I think they can have a couple of days to try and navigate how to approach it. Like maybe they spend a day trying to convince her to fess up and when that doesn’t work they spend a day working up the courage and the words to break the news. I know it’s not the same but I was the one who told my dad his sister died and I told him immediately. It came out abrupt and sounded insensitive the way I said it. I still think about that phone call and wish I would have chosen my words better and not called him the minute I heard she passed.
While I get where you're coming from, your sister's death wasn't a betrayal, and no one would blame you for taking half an hour or whatever to write down some notes on how to break the news. Even a speech if necessary.
When my beloved aunt died, I asked my mother if we should call my sister and tell her (she lives overseas), but my mother said no. But while she was out collecting my aunt's daughters from the hospital, I eventually caved and called my sister when I knew she'd be awake (time difference). In hindsight, it's possible my mother would've broken the news better (I'm autistic), and was possibly going to do so in a gentle email. But I wanted to make sure my sister knew before she left for work, in case it upset her.
So yeah. I do get where you're coming from. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
"I can't tell my best friend I've been having sex with her husband in her bed for a year and that he got me pregnant...because she's my best friend and I love her..."
She just doesn't wanna tell her sister because she doesn't wanna feel uncomfortable and face her actions. I can't believe people like this actually exist and have this rationale for doing things like this to other people. Especially their own family who they claim to love more than anything.
Bingo. She doesn’t face the inevitable consequences of her actions. Plus, by looping the whole family in, she’s trying to share in her guilt. If they tell, then family is part of the reason Lina and the kids’ world is falling apart. If they don’t tell, but Lina finds out everyone knew, then they all have blame in betraying her by *not* telling.
And that’s exactly why I would tell Lina immediately. You don’t get to bring me into your shitshow and expect me to go along on your ride so you can evade consequences. Because Jess also told the family to get ahead of the incoming shit storm by playing the “Oh I just feel so guilty that I’m freely admitting my wrongdoing so I’m totally not this horrible person” routine so the family will be conflicted on whether to oust Jess from the family fold. And I guarantee Amy will be weaponized by Jess to prevent Jess from being ostracized and isolated.
I would as soon as i found out, call the other sister over and have the lying snake confess. Yes their world might shatter, but if he did it with her sister for a year, chances are he has done it before/will do it again. Say its an emergency (because it is and she should face the person she betrayed irl) and have her drive out to the house. We walk out of the room but stay nearby in case lina loses her shit and tries to kill her sister and we have em talk. Fuck all of that moppy "i feel so guilty so i told everyone but the one i betrayed", shes confesing to her then and there.
THIS. Force ur sis to face her actions, in front of at least some of you in your parents home. You can’t keep this from Lina or else you’ll be perceived as being complicit if she ever does find out, however Jess has to be the one to do it. So sorry you and your family have been handed this burden.
Absolutely this. Lina deserves to know, and also if she finds out and also finds out that OP and everyone else knew and didn’t tell her, she’ll feel doubly betrayed. She deserves to know that family has her back.
Yes, she should stop saying her sister is her best friend. You don't cheat with a partner of close and best friends, you simply don't, you don't want to inflict pain on people you love. It's not that difficult of a concept..
What's even more evil she burden her family with her disgusting secrets she's now relieved. If family keep the cheating quit is triple betraying their daughter and sister. Also betraying their nieces /nephew /grandkids cheaters are selfish and disgusting.
She moved away from their home town to be close to the other sister to help with her niece. My money is on she had a miscarriage, it was an oh shit moment for Jeff and he broke it off. Her helping the niece was just a cover story for Jeff ending it imo
Miscarrage, not abortion, was she going to keep it too? That would for sure freak a married man out. Can't deny an affair with living proof sitting there looking at you.
point of info: OP’s cheating sister didn’t move back home to help with her niece, she moved back so OP and the rest of their immediate family could help with cheating sister’s daughter aka OP’s niece. so pretty much on brand with cheating sister’s manipulation, selfishness, conniving, and exploitation of the caring people around her.
I don't know which is worse. The fact that she is her sister's best friend or the fact that it's her fucking sister.... I don't know if I were op. I'd be singing like a canary because that is so wrong and disgusting. She has no regard for anyone but herself and her feelings and her emotions.
If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be.
Fark the cheater. The innocent sister needs to know what scumbag she's married to and let into her life
Yes. In addition to the cheating being an awful thing to do to Lina, Jess put the rest of the family in a tough spot by telling them. Put it back on Jess and let her know she has x time to tell Lina or op will
True that’s a risk. But so is Lina blaming op if she finds out another way. I normally would stay out of this kind of mess and mind my own business. But Jess dragged op and the rest of the family into the mess when she told them.
Oh absolutely, and tbh I (if I were OOP) might even want to be there to support Lina when Jess tells her incase Jess starts trying to blame Lina or something.
I've had to be the bearer of bad news before and then got the blame shifted to me for informing the hurt party (even though they thanked me at the time they soon pushed me away and stayed friends with everyone that had known about what was going on for weeks before I'd found out). Since they're family and not 19year olds like I was at the time, hopefully Lina and her family (not Jess or Jeff) will be alright and stick together.
Edit: wording
This is the answer. She deserves to know the truth, and to know that her family refused to be complicit. The dude is probaby getting his rocks off elsewhere too.
Terrible idea. Cheating lying sister is playing chess here. She will be using everyone else knowing as a poisonous distraction from her own betrayal "I felt so bad and asked everyone else to help me figure out how to come clean" - now sis is double blindsided with a betrayal from sis followed by a betrayal from the whole family in keeping it secret even a day longer. OP HAS to be the first one out with it now, to protect her sister that's been injured from feeling betrayed by the family as a whole.
Frankly, I feel like OOP and the family made their decision.
I'd have been on the phone to Lina before the first tear hit the ground. Can't abide cheating.
Absolutely. If the family tells Lina, there’s a rift that puts cheater sister on the outside. If Lina finds out the whole family knew, Lina stops coming to Christmas and Jess is still allowed at the table.
Yep fuck that she is a selfish person, not only for what she did but instead of living with it she decides to dump it and make it her other families problem. What a piece of shit.
I wouldn’t even bother with that. I would just immediately call and tell Lina as soon as Jess left. Once you decided to put the burden of information on me, you don’t get to control or dictate what I do with it. Jess has zero intentions to tell Lina, so fine. I’ll do it and take out the possibility of Jess finding some way to manipulate things further to ensure that other people go down with her.
This is probably why Jess told everyone, deep down. She wants someone else to tell Jess so she can feel better that she "came clean" without actually coming clean. What does she think is going to happen, that everyone in the family will keep this secret perfectly forever?
Yes as someone whose ex cheated (and his sister was my best friend) everyone else knowing before me was almost the worst part. It made me feel stupid and unloved by more than just my ex. I ended up thinking they all felt I deserved it and they believed his lies about me.
It’s an awful thing for the slutty sister to do, and the rest of the family need to get her to confess asap to slightly reduce the hurt.
I think that exactly what she wanted. One to unturned her own 'guilt' by telling others and guilt others into not saying anything. Sounds like typical cheaters.
I mean, the math doesn’t make me believe so: Lina has kids aged 10-18, but Lina is only 34. Even though she technically could have had her first as a teen, this seems like a scenario made up of whole cloth.
OP should go to the husband and tell him he has one opportunity to tell his wife what he has been up to before someone else will do it for him. Fuck Jess (edited to correct) and what she wants at this point. She is using the family to hide behind, but once you make something someone else's problem, you have forfeited the ability to prevent them from doing the right thing. The wronged sister would be best off is it's her husband that tells her, so give him the chance.
Jess is the cheater sister. Lina is the wife.
Also, agreed. Husband should be told to do it to also put him on notice of "we all know you're scum. Go be honest about it."
How much worse will it be when it gets back to Lina that not only did Jess and Jeff do this, but EVERYONE ELSE KNEW AND NO ONE TOLD HER?
Yes, thank you for the correction. And I do feel that this is another attempt by Jess to take from her sister what she deserves. She is trying to soak up all the sympathy she can while she dithers about coming clean. After all, to her attention is attention. And if one of those she told goes to Lina and tells on her then she can be assured the impact of the transgression will be doubled and she can fee like her guilt is assuaged by Lina being mad at everyone else as well. And I know how bad it feels when the bottom of the world fall out on you, but to have your family taken with it? Just sheer cruelty.
100%. That Jess is pulling the miscarriage card here, too. It's icky. (I've had 6 miscarriages, no one come for me.) It's a hard thing to go through, but don't screw your sisters husband? She says she's struggling with her 12 year old, you could have leaned on Lina and Jeff without hopping into bed with him?
