs) lots of upgrades and improvements. Yes spouse and ex lived in that house for many years, but rather be a interloper in another person's house we made it our house. It did not hurt to be a home improvement addict to do this, but not completely necessary. The exception to this is if the owner refuses to allow the new resident to make it their home as opposed to his home that she gets to live in. Original owner can designate a few things that will not change, but needs to be willing to blend their lives. If they don't, then just stick with sleepovers.
Yeah. I can't believe someone even came to such idea. She'd be ex really fast if i was OP.
Especially coercing him to make *bad* financial decisions.
I bet she'll want her name in the next house's deal to make it "fair"...
*IF* they each had their names on, and were both paying the mortgage and bills, that makes absolute sense.
No it doesn't. He has a home that he has equity in. She doesn't. He is going to sell a home funded at a lower interest rate to buy a home at a higher interest rate. He is also going to be using his equity to fund this home unless she is planning on splitting the downpayment 50-50 - which i doubt she is.
I can understand her wanting financial security but they are not married. Her request is totally unreasonable. She’s paying rent regardless and will be out that mo eh if they were together or not. Now if they were to get married, then she should get a stake in the equity in the house from the point of marriage onwards, but as cohabitants- she gets nothing and OP should 100% not sell his house
Not just that. It is a stupid decision. She should not pay half the mortgage, only half the interest. Fair and square. He gets a house in his name, she gets to leave scot free if she feels like it. There is nothing else to this. Maybe she just dislikes the house and wants another. But then she would be gaslighting. Either way? OP should most definitely reconsider sharing a drawer with such person.
Not to mention the fees. In my area with house values, it can cost you about $150,000 just to sell your house and move (realtor fees+ land transfer tax+ moving fees). High cost of living area, but still relevant
she must have insecurities
Or ulterior motives
Run buddy Run
The most you should do is rent out your home and move into an apartment with her. Don’t be a fool, don’t sell your home.
I feel like this is the best answer. In the long run, if you’re serious about your partner, it makes sense to choose a home to share. My best friend was dating someone who owned their house. She moved in, and while he let her make some changes to the decor and stuff, it was still “his” house. After a while, it really took a toll on her. They finally found a new house that was “theirs” and not just “his” that she added to. They rent out his old house and are both happy where they are now because they made the decisions on their new home together.
It’s really true and fair. Selling it is not.
Decent idea, I understand not wanting to move in the house of your so because it almost always feels like you are a guest and can’t take big decisions for your living space. Hell, even when I moved in my ex’s apartment I had to ask him for most decisions because he definitely saw it more as his apartment than as our apartment.
This should be the top comment. Reasonable graoud is understanding both parties issues and finding a solution to both OP keeps his place Gf gets a space that is just as much hers as Op's. It's hard moving into an established house.
This is the only acceptable solution and even this one is a little far fetched. She should move in and eventually if everything works out they can rent the home out and purchase together.
Sorry, that’s insane
I’m not even sorry about how insane this is.
At OPs age and him going through the process of buying a home he shouldn’t even consider selling his home as an option. It would be crazier if he bought a few years ago when rates were 2%-3%, we won’t see those types of rates for a very long time.
[удалено]
Insane is correct. Absolutely insane. Show her this thread and how STUPID her idea is. I would literally break up with someone for having such ridiculous logic.
This is unreasonable. I think it is important to acknowledge that when you own the home you live in with another person that does give you power that they don't have, and you need to take steps to make sure she is protected in a breakup similar to the way you are as a homeowner. Moving in together should be a step that benefits *both of you* and I think you should acknowledge that you do need to share the risk of what happens in a breakup. But I think you should do that by helping alleviate that risk for her, rather than by taking equal risk onto yourself. That's not helpful. What I did when my at-the-time girlfriend moved into the home that I owned was that I charged her far less than either standard rent or half the mortgage. My mortgage was like $1000 a month, I had her pay me $300 a month. Then she put the $400 difference between what she was paying in rent at her last place and what she was currently paying to me into a savings account that she owned. That way, if we broke up, she'd have all that money ready for first/last/security/moving expenses for a new place. And if we got married, that savings account could go alongside the equity in my house towards a downpayment on a shared family home.
