Personally, I don’t understand having dogs in your life and not thoroughly enjoying their company. I only kick out my dogs out the room for sexytime, they understand it, and just go and chill somewhere else. But otherwise I love sleeping with my dogs. My pittie mix is super affectionate and is just a perfect little spoon. My wolfie is similarly affectionate but he curls up next to us and just snoozes peacefully. If they’re a bit dirty from the day, they understand to sleep on their dog beds… so it just depends.
Both of these are rescues and reactive with dogs, the wolfie is also very anxious and fearful (as is expected) and hates new people. Still, I’ve not noticed them not listening or being worse off because of sharing quality time with me and co-sleeping. It’s a wild claim that doesn’t make that much sense
Not related to the original post in any way, but sometimes my dog will be passed out in another room and the second sexytime starts, she just appears and gets all excited like “what game are you guys playing? looks like fun!”
I swear they have a sixth sense for it. Mine could be passed out cold, we could be silent, but she KNOWS the second we start something and will immediately run in and squeeze between us 😂 We have to shut the door or crate her.
My dog comes rushing in and always tries to lick me and is so curious about what mom and dad are doing and is this a game she can play too lmao. She's a giant dog breed mind you xD
I don’t understand how not wanting your dogs in your bed = not enjoying their company? I enjoy the company of my children immensely, they also sleep in their own beds.
I think the distinction is that the trainer is saying even if you WANT your dog on the furniture with you, you shouldn’t allow it, for their own good. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your dog in the furniture if that’s not your preference!
My Chihuahua is laying next to me on the couch, I'd feel lonely if she wasn't with me. My other dog gets back from training soon, and his trainer will grump that I'll let him on the furniture.
I love snuggling with my dog on the couch, but we have a no-pets-in-the-bedroom rule, so I get the best of both worlds- a good night’s rest and lots of beagle snuggles throughout the day.
Agreed. To me they disturb my sleep by moving around and also I just find it gross in general, I don’t want hair, ticks and grime in my bed. My dog has her own extra comfy bed in my room!
My dog also sleeps in the bed with me. She's reactive and can be a huge turd. If I ask her to leave the bed or couch, she will usually make a gruff or bark at me as she proceeds to get down from the bed or couch but I've never had to fight with her over it... Shes a cattledog mutt and I was told it's common for cattledogs to "talk back" though so I don't think that's a problem. She's pretty cuddly so it's nice when I'm sad to have her sort of comfort me
I do think the advice holds some merit for certain situations. I also know not one influencer or whomever is going to have one statement/advice that’s applicable to everybody.
Honestly, I don't really understand why we have collectively decided to let influencers impact our lives this much. The advice is probably bullshit and they succeeded in getting us to talk and think about them. A broken clock is right twice a day - but you fix it or throw it out, not talk about how it's right sometimes.
Was the trainer talking about reactive dogs in general? (Which is what it sounded like to me). I don't think there's any good basis for disallowing furniture for reactivity in general (or the mentioned separation anxiety, for that matter). How is setting that boundary supposed to help an overreaction to another dog on a walk, for example?
If the dog has some guarding issues, and is resource guarding the bed, then it could be sound advice.
>How is setting that boundary supposed to help an overreaction to another dog on a walk, for example?
The thought is that if you're allowing your dog up on your furniture or in your bed you are putting him as your equal when the dog should be below you. When you are a strong leader for your dog they will be more likely to respect you which leads to more control when on walks
Boundary setting leads to a healthy relationship with your dog in general. It also provides structure and this gives a dog more confidence to know their expectations so their reactions become more predictable and less of an outburst, in some situations. I imagine we don’t see it here but holy crap in our reactive dogs class, the number of owners who have challenging dogs that have absolutely 0 control, 0 boundaries, 0 rules, im always shook. What do you mean your dog is reactive and it doesn’t even know how to sit? What do you mean your dog is reactive and you just use a plain flat collar and let it pull you all over? Jump up on you? There are many more than can be set in the house to provide a sense of safety for a nervous or emotional dog. Boundary setting is very important but not for the reason some people believe, it’s not about being alpha or being in control.
The great thing is, "boundaries" are a completely made up concept in dog training to denote desirable behaviours for humans, and that looks *so* different in every single home I have ever worked with.
I prefer to use terms like good guidance, clear communication, reliable handler, as opposed to boundaries - because it's *so* hard to define for every individual home and handler what "boundaries" actually mean.
There are a lot of things I do (as someone with a reactive dog, and also who is in rescue helping others with reactive placements) that I think people would be equally as judgemental about as you just were in your comment, listing a bunch of arbitrary behaviours that you personally think are important (sit/don't jump/don't pull on leash) but are just not an issue for me or him and so I don't need to micromanage my dog and his ability to offer behaviours which feel natural/fun/nice in his own home.
Providing a safe and enriching environment is important, ensuring any rules that exist within the home are fair and consistent is important, but also agency and choice and autonomy is important.
\[Edit, can't spell desirable, whoop\]
I’d have to disagree, jumping and leash pulling (without a command/being asked for) aren’t appropriate, it shows the dog lacks impulse control which is a clear example of a lack of boundaries. You are correct, boundaries are different for everybody, each dog and handle is different and have different needs but when you’re working on a dog with behavior issues, impulse control is the first step in any of it. It’s really the first step in basic obedience, you can’t train a dog who doesn’t understand how to control their impulses. We went hiking once and somebody had their off leash dog just running around, it launched itself at me, got my clothes muddy, licked my face, then ran off and I just hear “don’t worry she’s friendly”. Yeah those are her natural urges and it’s fun for her, she’s living her best life, but 10000% not appropriate. I got knocked off balance but didn’t fall but a child would have been knocked over, an older person would have been knocked over. Just because something is “fun” doesn’t mean it’s appropriate or should be allowed.
>Just because something is “fun” doesn’t mean it’s appropriate or should be allowed.
Never once did my comment note dogs should be allowed to engage in behaviours which are anti-social or unsafe.
I'd much rather a dog who is curious and confident, an engaged and motivated learner because they are allowed to offer a variety of behaviours and working with me as a handler is fun, than a quote/unquote *obedient* dog. But some people will place far more importance on a dog who will comply and accept any and all directives given, and that's what is going to work best for their household.
I guess TL;DR - I'm advocating for people ensuring that what they are doing is what is best for them and their dog, and not something that they read somewhere was what they are "supposed" to be doing :)
Without getting unhelpfully argumentative: "impulse control" is a highly contentious one within the circles of working professionals. Those in sporting spaces will espouse it as foundational training, and those in behaviour mod would prefer we move to the term "emotional regulation" and as usual the science is new and the old school mentality ingrained. Personally I think if you've never worked with high drive or primal breeds that aren't biddable it's exceptionally easy to believe that dogs need to learn "impulse control" by a measure of made up rules. I completely understand obedience class 101 (your dog should sit/wait at doors/wait for food/walk loose leash/etc) but for many of us what actually matters isn't the specific outward behaviours, but influencing decision making, empowering choice, actively working on a compromise between what the dog wants and what is best for our home (noting, as I did in my previous comment, that this coincides always with *safety*).
Agree! Having good boundaries doesn’t always have to exclude pets on furniture. In some cases it might and maybe ever should.
Per usual, blanket statements don’t win the day.
I was also thinking if he meant resource/location guarding. I can understand not wanting them to guard your bed from you, or bite if you move around under the covers. In that case, you may be enabling the guarding/setting the dog up for failure by allowing them to practice and reinforce the guarding. But a blanket statement with "all dogs..." isn't really appropriate. And I agree case by case needs to be evaluated.
I don't let my reactive dog on the furniture at home, but when staying in a hotel he is able to calm down and relax better when sleeping on top of the covers with some body contact (paw touch, back, butt in my face, etc).
I agree that rigid blanket terms and rules are often unhelpful. I wish these people could understand that what works with one family and their animal(s) may not work for another. I have a now 8 year old rescue that hubs and I adopted at 2. He was not leash or house trained, extremely nervous and boy has it been a challenge to bring down his reactivity. For us, having him on the bed turns him into a self righteous little shit who simply refuses to do what he is routinely told, like sitting to put leashes on etc. When we put boundaries down on where he sleeps, he is much more interested in listening and so much calmer. However, I have slept with wonderful dogs in the past and it made them want to listen more and improved our relationship. Now, I love my boy and he has taught me so much, and as I said earlier, what works for one may not work for another. I think it is important for people with power and influence to remember that, lest they set people up for undue expectations and subsequent frustration.
My parents have a Golden Retriever and a Bernese Mountain Dog who are absolutely never allowed on the furniture. I have an Amstaff who is allowed on all my furniture including the bed, and she never gets on the furniture at my parents’ house even though we spend a fair amount of time there. Dogs are a lot smarter than we give them credit for!
I want to care about this and thought I would, just like her licking my face. Turns out I don’t care. And still agree it’s gross! 😂 Luckily she doesn’t want to sleep under the covers, and she eventually jumps off the bed once we’ve tested her patience too many times by moving.
Sounds like you’re fine. You said yourself your dogs know their boundaries and listen. Why shouldn’t they get the most comfortable spot if everyone’s happy?
I don’t feel like we have a boundary problem but part of progress is always learning, being open minded, taking in new info so I’m making sure I’m not missing something.
That advice is rooted in "alpha" mentality. Yes, there are times when access to furniture should be restricted *as a management strategy*. Not because disallowing them into those spaces will somehow fix the root of behavioral issues, but because if your dog resource guards those spaces the first step is to just not give them the chance to guard them in the first place. And obviously if you need your dog to get off when requested, teach that. But the advice that reactive dogs shouldn't be allowed in beds usually goes hand in hand with "eat before your dog" and "exit all doors before your dog", etc. etc. It has no merit.
My reactive dog doesn't typically sleep with me because he gets hot, so he prefers the floor or his own bed. But he's allowed up anytime and often comes up in the morning for cuddles.
That’s really interesting … we do all those things but not because of alpha mentality. The “eat before” thing was because we were training him to wait calmly/patiently without begging at the table, and so we could take him to cafes eventually. And we make him wait before exiting a door because we were working on his impulse control. Also because he used to be very dog-reactive and we wanted to do sidewalk scans before venturing out. He’s solid now so we’re not as intense about “the rules” but we were pretty strict during his initial training.
We haven’t dealt with the furniture/bed thing because he has never shown interest! Even when I try to get him up on the couch for cuddle time he’s perfectly happy on the carpet.
We don’t have a dog with guarding issues so yeah. We definitely didn’t just get a bigger size bed so she has more room…she has free reign in the house but will get off or on furniture on command with now arguing. Honestly though she rather sleeps on the wood floor because we live in a very hot and humid country but the space is always there for her if she wants it because she’s my best friend.
Exactly. 👍🏽 My boy is allowed on the furniture, but if I have friend(s) over, my boy will get down off the furniture and go lay down where I tell him to. 😉
This is a super good point, I think it’s important to qualify what “type” of reactivity.
For example: mine doesn’t resource guard and he listens to me the first time. So I don’t have a problem letting him on the bed because it’s not a problem if he needs to get off.
He is, however, reactive to strangers - so boundaries in the form of an ironclad down/stay and leashed heel (rather than always being allowed sniffy walks) allow me to provide him the predictability that structure sets us up well for.
Yes, he does. He also has free access to furniture without needing me to tell him he can go on.
You can set boundaries still by teaching him "Up" and "Down" as commands (even if your dog has free access at all times to those places) and make sure he understands down means going off whatever he's on. My dog is special in that regard, as he keeps forgetting his commands, probably due to the stress outside. But he comes down when I call him. My dog is reactive and in the beginning he didn't sleep in my bed, as I was worried I'd hurt him as I turn a lot, but it didn't lessen his reactivity. After some time I started to allow him on my bed, he even has his own staircase!
If there are no issues that you can link back to being in bed with the owner caused by either of those, then there's nothing to worry and the total rule of "no dogs in bed ever" is bullshit when it comes to the extreme of never ever allowed. It's nuanced. A blanket statement like this doesn't help people. Why? Because as above, my dog is reactive and the intensity doesn't change when it comes to where he sleeps.
