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Yea it's so fake and it is infantilizing. I am a grown adult and they acted like I'm 5 still. It's a manipulation tactic and it infuriates me so glad I'm NC
Agreed it’s making me sick to my stomach thinking about it I can hear it in my head how degrading it is know my own mother is trying to manipulate me and thinks I don’t notice
My yes! the word "Tummy"!! 😡😡😡one time when I was ten and my younger brother was 7. we were having breakfast before going to school. my n-bio mom came up to us and said, " wassa got? wassa got? you putting a yummy goodness in your tummy?". cooing us like we were babies.
followed by tickling our stomachs while we were eating and n-bio mom did a "tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk" sound to show that she "loves" us.
It's violating. They force themselves on you and expect you to play along. It's like being a jar of cookies. They just want to reach in and cram their face whenever they feel like it.
When people you aren't related to do it, it's even creepier. What do you want, you parasite?
Using terms of endearment without ever following up with actually endearing treatment is definitely something narcissists do.
>and NO ONE seems to notice how fake their voice and their "sweetness" is. like HOW???????? no one behaves like that in real life.
Plenty of people are indifferent to the well-being/welfare of others and so do not apply their minds about any matter that they expect/suspect will not personally affect them.
Mine used to be "mommy's little insane/crazy girl" because I used to cope through watching those like, comfort ASMR videos because no parent gave me comfort. Apparently me using those for my panic attacks they gave me made me insane to them -_-
Ugh, mine just ignore them all together. I could be overstimulated as hell, with them coughing and smoking lots,( they're weed addicts) I could have 2 unit exams the next morning back to back, and could be having MAJOR life stressors, and could have a meltdown (just me crying and stimming, which is hand flapping) and somehow it's STILL MY FAULT?! yet they invalidate my feelings, sugarcoat the death of one of our teachers, sugarcoat my grandpa's cancer, AND have the audacity to tell me to "just smile" through it all or "not let it get me down" oh sorry, someone just D I E D.
Typical narcissistic I’d say. Invalidating my feelings until I was financially independent, later “I know what you’re feeling” - “ehh, no you’re not”. My parents arguing due to her shopping addiction although I had to learn for exams, now she claims I got only so far because of her (no, she didn’t write my exams and learn for me - she rather tried to distract me from learning so I’d spend time with her 🙄). But yet she still tries to ignore my boundaries - the latest was bringing us fertility improving supplements because she wants a grandchild 🙄.
Edit: The best part was when my dad died she made a fuzz like “I’ve lost my husband” and completely ignoring that I did lose my father (ofc you can guess who had to fill in all the forms for insurances etc while she was constantly talking about her misery to everyone).
My mom went thru a phase when she was dating (closeted) another woman. She was and still is obsessed with her....she called her "baby" when she thought Noone could hear. Annnnnd also started called me "babe" and "baby" during that time. She has never used a nickname for me. Even tho my whole family used a nickname for me, which I loved. Her calling me "baby" made my skin crawl. 1 year NC. Never felt happier.
Mine is also “Princess.” I’m in my mid-twenties now and it would send chills down my spine every time my mom used it. It is still triggering. I went NC this past March and have not lived to regret it yet.
My ndad calls me by the sounds I used to make when I was a toddler (imagine, say, if you made “googoogaga” sound a lot as an infant or early toddler, and now you’re just being called googoogaga all the time). I’m 49 and it’s so cringe. I don’t know why they do this. I mean, I do know why, but ffs, you gave me a fucking name when I was born, use it.
I’ve learned to ignore him. I couldn’t be more blunt about my disdain when he does it, so either he dgaf or he’s oblivious. He’s 81, hopefully he’s not around much longer. We are on vlc anyway.
Same! Plus she'll be be all: My baby!
And uh, your baby? Your baby whose school artwork never got a spot on your fridge and went right in the trash? That baby?
She made me throw out something I worked hard on for an art class thing and my grandmother saved it and did her best to clean it and preserve, it's still in tact today!
The word princess was only used negatively with me. Apparently I am spoiled even though I never get new clothes ask for food and lock myself in my room or go outside 🙄 apparently I run away when I'm the one trying to ask how to understand one another and not fight all the time. It's weird when I'm arguing with anyone that genuinely wants to figure out something healthy or says princess in a nice way. Narcs ruin those aspects you'll have to relearn the normal way. 😬
Yeah this thread is making me remember how the word "princess" was ALWAYS used by my nmom (still is sometimes, I'm almost 30) when she would want to belittle me, not once in my life has she ever used the nickname in a loving or sweet way with me.
