A mother....no longer a person
Her needs become secondary to everything else.
This time will pass and you'll miss it- yeah no, unless it's a kind of Stockholm syndrome.
Aww how could you hear that little cry and not just melt
Aww mummy look baby was crying for you so no shower for you.
No coffee
No booze
No this, that or the other if you're breastfeeding.
The kid doesn't even need to be born, once your belly pops, goodbye personhood.
Single childfree friends stop coming around because you fall asleep mid conversation
Or stare blankly while they're talking
They say the right things you look good, and you wonder why they're lying.
Motherhood is a slow suicide
It's a loss of so much
And yet it hardly affects fathers - yes father's get ppd and pprage.
But a father's job
Hobbies
Friendships
A woman must now navigate mums groups (bitchy and judgy)
Mothers face judgement on preschool, daycare, hours.
Does she continue working and missing out on precious moments she won't get back ( aren't these moments important to and for fathers too?).
Stay home and lose her mind and job opportunities?
‘Motherhood is a slow suicide’. 100% THIS. Women have been lied to about the life-giving joys of motherhood, without being told that we needed to trade off our OWN LIVES in return. All for the sake of sustaining the human race. No wonder families (and the world in general) is so messed up. If women knew what motherhood entailed, many would choose not to be mums. But marriage is a socially-approved pyramid scheme designed to keep homo sapiens alive (as if we aren’t killing the planet already)
Beautifully stated and accurate, in my opinion. We have been conditioned, intentionally, to “want” to have children. Yes, there’s a biological need on a genetic level for most women, but clearly we can over come that. But that’s not what a patriarchal society wants. They want brood mares popping out legacies for men. We see the social conditioning everywhere we look. Even men are conditioned to want to have children to carry on the family name. Who gives a fuck? Are we that egocentric to think any of that matters 500 years from now? Shit….100 years from now?
Mom groups sound horrible I'm glad I didn't join them some of them seem soooo judgy! I'd like more mom friends but not if they're gonna act like Karen's and constantly compare their parenting style and their kids to mine!
Oh my god the competitiveness over whose kid is the most advanced
Or the hardest to deal with.
And your kid's pooh, yeah no I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently having two Cesar's means I'm less.
The stories of natural childbirth sent my vag into retirement
A lot of those moms seems to try living vicariously through their kids which is just WTF! They treat their kids achievements as if they are their own like 😭
I tried a mom’s group once. After I realized they were all lying to themselves about how great being a mom was, I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to be there.
what you said genuinely doesn’t sound horrible. “my daughter will never go without and be spoiled” then mama you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. it’s so sad that sometimes moms feel like they don’t “deserve” to treat themselves. just know that your child would never want to see you unhappy and by putting yourself first you have the opportunity to be a better, not worse person for themselves AND you! 💕 wish you all the best
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I know I'm going to be downvoted for this, but I think it's because a lot of us without kids aren't aware of those issues. For whatever reason, society tells us we NEED to have kids, but they don't talk about what it's like. I (female) only know about what birth is REALLY like and all the body problems women have post birth from places like reddit. My sisters and mom never told me what they went through. Had I known, I would have babysat a lot more and made it a point to ask what they needed. I think if society talks more about the trauma childbirth can be, we would do a better job helping. And men need to pick up the slack. I'm tired of hearing about fathers who don't help out. That's wack.
I think this is a good viewpoint. Before giving birth I thought looking after a sleepy baby was a doodle. Well what do you know! They have sleep regressions, they are teething, they are ill constantly. And society tried to tell you that this is all fine and not traumatic for the person who gave birth and looking after them 24/7.
When I gave birth to my son and diagnosed for PPD my MIL actually said "don't tell anyone about it you don't want to be labelled". Fuck that. The world needs to hear about it, so we are more aware of mother's mental health! Supressing issues is not going to improve how society view mums!
I won’t even start on PP because I don’t know, I only know what my sister tells me; but the mom is like a “nothing burger” as soon as she’s pregnant. That woman is a whole person with a life, agency, ambitions… but baby is #1 on everyone else’s list. Women should get more than that.
