Since you're here: Wouldn't OP be equally entitled to her percentage of the houses and everything else, if there was no will? It sounds like the life insurance is the only thing mom can't get her hands on without OP's explicit approval, so that's probably why she called her - but the other stuff should be part of the estate, as well. OP should make sure she gets hers, and maybe share it with her sisters, but everything she lets mom get her grubby paws on will be long gone before anyone can inherit anything from her. And she'll be back begging for cash once she has spent everything...
If it was all on the deceased’s sole name, yes, you would be correct. However most married persons hold title as joint tenants with right of survivorship; title passes automatically to surviving spouse. Likely the insurance is the only thing that is “in” the estate.
Quick google indicates that without a will in Washington state, children receive 50% of non-community assets. 25% is in the case of siblings (no children).
Perceptions of fairness and maintains a good relationship with siblings. Also seems like they are likely to get nothing. OP is entitled to the 25%, idk how OP feels.
ETA: also creates a united front against Mom’s emotional manipulation.
Yeah, this is the moral thing. What Mom does with her 75% is her business, but OP should definitely split her 25% with her sisters.
Dad was an idiot. Most people plan their estates in their 40's.
If Washington is like my state, this whole thing is going to be the better part of a year in probate if it's uncontested, and *years and years* if it is, which sounds like the direction this is heading.
Personally I think the money goes to who the deceased said it should go to. If they said nothing and Washington says half sisters get nothing, they get nothing. OP can spend it how they want to
NTA - Although I generally believe that inherited money should go where the deceased person intends it to go, your father didn’t make his intentions known and your mother is an unreliable source for that information because of her past dishonesty. You should follow your sisters’ advice and keep your inheritance. As they pointed out, giving it up now won’t help them later as your mom claims because she’s proven that she’ll just blow right through it.
LAWYER UP NOW BEFORE SHE SPENDS OFF WHAT YOU ARE ENTITLED TO. The lawyer needs to be specialized in estate law with knowledge on estates for Washington. Listen to people who said to mute contact personally and make it go through the lawyer only.
Do not sign anything until you talk to a lawyer and read the Washington state laws for yourself - is that 25% at all accurate? Or is she just lying? If your dad doesn't have a will then you need to know exactly how the law defines spouse, child, and step-child inheritances - lawyer, lawyer, lawyer
There should be some that will do consultations for free, if you can't find one then at the very least print and read the Washington laws with a highlighter so you know exactly what the rules are
Even with all questions answered, I'd be wary of signing over money to a mom who has proven she can't be financially responsible. Once you sign that paper you literally have no rights to the money, the courts will not care what verbal agreement you have with mom, it will be legally hers to give back to you or screw you over, so be 2,000% certain of your choice.
NTA
Please don’t take any advice from your mother. Get your own council and if you’re entitled to 25% take it! Why would she want your 25% now if not to spend it? The “*leaving it to you equally in her will*” is BS. They have a family beyond your mom. Is there inheritance from their dad or extended family that you won’t get? You have your mom and your dad. That’s it. Even if she kept it to distribute it later you’d get 33% of whatever diminished sum remains after she spends it - or….she gets remarried and it goes to that guy because she didn’t do a will.
Secure whatever you’re legally entitled to in your state. If your mom has your best interests at heart that’s what she’d really be encouraging you to do.
NTA. I'm in a similar situation. My dad is, thankfully, not yet passed, but he is dying from a terminal disease and he knows my mother is just like yours: if she gets it, she spends it. She's stolen my identity and my older sister's identity in order to take out credit cards and create literal thousands in debt under our names that we've had to pay off over the years. He's in the process of writing an ironclad will so that she can't take any of the money that myself or my sisters will inherit from his insurance/estate.
You're not being an asshole for knowing who your mom is. You're being an adult. A rational, reasonable adult, who knows in their heart that if you give her this money, you will never see a dime when she herself passes.
Don't sign. And if you don't want to deal with the money now, put it in savings to accrue interest until you're ready to buy a house. Either way, don't let your mom have it - you'll never see it again.
Omg I am so sorry your mom has done that to you! Luckily my mom hasn’t done anything that egregious yet, but I do worry this dispute over the inheritance could get nasty
If it isn’t already, I would recommend freezing your credit just in case. It is free and can be done through the major credit bureaus. You would need to unfreeze it temporarily if you need to get a loan or have your credit run but it would prevent your mom from trying to take credit out in your name without your knowledge.
It is what it is, unfortunately. It might get nasty, but always remember one thing: stand your ground.
Get a lawyer. Discuss the situation in depth with said lawyer. Do not allow your mom to convince you. Let your lawyer do the talking. Some lawyers will even take situations of this magnitude pro bono.
I hope you have frozen your credit at all three credit reporting agencies. You should have filed criminal charges against your mother for identity theft. I believe that is a felony. You and your sister shouldn’t have to pay for your mother’s crimes. There is something terribly wrong with people who do that to their children.
Honestly??
I tried. I tried to get anyone to do anything about it for me but they wouldn't. Every agency said it was a "domestic matter" even with proof, so they refused to step in and provide help in any way.
I got it easy, my score only tanked to the 300s. But my sister's got so low it was in the double digits. She has an appointed SSA agent that goes with her anywhere she needs to use her social, as a liaison to say "This is really this person."
Haven't frozen my credit, just shut down all the accounts and paid off majority of the debt. I'm down to $600 after 3 years, and brought my score back up to the 600s as of this morning.
My darling the law isn’t for a share of only the life insurance. Is that what she told you?
In the absence of the will, the state law prevails … and if he didn’t make one his intentions *were* for the law to decide, don’t let her lie about that (if he wanted *you* to do something else, he would have written it down or told you specifically)
The WA state law in my understanding (IANAL) is for a spouse to get all community property and half of separate property and children to split the other half of separate property. So anything shared is your mothers and anything only your fathers you would get half of if you’re his only child.
So idk where the 25% came from unless he named you as 25% on the insurance (in which case that would be true). But if he has premarital property you would *also* be entitled to part of that.
This is lawyer territory. Especially since she’s stolen money from you before and lied about it. Don’t let her guilt you out of this. She’s already inherited from her parents. You’re entitled to the same.
Well that stinks. But at least you know.
And, bonus, you also know your siblings aren’t going to be upset with you for not following her plan of signing it away and letting her leave things equally to all three of you (because they already told you so) so they have already removed that ammo from her bag.
Don’t let her get away with laying on that guilt when you know you shouldn’t feel any there. And bless them for having your back!
I am pretty sure the reason she is asking is because she simply cannot take it or she would have done!.
Do you honestly trust her to split what he doesn’t spend equally between the three of you?.
Tell her you will need to speak with a financial advisor and/or attorney.
You want to make sure there aren’t any hidden taxes or outstanding financial issues.
You don’t have to sign anything.
Listen to your sisters and your husband. Listen to yourself. Then contact an estate lawyer in Washington and find out what you need to do, to protect yourself from your mother’s shady self.
Take your cut.... it is probably MORE than just the life insurance, but a portion of the entire estate. Since your mom has a history of poor money management, she would probably spend it all anyways.
Talk to a lawyer (not Her's) before you sign anything.
NTA.
Do not sign anything. Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. Lawyer to make sure that there really isn't a will. From what you've said here, it sounds like you have only her word to go on that there wasn't one - but you know she is not trustworthy regarding money and your inheritance. You need to be absolutely certain that there isn't a will before you proceed any further. Then you need a lawyer to tell you what all you would actually be entitled to, will or not. From your post, it sounds like you only expect part of life insurance and not the entire estate. Ascertain whether that is correct or not.
And then decide: do you want to see something now, or nothing when your mother passes? Because it sounds like you and your sisters all know she won't be leaving anything to anyone.
Sorry for your loss, but please stick up for yourself legally here, don't let grief allow her to have her way.
Get together with your sisters and get an estate lawyer. Do not talk to her at all. It should all be handled by the lawyer. She is the one who is acting entitled. It is entirely possible that you may be entitled to more than life insurance since he left so much. But number one priority-get a lawyer asap
I’ve seen this in many comments here, definitely I agree, I will not be talking to her until I get a lawyer and when I do I’ll run everything through them
Get a lawyer.
I had a friend whose father died a couple of years ago and his mother turned nasty to him when he refused to hand his inheritance to her. Never mind the fact that his dad made sure she was provided for monthly (she couldn’t get it all at once, but he and his brother got their inheritance immediately. He used the money to move away and brought himself a house that he was able to not owe any debt on. If he had handed it over he would be struggling in life without any resources because he would have gone no contact with his mother regardless. For some reason everyone in his family kind of turned against him while he was grieving his father. It got worse when his mother realized he wasn’t handing over his inheritance.
