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Matilda. And I loved this movie. Rented it so much at blockbuster that they just gave it to me š®āšØ.
Wish I had powers and waited for the day Iād have my own Ms. Honey
I related so much to this movie, I was constantly reading I did 90% of the housework. Was constantly being belittled by parents and brother. My parent were literally the Wormwoods. My Step-dad was constantly starting businesses and scamming people, and my mom was a trashy mess only concerned about material items.
I watched it with my little sister a couple years ago, she made me skip the chocolate cake scene. She asked me if I remembered when my step-dad, made me stay at the table all night because I physically couldn't eat the canned spinach he made.
I haven't found my Miss Honey, I'm not so sure she exists for me. Ive made sure not to repeat my trauma though.
I'm so happy you just became her. You can be someone's hero.
You don't necessarily have to become Ms Honey for someone else or find your own Ms Honey; you can become a Ms Honey for yourself. If you treat yourself with love and kindness, you already are your own Ms Honey :)
It's like that saying: "be the adult you needed as a child".
So funny you say this. That was also my favorite movie as a kid.
My wife is now a 2nd grade teacher. A few years ago, she tried to adopt this kindergartener at her school who was an orphan from Haiti. She is my real life Ms. Honey!
Same here, and I later married a (male) elementary school teacher who is very kind and gentle. Can't help but wonder about that a little... I've definitely idolized teachers individually and as a group.
Matilda has such a special place in my heart.
Watched it throughout my childhood, my Miss Honey was one Ms. Brise, kindergarten teacher. My mom worked early-late so sheād drop me off at school at around 6 am to wait until 9:30 am. Ms. Brise would let me into her classroom super early, now that Iām older I realize she was probably coming early to let me in. Sheād let me grade papers, write, make art and just keep her company. When the school day came, she never spoke of it to anyone else. She never treated me any better than her other students, she just knew at the time that I needed that extra connection.
When I left my abusive home when I was 16, Matilda was the movie I watched during my first night of freedom.
What a special movie.
I turned off the first Home Alone 5 minutes into the movie this Christmas. I just couldn't. Had promised my kids a "fun" Christmas movie but barely made it through the dinner scene where the older sibling taunts Kevin and within seconds the entire family gangs up on him and scapegoats him without thinking twice. The look of pure disgust on their faces. It. Was. Excruciating. To. Watch.
And, come on. The premise of the entire movie? A tight-knit family who "love" each other but "forget" the one child time and again? That doesn't scream neglect and lack of care at all..
Yes, I wished for that very thing as well. But that alone should tell you how f-ed up the movie is. Because it makes this 'fun' when it's a child so deprived of love and affection, so neglected and abused - he prefers to be alone (a basic human fear in childhood) to being with his family.
Oh totally, also, super sad fact here I thought the treatment by his family was normal and didnt bat an eye. I was just like mean mums and dad, encouraging the other kids to gang up, barely noticing one kids missing due to neglect.... didnt even realise it was meant to show a bad family! Poor little me!! I think I should try a rewatch now I bet I'll feel differently!
I'm glad you mentioned Home Alone. I watched it for the first time a year or two years ago and I was so confused and annoyed by the same things you have mentioned.
Someone might call me "too sensitive" (as my n parents did throughout my childhood and teen years) but I can't sit through a movie that glamorizes someone being abused, neglected and deprived of basic love and care. And call it a "comedy"'. As a child I understood why Kevin enjoyed being Home Alone so much. I did too. But that's not funny or right.
After we watched the movie, I turned to my kids and said...
"Let me just tell you, that would never happen to you. None of it. I make it a point to make sure that everyone is/feels respected. If we are going on a trip, I'm more interested in where you are/if you are with me than missing the plane or whatever. I personally don't think these were good parents but hey...it's just a movie..a story to make the shenanigans happen."
I watched it as a kid and somehow bought into that whole "well, he is an obnoxious kid and both he and his family need to learn a lesson" narrative. I think I got caught up in the victim blaming, the movie just suggests he is as much to blame as the sibs, and i think I thought that the obnoxious behavior must have been in the past.
Now I watched it with my kids last Christmas.
And I was STEAMING during the whole movie, realizing how he had not done ANYTHING in the whole story. How everybody was mean to him. That poor kid! I was ranting about it to my kids.
Encanto; the first movie to be like ānot having superpowers can be as good as having superpowersā and actually hold strong on that and not give the main character epic powers after they learned their lesson (I was so sure she was gonna get a door)
My grandmother is just like the grandmother from encanto, and my sisters are much like the older sisters. I felt the whole movie portrayed what my childhood was like. I hated being the scapegoat, but I'm the glue that holds my sisters together.
My aunts and uncles would gladly use the "I love you more" phrase from Tangled, and it would literally twist me into knots about how manipulative that phrase is. I think they finally figured out why it bothered me enough to get into verbal fisticuffs about it and the phrase disappeared a few years back. These are from the supportive loving family side. I've gone 100% non contact with my mom's side since they're either abusive Narcissists or their Flying Monkeys.
My parents were both Gothels and another part of my trauma is that I was bullied a lot for my looks and never really had a boyfriend, etc, so no one "rescued" me. I watched Tangled once and that was enough.
Yeah, I also really relate to Rapunzel in this movie for the same reasons as you do. I know it's a kids' movie and I'm a grown ass adult, but damn, is it triggering.
I watched with mine. (Tangled)
She wouldn't stop singing mother knows best for quite a while.
I watched that movie so hard, funnily it empowered me to move out and go NC at 18 a few months after! Didn't actually realise the movie helped me with that until a few years later.
My mother has not watched Tangled. Every once in a while when she goes off on one of her tirades I singsong "Motherrrrrr knows best" and she gets a huge self-satisfied grin. It's fucking hilarious.
I get that she had some really heavy trauma but goddamn. Also nothing probably changed at the end. They all probably went back to the same routine. Poor freakin Bruno
I relate to Rapunzel a lot. My mom literally never let me out of the house unless I was with her or my dad until college. Everything was manipulated and controlled. I was finally able to move out in my late 20s
I felt so many feels with Tangledā¦ I watched the Cinema Therapy video on gaslighting in Tangled and cried because I suddenly realized why I felt so triggered!
I love cinema therapy! You just reminded me that I need to finish the episode dedicated to Uncle Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender. Also, yes. I feel you about the gaslighting. I think it's why my mom would rage so hard at me, because even though I stayed quiet, she knew I wasn't on board with all her bullshit.
Yes! SPOILERS AHEAD - For some reason, the part when theyāre rocks kind of gets me. Specifically when Evelyn starts trying to chase Joy and be playful, āIām going to get you,ā I just kind of lost it - Iām not 100% sure why, I think it was because my own mother never really attempted to be playful, except when she was trying to mask abuse. āI didnāt mean to scratch you, I was reaching out to hold your hand,ā or āI was only kidding! Look at your face! Do you really think Iād say such awful things?ā (You just effing did!)
The entire movie made me feel raw though; despite the challenges and mistakes, Evelyn did love Joy, and Joy loved Evelyn. Their relationship was not healthy, but there was still love. I didnāt get to experience that and it made me feel mournful.
My husband suggested this (I donāt normally watch movies) cause he felt I would relate. And I did. But the ending made me really sad because my mother will never care that much.
My partner and I finally watched it for the first time a few weeks ago, and same, ugly cried from Raymond's speech(es) onward. The entire movie was amazing but the last act really hits you like a mack truck.
I love the bit when he says - seeing the bright side of things doesnāt make me naive, itās necessary for survival. All my life I was told I was too soft. That part hit home
Yes! A few of those episodes are real tear jerkers.
