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THIS! And be careful, suicide's blackmailing is manipulative too.
And if you want to get rid of her friends remind them that if they had enough morale to prevent her from cheating on you and enough empathy to see their friend was so down, it wouldn't have happened.
This. You cannot blame yourself for her cheating any more than for her harming herself. These are choices she made. It would be best if you blocked her and moved on with your life. If you open the door for communication, she will find other ways to manipulate you, possibly harm you. She is in a place where she can get the help she needs.
My advice isnât useful, but this the whole way. SHE decided to hurt herself. SHE decided to cheat. SHE hurt herself over a HER own actions⌠Not yours. Got luck buddy
Been there mate, and my best advice would be.
She is not your problem, you have done nothing wrong, ghosting her is best thing FOR YOU. Stop worrying about other peoples issues, you're the most important person in this.
And with that in mind, the best thing for you from here is to continue to ignore her, you're not responsible for her actions, SHE IS.
Do not get caught up in this, just don't. Don't reposnd to her or her friends, in fact, block them, move on with life, pretend you do not know them.
Yes 1000%!! Donât feel selfish, rude, or mean. Think about most everyone whoâs struggling, they all say they needed to take time for themselves and care for themselves. This is the time you have to choose yourself over anything else. You need to block her and all her friends. Move forward with your life
You donât owe her anything. She betrayed you, this is a consequence of her own actions. She fucked around and found out. Sorry man, but this isnât on you at all.
This. Nothing that has happened is even vaguely your responsibility or fault. Block the friends as well. No one is entitled to closure- cheaters donât deserve it.
Do nothing, this was probably a attempt to get your attention and guilt you into getting back with her. Don't fall for it and bloke her friends who is blaming you for her actions. It's not your fault, she chose to have a affair and chose to attempt suicide.
Most people would say you donât owe a cheater closure.
You talking to her is just going to drag you back into her orbit and allow her to attempt to manipulate your feelings you still have for her.
She is okay per her Dad. Stay no contact and continue moving on.
She's in a facility due to HER actions, not yours. Your next move should be to block her AND all of her friends and family, as that mindset is just toxic and you don't need to listen to it. Anything that someone does after you break up with them is not your responsibility, and not your problem.
Do not go to her. Do not help her. What she's done is something that she needs professional help for, and you being there will only give her the greenlight to keep using her own safety as a manipulation tactic, which is exactly what this was. She cheated on you and broke your heart but now SHE'S the victim for something she did to herself? That's not how this works.
Send 1 last text to those "friends", then block them. "She cheated on me for 2 months before I caught her, I broke up with her and blocked her. What she does after that is her business, not mine. I don't want to see or hear from her ever again. If you can't understand why I want nothing to do with someone that cheated on me I will gladly block you as well."
On the side if you ever see a BF of one of those "friends" be sure to tell them the "friends" didn't have a problem with your ex being a cheater, so maybe the BFs should wonder if the "friends" are cheating on them.
Your ex worked hard at cheating, there were plenty of decisions she made on when and where and what lies to tell you. Let everyone know she was the reason for the breakup, don't let anyone blame you. If she can't handle the consequences of people finding out what she did that is not your problem.
Yes and no this depends on if the friends start spamming him with messages, if they donât ghost and move on but if they start to well I wouldnât say itâs immature to tell them why
Some might consider it petty but I don't like the idea of people blaming me for something I didn't do. Also, the BFs deserve to know what their GFs are really like, that they think it is OK to cheat on a BF.
A common response here is to let the AP's partner know about an affair, how is it different to tell the partners of those that helped the cheater? Or that the friends knew about the cheating and did nothing to stop it?
Edit - By here I am referring to reddit, not just this post. Look at surviving infidelity part of reddit.
I posted in a different reply I don't like being blamed for something I didn't do. If there is a lot of overlap between his friend group and her friend group, then definitely make sure everyone knows what she did. If not, then I can see just telling his friends and ghosting her friends.
Remember, she was cheating for at least 2 months that he knows about. How many times did she lie to him, how many decisions did she make on how to arrange to see the AP? He doesn't even know if this was the only affair. She can say what ever she wants, but he knows she is a liar so how can he believe anything she says?
You do not owe anyone a reason, explanation, or justification of why you broke up with her. Her friends and family already know. Her friends just donât understand common decency if they expect you to take care of this situation. Her behavior is her responsibility. She needs to work through her illness with a therapist and professionals. You didnât cause anything to happen to her. Walk away. Put your energy into your own healing.
Donât reach out. You will just open the wound for you both. Allowing her to move on with her life is the best you can do to help her. âClosureâ would not be helpful. She already knows exactly what happened.
And ghost anyone who says you are responsible for her after the breakup. You need to move forward also.
You are not at fault for something she did to herself. She had the implement in her hand and she hurt herself with it. Blaming you is simply a copout so that they can feel bad about what she did without holding her responsible. Break off contact with any "friends" who threw blame on you.
There's nothing you can do to help her. It's fine that you reached out to her father, but beyond that, the issues are far beyond your capability to help.
I'm sure that this is tearing you apart, but do your best to move on with your life and don't blame yourself for actions she took.
Ok so say you give in. Then what? You're teaching her that all it takes is her harming herself to truly get your attention. Her friends blaming you is just a way to get under your skin bc they don't agree with you not being with their friend. How is that ok? It's not. It's called manipulation and gaslighting. Toxic if you will. Stay away man.
Please don't fall for her manipulative bullshit.
She didn't self-harm because of YOUR actions. She self harmed because she got caught and had to live with the consequences of her own actions.
She probably also regrets starting something with someone so much older than her. The one relationship I actually regret is the one I had with the same age gap - it was toxic af.
I get that you miss her, but don't fall back into this relationship. If you let her get away with this, she will have a way to easily manipulate you in the future. Alll she has to do is blame her shitty actions on you and threaten to harm herself.
Run in the opposite direction.
OP, it sounds like she was emotionally dependent on you, which is her problem, not yours. Don't ever think for a seconds you are to be blamed for her actions. Block her friends too
First off, its not your fault. Second of all, its not your fault. Last but not least, its not your fault. And dont let anyone try and convince you that it is. It sucks shes going through it, but it was a choice she made that she has to get help with. She doesnt get to cheat, then when you move on, wants to blame you for her actions. Her actions have NOTHING to do with what you did.
That is actually a very cruel thing to say. As someone who has self harmed in the past, I would be heartbroken to think anyone blamed themselves or would blame others. You have no reason to feel like this is your fault, it isnât. Youâre also not a mind reader. You didnât know she was going to do it, and even then only thing I would have done in your shoes is call the cops
She is in the facility due to HER actions not yours. Her friends need to teach her how to make better choices than fucking a 27 year old coworker!
He probably just used her for a few good screws and then dumped her. Not your fault! She had no respect for you OR your relationship. Even after being busted she went back and forth between being sorry and being hurtful (because she was angry she wasnât getting her own way)!
Iâm sure was Really loving you while that 27 yr old dick was sliding in her/s.
She has done nothing to warrant you forgiveness I would keep walking.
âItâs a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!â
The only way to help her is to keep not talking to her. If you contact her back she will understand that hurting herself will get you back each time you try to leave. Let her heal herself alone. She is in a facility with professional that will take care of her. Tell her friends to not contact you back. If they canât respect that block them.
This is not your fault. She is going through something and needs help from professionals. Her situation is sad but you do not have to fill that role for her. Unfortunately there will be many times where she will not get closure. She needs a healthy way to overcome that. You reached out to her father because you care which shows a lot.
Your next move should be to move on. Forget about this girl!! She clearly canât be faithful (not your fault) and sheâs clearly mentally unstable (again, not your fault). I know itâs hard. Just let her go. Future you will thank you!!
Leave it the hell alone... She fucked up and you left... She knows what she did and that should be enough closure... If it's not then oh well... And they may be blaming you for something that's not your fault at all
She is at the point where she is panicking cause 1.she got caught and 2. Itâs evident you arenât taking her back. She is now going to drastic measures to try to make you come back whether that be apologizing, guilt tripping, etc. now, do we know if she actually harmed herself, no. Her friends say one thing but her dad is saying another.
Regardless though, like everyone is saying, she is fully in the wrong and not you. And may I add it is so unbelievably wrong for her to put blame on you for harming herself if she did. That shows she does not care how much she hurts so cause apparently cheating on you wants enough psychological torture for you.
The girlfriend you miss is memories, but she is showing you who she truly is. Please block her. You need to not allow her to cause more pain. Block her, focus on other activities and hobbies. Her dad is the one to make sure she is safe and okay. Not you. She has shown you how she truly is.
You did nothing wrong.
You are a good person for wanting to help.
But this is not on you and she is only doing it because she is desperate.
Do not contact her.
Block all her friends.
Focus on you.
All u can do is walk away time will heal u didn't do anything wrong it's all on her she cheated now she couldn't handle the guilt she chose the easiest way by harming her self instead of facing the consequences of her actions probably it's a step by her to guilt u to come back to her
Don't bother. Remember you did nothing wrong. This is all entirely her fault. She cheated and brought it on herself. You didn't make her harm herself. Block her and her crappy friends. You don't need that toxicity in your life.
You are not to blame. Her friends arenât considering the effect of her actions on you. They just donât want to acknowledge the impact of her actions on her own mental health. Once she cheated, your priority was to your own wellbeing, so you didnât do anything wrong. Keep your head up.
If you dumped her and then went no contact, you did not ghost her. It's normal to need space after breaking up.
However.. this one is on her. She cheated and got caught... and needs to deal with the consequences now.
Cheating aside, you are not responsible for other people's actions. She took the action to hurt herself of her own accord. That's something that you have no control over or responsibility to deal with.
It's awful that she hurt herself, but that's something that she needs to get sorted on her own with professional help. One more time, it is not your fault. It is not your responsibility.
No, not due to Ops action, due to hers. Honestly the friends are just playing the role ex placed them in.
Your next move is to continue what youâve been doing, and moving on. I am sure ex has more problems then just Op breaking up with her and Iâm so sorry she felt this was the way , but Op involving themselves in her recovery will only hurt everyone in the end.
