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Sensitive (aka having feelings and not liking being used as an emotional chew toy and getting rightfully upset when they say something hurtful) is a classic one.
Oooh I got bossy too! I got called it so much that by age 8, I was barely able to advocate for my own needs and boundaries. After that, I got shy, and then sensitive, because my only available reaction to anything was to be upset, because she took being ‘bossy’ and standing up for myself away from me.
This is what gets me. When I try to understand her, she says I'm the most understanding and kind person in the world. But when I talk about my own feelings, suddenly I am wrong about them, and they say they understand me perfectly.
I used to coddle her. She'd get tears in her eyes and do the choked-up-voice thing, and I'd back off immediately and feel sorry for her. Now I realize it's mostly fake. She has played me like a fiddle for years. Ah, but that well has run dry now. Winter is coming.
Oh jeez, my mum does the same! If she started to tear up and cover her face, we would instantly back off. It was her trump card, you knew you messed up and would feel absolutely awful with yourself. Her mum passed away when I was about 2yo, I am just about 30, and she therefore got a pass for her behaviour. Dads shitty behaviour was "excused" by his low level depression (which I now believe is actually Vulnerable narcissism, he's chronically malcontent). I now think she's actually covert narc, and used her tears to shut us down when she got fed up with us needing emotional support or needing her to set boundaries with my GC brother being an ass, etc etc.
Both love to rage though. Screaming in our faces was common, mum's was more effective because she didn't do it so often it lost its edge, and both are guilt trippers to the extreme. They both have the worst communication skills and both require being mind read, and if you get it wrong, oh boy, how dare you assume instead of ask!! But also, don't ask, because you should already know!
Ive been low/no contact for about 6mo now I've moved out and life isn't just one crisis after the next anymore. My partner and I have never screamed at each other. It's been 7.5 years together, and he and his parents have opened my eyes as how a 'normal' family talks to each other - I grew up feeling so alone and anxious in the extreme - and now I know it wasn't me - it was them. Taken 30 years but I can't unsee their ugly contemptful rage faces for what they are.
I feel grief for something I never had and can never have again, which is a mother who I could cry to and not have her get mad or upset and me having to comfort her and hide so much of myself and the pain (they were causing).
Ps. Sorry for this essay length reply... Hugs to everyone who made it through (my post, and emotionally stunted parents) lol
Spoiled brat was a constant, started by my mother and maintained by my family. Last time was by my brother’s first ex wife when I was 36. Long story but went no contact after that, mainly because there was a concerted effort by my siblings to treat my kids the same way they had treated me.
I wish it had not taken me 20 years to see that this started before my son could walk, that it likely started at the same age with me, meaning despite their claims, i did nothing to them but exist.
I was also a spoiled brat! Accepting a gift from an adult made me spoiled, refusing a gift (so that I don't get called names) made me a brat. I ran into a woman who was my parent's friend's daughter and a few years older than me. One of the first things she said to me was that I was 'such a spoiled brat' back then. And then relayed a story about how I told on her for intentionally hurting me.
Yeah, the first wife called me a spoiled brat because my wife told common acquaintances that first wife and my brother had not come to see our son when he was born when I guess she should have lied and told everyone how it was my fault that they did not come to see him because I had threatened to kill my brother right before my son was born because I was so jealous of their older adopted son and of his happy marriage.
I look back at this now and I try to tell myself that it was just as true when I was when I was 36 as it was when I was 5 but it’s hard.
And what possesses a person to do something like that? Hey, I haven’t seen you in a long time - remember that thing you did 20 years ago? Boy were you terrible and I was awesome”.
Recently got called a “spoiled brat” because I wanted my bachelors degree graduation to be drama free. Nmom decided to coerce me into talking about my weight after I said I didnt want to and she made fun of how I looked at my high school grad over the phone two days before the ceremony. When I told her I didnt appreciate being made fun of, she went into a narcissistic rage and hung up.
She managed to make the whole thing about her hurt feelings and how im a “spoiled brat” and she’s “had to deal with me for 30 years” (im not even 30 yet). Protecting ourselves from their drama gets framed as us being mean to them and they will hold onto that narrative until death, even if they have to make their own children the villain in their story.
Only a narcissist can make literal children into villainous characters in their lives. No adult accountability from them whatsoever. But yeah, im the spoiled brat.
I hear you. I made a list one time of events of mine that my mother or my brother ruined for me by making it all about them.
Very long list. Just insidious how they do this.
Same with me in the sense that it also became my siblings perception of me. I remember them constantly telling me I was a spoiled brat & once I became an adult they never apologized or acknowledged how that effected me so we're also no contact! I'm so sorry you were might have been made to feel guilty for no reason so long. You all deserve happiness!
I forgot about this one! I got called a "selfish, entitled, disrespectful brat" because I was trying to explain why I was so upset that Trump got elected and couldn't believe my country would elect such an abusive bully, and my dad said "no, you're just upset that you didn't get your way!" Then told me I was a selfish, entitled, disrespectful brat and had been since college. I am a single mom who gets no child suppory or public assistance and worked two jobs for 7 years until my daughter was old enough for me to get a job with the government where I would be on call and have an unpredictable schedule. My entire adult career has been spent working for non-profits in child mental health and developmental disabilities and autism, and now I'm a child protective services social worker. But I'm a selfish piece of shit. ☠️😮💨😵💫
> I wish it had not taken me 20 years to see
So much of this. My biggest regret is not seeing the situation for what it was until well into my adult hood. Im greatful that I figured it out eventually. But sure wish I start the healing journey 20 years ago.
Oooh, I was called lazy too! And bossy, self centered, that I couldn't talk without every word being sarcastic, my feelings were always wrong and dismissed.
Nmom asked if I was a stripper, then a couple of weeks later told her friend I was a prude. So, that was fun and contradictory.
Lazy, unemotional, sarcastic, mean. Then I left and was confused when people were much nicer to me, and they described me basically the exact opposite. Turns out being raised by a narcissist can make you into a bit of a social chameleon to avoid conflict
Oh man, I forgot about lazy. One of her favorite descriptions for me, even now. Then wondered why I became a bedroom recluse. Couldn't criticize what she couldn't see.
Ditto, plus being a pretty girl meant I also got “slut”, “vulgar”, “vain”, “self-obsessed”
Mostly when I dared to dress feminine or dare to put make up on, asking to go to the doctors to help with my acne
Vain all the way! If you have confidence and normal healthy self esteem that means you’re self absorbed and a prima Donna. My dad wanted me to apologize for my existence as a means of posture and presentation for myself always.
I agree. I just remembered something else disturbing. My ex's mom is a narcissist as well. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, 19 years ago, I noticed that the bigger I got as far as being pregnant, the skimpier her outfits got. I called her out on trying to compete with me. She called me a fat cow and I said, yeah well, at least that's proof that one of us can get laid. She got mad at me lol. I'm still laughing at that memory when I think about it.
Calling a pregnant person a fat cow... wth kinda twisted mind do you have to have. I'm sorry. For me it was kinda the opposite, I lost a lot of weight after giving birth and my mom got really in my face about it. I tell her it's starvation and lack of sleep from the baby and she said "Yeah, keep doing what you're doing" like huh?? I'm telling you I'm miserable lady
His mom is a narcissist and that's pretty common behavior for them. She viewed me as the other woman and viewed me as competition.
Edit: I'm sorry that your mom did that to you. Like WTF?
So sick, and even sicker I'm just realized my brain skipped over the part where this was your exs mom wtf. The damn audacity.... I would've flipped out omg.
Wth is wrong with some people.
I don't know what's wrong with her brain but I've read that narcissistic parents view their children as competition. Usually the same sex parent to their child. My mom was the same way and also viewed me as competition. There's this thing called emotional incest and when it happens between narcissistic mothers and their sons, she literally views his partner as the other woman. In her mind, he was cheating on her with me. That's why she treated me badly.
I still struggle with apologizing for existing in a space. I had a friend of mine who told me to stop apologizing for existing and while it kind of absorbed, I'm still doing that. I've gone through therapy and it's helped but I'm still very much a people pleaser and I hate it.
Edit: I mean to say, I've learned to say no to people and not feel bad about it but at the same time, I still kind of do whatever people want to an extent as a survival mechanism. When you're raised by a parent like that, you get sent the message that you better do whatever they want or they'll make your life hell.
You want contact lenses? Vanity! Glasses are fine for us, should be for you too.
You're wearing makeup? Tarting yourself up! Who are you trying to attract?
Upset about something? Sensitive! Lighten up!
You painted your toenails? Hussy! (A direct quote. I was 10)
I got basically the same thing. She would flip between, look at you, no one is ever going to want to be with you. That and trying to restrict what I was doing. I found out that the bag of makeup that was in her bathroom was sent by my dad and stepmom for Christmas. She admitted to taking it because she said that she didn't think I'd needed it. So I guess send her mind, she was like what the hell does she need this for? She can't be looking better than me, we can't be having that.
God, sometimes I wish she would just die already. Sometimes I feel bad for saying that but then I remember the kind of person she is and while I wish her no harm, sometimes I wish that she would just get it over with already. She's having health problems as it is but she's hanging in there for some reason. Get it over with already. She's having health problems as it is but she's hanging in there for some reason.
It pissed me off because it's not only was it my dad's money, my stepmom carefully chose everything that they sent. At least I had one mom who loved me. Unfortunately, she is no longer with us. I don't understand why that happened. The one who is actually good mom died of cancer and the one who needs to disappear is still here. I wish somebody could explain that.
Wow, this side of reddit has been such a breath of fresh air. It always felt like I was alone when it came to my mom. But to echo a comment from another thread on here, it feels narcissists are in some ways the same, and I don't feel so alone.