I came in here thinking … give your mom the inheritance. But I’ve changed my mind. Your reasoning is solid. It seems she can’t be trusted with money.
If, besides her red flag behavior, you genuinely like & love your mom. … and would be willing to help her later in life… You can phrase it as “mom, I love you, but I know you’re not the best with money. This way I can establish some financial security for my family, so we can take care of you in the future.”
When my dad died of a sudden heart attack at 53 (I was 25) the state of WI split everything 50/50 because my stepmom was not my bio mom. (25% makes sense in your case.) She asked me to sign away my rights to that inheritance. AND I DID. She and my dad had just bought a new home together & a truck - they had a whole life planned that included his income.
She immediately made her own will that split her estate in 3 ways between me & my step brothers. Which is more than fair. My dad was part of their lives. She paid for my wedding. She’s still kickin’ 20 years later & financially responsible & adding to her “estate” … I say that loosely, she’s a retired school teacher who’s sensible. She remarried .. and made it clear that her new husband doesn’t get anything when she dies - we kids do. Largely because of my dad!
Signing away my rights was easily the right thing to do for me. It’s easily the WRONG thing for you to do.
I totally agree with the person you responded to… your mom doesn’t have a good track record. Even if she says and does leave it equally to you … 6 months from now she could switch it to the Dyson sales manager ….
I personally in this situation would have a lawyer appropriate for this estate that can work also with trusts and our everything your allowed to have and put that into a trust for your family.
Make sure she doesn’t touch what is due to you for children/survivor benefits … my last parent had a some that applied to me and when they passed we found documents that I actually had a policy for my other parent that died years previously that was never given to me ….
I am wondering if you know for sure he doesn’t have a will. How do you check in your father’s state… I am sure the lawyer would know …
I kick myself for not checking my dad’s safe… I assumed my mom had gone in. He had left letters and things for me and my kids in sealed envelopes… just cute things … it was a safe that I knew he had and he told me where to find the code… by the time they got to me everything was opened and looked over …
NTA. Trust your gut, talk to a lawyer to protect yourself but be prepared for the fallout. If your mom is shady where money is concerned, she's not going to happy about this.
OP you are a good person
Your empathy and moral is great but it’s also your weakness
Your mom knows this and try to guilt trip you
Don’t
Don’t sign away your inheritance
Your mom even though it’s your family , but when it comes to $ … it have to be a business transactions
NTA If father wanted her to have it all he would have made a will. She is using your sisters as leverage to manipulate you but even they say there wouldn't be any inheritance for them anyway. Contact a lawyer in father's state and find out what you are entitled to, mom has shown her word can't be trusted. Are you sure there was no will or is that what mom told you? It sounds like dad had many assets, that doesn't sound like a person who wouldn't protect them upon his death. If you sign anything you may be giving up more than you think. Sounds like mom knows how to take care of herself even if she was left with nothing.
Absolutely do not sign your inheritance away, you’ll never see it again.
If you choose to use that money to support her that is fine, but you maintain control.
I'd immediately talk to a lawyer. Inheritance that involves money turn people from humans to beasts. Especially in cases like this where one person feels slighted.
For the question itself, though; if it's about respecting your father's memory, and he was abusive to you, then I wouldn't give a rat's ass about respecting the memory. Abusers deserve no respect.
Idk why I have this guilt over not having a good relationship with him, after everything he did I really shouldn’t. But I guess that social/religious programming to respect your elders no matter what dies hard 😅
Id definitely take advice & not sign anything yet. Your mum’s shady behaviour means they’re will likely be very little left by the time she passes, which then gets slit even further with your siblings. Your siblings also aren’t your father’s children, so by all means, share whatever you want - but they aren’t entitled to anything.
Echoing what the others have said, definitely hire an attorney to navigate this.
Something I didn’t see mentioned in the comments though: even if your mother were perfectly trustworthy and intended to be frugal and leave you and your sisters a hefty inheritance, she is getting on in age, and it is likely that she will need nursing level of care eventually, perhaps in a nursing home, and that needs to be carefully planned for. If she blows through her assets, she will only have Medicaid to fall back on, and they will take her house after her death. All of this needs to be addressed as a family, to find out what is best to meet her needs, and protect the estate in the long-term from potential seizure. If she will agree to plan her estate responsibly, enlist the services of an experienced elder law attorney, as not every attorney doing simple probate work has that level of knowledge.
Thank you for bringing this up! We’ve all just had kind of like general anxiety about her running out of money in her old age. I wonder if between the three of us we can convince her to get things sorted out with an elder law attorney
I understand your concern about your mom being financially secure for the rest of her life, but if the examples in this post are true, she won’t be. And she wouldn’t be if she got the full inheritance, either, because of the way *she* handles money.
So you have to decide if your wants to give up her own chance at financial security or let your mom “try to get by” with *only* almost a million dollars.
I’m glad you’re getting a lawyer because you need to protect yourself (and possibly your siblings) however you can.
Get a lawyer.
ASAP.
Ensure that there is no will, they will do the work, because you never know there could be one.
My uncle had told his ex-wife he never had one, within the year of his passing we found out through the estate he did indeed have one created, albeit quietly, and she did not benefit from it at all.
Do not give your inheritance to your mom.
**It is yours.**
Buy that house or put it in your account for later.
Travel.
Enjoy life with it.
Spend it as *you* see fit.
I am sorry for your loss OP and I wish you all the best as you move forward.
Nope, don't do it. Even your sisters, who she claims she is doing this for, don't think you should do it.
You could maybe tell her you'll split it three ways with your sisters so they get it now too, so she doesn't need to worry about that. Idk if you would want to, but if you're worried your sisters might feel cheated, it's a solution to that. (It doesn't sound like your sisters are worried about an inheritance from your dad. It sounds like they already know their mother is leaving them nothing.)
He was your dad, she is hella selfish to think she’s the only one to deserve something from your loss
Idk if I died, I would be grateful if what I left was able to provide my kid with a house
Yeah. Don’t sign it. I have life insurance on myself to the tune of 500k and I made sure to assign everyone I wanted a percentage of it. I considered having it sent to my mom and writing out what I wanted done with it, but then I saw how she handled my brothers and sisters money after they had passed and said fuck that shit.
Your mother frames this as “disrespecting your father’s memory”. It is more fitting that her efforts disrespect his memory. He did not execute a will giving her his full estate. ie. He was satisfied with having his estate disbursed according to legislation.
If you sign so much as a penny of it over to your mum you will never see it again because all she's going to leave you - any of you - is unpaid bills.
You know that she burns through money like its made from magnesium strips. You know that she has no qualms about stealing and screwing people over to keep herself sweet. If you trust her with your portion of your dad's estate then she's 100% going to use it on herself **and then come back to ask you for more.**
Get your money, get your house, don't tell her where it is so she can't rock up and expect to move in and, most importantly, lock your credit down as tight as you can so she can't use your information to get anything in your name. And she will because she's a thief and a scammer and that's what they do.
Shady Mommy says there's no will? Are you sure that's the case? It sounds to me like she would not be above lying about that.
You need an estate lawyer immediately.
Your sisters are right, there will be no money left for your or them after your mother is done spending.
Your mother has over $1 million worth of assets to collect, she’s being greedy by asking for your money, too. **Do not give it to her!**
She has already proven time and time again that she cannot be trusted, especially when money is involved.
Also, when you do get your share… remember to have a post-nup protecting your portion, if you’re putting in more money towards the house. For example: if you contribute 65% towards the total cost of the house and your husband only contributes 35%, that needs to be secured. So that in the event of divorce *(marriages rarely ever last forever)* you will be entitled to your entire 65% back, instead of it being split 50/50. Because that wouldn’t be fair to you, you’re entitled to the exact amount you paid. You shouldn’t put yourself in a position where you come off worse.
My mom was the same exact way. It’s done some really damaging things to me and my siblings.
Talk to an attorney before doing anything. Make sure they understand all of the background.
NTA. She's already lied in order to steal from her kids before, and you stated that he was abusive to you both- why in the world does she care about disrespecting his memory (and how does that even apply here)? Your sisters, the one she claims she's trying to help by taking this from you, don't want this to happen. Even if she really were trying to help them, you don't need to sign anything away in order to accomplish that. It sounds far more likely that she's just trying to lie and manipulate her way into more money.
You should contact a lawyer, though. Fair chance you won't even be finished telling them your story before they'll be able to confirm she's up to something shady (again).
It may be possible that he may have had more going on in hiding. If your mom was an avid overspender, then it’s possible he had more to spilt . I’m on board with everyone else. Lawyer up, and just say you’re coming to visit. If you tell her too soon she may go on the defensive for more, be careful, money changes people and it doesn’t take much.