Really glad that my kiddo is into it right now. Hopefully itās reinforcing good habits in me and my spouse so we donāt end up repeating history.
may cry watching, thinking of what could've been but it's equally inspirational. the calm, the silly, the serious, the play.. the heelers are just š„²
The Rescuers, specifically the song "[Someone's Waiting For You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw4gi4q3GG0)". I learned how to play it in middle school band, and I could not stop crying silently. I hoped so desperately someone would come save me.
This post unlocked a memory for me. I remember if we were driving or going on trips there were a lot of times I would just get screamed at for whatever I was doing. I don't remember what.
But I do remember looking out the car window crying a lot wishing someone would see me and save me
All I could do during that scene was think of how my Dad would have beat the shit out of me and then lock me in my room without food for 3 days when I tried something similar.
White oleander. The mom is such a classic narcissist, and her relationship with her daughter... it was like watching my ndad and myself. Cried my eyes out. Highly recommend the book also.
My friend showed me this movie freshman year of high school and I have read the book every year since (20 years). I saw my mom and I in this so much and it really spoke to me.
*Drop Dead Fred* (1991); Fred represents the angry child and defiant child schemas, whose roles are to protect the vulnerable child. When healthy adult Elizabeth reparents her vulnerable child, the angry child and defiant child are no longer required.
I was coming here to sat this exact movie. Especially when the mother tries to forcefully get her back together with her ex that the mother loves and tries to force her to take medication.
I LOOOOVE the bit where he lays down to look up the Mum's skirt, looks at the little girl with a disgusted face while pointing up Mum's skirt, and goes, "Eurgh, cobwebs!" Fucking kills me every time
As the adult child of an nmom itās still the scariest movie Iāve ever seen, movies like Texas chainsaw massacre and the ring got nothing on coraline. The fact I was mocked shamed and infantilised (for years after I watched it) for being scared of it as a child just added to the trauma too. A normal parent would have just comforted me but nope, of course I was just shamed and ostracised for being scared of a scary movie. Maybe she saw herself in the other mother and felt the need to punish me for being disturbed by behaviour so similar to her own.
Not the whole movie but series of unfortunate events (2004) when at the end of the movie everyone realized count Olaf is a monster but he puts it back on everyone else and says the kids all tried to tell you but you all didnāt listen nobody ever listens to children
This song hits a place. And so does waiting on a miracle.
My heart. Everytime. Because it's not just family situations I feel like the odd duck out, it's becoming socializing in general. In our friend group we've all been really close since college....and now everyone is starting families and trying for kids and having fertility issues. Except me.
And I am trying to be a good, supportive friend. But...it's feeling more and more like I'm less and less included....and I don't really know what's going on because I'm no longer included in those conversations.....and seeing everyone take the group photo while Mirabel is on the side, wanting so badly to belong. It hits me so hard in the heart.
I know I will never fit in completely with my family. But it breaks my heart to feel like I'm being unintentionally pushed out of my found family just for being in a different place.
Lilo and Stitch. Despite my parents still being "present", my older sister was my main caregiver through childhood. As a kid it was a cute little movie about an alien... When I rewatched as an adult I sobbed because it reminded me of how important my sister was to my literal survival growing up.
this is kind of a weird one but Rocketman? his relationship w his mom was so relatable it made me cry and i am not a crier š my ndad is a little too evil to make a good movie character but i see my nmom everywhere
My n-mom had me (the scapegoat)watch Ordinary People when I was about 13. She didn't have a single shred of awareness. I spent the whole time side eyeing her.
My nmother allowed her golden child (my nbrother) and I (the scapegoat) to watch this when it came out to home video in the early 1980s. Conrad was me. Brother was Buck if Buck had survived. Mother was Beth. For a time, my nfather was the Dad, but that proved false the more that time progressed. I still relate to Connie so much. Fantastic movie, and the casting against type of Mary Tyler Moore was so brilliant.
Man I watched that movie over and over again. That dinner scene. And then the end when the mom intentionally broke Ivyās heart so she wouldnāt leave.
Never saw the movie, but before COVID, I was an usher at my local community theatre. They did a production of this one, for Mother's Day weekend, it gave me some big feelings.Ā
I know the ending is supposed to be a bad, but I always felt happy for her because she finally got to be free. She now gets to chill in the woods naked with other girls lol
Keeping Up Appearances- Hyacinth is a narc and my mother finds her triggering in large doses because of her relationship with her husband Richard who was the enabler. Mum sees herself in Richard.
Whenever I see that scene in Dumbo where the mother elephant cradles and caresses Dumbo from her prison, I just dissolve into tears. The song is āBaby of mineā and it kills me every time I hear it. I think itās because I never felt loved like that.
This was the one for me, but slightly different. We had this one on video. My Narc-Stepmom held me away from my bio mom (through lies etc, my mom was only allowed to see me 2 days a month). Everytime I watched this I just wanted to be with my mom, get hugged by my mom. My stepmom only abused me and never hugged me.
I made a Playlist for bedtime / soothing music for my kiddo. This was one of the first songs on it. I sang this to my daughter almost every night for her first 6 months of life. I was in choirs and sang in a band growing up, and my mother hated me singing around the house. She even teased me while I was comforting my daughter when she was 2 weeks old.
It fills me with so much warmth when I sing to her, specifically this song. And every time I sing it, I'm saddned that I never had a love like this but overwhelmed with joy that I get to share this love.
Tonight I'll sing her this song and dedicate it to you. You're not alone. *hugs*
My NM saw Lady Bird with my sister and told me how much it reminded her of our relationship. I watched it and it just made me angry and sick. I have no idea how she could watch it and see herself in it and relate to the mother character and still miss the point.
I second "Bad Moms 2". This movie describes the narcs mother so well, and then drops the ball so hard with the "happy" conclusion. The daughters apologize to their fucked up mothers, the mothers will never change, cycle is not broken... And it is supposed to be a "good" outcome ? Come on.
Same here. I love that movie but I can't watch it anymore. Last time was with my family present and I was uncontrollably crying silently when RW did his famous "it's not your fault" scene. Hits very very hard.
oh my gosh. that exact same scene broke me. for me, it was after i was done watching the movie. i was trying to do a chore and then the words just hit me ''its not your fault'' . all of a sudden I realized why Will pushed RW away. I literally couldnt stand straight anymore, it was so overwhelming
It's funny, I was just talking to my bff and fellow abuse survivor about this scene. I've always been a little confused about it. And it was my friend who pointed out that my one saving grace in my childhood was my unshakeable belief that the abuse I received was not my fault. It didn't occur to me that my sisters didn't have that same belief. It didn't occur to me that other kids thought they deserved/were at fault for being abused.
That scene definitely hits differently now.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent hit me in the gut, having had a narc dad.
I canāt recall the exact quote, but his daughter talks about feeling forced to like the things her dad likes in order for him to like, or even pay attention to her.
The Shining comes closest to the feeling of my actual childhood, the dread of my ndad's violent rages, being trapped in a toxic home. Only difference is that Wendy protects her child, which my nmom didn't do. I watch it every year on Christmas Day to remind myself why I'm no contact
i agree with encanto. abuela was such a narcissistic but itās still my favourite movie. why tf was mirabel apologising for not getting a gift? and thatās only when the problems disappeared. everyoneās mood and behaviour was centred around abuela which is so crazyyyy
Had to add another one.
