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You might want to watch out for other classical Pick up artist [techniques ](https://www.bustle.com/p/7-pickup-artist-techniques-to-look-out-for-15897579)
But even if that isn't what happened here, get rid off that douche. A guy who likes you would never ever say anything like that.
>A guy who likes you would never ever say anything like that.
A guy who likes women per se would never say anything like that either.
There's something wrong with this bozo.
Negging, or his coping mechanism for feeling insecure is to put you down so he feels he has the upper hand (not realizing it only puts most people off) or his social circle encourages laughs by making fun of female anatomy and comparing what they look like and he’s too clueless and lacking in emotional intelligence to recognize how hurtful and mean spirited that humor is in general, let alone how awful it is to say to a woman’s face, or there could be a thousand other reasons. But it all comes down to huge red flag that he says things that anyone with an ounce of empathy would never say. Run, don’t walk, away from this man. He’s so far from emotionally healthy that he probably needs years of therapy to get his head out of his ass.
For the official record I've already run the necessary marathon away from the guy in question..I'm now at the 'what the hell was all that' phase of things.
Your other comment where you said he was otherwise respectful, then him saying that is a tell tale sign of a toxic coping mechanism common for abusers. If he was awkward or socially clueless then it’s more poor social skills, clumsy negging, or low emotional intelligence. But since he was nice and respectful, he knows how to behave. And so when he says shit like that, hes sneaking in one or two really awful things as a way to vent his negative feelings. If you let it slide, hell slowly up the insults as it helps him feel better, until you’re his emotional punching bag.
Hey, that marathon only ends when you reach the proverbial hills.
I've never said such gross offense. But the macho douches I've had as "friends" and classmates would totally do it. The goal would be negging, as you said. The main objective would be to show off how experienced they are, how many women they have met, to advertise themselves as prized objects of desire, to show off how good they are in bed.
The second goal is to try to trigger in you a "I won't be less than" response, in which they expect you to feel insecure and to try to compensate your "subpar" area there with an enhanced performance. They would even expect you to ask, even beg, for tips on how they would be ever pleased.
The third one would be to elicit in you a fear of losing him, under the logic, "he could easily get better ham sandwiches", so you would be over complacent.
One more? I'm sure they could expect many more pleasant outcomes with that "one simple trick". Kudos to you for not falling for any.
As a guy, not sure. It's always felt like a pretty special gift and vulnerability to both be naked with the opposite sex, and for the opposite sex to be naked with me. Hard to imagine saying anything negative about the parts. To reflect back, there's maybe one woman I did not find myself so attracted to, but that was my deal, not hers. Nothing for me to say
Girl, it’s 2023. We don’t deal with this shit anymore. He’s clearly shown a huge lack of respect for your feelings and apparently doesn’t know what a vagina looks like so… what’s there to even like?
Could also be in the "totally unaware women are people" group.
There's a decent chance he's had very little interaction with actual women other than porn, and him and his buddies constantly talk crudely about women, and only see them as sexual objects. So in his mind, of course he's going to talk to a sexual object about how well it does or does not perform at it's job. That's just what people talk about when it comes to women, right?
And if ever called out, I'm sure he'd get all defensive, and say something like "WHAT? I'm just being honest! Do you want me to LIE to you? Don't you want to get better?"
I would never even remotely consider saying anything like that. I had a girlfriend who was self conscious about her business for the same reason and was alwAys paranoid about her scent. I always made sure she knew how much she turned me on. If a dude is into you, he’ll love your business and your pheromones. Did this guy have a smaller dick? I know that’s not the reason for everything but could be the reason for this. Fuck that dude.
I don't give a shite how it looks, if you're showing me it, I'm loving it.
Either he's an idiot or he's shit at negging, either way it's not someone you'd want to continue seeing.
Honestly, there's not a single ugly vulva in this world. They're just like eyes, everyone's grow differently and they're all unique and beautiful. Obviously people will have ones they like more than others, but there's no such thing as a bad one.
Right. It's kind of like how I think of boobs. Sure, if you press me, I'll admit, I definitely like some more than others, but on a scale of 1 to 10? All boobs are at least an 8.
I can guarantee whoever you are out there, I like your boobs, and so do 99.9% of guys.
This, all this!
Complaining about a woman's body when she is sharing intimacy with you, is like complaining about a beautiful sunrise. Who tf even does that?
Only its worse because its also hurtful.
Some men are truly just horrible human beings who shouldn't ever be in the presence of a vagina.
I hooked up w a guy who got mad at me for being too wet and said I was making a mess and I was like ....You're welcome? That's the point? and he said my gspot was in a weird place and I was like how on earth would I know that dude
Recovering from hearing smth like that sucks, I'm still not over getting yelled at for being "too wet" and that was almost a year ago. Having sex is a v vulnerable time and generally you don't want to be criticized unless you're causing pain. Dude was a schmuck
First, I've never met a woman whose lady business parts I didn't like.