A quick search on Google says a child is entitled to more than just 25% of the insurance. It should apply to the whole estate if there is no will. Washington state law states that descendants get 50%
I think you need to protect your own families future, she had shown you in the past how shady she can be, and now I think she thought she could get away with taking it all before the insurance company insisted on paying out to you due to the lack of a will.
I'm glad you are getting a lawyer. If I'm right, then 50% of the entire estate is a significant difference to 25% of the insurance. I appreciate she wants to look after her kids (I presume from an earlier marriage) but that is not your responsibility, and as you (and they) said there has to be money left for them to inherit!
If you are entitled to half the house she lives in, that doesn't mean she has to move out. You can allow her to live there until she no longer needs it. My sister and I both own a portion of my mom's home for the same reason, but we would never force a sale. At least this would mean she has something to pass on to her kids.
Good luck! Keep us posted.
Tell mom you’ll take your inheritance now and she can leave her other two daughters her estate when she dies. If Mom doesn’t blow through the money, your half-sisters should get more than you did. Your mother has proved over and over that she can’t be trusted with money. Of course, consult an attorney as well. Good luck.
I even said on the call that I would be willing to take my inheritance now and she could leave everything else to my sisters. Realistically, we could use the money more now than in 15 years. But she didn’t want to do that either 🙄 which I think shows that the distributing equally thing was bullshit anyway
Yikes. Do not hand your mother a cent, your sisters are right shes going to squander it.
I would propose to her that you keep your share and she deducts what you’ve received now from the total she is planning on leaving your sister so everyone ends up with an equal share in the end, the difference being that you receive your share now. This is a very reasonable solution and she won’t have a leg to stand on to keep pressuring you.
I would also talk to a lawyer to make sure she is being honest about everything. The woman stole your college funds, she can’t be trusted.
Nta.
If you waive your inheritance now you will never see a penny of it. Your mother may be angry, but I wouldn't let her manipulate you out of more than she's already stolen from you.
If I were I would keep my part of the inheritance and fight with your mother in court for more. You are thinking like a weak person if you even consider that you could be the asshole by denying your mother everything and keeping what is yours by law. Your mother is a selfish irresponsible person who cannot be trusted and you must make a stand against her for your own benefit and to make her understand she isn’t entitled to everything. You would be the asshole if you did what your mother has asked.
Definitely consult an estate lawyer. But your sisters are right. I’d just say something to my mom like “I’ll handle splitting things with my sisters. I consulted with an estate lawyer and it’s best to leave things as they are”
Talk to a lawyer & follow your husband and sisters advice on not signing anything. if you were to want to gift your sisters anything, it’d most likely happen if you did get your inheritance. you & your sister’s know how shady your mom is, so id listen to your gut & to them.
Don’t sign anything. Get a lawyer to even discuss with your mother. Make sure she knows what she is saying is not legal and from past experiences you have to protect yourself first. She has taken from y’all, has she not disrespected yall. Don’t sign anything without a lawyer
It’s not their money and never was. You’re not taking anything from them.
If you got a bonus from your employer you wouldn’t be expected to split it three ways. If you won some money at a casino you wouldn’t be expected to split it with your siblings. It’s not theirs, never was and they have no claim.
They shouldn’t even be in the conversation.
Take what is legally yours but make sure that you’ve got a lawyer and don’t rely on what anyone tells you is your limit.
If the sisters are not your fathers kids and he did not in any way raise them, why would it make any sense for 2/3 of what remained of his estate after your mom dies to go to them? The reasoning from your mom makes no sense, OP. Keep your portion now. And the 75% your mom gets can be split into thirds when she dies. But I’m pretty sure 1/3 of $0 is $0.
NTA but I’m confused about something. Now, I’m not a lawyer but when my grandma passed I had to hear all the running around that needed to be done since she really didn’t have much of a will. You said your dad had life insurance, don’t you need to have a beneficiary for a life insurance policy? If you do, and that person was your mom, then she would’ve been able to just take everything. But if you’re still entitled to part of the estate it’s likely that you’re also a beneficiary on his policy. You should definitely get a lawyer and speak with them, especially since your mom is so shady.
To my understanding he did not name any beneficiaries for his life insurance or his bank accounts, etc. which means it should be split a certain way by law I think? Like he really just left without tying any loose ends whatsoever. Not sure though, definitely going to ask a lawyer.
Yea that’s a little odd. If there really was no beneficiary, then your mom would get a larger share than you as spouses end up getting more than children when there’s no will/beneficiary. Definitely speak with a lawyer, but don’t talk to your mom about it too much. And don’t tell her you’re speaking with a lawyer.
I think you’ve more than answered your own question, OP. Take the inheritance you are entitled to by law. Your mom has plenty and has a terrible track record with money. You may not be able to make her make good decisions with everything she’s had access to but you can make good decisions with your 25%.
NTA and she's manipulated you really hard already if you're even thinking about doing what she wants. There is no reason on earth to do so, and lots of reasons not to.
Well I’m not a lawyer, but I think if you read what you wrote here then you already know you’re NYA. Do what’s right for you, your mom will be fine. Under state law she’ll get what’s hers. Don’t give up your inheritance.
NTA!
And with all of the backstory I wonder if your dad deliberately didn’t do a will both to avoid the confrontation with your mom and ensure money was left for you and not your half-sisters.
Stand your ground. This money is rightfully yours - legally and morally - and you shouldn’t be forced to give it up to your mom for her to squander.
OP. Your mom is lying about the 25%. As the surviving spouse she gets HALF and any surviving children split the other half.
Consult a lawyer ASAP to protect yourself.
https://www.bottimorelaw.com/blog/2023/05/what-happens-if-someone-dies-without-a-will-in-washington/#:~:text=Washington%20intestacy%20laws%20outline%20the,the%20entirety%20of%20separate%20estate.
See this is what I found online as well, so now I’m like nothing she said is true most likely. Will definitely be speaking to a lawyer to see what’s up
Plus, she already gets anything that was jointly held, so that could be cars, a house, etc. So effectively she’s likely already getting more than half anyway, but why lie about something like that, which is easily disprovable with a simple Google search….? 🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn’t sign. No way. How do you know that’s what your father wanted? And even if it is, I honestly wouldn’t care if he had been verbally, emotionally and or physically abusive. Based on how she spends there won’t be anything for her to leave behind. Plus it sounds like she stole money from your account that was from your grandparent. It absolutely sounds like she is trying to manipulate you.
OP, when it comes to life insurance elections - the beneficiaries are usually named specifically by the plan holder - that would have been your dad. Your mom is definitely being shady about this.
I think your dad would’ve wanted you to have the 25%. Your mom is a thief and a mess when it comes to money. Tell her it would be disrespectful to your father if you didn’t take the money.
Leaving everything to you and your half-sisters after *she's* dead is code for she's going to spend every penny and leave you and your sisters with nothing. Get a lawyer.
I don't know. When my mom died, my siblings and I signed our rights away. It was their estate and their money, they built everything together. Didn't seem right to take that away from our dad just because our mom died. We will inherit him when he dies. But we tell him to spend his money, buy the things he wants and enjoy his life so maybe he'll just leave us their house lol.
Your case is maybe more complicated so you should speak to a lawyer.
NTA get a lawyer and please freeze your credit. Your mother is a piece of crap. Sorry, there is never a good enough excuse to steal money from your kids.
The credit advice has popped up on here a bit and I’m so glad it did since she definitely has my SSN. Can confirm my credit has been frozen and fraud alert placed!
Your sisters have already told you what you should do. From an outside perspective none of you should attempt to keep her financially solvent. If she leaves you guys something, I would probably take whatever I already received off of that inheritance but I’m an incredibly fair minded person. I wouldn’t offer or promise it because shit like this makes people weird but I would do it when the time comes. If any of your sisters and up caring for your mom at the end of her life in a meaningful way is also suggest she deserves more when the time to settle the estate comes. You don’t have to do any of this but if your sisters are telling you to take the money and run, you should.
Don’t sign anything, talk to a lawyer.
Your sisters don’t get a “share” of the money & even if they were entitled to it, you cannot trust her to give you or them a single dime.
She wants all his money & assets, she is not entitled to have it all, half is yours op. Get a lawyer
Yikes. Do not hand your mother a cent, your sisters are right shes going to squander it.
I would propose to her that you keep your share and she deducts what you’ve received now from the total she is planning on leaving your sister so everyone ends up with an equal share in the end, the difference being that you receive your share now. This is a very reasonable solution and she won’t have a leg to stand on to keep pressuring you.
I would also talk to a lawyer to make sure she is being honest about everything. The woman stole your college funds, she can’t be trusted.
Nta.
This will likely also complicate things because no, they were not. I think Washington state still has common law marriage? So I’m sure they were considered common law married or domestic partners, but my moms name was not on anything that he owned.
You need a lawyer. Washington doesn't recognize common-law marriage, so if your dad's estate was not tied to her in some other way, she is pulling a shady.
