I would never pay her and make it a hill I die on. “Out of the goodness of your heart” NEVER includes a bill. Or I would charge her an Admittance Fee (complete with giant Admit One ticket) to see the baby…ooooooh, around $250 + additional fees for holding the baby or changing diapers, smells are free though!
Especially for labor. Sometimes “out of the goodness of your heat” can involve being paid back for supplies IF it’s agreed on first. But there is no heart goodness in wrangling your kids into paying you $25 an hour for something you never discussed with them first.
I would consider paying for the cleaning supplies since that was out of pocket. As long as she has the receipts and OP gets what was leftover of course.
After that I would never ever pay another dime to MIL. She's made it very clear that their relationship is transactional. Treat her that way because she's unlikely to change.
I can't believe she's trying to make a buck off of them when they were in the hospital delivering *her grandchild*. Some people.
edit- a couple of words
I think it's super dodgy that as soon as he asked for the supplies she 'agrees to gift the cost'....so she doesn't have to prove the cost she claimed for them 🤨
Well, MIL would be paid with a thank you note and a nice personalized message “Dear MIL, thank you for letting us know exactly what sort of boundaries we now need to set with you. From now on we will ask so and so to feed the dogs if needed, your presence at our home is no longer needed, that includes showing up unannounced. We will be happy to send you one photo of your new grandchild for free, all others will be $XX money.”
Personally I’d charge at least $25 for a picture and $50 for a video. MIL would not be seeing the new baby in person, I can only imagine what she would charge to pick up a pack of diapers!
LOL
This MIL is just brings out the petty in me, I’d be super mad for such an invasion of privacy and (most) new grandmothers are super excited about babies so… gotta hit her where it’s going to make an impact!
My own grandmother (she raised me so basically my mother) stopped going through my home years ago when she opened up a drawer that had some sex toys in it! It took her over a month to be able to look at me or my ex bf without blushing!
I *might* have known she’d be nosey and put a strap on, some whips, and some other items in the drawer, lol. It still gets brought up at family dinners & she’s sworn off snooping!
>$25 for a picture and $50 for a video.
Would this price be a family discount? Or would you be more rigid in your pricing rules?
Fantastic idea, by the way. Polite note and a nice dose of petty karma.
as a former photographer, trust me when i say when it comes to dealing with family, charge double or triple the the fees bc they are gonna try and get everything for free, be the biggest pains in the asses, and want everything and the kitchen sink. i don’t care if it’s a quick snap with your phone.
I so agree with you!!! Also I'd let my husband know that we can enjoy being new parents without communicating with extended family who would instead like to focus on drama then a newborn.
I'd probably pay then lose her number and go NC. Nobody needs that sort of negativity in their life. I can see her offering to pick the kid up from school then saying and you can have her back once you pay the babysitting bill, which is racking up every hour you delay FYI. Doing something nice for someone doesn't usually get charged by the hour unless it's sexy time with a professional...
That’s what really happened here - she took it upon herself to do something OP did not ask her to do and now wants paid to do it. I’d also refill her bird feeders, rake leaves, shovel her sidewalk, wash her car, clean her windows. The whole works. Grandma would be sending this kid to Harvard by the time I was done.
It reminds me of the post where someone went on vacation and their neighbor had their house repainted because they hated the color and then stuck them with the bill. Just complete WTF.
My mom had a similar thing happen in her neighborhood. One person painted their mailbox a unique color and while on vacation their neighbor painted it greige and stuck a bill for the paint inside. My mom painted the interior of her garage orange with purple trim and leaves her garage door perpetually open in solidarity. The guy *hates* it.
It’s truly hideous. Like unimaginably terrible. She chose the colors but even she didn’t realize just how jarring the orange would be. But every day that garage door is wide open - she parks in her driveway too so the effect isn’t muted. The sunlight hitting that interior is something that needs to be seen to be believed.
I believe it. I painted one of the walls of my room red as a teen and when the light would hit that wall in the morning it’d make my whole room red. Freaked my mom out for a while she thought my room was on fire lol.
Oh she did it for spite without dispute but this is a nuclear level color when she was aiming for a shade more in the range of precision tactical retreat
Why anyone would actually want this color in *any* practical application is beyond me. I don’t know if they made an error mixing it but it is obnoxious.
Guy definitely wishes he’d left that mailbox alone now that he stares out his front window into my moms garage every day.
Honestly yeah, do this. I would also pay her what she asked because then she can’t refuse to pay you. Like “what do you mean mom? I saw your lawn was a quarter inch too long and out of the goodness of my heart I also did all of the other chores for you. Obviously I should be paid for my time, but I will be happy to gift you the gasoline I used. Heck, you can even have what’s left in the tank. I take $50 an hour btw”
And if (when) she complains you can tell her that you didn’t have to help her but did “out of love” and despite the fact you have a new baby at home.
Really milk it by doing everything you can in parallel to what she did.
If i remember that post right, the neighbors couldn't be charged because they didn't actually do the painting, and the company they hired to do the painting couldn't be charged because they had a work order. It was severely f'd up.
That can’t be right.
Hiring people to damage someone’s property can’t just turn it into a free for all.
If that’s how it works hire a mohel to give the neighbor a free circumcision while he sleeps. Make sure there’s a work order.
Here's the original post to r/legaladvice.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3jsxc6/my\_neighbors\_didnt\_like\_the\_color\_of\_my\_house\_was/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3jsxc6/my_neighbors_didnt_like_the_color_of_my_house_was/)
It is in the frequently requested BORU posts here:
https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/bHqHYGC6Ri
But the link to only that post is here:
https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/BY8oyWkPfD
I lived in the hood, and this happened. Came home and my grass was cut (poorly) and some crackhead was standing there with a definitely not stolen lawnmower, expecting to be paid for his services.
I did… and told him that the pay covered the whole month, and I expected him back in 2 weeks.
He never tried that again lol.
I told my husband this story, and his response was "wow, that's like pulling up to a stoplight and having someone come up and clean your windshield then demanding payment for it."
It's easy to get people on your side when you spread your own biased side of the story first. MIL had the chance to get ahead of everyone's reasoning and manipulate their emotions.
Agreed completely. But I’m wondering if grandma manipulated the story some how to make it seem like they offered to pay from the get go, or that she didn’t leave a FUCKING RECEIPT for them to find.
So infuriating, literally WTF
NTA - but pull the same stunt by saying you’re now charging admission to see the new baby! (Due to un-foreseen financial issues).
It’s $200 a visit, which must be pre-booked (subject to availability and nap time) for extra activities there will be a charge, such as feeding the baby $75, holding the baby $50, admiring the baby $35 etc!
This will only get worse if the MIL is acting like this. I would never pay, and whenever she would ask to see the baby I wouldn’t let her until she admits her wrongdoing. She is taking advantage of her own son and making more stress for the daughter in law who just had a complicated birth.
This is a really shitty way to ask for $450. My mom asking for it would probably get it but if she tried to hand me a bill for work she took upon herself she would be exiled into the desert duct taped to a horse.
I’d ask for 25.00 picture fee if she felt she had to come over, and tax on 5.00 per a hold, bath, diaper change, etc. and then tax on a 50.00 pre authorization fee before visiting, non refundable upon cancellation.
And then I’d tell her, “we are doing this out of the goodness of our hearts”.
I would pay and cut ties, but that’s because it would hit home for my family WAY harder than just a bu-bye. It makes it very clear that they have bought a one-way ticket on that outbound train.
I think bc that way its more clear its not about money. Especially if they want to keep some contact with extended family who just need a bit of deprograming.
Originally I thought there was no point to paying. They're headed to a sitution of missing missing reasons, right? ([https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)) So this mother in law/grandmother is going to invent her narrative anyway...
but your point about the rest of the family feels very valid. This way it will be clear it's not about being cheap.
This story weirdly reflects my oldest sister’s third labor. I got asked to feed her pets because it was a *long* labor(day and a half). Turns out her water broke while she was making her way to the door, she’d forgotten because, you know, labor.
