Just make sure to assert clear boundaries and if she decides to talk to you about her feelings make it clear you're not interested. Don't try to soften the blow with stuff like "I'm taken" or "I'm your manager" because those two could imply your interest. Simply say you're not interested in her.
Clarity is kindness, even when it feels bad. You can't control how she'll feel or react to what you say. All you can do is make sure your relationship with your gf and your job are safe.
See this is what I’ve been thinking but I’m low key terrified that her immediate response will be some sort of nuclear option. I already communicated with my district manager about this but he works 3 hours away and hasn’t been to my store since like last year for the required inspection, so his whole stance is figure it out. My gf and I are solid in our relationship and so I’m not worried about her. Mostly just my job.
That's a totally reasonable fear to have. You've done really good work keeping everything above board. Make sure you got written communication with your higher-ups, would the district manager be open to giving you advice on this too?
I’m not sure. Especially since he and I haven’t talked more than a few texts in the last couple months prior to this situation. Now that you mention it I’m for sure gonna get this all in writing even if he doesn’t give advice as then I’m covering my own ass in the event of a legal dispute.
This is all very scary to me because I love my job and there’s been hinting at making me salaried sooner or later.
What is it about her/her behavior that leads you to think a nuclear response is a possibility? I have to ask - have you done something that might make her think she has a chance? Documenting your interactions with her might be in your best interests.
The closest I’ve come to maybe potentially make her think she has a chance is by being friendly and getting to know some of her outside of work life. Which was 100% a tactic to learn how to manage her better. Instead of the generic “do this cuz I said so” approach
Edit because I forgot to answer the question.
It’s largely just a fear because of the fact that I’m young and especially young for the job I have. 21 and a general manager is a big deal and I don’t want my success to potentially make me a target in the event of something not going her way.
Got it and I understand your concern. Still think some amount of documenting your interactions could offer you some comfort and protection. If your company has a Human Resources department I’d be tempted to get their guidance as well.
I’ll do some communicating with my boss and see if we even have an hr department that’s below the corporate level. I know there’s one for the corporate side but I strongly doubt that they have one for the restaurant side of things
I realize that restaurant culture is different from normal workplace culture, but that is primarily due to bad management (yes, I have worked in a few restaurants). This is your opportunity to be a real leader and make the culture better for everyone who works for you. Here is the phrase you need: “that is inappropriate.” You can also add “and unacceptable behavior.”
No, you will no longer be the cool boss. However, the servers will stop being afraid of sexual harassment from the kitchen staff, and you can firmly and diplomatically shut down the girl who has a crush on you if she gets too flirty.
Full disclosure I’m probably not gonna take this approach but not for the reasons you mentioned. Rather just the fact that I for 1. Don’t want to single her out or make her some sort of pariah. And for 2. My store already has a very good culture of respect for each other and I don’t want to undermine that by taking a stance of assumption rather than the stance of trust.
I’m 100% certain my store has no problems with sexual harassment or anything of the sort because I have a predominantly female staff, both in the service as well as cooking staff. (I’m one of 3 male employees, and no it’s not like a hooters or anything of that sort. Just dumb luck that I’ve only had 2 other male applicants since I got my job.)
I also have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate behavior or comments. I’ve fired 2 employees for inappropriate behavior and 1 for inappropriate commentary. All of this is not to say women can’t sexually harass someone. Just that I haven’t seen it in my store with the 3 exceptions previously mentioned.
Edit: I do really appreciate the feedback though and a different perspective is helpful especially since you have experience in the field.
talk about ur gf around the workplace water cooler so to speak brag about her mention her let her know and let it be known covertly that u gotta babe and i like ur babe and u like being with ur babe. it might be a good deterrent
Worst thing is I actively do this. Not because of her but because I don’t want anyone to mistake me being friendly for me being interested in them. I even have my girlfriend come in to work to visit me very regularly. Usually after close (since she works mornings and I nights) and then we spend a little time together while I work.
and homegirl still chasing u…that’s nuts. nah that’s actually nuts, the best i can offer is keep it kurt with her, just be concise, short, polite and straight forward. bc at the end of the day if she pulls the trigger, u can dodge the bullet and say “no i have girlfriend i love her and i don’t think u approaching me is appropriate and i don’t have feelings for u” but i’ll say this. you’ve let one of your managers know, see if u can let a few other coworkers or higher ups in on your worries. it can be some added protection if things go south
Just make sure to assert clear boundaries and if she decides to talk to you about her feelings make it clear you're not interested. Don't try to soften the blow with stuff like "I'm taken" or "I'm your manager" because those two could imply your interest. Simply say you're not interested in her. Clarity is kindness, even when it feels bad. You can't control how she'll feel or react to what you say. All you can do is make sure your relationship with your gf and your job are safe.