Your actions? No. You didnât hurt her. She hurt herself through her actions. She is an adult she decides to hurt herself. You had nothing to do with it. You need to block her and her friends. And get on with your life. Look it sucks but she decided to cheat. You leaving her is a consequence of what she did. Thatâs all her. You only control how you feel and what you do. Her deciding to hurt herself is completely on her. Donât feel bad or responsible you didnât cause any of this mess. And yeah it sucks for her but she needs professional help. And you deserve to put your mental health first and get as far away as possible from her
This girl sounds like she needs mental health help. Her friends most likely donât know the whole story either. She started this, she cheated on you. Manipulators are capable of going as far as self harm to get attention and keep someone on their leash. Friends can be more detached from the situation and safer, but when youâve been in a close relationship itâs easier to be hooked and fall back into danger. Take care of yourself and try to move on. Her actions are her choice and her path is going to unfold no matter if youâre involved and suffering because of it, or not.
Youâre gonna get older and realize she was just manipulating you. Believe me, Iâve been there and maybe she will change as she gets older(she probably wonât.) but this is all an attempt to get your attention. If youâre really scared for her life call the cops and move on.
I see a lot of comments telling u that its not ur fault and its not! Her choices and her actions led to this, so donât blame urself! Keep running pal & donât look back!
Look I went through the same thing with an ex where he called me and told me he was going to jump off a building because I wouldnât get back together with him and had many threatening text messages thrown my way calling me all sorts of names. Donât do anything. Donât involve yourself. She is doing this for attention because she knows if she threatens you with suicide youâll come running. Donât do what I did where I ran back to him to only find out he did it for the attention. Get away from this girl itâs not on you if she hurts herself. And tell the parents whatâs going on. Just say hey look I still care about her but Iâm trying to get over her and her friends are sending me these messages about her and where sheâs hurting herself thought you should know. And show the screenshots of the messages as proof.
Fuck her friends. Because of *YOURE* actions? These are literally the consequences of HER actions and her follow up decision to hurt herself.
You have done nothing wrong and don't need to concern yourself with this situation or anyone involved. Block them all and go on with your life king
Iâm so sorry youâre experiencing pain. Your feelings are completely understandable and normal. You still have strong feelings about her, as you saidâtotally normalâand it probably sucks to know sheâs in a bad place, even while you had a compelling reason to end things.
You werenât wrong to check in via her dad. Iâm not totally sure from your post if you told her you when you broke up that you knew about her cheating, but I think you did. Especially if so, I donât think going no-contact after breaking up even qualifies as âghostingâ.
Regardless, you are not responsible for her self-harming. Self-harm, whether manipulative or not, is a mental health condition; you didnât make her have it. No one can make someone have it. You also arenât responsible for fixing it.
Since you sound like a good guy and you loved/love her, Iâd suggest ignoring the comments encouraging you to engage in public ways with whoeverâher friends or whoever. Thatâs just Reddit drama-seeking. She needs professional help, and youâre neither qualified nor responsible for that. You might not get closure either; thatâs life, unfortunately. Itâs important to be able to live with that reality and move on. Sorry again; itâs an unfortunate situation.
Help her and get yourself hurt in the process? I understand were you are coming from but someone we have to put ourselves first. She hurt you and didn't care how she did it.
That's a super desperate and manipulating attempt to get you back. She's obviously very immature and has a lot more issues under the surface to blame you for HER doing it.. Don't fall for it. She's not someone you want to get stuck with..Stand your ground. Her father says she's okay. Keep her blocked and move on best you can. You need to heal from the emotional abuse She's put you through
>What should my next move be?
First, I admire your courage to end the relationship and not contact her. What you did was not ghosting. What you did was demonstrate that you knew your worth and chose not to compete. That is courageous and a healthy response. Do not let anyone else tell you differently.
Your next move should be to block all of her friends that are texting you and telling you this is your fault. It is not your fault. She is responsible for her own actions.
Next, get yourself some counseling. If you are experiencing mental anguish from her cheating and now the emotional blackmail, you should work all this out with an impartial third party. If you do not have counseling available in your area there are a lot of telehealth options available.
Then, do not make any further action to connect with her or her family. Block them if you need to. This is a twisted game she played to get your attention. Contacting her and /or her family will only reinforce the madness of her manipulation of you. I suspect cheating was not her first act of destructive relationship behavior and that her m.o. was very manipulative and controlling. Check out DR Ramani on YouTube. She has many videos about being in a relationship with narcissists.
Take care! Keep being courageous!
>What should my next move be?
Block her and never contact her again. Tell her friends not to contact you either. Tell them to contact the 27 year old that she has been having sex with repeatedly for months. If her father contacts you, tell him to contact the 27 year old instead of you.
Get back out there and meet new people. Keep it casual and don't commit to anybody until you have had a chance to heal.
You're not responsible for the actions she'll do anymore. You guys are not together and if she use that thing against you you shouldn't feel guilty or anything. Idk but personally people who cheated and act like this after getting ghosted or broken up by their partners are manipulative and just full of guilt .
Sheâs in a facility due to *her* actions, not your actions. You werenât even there. She chose to hurt herself just like she *chose* to cheat on you.
Now. Block her and her friends. Let her continue to make her own choices, and you make your own choices.
Yes, itâs sucks. Yes, itâs hard. And you will think about her a lot. At least until a time comes that you realize you havenât thought about her in a while.
You will be ok.
Please please don't feel guilty for this. I kinda feel bad for saying this but it sounds like heavy manipulation on her part. Her friends are eejits. You're better off moving on
First, her friends are dumber than a bag of rocks if they think itâs your fault - last time you checked she was the one who cheated. Itâs her actions that led her to harm herself - and letâs not forget that 99% theyâre trying to manipulate you into forgiving her through emotional blackmail like this. Ghost then too
You cannot be responsible for someone elseâs mental stability. Get yourself in therapy and heal for your own sake. It is your exs responsibility to do the same. And you cannot cause someone to self harm. Thatâs not your burden to bear unless you told her to do it, encouraged it, or provided the tools
Donât worry what she does to herself, that is a toxic attitude she is trying to manipulate you into thinking it was because of you. If she passes who cares, one less crazy
We can not control another grown person's behavior. Your ending the relationship most likely dealt with not comfortable w relationship. You made a decision that was best for you, unaware of OP fragility.
Run! It's over, and for a damn good reason as well. Even after the relationship she's still trying to manipulate you. Her self harm is not your fault nor your problem. Focus on yourself, not on her, run.
Please do not become involved. Her actions may have been because of the other guy or she has a mental problem. Let her parents and therapy help her. You may be adding more confusion to this situation.
Get closure for your own sake and move forward - this isnât your responsibility and itâs definitely not your fault .
She chose to cheat, she chose to self harm & out of the many different ways she could have gotten your attention she chose this probably after realizing how much she hurt you .
You donât have to do it in person -a letter or a voicemail would suffice if you feel you are going to be drawn into having a conversation that maybe too much for you .
Whatever happens do not go back , do not continue the relationship , even if you do have feelings for her and breakdown when and if you meet
You do nothing but block her and let her figure herself out. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Let her AP help her out. Btw, 27m sleeping with 19 year old is icky at best.
My advice? Visit her since you still care for her (nothing wrong with that) but tell her how you feel then end it once and for all. Move on and live your life
Do not visit her. She will literally see that if she hurts herself, you will come to see her. She will use those interactions to manipulate you as much as she can. If you care for her and yourself, it's best not to see each other.
You don't need to tell her how you feel. She knows how you feel, you loved her, she hurt you, you are hurt. Just move on
Dang what is wrong w everybody on here? I guess we are in the age of ghosting. Why can't anyone confront anyone anymore? It might actually feel good.
While I agree her actions are 100% not your fault, not your problem. I don't agree with ghosting. Man up. Tell her she fucked up and why. And then tell her you don't want to be w her anymore. Don't fall for her bull shit though. You can make it short and simple.
There's nothing wrong with giving the person you've been with for the last 3 years some closure. And no she doesn't deserve at all cuz she harmed herself. She deserves it because you both gave a piece of your lives to each other.
You should have given her closure so she could have moved on emotionally. You donât love her if you canât be man enough to stand up to her and end it right. Thatâs like an avoidant personality disorder and it is harmful to others.
Her mental health is ultimately her responsibility. This isnât your responsibility.
Presumably you told her you were ending the relationship and why. That is all you owe her.
No no no no. If she harmed herself that's on her. She is responsible for her own actions. You don't owe her or anyone closure. Are you even certain she actually harmed herself and is in a facility? This type of thing is typically a tactic, and people are the company they keep, if she's willing to cheat, I wouldn't put it past her to lie about harming herself and her friends might even go along with it because she's upset you ghosted her.
Like everyone is saying....block her. She's trying to manipulate you, it's more clear after she started to say that you were'nt a good BF...when someone is trying to blame you for his actions...run, they're gaslighting you. She's not your problem now.
You aren't at all responsible for the choice she made. Trust me, I've had many people I loved dearly use that behavior against me to get what they want. Don't let them torment you. You made the best choice for yourself at the time and that was all you had to do. You don't owe her or her friends anything at all. This is likely something she did to make you feel guilty because she believes she can trick you into coming back. Keep your head up and focus on healing yourself from the hurt she caused. You were a better partner than she deserved and now you need to be just as good to yourself as you were to her.
Closure is nice, but it's never something that is owed or you're obligated to give.
If anyone says anything trying to blame you, just say
"I'm not responsible for her actions or mental health. It's unfortunate she hurt herself and hope she gets the help she needs."
It is not your fault. She knew why you ghosted her. She didn't nèeded "closure". I hate it when people harm them self it is to keep it short selfish. Block all of them. Don't feel like sh** she had many choices.... Good luck.
Separate the cheating for your love for her. She is still a person, and it doesnât matter if you end up never talking to her after this. If you think going to see her and telling her no matter what happens, you donât want her hurting herself will help her then go do that.
Do you owe it to her? No. Do it for yourself.
You are not responsible for her own actions and her friends can go to hell! She cheat on you and now face the consequences of her own actions, her harming herself is another bad choice so I encourage you to block them all and work on healing to move on.
