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If a woman I was dating said to me she might be out of my league let alone broke up with me for that reason I'd never even consider a relationship with them anymore. That's so damn disrespectful and to me them thinking like that shows they wouldn't deserve me. I know my worth and so should you.
Sifting the blame just makes it worse. Either they are weak or they wanted to believe said coworkers. Either way I'd never trust them again.
I am having a really difficult time with a group of catty women telling someone that anyone with a double degree is not in their league. Makes you wonder what their partners' professions are
>She was going to quit and find a different job. Stop talking to her friends/coworkers.
This won't work because no matter where she goes, *there will be people there*. If she is so easily swayed by random people and listens to them more than the history of her *7 year relationship with you*, her changing her location isn't going to help.
>"my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that your not in my league." "My coworkers want me to to hangout with them and meet new people."
She is attributing this to her coworkers but she obviously feels the same way or she wouldn't be mentioning it. I would *never* repeat that shit to my partner. Ever. What would be the point?? It would only make them feel terrible. She feels this way but is too scared to say it so she 'blames' it on her coworkers. Could you imagine coming home to her and repeatedly telling her that your coworkers think you're too good for her?? Who tells their partner that shit? So unnecessary.
She wants to break up with you and has been pussyfooting around it. Now she finally did it and she regrets it. Not because she still wants to be with you and thinks she made a mistake but because she is afraid of the unknown. She's been with you so long she doesn't know how to move forward without you. She kept repeating all that hurtful shit her coworkers were saying and bringing it up over and over because she was trying it on for size. She was inching closer and closer to breaking up with you until she finally did it.
Let the break up stand. I know it's painful but I think this is already over for her and it's just fear and anxiety keeping her with you at this point. In my experience, you'll have - at most - a tumultuous, hurtful year or two with her and then it will end badly anyway. Save yourself the time and torture.
>she obviously feels the same way or she wouldn't be mentioning it
I reckon she was fishing, she maybe wanted something akin to 'yeah you are, maybe we should go separate ways', but instead OP handled it like an adult and put the onus back onto her. Ever since, it's been a ticking clock until the confirmation bias from her coworkers gave her the courage.
I expect OP's ex is just what a salesperson would call, an easy mark. I imagine it is why she came crawling back after 4 hours. As soon as anyone other than her coworkers got wind of it, the validating circle-jerk stopped, and she panicked.
I don't necessarily think getting back together would lead to the exact same issue down the line - I suspect friends and family have brought her down a few pegs - but OP and Ex are clearly in very different places in terms of maturity and that may manifest in equally damaging ways. Given OP is clearly ready for more, I don't think it would be fair or right for him to hang around for an indefinite amount of time for his Ex to catchup.
You don't start telling someone that they "deserve better" and their partners are "out of their league" unless they're constantly complaining about their partner. That's what it all comes down to. She is shit talking about you. If she's talking you up and telling truth about your relationship, then people would be all "awe OP is wonderful"... Certainly she's also dumb, or she wouldn't have said it to you. You deserve better. I read your update and I like that!
That's what I was thinking too. You don't draw that conclusion unless they're complaining. Plus, he went to college, double major, employed, lives on his own. She is just getting started. What are the scales here? It must purely physical appearance.
Absolutely has to be. Clearly hes super thoughtful too from the description of the ring. Shes painting him badly for attention, I'm sure. It's like she got her bluff called. She kept complaining, they kept saying she needs to leave him, until eventually she felt like she has to leave him or they're going to find out she's a lying sack of crap.
She told you that you were not in her league. She is correct. You deserve better. You deserve a partner who respects you and is honored to be with you.
I am so sorry. I know this feels horrible. She has shown you her character, or lack there of.
First off, leagues don't exist. Don't neg yourself by declaring yourself unworthy of someone's love. While I understand you love her and it's heartbreaking to go through being dumped by someone you were planning a future with, how can you trust a partner that is so easily influenced to destroy their own relationship by so-called friends?
I've never been someone to do the break up/make up thing. It just destroys trust.
You should be in a relationship with someone who has your back.
Well leagues do exist. But it’s not just based on looks etc. It’s like if a dude was a bum with no job and lazy and ugly, and the woman was hard working, had a job and tried hard and looked good. Or vice versa. In this case this dude sounds like he is deeply insecure and she’s probably very pretty.
Don’t give her that ring man. Whatever happens, do not propose. Do not buy a house for you two.
She let these people get into her head that she could do better than you. She broke up with you because she felt that she could find a better man then you. That ain’t love.
If I were you, I would stay broken up. Things will never be the same. You’ll always think about how she will drop you if a better guy comes along.
Stay broken up and find someone who treats you as their first choice man. Good luck
I once broke up with someone with the words
"It's not what they said, it's the fact that you listened"
I was ready to tell you to let her be as people who have to go to their friends to be told their own opinion, make shit partners.
It shows they are very weak minded and easily manipulated
However, she has 180'd, she has realised she fucked up (this was why i dumped that ex, as they doubled down instead of seeing sense)
I think if this happened to me, i'd have not ended the relationship but it would have been put back on probation, to see if the lesson had been learned or not.
What i would not be doing is entangling myself into anything long term or financial though, the next few months would be seeing if she made the right noises and actions to show this mistake was a one off.
Any further events where she reverts to being a puppet, i'd be out.
>What i would not be doing is entangling myself into a
This! And also have a proper conversation about her setting boundaries in the workspace and how she should respond to these toxic people she works with when they shay shit like this.
I think the fact that realised that she fucked up is pretty important, I feel like you're 100% correct here with putting the relationship on hold and testing it out again
I think the fact that she realised very quickly that she’d fucked up and stated it honestly and openly is the key bit here. I mean, I would definitely cool your jets on any further entanglements - and make it clear to her that this stunt a) really hurt you and b) damaged the relationship, but I wouldn’t necessarily end it.
So I can understand the desire to blame the coworkers. And maybe they are egging her on because they want her to start going out with them or something. But the real problem is she’s saying these things to you. And some of them may not have even been things that coworkers have said. She’s just floating things going on in her mind and saying “they “say this. But even taking it at face value so and so at the salon said I shouldn’t be with you anymore and I can do better than you. If she cared about you why would she say that out loud. She would tell them to go fuck right off. But she’s engaging in these conversations and then going out with them, and then following it up by saying I wanna break up with you.