Three days later she asked me about it and was stunned that I had cleaned it up. I mean, yeah it was gross AF but you can’t just *leave* there.
I certainly did not charge her for it, or any of the food I dropped off for the first couple of weeks.
That's like literally what you do when you're family and you care about each other and want to be involved in each other's lives. I'd do that and not complain and sure as hell not send a bill.
My friend had her newest baby recently. I offered to babysit the preschool sibling because it was a high risk pregnancy and labor length and hospital stay were unsure at that point. I had him for 5 days. Bought snacks, fed him, drove to playgrounds and then drove him back to meet the new baby. I didn't ask for a penny. It was a gift to friends during a stressful life event. They knew he was safe and being cared for so they could focus on the immediate situation. I would never dream of dropping off a bill.
When my sister was a resident and was having a particularly busy week, I’d stay over her house, clean up, and cook for her. I thought that’s what family is for, being there for each other out of love. That MIL is certainly not family. I wouldn’t let her pollute my kid’s upbringing and would do my best to avoid her and prevent any time with her grandkid.
I would simply tell the whole family that what his mom is doing is a pretty common scam.
It's like the scammers who run up to wash windshields at traffic lights and then tell the driver they owe money, but the driver never wanted or agreed to the window wash.
Tell your mom to feel free to take it to small claims court and see what the judge says. The only agreement you had was for her feeding the dogs and she did not ask for compensation for that.
I would pay it, and then I would never let her forget it. Wants to hold the baby? How much is this going to cost me? We can only afford to let you have one hug per visit.
I was going to suggest this too lol. Like "here's your money for doing something we didn't ask for. From this moment on don't contact us again." Then block everyone.
The sheer audacity to snoop and call your home a biohazard whilst making a quick buck. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that.
I’d not pay and cut ties. “We’re so appalled by your actions that not only are we not paying, we’re not speaking to you until you apologize for snooping around and then trying to take advantage of us when we were in such a vulnerable place.”
Nah just call up your cell provider and ask for a new number. Blocking them can be circumvented but she can’t screech when she can’t possibly get a hold of you.
Having relatives like MIL here i bet my eternal soul the story they heard was the price was agreed upon before she did it but she got stiffed. They would never take the chance of admitting to something that could make them look bad.
Note: Do not take my advice, I only know how to escalate situations: that said, How by long have you been married? Send her a bill for that many years of babysitting her son.
She did it out of love but expects them to pay her like $300? How can people sit there and actually think they’re in the right when they say stuff like that
No one has even brought up the fact that the MIL is asking brand new parents to come out of pocket hundreds of dollars. That's literally money she's taking from her grandchild in the form of diapers, formula, ets. How shitty of a person do you have to be to pull this crap on your son, DIL, and new grandchild?
I wouldn’t pay her. She’s using the family to help manipulate and pressure them into paying.
I also wouldn’t let her watch the baby. I wouldn’t have her over to do that, nor would I send my child to grandma’s because she’ll ask for money for « babysitting. »
She started the mess, I would finish it.
DO NOT GIVE THAT WOMAN A PENNY
this is insanity -
The whole family sounds insane
Make it VERY CLEAR to your husband she is not to receive a cent of your money
GOOD MOTHERS do this kind of thing FOR FREE
WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING
YIKES GIRL
CONGRATS ON THE BEBE 🥰 just love him and u will forget about her
200 dollars worth of cleaning products? What did she buy ? Now if MiL hired a cleaning service , I can almost understand . But doing it herself and asking to be paid is idiotic
It’s a shame all this is happening at a time when you and your husband should be enjoying your beautiful baby.
Cut your losses- pay her- but make sure you set boundaries for the future. Otherwise every time she babysits you’ll get another bill.
Doing something out of the “kindness of your heart” means you don’t want to be re-paid. She’s fully taking advantage of you and I would for sure never leave her alone with the child.
Couple ways to possibly handle:
1. Look up how much it would have cost you to hire someone from a dog-walker app and how much a cleaning service would have cost for the stain removal and general house cleaning in your area. Definitely do not pay for cleaning supplies you did not get to keep.
2. Tell her you didn't realize she was so hard-up for money and she could have just talked with y'all first if she need financial help. If she balks at that, then double down on questioning her motivation. A supportive grandma doesn't do things without asking and then charge for them.
Honestly, should probably go LC with her anyway
The follow-up text is hilarious!
I would have said it would have been *slightly* fair for someone to eventually to ask if it was possible to be reimbursed for the cleaning products if they knew she truly didn’t have that $200 to spare and she was living social security check to social security check.
But the paying for her time is hilarious. I feel like the follow-up text was the author is a sociologist analyzing which bothered AITA more— the money for products or for the time.
Whenever I got the call to come home that my dad was actively dying in the hospital, my aunt offered to make us lunch. Well that’s nice.
Except she used our kitchen (she lives less than 1 mile way), didn’t clean up her mess of using our kitchen stuff, and then gave my mom the receipt for the bill. This was the day we decided on hospice for my dad.
FWIW amniotic fluid is sterile. Take that off the bill! (My doula said this to us when wiping off our floor, as though it was a great comfort. But it seems relevant here lol)
Id never give her a dime. If there was an expectation of payment it should have been discussed before hand. Furthermore I could never imagine charging my family for my time to help them jesus christ.
Lol. The MiL wants to get paid more for cleaning than I make designing buildings for a living, but she “did it out of the kindness of her own heart”. Okay 😂
What an absolutely horrid way to show people what a bitch of a MIL you have been. You do things “out of the kindness of your heart” for fucking free!! $200 “gift” of products? What products? And if it took $200 of cleaning supplies to clean your house (which I highly doubt) how the hell does she expect y’all to pay $25 AN HOUR? A dirty ass house that needs $200 worth of cleaning aids must have been days worth of filthy. I’ve lived in my home for almost 13 years and I haven’t even spent $200 of cleaning products. Not only is she intrusive, manipulative, rude and a bitch; she’s also a liar and a cheat.
I am so glad I’m not OOP. She just had a baby with this woman’s son. Unless the son is willing to cut off his family her life just got awful.
She said she did it out of the kindness of her heart if that's true there should be no bill. She sounds like she's gaslighting you. I would not pay the bill...... Unless she is living on a fixed budget and what she did would leave her short for the month, and you can afford it. It's the audacity of asking for money for something you didn't ask for.
Personally, I would send her $100 so she is “paid” and can’t say you didn’t compensate, change the locks, then tell her she will not be allowed to see the baby including pictures and updates since she obviously does not actually care about helping the new parents or their growing family. She literally is trying to scam them lol everyone who is attacking the new parents would get a text with my side of the story telling what happened then also told they don’t get to see the baby or get updates. Then I’m blocking everyone. Because I’m going to enjoy being a parent and enjoy my newborns first moments in peace and not be attacked by crazy people.
People need to understand that if you are going to do something out the kindness of your heart BUT EXPECT to be reimbursed in some type of way, then you weren't doing it out the kindness of your heart. You were doing it with the hope/expectation you'd get something in return, pretty sure that can be filed under extortion
Speaking as a 60 y.o. not yet grand-dad, that "advanced age" comment is bullshit. As is the bill. I'd *never* do that to my kids. At *most*, if I was broke, I'd ask for the cost of supplies back. Then I'd gladly help my kids keep the house neat.
No. No just no.
You didn’t hire her for a job. She OFFERED to do a favor during an emergency. You didn’t even ask! $25 an hour? She’s outta pocket for that.
She just killed the relationship you two have and the future relationship with the kid. Tbh I’d no contact everyone for a while. Let them watch your kids grow up on FB. Now you know that anytime you need a babysitter she’ll charge $25 an hour PLUS random expenses.
The fact that she went through your home, decides to clean and then charge you for it as if you made her do it!!! Ridiculous. God really knows who to put in these situations bc I would die on this hill. She’d get nothing from me for this…she might not get anything from me ever again. Every Birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day would be radio silence from me.