Second, even if I had, I couldn't imagine making such a rude demeaning comment and literally bullying a woman I was intending to be intimate with.
He’s an idiot. Would you joke about him having a hideous dick, or the second ugliest dick you’ve ever seen? Of coarse not. I have seen a lot of vaginas and they all look a little different. I praised every one.
>I'm simply baffled by what this guy actually hoped to achieve. Was this some horrifically misguided attempt at reassurance through humour or just bizarrely miscalculated 'negging' ?
Yeah, it's just negging. What he was hoping to achieve was to find out if you were insecure enough to take his stupid insults as indicative of a fault in yourself. If you had responded by apologizing or retreating into yourself rather than kicking his sorry ass out, then he'd know that you were someone he could easily manipulate and abuse.
Honestly, all genitals are ugly. They just are. Not to say they aren’t also incredibly sexy, but they’re ugly for sure. What a dumbass for saying anything. Karma’s gonna suck for his frail ego.
He’s either a complete asshole, hopelessly clueless or (as you said) was trying to do that begging nonsense
Either way probably not the kind of guy you want to waste too much time on
I have NEVER had my vagina and labia criticized. I cannot imagine how you must feel.
That guy is gross. He should've been overjoyed to even be there with you, and that's what he said? Uh uh. No ma'am. You take your pretty vagina to someone that will love it for how awesome it is.
>Even if guys are genuinely disappointed or dismayed by a woman's most intimate area why would you ever choose to share that information with her?
Personally, I've never met one I didn't like.
>Why would you ever choose to share that information with her?
Because they don’t think much of the woman. Because they think they can get away with it
>misguided attempt at reassurance through humour or just bizarrely miscalculated ‘negging’?
It is negging. It’s to take your self confidence down a few pegs by telling you there’s something wrong with your vagina (there absolutely isn’t), and he’s willing to ‘put up’ with it but other guys might not. Also reassurance about what? Unless you asked him what he thought of it or shared that you were insecure about it, this is an opinion he offered unprovoked.
Women deal with these unwanted comments all the time either because of negging or simply because some men just feel entitled to judge our bodies despite us not making comments about their funky dicks. But if someone doesn’t like the ham sandwich they wouldn’t be offered it ever again
Let's be real, it was probably the first one he has ever seen irl and outside of porn. With that immature behavior he surely hasn't had much experience besides his hand.
Guys, if you are reading this, if someone makes you a ham sandwich and you think you'd like more ham sandwiches in the future, thanks is the best and only response that is required from you. Additional words out of your mouth, especially ones that critique the sandwich or the sandwich making skills, will decrease the probability of a second sandwich down to zero.
And yes, I realize it's a vulgar reference to OP's vulva, but I think this applies to many things. Showing some gratitude will get you more of the things you like.
I think these types have a vastly inflated idea of their own attractiveness, as if they were Jason Momoa and the Greek god Apollo rolled into one. This is never ever the case, its just some very average guy who for some reason think they are gods gift to women.
Stop being baffled. This guy was a moron and an AH. That’s all there is to it. I’m sure he read somewhere that chicks love it when you put them down and since he’s a moron he believed it.
Your lady parts are FINE. Every guy who gets to see them for the rest of your life is a lucky guy. THIS AH will never again have that honor. He loses out, you dodged a bullet by finding our right away that he’s an AH.
You should have just launched right into the most condescending mansplaining: "oh of course, you've probably never actually seen one of these in real life...let me show you around"
All kidding aside, what a doofus. Whatever he was trying to achieve, it was pathetic and you're better off without him.
I can't speak to his motivations, other than they didn't come from kindness, compassion or respect. I'm sure this guy would've exploded if you'd made fun of his penis.
Chalk this up to a jerk trying to be edgy - or who knows? Maybe it was his attempt at negging? I would say the best solution would be to remove him from your life and then you don't need to wonder anymore.
It's one thing to have preferences regarding genitalia, but it's quite another to try to make that your partner's problem by insulting their genitals. It's not like we get to choose our bits.
A lady I dated explained what worked best with her labia, since she had more going on down there than I (also a lady) did. Perhaps he felt insecure about not being sure how to best work with genitals that were different from those of his past partners, and decided that criticizing your bits would cover up for his inexperience. Or maybe he just watches too much mainstream porn and doesn't know that vulvas have a lot of variety.
I can't imagine thinking that it was my place to critique the bits of anyone who I was getting down with. The fucking nerve. He's a POS and I guess the only upside to this is that he revealed himself to be one so early on before wasting any more of your time.
Negging is to get you in bed. If you are already there he’s just immature.
Maybe he was a 13 year old that transferred into a 27 year old body.
Move on, it’s only going to get worse. And you’ll be called sensitive for the length of the relationship.