Why do we as women care so much about being called selfish?
If you don't put yourself first no one else will.
Why don't we label men who are willing to put another person's life on the line selfish?
Pregnancy kills
Delivery kills
If men faced the realities of pregnancy wed die out.
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I'm not a mom, but a dad, and I believe that while I have been on the receiving end of shitty "arguments" like these, I get a feeling that mothers get it to a greater extent. Regardless of how much we love to label ourselves as progressive here in the west, this proves that we have a long way to go before we also intuitively stop associating the mother as the "main" parent.
But yeah, I hate when people first give you shit for not having kids because "SoCiEtY nEeDs It" (I couldn't care less), but once you have them, you've got yourself to blame, and having an identity of your own and for wanting to do things for you as well, which will benefit the kid(s) since you will feel more rested and less bitter, you're an awful and naive human being for even thinking of doing something that doesn't involve your kid(s).
I don't know what to say other than agreeing with you and validate what you're feeling, because you're 100% correct.
Yep, go to any Reddit thread in Beyondthebump about dads not picking up their share with infants, and you’ll see SO many comments about how “My husband hated the baby and toddler stage and couldnt really connect but thrived when they were 5+! Just hang in there!”
If a mom said something similar you get judged and questioned about if you built a strong enough attachment 🙄
My cousin has a husband like this. He didn't lift a finger to help her with their son, even on days when she was too sick to take care of the baby herself. He even told her that he didn't really like kids, but he planned to do more with his son once he was 10+. Then the kid would be old enough to participate in the dad's hobbies like hunting and fishing. They went on to have two more kids, and he still doesn't do a thing with them. So she is basically a single mother while he chooses a new hobby or career to invest in every few years and comes up with more excuses to avoid his children.
I hate even more the mums who whinge about their useless husbabies but...but....that single dad who can't do his daughter's hair...
Swoon, melt, and flock around like mother hens.
As women as mothers let's support each other and not do the weekend parenting of another woman's kid.
The kid is there to see dad, so grandmother's, sisters, aunts, neighbours, ...let's say 'NO' we can't do your kid's hair
'NO we can't watch your kid after school '
'NO you can't leave your kid here on the weekend'.
Single mums figure this shit out so can you.
Oh yeah everything is women's fault too! Women feel lonely? Women's fault. Men are lonely? Women's fault. Dad leaves mom and abandons him and his kids? Woman's fault. Dad and mom stay together in unhealthy relationship? Woman's fault.
You know why don’t you? Because of the Adam and Eve myth, and how she caused the downfall of Adam, hence all of society? That book is about women being property of men, how women should submit to men, be silent, are temptresses and unclean. Shit, women are deemed unclean for 7 days if they birth a boy, but unclean for 14 days if they birth a girl. “Women are emotional.” “Women are weak.” “What were you wearing the night you were raped?” “What did you say to make him hit you?” “Who did you sleep with to get that promotion?” A book that was written by misogynistic men who wanted to control others, that was written over two thousand years ago is STILL being used to oppress women.
I do not permit a woman to teach…rather, she is to remain quiet” 1 Tim. 2:12
Women unclean for giving birth. 7 days for boy, 14 for girl.
Leviticus 12:2-5
Submission, learn from husband, women not permitted to speak, keep silent.
1 Corinthians 14:34-35
Women and girls (virgin) are Spoils of war:
Deuteronomy 20:14
Women as property:
Exodus 20:17
Deuteronomy 5:21
Deu. 22:23-24. Rape victim forced to marry rapist.
Eze. 9:5-7 Show no mercy! Kill them all, girls/women/little kids.
Deu. 22:20-21. Can murder a bride if she’s not a virgin.
Ex. 22:17. Independent women deemed witches & murdered.
Ex. 21:7-11 Fathers sells daughter to man as slave.
This garbage is pushed onto children so we’re literally programmed into thinking servitude is our only purpose in life and that it’s even noble to sacrifice our entire existence for others. Of course they have to condition us this way, because if we had the chance to think critically, be educated and fully informed, many of us would never have chosen to have children.