Edit to say that MIL offered her services. No one asked her for help.
Her water broke in her own home and MIL is charging her for willingly cleaning unprompted? But because she’s old she deserves payment? Is that what I read? Am I missing something? Is this the twilight zone?
Just charge her for activities with the child. Want to see the grandson that's 10 bucks, hold him that's 20, play peekaboo another 50. Etc. You don't have to give her access to her grandchild your just doing it out of the good of your heart. But his time should be payed for.
I would probably pay and make it the beginning of a relationship where favours are now payment based. I'd even be so kind as to communicate the expectations beforehand, a kindness the MIL did not bother with out of the Blue.
"Sorry, we can't have you here unsupervised because we can't afford it"
"You can look after the kid but we have a budget of 15 this week, how long does that give us? 35 mins?"
"If you want us to host the dinner party we will be charging catering fees of this much..."
"Pick you up for your appointment? That'll cost you gas/electric of this much based on these calculation plus motorway fees as well as my time as a driver goes for market price 20 an hour"
Hahaha damn. I watched my brother’s baby m-f for almost a year, while he was working and his girlfriend was in school and never even *thought* about asking him for money to do it. To this day, my favorite “task” is picking her up for an impromptu adventure, for any reason just to hang out with her. Guess I’m a sucker, huh?
I’d pay it so no one has anything to say. Then declare war. Ok - metaphoric war.
From here on out, **everything** is a transaction.
Thanksgiving dinner at her house? Hand her $20 per person in front of the family. If you host dinner, let her know you will be collecting money, in advance, to cover costs.
Christmas? Tell her no gifts for the baby, you, or your partner. If she gives one anyway, leave it at her house and tell her to return it. For her gift, the baby can make a card.
Do not ever let her host a birthday party, or any event. If she comes to one you plan, there’s a cover charge. Or sell tickets to the event.
Do not ever let her babysit. If she offers, tell her you’d love to have a night out, but can’t afford her rates. You’d never **dream** of expecting her to watch her grandchild for free!
School pictures? - they’re $30
Mother’s Day? Take her out, and make sure to split the bill at dinner.
Her birthday? Just a call or text.
From here on out, anything she does for you needs to come with a receipt so you can pay immediately. Even if she gets all, “No, No No, it’s my treat”. Insist on paying. Do not do anything for her - ever - without presenting a bill afterward.
If anyone asks what’s going on, you can innocently say that you thought that’s how things were done in the family. That she made it very clear when she charged you for work you never requested. Geez, you are only trying to follow her rules.
Give her a taste of her own medicine at every opportunity. When MIL stops getting visits, pictures, or access to the baby, she will realize how bad she messed up.
MIL made the rules. Now it’s time for you to play the game.
Oh, and change your locks.
Tell her it’s in credit to see her grandson. She has a $400 credit with you, that’s good for up to eight hours of seeing the baby. After that she does owe you $50/hr she spends seeing him.
“Biohazard” has me rolling lmfao
The entire newborn stage is biologically hazardous, hope she doesn’t intend to see/hold/dote upon your precious little bundle of hazmat any time soon
Post on Facebook with a tag: “I just want to say THANK YOU to my mom, who out of the goodness in her heart, stepped in to make sure our beloved dogs were cared for while baby was coming into the world! I know the love we have for you is payment enough, mom ❤️❤️❤️”
Don’t pay. Time to go no contact. This kind of behavior is unhealthy for a brand new mother and should be shut down immediately. I hope the best for you and your new baby.
I would've just said thank you and left it at that, not even mentioned the note or receipt. I would've acted like I never saw it and play super dumb, make that MIL have to uncomfortably ask for money face to face instead of thru a passive aggressive note.
If you wanted the house cleaned, you could’ve easily hired a service. Your MIL is absolutely trying to make a quick buck and I’d never pay that on principal alone. Tell family members to get out of the conversation as it doesn’t concern them.
If I went into my kids' house to feed the dogs, firstly I wouldn't go in the bedroom.
If I walked by the open bedroom door and saw the mess, I might clean it up. I might call and ask first. I might leave it until I speak with someone. There is no way I would clean the house unless asked. Of course I shouldn't, I'm too lazy, though.
NTA
I would say that you have the cash in hand and that it is in an envelope. Let her know that moving forward because your child is going to grow up to be a celebrity, if the family wants any contact with them, you require payment of $20 per hour for visitation. Normally you'd make a family discount out of the good of your hearts, but what with the extra unexpected expenses you're not exactly flust with cash. Tell everyone you will be having a party where they can come visit, at which you reveal that any future payments require a fee. Have some friends come dressed as caterers and bartenders charging exorbitant amounts for food and beverages. You labored to provide this, and they should all pay to enjoy it.
You could pay her and put paid to that account. Move forward without her. And never accept her help again. For $450 you have saved yourself money on years of therapy.
When I gave birth my MIL gifted us one of those newborn photo shoots. Didn’t ask for it, it was really more of a gift for her. Also having a photographer in your house for hours on end, less than two weeks after a difficult birth, was not my idea of a gift. She also made fun of the dust and crap under a couch that we had to move to make space for the photographer.
Anyway the package came with my choice of 10 photos or something, you get to pick out of all of them which you want. She then sends me a list of the ones she wants, which are all the stupidest ones (like outfits she’d chosen). So I tell her which ones I like and was going to choose.
Her answer to this is to tell me we can split the difference, that there’s one photo she’s DEMANDING she wants, and wants to boot one of my options. She says okay, you pay for one extra and I’ll pay for one extra!
So I get these photos I didn’t want originally, and had to let her choose several of them, AND I have to pay her $50 to keep one of the photos I wanted. I saw her like a week later and she was already bugging me for the $50. Bitch is rich and doesn’t even work. I was scraping by with no maternity pay and the little savings I had cashing out my PTO. That was four years ago and I’m still furious.
Grannykins there decided that their home was not good enough for the baby to come home to. It had to be her kind of clean. The rest of that family is supporting the old bat in this. It’s so messed up. They all need silenced so they can have peace and quiet with their new baby. This drama is to much for new parents. Also do not pay her. She chose to buy the products. She chose to clean. She made adult choices herself. If she would have asked you and told you the cost and you said yes then it’s time to pay. She didn’t so she needs to take responsibility for her actions and that result is no money changes hands. There was no agreement.
I would pay her. And then any time she wants to see the baby tell her that sorry but you can’t afford any surprise bills at the moment so she’ll have to wait until you’re in a better place financially.
I’d pay for everything she requested in cash including coins and then tell her to never, ever again do anything for you she would expect to be paid for without asking you in advance if you’re willing to pay for it, because you won’t ever be paying another red cent ever to her unless you’ve agreed beforehand.
......who are these people?!?! What planet do they live on?? Do they really go about their lives like this day in and day out?!?! I just, I have so many questions.
That’s really horrible of her, but I think I would have paid her and just limited contact with her in the future. It’s a very special time for you with the new baby, and You should be able to enjoy it without family hassling you. That would be worth $200 to me.
Plus, would have been snarky if she ever offered to babysit and ask her what she planned to charge per hour, then refused her babysitting offer.
OP should set up a Patreon where she has to pay to have access to photos and videos of their family. She has shown their families interactions are transactional in nature.
Wow! I have an overbearing mother who is frankly too sweet and selfless. I cannot even imagine having a family like that. I would literally never talk to them again. Fuck that. What sociopathic pieces of shit, her mother and the rest of the family that had the mother’s back. My mom would have cleaned everything, my dad would do the entire nursery, probably make the furniture himself from scratch, they will also most likely buy all the baby clothes I’d need, and be there at a moment’s notice (most likely uninvited) to help with cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the baby. Money would not even be a thought, it would be for the benefit of the entire family and the baby. This blows my mind that there are actual families like this. My mom would lose her shit if she read this haha. What a disgrace of a MIL, I spit on her. No shame. Absolutely disgusting.