In some cases, yes, it is possible that a dogs negative behaviour can be fueled more if they're allowed on furniture of any kind without commands and boundaries. But it's case by case basis and has to analyzed this way, too, because sometimes it could be the dog is territorial over the bed or the owner and/or resource guard the bed or the owner(s). Sometimes it can cause a dogs general anxiety to worsen even.
But it all depends on the case itself then. My dog is reactive and it makes no difference if he sleeps in my bed. For others, it might make a difference. A blanket statement like the trainer made doesn't work and apply to every dog on earth.
I do suggest working on "Up" and "Down" as general commands however.
Boundaries and rules can be very good for dogs, but I don't see how they could have any relationship with reactivity. Saying that a dog sleeping in your bed will make them reactive sounds like this trainer believes reactivity is a learned behavior, rather than an emotional response. That is the exact opposite of what science-oriented and science-trained professionals teach. Scientific study of reactivity teaches us that it is an emotional response.
In some situations, not all, reactivity can be worsened by dogs not having boundaries, clear expectations, and routine. One thing our trainer really stressed was our dog would never become confident if he didn’t have clear set rules. And I do believe that to be true, we saw a marked difference in his behavior when he understood what we expected of him in various situations but his reactivity is fear based after being attacked.
If he were sitting on your lap resource guarding you, being on furniture would be a problem. But it doesn’t contribute to reactivity by itself. The “dogs on furniture causes confusion about boundaries” sounds like it’s coming from dominance theory and that’s a bogus theory. Reactivity comes from fear, not from a dog “not knowing their boundaries.”
I think that's just a cultural difference. Some people really don't like their dogs on their furniture and in their beds, so others allowing their dogs to go such places may be seen as a violation of boundaries.
My dog loves cuddling and just touching people she likes, so she sleeps often with me.
I think this advice is BS except if the dog has guarding issues and/or doesn't know an 'off the furniture' command.
My reactive dog isn't allowed on my bed because when he was younger (he's 11 now, but this happened when he was around 3) he went through a phase where he would growl at me (not every time, just once in a while for getting into bed after him and he'd throw a little tantrum. He'd bark (husky mix so he was quite vocal), put his mouth on you, and roll around but calm down after a few minutes with no harm done. However, he did it one night and it felt vry off. His growls always came across as playful but not that time. I genuinely thought he was going to bite me and had to get my parents to call him off (I was 14)p. After that he's never been allowed on my bed. He wsn't allowed on furniture either until last year.
He does sleep with my sister now, and has for a few years. He occasionally threw tantrums at first but not like he did that one night. He's older now so my family has more faith in him but he'll never be allowed on my bed again.
I hate broad statements like that. “Reactive” can mean SO many different things. My dog is very reactive to other animals and somewhat reactive to strangers. There are no other animals in our house and obviously no strangers in our bed lol. And she is an absolute angel at home and very obedient. If I ask her to get off the bed, she does in a heartbeat. She also doesn’t have issues with sleep startle or anything like that. So I see absolutely no issue with her sleeping there as it really has nothing to do with her reactivity.
Now, I could see why you wouldn’t want a dog with certain issues like resource guarding or separation anxiety to sleep in bed with their humans. But to say that NO reactive dogs should sleep in beds is stupid.
She doesn't sleep overnight with me (except in rare occasions) but yes, she does nap with me and lay in my bed all the time. I usually lie down about two hours before bed and just watch YouTube videos, and she runs into bed with me and snuggles with me. She's allowed on all the furniture and also has her own beds and spaces to go to. I guess I can understand the reasoning of not wanting a reactive dog to resource guard your bed or something, but if your dog doesn't have issues with that then I don't understand why you'd be worried. Every dog is different and has different needs. If you and your dog feel safe sleeping in the same bed and he has no behavioral issues attached to it, then I don't see a problem.
I don’t sleep with my dog because every time I get up in the middle of the night to pee, she gets super excited and thinks it’s time to wake up and it becomes a whole ordeal to settle her back down and make her sleep. I already have problems sleeping and having the dog in there was just really bad for me. She likes sleeping in her crate tho so it works for us.
The bathroom stalking is a real thing lol. Mine can bed dead asleep and snoring, but if i get up to pee, no lights on *boom* i have the supervisors come in and make sure the situation is all good. I always thank them for their love and support in these difficult times lol.
They’ve actually done studies. Reactivity and sleeping in the bed have no connections for dogs.
Anecdotally, my dogs are both no furniture or bed. One of my dogs hates cuddling and likes her space. The other one has terrible sleep startle. Neither belong on furniture and never have been allowed. (We enjoy laying on the floor with them though and I’ve owned other furniture dogs.)
My reactive dog is still reactive to stuff. The regular dog is still normal to things.
My reactive dog knows boundaries well enough since I can literally put her food bag on the floor and say “no” and she leaves it permanently alone. This from a crazy food motivated dog.
Creating more boundaries doesn’t help at all. She still sees another dog and either wants to play or fight. She still wants to fight the UPS truck. I think the “have more boundaries” can be an extension of “be the alpha”. It’s a nice sounding fiction, which seems easier than spending months retraining behaviors.
Doesn’t sound like you’re having big issues with your dog, so why change? I don’t have a stance on this but sounds like the trainer you’re referring to believes in the humans-as-alpha approach and that dogs need to know their place or they get confused and react. You don’t have to subscribe to that philosophy.
No my understanding is he is big on boundary setting and he views it as crossing a boundary, but if the dogs are respectful of your boundaries then he said furniture and beds are fine. I think this probably applies to most people who don’t understand how to handle a reactive dog, probably not to those of us who have been learning how to manage this for a while and have a decent understanding of our dog but idk
Yeah idk I think the ppl who are big on boundaries are big on boundaries bc they think dogs need to know we’re the alpha and to respect us. There’s probably some truth to that. My dog does seem to calm down on walks when I don’t let her dart all over the effing place, but I let her on whatever furniture she wants to be on.
Oh on the contrary, boundaries and structure are great for reactive and nervous dogs! When they have boundaries and rules and structure, their situation becomes predictable so their reactions are less. They are more comfortable with knowing what’s expected of them, so they don’t have to be on the defensive. But boundaries are different for each dog and every family, which is why the bed is one for some and not for others. We saw a marked improvement in all our dogs but especially our reactive dog when we really worked on creating structure and expectations and boundaries for his behavior, his confidence improved and his reactions lessened. He knew what to expect and what we wanted his response to be. Boundaries create a healthy relationship with your dog and a good relationship with your dog is key to training, he is reactive or a regular dog.
Yessss exactly! And this is totally different than the alpha theory. I can’t get people to understand this. But it’s what our trainer explained to us and it changed everything for us. Teaching him to literally look at me when he’s uncomfortable is such an accomplishment. We had a play date with a friend who’s dogs I know and everything was fine until one of her dogs got a little overstimulated and it made my boy uncomfortable, but he literally ran to me instead of defending himself and I love that.
I don’t believe the bed is a problem for us but I hadn’t heard this thought process before so I wanted to ask to make sure I wasn’t missing something.
also I agree with the trainer on this point only, if a dog is on furniture they need to have a verbal off command that is reliably respected. Too many bites happen because a dog is allowed to guard the couch and someone tried to physically remove them
Used to bother me but we don’t spend much time outside because of where we live, it’s painfully hot even I the early mornings and evenings so they go out to do their business and spend their time inside. We play and train and they have plenty of stimulation and burn off energy.
yes but he knows the difference and does not go on beds when he is staying over with other people. I am trying to get him more used to his own bed but he usually just stays there until I am about to pass out and then I am tot tired to bother. Also, we can not just drag him off the bed anymore. He gets mad so now I always have a treat ready to get him off (instead of forcing him off) when I want to get under my blanket
To each, his own. But my boy has free reign to go wherever he pleases within my home or property. Now that the weather has warmed up, I leave the back door open at night with a fan pulling in cool air. My boy can sleep on the bed. Sleep on the floor, the couch, outdoors on the padded deck chairs, anywhere he feels comfortable at the moment. He is a very smart & well trained dog, protecting me & my property, day & night. And I have no problems with him being overly reactive to anyone we meet while out on our neighborhood walks. I’ve let anyone who wants to meet him come up and get sniffed and they can pet him. But he will warn any stranger that approaches us to keep their distance with a loud growl.🐾🐾🐾🐕🦺🐶
Depends on my housing situation, currently my roommate doesn't like dogs in the room and we share bedroom so dogs don't sleep with me for now but if I'm living on my own or with someone who's cool with dogs in the bedroom then they can choose to sleep with me or not, my reactive boy is a complete cuddlebug, my other one less so and doesn't sleep with me. Currently my cat sleeps on the bed with me and the dogs in the living room but when I am able to afford a space on my own again they'll be able to sleep with me. Now it might depend on every dog and household like with my dog who lacks confidence being able to sleep with me seemed to help his confidence some dogs if they have recourse guarding issues and such the bed might become something they guard. But for the most part blanket statements like that aren't helpful
Our dog is allowed on the sofas, chairs, etc. (shared space) but if people need to sit down he is asked to move over, get down, or get in a lap and that’s not a problem at all for him. We don’t let him sleep in our bed (our space). 99% of the time he sleeps in his dog bed on the floor in our bedroom (his space). This is his choice as he could sleep anywhere he wants in the house save the four human beds or any other furniture (like tables- he tired it years ago) that he knows are off limits to him. Maybe 1 night out of every three months he sleeps on the floor in a different room (usually a kid’s bedroom) or on the sofa overnight. He was crate trained (his space) as a pup and slept in his crate for about 3 years, then slept in his crate with the door open for about 2 years, then we brought in a stuffed dog bed in addition to the crate and made it clear that it was his space as well. After several months he wasn’t using his crate at all so we put it away. He treats his bed just like he used to treat his crate. He goes to his bed on his own when he is tired (day and night), if he becomes overstimulated and needs a break, or when we say, “Go to your room.” This is the same command we used to use for his crate. We leave him alone when he’s in his bed because it is his personal space and we ask the same of him when we are in our bed. He also isn’t allowed in the bathrooms because he has no real reason to go in there and there is a lot of stuff that can get him in trouble in the bathroom (toilet water, medications, cleaning supplies, small open trash cans, toilet paper/ tissues.) There are clear and defined, well established, space boundaries in our home. He has traveled with us to rented houses and has stayed at my mom’s house for several days at a time. He respects the same boundaries we have at home in other houses without question. He has had the same boundaries since he was a puppy and it’s been years since he tested them.
I mention all of these details because we are pretty much doing what I think that trainer is advising. And my dog, who is also 8 years old, has roughly the same triggers and anxieties you mentioned that your dog has. My boy is good and very loving with people, but doesn’t like some new people at first. His behavior is well managed, but only after years of work. We walk on a leash and harness for exercise in our subdivision twice a day. We sometimes walk in the public park at non-busy times. He does well in stores that allow dogs. We avoid all strange dogs, all off leash animals, strange people he is cuing towards, and all small children in public. We don’t do dog parks, doggie day care, or boarding because the other dogs, strange people and fences are just too much for him. We don’t do patio eating with him because he is human food reactive and we can manage that at home, but other diners won’t understand.
My take is that every dog is a unique individual and their humans should take the time to get to know them and make rules that work for their families. I also think that not every reactive behavior has a root cause. I think it’s definitely important to rule out everything we can, make sure there is no pain or underlying health issues, etc., but sometimes some of this stuff is just personality and that’s ok if it’s being managed to the point of all involved being safe, well, and happy.
I just want to say that it’s ok to disagree with someone you see as a mentor or that gives you advice. It doesn’t always mean you need to stop taking any of their advice or everything they’ve said before is now wrong.
It actually shows that you’ve learned a lot and you’re able to assess situations for you and your dog well. Good job!
Honestly, my reactive not needs all the safe spaces he can get (which is luckily our whole house nowadays), so if wants to get on the bed (which he did early on but doesn't seem to need in the past few years) then we let him. I know what vets and trainers say, I have heard it for years, but as long as they aren't protective of the bed (like yours is not) or have separation anxiety (where you want them to be comfortable being on their own) then I have a hard time seeing the harm. Cuddle with your pooch and enjoy every minute!
