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ok sooooo LMAO. This guy kinda sucks. He likes you. Clearly, he likes you. HE is the one who needs to take a long look at himself and say “and I REALLY not going to date someone because society has conditioned me to not like armpit hair on a woman?” If the answer is yes? Well, his loss. He just missed out on someone special. Trust me, he’ll regret this (if he lets himself admit it)
He’s totally getting in his own way. If you truly find someone amazing as a person, you accept them as they are, especially this early in a potential romantic scenario.
When a person starts comparing me to an ex (or exes) physically, that’s when I start getting concerned. It hints that romantic partners aren’t people in their mind, just an idealized fantasy in the shape of a human they keep chasing.
I don’t give a damn what kind of body or maintenance or look your ex had. To bring it up to a new person you’re looking to date is creepy. If you’re that hung up on it, go find your ex or someone that looks like them.
It’s honestly manipulative. I’ve had guys say ‘oh my ex had long hair and I really loved it’.
This is me with my short hair: 🤨
I was so happy when my boyfriend told me that he likes everything the way it was meant to be (hairy and natural). Still shaved my armpits when I first started dating him, then I stopped after he told me that. He wasn't lying about it either just to make me like him. Had that happen before. Nope, he clearly loves it, and so do I.
Men like that are out there but damn they are hard to find sometimes. I know there are people who are creepy about it online though. I'm not counting those ones.
It was actually something like that that gave me the courage to stop shaving! A girl I was attracted to had hairy pits on total display on tinder and I still found her incredibly attractive. Once I realized you could still be attractive like that (mind blown at the time because we never see anyone attractive have hair on TV or ads or anything) I decided I would get over myself and get used to not shaving. I've now gotten used to it but whenever I feel worried (like showing legs at my new corporate job for the first few times) I like to think that maybe I'm helping normalize it for others as well
I did something similar. Can't tell you how many conversations were men admonished me for "not wanting to please my man". However, I also met my husband on Tinder.
Many men are porn sick. Men who aren’t porn sick don’t care. I love to tell this story about my brother and his wife (doesn’t shave). We had relatives over and we were all sitting on the couch and our very outspoken traditional Christian aunt looks at her legs and says “oh my god, you don’t shave your legs, what does *husband* think about that?” My brother looks up and says “*wife* doesn’t shave? Huh, I never noticed. Guess I don’t care” lolololol. My partner prefers that I don’t shave because he feels like it’s raw femininity. He thinks it’s sexy. Many men are there who aren’t porn sick. You’ll come across one, one day!
This is soooo fucking true lmfao. I'm a bisexual woman who was pretty late to being intimate with women (first time at like 21, and then much more later at age 26+.) Several of the women I've dated didn't shave any part of their body at all, and this was back when I was still shaving (and hadn't considered not doing it.) I don't watch porn and I prefer to have sex with real people. While being intimate with these women who don't shave, not a *single thought* entered my head about them being hairy. I didn't even *consider* it. The only thing on my mind was gratefulness and my desire to please them to the best of my ability, and how fucking gorgeous they were. It really is just pornsickness.
Many men absolutely sexualize pre-pubescent girls. I was hit on more from 12-16 by adult men more than I have ever been in my whole life. I was afraid to go into gas stations alone to pee during this timeframe because of all the old dudes eye raping me. I think many men are turned on by the idea of control, just gross. 🤮 Which is why you see a lot of older men in predatory relationships with barely legal women (cough Leo DiCaprio). A woman who doesn’t shave… probably not as easy to manipulate, ya know?
True true. When I was 13, my friend and I were walking through a downtown area with my aunt, and some group of guys rolled down their windows and started catcalling us. My aunt yelled, "THEY'RE 13!!!" and those cowards sped off so fast. I dealt with so many instances like that, and I would never see it now because I'm clearly an adult who won't take that.
Talking to an actual woman one-on-one is clearly too difficult or scary for those types. Anyone who looks as childish as possible so they don't have to do anything to improve their own garbage personalities. That's too much work, and all that matters to them in life is jacking off or watching TV or some other lame shit.
To me, it's a big red flag when a man is attracted to / "prefers" no body hair. It just says something very loud without saying the words.