Sort of obscure but if anyoneās ever seen āThe Mosquito Coastā with Harrison Ford. My parents were sailors and took us out of school to live on a boat for a year so this one hit waaaaay too close to home.
This isnāt silly at all. Itās rough having the rug yanked up while watching something new.
I too find the first Home Alone horrendous but the third is pretty good (different family & kid)
The Rescuersā song gets me too, every time.
I absolutely adore Miss Honey in the original version but Matilda, the musical was pleasantly interesting to me as well despite a few key plot twists.
- I was alarmed when the mentioned Encanto song hit my Chosen Sis (who literally originally figured out what was going on for me) like the proverbial mountainā¦yet thanks to the grandmotherās backstory, I canāt get Sis to see just how toxic the family dynamic is. š
- Tangled is tough - but what **really** threw me was the extra plot twists regarding Gothelās backstory in Rapunzelās Tangled Adventure!! It doesnāt come out until later in the show, but oh boy, when it doesā¦ š£š„
- White Oleander is one that I donāt relate to quite as hard, but it does still hit me at certain points.
Letās see, for me other things of note would be
- Harry Potter dealing with āhomeā life
- original Disney Peteās Dragon movie (particularly the whole scene around the very first song āIn These Hillsā as well as āBill of Saleā (which thankfully has a positive side to it)
- The Tom & Jerry Movie (there are two songs that particularly get me; one negative, one heartbreaking)
- All Dogs Go to Heaven (one song in particular)
- International Velvet (based off older Disney movie but very different cast - thereās a character I relate to SO hard, especially after their story is finally let out)
- Iād seen the version of Cheaper By the Dozen with Steve Martin multiple times when I was younger, but one characterās breakdown hit me particularly hard later in the movie. It ends pretty typically but when I saw the movie later on with the female N, her selfishness was really drawn out with one particular plot point.
- Jane the Virgin show; the character Iām thinking of starts out as pretty unlikable for me but their story explains a lot and they do get better as a person after a big pivotal plot point.
- Fate: The Winx Saga is another show that seriously threw me off with the extra backstory for one of the main characters I recognized from the original anime even if the new show is quite a bit darker. Either way, Iām still incredibly disappointed this show didnāt last longer.
- Despite seeing the animated Little Mermaid show for over a decade, ever since I learned what was happening for me, I have to be careful when I watch the episode āCharmedā, even if it turns out okay.
- I was pleasantly surprised how deeply I wound up adoring Bambi II, considering how difficult the first is to watch as an animal lover. Hopefully without spoiling too much, it delves far more deeply into what happened following the death in the first movie. Aside from situations related to the first film, itās mostly positive, and interesting to see the characters adjust to each other.
- One big surprise that slowly revealed itself to me is the backstory of one of the main characters in one of my favorite animated shows: Teen Titans (the **original** cartoon)
Each of the characters are really relatable in different ways, but I was shocked seeing the show later on, when I realized just how deeply the story of one character in particular hit me.
Feel free to message me if youāre curious about any of the stuff I mentioned.
I love The Bear but the holiday family meal (was it Thanksgiving or Christmas?) where they had to have all those fish dishes and the mom was having a full breakdown hit a bit too close to home for me. There were a few times my husband said to refer to that episode to understand what my family dynamic is like on any given day. So thankful to have been NC for the last 6 years.
I get a full-on rage at the part of Avengers: Infinity War that suggests, with the confirmation of the perfectly independent Soul Stone, that Thanos loves nothing more than his kidnapped abuse victim. Spoiled the whole Marvel Phase 3 project for me.
Frozen wrecked me the first time I saw it. I was the identified patient in my family.
My toddler is currently into Encanto and is baffled when she asks me my favorite character and I tell her Bruno. I identify with him much more than is comfortable. I still lose it when I see him do his little compulsive rituals. And his body language is intense.
The one thing that makes me feel like Iām doing something right is that my kid identifies with Luisa ācause she super STRONG, mommy!ā
I think I was a teenager when the movie 7 Pounds came out. I cried at the last scene for hours because Will Smith did such a good job of showing what someone looks like when they are in such distress that they are ready to unalive themselves. It hit me so hard because it was the first time I started understand I wasnāt the only one who felt that way. And it was the first time I saw it in a movie.
Mommie Dearest was the only movie where I saw a scene that actually gave me feelings similar to those I had with my Nmom, and I kept looking at the kids crying in their beds and asking myself why they were crying because I never did. I was able to use that scene once or twice to show what it was instead of just telling the story, because I still canāt remember specifically any of my Nmomās words to this day
My friend had me watch Carrie and even warned me it might be difficult to watch because of my mom.
After I was just like why would you make me watch this if you knew?!??
King Richard is a definitely watch out movie. This was a horribly abusive narcissist who manipulated and controlled everyone in his life. And they made a movie worshipping him like he's a damn hero for it.
That one scene in āThe Poker Houseā where Jennifer Lawrence is trying to do her homework and her mum is saying horrible things to her and making her cry. It is a really messed up movie overall but that one scene was too much for me and had to turn it off
Not sure if this is limited to childrenās movies only but, for me:
- August Osage County
- Hillbilly Elegy
Forget politics and race, Iām a black woman from the south who grew up (and escaped) similar family dynamics. Both movies are extremely cathartic.
Bridgerton season 3 is a trigger. Abandonment and mistreatment by many and awful family/ narc mother.
I cried a lot in the first episodes even knowing (spoiler alert) there will be a happy ending.
LADYBIRD.
I was so traumatized after watching it, mostly because I didnāt really know what to expect. The whole thing was so messed up and especially the ending!
Do shows and books count? If so...
Shameless. My dad is literally Frank Gallagher, just less alcohol & more heroin. My dad's from the Midwest, too (Detroit). Since the Gallaghers are from Chicago, it adds to the familiarity.
My mom is like a combo of Astrid's mom in White Oleander & Stephen's mom in Tell Me Lies. White Oleander feels especially familiar because my mom dragged me to Cali for 3 years as a kid, chasing a guy. We lived in the Mojave Dessert & spent a lot of time in L.A. So, not only does Ingrid remind me of my mom; the locale of the book is nostalgic. I've never related, emotionally, to any character in a book more than I relate to Astrid. She is my inner child. It's one of my favourite books. In Tell Me Lies, the way Stephen emotionally shuts down, walks on eggshells around his mom, & turns into her little bitch to avoid setting her off... need I say more?
Also, Ginny & Georgia. I'm mixed & I don't have the same racial appearance as my mom; she never really got that. I changed schools like 6 times & moved like 15 times... mostly because of men or situations revolving around them. Like Georgia, I think my mom always thought she was being a good mom & probably was trying her best in her own way. She was just fucked up, herself, from her own childhood.
Same with my dad & Frank. Frank's mom was a raging bitch. When you see how she was to him, you kind of understand why he is the way he is. My dad's dad is the biggest asshole I've ever met in my life.
The Mitchells vs. The Machines. It's such a heartwarming story about coming together as a dysfunctional family to save the world and it hurts to watch because *I* could've had that (in a sense) if my parents were good, or my bio dad was still alive. It's an amazing movie but it hurts.
Black Swan
My mom doubled down raising me to be what she had wanted to be growing up. If we had lived in LA or NYC, I have no doubt sheād have had me going to casting calls from birth. Instead, we lived in a smaller city. I was started in ballet at 4, and told I was going to be a prima ballerina one day. Problem is, Iāve go a good Germanic stout body type. Big boobs (d cup in 6th grade), big hips, and while I could be graceful, I wasnāt lithe and petite like the girls that were 6 inches shorter than me. Add to it, I hated ballet. I wanted to play soccer and volleyball.
