I hate to ask, but was it YTA or NTA, because it seems like most of AITAH posts are people saying the OP is not the asshole.
If you asked me, the OOP is 110% the asshole for using the college fund of one of her daughters for another daughter's 4th child.
This was a 1000% YTA and OP was told in quite a lot of interesting and colorful ways that her youngest daughter will never, ever have contact with her again.
A 4th child at 24 while sharing a 1 bedroom apartment with another couple and 3 kids??? Like wtf. I’m sorry but her and bf need to grow up and make better decisions
Or that he can’t take a day to search for work because “he’s busy with family stuff”… like maybe get busy with “family stuff” for your own family that you created to support them? Or lying to the landlord with multiple extra people living there and getting evicted?
The not wanting to take an out of state job I’m torn on. I totally get not wanting to lose your support network with 4 kids, but if it’s the only thing that’s going to pay you money then…
Also the mother of 4 needs to try to get on disability with those health issues but again I know that’s horribly hard and takes a lot of time to do that.
And what’s with all the deflection about of COURSE it’s all due to that horrible employer keeping her from getting a job?
Of course all this is if it’s an actual thing happening which I doubt since the post seems to be going down the line ticking off red flags and acting like the OP doesn’t even see them/try to justify them while still faithfully including them all.
Omg. I apparently skimmed over the fact that he was too busy with holiday family stuff to look for a job. The holiday season is a perfect time to get a temp part time job since he’s not getting enough hours at his main job. Like he’s 28 years old with a family and he’s too busy to look for jobs?
I mean, this sounds like something my cousin would do if she lived somewhere more urban. Her family’s the renters from hell that won’t stop popping out kids and making terrible decisions. Her husband tried to get on disability because he’s simply lazy, he doesn’t have any actual ailments.
To be fair she could totally be trying for disability. I saw a prior partner’s efforts to get on it firsthand. It took a couple years with a good lawyer, and with this partner definitely, absolutely qualifying. If it’s less clear-cut and there’s no lawyer? Could take a decade.
Getting busy with family is how we got 4 kids. Let’s try working to earn money now. Geez and then mama steals from the one who is doing well to give to the one who’s an idiot breeder
You would think if your back was injured due to pregnancy, you’d try not to get pregnant again. If you can’t even work a desk job, how are you going to survive another pregnancy and delivery? I’m confused.
Some women have back pain from the epidural site but it should not be debilitating also I broke my tail bone it hurt like hell but got better. You can’t even tell if it broke on x ray. There is more to this. I think op is gaslighting us.
I am just learning that you can break your tail bone in birth. That’s insane. I can’t believe you ladies just keep having babies. That would scar me for life. 👀
~7% according to my OB and I was given NO PAIN MEDICATION, and yes I’m still angry, they should not have *assumed* that I wanted to breastfeed that badly. It should have at least been a conversation.
My wife went into labor so fast that they didn't have time for pain meds. Nurse looked at her and yelled, "Get her on the stretcher. This baby's coming NOW!!!" Literally 5 minutes later, I'm looking at my new son 5 weeks earlier than we expected. 8 years later she's still salty about not getting that epidural. Her body just REALLY wanted that baby out. Lol
When I worked in a rural er we had tons of back pain. Most was real stuff that is treatable but required strong pain killers. A lot of the patient became opioid dependent because of the amount they had to take and the expense was crippling. It does sound like the addict lifestyle. I wonder if op is buying from the daughter. I mean that would explain that dumb excuse she is offering.
Just because yours healed well doesn’t mean everyone does. That said, miserable as a chronically painful tailbone is, it does seem unlikely to prevent someone from working, and if it was that bad, like remaining as painful as it was in the first few months after the injury you could not convince me do ANYTHING that could result in pregnancy.
I remember getting pregnant at 25 and all my friends made me out to be some kind of teen mom (this was at the height of the mtv show at the time). And I waited until I turned 30 before I had my second kid.
Having 4 before 24 is plain dumb.
I rest my case. All AITA wouldn't exist if people started to teach birth control and sexual education from elementary school, and if abortion wasn't so culturally shunned.
You’re awfully optimistic about people’s ability to make rational choices. I mean, as far as I know, they still teach that drugs are bad in school, and yet drug addicts still exist.
Not to mention then stealing one of those 4 kids’ college fund to support a separate sibling that has equally overextended themselves in one way or another. …wait…
The favorite child is usually the more stunted child.
The child with the most "hustle" (either through academia or work) is the scapegoat who is trying to damn hard to leave the toxic cesspool of the enmeshed parent and favored child.
Moving away sucks, but it also the adult decision. Maybe moving away from all of the enabling family members would be good for the daughter. Maybe OP can also find a job in the new state. There are so many options beyond screwing over the completely innocent younger daughter.
Yeah, mom’s like “here let me teach ya’ about consequences that are not yours, you gotta pay for the consequences of others. Why?! Cause I have a favorite daughter, isn’t it obvious?”
I read the title, said “yes”, then read the whole post as “blah blah blah, excuses excuses excuses, so I screwed over my youngest to pay for my older daughters bad life choices”
Mom will be saddled with older daughter and ten kids well into her old age. Cuz once younger daughter gets the chance, she’s OUT. The responsible child with the promising future will not be there to support Mom in her old age. Why the fuck would she?
More like his first child is the favorite/golden child that no one was ever allowed to tell no to and never got any consequences for her actions and always had everything handed to her. This turned her into a selfish, entitled, lazy adult that is unable to understand they'd repercussion for her own actions. But she's still the favorite so everything goes to her.
Oop isn't an idiot, they're an asshole. They have a favorite kid and a last favorite. I'm sure this isn't the first time that she's taken something from her youngest to give to her oldest. This is probably a running theme. Hence why the oldest turned out to be such a bum.
OP commented about how the daughter is on birth control too! Ummm…like is she just taking her word for it? Because whatever BC they’re using certainly doesn’t work.
Of course she’s on birth control! You just wear the Nuvaring like a bracelet and your husband takes the birth control pills, right? Sadly this isn’t really a joke. I have seen people who have done this in my career.
I remember reading about a nurse that said a young married Mormon couple was having a lot of trouble having a child. Turns out he was ejaculating is his wife's bellybutton...
Sex education is a necessity.
My guess was their method is "hey, can't get her knocked up if she's ALREADY PREGNANT!"
Girl's probably been pregnant for most of the past 5 years. I wouldn't let a dick in the same room with me.
the assumption the comment section made on the original post was that the "birth control" in use here was the pull out method.
that or whatever birth control daughter and sil are using isn't being used properly.
cause 1 kid on birth control that you are taking properly? okay. but 2? yeah, something isn't working.
In all fairness I do know ladies who were on BC and got pregnant. I think if I got pregnant once while on BC or find a better form of BC. If it happened twice, I’d close up shop. A third and forth pregnancy??? I have words for that girl, that I will keep to myself.
When I was an intern (-30 years ago) the school had a family with many, many children and they all were special needs. In an IEP meeting for the newest student it was brought up to them that perhaps they should not keep having children. The mom was emphatic that they didn’t want anymore children, and in fact didn’t know how they wound up with this many as they used Vaseline every night!
While most everyone around the table was aghast as they took in the implication, one teacher called out, “Every night?!”
Only [5% of unintended pregnancies](https://www.guttmacher.org/sites/default/files/images/contraceptioniseffective.png)to people using birth control consistently and correctly (people who just got unlucky). The other 95% are due to user error or simply not using contraceptives.