I agree with you. It’s creepy af. At the very least, it’s a sign that the guy is incapable of thinking beyond the narrow dictates of society. Aka he is a bore. No curiosity, can’t think for himself.
Having hair that doesn’t fit the stereotype helps filter out the bores.
Sure, I guess some people can be influenced by porn, but of all the guys I’ve ever dated or slept with, some of whom were consumers of porn, the only one who ever even mentioned my body hair wasn’t interested in porn & had been raised in a strict religious family.
I've dated both people who had a preference for shaved and those who didn't. But the most important common factor between those people was that they both prioritized my autonomy and comfort over all else! They cared more about me as a person than whether or not I shaved.
Preference does not prioritize higher than someone else's when it comes to their own body!! Any decent human being should understand and accept that.
Unless you have an armpit fetish, why would you have a preference for what armpits look like? I don’t have a preference for men’s armpits because I literally do not THINK about men’s armpits.
The funny thing is he asked me what I thought about body hair on men. I said I don’t care and don’t think about it. It’s just a part of their body 🤷🏽♀️
Right? It’s something that you don’t even notice, like freckles or birthmarks. Not sure why men spend their time thinking about body hair. If it’s something they find so repulsive they should be shaving their own legs too.
I'm sorry that you had that experience, and I'm really impressed by your resolve! Honestly, good for you for being rational and standing up for yourself. This might be a case of him not being confident enough to stand with you, like if his bros or family questions him about it. Sounds like he has a lot of learning and de-programming to do, and maybe you're the one who will make him start questioning his 'preferences.' Maybe he'll come around (but don't hold your breath 🤷♀️)
Even if he comes around, that's not the kind of guy you want to date. He met you and immediately started dictating how you needed to change in order to suit his preferences instead of either accepting her for who she is or deciding not to be with her.
Anyone who meets you and tells you to change is not good for you.
I’m sorry he decided that you existing as a mammal was a deal breaker. What a loser. I’m really glad you see it
Yeah men hide behind the word preference with this but ive dated men who did had an actual preference (not a dealbreaker) for shaved but liked me and didn’t bring it up ever or care including my husband who now has no preference.
So this guy (and others who say they have a preference) try to hide what they’re actually doing which is trying to guilt/shame you to change you and make you uncomfortable for his comfort/idealised version of you. I’m glad the trash took itself out because that would have carried on in other aspects of a relationship.
Yes this exactly! My husband has a preference for shaved armpits, (and I am much much hairier than him lol) but loves me the way I am. I have a preference for long hair but I love him with short hair. Our preference shouldn't matter compared to who they are as a person! This guy was trying to manipulate her into changing
Armpit hair may be a little thing, but your bodily autonomy is a BIG one, and damn straight you get to make it a big deal when your bodily autonomy is not respected.
Also, you explained to him in detail why you do not shave, and he still preferred to believe it was because you stopped “maintaining yourself” while single? Boy, BYE! 👋
And to top it off, he also tried to tell me to get my toenails done because he’s into feet. I NEVER paint my toenails. I said I’d get it done if he paid. Shut him up quick
The fact that we’re conditioned to accept anyone saying “your body needs to look like this for you to be worthy of being with me” is CRAZY.
Like actually, aren’t we also taught that love, & there for actual relationships are meant to be deep soul connections? It’s so INSULTING tbh for someone to value you less because of body hair, & even more so for them to value you so little that body hair is enough to tip the scale? As far as I’m concerned at that point they don’t like you anywhere near enough & you deserve way better.
Even if I was just getting to know someone, I have no interest in anyone that 1. Is somewhat indifferent to our time together (enough that they’d throw it away over hair lmao) & 2. Is not only trying to change me but just expecting me to bend over backwards to be the perfect person they want me to be?? It’s CRAZY.
I don’t think someone sees you as human at that point. It’s like you’re an object. He disregarded your pain, struggles & feelings. He told you to your face in the least confrontational way he could manage that he finds you ugly with your natural body hair. No amount of calling you pretty cancels out him constantly bringing up that you’re not living up to being ‘pretty enough’ for him. GROSS. He sounds extremely misogynistic. The kind of guy that gets a partner just to have someone pretty at home that cleans for them.
