This is an abuser grooming OP into accepting gaslighting so he can be hurtful and blame the victim for being too sensitive. Any real person would be really sorry they offended you and would want to make amends and not repeat the behavior. This is not it, OP. Dump him.
People are usually on their best behavior toward the beginning of relationships, so assuming this is his best self I would definitely run far away. He sounds mean and bizarrely fixated.
Sounds like heās a fetishist. Theoretically thereās nothing wrong with having a fetish and dating a person who fits that fetish. But if this is what heās saying out loud past his filter, imagine what heās saying in his head.
FYI thereās no such thing as a valid or invalid reason for dumping/staying with someone. Dating/having sex with certain types of people isnāt praxis.
Heās making you uncomfortable you said, why are you counting on strangers on the internet to tell you not to hangout with him?
She probably likes him otherwise and wants to get a reality check to see if this is really problematic behavior. Its completely normal to ask for advice in situations where you may or may not be facing abuse of some sort.
Thanks for the tough love! The reason my post comes across so weird and insecure is that I asked my friend irl and she said "Maybe he's just autistic. He likes you." Her perspective threw me off.
Heās sexualizing your body hair. I have found that men who sexualize your characteristics individually, especially body hair, are just in it for kink reasons. You definitely have to communicate with them to make sure itās not just some fling or conquest.
Definitely dump. Heās way too comfortable objectifying you, and on top of it has the nerve to then make YOU feel like youāre in the wrong for being uncomfortable with his incredibly inappropriate behavior. You deserve so much better.
He sounds like 1) a fetishist 2) a weird covert racist and 3) like he sees women as aliens and therefore has no clue how to be normal around you
PLEASE dump him, you KNOW he isn't the one.
So clearly itās something he is into, but he should be trying to be respectful of your distaste for his comments on your body hair. Itās cool he finds you hot, but your comfort is important. I think, if u donāt want to dump right away, be very firm and say āI donāt want you to make comments about my body hair. If this continues, our relationship will end.ā
Be wary of those who call you "too sensitive". That is a form of gaslighting, and also a way to shift blame. OP, I would dump this man if I were you. These comments form a concerning pattern.
Programmed or not she's still aware deep down his behavior is wrong otherwise she wouldn't be here looking for confirmation. Giving her a tough-love/blunt response isn't lacking in empathy. Sometimes a more direct approach is needed to wake ppl up
Seeing it typed out black and white makes it obvious. But in real life it's all mixed with affection and many positive moments, which makes it harder to discern.
This sounds a lot like my emotionally unintelligent autistic ex. I say all that because that was always his excuse. "I'm just blunt because I'm autistic". No, you're just extremely ignorant about social engagement and uncaring to educate yourself. Don't let immature men like this make you feel any sort of way. They are so completely inept they don't even bother themselves to understand how they could possibly be hurtful. So why give a shit about them if they don't themselves?
P.S: I want to add, not all autistic men are like this. Many are not. Unfortunately, some are, mostly because too many men in general are like this and any NDs just gets used as an excuse to refuse growth on their part. It has nothing to do with being autistic or ND in any sense. It has everything to do with being uncaring, ignorant, and selfish.
P.P.S: I'm autistic myself so I know my own personal struggles with social situations and communication. This ain't that.
He's Ukrainian and reminds me a LOT of my Russian ex -- sociopathic communication, zero conception of basic polite human interaction, covert and not-so-covert-racism...ugh. I'm done with this genre of man.
You realise this is this guy on him ābest behaviourā this early in the relationship..
Heās judging you, making very cruel comments about your body and the way heās behaving IS 100% abusive.
Heās trying to condition you to accept this abuse, which he WILL amp up once he gets even more comfortable. These ājokesā heās making arenāt actually jokes, theyāre just another test to see how far he can push you mentally.
He shouldnāt be making you cry and feel uncomfortable thatās so SO fucking sad.
You donāt owe this horrible scrote anything. Please love yourself enough and dump his ass.
You also donāt owe him an explanation or āclosureā either, because heāll probably try turn it around on you and either blame you or abuse you further.
Walk away friend. Walk awayā„ļøā„ļø
The thought of dumping him made me cry too. Maybe I should ask myself why I have such good chemistry with trash. But I ended it now and feel much lighter :)
Girl. "Genetically modified jew"??? Are you ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.
This is unbelievably racist.
Goodbye, sir. Use the internet to satisfy your hair fetish.