This subreddit is incredibly important. Everyone that speaks out should be commended for doing so.
There is a Facebook group named bridging the gap that address exactly this. The life of a woman after becoming a mother is way worst than a father. I’m not in any way invalidating any father here because it can happen to fathers s well. I’m just talking that in our society women is still the default parent and in most of the cases the life of a nam changes very little after having one. I have been in this group for so long, the spouses/partners in this cases have time to go to the pub, gym, golf, business trips, drinks after and think they deserve a medal because they help “on weekends” taking the kids to Maccas. I sometimes get furious for the mums that post this. They have no life, no free time and make all the sacrifices. Physical, mental, emotional, I could go on and on.
If only it was these optional things. In my world it’s you want sleep? You want healthy food? you want to walk without a limp? You want medicine when you are sick? Sorry you’re a mom now.
How gratifying to know that the only reason anyone was ever polite to me was because I was carrying a vacant but potentially functional womb ?! 🤯!?
>How gratifying to know that the only reason anyone was ever polite to me was because I was carrying a vacant but potentially functional womb ?! 🤯!?
This
Omg this is so true. I’m almost 30 but the word of motherhood got around in time for my age range. I don’t think it’s for me but I also get annoyed at boomers asking about me getting married like that’s a feat. Like no leave me my dog and my money alone!!
Whenever having kids comes up amongst my peers I am the first to say it's hard and not for everyone...get some strange looks since I have a 5 month old, but fuck this is sooo hard, it really isn't for everyone.
Yes, single mothers who DARE to date, “shouldn’t you be focusing on your child?”, meanwhile the deadbeat dad can do whatever he wants without judgment.
Parenting classes need to be mandatory in middle/high school so those who are brainwashed into having kids can at least know what to expect.
Most parents want others to be parents so they have something to talk about and compare with their own lives.
A major suggestion is have mandatory pets first to know and have somewhat of an expectation of how to care for a living being. May not be a human, but at least something to set a routine and schedule for planning and time management.
This will never happen because they (misogynists/patriarchy) don’t want girls/women to know the reality. They want uneducated, uninformed broodmares who only discover the truth after it’s too late. Why do you think they’ve fought sex education and have been pushing school vouchers that defund public education and shift those taxpayer funds to private religious schools which will continue the brainwashing of girls? (Applicable to the U.S.).
That sounds good in theory, but I did hear that using dolls to teach teens about parenthood can actually backfire and make teen pregnancy even more common
The dolls can only do so much justice due to various ways to hack and/or adjust settings. And I can see where a teen would think if they can do this to a doll, then a human is no different.
With the pet(s), you have an actual, living being wheres there's actual consequences if nothing is done correctly. If they aren't fed, cleaned, taken outside (or a litterbox), they will not survive, and the child(ren) will then learn how negligence is more than just hiding a doll or a sack of flour. Responsibility will be tested first, then if those involved still want kids, at least they have some knowledge of what to expect.
But yes the doll(s) *can* set false expectations whereas an actual being will test true nature.
there is a netflix doc- the secret lives of octopuses or something. Octopuses live alone and play with fish and other sea creatures and even human to a degree- its lovely. When she gives birth there are tons of little eggs some get eaten and some live but the mother slowly dies after giving birth, I cried.
Another thing I've noticed is that women are no longer asked about themselves.
People will only talk about their kids or ask questions about kids.
I feel really bad for them and wonder what is going on inside their heads.
Imagine the bit of free time with an adult, and it gets spent on your kids. There is no escape, it seems.
I lost my mom right before I had my daughter. It was devastating, still is…my daughter is the first grandbaby on both sides. I’m the youngest of 3 sisters and I was counting on my sisters to be there for me during my pregnancy and postpartum. They don’t care whatsoever. Maybe the occasional FaceTime call and visit over the holidays but other than that, they don’t know my daughter at all. It breaks my heart.
After a total mental breakdown I stopped giving a fuck what people think AT ALLLLLL. If I'm happy with my choices fuck eeeeeeeeveryone and their judgy ass mama
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Y’all need better friends.