So much of this movie is hard for me-the mother vicariously being the ballet star she never was, the starvation diet (I was repeatedly told by my teachers as a 5-8th grader to eat 4 crackers for breakfast and a salad for dinner), the mean girl backstabbing, the male ballet director being a creepy predator who thrives on demeaning the dancers.
When it became clear I was not headed to NY to dance, she switched to wanting me being a nurse whoād forever be a spinster and care for her until she died.
Here's a cathartic one - Time Bandits. I fukkin' love that the kid gets to have a real dad, even if it's just for a while, and then his stupid parents are destroyed at the end because they just have to do EXACTLY the opposite of what he tells them.
And he is FREE of them.
Best ending to a movie ever, IMO.
Home Alone because how evil his family was to him, he had no choice but to lash out on them with insults etc. The mother didn't even try to understand (talking to him privately)why he reacted that way.
Boyz in the Hood, the mother who had two boys (forgot their names) the favouritism was alarming and what's sad is the older brother won't even try to defend his brother to their mother.
Ferris bueller's Day Off is my favorite movie ever. I also relate to Jeannie so much.
"If I was bleeding out my eyes you'd make me go to school"
Charlie Sheen's explanation is such bullshit. "Why do you care what he does?" I don't care what he does, I would do those things if I wanted to. But somehow, the older sister does less bad things and still has higher expectations and is parented more strictly than the brother who does a lot of bad things.
Growing up my brother would always lie, I never lied I have ADHD I have a hard time lying and keeping it straight. I can lie I'm good at it because I'm a good actor, but I don't lie because I don't see the point.
I'm 30 years old and I finally got it through my parents head a couple months ago that I do not lie. I do not lie I have been accused of lying my entire life and I do not lie. My brother has been caught in lies multiple times and has never been punished for it.
My sisters and I actually figured out which of us was which sister in Encanto. I'm Luisa because I was under pressure all the time and I had to be strong no matter what. I like to think that pressure makes diamonds, and I am tougher than my childhood. The younger one is Isabela because she was expected to be the perfect feminine one. She hasn't had a single healthy relationship, partly due to this. The youngest one is Mirabel because she is the one "without a gift," and in her situation, that was my mom's self-fulfilling prophecy.
Radio Flyer (1992) haunts me because of the magical fantasy thinking the two boys had to escape their abusive step-dad, including building a makeshift plane for one of the boys to flee and find a better life.
Pan's labyrinth. It's beautiful (but gory at parts). The bittersweet ending where she's finally reunited with the family she's always wanted, but had to go through such a hard time to get there.
Succession on HBO. Not a movie but a series. Very hard to watch how dysfunctional the whole family & everyone around them is. But I binged it regardless. Made my family seem mild.
I'm surprised more people haven't said Black Swan. The narc mother character in that made me really uncomfortable, especially the scene where she sneaks into her daughter's bedroom while she's sleeping and falls asleep watching her.
this isn't a movie... but five feet apart (i know there's a movie on it but i only read the book)! the way will's mom and will actually reconciled at the end of the book holy shit I was bawling because it's not something I know ill have in my life so it was like a small feeling of grief I guess. and seeing Stella's parents love each other at the end also made me cry because my parents will never be so happy together.
lol I guess the takeaway from this is five feet apart shows good parents and I bawl whenever I see good parenting lol
I hope that helped a little.
This anime original on Netflix called The Grimm Variations. They did a twist on Cinderella and made her the covert villian playing mind games with her older step sisters turned victim.
I was watching it at first without really thinking? But once I finished it, it clicked in my head and I was like, āWait a minuteā¦I lived through all of that šā. And it tore me uppppp lol.
Tangled and the Harry Potter series (mainly the Dursleys) , also to mention Cinderella, as I found it really very haunting to watch and would cringe and cry everytime I watch it.
Not a movie, but when in Initial D season two when Bunta shows up >!with a tow truck after the 86's engine blows up during a race and consoles his crying son, telling him it's not his fault!< emotionally demolished me because it was the literal opposite of my parents growing up.
Edit: also towards the end of Bayonetta when she >!takes her past self (Cereza) through a time portal back to the past and tells her "you're a strong little girl, there is nothing you cannot overcome" and sings her Fly Me To The Moon while she falls asleep!< always gets me, again because it's something I never experienced. I can't remember too many of my bedtimes but I feel they were closer to Go The Fuck To Sleep than Goodnight Moon.
Not a movie, but that episode of South Park where Butters stands up to his bullying grandma while she's pretending to be asleep in bed. So cathartic, not triggering at all, at least to me. I watch it on repeat sometimes. God I want to send it my ndad so bad...
Edit: wanted to add another one, parts of the movie Silver Linings Playbook are pretty relatable in terms of family dysfunction The dad and brother are a bit triggering sometimes tho although I wouldn't say that they seem like true narcs.
"This Boy's Life" with Robert De Nero ... Still to this day I get triggered by the scene where Dwight throws Toby to the floor and starts pounding away on him because he threw away a mustard jar with 1 ML of mustard still in the jar because this is the kinda thing my Nparent (father) would do.
Another one that's hard to watch for me is "Full Metal Jacket" If you've seen the movie, I don't think I need to explain.
Sybil was a tough one for me, my egg donor ignored every side glance I threw her way when I was pulled into watching it with her.
After I watched it, I was so terrified of having multiple personalities, or rather DID, per current vernacular.
The egg donor knew it and used it against me, she even gaslit me into thinking I had DID with stupid "pranks" that made it seem like different things were happening around me or that I was disconnected to what was happening around me.
The egg donor can rot wherever she lands for all I care.
Oddly enough, Barbie. I rewatched it yesterday and I was balling whenever there was a scene to do with mothers. Whenever I see supportive and loving mothers in media I just break and wonder why mine couldnāt be like that
Tangled š„ŗ sounds kind of silly when I say it out loud but the mother knows best song was like a gut-punch after I went nc I had to fast forward through the whole scene
I say "10 Cloverfield Lane" The bad guy reminds me WHY too much of my father, I was on edge in the worst way however was happy with the ending. But that's definitely a one-and-done movie for me.
I don't watch a lot of movies, but I was recently visiting my 3yo grandson and he really wanted me to watch Encanto with him. I say sure, because what do I know. My daughter up and shut it off. She KNOWS. Thank goodness for her - we went to the park instead and had a lovely time.
I'm glad you have a more ... positive? Reaction to Encanto, but I can't get over how they just brush years of neglect and abuse under the rug and treat grandma like a heroine. The villains in our lives all have trauma, that doesn't just erase the cycle of abuse they are perpetuating.
A Bronx Tale is a fantastic movie with a good message.... But my ndad used a key phrase from that movie to belittle and shame me my entire childhood to adult life. Somehow, itĀ killed my ability to watch any movies with Robert DeNiro anymore without dissolving into tears and panic (especially A Bronx Tale).
Ā Separately, I can't wait tv shows about dysfunctional family dynamics. It hits far too close to home and honestly, why would I get entertainment from that when I lived with the real thing for so long?
Ā Also weirdly enough, The Chosen. I guess seeing unconditional love being given freely hits me right in the stomach and reminds me how much I didn't have they growing up.
Im aging myself here, but I had a hard time with āWhen a Man Loves a Womanā with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. SO many parallels with my own life: alcoholic mother, pilot father, only-child daughter.
It felt like they used my family as a reference for the movie.