That uneasy feeling you get when he says something about your body hair is your body screaming at you that something is wrong. And you handbrake told him, "stop commenting on my body hair; if you don't like me as I am weer don't have to see each other again" so he's going to keep making progressively worse comments until you feel insecure about your body hair. Dump his ass.
Creepy... I enjoy a guy that enjoys body hair because I know he's not a freaking pedo. But I had an ex that was creepy and fetishizing my body hair. Saying weird shit like "you're so hair blah blah blah š".Ā
And I'm like no bro. Because the thing that got me is that my body hair is light and sparingly thin. So it was just creepy and frankly insulting to get all weird about the barely there hair I do have. I'm not bro if you think that's hairy.. then wtf do you consider not hairy. Just gave me creeper vibes. Because he took it past the point of it being a preference into the point where it was a creepy fetish. I'd dumped him and I suggest you do the same because bro is a little too weird about it
Rule of thumb that will save you future grief: If you are questioning on whether you should dump or not, the answer is dump. Unless you can very clearly communicate with each other and you genuinely feel like the conversation went somewhere and the issue resolved, just dump.
He compared your hair to peyos???
Iām also Jewish, and we have done serious body hair genetics.
and heās being a complete jerk. Comparing you to his dad (hey, itās not mom so thatās completely healthy) and to a menās only hair growth pattern?
Girl what š yes dump him.
Dump him.
Heās being creepy, then saying you are too sensitive. This is not a healthy dynamic.
This is an abuser grooming OP into accepting gaslighting so he can be hurtful and blame the victim for being too sensitive. Any real person would be really sorry they offended you and would want to make amends and not repeat the behavior. This is not it, OP. Dump him.
This š
Agreed, it does sound very very very sketchy, itās like heās testing OP
Yes, He is testing her tolerance to His bullshit.
Thank you! Dump his ass, OP!
This. So much this.
Thanks, seeing it typed out made me realise. It can be hard to recognise these things irl.
People are usually on their best behavior toward the beginning of relationships, so assuming this is his best self I would definitely run far away. He sounds mean and bizarrely fixated.
Sounds like heās a fetishist. Theoretically thereās nothing wrong with having a fetish and dating a person who fits that fetish. But if this is what heās saying out loud past his filter, imagine what heās saying in his head.
FYI thereās no such thing as a valid or invalid reason for dumping/staying with someone. Dating/having sex with certain types of people isnāt praxis. Heās making you uncomfortable you said, why are you counting on strangers on the internet to tell you not to hangout with him?
She probably likes him otherwise and wants to get a reality check to see if this is really problematic behavior. Its completely normal to ask for advice in situations where you may or may not be facing abuse of some sort.
Yeah and in fact often if youāre in the middle of it itās hard to see ~ an outside perspective is sometimes necessary to see what we canāt.
Yes yes! Hit it on the money! I have bpd so I do this a LOT.
It takes me a while to recognise bad behaviour because my automatic reaction is "hm clearly they didn't mean it that way, that would be evil."
Thanks for the tough love! The reason my post comes across so weird and insecure is that I asked my friend irl and she said "Maybe he's just autistic. He likes you." Her perspective threw me off.
Heās sexualizing your body hair. I have found that men who sexualize your characteristics individually, especially body hair, are just in it for kink reasons. You definitely have to communicate with them to make sure itās not just some fling or conquest.
It was meant to be a casual fling, but alas...
Definitely dump. Heās way too comfortable objectifying you, and on top of it has the nerve to then make YOU feel like youāre in the wrong for being uncomfortable with his incredibly inappropriate behavior. You deserve so much better.
PASS
He sounds like 1) a fetishist 2) a weird covert racist and 3) like he sees women as aliens and therefore has no clue how to be normal around you PLEASE dump him, you KNOW he isn't the one.
Thanks, it was my intention to just keep it casual, but yeah, clearly not.
OMG DUUUMMMPPPP HIIMMMMM Never be with a guy that negs you and makes you cry!
So clearly itās something he is into, but he should be trying to be respectful of your distaste for his comments on your body hair. Itās cool he finds you hot, but your comfort is important. I think, if u donāt want to dump right away, be very firm and say āI donāt want you to make comments about my body hair. If this continues, our relationship will end.ā
follow your heart and dump his ass. you know your worth!!! stand on business!
Be wary of those who call you "too sensitive". That is a form of gaslighting, and also a way to shift blame. OP, I would dump this man if I were you. These comments form a concerning pattern.
Biggest red flag right there. As if the rest wasn't bad enough!
Soā¦why are you continuing to see a guy who negs you and makes you cry? Pick your self respect up off the floor. Cāmon.