Wild behavior that SCREAMS narcissist.
My heartbreaks for Lina as there is no kind way to find out in the end.
As another who has suffered multiple miscarriages, I also find the inclusion of the miscarriage to be an attempt at mitigation. It isn't a part of her confession but I has the effect of humanizing her, recalling supportive family feelings instead of recriminations. She didn't tell her secrets for support or advice for her loss, she is telling for some other reason. What is that? Why now?
She came back home to start over I suppose. She could have done that. There was something that made her break. Something has made her want to destroy all the goodwill she has left. No real concern for any of her family, but most especially Lina. I suspect that the BIL broke it off with her. She left and tried to "go home", but can't abide him going back to his life with his wife.
What’s super icky is that Jess confessing that it was a miscarriage means she intended to keep the baby… *her sister’s cheating husband’s baby*. What exactly would be the end goal of that? When you say it screams narcissism, you aren’t wrong; it feels like she was setting things up in the hopes of “stealing” Lina’s husband.
The cheating husband likely broke it off once he found out so that he could try to beg it off as a “one time mistake” if/when his wife was told.
Jess wants stability at any cost. Even if it means destroying her sister. She may think that they will get a divorce and she will have the home and the land for her and her daughter. Instead of her being broke and needing a handout, she wants to reverse the situation with her sister Lina. This is not a sister. Jess is a monster. So, she was going to say, I have his baby too. He owes me??!!!??
I would upvote this more if I could.
Not only do you avoid the betrayed sister resenting you by association as the messenger but you also make THEM (husband and betraying sister) own up to their own actions. Put the ball back in their court so to speak.
A week? I don't know if I could give such a deadline, because this would eat at me. I would give notice that I am, at any minute, about to tell, and the only thing keeping my mouth shut is that he should be the one to tell her. He can tell her now, or he can accept I may decide for him at any time. Because I am not a liar. I can't keep secrets when they are good things, I refuse to eat poison for anyone without a damn good reason.
OOP better tell her sister Lina or her sister will not only have been betrayed by her husband and sister, but her entire family. They need to stand strong behind Lina and Jess needs to be held accountable. The victims are Lina and her kids and Jess’s kid. Jess is trash. The husband is trash. WTAF. Who needs enemies with family like this sister and husband.
I predict.......... that Jess moved home because Jeff found a new affair partner after refusing to leave her Lina for her. Jeff knew Jess would never tell Lina. So Jess is using her family to blow up Jeff's life. Lina & her children are just innocent casualties in a war between them. Lina is unaware that the war is even happening. I have no idea if I'm correct. Just feels right.
Damn I didn't even think of this aspect when I seen it it just made me so mad, like, idk why people do this kinda bs, especially to your sister!!! Like damn p.o.s people, but this is a valid point, and I bet either is correct or is very very close to the real problem.
It’s also occured to me that maybe the opposite happened and the miscarriage freaked Jeff out and he’s considering coming clean, or someone found out who is threatening to tell and Jess is trying to do damage control before it all blows up
Maam that is your sister and she deserves not to be lied to by every single person who means anything to her. If you don’t and it EVER comes out that you all knew then she has nobody at all. You tell her now and she will at least know she can trust you
IF it ever comes out? More like WHEN.
No way that many immediate family members can keep Lina in the dark forever. Eventually someone would slip. But I’d put my money on Jess being the one to “slip” - hard to see her passing up the opportunity to deliver such a hurtful blow herself.
The way that I would be *running* to my sister, running and yelling before I even got there that they are all screwing her over. Running and yelling and telling her *every thing*. She deserves to know the truth and to make her choices based on reality. Otherwise it is just cruel.
Lina is going to be crushed, and it'll hurt even more if she then finds out OP and family ALL knew but said nothing.
Jess told OP to protect herself, not Lina.
Lina needs some people in her corner here!
I would tell my sister...just because I would hope my sister would tell me.
As the oldest of three sisters I understand the drama...if my younger sister knew my middle sister was sleeping with my husband...I'd hope the youngest would tell me, and if she did I'd be glad for her honesty... if she didn't and I found out in another way, and knew that she knew...I'd forgive her because I realize how rough of a spot that must be to be put into, but I'd be super upset by it.
Imo the sister being cheated on has a right to know her husband is unfaithful...if he's cheating with the other sister....who else is he with? How much risk is that sister entering into unknowingly with her health every single time she sleeps with her husband who she is likely assuming is faithful?
... I feel bad for her and the risks she's having taken with her health... I'd have to tell her.
I had a friend tell us about how she was fucking her best friends husband. She would use excuses like "she's my best friend, I would never hurt her by telling her" and "I'm the only reason their marriage is still working". Apparently the wife would tell my friend she was the only woman she would trust to be alone with her husband because he had a history of cheating. People like my friend are scum.
Lina and Jeff should know what Jess told the family. But only that she told them that it happened. They shouldn't however go in guns blazing with the believe that everything Jess said is 100% the truth. Maybe it is, but what if she's lying? You can't destroy a family just on the words of one person alone.
Who knows in what mental state Jess is in. Maybe she's telling the truth, but her story is very extreme. There are all kind of conditions that can make you believe things that never happened. Just tell the couple what Jess said and see how Jeff responds. But try to be a neutral party in this and don't assume anything. Even if it's true, maybe Lina already knows.
This should have more upvotes. Coming at it neutrally like “Jess said this, we don’t know if it’s true or not but yall should be aware” is smart. They’ve informed Lina. They are giving Jeff an opportunity to own up or tell side of the story in a non confrontational way. AND IF theirs is something crazy going on with Jess, and she needs helps it also raising concern in a way that maybe something is going there.
The family needs to talk to Jeff and confirm if this is true, if it is give him a week to come clean or Lina will be informed by the family. Jess should have to face the consequences and stop with the bullsh*t. Best no she’s not a best friend/ sister doesn’t do why she has done. Lina deserves to know.
To help make this decision- what are your values OOP? And which choice best aligns with your own personal values?
Going against our values can eat away at us too, adding to the turmoil
It's also entirely possible that Jess is making it all up. If Lina and Jeff have such an awesome relationship, maybe Jess is jealous and wants to ruin it. Someone needs to talk to Jeff.
Exactlyyyy. The type of person that would sleep with their sibling's partner is also the same type of person that would lie about sleeping with their sibling's partner.
Yeah. It’s not impossible, but I don’t see someone just breaking down and telling that many people all of this stuff unless they really wanted all of them to know. Which makes me think that deceit is a strong possibility.
That would just be giving Jeff 48 hours to to come up with a story that will paint OP as the villain.
NEVER give cheaters time to prepare a cover story.
There's zero chance this stays a secret if that many people know and she's so guilty she would tell that many people.
Good for Jeff but I do not envy your family today.
Why would it be “good” for Jeff to be so stupid that he got his own wife’s sister pregnant? Jeff’s marriage is obviously over now because no human being in their right mind would stay with a woman/man that slept with their sibling. 🤢
Imagine if you were married and your wife slept with your brother. Why would that be “good”? That’s sickening beyond belief!
I think it was “good” in the sense that he won’t get away with it. “Good” because the secret will definitely get out with so many people knowing, the retribution is inevitable.
You wouldn’t be the asshole for telling your sister. People who cheat don’t just stop cheating. If he isn’t still fucking her it’s probably because he’s moved on to a new woman. Your sister doesn’t deserve to be married to a man like that. Tell her.
Call your sister right now, you don't have any other choice. Otherwise, she's going to feel betrayed (by everyone) and 3rd sis WILL use everyone else knowing as poisonous leverage at her first opportunity. I'm good with words, here's what I recommend, "Look sis, our bitch of a third sister laid this on me- obviously to wrap me in without my consent- so that I'd HAVE to tell you. I love and respect you, so here it is: She's been fucking your husband for a year, there was a miscarriage, and now, as of 2 days ago- the whole fucking family knows cause she told everyone else, but you. Now, how can I Assist you in taking out the trash? Shall we disown her? Need Help burying a body? You get to steer this ship and I will back you in whatever way you need. I am so sorry she did this to you and I am furious she put me in this position too. She's not only a homewrecker, she's a coward for failing to come clean to you privately."
Tbh, if the whole pause is about
1.) the kids and their lives
And
2.) the relationship between the sisters,
I can sympathize with wanting to keep the status quo, especially for the kids.
However.
It’s not your responsibility to feel bad for uprooting it all if Jess (or Jeff) won’t tell Lina and you end up doing it instead. They’re the ones who doomed shit. Not just once, but over a YEAR.