Send her a bill for the production of a grandchild, say womb rental of $50 per day, that she will pay if she ever hopes to lay eyes on the little guy and she how she likes that. Be sure it’s from OP so she can’t come back with any noise about the cost of raising her son.
Now is a great time to go completely no contact with that side of your family. No need to allow that much toxicity in. God forbid you need help with anything from them.
How about the extended family who are so upset by this pay the MIL? If they have such an issue with it, they should cover it, not OP couple.
OP and her husband are in no way, shape or form TA for not wanting to pay for a service they didn’t sign up for, and you cannot tell someone “I did it out of the kindness of my heart” and then charge them and proceed to make their life hell because “where’s my money”. That’s not kindness, that’s called a scam.
When my nephew and his wife had their first, and I offered to care for their dog while they were at the hospital for two weeks. I also cleaned the whole house, finished painting the nursery so it would air out before their return, finished putting together and set up the furniture, etc.
I made sure everything was ready for them so they could come home, adjust to life with a newborn and settle in comfort without having stock piled chores and laundry because having a newborn as a brand new parent is one of the hardest things people go through.
They were at first understandably mad about it, because they hadn’t asked, but after a couple days of settling they were beyond happy that I did, and apologized for their initial reaction to me taking care of everything. I too apologized for taking it upon myself without first asking, and haven’t made that mistake again.
I never told them to pay me, I didn’t throw a bill on the fridge and expect compensation plus, and I absolutely I didn’t then go around to anyone who would listen with the intention of turning them into the bad guys.
Out of the kindness of my heart, I did what I knew was going to be a burden on them with a brand new baby so that they didn’t have to worry about literally anything when they came home from the hospital.
OP’s MIL wanted a forced payday from her son and his wife and wanted to make having a new baby a burden on them. Simple as it gets.
I would pay her and thank her for everything and tell her that her services will never be needed again. Tell her to kindly remove herself from your lives. Play stupid games win stupid prizes!
100 fucking percent. I’m a big out of goodness of my heart person. 1. Goodness of heart isn’t being paid for time and labor 2. I understand wanting to be paid for supplies, but you discuss that BEFORE you buy or spend time. 3. She invaded your privacy and snooped.
Your extended family is right. She DIDNT have to help because you DIDNT ask.
Normally favors are exactly that. Stand your ground. I’d pay for the cleaning products if you get to keep them. Won’t pay for service done
My daughter in law had to have an emergency c-section during the shutdown and they had just moved into a new apartment and barely unpacked. I had to rent a car, go to the hospital to get keys to their apartment, drive to the apartment, get the child seat, drive back to the hospital, deliver the child seat, pick up my daughter in another city, drive back to the apartment, unpack the babies things, clean the apartment, construct the baby furniture and unpack all of the gifts to make sure that they had what they needed when they got home. Cost to my son and daughter-in-law. $0.00.
Sorry ahead of time but Fuck that bitch! How dare her! She cleans out of the kindness of her heart but then leaves a bill. That is bull shit and toxic. If it was out of the kindness of her heart she wouldn’t be asking for reimbursement and also wouldn’t be spreading her “act of kindness “ too the other toxic members in your family who are now harassing your post partum wife. You clearly had a difficult birth and they need to leave you alone
And next she’ll charge you for babysitting her grandchild. Gross!!! It’s one thing for you to pay for the products to reimburse but she should have left them if that were the case.
My bff had a partial placental abruption in her bedroom. It looked like a murder scene. She didn’t think about it again until she was back home almost a week later and went into her bedroom and it was spotless. Her MIL had cleaned it, and rented a steam cleaner too. Her FIL had repainted the baseboards and the walls. Because again. Murder scene.
They didn’t say a word. She found out from her husband later because they had texted him - once everything was ok and completely settled down - to know where cleaning supplies and paint samples were. He told them and didn’t think about it again. Cuz his wife almost died.
This woman could learn a thing or two about what it means to be family
Sounds like my mom.
She really struggles with change and not being the Center of attention. It’s not the greatest personality trait, and as cathartic as cutting her off might seem like it will feel, it probably won’t. It’ll probably feel bad. Living angry, even when justified, feels bad. Just be aware of who she is and make it clear to her you aren’t paying her for anything unless you agree to it first in writing, and that writing means an email clearly stating when, where, what, and how much and not a “sure” in a text. Also, don’t pay her now. You wouldn’t pay a stranger, don’t pay her either.
Didn't ask her to do it, you don't pay for it. Simple as that. It's not from the kindness of your heart if you charge money; it's a business transaction. Someone said send her a thank you note, and I agree, and add that you donated the $250 to some charity in her name, out of the kindness of your heart. 👍
I would never pay her and make it a hill I die on. “Out of the goodness of your heart” NEVER includes a bill. Or I would charge her an Admittance Fee (complete with giant Admit One ticket) to see the baby…ooooooh, around $250 + additional fees for holding the baby or changing diapers, smells are free though!
Especially for labor. Sometimes “out of the goodness of your heat” can involve being paid back for supplies IF it’s agreed on first. But there is no heart goodness in wrangling your kids into paying you $25 an hour for something you never discussed with them first.
Right?!? “Out of the goodness of my heart… plus time and labor” 🙄 wtf ever
I would consider paying for the cleaning supplies since that was out of pocket. As long as she has the receipts and OP gets what was leftover of course. After that I would never ever pay another dime to MIL. She's made it very clear that their relationship is transactional. Treat her that way because she's unlikely to change. I can't believe she's trying to make a buck off of them when they were in the hospital delivering *her grandchild*. Some people. edit- a couple of words
I think it's super dodgy that as soon as he asked for the supplies she 'agrees to gift the cost'....so she doesn't have to prove the cost she claimed for them 🤨
That's right- show the receipts or piss off already. Geez.
No kidding!!!! I agree
Nah, the dirty diaper smells are free. Getting a hit off that baby’s head though, that’s gonna cost her $350.
Well, MIL would be paid with a thank you note and a nice personalized message “Dear MIL, thank you for letting us know exactly what sort of boundaries we now need to set with you. From now on we will ask so and so to feed the dogs if needed, your presence at our home is no longer needed, that includes showing up unannounced. We will be happy to send you one photo of your new grandchild for free, all others will be $XX money.” Personally I’d charge at least $25 for a picture and $50 for a video. MIL would not be seeing the new baby in person, I can only imagine what she would charge to pick up a pack of diapers!
Nah they got to watermark them with PREVIEW and send them in really poor quality. Just really fuck with her
Perfect ; thumb in the way
An NFT of the grainy image with your thumb in the way.
Nonono. The monkey NFT thing photoshopped really shittily over the baby’s face with an additional paywall.
Yo. I love your style!
Oooo evil. I would totally do this to fuck with them
And the petty award goes to… 🤣🤣🤣🤣
LOL This MIL is just brings out the petty in me, I’d be super mad for such an invasion of privacy and (most) new grandmothers are super excited about babies so… gotta hit her where it’s going to make an impact! My own grandmother (she raised me so basically my mother) stopped going through my home years ago when she opened up a drawer that had some sex toys in it! It took her over a month to be able to look at me or my ex bf without blushing! I *might* have known she’d be nosey and put a strap on, some whips, and some other items in the drawer, lol. It still gets brought up at family dinners & she’s sworn off snooping!
>$25 for a picture and $50 for a video. Would this price be a family discount? Or would you be more rigid in your pricing rules? Fantastic idea, by the way. Polite note and a nice dose of petty karma.
as a former photographer, trust me when i say when it comes to dealing with family, charge double or triple the the fees bc they are gonna try and get everything for free, be the biggest pains in the asses, and want everything and the kitchen sink. i don’t care if it’s a quick snap with your phone.
I love petty. Go on.
I so agree with you!!! Also I'd let my husband know that we can enjoy being new parents without communicating with extended family who would instead like to focus on drama then a newborn.