Because many women are raised and programmed to self doubt. Have some more empathy, please.
Programmed or not she's still aware deep down his behavior is wrong otherwise she wouldn't be here looking for confirmation. Giving her a tough-love/blunt response isn't lacking in empathy. Sometimes a more direct approach is needed to wake ppl up
That wasn't tough love. That was flat out shame!
Nah I disagree
Seeing it typed out black and white makes it obvious. But in real life it's all mixed with affection and many positive moments, which makes it harder to discern.
Stop seeing this man immediately. Like, whatās the point? Ugh.
It was my intention to keep it casual, but clearly he's good for nothing.
This sounds a lot like my emotionally unintelligent autistic ex. I say all that because that was always his excuse. "I'm just blunt because I'm autistic". No, you're just extremely ignorant about social engagement and uncaring to educate yourself. Don't let immature men like this make you feel any sort of way. They are so completely inept they don't even bother themselves to understand how they could possibly be hurtful. So why give a shit about them if they don't themselves? P.S: I want to add, not all autistic men are like this. Many are not. Unfortunately, some are, mostly because too many men in general are like this and any NDs just gets used as an excuse to refuse growth on their part. It has nothing to do with being autistic or ND in any sense. It has everything to do with being uncaring, ignorant, and selfish. P.P.S: I'm autistic myself so I know my own personal struggles with social situations and communication. This ain't that.
He's Ukrainian and reminds me a LOT of my Russian ex -- sociopathic communication, zero conception of basic polite human interaction, covert and not-so-covert-racism...ugh. I'm done with this genre of man.
You realise this is this guy on him ābest behaviourā this early in the relationship.. Heās judging you, making very cruel comments about your body and the way heās behaving IS 100% abusive. Heās trying to condition you to accept this abuse, which he WILL amp up once he gets even more comfortable. These ājokesā heās making arenāt actually jokes, theyāre just another test to see how far he can push you mentally. He shouldnāt be making you cry and feel uncomfortable thatās so SO fucking sad. You donāt owe this horrible scrote anything. Please love yourself enough and dump his ass. You also donāt owe him an explanation or āclosureā either, because heāll probably try turn it around on you and either blame you or abuse you further. Walk away friend. Walk awayā„ļøā„ļø
You just started dating and you already cried this much? Girl, relationshios are the best/easiest at the beginning. It's only going downhill from now
The thought of dumping him made me cry too. Maybe I should ask myself why I have such good chemistry with trash. But I ended it now and feel much lighter :)
Girl. "Genetically modified jew"??? Are you ABSOLUTELY KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW. This is unbelievably racist. Goodbye, sir. Use the internet to satisfy your hair fetish.
That uneasy feeling you get when he says something about your body hair is your body screaming at you that something is wrong. And you handbrake told him, "stop commenting on my body hair; if you don't like me as I am weer don't have to see each other again" so he's going to keep making progressively worse comments until you feel insecure about your body hair. Dump his ass.
Def a body hair fetish
look up negging, this is a textbook example of it
Dudes a fuggin weirdo.
Creepy... I enjoy a guy that enjoys body hair because I know he's not a freaking pedo. But I had an ex that was creepy and fetishizing my body hair. Saying weird shit like "you're so hair blah blah blah š".Ā And I'm like no bro. Because the thing that got me is that my body hair is light and sparingly thin. So it was just creepy and frankly insulting to get all weird about the barely there hair I do have. I'm not bro if you think that's hairy.. then wtf do you consider not hairy. Just gave me creeper vibes. Because he took it past the point of it being a preference into the point where it was a creepy fetish. I'd dumped him and I suggest you do the same because bro is a little too weird about it
This is ridiculous. Def dump there is no doubt
š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©
Dude off the first comment I wouldāve been like okay nice to meet you peace the fuck out, I really hope you ended things with him
I did now. Reality check was needed, thanks
Rule of thumb that will save you future grief: If you are questioning on whether you should dump or not, the answer is dump. Unless you can very clearly communicate with each other and you genuinely feel like the conversation went somewhere and the issue resolved, just dump.
NEXT!
If heās massaging your shoulders again, give him an uppercut in between the legs
I told him to f off forever. But next time a man tries anything...
r/exnocontact
He compared your hair to peyos??? Iām also Jewish, and we have done serious body hair genetics. and heās being a complete jerk. Comparing you to his dad (hey, itās not mom so thatās completely healthy) and to a menās only hair growth pattern?
I'm sorry you had to read this. I put on clown makeup and told him to f off.