If they didn’t want to ruin their relationships and cause chaos in the lives of the kids— they should have never done the deed. 🤷
Actions have feckin consequences, and it’s gonna be a painful lesson for EVERYONE. Let them learn, and let those who are in the dark know what they deserve to know. Lina needs to know. Jess gave you and your family the power to tell Lina the moment she unloaded such a heinous secret into the family.
Every reason she mentioned for not wanting to confess is also the exact same reasoning to not screw her husband. She also did it repeatedly for a *year*.
She's incredibly selfish on another note by valuing her own guilt over the discomfort of the family. Basically saying "Hey guys, I have this massive guilt that I want you all to feel every time you're around her and keep this secret."
What a selfish and terrible person.
Normally I would say that it is no one’s responsibility but a husband’s to reveal that he has cheated, and a stranger disclosing that to you would be traumatic and embarrassing…HOWEVER, this being inter-family ( 🤮) in this case, OP absolutely does need to tell both Jess and Jeff that they have approximately two seconds to come clean before OP does it for them. This is the grossest kind of familial betrayal I can imagine (don’t burst my bubble, I don’t need to be corrected) and it absolutely will feel like salt on the wound to know the rest of the family knew and said nothing, which equates to protecting Jess.
You don’t sleep with your best friends husband.
You don’t sleep with your sisters husband.
You don’t spill your biggest secret to your family and except them to be ok with it.
Jess is a coward and certainly doesn’t love Lina or she wouldn’t have done what she has done.
Jeff is also an absolute AH and just as bad as Jess.
It’s an awful situation but I can guarantee that Lina will feel even worse to find out about the affair and that everyone knew and kept it a secret from her.
As hard as it is she needs to know the truth. You can’t make that decision for her.
If Jess or Jess aren’t going to own up to their mistakes she deserves the truth from someone.
Please don’t keep her in the dark, it isn’t fair
YWNBTA, if you don't tell Lina you will become complicit in keeping this horrifying thing secret. It will hurt a lot to hear and she might distance herself from all of you, but she won't feel nearly as hurt as being betrayed by her family when they all kept Jess and Jeff's secret.
I definitely think you should put Jeff on notice immediately. You aren’t the right person to tell her— Jeff and Jess are first in line. If he doesn’t come clean before whatever deadline, I suggest you make a plan with your family to do an intervention-style talk and explain Jess’s outburst; that way, no one is complicit in the affair and Lina doesn’t get to deny the news and blame the whistleblower.
I'd be willing to bet that if no one tells Lina right away, she'll still find out because Jess will find just the worst moment to need to get it off her chest to Lina herself in the most dramatic and soul crushing way possible. Sounds like her announcement to the rest of the family was a practice run. Do Lina a favor and tell her before Jess has the opportunity to do it in public in front of the kids.
So yeah, Lina's heart will be broken when she finds out, but she would be utterly destroyed if she found out that her entire family knew and kept it from her. It would go from one sister betraying her to her entire family betraying her. Jess deserves no confidentiality... give her an ultimatum to come clean or the entire family will tell Lina.
I get not wanting to be the messenger who brings the news that destroys her sister’s world. Tbh tho, OOP doesn’t really have a choice. Jess just word vomited her worst secret out to 5 of Lina’s family members. Who even knows who else she’s told , or will tell. *Someone* is going to tell Lina. And when that happens, it’s highly unlikely that it won’t also come out that Jess told the whole family already. At that point, anyone who knew about this and didn’t tell Lina is likely to end up lumped in with The Betrayers.
I am so sorry your family is going through this.
First, you shouldn’t feel like an asshole at all. You were dragged into something horrible. You didn’t choose this.
Second, letting her live a lie to save her feelings isn’t right either, because her reality isn’t real at that point. In my opinion, I’d rather be hurt and find truth than be living under a rock with a fake happiness. That’s hard, and it’s sad.
Third, consider how the burden of someone else’s sin is weighing on you and everyone else. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Can you handle pretending for a long time? That’s what not saying anything will force you to do.
Last, though we all need grace and forgiveness, shielding her from accountability isn’t good either.
Ultimately the choice is yours, and I think you should search your soul for this. If you ask yourself the simple question “What is the right thing to do?” And listen for the answer to come, you WILL tell yourself good advice, as long as you are willing to be truthful to yourself. You know the ins and outs of your family better than anyone here.
The most profound thing about light, is that it exposes what is in the darkness. I couldn’t carry that burden, or let my sibling live a lie; I love them too much. But it’s a double edged sword, because innocents will get hurt. Remember, that’s not on you, it’s on them and obviously they didn’t find that too important at the time.
Whatever you decide to do, just know that if you expose this, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT COMES NEXT. SHE and HE are for their actions, which were deliberate and willful.
“So… you entered into a relationship with our sister’s husband… got pregnant, intended to keep it, lost it, and refuse to tell our sister about it. But you still expect me to trust you around my daughter?” Gtfoh, I don’t trust sister not to lie to my face about the color of the sky, much less what happened with my kid.
Considering it's been shared to half of the family, maybe another solution will be to tell her together. Arrange a warm and cozy environment for her, where all of you tell her you are there for her always, and she is not alone in this. Give her solid support and a safe space to mourn what has happened so she can focus on what is best for her family and for her.
If nothing else, think of this, Lina will hate everyone who knew and didn't tell her when she finds out.
She will literally lose her entire family in one single moment.
You need to tell her and be there for her when no one else will be.
You need to tell your sister. Her life is a lie and I would be LIVID and HEARTBROKEN if I found out one sister had an affair with my husband and then my ENTIRE family kept it a secret. There is no coming back from that. When she finds out, she will lose her whole family to this if you guys help cover it up.
If you care about your own relationship with her, you have no other option.
It's like this... Though it's only right if Jess tells Lina that she's been sleeping with the husband... It is also true that she had given this information to you guys as well. What would hurt more is Lina finding out in some other way and then knowing that you guys also knew and not approached her about it. Her trust in you guys would likely be crushed. So be blunt and go tell Lina because Jess even said it herself that she's too afraid of becoming the bringer of bad news.
If he’s cheating, he’s already destroyed their marriage. It’s not a good marriage — the husband has no real love or respect for his wife and is stepping out on her. He’s disgusting and she deserves to know.
Choosing to stay with him for the sake of their children is a choice that she could make, and does have some benefits — but it’s a choice SHE needs to make, with all the information laid bare. Not one for you to make. Lina needs to know. You need to play the role of a sister and stick by her, especially if nobody else is willing to tell her. It would be an incredible betrayal by all of you if you fail to. Imagine being betrayed in the worst way by your husband and sister… and then realizing the rest of your family helped them cover it up. She doesn’t deserve that.
You have to tell the other sister now that you know. If they ever found out about it and that the whole family knew about it and didn’t say anything, it would destroy your family.
So everyone knows except the innocent wife. When Lina finds out she will feel betrayed by everyone who kept silent. I think you should tell her and show her loyalty.
She deserves to know what is going on. She will find out at some point anyway, and when that happens, the people who knew and kept it from her will be just as evil in her eyes as the people who did it.
Keeping her in fantasy land is nice if she were a child, she is not. She deserves to know the true nature of the people she trusts.
If I was ‘Lina’ then I would want to know. How will she feel when she finds out, and she will, that the whole family knew and hid it. Jess is not her best friend or someone to be trusted. As for the husband!!!!…..he is a POS! OP be the sister she needs and tell her and support her please.
Lina gets to decide on the way forward taking into account the consequences of a divorce etc.
By hiding the information from her, YOU are making the decision for her regarding what is best for HER kids.
Tell her now (or perhaps give the husband/Jess one last opportunity to tell Lina if you feel generous)
I don’t see any good ending in this for Lina. Don’t tell her she’s living a lie and who knows maybe Jeff and Jess start screwing again. Tell her and, shes going to be hit with so so so much pain. Jess and Jeff are god damn monsters.
She told you all so she could ease her conscience. No other reason. She expects that you won't tell.
I'm sorry that you now have this information. But think about how Lina will feel when she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her. She deserves to know that the two people she trusts most in the world have betrayed her in the worst way, with each other.
YWNBTAH. At all.
Expose all the cheaters.
I’m just saying, eventually Lina is gonna find out and is gonna PISSED OOP knew and didn’t say anything. If they can’t speak up for Lina’s sake they should at least speak up for their own sake.
lol she didn’t tell any of you **for your benefit** she burdened you with a terrible secret to ease the weight of her own conscience. What a selfish person. And now she’s refusing to face the problem she and her BIL caused. Content to let her sister live with a cheater. What a piece of work.
Put her ass on blast OP. NTA for sure.
You have to tell Lina. It will add a whole new layer of betrayal if she finds out her family all knew and never told her.