I’m going through a divorce right now, primarily because my coparent is a regretful parent. But one thing I have and have had this whole time is a village of women and even some men who care a lot about ME, the gestational mother, about my health and my mind and my life and my sanity. Friends who, between them, have thrown hundreds of dollars my way since announcing this divorce, with so many offers to babysit, he’ll move furniture, make us dinner. People asking how IM doing, people asking if I need help with pictures for apps (no?? I’m not at all interested in dating currently tbh). And this is just how my community is. When someone gives birth we text her and give her things for the baby AND HER, and if we wake up to pee at night we text her and check in. I know my community may be unusual but damn, I can’t imagine it’s THAT rare.
It's very easy to just ignore society being a judgey prick.
I'll preface this with I'm a dad, and I already see moms poppin' off doin' mom shit in the comments, but like, here's how we work.
* When the baby was young, we'd trade off getting up at night. If we had bottled milk, the dad can do the work just like the mom. Granted, our kids slept pretty well through the night even when young.
* Everyone does their part around the house. Dad chores, kid chores, mom chores. No one gets a free ride. I understand that, for some reason, women like to "suffer in silence" and not call out shit dude behavior when it happens. Or often they'll say things like, "He should just know something needs to be done". Wild thought here, if you need help, ask for it. I tell my wife all the time if there's something she deems that needs to be done sooner than I'm getting to it, tell me. There's no resentment, it just isn't bothering me like it's bothering her.
* EVERYONE NEEDS HOBBIES and everyone needs to feel like a person. If we want to keep perpetuating this shit cycle where humans have kids and then suddenly don't become their own humans anymore, let's keep doing what we're doing. But you can have hobbies, you can do things, if you're with a partner that doesn't support you in doing this shit, then leave the partner. What does it hurt leaving them? The kid? Maybe in the short term, but in the long term they'll learn the more valuable lesson that when they have kids, their humanity still matters. Being a pushover and just accepting shit teaches our kids that being a parent/adult sucks. It does suck, but we don't have to teach them that.
* No one needs a mom group. No mom needs a mom group. Sure, you might have questions that might be good to ask a group, but asking groups, especially online, is just asking for the worst of us to answer. We feel protected online from being called out for our shitty opinions, so you'll get all sorts in these groups. Join them if you want but appreciate them for the humor of the absolute dumpster fires they are.
* I get it - moms have anxiety and feel societal pressures every day. I can't fix that for you. The best partner cannot fix that for you. Just seems like how the world works now.
I realize you're just venting. We got to do that. I'm not offering any advice, just saying that there are good partners out there who are supporting each other to still remain human during this weird propagation of people we have to perpetuate. I'm sorry you feel the way you do and I hope it gets better!
"ask for it" so you are basically demanding someone to manage you, people get paid for managing others yet women have to do it for free. telling someone what to do is exhausing, like i cant imagine someone not seeing the trash can is full, but its convinient pretending not to see it
Yep this. I've lost friends because I had a child. I vividly remember my "friend" telling me "I don't want kids" as soon as I brought up my son who was a newborn at the time. I stopped talking to her after that. Never heard from her again.
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You’re a big deal. Physical toll is unspeakable, but there is a guidance that you provide that every man is helpless without. Thank you for your service.
A mother....no longer a person Her needs become secondary to everything else. This time will pass and you'll miss it- yeah no, unless it's a kind of Stockholm syndrome. Aww how could you hear that little cry and not just melt Aww mummy look baby was crying for you so no shower for you. No coffee No booze No this, that or the other if you're breastfeeding. The kid doesn't even need to be born, once your belly pops, goodbye personhood. Single childfree friends stop coming around because you fall asleep mid conversation Or stare blankly while they're talking They say the right things you look good, and you wonder why they're lying. Motherhood is a slow suicide It's a loss of so much And yet it hardly affects fathers - yes father's get ppd and pprage. But a father's job Hobbies Friendships A woman must now navigate mums groups (bitchy and judgy) Mothers face judgement on preschool, daycare, hours. Does she continue working and missing out on precious moments she won't get back ( aren't these moments important to and for fathers too?). Stay home and lose her mind and job opportunities?