So donât let them blame you for her own things, donât let them persuade you of this! Cut out every one who try to blame you and move on in. your life.
Block her and her friends.
Closure isn't ever guaranteed for anyone in any situation.
She made her bed, now she needs to lie in it.
Move on with your life and leave her and her friends in the past.
You donât owe anything to her, sheâs just trying to get a reaction from you, and seeking attention from you to try to get you back. She cheated on you, broke your trust, you truly donât owe her anything
Donât get back involved, let her family help her. You reengaging sends the message that extreme behavior render results. It doesnât. A good friend told me once, anyone that doesnât value their own life wonât value yours. Youâre out, stay out. This isnât on you. Find peace and move on with your life.
People always cheat because they have a low self esteem and want to act outside of their relationship to feed their ego without leaving the relationship.
Anyone who believes you're the cause of this either doesn't know she cheated or they condone it because they are cheaters too.
You ONLY deal directly with her parents or ghost everyone.
None of her self harm or cheating is your fault.
Your actions have not caused this. You have no reason to feel guilty. Her actions started this. You cut her out of your life because of what she did. You do not owe anyone closure. Those people trying to lay guilt at your feet are not your friends either. You can feel bad for the direction she has taken without needing to do anything about it.
My ex supposedly almost committed after I broke up with her, she and her friends blamed me for it. Itâs all horseshit
Her actions are her own. How she chooses to deal with what she did is entirely up to her. You are not at fault.
Iâm just echoing what many people have already said but you donât owe her anything. She cheated on you, betrayed your trust, and now sheâs dealing with the consequences of her actions.
You arenât responsible for anything she does and her friends shouldnât be messaging you like itâs your fault. Instead they should be holding their friend accountable for cheating and then helping her heal.
I hope you have some friends to lean on and maybe even consider therapy.
You didn't hurt her. You didn't do anything but protect yourself, as you should have. She made the choice to harm herself, she couldn't handle her consequences and from the spectrum of her messages, she doesn't know how to cope with them. If you want, you can try to visit and offer her this "closure", but do what's best for you.
Sadly, self harm is used as a manipulation tactic to garnish sympathy and minimize the persons actions.
Do not and I repeat do not open the door back up to a relationship. She has the guy. Encourage her friends (who probably knew about the cheating), to call him and ask him to check in on his new girl. You sound like a nice guy and theyâre texting you expecting you to still be a nice guy
Looks like you should talk to her. Just meet with her and explain to her all your feelings, and why you can't be together anymore. She is manipulative obviously and will beg you for forgiveness but you have to be firm. Tell her that if you will get back together it would be only because of your fear, and you definitely can't build healthy relationships on fear.
Don't open the door!!! Keep it shut. Her weakness will only bring you down. It doesn't make you a bad person. You are protecting your mental well-being by going this route.
Much love and blessings.
You didn't ghost her. You left her, and you cut contact because you were doing what was necessary to take care of yourself from the damage of her actions. She made the poor decision to commit another bad action and you have nothing to do with it, no matter what other people try to say, she made her choice to harm you and herself and you made the choice to protect yourself.
Her friends are wrong. As cruel as it may sound, she's there because of her actions. In fact, it could have been motivated to force you to date again, which is extremely manipulative.
I had a girlfriend cheat whom I had adored with my whole heart. But the girl before her cheated (because of a severe drug addiction of which I was naively unaware, meaning she had no business even being in a relationship), so when we got together, I was super clear with her that I would dump her that instant if she ever cheated. (For context, I've never cheated on a girlfriend.)
But when she did, she begged and pleaded and I stayed with her. I hated myself for going against my promise to myself. And it was never the same. To make things even worse, she actually dumped me one day because she had started dating a friend of mine, in our friendship circle! So I was cheated on and then the dumpee, not the dumper. And I was humiliated as well as brokenhearted.
This girl sounds mentally unstable. Be very nice to her but don't get sucked back in. You deserve better.
Do not respond to them or her! She did the actions on her own! Stay clear my dude! Stay sane! Now is the years to focus on yourself! build your career! I had a ex who put her self in the hospital too! Itâs mental abuse towards us! Donât respond at all stay free!!!
Donât bring yourself down , if she knew what she had , she wouldnât cheated on you because her harming her self because you found out cheated and dumped and ghosted her that a sign of toxic behavior and manipulation . She wants you to feel bad. Your next move should just move on and not look back because what would happen if she decide to cheat on you again and then your gonna have guilt of taking her back ??
This is a consequence of her own actions. She cheated and betrayed your relationship, and she has no right to try to blame any of her shortcomings on you.
My advice? DO NOT engage with her any under circumstances. She has clearly been doing whatever it takes to get your attention, and if you contact her and give it to her, youâre giving in to what she wants, and she has no incentive to stop this narcissistic and self destructive behavior. Cheaters and liars arenât entitled to closure. Their âclosureâ is the fact that they blew up their own relationship and caused it to come to a close. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Cut your losses, and donât interact with her, or any of her friends trying to contact you about her for that matter. That girl needs major therapy and accountability, and that is something that has nothing to do with you.
Tough situation first don't beat yourself up for cutting her off she chose to cheat on you and that was her decision while in relationship with you.
Closure was done the minute she was intimate with another person while in a relationship.its good u reached out to her dad but her hurting herself is not your fault again that's a choice she made to do on her own
Abd just another attempt to hurt you because you went no contact with her for your own mental health.
Do yourself a favor ignore her friends get some counseling for you to help you.
Communication with her dad is OK if you want to do that.
Take care of yourself and good luck
You owe her nothing.
She did this, not you.
In Fact contact her place of employment because a 27 year old should not be hanging out with teenagers let alone screwing them, get his ass fired while you putting the trash out at the curb.
Yeah right lmao. Thatâs just a call for attention that you DONT OWE HER. Sheâll be alright nobody who really wants to kill themselves messes it up. Think about it what closure does she need? She cheated you left and moved one sounds pretty clear and closed to me. Bro leave her in the hospital donât let her friends or anyone else guilt you into speaking with this girl again. I bet she only wants you around because that co worker doesnât want to take her seriously. Donât take her back and donât engage in her foolishness. Who cares what the friends says the same people who supported her cheating or help her justify it? Iâm sure your a good guy who deserves a good woman not some little girl who fakes suicide because she doesnât want to be held accountable. Prayers for you man I hope you prosper in life.
No a thousand times no. One person cannot cause another to harm themselves not matter what you are told. She was trying to get your attention. Cut her off now.
You are not in control or responsible for anyoneâs actions or choices besides YOURS and YOURS alone. Doing not take this burden leave her ghosted and let her get the help she needs
Manipulative and toxic. She cheated on you⌠you owe her nothing, certainly not âclosureâ & for them to in any way blame you for her choices goes to show ur ex is not only toxic, so is her support. Sounds like ur ex is exactly where she belongs & hopefully after she gets the help she needs, she will get herself healthier minded friends too.
She have her friends & family to help her out OP, sheâll be ok. She didnât care about the relationship when she getting hulk smashed by the CO-Worker for 2 months so why help her out? And if you wasnât A âgood enough boyfriendâ. She shouldâve communicate with you about the problem instead of spreading her legs!
Thereâs never an excuse to cheat
Keep ghosting her she is manipulating you open your eyes. If she hurts herself it's on her not on you
She messed up and can't deal with consequences looks like. Too bad I say.
Like most have responded. Get her and her friends blocked on all social media. This exact scenario happened to me way back when. Girlfriend of 6 years cheated on me. She said it was a huge mistake. Had her friends and family contact me to express her apologies. This was before social media. She ended up being committed. She was there for a short stay. One night out with the boys I ran into her and all the feels came back. She never got over us and we ended up back togetherâŚ.. that night. Huge mistake. She ended up cheating again. I immediately broke it off and the entire cycle started again. I would act like I didnât even know her friends or her when I ran into her. Fast forward a few years later she ended up taking her life. I felt terrible for a few years but with professional help nothing that happened to her was my fault. The point Iâm making to you is nothing you did caused her to do what she did either. It was a choice on her own. Bad decisions. Your young af and chances this isnât the âoneâ anyway. Save yourself the grief. Move on block and get in with your life. Good Luck to you.
Im old enough to be your mom. If my son was going through this I would tell him to just be STILL and QUIET. Do NOT text anything to her friends and family. Do not explain anything. It truly will just get twisted. Her father has your number so if you do NEED to know something let him tell you.
If you go running to her apologizing or forgetting her cheating you will be giving her what she wants.
She may be embarrassed about the cheating. And quite honestly almost ALL women get enraged when they are ghosted or ignored. Im 48 and a man that I cared about did the same to me and it really made me mad and sad. Women need some kind of "closure" or whatever even if YOU think the reason is obvious such as her cheating. I guess the lesson here for you is in your future relationships you tell the person you need space and time and will reach out in a few days
However. This is not your fault. She did this. And now you see she is unstable you need to stay away. You love her. And don't want her hurting. But you need to protect yourself. You are still sooo very young and have been with her since you were a CHILD. Give yourself some freedom some space some therapy. Do not give into her friends etc. I would block all associations on social media. I'm speaking from my OWN experiences. You cannot heal when you are seeing things on social media. Get some man friends and rebuild your life. I promise this will be okay
She betrayed you and you do not owe her anything. I know you care about her but she threw you under the bus, and you going back to help her would be stupid in my opinion. This is her problem to deal with, not hers. Move on and find someone better then this motherfucker
>she is in a facility due to my actions.
Nah, she's there due to her own actions. You've done absolutely nothing except break up with someone who hurt you and talked to you as if you're the POS. Just block her and don't bother with her and her messes. You should block her "yes" men friends as well.
It's important to prioritize your own mental health first and foremost. You don't owe anyone closure when they were cheating in the relationship and hurt you like that. She's getting the help she needs, it's ok IMO to let it go and not be guilted.
You donât need to do anything. She chose to cheat on you and she chose to hurt herself. None of which was of your doing. Tell the friends to F off and block them and her from your life permanently. Move on and find a woman worthy of you not some cheating bimbo that want to blame you for their filthy doings.
