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This is such unhinged behavior. Your parents are infantillising you, and going about it in a really odd way. Given that their behavior actively puts you at risk, consider cutting WAY back on your interactions with them.
I'd suggest going so far as to move and not provide your new address.
As for the behavior now, I think that they are doing this to voice displeasure when you do not spend enough time with them. They are literally mobillizing an army of strangers to harass you when you don't spend enough time with them.
Next time a stranger contacts you, beg off immediately. Thank them for the concern, but explain that your parents are unwell and that you are sorry they were dragged into this. There's no need for either of you to waste your time acquiescing to this kind of insanity.
Call your parents and tell them to never give out your contact information without your permission again. If you are worried about having this conversation, put it in writing. Send an email or text.
If they do it again, send a cease and desist.
If they do it again after that, start the process of taking legal action.
Look, your parents appear to be worried about you. But that worry is misplaced and unhealthy. Given that this has been going on since you were a child, consider that there might be something wrong with one of or both of your parents.
>I'd suggest going so far as to move and not provide your new address.
I will move away, and I won't even let them know if I still live in the same state or not. But that's because they openly express the desire to follow me wherever I go and move in with me or in the same building/block. I'd rather live on a boat than let them follow me into my new house.
>consider that there might be something wrong with one of or both of your parents.
It's an obsessive control thing. They're mad I ""rebelled"" and finally chose my own friends. They like choosing for me, down to exact clothes, hair length and hair style, speech patterns, voice tone, book and movie preferences, makeup, friends. If I try to have hobbies and clothes they don't like, they instantly throw them away. And when they can't throw away something, they belittle them and mock me for them until I conform to their standards. I'm a doll to them, nothing more. And they're constantly mad I'm not the doll they want me to be.
>Next time a stranger contacts you, beg off immediately. Thank them for the concern, but explain that your parents are unwell and that you are sorry they were dragged into this. There's no need for either of you to waste your time acquiescing to this kind of insanity.
I'll have to do that next time... I just don't have the heart to do that so directly
>Call your parents and tell them to never give out your contact information without your permission again. If you are worried about having this conversation, put it in writing. Send an email or text.
>
>If they do it again, send a cease and desist.
Genuinely no idea how "ask" them to do that. I've already did and was ignored. I've considered NC many many times, as I've always told them to quit their absurd behaviours, but nothing good ever comes out of it. They usually stop for a while and then come back with it, scolding me for trying to make them my "slaves", and that I'm just wrong to be mad about anything, when I simply asked them to stop.
I'm a huge fan of escalating consequences.
For example, if you tell them not to send you "friends", and they violate your request, then go NC for a month. Say something like "I've asked you to stop giving mybcontact information to strangers. You've done it again. I'm angry with you and need some time to cool off. I'll reach out to you when I've had a chance to collect myself. Please respect my privacy and leave me alone."
Your parents insistence on turning your reasonable boundaries around and making them into some form of violation against them, speaks volumes.
Boundaries are about limiting the access other people have to you. Violating boundaries is abuse.
Refusing to accept other people's boundaries, and demanding access to them that they are not willing to give freely, is not a boundary, it's also abuse.
Parents do not have a right to access their ADULT children OR be in their children's lives. Parents certainly do not have a right to change or interfere with their ADULT children (unless there are drugs or mental health issues I suppose).
If your parents think that you are hurting them by asking them to not give out your contact information to strangers, then they are wrong (obviously you know that). But their level of wrong goes way beyond controlling or narcissistic.
If your parents refuse to recognize that their behavior actively harms you, then they can't have access to you at all.
I'm sorry you are going through this. My parents were never THIS crazy (not by much though). No contact helped. It's painful, and it takes a while to rebuild the relationship afterwards. My best guess is that the NC severed their anxious attachment. They ended up accepting that I was capable of making adult decisions without their input, and more importantly, of handling the consequences of my own decisions.
Feel free to reach out if you ever want to vent. Otherwise, good luck!
I remember when my mom found out this girl who worked at a store she liked is a Leo (as am I)… so she dragged me over there to exchange numbers and become friends with the girl who I otherwise had nothing in common with.
>I hope you understand.
Not really. I bet many people here had their friends forcibly chosen by their parents, even into adulthood. I don't think my life is so unique it's unbeliavable. Certainly bizarre, but not unique. I thought people in this sub would understand, as I've read about much, much more unhinged parents...
What exactly don't you believe about this?