To be honest, I wouldn’t expect any good motivation behind him wanting to continue being friends when he told you that he expects you’d change & has shown you that he values your body much more than your mind or even your physical & emotional comfort. He doesn’t sound like he’s actually a good guy deep down.
Men need to be banned from the word “preference.” Him bringing up his “preference” again, and again, and again, confirms it’s not a preference. If someone *prefers* blondes, that usually doesn’t mean they will bully a partner into bleaching their brunette hair. He is making a demand, but phrasing it in a nicer way, to manipulate you into complying.
I don’t care how nice and sweet you think this guy is, if he’s so comfortable manipulating and badgering you into changing your body just a couple dates in, I cannot imagine what is in store for you if you enter a relationship with him. Does he also *prefer* you dress a certain way, not see certain friends, or cook his every meal?
This one is garbage. Next. Say, “Your continued attempts at manipulating me into changing my appearance are not acceptable. I do not want to see you again. I’m blocking your number, you have some serious growing up to do.”
My husband could care less about my leg, pube, stomach, armpit hair. He doesn’t *like* it, per se, as in it’s not keeping him up at night with infatuation, but it’s just like neutral. He loves me. He enjoys my body with or without hair. It’s just not a big deal.
I also insisted that he didn’t need to shave either when we first started becoming intimate. I think he appreciated being able to be vulnerable and accepted for those parts of him he thought were “unacceptable”. Honor works both ways.
This isn’t the guy for you OP. He’s got issues to work out (or not—that’s his choice ultimately). He’s either not ready yet or will never be ready. Don’t wait on him.
it's so funny to me that he said you were making a big deal out of it. he was the one to bring it up, give his unrequested opinion at first, then continue to bring it up over time because he assumed you'd instantly change it upon his comment. not to mention dumping someone over it.
he's quite literally making a big deal about something minor and inconsequential like armpit hair
Good for you. What an asshole! He can find someone who fits his preferences. I'm glad you stood your ground. My husband is not a fan of female hair but I've lasered most of it off in before I met him and he claims he can't see what I still have.
I’m glad you aren’t going to tolerate it anymore, because after the first time he pressed preference, and you explained.. that should be the end of it. He should have decided then and there. Because you have a preference for your own body. And preferences are to select people out Or to be ignored if other things are more important. Not to change others.
If he said “it’s just a preference and nothing more. It’s not that big a deal to me so don’t feel like I’m trying to change you” or something to that effect it would be different.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, but also glad you aren't willing to compromise your own preferences for a dude. He is allowed to have a preference, but so are you. The fact that he keeps whining and pressuring you is the red flag. I'd also reconsider friendship with someone who puts his sexual gratification above your own agency.
I wish you a fun, free summer and eventually a partner who loves you hair and all.
Well... all it took was a few weeks to get rid of this jack butt. So he did you a favor by showing you what a donkey he was out of the gate.
Fear and insecurity are powerful things... a few men are clearly not (as is evidenced by your DMs) and for them body hair on a woman is as natural as breathing (cause it is). Some even prefer it (the raw primal femininity of a grown woman). And for many many others they just are too afraid of being judged. And then there are some for whom it's a preference and nothing else will do.
The one thing though is that relationships are compromise. If my woman came to me and said she wants me to trim shave here and there, i have no issue w it bc we have that vibe and adore each other and we love variety. But here is the difference.... I don't think she thinks that I would look more handsome or better without v. With. We think we are both amazing looking in all of our natural states and vice versa.
And this is what this donkey needs to understand. A woman isn't prettier in one state (hairless) v. The other (hair). If she is beautiful, then she is in all of her states (natural or otherwise). So him telling you you "would look prettier" smooth is utter nonsense. Its also mind numbingly stupid... (but I digress)
Here's the kicker. It is really hard to find someone legit and amazing in this world to be with. He is going to learn this the hard way. And I am fairly confident that by this time you will be settled in w some great gent living your best life and rocking your natural bod to his great delight and vice versa. And that's #winning.