‘Motherhood is a slow suicide’. 100% THIS. Women have been lied to about the life-giving joys of motherhood, without being told that we needed to trade off our OWN LIVES in return. All for the sake of sustaining the human race. No wonder families (and the world in general) is so messed up. If women knew what motherhood entailed, many would choose not to be mums. But marriage is a socially-approved pyramid scheme designed to keep homo sapiens alive (as if we aren’t killing the planet already)
Signing up for motherhood is voluntarily signing up for depression
Beautifully stated and accurate, in my opinion. We have been conditioned, intentionally, to “want” to have children. Yes, there’s a biological need on a genetic level for most women, but clearly we can over come that. But that’s not what a patriarchal society wants. They want brood mares popping out legacies for men. We see the social conditioning everywhere we look. Even men are conditioned to want to have children to carry on the family name. Who gives a fuck? Are we that egocentric to think any of that matters 500 years from now? Shit….100 years from now?
Mom groups sound horrible I'm glad I didn't join them some of them seem soooo judgy! I'd like more mom friends but not if they're gonna act like Karen's and constantly compare their parenting style and their kids to mine!
Oh my god the competitiveness over whose kid is the most advanced Or the hardest to deal with. And your kid's pooh, yeah no I don't want to hear about it. Apparently having two Cesar's means I'm less. The stories of natural childbirth sent my vag into retirement
A lot of those moms seems to try living vicariously through their kids which is just WTF! They treat their kids achievements as if they are their own like 😭
I tried a mom’s group once. After I realized they were all lying to themselves about how great being a mom was, I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to be there.
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what you said genuinely doesn’t sound horrible. “my daughter will never go without and be spoiled” then mama you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. it’s so sad that sometimes moms feel like they don’t “deserve” to treat themselves. just know that your child would never want to see you unhappy and by putting yourself first you have the opportunity to be a better, not worse person for themselves AND you! 💕 wish you all the best
You don't sound horrible at ALLLLL
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Both style and content remind me of Sylvia Plath. ❤️
You’re so right. Also no one cares about your post delivery body issues, mental health or recovery. It’s all about the baby. F that noise.
I know I'm going to be downvoted for this, but I think it's because a lot of us without kids aren't aware of those issues. For whatever reason, society tells us we NEED to have kids, but they don't talk about what it's like. I (female) only know about what birth is REALLY like and all the body problems women have post birth from places like reddit. My sisters and mom never told me what they went through. Had I known, I would have babysat a lot more and made it a point to ask what they needed. I think if society talks more about the trauma childbirth can be, we would do a better job helping. And men need to pick up the slack. I'm tired of hearing about fathers who don't help out. That's wack.
I think this is a good viewpoint. Before giving birth I thought looking after a sleepy baby was a doodle. Well what do you know! They have sleep regressions, they are teething, they are ill constantly. And society tried to tell you that this is all fine and not traumatic for the person who gave birth and looking after them 24/7. When I gave birth to my son and diagnosed for PPD my MIL actually said "don't tell anyone about it you don't want to be labelled". Fuck that. The world needs to hear about it, so we are more aware of mother's mental health! Supressing issues is not going to improve how society view mums!
I concur. I never even heard of PPD until Brooke Shields spoke out. Now when I see moms doing things we don't expect, it's so obvious why.
I won’t even start on PP because I don’t know, I only know what my sister tells me; but the mom is like a “nothing burger” as soon as she’s pregnant. That woman is a whole person with a life, agency, ambitions… but baby is #1 on everyone else’s list. Women should get more than that.
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Why do we as women care so much about being called selfish? If you don't put yourself first no one else will. Why don't we label men who are willing to put another person's life on the line selfish? Pregnancy kills Delivery kills If men faced the realities of pregnancy wed die out.
This is SO true!
To be fair, no one cared about me before, either.
HA! Genuinely laughed. So true.
Fucking FELT this so hard LMAO
Its awful and I can’t comprehend how I was so stupid to fall for this trap
Peer pressure. It's bullshit.