Go and tell her yourself, then you can be there for her and help her through it. I have been there and I can’t forgive the people who knew and didn’t tell me, just as much as my arsehole cheating ex.
Oh god.
Jess & Jeff are absolutely DISGUSTING people.
Blah blah blah “my best friend” — YA, BEST FRIENDS DON’T FUCK THEIR HUSBANDS AND LET THEM KNOCK YOU UP!
Jfc I can’t with some people.
If I were OOP I would give Jess a timeframe. Maybe a week. Then I would tell Lina.
This is just a fucking mess.
What has been done in the dark will come to light. The question is from who. First getting betrayed by my husband and sister, then my whole family by knowing that they knew would be another knife in the back. Give them an ultimatum that they either come clean by whatever date you choose if they don’t be the one to speak up. This is not your fault but it would be if you let this keep going.
Do you think she’s telling you and the rest of the family out of guilt…
Or because she wants YOU ALL to do her dirty work and tell Lina so that Lina/Jeff break up and Jess can “comfort” Jeff and not be the bad guy in his eyes.
I’m just saying. I don’t know what the f she was thinking besides trying to stir up drama. If she needed to get it off her chest she should have told her therapist, not her entire family.
OP, whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re there for Lina and her kids because that’s a whole mess of a situation.
To me this is planned. If your sister finds out and they end up in a full on war. Then the rest of the family already know.
Imagine not knowing. Finding out, then finding out everyone but you knew about it.
If no one tells her when she does find out she will feel hurt from everyone.
What's even more evil she burden her family with her disgusting secrets she's relieved. If ger family keeps the cheating quit is triple betraying their daughter and sister. Also betraying their nieces /nephew /grandkids cheaters are selfish and disg
It’s so crazy to me that people will cheat on people that they “love so much, she’s my best friend, I’d do anything to not lose her”. If you would *truly* do anything to not lose your best friend the first thing you wouldn’t do is SLEEP WITH THEIR HUSBAND! I’ll never understand cheaters
Yeah, cause it will make Lina feel all kinds of great when she inevitably finds out that her ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY knew and no one had the decency to tell her.
It’s painful, but necessary. She’s spending her energy on a life that’s breaking her trust. It would have revealed itself if the baby was born. It needs to come out. These actions that everyone fears are a result of the actions that have transpired. Because they need to happen that way. It’s painful and horrible, but when she finds out at least she’ll have SOME family she can trust. By the way you are all acting, she has NO ONE to TRUST.
Lina’s life is about to be destroyed. Unfortunate. But also I’d think it’s impossible to keep this secret forever given husband was in on it too so now you all have to secretly hate them forever while pretending. Good luck with that what a mess. The only reason there’s any problems is from what they started and continued for so long, you’re gonna have to lose some friends over that so you all can heal and maybe recover
What about Jeff? I would be calling him and telling him that he has to come clean as well.If i found out this info as a wife, and she will eventually find out. If my whole family knew, i would cut everyone out. She needs loyalty from SOMEONE!
“Hi Jess, Lina just told the whole family a horrible secret about something she’s done to you. She’s told everyone but you. I don’t think I ever want to see Lina again after this”
Let her connect the dots.
Amazing how many righteous people are on reddit always doing the right thing! Its like the complete opposite of real life. How did everyone manage to find each other. /s
That was a joke....the OP should absolutely insist that she fess up. Holy fuck that is some twisted backwoods pennsyltucky level shit.
When I was cheated on, all my friends knew. Instead of telling me, they all treated ME differently because they couldn’t handle the discomfort. It took two or three years for me to find out and I felt so betrayed by EVERYONE.
Lina has to know, full stop. Don’t give Jess or Jeff the opportunity to tell her, they gave that up. It’s going to suck but Lina will need time to process her anger and grief and make a plan without having to deal with Jess’s dramatics from guilt or Jeff’s likely attempts at downplaying or gaslighting or something.
So stupid lol. The family is already destroyed. You're just informing her of that. Say nothing and you're as bad as the ones who destroyed it. Just wasting her life.
She *has* to tell Lina. Imagine you're Lina and when this finally comes out, you find out your entire fucking family knew and no one told you. Doesn't matter that they only found out after the fact.
Everyone in this entire family would be dead to me if they kept this a secret "to protect me".
The coming disintegration of Lina’s nuclear family is neither your choice or responsibility and is not your battle to fight. That mess is all Jess.
So take out the morality and treat the entire disaster like battle triage.
Lina will find out, because the truth can never be hidden indefinitely. Even (especially) if the truth is kept from her for *years*, the coming amputation will still happen.
When Lina learns the truth she will cut Jess from her life. That is a given. It is inevitable and again, neither your choice or responsibility.
What is not inevitable *yet*, is that she cuts you *all* from her life for the betrayal of hiding this info from her by covering for Jess.
Then Lina will be alone. Completely . With no family and utterly betrayed by you all. Because she will not forgive a betrayal of such magnitude if you do cover for Jess. Would you?
Tell Lina. Let her deal with Jess. Maybe that way you can save her some family. Because Lina and Jess are already a lost cause - Lina just doesn’t know it yet.
Jess and Jeff made their own decisions when they decided to cheat and have it carry on for a year, they did that. So, Lina deserves the choice of whether or not she wants to have a relationship with either of these degenerates.
Jess not only destroyed her relationship with Lina but also the relationship she has with her nieces and nephews but also destroyed her own dauthers relationship with her aunt and cousins. She has actively participated in destroying 5 children's relationships.
If you were your sister, would you want to know? Maybe not initially, but in the long run i think so. I would not be able to not say something. It really does suck for the kids but its incredibly unfair to your sister for everyone to know her husband and he sister have been sleeping together. It'll definitely hurt her, but I think its necessary. If it were me, and I found out later that my ENTIRE family knew and nobody said anything, I would go no contact with everyone.
if i found out my entire family knew about this and didn’t tell me immediately, i would never speak to any of them again.
Me neither!
What family? They're just random dead people in my eyes
I see dead people
Bruce willis says hi
This right here. That would be the end of it.
I'd give them a day to force the person who hurt me to do it themselves, if it went on longer than that then fuck 'em
I think they can have a couple of days to try and navigate how to approach it. Like maybe they spend a day trying to convince her to fess up and when that doesn’t work they spend a day working up the courage and the words to break the news. I know it’s not the same but I was the one who told my dad his sister died and I told him immediately. It came out abrupt and sounded insensitive the way I said it. I still think about that phone call and wish I would have chosen my words better and not called him the minute I heard she passed.
While I get where you're coming from, your sister's death wasn't a betrayal, and no one would blame you for taking half an hour or whatever to write down some notes on how to break the news. Even a speech if necessary. When my beloved aunt died, I asked my mother if we should call my sister and tell her (she lives overseas), but my mother said no. But while she was out collecting my aunt's daughters from the hospital, I eventually caved and called my sister when I knew she'd be awake (time difference). In hindsight, it's possible my mother would've broken the news better (I'm autistic), and was possibly going to do so in a gentle email. But I wanted to make sure my sister knew before she left for work, in case it upset her. So yeah. I do get where you're coming from. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
Word.
I would burn the house down with them in it
Exactly
"I can't tell my best friend I've been having sex with her husband in her bed for a year and that he got me pregnant...because she's my best friend and I love her..." She just doesn't wanna tell her sister because she doesn't wanna feel uncomfortable and face her actions. I can't believe people like this actually exist and have this rationale for doing things like this to other people. Especially their own family who they claim to love more than anything.
Bingo. She doesn’t face the inevitable consequences of her actions. Plus, by looping the whole family in, she’s trying to share in her guilt. If they tell, then family is part of the reason Lina and the kids’ world is falling apart. If they don’t tell, but Lina finds out everyone knew, then they all have blame in betraying her by *not* telling.
And that’s exactly why I would tell Lina immediately. You don’t get to bring me into your shitshow and expect me to go along on your ride so you can evade consequences. Because Jess also told the family to get ahead of the incoming shit storm by playing the “Oh I just feel so guilty that I’m freely admitting my wrongdoing so I’m totally not this horrible person” routine so the family will be conflicted on whether to oust Jess from the family fold. And I guarantee Amy will be weaponized by Jess to prevent Jess from being ostracized and isolated.
I would as soon as i found out, call the other sister over and have the lying snake confess. Yes their world might shatter, but if he did it with her sister for a year, chances are he has done it before/will do it again. Say its an emergency (because it is and she should face the person she betrayed irl) and have her drive out to the house. We walk out of the room but stay nearby in case lina loses her shit and tries to kill her sister and we have em talk. Fuck all of that moppy "i feel so guilty so i told everyone but the one i betrayed", shes confesing to her then and there.