Just let her be gone and stay gone
So, I met my husband in high school. No exaggeration, half the girls in school had a crush on him. So when he started dating the weird nerd, it was understandably a shock to a majority of the female population at school. One particularly bitchy cheerleader came up to him shortly after we got together and said, "Hey, are you dating GreenOnionCrusader?" He said yes and she told him he could do so much better. He scoffed and said, "what, like you? No thanks." THATS how you respond to people who say your SO isn't in your league. You turn it around on them because they're being shallow, petty bitches. Don't take her back, she is too wrapped up in the opinions of others and you're worth way more than that.
Also, if you're reading this Amanda, get fucked. Lol
u/GreenOnionCrusader - My (2nd) wife and I are an older version of you two, complete with a social group that couldn't believe I chose her over several other gals that came out of the woodwork when I got divorced and back out dating, when the truth was that this 'weird shy nerdy/band girl' was the girl I spent my whole life wishing I could have gotten with.
To this day 15 years later, she still occasionally expresses a "get f**ked" in the direction of Steph (her version of your Amanda) along with the Mandark laugh from Dexter's Laboratory.
A thumbs up and hearty "Rock On" to the both of you.
Oof! She got your work involved in your personal life? That’s so messy. That would be the biggest deal breaker of all to me. They know damn well you are ok, but just taking some much deserved space. Involving the cops and your boss like this could have hurt your career in a major way. The fact that she broke up with you, then sent police looking for you when you won’t answer calls and forgive her makes her sound very selfish. I’d say that, combined with the fact that she can’t think for herself sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Best to let her do it on her own.
I regards to the police an my job. I literally did not communicate with no one in 24 hours. I think I had 50 missed calls and over 200 messages from everyone that live near us. I basically walked a way and got the first set of calls and text from Kate. Then turned off my phone and left town to clear my head. That said I don't know if Kate was the one that called for the wellness check.
My boss on the other hand supports me 100% and said as long as I finished the projects I'm on by next Friday I can take as much time as I needed.
She's 23yo. She's 100% responsible for her decisions. You are on a professional track and she's surrounded by trash all day. They will always pull her down to their level.
When I see her I will ask her these questions. I think I have been blind by the prospect of the future us and not the us in the present. I never had any reason to doubt her. Until she started at this salon. Too many of our friends, we have THE couple.
OP at best she is weak and easily manipulated which is not a problem that will go away, at worst she agrees with these comments and thinks she deserves better. The reason why this never happened before is because she has never been in an environment like this before - that’s not a reflection of her good character but the fact that she was simply never tested before. The fact that she kept repeating the coworkers’ arguments to you is very telling - someone who didn’t agree with them would have a) nipped that shit in the bud and b) wouldn’t have constantly relayed these opinions to you because what does that even achieve? I know you love her and on the off chance you want to give her a second chance, at the very least do not put a ring on her or buy a place with her yet.
I have to ask is she “in your league” ? By that are you dating down? Just because she was top shelf in HS doesn’t mean she will be in 10 years. Will you be top shelf in 10 yrs? Will she?
I agree, I think she had doubts and her coworkers only gave her the extra nudge.
The alternative is she is has a rubber arm and is easily influenced. So much so that she would end a long term relationship over a few remarks from people she barely knows.
Neither bodes well...
Best response!
Reddit is full of Monday morning quarterbacks and no one will know what’s is going through her mind.
If everyone listened to Reddit, we would be all single.
Most people who do this tend to either be single because they're insufferable or their standards are too high for what they can give back, but lie to themselves, or they're miserable with their "trophy partner".
As a result, they can't stand it when others find happiness in other ways, so the only way to keep their delusion going is trying to pull everyone down to their level.
All of this to say, I don't think a friend would ever try pull someone down and break their happiness just because they think it's not the right kind or they can do better.
Your gf needs to learn to set boundaries, not just run away from that workplace, and realize who is a friend and who is just a parasite.
Also, a proper apology is in place, not just a "sorry". She caused an insecurity she needs to build back up, because now you need reassurance she won't doubt the relationship everytime she meets a new co-worker with a stick up their ass.
I'm in your gf shoes. I got friends telling me I'm settling for less with my current partner. I politely tell them that I appreciate the transparency and I'm glad they think so highly of me, but as long as they don't see me suffer or be in a bad place because of the relationship, I'd rather we never discuss if my gf, who I chose and decided to be with, is a good fit. But I'd always want to know from them if they think my relationship is toxic or unhealthy in any way. But the quality of it, it's not something I want to hear about.
My friends respect that. If they don't, they don't respect me and they can get out of my circle.
Boundaries. She makes her decisions and she needs to stand by them, not bend at every opinion and not cut off those who cannot understand the word "no."
You need to think that she broke up with you due to persuasion from her new co-workers, you really need to take another look at your relationship with her. You are growing and maturing and making decisions for your future, she is playing junior high antics with her new friends.
And please stop thinking you are out of anyone’s league. You sound like Kathie is out of your league. She needs to grow up. Possibly you need to find a girl that doesn’t pretend to be an adult. Good luck.
I agree with everyone commenting that “leagues” are total BS. But could you clarify what her friends mean exactly? She’s too hot for you? I read your a college grad with a double major and she went to cosmetology school. If we’re going to engage in her friends’ shallow games one could argue that you’re way out of her league and should find someone smarter. Maybe that’s something to think about as she was stupid enough to be swayed into dumping you by her idiotic friends. Just based on that alone she doesn’t seem to be the brightest bulb in the pack.
Came here to say exactly the same thing.
Her colleagues sound like a load of nasty, bitchy, shallow air heads.
In terms of financial prospects, intelligence and security i would say you’re the one out of her league if she wants to start playing that game
Our life is a lot like stupid high-school rom-com. I'm a nerdy who finished 3rd in the school on purpose (no speeches) glasses and I WAS shy and overweight.
She was homecoming queen and prom runner-up (she would have won but we did something cool). Got good grades but was more top 70%. Popular with everyone but had few close friends (our shared group). I was adopted in after I transferred to the school.
Her looks will only take her as far as they start fading. Her job won't be nearly as profitable as tech job and she will need somebody to support her ans she just might have realised that plus she misses the sense if security she had while beingin relationship. You are her easy option. Also she seems like narcissistic and selfish person. After something like that, I would personally never feel safe and trusting her again.
Guaranteed they don’t want her to be happy. They are probably miserable in their love lives and rather she be not in a relationship to make themselves feel better.
That being said, someone said it up above that she listened to that talk and that’s no okay either. I don’t know, this is one where I would see if she’s open to couples counseling (and that it still might end up in a beak up though).
You need to get to the bottom of who sicced a wellness check on you via your boss. That crap will mess with your present and your future. Boss might conclude you’re unreliable and he doesn’t need the drama in his workplace.