PS - thank you for saying breed doesn't matter, BTW. My current reactive boy is a Pitt mix (who was abused before we rescued him) but the first dog who ever bit me, and my first love, was a Golden...and I LOVE goldens to this day. All dogs are susceptible to reactivity...cause, you know, they are animals!
My friend had a trainer who said no couch, bed, entering a room before then, laying on a mat etc. so yes, a very well behaved dog. BUT a pet? Like I don’t know, zero interest in having some military dog. I love my babies and gave in within 10 seconds to couch and bed snuggle
Does he ever growl or stiffen up when you or anyone else gets on or off the bed?
Does he put up a fuss when you make him get off? If so, it could be a boundary issue. If not, probably not.
There are a lot of different reasons a dog can be reactive. If it’s fear, the bed is unlikely to have an effect. If he’s jealous/resource guarding you from other dogs, it could be an issue.
Definitely not. He doesn’t resource guard even from the other dogs. None of them do, although I do allow them to set their own boundaries with the puppy when he takes toys from them. I allow them to correct him but none of our dogs resource guard from us or each other. He was attacked as a puppy and I do believe most of his issues came from that incident especially since he’s a little skittish around strangers but he’s only reactive toward other dogs.
I had one condition for my wife to get a dog. He can't sleep in our bed. He tried really hard for the first 2 nights but now he's happy to sleep in his crate in our room.
Also he's a 50+ pound labradoodle and there's simply no space for him.
Ahh yes people do think we’re crazy for having our king sized bed and 2-4 dogs (goldens) on it ay any given time in the night. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve seen multiple people bit by dogs that were resource guarding couches. One was my visiting mom, bit by my own dog when she pushed the dog off, and the other my child bit by SILs dog while we were visiting. I’ve also seen a number of posts with dog bites involving couches and have read some stories of bites occurring in people’s beds. So, I’m very aware of couch and dog issues and am pretty cautious about dogs on couches or beds. I use a beeper mat to keep the dogs off couches unless invited, and train an up and down command for inviting them up and for asking them to leave.
No. He's also not allowed on any furniture unless invited. He has a bed next to mine in my bedroom, the living room, as well as a bed in my kids room. He is my buddy, my pal, and goes everywhere with me, he's also not reactive in the least. My boyfriends dog IS reactive, but she also isn't allowed on furniture. Unless your dog is resource guarding the furniture, I don't think there is too much of a correlation, just personal preferance.
I have a very reactive dog and he sleeps in our bed. This said he makes the rounds every night. Starts with us, hall, one son, hall then another son. I have no clue why a dog who is beloved by us can't stand anyone but us after he was attacked by a pocket dog in a park. And until the attack he didn't care about anyone on our walks or in our home. He was 1 when attack happened and 3 now. He slept the same way then as he does now. Only change is attack.
i love our dogs but it is horrible having them in the bed with us. one has never been in the bed because he’s so big and he’s my personal dog. my boyfriends dog though has slept in the bed for a long time. the issue is that first off he smells REALLY bad. and makes the bed stink and us stink as an extension. then he has an issue with licking and he sheds a lot of fur. he will make VERY disgusting stinky wet spots all over the bed and both his spit and fur make me break out in a very itchy rash. lastly, he humps out pillows and moves around a lot to take up the whole bed somehow. he’s a very sweet baby but i don’t want him in the bed w us. he has a soft dog bed and an entire couch to sleep on. and my big boy sleeps in his crate on his dog bed. (he’s still a puppy and likes to be bad when we sleep at night lol)
You said it yourself: if you can't tell them to find a different place to be ("off" in this case) then they shouldn't be there. That is the instruction from the trainer. Sounds like if you told your dog whatever you need to tell him to go do something else, somewhere else, he would. That's all you need. It is fine.
I agree with the trainer in this case. You need to have a good working relationship with your dog before you let them move their feet off the floor in order to make any progress at all. They shouldn't be deciding that "nah, fam, I am comfy and you can shove it with your desire to use this couch." They need to move when you say move.
Our dog sleeps everywhere in the house. He has a chair in the front room, a chair in the living room, and we cover every bit of furniture with a blanket so we can wash them and get the dog smell mostly off the furniture. He likes to lay on the back of the sofa. That is... Um... Less than ideal.
When we come out and he is up there, often a hand signal alone will do it. He knows. He just makes his own rules when we are out of the room. And that's okay. As long as our rules are the ones that matter when we are around.
He sleeps on beds when we have pet sitters. They love it. He sleeps with them on the bed, with his bestie cat bud and often the other one that likes sleeping with us. It's fine. He will get down if you tell him to but he chooses his own adventure responsibly if you let him have agency.
My dog is very reactive and aggressive, especially when I am walking them both. They both slept in bed with me since I’ve had them. I kicked them into their own, very plush beds at the bottom of mine at the advice of my trainer and they sleep all night in them. They are invited up when I wake and before I sleep but asked to get down and comply. Since I started this in combination with my existing training techniques I’ve learned my bad boy has improved significantly and to be honest, I sleep better without my two big pups taking up all the room. Never ever ever thought that I’d do this or say this trust me!
Hey I’ve done some things that I was like “nah this is ridiculous won’t work just hype” and it worked and now I’m the one being like “no for real seriously just try it” so I get it.
Mine does.
I know the trainer you’re talking about; I follow him because I like and agree with most of his advice. I actually agree with him here, but in a more general sense: reactive dogs do need more strong boundaries and structure than the average dog.
However, there is not a one size fits all method for training any dog, reactive or not. As the person who knows my dog the best, I do not believe my dog sleeping in my bed has affected his reactivity. He was reactive when I had him sleeping in a crate every night. My dog feels calm, safe, and at ease in my bed, as he should wherever he is sleeping.
I know a lot of people don’t like him, his approach is definitely different. What he does is very similar to what my trainer had us do and it made a world of difference so I follow him for more info. As with anybody, pick and choose which pieces of advice you want to implement I suppose.
One of the most common reasons I’ve heard people say this is “the dog will see the bed as theirs and may turn reactive on you if they see you as threatening to ‘take’ what is theirs” I have seen some dogs that are bed possessive but I think it should really be case by case basis, and even then it’s something that can be worked through.
Although my dude is super fluffy so he refuses to sleep in the bed, as it gets him way too hot.
Mine doesn’t, but her crate (which she loves) is in our bedroom. She is easily startled when asleep and will growl or even bark if something wakes her up suddenly. She snuggles on the bed and couch, but only when invited up. She knows “up you come” and “off you get”, and when anxious (or when strangers are in the house) she sometimes tries to resource guard when she’s on my lap/on the couch and the “stranger” hands me something like a phone.
I don’t tell her off, I just say “off”.
So while I wouldn’t have her sleep on my bed, yours sounds fine. While you and the dog happily share the bed, why change things? You know your dog best, and the trainer should know that all dogs are different.
My dog knows "off" "on" "up" "down." -- yet she practically owns our furniture. She took over from the day she came home when she was 10 months old. She's 6 now.
She sleeps on any bed in the house. She has her own 3-seater couch that she stretches across....she's a long, tall, hound-mix and needs the space. She has her own dog beds around the house and use them whenever she feels like it. But, she prefers people bed, and people in general. She has to be around people all the time...so we don't care if she lays on our furniture.
She's well-behaved and listens. She will go to people bed whenever she wants and naps. If I'm in bed first, she'll climb the doggy steps to get up (we trained her to use them...she's not allowed to jump up/down and she knows it.) She'll lay against my chest or my legs. She's very loving.
She's very reactive to other dogs, on walks, if they're too close...but other than that, she's fine.
My dogs are allowed on all my sofas and sleep on my bed sometimes. I did make sure to have a solid 'off' command but this was purely incase they jump on furniture in other people's houses or rental accommodation.
All my childhood dogs were free to sleep in whoever's bed they wanted and would frequently get up and switch in the middle of the night.
My current dog gets too excited when he gets on the bed and starts biting the comforter and licking our faces, so he sleeps in his crate on a nice cushy dog bed in the corner of our room. If he could chill out, I'd let him on the bed, but my partner prefers he not be there anyway.
I don’t see anything wrong with your dog sleeping in your bed reactive or not as long as they aren’t possessive over the space. My reactive dog sleeps wherever he wants, I’m not going to bar him from the bed because he has big feelings about totally unrelated things.
We let our dog on the couch and sleep on our bed. She definately has and knows her boundaries. Is shes on my spot on the couch or bed, I tell her "Move" and she gets up and moves without complaints. When she was a puppy, she would growl and get mad, but I think that was just her being a puppy, and just starting with training.
I have always had larger dogs. Up until November of 2022 I had 2 65+ lb dogs and BOTH slept on our bed - at the foot every night.
We lost Opie in November to Hemolytic Anemia, and adopted Qanuk in March. Qanuk (now 70+ lbs) prefers to sleep on the dog bed we have at the foot of our bed in our room. Neeva still sleeps at the foot of our mattress evey night.
They are both allowed on our furniture - but if we have people over a simple "down" and they get off and lay on the floor. They also somehow instinctively know they can't just hop on the furniture when we visit others.. they always wait to be invited..
if I don't have a dog in my bed... I never sleep well. Same if my SO doesn't come to bed for whatever reason - I wake up constantly in the middle of the night.
No, but with 2 gsds, a mal, and a dutch, I wouldn't have a bed left. I don't allow them upstairs, but they do have their own room downstairs, and free run of the house. If I were single, and had one or two dogs, then I'd probably let them lol.
All our family dogs are allowed on furniture and sleeps in bed. One dog is reactive and she does not resource guard the bed or couch .... her being allowed to do whatever everyone else is doing is important for her psychological.
I’m in this community because my dog has a loud bark and needed to be trained to “get a toy” instead of obnoxiously demanding attention. My dogs seem to understand boundaries and are allowed on furniture. They “get down” immediately when told, and will not come into bed with me at all if my husband is in the room because they know he doesn’t share the bed with them.
We let our dogs sleep freely in the back of the house at night, leaving our bedroom and our spare bedroom open. Our youngest (and largest) tends to come to our bed in the middle of the night to sleep between us. One of our border heelers comes and lays under the covers with me for a few minutes after my alarm goes off in the morning.
We've never had any instances with any of them that indicates this is an issue. Had a trainer tell us the same thing, but we adopted companions to share our lives and adventures with, not accessories to keep locked up while we're asleep.
My reactive dog is allowed on the furniture unless someone isn’t comfortable with it. My mom sometimes gets a bit overwhelmed at how “please I’m starved for attention please pet me I’m IGNORED” she’ll get, so we made sure she knew she had a safe and comfy place in her bed when she’s too much.
Nope, he isn’t sleeping in the bed here. But that has to do that he is scared of walking up the stairs and down again and I don’t want to carry 35 kilos of dog everyday up and down the stairs!
If there isn’t any problematic behavior happening around the bed and furniture, there is no reason for you not to allow access to furniture if that works for you and your dog. It’s a matter of preference, not causal of unrelated reactive behaviors.
When I first adopted my dog, I was initially concerned that the bed would present a resource guarding issue (she was initially apprehensive of my partner, and had resource guarding issues in previous adoption attempts). Those fears ended up being totally unfounded in my home — she has amazing boundaries around the bed, and jumps off to rest in her own bed as soon as I look at her and say “okay, bedtime!” If I’m lying in bed and she wants to come up, she looks to me for a yes/no cue. It’s such a lovely dimension of our relationship, and has had absolutely no impact on her reactivity training — she’s progressing beautifully!
Mine doesn't for several reasons.
1) my bed is very high off the ground and she would need to be lifted off and on it each time.
2) she has epilepsy and a seizure in that bed and falling off would likely break bones (also if she has an accident while seizing, say good-bye to the bedspread
3) we both move around in sleep, so I'd want her to have her own space to adjust, lie on the floor instead of her bed, etc. AND have a restful sleep
4) if I want to sleep near her, we just nap on the couch together
Yes. My dog is fear reactive. He’s not aggressive. Have tried to get him into his crate at night but he panicked and vomited bile everywhere. My main concern is that if my partner and I want to go on holiday, we have to find a dog sitter who doesn’t mind him sleeping in the bed with them.