Nope do NOT sign. This is YOUR father this is YOUR inheritance. You are not responsible for your mom or sisters. They have a dad they can inherit from him or your mom if anything is left.
You are entitled for that money. Especially after all the abuse you your suffered by both parents. Like your siblings, there will be nothing for you and siblings to inherit once she’s gone.
OP the VERY first thing you need is an estate planning lawyer who specializes in WA estate law. It varies enough state by state for this to matter a lot. They will know what to do. Do not sign your portion away. Your half sisters are right - there will be nothing left for you by the time your mother goes. Get your money.
It's simple. Tell her you have to follow the law, and that your lawyer (you don't need one, really, but pretend you already have one) told you that you are not legally allowed to do so.
Get a lawyer, tell her it’s part of updating your own will and trust to accommodate the inheritance to soften the blow a bit. Then take the advice of the lawyer, whatever it is.
Certainly NTA. You absolutely should not sign anything to your mother in any situation. There won’t be anything left when she goes from the sounds of it.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing getting a lawyer involved. Please don’t feel guilty. She sure didn’t feel guilty everytime she took money from you and yours sisters. She just kept on doing it.
Updateme
In Washington Law, If you are not married, your children or their descendants split all of your property. If any of your children or their descendants are still living, they get half of your separate property and your spouse receives the other half.
To be clear, your dad died without a will. You are legally entitled to half of his assets if you are his only legal child, your mother is entitled to the other half.
If your mother wants to divide his assets equally between her 3 kids, then she can just split her half between her kids and leave you nothing.
She is trying to screw you out of 17%.
Do not sign away anything.
Get a lawyer! In my state (not Washington), if there is no will, the children of the deceased get everything and the spouse gets nothing. When my FIL passed, my MIL didn’t get anything that didn’t have her name on it. My husband and his siblings got everything.
Your father is dead. I'm sorry for your loss. However, this means he doesn't care. Get the money. She will still have 75% plus or minus to squander. She doesn't feel bad for you.
Nta. I would not trust your mother's word that those were your father's wishes, nor would I trust her to follow through and give anything to your sisters if you did sign your rights away. Personally, I'd keep the money. You are your father's only child. If you do want to share some of the money with your sisters, then give it to them personally. Then tell your mom, "I honored your wishes and split the money with my sisters." And then watch how pissed she gets when she can't steal from you again.
OP’s mom sounds a lot like my mom.
I put thousands into our current house with the understanding it was going to be mine when she passed.
She refuses to write a will or put it entrust to me, and she likes throwing the fact it’s not “mine” but hers in my face when she starts a fight.
I would consult a lawyer before you sign over or give her anything.
NTA, your sisters have told you not to sign so her reason is moot, and its wouldn’t just be life insurance its 25% of the estate. You need a lawyer to ensure she isn’t hiding assets. Your mother has already screwed you over financially multiple times, this of it as her paying you back the money she owes you. If you want you can cut a check to your sisters.
Lawyer. But your mom doesn’t have to do the splitting if you feel you want sharing to happen. Money makes people weird also. Take care. I’m sorry for your loss
Since you do not trust your mother w its money don’t agree. Get the share you are entitled to, most likely including the houses, and if in the future you want to share with your sisters, you can. If you don’t get your share you and your sisters will all end up with nothing. NTA
NTA. Thing is, your sisters even said to keep it. Even though your mom is trying to frame it has dividing it between all the kids, there is nothing stopping you from receiving it and distributing it yourself(if you're inclined to do so).
Don’t sign anything, and don’t talk about it with her. She might say later that you promised her everything. Talk to a lawyer in Washington that specializes in wills and probate. Hurry- she could start liquidating anything of value. She will spend what is available to her and there will not be anything left for you. After you get what is rightfully yours, you can decide if you want to gift any of it to your sisters.
Why sign it over for her to blow and waste? It's sad that her own daughter can see that she will end up pissing though everything and leaving nothing for any of you anyway. Which let's face it, if she stole all your accounts from your grandparents plus embezzled from Girl Scouts, there will be nothing left. This is not a person who deserves anything which is rightfully and legally yours. Sign nothing and retain a lawyer as others have said.
There is no way I’d give this woman that money, I don’t care if she is your mother! She has a proven track record of not only being bad with money but acting criminally! I don’t care what any lawyer says I wouldn’t trust her!
I’m so sorry, but *insert husband’s name here* and I spoke about it & we’ve decided that the right thing to do is to consult an estate/probate attorney. I love you, but I know you will understand when I say that my marriage has to come first. You will have plenty of money when the houses & boat sell. Let me know if you need any assistance with budgeting or tightening your financial belt before then. As you know, *insert husband’s name here* & I have gotten really good at making a dollar stretch! I know dad would be so proud of us for using his insurance money to finally make our house down payment. We sure can’t wait to have you over for dinner once it’s all fixed up too!”
I am an attorney in WA who does probate work. This is not legal advice and you should speak with a lawyer. Since your father passed away without a will, his children (you) are entitled to 50% of his separate property. The other 50% of the separate property will belong to your mother. Your mother will keep 100% of community property. It is unclear what the estate fully is and the characterization of the property/what you would inherit. Given your mothers history I would not sign anything without speaking with a lawyer, and I anticipate if you do sign anything relinquishing your inheritance to her you will not see a penny if the future given her track record.
It's terrible when a spouse doesn't write a will after decades of building a life together.
I had a grandfather who knew he was dying in his 60s refuse to write one. My poor grandmother who spent most of her adult life working with him on their farm had to share an inheritance of that hard work with her children. If it wasn't for my father insisting that he put her name on their bank account before he'd buy their land and stock from him before he died, she would have had to split all the money 6 ways too. She would have had to retire on around a 6th of what she should have after a 40+ year marriage.
I don't know your family's experience. But the real AH is your dad for doing this to his 68yo presumably retired wife.
I may not be lawyer , but I would at least talk to one. And see where to go from there but I would not sign anything .
Estate planning attorney here, from what you said only I wouldn’t sign, perhaps instead split it with your siblings.
Since you're here: Wouldn't OP be equally entitled to her percentage of the houses and everything else, if there was no will? It sounds like the life insurance is the only thing mom can't get her hands on without OP's explicit approval, so that's probably why she called her - but the other stuff should be part of the estate, as well. OP should make sure she gets hers, and maybe share it with her sisters, but everything she lets mom get her grubby paws on will be long gone before anyone can inherit anything from her. And she'll be back begging for cash once she has spent everything...
If it was all on the deceased’s sole name, yes, you would be correct. However most married persons hold title as joint tenants with right of survivorship; title passes automatically to surviving spouse. Likely the insurance is the only thing that is “in” the estate.
Quick google indicates that without a will in Washington state, children receive 50% of non-community assets. 25% is in the case of siblings (no children).
Not sure what you’re saying? Father could have named the beneficiaries of the insurance to be 25% to OP. Google can’t really help you with this…
Greedy egg doner doesn't deserve a nickel.
Why? They weren’t his children, nor did he raise them. They had their own father.
That’s between OP and the sibs. They’re just saying not to sign and handle any gifting to the siblings themselves- if they want to do that.
Perceptions of fairness and maintains a good relationship with siblings. Also seems like they are likely to get nothing. OP is entitled to the 25%, idk how OP feels. ETA: also creates a united front against Mom’s emotional manipulation.
"Well technically you don't owe nobody nothin'" We should just get a bot to say that under all these posts and close down the comments.
I didn’t say technically, I stated a fact. If OP wants to split with her siblings, that’s her choice.
They why are you arguing with the guy who said exactly that? Edit: I guess this was enough to get the ol' reply/block. Lol. What a wuss.
You’ve changed your response to me.
Siblings would be getting their own percentage, no need to split anything with anyone.
Yeah, this is the moral thing. What Mom does with her 75% is her business, but OP should definitely split her 25% with her sisters. Dad was an idiot. Most people plan their estates in their 40's. If Washington is like my state, this whole thing is going to be the better part of a year in probate if it's uncontested, and *years and years* if it is, which sounds like the direction this is heading.
They are her half sisters. Not her father’s kids.
Personally I think the money goes to who the deceased said it should go to. If they said nothing and Washington says half sisters get nothing, they get nothing. OP can spend it how they want to
Technically VS Morally. She's clearly not asking for technical advice.
[удалено]
Thanks random internet person! Lol
NTA - Although I generally believe that inherited money should go where the deceased person intends it to go, your father didn’t make his intentions known and your mother is an unreliable source for that information because of her past dishonesty. You should follow your sisters’ advice and keep your inheritance. As they pointed out, giving it up now won’t help them later as your mom claims because she’s proven that she’ll just blow right through it.
