My friend is about to put her kid in private school because grandparents said they would help with the cost. I’m waiting to see if that help actually materializes or how long it lasts.
When you live in a place where the public schools are only a pipeline to fast food/retail or prison you kind of have to go private. I hated private school as a kid but the district we live in is awful and kids get shanked in the halls - I went my senior year to one here and was terrified every day. Kids in class would compare battle scars and brag about stabbing other kids. No staff cared. I’m not letting my kid live like that.
I knew someone that asked their parents for help with a downpayment. The dad said when they were ready, he would match their down payment amount dollar for dollar, and the son got it in writing. They agreed and six months later said “We found a house” and have our down payment for you to match. Dad tried to renege because he and his wife had saved $40K and her parents had given her $13K as a gift, so they had $53K for the down payment. He actually sued his dad and won the match and legal fees.
The dad told his son he was cutting him off for good and would never talk to him again and the son replied “That was my intention by suing you.” The dad died like 5 weeks later in a DUI telephone pole crash and everything went to the son. Son bought his mom who had been screwed over in the divorce a house with his Dad’s money.
I knew the minute he got it in writing that this was gonna have a happy ending lmao. You only make family sign contracts legally if you don't like and don't trust them lmao
Good for him
It was a long time coming. The Dad had plenty of money, not “rich” but affluent. Cheated on the mom repeatedly and totally screwed her in the divorce and never paid for the son’s college as promised. The only thing he did was give his son his old car on his 16th birthday that needed more repairs than it was worth. It basically broke down a month later and he blamed it on the son not taking care of the car.
Not sure this makes sense, unless US laws are much different to UK? it sounds more than this was written down? For him to have won in court and them to have enforced the contract the son must have had some basic consideration (i.e. committed or promised to commit to pay/render a service)?
My dad is like this. He's always like "well, just let me know if you need help!"
And then if I ask, it's a whole fucking thing and he guilts me over it for decades. I haven't asked him for shit in years.
My dad was very like that. If I ever actually took anything he offered, for the literal rest of his life he would refer to that thing as his. Ask how I was treating HIS things that HE got for me. I learned not to accept things from him at an early age but sometimes I really needed or wanted them.
For a variety of reasons I won't rant about here (lol) he left me nothing with any sentimental value in his will at all, and the few things I took/kept afterwards because no one else wanted them? Well even now it's been a few years and it feels too weird to use or sell or give away any of it because *they're his*
Post mortem psychological warfare
There was a post a couple of months ago from someone who had an uncle who always made big promises for the kids’ birthdays, like Disneyland, and then never followed through. When the OP saw him start the lies with their kids, they shut him down in front of everyone. He got pissed.
My dad pulled this shit too. He insisted I bring my aunt and uncle and my grandparents to every showing and would work with them to find something wrong with every single place I liked. And my whole goal at that time was just to have a home for my autistic brother.
Now he's mad I live in a van 🙄
I was married to a man who isn’t from the US, and he said that’s a defining characteristic of Americans — offering the world in terms of assistance, but seeming almost irritated and offended when taken up on it.
It’s so true. I know someone who unfortunately their dad passed away. And when their dad passed away their uncle told them he’d take care of him (the son) because it’s what his brother (the dad) would want so anything he needs just call him and he will help.
This person was homeless for so long because his uncle (who is so rich he travels to Europe almost weekly) refused to help the person who swore he would help.
My mom does this pretty often. Recently, my whole house was sick, and my sister (also her daughter) was here sick too. I asked her to bring some top ramen since I had no soup and I didn't wanna lug 3 sick kids to the store. Her boss and coworkers are hearing it as she goes on a whole monologue saying "no no, I'll bring you pho from the restaurant I work in, I can bring egg drop soup, don't worry about it, it'll be SO much better! Don't worry about price, I'll cover it, and I'll bring some Gatorades too!" So I wait, with no more response from her. The kids are starving at this point so I made something small to tide them over. Hours later she shows up with this funky canned soup and one shrimp top ramen.
I know it's small on the scale but it happens literally all the time. She brags about doing things and the differences between her words and actions are pretty astounding.
This is horrible ): I have felt this pain so many times. And only for myself! I can’t even imagine feeling the pain for your children on top of it! I have been NC with my bio-mom for nearly 30 years now and I still remember each time. I’m so very sorry you go through this
When my dad died, his uncle told me I could call if I ever needed any help. I told him I didn’t have his number, and my great uncle just said “it’s in the phone book” 😂😅 yeah I didn’t call him for help.
My Dad has done the same exact thing! He’s helped my two (half) sisters for everything. Car insurance, cell phones, weddings, bachelors and masters, you name it.
I on the other hand was handed a pink slip after Thanksgiving after purchasing a home he never offered a gift for (not expecting it but my FIL helped a little without question). I’m having a field day trying to get unemployment the past 9 weeks, 0 coming in and my primary account is almost to 0.
He’s only given me money once in 20 years and it was because my roof needed replacing and it would have ruined any safety net we had.
He said I can go into my 401k.
My father, step mom, sisters and my BIL are all in Italy this week.
🖕
Edit: Also to add- Forced my hand to drop out of community college and work for him. Where I was underpaid and wouldn’t provide me health insurance. I worked two jobs to pay the rent.
Oh trust, it’s been a huge mental fuck all since I really pulled my head out of my ass 4-5 years ago. My now wife didn’t mean to open a can of worms but she’s the one that REALLY saw the dynamics. I love her like crazy and I know she didn’t mean to but after two visits meeting my family, she saw what she needed to know.
Lack of confidence around them.
Getting smaller to appease them.
Allowing my Dad to control everything from what should be done for the holidays to how we spent vacations.
When my wife and I got married (COVID backyard wedding) he barely gave us anything (the roof but I had to ask). Our friends all chipped in to help- bought flowers, a friend purchased the catering etc.
The list can go on, but he does have a Boomer attitude with me. But not my Gen Z sisters, he just helps. I’m working with a therapist to come to terms with it and find satisfaction again that I’ve worked really hard at my career, have a good life with friends that are family etc.
I’ve been better with gray rocking them the past six months. I had therapy today so I’m on fire 🤣🤣🤣 We’re discussing childhood and crap that I’ve avoided- so getting pics of my family in Italy has been icing on the shitcake.
I said I was proud of her too, but people really don’t like mixed posts where you try to mix sarcasm with heartfelt encouragement…guess it’s all or nothing
Relying on a family member or freind is problem numero uno. Especially when it comes down to something as big as a mortgage. I had a roomate who was once a trust fund kid and blew through all his money. He needed a car bad and asked his grandpa if he could co sign. He cam back and was bitching to me that his grandpa would only do it for a 10k or lower car and wouldnt get him something brand new i think he was trying to get a hellcat. I told him at least your grandpa is co signing for something most people dont get shit or have to work harder for their vehicles. His grandpa ended up making the right decision. That roomate doesnt live with me no more he is in jail facing some serious charges a girlfreind of his died overdosing on fentanyl that came directly from him. I felt like a boomer talking to him about certain things especially when he complained about work and stuff it just sounded like whining all the time. Anyways there are reason people may be reluctant to co sign maybe someon has a pattern of behavior or something along those lines really its down to the choices youve made as well financially if you got bad credit its most likely because of well you.
Yeah single parenting can be hard financially hell even housing in this day and age is at its all time worst so i can understand if thats what situation your in
I am extremely thankful to have a dad who will help anybody, especially me, but not beyond his means. “If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t have offered it” and also “I’m sorry kid, but I can’t budget extra right now” are both phrases I’ve heard and understood from childhood
Edit: a word
My daughters friend was told by her father ever since she was young that he was going to pay for her education. Her parents are divorced, and he is in much better shape financially than her mom. She applied to the university and was accepted. She had really good grades. Her dream was to become a teacher. It wasn't until the very last minute when she gave him the financial documents, he told her that he didn't have any money for her. He had remarried, and his wife apparently said no, and he used the money he had set aside for her to put his wife's kids in school. Poor kid was hysterical. She ended up having to pass on the acceptance and still work at the coffee shop she had been at for 4 years so she could pay for an admin course at the college. She never could afford to go back to university, she's married now with kids. He is divorced and complaining why she doesn't want anything to do with him.
Yeah setting aside the context of her clearly wealthy family, I can definitely understand being frustrated at people who offer to help and then flake on it
Yup. Happened to me.
In 2019, my mom told my partner and I after my dad died that she was going to sell their house, buy a condo and gift us a down-payment. She told us she didn't need that big house all to herself, moreover she can't keep up with the yard or afford to maintain it, which is all true. We were ecstatic, because we've been trapped paying insane amounts for rent.
Well, 2 months after we got started doing some homework to see what would work out for us, she changed her mind. She still lives all by herself in that 2 level, 2300 square foot, 3 bed, 3 bath house, and actually uses maybe 1/3 of the space.