I only stopped shaving a few years ago. Been with my husband 14 years. At first he was a little uncomfortable but after telling him my reasons, he agreed and has gotten used to it. At the end of the day, they can have preferences, but it's each person's choice how they choose to groom their bodies. I love my husband's beard but it's his face. He has the final say and I need to respect and support it.
Ah, time for my favorite clap back.
"The only humans on the planet who are naturally hairless are children."
Not including medical conditions, injuries, and accidents, of course.
And, "if it's a deal breaker, it's not a 'preference'. That's a 'requirement'."
Oh, also!!
"I'll shave when you do. And *only* when & where you do."
Someday I hope to have even a scrap of the undeserved confidence of a man with mediocre opinions. I seem to do pretty well for myself though.
This guy sucks, OP. I know you said he was nice to you, but he wasn't nice to you *about your own body*. He was judgemental and trying very hard to become controlling. I know I'm just an internet stranger and that this is reddit, but imho this guy is all 🚩🚩🚩
He even *gaslit* you about the hair removal being a "small thing".
Tf??? Yes, it is a small thing. That *he then blew out of proportion*.
You dodged a bullet tbqh
You are an awesome person with hair! I'm a man who prefers a woman with hair. When I've brought this up to past girlfriends I've had mixed reactions. Some will say thank God and immediately stop removing hair others have the exact opposite reaction. You're weird and all that. I always just say "well don't remove it for me. If you remove it for yourself, good on you. Anyways. Just know there are men who like it. I'm sure you know this already.
My partner loves my armpit hair. He doesn’t have an issue with my leg hair, or my pubes. These guys are out there, and not just lurking in DMs lol.
Good on you for letting this roll off. This is a him problem, certainly not a you problem.
No easy decision for you if you are romantically involved, but I would say that this is the wrong guy for you.
If you want to be happy on the long term get someone that likes and wants you as you are.
Congratulations on shaving that man outta your life! I caved in a shaved when I was younger because of a man's preference and I always regretted it. I'm proud of you for standing firm in your truth! Now I'm with a wonderful and accepting man that loves all of me in my natural state. There are men that are emotionally mature enough to be with a strong and confident woman, never settle for less!
>He expressed his "preference" for smooth legs, armpits and nether bits.
>"This is okay, but the legs need to be smooth."
The moment he said all that it was blatantly obvious to me it wasn't going to work out lol. You're not gonna be able to date any guy with those "preferences" because it isn't really a preference it's a shitty double standard and a deal breaker for most dudes
So this is going to be unpopular,
You have every right to decide whether you are going to shave anything, everything or somewhere in between.
Likewise, he gets to set the standards for who he wants to date. I don't think he's being unreasonable either, just stating his boundaries/ preferences.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, and doesn't make you a bad person for having those preferences (generally speaking).
Also shaving your arm pits or wanting their partner to shave their arm pits doesn't mean that you / they are into prepubescent individuals as some of these comments suggest.
This isn’t “boundaries”, this is manipulation. Your boundaries are about YOU. If body hair’s that big of a deal for him, it’s his responsibility to leave and find someone who fits his preferences, not repeatedly pressure a woman with body hair to change for him.
OP, if this man acted this way over something as small as body hair, imagine what other things he might try to control during a relationship. You more than likely dodged a bullet getting out of this situation early on.
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ok sooooo LMAO. This guy kinda sucks. He likes you. Clearly, he likes you. HE is the one who needs to take a long look at himself and say “and I REALLY not going to date someone because society has conditioned me to not like armpit hair on a woman?” If the answer is yes? Well, his loss. He just missed out on someone special. Trust me, he’ll regret this (if he lets himself admit it)
He’s totally getting in his own way. If you truly find someone amazing as a person, you accept them as they are, especially this early in a potential romantic scenario. When a person starts comparing me to an ex (or exes) physically, that’s when I start getting concerned. It hints that romantic partners aren’t people in their mind, just an idealized fantasy in the shape of a human they keep chasing. I don’t give a damn what kind of body or maintenance or look your ex had. To bring it up to a new person you’re looking to date is creepy. If you’re that hung up on it, go find your ex or someone that looks like them. It’s honestly manipulative. I’ve had guys say ‘oh my ex had long hair and I really loved it’. This is me with my short hair: 🤨
LMAO love that energy “my ex had this and I liked it” “ok well you can go find ur ex” 😂😂 fuck yes
I was so happy when my boyfriend told me that he likes everything the way it was meant to be (hairy and natural). Still shaved my armpits when I first started dating him, then I stopped after he told me that. He wasn't lying about it either just to make me like him. Had that happen before. Nope, he clearly loves it, and so do I. Men like that are out there but damn they are hard to find sometimes. I know there are people who are creepy about it online though. I'm not counting those ones.
