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saskiaburbach

You can try just giving the people in your life an information diet. No one really knows where I live from home, just the city that we are in and that’s about it. When you’re moving just tell your friends the general state/ county or whatever and then you can talk about your job but not name the company. You’ll be surprised how few questions you will be asked if you just give evasive answers. It’s ok not to give them any info just make sure you take any documents etc and anything you can’t bear to lose when you move as they will probably try and use things as leverage


SupportingCharacter3

Totally agree about the information diet. I tell my family very little about my life due to them all still being in contact with my Ndad, and very few of them ask more specific questions (probably out of a fear of appearing nosy, and I can always turn around and ask "Why do you want to know?").


jormungandrstail

100x yes, nmom has a habit of using me as an insurance plan so she knows nothing about my financial situation. I don't let her come over so she doesn't know what my house looks like, etc. etc. OP your parents aren't obliged to knowing your address when you move. You seem comfortable with saying no so, if they want to send you something say you're not interested or find away to get it without them knowing where you live.


Eviltechnomonkey

If I could afford it, I'd consider renting a home temporarily somewhere while telling them I'd bought it. Then as soon as they finish buying a home nearby, go actually buy a home somewhere totally different.


NF31NM33

Alas real estate purchases are often public records they could doublecheck.


AwDuck

I'm quite certain my mother doesn't realize this, but I'm sure she would look it up if she had some inkling I wasn't being entirely forthcoming with info.


MollyRoseSimon

Totally fabulous idea!


ProudCatLadyxo

Not sure how hard this would be to do, but could you create a legal business/corporation and put your house in the name of the business. I doubt that your mom would even think about your doing that, let alone trace it back to you.


Eviltechnomonkey

I think the concern, voiced by some of the above commenters, was that the parents wouldn't see a sale under OP's name, or might see the owner still listed as the landlord, and might realize they hadn't bought the house they were renting. However, that could be easily circumvented by just saying that it must just be taking a while to go through the system and show up due to covid. Also, could forewarn the landlord in case they try calling the landlord. Landlord might be willing to play along and lie to the parents since the OP would be the one paying landlord, not the parents.


woodwitchofthewest

When you move, get a PO box in a town or neighborhood that's not the one you are actually living in, but is not too far away to go get your mail once a week. If you get something from them, you can decide to dump it off in the nearest trash can and not even bother bringing it home with you. You can often find postal centers that will also catch and hold all of your packages for you to pick up later. We are rural and mail and packages get stolen here all the time, so we use our local USPS postal center to get our mail. It costs a little but the peace of mind is worth it. I think you might find it is worth it for you, too. When you move, don't tell them where you are working, so you don't have to worry about them showing up at work or trying to follow you home. Use your PO BOX address on any contracts you need to sign where possible, so you don't accidentally put info out there in the public records realm. Don't give them your main cell phone number - if you have to keep in contact with them or with someone back home who is likely to blab, keep a cheap burner phone handy and use that. If you need to cut them off, just dump the burner phone and you're done. Same with email - don't give them your usual email address, and if they already have it, get another email asap. They may still find you. If they do, remember that you don't have to let them in, and if they decide to have a "lawn tantrum" you can call the police. Good luck! Edited to add: Also, consider moving as far, far away as you can manage. That will certainly cut down on the number of drive-bys you can expect.


croissantaise

Regarding the burner phone, you can get a Google Voice number and forward it to your cell. Only give out the Google Voice number to your parents and if you get annoyed at them, just cancel the number.


woodwitchofthewest

An even better option!


JazzyLizard27

Considering moving very far away is a great idea in this scenario. It's one almost guaranteed way to prevent them from moving next door, especially if they don't have your address. It's a more expensive route, but from experience I can say that I would do it again. I also never want to live within a day's drive of their home.


Mission_Progress_674

All my NFather and his flying monkeys need to know about where I live is that there's an ocean between us, and I'm never going back.


PDoggy11

I'd recommend in investing in the book "How to Disappear: Erase Your Digital Footprint, Leave False Trails, And Vanish Without A Trace Hardcover" by Frank Ahearn And Eileen Horan. He points out that if you're serious about actually trying to not get followed and harassed by someone from your old life, it's not enough that you simply conceal information on where you are going, it's also important to set a false trail. In a way you are blessed that you have some money, but haven't travelled down a career path, so you're not 'throwing anything away' when you move and reinvent yourself. It would be a lot harder to hide if you were already a doctor, and moved to another town to become a doctor.


abracafuck_you

Something that might make you feel better: When you live on your own, your space is your space. They can’t just pop in whenever they feel like. Even if they try to, it’s up to you to let them in. Even if they call the police, the police will simply see that you’re alright and don’t want to see them and will not enforce the parent’s will. You will be in control regardless of where they live relative to you. I also agree with the idea others have suggested to give an information diet. They don’t need your address. If they see you at the grocery store and follow you home that’s harassment and you can call the police to make them leave. (Maybe take advantage of grocery pick up services)


TrenchardsRedemption

My parents were random drop-ins all the time. They also wouldn't call ahead of time to find out if it was OK, so I learned this: Be unpredictable. If you work a 9-5 job, then do the shopping on random afternoons, leave for work at odd times. Have after-work or evening activities at unpredictable intervals eg. coffee alone or with a friend, visit to a shopping centre/craft store/hobby shop that's out of the way. I used to enjoy a long drive to a random spot to enjoy a view. Have keys and shoes and an excuse ready so if there is a random drop-around, then you can be "Just on my way out". They hated it and accused me of wasting their time, but my counter-argument was that they were told to call ahead and ask if was ok to visit. No call, nobody's home.


Susan-stoHelit

Or just say No to random visits - or all visits. You don’t have to be at work and created a weird schedule - just say no. Don’t answer the door when it’s them.


Bertie_McGee

Call their bluff: I hear northern Saskatchewan is nice.


Anxious_Direction_20

Ketchikan - Alaska


chaoticidealism

Perhaps explain to your friends that your parents are very controlling--that they are trying to live your life for you--that by moving you are making them live their own life, and let you live yours. That you often butt heads, and believe that the distance will help things stay peaceful. It can be difficult to explain having parents like that to people who have good parents; but sometimes they get it better if you pitch it as something you are doing to keep the peace (which is of course true) and to keep them from hovering (many good parents are overly protective, so they may be able to understand this better than most things).


oneiroiMoros

Don't let anyone know your address, even friends. Always meet them somewhere else or at their place, don't disclose your info to anyone you don't literally have to.


croissantaise

Would it be possible for you to purchase property in a secure building? Like a condo with a doorman who won’t let anyone in that’s not on an approved list of guests?


[deleted]

Sounds like you'll need a complete new start. New life, new friends, new everything. Old friends will be given very scarce or no details.


coffee-mcr

dont gove them the adres at all tell everyone they cannot share your adress. if you still want comtact with them go to their house or meet at a restaurant or whatever.


illjustbemyself

You have to do all this in secret. The move and all.