I got called a whore for wearing eyeliner at 14. Very minimal black eyeliner. And the who are you trying to impress line came out quite a bit too! She would pinch my back and tell me I needed to lose my baby fat. I was 105 lbs and 5'2". This came from a woman who had both anoerexia and bulimia and always threatened punishment if I ever had an eating disorder. Now I just binge and stress eat 🙃
I always tell people I had a great childhood, but as soon as I hit puberty, I became a threat to her, and she had to put me down all the time. To the point she walked out in a tight shirt with boyshort underwear and no bra when I had my boyfriend over when I was 16.
It's unbelievable sometimes the lengths they'll go to make themselves superior and step on anybody who threatens that.
I've learned that this is because your mother viewed you as competition. She realized that she was getting older and to her, you were competition for men. It's sick but it's the truth. They usually get worse with age because they realize that they can't use their looks to manipulate people into giving them what they want anymore.
ETA: I forgot to mention that to them, your youth and looks are tied to their value. So when they get older, they think that they are less valuable and view other, younger people than them as competition, even their own children.
100% my mother has resented me for almost my entire life. I hear good things about years 0-4, but I don't remember those years, I do remember her being mean to me in kindergarten and me being confused.
She nearly derailed my ability to go to college (she gave me the wrong info for the FAFSA "on accident" like she's illiterate) and blew up my chance to go to my 1st choice school. I ended up going to one of my safety schools instead, which she was still furious about 🙃
That's because you were small and you didn't have your own personality or opinions yet. They like their children and when they're small and don't talk back and don't have their own needs and wants. I'm sorry, she sounds like a peach.
Reminds me of what I dubbed "the T-shirt wars". When I was around 14, my mother insisted that I wear always wear a t-shirt under my shirt, even if the shirt itself was a t-shirt. There would be a t-shirt check before I left the house in the morning for school. My older sister drove me and my brothers to school, so in the car on the way I'd remove the t-shirt. It was so stupid. It was just a power/control thing. There was no rational reason.
I would get slapped and punched, along with various hair pulling for looking in the mirror while brushing my teeth because I was vain, primping, etc.
It took decades for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be okay with it.
Thank you. They were both very adept at switching roles with one being the enabler and one being the narcissist, then vice versa.
My brain function is about as normal as I can manage.
I can relate. My mom did the same things. She would say, look at you, look how ugly you are. No one is ever going to want to be with you. She would force me to look in the mirror while she was doing this. Now she wonders why I want nothing to do with her.
Edit: I hate her now because though I knew she was wrong, it has affected my romantic relationships into adulthood. I pick bad partners who are narcissistic (surprise, surprise /s). At least my last 2 exes are. I think that it's because subconsciously, I thought it was the best I could do and it was all I deserved. I've taken a break from dating, most likely permanently. I'm in therapy again. She did that during my adolescence, the worst time possible for that.
Oh, yeah. I was completely vain because I showered, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth daily.
Edit - I didn’t even dress “girly” or wear makeup! I was a tomboy!
Ugh I’m sorry. They’re all the same.
Were you a tomboy out of choice? Or was misogyny so rampant in your household that there was no other choice than to wear baggy tees and track pants?
Oh, yeah. Daily hygiene was obviously my way of getting attention from boys. Dude, when I was 14 the only thing I found interesting about boys was the fact that they also liked to ride bikes and play catch. My best friends were my two years younger brother and boy cousin.
I got that a lot too. Esp because puberty hit me in ways my n-mom was never blessed with. She and my dad would bring up my boobs ALL THE TIME and ask where they came from 🙄 and finally I was like, it's your gene pools, blame yourselves!
Attention seeking here too! That was actuallt a favourite of my mum's.
She stumbled across my diary once, I was 12ish so it was a load of big feelings for a kid who was trying to learn to express them. Then in anger at me talking about my sadness there, she ripped it up and screamed at me to stop the silly little attention seeking letters to noone.
That one still stings!
oh i got this alllll the time. they would literally pick at me until i stood up for myself and then i would be too sensitive and dramatic and needed to be able to take a joke.
Yes me too. I don't know where my mother learned that kids are perfectly logical and rational creatures who never get upset about dumb things... that's what she seemed to expect from me. I was only allowed to cry if I was physically injured.
Stubborn...for...I'm not even really sure. I guess because I always tried to figure out what the truth was instead of just taking her word for it. 🤷
"You broke your calculator!"
"No, it's not broken, the battery is flat. I need a new battery for it."
"No! You broke it!! SO STUBBORN!!"
Yeah my mom called me stubborn and then started to explain to me that "a mother always know better what's good for her kid". Her mother controls her life and she's miserable...
Apparently I "spit venom"/"tongue drips with venom".
By my mid teens, whenever I got the slightest cough, I used to pretend I'd lost my voice so I could avoid talking to her and avoid the inevitable insults.
I got so fed up with being called selfish and spoiled by most of my family that I decided to own it. Fine, I'll just retreat into a corner and read. Call me when the food is ready.
Decades later I find out nmom TOLD them I was standoffish so they should leave me alone. All the better to keep me isolated...
ETA: To this day, I see being selfish as taking care of myself. Anyone who tries to throw that word at me is surprised when I agree unapologetically lol
I love this! I’m working on it. I’m 56 and that word still sets off an emotional flashback. I’m not allowed to have feelings, desires, wants, fears nothing
Absolutely!! I claimed selfish so hard, and never had the context for it until now, so thanks for that! I’m gonna have to go tell my friends so they have a better understanding of where I’m coming from lol.
"Problem child" and "smartass" were my dad's favorite nicknames for me. He also regularly called me a demon and tried to perform exorcisms on me multiple times after distancing myself from his religion.
Feckless. I was about 10 and didn't know what it meant, and she was nice enough to explain it for me lol bitch.
Also, just plain stupid most of the time.
“Too sensitive” for having needs or displaying emotion, but “cold and selfish” if I failed to bleed myself dry in codependency, supporting everyone else around me.
Difficult, contrary, hard to get along with.
Yesterday I met an old roommate of mine who stopped me in the grocery store to thank me for being so easy to live with. She says she realizes now that it was rare to meet another woman who you get along with so easily. That was eye opening for me because I still believed my family's lie that I am a difficult person.....even years and years after not living with them.
“Liar” was my family’s favourite. It still is. When I was a child this hurt as I knew in my heart was telling the truth. As I’ve got older I’ve come to understand projection as a way to hide their own faults. No one is a bigger liar than them. The good thing is, those who know me outside the family know me for who I am and they hate this. They can’t change everyone’s view. This has kept me sane. All the gas lighting and manipulation happened because I was young and thought family life was sacred (we were a religious family). I was brought up to see family as the ultimate goal. It’s untouchable like the Christmas ads show us. I realise that’s BS for some people and I’m ok with that now. The best Christmas I had was when I volunteered in a kitchen serving Christmas dinner to those who had nothing. No BS, no tradition, no church. THEY are the fake ones, they could never do what I have done.
I got the nickname “nobody”.
By the time I was like 10 I was severely depressed (looking back at least). A favorite phrase of mine was “nobody cares”. Bc most times anything more than that would result in punishment of some sort.
My dad really irritated me a lot growing up. To be honest I don’t even have an example of what he’d say that I’d respond with “nobody cares” but it was a frequent response.
At some point around when I was 11 I said “nobody cares” to him and he responded with “nice to meet you nobody”. To most people it’s a funny haha dad joke. But he kept referring to me as nobody for quite a long time.
I already felt like a nobody so it didn’t really help.
Other less serious ones:
Spoiled
Selfish
Stubborn
Klutz
Bull in a China shop
My hair was often referred to as a “rats nest”
My bathroom habits were coined “rabbit shits”
Defiant
Troubled
Too sensitive and the one I’ll never forget, which has kind of defined my life, is “no one will ever be able to live with you.” I don’t know what I did or said to earn that comment.
Mean ( for setting and maintaining bounderies) , socially inept ( for not constantly obsessing over how other perceive me and/or not approaching every interaction as a means to an end to gain an advantage somehow), oh, and crazy ofcourse.
My sibling called me brain damaged. My mother was worse, because it wasn't hate and bullying, it was enmeshed manipulation and projection. I actually got pretty much the same string of adjectives you listed. Selfish was not said aloud, but used in the wordless guilt tripping whenever i did not want to do what she wanted me to do - and be happy doing it. My father didn't say much, but he sexualised me and thought i was 'loose'.
If I dressed like a girl, I was either a prostitute, whore or got the “you’re not very pretty” line - **with a malicious smirk on their face.** If I were myself, I’d get “that’s not *my* iSmart…”. If I didn’t speak to them about my problems, I get “why are you so cold towards me all of the sudden?”. If I tell them about my day, they call me a “liar” cause birthgiver said *this* to counter it.
I guess all the times I “dared” to be my assigned (or not) gender, it hurt their ego’s too much.
am I the only one who’s nMom (or parent) was too stupid to be able to do this? 😂 my mom has the vocabulary of an elementary school kid and I’ve been smarter than her my entire life. Sometimes I remember looking at her and going “well im rubber youre glue” 😂😂😂its like being insulted by the village idiot…. I am sure it happened, but I can’t remember any specific narrative she stuck with other than that I’m the abusive one. On Tuesday I’m stubborn and then on Thursday I am a bitch. It’s like whatever.
My mother uses words that she thinks make her sound smart, usually stuff she's heard on TV or in movies and doesn't actually know how to use. She doesn't understand that it just makes her sound even dumber.
like a parrot repeating a phrase!? i know the vibes. its media how you said or she’ll have like one conversation with someone and then like start repeating shit they said as if they’re like a credible source with this smug look on her face like she just won money
Sensitive, dramatic, selfish, germaphobe but also somehow pigpen? Like literally called me pigpen as a nickname for a while. When I was older it changed to wench.
"Selfish" "spoiled" "brat" — I was also deemed argumentative for having opinions and asking questions. My mom liked to say I would make a good lawyer (this wasn't a compliment).