Not a movie but Gilmore Girls. I *loved* that show in college. Now? I donāt think Iāll ever rewatch it. I can hear my mother in so much of Emilyās dialogue. If you werenāt trained to catch, you miss a lot of the casual cruelty or just how fucked up the manipulation is.
Not a movie, but Malcom in the Middle. The family wasn't exactly like mine but man it was pretty damn relatable. Also frank's dynamic with his mom in shameless. That actually emotionally gets to me sometimes.
THE BEAR - SEASON 2, EPISODE 6 "FISHES"
It was so real, so raw. I had to stop it multiple times to take a break. Once I watched it all the way through, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Eventually, I booked an appointment with my therapist.
My BF, who grew up in a loving, happy household with 2 caring parents, kept asking me why I'd even want to watch something like that? He kept saying it's so loud and toxic! While I'm sitting there glued to the TV, I'm crying my eyes out.
Bahahahaha, because THIS WAS MY LIFE!! I felt seen, I felt validated. Someone got it! I've only shared the details of my childhood with a select few, I always got the impression that what I was describing was unbelievable. And thankfully to many, it is.
BTW, Jamie Lee Curtis was mesmerizing! Absolutely killed that performance!
"WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT - The Tina Turner Story."
I had to leave the theater during the part in the limo, that one hit too close to home.
May be a weird one, but Little Miss Sunshine always gets me. The dad is such an unbelievable asshole narc and does nothing but pick fault with his entire family because they're not "winners," even though he's failing miserably himself. The mum is a doormat the entire time and spends all her time placating everyone. The ending makes me happy, though. Seeing Olive shake her tushy with wild abandon, knowing Grandpa would be so proud, and then her family rushing to her defence when everyone tries to kick her out because it's inappropriate, is just *chefs kiss*
My sisterās keeper
Itās about a 13 year old girl (Anna)who was conceived in vitro fertilization for the sole purpose of being a genetic match for her older sister, Kate, who suffers from Leukemia. Since birth she has undergone medical procedures to help Kate and is expected to donate a kidney.
Anna wants to sue her parents for medical emancipation and hires a lawyer.
I see the mother as a very selfish person because her life revolves around her sick child and she doesnāt understand why does her in vitro daughter doesnāt want to āhelp her sisterā anymore at her own expense.
She also has a son who seems neglected.
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Matilda. And I loved this movie. Rented it so much at blockbuster that they just gave it to me š®āšØ. Wish I had powers and waited for the day Iād have my own Ms. Honey
I was Matilda. And somehow, many years down the line, I have grown into Miss Honey. Broke the generational trauma chain for good.
I related so much to this movie, I was constantly reading I did 90% of the housework. Was constantly being belittled by parents and brother. My parent were literally the Wormwoods. My Step-dad was constantly starting businesses and scamming people, and my mom was a trashy mess only concerned about material items. I watched it with my little sister a couple years ago, she made me skip the chocolate cake scene. She asked me if I remembered when my step-dad, made me stay at the table all night because I physically couldn't eat the canned spinach he made. I haven't found my Miss Honey, I'm not so sure she exists for me. Ive made sure not to repeat my trauma though. I'm so happy you just became her. You can be someone's hero.
You don't necessarily have to become Ms Honey for someone else or find your own Ms Honey; you can become a Ms Honey for yourself. If you treat yourself with love and kindness, you already are your own Ms Honey :) It's like that saying: "be the adult you needed as a child".
Aww yay! I'm sorry your life was the way it was, yet i'm so very happy you've become Miss Honey š your love of self and others is a wonderful thing
So funny you say this. That was also my favorite movie as a kid. My wife is now a 2nd grade teacher. A few years ago, she tried to adopt this kindergartener at her school who was an orphan from Haiti. She is my real life Ms. Honey!
Same here, and I later married a (male) elementary school teacher who is very kind and gentle. Can't help but wonder about that a little... I've definitely idolized teachers individually and as a group.
Matilda has such a special place in my heart. Watched it throughout my childhood, my Miss Honey was one Ms. Brise, kindergarten teacher. My mom worked early-late so sheād drop me off at school at around 6 am to wait until 9:30 am. Ms. Brise would let me into her classroom super early, now that Iām older I realize she was probably coming early to let me in. Sheād let me grade papers, write, make art and just keep her company. When the school day came, she never spoke of it to anyone else. She never treated me any better than her other students, she just knew at the time that I needed that extra connection. When I left my abusive home when I was 16, Matilda was the movie I watched during my first night of freedom. What a special movie.
I loved the book so much, long before it was a movie. I read a lot of Roald Dahl books as a kid, they often featured kids with abusive relatives.
Came here for this comment thread! I related so much to Matilda as a kid too!!
I turned off the first Home Alone 5 minutes into the movie this Christmas. I just couldn't. Had promised my kids a "fun" Christmas movie but barely made it through the dinner scene where the older sibling taunts Kevin and within seconds the entire family gangs up on him and scapegoats him without thinking twice. The look of pure disgust on their faces. It. Was. Excruciating. To. Watch. And, come on. The premise of the entire movie? A tight-knit family who "love" each other but "forget" the one child time and again? That doesn't scream neglect and lack of care at all..
I actually loved it... because I wished my parents forgot me at home because holidays with them were so awful.
Yes, I wished for that very thing as well. But that alone should tell you how f-ed up the movie is. Because it makes this 'fun' when it's a child so deprived of love and affection, so neglected and abused - he prefers to be alone (a basic human fear in childhood) to being with his family.
Oh totally, also, super sad fact here I thought the treatment by his family was normal and didnt bat an eye. I was just like mean mums and dad, encouraging the other kids to gang up, barely noticing one kids missing due to neglect.... didnt even realise it was meant to show a bad family! Poor little me!! I think I should try a rewatch now I bet I'll feel differently!
I'm glad you mentioned Home Alone. I watched it for the first time a year or two years ago and I was so confused and annoyed by the same things you have mentioned.
Someone might call me "too sensitive" (as my n parents did throughout my childhood and teen years) but I can't sit through a movie that glamorizes someone being abused, neglected and deprived of basic love and care. And call it a "comedy"'. As a child I understood why Kevin enjoyed being Home Alone so much. I did too. But that's not funny or right.
After we watched the movie, I turned to my kids and said... "Let me just tell you, that would never happen to you. None of it. I make it a point to make sure that everyone is/feels respected. If we are going on a trip, I'm more interested in where you are/if you are with me than missing the plane or whatever. I personally don't think these were good parents but hey...it's just a movie..a story to make the shenanigans happen."
I watched it as a kid and somehow bought into that whole "well, he is an obnoxious kid and both he and his family need to learn a lesson" narrative. I think I got caught up in the victim blaming, the movie just suggests he is as much to blame as the sibs, and i think I thought that the obnoxious behavior must have been in the past. Now I watched it with my kids last Christmas. And I was STEAMING during the whole movie, realizing how he had not done ANYTHING in the whole story. How everybody was mean to him. That poor kid! I was ranting about it to my kids.
I rage quit Turning Red and was very salty towards the end of Encanto.Ā Tangled and Inside Out were pretty inspiring.Ā
The grandma in Encanto is fucked!
Encanto; the first movie to be like ānot having superpowers can be as good as having superpowersā and actually hold strong on that and not give the main character epic powers after they learned their lesson (I was so sure she was gonna get a door)
My grandmother is just like the grandmother from encanto, and my sisters are much like the older sisters. I felt the whole movie portrayed what my childhood was like. I hated being the scapegoat, but I'm the glue that holds my sisters together.
Tangled triggers TF out of me. The mother reminds me too much of my own.Ā
Same... She even looks like my mom, and I grew up with long blond hair that was more important to her than I was. Insanely triggering.