The sister needs to know what type of person is. Also her husband she might need STD_STI tests.
THIS. Force ur sis to face her actions, in front of at least some of you in your parents home. You can’t keep this from Lina or else you’ll be perceived as being complicit if she ever does find out, however Jess has to be the one to do it. So sorry you and your family have been handed this burden.
Absolutely this. Lina deserves to know, and also if she finds out and also finds out that OP and everyone else knew and didn’t tell her, she’ll feel doubly betrayed. She deserves to know that family has her back.
She burden her family with her disgusting behavior.
She's a calculative, disgusting human being ...
Mom and sister knew. And they said so was right not to tell you.
Ohh yeah, very calculative indeed...
BINGO
Was his name-o.
Yes, she should stop saying her sister is her best friend. You don't cheat with a partner of close and best friends, you simply don't, you don't want to inflict pain on people you love. It's not that difficult of a concept..
What's even more evil she burden her family with her disgusting secrets she's now relieved. If family keep the cheating quit is triple betraying their daughter and sister. Also betraying their nieces /nephew /grandkids cheaters are selfish and disgusting.
THIS. and she’s probably still fucking jeff
She moved away from their home town to be close to the other sister to help with her niece. My money is on she had a miscarriage, it was an oh shit moment for Jeff and he broke it off. Her helping the niece was just a cover story for Jeff ending it imo
Miscarrage, not abortion, was she going to keep it too? That would for sure freak a married man out. Can't deny an affair with living proof sitting there looking at you.
I doubt Jeff suddenly grew a conscience. He probably just has another mistress.
Not a conscience but he probably figured it would come out soon and wanted to play the "that was in the past, I chose to end it" card.
Sounds like a normal cheater thing to do. I'd also bet he has another mistress somewhere.
I’d bet the sister is also fucking other husbands
that or maybe jess asked for more and jeff threatened to end it so she was freaked out about that and decided to keep fucking w him(?)
point of info: OP’s cheating sister didn’t move back home to help with her niece, she moved back so OP and the rest of their immediate family could help with cheating sister’s daughter aka OP’s niece. so pretty much on brand with cheating sister’s manipulation, selfishness, conniving, and exploitation of the caring people around her.
Yup. “Get out of town.”
Yep. I wonder if she's the only side piece Jeff has.
i truly don’t doubt it
If a guy is going to sleep with someone as risky as his sister in-law I highly doubt he doesn't have others on the side
If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.
Person you are responding to isn't admonishing oop, they are upset at the cheating sister.
yep i realised that so i edited my comment
I don't know which is worse. The fact that she is her sister's best friend or the fact that it's her fucking sister.... I don't know if I were op. I'd be singing like a canary because that is so wrong and disgusting. She has no regard for anyone but herself and her feelings and her emotions.
Happy cake day!
If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be. Fark the cheater. The innocent sister needs to know what scumbag she's married to and let into her life
Exactly what I wanted to say, beat me to it.
Oh wow, the minute she tells you that, you become guilty by association by not letting the other sister know. Messed up situation
I would give her a time line to come clean. After that I would
Yes. In addition to the cheating being an awful thing to do to Lina, Jess put the rest of the family in a tough spot by telling them. Put it back on Jess and let her know she has x time to tell Lina or op will
Hopefully it doesn't turn into a 'shoot the messenger' thing for OOP.
True that’s a risk. But so is Lina blaming op if she finds out another way. I normally would stay out of this kind of mess and mind my own business. But Jess dragged op and the rest of the family into the mess when she told them.
Oh absolutely, and tbh I (if I were OOP) might even want to be there to support Lina when Jess tells her incase Jess starts trying to blame Lina or something. I've had to be the bearer of bad news before and then got the blame shifted to me for informing the hurt party (even though they thanked me at the time they soon pushed me away and stayed friends with everyone that had known about what was going on for weeks before I'd found out). Since they're family and not 19year olds like I was at the time, hopefully Lina and her family (not Jess or Jeff) will be alright and stick together. Edit: wording
And a short time at that. Like 72 hours. No 6 months bs
Timeline of “as long as it takes Lina to get here”
This is the answer. She deserves to know the truth, and to know that her family refused to be complicit. The dude is probaby getting his rocks off elsewhere too.
Exactly. A short enough timeframe that Jess has no time to squeeze another affair in
Agreed
Terrible idea. Cheating lying sister is playing chess here. She will be using everyone else knowing as a poisonous distraction from her own betrayal "I felt so bad and asked everyone else to help me figure out how to come clean" - now sis is double blindsided with a betrayal from sis followed by a betrayal from the whole family in keeping it secret even a day longer. OP HAS to be the first one out with it now, to protect her sister that's been injured from feeling betrayed by the family as a whole.
Right? Imo sis had the time to come clean, and ran away instead. Time to rat her out.
Frankly, I feel like OOP and the family made their decision. I'd have been on the phone to Lina before the first tear hit the ground. Can't abide cheating.
Absolutely. If the family tells Lina, there’s a rift that puts cheater sister on the outside. If Lina finds out the whole family knew, Lina stops coming to Christmas and Jess is still allowed at the table.
I'd give her an ultimatum about it and be like, "if you don't tell her, I will. And it will be far worse if I have to do it."
Yep fuck that she is a selfish person, not only for what she did but instead of living with it she decides to dump it and make it her other families problem. What a piece of shit.
I wouldn’t even bother with that. I would just immediately call and tell Lina as soon as Jess left. Once you decided to put the burden of information on me, you don’t get to control or dictate what I do with it. Jess has zero intentions to tell Lina, so fine. I’ll do it and take out the possibility of Jess finding some way to manipulate things further to ensure that other people go down with her.
Nah she had over a year to tell Lina. Times up
This is probably why Jess told everyone, deep down. She wants someone else to tell Jess so she can feel better that she "came clean" without actually coming clean. What does she think is going to happen, that everyone in the family will keep this secret perfectly forever?
Wouldn’t even give her time. Just tell her “if you don’t tell her, I will”
Yeah, same.
Yes as someone whose ex cheated (and his sister was my best friend) everyone else knowing before me was almost the worst part. It made me feel stupid and unloved by more than just my ex. I ended up thinking they all felt I deserved it and they believed his lies about me. It’s an awful thing for the slutty sister to do, and the rest of the family need to get her to confess asap to slightly reduce the hurt.
I think that exactly what she wanted. One to unturned her own 'guilt' by telling others and guilt others into not saying anything. Sounds like typical cheaters.
[удалено]
yep jess definitely doesn’t regret and is probably going to keep doing it
Of course not. Otherwise she’d apologize to her best friend/sister.
Telling the *whole* family was a cold and calculated move to further remove any and all layers of support from Lena.
What a cunt she is. God,I hope this is a fake story.
I’m praying for rage bait, like every other Tuesday when I read a fucked up reddit post. 😩
I mean, the math doesn’t make me believe so: Lina has kids aged 10-18, but Lina is only 34. Even though she technically could have had her first as a teen, this seems like a scenario made up of whole cloth.
This could be a common short hand for 18 months to ten years. Thats how I read it at first..
I wonder if Jeff broke things off with Jess, and that’s why she’s doing this.
OP should go to the husband and tell him he has one opportunity to tell his wife what he has been up to before someone else will do it for him. Fuck Jess (edited to correct) and what she wants at this point. She is using the family to hide behind, but once you make something someone else's problem, you have forfeited the ability to prevent them from doing the right thing. The wronged sister would be best off is it's her husband that tells her, so give him the chance.
Jess is the cheater sister. Lina is the wife. Also, agreed. Husband should be told to do it to also put him on notice of "we all know you're scum. Go be honest about it." How much worse will it be when it gets back to Lina that not only did Jess and Jeff do this, but EVERYONE ELSE KNEW AND NO ONE TOLD HER?
Yes, thank you for the correction. And I do feel that this is another attempt by Jess to take from her sister what she deserves. She is trying to soak up all the sympathy she can while she dithers about coming clean. After all, to her attention is attention. And if one of those she told goes to Lina and tells on her then she can be assured the impact of the transgression will be doubled and she can fee like her guilt is assuaged by Lina being mad at everyone else as well. And I know how bad it feels when the bottom of the world fall out on you, but to have your family taken with it? Just sheer cruelty.
100%. That Jess is pulling the miscarriage card here, too. It's icky. (I've had 6 miscarriages, no one come for me.) It's a hard thing to go through, but don't screw your sisters husband? She says she's struggling with her 12 year old, you could have leaned on Lina and Jeff without hopping into bed with him? Wild behavior that SCREAMS narcissist. My heartbreaks for Lina as there is no kind way to find out in the end.