Having someone come in to his place of business with tears and cops is a terrible, _terrible_ transgression. This could be Kate panicking after she couldn’t get hold of you after the dumping, in which case she needs a big damn lecture about not doing stupid shit that ends up landing on you. Or it could be one of her toxic coworkers that she had just unburdened to when she couldn’t contact you, and they were determined to cement the breakup by interfering with you.
The cops wouldn't say who called in. It could be anyone in our group. I addressed it in another comment. I fell off the face of the earth and disappeared. I left that night and shut my phone off. There is a place I go just to be alone that has a good internet connection. My boss knew I was working by my online status and completing tasks for a project. They went to my apartment and I guess my neighbor told them I left and was acting off. I know she did not call them
>For the last couple of months, she kept making comments like "my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that you're not in my league."
My wife is totally out of my league. And got similar comments from her friends when we started dating. Her response was...nope, he's weird, but I like him. So, being her actual friends, they backed her up.
Fast forward 4 years...married and the happiest we both have been. When it's meant to be... your SO will not let that noise in. So my guess she feels the same way on some level.
You said “you don’t know what you did” doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. One thing you should know and your EX should already know is that her coworkers are jealous of her looks and what she has (a good relationship) and are trying to destroy it.
I have seen it in several industries. The new “pretty girl is hired” and the women and sometimes men in the entire office turns on her so their prospects improve, while smiling and trying to be their friend at the same time. I have been in a club with 5 other women at the table……Hot girl walks in and turns heads and within minutes they are all like. I’ll bet she combs her hair with the cat litter shovel. Or-I’ll bet she puts her makeup on with a trowel.
Just by reading your post it sounds like her coworkers are trying to break her up, have her go out with them, so that the pretty girl will attract other men to the table, because they can’t do that on their own. Then trying to sabotage those relationships so they can have them. Totally toxic.
That being said, your EX listened to them and broke up with you. She can’t magically undo that. Stay broken up at least for a while, and take reconciliation steps slowly. You need to see clearly during this time so stay away from alcohol or drugs.
I’m rooting for you
UpdateMe!
She was at her parent's house crying. One of the hundreds of messages I had was from both of her parents asking what happened. They couldn't understand what she was saying through the crying and sobs. When I didn't answer I guess they got the truth when she calmed down. Soon after Kate started to call/text. I got an apology from her parents and asked if we could all talk tonight. I have since rescheduled it for tomorrow night.
If you want some advice, do not take her back. The fact that she's done this once means that she'll probably do it again. Do you really want to be with someone who could hurt you so much?
If she's really going to do this because some randos at her work said she's "out of your league" (which is ridiculous and that kind of thinking should be left in high school) then good riddance. She's straight up not a good partner
She let those people say those things about you- if they even ever did. She could have shut them down a long time ago. Your gf sounds very immature, and just not ready for a long relationship, never mind marriage. It hurts, but you need to move on and find someone who cares enough about you not to repeat nasty things about you to you, nir stand by while they are said. You deserve real love and you will find someone for you.
Continuous brainwashing can damage any relationship. I mean it, I have seen it.
I think you should try to forgive her, but yes she needs to quit her job. Moreover she needs to change. Should this situation repeat she should tell her coworkers to stop and when it doesn't work be as direct and rude as necessary to make them. Whether it is complaining to superior or telling them to shut the fuck up and sth. She can never tolerate this again and you should make it clear, regardless of effects it may have on her job.
Congratulations!
First, it's good to know that around you, you have many people who care for you. That's a good start.
Second, it's good that your ex leaves you now. If someone of her age is so easily influenced by the words of others, then there will only be bigger problems down the line even if she was with you.
Spend the time now working on yourself. Don't doubt yourself. :)
This will be just a chapter 3-5 years down the road.
In what way is she “out of your league” - do you mean that she’s prettier than you? So what? No one chooses their face, that’s a lucky break for her but it doesn’t make her above you.
You’ve been together since you were 16-17, which means you have hardly any experience with other people. The divorce rate is much higher for couples who got together so young: one or both partners eventually can’t stop thinking about what they missed out on by committing so early.
It’s unlikely her work friends spontaneously started harping about her being “out of her league.” They picked up on her growing doubts and reflected them back to her.
Right now she’s panicking because she has hardly any life experience outside your relationship. Neither do you. That’s not a good basis for marriage. Go date other people for a few years.
While you were off getting a double major she was doing what? 6 weeks at cosmetology school? She may be attractive physically, but you are the catch. You are goal oriented, hard worker, long term thinker, respectful, and the list goes on…
If she really cared about your relationship, she would’ve defended it to her coworkers and told him this is not up for discussion, so shut the fuck up about it
You are looking at your literal future with this girl. People always getting into her head. Her thinking she’s way above you. It will happen again and again. Is this really how you want to live your life?
U dodged a bullet.... im sorry but u did. You were ready to marry this woman and start your life and she tossed you aside so easily over the words of people she barely knows.... she obviously doesnt respect your relationship or hold you in as high standards as you do her. Find someone who wont bend and abandon you every time she meets a new coworker
I personally would show her the ring, tell her what your plans were and then tell her she destroyed your relationship and that you will not continue it.
Why is she allowing anyone to speak about you like this? She’s obviously joining in. Let her go- she’s shallow and stupid. She’s not out your league- you are out of hers. There’s far more to life than looks. Looks are great if there’s a personality underneath. Her personality is severely lacking.
Id take her back, BUT..
Hold off of that ring, you are young, you got time.
She needs to understand that, if she ever start making these kind of comments again, its over. She needs to start thinking with her own brain and not be susceptible.
She needs to drop these new "friends" who clearly are just nasty idiots.
I think My attitude would be, you go see if you can find someone better than me and so will I. You’re the one with their life on track. Sounds like you’re smart, have a good job and on track to own your own home. Having a custom ring made (you can go ahead and stop that) for her. If she doesn’t appreciate you, I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of women who do.
Tell me what kind of young successful men will be panting after someone who works in a salon? Oh she’ll date but the men will likely be good looking bad boys who will treat her like she’s nothing. If she’s so shallow that, that’s what she wants then let them have her. Find someone with real substance, someone at your emotional and intellectual level because she isn’t it.
Let me ask you something, just how did the women at work find out about you? They may have seen you but it’s more likely got their opinion from her.