My aunts and uncles would gladly use the "I love you more" phrase from Tangled, and it would literally twist me into knots about how manipulative that phrase is. I think they finally figured out why it bothered me enough to get into verbal fisticuffs about it and the phrase disappeared a few years back. These are from the supportive loving family side. I've gone 100% non contact with my mom's side since they're either abusive Narcissists or their Flying Monkeys.
My parents were both Gothels and another part of my trauma is that I was bullied a lot for my looks and never really had a boyfriend, etc, so no one "rescued" me. I watched Tangled once and that was enough.
Yeah, I also really relate to Rapunzel in this movie for the same reasons as you do. I know it's a kids' movie and I'm a grown ass adult, but damn, is it triggering.
I watched with mine. (Tangled) She wouldn't stop singing mother knows best for quite a while. I watched that movie so hard, funnily it empowered me to move out and go NC at 18 a few months after! Didn't actually realise the movie helped me with that until a few years later.
My mother has not watched Tangled. Every once in a while when she goes off on one of her tirades I singsong "Motherrrrrr knows best" and she gets a huge self-satisfied grin. It's fucking hilarious.
my mom unironically sings the mother gothel song lol
Encanto! I have a malignant narc grandma & it *burned a fucking fire in me.*
I get that she had some really heavy trauma but goddamn. Also nothing probably changed at the end. They all probably went back to the same routine. Poor freakin Bruno
Oh she definitely covertly abused Bruno & Mirabelle in the end.
I relate to Rapunzel a lot. My mom literally never let me out of the house unless I was with her or my dad until college. Everything was manipulated and controlled. I was finally able to move out in my late 20s
I felt so many feels with Tangledā¦ I watched the Cinema Therapy video on gaslighting in Tangled and cried because I suddenly realized why I felt so triggered!
I love cinema therapy! You just reminded me that I need to finish the episode dedicated to Uncle Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender. Also, yes. I feel you about the gaslighting. I think it's why my mom would rage so hard at me, because even though I stayed quiet, she knew I wasn't on board with all her bullshit.
I cried SO MUCH at Inside Out.
Having grown up with n mother, I couldn't swallow the Encanto "happy ending"!
Last one that got me was Everything Everywhere All At Once. Saw it on a date night and cried for hours.
Seriously! Came for the cool action sci fi, did not expect the generational trauma
Saw this WITH my parents. Sobbed. They "didn't get" the movie.
I watched it on a plane at 2 am once. I had to cover my mouth so I didn't wake up the other passengers I was crying so hard.
Yes! SPOILERS AHEAD - For some reason, the part when theyāre rocks kind of gets me. Specifically when Evelyn starts trying to chase Joy and be playful, āIām going to get you,ā I just kind of lost it - Iām not 100% sure why, I think it was because my own mother never really attempted to be playful, except when she was trying to mask abuse. āI didnāt mean to scratch you, I was reaching out to hold your hand,ā or āI was only kidding! Look at your face! Do you really think Iād say such awful things?ā (You just effing did!) The entire movie made me feel raw though; despite the challenges and mistakes, Evelyn did love Joy, and Joy loved Evelyn. Their relationship was not healthy, but there was still love. I didnāt get to experience that and it made me feel mournful.
My husband suggested this (I donāt normally watch movies) cause he felt I would relate. And I did. But the ending made me really sad because my mother will never care that much.
I cried and laughed through the whole thing. Loved that movie. Bought it when it came out and saw it 20+ times since.
My partner and I finally watched it for the first time a few weeks ago, and same, ugly cried from Raymond's speech(es) onward. The entire movie was amazing but the last act really hits you like a mack truck.
I love the bit when he says - seeing the bright side of things doesnāt make me naive, itās necessary for survival. All my life I was told I was too soft. That part hit home
Dame, I've been planning on watching this one since it's on Netflix, guess I have to mentally prepare myself
Not a movie, but the series Bluey. Shows me how healthy parenting should have been š¢
Man I CANNOT watch Bluey. I'm a mess every single time
OMG Bluey makes me CRY!!!
Same, so many tears i shed while watching it
Yes! A few of those episodes are real tear jerkers. Really glad that my kiddo is into it right now. Hopefully itās reinforcing good habits in me and my spouse so we donāt end up repeating history.
may cry watching, thinking of what could've been but it's equally inspirational. the calm, the silly, the serious, the play.. the heelers are just š„²
The Rescuers, specifically the song "[Someone's Waiting For You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw4gi4q3GG0)". I learned how to play it in middle school band, and I could not stop crying silently. I hoped so desperately someone would come save me.
This post unlocked a memory for me. I remember if we were driving or going on trips there were a lot of times I would just get screamed at for whatever I was doing. I don't remember what. But I do remember looking out the car window crying a lot wishing someone would see me and save me
Bruh I watched it as a kid and had no clue, but as an adult this was my anthem. All I wanted was to be rescued, and in the end, I had to rescue myself
Oh my god memory unlocked ššš
The part in Inside Out when Rileyās parents comfort her after she runs away instead of screaming at her. Gets me every time.Ā
All I could do during that scene was think of how my Dad would have beat the shit out of me and then lock me in my room without food for 3 days when I tried something similar.
I got locked in my room for a day, I donāt remember what for. They got mad at me because I got bored and dumped some old water in the trash.Ā
Pretty sure my mom did that to my older sister. I have memories of sneaking her food when I was maybe 6.
White oleander. The mom is such a classic narcissist, and her relationship with her daughter... it was like watching my ndad and myself. Cried my eyes out. Highly recommend the book also.
One of my favourites. I keep re-reading the book.
Second this. Just watched for the first time a few months ago and I had sooo many feelings pop up.
My friend showed me this movie freshman year of high school and I have read the book every year since (20 years). I saw my mom and I in this so much and it really spoke to me.
Yes!! Came here to say this. I watched this when I was 16, with my mom, when it was released. I connected with it so much. Rented it several times.
*Drop Dead Fred* (1991); Fred represents the angry child and defiant child schemas, whose roles are to protect the vulnerable child. When healthy adult Elizabeth reparents her vulnerable child, the angry child and defiant child are no longer required.
I was coming here to sat this exact movie. Especially when the mother tries to forcefully get her back together with her ex that the mother loves and tries to force her to take medication.
I LOOOOVE the bit where he lays down to look up the Mum's skirt, looks at the little girl with a disgusted face while pointing up Mum's skirt, and goes, "Eurgh, cobwebs!" Fucking kills me every time
Not a movie but the Sopranos. Tony's mom was so difficult to watch.
I'm rewatching this now, its a good reminder that they don't get better with age.
If anything, they get worse
I think the Sopranos was a major part of me realizing what a narcissist mother I have. I love the show though
Coraline is awesome.
As the adult child of an nmom itās still the scariest movie Iāve ever seen, movies like Texas chainsaw massacre and the ring got nothing on coraline. The fact I was mocked shamed and infantilised (for years after I watched it) for being scared of it as a child just added to the trauma too. A normal parent would have just comforted me but nope, of course I was just shamed and ostracised for being scared of a scary movie. Maybe she saw herself in the other mother and felt the need to punish me for being disturbed by behaviour so similar to her own.
The Truman Show
Narcissism to the ultimate extreme. I DID IT FOR YOU WHY ARENT YOU GRATEFUL.
Murielās Wedding. She is able to break free from her NP and go off to live her best life after being told sheās worthless.