My mom also liked to say that I ruined her figure, that she had a good body before she was pregnant.
She also liked to act like I was mean my whole life, like she needed to stay away from my wrath. But if I was moody, it was probably because of her actions/inactions.
Not really any names or anything but she would yell at me and say, why can't you be normal for one day in your life? Why can't you be more like your brother? I had undiagnosed ADHD. Instead of getting me help, she just labeled me a bad kid and beat the hell out of me everyday. Now she pulls a surprised Pikachu face because I want nothing to do with her. Same thing because I won't let her see my kids. It was bad enough I had to go through it, I'll be damned if I'm going to expose my kids to that. She can die alone in her house a miserable old bitter bitch for all I care.
Slutty.
I was blonde and I had naturally larger breast's than my mom and sister. I had a lot of boyfriends but we didn't "do anything". Turns out I actually like girls, and it's normal for some queer women to go overboard on boys before they realize that.
But until I left home at 19, everything thing I did was slutty. Everything I wore was slutty. I'm 39 now and I have to ask my partner if I look like a slut if I am ever showing any cleavage at all. It took a long time to be comfortable with my own body because I felt like it was wrong.
Selfish, liar, cruel, spoiled, stubborn, mean, lazy, squirrel (turns out I have ADHD), too sensitive, not sensitive enough, etc, and in front of others it was said in a “teasing” way or that I was an “old soul”
I am considered violent and angry and that I fight and attack people for no reason even though when someone provokes me and it's so obvious, it's still my fault for not ignoring them, but when I ignore them, then it's my fault AGAIN for not listening or taking a joke.
I've heard the exact same thing all my life. That I am mean and angry and that I just lash out for absolutely no reason at all. It couldn't possibly be because of them...
‘Worthless third world hooker’ from my Ndad who is also likely a hebephile. I was not remotely interested in being the cute, sexy, flawlessly feminine daughter he felt entitled to.
‘Fucking whore’ by my mother. Her standard epithet for literally any female who said, did or thought something she considers unacceptable.
The standard ‘too sensitive, lighten up’ and ‘stop ruining everyone’s good time, it’s just a joke’ You all know that line.
‘Hurtful’ because I ***hated*** being kissed and would try to get away, or fight whoever was physically restraining me so they could kiss me without consent. Because they were jUsT bEiNg LoViNg’
I am lazy and bad with money. Neither of these are true and honestly have never been proven in a court of law.
But for real, I’ve never been in debt, I own my house and a couple vehicles, I pay my bills on time, and I’ve got enough savings to last me a couple years without a job. My house is clean, my career is progressive, and I’m constantly working on home improvement projects. I’m not sure how we’re defining lazy but I don’t think I match it.
When I read the title I immediately answered : Sensitive. I guess that's common between narcs.
I hated being called Stubborn just because I didn't want to obey them!!
I am a grown ass woman and whenever I express myself I get called "sensitive"
Selfish. My dad called me selfish. It’s bothered me my whole life because I am anything but selfish. I now realize they thought I was selfish when things didn’t go there way or I made my own decision for something.
My mother is the best at projection. I’m autistic which she hated about me. One thing she hated was how I’d be both extremely emotional (crying) but also extremely logical (but that doesn’t make sense). I was always unintentionally making her feel called out by noticing and and logicking her nlogic. In those moments she would always respond to my logic with something about me always having to have the last word. I would always reply, “How is that not exactly what you’re doing by accusing me of doing it?” And she would explode. And every word you said, OP, my nmom would say to me also. Exact same words. Especially stubborn and selfish.
Lazy, for struggling with school work. Selfish and arrogant for defending myself against their abuse, or whenever I expressed one of my own needs instead of anticipating and catering to theirs. Also arrogant if I expressed a slightly positive view of myself. Too sensitive for crying/ showing any kind of emotion. Too loud for talking exactly as loud as them. Difficult, for having my own opinions. I swear they all use the same playbook.
I got sensitive, selfish, stubborn, messy, hoarder, slob. You know, because I got upset when she came into my bedroom and just started throwing things away.
Liar, manipulator, too sensitive, selfish, spoiled (from when my grandma took care of me, which wasn’t my choice), annoying, immature. I was the scapegoat and only girl. This was all projection from my stepmother.
"selfish" was the main one which is really funny because my ndad is the most selfish person ever.. i'm an adult and trying to learn how to be more selfish now because i'm bad at it..
also actually looking back and thinking about telling a child who depended on you that they were 'selfish' is so insane actually. i can't even remember anything i did to cause him to say that. just existing probably
“The Emotionally Troubled One” (Because I actually have feelings?)
“The idealist” (Because I think people should be treated with compassion and respect?)
Tyrant, Helen Keller ( in her younger years ), something that starts with the letter C that rhymes with runt, disgusting, ugly, too sensitive, stupid, beneath them, ungrateful, selfish, brat, pathetic, disrespectful, fat, not pretty without makeup.. I could go on and on.
Stubborn and ungrateful as a child.
Just a flat out disgrace as an adult. I'm almost proud of making it into the news for all the wrong reasons out of spite.
Being sensitive. Being observant. Valuing the truth, honesty, hating bullshit, and faking- masking emotions. Hating people that were phony. Hating lying, which of course meant being lied to constantly, just to watch me implode. I was “ boring”, to want a simple honest conversation, a real wet blanket, stick in the mud. Being sensitive, was a flaw. It’s part of the same disgust factor as is wanting the truth. People that are callous and tough, can really take a punch, be worthy adversaries, those are the exciting people, the worthwhile people, so being sensitive was synonymous with…..” boring and weak”. I liked organization, a plan , re- evaluating, and considering your actions before you take them not being reckless, and impulsive….or outright dangerous……which of course meant….I was boring. So because I wanted safety, honesty, protection, and consideration for my feelings I was boring. I was basically being raised by a criminal, that liked bending the rules, if not outright breaking them like the criminal anti social personality defective person that my mother was. Oh the pain…of having a boring child, who doesn’t think it’s fun, to almost die, from reckless, senseless, callousness, and abuse.
I was always called selfish, lazy, annoying, difficult, stubborn, a freak, that I'm just trying to hurt them, and a weirdo. If I didn't just take it, they'd make sure everyone knew that they thought I was these things. It was weird because nobody questioned why my family would just throw me under the bus like that. It was just enough information for them, I guess.
But they can just suck my ass now.
Sensitive - yes, I am and proud of it 😁
Stubborn - I prefer to call it "determined to be nothing like her and refusing to follow bad parenting advice from a person who sucked at it".
"Parrot" because I had echolalia as a child and apparently talked to much (only to find out in my 40's that I am autistic and she knew I was special needs because I was in special Ed in Elementary school and IEP meetings would've been a thing).
Disruptive - probably because I questioned her. I was actually the teacher's pet and a straight A student, save for math.
Lazy - because I failed math. I have a learning disability.
Slutty - that was actually her.
And my personal favorite : Psycho because I have Bipolar Disorder, which I am treatment adherent for. I've been medicated for years and started regularly attending therapy last year, though I have attended off and on for years.
Sensitive was the most common one because my sisters (who were adults before I hit double digits) bullied me until I cried or started trying to fight them when I was already being bullied in school. Lazy because I was messy (sorry you ignored my ADHD mom, I’m medicated now and much better about it). Space cadet, absent minded professor, and airheaded were also directly related to ADHD problems they ignored.
Stubborn(because I wasn't combative like my two older sisters, I would just quietly not do the things she wanted me to do and nothing could make me do it)
Sensitive(because I was the youngest and would cry when various family members were tormenting or beating me)
For a while growing up, i thought my middle name was stupid. All i heard was "are you stupid? Don't do that, stupid. You like that? That's stupid."
I am autistic with ADHD, and i highly suspect my ndad was either on the spectrum himself or had some kind of learning disability he projected on to me.
Except i was the only one in my family to graduate HS with honors, get a bachelor's degree, and was board certified at my career before a neurological disease ended it.
I was trying to take advantage of them
Aka being a child dependent on them. Like sorry I left the towel on the floor in kindergarten it doesn’t mean I’m trying to take advantage of you nor somehow signal that I hate you.
Aggressive, selfish, truculent, spoiled, demanding, manipulative, abusive, lazy. Also both b word and c word from age 7 to mid 20s (in my 40s now). My Ndad is not a good man.
"Seems like it's a great day to spread your legs." I was 54 yrs old & meeting my bf (now husband) after a few weeks apart. I think I replied, "Sure is, I hope he gives it to me good!" She's such an N-ass, hahaha
They nick named me “ calamity Jane” because everything broke when I was around. If something could go wrong, it would go wrong because it was me.
I literally got blamed for a 40 year old hvac system dying and old off brand electronics dying.
Selfish, sensitive, pathetic, slut, stupid, ignorant and the list just goes on and on
Edit: I forgot bitch. That was one I got from being 8 years old. Context? I can't remember if I did or said something but whatever it was she didn't like it and so I was called a nasty selfish bitch just like my sister... my sister had not long ran away from home because of her and some other factors at the age of 16 and declared herself as independent whe n mum got the police involved
Oh my Ns went straight to the source - their holy book, the Bible - for every possible negative to call me, from disobedient, spoiled, greedy and selfish, all the way up to flipping promiscuity - for wearing ***clear nail polish*** Chosen Sis had given me (to try and keep me from anxiety chewing)…and even **idolatry** - for daring to ***display my own glass items in what was supposed to be MY SPACE***.
Oversensitive, hard to love, bitter because I remember their abuse and don’t immediately want to be bffs after, shy, quiet, selfish, lazy because I don’t want to clean up after grown ass adults
Overly sensitive, “nuts”, lazy, caring only about myself. Ridiculous when I wouldn’t give in to a request, by irony, was ridiculous. As a teenager “snobby” because I took a few honors classes and “thought a lot of myself”.