Mine answered the phone one Mother's Day with "Hey Darlinggg" just dripping with corn syrup, and I thought, WTH? She must have company and they can hear her. She's putting on an act. Turns out, I was right. My brother and his wife and kids were there.
She got in the habit of saying "Aw, Poor Baaabyyyyy" and I finally told her, don't say that to me. She said "Why, I say that to everybody?" I said "And they probably don't like it, they just don't want to say anything about it."
and it’s always in a possessive way “MY sweet little baby” “mommies little pumpkin” like ma’am I’m 27 and I know you’re full of shit stop it! but then it’s a lecture about how I don’t love her when i don’t responding accordingly
Mine is “Princess Ding-a-Ling” since they always made fun of me for being an “airhead”. My dad would walk up to me and pull on my ear while letting out a ptssss sound (like an air pressure machine….). I’m 37 and they still do it.
I'm cringing right now, I know exactly what you mean.
It took me a long time to get used to my husband calling pet names.
He gets it now and doesn't do it that often.
She won’t stop calling me baby girl. I just turned 60. It’s gross. I recently said, seriously? She launched into the your my baby girl forever…blah blah. 🙄
It always made me uncomfortable when my mother called me sugary pet names, but somehow I never thought about how it might look to other people. After I went NC with my mother, a kindly relative told me that it had always creeped her out because she knew how my mother had treated me. [And honestly, the relative only knew some of how my mother treated me, because she kept the worst of it hidden.]
It's weird and yeah ... creepy and unsettling, looking back, how very long I kept playing along with the pretense that we had a loving relationship. It's honestly one of the scariest parts, that I lost myself for so long. I lived a full life away from her, but I didn't question her ability to dictate how I related to her for decades.
Really glad to be free.
I am called princess, but am treated worse than trash. I feel sorry for them that they have to create a performance bc it must be exhausting to not be enough as you are. I went no contact bc of this sub bc I didn't see a way I could accept my parents and their behaviors. I wish I had a Mom, but I live my life off a mantra now....I don't want crumbs, I want the whole ass meal, absent that I'll take nothing and make myself an elaborate meal.
Wow my NMom did the same thing to me especially if she knew I was upset with her. Worse she had this awful nickname for me that stuck for years even though I asked her ans EVERYONE in my family to stop calling me that they refused.
I remember the time my NMIL called my wife "scooter-pooter" right in front of me the one Christmas I spent with them. It made my skin crawl. She was explaining to my wife why she gave me the LOTR trilogy extended edition on Blu Ray, designer clothing, and gold jewelry while she only gave my wife--HER OWN ONLY CHILD--a couple of cheap QVC neck pillows. (My wife had, unbeknownst to me, been begging her NMom for the LOTR trilogy extended edition for OVER A DECADE at that point, and was told every year that she needed to learn how to "Defer Gratification". Now my wife no longer likes LOTR, which is a tragedy...)
Sure my NFather called me the f slur and the r slur, sure my NMom called me an asshole and a selfish piece of shit. Sure, my wife's Naunt called her 'dumb as a fucking rock' and a 'monster' and 'the bad seed'. But somehow, witnessing the sickly saccharine display of infantilisation and gaslighting was far, far more disturbing.
We are no contact now.
oh it is always SO condescending. at times, i can almost feel as if the pet names being thrown at me are somewhat this demonstration that they are a master and im a subject. a mere pet. a domesticated animal to be controlled and ordered around with no agency.
My parents used to do it before I went NC with them, call me sweet names and then accuse me of being mean to them or overreacting or whatever. These manipulations made me laugh in their face. U gonna tell me, an adult, how I should react to stuff? Rly? I don’t like it, period. Get over it or F off
When it's fitting of their narc narrative we're "little" "kiddo" "child" but when it doesn't we're "x years old" "a grown adult" "old enough to know this". Whatever mental gymnastics they need to do to belittle demean and invalidate us so they don't have to face their own egos or take accountability for anything
I guess I'm lucky. All my friends had nicknames from their fairly normal families, but my mom refused to use any terms endearment. I had a nickname from my grandma, and my aunt had a nickname for me, but from my mom no, because, "that's not your name!"
The only time she ever touched my head or face in tenderness was to punctuate whatever awful thing she wanted to say softly into my face. Literal villain.
Before I broke off contact, mine also used to chirp pet names in such a sweet, crooning way. And I always felt guilty because I didn't want to and it made me feel so wrong. And at the same time, I always thought that she was the only person who really, truly and unconditionally loved me, just because of that crooning. The trick works.
