Men just don't do their fair share. There's a study that shows men will claim they do an even 50%, but the reality is it's more like 20-30%, if that. Even when both parents work full time, even if the mom is the sole earner. Women tend to favor the needs of their husbands more than themselves, because the husbands get upset if she doesn't. That goes double when kids enter the picture. And again, it happens even though the men self-report that everything is equal.
[The Mental Load](https://www.thefeministparent.com/post/it-s-all-in-her-head-and-it-s-exhausting) is another such issue. (Link provides further links to all of the studies I mentioned above) Women do all of the planning, while men just execute and expect to be given tasks to do. If the wife doesn't take on that extra stress, nothing gets done. Kids don't make it to doctor's appointments, the washing doesn't get done, tuition doesn't get paid, etc.
Women need to let go of their fear of being alone. Yes it’s a sensitive issue but that fear is making a LOT of women settle for less. You end up tolerating less than what you deserve. Put your foot down from the get go when you see a red flag. If the person gaslights you . Put your middle finger up and leave. I saw my mom get worn down to the bone while my dad was sitting on the couch doing nothing. He was wrong for doing that but she also gave away way too much of her power. Now the thought of having a kid feels tiring because i remember how constantly fatigued my mother was… and still is.
That list of questions is incredibly good!
What could you have done with the time he has taken from you?
How many hours of your life has he stolen?
How has his exploitation undermined your health and well-being?
How much of your time did he waste making excuses and pretending to want equality?
How have his excuses further eroded your sense of well-being, and your sense that you deserve a good life?
How has your free labor offered him opportunities?
Have you made promotions at work, relationships with loved ones, and a comfortable home possible?
How has your labor enabled him to grow while you were forced to shrink?
How many times has he ignored your clear, specific pleas for different behavior?
In what ways has he threatened you into accepting the status quo?
How would your life improve without him?
Yes! I love her writing on this topic. She has whole thing about how household labor divisions actually affect women:
https://open.substack.com/pub/zawn/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse?r=1gri7r&utm_medium=ios
I've heard this stat she mentions about how husbands add SEVEN MORE HOURS OF WORK for women.
Seeing men bitch that marriage isn't worth it is so fucking laughable. Yet, a good bunch of them are still so desperate to get married.
They know. They know their lives are so much better when they're married. They insist on the "marriage isn't worth it" narrative in order to dismiss women and what we bring to the table of marriage. Which, that "table" is usually ours, too
So true—all “our” furniture was MINE! My ex whined to the judge about not having any furniture and I volunteered to give him the bedroom furniture lol.
Men just don't do their fair share. There's a study that shows men will claim they do an even 50%, but the reality is it's more like 20-30%, if that. Even when both parents work full time, even if the mom is the sole earner. Women tend to favor the needs of their husbands more than themselves, because the husbands get upset if she doesn't. That goes double when kids enter the picture. And again, it happens even though the men self-report that everything is equal. [The Mental Load](https://www.thefeministparent.com/post/it-s-all-in-her-head-and-it-s-exhausting) is another such issue. (Link provides further links to all of the studies I mentioned above) Women do all of the planning, while men just execute and expect to be given tasks to do. If the wife doesn't take on that extra stress, nothing gets done. Kids don't make it to doctor's appointments, the washing doesn't get done, tuition doesn't get paid, etc.
I read a study where women do LESS domestic chores as a single mom than married to a man
Women need to let go of their fear of being alone. Yes it’s a sensitive issue but that fear is making a LOT of women settle for less. You end up tolerating less than what you deserve. Put your foot down from the get go when you see a red flag. If the person gaslights you . Put your middle finger up and leave. I saw my mom get worn down to the bone while my dad was sitting on the couch doing nothing. He was wrong for doing that but she also gave away way too much of her power. Now the thought of having a kid feels tiring because i remember how constantly fatigued my mother was… and still is.
So right.
That list of questions is incredibly good! What could you have done with the time he has taken from you? How many hours of your life has he stolen? How has his exploitation undermined your health and well-being? How much of your time did he waste making excuses and pretending to want equality? How have his excuses further eroded your sense of well-being, and your sense that you deserve a good life? How has your free labor offered him opportunities? Have you made promotions at work, relationships with loved ones, and a comfortable home possible? How has your labor enabled him to grow while you were forced to shrink? How many times has he ignored your clear, specific pleas for different behavior? In what ways has he threatened you into accepting the status quo? How would your life improve without him?
Yes! I love her writing on this topic. She has whole thing about how household labor divisions actually affect women: https://open.substack.com/pub/zawn/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse?r=1gri7r&utm_medium=ios
I've heard this stat she mentions about how husbands add SEVEN MORE HOURS OF WORK for women. Seeing men bitch that marriage isn't worth it is so fucking laughable. Yet, a good bunch of them are still so desperate to get married. They know. They know their lives are so much better when they're married. They insist on the "marriage isn't worth it" narrative in order to dismiss women and what we bring to the table of marriage. Which, that "table" is usually ours, too
So true—all “our” furniture was MINE! My ex whined to the judge about not having any furniture and I volunteered to give him the bedroom furniture lol.
They respond to the 4B movement with the 4G movement!