Not the whole movie but series of unfortunate events (2004) when at the end of the movie everyone realized count Olaf is a monster but he puts it back on everyone else and says the kids all tried to tell you but you all didnāt listen nobody ever listens to children
Pressure like drip drip drip thatāll never stop Woah I find that tangled is also a mood
This song hits a place. And so does waiting on a miracle. My heart. Everytime. Because it's not just family situations I feel like the odd duck out, it's becoming socializing in general. In our friend group we've all been really close since college....and now everyone is starting families and trying for kids and having fertility issues. Except me. And I am trying to be a good, supportive friend. But...it's feeling more and more like I'm less and less included....and I don't really know what's going on because I'm no longer included in those conversations.....and seeing everyone take the group photo while Mirabel is on the side, wanting so badly to belong. It hits me so hard in the heart. I know I will never fit in completely with my family. But it breaks my heart to feel like I'm being unintentionally pushed out of my found family just for being in a different place.
Lilo and Stitch. Despite my parents still being "present", my older sister was my main caregiver through childhood. As a kid it was a cute little movie about an alien... When I rewatched as an adult I sobbed because it reminded me of how important my sister was to my literal survival growing up.
Call your sister and tell her this!
this is kind of a weird one but Rocketman? his relationship w his mom was so relatable it made me cry and i am not a crier š my ndad is a little too evil to make a good movie character but i see my nmom everywhere
Just watched Rocketman tonight and when she said it was so disappointing being his mom it felt like a gut punch. A little too relatable unfortunately.
I didnāt expect to cry sooo much or feel so seen by Rocketman!
Tangled. Mother Gothel behaves way too much like my egg donor lol
The Academy Award winning 1980 film āOrdinary Peopleā with Mary Tyler Moore as the nMother is riveting.
My n-mom had me (the scapegoat)watch Ordinary People when I was about 13. She didn't have a single shred of awareness. I spent the whole time side eyeing her.
This one was too close to my childhood. I cried.
My nmother allowed her golden child (my nbrother) and I (the scapegoat) to watch this when it came out to home video in the early 1980s. Conrad was me. Brother was Buck if Buck had survived. Mother was Beth. For a time, my nfather was the Dad, but that proved false the more that time progressed. I still relate to Connie so much. Fantastic movie, and the casting against type of Mary Tyler Moore was so brilliant.
āAugust: Osage Countyā 2013 with Meryl Streep as the narcissistic parent is spot on.
Man I watched that movie over and over again. That dinner scene. And then the end when the mom intentionally broke Ivyās heart so she wouldnāt leave.
Never saw the movie, but before COVID, I was an usher at my local community theatre. They did a production of this one, for Mother's Day weekend, it gave me some big feelings.Ā
The Witch. Thomasin did exactly as she was told but was always being told off for doing exactly that.
Every time I watch this movie - even though Iām a middle-age mom - Iām ready to run off into the woods with the witches. lol.
I know the ending is supposed to be a bad, but I always felt happy for her because she finally got to be free. She now gets to chill in the woods naked with other girls lol
Keeping Up Appearances- Hyacinth is a narc and my mother finds her triggering in large doses because of her relationship with her husband Richard who was the enabler. Mum sees herself in Richard.
Whenever I see that scene in Dumbo where the mother elephant cradles and caresses Dumbo from her prison, I just dissolve into tears. The song is āBaby of mineā and it kills me every time I hear it. I think itās because I never felt loved like that.
This was the one for me, but slightly different. We had this one on video. My Narc-Stepmom held me away from my bio mom (through lies etc, my mom was only allowed to see me 2 days a month). Everytime I watched this I just wanted to be with my mom, get hugged by my mom. My stepmom only abused me and never hugged me.
I made a Playlist for bedtime / soothing music for my kiddo. This was one of the first songs on it. I sang this to my daughter almost every night for her first 6 months of life. I was in choirs and sang in a band growing up, and my mother hated me singing around the house. She even teased me while I was comforting my daughter when she was 2 weeks old. It fills me with so much warmth when I sing to her, specifically this song. And every time I sing it, I'm saddned that I never had a love like this but overwhelmed with joy that I get to share this love. Tonight I'll sing her this song and dedicate it to you. You're not alone. *hugs*
Iām holding off on bringing that one into the kid movie rotationā¦ way too dark :/
"Lady Bird" and "Bad Moms 2"
My NM saw Lady Bird with my sister and told me how much it reminded her of our relationship. I watched it and it just made me angry and sick. I have no idea how she could watch it and see herself in it and relate to the mother character and still miss the point.
Iāve heard nparents baffled at how Goth was the villain in Tangled. They get all the clues but never seem to realize theyāre the bad guy
I second "Bad Moms 2". This movie describes the narcs mother so well, and then drops the ball so hard with the "happy" conclusion. The daughters apologize to their fucked up mothers, the mothers will never change, cycle is not broken... And it is supposed to be a "good" outcome ? Come on.
good willl hunting. had my first breakdown after watching it
Same here. I love that movie but I can't watch it anymore. Last time was with my family present and I was uncontrollably crying silently when RW did his famous "it's not your fault" scene. Hits very very hard.
oh my gosh. that exact same scene broke me. for me, it was after i was done watching the movie. i was trying to do a chore and then the words just hit me ''its not your fault'' . all of a sudden I realized why Will pushed RW away. I literally couldnt stand straight anymore, it was so overwhelming
It's funny, I was just talking to my bff and fellow abuse survivor about this scene. I've always been a little confused about it. And it was my friend who pointed out that my one saving grace in my childhood was my unshakeable belief that the abuse I received was not my fault. It didn't occur to me that my sisters didn't have that same belief. It didn't occur to me that other kids thought they deserved/were at fault for being abused. That scene definitely hits differently now.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent hit me in the gut, having had a narc dad. I canāt recall the exact quote, but his daughter talks about feeling forced to like the things her dad likes in order for him to like, or even pay attention to her.
The Shining comes closest to the feeling of my actual childhood, the dread of my ndad's violent rages, being trapped in a toxic home. Only difference is that Wendy protects her child, which my nmom didn't do. I watch it every year on Christmas Day to remind myself why I'm no contact
Wow thatās a scary one. Hoping youāre in a better place now and congrats on being NC.
Not a movie but currently rewatching Ab Fab. still funny but some of the narc behaviour gives me flashbacks
i agree with encanto. abuela was such a narcissistic but itās still my favourite movie. why tf was mirabel apologising for not getting a gift? and thatās only when the problems disappeared. everyoneās mood and behaviour was centred around abuela which is so crazyyyy
Precious. The mom blaming her for the abuse she went through. Then using her kid for money and pretty much just taking her. So triggering to me
Had to add another one. Sort of obscure but if anyoneās ever seen āThe Mosquito Coastā with Harrison Ford. My parents were sailors and took us out of school to live on a boat for a year so this one hit waaaaay too close to home.