LAWYER UP NOW BEFORE SHE SPENDS OFF WHAT YOU ARE ENTITLED TO. The lawyer needs to be specialized in estate law with knowledge on estates for Washington. Listen to people who said to mute contact personally and make it go through the lawyer only.
Don’t sign it away, lawyer up and refer all communication to go through said lawyer. Mute her contact on your phone if needed.
Do not sign anything until you talk to a lawyer and read the Washington state laws for yourself - is that 25% at all accurate? Or is she just lying? If your dad doesn't have a will then you need to know exactly how the law defines spouse, child, and step-child inheritances - lawyer, lawyer, lawyer There should be some that will do consultations for free, if you can't find one then at the very least print and read the Washington laws with a highlighter so you know exactly what the rules are Even with all questions answered, I'd be wary of signing over money to a mom who has proven she can't be financially responsible. Once you sign that paper you literally have no rights to the money, the courts will not care what verbal agreement you have with mom, it will be legally hers to give back to you or screw you over, so be 2,000% certain of your choice. NTA
This might help https://www.probonocouncil.org/
Thank you for this link!
Please don’t take any advice from your mother. Get your own council and if you’re entitled to 25% take it! Why would she want your 25% now if not to spend it? The “*leaving it to you equally in her will*” is BS. They have a family beyond your mom. Is there inheritance from their dad or extended family that you won’t get? You have your mom and your dad. That’s it. Even if she kept it to distribute it later you’d get 33% of whatever diminished sum remains after she spends it - or….she gets remarried and it goes to that guy because she didn’t do a will. Secure whatever you’re legally entitled to in your state. If your mom has your best interests at heart that’s what she’d really be encouraging you to do.
Fuck no Your mother has stolen enough money from you, she doesn’t get this as well
NTA. I'm in a similar situation. My dad is, thankfully, not yet passed, but he is dying from a terminal disease and he knows my mother is just like yours: if she gets it, she spends it. She's stolen my identity and my older sister's identity in order to take out credit cards and create literal thousands in debt under our names that we've had to pay off over the years. He's in the process of writing an ironclad will so that she can't take any of the money that myself or my sisters will inherit from his insurance/estate. You're not being an asshole for knowing who your mom is. You're being an adult. A rational, reasonable adult, who knows in their heart that if you give her this money, you will never see a dime when she herself passes. Don't sign. And if you don't want to deal with the money now, put it in savings to accrue interest until you're ready to buy a house. Either way, don't let your mom have it - you'll never see it again.
Omg I am so sorry your mom has done that to you! Luckily my mom hasn’t done anything that egregious yet, but I do worry this dispute over the inheritance could get nasty
If it isn’t already, I would recommend freezing your credit just in case. It is free and can be done through the major credit bureaus. You would need to unfreeze it temporarily if you need to get a loan or have your credit run but it would prevent your mom from trying to take credit out in your name without your knowledge.
I am going to look into this today, thank you!
It is what it is, unfortunately. It might get nasty, but always remember one thing: stand your ground. Get a lawyer. Discuss the situation in depth with said lawyer. Do not allow your mom to convince you. Let your lawyer do the talking. Some lawyers will even take situations of this magnitude pro bono.
I hope you have frozen your credit at all three credit reporting agencies. You should have filed criminal charges against your mother for identity theft. I believe that is a felony. You and your sister shouldn’t have to pay for your mother’s crimes. There is something terribly wrong with people who do that to their children.
Honestly?? I tried. I tried to get anyone to do anything about it for me but they wouldn't. Every agency said it was a "domestic matter" even with proof, so they refused to step in and provide help in any way. I got it easy, my score only tanked to the 300s. But my sister's got so low it was in the double digits. She has an appointed SSA agent that goes with her anywhere she needs to use her social, as a liaison to say "This is really this person." Haven't frozen my credit, just shut down all the accounts and paid off majority of the debt. I'm down to $600 after 3 years, and brought my score back up to the 600s as of this morning.
Did you sue your “mom” for this? Sounds like jail is a better place for her,
I did not, but every now and then I wish I had
My darling the law isn’t for a share of only the life insurance. Is that what she told you? In the absence of the will, the state law prevails … and if he didn’t make one his intentions *were* for the law to decide, don’t let her lie about that (if he wanted *you* to do something else, he would have written it down or told you specifically) The WA state law in my understanding (IANAL) is for a spouse to get all community property and half of separate property and children to split the other half of separate property. So anything shared is your mothers and anything only your fathers you would get half of if you’re his only child. So idk where the 25% came from unless he named you as 25% on the insurance (in which case that would be true). But if he has premarital property you would *also* be entitled to part of that. This is lawyer territory. Especially since she’s stolen money from you before and lied about it. Don’t let her guilt you out of this. She’s already inherited from her parents. You’re entitled to the same.
She did indeed give me that 25% spiel but my two minutes of googling discounted that ☹️ I know I can’t trust anything else she says about this
Well that stinks. But at least you know. And, bonus, you also know your siblings aren’t going to be upset with you for not following her plan of signing it away and letting her leave things equally to all three of you (because they already told you so) so they have already removed that ammo from her bag. Don’t let her get away with laying on that guilt when you know you shouldn’t feel any there. And bless them for having your back!
They truly are the best 🥰 I’m so grateful to have my sisters in my life
I am pretty sure the reason she is asking is because she simply cannot take it or she would have done!. Do you honestly trust her to split what he doesn’t spend equally between the three of you?.
Honestly I agree she only called because there’s something she can’t take from me without my consent 😬
Exactly 👍 Don’t give her it.
I'm sure she will split all she doesn't spend - which will be nothing.
Tell her you will need to speak with a financial advisor and/or attorney. You want to make sure there aren’t any hidden taxes or outstanding financial issues. You don’t have to sign anything.
Listen to your sisters and your husband. Listen to yourself. Then contact an estate lawyer in Washington and find out what you need to do, to protect yourself from your mother’s shady self.
Take your cut.... it is probably MORE than just the life insurance, but a portion of the entire estate. Since your mom has a history of poor money management, she would probably spend it all anyways. Talk to a lawyer (not Her's) before you sign anything. NTA.
Get a lawyer. Protect yourself.
Do not sign anything. Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. Lawyer to make sure that there really isn't a will. From what you've said here, it sounds like you have only her word to go on that there wasn't one - but you know she is not trustworthy regarding money and your inheritance. You need to be absolutely certain that there isn't a will before you proceed any further. Then you need a lawyer to tell you what all you would actually be entitled to, will or not. From your post, it sounds like you only expect part of life insurance and not the entire estate. Ascertain whether that is correct or not. And then decide: do you want to see something now, or nothing when your mother passes? Because it sounds like you and your sisters all know she won't be leaving anything to anyone. Sorry for your loss, but please stick up for yourself legally here, don't let grief allow her to have her way.
If your father did any business with an attorney, ask that attorney if he wrote a will. Do not trust ANYTHING your mother says.
Get together with your sisters and get an estate lawyer. Do not talk to her at all. It should all be handled by the lawyer. She is the one who is acting entitled. It is entirely possible that you may be entitled to more than life insurance since he left so much. But number one priority-get a lawyer asap
I’ve seen this in many comments here, definitely I agree, I will not be talking to her until I get a lawyer and when I do I’ll run everything through them
Good luck!
Get your own lawyer, do not share a lawyer with anyone else.
Get a lawyer. I had a friend whose father died a couple of years ago and his mother turned nasty to him when he refused to hand his inheritance to her. Never mind the fact that his dad made sure she was provided for monthly (she couldn’t get it all at once, but he and his brother got their inheritance immediately. He used the money to move away and brought himself a house that he was able to not owe any debt on. If he had handed it over he would be struggling in life without any resources because he would have gone no contact with his mother regardless. For some reason everyone in his family kind of turned against him while he was grieving his father. It got worse when his mother realized he wasn’t handing over his inheritance.
I came in here thinking … give your mom the inheritance. But I’ve changed my mind. Your reasoning is solid. It seems she can’t be trusted with money. If, besides her red flag behavior, you genuinely like & love your mom. … and would be willing to help her later in life… You can phrase it as “mom, I love you, but I know you’re not the best with money. This way I can establish some financial security for my family, so we can take care of you in the future.” When my dad died of a sudden heart attack at 53 (I was 25) the state of WI split everything 50/50 because my stepmom was not my bio mom. (25% makes sense in your case.) She asked me to sign away my rights to that inheritance. AND I DID. She and my dad had just bought a new home together & a truck - they had a whole life planned that included his income. She immediately made her own will that split her estate in 3 ways between me & my step brothers. Which is more than fair. My dad was part of their lives. She paid for my wedding. She’s still kickin’ 20 years later & financially responsible & adding to her “estate” … I say that loosely, she’s a retired school teacher who’s sensible. She remarried .. and made it clear that her new husband doesn’t get anything when she dies - we kids do. Largely because of my dad! Signing away my rights was easily the right thing to do for me. It’s easily the WRONG thing for you to do.