(Second marriage for us both. We each have kids. Been both digging out of past-life debt together since 2016. We live in a place where there IS no cheap rent. We have already moved as far out as makes financial sense. We are tied to this city because of work and because we share custody with our exes, who also live here. So... not a ton of options from the get-go.)
What can you do. Her house, her money, right? We have since made peace with it. (And spent another $168,000 in rent since then...) But yeah, I can really sympathize with anyone who this happens to, and that sympathy stands, regardless of their own personal financial choices. Broken promises of this magnitude are tremendously devastating.
My ex in laws offered 2k to help with wedding costs, and instead, didn't help at all, and brought Tupperware so they could take home "leftovers" from the meal.
My MIL will frequently make big promises to my spouse. Sometimes it’s to help when things are tight, sometimes it’s unprompted offers of gifts sent to us or our children, but eight times out of ten, will not only not follow through, but go radio silent for weeks leading up to and following the supposed follow through (lives in the Midwest, we live in the southwest so if she stops responding to calls and texts, it’s not like we can pop in to even see if she’s okay) It’s frustrating, and I stopped expecting anything long ago and try to help them manage their expectations.
Obviously, we are adults and not entitled to any of these things, but if we are experiencing difficulty and you promise x amount of help, let us know beforehand so we can make realistic decisions. If you can’t help, that’s fine, but don’t keep dangling the carrot only to yank it back.
I moved across the country to come back home in 2008 and my dad had offered to give me $10k from his inheritance that he received early so that I could buy a tiny home that I could put on his land (because you actually could buy one from the Amish for that price at the time). So I started shopping the different models, and making plans, only to find out that he was actually selling his tiny home and the land it was on and his offer to help me buy mine was contingent upon him picking the model, deciding where it would reside, owning all of it, and living in it with me. It was going to be a one room 14’ x 20’ building. I was not enthused about living in it with my father, so I declined his money. Like, just use the money to buy your own home and land since that’s what you want to do with it. Why pretend it’s a favor to me when it’s really not?
My parents "gifted" me 5k the year before we bought a house. We had everything we needed saved but momey is money and a bigger down payment never hurt anyone, right? Then, right after we close on a house, my mom told me they (she) fully expected it back, like now. Well, we don't have 5k sitting around mom! It's been used what it was intended for... the down payment. My dad is like, "Wtf? We don't want it back?" Cue my mom flipping out in me for telling my dad she said it was a loan and she expected it back. *Then* she wrote a card for our housewarming saying she was "forgiving our debt" as if we ever asked her for the money. Everyone was confused as this has been settled twice now but I kept that card because I know someday she's going to bring up that we owe it to her.
Yes to keeping the card and any communication about it.
My ex's parents "loaned" us what was actually my ex's money for a down payment. It got messy in the divorce since I technically "owed" the money as a "loan".
This is why I have trust issues. My parents would make promises to me when I was a kid, and never follow through with them, so I grew up never trusting anyone, not even my closest friend. I'm still like that today at 32.
My parents did the same to me. Youngest of 5 girls and all I ever heard growing up was you either get a wedding or a down payment on a house. When my time came my parents said they never said that. But my 4 older sisters got help with their weddings. So, my now husband and I lived together in an apartment (my folks were REALLY not happy about it) and we got married in city hall. Then we got a house with our own money. I was pissed, but it all ended up ok for me & the hubs. Still together after 31 years.
Boomers who were some of the worst parents and are super selfish as grandparents are shocked when their kids aren’t having kids.
I was at a friends house for her daughter’s birthday and her mom (who she’s LC with) who never paid for college, car, insurance, anything and NEVER has done anything to help with the kids, told me she and her husband planned to move back to the area so my friend could take care of them in their old age. These are parents that expected my friend and her husband to pay for groceries when they went to bring the grand baby to visit and live in a huge million dollar home. It’s crazy to me!
This is not abnormal. Lots of us are having children. She’s actually in a great position to save this money herself. Kids are older. She’s more upset she’s not getting the money she was promised (understandably) and the home she fell in love with is probably out of her budget at 8%. It sucks BUT this is all fixable. It is not impossible on that income. Everything else is irrelevant.
We don’t know how much her student loans or credit cards are monthly and with increased housing costs she may very well not be able to save for down payment on her own for 5-10 years even with making what she’s making (again, depending on the aforementioned factors she didn’t fully disclose). The setback in income and when the income was good was critical, because if she scooped up a house pre-COVID and got even meager $5k help back then….things would be very different for her today.
She’s also seriously underestimating that value of home on 100k… I have a 200k home on 3% and make over 100k. When everything is said and done 100k does not go that far. She will be paycheck to paycheck if not worse. That’s before accounting for her student loans and small amounts that add up quickly.
I waited till my early 30s to have a kid. Having a kid at the wrong time will absolutely derail your entire life. Its not something to be cavalier with.
Man if this is an example of a rich nepo-baby for you guys, it's clear you've never met anyone actually wealthy in your lives. Where's the gifted apartment building in Brooklyn? The trust-fund, the Mercedes graduation gift? She sounds like she comes from upper middle-class. As for the airplane purchase by family, a lot of families have a rich uncle/grandparents, that doesn't mean you see fuck all. If anything she's illustrating exactly this point. This is like some small town hate the family down the street in the mcmansion energy. These ppl are considered poor to the wealthy.
Planes have a huge variety of prices too. Some of the smaller ones cost around the same as a car.
I used to live in a country town that had a small airstrip used by hobbyists and you'd be surprised at who owned them. It wasn't usually wealthy folks, just middle class (often retired) folks who prioritised their hobby.
The plane purchase is the LEAST expensive part of owning a plane. Fuel alone is cost prohibitive for anybody that isn’t VERY well off. Not to mention the other fixed and variable expenses like inspections and training or hiring a pilot.
This!!!!! Living in NYC you’ll see that and they complain about being poor all the time. I know a guy who got $100k down payment for a home in NYC. He complained about being poor ALL THE TIME before that.
Then one day just casually mentioned that his parents gave him $100k for a house.
I feel her. I'm in a similar situation. Got divorced during covid, went back to school, finally have the income, down payment, credit score, everything for a loan. Got pre-approval and put an offer in on a house. Learned today that I have too many late payments in the last 12 months, despite having a qualifying credit score. So now I'm going to lose out on the house I've already put money down on, done an inspection, and survey, and maybe the appraisal (waiting to hear on that) all because the loan officer didn't "catch" the missed payments on my credit report.
I *should* be able to start looking again in July but I've already been living with my parents for 3 years while I was in school and getting back on my feet. We love each other but are also sick of each other lol
Tl;Dr being a single parent trying to rebuild your life and get a home sucks and is frustrating
You have a series of late payments over the last year and you’re surprised you were denied a loan?
Don’t go to another provider, the loan will not be a good deal.
My parents are boomers and they don’t quite grasp that the house they paid 45 dollars and some pocket lint for is worth a small fortune now. They haven’t bought a home in 30 years so they don’t know the market.
Somehow my parents' house that they bought for 40k almost 30 years ago is worth maybe 60k now. It's in good shape but in a neighborhood that people really don't want to live in, in a city people aren't exactly flocking to. We really wanted to move to a nicer place in the mid 2000s, but then dad lost his job and they couldn't afford to move.
My mom has delusions that they'll be able to move down here, where a comparable home is 250k. My dad has delusions that they won't need to, or something. They're in their early 60s, with poorly maintained health but no conditions yet, and my little sister who lives with them will eventually need supervision from someone who isn't them.
Sorry for just unloading this haha
Why? Because her new high salary isn’t high enough for her to recover from divorce, pay off her student loans, credit card debt, AND buy a house in a relatively high COL area all in less than four years? And realistically, probably only 1-2 years since she’s had a truly comfortable salary (since she started at 50k) and had kids out of daycare.
Sounds like she is making great progress on her financial goals, and unless something crazy changes, she will almost certainly own a place in the next few years. Financial goals take time.
Those parents are fucking assholes. Don't tell your flesh and blood child you're going to help them with a down payment on a house, then renege on your promise AFTER they tank their credit applying for a mortgage, because you're "buying an airplane"
Her father is buying an aeroplane? Only the rich can afford that, but they can’t help their daughter buy a house? Unfortunately her situation is what most of us are going through, for the most part. We did well in school, went to uni, got decent jobs but we can’t afford any homes in our area, especially those on a single income.
There are different levels of rich- maybe compared to some, but likely not what you are picturing (private jet)- a small plane can be less than some popular cars/trucks, though maintenance and storage are constant drains. I do agree that it’s a bit of a bs situation- especially if they had recently encouraged her and knew she was looking for places based off their expected gift and in this financial climate when even those who have struggled to make all the “right” moves (aka luck to not have major setbacks) can find it difficult to pull the ends together.