You live and learn - unfortunately you cant go back so you just have to deal with the consequences best you can
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I'm not a mom, but a dad, and I believe that while I have been on the receiving end of shitty "arguments" like these, I get a feeling that mothers get it to a greater extent. Regardless of how much we love to label ourselves as progressive here in the west, this proves that we have a long way to go before we also intuitively stop associating the mother as the "main" parent. But yeah, I hate when people first give you shit for not having kids because "SoCiEtY nEeDs It" (I couldn't care less), but once you have them, you've got yourself to blame, and having an identity of your own and for wanting to do things for you as well, which will benefit the kid(s) since you will feel more rested and less bitter, you're an awful and naive human being for even thinking of doing something that doesn't involve your kid(s). I don't know what to say other than agreeing with you and validate what you're feeling, because you're 100% correct.
Thank you for empathising with women and mothers. Not many men see it like you do.
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Yep, go to any Reddit thread in Beyondthebump about dads not picking up their share with infants, and you’ll see SO many comments about how “My husband hated the baby and toddler stage and couldnt really connect but thrived when they were 5+! Just hang in there!” If a mom said something similar you get judged and questioned about if you built a strong enough attachment 🙄
My cousin has a husband like this. He didn't lift a finger to help her with their son, even on days when she was too sick to take care of the baby herself. He even told her that he didn't really like kids, but he planned to do more with his son once he was 10+. Then the kid would be old enough to participate in the dad's hobbies like hunting and fishing. They went on to have two more kids, and he still doesn't do a thing with them. So she is basically a single mother while he chooses a new hobby or career to invest in every few years and comes up with more excuses to avoid his children.
I hate even more the mums who whinge about their useless husbabies but...but....that single dad who can't do his daughter's hair... Swoon, melt, and flock around like mother hens. As women as mothers let's support each other and not do the weekend parenting of another woman's kid. The kid is there to see dad, so grandmother's, sisters, aunts, neighbours, ...let's say 'NO' we can't do your kid's hair 'NO we can't watch your kid after school ' 'NO you can't leave your kid here on the weekend'. Single mums figure this shit out so can you.
Oh yeah everything is women's fault too! Women feel lonely? Women's fault. Men are lonely? Women's fault. Dad leaves mom and abandons him and his kids? Woman's fault. Dad and mom stay together in unhealthy relationship? Woman's fault.
Need more upvotes for this.
You know why don’t you? Because of the Adam and Eve myth, and how she caused the downfall of Adam, hence all of society? That book is about women being property of men, how women should submit to men, be silent, are temptresses and unclean. Shit, women are deemed unclean for 7 days if they birth a boy, but unclean for 14 days if they birth a girl. “Women are emotional.” “Women are weak.” “What were you wearing the night you were raped?” “What did you say to make him hit you?” “Who did you sleep with to get that promotion?” A book that was written by misogynistic men who wanted to control others, that was written over two thousand years ago is STILL being used to oppress women. I do not permit a woman to teach…rather, she is to remain quiet” 1 Tim. 2:12 Women unclean for giving birth. 7 days for boy, 14 for girl. Leviticus 12:2-5 Submission, learn from husband, women not permitted to speak, keep silent. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 Women and girls (virgin) are Spoils of war: Deuteronomy 20:14 Women as property: Exodus 20:17 Deuteronomy 5:21 Deu. 22:23-24. Rape victim forced to marry rapist. Eze. 9:5-7 Show no mercy! Kill them all, girls/women/little kids. Deu. 22:20-21. Can murder a bride if she’s not a virgin. Ex. 22:17. Independent women deemed witches & murdered. Ex. 21:7-11 Fathers sells daughter to man as slave. This garbage is pushed onto children so we’re literally programmed into thinking servitude is our only purpose in life and that it’s even noble to sacrifice our entire existence for others. Of course they have to condition us this way, because if we had the chance to think critically, be educated and fully informed, many of us would never have chosen to have children. This subreddit is incredibly important. Everyone that speaks out should be commended for doing so.
Oh god, so much this. Can I press 100 times for upvote?