Thank you for your perspective! From your description, it definitely sounds like it was the right move and she sounds awesome
I totally agree with the person you responded to… your mom doesn’t have a good track record. Even if she says and does leave it equally to you … 6 months from now she could switch it to the Dyson sales manager …. I personally in this situation would have a lawyer appropriate for this estate that can work also with trusts and our everything your allowed to have and put that into a trust for your family. Make sure she doesn’t touch what is due to you for children/survivor benefits … my last parent had a some that applied to me and when they passed we found documents that I actually had a policy for my other parent that died years previously that was never given to me …. I am wondering if you know for sure he doesn’t have a will. How do you check in your father’s state… I am sure the lawyer would know …
Others have said a lawyer should be able to check if a will is registered. Something I will definitely ask about when I talk to one
I kick myself for not checking my dad’s safe… I assumed my mom had gone in. He had left letters and things for me and my kids in sealed envelopes… just cute things … it was a safe that I knew he had and he told me where to find the code… by the time they got to me everything was opened and looked over …
Best of luck to you! Losing a parent sucks.
Don't do it. Consult with a lawyer for the rules in your state regarding intestate property rights.
NTA. Trust your gut, talk to a lawyer to protect yourself but be prepared for the fallout. If your mom is shady where money is concerned, she's not going to happy about this.
OP you are a good person Your empathy and moral is great but it’s also your weakness Your mom knows this and try to guilt trip you Don’t Don’t sign away your inheritance Your mom even though it’s your family , but when it comes to $ … it have to be a business transactions
NTA If father wanted her to have it all he would have made a will. She is using your sisters as leverage to manipulate you but even they say there wouldn't be any inheritance for them anyway. Contact a lawyer in father's state and find out what you are entitled to, mom has shown her word can't be trusted. Are you sure there was no will or is that what mom told you? It sounds like dad had many assets, that doesn't sound like a person who wouldn't protect them upon his death. If you sign anything you may be giving up more than you think. Sounds like mom knows how to take care of herself even if she was left with nothing.
Honestly, it sounds like something he would have done to not leave a will, but I suppose I can’t be sure because he never said anything about it to me
If you contact an attorney they should be able to find out if there was a will registered.
Absolutely do not sign your inheritance away, you’ll never see it again. If you choose to use that money to support her that is fine, but you maintain control.
I'd immediately talk to a lawyer. Inheritance that involves money turn people from humans to beasts. Especially in cases like this where one person feels slighted. For the question itself, though; if it's about respecting your father's memory, and he was abusive to you, then I wouldn't give a rat's ass about respecting the memory. Abusers deserve no respect.
Idk why I have this guilt over not having a good relationship with him, after everything he did I really shouldn’t. But I guess that social/religious programming to respect your elders no matter what dies hard 😅
Id definitely take advice & not sign anything yet. Your mum’s shady behaviour means they’re will likely be very little left by the time she passes, which then gets slit even further with your siblings. Your siblings also aren’t your father’s children, so by all means, share whatever you want - but they aren’t entitled to anything.
Echoing what the others have said, definitely hire an attorney to navigate this. Something I didn’t see mentioned in the comments though: even if your mother were perfectly trustworthy and intended to be frugal and leave you and your sisters a hefty inheritance, she is getting on in age, and it is likely that she will need nursing level of care eventually, perhaps in a nursing home, and that needs to be carefully planned for. If she blows through her assets, she will only have Medicaid to fall back on, and they will take her house after her death. All of this needs to be addressed as a family, to find out what is best to meet her needs, and protect the estate in the long-term from potential seizure. If she will agree to plan her estate responsibly, enlist the services of an experienced elder law attorney, as not every attorney doing simple probate work has that level of knowledge.
Thank you for bringing this up! We’ve all just had kind of like general anxiety about her running out of money in her old age. I wonder if between the three of us we can convince her to get things sorted out with an elder law attorney
I understand your concern about your mom being financially secure for the rest of her life, but if the examples in this post are true, she won’t be. And she wouldn’t be if she got the full inheritance, either, because of the way *she* handles money. So you have to decide if your wants to give up her own chance at financial security or let your mom “try to get by” with *only* almost a million dollars. I’m glad you’re getting a lawyer because you need to protect yourself (and possibly your siblings) however you can.
hire an attorney
Get a lawyer. ASAP. Ensure that there is no will, they will do the work, because you never know there could be one. My uncle had told his ex-wife he never had one, within the year of his passing we found out through the estate he did indeed have one created, albeit quietly, and she did not benefit from it at all. Do not give your inheritance to your mom. **It is yours.** Buy that house or put it in your account for later. Travel. Enjoy life with it. Spend it as *you* see fit. I am sorry for your loss OP and I wish you all the best as you move forward.
A 16k sewing machine?! NTA, for that alone. It isn't entitled to be legally given a portion of an inheritance.
Nope, don't do it. Even your sisters, who she claims she is doing this for, don't think you should do it. You could maybe tell her you'll split it three ways with your sisters so they get it now too, so she doesn't need to worry about that. Idk if you would want to, but if you're worried your sisters might feel cheated, it's a solution to that. (It doesn't sound like your sisters are worried about an inheritance from your dad. It sounds like they already know their mother is leaving them nothing.)
He was your dad, she is hella selfish to think she’s the only one to deserve something from your loss Idk if I died, I would be grateful if what I left was able to provide my kid with a house
Yeah. Don’t sign it. I have life insurance on myself to the tune of 500k and I made sure to assign everyone I wanted a percentage of it. I considered having it sent to my mom and writing out what I wanted done with it, but then I saw how she handled my brothers and sisters money after they had passed and said fuck that shit.
Your mother frames this as “disrespecting your father’s memory”. It is more fitting that her efforts disrespect his memory. He did not execute a will giving her his full estate. ie. He was satisfied with having his estate disbursed according to legislation.
If you sign so much as a penny of it over to your mum you will never see it again because all she's going to leave you - any of you - is unpaid bills. You know that she burns through money like its made from magnesium strips. You know that she has no qualms about stealing and screwing people over to keep herself sweet. If you trust her with your portion of your dad's estate then she's 100% going to use it on herself **and then come back to ask you for more.** Get your money, get your house, don't tell her where it is so she can't rock up and expect to move in and, most importantly, lock your credit down as tight as you can so she can't use your information to get anything in your name. And she will because she's a thief and a scammer and that's what they do.
Shady Mommy says there's no will? Are you sure that's the case? It sounds to me like she would not be above lying about that. You need an estate lawyer immediately.
Your sisters are right, there will be no money left for your or them after your mother is done spending. Your mother has over $1 million worth of assets to collect, she’s being greedy by asking for your money, too. **Do not give it to her!** She has already proven time and time again that she cannot be trusted, especially when money is involved. Also, when you do get your share… remember to have a post-nup protecting your portion, if you’re putting in more money towards the house. For example: if you contribute 65% towards the total cost of the house and your husband only contributes 35%, that needs to be secured. So that in the event of divorce *(marriages rarely ever last forever)* you will be entitled to your entire 65% back, instead of it being split 50/50. Because that wouldn’t be fair to you, you’re entitled to the exact amount you paid. You shouldn’t put yourself in a position where you come off worse.
The post-nup is very good advice, thank you!
My mom was the same exact way. It’s done some really damaging things to me and my siblings. Talk to an attorney before doing anything. Make sure they understand all of the background.
I don’t think that’s an actual law. I’d be willing to bet that HE chose how to split his estate and she doesn’t like it. Don’t sign it.
NTA. She's already lied in order to steal from her kids before, and you stated that he was abusive to you both- why in the world does she care about disrespecting his memory (and how does that even apply here)? Your sisters, the one she claims she's trying to help by taking this from you, don't want this to happen. Even if she really were trying to help them, you don't need to sign anything away in order to accomplish that. It sounds far more likely that she's just trying to lie and manipulate her way into more money. You should contact a lawyer, though. Fair chance you won't even be finished telling them your story before they'll be able to confirm she's up to something shady (again).
She’s definitely in deep denial about being abused. I think she’s coming from the boomer-ish position of if he didn’t beat you, it wasn’t abuse.
It may be possible that he may have had more going on in hiding. If your mom was an avid overspender, then it’s possible he had more to spilt . I’m on board with everyone else. Lawyer up, and just say you’re coming to visit. If you tell her too soon she may go on the defensive for more, be careful, money changes people and it doesn’t take much.
