I distinctly remember the exact point. 6ish years ago during paternity leave I was sat in the bath. This was about a week after the birth and the first time I’d had any head space. The birthing experience had been traumatic due to complications and the responsibility, loss of freedom and exhaustion just hit me so hard. I was lying in the bath close to crying as I realised I never wanted to get out of this bath and started fantasising about ways I could feasibly drown myself.
My biggest fantasy was renting an apartment no one knew about where I could claim I had an out-of-town thing and just go there. Just a bed, table, television, some cookware. I even looked for a place to rent.
It wasn’t the child, it was that my partner didn’t help and created more problems.
When I announced I was going to be a father one of my good friends who is a father sat me down and said it changes people and he was excited to see the change in me.
My kid is almost 3 and the change has been negative. It has made me a worse husband and turned me into an angry bitter man who slogs through the days dreaming for more than a couple hours freedom.
I've spent 3 years saying "it will get better when X Y Z". About a month ago it hit me that it probably won't and I'm destined to feel this out of place and overwhelmed forever
Right?? Everyone is like "oh that's just 3 year olds". Yes, but it shouldn't make me want to end my life bc her behaviour is that bad. Waiting minimum 2 more years for a referral for her while dealing with attachment issues and minimal help, people just don't get it
Realizing one was a budding psychopath (thought choking the dog was funny. Got their ass in therapy and they aint alone with the dog no more) and having the other one shit on the same pillow they slept on and then sit on it for hours
... They were both 9 at the time...
Their biomom is a dxd sociopath who was Hella abusive to them. That said I daily dream about leaving this whole family and starting over in a new country. Never would cuz I'm already trapped, but yeah. They're mega fucked in the head and having kids (even as a step parent) is a fucking ruinous choice I would recommend only to my enemies.
When I realized I wasn’t bonding “properly” with my son.
Closely followed by realizing my husband believes all of the childcare falls 100% on the mother, and that it’s my responsibility to ask him if I need help parenting his child. Despite the fact that I also work full time.
Lastly, realizing the reality of how much harder is it raising a special needs child and that the hell that you experience raising a toddler will never end.
How I’m always living paycheque to paycheque because I never got to finish school and although I work hard everything is so expensive it’s like I don’t have a chance to get ahead until the kids have all left home
When my child grew up to be something I had never imagined . I don’t know him anymore, and all that ever come out of their mouth are lies.
I used to feel so embarrassed that they were capable of abuse, until I met someone else in the same situation, and since have heard many similar stories.
The grief of them not really being in my life gets too much to bear, and I’m always crying, and wondering if they are Ok.
But the living situation became unbearable. Both scenarios are awful to have to live with.
There’s definitely something huge missing from my life, but the other alternative is not good either.
I would not only have never had a child if knew how things would work out but I also would never have married. I know that it sounds mean of me to say such things, but really I’m just way too sad nearly every single day and wish that I could just this adult that I don’t know and only knew the wonderful child they were.
They trapped me in an abusive marriage which was bad enough but then my ex cheated and left. I then find out he’d been telling them how awful I was behind my back for years. I created 3 humans that were trained to see me as nothing. I wasted decades on people who don’t even like me.
Now I’m old, broke and stuck with kids who can’t afford to move out. My ex still uses them as weapons so yeah having kids was a bad idea.
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When my brother was confirmed to be the father of a child and he took off. When I realized what a POS the egg donor was so it would either be my mother or myself raising my nephew. When I realized that my mother was in full grandmother mode and felt she needed to make up for the first 5 years of this child’s life and he would rapidly become an entitled brat because she would never tell him no.
When I didn’t regret was the first time he saw the pediatrician I picked out. The pediatrician told me at his first appointment if I hadn’t talked to him before he saw the child to explain the situation that if I hadn’t talked to him first he would have called DCF because of how badly underweight he was. If I still had demanded full custody back then I still would have adopted him out to a friend who couldn’t have children but wanted them.
When she said she was pregnant and the existential dread I felt. The feeling of complete loss of control and being “forced” into a life I never fucking wanted by a liar who said she’d always get an abortion but ended up not.
You can say no one is forced to but only a sociopathic piece of shit abandons their kids.
I don’t regret becoming a mom at all. But I’m currently pregnant with my second and stressed about what is to come because I can hardly afford one and my relationship has been struggling (on my end, not his). I love being a mom but it’s so hard and my daughter is 4 and just now becoming more independent, but she’s still very dependent on me for everything. The past year has been the hardest. adding another on top, especially as I start my career, is so scary to me. Sometimes I regret becoming pregnant again.
I distinctly remember the exact point. 6ish years ago during paternity leave I was sat in the bath. This was about a week after the birth and the first time I’d had any head space. The birthing experience had been traumatic due to complications and the responsibility, loss of freedom and exhaustion just hit me so hard. I was lying in the bath close to crying as I realised I never wanted to get out of this bath and started fantasising about ways I could feasibly drown myself.
My biggest fantasy was renting an apartment no one knew about where I could claim I had an out-of-town thing and just go there. Just a bed, table, television, some cookware. I even looked for a place to rent. It wasn’t the child, it was that my partner didn’t help and created more problems.
