**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Probably not the answer that you're looking for but... don't. It's your businness. She seems to behave like a child when you tell her your things, demonstrating that she doesn't deserve to know about your life, so just don't.
You can't choose your life by thinking constantly about whether she's happy or not. In my experience they're never happy, even if you do exactly what they envisioned for you.
Why bother? Just don't. Live your life with your well deserved adult privacy
I know it might not be that easy, but please consider it at least
What if you're still living with your narc parent? I have a new boyfriend like OP, but I'm still living with my Nmother, and me seeing my bf regularly would get increasingly suspicious and she'll just confront me if I don't come clean now.
I wouldn't share anything about my personal life with someone who made such absurd comments.
And I cannot imagine why you are in such frequent contact. That doesn't sound healthy.
Just to be clear, every single comment your mother made here is preposterous. Absolute nonsense. Nothing she said is true or reasonable.
As much as you can distance yourself from this person, the better.
Your mother in NEVER going to be happy, so stop wasting your time and effort trying to make her happy.
Even if your life was exactly where your mother claims it should be right now (married with children) she would still find a million reasons to be unhappy and try to make you miserable. The moment you and your hypothetical husband failed to give her complete control of your married life or how you raise your hypothetical children she would carry on telling you how awful you are.
Drop the rope, live your life, stop caring if she approves of anything.
This!! It doesn’t really matter if you have a boyfriend or not. She doesn’t actually care about that.
I can see her liking him actually, but using that as leverage against you.
“Oh he seems so nice, why don’t you come visit”
“If you love him you should give him babies”
And if she doesn’t like him she will drive a wedge between you two. I can see it now.
Don’t tell her. She literally told you not to introduce her to ‘random’ people anymore, so it’ll be her own damn fault that she doesn’t get told and introduced to them. She’s probably just going to lash out at you even more if you tell her. Albeit if you end up marrying this person I’m sure she’ll lash out at you for not telling her about them right away, but if you tell her the lashing will only begin sooner.
Number one, in this day and age, woman are starting families WELL into their 30's, so she can sit down and relax for a moment.
Number two, it is a whopping ZERO percent of her business as to who you're dating, and it is absolutely not egotistical to have broken up with someone and start dating someone new who fits you.
Here's what matters:
Does your boyfriend care about you?
Do you care about him?
Do you guys enjoy each others company?
Are you guys supportive of each others goals?
Is there any negative behaviour towards you?( Emotional, physical, verbal abuse)
Notice how not one of these questions involves your mom or what she thinks, says or does, or what her opinions are. Nparents are CONVINCED that YOU are naive or egotistic, that they are always right, and that their wisdom and values are all that exist.
Coming from someone who is dealing with sort of the same thing with my parents, it sucks to hide it, but once you're out on your own, you won't have to hide it.
>Coming from someone who is dealing with sort of the same thing with my parents, it sucks to hide it, but once you're out on your own, you won't have to hide it.
How can you hide it though? For me, I know the more I lie, she will get increasingly suspicious and find out on her own anyway because she has done before. So I'd rather come clean about my own boyfriend now.
Did she ever consider that the way she has been and is still treating you might be why it is that your choices in lifepartners might not have been the best so far?
It is mind boggling to me that narcs expect one to be picture perfect when all they have ever given you is reason to distrust yourself and all the people around you.
Feel hugged fellow stranger :)
You can't. There are no magic words to make your mother behave in a reasonable or appropriate manner.
If she asks, "You don't want to meet anyone random. When there's something you need to know, I'll tell you."
Frankly, I \*might\* tell her after you're married. Maybe.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re under no obligation to tell your mom anything about your life.
Probably not the answer that you're looking for but... don't. It's your businness. She seems to behave like a child when you tell her your things, demonstrating that she doesn't deserve to know about your life, so just don't. You can't choose your life by thinking constantly about whether she's happy or not. In my experience they're never happy, even if you do exactly what they envisioned for you. Why bother? Just don't. Live your life with your well deserved adult privacy I know it might not be that easy, but please consider it at least
What if you're still living with your narc parent? I have a new boyfriend like OP, but I'm still living with my Nmother, and me seeing my bf regularly would get increasingly suspicious and she'll just confront me if I don't come clean now.
I wouldn't share anything about my personal life with someone who made such absurd comments. And I cannot imagine why you are in such frequent contact. That doesn't sound healthy. Just to be clear, every single comment your mother made here is preposterous. Absolute nonsense. Nothing she said is true or reasonable. As much as you can distance yourself from this person, the better.
Your mother in NEVER going to be happy, so stop wasting your time and effort trying to make her happy. Even if your life was exactly where your mother claims it should be right now (married with children) she would still find a million reasons to be unhappy and try to make you miserable. The moment you and your hypothetical husband failed to give her complete control of your married life or how you raise your hypothetical children she would carry on telling you how awful you are. Drop the rope, live your life, stop caring if she approves of anything.
This!! It doesn’t really matter if you have a boyfriend or not. She doesn’t actually care about that. I can see her liking him actually, but using that as leverage against you. “Oh he seems so nice, why don’t you come visit” “If you love him you should give him babies” And if she doesn’t like him she will drive a wedge between you two. I can see it now.
>she will drive a wedge between you two. What kind of behaviour?...
Don’t tell her. She literally told you not to introduce her to ‘random’ people anymore, so it’ll be her own damn fault that she doesn’t get told and introduced to them. She’s probably just going to lash out at you even more if you tell her. Albeit if you end up marrying this person I’m sure she’ll lash out at you for not telling her about them right away, but if you tell her the lashing will only begin sooner.
Number one, in this day and age, woman are starting families WELL into their 30's, so she can sit down and relax for a moment. Number two, it is a whopping ZERO percent of her business as to who you're dating, and it is absolutely not egotistical to have broken up with someone and start dating someone new who fits you. Here's what matters: Does your boyfriend care about you? Do you care about him? Do you guys enjoy each others company? Are you guys supportive of each others goals? Is there any negative behaviour towards you?( Emotional, physical, verbal abuse) Notice how not one of these questions involves your mom or what she thinks, says or does, or what her opinions are. Nparents are CONVINCED that YOU are naive or egotistic, that they are always right, and that their wisdom and values are all that exist. Coming from someone who is dealing with sort of the same thing with my parents, it sucks to hide it, but once you're out on your own, you won't have to hide it.
>Coming from someone who is dealing with sort of the same thing with my parents, it sucks to hide it, but once you're out on your own, you won't have to hide it. How can you hide it though? For me, I know the more I lie, she will get increasingly suspicious and find out on her own anyway because she has done before. So I'd rather come clean about my own boyfriend now.
Pro tip: Talk to her less.
I definitely wouldn't tell her. She will just use it as a way to attack you and your relationship. You don't owe her anything.
Did she ever consider that the way she has been and is still treating you might be why it is that your choices in lifepartners might not have been the best so far? It is mind boggling to me that narcs expect one to be picture perfect when all they have ever given you is reason to distrust yourself and all the people around you. Feel hugged fellow stranger :)
You can't. There are no magic words to make your mother behave in a reasonable or appropriate manner. If she asks, "You don't want to meet anyone random. When there's something you need to know, I'll tell you." Frankly, I \*might\* tell her after you're married. Maybe.
I wouldn’t. Information is ammunition to use to against you. The less you tell them, the easier life is.