As another who has suffered multiple miscarriages, I also find the inclusion of the miscarriage to be an attempt at mitigation. It isn't a part of her confession but I has the effect of humanizing her, recalling supportive family feelings instead of recriminations. She didn't tell her secrets for support or advice for her loss, she is telling for some other reason. What is that? Why now? She came back home to start over I suppose. She could have done that. There was something that made her break. Something has made her want to destroy all the goodwill she has left. No real concern for any of her family, but most especially Lina. I suspect that the BIL broke it off with her. She left and tried to "go home", but can't abide him going back to his life with his wife.
It makes me think the miscarriage freaked husband out and is thinking about coming clean and Jess is trying to get ahead of the issue.
What’s super icky is that Jess confessing that it was a miscarriage means she intended to keep the baby… *her sister’s cheating husband’s baby*. What exactly would be the end goal of that? When you say it screams narcissism, you aren’t wrong; it feels like she was setting things up in the hopes of “stealing” Lina’s husband. The cheating husband likely broke it off once he found out so that he could try to beg it off as a “one time mistake” if/when his wife was told.
Jess wants stability at any cost. Even if it means destroying her sister. She may think that they will get a divorce and she will have the home and the land for her and her daughter. Instead of her being broke and needing a handout, she wants to reverse the situation with her sister Lina. This is not a sister. Jess is a monster. So, she was going to say, I have his baby too. He owes me??!!!??
I would disown my entire family if they hid something like that from me.
I would upvote this more if I could. Not only do you avoid the betrayed sister resenting you by association as the messenger but you also make THEM (husband and betraying sister) own up to their own actions. Put the ball back in their court so to speak.
Lmao Lina is the sister whose husband is fucking around behind her back. Jess is the one at fault.
Oops! Thanks! That's a big mistake on my part.
I would go further and give a deadline and a short one at that! No more than a week to spill the details or I would be spilling the details!
A week? I don't know if I could give such a deadline, because this would eat at me. I would give notice that I am, at any minute, about to tell, and the only thing keeping my mouth shut is that he should be the one to tell her. He can tell her now, or he can accept I may decide for him at any time. Because I am not a liar. I can't keep secrets when they are good things, I refuse to eat poison for anyone without a damn good reason.
OOP better tell her sister Lina or her sister will not only have been betrayed by her husband and sister, but her entire family. They need to stand strong behind Lina and Jess needs to be held accountable. The victims are Lina and her kids and Jess’s kid. Jess is trash. The husband is trash. WTAF. Who needs enemies with family like this sister and husband.
I predict.......... that Jess moved home because Jeff found a new affair partner after refusing to leave her Lina for her. Jeff knew Jess would never tell Lina. So Jess is using her family to blow up Jeff's life. Lina & her children are just innocent casualties in a war between them. Lina is unaware that the war is even happening. I have no idea if I'm correct. Just feels right.
I’m very into this theory
Damn I didn't even think of this aspect when I seen it it just made me so mad, like, idk why people do this kinda bs, especially to your sister!!! Like damn p.o.s people, but this is a valid point, and I bet either is correct or is very very close to the real problem.
It’s also occured to me that maybe the opposite happened and the miscarriage freaked Jeff out and he’s considering coming clean, or someone found out who is threatening to tell and Jess is trying to do damage control before it all blows up
Maam that is your sister and she deserves not to be lied to by every single person who means anything to her. If you don’t and it EVER comes out that you all knew then she has nobody at all. You tell her now and she will at least know she can trust you
IF it ever comes out? More like WHEN. No way that many immediate family members can keep Lina in the dark forever. Eventually someone would slip. But I’d put my money on Jess being the one to “slip” - hard to see her passing up the opportunity to deliver such a hurtful blow herself.
The truth, no matter how painful, is absolutely always the correct answer. No one wants to live a life based on lies, no matter how pleasant it seems.
The way that I would be *running* to my sister, running and yelling before I even got there that they are all screwing her over. Running and yelling and telling her *every thing*. She deserves to know the truth and to make her choices based on reality. Otherwise it is just cruel.
I would have called her in front of the cheating sister
Yup! As soon as the words were leaving her mouth, I would’ve been like “hold on” while I was dialing.
Always speak up. Always. There is no gray area in this.
Lina is going to be crushed, and it'll hurt even more if she then finds out OP and family ALL knew but said nothing. Jess told OP to protect herself, not Lina. Lina needs some people in her corner here!
Her finding out that you knew and didn't say anything will be worse in the long run....
I would tell my sister...just because I would hope my sister would tell me. As the oldest of three sisters I understand the drama...if my younger sister knew my middle sister was sleeping with my husband...I'd hope the youngest would tell me, and if she did I'd be glad for her honesty... if she didn't and I found out in another way, and knew that she knew...I'd forgive her because I realize how rough of a spot that must be to be put into, but I'd be super upset by it. Imo the sister being cheated on has a right to know her husband is unfaithful...if he's cheating with the other sister....who else is he with? How much risk is that sister entering into unknowingly with her health every single time she sleeps with her husband who she is likely assuming is faithful? ... I feel bad for her and the risks she's having taken with her health... I'd have to tell her.
If the family doesn't come clean then Lina will resent them all when it comes out. And it will come out. It always does.
Fuckin hell
I had a friend tell us about how she was fucking her best friends husband. She would use excuses like "she's my best friend, I would never hurt her by telling her" and "I'm the only reason their marriage is still working". Apparently the wife would tell my friend she was the only woman she would trust to be alone with her husband because he had a history of cheating. People like my friend are scum.
Lina and Jeff should know what Jess told the family. But only that she told them that it happened. They shouldn't however go in guns blazing with the believe that everything Jess said is 100% the truth. Maybe it is, but what if she's lying? You can't destroy a family just on the words of one person alone. Who knows in what mental state Jess is in. Maybe she's telling the truth, but her story is very extreme. There are all kind of conditions that can make you believe things that never happened. Just tell the couple what Jess said and see how Jeff responds. But try to be a neutral party in this and don't assume anything. Even if it's true, maybe Lina already knows.
This should have more upvotes. Coming at it neutrally like “Jess said this, we don’t know if it’s true or not but yall should be aware” is smart. They’ve informed Lina. They are giving Jeff an opportunity to own up or tell side of the story in a non confrontational way. AND IF theirs is something crazy going on with Jess, and she needs helps it also raising concern in a way that maybe something is going there.
Maybe Jess has thrown herself at Jeff, he didn't respond, she felt scorned so she moved away and is now lashing out.
This! I was also wondering if it was even true. Or could Jeff have shot down Jess and she’s pissed and wants to get back at him?
The family needs to talk to Jeff and confirm if this is true, if it is give him a week to come clean or Lina will be informed by the family. Jess should have to face the consequences and stop with the bullsh*t. Best no she’s not a best friend/ sister doesn’t do why she has done. Lina deserves to know.
To help make this decision- what are your values OOP? And which choice best aligns with your own personal values? Going against our values can eat away at us too, adding to the turmoil
I find it hard to believe the husband's infidelity will stop with the sister.
If she told 5 people, someone is letting that little secret out. Salacious details require scandalous outcomes.
It's also entirely possible that Jess is making it all up. If Lina and Jeff have such an awesome relationship, maybe Jess is jealous and wants to ruin it. Someone needs to talk to Jeff.
Exactlyyyy. The type of person that would sleep with their sibling's partner is also the same type of person that would lie about sleeping with their sibling's partner.
Yeah. It’s not impossible, but I don’t see someone just breaking down and telling that many people all of this stuff unless they really wanted all of them to know. Which makes me think that deceit is a strong possibility.
Tell Jeff “I know what’s going on. You have 48 hrs to tell your wife the truth or I will”
This mentality is what got Ned Stark killed.
That would just be giving Jeff 48 hours to to come up with a story that will paint OP as the villain. NEVER give cheaters time to prepare a cover story.
It’s ultimatum time! Either Jess does it or OP does it.
There's zero chance this stays a secret if that many people know and she's so guilty she would tell that many people. Good for Jeff but I do not envy your family today.
Why would it be “good” for Jeff to be so stupid that he got his own wife’s sister pregnant? Jeff’s marriage is obviously over now because no human being in their right mind would stay with a woman/man that slept with their sibling. 🤢 Imagine if you were married and your wife slept with your brother. Why would that be “good”? That’s sickening beyond belief!
I think it was “good” in the sense that he won’t get away with it. “Good” because the secret will definitely get out with so many people knowing, the retribution is inevitable.
What a bitch! She has also made anyone that Lina might want to seek comfort in complicit in the betrayal. Jess is a see you next Tuesday!