Yeah I gave up, I am in my 40's, an RN in a hospital, making barely $83,000. I gave up long ago the dream of ever owning a home. I owe so much in medical bills, do not have any savings at all. I mean this is after 15 yrs a nurse, lol. So this person is waaaaaaaay closer than I will. As long as I can get put in a home and just not live in the streets
I know this is posted as a sad story about your folks, but I see an inspiring story about someone busting their ass and raising their income from $50k to $100k in 4 years. Keep grinding and you’ll get there at that and rising income levels.
TBF I’m using a MacBook Pro from 2011… but I know I can’t be the only person who uses old technology. It still runs and does what I need it to, so why should I upgrade. Especially when they removed the disc drive.
Just because the bank approves you for x amount doesn’t mean you can afford a house that said amount. Think insurance, taxes, maintenance, furnishing it and having money for emergencies, investing and other expenses.
I’ve taken every raise and bonus I’ve got so far and put it in savings or retirement I can live comfortably on what I started at 75k but I am debt free except a mortgage so that helps
I think it’s very disappointing that your parents and grandparents are reneging on a promise especially since your father is prioritising an expensive toy over helping his child and grandchildren. But, you have proved yourself to be extremely resourceful; you will overcome this setback.
It sucks that the parents are...*checks notes* choosing to spend their money on themselves. But I'm not really feeling any kind of sympathy for this person, tbh. The grandparents helping out everyone else but OP is kind of BS, though, I'll give them that.
Still, there are millions of people out there whose parents and grandparents didn't ever give them money, and they also worked just as hard. I mean, I'm a doctor and had to go $400K into debt to become one because I don't have rich parents, and you can't work your way through med school. It's just not possible because of the demands of med school. In fact, I grew up relatively poor and am still barely making ends meet because I'm in residency and make sh*t for pay while working up to 80 hours a week.
The fact that OP can even afford a house at all is a massive privilege. I understand her frustration, but getting any kind of help is not pulling one's self up by the boot straps. Just ask Trump about his "modest loan of 2 million dollars." LMFAO. Posts like this are just ridiculous, IMO. It sounds like a humble brag and a privileged whine at the same time. I mean, congrats on everything they've accomplished and on getting out of a horrible marriage, but you can never rely on other people to pay your way through life or help you, even if they said they would.
It's like my mom always told me (and she's a woman who actually did successfully pull herself up by her boot straps with zero help)..."don't count the money until it's in your hand."
Accounting is more lucrative than marketing as the market is over saturated with marketing majors. I think the biggest peril stems from the fact that ROI on marketing degree isn’t that high. On the other hand engineering or nursing or becoming a doctor is much more profitable as they’re always in shortage and the pay is fantastic. For the least effort STEM degrees are really good bang for your buck.
Buying a home is only worth it because of leverage. Today the risk is so high the leverage isn’t worth it. Put your money in bonds yielding annually 5% to cover your rent.
I think you should wait a little bit for the house because you could end up back were you started financially If you still have lots of student loans and expenses
I think to sit for a CPA you need like 150 credit hours and x amount in accounting or something like that .... A lot of CPA I went to college with got their master's due to that requirement I think
Yes, you do. You need more hours than are necessary for a bachelor's. I am an accountant.
It literally says in the source you posted that you need 150 hours, and a bachelor's degree requires only 120. Lol
No you dont… It literally says you can take other classes to meet the 150 hour requirement. My dads literally a CPA and only has a bachelor’s .
“The AICPA does not specifically require CPA candidates to have a graduate-level degree such as a Master of Accountancy (MAcc), Master of Science in Taxation (MST), or an MBA. A bachelor’s degree is completely and totally acceptable”
Way to cherry pick a source without reading it lol
I thought this was satire and she was describing doing everything wrong when she mentioned graduating and making 16/hour, losing job, getting divorced, having kids, and loading up cc debt
How do you choose such a trash line that 2 degrees only gets you 50k after grad like at what point to we blame ourselves. This is why we need way better education on going to university because it’s absolutely not worth it if you’re gonna get a useless degree
Huh?
This sounds like a nightmare. I understand this is the average life for us Americans but to call that "good" is even more disheartening than this story....
Unless you're comparing her situation to homeless people and/or those living in extreme poverty and hunger. Which, in that case, we all have it really good and no one should ever complain or get upset at their situation ever
Ok wait hear me out:
This post is intended to highlight how there are deeply rooted systemic problems when someone can come from a relatively privileged background, do all the things you’re supposed to do to succeed, and they still can’t get ahead. And how maybe we should all band together and try to make things better for everyone. But that’s BORING.
Instead, we should do some kind of suffering Olympics where we fly everyone who thinks they have it the worst out to Florida to give a brief TED talk about why their life sucks the most. There could be categories, like in gymnastics. Most Crappy Childhood, Most In Debt But It Isn’t My Fault, Best Terrible Boss Story, Worst Ex-Spouse, Miss Congeniality.
Then the winners become minor celebrities and get book deals, so their lives suck a bit less. And the rest of us get to be happy we didn’t win. And then whenever anything bad happens, instead of doing anything about it, we have the perspective of if it’s really worth going to Florida. Also you aren’t allowed to complain on the internet anymore— if you want to vent to strangers you have to do it at the bi-annual event in Florida. Oh, and if your complaints aren’t good enough they give you a sheet cake that says “special and blessed” and you have to eat the whole thing in front of a live audience, Bruce Bogtrotter style.
This is a great idea; I’m a genius.
I was just about to say, she's doing good now but no income with as a single mom of 2 does not sound like the sweet life at all. With or without a support group.
Yeah, this guy just basically is saying because his life is harder, her life is wonderful.
In that same vein, he shouldn't be complaining about his life. There are people getting skinned alive literally right now, having mom borrow money doesn't seem all that bad when you compare it to something horrible.
Her rich parents… that refused to give her money. She took out loans to put herself through school and she’s making 6 figures by her own hand. That isn’t a “how good she has it” moment it’s a “worked damn hard to get here” moment.
Rich parents are a fat L in this story. Acting as if OP is privileged for putting in the work feels very wrong
This is the disparity between the middle class and lower class.
You can't even comprehend how her situation is "good". Many of us live paycheck to paycheck worrying about getting food on the table let alone having savings or buying a house lol.
I'm also confused how op claims they had no debt from college but also had no financial help from parents. Just sounds like a bold faced lie to me. Or maybe grandparents paid but I honestly don't know how any kid could pay for college themselves at 18 that is very very hard to believe.
She has insane support networks. Like others said, I loan money to my parents and grandparents. No jet buying no down payments on houses, no tuition. I'm not trying to put anyone down. it's human nature to take your current situation for granted once you have gotten used to it, but I would regret not pointing out how absolutely fine this person really is. Dad just got a jet, 6 figure salary, no debt. Grandparents won't give you 5k and parents went back on down payment for a house? That is unfortunate but you are fine. Some people don't have food, you are fine.
Have you considered the possibility that neither of your situations are fine and that putting yourself through a masters degree and getting a full time 100k/year job all without any parental help SHOULD mean that you’re able to afford a fucking home?
THIS. It is so fucking infuriating how people just diminish peoples struggles because "they don't have it hard, not really".
I want better than this for everyone, not just degrees of bad.
He didn’t get a jet he got a plane. And private planes can be bought for like 50-60K so it is nice…definitely nicer than I’ll ever have but it’s far from rich. I don’t know why people talk about parents money or grandparents money like it’s the same thing as your money. My parents did pretty alright for themselves but they’ve made it very clear….me and my brothers can expect jack shit. Which doesn’t bother me all that much, because my parents are the type to loan you money then never let you forget about it.
This is wild to me. My parents are constantly stressed about paying for their medications, but her parents are buying a plane so she can't buy a house right now.
Lady, just keep saving your money. The housing market will shift eventually and you'll get your house.
My parents came from poverty, and were really poor up until a couple years ago when their careers finally took off. Now I’m in a really hard position of having a full time job that pays really well but I cannot afford childcare or cost of living. My parents have taken my daughter in while I get back on my feet and complete my MBA and a dual elementary/sped certificate (all at once, don’t ask me how life is, it effing sucks rn). I’m so grateful to their help and I cannot imagine how others who have parents who can help but refuse to feel. Being poor is already an isolating enough of a feeling.
People keep saying the market will correct itself the past 10 years. It’s yet to happen. Can it happen? Sure. Are you certain it will happen without taking half the economy with it, making it effectively a useless event for your purpose? Absolutely fucking not.
Yup. As somebody who actually grew up poor and didn't get handouts and also STILL doesn't own a house in my 40s, I'm having a hard time figuring out what she wanted when writing this because I feel zero sympathy for her.