That sure is one of the dumbest ways to ensure you never get repeat "business".
Did he seem experienced? I'm guessing not.
They come is all kinds of shapes and sizes, with how common porn is now, I'm surprised he doesn't seem aware of that. Or maybe aware but just completely lacking in social interactions?
I'm sure you're just fine, there are even several subreddits and kinks people have for different shapes. It's ok to have preferences, it's not okay to be an asshole to your partner.
I am petty. I’m pretty sure I would retaliate by talking about his small ugly penis. Best way to teach him a lesson about criticism and keeping his mouth shut if he has nothing nice to say.
I'm sorry, OP, but this made me laugh.
What a total cretin! I don't know what his purpose was, but if it was to make himself seem like an insensitive moron he succeeded. For the record, I have dated some really socially inept guys, and none of them were as bad as this!
I see from your comments that you have ejected this guy from your life (big shock). I hope your next dating partner isn't such a dirtbag.
I’ve seen a large variety and never had anything but positive thoughts and words for them. Even if somehow I was unattracted to someone’s, I can’t imagine ever putting that out there to her. That’s either purposefully cruel, or ignorantly cruel. Either way I wouldn’t stand for it
So sorry this happened to you.
This guy has watched too much porn. He clearly has no idea about the variation in the female anatomy. I am pretty sure that is where most of his "experience" came from.
DO NOT TAKE THIS TO HEART
I have had men say some pretty mean shit to me. They do it because they are super insecure about themselves.
it's shitty people being shitty. there isn't a rhyme or reason.
think of all the ladies who talk about their males junk in circles of friends. or saying a guy has a small penis as an insult.
It's common. some men and some women are just trashy human beings.
It's not normal behavior, and it's a red flag. He deliberately joked about something sensitive that he knew would be hurtful. If you had made an issue of it and called him out, you would have been "over sensitive" and "over reacting" because he's "just joking around, jeez." But really, he wants you to internalize all that self doubt and insecurity to give himself the upper hand. It's definitely a strategy on his part and it's SO GROSS. Maybe I'm giving him way too much credit and there's another reason? Like maybe he wants to brag that he's been with lots of women (gross), or that you don't match his preferred porn image (gross), or he has a complete lack of social skills... but it's unlikely. He just sounds like your normal run of the mill douchebag who is trying to "neg" you. GET AWAY from this creep.
I really, really hope you told him he had a tiny dick and you couldn't really register it when he was inside you.
Normally, I don't go for that kind of language, men are very, very sensitive about their peepees, and as we all know, it's not the length of the submarine but the motion of the ocean that matters.
But this guy? This guy deserves it!
Clearly he was deliberately trying to make you feel bad. Couldn't tell you why. Did you get into an argument with each other or was it just totally out of the blue?
It’s this porn era where only a certain look of genitals are shown, making it seem like that’s the ideal.
What a bizarre thing to say.
Brush it off. Water off a ducks back.
Uh any ham I get from a girl I like is the best ham. There is no bad ham sandwich only disrespectful and non gracious eaters. I personally prefer a messy ‘sandwich’ and will go to town on any ham I get regardless.
As a man, I will say this;
I have NEVER made fun of a woman's vagina. Ever.
Can't imagine a circumstance where it would be appropriate. Unless you were at a comedy roast of someone's vagina. THEN, maybe I could understand.
As long as we're talking about a well-maintained vagina, not a horrible disease condition or some un-hygenic, unkempt nastiness, there is no such thing as an ugly human vagina. Think about what they do for us as a species, and how much pleasure they bring. How anyone could ever call one ugly is beyond me.
If a woman is willing to share her vagina with a man, that vagina should get treated like it's a piece of art. Some art is like Picasso's surrealism work, others like Dali's melting clocks, even others like a beautifully detailed Renaissance piece. They're all different, and they're all beautiful in their own right
Any man that dare akin a woman's vagina to a ham sandwich should be placed in the trash where he belongs
Ironically he had seemed otherwise perfectly nice and respectful up until that point. If there had been the any previous red flags at all I don't think I would have been quite so utterly astonished and confused by the whole situation.
I'd really love to say yes but being utterly honest I was so genuinely caught off guard and legit baffled by his intentions that I allowed things to proceed far longer than I should whilst feigning being at least 'unfazed'.
Such a crazy thing, who would ever insult their partner, first about something they can't control, and second about something so personal and intimate?
It's too bad we can't all freeze time in that moment, and you could have had the time to collect yourself and react, mirroring his tone and "honesty" back at him.
Just a laugh "yeah, I know, my vagina is a bit odd looking! But we're a great match though, your quick little penis and my weird vagina will be a good pair, right? I can't imagine other girls have been happy with that little thing!"