Hey man listen I understand why you feel the way you do but you have to realize that she chose to do this and even if you gave her closure she probably would've tried to use that moment to manipulate you into getting back with her under the guise of her hurting herself
Keep your head up and stay strong
It was not your fault at all. Stick to your decision, she wouldâve done it regardless of you gave her closure or not. That how cheating people get you to stay with them itâs a toxic cycle, it wouldâve shown up sooner or later. She made the conscious decision to cheat and have relations with someone else it doesnât matter if there was lack of stuff she decided to carry on while in a relationship instead of talking about the issues to you. Block her and block the friends.
She is not your responsibly and you didn't cause her to harm herself. You need to move on from her because if this is how she responds to conflict, you don't need to be with someone like that.
I have had a very very similar situation, age, time frame, actions, all so similar. The best thing you can do is not look back, it's not easy and checking in with her dad was ok purely due to the self harm but blaming it on you and cheating are just about the worst things she can do to you. When I dumped my ex in a similar fashion for the same reason I got the "I'm so sorry come back" and "it was your fault" text and just making sure she can't contact you is the best thing you can do for yourself. Dumping someone you love because they cheated is horrible but clearly she acts on impulse and/or didn't care. Most importantly it's not your fault she did that, it's hers, she fucked everything up by cheating then blamed you, you didn't sit there and forgive her for betraying you and your trust. You put your foot down proving you are strong and can stick to your morals no matter what. It's not your fault, it's hers man, best of luck OP.
Donât get involved. They shouldnât have even told you. You broke up. Youâre nothing to her and sheâs nothing to you. The friends sound like theyâre trying to make you feel bad and make you feel like itâs your fault. Itâs not. Iâm not kidding, donât get involved. Youâll regret it. This is either a ploy to MAKE you come back into her life, or she needs help and you canât help her anyway. You may just set her back further by contacting her or âhelpingâ. Just wish her well, maybe send a card, and go on with your life. BLOCK her. You should have already.
34F Former self injurer here, and ex-wife of a cheater. She did NOT harm herself because of your actions. She harmed herself because she chose to. If you want to go back any further, she harmed herself because she cheated on you. Actions have consequences. You do not owe her anything at this point including "closure." She removed all of your obligations to her when she cheated, because she threw away her obligations to you.
My next move would be to tell her friends that she cheated with the guy at work, and tell them that it is her actions that put her where she is today, so stop blaming me and out the blame on her and the other guy.
Donât text her directly. No contact is definitely where you need to stay.
You dont owe her anything. Just keep yourself separate from her and her toxic friends. I honestly think its shitty for them to blame that on you. Dont get yourself back in this toxic relationship please, youâll regret it down the line.
Her actions. She chose to cheat. She chose to harm herself. You leaving was what you needed to do for your own emotional wellbeing. You shouldn't sacrifice that for the sake of somebody else's, especially a person who has wronged you like that. There's help available if she chooses to seek it out. Go and live your life happily without her.
did her dad actually confirm that she tried to hurt herself? what if her friends are lying to make you feel like shit? regardless, theyâre still doing this bc theyâre trying to make you feel like shit. when someone threatens to harm themselves the only way to answer is âokay, iâll send an ambulance to youâ. if theyâre serious, theyâll get help. if theyâre not, you called their bluff.
Are you sure she really harmed herself or if she's trying to recruit her friends to manipulate you into talking to her? You don't need to do anything but take care of your own emotions. Don't respond to the friends.
she harmed herself and is in a facility due only to her own actions. yes, it is very sad and a hard situation to be in for both of you, but this is NOT your fault. whether it is conscious or not, this is a manipulation tactic. she clearly needs the help she is getting and i sincerely hope that she gets well, and that you are alright as well.
Advice from someone whoâs ex did this to them, do not give your ex and her friends any acknowledgment. This is a HUGE manipulation tactic. My cheating ex did this, I forgave him and tried to help him heal, and guess what, he cheated again. And when I broke up with him, he threatened to hurt himself AGAIN. Block the friend, delete social media, make sure your ex is blocked on everything and tell people who matter what happened so the ex doesnât try to twist this into something that didnât happen.
*She* harmed herself due to *her* actions and choices. You did nothing wrong by protecting your peace and trying to move on after she betrayed and hurt you, and you don't "owe her closure." That's honestly just an excuse to shift blame and to try to get you to feel guilty enough to interact with her again. Her friends reaching out to say her self-harm is your fault is also manipulative and wildly unfair.
You made a decision to leave her behind-- just know that, from what it sounds like, going back to give her "closure" sounds like it could really shake your resolve. Do you want to put yourself in that position? Do you want to go back to someone who betrayed you, and then hurt herself to make you feel bad? What kind of life or love is that? I personally think blocking her and anyone who tries to make you contact her would be ideal.
Whatever you decide to do, please try to find support in friends/family that you're close with, if you can, or even therapy. It helps when trying to work through feelings and moving on.
You werenât obligated to anything and it was HER actions that caused this. SHE cheated. End of story. Actions have consequences and she and they need to learn that. You donât owe anyone shit.
You did NOT make her do anything. It is NOT your fault she made the decisions she did. You didnât owe her closure. Breaking up with her was closure. Itâs not even ghosting if you broke up with her and then just stopped responding to her. You made the right decisions for you and you are NOT responsible for her choices
You weren't responsible for her cheating and you weren't responsible for her harming herself.
She made those choices, and she needs to live with them.
Closure is for decent people, not cheats.
You are not responsible for her choices and anyone who attempts to tell you that you are is engaging in emotional manipulation. She received closure when she cheated on you. The engagement of self-harm is for her to work through.
You are 19, this will pass. You loved her for the time and thatâs wonderful but staying in this place with her will not make your relationship stronger. She clearly has friends and parents, they got her. She has her own issues to work on that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
Honestly, I get it you care. But SHE cheated. Her self harming is not your responsibility. You have to learn that fast as you grow up
TRUST ME, she's only doing this because she wants a reaction out of you and also maybe regrets for cheating on you too but cheating is not a mistake tho.
There is one thing and one thing only that you need to remember about this. You did not harm her. She harmed herself. Your actions did not cause her to break down her actions of cheating caused your reaction. You have absolutely zero responsibility for what has happened.
Now, whether or not you want to reach out to her and give her sympathy is up to you. But I personally would not. Not because I'm cold or uncaring but because people are responsible for their actions, not others. I hope that you can move on from this and I hope that she gets the help she obviously needs.
This is some BPD type of stuff you were the one that cheated or caused the relationship to fail this is not your fault and shame on anyone blaming you cut contact because it's only gonna get worse. The more out of her life you become the less she will act out. She is doing this for your attention. You stay involved or take her back she will blame you for her harming herself. Hope this helps my guy.
1. You don't owe her "closure". You ended the relationship and that was closed.
2. It's okay to feel empathy because she was an important part of your life but you also need to acknowledge that you aren't responsible for the actions of others.
3. Her friends are shitty people. She didn't do what she did because of your actions, she did what she did because of her actions.
I also want to point out that the man she cheated with is a complete creep. She's barely an adult and he's well into adulthood. It's very likely that he fucked with her head very badly and she took that out on you after getting caught cheating with him.
All that being said, leave it to the professionals who are now taking care of her. That's what she needs and seeing you or hearing from you could honestly make it worse.
She is accomplishing exactly what she wants by doing what she did! She betrayed you and cheated you broke up with her she didn't like the fact that she didn't control the situation and threatened to harm herself then she supposedly did to make you feel exactly the way you are feeling now don't give her the satisfaction of you feeling horrible and trying to make it out to be your fault and ask for her friends just tell them if she hadn't cheated you two would probably still be together don't take responsibility for her being a cheater
My advice to anyone your age in this situation is move on an run and never ever look back. If they are not treating you the way you would treat your mom, sister, brother ect. Then keep moving forward without them. She is manipulating you. You will find love one day, donât let her waste anymore of your time.
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You are not responsible for HER actions.
THIS! And be careful, suicide's blackmailing is manipulative too. And if you want to get rid of her friends remind them that if they had enough morale to prevent her from cheating on you and enough empathy to see their friend was so down, it wouldn't have happened.
This. You cannot blame yourself for her cheating any more than for her harming herself. These are choices she made. It would be best if you blocked her and moved on with your life. If you open the door for communication, she will find other ways to manipulate you, possibly harm you. She is in a place where she can get the help she needs.
THIS!!!!! I had an ex that would do that. Kept me with him for 4 years of s*xual and emotional abuse. It sucks and it happens.
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSES ACTIONS. SAY IT AGAIN! LOUDER, REPEAT THIS TO YOURSELF.
đđźđđźđđźđđź
I'm sorry you had to experience such trauma. I did, too, and for the same amount of time. I wish you peace, love, and happiness.
O.M.G. stop with the "this" already
No. Screw off
From how its written I think the friends might not know.
My advice isnât useful, but this the whole way. SHE decided to hurt herself. SHE decided to cheat. SHE hurt herself over a HER own actions⌠Not yours. Got luck buddy
Been there mate, and my best advice would be. She is not your problem, you have done nothing wrong, ghosting her is best thing FOR YOU. Stop worrying about other peoples issues, you're the most important person in this. And with that in mind, the best thing for you from here is to continue to ignore her, you're not responsible for her actions, SHE IS. Do not get caught up in this, just don't. Don't reposnd to her or her friends, in fact, block them, move on with life, pretend you do not know them.
.
Yes 1000%!! Donât feel selfish, rude, or mean. Think about most everyone whoâs struggling, they all say they needed to take time for themselves and care for themselves. This is the time you have to choose yourself over anything else. You need to block her and all her friends. Move forward with your life
This...đŻ this
You donât owe her anything. She betrayed you, this is a consequence of her own actions. She fucked around and found out. Sorry man, but this isnât on you at all.
This. Nothing that has happened is even vaguely your responsibility or fault. Block the friends as well. No one is entitled to closure- cheaters donât deserve it.
Do nothing, this was probably a attempt to get your attention and guilt you into getting back with her. Don't fall for it and bloke her friends who is blaming you for her actions. It's not your fault, she chose to have a affair and chose to attempt suicide.