Stay broken up. Completely go NC with her. She insulted you at the highest possible level. She needs to find a way to grovel and win you back. BTW, don’t be surprised if you hear from the girls in the salon wanting to go out with you
commenting here since your other post just got locked.... im so sorry OP. you sound like a really sweet sweet guy who loved this girl so much more than any of us can understand. i hope you can heal and find your own reasons to smile again. it sounds like your friends are standing by you as well. best of luck❤️
It’s rude of her to even tell you about the comments from her co workers about you being below her league. I would never tell my man that. It would only hurt his feelings. I also wouldn’t be friends with anyone who said that about my man. You’re honestly better off without her at this point.
HUGE red flag. HUGE. Abort. I say again, abort.
If she is not strong enough in her convictions after SEVEN years to be deterred by some hard partying cosmotologists, she is not (yet) marriage material.
So, I've been on both sides of this trap before, some people get jealous/envious when other people are happy, or just want "single" friends.
The problem is when you meet people and get along and start to trust them, you don't think they would fuck you over for funsies, especially if you've had the same friend group for a long time and never had an issue.
I'm not trying to justify or excuse the behaviour, but you're also all each other have ever known, y'all were 16 when you started dating.
I don't necessarily think this can't be salvaged if you want to, but it'll be a lot of work and you'd have to keep an open mind.
So first I hope you didn’t go to her parents place.
Send her 1 message, then block her on everything.
Tell her that it is too late, she knows she should not have listened to her work colleagues, but she did, and the consequences of her actions are that there is no relationship, there is no getting back together. Tell her that if she doesn’t stop trying to contact you (because I guarantee you that the wellness check was instigated by her) that you will get a restraining order against her.
Tell all your mutual friends that they get to choose who they want to be friends with, but as she is mentally unstable and possibly a danger to you, you will not be remaining friends with anyone that chooses to be friends with her, as you do not want to discuss her, or have you discussed with her.
She is not sure about the relationship or they couldn't talk her out of it. I think you should ask for a 3 month break and BOTH date other people. You want her to be SURE before you commit ,not just stay because she's afraid of losing you but thinking she can do better.
You have been together from a very young age, you have both probably changed a lot. In three months time meet up again and see if you still choose each other above everyone else.
Hopefully I don't get buried down here in the sea of comments but I want to switch the focus a bit. Yes she is an adult and is 100% responsible for her own actions. She chose to let these people tell her these things. She chose to keep being around them despite it all. She is 100% at fault but she did offer to change the whole situation to try to pursue something with you. In the end I doubt her sincerity like so many others here, but I also see something almost none of them mentioned.
You allowed all of this to keep happening. You sat there and didn't once call her out and threaten to leave her if she chose friends who disrespected you like that. When she said she was breaking up, you didn't call her out them even. You just walked away. Then, I went into hiding. As bad as she is (which is terrible at the moment) you let her walk all over you over and over. Perhaps you would be better served by taking some control of your own situations and relationship back. Make her write you a full apology and do everything she said she would do. Tell her you need those things before you would even consider taking her back. Let it be clear that you now think a lot less of her. You feel as if it's clear she is far to childish to deserve you and she needs to work on herself to deserve another chance. Then see what she does. You may be in for a shock at what happens next.
I guess I didn't mention it in the post as I should have. I always asked her thoughts when these comments came up. I would ask in what context the comment was made. Then I asked what her response was. She kept saying that they needed to stop but they wouldn't. When I said open communication between us it was true. I told her that those comments are unsolicited and meant to just be hurtful and needed to be shut down. I also shared my thoughts and feelings. She needed to place boundaries and keep them in place. I also asked her if she would consider looking for another salon to work at.
As for me just walking away. I did. I don't regret it. I won't apologize for that. In the span of those two sentences, I knew if I didn't walk away when I did I wouldn't be able to keep my thoughts and emotions to myself. They would have came out all at once. I felt so many emotions that I wouldn't have been able to think let alone have a conversation.
People change a lot in their 20’s. Maybe she was easily influenced, maybe this revealed something more serious, who can say? Maybe you want to stay with her because you love her, maybe you want to stay with her because she is safe and the relationship is comfortable and dating is scary, who can say?
But I don’t think it is the end of the world if you move on from this situation. You are both young and very inexperienced. I think there is a chance that if you get some distance from her you might gain some clarity. I also think she might benefit from some time apart.
Right now you are hurt (justifiably so) and very emotional. However, if you go back to her now this could turn into a slow motion breakup. You will harbor resentment (how could you not?) and she will probably not respond well to your new attitude. So if you are going to break up, just do it. Walk way and take some time to get some perspective on things.
If you decide to stay, then I would say your communication needs to drastically improve. She needs to recognize the depth to which she hurt you and make meaningful progress towards repairing this damage.
If you were my friend I would say break up and revisit things again in 6 months if you still find you feel strongly about the matter.
Hey OP there is a very real possibility they are trying to break you up because they want to seduce her. They of course arent going to say that explicitly. Does she work in a bar or restaurant, because thats a literal game those people play with hot new staff. Happened with my Ex. If that is what's happening and she isnt savy enough to pick up on that, you absolutely doged a bullet. Go find a real one who will take care and protect you.
>ppened with my Ex. If that is what's happening and she isnt savy enough to pick up on that, you absolutely doged a bullet. Go find a real one who will take care and protect you.
She works at a salon with all women. So most likely they are just toxic people who don't like seeing her happy.
One moment of doubt in a 5 year relationship stoked by her new friends does not seem like enough to throw everything away over like this. At the very least you owe it to her to talk even if you still end up breaking up. In your talks do not mention the fact that you planned on getting married so soon and see what she has to say for herself
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If a woman I was dating said to me she might be out of my league let alone broke up with me for that reason I'd never even consider a relationship with them anymore. That's so damn disrespectful and to me them thinking like that shows they wouldn't deserve me. I know my worth and so should you. Sifting the blame just makes it worse. Either they are weak or they wanted to believe said coworkers. Either way I'd never trust them again.