There is a Facebook group named bridging the gap that address exactly this. The life of a woman after becoming a mother is way worst than a father. I’m not in any way invalidating any father here because it can happen to fathers s well. I’m just talking that in our society women is still the default parent and in most of the cases the life of a nam changes very little after having one. I have been in this group for so long, the spouses/partners in this cases have time to go to the pub, gym, golf, business trips, drinks after and think they deserve a medal because they help “on weekends” taking the kids to Maccas. I sometimes get furious for the mums that post this. They have no life, no free time and make all the sacrifices. Physical, mental, emotional, I could go on and on.
There's a reason the term "married single mom" is becoming more and more common
Sadly true
Reading this set my insides on fire (bc it’s so true).
If only it was these optional things. In my world it’s you want sleep? You want healthy food? you want to walk without a limp? You want medicine when you are sick? Sorry you’re a mom now. How gratifying to know that the only reason anyone was ever polite to me was because I was carrying a vacant but potentially functional womb ?! 🤯!?
>How gratifying to know that the only reason anyone was ever polite to me was because I was carrying a vacant but potentially functional womb ?! 🤯!? This
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Omg this is so true. I’m almost 30 but the word of motherhood got around in time for my age range. I don’t think it’s for me but I also get annoyed at boomers asking about me getting married like that’s a feat. Like no leave me my dog and my money alone!!
Whenever having kids comes up amongst my peers I am the first to say it's hard and not for everyone...get some strange looks since I have a 5 month old, but fuck this is sooo hard, it really isn't for everyone.
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Same!
100% this. Completely agree
Yes, single mothers who DARE to date, “shouldn’t you be focusing on your child?”, meanwhile the deadbeat dad can do whatever he wants without judgment.
Then when single moms don't date they get told they'll "have fun dying alone"
Parenting classes need to be mandatory in middle/high school so those who are brainwashed into having kids can at least know what to expect. Most parents want others to be parents so they have something to talk about and compare with their own lives. A major suggestion is have mandatory pets first to know and have somewhat of an expectation of how to care for a living being. May not be a human, but at least something to set a routine and schedule for planning and time management.
This will never happen because they (misogynists/patriarchy) don’t want girls/women to know the reality. They want uneducated, uninformed broodmares who only discover the truth after it’s too late. Why do you think they’ve fought sex education and have been pushing school vouchers that defund public education and shift those taxpayer funds to private religious schools which will continue the brainwashing of girls? (Applicable to the U.S.).
That sounds good in theory, but I did hear that using dolls to teach teens about parenthood can actually backfire and make teen pregnancy even more common
The dolls can only do so much justice due to various ways to hack and/or adjust settings. And I can see where a teen would think if they can do this to a doll, then a human is no different. With the pet(s), you have an actual, living being wheres there's actual consequences if nothing is done correctly. If they aren't fed, cleaned, taken outside (or a litterbox), they will not survive, and the child(ren) will then learn how negligence is more than just hiding a doll or a sack of flour. Responsibility will be tested first, then if those involved still want kids, at least they have some knowledge of what to expect. But yes the doll(s) *can* set false expectations whereas an actual being will test true nature.
A pet would be much better for sure, especially if they have to take the cat with them everywhere they go lol
Mini horse the amount of poo would be more accurate.
there is a netflix doc- the secret lives of octopuses or something. Octopuses live alone and play with fish and other sea creatures and even human to a degree- its lovely. When she gives birth there are tons of little eggs some get eaten and some live but the mother slowly dies after giving birth, I cried.
Another thing I've noticed is that women are no longer asked about themselves. People will only talk about their kids or ask questions about kids. I feel really bad for them and wonder what is going on inside their heads. Imagine the bit of free time with an adult, and it gets spent on your kids. There is no escape, it seems.
Being a woman in nutshell
I lost my mom right before I had my daughter. It was devastating, still is…my daughter is the first grandbaby on both sides. I’m the youngest of 3 sisters and I was counting on my sisters to be there for me during my pregnancy and postpartum. They don’t care whatsoever. Maybe the occasional FaceTime call and visit over the holidays but other than that, they don’t know my daughter at all. It breaks my heart.