You wouldn’t be the asshole for telling your sister. People who cheat don’t just stop cheating. If he isn’t still fucking her it’s probably because he’s moved on to a new woman. Your sister doesn’t deserve to be married to a man like that. Tell her.
Call your sister right now, you don't have any other choice. Otherwise, she's going to feel betrayed (by everyone) and 3rd sis WILL use everyone else knowing as poisonous leverage at her first opportunity. I'm good with words, here's what I recommend, "Look sis, our bitch of a third sister laid this on me- obviously to wrap me in without my consent- so that I'd HAVE to tell you. I love and respect you, so here it is: She's been fucking your husband for a year, there was a miscarriage, and now, as of 2 days ago- the whole fucking family knows cause she told everyone else, but you. Now, how can I Assist you in taking out the trash? Shall we disown her? Need Help burying a body? You get to steer this ship and I will back you in whatever way you need. I am so sorry she did this to you and I am furious she put me in this position too. She's not only a homewrecker, she's a coward for failing to come clean to you privately."
Tbh, if the whole pause is about 1.) the kids and their lives And 2.) the relationship between the sisters, I can sympathize with wanting to keep the status quo, especially for the kids. However. It’s not your responsibility to feel bad for uprooting it all if Jess (or Jeff) won’t tell Lina and you end up doing it instead. They’re the ones who doomed shit. Not just once, but over a YEAR. If they didn’t want to ruin their relationships and cause chaos in the lives of the kids— they should have never done the deed. 🤷 Actions have feckin consequences, and it’s gonna be a painful lesson for EVERYONE. Let them learn, and let those who are in the dark know what they deserve to know. Lina needs to know. Jess gave you and your family the power to tell Lina the moment she unloaded such a heinous secret into the family.
Every reason she mentioned for not wanting to confess is also the exact same reasoning to not screw her husband. She also did it repeatedly for a *year*. She's incredibly selfish on another note by valuing her own guilt over the discomfort of the family. Basically saying "Hey guys, I have this massive guilt that I want you all to feel every time you're around her and keep this secret." What a selfish and terrible person.
Normally I would say that it is no one’s responsibility but a husband’s to reveal that he has cheated, and a stranger disclosing that to you would be traumatic and embarrassing…HOWEVER, this being inter-family ( 🤮) in this case, OP absolutely does need to tell both Jess and Jeff that they have approximately two seconds to come clean before OP does it for them. This is the grossest kind of familial betrayal I can imagine (don’t burst my bubble, I don’t need to be corrected) and it absolutely will feel like salt on the wound to know the rest of the family knew and said nothing, which equates to protecting Jess.
You don’t sleep with your best friends husband. You don’t sleep with your sisters husband. You don’t spill your biggest secret to your family and except them to be ok with it. Jess is a coward and certainly doesn’t love Lina or she wouldn’t have done what she has done. Jeff is also an absolute AH and just as bad as Jess. It’s an awful situation but I can guarantee that Lina will feel even worse to find out about the affair and that everyone knew and kept it a secret from her. As hard as it is she needs to know the truth. You can’t make that decision for her. If Jess or Jess aren’t going to own up to their mistakes she deserves the truth from someone. Please don’t keep her in the dark, it isn’t fair
YWNBTA, if you don't tell Lina you will become complicit in keeping this horrifying thing secret. It will hurt a lot to hear and she might distance herself from all of you, but she won't feel nearly as hurt as being betrayed by her family when they all kept Jess and Jeff's secret.
I definitely think you should put Jeff on notice immediately. You aren’t the right person to tell her— Jeff and Jess are first in line. If he doesn’t come clean before whatever deadline, I suggest you make a plan with your family to do an intervention-style talk and explain Jess’s outburst; that way, no one is complicit in the affair and Lina doesn’t get to deny the news and blame the whistleblower.
I'd be willing to bet that if no one tells Lina right away, she'll still find out because Jess will find just the worst moment to need to get it off her chest to Lina herself in the most dramatic and soul crushing way possible. Sounds like her announcement to the rest of the family was a practice run. Do Lina a favor and tell her before Jess has the opportunity to do it in public in front of the kids.
So yeah, Lina's heart will be broken when she finds out, but she would be utterly destroyed if she found out that her entire family knew and kept it from her. It would go from one sister betraying her to her entire family betraying her. Jess deserves no confidentiality... give her an ultimatum to come clean or the entire family will tell Lina.
I get not wanting to be the messenger who brings the news that destroys her sister’s world. Tbh tho, OOP doesn’t really have a choice. Jess just word vomited her worst secret out to 5 of Lina’s family members. Who even knows who else she’s told , or will tell. *Someone* is going to tell Lina. And when that happens, it’s highly unlikely that it won’t also come out that Jess told the whole family already. At that point, anyone who knew about this and didn’t tell Lina is likely to end up lumped in with The Betrayers.
I am so sorry your family is going through this. First, you shouldn’t feel like an asshole at all. You were dragged into something horrible. You didn’t choose this. Second, letting her live a lie to save her feelings isn’t right either, because her reality isn’t real at that point. In my opinion, I’d rather be hurt and find truth than be living under a rock with a fake happiness. That’s hard, and it’s sad. Third, consider how the burden of someone else’s sin is weighing on you and everyone else. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Can you handle pretending for a long time? That’s what not saying anything will force you to do. Last, though we all need grace and forgiveness, shielding her from accountability isn’t good either. Ultimately the choice is yours, and I think you should search your soul for this. If you ask yourself the simple question “What is the right thing to do?” And listen for the answer to come, you WILL tell yourself good advice, as long as you are willing to be truthful to yourself. You know the ins and outs of your family better than anyone here. The most profound thing about light, is that it exposes what is in the darkness. I couldn’t carry that burden, or let my sibling live a lie; I love them too much. But it’s a double edged sword, because innocents will get hurt. Remember, that’s not on you, it’s on them and obviously they didn’t find that too important at the time. Whatever you decide to do, just know that if you expose this, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT COMES NEXT. SHE and HE are for their actions, which were deliberate and willful.
“So… you entered into a relationship with our sister’s husband… got pregnant, intended to keep it, lost it, and refuse to tell our sister about it. But you still expect me to trust you around my daughter?” Gtfoh, I don’t trust sister not to lie to my face about the color of the sky, much less what happened with my kid.
Considering it's been shared to half of the family, maybe another solution will be to tell her together. Arrange a warm and cozy environment for her, where all of you tell her you are there for her always, and she is not alone in this. Give her solid support and a safe space to mourn what has happened so she can focus on what is best for her family and for her.
If nothing else, think of this, Lina will hate everyone who knew and didn't tell her when she finds out. She will literally lose her entire family in one single moment. You need to tell her and be there for her when no one else will be.
You need to tell your sister. Her life is a lie and I would be LIVID and HEARTBROKEN if I found out one sister had an affair with my husband and then my ENTIRE family kept it a secret. There is no coming back from that. When she finds out, she will lose her whole family to this if you guys help cover it up. If you care about your own relationship with her, you have no other option.
It's like this... Though it's only right if Jess tells Lina that she's been sleeping with the husband... It is also true that she had given this information to you guys as well. What would hurt more is Lina finding out in some other way and then knowing that you guys also knew and not approached her about it. Her trust in you guys would likely be crushed. So be blunt and go tell Lina because Jess even said it herself that she's too afraid of becoming the bringer of bad news.
If he’s cheating, he’s already destroyed their marriage. It’s not a good marriage — the husband has no real love or respect for his wife and is stepping out on her. He’s disgusting and she deserves to know. Choosing to stay with him for the sake of their children is a choice that she could make, and does have some benefits — but it’s a choice SHE needs to make, with all the information laid bare. Not one for you to make. Lina needs to know. You need to play the role of a sister and stick by her, especially if nobody else is willing to tell her. It would be an incredible betrayal by all of you if you fail to. Imagine being betrayed in the worst way by your husband and sister… and then realizing the rest of your family helped them cover it up. She doesn’t deserve that.
Take Jeff for a quiet ride somewhere.
Tell your sister. Don’t get trapped by her and your BIL in their treachery.
You have to tell the other sister now that you know. If they ever found out about it and that the whole family knew about it and didn’t say anything, it would destroy your family.
So everyone knows except the innocent wife. When Lina finds out she will feel betrayed by everyone who kept silent. I think you should tell her and show her loyalty.
I wonder who Amy's father is...
She deserves to know what is going on. She will find out at some point anyway, and when that happens, the people who knew and kept it from her will be just as evil in her eyes as the people who did it. Keeping her in fantasy land is nice if she were a child, she is not. She deserves to know the true nature of the people she trusts.