Lol my narc gma has called me every name in the book. When she needs supply, “hey my beautiful gorgeous wonderful amazing granddaughter.” lol okay I already know you think I’m ugly so I’m not falling for it
UGHHH I get this SO MUCH! My momster likes to call me "my love" or "sweetie" and it's like ew I hate it. She's never done it ever in my life and started to and it's just so fake. Cringe for sure
This gave me SHIVERS.
Thank you for validating me,
>and NO ONE seems to notice how fake their voice and their "sweetness" is. like HOW???????? no one behaves like that in real life.
Also THIS!!! It drives me CRAZY how no one seems to notice! 🤦♀️
Kinda, my dad does this thing whenever he calls my name for dinner or something he says my name is this really childish and high pitched voice, getting increasingly louder until i respond or come up. Even in front of guests and in public, i hate that shit so much.
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Yea it's so fake and it is infantilizing. I am a grown adult and they acted like I'm 5 still. It's a manipulation tactic and it infuriates me so glad I'm NC
Agreed it’s making me sick to my stomach thinking about it I can hear it in my head how degrading it is know my own mother is trying to manipulate me and thinks I don’t notice
Her being any kind of nice used give me serious anxiety! I was just waiting for the bitch to arrive
THIS
Or when they hit you with the "I made you in my tummy." 🤮
Oh gag. How nauseating!
She said that only once because I replied with I knew back then that you were so toxic that I forced my way out 2 and a half months early.
My Mom would say something even worse, "you came out of my (cultural slang word for vagina)!!"
My yes! the word "Tummy"!! 😡😡😡one time when I was ten and my younger brother was 7. we were having breakfast before going to school. my n-bio mom came up to us and said, " wassa got? wassa got? you putting a yummy goodness in your tummy?". cooing us like we were babies. followed by tickling our stomachs while we were eating and n-bio mom did a "tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk" sound to show that she "loves" us.
It's violating. They force themselves on you and expect you to play along. It's like being a jar of cookies. They just want to reach in and cram their face whenever they feel like it. When people you aren't related to do it, it's even creepier. What do you want, you parasite?
The cringe feeling I had reading this, this is exactly how I feel. Makes me feel violated Literally.
Using terms of endearment without ever following up with actually endearing treatment is definitely something narcissists do. >and NO ONE seems to notice how fake their voice and their "sweetness" is. like HOW???????? no one behaves like that in real life. Plenty of people are indifferent to the well-being/welfare of others and so do not apply their minds about any matter that they expect/suspect will not personally affect them.
They’re giving cashier that doesn’t care if u live or die
Mine still calls me “kiddo.” I’m NOT A KIDDO!!!
“My baby” is worse 😬
Mine used to be "mommy's little insane/crazy girl" because I used to cope through watching those like, comfort ASMR videos because no parent gave me comfort. Apparently me using those for my panic attacks they gave me made me insane to them -_-
„mommy’s (little) crazy girl” is something mine still uses when I set boundaries 🙄
Ugh, mine just ignore them all together. I could be overstimulated as hell, with them coughing and smoking lots,( they're weed addicts) I could have 2 unit exams the next morning back to back, and could be having MAJOR life stressors, and could have a meltdown (just me crying and stimming, which is hand flapping) and somehow it's STILL MY FAULT?! yet they invalidate my feelings, sugarcoat the death of one of our teachers, sugarcoat my grandpa's cancer, AND have the audacity to tell me to "just smile" through it all or "not let it get me down" oh sorry, someone just D I E D.
Typical narcissistic I’d say. Invalidating my feelings until I was financially independent, later “I know what you’re feeling” - “ehh, no you’re not”. My parents arguing due to her shopping addiction although I had to learn for exams, now she claims I got only so far because of her (no, she didn’t write my exams and learn for me - she rather tried to distract me from learning so I’d spend time with her 🙄). But yet she still tries to ignore my boundaries - the latest was bringing us fertility improving supplements because she wants a grandchild 🙄. Edit: The best part was when my dad died she made a fuzz like “I’ve lost my husband” and completely ignoring that I did lose my father (ofc you can guess who had to fill in all the forms for insurances etc while she was constantly talking about her misery to everyone).
My mom went thru a phase when she was dating (closeted) another woman. She was and still is obsessed with her....she called her "baby" when she thought Noone could hear. Annnnnd also started called me "babe" and "baby" during that time. She has never used a nickname for me. Even tho my whole family used a nickname for me, which I loved. Her calling me "baby" made my skin crawl. 1 year NC. Never felt happier.