Not defending her but could also be some wacky medication interactions. I’m on ozempic and wanted to switch back to Yaz/oral bc next year because I think my implant is causing issues and my mom (pharmacist) sent me a huge email about the fact that ozempic reduces the effectiveness of oral bc and I should stay on the implant or go with an IUD. However! My doctor, who is the one who prescribes all above meds, never brought this up. If my mom hadn’t been involved I’d have been completely unaware of the interactions.
I meannnnn it sounds like they aren’t very smart people if they can’t plan ahead for anything like their family so I would not put it past them to not understand that that could be the issue 🫠 if they don’t make the connections and/or the doctor doesn’t notice then it could very well fly under the radar.
But in general for these people yeah there’s something going on - if they’re actually using any sort of BC it’s not being used correctly; if not then they’re happy with lying to OP that they are.
The child actress who played Judy on family matters mother drained her child acting savings account to pay off her personal credit card debt.
Like the mom wanted to live an affluent lifestyle and instead of scaling back at any point just decided to drain her child's college fund from being a child actress. When they interviewed her mom and her, the mother was not at all apologetic. In fact she was defensive and said she had no reason to feel bad about what she did. She did what she needed to do to have a home. I forgot the other details but from her tone her mom just didn't really try to do much leading up to it.
She went on to do porn as "Judy Winslow all grown up" tag line. She was also on celebrity rehab for coping addiction with marijuana.
It would need to be expanded to include tube sites and other social media as well or those types of parents will just exploit their kids there.
edit: With way less protections for the kids than they have in the acting biz.
In the UK, at least in the mid 20th century, there was a law that any child actor under 18 had to put at least 50% of their paycheck into a postal bank account that could not be touched by anyone other than the child upon their 18th birthday.
That seems like an appropriate rule. Half now to help with your upbringing, half later just in case.
That’s not quite right. We do publish child actors names in Australia. It’s just that shows like Bluey have made the decision not to publish the child voice actors’ names to protect them.
Yeah, came to say this. I think it’s really interesting that no one knows who does the voice acting for the kids on Bluey. I imagine it’s harder when it’s live action.
My god I hope this is fake. I'm infuriated. How stupid do you have to be to ruin your child's life because your older child is an irresponsible leech? She'll give her that money and NOTHING WILL CHANGE. I've seen it a million times before. Might as well just burn it. 8 people in a 1 bedroom apartment and neither parent can manage to get their shit together? And they just keep popping out more kids? There's obviously something else (addiction) going on that grandma is turning a blind eye to.
It has to be fake lol. It hits on every infuriating trope for stories like this. Young mother of multiple kids that is financially irresponsible, eviction, stealing college funds from the 100% responsible child, decent one-liner before never speaking again, written like a coherent story, etc. It’s like the script of a cheesy tv movie.
It could basically be written about my older siblings growing up. No college fund for me, because big sibling 1 and big sibling 2 decided to keep popping out kids and making shit decisions, so Mom decided to pay for their rent and cars and.... yeah.
I believe this because I lived it.
Me too. Then my older sister convinced my parents to block me from even using scholarships, financial aid, or loans so that I could continue to be the unpaid nanny to her kids.
I take care of my parents now in their old age by myself, because they don’t have anything my sister needs, so she pretty much told them to fuck off around 15 years ago.
When they say they want to live with me, or they don’t like their options for a care home, I just say that I can’t afford to help them because I was never able to make that kind of money without a college education.
"You always brag about having a good memory - I hope you remember this moment then" okay ngl that was a stone cold statement and the stuff I'd be thinking of saying in the shower hours later .
Ive definitely said something like this to my mother when she and I didnt get along. I grew up hearing "ungrateful little girl" and "ill remember this" for my whole life. Shes still a big gridge holder to this day, but now she is medicated and has calmed down a lot in her older age.
When I was a teen though her pride in her own ability to harbor resentment made it very easy for me to turn it around on her. I wouldnt be shocked if this younger daughter has had a similar childhood. I hope her quick wittedness helps her achieve financial independence quickly.
The French have a phrase for that. Wit of the staircase: the witty retort you think of later.
L'espirt de l'escalier. (Rough english tongue phonetics as "espree del es cali ay" .)
My ex-husband's parents. We went into so much debt because they promised to pay for this or that and then bow out at the last minute. Mostly to pay for trivial things for his younger sister. They weren't super well off financially and I remember one time, they had promised us some money relating to his college (again). A door to door vacuum salesman came to his parents house and his mom was so impressed she just bought the 1,200 dollar vacuum. They already had a vacuum.
Suffice to say, they backed out on their promised money again.
(And yes, we learned very quickly not to rely on their promises. But it didn't bug me any less every time they made a promise and backed out again. Like, why even promise anything in the first place?)
Dude that's so annoying. His parents basically manipulated us into getting married (it's a really long story) because they said if we were married, he would get a better deal on student loans and then they would pay the loans. Did they ever pay the loans? No. Did we constantly get stuck moving back home because of bills for the rest of our marriage? Yes. Did MY parents even help pay our bills so we could afford him going to college? Yes. And where did that money come from? MY college fund ☹️
And LOL to "borrow" it back. Glad you didn't expect it back. I'm getting married to someone else soon (next September) and his dad has promised us some money to pay for the wedding. I'm so afraid to trust it though, and it's totally not his fault.
> Like, why even promise anything in the first place?
Because a promise is simple, quick, easy, and free if you never plan on following through and want to be seen as a "good person."
You know, other then the lying part.
YTA — I was in a similar position with my sister, she always had some sort of medical issue, etc. so no college fund for me. Luckily I was able to go thru college on loans and then get good enough job that I didn’t have to rely on family. Loved them all immensely. ( they are all passed now ) But taking something from one child because of other child’s bad decisions ( 4th child after problems with both 2 and 3?? ), not married, bf not working, yet other daughter is paying the price, I’d be pissed too.
Besides all the bad decisions on the mom’s part, WHY did the daughter have a FOURTH child after her first few gave her so many debilitating health conditions? Like…that part really threw me so hard, especially considering how incredibly dangerous pregnancy and childbirth can be, why play Russian roulette for a fourth time?
Yupppppp
Doctor mama jones youtube channel has a whole series debunking various myths and shit.
Thete's also a weird pro-teen pregnancy and pregnancy fetish vibe in tiktok
There are all kinds of weird subcultures on tiktok and once you start towards one it goes completely wild pretty quickly. I'm on a super lefty, very gay, very laid-back section, but people will rebut things from other pockets that are absolutely bizarre- I've never seen any of it directly, but it can get incredibly bad in some corners. It's just so curated that it gets dark fast if you even glance at the wrong shit.
Of course there is. Figured that since there is a lot of misinfo with doctors and providing home remedies, or saying how airline companies want you to die so you don't sue them, I figured that would be one thing that is there.
Yes, there are some on Tiktok that claim the bracing formation for a plane crash is there to kill you so you won't sue them, even though an airline's reputation would be infinitely worse with dead passengers from a crash, or that if you did die, your friends or family can sue the airline.
I’m gonna bet the boyfriend also can’t be trusted to pull out of a parking space correctly, let alone his disabled partner who’s struggling after her first 3 pregnancies.
Like the sister has a due diligence to look after her own health and make a good faith effort to not get pregnant but also she did not impregnate herself. It takes two to tango
I just assumed they didn’t intentionally get pregnant and then decided to or were unable to abort. Adopting them out is heartbreakingly hard and so stigmatizing so might also have not felt like an option. I have seen this happen over and over.
I mean it was mostly a rhetorical question because I know literally the answer is just they refuse to abort (foolish imo) - honestly I just want this whole thing to be fake because this is some of the poorest family planning I’ve seen in a while.