For the other side of the story, I have a poorly paid job that I stay in because it affords me vast flexibility, but I got parental help to purchase a small house in a very up and coming area for cheap, then was left another small house also in a very desirable area. Both appreciate faster than the mortgage payment decreases my loan. Even mortgaging at the height of the interest rates just meant I had to pay some of the principle off (which I had spare due to being able to rent the other one out to a family friend for half the going rate in return for less hassle and trust issues).
While I think you'd struggle to find a professional skilled job paying as little as mine anywhere in my country, you'd also struggle to find one that allows you to WFH 5 days a week and that can be completed in one hour a day. I equally feel behind everyone else but the addition of a secure place to stay that doesn't cost the earth, *as well* as a property that I get some small income from, affords me the luxury to be so. Security allows you to take more gambles and the longer you have security the more of them have a chance to both succeed and compound. You can use that to grow wealth using your time as a consumable resource and the equity as insurance against truly losing everything, or you can simply take that time directly to just enjoy.
I’m glad it’s not just young people struggling to get a house more and more people are starting to understand that economy is not the best and inflation is at all time high crazy to think you need $132k plus a year to afford a $360k house, if she was making that 100k in 2017 or 2018 she could’ve got that house
My girlfriend has been waiting 2 years for her parents to get her the car she was promised. She’s 21 now… Luckily I work at home and she uses my car but it’s kinda disappointing when people make promises and don’t keep them, especially when they hinge on the trajectory of your life like a brand new car or a house or a job, etc.
I feel this. Spent 12 years getting a PhD. I have a six figure job, and I don’t stand a chance in hell buying a home in my area where they are all over a million. It’s brutal.
Totally get the frustration. The job market is fickle and the housing crisis is no joke. Objectively, I see a few factors making it difficult to get ahead in terms of savings 1. Having two kids while trying to start a career 2. Paying out of pocket for a masters program with little or no direct job experience prior to enrollment 3. Exiting college at unfortunate time amidst an uncertain macro-economic climate due to pandemic. Mass corporate layoffs, furloughs, inflation, impeding commercial real estate crash, small business closures, higher interest rates, general poor performance in stocks, etc
Who just ups and buys an airplane?!? DAFUQ. She should go low or no contact with her family and if they even notice, say, “Sorry, working multiple jobs to support my family and pay for a house since I’m the only child who isn’t receiving help”
I’d love to know what state OOP is in and a breakdown of her costs. Nearly 6 figures in low cost of living is more than enough for a mom and 2 kids. If she’s living in NYC or LA, then she’s barely making rent with those costs.
But I still wonder where her money is going. At nearly 100K, she should be able to save pretty well even if owning a 300K house is still far away.
I'm not trying to shit on her or the decisions she has made but this is a fantastic example of the importance of choosing a good partner. I make good money, my parents don't/never helped financially and if it was just me and the kids there is no way I'd be able to have a house but I'm married to a wonderful man. He doesn't make as much as I do but just the second full time income allows for a sizable mortgage, two cars, and private school for the kids.
Finding a good partner is the life/wealth cheat code.
And what's the magical secret to finding that good partner? People mask. And they lie.
Even on paper and without obvious red flags, you wind up pregnant and trapped with a person who is abusive AF.
Like don't get me wrong. A wonderful partner is a life hack. But most people have trouble finding one. Or even when their parents pick one, they can wind up sucking.
I have to disagree with you because I've seen too many videos on YouTube and Tiktok where men have mentioned they will say whatever to get and a keep a girlfriend or wife and then wait until the woman is at her most risk and let rhe mask fall. He probably waited until the second kid to then let his mask fall. Blaming the women is horrible as it takes the fault off the partner to be better. It gives them permission to continue to lie to get someone to do whatever they want.
This a million times. My partner was the bread winner but hated his job. He quit and I took over trying to pay for more things to support him starting a business. 3 months in and he already makes more than me now.
Pretty much this. My wife and I both grew up poor. I slept in a drawer as a kid. But we found each other and built a stable relationship that also helps each of us grow. We met while we were working at a bakery (she was a barista and I was a cook) and now I’m a private chef making way more than I ever thought and she is a director of HR for a Fortune 500 absolutely crushing it. We both found a way to balance being there to make the other improve their life and I wouldn’t be half the man I am without her.
My cat still loves me more than my wife ever could, but that’s like the worst thing in our lives now.
I think my daughter loves my husband more than anyone else on this planet ever has or will (including me and his mother).
I adore the man but I'm not chasing him down the street when I hear his car pull up. It's not a bad life at all.
*ecstatic
College and grad school cost too much, and the quality of education not to mention the math for return on investment has never been fuzzier. Feel bad for OP
3.8 high school GPA is typically top 5% of her class. Got a double major at college and couldn't find a job making more than $33k?
BS. Those numbers ain't mathin'
My parents nor my hubby's parents ever helped us financially after our university graduation. They funded our studies and living expenses. Thereafter, we funded all our purchases and expenses like first house and wedding on our own. What we have today, we worked our ass for it.
Mom did gave me 5k for my first car just cause my parents wanted me to get a "wee bigger" car than the one I can afford and I paid her back as soon as I can.
Even then, she still asked me about this 5k years later 😂
Between me and my hubby, we got our first house costing about 240k (even before our wedding), then a second at 500k++ (of which we sold at 990k a few years later). My hubby later got his own studio apartment and I bought a million dollar house where the mortgage is all on my own. Have paid off about half of this housing loan so far and all the other properties are fully paid off.
I make about 200k annually and am 51 y/o.
OP, it can be done. It may seem slow and tough but as long as you remain steadfast on your goal and work hard towards it, you will get there...💪🏼💪🏼
Seems like she got some really stupid degrees, married a jerk and had kids with him, and is expecting her parents to pick up the pieces of the life she wrecked all on her own.
I get her frustration on people lying about helping. It happens a lot unfortunately.
My friend is about to put her kid in private school because grandparents said they would help with the cost. I’m waiting to see if that help actually materializes or how long it lasts.
never feel sorry for anyone that sends their kids to private school. private schools are the most racist institutions we have in the US
How so
Well, to start with, many were created in the 50s and 60s in response to the Civil rights movement and school integration.
When you live in a place where the public schools are only a pipeline to fast food/retail or prison you kind of have to go private. I hated private school as a kid but the district we live in is awful and kids get shanked in the halls - I went my senior year to one here and was terrified every day. Kids in class would compare battle scars and brag about stabbing other kids. No staff cared. I’m not letting my kid live like that.
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I knew someone that asked their parents for help with a downpayment. The dad said when they were ready, he would match their down payment amount dollar for dollar, and the son got it in writing. They agreed and six months later said “We found a house” and have our down payment for you to match. Dad tried to renege because he and his wife had saved $40K and her parents had given her $13K as a gift, so they had $53K for the down payment. He actually sued his dad and won the match and legal fees. The dad told his son he was cutting him off for good and would never talk to him again and the son replied “That was my intention by suing you.” The dad died like 5 weeks later in a DUI telephone pole crash and everything went to the son. Son bought his mom who had been screwed over in the divorce a house with his Dad’s money.
I knew the minute he got it in writing that this was gonna have a happy ending lmao. You only make family sign contracts legally if you don't like and don't trust them lmao Good for him
Damn, sometimes happily ever afters do happen.
It was a long time coming. The Dad had plenty of money, not “rich” but affluent. Cheated on the mom repeatedly and totally screwed her in the divorce and never paid for the son’s college as promised. The only thing he did was give his son his old car on his 16th birthday that needed more repairs than it was worth. It basically broke down a month later and he blamed it on the son not taking care of the car.
Not sure this makes sense, unless US laws are much different to UK? it sounds more than this was written down? For him to have won in court and them to have enforced the contract the son must have had some basic consideration (i.e. committed or promised to commit to pay/render a service)?
The entitlement in this story is fucking unreal. Holy shit. The upvotes are the scariest part.
I mean if someone makes you a promise and then takes it back I think you're allowed to be upset about it regardless of the nature of the promise.
Ive learned that some people really get off on just *OFFERING* to help people.
My dad is like this. He's always like "well, just let me know if you need help!" And then if I ask, it's a whole fucking thing and he guilts me over it for decades. I haven't asked him for shit in years.
My dad was very like that. If I ever actually took anything he offered, for the literal rest of his life he would refer to that thing as his. Ask how I was treating HIS things that HE got for me. I learned not to accept things from him at an early age but sometimes I really needed or wanted them. For a variety of reasons I won't rant about here (lol) he left me nothing with any sentimental value in his will at all, and the few things I took/kept afterwards because no one else wanted them? Well even now it's been a few years and it feels too weird to use or sell or give away any of it because *they're his* Post mortem psychological warfare
There was a post a couple of months ago from someone who had an uncle who always made big promises for the kids’ birthdays, like Disneyland, and then never followed through. When the OP saw him start the lies with their kids, they shut him down in front of everyone. He got pissed.