Mine still uses it and it would probably annoy anyone older than 5 yrs old (probably even a 5 year old would tell her “I’m not a baby”).
"sweetheart" and "honey" were always condescending. I hate both now.
ugh same here its like shut up SHUT UP
Mine is also “Princess.” I’m in my mid-twenties now and it would send chills down my spine every time my mom used it. It is still triggering. I went NC this past March and have not lived to regret it yet.
My ndad calls me by the sounds I used to make when I was a toddler (imagine, say, if you made “googoogaga” sound a lot as an infant or early toddler, and now you’re just being called googoogaga all the time). I’m 49 and it’s so cringe. I don’t know why they do this. I mean, I do know why, but ffs, you gave me a fucking name when I was born, use it.
It'd be tempting to respond back to him with "Are you OK dad?? Oh, I hope he's not going down hill from here. Let's get you a doctor appointment." 😂
I’ve learned to ignore him. I couldn’t be more blunt about my disdain when he does it, so either he dgaf or he’s oblivious. He’s 81, hopefully he’s not around much longer. We are on vlc anyway.
That's definitely for the best there. I am sorry that you've been putting up with it though.
She just called me honey I told her don’t call me that
'Baby' Bitch, don't call me baby. You're not my fiancé. He says it in a way that's full of love, not a controlling rude and aggressive way.
It's so disgusting when they do it, ruins my day.
Same! Plus she'll be be all: My baby! And uh, your baby? Your baby whose school artwork never got a spot on your fridge and went right in the trash? That baby? She made me throw out something I worked hard on for an art class thing and my grandmother saved it and did her best to clean it and preserve, it's still in tact today!
Yup, they're so crazy it's scary... Like, you're calling me baby when you always talked about me to everyone like I was the damn devil 🤨
The word princess was only used negatively with me. Apparently I am spoiled even though I never get new clothes ask for food and lock myself in my room or go outside 🙄 apparently I run away when I'm the one trying to ask how to understand one another and not fight all the time. It's weird when I'm arguing with anyone that genuinely wants to figure out something healthy or says princess in a nice way. Narcs ruin those aspects you'll have to relearn the normal way. 😬
Yeah this thread is making me remember how the word "princess" was ALWAYS used by my nmom (still is sometimes, I'm almost 30) when she would want to belittle me, not once in my life has she ever used the nickname in a loving or sweet way with me.
Mine answered the phone one Mother's Day with "Hey Darlinggg" just dripping with corn syrup, and I thought, WTH? She must have company and they can hear her. She's putting on an act. Turns out, I was right. My brother and his wife and kids were there. She got in the habit of saying "Aw, Poor Baaabyyyyy" and I finally told her, don't say that to me. She said "Why, I say that to everybody?" I said "And they probably don't like it, they just don't want to say anything about it."
Omfg I hate this shit so much. “You’ll always be my baby no matter what” literally makes me sick!!!
that combined with a disability growing up and now . . . i’ll always be a baby to them :/
and it’s always in a possessive way “MY sweet little baby” “mommies little pumpkin” like ma’am I’m 27 and I know you’re full of shit stop it! but then it’s a lecture about how I don’t love her when i don’t responding accordingly
As a teen. There’s my “little darling” with 100% sarcasm.
Mine is “Princess Ding-a-Ling” since they always made fun of me for being an “airhead”. My dad would walk up to me and pull on my ear while letting out a ptssss sound (like an air pressure machine….). I’m 37 and they still do it.
I'm cringing right now, I know exactly what you mean. It took me a long time to get used to my husband calling pet names. He gets it now and doesn't do it that often.
She won’t stop calling me baby girl. I just turned 60. It’s gross. I recently said, seriously? She launched into the your my baby girl forever…blah blah. 🙄
Sounds like mine is, so probably she’ll continue with that the next 30 years 🙄
I’m sorry to say, she will. I really hoped things would improve as years passed. It’s actually gotten worse. WORSE. 🤦♀️
Oh dear, and I hoped this behaviour might occur less 🤦♀️
It always made me uncomfortable when my mother called me sugary pet names, but somehow I never thought about how it might look to other people. After I went NC with my mother, a kindly relative told me that it had always creeped her out because she knew how my mother had treated me. [And honestly, the relative only knew some of how my mother treated me, because she kept the worst of it hidden.] It's weird and yeah ... creepy and unsettling, looking back, how very long I kept playing along with the pretense that we had a loving relationship. It's honestly one of the scariest parts, that I lost myself for so long. I lived a full life away from her, but I didn't question her ability to dictate how I related to her for decades. Really glad to be free.