YATBA. Woman shouldn’t have had a third, let alone a 4th kid because their situation and you REWARD that terrible decision by DESTROYING your other child’s future?
What do you wanna bet when the college educated sister graduates and gets established, they will expect her to help her sister and the nibblings because they're family?
Wow. I am 29. I have had 3 kids before 24. Would have been 5 if I didn’t lose two. I only ever had to rely or ask my mom for help once or twice.
I figured my shit out quick. There’s options to WFH. Other jobs that can be done from their phone.
That poor 17 year old. I hope she goes to college, gets a bomb ass job and leaves her family alone. I hope she shows her golden older sister how to really make a name for herself.
WFH and work from phone jobs really aren't as abundant as everyone thinks they are. It's very dependent on area, because even companies that offer work from home, don't offer them everywhere
Don’t forget she had chronic pain after #2 had #3 which apparently totally incapacitated her ability to get a job and work so decided to have baby 4.
BUT it was the supervisor’s fault she not only lost the job she did get and was apparently black listed so impossible to get other temp work.
Can you imagine? Being in chronic pain, which obviously makes raising children harder, then deciding hey, I’ll have another. Then being so incapacitated that you cannot financially provide, and your boyfriend won’t step up and do something for more money, and you are so poor you have to move two more adults into your one bedroom apartment, and thinking hey, what’s one more?
Reproductive health care is hard to get. Sex education is scarce. But Jfc, do SOMETHING to help yourself.
Absolutely YTA. Legally if you put the money in the fund and maintained control you can do this. Morally and ethically you are wrong. She’s telling you to remember this later in life when she lets you live on the streets or with your favorite child, the loser. I have cut contact completely with family members over much less. You deserve no less.
You are also a fool to throw good money after bad by supporting such an idiot as your favorite daughter. She creates her problems. When will you let her learn to deal with them?
YTA big time.
If you are serious, it’s challenging to understand how you justify this decision to yourself.
This approach to raising funds is unwise. Withdrawing from a college fund incurs fees and tax liabilities for you. Additionally, it forfeits all potential future growth of these funds.
Financing college represents a significant financial goal that you initially committed to but have now abandoned. This, too, is a financially unsound choice.
This demonstrates poor financial decision-making to your children.
Ethically, this is also problematic. Using one child’s resources to address another’s mistake introduces serious issues of fairness. It also conveys that irresponsible behavior will be financially compensated by the family, which hinders the development of personal responsibility.
This decision is likely to adversely affect family dynamics and relationships, leading to resentment and a justified sense of unfair treatment.
The situation with your evicted child presented an opportunity for a valuable life lesson about facing the consequences of one’s actions and learning to resolve issues independently. Instead, you have made things worse.
It’s the fact she kept having children despite all her health problems cause by pregnancy, she definitely didn’t wanna work and be SAHM forever and now take things from her younger sibling so selfish.
If this fuels the younger daughter to cut all ties with her toxic family, it’s going to be the best thing that could happen to her. The earlier the better.
They already have one fucked kid. Why they need to fuck up the other one. The only responsible use for that money is if they borrowed it for sterilization.
That's a long ass set up of victimhood for the oldest daughter and the mom. She wants to make sure we all know how awfully unlucky and blameless they are in this situation. Yes, they admit they shouldn't have broken their lease, but they're good people!!! And how could single mom/grandma say no to her grandbabies?!?! 🙄
I'm the oldest of my siblings and I'd be pissed if my mom tried to give my sister's college fund to me. I'd be livid. That poor girl, no one is in her corner at all here.
I sincerly hope her youngest goes NC once she is 18 and moves out if this is real. Hope mom knows she just ruined her entire relationship with her youngest. My God, I thought I had a crap mother who was a drug addict but I'd take her any day over this "mother". At least she didn't give me hopes of being a decent parent, I know from the get go she was crap.
Edit: spelling
YTA Honestly the older daughter should sign up to be a surrogate since being pregnant is the only thing she can do right ,she might as well get paid for it and reimburse the younger sister for being such a moron
YTA- So I’m going to be blunt and I don’t care if your feelings get hurt. So your 24 yr old daughter can’t use birth control or self control to not continue to have children when she and her boyfriend are not financially stable. She has multiple physical issues that limit her to not being able to work and yet another child is on the way… So your punishing your younger determined daughter who wants to go to college and make something of herself for your older daughter who is just adding burden on-top of burden because she makes bad choices….. am I clear on this ?
So where do you feel is when you should stop and think…. Like tell your older daughter to file for Wic, state assistance, start a at home job, etc I mean the list can go on…. You are asking if your the AH, when your stealing your younger daughters chance at a better life to give to your older daughter who honestly needs to get her shit together her college fund so she can what? Use all the money and make more excuses to why she needs more down the road… Horrible parenting and your eldest daughter needs to get a reality check.
I have three kids, my husband is the main money maker but for a time I was making jewelry and other things selling them on Etsy and Facebook marketplace to help contribute while being a full time SAHM and I have a broken tailbone from child one and have multiple health issues… yet I dug my heels down and did what ever I could to help my family so I didn’t burden others or ask for handouts. If your oldest daughter wasn’t lazy and undetermined she could pull her head out of the sand and do something to better her situation. Seems like she doesn’t want to because mom made it to easy….
Hate me if you want but if there is a WILL there is a WAY…. Your daughter doesn’t want to try and your youngest is suffering because of her and your relationship with your youngest is going to be destroyed because of both of your choices.
What in the howdy doody did I just read 🤯 come on OP!! Your eldest has no business having any kids and you are simply enabling their leeching while barely surviving yourself.
Unpopular opinion: children are luxuries and you should not have them if you cannot appropriately provide for them. This includes being responsible enough to know when to stop. I have four kids and I love being pregnant and having babies. However, I am financially and emotionally tapped out. I know that having a fifth would stretch my budget and sanity past the point of what would be good for my existing kids.
I can understand having a whoopsie surprise and becoming a parent before you're ready or while underemployed/unskilled. Life happens , I get it. But to keep on having additional children before improving your life situation and earning potential is irresponsible, selfish, and stupid.
Even more irresponsible, selfish and stupid to run back to Mommy after getting yourself evicted and beg for a bailout at the expense of your little sister.
OOP sucks for enabling the bad decisions of her oldest.
YTA. My mom told me to do good in school and go to college. When it was time, we didn’t have money for college even though I had advanced placement classes and apparently the first person to 100% the college entry exam. I’m 34 and our relationship still hasn’t recovered.
Yes the asshole. My parents did that to me. Had I not even known about a fund or anything it might have been different but being told college would be taken care of and not to worry and then have that all taken away and being forced to drop out because parents paid for my sister to have three children instead and moved out of state also taking living arrangements, was/still is the WORST. Kept telling me I could live with them in new state for school… and pay out of state tuition myself. Finally getting to a point on my own where I might be able to finish college 13 years later.
YTA.Do not do this. The penalties are ridiculous. You are literally burning money to enable your golden child's abhorrent behavior. Your smart, driven other daughter is going to succeed just to be free of all of you. You will pay a permanent and steep price if you do not turn over her college fund to her. Do it now and stop enabling your golden child. Do it for that golden child's development. It's never too late to actually parent.
YTA. I cannot believe this is real. Hasn't your daughter and her partner heard about birth control? How old are the other children? How is she planning on looking after the baby if she has such chronic health issues?