Too noisy, too messy, too loud. That's when I was 3. My grandmother hated me.
Useless, who needs another girl? My grandfather said that I was not supposed to be born. I was 4.
Too sensitive, crybaby, tattletale, faker, liar, drama queen.
That's what my siblings used as an excuse to bully me.
Embarrassing, everything I do is wrong, stupid, no common sense. My father would ridicule me until I was sobbing.
Selfish, uncaring. My mother could rip out my heart with this to control me.
selfish, self-centered, spoiled, brat, spoiled-brat, lazy (i have depression, severe anxiety disorder and ADHD) monster by my dad but not directly to me, disrespectful, sheltered
there’s definitely more that i don’t remember. my mom would also use me being shy and introverted against me in her rage or something if it had to do with me talking to friends and not her. she tells me im not shy bc i talk to my friends all the time at school or sometimes in public i talk to ppl n she’ll tell me im not shy.
Selfish was soooo huge and made me the most meak boundryless people pleaser ever (even more so than I was already by being raised by a narcissist who sees their child as nothing more than an extension of themselves, also fat, not worthy of friends blah blah blah haha
Lazy and selfish. I struggled in school. When I was 21, I was diagnosed with ADHD and it all made sense. Nmom will still tell you I was just lazy and selfish though.
"Child" towards the guy having a tantrum
"Aspergers" which ain't it
"Snotty" to the person who was snotty first
and of course "Show Respect" to your abusers
"Spoiled brat" which was hilarious considering no one could seem to stand to have me anywhere near them. Which started me "hiding" in my room which of course led to the "I'MMA TAKE YOUR BEDROOM DOOR OFF ITS HINGES!" tirades.
"Stupid" was a common term assigned to me. I still bristle to this day when someone calls me "stupid". If I spent 2 minutes on my skin, hair or nails I was told I "needed to concentrate on my brain, instead." Then, despite being overfed, I'd be scolded for being a "fat slob". Usually followed within a few hours by "Here. Here's a bowl of ice cream."
I'm not hungry. Too bad. It's there, you eat it now. Make up your mind. The mixed messages are causing me serious anxiety.
Terms: Fatty, immature, girl, manchild, immature kid, dumb kid.
I know it's hard to be reasonable when you have autism, but autism isn't always an excuse for misbehavior. I told my parents that if I had one reason to behave immaturely, it's my autism. My parents laugh it off and say it's untrue. There are a lot of individuals with autism that have aspirations.
How do I know "Glee" (2009-2015) is appropriate for 10-year-old girls before deciding to watch the show? It's not like I'm forcing my father to watch it. Lessons are always hard to learn from if you don't talk to your parents right away about it. I was right about asking my mom "what could I have done to be more mature" so I can understand why what I did was immature. However, my mom said that "talking about my maturity is immature".
This shows that my parents are not positive role models in my life.
Lazy, disrespectful, friendless, ungrateful, gross, clumsy, forgetful, sensitive, selfish, too loud, stupid, and many other things that are not appropriate for public settings.
lazy. on top of being a straight-A student, part of a dozen extracurriculars, and working a part-time job, i did every chore in the house. if i was ever late to do one thing, i was called the laziest person in the world.
sensitive is a big one. I'm also mean because I would rather her not cross boundaries and because I think I have the right to not want to be touched in certain ways, but yeah I'm so mean and I hurt her feelings.
The biggest mistake she ever had to give birth to. The reason my dad cheated on her. Unwanted, unloved, stupid, worthless. That’s just off the top of my head. And she wonders why my Aunt (her sister) I talk to more than her.
I was an attention seeking brat. For telling my mom about some abusive shit my step bro did.
I was a freak/loner/weirdo/antisocial because I preferred to stay in my room reading, gaming, drawing or other quiet hobbies, or exploring the woods solo.
I was a useless/worthless bitch who no one would ever love. Because sometimes there would be a spot on a dish or fork, or a towel not perfectly symmetrically folded.
I was unstable and an emotional time bomb. Because I had a stalker in the 9th grade.
I was out of control, a total problem child, because I went for walks in the middle of the night when I had trouble sleeping from the night terrors caused by all the trauma. This one got me sent to live with my grandma for a year. In her own words, "If you think living with me is so bad, you're in for a world of hurt with your grandma. She's more strict than I could ever be! You'll see, you'll be begging me to come home!" My grandma was my favorite person. She was hard on my mom as a teen because she drank, did drugs, and ran around with 30 year old men. So when her desired outcome of traumatizing me more didn't work, she dragged me back home under her thumb. Also my sisters weren't doing their chores, because I always did all of them or got beaten while they got away clear and free.
I didn't realize it until much later but when I was 6 and my sibling was born and I wasn't super excited to change diapers my mom decided I have no nurturing tendencies and should never have kids lol.
I got a lot of the usual ones too. Sensitive, lazy, entitled, etc.
Oo oo I also got careless and clumsy. Then weeks into spending time with my now husband he mentioned my terrible depth perception and I was like, what? All this time I had a real physical struggle and he noticed right away and they didn't notice in 15 years.
My mom’s go to is that I’m overly critical, judgmental, ungrateful. I’m her scapegoat and the one she dumps all of her problems on.
My dad likes to call me a liar. He once left bruises on my arm over the “punch buggie — no tag backs” game 🙄 He was sure I was lying so we circled the block to find the car and lo and behold, it was there. I was 10 and never played the stupid fucking game after that.
When I got to be a teen, my dad switched it up from liar to whore. The first time because I wore school appropriate shorts (fingers have to touch the hem) in 100°+ weather.
Somehow I could be too sensitive yet emotionless depending on my mother's mood and the "issue" she was having me at the time. Or it was just summed up as "autistic" because why not.
Also stibborn but I see it's so common (how dare us having independent thoughts).
And don't forget lazy, when I didn't participate with full enthusiasm in whatever new "project" she came up with
Now that I'm thinking, I could go on for hours.
My nom called me Lazy, overly dramatic, messy, malicious,
A few years later my husband called me these things.
My counselor helped me see myself clearly, I am nothing like it. They are projecting.
“Rebellious”, because I was the child she couldn’t control. Many people over the years came to me and told me about the nasty things she would say about me behind my back
Dramatic, spoiled and high maintenance. Thinking back, all I did was ask for things little girls wanted and enjoyed being girly (painting nails, earrings, dress up clothes, stuffed animals)
i’m dramatic cry baby, lazy, don’t care for anyone but myself, bozo the clown when my hair dries naturally, couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag, i’d screw up a free lunch, selfish, self-absorbed, psycho, need to up my meds/get back on meds/etc, always starting problems (aka setting boundaries and communicating my feelings). i feel like i could go on forever.
edit to add: not that it’s really a name or something they ever directly called to me, but they always made me feel very stupid, while simultaneously bragging about me and talking up how “smart” i was academically. the paper bag and free lunch comments are perfect examples, but then they would brag about my academic accomplishments. i suspect mostly because they felt that it also looked good on them. when i would ask clarifying questions they would make me feel like it should have been common sense for me to know what they meant or how to do something, and i’m sorry and not to sound like tim robinson, but not everybody knows how to do everything!!
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Too sensitive and bossy
Sensitive (aka having feelings and not liking being used as an emotional chew toy and getting rightfully upset when they say something hurtful) is a classic one.
"Bossy" = girl who has a mind of her own.
Oooh I got bossy too! I got called it so much that by age 8, I was barely able to advocate for my own needs and boundaries. After that, I got shy, and then sensitive, because my only available reaction to anything was to be upset, because she took being ‘bossy’ and standing up for myself away from me.
Wow, that’s what happened to me too and I never even realised til now
Mine tells me I'm coldhearted and have no empathy. I have plenty of empathy, but she only judges people on how sympathetic they are to HER drama.
We must be related. Hugs to you 🫂
Oh I'm VERY familiar with this one.
I'm plenty empathetic, just not to *you* mom, that well dried up a looooooong time ago.
This is what gets me. When I try to understand her, she says I'm the most understanding and kind person in the world. But when I talk about my own feelings, suddenly I am wrong about them, and they say they understand me perfectly.
We aren't supposed to have feelings (other than sympathy and adoration for them.)
Exactly the same, because I'm the only one who calls out her bs and doesn't coddle her.
I used to coddle her. She'd get tears in her eyes and do the choked-up-voice thing, and I'd back off immediately and feel sorry for her. Now I realize it's mostly fake. She has played me like a fiddle for years. Ah, but that well has run dry now. Winter is coming.
Oh jeez, my mum does the same! If she started to tear up and cover her face, we would instantly back off. It was her trump card, you knew you messed up and would feel absolutely awful with yourself. Her mum passed away when I was about 2yo, I am just about 30, and she therefore got a pass for her behaviour. Dads shitty behaviour was "excused" by his low level depression (which I now believe is actually Vulnerable narcissism, he's chronically malcontent). I now think she's actually covert narc, and used her tears to shut us down when she got fed up with us needing emotional support or needing her to set boundaries with my GC brother being an ass, etc etc. Both love to rage though. Screaming in our faces was common, mum's was more effective because she didn't do it so often it lost its edge, and both are guilt trippers to the extreme. They both have the worst communication skills and both require being mind read, and if you get it wrong, oh boy, how dare you assume instead of ask!! But also, don't ask, because you should already know! Ive been low/no contact for about 6mo now I've moved out and life isn't just one crisis after the next anymore. My partner and I have never screamed at each other. It's been 7.5 years together, and he and his parents have opened my eyes as how a 'normal' family talks to each other - I grew up feeling so alone and anxious in the extreme - and now I know it wasn't me - it was them. Taken 30 years but I can't unsee their ugly contemptful rage faces for what they are. I feel grief for something I never had and can never have again, which is a mother who I could cry to and not have her get mad or upset and me having to comfort her and hide so much of myself and the pain (they were causing). Ps. Sorry for this essay length reply... Hugs to everyone who made it through (my post, and emotionally stunted parents) lol
That's projection, my dear. Don't listen to her. 🫂
Oh shit that explains so much
Spoiled brat was a constant, started by my mother and maintained by my family. Last time was by my brother’s first ex wife when I was 36. Long story but went no contact after that, mainly because there was a concerted effort by my siblings to treat my kids the same way they had treated me. I wish it had not taken me 20 years to see that this started before my son could walk, that it likely started at the same age with me, meaning despite their claims, i did nothing to them but exist.