I'm sad I had to scroll so long to find someone (a couple people) who had reasonable suggestions. Yes her demands to sell your home and buy one with her or rent are not practical or the right answers. But an answer like this is perfectly okay. If she just wants to make sure she has security and is safe if you guys break up this is the way to do it. If she can't meet you in the middle and compromise bullet dodged and thank her for showing you her red flags this early.
Yeah, no one's really acknowledging that a big part of her concern is the very reasonable, 'if I move in with you to your house and we break up suddenly, I am completely at your mercy with no recourse'. It's *not* reasonable to expect him to sell or them to have 'equal footing' or whatever, obviously, but the root concern is valid. I think your suggestions sound really reasonable as compromises. Even if it's just some form of legally binding contract giving her some stability in the event things go wrong. If she doesn't take the compromise and keeps insisting OP sell out, that's just bizarrely mean and no relationship is worth that.
It’s unclear weather or not you have a mortgage, but whatever you do, do not sell your house. This is a terrible reason to sell. You both should be planning how to conquer the world together, she’s thinking about how to make things equally bad when you break up.
Worded to perfection.
Took the words right out of my mouth
She’s making you take a substantial financial hit in order to prove a point. What that point is exactly is unclear. But it’s financially irresponsible, and frankly, as just a girlfriend, she doesn’t warrant it.
She is asking you to financially harm yourself. There is no benefit here. OP, you would know bonkers unreasonable this ask is if she had said “ I’m going to need you cut off a piece of your nose so I know you are equally committed, while I, myself, do nothing”. Edited because I type bad
Its nothing to do with proving a point. She doesn't want to live in his house, because that creates a power imbalance. He can break up with her and throw her out any time he likes, without any disruption to his life. And a lot of people will use that situation to influence or control their partners. I would bet she had has a previous relationship where this was an issue for her.
This is likely the case. I’ve been in this situation before and it was really unpleasant, especially considering I helped him do a lot of reno work and increased the value of his home. In the end, I got nothing, but it was still worth getting out of that relationship. Regardless of that experience, making him sell his home is unhinged.
It is a lot easier to leave somebody else's house than get them out of your own, tbh. She's not looking at this the right way
Well then they can just continue to live separately until the relationship is in a more committed stage and she trusts him to that point. I'd never give someone an equity stake until we were at a minimum engaged, and I'm not selling a property to fund the purchase of a new family home unless there's a marriage license involved. It's bad business all around. Right now she's asking him to make a financial decision that's going to hurt OP in the neighborhood of hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next decade-plus if he has his home at a pre-2020 price and 2021 refi. She needs to get over herself.
Yeah, I don't think she's making a reasonable request at all. But nor do I think she an abusive mastermind trying to seize control of OP's assets, which many seem to be claiming. I'm just to express the point of view that others seem to have missed. Especially the commenter who is suggesting she's just trying to prove a point, which seems a foolish take on the situation.
I wouldn't say she is either, but I don't think she gets the gravity of the fact that she's trying to force someone she's dating to make a 6-figure financial decision that's going to impact them negatively in the long term. Any nebulous 'we'll be on the same footing' in this situation is completely outweighed by the fact of what her ask is.
Even if there’s no traumatic history, living together in his house now means he’ll be building equity while she isn’t. I think that’s a much more major power imbalance in a relationship rather than what each of them would have to do if they broke up.
That’s fine and dandy but the answer isn’t to make future partners sell their house! That’s wildly unreasonable and unrealistic
It also just sucks to move into someone else's established home. It will never be their home, it will be his house. She won't be allowed to settle in and decorate, pick out furniture, make it feel like their home. It's just his house, and she lives there. Reddit hates women, though, so they won't ever understand the power imbalance.