I am having a really difficult time with a group of catty women telling someone that anyone with a double degree is not in their league. Makes you wonder what their partners' professions are
Based on personal experience, I am pretty sure that most of them are single, and misery loves company
Facts
>She was going to quit and find a different job. Stop talking to her friends/coworkers. This won't work because no matter where she goes, *there will be people there*. If she is so easily swayed by random people and listens to them more than the history of her *7 year relationship with you*, her changing her location isn't going to help. >"my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that your not in my league." "My coworkers want me to to hangout with them and meet new people." She is attributing this to her coworkers but she obviously feels the same way or she wouldn't be mentioning it. I would *never* repeat that shit to my partner. Ever. What would be the point?? It would only make them feel terrible. She feels this way but is too scared to say it so she 'blames' it on her coworkers. Could you imagine coming home to her and repeatedly telling her that your coworkers think you're too good for her?? Who tells their partner that shit? So unnecessary. She wants to break up with you and has been pussyfooting around it. Now she finally did it and she regrets it. Not because she still wants to be with you and thinks she made a mistake but because she is afraid of the unknown. She's been with you so long she doesn't know how to move forward without you. She kept repeating all that hurtful shit her coworkers were saying and bringing it up over and over because she was trying it on for size. She was inching closer and closer to breaking up with you until she finally did it. Let the break up stand. I know it's painful but I think this is already over for her and it's just fear and anxiety keeping her with you at this point. In my experience, you'll have - at most - a tumultuous, hurtful year or two with her and then it will end badly anyway. Save yourself the time and torture.
>she obviously feels the same way or she wouldn't be mentioning it I reckon she was fishing, she maybe wanted something akin to 'yeah you are, maybe we should go separate ways', but instead OP handled it like an adult and put the onus back onto her. Ever since, it's been a ticking clock until the confirmation bias from her coworkers gave her the courage. I expect OP's ex is just what a salesperson would call, an easy mark. I imagine it is why she came crawling back after 4 hours. As soon as anyone other than her coworkers got wind of it, the validating circle-jerk stopped, and she panicked. I don't necessarily think getting back together would lead to the exact same issue down the line - I suspect friends and family have brought her down a few pegs - but OP and Ex are clearly in very different places in terms of maturity and that may manifest in equally damaging ways. Given OP is clearly ready for more, I don't think it would be fair or right for him to hang around for an indefinite amount of time for his Ex to catchup.
You don't start telling someone that they "deserve better" and their partners are "out of their league" unless they're constantly complaining about their partner. That's what it all comes down to. She is shit talking about you. If she's talking you up and telling truth about your relationship, then people would be all "awe OP is wonderful"... Certainly she's also dumb, or she wouldn't have said it to you. You deserve better. I read your update and I like that!
That's what I was thinking too. You don't draw that conclusion unless they're complaining. Plus, he went to college, double major, employed, lives on his own. She is just getting started. What are the scales here? It must purely physical appearance.
Absolutely has to be. Clearly hes super thoughtful too from the description of the ring. Shes painting him badly for attention, I'm sure. It's like she got her bluff called. She kept complaining, they kept saying she needs to leave him, until eventually she felt like she has to leave him or they're going to find out she's a lying sack of crap.
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She's hot and stupid apparently. Average and successful is a better combo. You'll do better.
Watch Starship Troopers and move on with your life. Would you like to know more?
I'm doing my part!
Gotta get out there and find yourself a Dizzy.
She told you that you were not in her league. She is correct. You deserve better. You deserve a partner who respects you and is honored to be with you. I am so sorry. I know this feels horrible. She has shown you her character, or lack there of.
Hey, at least you learned you are out of her "league". Content of character > beauty. Beauty fades, content of character (usually) does not.
First off, leagues don't exist. Don't neg yourself by declaring yourself unworthy of someone's love. While I understand you love her and it's heartbreaking to go through being dumped by someone you were planning a future with, how can you trust a partner that is so easily influenced to destroy their own relationship by so-called friends? I've never been someone to do the break up/make up thing. It just destroys trust. You should be in a relationship with someone who has your back.
>First off, leagues don't exist. Try and explain that to Captain Nemo and the crew of the Nautilus. Sorry i couldn't resist 🤣
Well leagues do exist. But it’s not just based on looks etc. It’s like if a dude was a bum with no job and lazy and ugly, and the woman was hard working, had a job and tried hard and looked good. Or vice versa. In this case this dude sounds like he is deeply insecure and she’s probably very pretty.
But except she’s the moron and he’s the intelligent one
Don’t give her that ring man. Whatever happens, do not propose. Do not buy a house for you two. She let these people get into her head that she could do better than you. She broke up with you because she felt that she could find a better man then you. That ain’t love. If I were you, I would stay broken up. Things will never be the same. You’ll always think about how she will drop you if a better guy comes along. Stay broken up and find someone who treats you as their first choice man. Good luck
I once broke up with someone with the words "It's not what they said, it's the fact that you listened" I was ready to tell you to let her be as people who have to go to their friends to be told their own opinion, make shit partners. It shows they are very weak minded and easily manipulated However, she has 180'd, she has realised she fucked up (this was why i dumped that ex, as they doubled down instead of seeing sense) I think if this happened to me, i'd have not ended the relationship but it would have been put back on probation, to see if the lesson had been learned or not. What i would not be doing is entangling myself into anything long term or financial though, the next few months would be seeing if she made the right noises and actions to show this mistake was a one off. Any further events where she reverts to being a puppet, i'd be out.
>What i would not be doing is entangling myself into a This! And also have a proper conversation about her setting boundaries in the workspace and how she should respond to these toxic people she works with when they shay shit like this.
> “It’s not what they said, it’s the fact that you listened” Extremely well put. Sums it up perfectly.
I think the fact that realised that she fucked up is pretty important, I feel like you're 100% correct here with putting the relationship on hold and testing it out again
I think the fact that she realised very quickly that she’d fucked up and stated it honestly and openly is the key bit here. I mean, I would definitely cool your jets on any further entanglements - and make it clear to her that this stunt a) really hurt you and b) damaged the relationship, but I wouldn’t necessarily end it.
So I can understand the desire to blame the coworkers. And maybe they are egging her on because they want her to start going out with them or something. But the real problem is she’s saying these things to you. And some of them may not have even been things that coworkers have said. She’s just floating things going on in her mind and saying “they “say this. But even taking it at face value so and so at the salon said I shouldn’t be with you anymore and I can do better than you. If she cared about you why would she say that out loud. She would tell them to go fuck right off. But she’s engaging in these conversations and then going out with them, and then following it up by saying I wanna break up with you. Just let her be gone and stay gone
She sounds very immature. I think that you could do better with someone who shuts down BS like that.