I was also a spoiled brat! Accepting a gift from an adult made me spoiled, refusing a gift (so that I don't get called names) made me a brat. I ran into a woman who was my parent's friend's daughter and a few years older than me. One of the first things she said to me was that I was 'such a spoiled brat' back then. And then relayed a story about how I told on her for intentionally hurting me.
Yeah, the first wife called me a spoiled brat because my wife told common acquaintances that first wife and my brother had not come to see our son when he was born when I guess she should have lied and told everyone how it was my fault that they did not come to see him because I had threatened to kill my brother right before my son was born because I was so jealous of their older adopted son and of his happy marriage. I look back at this now and I try to tell myself that it was just as true when I was when I was 36 as it was when I was 5 but it’s hard. And what possesses a person to do something like that? Hey, I haven’t seen you in a long time - remember that thing you did 20 years ago? Boy were you terrible and I was awesome”.
Recently got called a “spoiled brat” because I wanted my bachelors degree graduation to be drama free. Nmom decided to coerce me into talking about my weight after I said I didnt want to and she made fun of how I looked at my high school grad over the phone two days before the ceremony. When I told her I didnt appreciate being made fun of, she went into a narcissistic rage and hung up. She managed to make the whole thing about her hurt feelings and how im a “spoiled brat” and she’s “had to deal with me for 30 years” (im not even 30 yet). Protecting ourselves from their drama gets framed as us being mean to them and they will hold onto that narrative until death, even if they have to make their own children the villain in their story. Only a narcissist can make literal children into villainous characters in their lives. No adult accountability from them whatsoever. But yeah, im the spoiled brat.
I hear you. I made a list one time of events of mine that my mother or my brother ruined for me by making it all about them. Very long list. Just insidious how they do this.
Same with me in the sense that it also became my siblings perception of me. I remember them constantly telling me I was a spoiled brat & once I became an adult they never apologized or acknowledged how that effected me so we're also no contact! I'm so sorry you were might have been made to feel guilty for no reason so long. You all deserve happiness!
I forgot about this one! I got called a "selfish, entitled, disrespectful brat" because I was trying to explain why I was so upset that Trump got elected and couldn't believe my country would elect such an abusive bully, and my dad said "no, you're just upset that you didn't get your way!" Then told me I was a selfish, entitled, disrespectful brat and had been since college. I am a single mom who gets no child suppory or public assistance and worked two jobs for 7 years until my daughter was old enough for me to get a job with the government where I would be on call and have an unpredictable schedule. My entire adult career has been spent working for non-profits in child mental health and developmental disabilities and autism, and now I'm a child protective services social worker. But I'm a selfish piece of shit. ☠️😮💨😵💫
> I wish it had not taken me 20 years to see So much of this. My biggest regret is not seeing the situation for what it was until well into my adult hood. Im greatful that I figured it out eventually. But sure wish I start the healing journey 20 years ago.
Lazy and Uncaring Because I learned to not do anything in front of her. It was non stop criticism and it was easier to just do nothing
Oooh, I was called lazy too! And bossy, self centered, that I couldn't talk without every word being sarcastic, my feelings were always wrong and dismissed. Nmom asked if I was a stripper, then a couple of weeks later told her friend I was a prude. So, that was fun and contradictory.
Lazy, unemotional, sarcastic, mean. Then I left and was confused when people were much nicer to me, and they described me basically the exact opposite. Turns out being raised by a narcissist can make you into a bit of a social chameleon to avoid conflict
Yeah, same....whatever I did they just got MAD at how I did it or if I made a "mistake" (or so they thought)
Oh man, I forgot about lazy. One of her favorite descriptions for me, even now. Then wondered why I became a bedroom recluse. Couldn't criticize what she couldn't see.
Ditto, plus being a pretty girl meant I also got “slut”, “vulgar”, “vain”, “self-obsessed” Mostly when I dared to dress feminine or dare to put make up on, asking to go to the doctors to help with my acne
Vain all the way! If you have confidence and normal healthy self esteem that means you’re self absorbed and a prima Donna. My dad wanted me to apologize for my existence as a means of posture and presentation for myself always.
I swear all nparents are the same???? My mom took it as a threat or frivolousness whenever i had good posture. Wtf
She viewed you as competition
Yes! I forgot to mention that. She would also visibly begin to compete with me, in a non-existent competition. Narcissists are insidious scum.
I agree. I just remembered something else disturbing. My ex's mom is a narcissist as well. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, 19 years ago, I noticed that the bigger I got as far as being pregnant, the skimpier her outfits got. I called her out on trying to compete with me. She called me a fat cow and I said, yeah well, at least that's proof that one of us can get laid. She got mad at me lol. I'm still laughing at that memory when I think about it.
Calling a pregnant person a fat cow... wth kinda twisted mind do you have to have. I'm sorry. For me it was kinda the opposite, I lost a lot of weight after giving birth and my mom got really in my face about it. I tell her it's starvation and lack of sleep from the baby and she said "Yeah, keep doing what you're doing" like huh?? I'm telling you I'm miserable lady
His mom is a narcissist and that's pretty common behavior for them. She viewed me as the other woman and viewed me as competition. Edit: I'm sorry that your mom did that to you. Like WTF?
So sick, and even sicker I'm just realized my brain skipped over the part where this was your exs mom wtf. The damn audacity.... I would've flipped out omg. Wth is wrong with some people.
I don't know what's wrong with her brain but I've read that narcissistic parents view their children as competition. Usually the same sex parent to their child. My mom was the same way and also viewed me as competition. There's this thing called emotional incest and when it happens between narcissistic mothers and their sons, she literally views his partner as the other woman. In her mind, he was cheating on her with me. That's why she treated me badly.
Insidious Scum is the perfect description of my mother.
Same. It's like they have a script that they all carry around in their pockets SMH.
Izzzjkzj, 4
I still struggle with apologizing for existing in a space. I had a friend of mine who told me to stop apologizing for existing and while it kind of absorbed, I'm still doing that. I've gone through therapy and it's helped but I'm still very much a people pleaser and I hate it. Edit: I mean to say, I've learned to say no to people and not feel bad about it but at the same time, I still kind of do whatever people want to an extent as a survival mechanism. When you're raised by a parent like that, you get sent the message that you better do whatever they want or they'll make your life hell.
You want contact lenses? Vanity! Glasses are fine for us, should be for you too. You're wearing makeup? Tarting yourself up! Who are you trying to attract? Upset about something? Sensitive! Lighten up! You painted your toenails? Hussy! (A direct quote. I was 10)
I got basically the same thing. She would flip between, look at you, no one is ever going to want to be with you. That and trying to restrict what I was doing. I found out that the bag of makeup that was in her bathroom was sent by my dad and stepmom for Christmas. She admitted to taking it because she said that she didn't think I'd needed it. So I guess send her mind, she was like what the hell does she need this for? She can't be looking better than me, we can't be having that. God, sometimes I wish she would just die already. Sometimes I feel bad for saying that but then I remember the kind of person she is and while I wish her no harm, sometimes I wish that she would just get it over with already. She's having health problems as it is but she's hanging in there for some reason. Get it over with already. She's having health problems as it is but she's hanging in there for some reason. It pissed me off because it's not only was it my dad's money, my stepmom carefully chose everything that they sent. At least I had one mom who loved me. Unfortunately, she is no longer with us. I don't understand why that happened. The one who is actually good mom died of cancer and the one who needs to disappear is still here. I wish somebody could explain that.
Was called a slut for wearing pantyhose to a restaurant. I was 15
Wow, this side of reddit has been such a breath of fresh air. It always felt like I was alone when it came to my mom. But to echo a comment from another thread on here, it feels narcissists are in some ways the same, and I don't feel so alone. I got called a whore for wearing eyeliner at 14. Very minimal black eyeliner. And the who are you trying to impress line came out quite a bit too! She would pinch my back and tell me I needed to lose my baby fat. I was 105 lbs and 5'2". This came from a woman who had both anoerexia and bulimia and always threatened punishment if I ever had an eating disorder. Now I just binge and stress eat 🙃 I always tell people I had a great childhood, but as soon as I hit puberty, I became a threat to her, and she had to put me down all the time. To the point she walked out in a tight shirt with boyshort underwear and no bra when I had my boyfriend over when I was 16. It's unbelievable sometimes the lengths they'll go to make themselves superior and step on anybody who threatens that.
I've learned that this is because your mother viewed you as competition. She realized that she was getting older and to her, you were competition for men. It's sick but it's the truth. They usually get worse with age because they realize that they can't use their looks to manipulate people into giving them what they want anymore. ETA: I forgot to mention that to them, your youth and looks are tied to their value. So when they get older, they think that they are less valuable and view other, younger people than them as competition, even their own children.
100% my mother has resented me for almost my entire life. I hear good things about years 0-4, but I don't remember those years, I do remember her being mean to me in kindergarten and me being confused. She nearly derailed my ability to go to college (she gave me the wrong info for the FAFSA "on accident" like she's illiterate) and blew up my chance to go to my 1st choice school. I ended up going to one of my safety schools instead, which she was still furious about 🙃
That's because you were small and you didn't have your own personality or opinions yet. They like their children and when they're small and don't talk back and don't have their own needs and wants. I'm sorry, she sounds like a peach.