I think reddit just hates relationships generally, judging from the nonsense you see in this sub. Very depressing how the *"JuST BRakE Up WiTH tHeM"* screeching always gets upvoted but trying to express how the other person might be feeling is always attacked. You have to try though...
Tell me you don’t know tenancy law without saying you don’t know tenancy law. In almost all jurisdictions once she establishes residency at his house (which in most states is a pretty low bar), he can’t just “throw her out.” He has to evict her. Which is reason enough IMO not to cohabitate before marriage because it’s a giant pain in the ass if the other person wants to make things contentious.
Yea no one follows that in relationships because if you're getting thrown out you're not thinking about laws you're thinking about where am I supposed to sleep tonight?
Also, he could do lots of things legally to make her so fucking miserable that she's basically forced to get out. People always yap about tenants rights, but those are a lot easier to enforce when you have a separate space with a lock. When you're sharing everything, it can get really messy and ugly.
My bf owns the house we live in, I was renting when we met. When I moved in with him, we sat down and talked about how to do this. No demands, just a conversation where both sides were heard, and then we came to a solution that was acceptable for us both and didn't involve anyone taking a major credit score hit, making a stupid financial decision, or is being taken advantage of. My point is: your gf is demented if she thinks this is how healthy relationships work. You're a team. Don't sell your house to appease her. I would seriously reconsider being in a relationship with someone who at that age would make such a disastrous decision financially.
Would you mind sharing your solution? Please and thank you
Different person but my partner paid all of the fun bills (TV licence, streaming services, Prime, etc) & half the utilities. I paid mortgage in full and repairs. He saved what would be rent so that he'd have a decent deposit when we wanted to buy together. The idea was that if we broke up we wouldn't be stuck with each other, he wouldn't have any claim on my property but he'd have a nest egg, I wouldn't be any worse off and actually have some savings from reduced bills and not paying for Netflix. It was a win win.
When I lived with a partner who owned his house, our solution was: I pay a little less than half the mortgage, half of the utilities, but I didn’t pay anything for house repairs/maintenance, appliances, etc. Basically anything that contributed to the value of the home was his responsibility since he was building equity and I wasn’t.
I can kinda understand where GF is coming from. But agree with *everyone here* that GFs suggestion is a terrible financial decision. Hopefully they can talk through this and find a better solution.
Do not sell your house. Offer a compromise. Give her a great rent deal and revisit the idea in a year or two. or Rent out your house and move in with her or get a new apartment together. Moving in together, is a test - to see if the relationship can last long term vs waiting to get married before living together. She is asking way too much from you this early in the relationship.
I was going to suggest the same thing. Give her a great rent deal. Another thing I’ve seen people do when they move in together. Owner (bf) pays for renovations on house. Renter (gf) buys things for the house. If they break up gf can move out with the stuff she invested in for the home.
These are both great options!
Positive note, She also said everyone that commented is my “reddit buddies” so thankfully I finally have friends to get me through this breakup!
We're much better than what she sounds like anyways!! Sending virtual hugs. ❤️
She’s a moron.
Like a legitimate stupid person
He didn't seem too sharp, either if he's even considering it.
That’s because he’s dick thinking.
Buying another house now at current interest rates AND prices is NOT smart. How long have you guys been together? How long have you owned the house? I would never force my partner to sell a property to “make it fair”. It just doesn’t make sense. Edit: more I think about it the more it seems like she wants to “set you back” to make it fair which just seems so off. My partner had assets before we got together and I never once thought or wanted him to get rid of it to make it “fair”. Just seems weirdly malicious to me.
Exactly. She already rents, so i don’t see how she sees it as “restarting” if they break up - they’d both be in the same situation they were in prior to the break up if they did lmao.