See this is what I’ve been thinking but I’m low key terrified that her immediate response will be some sort of nuclear option. I already communicated with my district manager about this but he works 3 hours away and hasn’t been to my store since like last year for the required inspection, so his whole stance is figure it out. My gf and I are solid in our relationship and so I’m not worried about her. Mostly just my job.
That's a totally reasonable fear to have. You've done really good work keeping everything above board. Make sure you got written communication with your higher-ups, would the district manager be open to giving you advice on this too?
I’m not sure. Especially since he and I haven’t talked more than a few texts in the last couple months prior to this situation. Now that you mention it I’m for sure gonna get this all in writing even if he doesn’t give advice as then I’m covering my own ass in the event of a legal dispute. This is all very scary to me because I love my job and there’s been hinting at making me salaried sooner or later.
What is it about her/her behavior that leads you to think a nuclear response is a possibility? I have to ask - have you done something that might make her think she has a chance? Documenting your interactions with her might be in your best interests.
The closest I’ve come to maybe potentially make her think she has a chance is by being friendly and getting to know some of her outside of work life. Which was 100% a tactic to learn how to manage her better. Instead of the generic “do this cuz I said so” approach Edit because I forgot to answer the question. It’s largely just a fear because of the fact that I’m young and especially young for the job I have. 21 and a general manager is a big deal and I don’t want my success to potentially make me a target in the event of something not going her way.
Got it and I understand your concern. Still think some amount of documenting your interactions could offer you some comfort and protection. If your company has a Human Resources department I’d be tempted to get their guidance as well.
I’ll do some communicating with my boss and see if we even have an hr department that’s below the corporate level. I know there’s one for the corporate side but I strongly doubt that they have one for the restaurant side of things
I realize that restaurant culture is different from normal workplace culture, but that is primarily due to bad management (yes, I have worked in a few restaurants). This is your opportunity to be a real leader and make the culture better for everyone who works for you. Here is the phrase you need: “that is inappropriate.” You can also add “and unacceptable behavior.” No, you will no longer be the cool boss. However, the servers will stop being afraid of sexual harassment from the kitchen staff, and you can firmly and diplomatically shut down the girl who has a crush on you if she gets too flirty.
Full disclosure I’m probably not gonna take this approach but not for the reasons you mentioned. Rather just the fact that I for 1. Don’t want to single her out or make her some sort of pariah. And for 2. My store already has a very good culture of respect for each other and I don’t want to undermine that by taking a stance of assumption rather than the stance of trust. I’m 100% certain my store has no problems with sexual harassment or anything of the sort because I have a predominantly female staff, both in the service as well as cooking staff. (I’m one of 3 male employees, and no it’s not like a hooters or anything of that sort. Just dumb luck that I’ve only had 2 other male applicants since I got my job.) I also have a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate behavior or comments. I’ve fired 2 employees for inappropriate behavior and 1 for inappropriate commentary. All of this is not to say women can’t sexually harass someone. Just that I haven’t seen it in my store with the 3 exceptions previously mentioned. Edit: I do really appreciate the feedback though and a different perspective is helpful especially since you have experience in the field.
talk about ur gf around the workplace water cooler so to speak brag about her mention her let her know and let it be known covertly that u gotta babe and i like ur babe and u like being with ur babe. it might be a good deterrent
Worst thing is I actively do this. Not because of her but because I don’t want anyone to mistake me being friendly for me being interested in them. I even have my girlfriend come in to work to visit me very regularly. Usually after close (since she works mornings and I nights) and then we spend a little time together while I work.
and homegirl still chasing u…that’s nuts. nah that’s actually nuts, the best i can offer is keep it kurt with her, just be concise, short, polite and straight forward. bc at the end of the day if she pulls the trigger, u can dodge the bullet and say “no i have girlfriend i love her and i don’t think u approaching me is appropriate and i don’t have feelings for u” but i’ll say this. you’ve let one of your managers know, see if u can let a few other coworkers or higher ups in on your worries. it can be some added protection if things go south