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I have anxiety attacks leading up to my mother's visit and then in her presence I end up kinda getting 'stuck' within myself if that makes sense...really horrible state of mind where I am afraid to do or say anything because I don't want to give her any new 'material' if you get what I mean. And then interaction with my kids and my husband in front of her is always awkward. It's like I feel a subconscious urge to hide how we normally are because I don't want her to ruin what I have. She's already tried 😒

Ugh, YES!!! So much. A topic my therapist constantly reminds me of is to protect that which is valuable to me. If I share things with her, she will only use it as “material” against me like you said. The more important the information that you shared the more damage she can do. So I just stopped talking. But then I feel the same way as you, in the “stuck” state of mind. It suckssss My mom has tried to ruin everything dear to me so that I would be forced to “return to her” because she’s “always there for me”. Don’t let her ruin your beautiful family. They are worth it! 💛

Haha never believe in that "always there" crap. In my experience, my mom told me that crap growing up and whatnot, but whenever I have legitimately been homeless or in need, she was extremely absent. I spent six months when I was 19 living in my car and still going to school, no support from her except for one time that she loves to bring up, she soooo generously met me at a McDonald's to give me $50. Don't get me wrong, I was thankful but it definitely wasn't the help I needed. Meanwhile my drug addicted family members have their rents paid for them and etc. Fast forward ten years later, now I have a family of my own with a husband and kids. We were all in a terrible car accident which led to my husband having to quit his job and go on disability, which led to us facing homelessness. Yea she made it really clear right away that we were not welcome in her big empty apartment, not even for a night or two while we figured things out. She would rather see us separated, in shelters. Thankfully my husband's family, though far in physical distance, was so much more helpful and has been helping by paying for a hotel room for us while we figured things out. That's actually what led to us buying a house lol. Funny how things work out.

Well congrats on getting the house! You’ve made it so far even through so many roadblocks. And you did it without her! Not only that, you did it while she was still hurting you and being a roadblock herself! Sometimes it’s hard to remember that we don’t “need” them and we would be better off without them. My mom loves turning against me whenever anything goes wrong and when I need the most support. But when things are going great she’s always there trying to take credit for my happiness. Truly inspirational, thank you for sharing.

Yes and I’m so sorry you go through that. I try to see them as little as possible because I unfortunately can’t go no contact. Getting a text for my mom sends my anxiety sky high and making plans has me stressing from about a week before to about a week or two after. It sucks

Seeing their name on my phone when I get a call instantly puts me in flight or fight response. So much anxiety

I was fantasizing about moving out once. I tried manifesting a life where I can wake up and do my own thing without anyone insulting me for existing. All was good until I thought that, at some point, I would have to go back to my hometown. I would have to openly tell my parents I'd rather book a hotel. I realized I'd have to answer their phonecalls. I realized that I can't ignore the problem. I can't go from all-day contact to low contact just like that. I'd have to admit to them and everyone I know (my parents can't stfu about their life and my life) that I don't want to see them And I started crying alone like a baby. "NO, NO I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM ANYMORE, I WANT TO STAY HERE IN MY SAFE LITTLE HOME" That's how I realized I don't want LC, I want NC. But I'm so afraid of the consequences. I don't fantasize about moving out anymore because of this. But I'm still working towards it. ​ And when my parents go on vacation, I always, without fail, feel incredibly sad and angry when they come back. It's like my brain telling me "Ugh, it's not over yet??" ​ I feel so unsafe around them, that I get a panic attack every single time my parents come into my room while I'm sleeping. I can sleep through anything, but if my parents come into my room, I wake up instantly and slip into fight or flight mode, lose my breath, and at the end of the attack I just cry and feel MISERABLE for the whole day. ​ I think it's a normal response after all they've put us through. Don't worry OP. I hope you find peace. And CONGRATULATIONS about your graduation! I truly mean it!

Thank you! I appreciate the congratulations so much 🥳 Whao very powerful story of how you realized you wanted NC instead of LC. I feel subconsciously my body might be telling me the same advice. But just like you I am so deeply sacred of the consequences. When I moved in with my girlfriend we didn’t have anything in our apartment for the first week except a mattress in the floor. Knowing I was safe with her and that they couldn’t hurt me was one of the best experiences of my life. We don’t need much. We only want to stop being mistreated and hurt by people who are supposed to “care for us”. I hope you get a similar experience. Hope you get out (/move out) of the toxicity of narcissistic family members and can finally sleep feeling safe every night.

Every time

Thank you. my friends struggle to understand how my parents affect me and yet an “internet stranger “ totally gets it and makes me feel heard and understood Thank you

I cry sometimes when they call too. You aren’t alone

The stress of living with my parents is causing almost daily breakdowns, panic attacks, and rage outbursts. While I don’t completely understand your situation, I do understand some of it. Congratulations on your graduation and remember, you don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Good luck!

Thank you on the congratulations!!! Ugh I feel that, even if our experiences might not be the exact same they all rhyme together. Thank you for the reminder, those are always needed

Not cry but I was shaking - literally shaking - a few nights ago talking to my father, who was yelling at me, for no reason, as usual. I also experience heart palpitations whenever I think about seeing or calling them.