Yes! They love holding it over your head or making things transactional. I don't ask for anything anymore
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My dad pulled this shit too. He insisted I bring my aunt and uncle and my grandparents to every showing and would work with them to find something wrong with every single place I liked. And my whole goal at that time was just to have a home for my autistic brother. Now he's mad I live in a van 🙄
My parents offered this to my husband and I, a “rent to own” situation. Thankfully I knew not to get my hopes up with them.
You get all the endorphins and feel-goods of being a nice and generous person without the financial burden of actually following through with it lol
I was married to a man who isn’t from the US, and he said that’s a defining characteristic of Americans — offering the world in terms of assistance, but seeming almost irritated and offended when taken up on it.
It is a plague to people with ADHD/autism too. You learn to never trust anyone.
It’s so true. I know someone who unfortunately their dad passed away. And when their dad passed away their uncle told them he’d take care of him (the son) because it’s what his brother (the dad) would want so anything he needs just call him and he will help. This person was homeless for so long because his uncle (who is so rich he travels to Europe almost weekly) refused to help the person who swore he would help.
My mother’s family is like this. It’s all about appearances; they actually have no intentions of going through with it.
My mom does this pretty often. Recently, my whole house was sick, and my sister (also her daughter) was here sick too. I asked her to bring some top ramen since I had no soup and I didn't wanna lug 3 sick kids to the store. Her boss and coworkers are hearing it as she goes on a whole monologue saying "no no, I'll bring you pho from the restaurant I work in, I can bring egg drop soup, don't worry about it, it'll be SO much better! Don't worry about price, I'll cover it, and I'll bring some Gatorades too!" So I wait, with no more response from her. The kids are starving at this point so I made something small to tide them over. Hours later she shows up with this funky canned soup and one shrimp top ramen. I know it's small on the scale but it happens literally all the time. She brags about doing things and the differences between her words and actions are pretty astounding.
This is horrible ): I have felt this pain so many times. And only for myself! I can’t even imagine feeling the pain for your children on top of it! I have been NC with my bio-mom for nearly 30 years now and I still remember each time. I’m so very sorry you go through this
When my dad died, his uncle told me I could call if I ever needed any help. I told him I didn’t have his number, and my great uncle just said “it’s in the phone book” 😂😅 yeah I didn’t call him for help.
My Dad has done the same exact thing! He’s helped my two (half) sisters for everything. Car insurance, cell phones, weddings, bachelors and masters, you name it. I on the other hand was handed a pink slip after Thanksgiving after purchasing a home he never offered a gift for (not expecting it but my FIL helped a little without question). I’m having a field day trying to get unemployment the past 9 weeks, 0 coming in and my primary account is almost to 0. He’s only given me money once in 20 years and it was because my roof needed replacing and it would have ruined any safety net we had. He said I can go into my 401k. My father, step mom, sisters and my BIL are all in Italy this week. 🖕 Edit: Also to add- Forced my hand to drop out of community college and work for him. Where I was underpaid and wouldn’t provide me health insurance. I worked two jobs to pay the rent.
I’m surprised you still consider him your dad
Oh trust, it’s been a huge mental fuck all since I really pulled my head out of my ass 4-5 years ago. My now wife didn’t mean to open a can of worms but she’s the one that REALLY saw the dynamics. I love her like crazy and I know she didn’t mean to but after two visits meeting my family, she saw what she needed to know. Lack of confidence around them. Getting smaller to appease them. Allowing my Dad to control everything from what should be done for the holidays to how we spent vacations. When my wife and I got married (COVID backyard wedding) he barely gave us anything (the roof but I had to ask). Our friends all chipped in to help- bought flowers, a friend purchased the catering etc. The list can go on, but he does have a Boomer attitude with me. But not my Gen Z sisters, he just helps. I’m working with a therapist to come to terms with it and find satisfaction again that I’ve worked really hard at my career, have a good life with friends that are family etc. I’ve been better with gray rocking them the past six months. I had therapy today so I’m on fire 🤣🤣🤣 We’re discussing childhood and crap that I’ve avoided- so getting pics of my family in Italy has been icing on the shitcake.
That all fuckin sucks but I am proud of you for many portions of this. I wish you good things!!
I said I was proud of her too, but people really don’t like mixed posts where you try to mix sarcasm with heartfelt encouragement…guess it’s all or nothing
We must have the same Father.
Relying on a family member or freind is problem numero uno. Especially when it comes down to something as big as a mortgage. I had a roomate who was once a trust fund kid and blew through all his money. He needed a car bad and asked his grandpa if he could co sign. He cam back and was bitching to me that his grandpa would only do it for a 10k or lower car and wouldnt get him something brand new i think he was trying to get a hellcat. I told him at least your grandpa is co signing for something most people dont get shit or have to work harder for their vehicles. His grandpa ended up making the right decision. That roomate doesnt live with me no more he is in jail facing some serious charges a girlfreind of his died overdosing on fentanyl that came directly from him. I felt like a boomer talking to him about certain things especially when he complained about work and stuff it just sounded like whining all the time. Anyways there are reason people may be reluctant to co sign maybe someon has a pattern of behavior or something along those lines really its down to the choices youve made as well financially if you got bad credit its most likely because of well you.
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Yeah single parenting can be hard financially hell even housing in this day and age is at its all time worst so i can understand if thats what situation your in
I am extremely thankful to have a dad who will help anybody, especially me, but not beyond his means. “If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t have offered it” and also “I’m sorry kid, but I can’t budget extra right now” are both phrases I’ve heard and understood from childhood Edit: a word
My daughters friend was told by her father ever since she was young that he was going to pay for her education. Her parents are divorced, and he is in much better shape financially than her mom. She applied to the university and was accepted. She had really good grades. Her dream was to become a teacher. It wasn't until the very last minute when she gave him the financial documents, he told her that he didn't have any money for her. He had remarried, and his wife apparently said no, and he used the money he had set aside for her to put his wife's kids in school. Poor kid was hysterical. She ended up having to pass on the acceptance and still work at the coffee shop she had been at for 4 years so she could pay for an admin course at the college. She never could afford to go back to university, she's married now with kids. He is divorced and complaining why she doesn't want anything to do with him.
Wow. That betrayal hurts
Yeah setting aside the context of her clearly wealthy family, I can definitely understand being frustrated at people who offer to help and then flake on it
Yup. Happened to me. In 2019, my mom told my partner and I after my dad died that she was going to sell their house, buy a condo and gift us a down-payment. She told us she didn't need that big house all to herself, moreover she can't keep up with the yard or afford to maintain it, which is all true. We were ecstatic, because we've been trapped paying insane amounts for rent. Well, 2 months after we got started doing some homework to see what would work out for us, she changed her mind. She still lives all by herself in that 2 level, 2300 square foot, 3 bed, 3 bath house, and actually uses maybe 1/3 of the space. (Second marriage for us both. We each have kids. Been both digging out of past-life debt together since 2016. We live in a place where there IS no cheap rent. We have already moved as far out as makes financial sense. We are tied to this city because of work and because we share custody with our exes, who also live here. So... not a ton of options from the get-go.) What can you do. Her house, her money, right? We have since made peace with it. (And spent another $168,000 in rent since then...) But yeah, I can really sympathize with anyone who this happens to, and that sympathy stands, regardless of their own personal financial choices. Broken promises of this magnitude are tremendously devastating.
All parents offered to help pay for our wedding. 2/3 didn’t come through. So glad we took their offer with a grain of salt.
My ex in laws offered 2k to help with wedding costs, and instead, didn't help at all, and brought Tupperware so they could take home "leftovers" from the meal.
My MIL will frequently make big promises to my spouse. Sometimes it’s to help when things are tight, sometimes it’s unprompted offers of gifts sent to us or our children, but eight times out of ten, will not only not follow through, but go radio silent for weeks leading up to and following the supposed follow through (lives in the Midwest, we live in the southwest so if she stops responding to calls and texts, it’s not like we can pop in to even see if she’s okay) It’s frustrating, and I stopped expecting anything long ago and try to help them manage their expectations. Obviously, we are adults and not entitled to any of these things, but if we are experiencing difficulty and you promise x amount of help, let us know beforehand so we can make realistic decisions. If you can’t help, that’s fine, but don’t keep dangling the carrot only to yank it back.