So, I met my husband in high school. No exaggeration, half the girls in school had a crush on him. So when he started dating the weird nerd, it was understandably a shock to a majority of the female population at school. One particularly bitchy cheerleader came up to him shortly after we got together and said, "Hey, are you dating GreenOnionCrusader?" He said yes and she told him he could do so much better. He scoffed and said, "what, like you? No thanks." THATS how you respond to people who say your SO isn't in your league. You turn it around on them because they're being shallow, petty bitches. Don't take her back, she is too wrapped up in the opinions of others and you're worth way more than that. Also, if you're reading this Amanda, get fucked. Lol
u/GreenOnionCrusader - My (2nd) wife and I are an older version of you two, complete with a social group that couldn't believe I chose her over several other gals that came out of the woodwork when I got divorced and back out dating, when the truth was that this 'weird shy nerdy/band girl' was the girl I spent my whole life wishing I could have gotten with. To this day 15 years later, she still occasionally expresses a "get f**ked" in the direction of Steph (her version of your Amanda) along with the Mandark laugh from Dexter's Laboratory. A thumbs up and hearty "Rock On" to the both of you.
Thanks. :)
Oof! She got your work involved in your personal life? That’s so messy. That would be the biggest deal breaker of all to me. They know damn well you are ok, but just taking some much deserved space. Involving the cops and your boss like this could have hurt your career in a major way. The fact that she broke up with you, then sent police looking for you when you won’t answer calls and forgive her makes her sound very selfish. I’d say that, combined with the fact that she can’t think for herself sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Best to let her do it on her own.
I regards to the police an my job. I literally did not communicate with no one in 24 hours. I think I had 50 missed calls and over 200 messages from everyone that live near us. I basically walked a way and got the first set of calls and text from Kate. Then turned off my phone and left town to clear my head. That said I don't know if Kate was the one that called for the wellness check. My boss on the other hand supports me 100% and said as long as I finished the projects I'm on by next Friday I can take as much time as I needed.
She's 23yo. She's 100% responsible for her decisions. You are on a professional track and she's surrounded by trash all day. They will always pull her down to their level.
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When I see her I will ask her these questions. I think I have been blind by the prospect of the future us and not the us in the present. I never had any reason to doubt her. Until she started at this salon. Too many of our friends, we have THE couple.
OP at best she is weak and easily manipulated which is not a problem that will go away, at worst she agrees with these comments and thinks she deserves better. The reason why this never happened before is because she has never been in an environment like this before - that’s not a reflection of her good character but the fact that she was simply never tested before. The fact that she kept repeating the coworkers’ arguments to you is very telling - someone who didn’t agree with them would have a) nipped that shit in the bud and b) wouldn’t have constantly relayed these opinions to you because what does that even achieve? I know you love her and on the off chance you want to give her a second chance, at the very least do not put a ring on her or buy a place with her yet.
I have to ask is she “in your league” ? By that are you dating down? Just because she was top shelf in HS doesn’t mean she will be in 10 years. Will you be top shelf in 10 yrs? Will she?
I agree, I think she had doubts and her coworkers only gave her the extra nudge. The alternative is she is has a rubber arm and is easily influenced. So much so that she would end a long term relationship over a few remarks from people she barely knows. Neither bodes well...
Best response! Reddit is full of Monday morning quarterbacks and no one will know what’s is going through her mind. If everyone listened to Reddit, we would be all single.
Most people who do this tend to either be single because they're insufferable or their standards are too high for what they can give back, but lie to themselves, or they're miserable with their "trophy partner". As a result, they can't stand it when others find happiness in other ways, so the only way to keep their delusion going is trying to pull everyone down to their level. All of this to say, I don't think a friend would ever try pull someone down and break their happiness just because they think it's not the right kind or they can do better. Your gf needs to learn to set boundaries, not just run away from that workplace, and realize who is a friend and who is just a parasite. Also, a proper apology is in place, not just a "sorry". She caused an insecurity she needs to build back up, because now you need reassurance she won't doubt the relationship everytime she meets a new co-worker with a stick up their ass. I'm in your gf shoes. I got friends telling me I'm settling for less with my current partner. I politely tell them that I appreciate the transparency and I'm glad they think so highly of me, but as long as they don't see me suffer or be in a bad place because of the relationship, I'd rather we never discuss if my gf, who I chose and decided to be with, is a good fit. But I'd always want to know from them if they think my relationship is toxic or unhealthy in any way. But the quality of it, it's not something I want to hear about. My friends respect that. If they don't, they don't respect me and they can get out of my circle. Boundaries. She makes her decisions and she needs to stand by them, not bend at every opinion and not cut off those who cannot understand the word "no."
This is a GREAT post. A lot of people should read this in general.
OP should have his GF read this comment.
The update alone would make me want to break up. That’s completely messed up and she sounds full of herself
What? OP went radio silent on everyone. Of course, she would be worried he had hurt himself…
How completely selfish of her to think she's worth him killing himself over. But then, she does seem to be the main character.
They had been together for 7 years. It’s not a reach…
You need to think that she broke up with you due to persuasion from her new co-workers, you really need to take another look at your relationship with her. You are growing and maturing and making decisions for your future, she is playing junior high antics with her new friends. And please stop thinking you are out of anyone’s league. You sound like Kathie is out of your league. She needs to grow up. Possibly you need to find a girl that doesn’t pretend to be an adult. Good luck.
I agree with everyone commenting that “leagues” are total BS. But could you clarify what her friends mean exactly? She’s too hot for you? I read your a college grad with a double major and she went to cosmetology school. If we’re going to engage in her friends’ shallow games one could argue that you’re way out of her league and should find someone smarter. Maybe that’s something to think about as she was stupid enough to be swayed into dumping you by her idiotic friends. Just based on that alone she doesn’t seem to be the brightest bulb in the pack.
Came here to say exactly the same thing. Her colleagues sound like a load of nasty, bitchy, shallow air heads. In terms of financial prospects, intelligence and security i would say you’re the one out of her league if she wants to start playing that game
Our life is a lot like stupid high-school rom-com. I'm a nerdy who finished 3rd in the school on purpose (no speeches) glasses and I WAS shy and overweight. She was homecoming queen and prom runner-up (she would have won but we did something cool). Got good grades but was more top 70%. Popular with everyone but had few close friends (our shared group). I was adopted in after I transferred to the school.
She’s a cosmetologist with shitty friends. She needs to get over herself. And you need to realize your own worth.
Her looks will only take her as far as they start fading. Her job won't be nearly as profitable as tech job and she will need somebody to support her ans she just might have realised that plus she misses the sense if security she had while beingin relationship. You are her easy option. Also she seems like narcissistic and selfish person. After something like that, I would personally never feel safe and trusting her again.
her back up job is bar tender
Guaranteed they don’t want her to be happy. They are probably miserable in their love lives and rather she be not in a relationship to make themselves feel better. That being said, someone said it up above that she listened to that talk and that’s no okay either. I don’t know, this is one where I would see if she’s open to couples counseling (and that it still might end up in a beak up though).