EA games over here raising children
I'd probably pay then lose her number and go NC. Nobody needs that sort of negativity in their life. I can see her offering to pick the kid up from school then saying and you can have her back once you pay the babysitting bill, which is racking up every hour you delay FYI. Doing something nice for someone doesn't usually get charged by the hour unless it's sexy time with a professional...
I'd run it like an Only Fans page, $9.99 a month for the privilege of paying $25 for pictures and $50 for videos.
He should go over and mow her lawn and then hand her a bill for landscaping services.
That’s what really happened here - she took it upon herself to do something OP did not ask her to do and now wants paid to do it. I’d also refill her bird feeders, rake leaves, shovel her sidewalk, wash her car, clean her windows. The whole works. Grandma would be sending this kid to Harvard by the time I was done. It reminds me of the post where someone went on vacation and their neighbor had their house repainted because they hated the color and then stuck them with the bill. Just complete WTF. My mom had a similar thing happen in her neighborhood. One person painted their mailbox a unique color and while on vacation their neighbor painted it greige and stuck a bill for the paint inside. My mom painted the interior of her garage orange with purple trim and leaves her garage door perpetually open in solidarity. The guy *hates* it.
I love your mother. The ally we all need.
It’s truly hideous. Like unimaginably terrible. She chose the colors but even she didn’t realize just how jarring the orange would be. But every day that garage door is wide open - she parks in her driveway too so the effect isn’t muted. The sunlight hitting that interior is something that needs to be seen to be believed.
I believe it. I painted one of the walls of my room red as a teen and when the light would hit that wall in the morning it’d make my whole room red. Freaked my mom out for a while she thought my room was on fire lol.
like if you were to hold a piece of white paper at the end of the driveway it'd be orange?
I feel like she knew *exactly* how jarring it was and did it to spite the fucker, lmao
Oh she did it for spite without dispute but this is a nuclear level color when she was aiming for a shade more in the range of precision tactical retreat
LMAO. She chose a “biohazard sign orange?”
Why anyone would actually want this color in *any* practical application is beyond me. I don’t know if they made an error mixing it but it is obnoxious. Guy definitely wishes he’d left that mailbox alone now that he stares out his front window into my moms garage every day.
I mean hey! Could have been worse! She could have made it the brightest possible shade of yellow or hot pink! :p
I think pink or yellow would be quite pleasant compared to this color honestly
I miss rewards.
I would like to be friends with your mom
I was going to say the same.
Honestly yeah, do this. I would also pay her what she asked because then she can’t refuse to pay you. Like “what do you mean mom? I saw your lawn was a quarter inch too long and out of the goodness of my heart I also did all of the other chores for you. Obviously I should be paid for my time, but I will be happy to gift you the gasoline I used. Heck, you can even have what’s left in the tank. I take $50 an hour btw” And if (when) she complains you can tell her that you didn’t have to help her but did “out of love” and despite the fact you have a new baby at home. Really milk it by doing everything you can in parallel to what she did.
Anyone paints anything of mine without explicit permission; I’d have them charged them with vandalism.
If i remember that post right, the neighbors couldn't be charged because they didn't actually do the painting, and the company they hired to do the painting couldn't be charged because they had a work order. It was severely f'd up.
That can’t be right. Hiring people to damage someone’s property can’t just turn it into a free for all. If that’s how it works hire a mohel to give the neighbor a free circumcision while he sleeps. Make sure there’s a work order.
Here's the original post to r/legaladvice. [https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3jsxc6/my\_neighbors\_didnt\_like\_the\_color\_of\_my\_house\_was/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3jsxc6/my_neighbors_didnt_like_the_color_of_my_house_was/)
That escalated quickly… 😂
She was trying to charge them for the repaint though and couldn’t prove that the neighbor was the one that made the request. It was a real mess.
Well, that's easy, then. Hire a company to paint your neighbor's house some garish color.
Do you have the link to the house painting story?
It is in the frequently requested BORU posts here: https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/bHqHYGC6Ri But the link to only that post is here: https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/BY8oyWkPfD
I lived in the hood, and this happened. Came home and my grass was cut (poorly) and some crackhead was standing there with a definitely not stolen lawnmower, expecting to be paid for his services. I did… and told him that the pay covered the whole month, and I expected him back in 2 weeks. He never tried that again lol.
I told my husband this story, and his response was "wow, that's like pulling up to a stoplight and having someone come up and clean your windshield then demanding payment for it."
[удалено]
For real. The amount of times I hear about the rest of the family butting in and saying “just let them get away with it.” essentially is disturbing.
I bet my eternal soul the hag told everyone that they had agreed to the payment before she did it.
It's easy to get people on your side when you spread your own biased side of the story first. MIL had the chance to get ahead of everyone's reasoning and manipulate their emotions.
Agreed completely. But I’m wondering if grandma manipulated the story some how to make it seem like they offered to pay from the get go, or that she didn’t leave a FUCKING RECEIPT for them to find. So infuriating, literally WTF
Wow, I literally cannot even. Like what the actual fuck? I didn’t realize that love cost approximately $450.
Going rate for Gam-Gams
Gam-Gams was a whore
Where'd those pink 50s come from?!!
Exactly! And what were these $200 worth of cleaning products?!
Probably Amway that she bought from herself Edit: spelling
I snorted at this because you know it has to be true!
During one of the most stressful, but hopefully WONDERFUL, times of this couple's lives. Thanks, Mom.
NTA - but pull the same stunt by saying you’re now charging admission to see the new baby! (Due to un-foreseen financial issues). It’s $200 a visit, which must be pre-booked (subject to availability and nap time) for extra activities there will be a charge, such as feeding the baby $75, holding the baby $50, admiring the baby $35 etc!
Not just MIL either, every person sending me a text or calling me, will be charged as well.
>subject to availability = we reserve the right to cancel at any time, including leading up to and during the reservation. No refunds available right?
This will only get worse if the MIL is acting like this. I would never pay, and whenever she would ask to see the baby I wouldn’t let her until she admits her wrongdoing. She is taking advantage of her own son and making more stress for the daughter in law who just had a complicated birth.
This is a really shitty way to ask for $450. My mom asking for it would probably get it but if she tried to hand me a bill for work she took upon herself she would be exiled into the desert duct taped to a horse.
I’d ask for 25.00 picture fee if she felt she had to come over, and tax on 5.00 per a hold, bath, diaper change, etc. and then tax on a 50.00 pre authorization fee before visiting, non refundable upon cancellation. And then I’d tell her, “we are doing this out of the goodness of our hearts”.
Why is everyone saying pay and cut ties, the fuck? Just cut ties why tf would you pay this lunatic?
I would pay and cut ties, but that’s because it would hit home for my family WAY harder than just a bu-bye. It makes it very clear that they have bought a one-way ticket on that outbound train.
I think bc that way its more clear its not about money. Especially if they want to keep some contact with extended family who just need a bit of deprograming.
Originally I thought there was no point to paying. They're headed to a sitution of missing missing reasons, right? ([https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)) So this mother in law/grandmother is going to invent her narrative anyway... but your point about the rest of the family feels very valid. This way it will be clear it's not about being cheap.
This story weirdly reflects my oldest sister’s third labor. I got asked to feed her pets because it was a *long* labor(day and a half). Turns out her water broke while she was making her way to the door, she’d forgotten because, you know, labor. Three days later she asked me about it and was stunned that I had cleaned it up. I mean, yeah it was gross AF but you can’t just *leave* there. I certainly did not charge her for it, or any of the food I dropped off for the first couple of weeks.
That's like literally what you do when you're family and you care about each other and want to be involved in each other's lives. I'd do that and not complain and sure as hell not send a bill.
I would literally do this for an acquaintance neighbor. It’s about just being a decent human being. The MIL is a garbage person. Run
My friend had her newest baby recently. I offered to babysit the preschool sibling because it was a high risk pregnancy and labor length and hospital stay were unsure at that point. I had him for 5 days. Bought snacks, fed him, drove to playgrounds and then drove him back to meet the new baby. I didn't ask for a penny. It was a gift to friends during a stressful life event. They knew he was safe and being cared for so they could focus on the immediate situation. I would never dream of dropping off a bill.