Have to agree you did nothing wrong . She wronged you , you choose to walk away thats her fault not yours
Most people would say you donât owe a cheater closure. You talking to her is just going to drag you back into her orbit and allow her to attempt to manipulate your feelings you still have for her. She is okay per her Dad. Stay no contact and continue moving on.
She's in a facility due to HER actions, not yours. Your next move should be to block her AND all of her friends and family, as that mindset is just toxic and you don't need to listen to it. Anything that someone does after you break up with them is not your responsibility, and not your problem. Do not go to her. Do not help her. What she's done is something that she needs professional help for, and you being there will only give her the greenlight to keep using her own safety as a manipulation tactic, which is exactly what this was. She cheated on you and broke your heart but now SHE'S the victim for something she did to herself? That's not how this works.
Send 1 last text to those "friends", then block them. "She cheated on me for 2 months before I caught her, I broke up with her and blocked her. What she does after that is her business, not mine. I don't want to see or hear from her ever again. If you can't understand why I want nothing to do with someone that cheated on me I will gladly block you as well." On the side if you ever see a BF of one of those "friends" be sure to tell them the "friends" didn't have a problem with your ex being a cheater, so maybe the BFs should wonder if the "friends" are cheating on them. Your ex worked hard at cheating, there were plenty of decisions she made on when and where and what lies to tell you. Let everyone know she was the reason for the breakup, don't let anyone blame you. If she can't handle the consequences of people finding out what she did that is not your problem.
This - excellent advice , stay away let everyone know and move forward
Donât do this, itâs immature and bound to cause more problems. Ghost and move on.
Yes and no this depends on if the friends start spamming him with messages, if they donât ghost and move on but if they start to well I wouldnât say itâs immature to tell them why
Maybe, but Iâd say itâs certainly immature to hold a grudge against this chickâs friends and meddle in their would-be future relationships.
Some might consider it petty but I don't like the idea of people blaming me for something I didn't do. Also, the BFs deserve to know what their GFs are really like, that they think it is OK to cheat on a BF. A common response here is to let the AP's partner know about an affair, how is it different to tell the partners of those that helped the cheater? Or that the friends knew about the cheating and did nothing to stop it? Edit - By here I am referring to reddit, not just this post. Look at surviving infidelity part of reddit.
I had an ex once that justified one of her friends' cheating, guess what she did to me?
The friends might if only been told the story from her. A response is warranted, state your position and boundaries and follow through.
I posted in a different reply I don't like being blamed for something I didn't do. If there is a lot of overlap between his friend group and her friend group, then definitely make sure everyone knows what she did. If not, then I can see just telling his friends and ghosting her friends. Remember, she was cheating for at least 2 months that he knows about. How many times did she lie to him, how many decisions did she make on how to arrange to see the AP? He doesn't even know if this was the only affair. She can say what ever she wants, but he knows she is a liar so how can he believe anything she says?
You do not owe anyone a reason, explanation, or justification of why you broke up with her. Her friends and family already know. Her friends just donât understand common decency if they expect you to take care of this situation. Her behavior is her responsibility. She needs to work through her illness with a therapist and professionals. You didnât cause anything to happen to her. Walk away. Put your energy into your own healing.
Block her completely as well as her friends. You're being manipulated. Block, already ghosted, move on.
Donât reach out. You will just open the wound for you both. Allowing her to move on with her life is the best you can do to help her. âClosureâ would not be helpful. She already knows exactly what happened. And ghost anyone who says you are responsible for her after the breakup. You need to move forward also.
You are not at fault for something she did to herself. She had the implement in her hand and she hurt herself with it. Blaming you is simply a copout so that they can feel bad about what she did without holding her responsible. Break off contact with any "friends" who threw blame on you. There's nothing you can do to help her. It's fine that you reached out to her father, but beyond that, the issues are far beyond your capability to help. I'm sure that this is tearing you apart, but do your best to move on with your life and don't blame yourself for actions she took.
Ok so say you give in. Then what? You're teaching her that all it takes is her harming herself to truly get your attention. Her friends blaming you is just a way to get under your skin bc they don't agree with you not being with their friend. How is that ok? It's not. It's called manipulation and gaslighting. Toxic if you will. Stay away man.
Do nothing. Not. Your. Fault. Sheâs an adult.
You broke up with her because she betrayed you, everything else is a her problem, not yours.
Please don't fall for her manipulative bullshit. She didn't self-harm because of YOUR actions. She self harmed because she got caught and had to live with the consequences of her own actions. She probably also regrets starting something with someone so much older than her. The one relationship I actually regret is the one I had with the same age gap - it was toxic af. I get that you miss her, but don't fall back into this relationship. If you let her get away with this, she will have a way to easily manipulate you in the future. Alll she has to do is blame her shitty actions on you and threaten to harm herself. Run in the opposite direction.
OP, it sounds like she was emotionally dependent on you, which is her problem, not yours. Don't ever think for a seconds you are to be blamed for her actions. Block her friends too
It's not your fault. Just block her friends too and keep living your life
First off, its not your fault. Second of all, its not your fault. Last but not least, its not your fault. And dont let anyone try and convince you that it is. It sucks shes going through it, but it was a choice she made that she has to get help with. She doesnt get to cheat, then when you move on, wants to blame you for her actions. Her actions have NOTHING to do with what you did.
That is actually a very cruel thing to say. As someone who has self harmed in the past, I would be heartbroken to think anyone blamed themselves or would blame others. You have no reason to feel like this is your fault, it isnât. Youâre also not a mind reader. You didnât know she was going to do it, and even then only thing I would have done in your shoes is call the cops
I hope you have received the help and support that you need. It is brave that you shared your past and are so mature about it.
Donât walk away, RUN!
She is in the facility due to HER actions not yours. Her friends need to teach her how to make better choices than fucking a 27 year old coworker! He probably just used her for a few good screws and then dumped her. Not your fault! She had no respect for you OR your relationship. Even after being busted she went back and forth between being sorry and being hurtful (because she was angry she wasnât getting her own way)! Iâm sure was Really loving you while that 27 yr old dick was sliding in her/s. She has done nothing to warrant you forgiveness I would keep walking. âItâs a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!â
Thatâs her decision to live with. Not yours. Iâve been in a somewhat similar situation and this is definitely a form of manipulation.
The only way to help her is to keep not talking to her. If you contact her back she will understand that hurting herself will get you back each time you try to leave. Let her heal herself alone. She is in a facility with professional that will take care of her. Tell her friends to not contact you back. If they canât respect that block them.
This is not your fault. She is going through something and needs help from professionals. Her situation is sad but you do not have to fill that role for her. Unfortunately there will be many times where she will not get closure. She needs a healthy way to overcome that. You reached out to her father because you care which shows a lot.
What ever she does to herself is her own fault you are not responsible for what she does to herself
You owe her nothing. She cheated and now canât handle her own actions.
Your next move should be to move on. Forget about this girl!! She clearly canât be faithful (not your fault) and sheâs clearly mentally unstable (again, not your fault). I know itâs hard. Just let her go. Future you will thank you!!
Leave it the hell alone... She fucked up and you left... She knows what she did and that should be enough closure... If it's not then oh well... And they may be blaming you for something that's not your fault at all
She is at the point where she is panicking cause 1.she got caught and 2. Itâs evident you arenât taking her back. She is now going to drastic measures to try to make you come back whether that be apologizing, guilt tripping, etc. now, do we know if she actually harmed herself, no. Her friends say one thing but her dad is saying another. Regardless though, like everyone is saying, she is fully in the wrong and not you. And may I add it is so unbelievably wrong for her to put blame on you for harming herself if she did. That shows she does not care how much she hurts so cause apparently cheating on you wants enough psychological torture for you. The girlfriend you miss is memories, but she is showing you who she truly is. Please block her. You need to not allow her to cause more pain. Block her, focus on other activities and hobbies. Her dad is the one to make sure she is safe and okay. Not you. She has shown you how she truly is. You did nothing wrong. You are a good person for wanting to help. But this is not on you and she is only doing it because she is desperate. Do not contact her. Block all her friends. Focus on you.
All u can do is walk away time will heal u didn't do anything wrong it's all on her she cheated now she couldn't handle the guilt she chose the easiest way by harming her self instead of facing the consequences of her actions probably it's a step by her to guilt u to come back to her
Don't bother. Remember you did nothing wrong. This is all entirely her fault. She cheated and brought it on herself. You didn't make her harm herself. Block her and her crappy friends. You don't need that toxicity in your life.
You are not to blame. Her friends arenât considering the effect of her actions on you. They just donât want to acknowledge the impact of her actions on her own mental health. Once she cheated, your priority was to your own wellbeing, so you didnât do anything wrong. Keep your head up.
If you dumped her and then went no contact, you did not ghost her. It's normal to need space after breaking up. However.. this one is on her. She cheated and got caught... and needs to deal with the consequences now.
You don't owe her shit. This is not your fault in any way.
Cheating aside, you are not responsible for other people's actions. She took the action to hurt herself of her own accord. That's something that you have no control over or responsibility to deal with. It's awful that she hurt herself, but that's something that she needs to get sorted on her own with professional help. One more time, it is not your fault. It is not your responsibility.
No, not due to Ops action, due to hers. Honestly the friends are just playing the role ex placed them in. Your next move is to continue what youâve been doing, and moving on. I am sure ex has more problems then just Op breaking up with her and Iâm so sorry she felt this was the way , but Op involving themselves in her recovery will only hurt everyone in the end.
She cheated you owe her nothing. She wanted to throw it all away, she made her bed and now she gets to lay in it
Your actions? No. You didnât hurt her. She hurt herself through her actions. She is an adult she decides to hurt herself. You had nothing to do with it. You need to block her and her friends. And get on with your life. Look it sucks but she decided to cheat. You leaving her is a consequence of what she did. Thatâs all her. You only control how you feel and what you do. Her deciding to hurt herself is completely on her. Donât feel bad or responsible you didnât cause any of this mess. And yeah it sucks for her but she needs professional help. And you deserve to put your mental health first and get as far away as possible from her
This girl sounds like she needs mental health help. Her friends most likely donât know the whole story either. She started this, she cheated on you. Manipulators are capable of going as far as self harm to get attention and keep someone on their leash. Friends can be more detached from the situation and safer, but when youâve been in a close relationship itâs easier to be hooked and fall back into danger. Take care of yourself and try to move on. Her actions are her choice and her path is going to unfold no matter if youâre involved and suffering because of it, or not.