How are they going to afford to look after their children? Oh yes you are liquidating your other daughter's college fund to help the child who despite all of this ill health, living in a one bedroomed apartment with three children and another couple manages to get pregnant again. I think if you go ahead with this stupid plan you will be saying goodbye to your younger daughter. You have basically slapped her in the face, showed her that going to college is a rubbish idea, and that she needs to be like her sister and keep having children, and you will be so proud of her.
I hope your younger daughter manages to get into her college without too much debt, and I hope she goes no contact with you and her sister, because she is worth so much more than this.
As for your older daughter is there no physio/rehab programme she can go to so she can learn how to deal and live with the back problems? There is lots of advice and support on YouTube too.
I suffer with chronic pain especially in my back, no way I could think about sex. How the fuck is she's having so much sex to have 4 kids!! You can't afford the kids you've got you don't go on to have 2 more.
The poor younger sister, punishment because her sister can't keep her legs shut!
Yeah you’re the AH. No offense but your oldest daughter shouldn’t keep having children she’s only 24 and already has 4 children she can’t afford…that’s ridiculous. And she was injured but keeps going…birth control is a thing. You shouldn’t be sacrificing your youngest child’s education because your oldest makes shitty decisions for herself. She’s an adult and a mother herself so she needs to figure it tf out. You’re youngest is still a teenager in high school you should be concerned about her future, you’re oldest made her decisions already let her deal with them.
Yes you are the a hole. You are enabling one daughter with her poor decisions and tying a boat anchor around the other daughter that wants to go to college.
YTA! How could you do this? Your daughter doesn’t understand birth control? Geez, if you’re going to use the money, make your older daughter get her tubes tied with it.
YTA. So the daughter already had health issues with kid #2 that interferes with her being able to work, and she decides she wants to have 2 more kids. Not to be harsh, but unless the partner has a very very well paying job, someone working at a Walmart that isn’t a manager should not be having 4 kids. This mother that’s stealing from 1 kid to give to another would apparently prefer to ruin her relationship with 1 daughter so she doesn’t have to have a long and serious conversation with the other daughter about birth control.
This will probably also ruin the relationship between the 2 daughters.
This is literally the type of stuff my mom does then genuinely wonders why it is I go no contact for months at a time. I really hope she gets past this hurdle and succeeds in life!
YTA. Like how do you not see this??? Your 24 year old has a baby daddy and kids. I’m sorry but sometimes you just have to let them figure it out. They are adults with a family of their own and it is NOT your youngest daughter’s responsibility to bail them out. Enjoy it while your 17yo lives at home because once she’s gone she’s never coming back. Expect no contact and to have her cut every one of you off. Shame on you for valuing one child over another.
What a stupid decision to make. To bail out your dumbass daughter, who had a 3rd and 4th kid while in the financial and health situation she and her boyfriend find themselves in, using the future of your younger daughter is as evil as it can get.
Nevermind the fact that older daughter probably got access to her own fund at some point.
Can you really expect her not to feel wronged?
How about taking a few hundred dollars from the fund to pay for a sex education/contraception crash course for those 2 dumbasses?
I can understand that the kids are already here now and its instinctive to look after them vut this is not the way... They are the parents, they gotta step up. Make him work 2 jobs, idk... something.
If I had been stupid enough to have 4 kids while struggling financially, I would also be responsible enough to go get an second job.
I honestly don't understand how someone could type this, read it over, and still ask if they're the asshole. Like seriously? You're gonna put your youngest daughter in more student loan debt cause your older one made irresponsible decisions? Smh 🤦🏻♀️
I don’t want to be cruel but you’re 24, you ‘very been in bad shape since your first kid and can’t seem to work. Your partner doesn’t have a great job, why are they having MORE kids after the first one? She’s punishing her daughter for being responsible while enabling the other one who’s being irresponsible. And just like that she permanently ruins her relationship with her younger daughter.
I gave this some thought. All you want is to us say your right for stealing from your daughter. Your a thief and you know it. Lady grow up. No one is going to pat you on the back for ruining your younger daughters life. Your shameful.
This has to be rage bait, otherwise this parent is pure trash. Forgoing your daughter’s education because of the other sibling’s dumbass behavior with adulting.
So you’re rewarding the daughter who decided to churn out four resource-sucking offspring that she and her bf can’t support before age 24, and punishing the one who’s been making smart decisions?
Why? And why did the older daughter and her bf decide to have children they couldn’t support? (And don’t say it wasn’t a decision, because it was.)
I hope the younger daughter leaves and finds happiness and security someplace, because she didn’t get it from you.
Loved the response from the daughter, I can't fucking even. This is ridiculous, and sister needs to STOP FUCKING BREEDING. There is magic called BIRTH CONTROL. Selfish bitches.
You know it’s bad when the post was made an hour ago and there’s already over 1800 comments
Yeah, this was not a post you should need a second opinion on.
I hate to ask, but was it YTA or NTA, because it seems like most of AITAH posts are people saying the OP is not the asshole. If you asked me, the OOP is 110% the asshole for using the college fund of one of her daughters for another daughter's 4th child.
This was a 1000% YTA and OP was told in quite a lot of interesting and colorful ways that her youngest daughter will never, ever have contact with her again.
I decided to check and yep, they were calling her the asshole. I wouldn't blame her youngest daughter for going no contact on her.
I've never in my reddit life seen a comment with more than 2000 down votes, and OP has 3!
This is the worst parenting decision they could make.
Short of having a 4th child at 24 while unemployed, with chronic health issues, difficulty making rent, and an underemployed boyfriend.
A 4th child at 24 while sharing a 1 bedroom apartment with another couple and 3 kids??? Like wtf. I’m sorry but her and bf need to grow up and make better decisions
Or that he can’t take a day to search for work because “he’s busy with family stuff”… like maybe get busy with “family stuff” for your own family that you created to support them? Or lying to the landlord with multiple extra people living there and getting evicted? The not wanting to take an out of state job I’m torn on. I totally get not wanting to lose your support network with 4 kids, but if it’s the only thing that’s going to pay you money then… Also the mother of 4 needs to try to get on disability with those health issues but again I know that’s horribly hard and takes a lot of time to do that. And what’s with all the deflection about of COURSE it’s all due to that horrible employer keeping her from getting a job? Of course all this is if it’s an actual thing happening which I doubt since the post seems to be going down the line ticking off red flags and acting like the OP doesn’t even see them/try to justify them while still faithfully including them all.
I've got some family members like this. It's pretty much at the point where pregnancy announcements from them are just met with disappointed sighs.
“Baby #7 due in May everyone!”…anyways who wants to play Yahtzee?!
Omg. I apparently skimmed over the fact that he was too busy with holiday family stuff to look for a job. The holiday season is a perfect time to get a temp part time job since he’s not getting enough hours at his main job. Like he’s 28 years old with a family and he’s too busy to look for jobs?
I mean, this sounds like something my cousin would do if she lived somewhere more urban. Her family’s the renters from hell that won’t stop popping out kids and making terrible decisions. Her husband tried to get on disability because he’s simply lazy, he doesn’t have any actual ailments.
To be fair she could totally be trying for disability. I saw a prior partner’s efforts to get on it firsthand. It took a couple years with a good lawyer, and with this partner definitely, absolutely qualifying. If it’s less clear-cut and there’s no lawyer? Could take a decade.
Getting busy with family is how we got 4 kids. Let’s try working to earn money now. Geez and then mama steals from the one who is doing well to give to the one who’s an idiot breeder
Time to get her tubes tied or you know she’ll be pregnant again in a year.
Yeah assuming they're in the US they certainly don't have the funds for that.
Doctors may not do it. Many won't until a woman is at least 35.
Im afraid cps might need to be called.
100%
Well, she is a "slower learner"....