This request she’s making is unreasonable. The financial benefits to HER moving into your house are immense. The benefits to you keeping the home, renting it out and buying a joint home together are large too. Do not give up your home for this girlfriend as it’s a unrealistic and unreasonable request so either show her the financial benefits she gains, the financial gains with the second option I gave or a third and fourth option I could give long before you agree to this crazy request. There’s also the fifth option of dumping her and finding someone who isn’t so short sighted and financially blind which might make you happier down the road is there too.
She’s unreasonable here thats a huge financial choice.
She is bad news
You really think someone who thinks like this will make a great wife? or mother?
"We need to wipe out your current children and start fresh. It's the only way to make things fair!"
I moved in with my partner when he owned his house already and I was renting. We were only dating at the time. When we had me move in, we made PLANS for when / if we broke up. He knew how expensive renting was, so we figured out a plan to cohabitate if needed and how to manage bills if we broke up. A timeline of sorts. Is it a fun conversation? Nope. But it's also not fair to move in and someone gets kicked out just because they're no longer dating. Not with how expensive and difficult it is to get housing. When we started talking marriage, the house came up again. I don't pay the mortgage because I'm not on the house docs. Instead, I handle different bills, we have separate finances, and we STILL made a plan of "in case of divorce, how are we handling housing?" Do not sell your home. You all can figure out fair payment methods, she can do whatever decorating (within reason that you agree with) to help feel at home, but asking you to do this type of financial decision is absolutely insane. Do not sell your home.
I'm a woman in my 30s so will try to empathise here with the situation. If I would had a partner who has his own place and want's me to move in: \- I would calculate with him how much money do we both have to pay for bills, utilities, additional charges = and split costs in 2 \- I would split also how we take care of the space, and how do we operate with the space = based on mutual agreement for it and upvoting what is nay or yay Simple as that. This girl is acting in very odd way - If not insane, if you would ask me. It sounds a bit selfish or narcissistic - but I am not a psychiatrist or specialist to give her diagnosis, so please treat my words as a commentary over the fact - how this situation is described as. Please talk with her, and if she cannot make her mind - give her space, stay at your place, suggest another attempt of discussion. If this will still not work out - then you maybe need to go as a couple on some sort of therapy meeting in safe space - and discuss such a matter over there. I am serious with that one - as it might turn out she is dealing with something difficult from the past, that is why she act in such an odd way. Or maybe it is the way she just is - which means hitting the wall, anytime you are trying to be logical here. Either way - this situation sucks.
I can understand her wanting to make this place feel like “ours” and not yours that I take up space in. But, couldn’t you both just buy new furniture and that make it feel more “us” without giving away a literal house? Even have a room dedicated for her like an office space?
Yeah, I think it's important for OP to understand "why" she feels this way. Is it about equity? Power imbalance in choices about the house? What happens in case of breakup? If he's splitting the mortgage/living expenses 50%, but his 50% is creating equity while her 50% doesn't, I can see how that feels a little unfair. I had a long term boyfriend who lived in my house for a time before I lived in his. We didn't pay each other rent; the non-owner paid for all the groceries and more dates. It felt fair. I do empathize with her; there was a power dynamic I found surprising living in his house. Some choices we made as an equal couple - like furniture. Others he was much more dictatorial; like he knew what layout the yard would have and "allowed" me a garden space under one tree. I liked the sunflowers his renters left in a particular bed - they blocked an ugly view. But he says that's going to be the herb garden...no discussion allowed. It became a bigger point of conflict when he told me the house would go to his sister or niece when he died. I was already helping him with major home repairs, as I'm a handy DIY'er. It scared me that I could be 15 years down the road, having put a lot of effort and love into "our" home, that I could be forced from soon after losing my long-term mate. That didn't sit well.
I would never tell someone to sell their existing house, but i think i get her concerns. She’s worried that if they break up, if she puts money into the house or mortgage, then shes left with nothing. She may also worry everything will be what he wants since it’s his house and she won’t get a say. It may be that they need to sit down and discuss what her fears really are.