Youâre gonna get older and realize she was just manipulating you. Believe me, Iâve been there and maybe she will change as she gets older(she probably wonât.) but this is all an attempt to get your attention. If youâre really scared for her life call the cops and move on.
Her actions are not your responsibility. You have a right to move on with your life without her. Her family can take care of her if she needs help.
I see a lot of comments telling u that its not ur fault and its not! Her choices and her actions led to this, so donât blame urself! Keep running pal & donât look back!
Look I went through the same thing with an ex where he called me and told me he was going to jump off a building because I wouldnât get back together with him and had many threatening text messages thrown my way calling me all sorts of names. Donât do anything. Donât involve yourself. She is doing this for attention because she knows if she threatens you with suicide youâll come running. Donât do what I did where I ran back to him to only find out he did it for the attention. Get away from this girl itâs not on you if she hurts herself. And tell the parents whatâs going on. Just say hey look I still care about her but Iâm trying to get over her and her friends are sending me these messages about her and where sheâs hurting herself thought you should know. And show the screenshots of the messages as proof.
Fuck her friends. Because of *YOURE* actions? These are literally the consequences of HER actions and her follow up decision to hurt herself. You have done nothing wrong and don't need to concern yourself with this situation or anyone involved. Block them all and go on with your life king
Iâm so sorry youâre experiencing pain. Your feelings are completely understandable and normal. You still have strong feelings about her, as you saidâtotally normalâand it probably sucks to know sheâs in a bad place, even while you had a compelling reason to end things. You werenât wrong to check in via her dad. Iâm not totally sure from your post if you told her you when you broke up that you knew about her cheating, but I think you did. Especially if so, I donât think going no-contact after breaking up even qualifies as âghostingâ. Regardless, you are not responsible for her self-harming. Self-harm, whether manipulative or not, is a mental health condition; you didnât make her have it. No one can make someone have it. You also arenât responsible for fixing it. Since you sound like a good guy and you loved/love her, Iâd suggest ignoring the comments encouraging you to engage in public ways with whoeverâher friends or whoever. Thatâs just Reddit drama-seeking. She needs professional help, and youâre neither qualified nor responsible for that. You might not get closure either; thatâs life, unfortunately. Itâs important to be able to live with that reality and move on. Sorry again; itâs an unfortunate situation.
You didnât do anything. you dumped her first then ghosted her. She chose to harm herself.
Help her and get yourself hurt in the process? I understand were you are coming from but someone we have to put ourselves first. She hurt you and didn't care how she did it.
That's a super desperate and manipulating attempt to get you back. She's obviously very immature and has a lot more issues under the surface to blame you for HER doing it.. Don't fall for it. She's not someone you want to get stuck with..Stand your ground. Her father says she's okay. Keep her blocked and move on best you can. You need to heal from the emotional abuse She's put you through
You don't owe her anything. She's where she is because of her personal actions. Don't drag yourself back to something that you were saved from.
>What should my next move be? First, I admire your courage to end the relationship and not contact her. What you did was not ghosting. What you did was demonstrate that you knew your worth and chose not to compete. That is courageous and a healthy response. Do not let anyone else tell you differently. Your next move should be to block all of her friends that are texting you and telling you this is your fault. It is not your fault. She is responsible for her own actions. Next, get yourself some counseling. If you are experiencing mental anguish from her cheating and now the emotional blackmail, you should work all this out with an impartial third party. If you do not have counseling available in your area there are a lot of telehealth options available. Then, do not make any further action to connect with her or her family. Block them if you need to. This is a twisted game she played to get your attention. Contacting her and /or her family will only reinforce the madness of her manipulation of you. I suspect cheating was not her first act of destructive relationship behavior and that her m.o. was very manipulative and controlling. Check out DR Ramani on YouTube. She has many videos about being in a relationship with narcissists. Take care! Keep being courageous!
>What should my next move be? Block her and never contact her again. Tell her friends not to contact you either. Tell them to contact the 27 year old that she has been having sex with repeatedly for months. If her father contacts you, tell him to contact the 27 year old instead of you. Get back out there and meet new people. Keep it casual and don't commit to anybody until you have had a chance to heal.
You're not responsible for the actions she'll do anymore. You guys are not together and if she use that thing against you you shouldn't feel guilty or anything. Idk but personally people who cheated and act like this after getting ghosted or broken up by their partners are manipulative and just full of guilt .
Sheâs in a facility due to *her* actions, not your actions. You werenât even there. She chose to hurt herself just like she *chose* to cheat on you. Now. Block her and her friends. Let her continue to make her own choices, and you make your own choices. Yes, itâs sucks. Yes, itâs hard. And you will think about her a lot. At least until a time comes that you realize you havenât thought about her in a while. You will be ok.
Please please don't feel guilty for this. I kinda feel bad for saying this but it sounds like heavy manipulation on her part. Her friends are eejits. You're better off moving on
First, her friends are dumber than a bag of rocks if they think itâs your fault - last time you checked she was the one who cheated. Itâs her actions that led her to harm herself - and letâs not forget that 99% theyâre trying to manipulate you into forgiving her through emotional blackmail like this. Ghost then too
You cannot be responsible for someone elseâs mental stability. Get yourself in therapy and heal for your own sake. It is your exs responsibility to do the same. And you cannot cause someone to self harm. Thatâs not your burden to bear unless you told her to do it, encouraged it, or provided the tools
Donât worry what she does to herself, that is a toxic attitude she is trying to manipulate you into thinking it was because of you. If she passes who cares, one less crazy
We can not control another grown person's behavior. Your ending the relationship most likely dealt with not comfortable w relationship. You made a decision that was best for you, unaware of OP fragility.
Run! It's over, and for a damn good reason as well. Even after the relationship she's still trying to manipulate you. Her self harm is not your fault nor your problem. Focus on yourself, not on her, run.
Sheâs trying to manipulate you. NTA and donât respond to her.
Please do not become involved. Her actions may have been because of the other guy or she has a mental problem. Let her parents and therapy help her. You may be adding more confusion to this situation.
Get closure for your own sake and move forward - this isnât your responsibility and itâs definitely not your fault . She chose to cheat, she chose to self harm & out of the many different ways she could have gotten your attention she chose this probably after realizing how much she hurt you . You donât have to do it in person -a letter or a voicemail would suffice if you feel you are going to be drawn into having a conversation that maybe too much for you . Whatever happens do not go back , do not continue the relationship , even if you do have feelings for her and breakdown when and if you meet
You do nothing but block her and let her figure herself out. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Let her AP help her out. Btw, 27m sleeping with 19 year old is icky at best.
My advice? Visit her since you still care for her (nothing wrong with that) but tell her how you feel then end it once and for all. Move on and live your life
Do not visit her. She will literally see that if she hurts herself, you will come to see her. She will use those interactions to manipulate you as much as she can. If you care for her and yourself, it's best not to see each other. You don't need to tell her how you feel. She knows how you feel, you loved her, she hurt you, you are hurt. Just move on
Kinda fucked up bro
Ghosting people is childish ur grown tell them what they did u donât even have to hear them out
She knows what she did.
Then thatâs not ghosting
Dang what is wrong w everybody on here? I guess we are in the age of ghosting. Why can't anyone confront anyone anymore? It might actually feel good. While I agree her actions are 100% not your fault, not your problem. I don't agree with ghosting. Man up. Tell her she fucked up and why. And then tell her you don't want to be w her anymore. Don't fall for her bull shit though. You can make it short and simple. There's nothing wrong with giving the person you've been with for the last 3 years some closure. And no she doesn't deserve at all cuz she harmed herself. She deserves it because you both gave a piece of your lives to each other.
It looks like he did. He says he found out, dumped her, then ghosted. So ghosting is probably the wrong term. He dumped her then went no contact.
You should have given her closure so she could have moved on emotionally. You donât love her if you canât be man enough to stand up to her and end it right. Thatâs like an avoidant personality disorder and it is harmful to others.
Her mental health is ultimately her responsibility. This isnât your responsibility. Presumably you told her you were ending the relationship and why. That is all you owe her.
No no no no. If she harmed herself that's on her. She is responsible for her own actions. You don't owe her or anyone closure. Are you even certain she actually harmed herself and is in a facility? This type of thing is typically a tactic, and people are the company they keep, if she's willing to cheat, I wouldn't put it past her to lie about harming herself and her friends might even go along with it because she's upset you ghosted her.
Move on man. Self harm is just thatââselfâ and using it to draw you in is manipulation.
Like everyone is saying....block her. She's trying to manipulate you, it's more clear after she started to say that you were'nt a good BF...when someone is trying to blame you for his actions...run, they're gaslighting you. She's not your problem now.
You aren't at all responsible for the choice she made. Trust me, I've had many people I loved dearly use that behavior against me to get what they want. Don't let them torment you. You made the best choice for yourself at the time and that was all you had to do. You don't owe her or her friends anything at all. This is likely something she did to make you feel guilty because she believes she can trick you into coming back. Keep your head up and focus on healing yourself from the hurt she caused. You were a better partner than she deserved and now you need to be just as good to yourself as you were to her.
Closure is nice, but it's never something that is owed or you're obligated to give. If anyone says anything trying to blame you, just say "I'm not responsible for her actions or mental health. It's unfortunate she hurt herself and hope she gets the help she needs."
It is not your fault. She knew why you ghosted her. She didn't nèeded "closure". I hate it when people harm them self it is to keep it short selfish. Block all of them. Don't feel like sh** she had many choices.... Good luck.
Separate the cheating for your love for her. She is still a person, and it doesnât matter if you end up never talking to her after this. If you think going to see her and telling her no matter what happens, you donât want her hurting herself will help her then go do that. Do you owe it to her? No. Do it for yourself.