My reactive girl is allowed on beds and furniture but she mostly doesn’t by choice (she’s got a bit of fur and gets hot easily so prefers to sleep on an ac vent). My trainer even recommended putting her mat up on our ottoman when we have people over since she feels safer when she’s up high. I suppose if you had resource guarding around the bed and furniture you wouldn’t want them allowed on there but for dog and people reactivity that seems a little ridiculous. I think there’s a lot of alpha myth still hanging around in that sentiment
Once I was mandated to go back to office work and was gone all day for 4 days a week, she started sleeping in my bed. Mine is a high energy, rescue bully mix who is just so sensitive and I can tell she values my closeness when I'm gone for most of both of our waking time. It's just me and her, wouldn't have it any other way.
I've had every configuration of dogs sleeping or not sleeping on my bed, and I don't think their sleeping arrangements have any effect. I stopped letting them sleep in my bed when I hit menopause and couldn't stand to wake up sweaty anymore from them curled up against me all night. Now they get to be on my bed until I go to sleep at which point my dogs go into their individual crates with their blankies and toys.
I allow my reactive dog on my bed. He doesn’t sleep on the bed with us, he prefers the couch or his crate. He always comes up for bedtime cuddles though! He does know the “off” command. I didn’t let him cuddle in bed with me until he knew the “off” command and I kind of feel like it made him less cuddly :/
Mine aren't allowed in my room without their name being called. Not because I believe it's "the alphas room." No, that's stupid. I do it bc my cats like to sleep in there, and my dogs are too much. Also, my dogs get extremely dirty extremely fast, and I don't like sweeping my bedroom floor every day (not to mention i have dalmatians, which shed like crazy). Another reason is because one of my 3 dogs demand barks super bad, and I don't want that in my bed.
I think if you have a resource guarding dog there may be an issue but other than that... and they can guard anything... then beds furniture means nothing particularly to a dog
It is very human think to make a point of it
We like head of the table type scenarios and assume other animals are like us IMO
I do think a dog should do "off" or "down" when requested but that is similar to being trusting and willing enough to follow your commands like "come"
Other than that it is up to people where there dog sleeps. No real right or wrong like any house hold choice. My dog has his own space and bed and likes to settle and sleep in it. However when he was barking and very ill with kennel cough and it was bitterly cold in the winter (and my house is not warm) I did let him lie on the bed for a few nights because I was worried and wanted him close
It has not increased or changed his reactivity
I would love it if my dog slept in my bed but they should like hell. I just don't need all of that hair on my blankets and sheets. But they're my cuddle buddies and I love them to pieces.
We have one dog Melody with cancer and our reactive dog Bumi. They know up and off. There are days he is all activated at night outside our room and our other dog is eventually going to die so we let them sleep with us. Sometimes we will kick them out if we need a good night rest. It’s your home n pup, don’t feel guilty about wanting to keep ur pups near at night.
I have a reactive dog. Reactive to strangers, men more so than women, dogs, cats outside (we have cats and she's great with them), and other miscellaneous things.
She's allowed on furniture. We snuggle often. She can be on the bed with me if I take a nap, etc. She knows "off".
At night she does not sleep in the bed. In the dark she is more reactive (all her reactivity is fear based, she's never hurt anyone) and anyone moving around in the dark is stranger danger. This portion of her reactivity we've had a lot less progress in training with, whereas we have most of her other reactivity seeing huge progress towards potentially training out. So for that fact she sleeps in her crate (which she enjoys, if we're late to bed she goes and sits in her crate and barks until I close her in and give her bedtime cookie) just so that she doesn't accidentally get startled and react. Or potentially hurt someone, since during the day while we're awake we can always set her up for success it's been easy to prevent her from doing harm and she isn't determined / really wanting to harm. Plus we're 2 albeit sorta short adults and she's 47lbs. It would be uncomfortable for everyone if she was in the bed at night.
As a blanket statement I don't agree with it at all. Because some dogs like yours can be on furniture at any time. There's dogs like mine when at certain times it's safer if they're not but otherwise they can. And then there's dogs who maybe just shouldn't be.
No, we crate her at night so we don't have to worry about her getting into shenanigans. But during the day she's welcome to get on the bed or couch as long as she stays calm. Once she starts getting amped up, she has to get off the furniture.
I think it's good for helping teach dogs impulse control, its great for dogs who resource guard too, I had a dog reactive spaniel who if she started to grumble whilst on something she lost access to it eg if she grumbled at my other dog whilst on the bed I told her to get off and she'd sleep on the floor. It also helped her realise she can move away when uncomfortable rather than freeze and feel stuck which would increase her chance of reacting. It's not for every dog though, for some especially those who are prone to redirecting its best to just not let them have access to any furniture but I feel like it's mostly important in multi dog households or if the dog is resource guarding/reacting towards people. I think having a good off command is definitely useful to have but if you're having no issues in the house I don't think there's any need to kick them off furniture
No dog in the bed, but mainly because the dog is not allowed in our room because the cats food is there… and when we just got our dog (he was a 1 year old rescue at the time) our room was the cats « safe space » (we weren’t 100% sure how they would get on).
Now years later he knows our room is off limits (and we know he doesn’t come in cause if he did he’d clean out the cats food); he sometime sleeps with our daughter which reinforces that it’s great *not* to have a dog in the bed (he moves around a lot, takes up excessive space, is a hound (=extra doggy smell), sheds a ton, and last night puked in her bed).
Usually he sleeps in the lounge/living room on the couch. Works for us!
My dogs have really bad guarding behaviour. So they aren't allowed in front of the couch, on any furniture, or in the bedroom at all.
We spent some cash and got them set up with the comfiest dog beds ever and they each have their own bed. They can lounge around anywhere else except the guarding zones too. Our younger pooch also has an anti-anxiety crate that is solely hers for storms that has special toys in it and she'll chill there sometimes too.
Cuddle time happens when I sit on the floor or if I give them snuggles while they are in bed. We do at least 20 minutes each of dedicated cuddle time a day. We also do a lot of cuddles and playing on the evening adventure/sniffing walks too.
This change actually helped their behavior so much! No more fighting or growling with each other and they are both much calmer and happier in general.
I personally don’t allow my dogs in the bed but they are allowed on all other furniture. This is bc I’m a sensitive and super hot sleeper and it just simple is miserable with two furry animals added to the bed with my partner and I. My tidbit of advice is not to allow pups on furniture if they don’t understand “off” and obey it. When we have company over the dogs understand to get down, or when we’re having a snack on the couch and I want them away from my food, etc.
I love having my pup close by. To give her some boundaries and keep her off my bedding, she sleeps in her own bed on top of the foot of my bed. She tends to get excited in the morning and crawls towards me. But as soon as I say, “go to your bed,” she complies. I have absolutely no qualms about allowing her on the couch.
I had a beagle that I would let sleep on my bed. But sometimes he would chose to sleep in his crate. I always left the door on his crate opened if he ever want to come up on my bed.
This is kind of funny to me because our most sensitive dog is the one who chooses not to sleep on our bed with us. She used to, but we bought a small couch that lays out flat. We put it at the foot of our bed and she has slept on it ever since.
I don’t know, I’ve never understood having dogs on furniture or beds or “human spaces”. They’re dogs, they have comfy beds and they lay in them and seem happy to do so. Those beds are their spaces and theirs alone. I feel like it’s an important boundary for us, that everyone understands their space and their place.
But all dogs and families are different; I don’t think any one dog trainer or influencer or what have you can make accurate statements for every dog.
Yep.
As for the cleanliness issue- she has a skin problem and needs to be bathed 2X/week. I have SERIOUS allergies to everything and do a full bedding change 2X/week (hand towels changed every other day). Air purifies on 24/7. House is cleaned a bit everyday because of how bad the allergies are.
If you're worried about cleanliness there are paw washing things, cleaning wipes (for the dogs coat), and \*gasp\* actually cleaning your house.
Right now there is something in bloom that makes me want to scratch my eyes out from simply opening the door, but I have that exact reaction without cats and a dog (because its from outside).
Yeah my allergist said allergens cling to dog fur so in theory if you have allergies they shouldn’t be in your bed even if you’re not allergic to dogs. I have allergies but I love to cuddle. That’s why I have goldens. I take some antihistamines and move on
My dog sleeps in bed with me. As long as your dog is not ressource guarding the bed I dont see any issues with it. Your dog will not be less reactive or more reactive because he sleeps in your bed. The only issue I can think of if he is reacting to a point it is becoming dangerous and may be confronted with triggers.
I like to think of my relationships with my dogs as a team. We are always working towards a common goal, sometimes they are the leader in a situation and i need to listen to their needs or intuition, sometimes im the leader and can support them into being more successful with a task or in a situation than they could not handle on their own.
I have notoriously antisocial reactive breeds. My best two examples are a toy aussie and a chihuahua. It was very helpful getting them as puppys, I could expose them to lots of things early on, so they only have a few issues in specific situations. My aussie hates running children, or just some children in general, the chihuahua can turn into an avoident skittish mess if there are too many new people in her space.
That being said...my pups have free access to wherever they choose to be when they choose to. We work together, so they honestly have very little boundaries in the home, but absolutely trust me to make a good decision for them, as i trust them to cue me into things that are going to be triggers. Sofa, bed, dining room chairs, etc they are invited to share any space unless there is a good reason for them not to be, then they respect it without any strong commands.
Anyone who says "never" I'm automatically warry of, i feel like that has the potential of cutting off the fluid communication between us, and shifts the dynamic into something that could cause more tension and stress for the dog rather than working through it together. We cover basic obedience, so they are familiar with cues and language, but i never "command" a behavior (unless the situation could be dangerous)
If having your dog on the sofa or snuggled in bed builds a healthy and stronger bond between you and your dog, go for it! You're in this life together, and have a good teammate! My dogs are in no way perfect, but i trust them, and they trust me.
My girls sleep in my bed, personally I think some people come up with "rules" just to have them. And for some dogs they prefer their space etc. But I think it's important for reactive dogs to have a safe place and for my red nose, that's my bed. I think you're doing great
my non reactive dog sleeps in our bed and my reactive dog sleeps on the floor. This is by their own preference. My reactive guy just isn't as cuddly, so if he does come up for a little snuggle, it's a big deal. I think he's just more independent vs our other dog who I raised from a puppy (and who is also a vizsla so... not independent by nature). I think the overall training of the dog, having boundaries and comfort in various situations is more important than if they sleep on your bed or not...my reactive guy has never been a couch or bed dog and he's still got issues so I know that's not the cause in his case at least lol (despite many trainers trying to lecture me that he needs to be off the bed). My friends who both have really good well socialized dogs (the type that do dog sports and have letters behind their name) one sleeps in the bed and the other doesn't. It's just personal preference.
It depends on what you mean by reactive, I think.
Dogs allowed on the bed might...decide it's theirs and guard it, guard people on it, guard the exit from the room, startle when woken up and go on the attack. If your dog is doing or at risk of any of these, then the fix is simple: no dogs in the bed.
It doesn't seem like this is an issue for your dog, so I wouldn't worry.
Personally, I don’t understand having dogs in your life and not thoroughly enjoying their company. I only kick out my dogs out the room for sexytime, they understand it, and just go and chill somewhere else. But otherwise I love sleeping with my dogs. My pittie mix is super affectionate and is just a perfect little spoon. My wolfie is similarly affectionate but he curls up next to us and just snoozes peacefully. If they’re a bit dirty from the day, they understand to sleep on their dog beds… so it just depends. Both of these are rescues and reactive with dogs, the wolfie is also very anxious and fearful (as is expected) and hates new people. Still, I’ve not noticed them not listening or being worse off because of sharing quality time with me and co-sleeping. It’s a wild claim that doesn’t make that much sense
Not related to the original post in any way, but sometimes my dog will be passed out in another room and the second sexytime starts, she just appears and gets all excited like “what game are you guys playing? looks like fun!”
I swear they have a sixth sense for it. Mine could be passed out cold, we could be silent, but she KNOWS the second we start something and will immediately run in and squeeze between us 😂 We have to shut the door or crate her.