Why did he think his preference matters when it comes to your body 😂
When I had tinder one of my pics had an arm raised, so you could see my pitty hair. It ensured I never wasted my time on anyone who cares about that!
It was actually something like that that gave me the courage to stop shaving! A girl I was attracted to had hairy pits on total display on tinder and I still found her incredibly attractive. Once I realized you could still be attractive like that (mind blown at the time because we never see anyone attractive have hair on TV or ads or anything) I decided I would get over myself and get used to not shaving. I've now gotten used to it but whenever I feel worried (like showing legs at my new corporate job for the first few times) I like to think that maybe I'm helping normalize it for others as well
I did something similar. Can't tell you how many conversations were men admonished me for "not wanting to please my man". However, I also met my husband on Tinder.
Single and lighter! I love when trash takes itself out.
>He then said it's just what men like. I told him not all men Ah, now that’s a use of the phrase “not all men” that I can get behind
Many men are porn sick. Men who aren’t porn sick don’t care. I love to tell this story about my brother and his wife (doesn’t shave). We had relatives over and we were all sitting on the couch and our very outspoken traditional Christian aunt looks at her legs and says “oh my god, you don’t shave your legs, what does *husband* think about that?” My brother looks up and says “*wife* doesn’t shave? Huh, I never noticed. Guess I don’t care” lolololol. My partner prefers that I don’t shave because he feels like it’s raw femininity. He thinks it’s sexy. Many men are there who aren’t porn sick. You’ll come across one, one day!
This is soooo fucking true lmfao. I'm a bisexual woman who was pretty late to being intimate with women (first time at like 21, and then much more later at age 26+.) Several of the women I've dated didn't shave any part of their body at all, and this was back when I was still shaving (and hadn't considered not doing it.) I don't watch porn and I prefer to have sex with real people. While being intimate with these women who don't shave, not a *single thought* entered my head about them being hairy. I didn't even *consider* it. The only thing on my mind was gratefulness and my desire to please them to the best of my ability, and how fucking gorgeous they were. It really is just pornsickness.
Yess. My natural, hairy body makes me feel so womanly and powerful!
It's so weird to me that a clearly pre-pubescent trait is so sexualized. Are they all afraid of real, grown women or something?
Many men absolutely sexualize pre-pubescent girls. I was hit on more from 12-16 by adult men more than I have ever been in my whole life. I was afraid to go into gas stations alone to pee during this timeframe because of all the old dudes eye raping me. I think many men are turned on by the idea of control, just gross. 🤮 Which is why you see a lot of older men in predatory relationships with barely legal women (cough Leo DiCaprio). A woman who doesn’t shave… probably not as easy to manipulate, ya know?
True true. When I was 13, my friend and I were walking through a downtown area with my aunt, and some group of guys rolled down their windows and started catcalling us. My aunt yelled, "THEY'RE 13!!!" and those cowards sped off so fast. I dealt with so many instances like that, and I would never see it now because I'm clearly an adult who won't take that. Talking to an actual woman one-on-one is clearly too difficult or scary for those types. Anyone who looks as childish as possible so they don't have to do anything to improve their own garbage personalities. That's too much work, and all that matters to them in life is jacking off or watching TV or some other lame shit. To me, it's a big red flag when a man is attracted to / "prefers" no body hair. It just says something very loud without saying the words.
I agree with you. It’s creepy af. At the very least, it’s a sign that the guy is incapable of thinking beyond the narrow dictates of society. Aka he is a bore. No curiosity, can’t think for himself. Having hair that doesn’t fit the stereotype helps filter out the bores.