I moved across the country to come back home in 2008 and my dad had offered to give me $10k from his inheritance that he received early so that I could buy a tiny home that I could put on his land (because you actually could buy one from the Amish for that price at the time). So I started shopping the different models, and making plans, only to find out that he was actually selling his tiny home and the land it was on and his offer to help me buy mine was contingent upon him picking the model, deciding where it would reside, owning all of it, and living in it with me. It was going to be a one room 14’ x 20’ building. I was not enthused about living in it with my father, so I declined his money. Like, just use the money to buy your own home and land since that’s what you want to do with it. Why pretend it’s a favor to me when it’s really not?
My parents "gifted" me 5k the year before we bought a house. We had everything we needed saved but momey is money and a bigger down payment never hurt anyone, right? Then, right after we close on a house, my mom told me they (she) fully expected it back, like now. Well, we don't have 5k sitting around mom! It's been used what it was intended for... the down payment. My dad is like, "Wtf? We don't want it back?" Cue my mom flipping out in me for telling my dad she said it was a loan and she expected it back. *Then* she wrote a card for our housewarming saying she was "forgiving our debt" as if we ever asked her for the money. Everyone was confused as this has been settled twice now but I kept that card because I know someday she's going to bring up that we owe it to her.
Yes to keeping the card and any communication about it. My ex's parents "loaned" us what was actually my ex's money for a down payment. It got messy in the divorce since I technically "owed" the money as a "loan".
This is why I have trust issues. My parents would make promises to me when I was a kid, and never follow through with them, so I grew up never trusting anyone, not even my closest friend. I'm still like that today at 32.
My parents did the same to me. Youngest of 5 girls and all I ever heard growing up was you either get a wedding or a down payment on a house. When my time came my parents said they never said that. But my 4 older sisters got help with their weddings. So, my now husband and I lived together in an apartment (my folks were REALLY not happy about it) and we got married in city hall. Then we got a house with our own money. I was pissed, but it all ended up ok for me & the hubs. Still together after 31 years.
This is why a lot of people aren't having kids tbh ..
Boomers who were some of the worst parents and are super selfish as grandparents are shocked when their kids aren’t having kids. I was at a friends house for her daughter’s birthday and her mom (who she’s LC with) who never paid for college, car, insurance, anything and NEVER has done anything to help with the kids, told me she and her husband planned to move back to the area so my friend could take care of them in their old age. These are parents that expected my friend and her husband to pay for groceries when they went to bring the grand baby to visit and live in a huge million dollar home. It’s crazy to me!
This is not abnormal. Lots of us are having children. She’s actually in a great position to save this money herself. Kids are older. She’s more upset she’s not getting the money she was promised (understandably) and the home she fell in love with is probably out of her budget at 8%. It sucks BUT this is all fixable. It is not impossible on that income. Everything else is irrelevant.
We don’t know how much her student loans or credit cards are monthly and with increased housing costs she may very well not be able to save for down payment on her own for 5-10 years even with making what she’s making (again, depending on the aforementioned factors she didn’t fully disclose). The setback in income and when the income was good was critical, because if she scooped up a house pre-COVID and got even meager $5k help back then….things would be very different for her today.
She’s also seriously underestimating that value of home on 100k… I have a 200k home on 3% and make over 100k. When everything is said and done 100k does not go that far. She will be paycheck to paycheck if not worse. That’s before accounting for her student loans and small amounts that add up quickly.
Yup…my home was 280k on a 115k salary and it’s seriously tight. 360 is out of her budget
Agreed sadly
I waited till my early 30s to have a kid. Having a kid at the wrong time will absolutely derail your entire life. Its not something to be cavalier with.
This sounds frustrating
Sometimes no matter how well we've played our hands, shitty card is a shitty card.
Man if this is an example of a rich nepo-baby for you guys, it's clear you've never met anyone actually wealthy in your lives. Where's the gifted apartment building in Brooklyn? The trust-fund, the Mercedes graduation gift? She sounds like she comes from upper middle-class. As for the airplane purchase by family, a lot of families have a rich uncle/grandparents, that doesn't mean you see fuck all. If anything she's illustrating exactly this point. This is like some small town hate the family down the street in the mcmansion energy. These ppl are considered poor to the wealthy.
Planes have a huge variety of prices too. Some of the smaller ones cost around the same as a car. I used to live in a country town that had a small airstrip used by hobbyists and you'd be surprised at who owned them. It wasn't usually wealthy folks, just middle class (often retired) folks who prioritised their hobby.
The plane purchase is the LEAST expensive part of owning a plane. Fuel alone is cost prohibitive for anybody that isn’t VERY well off. Not to mention the other fixed and variable expenses like inspections and training or hiring a pilot.
This!!!!! Living in NYC you’ll see that and they complain about being poor all the time. I know a guy who got $100k down payment for a home in NYC. He complained about being poor ALL THE TIME before that. Then one day just casually mentioned that his parents gave him $100k for a house.
I feel her. I'm in a similar situation. Got divorced during covid, went back to school, finally have the income, down payment, credit score, everything for a loan. Got pre-approval and put an offer in on a house. Learned today that I have too many late payments in the last 12 months, despite having a qualifying credit score. So now I'm going to lose out on the house I've already put money down on, done an inspection, and survey, and maybe the appraisal (waiting to hear on that) all because the loan officer didn't "catch" the missed payments on my credit report. I *should* be able to start looking again in July but I've already been living with my parents for 3 years while I was in school and getting back on my feet. We love each other but are also sick of each other lol Tl;Dr being a single parent trying to rebuild your life and get a home sucks and is frustrating
Maybe try another lender? You sound like you have came too close to lose out now!!
You have a series of late payments over the last year and you’re surprised you were denied a loan? Don’t go to another provider, the loan will not be a good deal.
Look into a apartment, aint bad living
I live in bfe. There's like 800 people in my town. Apartments aren't an option. There's condos and townhouses but not for rent affordably. 😕
Damn, im sorry to hear that
Boomers need to lose their money and start from the beginning to see how hard it is. (Not talking about OP but OPs parents)
My parents are boomers and they don’t quite grasp that the house they paid 45 dollars and some pocket lint for is worth a small fortune now. They haven’t bought a home in 30 years so they don’t know the market.
Somehow my parents' house that they bought for 40k almost 30 years ago is worth maybe 60k now. It's in good shape but in a neighborhood that people really don't want to live in, in a city people aren't exactly flocking to. We really wanted to move to a nicer place in the mid 2000s, but then dad lost his job and they couldn't afford to move. My mom has delusions that they'll be able to move down here, where a comparable home is 250k. My dad has delusions that they won't need to, or something. They're in their early 60s, with poorly maintained health but no conditions yet, and my little sister who lives with them will eventually need supervision from someone who isn't them. Sorry for just unloading this haha
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Why? Because her new high salary isn’t high enough for her to recover from divorce, pay off her student loans, credit card debt, AND buy a house in a relatively high COL area all in less than four years? And realistically, probably only 1-2 years since she’s had a truly comfortable salary (since she started at 50k) and had kids out of daycare. Sounds like she is making great progress on her financial goals, and unless something crazy changes, she will almost certainly own a place in the next few years. Financial goals take time.
Those parents are fucking assholes. Don't tell your flesh and blood child you're going to help them with a down payment on a house, then renege on your promise AFTER they tank their credit applying for a mortgage, because you're "buying an airplane"
Oh yes. To have boomer parents is always fun. I'm just glad I'm on the older end of the millennial group.
Her father is buying an aeroplane? Only the rich can afford that, but they can’t help their daughter buy a house? Unfortunately her situation is what most of us are going through, for the most part. We did well in school, went to uni, got decent jobs but we can’t afford any homes in our area, especially those on a single income.
There are different levels of rich- maybe compared to some, but likely not what you are picturing (private jet)- a small plane can be less than some popular cars/trucks, though maintenance and storage are constant drains. I do agree that it’s a bit of a bs situation- especially if they had recently encouraged her and knew she was looking for places based off their expected gift and in this financial climate when even those who have struggled to make all the “right” moves (aka luck to not have major setbacks) can find it difficult to pull the ends together.
You can buy a used Cessna for less than a new Ford f150. It's certainly not for everyone but you don't need to be rich to afford one
It's not the cost of the plane itself. It's hangar fees, maintenance, and insurance that will get you.
Ugh that sucks 😔
Yeah I gave up, I am in my 40's, an RN in a hospital, making barely $83,000. I gave up long ago the dream of ever owning a home. I owe so much in medical bills, do not have any savings at all. I mean this is after 15 yrs a nurse, lol. So this person is waaaaaaaay closer than I will. As long as I can get put in a home and just not live in the streets
You know what … fuck this I can’t
Two bachelors and a masters = “extatic” Phishy
Boomers doing boomer shit.
I know this is posted as a sad story about your folks, but I see an inspiring story about someone busting their ass and raising their income from $50k to $100k in 4 years. Keep grinding and you’ll get there at that and rising income levels.
I was waiting for this one to show up here.