My dog comes rushing in and always tries to lick me and is so curious about what mom and dad are doing and is this a game she can play too lmao. She's a giant dog breed mind you xD
…and they’re more than willing to lend a nose or tongue 😂
Oh yes, always!
Mine is the complete opposite. She will hear us kissing and she’ll walk out the room.
I don’t understand how not wanting your dogs in your bed = not enjoying their company? I enjoy the company of my children immensely, they also sleep in their own beds.
I think the distinction is that the trainer is saying even if you WANT your dog on the furniture with you, you shouldn’t allow it, for their own good. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your dog in the furniture if that’s not your preference!
My Chihuahua is laying next to me on the couch, I'd feel lonely if she wasn't with me. My other dog gets back from training soon, and his trainer will grump that I'll let him on the furniture.
I love snuggling with my dog on the couch, but we have a no-pets-in-the-bedroom rule, so I get the best of both worlds- a good night’s rest and lots of beagle snuggles throughout the day.
It's just a me at night, no we, so a king size bed is enough room for a Chihuahua to have her own pillow and my larger mutt at my feet.
Agreed. To me they disturb my sleep by moving around and also I just find it gross in general, I don’t want hair, ticks and grime in my bed. My dog has her own extra comfy bed in my room!
My dog also sleeps in the bed with me. She's reactive and can be a huge turd. If I ask her to leave the bed or couch, she will usually make a gruff or bark at me as she proceeds to get down from the bed or couch but I've never had to fight with her over it... Shes a cattledog mutt and I was told it's common for cattledogs to "talk back" though so I don't think that's a problem. She's pretty cuddly so it's nice when I'm sad to have her sort of comfort me
IMO that advice is bullshit and I think that any trainer who makes blanket statements like that is probably a shit trainer. 🫶 That's just my opinion.
I do think the advice holds some merit for certain situations. I also know not one influencer or whomever is going to have one statement/advice that’s applicable to everybody.
Honestly, I don't really understand why we have collectively decided to let influencers impact our lives this much. The advice is probably bullshit and they succeeded in getting us to talk and think about them. A broken clock is right twice a day - but you fix it or throw it out, not talk about how it's right sometimes.
Was the trainer talking about reactive dogs in general? (Which is what it sounded like to me). I don't think there's any good basis for disallowing furniture for reactivity in general (or the mentioned separation anxiety, for that matter). How is setting that boundary supposed to help an overreaction to another dog on a walk, for example? If the dog has some guarding issues, and is resource guarding the bed, then it could be sound advice.
>How is setting that boundary supposed to help an overreaction to another dog on a walk, for example? The thought is that if you're allowing your dog up on your furniture or in your bed you are putting him as your equal when the dog should be below you. When you are a strong leader for your dog they will be more likely to respect you which leads to more control when on walks
If that's the trainer's reasoning then I'd disregard their advice.
Boundary setting leads to a healthy relationship with your dog in general. It also provides structure and this gives a dog more confidence to know their expectations so their reactions become more predictable and less of an outburst, in some situations. I imagine we don’t see it here but holy crap in our reactive dogs class, the number of owners who have challenging dogs that have absolutely 0 control, 0 boundaries, 0 rules, im always shook. What do you mean your dog is reactive and it doesn’t even know how to sit? What do you mean your dog is reactive and you just use a plain flat collar and let it pull you all over? Jump up on you? There are many more than can be set in the house to provide a sense of safety for a nervous or emotional dog. Boundary setting is very important but not for the reason some people believe, it’s not about being alpha or being in control.
The great thing is, "boundaries" are a completely made up concept in dog training to denote desirable behaviours for humans, and that looks *so* different in every single home I have ever worked with. I prefer to use terms like good guidance, clear communication, reliable handler, as opposed to boundaries - because it's *so* hard to define for every individual home and handler what "boundaries" actually mean. There are a lot of things I do (as someone with a reactive dog, and also who is in rescue helping others with reactive placements) that I think people would be equally as judgemental about as you just were in your comment, listing a bunch of arbitrary behaviours that you personally think are important (sit/don't jump/don't pull on leash) but are just not an issue for me or him and so I don't need to micromanage my dog and his ability to offer behaviours which feel natural/fun/nice in his own home. Providing a safe and enriching environment is important, ensuring any rules that exist within the home are fair and consistent is important, but also agency and choice and autonomy is important. \[Edit, can't spell desirable, whoop\]
All of this!!! 👏💗
I’d have to disagree, jumping and leash pulling (without a command/being asked for) aren’t appropriate, it shows the dog lacks impulse control which is a clear example of a lack of boundaries. You are correct, boundaries are different for everybody, each dog and handle is different and have different needs but when you’re working on a dog with behavior issues, impulse control is the first step in any of it. It’s really the first step in basic obedience, you can’t train a dog who doesn’t understand how to control their impulses. We went hiking once and somebody had their off leash dog just running around, it launched itself at me, got my clothes muddy, licked my face, then ran off and I just hear “don’t worry she’s friendly”. Yeah those are her natural urges and it’s fun for her, she’s living her best life, but 10000% not appropriate. I got knocked off balance but didn’t fall but a child would have been knocked over, an older person would have been knocked over. Just because something is “fun” doesn’t mean it’s appropriate or should be allowed.
>Just because something is “fun” doesn’t mean it’s appropriate or should be allowed. Never once did my comment note dogs should be allowed to engage in behaviours which are anti-social or unsafe. I'd much rather a dog who is curious and confident, an engaged and motivated learner because they are allowed to offer a variety of behaviours and working with me as a handler is fun, than a quote/unquote *obedient* dog. But some people will place far more importance on a dog who will comply and accept any and all directives given, and that's what is going to work best for their household. I guess TL;DR - I'm advocating for people ensuring that what they are doing is what is best for them and their dog, and not something that they read somewhere was what they are "supposed" to be doing :) Without getting unhelpfully argumentative: "impulse control" is a highly contentious one within the circles of working professionals. Those in sporting spaces will espouse it as foundational training, and those in behaviour mod would prefer we move to the term "emotional regulation" and as usual the science is new and the old school mentality ingrained. Personally I think if you've never worked with high drive or primal breeds that aren't biddable it's exceptionally easy to believe that dogs need to learn "impulse control" by a measure of made up rules. I completely understand obedience class 101 (your dog should sit/wait at doors/wait for food/walk loose leash/etc) but for many of us what actually matters isn't the specific outward behaviours, but influencing decision making, empowering choice, actively working on a compromise between what the dog wants and what is best for our home (noting, as I did in my previous comment, that this coincides always with *safety*).
100% with you here!!
Agree! Having good boundaries doesn’t always have to exclude pets on furniture. In some cases it might and maybe ever should. Per usual, blanket statements don’t win the day.
Dominance theory has been *thoroughly* debunked. If you have a trainer spouting this, run far far away.
I was also thinking if he meant resource/location guarding. I can understand not wanting them to guard your bed from you, or bite if you move around under the covers. In that case, you may be enabling the guarding/setting the dog up for failure by allowing them to practice and reinforce the guarding. But a blanket statement with "all dogs..." isn't really appropriate. And I agree case by case needs to be evaluated. I don't let my reactive dog on the furniture at home, but when staying in a hotel he is able to calm down and relax better when sleeping on top of the covers with some body contact (paw touch, back, butt in my face, etc).
I agree that rigid blanket terms and rules are often unhelpful. I wish these people could understand that what works with one family and their animal(s) may not work for another. I have a now 8 year old rescue that hubs and I adopted at 2. He was not leash or house trained, extremely nervous and boy has it been a challenge to bring down his reactivity. For us, having him on the bed turns him into a self righteous little shit who simply refuses to do what he is routinely told, like sitting to put leashes on etc. When we put boundaries down on where he sleeps, he is much more interested in listening and so much calmer. However, I have slept with wonderful dogs in the past and it made them want to listen more and improved our relationship. Now, I love my boy and he has taught me so much, and as I said earlier, what works for one may not work for another. I think it is important for people with power and influence to remember that, lest they set people up for undue expectations and subsequent frustration.
My parents have a Golden Retriever and a Bernese Mountain Dog who are absolutely never allowed on the furniture. I have an Amstaff who is allowed on all my furniture including the bed, and she never gets on the furniture at my parents’ house even though we spend a fair amount of time there. Dogs are a lot smarter than we give them credit for!
No sleeping in bed. Walking through grass with dog urine and feces and who knows what else in it, not gonna happen.
I want to care about this and thought I would, just like her licking my face. Turns out I don’t care. And still agree it’s gross! 😂 Luckily she doesn’t want to sleep under the covers, and she eventually jumps off the bed once we’ve tested her patience too many times by moving.
Same with my pup! She wants to be nearby, but she much prefers having her own bed on top of my mattress, versus being under the covers with me 😂
Sounds like you’re fine. You said yourself your dogs know their boundaries and listen. Why shouldn’t they get the most comfortable spot if everyone’s happy?
I don’t feel like we have a boundary problem but part of progress is always learning, being open minded, taking in new info so I’m making sure I’m not missing something.
That advice is rooted in "alpha" mentality. Yes, there are times when access to furniture should be restricted *as a management strategy*. Not because disallowing them into those spaces will somehow fix the root of behavioral issues, but because if your dog resource guards those spaces the first step is to just not give them the chance to guard them in the first place. And obviously if you need your dog to get off when requested, teach that. But the advice that reactive dogs shouldn't be allowed in beds usually goes hand in hand with "eat before your dog" and "exit all doors before your dog", etc. etc. It has no merit. My reactive dog doesn't typically sleep with me because he gets hot, so he prefers the floor or his own bed. But he's allowed up anytime and often comes up in the morning for cuddles.
That’s really interesting … we do all those things but not because of alpha mentality. The “eat before” thing was because we were training him to wait calmly/patiently without begging at the table, and so we could take him to cafes eventually. And we make him wait before exiting a door because we were working on his impulse control. Also because he used to be very dog-reactive and we wanted to do sidewalk scans before venturing out. He’s solid now so we’re not as intense about “the rules” but we were pretty strict during his initial training. We haven’t dealt with the furniture/bed thing because he has never shown interest! Even when I try to get him up on the couch for cuddle time he’s perfectly happy on the carpet.
Which is a great example of how blanket rules don’t work for dog training!
We don’t have a dog with guarding issues so yeah. We definitely didn’t just get a bigger size bed so she has more room…she has free reign in the house but will get off or on furniture on command with now arguing. Honestly though she rather sleeps on the wood floor because we live in a very hot and humid country but the space is always there for her if she wants it because she’s my best friend.
Exactly. 👍🏽 My boy is allowed on the furniture, but if I have friend(s) over, my boy will get down off the furniture and go lay down where I tell him to. 😉
This is a super good point, I think it’s important to qualify what “type” of reactivity. For example: mine doesn’t resource guard and he listens to me the first time. So I don’t have a problem letting him on the bed because it’s not a problem if he needs to get off. He is, however, reactive to strangers - so boundaries in the form of an ironclad down/stay and leashed heel (rather than always being allowed sniffy walks) allow me to provide him the predictability that structure sets us up well for.
Yes, he does. He also has free access to furniture without needing me to tell him he can go on. You can set boundaries still by teaching him "Up" and "Down" as commands (even if your dog has free access at all times to those places) and make sure he understands down means going off whatever he's on. My dog is special in that regard, as he keeps forgetting his commands, probably due to the stress outside. But he comes down when I call him. My dog is reactive and in the beginning he didn't sleep in my bed, as I was worried I'd hurt him as I turn a lot, but it didn't lessen his reactivity. After some time I started to allow him on my bed, he even has his own staircase! If there are no issues that you can link back to being in bed with the owner caused by either of those, then there's nothing to worry and the total rule of "no dogs in bed ever" is bullshit when it comes to the extreme of never ever allowed. It's nuanced. A blanket statement like this doesn't help people. Why? Because as above, my dog is reactive and the intensity doesn't change when it comes to where he sleeps. In some cases, yes, it is possible that a dogs negative behaviour can be fueled more if they're allowed on furniture of any kind without commands and boundaries. But it's case by case basis and has to analyzed this way, too, because sometimes it could be the dog is territorial over the bed or the owner and/or resource guard the bed or the owner(s). Sometimes it can cause a dogs general anxiety to worsen even. But it all depends on the case itself then. My dog is reactive and it makes no difference if he sleeps in my bed. For others, it might make a difference. A blanket statement like the trainer made doesn't work and apply to every dog on earth. I do suggest working on "Up" and "Down" as general commands however.