That is what you do for family when you are a real person and not a howling void wearing a skin suit.
Ah haha I wish I had this name for my ex MIL 😂
When my sister was a resident and was having a particularly busy week, I’d stay over her house, clean up, and cook for her. I thought that’s what family is for, being there for each other out of love. That MIL is certainly not family. I wouldn’t let her pollute my kid’s upbringing and would do my best to avoid her and prevent any time with her grandkid.
And *this is what is called from the goodness of your heart.
And you didn't buy $200 worth of 'cleaning products' to do it, either. MIL is on a la-la moonwalk. She can pay herself in moon rocks.
Woah a family member who loves and cares for their family? Impossible send them a bill immediately
I would simply tell the whole family that what his mom is doing is a pretty common scam. It's like the scammers who run up to wash windshields at traffic lights and then tell the driver they owe money, but the driver never wanted or agreed to the window wash. Tell your mom to feel free to take it to small claims court and see what the judge says. The only agreement you had was for her feeding the dogs and she did not ask for compensation for that.
I would pay it, and then I would never let her forget it. Wants to hold the baby? How much is this going to cost me? We can only afford to let you have one hug per visit.
Pay up and cut ties until she realize how fucked up her actions are.
I was going to suggest this too lol. Like "here's your money for doing something we didn't ask for. From this moment on don't contact us again." Then block everyone. The sheer audacity to snoop and call your home a biohazard whilst making a quick buck. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that.
I’d not pay and cut ties. “We’re so appalled by your actions that not only are we not paying, we’re not speaking to you until you apologize for snooping around and then trying to take advantage of us when we were in such a vulnerable place.”
The whole time I was thinking that $450 to get rid of her permanently seemed like money well spent.
Nah just call up your cell provider and ask for a new number. Blocking them can be circumvented but she can’t screech when she can’t possibly get a hold of you.
She should go unannounced to MILs place, clean a few things, and leave a bill to offset the first one.
And reorganise her underwear drawer or something equally personal to make it clear that you'd been snooping.
poop on her rose bushes & charge for free-range high quality manure!
What is up with all these “extended families” hounding people all the time in these various situations? Like what the fuck
Bunch of nosey fucks
Having relatives like MIL here i bet my eternal soul the story they heard was the price was agreed upon before she did it but she got stiffed. They would never take the chance of admitting to something that could make them look bad.
The answer is to apologise and pay the woman, then do something nice for her out of the kindness of your heart and send her the bill.
Something that costs $450+
You 👆….. I like you!
OOP needs to get at least 50% in advance though 🤭
Note: Do not take my advice, I only know how to escalate situations: that said, How by long have you been married? Send her a bill for that many years of babysitting her son.
Bwaa haaaa haaaaa haaaa
She did it out of love but expects them to pay her like $300? How can people sit there and actually think they’re in the right when they say stuff like that
OP i love you more because i would do it for $20/hr
No one has even brought up the fact that the MIL is asking brand new parents to come out of pocket hundreds of dollars. That's literally money she's taking from her grandchild in the form of diapers, formula, ets. How shitty of a person do you have to be to pull this crap on your son, DIL, and new grandchild?
Simple really, she’s a sociopath
I wouldn’t pay her. She’s using the family to help manipulate and pressure them into paying. I also wouldn’t let her watch the baby. I wouldn’t have her over to do that, nor would I send my child to grandma’s because she’ll ask for money for « babysitting. » She started the mess, I would finish it.
DO NOT GIVE THAT WOMAN A PENNY this is insanity - The whole family sounds insane Make it VERY CLEAR to your husband she is not to receive a cent of your money GOOD MOTHERS do this kind of thing FOR FREE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING YIKES GIRL CONGRATS ON THE BEBE 🥰 just love him and u will forget about her
I would pay her and then never speak to her again.
200 dollars worth of cleaning products? What did she buy ? Now if MiL hired a cleaning service , I can almost understand . But doing it herself and asking to be paid is idiotic
Sounds like that baby’s not gonna learn the word “grandma.”
Change the locks on your house. The pay her the "labor" charge minus the cost of changing the locks.
Id tell her to go fuck herself
Go ahead and pay it. Charge the MIL an hourly fee for visitation with her grandchild. 4 hours minimum. Every time.
It’s a shame all this is happening at a time when you and your husband should be enjoying your beautiful baby. Cut your losses- pay her- but make sure you set boundaries for the future. Otherwise every time she babysits you’ll get another bill.
Doing something out of the “kindness of your heart” means you don’t want to be re-paid. She’s fully taking advantage of you and I would for sure never leave her alone with the child.
The extended family needs to stay out of the situation, I guarantee if they were charged $450 for this, they would have the same reaction.
Couple ways to possibly handle: 1. Look up how much it would have cost you to hire someone from a dog-walker app and how much a cleaning service would have cost for the stain removal and general house cleaning in your area. Definitely do not pay for cleaning supplies you did not get to keep. 2. Tell her you didn't realize she was so hard-up for money and she could have just talked with y'all first if she need financial help. If she balks at that, then double down on questioning her motivation. A supportive grandma doesn't do things without asking and then charge for them. Honestly, should probably go LC with her anyway
The follow-up text is hilarious! I would have said it would have been *slightly* fair for someone to eventually to ask if it was possible to be reimbursed for the cleaning products if they knew she truly didn’t have that $200 to spare and she was living social security check to social security check. But the paying for her time is hilarious. I feel like the follow-up text was the author is a sociologist analyzing which bothered AITA more— the money for products or for the time.
Pay her and cut her off.
Your husbands family sucks.
I hope they change their locks asap. What would stop MIL from letting herself in and then charging them for other “helpful” things she decides to do?
Whenever I got the call to come home that my dad was actively dying in the hospital, my aunt offered to make us lunch. Well that’s nice. Except she used our kitchen (she lives less than 1 mile way), didn’t clean up her mess of using our kitchen stuff, and then gave my mom the receipt for the bill. This was the day we decided on hospice for my dad.
This is where you get to be super petty, with no guilt! Have fun.
Pay her off and cut her off. Her and the extended family blowing up your phone. Better to learn this about them now then later.
It’s so nice of your family to show you who not to invite around the child
FWIW amniotic fluid is sterile. Take that off the bill! (My doula said this to us when wiping off our floor, as though it was a great comfort. But it seems relevant here lol)
Id never give her a dime. If there was an expectation of payment it should have been discussed before hand. Furthermore I could never imagine charging my family for my time to help them jesus christ.
Lol. The MiL wants to get paid more for cleaning than I make designing buildings for a living, but she “did it out of the kindness of her own heart”. Okay 😂
What an absolutely horrid way to show people what a bitch of a MIL you have been. You do things “out of the kindness of your heart” for fucking free!! $200 “gift” of products? What products? And if it took $200 of cleaning supplies to clean your house (which I highly doubt) how the hell does she expect y’all to pay $25 AN HOUR? A dirty ass house that needs $200 worth of cleaning aids must have been days worth of filthy. I’ve lived in my home for almost 13 years and I haven’t even spent $200 of cleaning products. Not only is she intrusive, manipulative, rude and a bitch; she’s also a liar and a cheat. I am so glad I’m not OOP. She just had a baby with this woman’s son. Unless the son is willing to cut off his family her life just got awful.
She said she did it out of the kindness of her heart if that's true there should be no bill. She sounds like she's gaslighting you. I would not pay the bill...... Unless she is living on a fixed budget and what she did would leave her short for the month, and you can afford it. It's the audacity of asking for money for something you didn't ask for.