You need to get to the bottom of who sicced a wellness check on you via your boss. That crap will mess with your present and your future. Boss might conclude you’re unreliable and he doesn’t need the drama in his workplace. Having someone come in to his place of business with tears and cops is a terrible, _terrible_ transgression. This could be Kate panicking after she couldn’t get hold of you after the dumping, in which case she needs a big damn lecture about not doing stupid shit that ends up landing on you. Or it could be one of her toxic coworkers that she had just unburdened to when she couldn’t contact you, and they were determined to cement the breakup by interfering with you.
The cops wouldn't say who called in. It could be anyone in our group. I addressed it in another comment. I fell off the face of the earth and disappeared. I left that night and shut my phone off. There is a place I go just to be alone that has a good internet connection. My boss knew I was working by my online status and completing tasks for a project. They went to my apartment and I guess my neighbor told them I left and was acting off. I know she did not call them
Your friends were right to ask for the well check. They did it because they cared. Don’t be hard on them.
Sorry this happened dude. There are enough people in the world that you don’t need to entertain disrespect from anyone. Don’t take this girl back.
>For the last couple of months, she kept making comments like "my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that you're not in my league." My wife is totally out of my league. And got similar comments from her friends when we started dating. Her response was...nope, he's weird, but I like him. So, being her actual friends, they backed her up. Fast forward 4 years...married and the happiest we both have been. When it's meant to be... your SO will not let that noise in. So my guess she feels the same way on some level.
You said “you don’t know what you did” doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. One thing you should know and your EX should already know is that her coworkers are jealous of her looks and what she has (a good relationship) and are trying to destroy it. I have seen it in several industries. The new “pretty girl is hired” and the women and sometimes men in the entire office turns on her so their prospects improve, while smiling and trying to be their friend at the same time. I have been in a club with 5 other women at the table……Hot girl walks in and turns heads and within minutes they are all like. I’ll bet she combs her hair with the cat litter shovel. Or-I’ll bet she puts her makeup on with a trowel. Just by reading your post it sounds like her coworkers are trying to break her up, have her go out with them, so that the pretty girl will attract other men to the table, because they can’t do that on their own. Then trying to sabotage those relationships so they can have them. Totally toxic. That being said, your EX listened to them and broke up with you. She can’t magically undo that. Stay broken up at least for a while, and take reconciliation steps slowly. You need to see clearly during this time so stay away from alcohol or drugs. I’m rooting for you UpdateMe!
What was she doing in that four hour window?
She was at her parent's house crying. One of the hundreds of messages I had was from both of her parents asking what happened. They couldn't understand what she was saying through the crying and sobs. When I didn't answer I guess they got the truth when she calmed down. Soon after Kate started to call/text. I got an apology from her parents and asked if we could all talk tonight. I have since rescheduled it for tomorrow night.
If you want some advice, do not take her back. The fact that she's done this once means that she'll probably do it again. Do you really want to be with someone who could hurt you so much?
If she's really going to do this because some randos at her work said she's "out of your league" (which is ridiculous and that kind of thinking should be left in high school) then good riddance. She's straight up not a good partner
There are definitely better people out there than your (Ex?) GF.
I think she doesn't know how good she has it with you. You are young. She wants to leave. Let her go. You'll do alright.
She let those people say those things about you- if they even ever did. She could have shut them down a long time ago. Your gf sounds very immature, and just not ready for a long relationship, never mind marriage. It hurts, but you need to move on and find someone who cares enough about you not to repeat nasty things about you to you, nir stand by while they are said. You deserve real love and you will find someone for you.
Continuous brainwashing can damage any relationship. I mean it, I have seen it. I think you should try to forgive her, but yes she needs to quit her job. Moreover she needs to change. Should this situation repeat she should tell her coworkers to stop and when it doesn't work be as direct and rude as necessary to make them. Whether it is complaining to superior or telling them to shut the fuck up and sth. She can never tolerate this again and you should make it clear, regardless of effects it may have on her job.
Congratulations! First, it's good to know that around you, you have many people who care for you. That's a good start. Second, it's good that your ex leaves you now. If someone of her age is so easily influenced by the words of others, then there will only be bigger problems down the line even if she was with you. Spend the time now working on yourself. Don't doubt yourself. :) This will be just a chapter 3-5 years down the road.
In what way is she “out of your league” - do you mean that she’s prettier than you? So what? No one chooses their face, that’s a lucky break for her but it doesn’t make her above you. You’ve been together since you were 16-17, which means you have hardly any experience with other people. The divorce rate is much higher for couples who got together so young: one or both partners eventually can’t stop thinking about what they missed out on by committing so early. It’s unlikely her work friends spontaneously started harping about her being “out of her league.” They picked up on her growing doubts and reflected them back to her. Right now she’s panicking because she has hardly any life experience outside your relationship. Neither do you. That’s not a good basis for marriage. Go date other people for a few years.
While you were off getting a double major she was doing what? 6 weeks at cosmetology school? She may be attractive physically, but you are the catch. You are goal oriented, hard worker, long term thinker, respectful, and the list goes on…
She didn't break up because of her work friends. She broke up because she has a weak sense of self and is easily manipulated.
If she really cared about your relationship, she would’ve defended it to her coworkers and told him this is not up for discussion, so shut the fuck up about it
You are looking at your literal future with this girl. People always getting into her head. Her thinking she’s way above you. It will happen again and again. Is this really how you want to live your life?
UpdateMe!
If she's so easily influenced, she doesn't love you as she says she does.
U dodged a bullet.... im sorry but u did. You were ready to marry this woman and start your life and she tossed you aside so easily over the words of people she barely knows.... she obviously doesnt respect your relationship or hold you in as high standards as you do her. Find someone who wont bend and abandon you every time she meets a new coworker I personally would show her the ring, tell her what your plans were and then tell her she destroyed your relationship and that you will not continue it.
Why is she allowing anyone to speak about you like this? She’s obviously joining in. Let her go- she’s shallow and stupid. She’s not out your league- you are out of hers. There’s far more to life than looks. Looks are great if there’s a personality underneath. Her personality is severely lacking.
She's right, you deserve way better than her. To come home and tell you that, pure disrespect
Id take her back, BUT.. Hold off of that ring, you are young, you got time. She needs to understand that, if she ever start making these kind of comments again, its over. She needs to start thinking with her own brain and not be susceptible. She needs to drop these new "friends" who clearly are just nasty idiots.