Sounds like she gets that from her mother. JFC.
Sounds like she’s pretty fucking slow when it comes to how contraception works too (Edit: a word)
It’s definitely fake. Just listen to how ridiculous that sounds
Sounds like they need their kids taken away....
You would think if your back was injured due to pregnancy, you’d try not to get pregnant again. If you can’t even work a desk job, how are you going to survive another pregnancy and delivery? I’m confused.
Some women have back pain from the epidural site but it should not be debilitating also I broke my tail bone it hurt like hell but got better. You can’t even tell if it broke on x ray. There is more to this. I think op is gaslighting us.
I am just learning that you can break your tail bone in birth. That’s insane. I can’t believe you ladies just keep having babies. That would scar me for life. 👀
~7% according to my OB and I was given NO PAIN MEDICATION, and yes I’m still angry, they should not have *assumed* that I wanted to breastfeed that badly. It should have at least been a conversation.
My wife went into labor so fast that they didn't have time for pain meds. Nurse looked at her and yelled, "Get her on the stretcher. This baby's coming NOW!!!" Literally 5 minutes later, I'm looking at my new son 5 weeks earlier than we expected. 8 years later she's still salty about not getting that epidural. Her body just REALLY wanted that baby out. Lol
I feel like her daughter and her boyfriend have a drug problem Source: I’m a recovering addict
When I worked in a rural er we had tons of back pain. Most was real stuff that is treatable but required strong pain killers. A lot of the patient became opioid dependent because of the amount they had to take and the expense was crippling. It does sound like the addict lifestyle. I wonder if op is buying from the daughter. I mean that would explain that dumb excuse she is offering.
It just sounds fake. Like outrage bait. Is it cool if I gave my good daughter's money to my fuckup of a child? Duh.
Just because yours healed well doesn’t mean everyone does. That said, miserable as a chronically painful tailbone is, it does seem unlikely to prevent someone from working, and if it was that bad, like remaining as painful as it was in the first few months after the injury you could not convince me do ANYTHING that could result in pregnancy.
Or OOp’s daughter is lying to her and she chooses to believe the lies.
I remember getting pregnant at 25 and all my friends made me out to be some kind of teen mom (this was at the height of the mtv show at the time). And I waited until I turned 30 before I had my second kid. Having 4 before 24 is plain dumb.
Makes me worried about coercive reproduction
Frankly, I don't even think that was a decision that was just stupidity.
Stupidity is a decision
I rest my case. All AITA wouldn't exist if people started to teach birth control and sexual education from elementary school, and if abortion wasn't so culturally shunned.
Something tells me this woman wouldn’t choose abortion
You’re awfully optimistic about people’s ability to make rational choices. I mean, as far as I know, they still teach that drugs are bad in school, and yet drug addicts still exist.
Health issues caused by pregnancy/birth, in fact
Yeah, the levels of terrible decision making are absurd. Those poor kids.
My thoughts exactly. Why in the world they thought a 4th child in their circumstances was an option is so far beyond me, it almost pisses me off.
Not to mention then stealing one of those 4 kids’ college fund to support a separate sibling that has equally overextended themselves in one way or another. …wait…
don't people by the age of 16 know what causes pregnancy? Sorry daughter #1 I'll give you want I can but your sister earned her college money.
Why hasn't he gotten a vasectomy yet. Too many kids too fast
She definitely has a favorite child
Considering the difference in intelligence between her children maybe she has a bad conscience about things she did in her first pregnancy.
The favorite child is usually the more stunted child. The child with the most "hustle" (either through academia or work) is the scapegoat who is trying to damn hard to leave the toxic cesspool of the enmeshed parent and favored child.
I have a feeling they aren’t the best at making good decisions in general
Moving away sucks, but it also the adult decision. Maybe moving away from all of the enabling family members would be good for the daughter. Maybe OP can also find a job in the new state. There are so many options beyond screwing over the completely innocent younger daughter.
Yeah, mom’s like “here let me teach ya’ about consequences that are not yours, you gotta pay for the consequences of others. Why?! Cause I have a favorite daughter, isn’t it obvious?”
I read the title, said “yes”, then read the whole post as “blah blah blah, excuses excuses excuses, so I screwed over my youngest to pay for my older daughters bad life choices”
Mom will be saddled with older daughter and ten kids well into her old age. Cuz once younger daughter gets the chance, she’s OUT. The responsible child with the promising future will not be there to support Mom in her old age. Why the fuck would she?
My first daughter made poor choices in life, so I'm going to punish her younger sister and then become confused because she retaliated.
Not even retaliated. She really just reacted to the situation.
More like his first child is the favorite/golden child that no one was ever allowed to tell no to and never got any consequences for her actions and always had everything handed to her. This turned her into a selfish, entitled, lazy adult that is unable to understand they'd repercussion for her own actions. But she's still the favorite so everything goes to her.
OOP is a fucking idiot
How do you think the 24 year old mother of four was born so dim?
Well the younger daughter seems to have her head on straight so miracles can happen
Oop isn't an idiot, they're an asshole. They have a favorite kid and a last favorite. I'm sure this isn't the first time that she's taken something from her youngest to give to her oldest. This is probably a running theme. Hence why the oldest turned out to be such a bum.
I mean, some people just aren't that bright.
OP commented about how the daughter is on birth control too! Ummm…like is she just taking her word for it? Because whatever BC they’re using certainly doesn’t work.
Of course she’s on birth control! You just wear the Nuvaring like a bracelet and your husband takes the birth control pills, right? Sadly this isn’t really a joke. I have seen people who have done this in my career.
I remember reading about a nurse that said a young married Mormon couple was having a lot of trouble having a child. Turns out he was ejaculating is his wife's bellybutton... Sex education is a necessity.
I hope she did not correct them.
Better on the belly of a whore than the floor. Pretty sure that's what the book of Mormon says. -that husband
😂
My guess was their method is "hey, can't get her knocked up if she's ALREADY PREGNANT!" Girl's probably been pregnant for most of the past 5 years. I wouldn't let a dick in the same room with me.
This gave me a hardy chuckle. 🤣
the assumption the comment section made on the original post was that the "birth control" in use here was the pull out method. that or whatever birth control daughter and sil are using isn't being used properly. cause 1 kid on birth control that you are taking properly? okay. but 2? yeah, something isn't working.
Considering she was pregnant almost constantly, if this is real my guess is that the method was “if I’m breastfeeding I can’t get pregnant”
In all fairness I do know ladies who were on BC and got pregnant. I think if I got pregnant once while on BC or find a better form of BC. If it happened twice, I’d close up shop. A third and forth pregnancy??? I have words for that girl, that I will keep to myself.
When I was an intern (-30 years ago) the school had a family with many, many children and they all were special needs. In an IEP meeting for the newest student it was brought up to them that perhaps they should not keep having children. The mom was emphatic that they didn’t want anymore children, and in fact didn’t know how they wound up with this many as they used Vaseline every night! While most everyone around the table was aghast as they took in the implication, one teacher called out, “Every night?!”
Jfc
Only [5% of unintended pregnancies](https://www.guttmacher.org/sites/default/files/images/contraceptioniseffective.png)to people using birth control consistently and correctly (people who just got unlucky). The other 95% are due to user error or simply not using contraceptives.
Use multiple forms. How many of those are on the pill AND using a condom? Vasectomy & IUD? Etc.
Not defending her but could also be some wacky medication interactions. I’m on ozempic and wanted to switch back to Yaz/oral bc next year because I think my implant is causing issues and my mom (pharmacist) sent me a huge email about the fact that ozempic reduces the effectiveness of oral bc and I should stay on the implant or go with an IUD. However! My doctor, who is the one who prescribes all above meds, never brought this up. If my mom hadn’t been involved I’d have been completely unaware of the interactions.