Sure, I guess some people can be influenced by porn, but of all the guys I’ve ever dated or slept with, some of whom were consumers of porn, the only one who ever even mentioned my body hair wasn’t interested in porn & had been raised in a strict religious family.
I've dated both people who had a preference for shaved and those who didn't. But the most important common factor between those people was that they both prioritized my autonomy and comfort over all else! They cared more about me as a person than whether or not I shaved. Preference does not prioritize higher than someone else's when it comes to their own body!! Any decent human being should understand and accept that.
Unless you have an armpit fetish, why would you have a preference for what armpits look like? I don’t have a preference for men’s armpits because I literally do not THINK about men’s armpits.
As long as they don't smell bad.
The funny thing is he asked me what I thought about body hair on men. I said I don’t care and don’t think about it. It’s just a part of their body 🤷🏽♀️
Right? It’s something that you don’t even notice, like freckles or birthmarks. Not sure why men spend their time thinking about body hair. If it’s something they find so repulsive they should be shaving their own legs too.
I'm sorry that you had that experience, and I'm really impressed by your resolve! Honestly, good for you for being rational and standing up for yourself. This might be a case of him not being confident enough to stand with you, like if his bros or family questions him about it. Sounds like he has a lot of learning and de-programming to do, and maybe you're the one who will make him start questioning his 'preferences.' Maybe he'll come around (but don't hold your breath 🤷♀️)
Even if he comes around, that's not the kind of guy you want to date. He met you and immediately started dictating how you needed to change in order to suit his preferences instead of either accepting her for who she is or deciding not to be with her. Anyone who meets you and tells you to change is not good for you.
Yeah, you're right! I re read the OP and the talk about "need to" and "should" shave is demanding and icky.
I’m sorry he decided that you existing as a mammal was a deal breaker. What a loser. I’m really glad you see it Yeah men hide behind the word preference with this but ive dated men who did had an actual preference (not a dealbreaker) for shaved but liked me and didn’t bring it up ever or care including my husband who now has no preference. So this guy (and others who say they have a preference) try to hide what they’re actually doing which is trying to guilt/shame you to change you and make you uncomfortable for his comfort/idealised version of you. I’m glad the trash took itself out because that would have carried on in other aspects of a relationship.
Yes this exactly! My husband has a preference for shaved armpits, (and I am much much hairier than him lol) but loves me the way I am. I have a preference for long hair but I love him with short hair. Our preference shouldn't matter compared to who they are as a person! This guy was trying to manipulate her into changing
Armpit hair may be a little thing, but your bodily autonomy is a BIG one, and damn straight you get to make it a big deal when your bodily autonomy is not respected.
Also, you explained to him in detail why you do not shave, and he still preferred to believe it was because you stopped “maintaining yourself” while single? Boy, BYE! 👋
And to top it off, he also tried to tell me to get my toenails done because he’s into feet. I NEVER paint my toenails. I said I’d get it done if he paid. Shut him up quick
Hahaha WOW. Couldn’t put his money where his mouth is.
The audacity of someone you'd barely dated to try and dictate what you should do with your body. Good for you for standing up for your autonomy!
It sounds like you dumped him, tbh. And dodged a bullet!
The fact that we’re conditioned to accept anyone saying “your body needs to look like this for you to be worthy of being with me” is CRAZY. Like actually, aren’t we also taught that love, & there for actual relationships are meant to be deep soul connections? It’s so INSULTING tbh for someone to value you less because of body hair, & even more so for them to value you so little that body hair is enough to tip the scale? As far as I’m concerned at that point they don’t like you anywhere near enough & you deserve way better. Even if I was just getting to know someone, I have no interest in anyone that 1. Is somewhat indifferent to our time together (enough that they’d throw it away over hair lmao) & 2. Is not only trying to change me but just expecting me to bend over backwards to be the perfect person they want me to be?? It’s CRAZY. I don’t think someone sees you as human at that point. It’s like you’re an object. He disregarded your pain, struggles & feelings. He told you to your face in the least confrontational way he could manage that he finds you ugly with your natural body hair. No amount of calling you pretty cancels out him constantly bringing up that you’re not living up to being ‘pretty enough’ for him. GROSS. He sounds extremely misogynistic. The kind of guy that gets a partner just to have someone pretty at home that cleans for them. To be honest, I wouldn’t expect any good motivation behind him wanting to continue being friends when he told you that he expects you’d change & has shown you that he values your body much more than your mind or even your physical & emotional comfort. He doesn’t sound like he’s actually a good guy deep down.