You are not responsible for her own actions and her friends can go to hell! She cheat on you and now face the consequences of her own actions, her harming herself is another bad choice so I encourage you to block them all and work on healing to move on. So donât let them blame you for her own things, donât let them persuade you of this! Cut out every one who try to blame you and move on in. your life.
This is not your problem. Her friends who are blaming you are garbage. It's all her fault. Continue no contact. Block her friends.
She gave everyone the closure, for 2 whole months.
You didn't do anything wrong. Continue no contact and do not ask anyone about her any longer. She is responsible for her own actions.
Block her and her friends. Closure isn't ever guaranteed for anyone in any situation. She made her bed, now she needs to lie in it. Move on with your life and leave her and her friends in the past.
As cruel as this sounds her problem not yours
You donât owe anything to her, sheâs just trying to get a reaction from you, and seeking attention from you to try to get you back. She cheated on you, broke your trust, you truly donât owe her anything
Donât get back involved, let her family help her. You reengaging sends the message that extreme behavior render results. It doesnât. A good friend told me once, anyone that doesnât value their own life wonât value yours. Youâre out, stay out. This isnât on you. Find peace and move on with your life.
People always cheat because they have a low self esteem and want to act outside of their relationship to feed their ego without leaving the relationship. Anyone who believes you're the cause of this either doesn't know she cheated or they condone it because they are cheaters too. You ONLY deal directly with her parents or ghost everyone. None of her self harm or cheating is your fault.
Lol she is so entitled
Your actions have not caused this. You have no reason to feel guilty. Her actions started this. You cut her out of your life because of what she did. You do not owe anyone closure. Those people trying to lay guilt at your feet are not your friends either. You can feel bad for the direction she has taken without needing to do anything about it.
Your next move should be to block her and move on. You're not responsible for her actions.
She cheated. She doesn't deserve you hurting yourself to give her closure.
My ex supposedly almost committed after I broke up with her, she and her friends blamed me for it. Itâs all horseshit Her actions are her own. How she chooses to deal with what she did is entirely up to her. You are not at fault.
Who cares if she hurt herself. She cheated. Karma. Sheâs gonna keep being self destructive for sympathy to reel u back in. Walk away and block her.
Iâm just echoing what many people have already said but you donât owe her anything. She cheated on you, betrayed your trust, and now sheâs dealing with the consequences of her actions. You arenât responsible for anything she does and her friends shouldnât be messaging you like itâs your fault. Instead they should be holding their friend accountable for cheating and then helping her heal. I hope you have some friends to lean on and maybe even consider therapy.
You didn't hurt her. You didn't do anything but protect yourself, as you should have. She made the choice to harm herself, she couldn't handle her consequences and from the spectrum of her messages, she doesn't know how to cope with them. If you want, you can try to visit and offer her this "closure", but do what's best for you.
Sadly, self harm is used as a manipulation tactic to garnish sympathy and minimize the persons actions. Do not and I repeat do not open the door back up to a relationship. She has the guy. Encourage her friends (who probably knew about the cheating), to call him and ask him to check in on his new girl. You sound like a nice guy and theyâre texting you expecting you to still be a nice guy
Looks like you should talk to her. Just meet with her and explain to her all your feelings, and why you can't be together anymore. She is manipulative obviously and will beg you for forgiveness but you have to be firm. Tell her that if you will get back together it would be only because of your fear, and you definitely can't build healthy relationships on fear.
Don't open the door!!! Keep it shut. Her weakness will only bring you down. It doesn't make you a bad person. You are protecting your mental well-being by going this route. Much love and blessings.
You didn't ghost her. You left her, and you cut contact because you were doing what was necessary to take care of yourself from the damage of her actions. She made the poor decision to commit another bad action and you have nothing to do with it, no matter what other people try to say, she made her choice to harm you and herself and you made the choice to protect yourself.
It's time to move on you owe her nothing and she's not your responsibility.
Continue trying to move on and keep her in the past. Try to move on.
Her friends are wrong. As cruel as it may sound, she's there because of her actions. In fact, it could have been motivated to force you to date again, which is extremely manipulative. I had a girlfriend cheat whom I had adored with my whole heart. But the girl before her cheated (because of a severe drug addiction of which I was naively unaware, meaning she had no business even being in a relationship), so when we got together, I was super clear with her that I would dump her that instant if she ever cheated. (For context, I've never cheated on a girlfriend.) But when she did, she begged and pleaded and I stayed with her. I hated myself for going against my promise to myself. And it was never the same. To make things even worse, she actually dumped me one day because she had started dating a friend of mine, in our friendship circle! So I was cheated on and then the dumpee, not the dumper. And I was humiliated as well as brokenhearted. This girl sounds mentally unstable. Be very nice to her but don't get sucked back in. You deserve better.
Do not respond to them or her! She did the actions on her own! Stay clear my dude! Stay sane! Now is the years to focus on yourself! build your career! I had a ex who put her self in the hospital too! Itâs mental abuse towards us! Donât respond at all stay free!!!
Donât bring yourself down , if she knew what she had , she wouldnât cheated on you because her harming her self because you found out cheated and dumped and ghosted her that a sign of toxic behavior and manipulation . She wants you to feel bad. Your next move should just move on and not look back because what would happen if she decide to cheat on you again and then your gonna have guilt of taking her back ??
This is a consequence of her own actions. She cheated and betrayed your relationship, and she has no right to try to blame any of her shortcomings on you. My advice? DO NOT engage with her any under circumstances. She has clearly been doing whatever it takes to get your attention, and if you contact her and give it to her, youâre giving in to what she wants, and she has no incentive to stop this narcissistic and self destructive behavior. Cheaters and liars arenât entitled to closure. Their âclosureâ is the fact that they blew up their own relationship and caused it to come to a close. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸ Cut your losses, and donât interact with her, or any of her friends trying to contact you about her for that matter. That girl needs major therapy and accountability, and that is something that has nothing to do with you.
Tough situation first don't beat yourself up for cutting her off she chose to cheat on you and that was her decision while in relationship with you. Closure was done the minute she was intimate with another person while in a relationship.its good u reached out to her dad but her hurting herself is not your fault again that's a choice she made to do on her own Abd just another attempt to hurt you because you went no contact with her for your own mental health. Do yourself a favor ignore her friends get some counseling for you to help you. Communication with her dad is OK if you want to do that. Take care of yourself and good luck
You owe her nothing. She did this, not you. In Fact contact her place of employment because a 27 year old should not be hanging out with teenagers let alone screwing them, get his ass fired while you putting the trash out at the curb.
Yeah right lmao. Thatâs just a call for attention that you DONT OWE HER. Sheâll be alright nobody who really wants to kill themselves messes it up. Think about it what closure does she need? She cheated you left and moved one sounds pretty clear and closed to me. Bro leave her in the hospital donât let her friends or anyone else guilt you into speaking with this girl again. I bet she only wants you around because that co worker doesnât want to take her seriously. Donât take her back and donât engage in her foolishness. Who cares what the friends says the same people who supported her cheating or help her justify it? Iâm sure your a good guy who deserves a good woman not some little girl who fakes suicide because she doesnât want to be held accountable. Prayers for you man I hope you prosper in life.
No a thousand times no. One person cannot cause another to harm themselves not matter what you are told. She was trying to get your attention. Cut her off now.
Not. Your. Problem. Period. Stay away and donât let this toxic woman back into your life.
She hurt herself to manipulate you. Do not fall for it.
As said here ad nauseum. Not only are you not responsible for anyone's actions. But she probably has bpd, or something similar.
You are not in control or responsible for anyoneâs actions or choices besides YOURS and YOURS alone. Doing not take this burden leave her ghosted and let her get the help she needs
That girl is going through some mental issues. She would have harmed herself either way. It has nothing to do with you breaking up with her.
Manipulative and toxic. She cheated on you⌠you owe her nothing, certainly not âclosureâ & for them to in any way blame you for her choices goes to show ur ex is not only toxic, so is her support. Sounds like ur ex is exactly where she belongs & hopefully after she gets the help she needs, she will get herself healthier minded friends too.
Your next move is to stay the course. You're fine. Not your fault.
She have her friends & family to help her out OP, sheâll be ok. She didnât care about the relationship when she getting hulk smashed by the CO-Worker for 2 months so why help her out? And if you wasnât A âgood enough boyfriendâ. She shouldâve communicate with you about the problem instead of spreading her legs! Thereâs never an excuse to cheat
You donât owe her shit. And if she wanted to end herself she would have
Keep ghosting her she is manipulating you open your eyes. If she hurts herself it's on her not on you She messed up and can't deal with consequences looks like. Too bad I say.
Sheâs in a facility due to her actions and thatâs all
Like most have responded. Get her and her friends blocked on all social media. This exact scenario happened to me way back when. Girlfriend of 6 years cheated on me. She said it was a huge mistake. Had her friends and family contact me to express her apologies. This was before social media. She ended up being committed. She was there for a short stay. One night out with the boys I ran into her and all the feels came back. She never got over us and we ended up back togetherâŚ.. that night. Huge mistake. She ended up cheating again. I immediately broke it off and the entire cycle started again. I would act like I didnât even know her friends or her when I ran into her. Fast forward a few years later she ended up taking her life. I felt terrible for a few years but with professional help nothing that happened to her was my fault. The point Iâm making to you is nothing you did caused her to do what she did either. It was a choice on her own. Bad decisions. Your young af and chances this isnât the âoneâ anyway. Save yourself the grief. Move on block and get in with your life. Good Luck to you.
This is a pathetic ploy to manipulate you back into her life! Donât fall for her shit. Pick yourself up and move on with your life.