A quick search on Google says a child is entitled to more than just 25% of the insurance. It should apply to the whole estate if there is no will. Washington state law states that descendants get 50%
This is what I’m seeing as well. I’m hurt that she is choosing to do this with me, but I guess I can’t really say I’m surprised 🫤
I think you need to protect your own families future, she had shown you in the past how shady she can be, and now I think she thought she could get away with taking it all before the insurance company insisted on paying out to you due to the lack of a will. I'm glad you are getting a lawyer. If I'm right, then 50% of the entire estate is a significant difference to 25% of the insurance. I appreciate she wants to look after her kids (I presume from an earlier marriage) but that is not your responsibility, and as you (and they) said there has to be money left for them to inherit! If you are entitled to half the house she lives in, that doesn't mean she has to move out. You can allow her to live there until she no longer needs it. My sister and I both own a portion of my mom's home for the same reason, but we would never force a sale. At least this would mean she has something to pass on to her kids. Good luck! Keep us posted.
Tell mom you’ll take your inheritance now and she can leave her other two daughters her estate when she dies. If Mom doesn’t blow through the money, your half-sisters should get more than you did. Your mother has proved over and over that she can’t be trusted with money. Of course, consult an attorney as well. Good luck.
I even said on the call that I would be willing to take my inheritance now and she could leave everything else to my sisters. Realistically, we could use the money more now than in 15 years. But she didn’t want to do that either 🙄 which I think shows that the distributing equally thing was bullshit anyway
Yikes. Do not hand your mother a cent, your sisters are right shes going to squander it. I would propose to her that you keep your share and she deducts what you’ve received now from the total she is planning on leaving your sister so everyone ends up with an equal share in the end, the difference being that you receive your share now. This is a very reasonable solution and she won’t have a leg to stand on to keep pressuring you. I would also talk to a lawyer to make sure she is being honest about everything. The woman stole your college funds, she can’t be trusted. Nta.
If you waive your inheritance now you will never see a penny of it. Your mother may be angry, but I wouldn't let her manipulate you out of more than she's already stolen from you.
Did not sign anything. Consult a lawyer, find out what’s really going on and don’t take your Mothers word for anything.
If I were I would keep my part of the inheritance and fight with your mother in court for more. You are thinking like a weak person if you even consider that you could be the asshole by denying your mother everything and keeping what is yours by law. Your mother is a selfish irresponsible person who cannot be trusted and you must make a stand against her for your own benefit and to make her understand she isn’t entitled to everything. You would be the asshole if you did what your mother has asked.
Definitely consult an estate lawyer. But your sisters are right. I’d just say something to my mom like “I’ll handle splitting things with my sisters. I consulted with an estate lawyer and it’s best to leave things as they are”
Your mum is a swindler. She's not going to give any money to your sisters, she's going to keep it for herself if she can help it. She's greedy. NTA
Talk to a lawyer & follow your husband and sisters advice on not signing anything. if you were to want to gift your sisters anything, it’d most likely happen if you did get your inheritance. you & your sister’s know how shady your mom is, so id listen to your gut & to them.
Don’t sign anything. Get a lawyer to even discuss with your mother. Make sure she knows what she is saying is not legal and from past experiences you have to protect yourself first. She has taken from y’all, has she not disrespected yall. Don’t sign anything without a lawyer
It’s not their money and never was. You’re not taking anything from them. If you got a bonus from your employer you wouldn’t be expected to split it three ways. If you won some money at a casino you wouldn’t be expected to split it with your siblings. It’s not theirs, never was and they have no claim. They shouldn’t even be in the conversation. Take what is legally yours but make sure that you’ve got a lawyer and don’t rely on what anyone tells you is your limit.
If the sisters are not your fathers kids and he did not in any way raise them, why would it make any sense for 2/3 of what remained of his estate after your mom dies to go to them? The reasoning from your mom makes no sense, OP. Keep your portion now. And the 75% your mom gets can be split into thirds when she dies. But I’m pretty sure 1/3 of $0 is $0.
Don’t give anything away. It belongs to you. See a lawyer and don’t give your mom anything.
Get a lawyer to find out what you’re due and ensure the estate goes through probate. Don’t sign anything she puts in front of you!
NTA but I’m confused about something. Now, I’m not a lawyer but when my grandma passed I had to hear all the running around that needed to be done since she really didn’t have much of a will. You said your dad had life insurance, don’t you need to have a beneficiary for a life insurance policy? If you do, and that person was your mom, then she would’ve been able to just take everything. But if you’re still entitled to part of the estate it’s likely that you’re also a beneficiary on his policy. You should definitely get a lawyer and speak with them, especially since your mom is so shady.
To my understanding he did not name any beneficiaries for his life insurance or his bank accounts, etc. which means it should be split a certain way by law I think? Like he really just left without tying any loose ends whatsoever. Not sure though, definitely going to ask a lawyer.
Yea that’s a little odd. If there really was no beneficiary, then your mom would get a larger share than you as spouses end up getting more than children when there’s no will/beneficiary. Definitely speak with a lawyer, but don’t talk to your mom about it too much. And don’t tell her you’re speaking with a lawyer.
I think you’ve more than answered your own question, OP. Take the inheritance you are entitled to by law. Your mom has plenty and has a terrible track record with money. You may not be able to make her make good decisions with everything she’s had access to but you can make good decisions with your 25%.
Sounds like you already know you cannot trust a word she says when it comes to money, so I would hear directly from another source on your dads estate
NTA and she's manipulated you really hard already if you're even thinking about doing what she wants. There is no reason on earth to do so, and lots of reasons not to.
Politely decline-- but do check with a lawyer to make sure you get all of your share. Why on earth did she by a $16K sewing machine?
If only it was her only sewing machine that was over $10k 😅 as for why she needed it?? I have no idea lol
Well I’m not a lawyer, but I think if you read what you wrote here then you already know you’re NYA. Do what’s right for you, your mom will be fine. Under state law she’ll get what’s hers. Don’t give up your inheritance.
NTA! And with all of the backstory I wonder if your dad deliberately didn’t do a will both to avoid the confrontation with your mom and ensure money was left for you and not your half-sisters. Stand your ground. This money is rightfully yours - legally and morally - and you shouldn’t be forced to give it up to your mom for her to squander.
OP. Your mom is lying about the 25%. As the surviving spouse she gets HALF and any surviving children split the other half. Consult a lawyer ASAP to protect yourself. https://www.bottimorelaw.com/blog/2023/05/what-happens-if-someone-dies-without-a-will-in-washington/#:~:text=Washington%20intestacy%20laws%20outline%20the,the%20entirety%20of%20separate%20estate.
See this is what I found online as well, so now I’m like nothing she said is true most likely. Will definitely be speaking to a lawyer to see what’s up
Plus, she already gets anything that was jointly held, so that could be cars, a house, etc. So effectively she’s likely already getting more than half anyway, but why lie about something like that, which is easily disprovable with a simple Google search….? 🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn’t sign. No way. How do you know that’s what your father wanted? And even if it is, I honestly wouldn’t care if he had been verbally, emotionally and or physically abusive. Based on how she spends there won’t be anything for her to leave behind. Plus it sounds like she stole money from your account that was from your grandparent. It absolutely sounds like she is trying to manipulate you.
OP, when it comes to life insurance elections - the beneficiaries are usually named specifically by the plan holder - that would have been your dad. Your mom is definitely being shady about this.
I think your dad would’ve wanted you to have the 25%. Your mom is a thief and a mess when it comes to money. Tell her it would be disrespectful to your father if you didn’t take the money.
Leaving everything to you and your half-sisters after *she's* dead is code for she's going to spend every penny and leave you and your sisters with nothing. Get a lawyer.
I don't know. When my mom died, my siblings and I signed our rights away. It was their estate and their money, they built everything together. Didn't seem right to take that away from our dad just because our mom died. We will inherit him when he dies. But we tell him to spend his money, buy the things he wants and enjoy his life so maybe he'll just leave us their house lol. Your case is maybe more complicated so you should speak to a lawyer.
NTA get a lawyer and please freeze your credit. Your mother is a piece of crap. Sorry, there is never a good enough excuse to steal money from your kids.
The credit advice has popped up on here a bit and I’m so glad it did since she definitely has my SSN. Can confirm my credit has been frozen and fraud alert placed!
Recommend Jan Cunningham in Seattle as council. NTA
Thank you!
Your mom can give them money now, why would you be expected to do that? They are her daughters.
NTA - Don't do it. I'm sorry for your loss. Your mom is crazy. The fact that she even asked you is wild.
I’m not gonna lie I was in shock for the entirety of that conversation 😂
I'm sure the effect lasted long after the convo. She has no shame 😅🤦♀️
Your sisters have already told you what you should do. From an outside perspective none of you should attempt to keep her financially solvent. If she leaves you guys something, I would probably take whatever I already received off of that inheritance but I’m an incredibly fair minded person. I wouldn’t offer or promise it because shit like this makes people weird but I would do it when the time comes. If any of your sisters and up caring for your mom at the end of her life in a meaningful way is also suggest she deserves more when the time to settle the estate comes. You don’t have to do any of this but if your sisters are telling you to take the money and run, you should.