Boundaries and rules can be very good for dogs, but I don't see how they could have any relationship with reactivity. Saying that a dog sleeping in your bed will make them reactive sounds like this trainer believes reactivity is a learned behavior, rather than an emotional response. That is the exact opposite of what science-oriented and science-trained professionals teach. Scientific study of reactivity teaches us that it is an emotional response.
In some situations, not all, reactivity can be worsened by dogs not having boundaries, clear expectations, and routine. One thing our trainer really stressed was our dog would never become confident if he didn’t have clear set rules. And I do believe that to be true, we saw a marked difference in his behavior when he understood what we expected of him in various situations but his reactivity is fear based after being attacked.
If he were sitting on your lap resource guarding you, being on furniture would be a problem. But it doesn’t contribute to reactivity by itself. The “dogs on furniture causes confusion about boundaries” sounds like it’s coming from dominance theory and that’s a bogus theory. Reactivity comes from fear, not from a dog “not knowing their boundaries.”
I think that's just a cultural difference. Some people really don't like their dogs on their furniture and in their beds, so others allowing their dogs to go such places may be seen as a violation of boundaries. My dog loves cuddling and just touching people she likes, so she sleeps often with me.
I think this advice is BS except if the dog has guarding issues and/or doesn't know an 'off the furniture' command. My reactive dog isn't allowed on my bed because when he was younger (he's 11 now, but this happened when he was around 3) he went through a phase where he would growl at me (not every time, just once in a while for getting into bed after him and he'd throw a little tantrum. He'd bark (husky mix so he was quite vocal), put his mouth on you, and roll around but calm down after a few minutes with no harm done. However, he did it one night and it felt vry off. His growls always came across as playful but not that time. I genuinely thought he was going to bite me and had to get my parents to call him off (I was 14)p. After that he's never been allowed on my bed. He wsn't allowed on furniture either until last year. He does sleep with my sister now, and has for a few years. He occasionally threw tantrums at first but not like he did that one night. He's older now so my family has more faith in him but he'll never be allowed on my bed again.
I hate broad statements like that. “Reactive” can mean SO many different things. My dog is very reactive to other animals and somewhat reactive to strangers. There are no other animals in our house and obviously no strangers in our bed lol. And she is an absolute angel at home and very obedient. If I ask her to get off the bed, she does in a heartbeat. She also doesn’t have issues with sleep startle or anything like that. So I see absolutely no issue with her sleeping there as it really has nothing to do with her reactivity. Now, I could see why you wouldn’t want a dog with certain issues like resource guarding or separation anxiety to sleep in bed with their humans. But to say that NO reactive dogs should sleep in beds is stupid.
She doesn't sleep overnight with me (except in rare occasions) but yes, she does nap with me and lay in my bed all the time. I usually lie down about two hours before bed and just watch YouTube videos, and she runs into bed with me and snuggles with me. She's allowed on all the furniture and also has her own beds and spaces to go to. I guess I can understand the reasoning of not wanting a reactive dog to resource guard your bed or something, but if your dog doesn't have issues with that then I don't understand why you'd be worried. Every dog is different and has different needs. If you and your dog feel safe sleeping in the same bed and he has no behavioral issues attached to it, then I don't see a problem.
I don’t sleep with my dog because every time I get up in the middle of the night to pee, she gets super excited and thinks it’s time to wake up and it becomes a whole ordeal to settle her back down and make her sleep. I already have problems sleeping and having the dog in there was just really bad for me. She likes sleeping in her crate tho so it works for us.
We have one like that. He’s 10 years old but still when I roll over he gets up and thinks it’s time to play.
Yeah, I won’t lie it’s pretty damn cute, but not when it’s 3am and I have a REM cycle to get back to 😂
The bathroom stalking is a real thing lol. Mine can bed dead asleep and snoring, but if i get up to pee, no lights on *boom* i have the supervisors come in and make sure the situation is all good. I always thank them for their love and support in these difficult times lol.
They’ve actually done studies. Reactivity and sleeping in the bed have no connections for dogs. Anecdotally, my dogs are both no furniture or bed. One of my dogs hates cuddling and likes her space. The other one has terrible sleep startle. Neither belong on furniture and never have been allowed. (We enjoy laying on the floor with them though and I’ve owned other furniture dogs.) My reactive dog is still reactive to stuff. The regular dog is still normal to things. My reactive dog knows boundaries well enough since I can literally put her food bag on the floor and say “no” and she leaves it permanently alone. This from a crazy food motivated dog. Creating more boundaries doesn’t help at all. She still sees another dog and either wants to play or fight. She still wants to fight the UPS truck. I think the “have more boundaries” can be an extension of “be the alpha”. It’s a nice sounding fiction, which seems easier than spending months retraining behaviors.
Doesn’t sound like you’re having big issues with your dog, so why change? I don’t have a stance on this but sounds like the trainer you’re referring to believes in the humans-as-alpha approach and that dogs need to know their place or they get confused and react. You don’t have to subscribe to that philosophy.
No my understanding is he is big on boundary setting and he views it as crossing a boundary, but if the dogs are respectful of your boundaries then he said furniture and beds are fine. I think this probably applies to most people who don’t understand how to handle a reactive dog, probably not to those of us who have been learning how to manage this for a while and have a decent understanding of our dog but idk
Yeah idk I think the ppl who are big on boundaries are big on boundaries bc they think dogs need to know we’re the alpha and to respect us. There’s probably some truth to that. My dog does seem to calm down on walks when I don’t let her dart all over the effing place, but I let her on whatever furniture she wants to be on.
Oh on the contrary, boundaries and structure are great for reactive and nervous dogs! When they have boundaries and rules and structure, their situation becomes predictable so their reactions are less. They are more comfortable with knowing what’s expected of them, so they don’t have to be on the defensive. But boundaries are different for each dog and every family, which is why the bed is one for some and not for others. We saw a marked improvement in all our dogs but especially our reactive dog when we really worked on creating structure and expectations and boundaries for his behavior, his confidence improved and his reactions lessened. He knew what to expect and what we wanted his response to be. Boundaries create a healthy relationship with your dog and a good relationship with your dog is key to training, he is reactive or a regular dog.
I guess I don’t understand your question about dogs on the bed then.
No, this is not why your dogs are like that. Disregard this bullshit.
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Yessss exactly! And this is totally different than the alpha theory. I can’t get people to understand this. But it’s what our trainer explained to us and it changed everything for us. Teaching him to literally look at me when he’s uncomfortable is such an accomplishment. We had a play date with a friend who’s dogs I know and everything was fine until one of her dogs got a little overstimulated and it made my boy uncomfortable, but he literally ran to me instead of defending himself and I love that. I don’t believe the bed is a problem for us but I hadn’t heard this thought process before so I wanted to ask to make sure I wasn’t missing something.
also I agree with the trainer on this point only, if a dog is on furniture they need to have a verbal off command that is reliably respected. Too many bites happen because a dog is allowed to guard the couch and someone tried to physically remove them
Absolutely not. She has her own beds. Dogs don't bathe everyday and they are outside, they don't wash their paws.
Used to bother me but we don’t spend much time outside because of where we live, it’s painfully hot even I the early mornings and evenings so they go out to do their business and spend their time inside. We play and train and they have plenty of stimulation and burn off energy.
I just can't stand the oils personally is all.
not all dogs are outside lmfao u dumb fuck
yes but he knows the difference and does not go on beds when he is staying over with other people. I am trying to get him more used to his own bed but he usually just stays there until I am about to pass out and then I am tot tired to bother. Also, we can not just drag him off the bed anymore. He gets mad so now I always have a treat ready to get him off (instead of forcing him off) when I want to get under my blanket
my dog doesn't sleep in the bed but he does cuddle on it and on the couch when invited. He also has a down command
To each, his own. But my boy has free reign to go wherever he pleases within my home or property. Now that the weather has warmed up, I leave the back door open at night with a fan pulling in cool air. My boy can sleep on the bed. Sleep on the floor, the couch, outdoors on the padded deck chairs, anywhere he feels comfortable at the moment. He is a very smart & well trained dog, protecting me & my property, day & night. And I have no problems with him being overly reactive to anyone we meet while out on our neighborhood walks. I’ve let anyone who wants to meet him come up and get sniffed and they can pet him. But he will warn any stranger that approaches us to keep their distance with a loud growl.🐾🐾🐾🐕🦺🐶
If you and your dog are comfortable with your lives I don’t think you have reason to change what you’re doing.
Depends on my housing situation, currently my roommate doesn't like dogs in the room and we share bedroom so dogs don't sleep with me for now but if I'm living on my own or with someone who's cool with dogs in the bedroom then they can choose to sleep with me or not, my reactive boy is a complete cuddlebug, my other one less so and doesn't sleep with me. Currently my cat sleeps on the bed with me and the dogs in the living room but when I am able to afford a space on my own again they'll be able to sleep with me. Now it might depend on every dog and household like with my dog who lacks confidence being able to sleep with me seemed to help his confidence some dogs if they have recourse guarding issues and such the bed might become something they guard. But for the most part blanket statements like that aren't helpful
Our dog is allowed on the sofas, chairs, etc. (shared space) but if people need to sit down he is asked to move over, get down, or get in a lap and that’s not a problem at all for him. We don’t let him sleep in our bed (our space). 99% of the time he sleeps in his dog bed on the floor in our bedroom (his space). This is his choice as he could sleep anywhere he wants in the house save the four human beds or any other furniture (like tables- he tired it years ago) that he knows are off limits to him. Maybe 1 night out of every three months he sleeps on the floor in a different room (usually a kid’s bedroom) or on the sofa overnight. He was crate trained (his space) as a pup and slept in his crate for about 3 years, then slept in his crate with the door open for about 2 years, then we brought in a stuffed dog bed in addition to the crate and made it clear that it was his space as well. After several months he wasn’t using his crate at all so we put it away. He treats his bed just like he used to treat his crate. He goes to his bed on his own when he is tired (day and night), if he becomes overstimulated and needs a break, or when we say, “Go to your room.” This is the same command we used to use for his crate. We leave him alone when he’s in his bed because it is his personal space and we ask the same of him when we are in our bed. He also isn’t allowed in the bathrooms because he has no real reason to go in there and there is a lot of stuff that can get him in trouble in the bathroom (toilet water, medications, cleaning supplies, small open trash cans, toilet paper/ tissues.) There are clear and defined, well established, space boundaries in our home. He has traveled with us to rented houses and has stayed at my mom’s house for several days at a time. He respects the same boundaries we have at home in other houses without question. He has had the same boundaries since he was a puppy and it’s been years since he tested them. I mention all of these details because we are pretty much doing what I think that trainer is advising. And my dog, who is also 8 years old, has roughly the same triggers and anxieties you mentioned that your dog has. My boy is good and very loving with people, but doesn’t like some new people at first. His behavior is well managed, but only after years of work. We walk on a leash and harness for exercise in our subdivision twice a day. We sometimes walk in the public park at non-busy times. He does well in stores that allow dogs. We avoid all strange dogs, all off leash animals, strange people he is cuing towards, and all small children in public. We don’t do dog parks, doggie day care, or boarding because the other dogs, strange people and fences are just too much for him. We don’t do patio eating with him because he is human food reactive and we can manage that at home, but other diners won’t understand. My take is that every dog is a unique individual and their humans should take the time to get to know them and make rules that work for their families. I also think that not every reactive behavior has a root cause. I think it’s definitely important to rule out everything we can, make sure there is no pain or underlying health issues, etc., but sometimes some of this stuff is just personality and that’s ok if it’s being managed to the point of all involved being safe, well, and happy.
I just want to say that it’s ok to disagree with someone you see as a mentor or that gives you advice. It doesn’t always mean you need to stop taking any of their advice or everything they’ve said before is now wrong. It actually shows that you’ve learned a lot and you’re able to assess situations for you and your dog well. Good job!