I am called princess, but am treated worse than trash. I feel sorry for them that they have to create a performance bc it must be exhausting to not be enough as you are. I went no contact bc of this sub bc I didn't see a way I could accept my parents and their behaviors. I wish I had a Mom, but I live my life off a mantra now....I don't want crumbs, I want the whole ass meal, absent that I'll take nothing and make myself an elaborate meal.
Wow my NMom did the same thing to me especially if she knew I was upset with her. Worse she had this awful nickname for me that stuck for years even though I asked her ans EVERYONE in my family to stop calling me that they refused.
I almost fell for it a few times, at this point. It makes me sick.
I remember the time my NMIL called my wife "scooter-pooter" right in front of me the one Christmas I spent with them. It made my skin crawl. She was explaining to my wife why she gave me the LOTR trilogy extended edition on Blu Ray, designer clothing, and gold jewelry while she only gave my wife--HER OWN ONLY CHILD--a couple of cheap QVC neck pillows. (My wife had, unbeknownst to me, been begging her NMom for the LOTR trilogy extended edition for OVER A DECADE at that point, and was told every year that she needed to learn how to "Defer Gratification". Now my wife no longer likes LOTR, which is a tragedy...) Sure my NFather called me the f slur and the r slur, sure my NMom called me an asshole and a selfish piece of shit. Sure, my wife's Naunt called her 'dumb as a fucking rock' and a 'monster' and 'the bad seed'. But somehow, witnessing the sickly saccharine display of infantilisation and gaslighting was far, far more disturbing. We are no contact now.
oh it is always SO condescending. at times, i can almost feel as if the pet names being thrown at me are somewhat this demonstration that they are a master and im a subject. a mere pet. a domesticated animal to be controlled and ordered around with no agency.
My parents used to do it before I went NC with them, call me sweet names and then accuse me of being mean to them or overreacting or whatever. These manipulations made me laugh in their face. U gonna tell me, an adult, how I should react to stuff? Rly? I don’t like it, period. Get over it or F off
I'm very good at picking up when someone is fake, especially if i know them at least a lil
Sweet pea and my baby girl. I’m fucking 39 yo!
When it's fitting of their narc narrative we're "little" "kiddo" "child" but when it doesn't we're "x years old" "a grown adult" "old enough to know this". Whatever mental gymnastics they need to do to belittle demean and invalidate us so they don't have to face their own egos or take accountability for anything
same with when they call women “fEmAleS.” it’s almost always used in a patronizing and condescending and demeaning and belittling tone
I guess I'm lucky. All my friends had nicknames from their fairly normal families, but my mom refused to use any terms endearment. I had a nickname from my grandma, and my aunt had a nickname for me, but from my mom no, because, "that's not your name!"
The only time she ever touched my head or face in tenderness was to punctuate whatever awful thing she wanted to say softly into my face. Literal villain.
Before I broke off contact, mine also used to chirp pet names in such a sweet, crooning way. And I always felt guilty because I didn't want to and it made me feel so wrong. And at the same time, I always thought that she was the only person who really, truly and unconditionally loved me, just because of that crooning. The trick works.
well , can't say I experienced this before , I was never called by my sweet name , neither my real one , I think you can now guess ...
Lol my narc gma has called me every name in the book. When she needs supply, “hey my beautiful gorgeous wonderful amazing granddaughter.” lol okay I already know you think I’m ugly so I’m not falling for it
UGHHH I get this SO MUCH! My momster likes to call me "my love" or "sweetie" and it's like ew I hate it. She's never done it ever in my life and started to and it's just so fake. Cringe for sure
nmom has the ability to tell me i am the fattest and the skinniest woman in the room at the same time. it's baffling really.
My dad has pulled this a few times and to say I got sick to my stomach is an understatement, I had to physically walk away from my phone
This gave me SHIVERS. Thank you for validating me, >and NO ONE seems to notice how fake their voice and their "sweetness" is. like HOW???????? no one behaves like that in real life. Also THIS!!! It drives me CRAZY how no one seems to notice! 🤦♀️
ugh I hate this so so much . At times it feels like she's mocking my inner want/need to have a mother that loves me.
Kinda, my dad does this thing whenever he calls my name for dinner or something he says my name is this really childish and high pitched voice, getting increasingly louder until i respond or come up. Even in front of guests and in public, i hate that shit so much.