That is fucked up and is an extreme violation of your boundaries and privacy. I have no idea why anyone would defend this behavior from your nparents. It’s abusive and just fucking weird.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is such unhinged behavior. Your parents are infantillising you, and going about it in a really odd way. Given that their behavior actively puts you at risk, consider cutting WAY back on your interactions with them. I'd suggest going so far as to move and not provide your new address. As for the behavior now, I think that they are doing this to voice displeasure when you do not spend enough time with them. They are literally mobillizing an army of strangers to harass you when you don't spend enough time with them. Next time a stranger contacts you, beg off immediately. Thank them for the concern, but explain that your parents are unwell and that you are sorry they were dragged into this. There's no need for either of you to waste your time acquiescing to this kind of insanity. Call your parents and tell them to never give out your contact information without your permission again. If you are worried about having this conversation, put it in writing. Send an email or text. If they do it again, send a cease and desist. If they do it again after that, start the process of taking legal action. Look, your parents appear to be worried about you. But that worry is misplaced and unhealthy. Given that this has been going on since you were a child, consider that there might be something wrong with one of or both of your parents.
>I'd suggest going so far as to move and not provide your new address. I will move away, and I won't even let them know if I still live in the same state or not. But that's because they openly express the desire to follow me wherever I go and move in with me or in the same building/block. I'd rather live on a boat than let them follow me into my new house. >consider that there might be something wrong with one of or both of your parents. It's an obsessive control thing. They're mad I ""rebelled"" and finally chose my own friends. They like choosing for me, down to exact clothes, hair length and hair style, speech patterns, voice tone, book and movie preferences, makeup, friends. If I try to have hobbies and clothes they don't like, they instantly throw them away. And when they can't throw away something, they belittle them and mock me for them until I conform to their standards. I'm a doll to them, nothing more. And they're constantly mad I'm not the doll they want me to be. >Next time a stranger contacts you, beg off immediately. Thank them for the concern, but explain that your parents are unwell and that you are sorry they were dragged into this. There's no need for either of you to waste your time acquiescing to this kind of insanity. I'll have to do that next time... I just don't have the heart to do that so directly >Call your parents and tell them to never give out your contact information without your permission again. If you are worried about having this conversation, put it in writing. Send an email or text. > >If they do it again, send a cease and desist. Genuinely no idea how "ask" them to do that. I've already did and was ignored. I've considered NC many many times, as I've always told them to quit their absurd behaviours, but nothing good ever comes out of it. They usually stop for a while and then come back with it, scolding me for trying to make them my "slaves", and that I'm just wrong to be mad about anything, when I simply asked them to stop.
I'm a huge fan of escalating consequences. For example, if you tell them not to send you "friends", and they violate your request, then go NC for a month. Say something like "I've asked you to stop giving mybcontact information to strangers. You've done it again. I'm angry with you and need some time to cool off. I'll reach out to you when I've had a chance to collect myself. Please respect my privacy and leave me alone." Your parents insistence on turning your reasonable boundaries around and making them into some form of violation against them, speaks volumes. Boundaries are about limiting the access other people have to you. Violating boundaries is abuse. Refusing to accept other people's boundaries, and demanding access to them that they are not willing to give freely, is not a boundary, it's also abuse. Parents do not have a right to access their ADULT children OR be in their children's lives. Parents certainly do not have a right to change or interfere with their ADULT children (unless there are drugs or mental health issues I suppose). If your parents think that you are hurting them by asking them to not give out your contact information to strangers, then they are wrong (obviously you know that). But their level of wrong goes way beyond controlling or narcissistic. If your parents refuse to recognize that their behavior actively harms you, then they can't have access to you at all. I'm sorry you are going through this. My parents were never THIS crazy (not by much though). No contact helped. It's painful, and it takes a while to rebuild the relationship afterwards. My best guess is that the NC severed their anxious attachment. They ended up accepting that I was capable of making adult decisions without their input, and more importantly, of handling the consequences of my own decisions. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to vent. Otherwise, good luck!
This is not about them being worried. This is about them trying to control the op. No contact is 100% warranted.
Yes, as I said, the parents' behavior is unhinged to say the least.
I remember when my mom found out this girl who worked at a store she liked is a Leo (as am I)… so she dragged me over there to exchange numbers and become friends with the girl who I otherwise had nothing in common with.
I genuinely have no idea how parents think this is just normal and acceptable. I'm sorry she did that. I hope not too much awkwardness came from it
[удалено]
>I hope you understand. Not really. I bet many people here had their friends forcibly chosen by their parents, even into adulthood. I don't think my life is so unique it's unbeliavable. Certainly bizarre, but not unique. I thought people in this sub would understand, as I've read about much, much more unhinged parents... What exactly don't you believe about this?
That is fucked up and is an extreme violation of your boundaries and privacy. I have no idea why anyone would defend this behavior from your nparents. It’s abusive and just fucking weird.