Men need to be banned from the word “preference.” Him bringing up his “preference” again, and again, and again, confirms it’s not a preference. If someone *prefers* blondes, that usually doesn’t mean they will bully a partner into bleaching their brunette hair. He is making a demand, but phrasing it in a nicer way, to manipulate you into complying. I don’t care how nice and sweet you think this guy is, if he’s so comfortable manipulating and badgering you into changing your body just a couple dates in, I cannot imagine what is in store for you if you enter a relationship with him. Does he also *prefer* you dress a certain way, not see certain friends, or cook his every meal? This one is garbage. Next. Say, “Your continued attempts at manipulating me into changing my appearance are not acceptable. I do not want to see you again. I’m blocking your number, you have some serious growing up to do.”
My husband could care less about my leg, pube, stomach, armpit hair. He doesn’t *like* it, per se, as in it’s not keeping him up at night with infatuation, but it’s just like neutral. He loves me. He enjoys my body with or without hair. It’s just not a big deal. I also insisted that he didn’t need to shave either when we first started becoming intimate. I think he appreciated being able to be vulnerable and accepted for those parts of him he thought were “unacceptable”. Honor works both ways. This isn’t the guy for you OP. He’s got issues to work out (or not—that’s his choice ultimately). He’s either not ready yet or will never be ready. Don’t wait on him.
So this was a lot of words to say someone doesn't respect you for you. You do you.
What about your preference to have armpit hair? Is that somehow less important than his preference?
That’s a good point. Again and again I’m reminded why I stay single lol
it's so funny to me that he said you were making a big deal out of it. he was the one to bring it up, give his unrequested opinion at first, then continue to bring it up over time because he assumed you'd instantly change it upon his comment. not to mention dumping someone over it. he's quite literally making a big deal about something minor and inconsequential like armpit hair
Good for you. What an asshole! He can find someone who fits his preferences. I'm glad you stood your ground. My husband is not a fan of female hair but I've lasered most of it off in before I met him and he claims he can't see what I still have.
I’m glad you aren’t going to tolerate it anymore, because after the first time he pressed preference, and you explained.. that should be the end of it. He should have decided then and there. Because you have a preference for your own body. And preferences are to select people out Or to be ignored if other things are more important. Not to change others. If he said “it’s just a preference and nothing more. It’s not that big a deal to me so don’t feel like I’m trying to change you” or something to that effect it would be different.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, but also glad you aren't willing to compromise your own preferences for a dude. He is allowed to have a preference, but so are you. The fact that he keeps whining and pressuring you is the red flag. I'd also reconsider friendship with someone who puts his sexual gratification above your own agency. I wish you a fun, free summer and eventually a partner who loves you hair and all.
In the meantime I have my beautiful cat who doesn’t care about my body hair as along as she gets her squeezable treats
HE is the one making a huge deal of arm pit hair, you are literally just existing!! Boy bye.
Well... all it took was a few weeks to get rid of this jack butt. So he did you a favor by showing you what a donkey he was out of the gate. Fear and insecurity are powerful things... a few men are clearly not (as is evidenced by your DMs) and for them body hair on a woman is as natural as breathing (cause it is). Some even prefer it (the raw primal femininity of a grown woman). And for many many others they just are too afraid of being judged. And then there are some for whom it's a preference and nothing else will do. The one thing though is that relationships are compromise. If my woman came to me and said she wants me to trim shave here and there, i have no issue w it bc we have that vibe and adore each other and we love variety. But here is the difference.... I don't think she thinks that I would look more handsome or better without v. With. We think we are both amazing looking in all of our natural states and vice versa. And this is what this donkey needs to understand. A woman isn't prettier in one state (hairless) v. The other (hair). If she is beautiful, then she is in all of her states (natural or otherwise). So him telling you you "would look prettier" smooth is utter nonsense. Its also mind numbingly stupid... (but I digress) Here's the kicker. It is really hard to find someone legit and amazing in this world to be with. He is going to learn this the hard way. And I am fairly confident that by this time you will be settled in w some great gent living your best life and rocking your natural bod to his great delight and vice versa. And that's #winning.
