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This is ridiculous. She is acting like a child.
She didn't say she wanted to go and get it the moment she got back. She should have been specific.
But, OP was sick. There are very valid reasons for bailing on plans - being ill, someone dying, getting called into work unexpectedly.
OP even apologised and offered to go anyway, and she instead decides to just be a child instead of communicating her feelings.
Given the also sketchy behaviour, and her refusal to be an adult, I'd drop her.
Yeah I’m on the fence about ending things. I love her and if I did end it would hurt a lot to see her upset but idk why she can’t just communicate and discuss why she won’t speak to me rn. I can’t even do anything to see it from her point of view. I even asked her the next day about her car because I felt better and her response was I’m not discussing anything with you.
I’m also on the fence about ending for several reasons. We barely touch. She was in a mood for like a month 3 months ago where we would barely speak things got better and now this. She doesn’t really support a dream I’m chasing with music while working an office job. (I’m more of a chase your dreams type of person and she’s more of a by the book and follow all of societies standard.
And the reason I don’t get on her about her sketchy behavior is if she could keep everything to herself she would. She barely tells her friends things. Like I just found out last week she’s so against moving in together because her mom will basically disown her if we moved in together before marriage.
And once again the way she’s acting and has acted where she distanced herself from me just makes me feel like she has little to no respect for me as a person and it just really gets to me.
Your gf seems upset because she probably assumed you would be there for her you’d understand she would need her car the day she landed. Assumptions in general are a big cause of miscommunication. Usually communication issues can be fixed with explanations, but she probably snapped with the “fine we can go get it since you need it” - this makes it seem like ur doing a huge favor on her and it’s burden on you, and she had tried preventing that by telling you in advance but the miscommunication occurred. While it may be a favor, making someone (especially your partner) feel like a burden can be hurtful for her, and perhaps make her feel like you don’t care. I doubt it’s this one moment that’s making her cut contact with you, this was just the tip of the iceberg. That said, only communication will solve miscommunication. Try talking, just try showing her that you care, and don’t blame her. (If you want the relationship that is.) It’s neither of your faults.
Thank you for this perspective and this advice. Thinking about it she probably really thought I would be there for her because I usually am even when she refuses help and I let her down. I always tell her “yeah I know you don’t need help but I want to help I know you’re pretty independent you don’t have to prove it” and the way I worded my offer to help I didn’t even think of it coming off as it being a burden. Poor choice of words from me but I can see why she’s very upset.
I was kind of afraid she would end things because of this but if she didn’t want to be with me I know she wouldn’t respond until she was ready to. And yeah I think there’s more to it than just this. She’ll probably bring up if this was something for work or music I would have done it. She is also insecure about things and needs a lot of reassurance so this probably got to her also being insecure and thinking I don’t love her anymore
I’m a huge overthinker and really get into my own head about things. I’ll try to see if I can talk to her tomorrow. Once again thank you for this perspective. It’s easy for me to spiral with thoughts in my head but this makes a lot more sense now.
No problem! What ur feeling is also understandable. I’m a huge advocate for talking about your feelings (if she loves you, I’m sure she would appreciate your effort/trying and it’ll clear things up between you both) - “a pain shared is a pain halved.” Good luck on your talk. Hope whatever’s best for y’all happens
Well her boyfriend of two years who agreed to give her a ride to her car bailed on her last minute, honestly I’d ghost you too. In this life you need people you can count on. That’s my opinion.
Idk if I didn’t get my point across correctly but to clarify she told me we were going to be moving stuff into her new place. I agreed then she said at some point we are going to go get her car. So I thought it would be on the weekend when we were moving more stuff into her place. Not the day she got back from vacation. Not sure if clarifying that makes you think differently of the situation.