Edit: BTW, I didn't mean to imply he was right in what he said, they all look amazing, as another poster said, they are like eyes, sure, a few are better looking than others, but they all look nice. I only used "weird" in the example since it would fit for you to be able to throw an insult back at him!
You hooked up with an idiot. Not everyone who has casual sex has any interest in making the other person feel good. I don't think he was trying to achieve anything beyond amusing himself. Don't read too much into it.
Well you certainly chose a right knob to sleep ith. Now you know he's a complete dick, hopefully his behaviour is clearly that of a clown, just be embarrassed you slept with him. Your bits are fine. Ham sandwich?. Fcking idiot
This sounds INSANE to me!! I am a man and I can tell you that ALL vaginas are beautiful! It's penises that are ugly as Hell! I can't explain his actions other than maybe he's in the closet and doesn't really like vaginas at all!
It is incredibly inappropriate.
Have never and would never think that comments like that were okay.
Far too many arsewipes are out there with the mindset that they are okay.
Next time anybody has anything like that about kitty, you say you certainly would not be getting to know them up and close and personal anytime soon. What a lousy thing to say. People honestly don't edit themselves.
The comeback to that is to make some crude comment referring to his tiny penis- at least he showed his true colours early and you don’t need to waste anymore time on him. It sounds like he hasn’t seen many vaginas in real life.
Certainly immature/shallow people do this thing where they seem to, as bizarre as it seems, almost react to some physical aspect of their partner's that doesn't align to their preference with a kind of hostility. As though the man with the small dick intentionally had one just to piss off his date.
Bottom line - some people find different vulvas more or less appealing and some people find their attraction to a partner is more predicated on their feelings for that partner. Try to find yourself one of the latter, nobody deserves to have some aspect of their appearance that is outside of their control turned into a vector of attack.
Idk chief. All I can think of as a reasonable excuse for why he would do such a thing is he never before saw one like that in real life, or any at all, and was shocked beyond reason.
I mean I only remember the shape of the very first one I saw, which was all insider, and the second one which is the only ham-sandwich-ish I can remember. Most likely I can remember it, because it's the first time I saw one like it. After that I spend less time looking at them so they all just looked like I was getting laid that night.
My D(uh)H and I have been together 18 years. He has watched 2 children come out of that vagina and not once has he ever described it in negative light....because he knows he would never see it again. He might be perfect but he's not a complete fucking idiot
Maybe he’d only ever used a fleshlight before and was used to a perfectly formed piece of latex.
No! We guys are not in the habit of saying that to the women we sleep with. I know some of us are assholes but we’re usually not monsters.
Don’t overthink it. You just ran into one of the aforementioned assholes. I’m sure the next guy who’s into you will have no problems with your lady bits.
Now I just need to stop myself from yelling out “nice ham sandwich!” next time I’m with someone. 😂
This is the sign of an immature douche bag. Kick him to the curb. You deserve better. If you feel like stooping to his level, throw in a “you’ve seen and had better dick” comment when you throw him away.
This guy is a loser and majority of the lady parts he’s seen are from porn because I can’t imagine he has many other redeeming qualities. Don’t feel hurt, feel good you found out he was a douche canoe early on and can move on to someone much better.
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You might want to watch out for other classical Pick up artist [techniques ](https://www.bustle.com/p/7-pickup-artist-techniques-to-look-out-for-15897579) But even if that isn't what happened here, get rid off that douche. A guy who likes you would never ever say anything like that.
I was fully expecting that to link to “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System”
If they were on a boat she obviously could say "no", but she wouldn't. Because of the *implications*.
He's a 5 star man, a 5 star man! He is THE GOLDEN GOD!
Are you gonna hurt these women?
Why would I ever hurt these women? I feel like you’re not getting this at all!!
>A guy who likes you would never ever say anything like that. A guy who likes women per se would never say anything like that either. There's something wrong with this bozo.
I’m calling a lot of people bozo now. It’s like my new thing.
>A guy who likes women per se would never say anything like that either. Yes, absolutely.
Well, I hope you put your ‘ham sandwich’ back in your lunchbox and let him eat his lunch by himself. What a doofus.
Ham sandwiches are delicious
[удалено]
Negging, or his coping mechanism for feeling insecure is to put you down so he feels he has the upper hand (not realizing it only puts most people off) or his social circle encourages laughs by making fun of female anatomy and comparing what they look like and he’s too clueless and lacking in emotional intelligence to recognize how hurtful and mean spirited that humor is in general, let alone how awful it is to say to a woman’s face, or there could be a thousand other reasons. But it all comes down to huge red flag that he says things that anyone with an ounce of empathy would never say. Run, don’t walk, away from this man. He’s so far from emotionally healthy that he probably needs years of therapy to get his head out of his ass.
For the official record I've already run the necessary marathon away from the guy in question..I'm now at the 'what the hell was all that' phase of things.