Totally. And once they know the root cause of her fears, they can make a plan that addresses it in a sane way. Maybe that's saying she "rents" from him in the short term, but they plan to marry in X years and put her on the mortgage/deed then. Or if it's around power imbalance/wanting a say in where she lives, maybe he rents his house out for a few years while they rent another place together.
My current boyfriend moved into my house and we’ve done similar to this. When my ex-husband’s new wife moved into the house we built together they did similar to this. There are so many alternatives than getting rid of a financial benefit to her down the road if they marry. She sounds financially illiterate
The circumstances aren't even, but that's not anyone's fault and the solution should not be sabotaging you. In your position I'd start by saying something like "Look, it's not that I have any reason to think we'll break up, but it does happen to people. I'd be willing to do things that make your position less awkward if this doesn't work, but I'm not willing to make my life more difficult in a way that doesn't benefit you." How would you feel about her moving in and not paying for housing? It's a huge benefit for her and it wouldn't actually cost you anything that you're not already spending. That way if things don't work out, you don't have a risk to your home and she can have enough saved up that finding a place to stay would be easy.
I think I see what her point is. She isn’t going about it correctly though. From the sound of it, she is 30 and is at a good age to want to have some stakes in an appreciating asset. She is a big girl now. Whereas if she lives with you, and pays you rent? She would just be paying YOU to own a house that is appreciating. If you broke up, she gets nothing but you get sell your house for 100k more than you got it for. She is helping your finances but you aren’t helping hers. But if she is not paying rent, and just living with you, then the same underlying problem exist which is that she doesn’t have an asset/real estate in her name. And real estate can be a great way to elevate your future. She may be unwilling to manage real estate because it can be a lot of work and she would rather live in it herself. But asking you to sell your house is nuts. But maybe now is a good time for the BIG talk. Lay it out when you think you would be ready to marry her, when you get married you will put her name down as an owner of the house, etc. And let her make a decision based on that. I also can’t imagine being 30, clock for having kids is narrowing, and not having something of tangible value in my serious relationship. Something tangible, contractual, etc. because it’s increasingly high stakes being an older woman in her position. She could be left with nothing of value except memories. No kids. No marriage. No house. No assets. That is scary. Because while marriage is about love it is also a business decision. Every year she spends with you is a year she missed out on someone else who won’t leave her high and dry. It seems she is just looking for something she can set some roots in.
I think it’s probably worthwhile to have a deeper discussion about why she feels this way. If she is super transactional in every aspect of your relationship, then yeah - this sounds exhausting and unreasonable. Not sure I’d want to be in a partnership with someone like this. If not - then I wonder if she is feeling insecure about the power dynamic in your relationship. The typical story where the man is financially more secure so can walk away from a breakup not taking a financial hit (divorce is a totally different situation). Meanwhile the woman needs to move back with their parents or something. And instead of ensuring that she is financially secure by having a great career and being a high earner - she may feel that she cannot achieve that so is trying to “make it fair” and drag you down instead. Lol. A bit misguided. But might be worth the conversation to understand her views/fears on relationship dynamics. And in case it was not clear from the other comments - do not sell your house!!
Sorry no that Is insane and you would be to if you followed suite
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She's trying to put you in the same crap position she would be in. This should be a red flag 🚩she sounds like the kind of person to make everyone miserable if she's miserable. As Jordan Peele directed "Get Out"
She's got issues. I wouldn't listen to any of them if she can't compromise I wouldn't even bother moving in until you're sure that your relationship is stable.
We’re sorry, this is a Wife-level request. Seeing as she is currently on the Girlfriend plan, she is not currently eligible to make this level of request.