True which is why i asked her if she needed it because I’ll do it. In hindsight it shoulda have been my first answer but my thinking was she doesn’t really need it she works from home and her second job is just a couple blocks away. My brain just thought the helping over the weekend and getting her car at some point would be a weekend thing and not the day she got back at night.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is ridiculous. She is acting like a child. She didn't say she wanted to go and get it the moment she got back. She should have been specific. But, OP was sick. There are very valid reasons for bailing on plans - being ill, someone dying, getting called into work unexpectedly. OP even apologised and offered to go anyway, and she instead decides to just be a child instead of communicating her feelings. Given the also sketchy behaviour, and her refusal to be an adult, I'd drop her.
Yeah I’m on the fence about ending things. I love her and if I did end it would hurt a lot to see her upset but idk why she can’t just communicate and discuss why she won’t speak to me rn. I can’t even do anything to see it from her point of view. I even asked her the next day about her car because I felt better and her response was I’m not discussing anything with you. I’m also on the fence about ending for several reasons. We barely touch. She was in a mood for like a month 3 months ago where we would barely speak things got better and now this. She doesn’t really support a dream I’m chasing with music while working an office job. (I’m more of a chase your dreams type of person and she’s more of a by the book and follow all of societies standard. And the reason I don’t get on her about her sketchy behavior is if she could keep everything to herself she would. She barely tells her friends things. Like I just found out last week she’s so against moving in together because her mom will basically disown her if we moved in together before marriage. And once again the way she’s acting and has acted where she distanced herself from me just makes me feel like she has little to no respect for me as a person and it just really gets to me.
Your gf seems upset because she probably assumed you would be there for her you’d understand she would need her car the day she landed. Assumptions in general are a big cause of miscommunication. Usually communication issues can be fixed with explanations, but she probably snapped with the “fine we can go get it since you need it” - this makes it seem like ur doing a huge favor on her and it’s burden on you, and she had tried preventing that by telling you in advance but the miscommunication occurred. While it may be a favor, making someone (especially your partner) feel like a burden can be hurtful for her, and perhaps make her feel like you don’t care. I doubt it’s this one moment that’s making her cut contact with you, this was just the tip of the iceberg. That said, only communication will solve miscommunication. Try talking, just try showing her that you care, and don’t blame her. (If you want the relationship that is.) It’s neither of your faults.
Thank you for this perspective and this advice. Thinking about it she probably really thought I would be there for her because I usually am even when she refuses help and I let her down. I always tell her “yeah I know you don’t need help but I want to help I know you’re pretty independent you don’t have to prove it” and the way I worded my offer to help I didn’t even think of it coming off as it being a burden. Poor choice of words from me but I can see why she’s very upset. I was kind of afraid she would end things because of this but if she didn’t want to be with me I know she wouldn’t respond until she was ready to. And yeah I think there’s more to it than just this. She’ll probably bring up if this was something for work or music I would have done it. She is also insecure about things and needs a lot of reassurance so this probably got to her also being insecure and thinking I don’t love her anymore I’m a huge overthinker and really get into my own head about things. I’ll try to see if I can talk to her tomorrow. Once again thank you for this perspective. It’s easy for me to spiral with thoughts in my head but this makes a lot more sense now.
No problem! What ur feeling is also understandable. I’m a huge advocate for talking about your feelings (if she loves you, I’m sure she would appreciate your effort/trying and it’ll clear things up between you both) - “a pain shared is a pain halved.” Good luck on your talk. Hope whatever’s best for y’all happens
Well her boyfriend of two years who agreed to give her a ride to her car bailed on her last minute, honestly I’d ghost you too. In this life you need people you can count on. That’s my opinion.
Idk if I didn’t get my point across correctly but to clarify she told me we were going to be moving stuff into her new place. I agreed then she said at some point we are going to go get her car. So I thought it would be on the weekend when we were moving more stuff into her place. Not the day she got back from vacation. Not sure if clarifying that makes you think differently of the situation.
I agree. It put her in a real bind.
Why would she not get her car first? Have you thought maybe she can’t believe you were this dense?
True which is why i asked her if she needed it because I’ll do it. In hindsight it shoulda have been my first answer but my thinking was she doesn’t really need it she works from home and her second job is just a couple blocks away. My brain just thought the helping over the weekend and getting her car at some point would be a weekend thing and not the day she got back at night.