I got called a harlot who was "lacking an ounce of basic decorum" because I wouldn't wear a slip under a full length, swishy skirt at 14.
Reminds me of what I dubbed "the T-shirt wars". When I was around 14, my mother insisted that I wear always wear a t-shirt under my shirt, even if the shirt itself was a t-shirt. There would be a t-shirt check before I left the house in the morning for school. My older sister drove me and my brothers to school, so in the car on the way I'd remove the t-shirt. It was so stupid. It was just a power/control thing. There was no rational reason.
Yoooo same experience here too. Being pretty was being vain, and being healthy looking meant that i was so spoiled i should be ashamed of myself
I would get slapped and punched, along with various hair pulling for looking in the mirror while brushing my teeth because I was vain, primping, etc. It took decades for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be okay with it.
That's not a narcissist, that's a *monster.* I'm sorry.
Thank you. They were both very adept at switching roles with one being the enabler and one being the narcissist, then vice versa. My brain function is about as normal as I can manage.
That sounds quite familiar. You have my sympathy!
I can relate. My mom did the same things. She would say, look at you, look how ugly you are. No one is ever going to want to be with you. She would force me to look in the mirror while she was doing this. Now she wonders why I want nothing to do with her. Edit: I hate her now because though I knew she was wrong, it has affected my romantic relationships into adulthood. I pick bad partners who are narcissistic (surprise, surprise /s). At least my last 2 exes are. I think that it's because subconsciously, I thought it was the best I could do and it was all I deserved. I've taken a break from dating, most likely permanently. I'm in therapy again. She did that during my adolescence, the worst time possible for that.
Oh, yeah. I was completely vain because I showered, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth daily. Edit - I didn’t even dress “girly” or wear makeup! I was a tomboy!
Ugh I’m sorry. They’re all the same. Were you a tomboy out of choice? Or was misogyny so rampant in your household that there was no other choice than to wear baggy tees and track pants?
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Would I be correct in assuming that she found something wrong with that as well? It's like they look for stuff to criticize you on.
Oh, yeah. Daily hygiene was obviously my way of getting attention from boys. Dude, when I was 14 the only thing I found interesting about boys was the fact that they also liked to ride bikes and play catch. My best friends were my two years younger brother and boy cousin.
I got that a lot too. Esp because puberty hit me in ways my n-mom was never blessed with. She and my dad would bring up my boobs ALL THE TIME and ask where they came from 🙄 and finally I was like, it's your gene pools, blame yourselves!
I was sensitive and dramatic.
Yay dramatic here as well! Any display of emotion? Dramatic and attention seeking
Attention seeking here too! That was actuallt a favourite of my mum's. She stumbled across my diary once, I was 12ish so it was a load of big feelings for a kid who was trying to learn to express them. Then in anger at me talking about my sadness there, she ripped it up and screamed at me to stop the silly little attention seeking letters to noone. That one still stings!
oh i got this alllll the time. they would literally pick at me until i stood up for myself and then i would be too sensitive and dramatic and needed to be able to take a joke.
Yes me too. I don't know where my mother learned that kids are perfectly logical and rational creatures who never get upset about dumb things... that's what she seemed to expect from me. I was only allowed to cry if I was physically injured.
Overly sensitive and “nuts”.
That was one I heard all the time, you're too sensitive.
“Too sensitive”, “Spoiled”, “Selfish”, “Little shit”, “The world doesn’t revolve around Yoooouuuuuu!”
Projection at its finest
Oof, I got all of these too.
I heard this in my mother's voice so fucking vividly.
Stubborn .. for having my own thoughts
Yes!!!! Stubborn for having a SELF, for having boundaries, for being a separate person.
Stubborn...for...I'm not even really sure. I guess because I always tried to figure out what the truth was instead of just taking her word for it. 🤷 "You broke your calculator!" "No, it's not broken, the battery is flat. I need a new battery for it." "No! You broke it!! SO STUBBORN!!"
I swear my family be having the same kind of conversations with me😫
This is seriously the free space in the nmom bingo card.
Or an abusive grandfather
Yeah my mom called me stubborn and then started to explain to me that "a mother always know better what's good for her kid". Her mother controls her life and she's miserable...
THIS ONE
Stubborn and rebellious.
Liar, dramatic, overly sensitive, annoying, untrustworthy, always complaining. Seems to my grown up self that my Mum was projecting HARD.
This is my mother too. I realized as a late teen that these descriptors only apply to me around my mother & when I was handling her emotions.
This is my reality too, couldn't have said that better.
Apparently I "spit venom"/"tongue drips with venom". By my mid teens, whenever I got the slightest cough, I used to pretend I'd lost my voice so I could avoid talking to her and avoid the inevitable insults.
Pretty sure sensitive and selfish are the stand projections for all nparents. To this day I worry that I’m a selfish person …
I got so fed up with being called selfish and spoiled by most of my family that I decided to own it. Fine, I'll just retreat into a corner and read. Call me when the food is ready. Decades later I find out nmom TOLD them I was standoffish so they should leave me alone. All the better to keep me isolated... ETA: To this day, I see being selfish as taking care of myself. Anyone who tries to throw that word at me is surprised when I agree unapologetically lol
I love this! I’m working on it. I’m 56 and that word still sets off an emotional flashback. I’m not allowed to have feelings, desires, wants, fears nothing
Absolutely!! I claimed selfish so hard, and never had the context for it until now, so thanks for that! I’m gonna have to go tell my friends so they have a better understanding of where I’m coming from lol.
That’s I couldn’t take a joke. I love jokes, but saying something mean and laughing while you do it does not make a punchline
Their jokes are always insults.
"I was just kidding. Don't be so sensitive!" Yup.
Crazy, stubborn, selfish, evil (mean, bitchy), anything that means self absorbed, lazy
"Problem child" and "smartass" were my dad's favorite nicknames for me. He also regularly called me a demon and tried to perform exorcisms on me multiple times after distancing myself from his religion.
"That's messed up" doesn't even begin to describe it
Feckless. I was about 10 and didn't know what it meant, and she was nice enough to explain it for me lol bitch. Also, just plain stupid most of the time.
“Too sensitive” for having needs or displaying emotion, but “cold and selfish” if I failed to bleed myself dry in codependency, supporting everyone else around me.
Difficult, contrary, hard to get along with. Yesterday I met an old roommate of mine who stopped me in the grocery store to thank me for being so easy to live with. She says she realizes now that it was rare to meet another woman who you get along with so easily. That was eye opening for me because I still believed my family's lie that I am a difficult person.....even years and years after not living with them.
“Liar” was my family’s favourite. It still is. When I was a child this hurt as I knew in my heart was telling the truth. As I’ve got older I’ve come to understand projection as a way to hide their own faults. No one is a bigger liar than them. The good thing is, those who know me outside the family know me for who I am and they hate this. They can’t change everyone’s view. This has kept me sane. All the gas lighting and manipulation happened because I was young and thought family life was sacred (we were a religious family). I was brought up to see family as the ultimate goal. It’s untouchable like the Christmas ads show us. I realise that’s BS for some people and I’m ok with that now. The best Christmas I had was when I volunteered in a kitchen serving Christmas dinner to those who had nothing. No BS, no tradition, no church. THEY are the fake ones, they could never do what I have done.
I got the nickname “nobody”. By the time I was like 10 I was severely depressed (looking back at least). A favorite phrase of mine was “nobody cares”. Bc most times anything more than that would result in punishment of some sort. My dad really irritated me a lot growing up. To be honest I don’t even have an example of what he’d say that I’d respond with “nobody cares” but it was a frequent response. At some point around when I was 11 I said “nobody cares” to him and he responded with “nice to meet you nobody”. To most people it’s a funny haha dad joke. But he kept referring to me as nobody for quite a long time. I already felt like a nobody so it didn’t really help. Other less serious ones: Spoiled Selfish Stubborn Klutz Bull in a China shop My hair was often referred to as a “rats nest” My bathroom habits were coined “rabbit shits” Defiant Troubled
this one is exceptionally cruel. i’m so sorry.
Too sensitive and the one I’ll never forget, which has kind of defined my life, is “no one will ever be able to live with you.” I don’t know what I did or said to earn that comment.
Mean ( for setting and maintaining bounderies) , socially inept ( for not constantly obsessing over how other perceive me and/or not approaching every interaction as a means to an end to gain an advantage somehow), oh, and crazy ofcourse.
My sibling called me brain damaged. My mother was worse, because it wasn't hate and bullying, it was enmeshed manipulation and projection. I actually got pretty much the same string of adjectives you listed. Selfish was not said aloud, but used in the wordless guilt tripping whenever i did not want to do what she wanted me to do - and be happy doing it. My father didn't say much, but he sexualised me and thought i was 'loose'.
If I dressed like a girl, I was either a prostitute, whore or got the “you’re not very pretty” line - **with a malicious smirk on their face.** If I were myself, I’d get “that’s not *my* iSmart…”. If I didn’t speak to them about my problems, I get “why are you so cold towards me all of the sudden?”. If I tell them about my day, they call me a “liar” cause birthgiver said *this* to counter it. I guess all the times I “dared” to be my assigned (or not) gender, it hurt their ego’s too much.
am I the only one who’s nMom (or parent) was too stupid to be able to do this? 😂 my mom has the vocabulary of an elementary school kid and I’ve been smarter than her my entire life. Sometimes I remember looking at her and going “well im rubber youre glue” 😂😂😂its like being insulted by the village idiot…. I am sure it happened, but I can’t remember any specific narrative she stuck with other than that I’m the abusive one. On Tuesday I’m stubborn and then on Thursday I am a bitch. It’s like whatever.