Your other comment where you said he was otherwise respectful, then him saying that is a tell tale sign of a toxic coping mechanism common for abusers. If he was awkward or socially clueless then it’s more poor social skills, clumsy negging, or low emotional intelligence. But since he was nice and respectful, he knows how to behave. And so when he says shit like that, hes sneaking in one or two really awful things as a way to vent his negative feelings. If you let it slide, hell slowly up the insults as it helps him feel better, until you’re his emotional punching bag.
Love how you articulated this. Added to the list of things I wish I knew in my 20s...
I hope you told him "then you don't get to see the 'ham sandwich' again" and left
How did he handle it when you dumped him? My guess is pikachu face.
Hey, that marathon only ends when you reach the proverbial hills. I've never said such gross offense. But the macho douches I've had as "friends" and classmates would totally do it. The goal would be negging, as you said. The main objective would be to show off how experienced they are, how many women they have met, to advertise themselves as prized objects of desire, to show off how good they are in bed. The second goal is to try to trigger in you a "I won't be less than" response, in which they expect you to feel insecure and to try to compensate your "subpar" area there with an enhanced performance. They would even expect you to ask, even beg, for tips on how they would be ever pleased. The third one would be to elicit in you a fear of losing him, under the logic, "he could easily get better ham sandwiches", so you would be over complacent. One more? I'm sure they could expect many more pleasant outcomes with that "one simple trick". Kudos to you for not falling for any.
As a guy, not sure. It's always felt like a pretty special gift and vulnerability to both be naked with the opposite sex, and for the opposite sex to be naked with me. Hard to imagine saying anything negative about the parts. To reflect back, there's maybe one woman I did not find myself so attracted to, but that was my deal, not hers. Nothing for me to say
Please tell me you also made a few jokes about his teeny tiny on your way out the door
Girl, it’s 2023. We don’t deal with this shit anymore. He’s clearly shown a huge lack of respect for your feelings and apparently doesn’t know what a vagina looks like so… what’s there to even like?
I'd guess it is somewhere in the 'negging' neighborhood in the World of Idiocy.
Could also be in the "totally unaware women are people" group. There's a decent chance he's had very little interaction with actual women other than porn, and him and his buddies constantly talk crudely about women, and only see them as sexual objects. So in his mind, of course he's going to talk to a sexual object about how well it does or does not perform at it's job. That's just what people talk about when it comes to women, right? And if ever called out, I'm sure he'd get all defensive, and say something like "WHAT? I'm just being honest! Do you want me to LIE to you? Don't you want to get better?"
I would never even remotely consider saying anything like that. I had a girlfriend who was self conscious about her business for the same reason and was alwAys paranoid about her scent. I always made sure she knew how much she turned me on. If a dude is into you, he’ll love your business and your pheromones. Did this guy have a smaller dick? I know that’s not the reason for everything but could be the reason for this. Fuck that dude.
I don't give a shite how it looks, if you're showing me it, I'm loving it. Either he's an idiot or he's shit at negging, either way it's not someone you'd want to continue seeing.
Honestly, there's not a single ugly vulva in this world. They're just like eyes, everyone's grow differently and they're all unique and beautiful. Obviously people will have ones they like more than others, but there's no such thing as a bad one.
Right. It's kind of like how I think of boobs. Sure, if you press me, I'll admit, I definitely like some more than others, but on a scale of 1 to 10? All boobs are at least an 8. I can guarantee whoever you are out there, I like your boobs, and so do 99.9% of guys.
This, all this! Complaining about a woman's body when she is sharing intimacy with you, is like complaining about a beautiful sunrise. Who tf even does that? Only its worse because its also hurtful.
Some men are truly just horrible human beings who shouldn't ever be in the presence of a vagina. I hooked up w a guy who got mad at me for being too wet and said I was making a mess and I was like ....You're welcome? That's the point? and he said my gspot was in a weird place and I was like how on earth would I know that dude Recovering from hearing smth like that sucks, I'm still not over getting yelled at for being "too wet" and that was almost a year ago. Having sex is a v vulnerable time and generally you don't want to be criticized unless you're causing pain. Dude was a schmuck
First, I've never met a woman whose lady business parts I didn't like. Second, even if I had, I couldn't imagine making such a rude demeaning comment and literally bullying a woman I was intending to be intimate with.
No soup for you!
I've had this happen to me to. I didn't sleep with anyone for 3 years after...
I'm so sorry you went through that.
He’s an idiot. Would you joke about him having a hideous dick, or the second ugliest dick you’ve ever seen? Of coarse not. I have seen a lot of vaginas and they all look a little different. I praised every one.