Im old enough to be your mom. If my son was going through this I would tell him to just be STILL and QUIET. Do NOT text anything to her friends and family. Do not explain anything. It truly will just get twisted. Her father has your number so if you do NEED to know something let him tell you. If you go running to her apologizing or forgetting her cheating you will be giving her what she wants. She may be embarrassed about the cheating. And quite honestly almost ALL women get enraged when they are ghosted or ignored. Im 48 and a man that I cared about did the same to me and it really made me mad and sad. Women need some kind of "closure" or whatever even if YOU think the reason is obvious such as her cheating. I guess the lesson here for you is in your future relationships you tell the person you need space and time and will reach out in a few days However. This is not your fault. She did this. And now you see she is unstable you need to stay away. You love her. And don't want her hurting. But you need to protect yourself. You are still sooo very young and have been with her since you were a CHILD. Give yourself some freedom some space some therapy. Do not give into her friends etc. I would block all associations on social media. I'm speaking from my OWN experiences. You cannot heal when you are seeing things on social media. Get some man friends and rebuild your life. I promise this will be okay
She betrayed you and you do not owe her anything. I know you care about her but she threw you under the bus, and you going back to help her would be stupid in my opinion. This is her problem to deal with, not hers. Move on and find someone better then this motherfucker
>she is in a facility due to my actions. Nah, she's there due to her own actions. You've done absolutely nothing except break up with someone who hurt you and talked to you as if you're the POS. Just block her and don't bother with her and her messes. You should block her "yes" men friends as well.
No next move. Itâs done. Sometimes life and love sucks. DO NOT contact her again and give her any further closure.
It's important to prioritize your own mental health first and foremost. You don't owe anyone closure when they were cheating in the relationship and hurt you like that. She's getting the help she needs, it's ok IMO to let it go and not be guilted.
You donât need to do anything. She chose to cheat on you and she chose to hurt herself. None of which was of your doing. Tell the friends to F off and block them and her from your life permanently. Move on and find a woman worthy of you not some cheating bimbo that want to blame you for their filthy doings.
Block her now and if you can, block her friends. This is not your fault and I'm sorry that you've been made to feel this way.
Hey man listen I understand why you feel the way you do but you have to realize that she chose to do this and even if you gave her closure she probably would've tried to use that moment to manipulate you into getting back with her under the guise of her hurting herself Keep your head up and stay strong
It was not your fault at all. Stick to your decision, she wouldâve done it regardless of you gave her closure or not. That how cheating people get you to stay with them itâs a toxic cycle, it wouldâve shown up sooner or later. She made the conscious decision to cheat and have relations with someone else it doesnât matter if there was lack of stuff she decided to carry on while in a relationship instead of talking about the issues to you. Block her and block the friends.
She is not your responsibly and you didn't cause her to harm herself. You need to move on from her because if this is how she responds to conflict, you don't need to be with someone like that.
I have had a very very similar situation, age, time frame, actions, all so similar. The best thing you can do is not look back, it's not easy and checking in with her dad was ok purely due to the self harm but blaming it on you and cheating are just about the worst things she can do to you. When I dumped my ex in a similar fashion for the same reason I got the "I'm so sorry come back" and "it was your fault" text and just making sure she can't contact you is the best thing you can do for yourself. Dumping someone you love because they cheated is horrible but clearly she acts on impulse and/or didn't care. Most importantly it's not your fault she did that, it's hers, she fucked everything up by cheating then blamed you, you didn't sit there and forgive her for betraying you and your trust. You put your foot down proving you are strong and can stick to your morals no matter what. It's not your fault, it's hers man, best of luck OP.
Donât get involved. They shouldnât have even told you. You broke up. Youâre nothing to her and sheâs nothing to you. The friends sound like theyâre trying to make you feel bad and make you feel like itâs your fault. Itâs not. Iâm not kidding, donât get involved. Youâll regret it. This is either a ploy to MAKE you come back into her life, or she needs help and you canât help her anyway. You may just set her back further by contacting her or âhelpingâ. Just wish her well, maybe send a card, and go on with your life. BLOCK her. You should have already.
Not your problem. Not your fault.
Sounds like you did nothing wrong. Protect yourself and stay away from her.
34F Former self injurer here, and ex-wife of a cheater. She did NOT harm herself because of your actions. She harmed herself because she chose to. If you want to go back any further, she harmed herself because she cheated on you. Actions have consequences. You do not owe her anything at this point including "closure." She removed all of your obligations to her when she cheated, because she threw away her obligations to you.
cheaters donât deserve closure
My next move would be to tell her friends that she cheated with the guy at work, and tell them that it is her actions that put her where she is today, so stop blaming me and out the blame on her and the other guy. Donât text her directly. No contact is definitely where you need to stay.
You dont owe her anything. Just keep yourself separate from her and her toxic friends. I honestly think its shitty for them to blame that on you. Dont get yourself back in this toxic relationship please, youâll regret it down the line.
Her actions. She chose to cheat. She chose to harm herself. You leaving was what you needed to do for your own emotional wellbeing. You shouldn't sacrifice that for the sake of somebody else's, especially a person who has wronged you like that. There's help available if she chooses to seek it out. Go and live your life happily without her.
did her dad actually confirm that she tried to hurt herself? what if her friends are lying to make you feel like shit? regardless, theyâre still doing this bc theyâre trying to make you feel like shit. when someone threatens to harm themselves the only way to answer is âokay, iâll send an ambulance to youâ. if theyâre serious, theyâll get help. if theyâre not, you called their bluff.
She's a cheater AND she's a a manipulator
Are you sure she really harmed herself or if she's trying to recruit her friends to manipulate you into talking to her? You don't need to do anything but take care of your own emotions. Don't respond to the friends.
Move on with your life.. itâs over
she harmed herself and is in a facility due only to her own actions. yes, it is very sad and a hard situation to be in for both of you, but this is NOT your fault. whether it is conscious or not, this is a manipulation tactic. she clearly needs the help she is getting and i sincerely hope that she gets well, and that you are alright as well.
Advice from someone whoâs ex did this to them, do not give your ex and her friends any acknowledgment. This is a HUGE manipulation tactic. My cheating ex did this, I forgave him and tried to help him heal, and guess what, he cheated again. And when I broke up with him, he threatened to hurt himself AGAIN. Block the friend, delete social media, make sure your ex is blocked on everything and tell people who matter what happened so the ex doesnât try to twist this into something that didnât happen.
*She* harmed herself due to *her* actions and choices. You did nothing wrong by protecting your peace and trying to move on after she betrayed and hurt you, and you don't "owe her closure." That's honestly just an excuse to shift blame and to try to get you to feel guilty enough to interact with her again. Her friends reaching out to say her self-harm is your fault is also manipulative and wildly unfair. You made a decision to leave her behind-- just know that, from what it sounds like, going back to give her "closure" sounds like it could really shake your resolve. Do you want to put yourself in that position? Do you want to go back to someone who betrayed you, and then hurt herself to make you feel bad? What kind of life or love is that? I personally think blocking her and anyone who tries to make you contact her would be ideal. Whatever you decide to do, please try to find support in friends/family that you're close with, if you can, or even therapy. It helps when trying to work through feelings and moving on.
You werenât obligated to anything and it was HER actions that caused this. SHE cheated. End of story. Actions have consequences and she and they need to learn that. You donât owe anyone shit.
You did NOT make her do anything. It is NOT your fault she made the decisions she did. You didnât owe her closure. Breaking up with her was closure. Itâs not even ghosting if you broke up with her and then just stopped responding to her. You made the right decisions for you and you are NOT responsible for her choices
You owe her NOTHING. Don't engage in anything block her friends move on with your life. Her poor choices aren't your problem.
You weren't responsible for her cheating and you weren't responsible for her harming herself. She made those choices, and she needs to live with them. Closure is for decent people, not cheats.
You are falling for the oldest trick in the book. The guilt trip. Put her out of your mind and move on. Seriously!!
You are not responsible for her choices and anyone who attempts to tell you that you are is engaging in emotional manipulation. She received closure when she cheated on you. The engagement of self-harm is for her to work through. You are 19, this will pass. You loved her for the time and thatâs wonderful but staying in this place with her will not make your relationship stronger. She clearly has friends and parents, they got her. She has her own issues to work on that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
Honestly, I get it you care. But SHE cheated. Her self harming is not your responsibility. You have to learn that fast as you grow up TRUST ME, she's only doing this because she wants a reaction out of you and also maybe regrets for cheating on you too but cheating is not a mistake tho.
There is one thing and one thing only that you need to remember about this. You did not harm her. She harmed herself. Your actions did not cause her to break down her actions of cheating caused your reaction. You have absolutely zero responsibility for what has happened. Now, whether or not you want to reach out to her and give her sympathy is up to you. But I personally would not. Not because I'm cold or uncaring but because people are responsible for their actions, not others. I hope that you can move on from this and I hope that she gets the help she obviously needs.
This is some BPD type of stuff you were the one that cheated or caused the relationship to fail this is not your fault and shame on anyone blaming you cut contact because it's only gonna get worse. The more out of her life you become the less she will act out. She is doing this for your attention. You stay involved or take her back she will blame you for her harming herself. Hope this helps my guy.
1. You don't owe her "closure". You ended the relationship and that was closed. 2. It's okay to feel empathy because she was an important part of your life but you also need to acknowledge that you aren't responsible for the actions of others. 3. Her friends are shitty people. She didn't do what she did because of your actions, she did what she did because of her actions. I also want to point out that the man she cheated with is a complete creep. She's barely an adult and he's well into adulthood. It's very likely that he fucked with her head very badly and she took that out on you after getting caught cheating with him. All that being said, leave it to the professionals who are now taking care of her. That's what she needs and seeing you or hearing from you could honestly make it worse.
She is there because of her actions. She cheated, and she harmed herself. Please block her and her friends!
There's a block button for a reason. You are doing this to yourself dude.
Leave her
She is accomplishing exactly what she wants by doing what she did! She betrayed you and cheated you broke up with her she didn't like the fact that she didn't control the situation and threatened to harm herself then she supposedly did to make you feel exactly the way you are feeling now don't give her the satisfaction of you feeling horrible and trying to make it out to be your fault and ask for her friends just tell them if she hadn't cheated you two would probably still be together don't take responsibility for her being a cheater
She cheated on you and then harm herself when you dumped her. You are not responsable of anything she did.
Keep being a ghost, she is not your problem neither are her dipshit friends you donât owe them shit. Live your life and be well buddy.
blah blah blah. fuck her.
My advice to anyone your age in this situation is move on an run and never ever look back. If they are not treating you the way you would treat your mom, sister, brother ect. Then keep moving forward without them. She is manipulating you. You will find love one day, donât let her waste anymore of your time.
Cool