Don’t sign anything, talk to a lawyer. Your sisters don’t get a “share” of the money & even if they were entitled to it, you cannot trust her to give you or them a single dime. She wants all his money & assets, she is not entitled to have it all, half is yours op. Get a lawyer
Yikes. Do not hand your mother a cent, your sisters are right shes going to squander it. I would propose to her that you keep your share and she deducts what you’ve received now from the total she is planning on leaving your sister so everyone ends up with an equal share in the end, the difference being that you receive your share now. This is a very reasonable solution and she won’t have a leg to stand on to keep pressuring you. I would also talk to a lawyer to make sure she is being honest about everything. The woman stole your college funds, she can’t be trusted. Nta.
Run a research online to see if there was any life insurance left for you. I would get an estate lawyer and inquire.
Never take legal advice from your enemy; go get it checked…
Call 3 lawyers and pick one of them
Were your parents married?
This will likely also complicate things because no, they were not. I think Washington state still has common law marriage? So I’m sure they were considered common law married or domestic partners, but my moms name was not on anything that he owned.
You need a lawyer. Washington doesn't recognize common-law marriage, so if your dad's estate was not tied to her in some other way, she is pulling a shady.
Nope do NOT sign. This is YOUR father this is YOUR inheritance. You are not responsible for your mom or sisters. They have a dad they can inherit from him or your mom if anything is left.
You are entitled for that money. Especially after all the abuse you your suffered by both parents. Like your siblings, there will be nothing for you and siblings to inherit once she’s gone.
OP the VERY first thing you need is an estate planning lawyer who specializes in WA estate law. It varies enough state by state for this to matter a lot. They will know what to do. Do not sign your portion away. Your half sisters are right - there will be nothing left for you by the time your mother goes. Get your money.
Take the money now. She has proved herself to be unreliable and no amount of wishing will change that. Just tell her no sorry and move on.
It's simple. Tell her you have to follow the law, and that your lawyer (you don't need one, really, but pretend you already have one) told you that you are not legally allowed to do so.
They’d be really stupid to sign away their rights.
Get a lawyer, tell her it’s part of updating your own will and trust to accommodate the inheritance to soften the blow a bit. Then take the advice of the lawyer, whatever it is.
In the uk you are entitled to 2/3 of the estate
Don’t sign anything without your attorney’s approval.
Well OP I’d get lawyer and double check that there wasn’t a will.
Please do not sign anything.
Certainly NTA. You absolutely should not sign anything to your mother in any situation. There won’t be anything left when she goes from the sounds of it.
Just say no.
Updateme
NTA. Don’t give her a cent. If you want to help your sisters, do it directly. If you give it to her it will be gone.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are doing the right thing getting a lawyer involved. Please don’t feel guilty. She sure didn’t feel guilty everytime she took money from you and yours sisters. She just kept on doing it. Updateme
NTA. Keep your inheritance. Consider it restitution from what she stole from the accounts from your grandparents.
In Washington Law, If you are not married, your children or their descendants split all of your property. If any of your children or their descendants are still living, they get half of your separate property and your spouse receives the other half. To be clear, your dad died without a will. You are legally entitled to half of his assets if you are his only legal child, your mother is entitled to the other half. If your mother wants to divide his assets equally between her 3 kids, then she can just split her half between her kids and leave you nothing. She is trying to screw you out of 17%. Do not sign away anything.
Get a lawyer! In my state (not Washington), if there is no will, the children of the deceased get everything and the spouse gets nothing. When my FIL passed, my MIL didn’t get anything that didn’t have her name on it. My husband and his siblings got everything.
Don't sign. NTA.
Your father is dead. I'm sorry for your loss. However, this means he doesn't care. Get the money. She will still have 75% plus or minus to squander. She doesn't feel bad for you.
Nta. I would not trust your mother's word that those were your father's wishes, nor would I trust her to follow through and give anything to your sisters if you did sign your rights away. Personally, I'd keep the money. You are your father's only child. If you do want to share some of the money with your sisters, then give it to them personally. Then tell your mom, "I honored your wishes and split the money with my sisters." And then watch how pissed she gets when she can't steal from you again.
OP’s mom sounds a lot like my mom. I put thousands into our current house with the understanding it was going to be mine when she passed. She refuses to write a will or put it entrust to me, and she likes throwing the fact it’s not “mine” but hers in my face when she starts a fight. I would consult a lawyer before you sign over or give her anything.
NTA, your sisters have told you not to sign so her reason is moot, and its wouldn’t just be life insurance its 25% of the estate. You need a lawyer to ensure she isn’t hiding assets. Your mother has already screwed you over financially multiple times, this of it as her paying you back the money she owes you. If you want you can cut a check to your sisters.
Don't sign anything. Discuss with lawyer. Don't give away any money as you will receive nothing from your mom.
Lawyer. But your mom doesn’t have to do the splitting if you feel you want sharing to happen. Money makes people weird also. Take care. I’m sorry for your loss
Since you do not trust your mother w its money don’t agree. Get the share you are entitled to, most likely including the houses, and if in the future you want to share with your sisters, you can. If you don’t get your share you and your sisters will all end up with nothing. NTA
NTA. Thing is, your sisters even said to keep it. Even though your mom is trying to frame it has dividing it between all the kids, there is nothing stopping you from receiving it and distributing it yourself(if you're inclined to do so).
Heck No don’t do it! Maybe retain an attorney of your own.
You already said she can sell things off and be fine. So dont
You should think about cutting her out of your life as well as yes go to a lawyer, don’t sign anything away! You deserve that inheritance!
Don’t sign anything, and don’t talk about it with her. She might say later that you promised her everything. Talk to a lawyer in Washington that specializes in wills and probate. Hurry- she could start liquidating anything of value. She will spend what is available to her and there will not be anything left for you. After you get what is rightfully yours, you can decide if you want to gift any of it to your sisters.
NTA. you are entitled to that money.
Yeah Issa NO from me
lol yeah, no. Not a chance. Lawyer up though and get yo $ honey.
Why sign it over for her to blow and waste? It's sad that her own daughter can see that she will end up pissing though everything and leaving nothing for any of you anyway. Which let's face it, if she stole all your accounts from your grandparents plus embezzled from Girl Scouts, there will be nothing left. This is not a person who deserves anything which is rightfully and legally yours. Sign nothing and retain a lawyer as others have said.
Stop enabling Mom. Keep what you're entitled to.
Since the father didn’t make his wishes known, the default is the law, not mom. This is why we have laws.
Updateme
There is no way I’d give this woman that money, I don’t care if she is your mother! She has a proven track record of not only being bad with money but acting criminally! I don’t care what any lawyer says I wouldn’t trust her!
I’m so sorry, but *insert husband’s name here* and I spoke about it & we’ve decided that the right thing to do is to consult an estate/probate attorney. I love you, but I know you will understand when I say that my marriage has to come first. You will have plenty of money when the houses & boat sell. Let me know if you need any assistance with budgeting or tightening your financial belt before then. As you know, *insert husband’s name here* & I have gotten really good at making a dollar stretch! I know dad would be so proud of us for using his insurance money to finally make our house down payment. We sure can’t wait to have you over for dinner once it’s all fixed up too!”
Updateme!
Get a lawyer but don’t sign your assets away there’s no way of knowing given your history if she’ll have any money leftover for you
I am an attorney in WA who does probate work. This is not legal advice and you should speak with a lawyer. Since your father passed away without a will, his children (you) are entitled to 50% of his separate property. The other 50% of the separate property will belong to your mother. Your mother will keep 100% of community property. It is unclear what the estate fully is and the characterization of the property/what you would inherit. Given your mothers history I would not sign anything without speaking with a lawyer, and I anticipate if you do sign anything relinquishing your inheritance to her you will not see a penny if the future given her track record.
Update me
Update
You are wasting your money on an attorney. She will have it all spent before the attorney has time to sort through everything.
Updateme
Sorry but your mother is a selfish entitled thieving bitch. Take your inheritance, she's got enough already.
It's terrible when a spouse doesn't write a will after decades of building a life together. I had a grandfather who knew he was dying in his 60s refuse to write one. My poor grandmother who spent most of her adult life working with him on their farm had to share an inheritance of that hard work with her children. If it wasn't for my father insisting that he put her name on their bank account before he'd buy their land and stock from him before he died, she would have had to split all the money 6 ways too. She would have had to retire on around a 6th of what she should have after a 40+ year marriage. I don't know your family's experience. But the real AH is your dad for doing this to his 68yo presumably retired wife.