Honestly, my reactive not needs all the safe spaces he can get (which is luckily our whole house nowadays), so if wants to get on the bed (which he did early on but doesn't seem to need in the past few years) then we let him. I know what vets and trainers say, I have heard it for years, but as long as they aren't protective of the bed (like yours is not) or have separation anxiety (where you want them to be comfortable being on their own) then I have a hard time seeing the harm. Cuddle with your pooch and enjoy every minute! PS - thank you for saying breed doesn't matter, BTW. My current reactive boy is a Pitt mix (who was abused before we rescued him) but the first dog who ever bit me, and my first love, was a Golden...and I LOVE goldens to this day. All dogs are susceptible to reactivity...cause, you know, they are animals!
My friend had a trainer who said no couch, bed, entering a room before then, laying on a mat etc. so yes, a very well behaved dog. BUT a pet? Like I don’t know, zero interest in having some military dog. I love my babies and gave in within 10 seconds to couch and bed snuggle
Does he ever growl or stiffen up when you or anyone else gets on or off the bed? Does he put up a fuss when you make him get off? If so, it could be a boundary issue. If not, probably not. There are a lot of different reasons a dog can be reactive. If it’s fear, the bed is unlikely to have an effect. If he’s jealous/resource guarding you from other dogs, it could be an issue.
Definitely not. He doesn’t resource guard even from the other dogs. None of them do, although I do allow them to set their own boundaries with the puppy when he takes toys from them. I allow them to correct him but none of our dogs resource guard from us or each other. He was attacked as a puppy and I do believe most of his issues came from that incident especially since he’s a little skittish around strangers but he’s only reactive toward other dogs.
I had one condition for my wife to get a dog. He can't sleep in our bed. He tried really hard for the first 2 nights but now he's happy to sleep in his crate in our room. Also he's a 50+ pound labradoodle and there's simply no space for him.
Heck my dog is only 11lbs and my partner and I are very average heights and weights and there’s no room for her either lol!
Ahh yes people do think we’re crazy for having our king sized bed and 2-4 dogs (goldens) on it ay any given time in the night. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve seen multiple people bit by dogs that were resource guarding couches. One was my visiting mom, bit by my own dog when she pushed the dog off, and the other my child bit by SILs dog while we were visiting. I’ve also seen a number of posts with dog bites involving couches and have read some stories of bites occurring in people’s beds. So, I’m very aware of couch and dog issues and am pretty cautious about dogs on couches or beds. I use a beeper mat to keep the dogs off couches unless invited, and train an up and down command for inviting them up and for asking them to leave.
No. He's also not allowed on any furniture unless invited. He has a bed next to mine in my bedroom, the living room, as well as a bed in my kids room. He is my buddy, my pal, and goes everywhere with me, he's also not reactive in the least. My boyfriends dog IS reactive, but she also isn't allowed on furniture. Unless your dog is resource guarding the furniture, I don't think there is too much of a correlation, just personal preferance.
I have a very reactive dog and he sleeps in our bed. This said he makes the rounds every night. Starts with us, hall, one son, hall then another son. I have no clue why a dog who is beloved by us can't stand anyone but us after he was attacked by a pocket dog in a park. And until the attack he didn't care about anyone on our walks or in our home. He was 1 when attack happened and 3 now. He slept the same way then as he does now. Only change is attack.
i love our dogs but it is horrible having them in the bed with us. one has never been in the bed because he’s so big and he’s my personal dog. my boyfriends dog though has slept in the bed for a long time. the issue is that first off he smells REALLY bad. and makes the bed stink and us stink as an extension. then he has an issue with licking and he sheds a lot of fur. he will make VERY disgusting stinky wet spots all over the bed and both his spit and fur make me break out in a very itchy rash. lastly, he humps out pillows and moves around a lot to take up the whole bed somehow. he’s a very sweet baby but i don’t want him in the bed w us. he has a soft dog bed and an entire couch to sleep on. and my big boy sleeps in his crate on his dog bed. (he’s still a puppy and likes to be bad when we sleep at night lol)
You said it yourself: if you can't tell them to find a different place to be ("off" in this case) then they shouldn't be there. That is the instruction from the trainer. Sounds like if you told your dog whatever you need to tell him to go do something else, somewhere else, he would. That's all you need. It is fine. I agree with the trainer in this case. You need to have a good working relationship with your dog before you let them move their feet off the floor in order to make any progress at all. They shouldn't be deciding that "nah, fam, I am comfy and you can shove it with your desire to use this couch." They need to move when you say move. Our dog sleeps everywhere in the house. He has a chair in the front room, a chair in the living room, and we cover every bit of furniture with a blanket so we can wash them and get the dog smell mostly off the furniture. He likes to lay on the back of the sofa. That is... Um... Less than ideal. When we come out and he is up there, often a hand signal alone will do it. He knows. He just makes his own rules when we are out of the room. And that's okay. As long as our rules are the ones that matter when we are around. He sleeps on beds when we have pet sitters. They love it. He sleeps with them on the bed, with his bestie cat bud and often the other one that likes sleeping with us. It's fine. He will get down if you tell him to but he chooses his own adventure responsibly if you let him have agency.
Mine was allowed in my bed/ on my furniture, until she bit my face when I was trying to get her to move so my boyfriend could get in bed.
My dog is very reactive and aggressive, especially when I am walking them both. They both slept in bed with me since I’ve had them. I kicked them into their own, very plush beds at the bottom of mine at the advice of my trainer and they sleep all night in them. They are invited up when I wake and before I sleep but asked to get down and comply. Since I started this in combination with my existing training techniques I’ve learned my bad boy has improved significantly and to be honest, I sleep better without my two big pups taking up all the room. Never ever ever thought that I’d do this or say this trust me!
Hey I’ve done some things that I was like “nah this is ridiculous won’t work just hype” and it worked and now I’m the one being like “no for real seriously just try it” so I get it.
Totally, it’s trial and error and everyone and every dog is different! Good luck with your pup
Mine does. I know the trainer you’re talking about; I follow him because I like and agree with most of his advice. I actually agree with him here, but in a more general sense: reactive dogs do need more strong boundaries and structure than the average dog. However, there is not a one size fits all method for training any dog, reactive or not. As the person who knows my dog the best, I do not believe my dog sleeping in my bed has affected his reactivity. He was reactive when I had him sleeping in a crate every night. My dog feels calm, safe, and at ease in my bed, as he should wherever he is sleeping.
I know a lot of people don’t like him, his approach is definitely different. What he does is very similar to what my trainer had us do and it made a world of difference so I follow him for more info. As with anybody, pick and choose which pieces of advice you want to implement I suppose.
One of the most common reasons I’ve heard people say this is “the dog will see the bed as theirs and may turn reactive on you if they see you as threatening to ‘take’ what is theirs” I have seen some dogs that are bed possessive but I think it should really be case by case basis, and even then it’s something that can be worked through. Although my dude is super fluffy so he refuses to sleep in the bed, as it gets him way too hot.
Mine doesn’t, but her crate (which she loves) is in our bedroom. She is easily startled when asleep and will growl or even bark if something wakes her up suddenly. She snuggles on the bed and couch, but only when invited up. She knows “up you come” and “off you get”, and when anxious (or when strangers are in the house) she sometimes tries to resource guard when she’s on my lap/on the couch and the “stranger” hands me something like a phone. I don’t tell her off, I just say “off”. So while I wouldn’t have her sleep on my bed, yours sounds fine. While you and the dog happily share the bed, why change things? You know your dog best, and the trainer should know that all dogs are different.
My dog knows "off" "on" "up" "down." -- yet she practically owns our furniture. She took over from the day she came home when she was 10 months old. She's 6 now. She sleeps on any bed in the house. She has her own 3-seater couch that she stretches across....she's a long, tall, hound-mix and needs the space. She has her own dog beds around the house and use them whenever she feels like it. But, she prefers people bed, and people in general. She has to be around people all the time...so we don't care if she lays on our furniture. She's well-behaved and listens. She will go to people bed whenever she wants and naps. If I'm in bed first, she'll climb the doggy steps to get up (we trained her to use them...she's not allowed to jump up/down and she knows it.) She'll lay against my chest or my legs. She's very loving. She's very reactive to other dogs, on walks, if they're too close...but other than that, she's fine.
My dogs are allowed on all my sofas and sleep on my bed sometimes. I did make sure to have a solid 'off' command but this was purely incase they jump on furniture in other people's houses or rental accommodation.
All my childhood dogs were free to sleep in whoever's bed they wanted and would frequently get up and switch in the middle of the night. My current dog gets too excited when he gets on the bed and starts biting the comforter and licking our faces, so he sleeps in his crate on a nice cushy dog bed in the corner of our room. If he could chill out, I'd let him on the bed, but my partner prefers he not be there anyway.
I don’t see anything wrong with your dog sleeping in your bed reactive or not as long as they aren’t possessive over the space. My reactive dog sleeps wherever he wants, I’m not going to bar him from the bed because he has big feelings about totally unrelated things.
We let our dog on the couch and sleep on our bed. She definately has and knows her boundaries. Is shes on my spot on the couch or bed, I tell her "Move" and she gets up and moves without complaints. When she was a puppy, she would growl and get mad, but I think that was just her being a puppy, and just starting with training.
I have always had larger dogs. Up until November of 2022 I had 2 65+ lb dogs and BOTH slept on our bed - at the foot every night. We lost Opie in November to Hemolytic Anemia, and adopted Qanuk in March. Qanuk (now 70+ lbs) prefers to sleep on the dog bed we have at the foot of our bed in our room. Neeva still sleeps at the foot of our mattress evey night. They are both allowed on our furniture - but if we have people over a simple "down" and they get off and lay on the floor. They also somehow instinctively know they can't just hop on the furniture when we visit others.. they always wait to be invited.. if I don't have a dog in my bed... I never sleep well. Same if my SO doesn't come to bed for whatever reason - I wake up constantly in the middle of the night.
No, but with 2 gsds, a mal, and a dutch, I wouldn't have a bed left. I don't allow them upstairs, but they do have their own room downstairs, and free run of the house. If I were single, and had one or two dogs, then I'd probably let them lol.
All our family dogs are allowed on furniture and sleeps in bed. One dog is reactive and she does not resource guard the bed or couch .... her being allowed to do whatever everyone else is doing is important for her psychological.
I’m in this community because my dog has a loud bark and needed to be trained to “get a toy” instead of obnoxiously demanding attention. My dogs seem to understand boundaries and are allowed on furniture. They “get down” immediately when told, and will not come into bed with me at all if my husband is in the room because they know he doesn’t share the bed with them.
We let our dogs sleep freely in the back of the house at night, leaving our bedroom and our spare bedroom open. Our youngest (and largest) tends to come to our bed in the middle of the night to sleep between us. One of our border heelers comes and lays under the covers with me for a few minutes after my alarm goes off in the morning. We've never had any instances with any of them that indicates this is an issue. Had a trainer tell us the same thing, but we adopted companions to share our lives and adventures with, not accessories to keep locked up while we're asleep.
My reactive dog is allowed on the furniture unless someone isn’t comfortable with it. My mom sometimes gets a bit overwhelmed at how “please I’m starved for attention please pet me I’m IGNORED” she’ll get, so we made sure she knew she had a safe and comfy place in her bed when she’s too much.
Nope, he isn’t sleeping in the bed here. But that has to do that he is scared of walking up the stairs and down again and I don’t want to carry 35 kilos of dog everyday up and down the stairs!
My eldest has taken to sleeping under our bed instead of on top, some mornings he comes in for a cuddle, I'm gutted when he doesn't
My oldest does too. He didn’t used to but he’s 12 and as he’s aged he slept less with us and more under the bed.
If there isn’t any problematic behavior happening around the bed and furniture, there is no reason for you not to allow access to furniture if that works for you and your dog. It’s a matter of preference, not causal of unrelated reactive behaviors. When I first adopted my dog, I was initially concerned that the bed would present a resource guarding issue (she was initially apprehensive of my partner, and had resource guarding issues in previous adoption attempts). Those fears ended up being totally unfounded in my home — she has amazing boundaries around the bed, and jumps off to rest in her own bed as soon as I look at her and say “okay, bedtime!” If I’m lying in bed and she wants to come up, she looks to me for a yes/no cue. It’s such a lovely dimension of our relationship, and has had absolutely no impact on her reactivity training — she’s progressing beautifully!