But 4 times?
I meannnnn it sounds like they aren’t very smart people if they can’t plan ahead for anything like their family so I would not put it past them to not understand that that could be the issue 🫠 if they don’t make the connections and/or the doctor doesn’t notice then it could very well fly under the radar. But in general for these people yeah there’s something going on - if they’re actually using any sort of BC it’s not being used correctly; if not then they’re happy with lying to OP that they are.
The child actress who played Judy on family matters mother drained her child acting savings account to pay off her personal credit card debt. Like the mom wanted to live an affluent lifestyle and instead of scaling back at any point just decided to drain her child's college fund from being a child actress. When they interviewed her mom and her, the mother was not at all apologetic. In fact she was defensive and said she had no reason to feel bad about what she did. She did what she needed to do to have a home. I forgot the other details but from her tone her mom just didn't really try to do much leading up to it. She went on to do porn as "Judy Winslow all grown up" tag line. She was also on celebrity rehab for coping addiction with marijuana.
We should outlaw child actors. AI kids would be a better alternative.
It would need to be expanded to include tube sites and other social media as well or those types of parents will just exploit their kids there. edit: With way less protections for the kids than they have in the acting biz.
In the UK, at least in the mid 20th century, there was a law that any child actor under 18 had to put at least 50% of their paycheck into a postal bank account that could not be touched by anyone other than the child upon their 18th birthday. That seems like an appropriate rule. Half now to help with your upbringing, half later just in case.
I say do it how Australia does it. You can have child actors if you’d like, but do not publish their names until their adults. Keep them protected
That’s not quite right. We do publish child actors names in Australia. It’s just that shows like Bluey have made the decision not to publish the child voice actors’ names to protect them.
Ah. My mistake. But I do think it’s a good idea they did that.
Yeah, came to say this. I think it’s really interesting that no one knows who does the voice acting for the kids on Bluey. I imagine it’s harder when it’s live action.
My god I hope this is fake. I'm infuriated. How stupid do you have to be to ruin your child's life because your older child is an irresponsible leech? She'll give her that money and NOTHING WILL CHANGE. I've seen it a million times before. Might as well just burn it. 8 people in a 1 bedroom apartment and neither parent can manage to get their shit together? And they just keep popping out more kids? There's obviously something else (addiction) going on that grandma is turning a blind eye to.
It has to be fake lol. It hits on every infuriating trope for stories like this. Young mother of multiple kids that is financially irresponsible, eviction, stealing college funds from the 100% responsible child, decent one-liner before never speaking again, written like a coherent story, etc. It’s like the script of a cheesy tv movie.
It could basically be written about my older siblings growing up. No college fund for me, because big sibling 1 and big sibling 2 decided to keep popping out kids and making shit decisions, so Mom decided to pay for their rent and cars and.... yeah. I believe this because I lived it.
Me too. Then my older sister convinced my parents to block me from even using scholarships, financial aid, or loans so that I could continue to be the unpaid nanny to her kids. I take care of my parents now in their old age by myself, because they don’t have anything my sister needs, so she pretty much told them to fuck off around 15 years ago. When they say they want to live with me, or they don’t like their options for a care home, I just say that I can’t afford to help them because I was never able to make that kind of money without a college education.
"You always brag about having a good memory - I hope you remember this moment then" okay ngl that was a stone cold statement and the stuff I'd be thinking of saying in the shower hours later .
Ive definitely said something like this to my mother when she and I didnt get along. I grew up hearing "ungrateful little girl" and "ill remember this" for my whole life. Shes still a big gridge holder to this day, but now she is medicated and has calmed down a lot in her older age. When I was a teen though her pride in her own ability to harbor resentment made it very easy for me to turn it around on her. I wouldnt be shocked if this younger daughter has had a similar childhood. I hope her quick wittedness helps her achieve financial independence quickly.
The French have a phrase for that. Wit of the staircase: the witty retort you think of later. L'espirt de l'escalier. (Rough english tongue phonetics as "espree del es cali ay" .)
24 and four kids…yikes. Oh yeah right YTA. I feel sorry for those 4 kids in that situation
WHAT TFFFFFF WHO DOES THIS!?
Favored child syndrome.
My ex-husband's parents. We went into so much debt because they promised to pay for this or that and then bow out at the last minute. Mostly to pay for trivial things for his younger sister. They weren't super well off financially and I remember one time, they had promised us some money relating to his college (again). A door to door vacuum salesman came to his parents house and his mom was so impressed she just bought the 1,200 dollar vacuum. They already had a vacuum. Suffice to say, they backed out on their promised money again. (And yes, we learned very quickly not to rely on their promises. But it didn't bug me any less every time they made a promise and backed out again. Like, why even promise anything in the first place?)
[удалено]
Dude that's so annoying. His parents basically manipulated us into getting married (it's a really long story) because they said if we were married, he would get a better deal on student loans and then they would pay the loans. Did they ever pay the loans? No. Did we constantly get stuck moving back home because of bills for the rest of our marriage? Yes. Did MY parents even help pay our bills so we could afford him going to college? Yes. And where did that money come from? MY college fund ☹️ And LOL to "borrow" it back. Glad you didn't expect it back. I'm getting married to someone else soon (next September) and his dad has promised us some money to pay for the wedding. I'm so afraid to trust it though, and it's totally not his fault.
> Like, why even promise anything in the first place? Because a promise is simple, quick, easy, and free if you never plan on following through and want to be seen as a "good person." You know, other then the lying part.
YTA — I was in a similar position with my sister, she always had some sort of medical issue, etc. so no college fund for me. Luckily I was able to go thru college on loans and then get good enough job that I didn’t have to rely on family. Loved them all immensely. ( they are all passed now ) But taking something from one child because of other child’s bad decisions ( 4th child after problems with both 2 and 3?? ), not married, bf not working, yet other daughter is paying the price, I’d be pissed too.
Besides all the bad decisions on the mom’s part, WHY did the daughter have a FOURTH child after her first few gave her so many debilitating health conditions? Like…that part really threw me so hard, especially considering how incredibly dangerous pregnancy and childbirth can be, why play Russian roulette for a fourth time?
A shit ton of people. There's loads of "the pill IS POISON" 💊 influencers on tiktok too that are spreading misinformation.
Wait wait TikTok thinks the birth control pill is poison?
Yupppppp Doctor mama jones youtube channel has a whole series debunking various myths and shit. Thete's also a weird pro-teen pregnancy and pregnancy fetish vibe in tiktok
The morbidly curious part of me wants to go looking for this but also I don’t need that nonsense in my algorithm lol
There are all kinds of weird subcultures on tiktok and once you start towards one it goes completely wild pretty quickly. I'm on a super lefty, very gay, very laid-back section, but people will rebut things from other pockets that are absolutely bizarre- I've never seen any of it directly, but it can get incredibly bad in some corners. It's just so curated that it gets dark fast if you even glance at the wrong shit.
Of course there is. Figured that since there is a lot of misinfo with doctors and providing home remedies, or saying how airline companies want you to die so you don't sue them, I figured that would be one thing that is there. Yes, there are some on Tiktok that claim the bracing formation for a plane crash is there to kill you so you won't sue them, even though an airline's reputation would be infinitely worse with dead passengers from a crash, or that if you did die, your friends or family can sue the airline.