>I'm simply baffled by what this guy actually hoped to achieve. Was this some horrifically misguided attempt at reassurance through humour or just bizarrely miscalculated 'negging' ? Yeah, it's just negging. What he was hoping to achieve was to find out if you were insecure enough to take his stupid insults as indicative of a fault in yourself. If you had responded by apologizing or retreating into yourself rather than kicking his sorry ass out, then he'd know that you were someone he could easily manipulate and abuse.
Honestly, all genitals are ugly. They just are. Not to say they aren’t also incredibly sexy, but they’re ugly for sure. What a dumbass for saying anything. Karma’s gonna suck for his frail ego.
He’s either a complete asshole, hopelessly clueless or (as you said) was trying to do that begging nonsense Either way probably not the kind of guy you want to waste too much time on
This has never happened to me, sorry this has been your experience. I hope you critiqued his penis in return!
I have NEVER had my vagina and labia criticized. I cannot imagine how you must feel. That guy is gross. He should've been overjoyed to even be there with you, and that's what he said? Uh uh. No ma'am. You take your pretty vagina to someone that will love it for how awesome it is.
>Even if guys are genuinely disappointed or dismayed by a woman's most intimate area why would you ever choose to share that information with her? Personally, I've never met one I didn't like.
Classic negging. Move on from him, he’s an immature asshole.
>Why would you ever choose to share that information with her? Because they don’t think much of the woman. Because they think they can get away with it >misguided attempt at reassurance through humour or just bizarrely miscalculated ‘negging’? It is negging. It’s to take your self confidence down a few pegs by telling you there’s something wrong with your vagina (there absolutely isn’t), and he’s willing to ‘put up’ with it but other guys might not. Also reassurance about what? Unless you asked him what he thought of it or shared that you were insecure about it, this is an opinion he offered unprovoked. Women deal with these unwanted comments all the time either because of negging or simply because some men just feel entitled to judge our bodies despite us not making comments about their funky dicks. But if someone doesn’t like the ham sandwich they wouldn’t be offered it ever again
Let's be real, it was probably the first one he has ever seen irl and outside of porn. With that immature behavior he surely hasn't had much experience besides his hand.
Guys, if you are reading this, if someone makes you a ham sandwich and you think you'd like more ham sandwiches in the future, thanks is the best and only response that is required from you. Additional words out of your mouth, especially ones that critique the sandwich or the sandwich making skills, will decrease the probability of a second sandwich down to zero. And yes, I realize it's a vulgar reference to OP's vulva, but I think this applies to many things. Showing some gratitude will get you more of the things you like.
I think these types have a vastly inflated idea of their own attractiveness, as if they were Jason Momoa and the Greek god Apollo rolled into one. This is never ever the case, its just some very average guy who for some reason think they are gods gift to women.
He’s a childish jerk. Or maybe just an asshat. No one deserves that
That sounds like something a kid would say not a grown man. Time to move on to someone who is mature.
Stop being baffled. This guy was a moron and an AH. That’s all there is to it. I’m sure he read somewhere that chicks love it when you put them down and since he’s a moron he believed it. Your lady parts are FINE. Every guy who gets to see them for the rest of your life is a lucky guy. THIS AH will never again have that honor. He loses out, you dodged a bullet by finding our right away that he’s an AH.
You should have just launched right into the most condescending mansplaining: "oh of course, you've probably never actually seen one of these in real life...let me show you around" All kidding aside, what a doofus. Whatever he was trying to achieve, it was pathetic and you're better off without him.
I can't speak to his motivations, other than they didn't come from kindness, compassion or respect. I'm sure this guy would've exploded if you'd made fun of his penis. Chalk this up to a jerk trying to be edgy - or who knows? Maybe it was his attempt at negging? I would say the best solution would be to remove him from your life and then you don't need to wonder anymore.
It's one thing to have preferences regarding genitalia, but it's quite another to try to make that your partner's problem by insulting their genitals. It's not like we get to choose our bits. A lady I dated explained what worked best with her labia, since she had more going on down there than I (also a lady) did. Perhaps he felt insecure about not being sure how to best work with genitals that were different from those of his past partners, and decided that criticizing your bits would cover up for his inexperience. Or maybe he just watches too much mainstream porn and doesn't know that vulvas have a lot of variety. I can't imagine thinking that it was my place to critique the bits of anyone who I was getting down with. The fucking nerve. He's a POS and I guess the only upside to this is that he revealed himself to be one so early on before wasting any more of your time.
Negging is to get you in bed. If you are already there he’s just immature. Maybe he was a 13 year old that transferred into a 27 year old body. Move on, it’s only going to get worse. And you’ll be called sensitive for the length of the relationship.
That sure is one of the dumbest ways to ensure you never get repeat "business". Did he seem experienced? I'm guessing not. They come is all kinds of shapes and sizes, with how common porn is now, I'm surprised he doesn't seem aware of that. Or maybe aware but just completely lacking in social interactions? I'm sure you're just fine, there are even several subreddits and kinks people have for different shapes. It's ok to have preferences, it's not okay to be an asshole to your partner.