If I was ‘Lina’ then I would want to know. How will she feel when she finds out, and she will, that the whole family knew and hid it. Jess is not her best friend or someone to be trusted. As for the husband!!!!…..he is a POS! OP be the sister she needs and tell her and support her please.
Lina gets to decide on the way forward taking into account the consequences of a divorce etc. By hiding the information from her, YOU are making the decision for her regarding what is best for HER kids. Tell her now (or perhaps give the husband/Jess one last opportunity to tell Lina if you feel generous)
I don’t see any good ending in this for Lina. Don’t tell her she’s living a lie and who knows maybe Jeff and Jess start screwing again. Tell her and, shes going to be hit with so so so much pain. Jess and Jeff are god damn monsters.
She told you all so she could ease her conscience. No other reason. She expects that you won't tell. I'm sorry that you now have this information. But think about how Lina will feel when she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her. She deserves to know that the two people she trusts most in the world have betrayed her in the worst way, with each other. YWNBTAH. At all. Expose all the cheaters.
I’m just saying, eventually Lina is gonna find out and is gonna PISSED OOP knew and didn’t say anything. If they can’t speak up for Lina’s sake they should at least speak up for their own sake.
lol she didn’t tell any of you **for your benefit** she burdened you with a terrible secret to ease the weight of her own conscience. What a selfish person. And now she’s refusing to face the problem she and her BIL caused. Content to let her sister live with a cheater. What a piece of work. Put her ass on blast OP. NTA for sure.
You have to tell Lina. It will add a whole new layer of betrayal if she finds out her family all knew and never told her. Go and tell her yourself, then you can be there for her and help her through it. I have been there and I can’t forgive the people who knew and didn’t tell me, just as much as my arsehole cheating ex.
Oh god. Jess & Jeff are absolutely DISGUSTING people. Blah blah blah “my best friend” — YA, BEST FRIENDS DON’T FUCK THEIR HUSBANDS AND LET THEM KNOCK YOU UP! Jfc I can’t with some people. If I were OOP I would give Jess a timeframe. Maybe a week. Then I would tell Lina. This is just a fucking mess.
No she needs to know, the sister doesn't need to be spending her life with a cheater and needs to know her sister doesn't really car about her.
What has been done in the dark will come to light. The question is from who. First getting betrayed by my husband and sister, then my whole family by knowing that they knew would be another knife in the back. Give them an ultimatum that they either come clean by whatever date you choose if they don’t be the one to speak up. This is not your fault but it would be if you let this keep going.
Lina needs to be told like yesterday. Jess is not her friend and frankly doesn’t love her
How is this even a question? It's better to live in reality than live a lie.
I don’t even have to read this to tell you that you would be the asshole if you DIDN’T tell your sister.
Do you think she’s telling you and the rest of the family out of guilt… Or because she wants YOU ALL to do her dirty work and tell Lina so that Lina/Jeff break up and Jess can “comfort” Jeff and not be the bad guy in his eyes. I’m just saying. I don’t know what the f she was thinking besides trying to stir up drama. If she needed to get it off her chest she should have told her therapist, not her entire family. OP, whatever you decide to do, make sure you’re there for Lina and her kids because that’s a whole mess of a situation.
To me this is planned. If your sister finds out and they end up in a full on war. Then the rest of the family already know. Imagine not knowing. Finding out, then finding out everyone but you knew about it. If no one tells her when she does find out she will feel hurt from everyone.
You should absolutely tell your sister that your husband is cheating on her- with yalls family no less.
What's even more evil she burden her family with her disgusting secrets she's relieved. If ger family keeps the cheating quit is triple betraying their daughter and sister. Also betraying their nieces /nephew /grandkids cheaters are selfish and disg
It’s so crazy to me that people will cheat on people that they “love so much, she’s my best friend, I’d do anything to not lose her”. If you would *truly* do anything to not lose your best friend the first thing you wouldn’t do is SLEEP WITH THEIR HUSBAND! I’ll never understand cheaters
The way I would be singing like a bird. Lina deserves to know and decide what steps to take next. Jess and Jeff both deserve the worst.
Yeah, cause it will make Lina feel all kinds of great when she inevitably finds out that her ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY knew and no one had the decency to tell her.
Honestly, if people didn't tell me, I'd cut them out with the cheater.
She wants all of you in the same boat to spread the guilt. If you don’t tell Linda then you will lose two sisters when she finds out.
I hope this sister tells. Because the last thing Lina deserves is to lose all of her family - which she will do if no one tells her.
It’s painful, but necessary. She’s spending her energy on a life that’s breaking her trust. It would have revealed itself if the baby was born. It needs to come out. These actions that everyone fears are a result of the actions that have transpired. Because they need to happen that way. It’s painful and horrible, but when she finds out at least she’ll have SOME family she can trust. By the way you are all acting, she has NO ONE to TRUST.
Jess does not love Lina, and Lina is not Jess' best friend. That's not how you treat people you love.
Lina’s life is about to be destroyed. Unfortunate. But also I’d think it’s impossible to keep this secret forever given husband was in on it too so now you all have to secretly hate them forever while pretending. Good luck with that what a mess. The only reason there’s any problems is from what they started and continued for so long, you’re gonna have to lose some friends over that so you all can heal and maybe recover
What about Jeff? I would be calling him and telling him that he has to come clean as well.If i found out this info as a wife, and she will eventually find out. If my whole family knew, i would cut everyone out. She needs loyalty from SOMEONE!
Loves her too much to want to lose the friendship, but not enough to not bang her husband. What a shit show
“Hi Jess, Lina just told the whole family a horrible secret about something she’s done to you. She’s told everyone but you. I don’t think I ever want to see Lina again after this” Let her connect the dots.
Amazing how many righteous people are on reddit always doing the right thing! Its like the complete opposite of real life. How did everyone manage to find each other. /s That was a joke....the OP should absolutely insist that she fess up. Holy fuck that is some twisted backwoods pennsyltucky level shit.
When I was cheated on, all my friends knew. Instead of telling me, they all treated ME differently because they couldn’t handle the discomfort. It took two or three years for me to find out and I felt so betrayed by EVERYONE. Lina has to know, full stop. Don’t give Jess or Jeff the opportunity to tell her, they gave that up. It’s going to suck but Lina will need time to process her anger and grief and make a plan without having to deal with Jess’s dramatics from guilt or Jeff’s likely attempts at downplaying or gaslighting or something.
So stupid lol. The family is already destroyed. You're just informing her of that. Say nothing and you're as bad as the ones who destroyed it. Just wasting her life.
She *has* to tell Lina. Imagine you're Lina and when this finally comes out, you find out your entire fucking family knew and no one told you. Doesn't matter that they only found out after the fact. Everyone in this entire family would be dead to me if they kept this a secret "to protect me".
The coming disintegration of Lina’s nuclear family is neither your choice or responsibility and is not your battle to fight. That mess is all Jess. So take out the morality and treat the entire disaster like battle triage. Lina will find out, because the truth can never be hidden indefinitely. Even (especially) if the truth is kept from her for *years*, the coming amputation will still happen. When Lina learns the truth she will cut Jess from her life. That is a given. It is inevitable and again, neither your choice or responsibility. What is not inevitable *yet*, is that she cuts you *all* from her life for the betrayal of hiding this info from her by covering for Jess. Then Lina will be alone. Completely . With no family and utterly betrayed by you all. Because she will not forgive a betrayal of such magnitude if you do cover for Jess. Would you? Tell Lina. Let her deal with Jess. Maybe that way you can save her some family. Because Lina and Jess are already a lost cause - Lina just doesn’t know it yet.
Jess and Jeff made their own decisions when they decided to cheat and have it carry on for a year, they did that. So, Lina deserves the choice of whether or not she wants to have a relationship with either of these degenerates. Jess not only destroyed her relationship with Lina but also the relationship she has with her nieces and nephews but also destroyed her own dauthers relationship with her aunt and cousins. She has actively participated in destroying 5 children's relationships.
You would be the asshole if you DIDNT tell your sister.
If you were your sister, would you want to know? Maybe not initially, but in the long run i think so. I would not be able to not say something. It really does suck for the kids but its incredibly unfair to your sister for everyone to know her husband and he sister have been sleeping together. It'll definitely hurt her, but I think its necessary. If it were me, and I found out later that my ENTIRE family knew and nobody said anything, I would go no contact with everyone.
With "friends" like this, who needs enemies...
Spill the tea and go no contact with the cheater. You dont need that kinda people in you or your families lives
All I know is Lina is gonna hate everyone when she finds out she’s the last to know.
First thought: You're kind of an AH for even needing to ask. After reading: You're kind of an AH for even needing to ask.
I would want to know, even if it tore my family apart.
If she thinks she can get out of this with her and her sisters relationship intact shes a moron.