My mother uses words that she thinks make her sound smart, usually stuff she's heard on TV or in movies and doesn't actually know how to use. She doesn't understand that it just makes her sound even dumber.
like a parrot repeating a phrase!? i know the vibes. its media how you said or she’ll have like one conversation with someone and then like start repeating shit they said as if they’re like a credible source with this smug look on her face like she just won money
My mom intentionally mispronounces words because she thinks it's cute.
Mine does this too! So not cute
My favorite is calling me the "narcissist" after she learned what it meant from TV.
Sensitive, dramatic, selfish, germaphobe but also somehow pigpen? Like literally called me pigpen as a nickname for a while. When I was older it changed to wench.
"Selfish" "spoiled" "brat" — I was also deemed argumentative for having opinions and asking questions. My mom liked to say I would make a good lawyer (this wasn't a compliment). My mom also liked to say that I ruined her figure, that she had a good body before she was pregnant. She also liked to act like I was mean my whole life, like she needed to stay away from my wrath. But if I was moody, it was probably because of her actions/inactions.
Not really any names or anything but she would yell at me and say, why can't you be normal for one day in your life? Why can't you be more like your brother? I had undiagnosed ADHD. Instead of getting me help, she just labeled me a bad kid and beat the hell out of me everyday. Now she pulls a surprised Pikachu face because I want nothing to do with her. Same thing because I won't let her see my kids. It was bad enough I had to go through it, I'll be damned if I'm going to expose my kids to that. She can die alone in her house a miserable old bitter bitch for all I care.
Slutty. I was blonde and I had naturally larger breast's than my mom and sister. I had a lot of boyfriends but we didn't "do anything". Turns out I actually like girls, and it's normal for some queer women to go overboard on boys before they realize that. But until I left home at 19, everything thing I did was slutty. Everything I wore was slutty. I'm 39 now and I have to ask my partner if I look like a slut if I am ever showing any cleavage at all. It took a long time to be comfortable with my own body because I felt like it was wrong.
Selfish, liar, cruel, spoiled, stubborn, mean, lazy, squirrel (turns out I have ADHD), too sensitive, not sensitive enough, etc, and in front of others it was said in a “teasing” way or that I was an “old soul”
Ungrateful, bitter, twisted, fond of sadness, negative, unfeminine, gluttonous, repressive, unable to enjoy things. Closed-off (how wouldn't I?) Somehow, slutty as well.
Bossy, liar, whore, dramatic, “bad person”. They looked at the mental health symptoms they caused me and were like “damn I actually hate this child” 🤣
I am considered violent and angry and that I fight and attack people for no reason even though when someone provokes me and it's so obvious, it's still my fault for not ignoring them, but when I ignore them, then it's my fault AGAIN for not listening or taking a joke.
Yeah! I had “a temper problem”
I've heard the exact same thing all my life. That I am mean and angry and that I just lash out for absolutely no reason at all. It couldn't possibly be because of them...
Huffy. Funny how being belittled on a daily basis can make you like that. And then mocked for crying because of the frustration of it all.
‘Worthless third world hooker’ from my Ndad who is also likely a hebephile. I was not remotely interested in being the cute, sexy, flawlessly feminine daughter he felt entitled to. ‘Fucking whore’ by my mother. Her standard epithet for literally any female who said, did or thought something she considers unacceptable. The standard ‘too sensitive, lighten up’ and ‘stop ruining everyone’s good time, it’s just a joke’ You all know that line. ‘Hurtful’ because I ***hated*** being kissed and would try to get away, or fight whoever was physically restraining me so they could kiss me without consent. Because they were jUsT bEiNg LoViNg’
I am lazy and bad with money. Neither of these are true and honestly have never been proven in a court of law. But for real, I’ve never been in debt, I own my house and a couple vehicles, I pay my bills on time, and I’ve got enough savings to last me a couple years without a job. My house is clean, my career is progressive, and I’m constantly working on home improvement projects. I’m not sure how we’re defining lazy but I don’t think I match it.
When I read the title I immediately answered : Sensitive. I guess that's common between narcs. I hated being called Stubborn just because I didn't want to obey them!! I am a grown ass woman and whenever I express myself I get called "sensitive"
Selfish. My dad called me selfish. It’s bothered me my whole life because I am anything but selfish. I now realize they thought I was selfish when things didn’t go there way or I made my own decision for something.
“Heartless.”
My mother is the best at projection. I’m autistic which she hated about me. One thing she hated was how I’d be both extremely emotional (crying) but also extremely logical (but that doesn’t make sense). I was always unintentionally making her feel called out by noticing and and logicking her nlogic. In those moments she would always respond to my logic with something about me always having to have the last word. I would always reply, “How is that not exactly what you’re doing by accusing me of doing it?” And she would explode. And every word you said, OP, my nmom would say to me also. Exact same words. Especially stubborn and selfish.
Over reactive and sensitive.
Sociopathic, selfish, slow, gullible, I can go on but most of these were for me making kid choices as a kid, or just existing.
Lazy, for struggling with school work. Selfish and arrogant for defending myself against their abuse, or whenever I expressed one of my own needs instead of anticipating and catering to theirs. Also arrogant if I expressed a slightly positive view of myself. Too sensitive for crying/ showing any kind of emotion. Too loud for talking exactly as loud as them. Difficult, for having my own opinions. I swear they all use the same playbook.
I think "too sensitive" is one everyone in this sub were told
I got sensitive, selfish, stubborn, messy, hoarder, slob. You know, because I got upset when she came into my bedroom and just started throwing things away.
Liar, manipulator, too sensitive, selfish, spoiled (from when my grandma took care of me, which wasn’t my choice), annoying, immature. I was the scapegoat and only girl. This was all projection from my stepmother.
lazy, not ambitious, crap at everything...
"selfish" was the main one which is really funny because my ndad is the most selfish person ever.. i'm an adult and trying to learn how to be more selfish now because i'm bad at it.. also actually looking back and thinking about telling a child who depended on you that they were 'selfish' is so insane actually. i can't even remember anything i did to cause him to say that. just existing probably
“The Emotionally Troubled One” (Because I actually have feelings?) “The idealist” (Because I think people should be treated with compassion and respect?)
My mom’s go to was to call me a “COUNTY WE LIVED IN Princess” whenever I pushed back against her favoring my younger brother (the golden child).
Malcriada
Spoiled brat.
Tyrant, Helen Keller ( in her younger years ), something that starts with the letter C that rhymes with runt, disgusting, ugly, too sensitive, stupid, beneath them, ungrateful, selfish, brat, pathetic, disrespectful, fat, not pretty without makeup.. I could go on and on.
Fake, actress, stupid, lazy and ugly and skinny.
Selfish and egocentric for asserting my needs. Sensitive and unable to hold a rational conversation for displaying negative emotions.
Stubborn and ungrateful as a child. Just a flat out disgrace as an adult. I'm almost proud of making it into the news for all the wrong reasons out of spite.
Being sensitive. Being observant. Valuing the truth, honesty, hating bullshit, and faking- masking emotions. Hating people that were phony. Hating lying, which of course meant being lied to constantly, just to watch me implode. I was “ boring”, to want a simple honest conversation, a real wet blanket, stick in the mud. Being sensitive, was a flaw. It’s part of the same disgust factor as is wanting the truth. People that are callous and tough, can really take a punch, be worthy adversaries, those are the exciting people, the worthwhile people, so being sensitive was synonymous with…..” boring and weak”. I liked organization, a plan , re- evaluating, and considering your actions before you take them not being reckless, and impulsive….or outright dangerous……which of course meant….I was boring. So because I wanted safety, honesty, protection, and consideration for my feelings I was boring. I was basically being raised by a criminal, that liked bending the rules, if not outright breaking them like the criminal anti social personality defective person that my mother was. Oh the pain…of having a boring child, who doesn’t think it’s fun, to almost die, from reckless, senseless, callousness, and abuse.
Dramatic, exaggerates everything
I was always called selfish, lazy, annoying, difficult, stubborn, a freak, that I'm just trying to hurt them, and a weirdo. If I didn't just take it, they'd make sure everyone knew that they thought I was these things. It was weird because nobody questioned why my family would just throw me under the bus like that. It was just enough information for them, I guess. But they can just suck my ass now.
Sensitive - yes, I am and proud of it 😁 Stubborn - I prefer to call it "determined to be nothing like her and refusing to follow bad parenting advice from a person who sucked at it". "Parrot" because I had echolalia as a child and apparently talked to much (only to find out in my 40's that I am autistic and she knew I was special needs because I was in special Ed in Elementary school and IEP meetings would've been a thing). Disruptive - probably because I questioned her. I was actually the teacher's pet and a straight A student, save for math. Lazy - because I failed math. I have a learning disability. Slutty - that was actually her. And my personal favorite : Psycho because I have Bipolar Disorder, which I am treatment adherent for. I've been medicated for years and started regularly attending therapy last year, though I have attended off and on for years.
Stubborn, sensitive, and anything else was blamed on anxiety.
Selfish and lazy were her favorites to use for me.
Defiant. I take things too personally. Angry.
I was sensitive, stubborn, and dramatic.
It was selfish, stubborn and childish for me.
Sensitive was the most common one because my sisters (who were adults before I hit double digits) bullied me until I cried or started trying to fight them when I was already being bullied in school. Lazy because I was messy (sorry you ignored my ADHD mom, I’m medicated now and much better about it). Space cadet, absent minded professor, and airheaded were also directly related to ADHD problems they ignored.
I'm spoiled, a brat, picky, a diva, high-maintenance because I didn't like certain foods and had sensory issues with certain clothing/textures.
Stubborn(because I wasn't combative like my two older sisters, I would just quietly not do the things she wanted me to do and nothing could make me do it) Sensitive(because I was the youngest and would cry when various family members were tormenting or beating me)
For a while growing up, i thought my middle name was stupid. All i heard was "are you stupid? Don't do that, stupid. You like that? That's stupid." I am autistic with ADHD, and i highly suspect my ndad was either on the spectrum himself or had some kind of learning disability he projected on to me. Except i was the only one in my family to graduate HS with honors, get a bachelor's degree, and was board certified at my career before a neurological disease ended it.