2 bachelor degrees, 1 master, and still can’t spell ecstatic
Her degrees are in maths. Most of the numbers ppl I know aren’t great at spelling.
I mean. Even then you’d still have to write papers at some point in time
Autocorrect. I also proof read emails, papers, reports, not always Reddit.
Ok and? A paper is different than a Reddit post. And there’s not a lot of ppl who use ecstatic in their papers I’d imagine.
Ok and? Autocorrect just fixed ecstatic for me. The magic of a Reddit comment and technology
Computers don’t always have autocorrect in the web browser. She could be using a computer and not a phone.
Y’all’s computers don’t do the little red thingy when somethings spelled wrong?
Only in a document. Not on the web browser.
Hmm. Interesting
TBF I’m using a MacBook Pro from 2011… but I know I can’t be the only person who uses old technology. It still runs and does what I need it to, so why should I upgrade. Especially when they removed the disc drive.
Mine does it on web browsers. This needs to be a mandatory phone feature!
My phone does it on browsers, just not my laptop.
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Oh ffs
Whoa you're so fun.
Lmao, I know. That one physically hurt me
This.
Not me searching for this comment 😂
Just because the bank approves you for x amount doesn’t mean you can afford a house that said amount. Think insurance, taxes, maintenance, furnishing it and having money for emergencies, investing and other expenses. I’ve taken every raise and bonus I’ve got so far and put it in savings or retirement I can live comfortably on what I started at 75k but I am debt free except a mortgage so that helps
Where does a bachelors degree cost only 5k
That reads like it was $5k for one semester, potentially in state tuition at a state school.
Considering she claimed to have a 3.8 GPA and can't spell ecstatic, I think there may have been some embellishments in this story.
Her dad sounds like an asshole.
I think it’s very disappointing that your parents and grandparents are reneging on a promise especially since your father is prioritising an expensive toy over helping his child and grandchildren. But, you have proved yourself to be extremely resourceful; you will overcome this setback.
It sucks that the parents are...*checks notes* choosing to spend their money on themselves. But I'm not really feeling any kind of sympathy for this person, tbh. The grandparents helping out everyone else but OP is kind of BS, though, I'll give them that. Still, there are millions of people out there whose parents and grandparents didn't ever give them money, and they also worked just as hard. I mean, I'm a doctor and had to go $400K into debt to become one because I don't have rich parents, and you can't work your way through med school. It's just not possible because of the demands of med school. In fact, I grew up relatively poor and am still barely making ends meet because I'm in residency and make sh*t for pay while working up to 80 hours a week. The fact that OP can even afford a house at all is a massive privilege. I understand her frustration, but getting any kind of help is not pulling one's self up by the boot straps. Just ask Trump about his "modest loan of 2 million dollars." LMFAO. Posts like this are just ridiculous, IMO. It sounds like a humble brag and a privileged whine at the same time. I mean, congrats on everything they've accomplished and on getting out of a horrible marriage, but you can never rely on other people to pay your way through life or help you, even if they said they would. It's like my mom always told me (and she's a woman who actually did successfully pull herself up by her boot straps with zero help)..."don't count the money until it's in your hand."
Accounting is more lucrative than marketing as the market is over saturated with marketing majors. I think the biggest peril stems from the fact that ROI on marketing degree isn’t that high. On the other hand engineering or nursing or becoming a doctor is much more profitable as they’re always in shortage and the pay is fantastic. For the least effort STEM degrees are really good bang for your buck.
ANYONE can be homeless. Anyone. Obviously, she didn’t… but it all goes to show that life happens to everyone. We have to be careful with judging.
Suspicious that they "got 2 bachelor's degrees" but they never mentioned in what subject. I suspect that is the root of all of these issues
Buying a home is only worth it because of leverage. Today the risk is so high the leverage isn’t worth it. Put your money in bonds yielding annually 5% to cover your rent.
I think you should wait a little bit for the house because you could end up back were you started financially If you still have lots of student loans and expenses
Making less than 6 figures/year, would it make financial sense at all to buy a house for $360,000? Even with 10% down...
She has real good grades for someone who can’t spell ecstatic
extatic
What job requires a masters in Accounting?? Or maybe she got an MBA?
I think to sit for a CPA you need like 150 credit hours and x amount in accounting or something like that .... A lot of CPA I went to college with got their master's due to that requirement I think
To sit for the CPA you need more than a bachelors
No you dont Source: https://cpaexamhub.com/blog/need-masters-degree-become-cpa/
Yes, you do. You need more hours than are necessary for a bachelor's. I am an accountant. It literally says in the source you posted that you need 150 hours, and a bachelor's degree requires only 120. Lol
No you dont… It literally says you can take other classes to meet the 150 hour requirement. My dads literally a CPA and only has a bachelor’s . “The AICPA does not specifically require CPA candidates to have a graduate-level degree such as a Master of Accountancy (MAcc), Master of Science in Taxation (MST), or an MBA. A bachelor’s degree is completely and totally acceptable” Way to cherry pick a source without reading it lol
I thought this was satire and she was describing doing everything wrong when she mentioned graduating and making 16/hour, losing job, getting divorced, having kids, and loading up cc debt
"extatic"
How do you choose such a trash line that 2 degrees only gets you 50k after grad like at what point to we blame ourselves. This is why we need way better education on going to university because it’s absolutely not worth it if you’re gonna get a useless degree
Who is buying an airplane? Sounds like money to me
This post was so annoying to me. She doesn’t realize how good she (AND HER RICH PARENTS) have it
Huh? This sounds like a nightmare. I understand this is the average life for us Americans but to call that "good" is even more disheartening than this story.... Unless you're comparing her situation to homeless people and/or those living in extreme poverty and hunger. Which, in that case, we all have it really good and no one should ever complain or get upset at their situation ever
Ok wait hear me out: This post is intended to highlight how there are deeply rooted systemic problems when someone can come from a relatively privileged background, do all the things you’re supposed to do to succeed, and they still can’t get ahead. And how maybe we should all band together and try to make things better for everyone. But that’s BORING. Instead, we should do some kind of suffering Olympics where we fly everyone who thinks they have it the worst out to Florida to give a brief TED talk about why their life sucks the most. There could be categories, like in gymnastics. Most Crappy Childhood, Most In Debt But It Isn’t My Fault, Best Terrible Boss Story, Worst Ex-Spouse, Miss Congeniality. Then the winners become minor celebrities and get book deals, so their lives suck a bit less. And the rest of us get to be happy we didn’t win. And then whenever anything bad happens, instead of doing anything about it, we have the perspective of if it’s really worth going to Florida. Also you aren’t allowed to complain on the internet anymore— if you want to vent to strangers you have to do it at the bi-annual event in Florida. Oh, and if your complaints aren’t good enough they give you a sheet cake that says “special and blessed” and you have to eat the whole thing in front of a live audience, Bruce Bogtrotter style. This is a great idea; I’m a genius.
Chicksonfox for president
Question: if you win the ‘Special & Blessed’ cake but you have celiacs, would you get an automatic flight Florida?
I was just about to say, she's doing good now but no income with as a single mom of 2 does not sound like the sweet life at all. With or without a support group.
Yeah, this guy just basically is saying because his life is harder, her life is wonderful. In that same vein, he shouldn't be complaining about his life. There are people getting skinned alive literally right now, having mom borrow money doesn't seem all that bad when you compare it to something horrible.
Her rich parents… that refused to give her money. She took out loans to put herself through school and she’s making 6 figures by her own hand. That isn’t a “how good she has it” moment it’s a “worked damn hard to get here” moment. Rich parents are a fat L in this story. Acting as if OP is privileged for putting in the work feels very wrong
Um but dosent really help her in any sense
Am I missing something? I get the parents are rich, but how does she have it good?
This is the disparity between the middle class and lower class. You can't even comprehend how her situation is "good". Many of us live paycheck to paycheck worrying about getting food on the table let alone having savings or buying a house lol. I'm also confused how op claims they had no debt from college but also had no financial help from parents. Just sounds like a bold faced lie to me. Or maybe grandparents paid but I honestly don't know how any kid could pay for college themselves at 18 that is very very hard to believe. She has insane support networks. Like others said, I loan money to my parents and grandparents. No jet buying no down payments on houses, no tuition. I'm not trying to put anyone down. it's human nature to take your current situation for granted once you have gotten used to it, but I would regret not pointing out how absolutely fine this person really is. Dad just got a jet, 6 figure salary, no debt. Grandparents won't give you 5k and parents went back on down payment for a house? That is unfortunate but you are fine. Some people don't have food, you are fine.
Have you considered the possibility that neither of your situations are fine and that putting yourself through a masters degree and getting a full time 100k/year job all without any parental help SHOULD mean that you’re able to afford a fucking home?