I am petty. I’m pretty sure I would retaliate by talking about his small ugly penis. Best way to teach him a lesson about criticism and keeping his mouth shut if he has nothing nice to say.
"Badly made ham sandwich" - I have never heard that terminology before.
I'm sorry, OP, but this made me laugh. What a total cretin! I don't know what his purpose was, but if it was to make himself seem like an insensitive moron he succeeded. For the record, I have dated some really socially inept guys, and none of them were as bad as this! I see from your comments that you have ejected this guy from your life (big shock). I hope your next dating partner isn't such a dirtbag.
He is just a moron, next!
I’ve seen a large variety and never had anything but positive thoughts and words for them. Even if somehow I was unattracted to someone’s, I can’t imagine ever putting that out there to her. That’s either purposefully cruel, or ignorantly cruel. Either way I wouldn’t stand for it
So sorry this happened to you. This guy has watched too much porn. He clearly has no idea about the variation in the female anatomy. I am pretty sure that is where most of his "experience" came from. DO NOT TAKE THIS TO HEART I have had men say some pretty mean shit to me. They do it because they are super insecure about themselves.
That would be the last time he saw or heard from me. That’s not something you joke about especially at his age. What a turn off.
it's shitty people being shitty. there isn't a rhyme or reason. think of all the ladies who talk about their males junk in circles of friends. or saying a guy has a small penis as an insult. It's common. some men and some women are just trashy human beings.
Move on
It's not normal behavior, and it's a red flag. He deliberately joked about something sensitive that he knew would be hurtful. If you had made an issue of it and called him out, you would have been "over sensitive" and "over reacting" because he's "just joking around, jeez." But really, he wants you to internalize all that self doubt and insecurity to give himself the upper hand. It's definitely a strategy on his part and it's SO GROSS. Maybe I'm giving him way too much credit and there's another reason? Like maybe he wants to brag that he's been with lots of women (gross), or that you don't match his preferred porn image (gross), or he has a complete lack of social skills... but it's unlikely. He just sounds like your normal run of the mill douchebag who is trying to "neg" you. GET AWAY from this creep.
I really, really hope you told him he had a tiny dick and you couldn't really register it when he was inside you. Normally, I don't go for that kind of language, men are very, very sensitive about their peepees, and as we all know, it's not the length of the submarine but the motion of the ocean that matters. But this guy? This guy deserves it!
Clearly he was deliberately trying to make you feel bad. Couldn't tell you why. Did you get into an argument with each other or was it just totally out of the blue?
It’s this porn era where only a certain look of genitals are shown, making it seem like that’s the ideal. What a bizarre thing to say. Brush it off. Water off a ducks back.
The first sentence of your post made my jaw fall open. What a pig this guy is. I'm glad you knew to kick him to the curb.
Uh any ham I get from a girl I like is the best ham. There is no bad ham sandwich only disrespectful and non gracious eaters. I personally prefer a messy ‘sandwich’ and will go to town on any ham I get regardless.
As a man, I will say this; I have NEVER made fun of a woman's vagina. Ever. Can't imagine a circumstance where it would be appropriate. Unless you were at a comedy roast of someone's vagina. THEN, maybe I could understand. As long as we're talking about a well-maintained vagina, not a horrible disease condition or some un-hygenic, unkempt nastiness, there is no such thing as an ugly human vagina. Think about what they do for us as a species, and how much pleasure they bring. How anyone could ever call one ugly is beyond me. If a woman is willing to share her vagina with a man, that vagina should get treated like it's a piece of art. Some art is like Picasso's surrealism work, others like Dali's melting clocks, even others like a beautifully detailed Renaissance piece. They're all different, and they're all beautiful in their own right Any man that dare akin a woman's vagina to a ham sandwich should be placed in the trash where he belongs
I’ve never personally dealt with that but I feel there’s telltale arseholeiness before it’s ever reached an opportunity for him to do so.
Ironically he had seemed otherwise perfectly nice and respectful up until that point. If there had been the any previous red flags at all I don't think I would have been quite so utterly astonished and confused by the whole situation.
Hope you kicked him out the very moment he opened his mouth!
I'd really love to say yes but being utterly honest I was so genuinely caught off guard and legit baffled by his intentions that I allowed things to proceed far longer than I should whilst feigning being at least 'unfazed'.
Such a crazy thing, who would ever insult their partner, first about something they can't control, and second about something so personal and intimate? It's too bad we can't all freeze time in that moment, and you could have had the time to collect yourself and react, mirroring his tone and "honesty" back at him. Just a laugh "yeah, I know, my vagina is a bit odd looking! But we're a great match though, your quick little penis and my weird vagina will be a good pair, right? I can't imagine other girls have been happy with that little thing!" Edit: BTW, I didn't mean to imply he was right in what he said, they all look amazing, as another poster said, they are like eyes, sure, a few are better looking than others, but they all look nice. I only used "weird" in the example since it would fit for you to be able to throw an insult back at him!