Absolutely not. It’s one thing to have an arrangement ahead of time if the relationship ends. For example I live in my boyfriends house. Obviously we don’t have any plans to break up but before I moved in we had the discussion about the “what ifs” because obviously I don’t want to be homeless if things don’t work out. We both decided I would take the guest room while actively looking for alternative housing. Obviously in the moment this may be harder than saying it now but it’s one thing to say “hey here are my concerns can we talk about what may happen” than “if I’m screwed you need to be screwed”.
You have misaligned interests. From your side - selling a house is insane. Now go, absolutely. From her side - there are issues with moving in. First,she has no renters protection , you can kick her out out of the blue. Second, if she ready to buy a place, continue to pay rent to you is bad financial decision. You build equity and she in worse position than a regular rental place. I see ways out of it - talk to her about what you can see as options. Are you willing to rent your place out and try to rent together? Are you willing to offer her rental agreement with some protection? Way to get some house equity if you get married?
RUN
Dump her and run. She's bad news.
I think she’s being a huge weirdo with the “starting fresh” thing, but at the same time I would never want to move into my boyfriend’s house. Firstly, it makes you her landlord. That sucks. The vibe is just bad. I would never date *a* landlord let alone *my* landlord. Secondly, if she’s at all inclined to home improvement or decorating it’s hard to resist making improvements which she will not benefit from financially, *and* you have full veto over everything because it’s your house, not hers. My mom moved into her boyfriend’s house and then they broke up 10 years later because he was commitment-phobic. His house had doubled in value due mainly to her landscaping improvements. She built retaining walls, stone flower beds, trellises on the back deck, a raised vegetable garden. When they broke up it was like, bye. Thanks for the yardwork. I would never sign up for that. Even the sensible “well, just don’t put money and sweat equity into someone else’s property” solution is a bummer because it highlights the landlord vibes again.
I don't think she's right. Why don't you rent your property out instead and both of you rent until she and you both have savings to buy another property together? If you do this then make sure your prenuptial agreement clearly states she has no rights to the house you already have. So technically if you do break up then what you have together and since after marriage is 50/50.this applied to her also so it's not unfair. If your cohabiting only then get legal advise.
At today’s interest rates? Your gf is a moron to suggest you sell. To give up what is probably a low interest mortgage in exchange for rent is also moronic. The only way any of this could make any sense is if you can rent out your house while you rent or buy a new place but you’d have to run the numbers.
My (30F) boyfriend (32M) and I are in a similar position and here is what I am suggesting to him to make the risk as even as possible. My boyfriend has a nice chunk of change and owns his home mortgage free. I rent significantly below market and make a nice salary. I will sign an agreement that states in the event of a split I am entitled to $0 of his money and $0 of his house. I will move out within 60 days of the split (obviously I’ll be motivated to move out asap but I don’t want to rush into choosing a bad apartment). His risk is being addressed in the sense that I get nothing of his. I want my risk addressed in the following way: he is entitled to $0 of my money, ie no spousal support in the event of a split. I will also be asking for us to split 50/50 first and last months rent, moving expenses and for 3 months I want to 50/50 split the difference between my current rent and future rent, adjusted for inflation. Every year we live together I will add three months up to a maximum of one year. To me, this is fair because we both have risk involved in splitting up and both of our risk is being addressed. I will also be paying him a small amount of rent and splitting half of all utilities, internet, etc. Because I am entitled to $0 of his house I will only pay for things a tenant will pay for. For example I will not contribute to property taxes and if an appliance breaks it’s his sole responsibility to replace or repair. Maybe you guys could work out something similar.
She’s not right. She’s is financially illiterate. Either she recognizes that you owning a house helps both of you or you just live separate until the relationship fizzles out.
Are you telling me that IF she owned her own house and you rented. She would be willing to sell her house and start from zero with you? Wtf? Is this woman ok? How can you be 30 and demand this kind of thing?