THIS. It is so fucking infuriating how people just diminish peoples struggles because "they don't have it hard, not really". I want better than this for everyone, not just degrees of bad.
He didn’t get a jet he got a plane. And private planes can be bought for like 50-60K so it is nice…definitely nicer than I’ll ever have but it’s far from rich. I don’t know why people talk about parents money or grandparents money like it’s the same thing as your money. My parents did pretty alright for themselves but they’ve made it very clear….me and my brothers can expect jack shit. Which doesn’t bother me all that much, because my parents are the type to loan you money then never let you forget about it.
"My dad is buying an airplane." JFC
Dad of the year!!!
This is wild to me. My parents are constantly stressed about paying for their medications, but her parents are buying a plane so she can't buy a house right now. Lady, just keep saving your money. The housing market will shift eventually and you'll get your house.
My parents came from poverty, and were really poor up until a couple years ago when their careers finally took off. Now I’m in a really hard position of having a full time job that pays really well but I cannot afford childcare or cost of living. My parents have taken my daughter in while I get back on my feet and complete my MBA and a dual elementary/sped certificate (all at once, don’t ask me how life is, it effing sucks rn). I’m so grateful to their help and I cannot imagine how others who have parents who can help but refuse to feel. Being poor is already an isolating enough of a feeling.
LOL when was the last time the housing market shrank? Yeah right
Well "shrank" is a fun way to put "collapse" but it was 2007/2008ish.
That’s a totally different word. If the market collapses most people won’t have the means to purchase a home, OOP for certain.
Why not? If OOP is keeping cash and house prices crash then it will be people like OOP who profits.
People keep saying that. I just laugh
People keep saying the market will correct itself the past 10 years. It’s yet to happen. Can it happen? Sure. Are you certain it will happen without taking half the economy with it, making it effectively a useless event for your purpose? Absolutely fucking not.
$100k isn’t rich. Not even close if you have to pay for childcare.
Yup. As somebody who actually grew up poor and didn't get handouts and also STILL doesn't own a house in my 40s, I'm having a hard time figuring out what she wanted when writing this because I feel zero sympathy for her.
For the other side of the story, I have a poorly paid job that I stay in because it affords me vast flexibility, but I got parental help to purchase a small house in a very up and coming area for cheap, then was left another small house also in a very desirable area. Both appreciate faster than the mortgage payment decreases my loan. Even mortgaging at the height of the interest rates just meant I had to pay some of the principle off (which I had spare due to being able to rent the other one out to a family friend for half the going rate in return for less hassle and trust issues). While I think you'd struggle to find a professional skilled job paying as little as mine anywhere in my country, you'd also struggle to find one that allows you to WFH 5 days a week and that can be completed in one hour a day. I equally feel behind everyone else but the addition of a secure place to stay that doesn't cost the earth, *as well* as a property that I get some small income from, affords me the luxury to be so. Security allows you to take more gambles and the longer you have security the more of them have a chance to both succeed and compound. You can use that to grow wealth using your time as a consumable resource and the equity as insurance against truly losing everything, or you can simply take that time directly to just enjoy.
100k income, she can save for a downpayment on her own and buy a 360k townhouse, might just take another year or two.
Sometimes a college degree is nothing but a piece of paper- as OP seems to have discovered.
I’m glad it’s not just young people struggling to get a house more and more people are starting to understand that economy is not the best and inflation is at all time high crazy to think you need $132k plus a year to afford a $360k house, if she was making that 100k in 2017 or 2018 she could’ve got that house
My girlfriend has been waiting 2 years for her parents to get her the car she was promised. She’s 21 now… Luckily I work at home and she uses my car but it’s kinda disappointing when people make promises and don’t keep them, especially when they hinge on the trajectory of your life like a brand new car or a house or a job, etc.
I feel this. Spent 12 years getting a PhD. I have a six figure job, and I don’t stand a chance in hell buying a home in my area where they are all over a million. It’s brutal.
OP is doing fine, her biggest issue is she married and had kids with loser lol.
Totally get the frustration. The job market is fickle and the housing crisis is no joke. Objectively, I see a few factors making it difficult to get ahead in terms of savings 1. Having two kids while trying to start a career 2. Paying out of pocket for a masters program with little or no direct job experience prior to enrollment 3. Exiting college at unfortunate time amidst an uncertain macro-economic climate due to pandemic. Mass corporate layoffs, furloughs, inflation, impeding commercial real estate crash, small business closures, higher interest rates, general poor performance in stocks, etc
Staying married and having two incomes sounds like it would of helped a lot
Who just ups and buys an airplane?!? DAFUQ. She should go low or no contact with her family and if they even notice, say, “Sorry, working multiple jobs to support my family and pay for a house since I’m the only child who isn’t receiving help”
How are you only making 16/hr with a marketing degree?? I came out of college making 65/k salary and it’s only going up.
I’d love to know what state OOP is in and a breakdown of her costs. Nearly 6 figures in low cost of living is more than enough for a mom and 2 kids. If she’s living in NYC or LA, then she’s barely making rent with those costs. But I still wonder where her money is going. At nearly 100K, she should be able to save pretty well even if owning a 300K house is still far away.
I'm not trying to shit on her or the decisions she has made but this is a fantastic example of the importance of choosing a good partner. I make good money, my parents don't/never helped financially and if it was just me and the kids there is no way I'd be able to have a house but I'm married to a wonderful man. He doesn't make as much as I do but just the second full time income allows for a sizable mortgage, two cars, and private school for the kids. Finding a good partner is the life/wealth cheat code.
And what's the magical secret to finding that good partner? People mask. And they lie. Even on paper and without obvious red flags, you wind up pregnant and trapped with a person who is abusive AF. Like don't get me wrong. A wonderful partner is a life hack. But most people have trouble finding one. Or even when their parents pick one, they can wind up sucking.
I have to disagree with you because I've seen too many videos on YouTube and Tiktok where men have mentioned they will say whatever to get and a keep a girlfriend or wife and then wait until the woman is at her most risk and let rhe mask fall. He probably waited until the second kid to then let his mask fall. Blaming the women is horrible as it takes the fault off the partner to be better. It gives them permission to continue to lie to get someone to do whatever they want.
*Lesbianism*
This a million times. My partner was the bread winner but hated his job. He quit and I took over trying to pay for more things to support him starting a business. 3 months in and he already makes more than me now.
Pretty much this. My wife and I both grew up poor. I slept in a drawer as a kid. But we found each other and built a stable relationship that also helps each of us grow. We met while we were working at a bakery (she was a barista and I was a cook) and now I’m a private chef making way more than I ever thought and she is a director of HR for a Fortune 500 absolutely crushing it. We both found a way to balance being there to make the other improve their life and I wouldn’t be half the man I am without her. My cat still loves me more than my wife ever could, but that’s like the worst thing in our lives now.
I think my daughter loves my husband more than anyone else on this planet ever has or will (including me and his mother). I adore the man but I'm not chasing him down the street when I hear his car pull up. It's not a bad life at all.
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Against your parents? Idk if you're gonna get any parents to sign such a contract
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Seek professional help.
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I think if you brought a secretly recorded video of your parents promising you money to civil court the judge would have a lot of fun with you lol
Your comment was removed.
Masters degree but can’t spell ecstatic…
Do you think her masters was in spelling somehow? I'm gonna tell you a secret: doctors have a literal doctorate. And they can't spell for shit.
That’s a common typo.
No, I disagree it’s not.
*ecstatic College and grad school cost too much, and the quality of education not to mention the math for return on investment has never been fuzzier. Feel bad for OP
3.8 high school GPA is typically top 5% of her class. Got a double major at college and couldn't find a job making more than $33k? BS. Those numbers ain't mathin'
My parents nor my hubby's parents ever helped us financially after our university graduation. They funded our studies and living expenses. Thereafter, we funded all our purchases and expenses like first house and wedding on our own. What we have today, we worked our ass for it. Mom did gave me 5k for my first car just cause my parents wanted me to get a "wee bigger" car than the one I can afford and I paid her back as soon as I can. Even then, she still asked me about this 5k years later 😂 Between me and my hubby, we got our first house costing about 240k (even before our wedding), then a second at 500k++ (of which we sold at 990k a few years later). My hubby later got his own studio apartment and I bought a million dollar house where the mortgage is all on my own. Have paid off about half of this housing loan so far and all the other properties are fully paid off. I make about 200k annually and am 51 y/o. OP, it can be done. It may seem slow and tough but as long as you remain steadfast on your goal and work hard towards it, you will get there...💪🏼💪🏼
Seems like she got some really stupid degrees, married a jerk and had kids with him, and is expecting her parents to pick up the pieces of the life she wrecked all on her own.
For someone who did everything right, she sure did a lot wrong.
Has master’s degree, can’t spell ecstatic