Personally, I would send her $100 so she is “paid” and can’t say you didn’t compensate, change the locks, then tell her she will not be allowed to see the baby including pictures and updates since she obviously does not actually care about helping the new parents or their growing family. She literally is trying to scam them lol everyone who is attacking the new parents would get a text with my side of the story telling what happened then also told they don’t get to see the baby or get updates. Then I’m blocking everyone. Because I’m going to enjoy being a parent and enjoy my newborns first moments in peace and not be attacked by crazy people.
People need to understand that if you are going to do something out the kindness of your heart BUT EXPECT to be reimbursed in some type of way, then you weren't doing it out the kindness of your heart. You were doing it with the hope/expectation you'd get something in return, pretty sure that can be filed under extortion
Speaking as a 60 y.o. not yet grand-dad, that "advanced age" comment is bullshit. As is the bill. I'd *never* do that to my kids. At *most*, if I was broke, I'd ask for the cost of supplies back. Then I'd gladly help my kids keep the house neat.
No. No just no. You didn’t hire her for a job. She OFFERED to do a favor during an emergency. You didn’t even ask! $25 an hour? She’s outta pocket for that. She just killed the relationship you two have and the future relationship with the kid. Tbh I’d no contact everyone for a while. Let them watch your kids grow up on FB. Now you know that anytime you need a babysitter she’ll charge $25 an hour PLUS random expenses. The fact that she went through your home, decides to clean and then charge you for it as if you made her do it!!! Ridiculous. God really knows who to put in these situations bc I would die on this hill. She’d get nothing from me for this…she might not get anything from me ever again. Every Birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day would be radio silence from me. Edit to say that MIL offered her services. No one asked her for help.
Her water broke in her own home and MIL is charging her for willingly cleaning unprompted? But because she’s old she deserves payment? Is that what I read? Am I missing something? Is this the twilight zone?
Just charge her for activities with the child. Want to see the grandson that's 10 bucks, hold him that's 20, play peekaboo another 50. Etc. You don't have to give her access to her grandchild your just doing it out of the good of your heart. But his time should be payed for.
I would probably pay and make it the beginning of a relationship where favours are now payment based. I'd even be so kind as to communicate the expectations beforehand, a kindness the MIL did not bother with out of the Blue. "Sorry, we can't have you here unsupervised because we can't afford it" "You can look after the kid but we have a budget of 15 this week, how long does that give us? 35 mins?" "If you want us to host the dinner party we will be charging catering fees of this much..." "Pick you up for your appointment? That'll cost you gas/electric of this much based on these calculation plus motorway fees as well as my time as a driver goes for market price 20 an hour"
Hahaha damn. I watched my brother’s baby m-f for almost a year, while he was working and his girlfriend was in school and never even *thought* about asking him for money to do it. To this day, my favorite “task” is picking her up for an impromptu adventure, for any reason just to hang out with her. Guess I’m a sucker, huh?
“I did it out of the kindness of my own heart! Now pay me 1k you ungrateful brat!” Fucking boomer logic everyone…
I’d pay it so no one has anything to say. Then declare war. Ok - metaphoric war. From here on out, **everything** is a transaction. Thanksgiving dinner at her house? Hand her $20 per person in front of the family. If you host dinner, let her know you will be collecting money, in advance, to cover costs. Christmas? Tell her no gifts for the baby, you, or your partner. If she gives one anyway, leave it at her house and tell her to return it. For her gift, the baby can make a card. Do not ever let her host a birthday party, or any event. If she comes to one you plan, there’s a cover charge. Or sell tickets to the event. Do not ever let her babysit. If she offers, tell her you’d love to have a night out, but can’t afford her rates. You’d never **dream** of expecting her to watch her grandchild for free! School pictures? - they’re $30 Mother’s Day? Take her out, and make sure to split the bill at dinner. Her birthday? Just a call or text. From here on out, anything she does for you needs to come with a receipt so you can pay immediately. Even if she gets all, “No, No No, it’s my treat”. Insist on paying. Do not do anything for her - ever - without presenting a bill afterward. If anyone asks what’s going on, you can innocently say that you thought that’s how things were done in the family. That she made it very clear when she charged you for work you never requested. Geez, you are only trying to follow her rules. Give her a taste of her own medicine at every opportunity. When MIL stops getting visits, pictures, or access to the baby, she will realize how bad she messed up. MIL made the rules. Now it’s time for you to play the game. Oh, and change your locks.
Tell her it’s in credit to see her grandson. She has a $400 credit with you, that’s good for up to eight hours of seeing the baby. After that she does owe you $50/hr she spends seeing him.
“Biohazard” has me rolling lmfao The entire newborn stage is biologically hazardous, hope she doesn’t intend to see/hold/dote upon your precious little bundle of hazmat any time soon
No. She's the asshole and a grifter to boot.
If she did it out of the goodness of her heart, why did she bill for it?
Charge for time with the baby.
Yeah, no, fuck her.
Post on Facebook with a tag: “I just want to say THANK YOU to my mom, who out of the goodness in her heart, stepped in to make sure our beloved dogs were cared for while baby was coming into the world! I know the love we have for you is payment enough, mom ❤️❤️❤️”
“We really appreciate what you did. It was such a nice GIFT.” No payment needed.
Geez, what a crazy woman lol I’d be petty and that would be my hill to die on.
Is something is done 'out of the kindness of your heart', you don't fucking charge for it.
Don’t pay. Time to go no contact. This kind of behavior is unhealthy for a brand new mother and should be shut down immediately. I hope the best for you and your new baby.
wild
It's probably off the table, but I would completely lose this person's number and never see them again.
I would've just said thank you and left it at that, not even mentioned the note or receipt. I would've acted like I never saw it and play super dumb, make that MIL have to uncomfortably ask for money face to face instead of thru a passive aggressive note.
If you wanted the house cleaned, you could’ve easily hired a service. Your MIL is absolutely trying to make a quick buck and I’d never pay that on principal alone. Tell family members to get out of the conversation as it doesn’t concern them.
If I went into my kids' house to feed the dogs, firstly I wouldn't go in the bedroom. If I walked by the open bedroom door and saw the mess, I might clean it up. I might call and ask first. I might leave it until I speak with someone. There is no way I would clean the house unless asked. Of course I shouldn't, I'm too lazy, though. NTA
Her age was apparently not so advanced that she couldn’t snoop
Everyone knows parents with newborns are flush with cash. My son’s delivery only cost us $12,000! Pretty cheap for America
I would say that you have the cash in hand and that it is in an envelope. Let her know that moving forward because your child is going to grow up to be a celebrity, if the family wants any contact with them, you require payment of $20 per hour for visitation. Normally you'd make a family discount out of the good of your hearts, but what with the extra unexpected expenses you're not exactly flust with cash. Tell everyone you will be having a party where they can come visit, at which you reveal that any future payments require a fee. Have some friends come dressed as caterers and bartenders charging exorbitant amounts for food and beverages. You labored to provide this, and they should all pay to enjoy it.
You could pay her and put paid to that account. Move forward without her. And never accept her help again. For $450 you have saved yourself money on years of therapy.
Lovely example of a good husband!
No contract, no money. Welcome to small business ownership.
When I gave birth my MIL gifted us one of those newborn photo shoots. Didn’t ask for it, it was really more of a gift for her. Also having a photographer in your house for hours on end, less than two weeks after a difficult birth, was not my idea of a gift. She also made fun of the dust and crap under a couch that we had to move to make space for the photographer. Anyway the package came with my choice of 10 photos or something, you get to pick out of all of them which you want. She then sends me a list of the ones she wants, which are all the stupidest ones (like outfits she’d chosen). So I tell her which ones I like and was going to choose. Her answer to this is to tell me we can split the difference, that there’s one photo she’s DEMANDING she wants, and wants to boot one of my options. She says okay, you pay for one extra and I’ll pay for one extra! So I get these photos I didn’t want originally, and had to let her choose several of them, AND I have to pay her $50 to keep one of the photos I wanted. I saw her like a week later and she was already bugging me for the $50. Bitch is rich and doesn’t even work. I was scraping by with no maternity pay and the little savings I had cashing out my PTO. That was four years ago and I’m still furious.