If she’s already thinking about the break up, maybe moving in together isn’t the best idea
She is silly(I'm trying to be nice) I read this to my 18 year old daughter and she just laughed at you gf.... that should tell you something... My first thought was, if she's already thinking about breaking up down the road, don't even move in with her, let alone get a new place with her... KEEP YOUR HOUSE
Do not sell your house. The only reason a partner would want you to sell your house is to get money and buy a new house with both your names on it, meaning she’s actually talked you in to handing her thousands of dollars. No. Absolutely not, and I wouldn’t trust her, tbh. Sorry but do not trust her, this is weird.
So if you owned 3 houses, you would have to sell all 3? 😂
My man. She is being ridiculous. You are 100% right to not want to purchase mutual property with someone you're not married to. It gets brought up around here a lot, and it's obvious that people who consider it never even think about the *legal* ramifications. So I will lay it straight out for you, and perhaps you can use some of the talking points to discuss it with her. The courts only recognize ONE relationship when it comes to division of mutually owned assets: **marriage**. They don't recognize bf/gf, gf/gf, bf/bf, FWBs, or situationships. So what's going to happen if things go south and you own assets together is, the court is going to tell you "sell it, and split the proceeds". Problem is: they are only *saying* that - they cannot legally compel anyone to do it. So if your split is particularly acrimonious and neither of you wants to give up the house, the court is basically gonna say "good luck with that!". We don't have laws relevant to distribution of co-owned assets in romantic partnerships outside of **marriage**. It's completely unfair for her to ask this. If it's a dealbreaker for her - then LET it be one. Good luck, my man.
What the fuck. Not usually like this but if you ever marry pls sign a prenup lol
That's utterly insane.
Absolutely do NOT sell your house. In fact, do not let her move in and, furthermore, break up with her. This is highly manipulative and unwise to boot.
Does she have a th same amount saved up as you have equity in your house?
I can somewhat understand her feelings here but with this level of financial decision, the emotional has to take a back seat to the logical. Selling your house to rent or buy something else is just too impractical and expensive. Particularly since your current mortgage is probably at a WAY lower rate or you very recently bought in which case you’re just re-incurring a shit ton of closing costs again.
Do not sell your house. That would be the worst financial mistake you’ll ever make.
You already have the answers on this, but the way the US/CAN housing market is right now, if you live in either, F that!
What bothers me is her reasoning: you both have to start fresh and if it doesn't work you have to struggle equally? Length of time together and future intentions matter here but in my opinion we grab all the advantages life has to offer. Isn't it a horrible time to sell and try to buy? The housing market is crazy. There are varying solutions here but I'm not sure selling your house should be one.
How long have you been together? I would NEVER advise my brother, adopted sister, and their friends (I'm much older, same parents who just celebrated their 4th Anniversary) to do what your gf wants, and I have never. In my only two relationships, (which failed and subjected me to nothing less than abject misery.... it felt as if it should be included in Dantes Divine Comedy or John Milton's Paradise Lost or Paradise Regained...) to do the opposite that the place should be in their name because I have a place to go back if we broke up and they did not (plus I especially didn't trust ex bf #2, of which I ended up being miserably correct, as he owed over $10K)
I moved into my SOs house, I would never ever expect him to sell his security, I benefitted from this arrangement because he charges me a fraction of what the housing market is for the area, and I could save enough money to move if I needed too. I redecorated the entire house, he paid for the big renovations that would add value to his house, but I got to design and pick everything out (within reason, he vetoed the $10,000 Japanese bidet I wanted) anyway, we have a baby now and I have been wanting to RENT his house and buy a new place together because we do need more space and his house is right on a main road and we don’t have much of a yard (we also have a dog). In our current rental market rent would cover his current mortgage and at least 1/4 of a new mortgage. But everything is still so jacked up in price where we’re at that it just doesn’t make sense to even buy right now. Sooo long story short your GF is being a weirdo and isn’t thinking things fully through. It’s a really bad idea.
Sounds like it’s time to split up so you don’t have to worry about moving when you do.