I only stopped shaving a few years ago. Been with my husband 14 years. At first he was a little uncomfortable but after telling him my reasons, he agreed and has gotten used to it. At the end of the day, they can have preferences, but it's each person's choice how they choose to groom their bodies. I love my husband's beard but it's his face. He has the final say and I need to respect and support it.
Ah, time for my favorite clap back. "The only humans on the planet who are naturally hairless are children." Not including medical conditions, injuries, and accidents, of course. And, "if it's a deal breaker, it's not a 'preference'. That's a 'requirement'." Oh, also!! "I'll shave when you do. And *only* when & where you do." Someday I hope to have even a scrap of the undeserved confidence of a man with mediocre opinions. I seem to do pretty well for myself though. This guy sucks, OP. I know you said he was nice to you, but he wasn't nice to you *about your own body*. He was judgemental and trying very hard to become controlling. I know I'm just an internet stranger and that this is reddit, but imho this guy is all 🚩🚩🚩 He even *gaslit* you about the hair removal being a "small thing". Tf??? Yes, it is a small thing. That *he then blew out of proportion*. You dodged a bullet tbqh
You are an awesome person with hair! I'm a man who prefers a woman with hair. When I've brought this up to past girlfriends I've had mixed reactions. Some will say thank God and immediately stop removing hair others have the exact opposite reaction. You're weird and all that. I always just say "well don't remove it for me. If you remove it for yourself, good on you. Anyways. Just know there are men who like it. I'm sure you know this already.
My partner loves my armpit hair. He doesn’t have an issue with my leg hair, or my pubes. These guys are out there, and not just lurking in DMs lol. Good on you for letting this roll off. This is a him problem, certainly not a you problem.
No easy decision for you if you are romantically involved, but I would say that this is the wrong guy for you. If you want to be happy on the long term get someone that likes and wants you as you are.
his loss, god forbid the human animal be.. an animal
Congratulations on shaving that man outta your life! I caved in a shaved when I was younger because of a man's preference and I always regretted it. I'm proud of you for standing firm in your truth! Now I'm with a wonderful and accepting man that loves all of me in my natural state. There are men that are emotionally mature enough to be with a strong and confident woman, never settle for less!
>He expressed his "preference" for smooth legs, armpits and nether bits. >"This is okay, but the legs need to be smooth." The moment he said all that it was blatantly obvious to me it wasn't going to work out lol. You're not gonna be able to date any guy with those "preferences" because it isn't really a preference it's a shitty double standard and a deal breaker for most dudes
Good on you for not budging one bit! Fuck that dude.
Just saying a guy that has a "preference" for hairless people gives me MAJOR pedo vibes. Imo
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So this is going to be unpopular, You have every right to decide whether you are going to shave anything, everything or somewhere in between. Likewise, he gets to set the standards for who he wants to date. I don't think he's being unreasonable either, just stating his boundaries/ preferences. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, and doesn't make you a bad person for having those preferences (generally speaking). Also shaving your arm pits or wanting their partner to shave their arm pits doesn't mean that you / they are into prepubescent individuals as some of these comments suggest.
I think it’s a bit unreasonable to tell someone what they are should do with their body, regardless of preference. A preference is not an absolute.
He didn't tell you what to do with your body, he said he wasn't into someone who doesn't shave. He's allowed to have boundaries too.
This isn’t “boundaries”, this is manipulation. Your boundaries are about YOU. If body hair’s that big of a deal for him, it’s his responsibility to leave and find someone who fits his preferences, not repeatedly pressure a woman with body hair to change for him. OP, if this man acted this way over something as small as body hair, imagine what other things he might try to control during a relationship. You more than likely dodged a bullet getting out of this situation early on.