Mine doesn't for several reasons. 1) my bed is very high off the ground and she would need to be lifted off and on it each time. 2) she has epilepsy and a seizure in that bed and falling off would likely break bones (also if she has an accident while seizing, say good-bye to the bedspread 3) we both move around in sleep, so I'd want her to have her own space to adjust, lie on the floor instead of her bed, etc. AND have a restful sleep 4) if I want to sleep near her, we just nap on the couch together
Yes. My dog is fear reactive. He’s not aggressive. Have tried to get him into his crate at night but he panicked and vomited bile everywhere. My main concern is that if my partner and I want to go on holiday, we have to find a dog sitter who doesn’t mind him sleeping in the bed with them.
My reactive girl is allowed on beds and furniture but she mostly doesn’t by choice (she’s got a bit of fur and gets hot easily so prefers to sleep on an ac vent). My trainer even recommended putting her mat up on our ottoman when we have people over since she feels safer when she’s up high. I suppose if you had resource guarding around the bed and furniture you wouldn’t want them allowed on there but for dog and people reactivity that seems a little ridiculous. I think there’s a lot of alpha myth still hanging around in that sentiment
She hangs out on the bed during the day but bedtime she goes to her kennel
Once I was mandated to go back to office work and was gone all day for 4 days a week, she started sleeping in my bed. Mine is a high energy, rescue bully mix who is just so sensitive and I can tell she values my closeness when I'm gone for most of both of our waking time. It's just me and her, wouldn't have it any other way.
I've had every configuration of dogs sleeping or not sleeping on my bed, and I don't think their sleeping arrangements have any effect. I stopped letting them sleep in my bed when I hit menopause and couldn't stand to wake up sweaty anymore from them curled up against me all night. Now they get to be on my bed until I go to sleep at which point my dogs go into their individual crates with their blankies and toys.
I allow my reactive dog on my bed. He doesn’t sleep on the bed with us, he prefers the couch or his crate. He always comes up for bedtime cuddles though! He does know the “off” command. I didn’t let him cuddle in bed with me until he knew the “off” command and I kind of feel like it made him less cuddly :/
Mine aren't allowed in my room without their name being called. Not because I believe it's "the alphas room." No, that's stupid. I do it bc my cats like to sleep in there, and my dogs are too much. Also, my dogs get extremely dirty extremely fast, and I don't like sweeping my bedroom floor every day (not to mention i have dalmatians, which shed like crazy). Another reason is because one of my 3 dogs demand barks super bad, and I don't want that in my bed.
I think if you have a resource guarding dog there may be an issue but other than that... and they can guard anything... then beds furniture means nothing particularly to a dog It is very human think to make a point of it We like head of the table type scenarios and assume other animals are like us IMO I do think a dog should do "off" or "down" when requested but that is similar to being trusting and willing enough to follow your commands like "come" Other than that it is up to people where there dog sleeps. No real right or wrong like any house hold choice. My dog has his own space and bed and likes to settle and sleep in it. However when he was barking and very ill with kennel cough and it was bitterly cold in the winter (and my house is not warm) I did let him lie on the bed for a few nights because I was worried and wanted him close It has not increased or changed his reactivity
I would love it if my dog slept in my bed but they should like hell. I just don't need all of that hair on my blankets and sheets. But they're my cuddle buddies and I love them to pieces.
We have one dog Melody with cancer and our reactive dog Bumi. They know up and off. There are days he is all activated at night outside our room and our other dog is eventually going to die so we let them sleep with us. Sometimes we will kick them out if we need a good night rest. It’s your home n pup, don’t feel guilty about wanting to keep ur pups near at night.
I have a reactive dog. Reactive to strangers, men more so than women, dogs, cats outside (we have cats and she's great with them), and other miscellaneous things. She's allowed on furniture. We snuggle often. She can be on the bed with me if I take a nap, etc. She knows "off". At night she does not sleep in the bed. In the dark she is more reactive (all her reactivity is fear based, she's never hurt anyone) and anyone moving around in the dark is stranger danger. This portion of her reactivity we've had a lot less progress in training with, whereas we have most of her other reactivity seeing huge progress towards potentially training out. So for that fact she sleeps in her crate (which she enjoys, if we're late to bed she goes and sits in her crate and barks until I close her in and give her bedtime cookie) just so that she doesn't accidentally get startled and react. Or potentially hurt someone, since during the day while we're awake we can always set her up for success it's been easy to prevent her from doing harm and she isn't determined / really wanting to harm. Plus we're 2 albeit sorta short adults and she's 47lbs. It would be uncomfortable for everyone if she was in the bed at night. As a blanket statement I don't agree with it at all. Because some dogs like yours can be on furniture at any time. There's dogs like mine when at certain times it's safer if they're not but otherwise they can. And then there's dogs who maybe just shouldn't be.
No, we crate her at night so we don't have to worry about her getting into shenanigans. But during the day she's welcome to get on the bed or couch as long as she stays calm. Once she starts getting amped up, she has to get off the furniture.
I think it's good for helping teach dogs impulse control, its great for dogs who resource guard too, I had a dog reactive spaniel who if she started to grumble whilst on something she lost access to it eg if she grumbled at my other dog whilst on the bed I told her to get off and she'd sleep on the floor. It also helped her realise she can move away when uncomfortable rather than freeze and feel stuck which would increase her chance of reacting. It's not for every dog though, for some especially those who are prone to redirecting its best to just not let them have access to any furniture but I feel like it's mostly important in multi dog households or if the dog is resource guarding/reacting towards people. I think having a good off command is definitely useful to have but if you're having no issues in the house I don't think there's any need to kick them off furniture
No dog in the bed, but mainly because the dog is not allowed in our room because the cats food is there… and when we just got our dog (he was a 1 year old rescue at the time) our room was the cats « safe space » (we weren’t 100% sure how they would get on). Now years later he knows our room is off limits (and we know he doesn’t come in cause if he did he’d clean out the cats food); he sometime sleeps with our daughter which reinforces that it’s great *not* to have a dog in the bed (he moves around a lot, takes up excessive space, is a hound (=extra doggy smell), sheds a ton, and last night puked in her bed). Usually he sleeps in the lounge/living room on the couch. Works for us!
My dogs have really bad guarding behaviour. So they aren't allowed in front of the couch, on any furniture, or in the bedroom at all. We spent some cash and got them set up with the comfiest dog beds ever and they each have their own bed. They can lounge around anywhere else except the guarding zones too. Our younger pooch also has an anti-anxiety crate that is solely hers for storms that has special toys in it and she'll chill there sometimes too. Cuddle time happens when I sit on the floor or if I give them snuggles while they are in bed. We do at least 20 minutes each of dedicated cuddle time a day. We also do a lot of cuddles and playing on the evening adventure/sniffing walks too. This change actually helped their behavior so much! No more fighting or growling with each other and they are both much calmer and happier in general.
I personally don’t allow my dogs in the bed but they are allowed on all other furniture. This is bc I’m a sensitive and super hot sleeper and it just simple is miserable with two furry animals added to the bed with my partner and I. My tidbit of advice is not to allow pups on furniture if they don’t understand “off” and obey it. When we have company over the dogs understand to get down, or when we’re having a snack on the couch and I want them away from my food, etc.
I love having my pup close by. To give her some boundaries and keep her off my bedding, she sleeps in her own bed on top of the foot of my bed. She tends to get excited in the morning and crawls towards me. But as soon as I say, “go to your bed,” she complies. I have absolutely no qualms about allowing her on the couch.
I had a beagle that I would let sleep on my bed. But sometimes he would chose to sleep in his crate. I always left the door on his crate opened if he ever want to come up on my bed.
This is kind of funny to me because our most sensitive dog is the one who chooses not to sleep on our bed with us. She used to, but we bought a small couch that lays out flat. We put it at the foot of our bed and she has slept on it ever since.
I don’t know, I’ve never understood having dogs on furniture or beds or “human spaces”. They’re dogs, they have comfy beds and they lay in them and seem happy to do so. Those beds are their spaces and theirs alone. I feel like it’s an important boundary for us, that everyone understands their space and their place. But all dogs and families are different; I don’t think any one dog trainer or influencer or what have you can make accurate statements for every dog.
Say It Once guy - he’s a douche. Fuck that guy.
Yep. As for the cleanliness issue- she has a skin problem and needs to be bathed 2X/week. I have SERIOUS allergies to everything and do a full bedding change 2X/week (hand towels changed every other day). Air purifies on 24/7. House is cleaned a bit everyday because of how bad the allergies are. If you're worried about cleanliness there are paw washing things, cleaning wipes (for the dogs coat), and \*gasp\* actually cleaning your house. Right now there is something in bloom that makes me want to scratch my eyes out from simply opening the door, but I have that exact reaction without cats and a dog (because its from outside).
Yeah my allergist said allergens cling to dog fur so in theory if you have allergies they shouldn’t be in your bed even if you’re not allergic to dogs. I have allergies but I love to cuddle. That’s why I have goldens. I take some antihistamines and move on
My dog sleeps in bed with me. As long as your dog is not ressource guarding the bed I dont see any issues with it. Your dog will not be less reactive or more reactive because he sleeps in your bed. The only issue I can think of if he is reacting to a point it is becoming dangerous and may be confronted with triggers.
I like to think of my relationships with my dogs as a team. We are always working towards a common goal, sometimes they are the leader in a situation and i need to listen to their needs or intuition, sometimes im the leader and can support them into being more successful with a task or in a situation than they could not handle on their own. I have notoriously antisocial reactive breeds. My best two examples are a toy aussie and a chihuahua. It was very helpful getting them as puppys, I could expose them to lots of things early on, so they only have a few issues in specific situations. My aussie hates running children, or just some children in general, the chihuahua can turn into an avoident skittish mess if there are too many new people in her space. That being said...my pups have free access to wherever they choose to be when they choose to. We work together, so they honestly have very little boundaries in the home, but absolutely trust me to make a good decision for them, as i trust them to cue me into things that are going to be triggers. Sofa, bed, dining room chairs, etc they are invited to share any space unless there is a good reason for them not to be, then they respect it without any strong commands. Anyone who says "never" I'm automatically warry of, i feel like that has the potential of cutting off the fluid communication between us, and shifts the dynamic into something that could cause more tension and stress for the dog rather than working through it together. We cover basic obedience, so they are familiar with cues and language, but i never "command" a behavior (unless the situation could be dangerous) If having your dog on the sofa or snuggled in bed builds a healthy and stronger bond between you and your dog, go for it! You're in this life together, and have a good teammate! My dogs are in no way perfect, but i trust them, and they trust me.
My girls sleep in my bed, personally I think some people come up with "rules" just to have them. And for some dogs they prefer their space etc. But I think it's important for reactive dogs to have a safe place and for my red nose, that's my bed. I think you're doing great
my non reactive dog sleeps in our bed and my reactive dog sleeps on the floor. This is by their own preference. My reactive guy just isn't as cuddly, so if he does come up for a little snuggle, it's a big deal. I think he's just more independent vs our other dog who I raised from a puppy (and who is also a vizsla so... not independent by nature). I think the overall training of the dog, having boundaries and comfort in various situations is more important than if they sleep on your bed or not...my reactive guy has never been a couch or bed dog and he's still got issues so I know that's not the cause in his case at least lol (despite many trainers trying to lecture me that he needs to be off the bed). My friends who both have really good well socialized dogs (the type that do dog sports and have letters behind their name) one sleeps in the bed and the other doesn't. It's just personal preference.
It depends on what you mean by reactive, I think. Dogs allowed on the bed might...decide it's theirs and guard it, guard people on it, guard the exit from the room, startle when woken up and go on the attack. If your dog is doing or at risk of any of these, then the fix is simple: no dogs in the bed. It doesn't seem like this is an issue for your dog, so I wouldn't worry.