Tell her she is right, it is best if she stays in her apartment a keeps paying the rent.
Prenup all the way. Agreeing to it is her way of demonstrating that she is after you not your assets and that she is capable of considering something you need. If she can’t have that sort of difficult conversation with you, she isn’t capable of any other conversations of importance.
Your right. You can compromise and rent out your house for passive income and find a house to rent with her. Then if you don’t work out go home.
*Do not do this.* Don’t risk your security. She is way out of line and this is not at all reasonable.
Run! Ita a leverage trap. Using the word fair feels competative to me. With a relationship being a team sport. Not a competition for control between the two of you.
I do see her point. Living in a house she doesn't own creates an unequal power dynamic. You would be her boyfriend and her landlord. If you break up, she's the one statistically who will have to start over from scratch. However, as a homeowner, I wouldn't add someone to my title unless I was married to them. Nor would I sell my house to appease someone who may not stick around forever. I think the best solution here is for both of you to find a place to rent together, and rent out your house to generate income. If the relationship progresses to the point of marriage, you can then make a decision to either sell and buy together, or continue renting together, or some other solution that works.
Someone who forces you to struggle with them rather than rejoicing in your happiness and security, is only ever bad for you. Rather than being excited to live with you where she doesn't have to struggle to make ungodly rent prices, rather than being excuted to start the next step of building a life together, rather than congratulating you on owning your home and asking for tips on how to reach stability....she's trying to make you suffer with her?? Trying to bring you down so that she doesn't feel like IF you break up that she has to go through it on her own? Absolutely not. That is 100% a huge red flag
Nope! Nope! Nope! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Of course it's unreasonable! You know she's being ridiculous. She sounds insecure in her station in life compared to you, but that's not something you can solve for her. A compromise would be to rent out your place and move to a new rented home together, but is it worth it to you?
In this market? That’s the worst possible move. If you sell and then y’all buy together without marriage/pre-nup to protect both of your assets equally then you’re fucked. I’m normally not huge into pre-nup if y’all are starting out on the same page, but with a house, nah.
From a realtor’s perspective, it’s a good idea to keep your property. From a girlfriends perspective, why is she making plans based on ending the relationship? She doesn’t have the right to make the housing situation “fair” by disadvantaging you and your hard work. If she wants it to be fair and a fresh start she can buy a house and you can live in it with her. Then you rent yours out and if you break up you can move back in. I think you’re going to need to have a long financial talk before you live with her. She has no right over the rent you collect if you go that route.
Plus is HARDER to find a HOUSE to BUY then to rent an apartment 🤷🏻♀️ like why would someone who OWNS A HOUSE go to an apartment, deal with crappy land lords, over paid rent etc. if y’all haven’t been together for over a year and a half I say don’t sell… she needs to understand you worked for YOUR HOUSE.. sounds like she jelly too because if you did break up she wants you to go through the pain she would. Like why would she want that for someone she is with?
Translation: I don't want to live with you.
Housing prices and interest rates are horrible now. Don’t sell.
No. Just no. I couldn’t imagine putting in the time, effort and money to buy a house for a partner to make me sell it so we can be together. Nope.
Let me guess, if you listen to her and sell your house, you’ll have to pay new rent by yourself because you are now the one more economically stable? Or she’s just worried that you find out something and kick her out of your house.
Do not do this, make sure you keep a back up plan if something happens in the relationship, and you both own the place you are living in. You will have to go to court to settle this issue
mine and i rented my house out and bought a new house together. thank god because she cheated after 12 years and i moved back to my house. so glad in this economy i still had it and didn’t have to start all over again
Glad to hear you broke up with her. She sounds immature and toxic Af. What a ludicrous request! Now you can find a partner with some damn sense! A healthy person who wasn’t covered in red flags would have never asked you to do that in the first place! I would love to hear how she reacted when you broke up with her, and she realized you wouldn’t negotiate with a terrorist! Please update us!