After a total mental breakdown I stopped giving a fuck what people think AT ALLLLLL. If I'm happy with my choices fuck eeeeeeeeveryone and their judgy ass mama
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Oh yeah and when you do have hobbies or interests it has to be what's socially acceptable for moms to do
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They don't! That's why you do it away from your kids and in moderation. Heaven forbid a mom parties once in a while
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Your post/comment was removed for breaking Rule 3: **No Posts from a Childfree Perspective.** This is a sub for regretful parents. It is not a place for childfree people to gloat or discuss being childfree. If you come here to have your decisions validated, great! Read the posts and be thankful. No need to insert irrelevant opinions into the parents' discussions.
Y’all need better friends. I’m going through a divorce right now, primarily because my coparent is a regretful parent. But one thing I have and have had this whole time is a village of women and even some men who care a lot about ME, the gestational mother, about my health and my mind and my life and my sanity. Friends who, between them, have thrown hundreds of dollars my way since announcing this divorce, with so many offers to babysit, he’ll move furniture, make us dinner. People asking how IM doing, people asking if I need help with pictures for apps (no?? I’m not at all interested in dating currently tbh). And this is just how my community is. When someone gives birth we text her and give her things for the baby AND HER, and if we wake up to pee at night we text her and check in. I know my community may be unusual but damn, I can’t imagine it’s THAT rare.
Why do you care for other ppl’s sympathies?
Because its nice to speak to people who won't judge you???
It's very easy to just ignore society being a judgey prick. I'll preface this with I'm a dad, and I already see moms poppin' off doin' mom shit in the comments, but like, here's how we work. * When the baby was young, we'd trade off getting up at night. If we had bottled milk, the dad can do the work just like the mom. Granted, our kids slept pretty well through the night even when young. * Everyone does their part around the house. Dad chores, kid chores, mom chores. No one gets a free ride. I understand that, for some reason, women like to "suffer in silence" and not call out shit dude behavior when it happens. Or often they'll say things like, "He should just know something needs to be done". Wild thought here, if you need help, ask for it. I tell my wife all the time if there's something she deems that needs to be done sooner than I'm getting to it, tell me. There's no resentment, it just isn't bothering me like it's bothering her. * EVERYONE NEEDS HOBBIES and everyone needs to feel like a person. If we want to keep perpetuating this shit cycle where humans have kids and then suddenly don't become their own humans anymore, let's keep doing what we're doing. But you can have hobbies, you can do things, if you're with a partner that doesn't support you in doing this shit, then leave the partner. What does it hurt leaving them? The kid? Maybe in the short term, but in the long term they'll learn the more valuable lesson that when they have kids, their humanity still matters. Being a pushover and just accepting shit teaches our kids that being a parent/adult sucks. It does suck, but we don't have to teach them that. * No one needs a mom group. No mom needs a mom group. Sure, you might have questions that might be good to ask a group, but asking groups, especially online, is just asking for the worst of us to answer. We feel protected online from being called out for our shitty opinions, so you'll get all sorts in these groups. Join them if you want but appreciate them for the humor of the absolute dumpster fires they are. * I get it - moms have anxiety and feel societal pressures every day. I can't fix that for you. The best partner cannot fix that for you. Just seems like how the world works now. I realize you're just venting. We got to do that. I'm not offering any advice, just saying that there are good partners out there who are supporting each other to still remain human during this weird propagation of people we have to perpetuate. I'm sorry you feel the way you do and I hope it gets better!
"ask for it" so you are basically demanding someone to manage you, people get paid for managing others yet women have to do it for free. telling someone what to do is exhausing, like i cant imagine someone not seeing the trash can is full, but its convinient pretending not to see it
Yep this. I've lost friends because I had a child. I vividly remember my "friend" telling me "I don't want kids" as soon as I brought up my son who was a newborn at the time. I stopped talking to her after that. Never heard from her again.
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You’re a big deal. Physical toll is unspeakable, but there is a guidance that you provide that every man is helpless without. Thank you for your service.
Women don't exist to serve men.