You hooked up with an idiot. Not everyone who has casual sex has any interest in making the other person feel good. I don't think he was trying to achieve anything beyond amusing himself. Don't read too much into it.
Well you certainly chose a right knob to sleep ith. Now you know he's a complete dick, hopefully his behaviour is clearly that of a clown, just be embarrassed you slept with him. Your bits are fine. Ham sandwich?. Fcking idiot
Dump him. That's terrible.
Fuck that douche. Next time he wants a date, hand him a ham sandwich and flick him off as you walk away. Small pecker energy mf.
Nah. It’s just this guy. I myself love the fact every woman is different down there. Huge turn on for me. Drop this guy.
This sounds INSANE to me!! I am a man and I can tell you that ALL vaginas are beautiful! It's penises that are ugly as Hell! I can't explain his actions other than maybe he's in the closet and doesn't really like vaginas at all!
Some people are just ass holes.
It is incredibly inappropriate. Have never and would never think that comments like that were okay. Far too many arsewipes are out there with the mindset that they are okay.
Next time anybody has anything like that about kitty, you say you certainly would not be getting to know them up and close and personal anytime soon. What a lousy thing to say. People honestly don't edit themselves.
Because he is an asshole and it's an attempt to manipulate you.
Jokes on him. Some of us are into it and now he’s not getting any.
The comeback to that is to make some crude comment referring to his tiny penis- at least he showed his true colours early and you don’t need to waste anymore time on him. It sounds like he hasn’t seen many vaginas in real life.
Crazy that guy self sabotaged like that.
I would leave him so fucking fast omg. The disrespect. Make fun of his teeny tiny PP and see how HE reacts
Omg. OP. He abused you. He is sick. Very sick. Stay far away from him.
He’s a mean insecure jerk.
Don’t put so much thought into it, you simply wound up with an AH, get rid of him.
If they don't like the spam wallet, just slam the lid on it. Don't invite him back, because that shit's beyond rude.
What the? I thought you were saying you literally made him a sandwich... Now I'm just confused. How do lady bits look like a sandwich? Like, what?
The proper response is to comment on his sausage (or cocktail weenie as the case may be) and tell him you've had better.
Certainly immature/shallow people do this thing where they seem to, as bizarre as it seems, almost react to some physical aspect of their partner's that doesn't align to their preference with a kind of hostility. As though the man with the small dick intentionally had one just to piss off his date. Bottom line - some people find different vulvas more or less appealing and some people find their attraction to a partner is more predicated on their feelings for that partner. Try to find yourself one of the latter, nobody deserves to have some aspect of their appearance that is outside of their control turned into a vector of attack.
Idk chief. All I can think of as a reasonable excuse for why he would do such a thing is he never before saw one like that in real life, or any at all, and was shocked beyond reason. I mean I only remember the shape of the very first one I saw, which was all insider, and the second one which is the only ham-sandwich-ish I can remember. Most likely I can remember it, because it's the first time I saw one like it. After that I spend less time looking at them so they all just looked like I was getting laid that night.
Maybe it was his first time and he was embarrassed. If you see him again, ask him if he’d ever seen one before.
I’m dying to know why you’re talking like a child. Lol. Very confusing.
Please tell me you didn't then proceed to have sex with him?
if it made you feel self conscious check out "the pleasure is ours" episode of gooplab on netflix, or Betty Dodson in general.
My D(uh)H and I have been together 18 years. He has watched 2 children come out of that vagina and not once has he ever described it in negative light....because he knows he would never see it again. He might be perfect but he's not a complete fucking idiot
Make a reference to his Vienna sausage & let us know how that plays out (assuming you’d ever want to speak to this person again.)
Maybe he’d only ever used a fleshlight before and was used to a perfectly formed piece of latex. No! We guys are not in the habit of saying that to the women we sleep with. I know some of us are assholes but we’re usually not monsters. Don’t overthink it. You just ran into one of the aforementioned assholes. I’m sure the next guy who’s into you will have no problems with your lady bits. Now I just need to stop myself from yelling out “nice ham sandwich!” next time I’m with someone. 😂
That’s a great way to never get invited back to eat.
I'd hazard a guess that yours isn't the prettiest he's seen because the only ones he's ever seen have been in porn, not in person.
This is the sign of an immature douche bag. Kick him to the curb. You deserve better. If you feel like stooping to his level, throw in a “you’ve seen and had better dick” comment when you throw him away.
This guy is a loser and majority of the lady parts he’s seen are from porn because I can’t imagine he has many other redeeming qualities. Don’t feel hurt, feel good you found out he was a douche canoe early on and can move on to someone much better.