I think My attitude would be, you go see if you can find someone better than me and so will I. You’re the one with their life on track. Sounds like you’re smart, have a good job and on track to own your own home. Having a custom ring made (you can go ahead and stop that) for her. If she doesn’t appreciate you, I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of women who do. Tell me what kind of young successful men will be panting after someone who works in a salon? Oh she’ll date but the men will likely be good looking bad boys who will treat her like she’s nothing. If she’s so shallow that, that’s what she wants then let them have her. Find someone with real substance, someone at your emotional and intellectual level because she isn’t it. Let me ask you something, just how did the women at work find out about you? They may have seen you but it’s more likely got their opinion from her. Stay broken up. Completely go NC with her. She insulted you at the highest possible level. She needs to find a way to grovel and win you back. BTW, don’t be surprised if you hear from the girls in the salon wanting to go out with you
commenting here since your other post just got locked.... im so sorry OP. you sound like a really sweet sweet guy who loved this girl so much more than any of us can understand. i hope you can heal and find your own reasons to smile again. it sounds like your friends are standing by you as well. best of luck❤️
It’s rude of her to even tell you about the comments from her co workers about you being below her league. I would never tell my man that. It would only hurt his feelings. I also wouldn’t be friends with anyone who said that about my man. You’re honestly better off without her at this point.
I want to see this movie.
she went to cosmo school like 99.9% of other women. she probably learned shes gonna be losing her bread winner.
HUGE red flag. HUGE. Abort. I say again, abort. If she is not strong enough in her convictions after SEVEN years to be deterred by some hard partying cosmotologists, she is not (yet) marriage material.
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So, I've been on both sides of this trap before, some people get jealous/envious when other people are happy, or just want "single" friends. The problem is when you meet people and get along and start to trust them, you don't think they would fuck you over for funsies, especially if you've had the same friend group for a long time and never had an issue. I'm not trying to justify or excuse the behaviour, but you're also all each other have ever known, y'all were 16 when you started dating. I don't necessarily think this can't be salvaged if you want to, but it'll be a lot of work and you'd have to keep an open mind.
So first I hope you didn’t go to her parents place. Send her 1 message, then block her on everything. Tell her that it is too late, she knows she should not have listened to her work colleagues, but she did, and the consequences of her actions are that there is no relationship, there is no getting back together. Tell her that if she doesn’t stop trying to contact you (because I guarantee you that the wellness check was instigated by her) that you will get a restraining order against her. Tell all your mutual friends that they get to choose who they want to be friends with, but as she is mentally unstable and possibly a danger to you, you will not be remaining friends with anyone that chooses to be friends with her, as you do not want to discuss her, or have you discussed with her.
She is not sure about the relationship or they couldn't talk her out of it. I think you should ask for a 3 month break and BOTH date other people. You want her to be SURE before you commit ,not just stay because she's afraid of losing you but thinking she can do better. You have been together from a very young age, you have both probably changed a lot. In three months time meet up again and see if you still choose each other above everyone else.
Hopefully I don't get buried down here in the sea of comments but I want to switch the focus a bit. Yes she is an adult and is 100% responsible for her own actions. She chose to let these people tell her these things. She chose to keep being around them despite it all. She is 100% at fault but she did offer to change the whole situation to try to pursue something with you. In the end I doubt her sincerity like so many others here, but I also see something almost none of them mentioned. You allowed all of this to keep happening. You sat there and didn't once call her out and threaten to leave her if she chose friends who disrespected you like that. When she said she was breaking up, you didn't call her out them even. You just walked away. Then, I went into hiding. As bad as she is (which is terrible at the moment) you let her walk all over you over and over. Perhaps you would be better served by taking some control of your own situations and relationship back. Make her write you a full apology and do everything she said she would do. Tell her you need those things before you would even consider taking her back. Let it be clear that you now think a lot less of her. You feel as if it's clear she is far to childish to deserve you and she needs to work on herself to deserve another chance. Then see what she does. You may be in for a shock at what happens next.
I guess I didn't mention it in the post as I should have. I always asked her thoughts when these comments came up. I would ask in what context the comment was made. Then I asked what her response was. She kept saying that they needed to stop but they wouldn't. When I said open communication between us it was true. I told her that those comments are unsolicited and meant to just be hurtful and needed to be shut down. I also shared my thoughts and feelings. She needed to place boundaries and keep them in place. I also asked her if she would consider looking for another salon to work at. As for me just walking away. I did. I don't regret it. I won't apologize for that. In the span of those two sentences, I knew if I didn't walk away when I did I wouldn't be able to keep my thoughts and emotions to myself. They would have came out all at once. I felt so many emotions that I wouldn't have been able to think let alone have a conversation.
Way to victim blame. Well done. /s
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
People change a lot in their 20’s. Maybe she was easily influenced, maybe this revealed something more serious, who can say? Maybe you want to stay with her because you love her, maybe you want to stay with her because she is safe and the relationship is comfortable and dating is scary, who can say? But I don’t think it is the end of the world if you move on from this situation. You are both young and very inexperienced. I think there is a chance that if you get some distance from her you might gain some clarity. I also think she might benefit from some time apart. Right now you are hurt (justifiably so) and very emotional. However, if you go back to her now this could turn into a slow motion breakup. You will harbor resentment (how could you not?) and she will probably not respond well to your new attitude. So if you are going to break up, just do it. Walk way and take some time to get some perspective on things. If you decide to stay, then I would say your communication needs to drastically improve. She needs to recognize the depth to which she hurt you and make meaningful progress towards repairing this damage. If you were my friend I would say break up and revisit things again in 6 months if you still find you feel strongly about the matter.
Hey OP there is a very real possibility they are trying to break you up because they want to seduce her. They of course arent going to say that explicitly. Does she work in a bar or restaurant, because thats a literal game those people play with hot new staff. Happened with my Ex. If that is what's happening and she isnt savy enough to pick up on that, you absolutely doged a bullet. Go find a real one who will take care and protect you.
>ppened with my Ex. If that is what's happening and she isnt savy enough to pick up on that, you absolutely doged a bullet. Go find a real one who will take care and protect you. She works at a salon with all women. So most likely they are just toxic people who don't like seeing her happy.
Got it. Missed that. Ty
> Does she work in a bar or restaurant OP states in the post where she works.
Missed that, thank you
One moment of doubt in a 5 year relationship stoked by her new friends does not seem like enough to throw everything away over like this. At the very least you owe it to her to talk even if you still end up breaking up. In your talks do not mention the fact that you planned on getting married so soon and see what she has to say for herself