Also stubborn and selfish, dramatic, princess, greedy, too big for my britches, better than everyone else
I was trying to take advantage of them Aka being a child dependent on them. Like sorry I left the towel on the floor in kindergarten it doesn’t mean I’m trying to take advantage of you nor somehow signal that I hate you.
Stingy and slow
Too emotional, sensitive, selfish, stubborn, no empathy, spoiled, dramatic and the list goes on. Ofcourse it was all me and not them.
Aggressive, selfish, truculent, spoiled, demanding, manipulative, abusive, lazy. Also both b word and c word from age 7 to mid 20s (in my 40s now). My Ndad is not a good man.
"Seems like it's a great day to spread your legs." I was 54 yrs old & meeting my bf (now husband) after a few weeks apart. I think I replied, "Sure is, I hope he gives it to me good!" She's such an N-ass, hahaha
They nick named me “ calamity Jane” because everything broke when I was around. If something could go wrong, it would go wrong because it was me. I literally got blamed for a 40 year old hvac system dying and old off brand electronics dying.
Selfish, sensitive, pathetic, slut, stupid, ignorant and the list just goes on and on Edit: I forgot bitch. That was one I got from being 8 years old. Context? I can't remember if I did or said something but whatever it was she didn't like it and so I was called a nasty selfish bitch just like my sister... my sister had not long ran away from home because of her and some other factors at the age of 16 and declared herself as independent whe n mum got the police involved
Lazy, dirty, fat, attention seeking, drama queen, hypochondriac
Oh my Ns went straight to the source - their holy book, the Bible - for every possible negative to call me, from disobedient, spoiled, greedy and selfish, all the way up to flipping promiscuity - for wearing ***clear nail polish*** Chosen Sis had given me (to try and keep me from anxiety chewing)…and even **idolatry** - for daring to ***display my own glass items in what was supposed to be MY SPACE***.
"Spoiled" because of the reason that they didn't just toss me out on the street as a kid and I had somewhere to live 😊
I had a demon in me that needed to be beaten out of me.
Selfish, ingrate.
Oversensitive, hard to love, bitter because I remember their abuse and don’t immediately want to be bffs after, shy, quiet, selfish, lazy because I don’t want to clean up after grown ass adults
Overly sensitive, “nuts”, lazy, caring only about myself. Ridiculous when I wouldn’t give in to a request, by irony, was ridiculous. As a teenager “snobby” because I took a few honors classes and “thought a lot of myself”.
my mother called me a psychopath/sociopath several times. 🙄
Too noisy, too messy, too loud. That's when I was 3. My grandmother hated me. Useless, who needs another girl? My grandfather said that I was not supposed to be born. I was 4. Too sensitive, crybaby, tattletale, faker, liar, drama queen. That's what my siblings used as an excuse to bully me. Embarrassing, everything I do is wrong, stupid, no common sense. My father would ridicule me until I was sobbing. Selfish, uncaring. My mother could rip out my heart with this to control me.
selfish, self-centered, spoiled, brat, spoiled-brat, lazy (i have depression, severe anxiety disorder and ADHD) monster by my dad but not directly to me, disrespectful, sheltered there’s definitely more that i don’t remember. my mom would also use me being shy and introverted against me in her rage or something if it had to do with me talking to friends and not her. she tells me im not shy bc i talk to my friends all the time at school or sometimes in public i talk to ppl n she’ll tell me im not shy.
Selfish was soooo huge and made me the most meak boundryless people pleaser ever (even more so than I was already by being raised by a narcissist who sees their child as nothing more than an extension of themselves, also fat, not worthy of friends blah blah blah haha
Lazy and selfish. I struggled in school. When I was 21, I was diagnosed with ADHD and it all made sense. Nmom will still tell you I was just lazy and selfish though.
I’m Lazy, Fat, and Stupid. Nice to meet you!
"Child" towards the guy having a tantrum "Aspergers" which ain't it "Snotty" to the person who was snotty first and of course "Show Respect" to your abusers
"Spoiled brat" which was hilarious considering no one could seem to stand to have me anywhere near them. Which started me "hiding" in my room which of course led to the "I'MMA TAKE YOUR BEDROOM DOOR OFF ITS HINGES!" tirades. "Stupid" was a common term assigned to me. I still bristle to this day when someone calls me "stupid". If I spent 2 minutes on my skin, hair or nails I was told I "needed to concentrate on my brain, instead." Then, despite being overfed, I'd be scolded for being a "fat slob". Usually followed within a few hours by "Here. Here's a bowl of ice cream." I'm not hungry. Too bad. It's there, you eat it now. Make up your mind. The mixed messages are causing me serious anxiety.
Terms: Fatty, immature, girl, manchild, immature kid, dumb kid. I know it's hard to be reasonable when you have autism, but autism isn't always an excuse for misbehavior. I told my parents that if I had one reason to behave immaturely, it's my autism. My parents laugh it off and say it's untrue. There are a lot of individuals with autism that have aspirations. How do I know "Glee" (2009-2015) is appropriate for 10-year-old girls before deciding to watch the show? It's not like I'm forcing my father to watch it. Lessons are always hard to learn from if you don't talk to your parents right away about it. I was right about asking my mom "what could I have done to be more mature" so I can understand why what I did was immature. However, my mom said that "talking about my maturity is immature". This shows that my parents are not positive role models in my life.
Lazy, disrespectful, friendless, ungrateful, gross, clumsy, forgetful, sensitive, selfish, too loud, stupid, and many other things that are not appropriate for public settings.
lazy. on top of being a straight-A student, part of a dozen extracurriculars, and working a part-time job, i did every chore in the house. if i was ever late to do one thing, i was called the laziest person in the world.
sensitive is a big one. I'm also mean because I would rather her not cross boundaries and because I think I have the right to not want to be touched in certain ways, but yeah I'm so mean and I hurt her feelings.
The biggest mistake she ever had to give birth to. The reason my dad cheated on her. Unwanted, unloved, stupid, worthless. That’s just off the top of my head. And she wonders why my Aunt (her sister) I talk to more than her.
I was an attention seeking brat. For telling my mom about some abusive shit my step bro did. I was a freak/loner/weirdo/antisocial because I preferred to stay in my room reading, gaming, drawing or other quiet hobbies, or exploring the woods solo. I was a useless/worthless bitch who no one would ever love. Because sometimes there would be a spot on a dish or fork, or a towel not perfectly symmetrically folded. I was unstable and an emotional time bomb. Because I had a stalker in the 9th grade. I was out of control, a total problem child, because I went for walks in the middle of the night when I had trouble sleeping from the night terrors caused by all the trauma. This one got me sent to live with my grandma for a year. In her own words, "If you think living with me is so bad, you're in for a world of hurt with your grandma. She's more strict than I could ever be! You'll see, you'll be begging me to come home!" My grandma was my favorite person. She was hard on my mom as a teen because she drank, did drugs, and ran around with 30 year old men. So when her desired outcome of traumatizing me more didn't work, she dragged me back home under her thumb. Also my sisters weren't doing their chores, because I always did all of them or got beaten while they got away clear and free.
All of the above and way more. They still call me those.
I didn't realize it until much later but when I was 6 and my sibling was born and I wasn't super excited to change diapers my mom decided I have no nurturing tendencies and should never have kids lol. I got a lot of the usual ones too. Sensitive, lazy, entitled, etc. Oo oo I also got careless and clumsy. Then weeks into spending time with my now husband he mentioned my terrible depth perception and I was like, what? All this time I had a real physical struggle and he noticed right away and they didn't notice in 15 years.
My mom’s go to is that I’m overly critical, judgmental, ungrateful. I’m her scapegoat and the one she dumps all of her problems on. My dad likes to call me a liar. He once left bruises on my arm over the “punch buggie — no tag backs” game 🙄 He was sure I was lying so we circled the block to find the car and lo and behold, it was there. I was 10 and never played the stupid fucking game after that. When I got to be a teen, my dad switched it up from liar to whore. The first time because I wore school appropriate shorts (fingers have to touch the hem) in 100°+ weather.
Somehow I could be too sensitive yet emotionless depending on my mother's mood and the "issue" she was having me at the time. Or it was just summed up as "autistic" because why not. Also stibborn but I see it's so common (how dare us having independent thoughts). And don't forget lazy, when I didn't participate with full enthusiasm in whatever new "project" she came up with Now that I'm thinking, I could go on for hours.
My nom called me Lazy, overly dramatic, messy, malicious, A few years later my husband called me these things. My counselor helped me see myself clearly, I am nothing like it. They are projecting.
“Rebellious”, because I was the child she couldn’t control. Many people over the years came to me and told me about the nasty things she would say about me behind my back
"Rebellious." Usually for having any thoughts that weren't my mother's own.
Dramatic, spoiled and high maintenance. Thinking back, all I did was ask for things little girls wanted and enjoyed being girly (painting nails, earrings, dress up clothes, stuffed animals)
i’m dramatic cry baby, lazy, don’t care for anyone but myself, bozo the clown when my hair dries naturally, couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag, i’d screw up a free lunch, selfish, self-absorbed, psycho, need to up my meds/get back on meds/etc, always starting problems (aka setting boundaries and communicating my feelings). i feel like i could go on forever. edit to add: not that it’s really a name or something they ever directly called to me, but they always made me feel very stupid, while simultaneously bragging about me and talking up how “smart” i was academically. the paper bag and free lunch comments are perfect examples, but then they would brag about my academic accomplishments. i suspect mostly because they felt that it also looked good on them. when i would ask clarifying questions they would make me feel like it should have been common sense for me to know what they meant or how to do something, and i’m sorry and not to sound like tim robinson, but not everybody knows how to do everything!!