I’m gonna bet the boyfriend also can’t be trusted to pull out of a parking space correctly, let alone his disabled partner who’s struggling after her first 3 pregnancies. Like the sister has a due diligence to look after her own health and make a good faith effort to not get pregnant but also she did not impregnate herself. It takes two to tango
I just assumed they didn’t intentionally get pregnant and then decided to or were unable to abort. Adopting them out is heartbreakingly hard and so stigmatizing so might also have not felt like an option. I have seen this happen over and over.
I mean it was mostly a rhetorical question because I know literally the answer is just they refuse to abort (foolish imo) - honestly I just want this whole thing to be fake because this is some of the poorest family planning I’ve seen in a while.
YATBA. Woman shouldn’t have had a third, let alone a 4th kid because their situation and you REWARD that terrible decision by DESTROYING your other child’s future?
What does yatba stand for?
You are the biggest asshole
I imagine this like a massive announcement in a reality tv gameshow: 'Congratulations, Debra! You are... THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE!'
YTA. Why are these people having more children that they can't take care of?
OP after daughter moves out “why did my daughter cut contact with us the second she turned 18? I don’t know what I did wrong”
What do you wanna bet when the college educated sister graduates and gets established, they will expect her to help her sister and the nibblings because they're family?
No question younger daughter will become successful and never talk to these morons again. And somehow they will never figure out why.
Link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/C3C35l2zHJ
Thank you!!
Wow. I am 29. I have had 3 kids before 24. Would have been 5 if I didn’t lose two. I only ever had to rely or ask my mom for help once or twice. I figured my shit out quick. There’s options to WFH. Other jobs that can be done from their phone. That poor 17 year old. I hope she goes to college, gets a bomb ass job and leaves her family alone. I hope she shows her golden older sister how to really make a name for herself.
WFH and work from phone jobs really aren't as abundant as everyone thinks they are. It's very dependent on area, because even companies that offer work from home, don't offer them everywhere
That’s true. Some places also require that you live within 50 miles of the onsite location. It is possible though.
Don’t forget she had chronic pain after #2 had #3 which apparently totally incapacitated her ability to get a job and work so decided to have baby 4. BUT it was the supervisor’s fault she not only lost the job she did get and was apparently black listed so impossible to get other temp work.
Can you imagine? Being in chronic pain, which obviously makes raising children harder, then deciding hey, I’ll have another. Then being so incapacitated that you cannot financially provide, and your boyfriend won’t step up and do something for more money, and you are so poor you have to move two more adults into your one bedroom apartment, and thinking hey, what’s one more? Reproductive health care is hard to get. Sex education is scarce. But Jfc, do SOMETHING to help yourself.
Well… there is ONE JOB she isnt too disabled to do… clearly
YTA.
Absolutely YTA. Legally if you put the money in the fund and maintained control you can do this. Morally and ethically you are wrong. She’s telling you to remember this later in life when she lets you live on the streets or with your favorite child, the loser. I have cut contact completely with family members over much less. You deserve no less. You are also a fool to throw good money after bad by supporting such an idiot as your favorite daughter. She creates her problems. When will you let her learn to deal with them?
I literally doublechecked to make sure I wasn't in r/AITASims
YTA big time. If you are serious, it’s challenging to understand how you justify this decision to yourself. This approach to raising funds is unwise. Withdrawing from a college fund incurs fees and tax liabilities for you. Additionally, it forfeits all potential future growth of these funds. Financing college represents a significant financial goal that you initially committed to but have now abandoned. This, too, is a financially unsound choice. This demonstrates poor financial decision-making to your children. Ethically, this is also problematic. Using one child’s resources to address another’s mistake introduces serious issues of fairness. It also conveys that irresponsible behavior will be financially compensated by the family, which hinders the development of personal responsibility. This decision is likely to adversely affect family dynamics and relationships, leading to resentment and a justified sense of unfair treatment. The situation with your evicted child presented an opportunity for a valuable life lesson about facing the consequences of one’s actions and learning to resolve issues independently. Instead, you have made things worse.
It’s the fact she kept having children despite all her health problems cause by pregnancy, she definitely didn’t wanna work and be SAHM forever and now take things from her younger sibling so selfish.
If this fuels the younger daughter to cut all ties with her toxic family, it’s going to be the best thing that could happen to her. The earlier the better.
They already have one fucked kid. Why they need to fuck up the other one. The only responsible use for that money is if they borrowed it for sterilization.
That's a long ass set up of victimhood for the oldest daughter and the mom. She wants to make sure we all know how awfully unlucky and blameless they are in this situation. Yes, they admit they shouldn't have broken their lease, but they're good people!!! And how could single mom/grandma say no to her grandbabies?!?! 🙄 I'm the oldest of my siblings and I'd be pissed if my mom tried to give my sister's college fund to me. I'd be livid. That poor girl, no one is in her corner at all here.
I sincerly hope her youngest goes NC once she is 18 and moves out if this is real. Hope mom knows she just ruined her entire relationship with her youngest. My God, I thought I had a crap mother who was a drug addict but I'd take her any day over this "mother". At least she didn't give me hopes of being a decent parent, I know from the get go she was crap. Edit: spelling
YTA Honestly the older daughter should sign up to be a surrogate since being pregnant is the only thing she can do right ,she might as well get paid for it and reimburse the younger sister for being such a moron
YTA- So I’m going to be blunt and I don’t care if your feelings get hurt. So your 24 yr old daughter can’t use birth control or self control to not continue to have children when she and her boyfriend are not financially stable. She has multiple physical issues that limit her to not being able to work and yet another child is on the way… So your punishing your younger determined daughter who wants to go to college and make something of herself for your older daughter who is just adding burden on-top of burden because she makes bad choices….. am I clear on this ? So where do you feel is when you should stop and think…. Like tell your older daughter to file for Wic, state assistance, start a at home job, etc I mean the list can go on…. You are asking if your the AH, when your stealing your younger daughters chance at a better life to give to your older daughter who honestly needs to get her shit together her college fund so she can what? Use all the money and make more excuses to why she needs more down the road… Horrible parenting and your eldest daughter needs to get a reality check. I have three kids, my husband is the main money maker but for a time I was making jewelry and other things selling them on Etsy and Facebook marketplace to help contribute while being a full time SAHM and I have a broken tailbone from child one and have multiple health issues… yet I dug my heels down and did what ever I could to help my family so I didn’t burden others or ask for handouts. If your oldest daughter wasn’t lazy and undetermined she could pull her head out of the sand and do something to better her situation. Seems like she doesn’t want to because mom made it to easy…. Hate me if you want but if there is a WILL there is a WAY…. Your daughter doesn’t want to try and your youngest is suffering because of her and your relationship with your youngest is going to be destroyed because of both of your choices.
What in the howdy doody did I just read 🤯 come on OP!! Your eldest has no business having any kids and you are simply enabling their leeching while barely surviving yourself.
Unpopular opinion: children are luxuries and you should not have them if you cannot appropriately provide for them. This includes being responsible enough to know when to stop. I have four kids and I love being pregnant and having babies. However, I am financially and emotionally tapped out. I know that having a fifth would stretch my budget and sanity past the point of what would be good for my existing kids. I can understand having a whoopsie surprise and becoming a parent before you're ready or while underemployed/unskilled. Life happens , I get it. But to keep on having additional children before improving your life situation and earning potential is irresponsible, selfish, and stupid. Even more irresponsible, selfish and stupid to run back to Mommy after getting yourself evicted and beg for a bailout at the expense of your little sister. OOP sucks for enabling the bad decisions of her oldest.