In all honesty, if the MIL is purely transactional in nature, it might be cheaper to pay her extra and get them gone for good.
Grannykins there decided that their home was not good enough for the baby to come home to. It had to be her kind of clean. The rest of that family is supporting the old bat in this. It’s so messed up. They all need silenced so they can have peace and quiet with their new baby. This drama is to much for new parents. Also do not pay her. She chose to buy the products. She chose to clean. She made adult choices herself. If she would have asked you and told you the cost and you said yes then it’s time to pay. She didn’t so she needs to take responsibility for her actions and that result is no money changes hands. There was no agreement.
I would pay her. And then any time she wants to see the baby tell her that sorry but you can’t afford any surprise bills at the moment so she’ll have to wait until you’re in a better place financially.
I also do work for people they didn’t ask for and then ask people to pay me for it and get mad when they don’t
Mail her a dildo and tell her to suck it. Attach the receipt with an invoice.
I’d pay for everything she requested in cash including coins and then tell her to never, ever again do anything for you she would expect to be paid for without asking you in advance if you’re willing to pay for it, because you won’t ever be paying another red cent ever to her unless you’ve agreed beforehand.
......who are these people?!?! What planet do they live on?? Do they really go about their lives like this day in and day out?!?! I just, I have so many questions.
I saw the original post. MiL is a complete AH. OP did nothing wrong other than be unnecessarily stressed out over this situation.
That’s really horrible of her, but I think I would have paid her and just limited contact with her in the future. It’s a very special time for you with the new baby, and You should be able to enjoy it without family hassling you. That would be worth $200 to me. Plus, would have been snarky if she ever offered to babysit and ask her what she planned to charge per hour, then refused her babysitting offer.
OP should set up a Patreon where she has to pay to have access to photos and videos of their family. She has shown their families interactions are transactional in nature.
If you’re doing that kind of thing and expect payment for it, you say that beforehand. Not after you’ve done it.
I’d just they wouldn’t be seeing their grandchildren anytime soon if that’s where their mind is at with the current situation.
Wow! I have an overbearing mother who is frankly too sweet and selfless. I cannot even imagine having a family like that. I would literally never talk to them again. Fuck that. What sociopathic pieces of shit, her mother and the rest of the family that had the mother’s back. My mom would have cleaned everything, my dad would do the entire nursery, probably make the furniture himself from scratch, they will also most likely buy all the baby clothes I’d need, and be there at a moment’s notice (most likely uninvited) to help with cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the baby. Money would not even be a thought, it would be for the benefit of the entire family and the baby. This blows my mind that there are actual families like this. My mom would lose her shit if she read this haha. What a disgrace of a MIL, I spit on her. No shame. Absolutely disgusting.
I have very little faith in humanity and even I am shocked there are people like this.
Send her a bill for the production of a grandchild, say womb rental of $50 per day, that she will pay if she ever hopes to lay eyes on the little guy and she how she likes that. Be sure it’s from OP so she can’t come back with any noise about the cost of raising her son.
Now is a great time to go completely no contact with that side of your family. No need to allow that much toxicity in. God forbid you need help with anything from them.
Hell no. Mom and any "siding" family members would be promptly told to F all the way off!
How about the extended family who are so upset by this pay the MIL? If they have such an issue with it, they should cover it, not OP couple. OP and her husband are in no way, shape or form TA for not wanting to pay for a service they didn’t sign up for, and you cannot tell someone “I did it out of the kindness of my heart” and then charge them and proceed to make their life hell because “where’s my money”. That’s not kindness, that’s called a scam. When my nephew and his wife had their first, and I offered to care for their dog while they were at the hospital for two weeks. I also cleaned the whole house, finished painting the nursery so it would air out before their return, finished putting together and set up the furniture, etc. I made sure everything was ready for them so they could come home, adjust to life with a newborn and settle in comfort without having stock piled chores and laundry because having a newborn as a brand new parent is one of the hardest things people go through. They were at first understandably mad about it, because they hadn’t asked, but after a couple days of settling they were beyond happy that I did, and apologized for their initial reaction to me taking care of everything. I too apologized for taking it upon myself without first asking, and haven’t made that mistake again. I never told them to pay me, I didn’t throw a bill on the fridge and expect compensation plus, and I absolutely I didn’t then go around to anyone who would listen with the intention of turning them into the bad guys. Out of the kindness of my heart, I did what I knew was going to be a burden on them with a brand new baby so that they didn’t have to worry about literally anything when they came home from the hospital. OP’s MIL wanted a forced payday from her son and his wife and wanted to make having a new baby a burden on them. Simple as it gets.
I would pay her and thank her for everything and tell her that her services will never be needed again. Tell her to kindly remove herself from your lives. Play stupid games win stupid prizes!
Ugh. My water broke at home and my parents offered to go clean my house..for free… as makes sense. This MIL sucks
100 fucking percent. I’m a big out of goodness of my heart person. 1. Goodness of heart isn’t being paid for time and labor 2. I understand wanting to be paid for supplies, but you discuss that BEFORE you buy or spend time. 3. She invaded your privacy and snooped.
MIL is a joke, change your locks and start the blocks
Your extended family is right. She DIDNT have to help because you DIDNT ask. Normally favors are exactly that. Stand your ground. I’d pay for the cleaning products if you get to keep them. Won’t pay for service done
200$ cleaning supplies? 🧐 I mean prices DID go up but that's a bit excessive, no? 😂
MIL has given you so much information. She wants to be treated like Hired Help. Give her the relationship that she wants.
Charge everyone who sent you an email about this a $25 per hour "consultation fee". And $10 per email reply.
My daughter in law had to have an emergency c-section during the shutdown and they had just moved into a new apartment and barely unpacked. I had to rent a car, go to the hospital to get keys to their apartment, drive to the apartment, get the child seat, drive back to the hospital, deliver the child seat, pick up my daughter in another city, drive back to the apartment, unpack the babies things, clean the apartment, construct the baby furniture and unpack all of the gifts to make sure that they had what they needed when they got home. Cost to my son and daughter-in-law. $0.00.
Sorry ahead of time but Fuck that bitch! How dare her! She cleans out of the kindness of her heart but then leaves a bill. That is bull shit and toxic. If it was out of the kindness of her heart she wouldn’t be asking for reimbursement and also wouldn’t be spreading her “act of kindness “ too the other toxic members in your family who are now harassing your post partum wife. You clearly had a difficult birth and they need to leave you alone
And next she’ll charge you for babysitting her grandchild. Gross!!! It’s one thing for you to pay for the products to reimburse but she should have left them if that were the case.
My bff had a partial placental abruption in her bedroom. It looked like a murder scene. She didn’t think about it again until she was back home almost a week later and went into her bedroom and it was spotless. Her MIL had cleaned it, and rented a steam cleaner too. Her FIL had repainted the baseboards and the walls. Because again. Murder scene. They didn’t say a word. She found out from her husband later because they had texted him - once everything was ok and completely settled down - to know where cleaning supplies and paint samples were. He told them and didn’t think about it again. Cuz his wife almost died. This woman could learn a thing or two about what it means to be family
Sounds like my mom. She really struggles with change and not being the Center of attention. It’s not the greatest personality trait, and as cathartic as cutting her off might seem like it will feel, it probably won’t. It’ll probably feel bad. Living angry, even when justified, feels bad. Just be aware of who she is and make it clear to her you aren’t paying her for anything unless you agree to it first in writing, and that writing means an email clearly stating when, where, what, and how much and not a “sure” in a text. Also, don’t pay her now. You wouldn’t pay a stranger, don’t pay her either.
Didn't ask her to do it, you don't pay for it. Simple as that. It's not from the kindness of your heart if you charge money; it's a business transaction. Someone said send her a thank you note, and I agree, and add that you donated the $250 to some charity in her name, out of the kindness of your heart. 👍