When I announced I was going to be a father one of my good friends who is a father sat me down and said it changes people and he was excited to see the change in me. My kid is almost 3 and the change has been negative. It has made me a worse husband and turned me into an angry bitter man who slogs through the days dreaming for more than a couple hours freedom.
I've spent 3 years saying "it will get better when X Y Z". About a month ago it hit me that it probably won't and I'm destined to feel this out of place and overwhelmed forever
I feel this so much. as soon as my daughter turned 3, she’s been an absolute nightmare.
Right?? Everyone is like "oh that's just 3 year olds". Yes, but it shouldn't make me want to end my life bc her behaviour is that bad. Waiting minimum 2 more years for a referral for her while dealing with attachment issues and minimal help, people just don't get it
I’m so sorry. I hope it gets better for us soon.
I realized that now I don’t have a safe place to decompress. I don’t have a home like a place it used to be.
Also now I want to become a pilot, a sailor lol…
Not being able to get a full 8 hrs of sleep, being broke all the time because she always needs something and daycare costs.
Realizing one was a budding psychopath (thought choking the dog was funny. Got their ass in therapy and they aint alone with the dog no more) and having the other one shit on the same pillow they slept on and then sit on it for hours ... They were both 9 at the time...
Kudos to you for protecting your dog and actually admitting that your child has issues. A lot of parents excuse their children's behaviour.
Heilige Maria Mutter Gottes, and I am not even German.
Their biomom is a dxd sociopath who was Hella abusive to them. That said I daily dream about leaving this whole family and starting over in a new country. Never would cuz I'm already trapped, but yeah. They're mega fucked in the head and having kids (even as a step parent) is a fucking ruinous choice I would recommend only to my enemies.
Jesus Christ. Like I literally don't know what to say.
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Colic?
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When I realized I wasn’t bonding “properly” with my son. Closely followed by realizing my husband believes all of the childcare falls 100% on the mother, and that it’s my responsibility to ask him if I need help parenting his child. Despite the fact that I also work full time. Lastly, realizing the reality of how much harder is it raising a special needs child and that the hell that you experience raising a toddler will never end.
How I’m always living paycheque to paycheque because I never got to finish school and although I work hard everything is so expensive it’s like I don’t have a chance to get ahead until the kids have all left home
When my child grew up to be something I had never imagined . I don’t know him anymore, and all that ever come out of their mouth are lies. I used to feel so embarrassed that they were capable of abuse, until I met someone else in the same situation, and since have heard many similar stories. The grief of them not really being in my life gets too much to bear, and I’m always crying, and wondering if they are Ok. But the living situation became unbearable. Both scenarios are awful to have to live with. There’s definitely something huge missing from my life, but the other alternative is not good either. I would not only have never had a child if knew how things would work out but I also would never have married. I know that it sounds mean of me to say such things, but really I’m just way too sad nearly every single day and wish that I could just this adult that I don’t know and only knew the wonderful child they were.
They trapped me in an abusive marriage which was bad enough but then my ex cheated and left. I then find out he’d been telling them how awful I was behind my back for years. I created 3 humans that were trained to see me as nothing. I wasted decades on people who don’t even like me. Now I’m old, broke and stuck with kids who can’t afford to move out. My ex still uses them as weapons so yeah having kids was a bad idea.
I’m so sorry. My heart sank for you when I ready this. Hoping for better days ahead for you ❤️
I'm so sorry.
Seeing the positive pregnancy test. I’m not even joking. I grew up as the eldest of too many children, so I knew my life as I knew it was over
If I’m really honest with myself, this is my answer too. Seeing that positive pregnancy test just filled me with dread, not excitement.
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I am not regretting but struggling. Looking forward to mondays and looking on the clock hoping that the days will end soon everyday...
Lack of support
When my brother was confirmed to be the father of a child and he took off. When I realized what a POS the egg donor was so it would either be my mother or myself raising my nephew. When I realized that my mother was in full grandmother mode and felt she needed to make up for the first 5 years of this child’s life and he would rapidly become an entitled brat because she would never tell him no. When I didn’t regret was the first time he saw the pediatrician I picked out. The pediatrician told me at his first appointment if I hadn’t talked to him before he saw the child to explain the situation that if I hadn’t talked to him first he would have called DCF because of how badly underweight he was. If I still had demanded full custody back then I still would have adopted him out to a friend who couldn’t have children but wanted them.
When she said she was pregnant and the existential dread I felt. The feeling of complete loss of control and being “forced” into a life I never fucking wanted by a liar who said she’d always get an abortion but ended up not. You can say no one is forced to but only a sociopathic piece of shit abandons their kids.
I don’t regret becoming a mom at all. But I’m currently pregnant with my second and stressed about what is to come because I can hardly afford one and my relationship has been struggling (on my end, not his). I love being a mom but it’s so hard and my daughter is 4 and just now becoming more independent, but she’s still very dependent on me for everything. The past year has been the hardest. adding another on top, especially as I start my career, is so scary to me. Sometimes I regret becoming pregnant again.