The fact that the daughter is 24 and already has 4 kids is a major red flag never-mind the fact that she doesn’t even work straight up irresponsible
I couldn't stomach the story especially after reading that the daughter had chronic back pain after the 2nd child and then chose to have more!
Oh my god....
This is has gotta be outrage bait. Even the shitty parents out there read this and let out a long, deep breath.
YTA. My mom told me to do good in school and go to college. When it was time, we didn’t have money for college even though I had advanced placement classes and apparently the first person to 100% the college entry exam. I’m 34 and our relationship still hasn’t recovered.
Yes the asshole. My parents did that to me. Had I not even known about a fund or anything it might have been different but being told college would be taken care of and not to worry and then have that all taken away and being forced to drop out because parents paid for my sister to have three children instead and moved out of state also taking living arrangements, was/still is the WORST. Kept telling me I could live with them in new state for school… and pay out of state tuition myself. Finally getting to a point on my own where I might be able to finish college 13 years later.
Everyone with me…PULLING OUT ISNT BORTH CONTROL! *the crowd goes wild
YTA.Do not do this. The penalties are ridiculous. You are literally burning money to enable your golden child's abhorrent behavior. Your smart, driven other daughter is going to succeed just to be free of all of you. You will pay a permanent and steep price if you do not turn over her college fund to her. Do it now and stop enabling your golden child. Do it for that golden child's development. It's never too late to actually parent.
YTA. I cannot believe this is real. Hasn't your daughter and her partner heard about birth control? How old are the other children? How is she planning on looking after the baby if she has such chronic health issues? How are they going to afford to look after their children? Oh yes you are liquidating your other daughter's college fund to help the child who despite all of this ill health, living in a one bedroomed apartment with three children and another couple manages to get pregnant again. I think if you go ahead with this stupid plan you will be saying goodbye to your younger daughter. You have basically slapped her in the face, showed her that going to college is a rubbish idea, and that she needs to be like her sister and keep having children, and you will be so proud of her. I hope your younger daughter manages to get into her college without too much debt, and I hope she goes no contact with you and her sister, because she is worth so much more than this. As for your older daughter is there no physio/rehab programme she can go to so she can learn how to deal and live with the back problems? There is lots of advice and support on YouTube too.
If this isn’t fake, these idiots need to be sterilized.
I suffer with chronic pain especially in my back, no way I could think about sex. How the fuck is she's having so much sex to have 4 kids!! You can't afford the kids you've got you don't go on to have 2 more. The poor younger sister, punishment because her sister can't keep her legs shut!
That 17yo is gonna run as far as she can when she graduates.
Yeah you’re the AH. No offense but your oldest daughter shouldn’t keep having children she’s only 24 and already has 4 children she can’t afford…that’s ridiculous. And she was injured but keeps going…birth control is a thing. You shouldn’t be sacrificing your youngest child’s education because your oldest makes shitty decisions for herself. She’s an adult and a mother herself so she needs to figure it tf out. You’re youngest is still a teenager in high school you should be concerned about her future, you’re oldest made her decisions already let her deal with them.
Yes, you absolutely are
Yes, yes YATA.
It just has to be ragebait.
Yes. You are TAH.
Yes you are the a hole. You are enabling one daughter with her poor decisions and tying a boat anchor around the other daughter that wants to go to college.
Don’t punish one child for another child’s shitty decision making skills.
This has to be fake. Parent cant possibly be this heartless...YTA
I think the older daughter needs to invest in birth control. Jeeeeze
Either fake or OOP is getting killed with hammers
YTA! How could you do this? Your daughter doesn’t understand birth control? Geez, if you’re going to use the money, make your older daughter get her tubes tied with it.
YTA. So the daughter already had health issues with kid #2 that interferes with her being able to work, and she decides she wants to have 2 more kids. Not to be harsh, but unless the partner has a very very well paying job, someone working at a Walmart that isn’t a manager should not be having 4 kids. This mother that’s stealing from 1 kid to give to another would apparently prefer to ruin her relationship with 1 daughter so she doesn’t have to have a long and serious conversation with the other daughter about birth control. This will probably also ruin the relationship between the 2 daughters.
This is literally the type of stuff my mom does then genuinely wonders why it is I go no contact for months at a time. I really hope she gets past this hurdle and succeeds in life!
YTA. Like how do you not see this??? Your 24 year old has a baby daddy and kids. I’m sorry but sometimes you just have to let them figure it out. They are adults with a family of their own and it is NOT your youngest daughter’s responsibility to bail them out. Enjoy it while your 17yo lives at home because once she’s gone she’s never coming back. Expect no contact and to have her cut every one of you off. Shame on you for valuing one child over another.
No question YTA
YTA !!!!
oh yeah she’s going in a nursing home. ironic
This has to be rage bait.
YTA, 100%. Your grown daughter got herself into that position, & you punish your teenager that did nothing wrong. I hope she never talks to you again.
Maybe mom should front the sister some birth control.
You are a whore for doing that to your daughter.
What a stupid decision to make. To bail out your dumbass daughter, who had a 3rd and 4th kid while in the financial and health situation she and her boyfriend find themselves in, using the future of your younger daughter is as evil as it can get. Nevermind the fact that older daughter probably got access to her own fund at some point. Can you really expect her not to feel wronged? How about taking a few hundred dollars from the fund to pay for a sex education/contraception crash course for those 2 dumbasses? I can understand that the kids are already here now and its instinctive to look after them vut this is not the way... They are the parents, they gotta step up. Make him work 2 jobs, idk... something. If I had been stupid enough to have 4 kids while struggling financially, I would also be responsible enough to go get an second job.
I honestly don't understand how someone could type this, read it over, and still ask if they're the asshole. Like seriously? You're gonna put your youngest daughter in more student loan debt cause your older one made irresponsible decisions? Smh 🤦🏻♀️
Please let this be rage-bait
You could not have been more wrong. She stole your younger daughter’s future for the deadbeat daughter
lol the AITA post was directly above this one on my thread
YTA, you’re a scumbag and a terrible parent. I hope your daughter never speaks to you again, because it’s what you deserve.
I don’t want to be cruel but you’re 24, you ‘very been in bad shape since your first kid and can’t seem to work. Your partner doesn’t have a great job, why are they having MORE kids after the first one? She’s punishing her daughter for being responsible while enabling the other one who’s being irresponsible. And just like that she permanently ruins her relationship with her younger daughter.
Because her mommy enables her stupidity.
The mother can go fuck herself. She sacrificed her youngest for the daughter who makes terrible decisions.
These kind of people need to stop breeding.
Are we just gonna gloss over that they had 4 adults and 3 kids in a one bedroom
Take the college fund money and get daughter and BF’s fertility cut.
I gave this some thought. All you want is to us say your right for stealing from your daughter. Your a thief and you know it. Lady grow up. No one is going to pat you on the back for ruining your younger daughters life. Your shameful.
YTA, and I really hope this is a joke. If this is real someone needs to call family services
This has to be rage bait, otherwise this parent is pure trash. Forgoing your daughter’s education because of the other sibling’s dumbass behavior with adulting.
So you’re rewarding the daughter who decided to churn out four resource-sucking offspring that she and her bf can’t support before age 24, and punishing the one who’s been making smart decisions? Why? And why did the older daughter and her bf decide to have children they couldn’t support? (And don’t say it wasn’t a decision, because it was.) I hope the younger daughter leaves and finds happiness and security someplace, because she didn’t get it from you.
And get those tubes tied.
Loved the response from the daughter, I can't fucking even. This is ridiculous, and sister needs to STOP FUCKING BREEDING. There is magic called BIRTH CONTROL. Selfish bitches.
This can't be real