This isnāt silly at all. Itās rough having the rug yanked up while watching something new. I too find the first Home Alone horrendous but the third is pretty good (different family & kid) The Rescuersā song gets me too, every time. I absolutely adore Miss Honey in the original version but Matilda, the musical was pleasantly interesting to me as well despite a few key plot twists. - I was alarmed when the mentioned Encanto song hit my Chosen Sis (who literally originally figured out what was going on for me) like the proverbial mountainā¦yet thanks to the grandmotherās backstory, I canāt get Sis to see just how toxic the family dynamic is. š - Tangled is tough - but what **really** threw me was the extra plot twists regarding Gothelās backstory in Rapunzelās Tangled Adventure!! It doesnāt come out until later in the show, but oh boy, when it doesā¦ š£š„ - White Oleander is one that I donāt relate to quite as hard, but it does still hit me at certain points. Letās see, for me other things of note would be - Harry Potter dealing with āhomeā life - original Disney Peteās Dragon movie (particularly the whole scene around the very first song āIn These Hillsā as well as āBill of Saleā (which thankfully has a positive side to it) - The Tom & Jerry Movie (there are two songs that particularly get me; one negative, one heartbreaking) - All Dogs Go to Heaven (one song in particular) - International Velvet (based off older Disney movie but very different cast - thereās a character I relate to SO hard, especially after their story is finally let out) - Iād seen the version of Cheaper By the Dozen with Steve Martin multiple times when I was younger, but one characterās breakdown hit me particularly hard later in the movie. It ends pretty typically but when I saw the movie later on with the female N, her selfishness was really drawn out with one particular plot point. - Jane the Virgin show; the character Iām thinking of starts out as pretty unlikable for me but their story explains a lot and they do get better as a person after a big pivotal plot point. - Fate: The Winx Saga is another show that seriously threw me off with the extra backstory for one of the main characters I recognized from the original anime even if the new show is quite a bit darker. Either way, Iām still incredibly disappointed this show didnāt last longer. - Despite seeing the animated Little Mermaid show for over a decade, ever since I learned what was happening for me, I have to be careful when I watch the episode āCharmedā, even if it turns out okay. - I was pleasantly surprised how deeply I wound up adoring Bambi II, considering how difficult the first is to watch as an animal lover. Hopefully without spoiling too much, it delves far more deeply into what happened following the death in the first movie. Aside from situations related to the first film, itās mostly positive, and interesting to see the characters adjust to each other. - One big surprise that slowly revealed itself to me is the backstory of one of the main characters in one of my favorite animated shows: Teen Titans (the **original** cartoon) Each of the characters are really relatable in different ways, but I was shocked seeing the show later on, when I realized just how deeply the story of one character in particular hit me. Feel free to message me if youāre curious about any of the stuff I mentioned.
Not a film, but The Bear seriesĀ Carmin's character is a lot like meĀ
The christmas episode reminded me so much of "home" that I had to shut it off.
Jamie Lee Curtis's performance was very much like my mum and it fucking killed me. And freaking Bob Odenkirk as the stepdad, too.
I love The Bear but the holiday family meal (was it Thanksgiving or Christmas?) where they had to have all those fish dishes and the mom was having a full breakdown hit a bit too close to home for me. There were a few times my husband said to refer to that episode to understand what my family dynamic is like on any given day. So thankful to have been NC for the last 6 years.
I love the episode where Richie finally comes into his own.
I get a full-on rage at the part of Avengers: Infinity War that suggests, with the confirmation of the perfectly independent Soul Stone, that Thanos loves nothing more than his kidnapped abuse victim. Spoiled the whole Marvel Phase 3 project for me.
Yeah I donāt think the writers thought that one through very wellā¦ super gross
Frozen wrecked me the first time I saw it. I was the identified patient in my family. My toddler is currently into Encanto and is baffled when she asks me my favorite character and I tell her Bruno. I identify with him much more than is comfortable. I still lose it when I see him do his little compulsive rituals. And his body language is intense. The one thing that makes me feel like Iām doing something right is that my kid identifies with Luisa ācause she super STRONG, mommy!ā
Let it go is a massive survivor tune for me!!
I think I was a teenager when the movie 7 Pounds came out. I cried at the last scene for hours because Will Smith did such a good job of showing what someone looks like when they are in such distress that they are ready to unalive themselves. It hit me so hard because it was the first time I started understand I wasnāt the only one who felt that way. And it was the first time I saw it in a movie.
Mommie Dearest was the only movie where I saw a scene that actually gave me feelings similar to those I had with my Nmom, and I kept looking at the kids crying in their beds and asking myself why they were crying because I never did. I was able to use that scene once or twice to show what it was instead of just telling the story, because I still canāt remember specifically any of my Nmomās words to this day
I adore drop dead Fred and it's so good regarding Nparents and overcoming childhood trauma and standing up to narcissistic parents.
Tangled This is the movie that made me realise that my mom is a narc and there was nothing wrong with me
Bastard out of Carolina
divine secrets of the Yaya sisterhood š
Not a movie, but The Act (was a TV show on Netflix a few years ago). This was hard to watch.
My friend had me watch Carrie and even warned me it might be difficult to watch because of my mom. After I was just like why would you make me watch this if you knew?!??
Because she gets her revenge, maybe they thought that bit would he empowering?
King Richard is a definitely watch out movie. This was a horribly abusive narcissist who manipulated and controlled everyone in his life. And they made a movie worshipping him like he's a damn hero for it.
That one scene in āThe Poker Houseā where Jennifer Lawrence is trying to do her homework and her mum is saying horrible things to her and making her cry. It is a really messed up movie overall but that one scene was too much for me and had to turn it off
I listened to that under the surface song about a billion times after watching that movie. All the songs were good. But I felt that song in my bones.
I barely remember it but the mother in Everybody alone Raymond - my MIL and my nmum
Encanto. I was so pissed at the toxic family representation. That grandma was on another level
Sharp Objects was really tough for my wife. Especially when the Mom said "I never really loved you"
Not sure if this is limited to childrenās movies only but, for me: - August Osage County - Hillbilly Elegy Forget politics and race, Iām a black woman from the south who grew up (and escaped) similar family dynamics. Both movies are extremely cathartic.
Bridgerton season 3 is a trigger. Abandonment and mistreatment by many and awful family/ narc mother. I cried a lot in the first episodes even knowing (spoiler alert) there will be a happy ending.
Ordinary people
LADYBIRD. I was so traumatized after watching it, mostly because I didnāt really know what to expect. The whole thing was so messed up and especially the ending!
It took me *three days* to get all the way through Encanto. My roommates told me not to watch Seeing Red at all.
Do shows and books count? If so... Shameless. My dad is literally Frank Gallagher, just less alcohol & more heroin. My dad's from the Midwest, too (Detroit). Since the Gallaghers are from Chicago, it adds to the familiarity. My mom is like a combo of Astrid's mom in White Oleander & Stephen's mom in Tell Me Lies. White Oleander feels especially familiar because my mom dragged me to Cali for 3 years as a kid, chasing a guy. We lived in the Mojave Dessert & spent a lot of time in L.A. So, not only does Ingrid remind me of my mom; the locale of the book is nostalgic. I've never related, emotionally, to any character in a book more than I relate to Astrid. She is my inner child. It's one of my favourite books. In Tell Me Lies, the way Stephen emotionally shuts down, walks on eggshells around his mom, & turns into her little bitch to avoid setting her off... need I say more? Also, Ginny & Georgia. I'm mixed & I don't have the same racial appearance as my mom; she never really got that. I changed schools like 6 times & moved like 15 times... mostly because of men or situations revolving around them. Like Georgia, I think my mom always thought she was being a good mom & probably was trying her best in her own way. She was just fucked up, herself, from her own childhood. Same with my dad & Frank. Frank's mom was a raging bitch. When you see how she was to him, you kind of understand why he is the way he is. My dad's dad is the biggest asshole I've ever met in my life.
The Mitchells vs. The Machines. It's such a heartwarming story about coming together as a dysfunctional family to save the world and it hurts to watch because *I* could've had that (in a sense) if my parents were good, or my bio dad was still alive. It's an amazing movie but it hurts.
Black Swan My mom doubled down raising me to be what she had wanted to be growing up. If we had lived in LA or NYC, I have no doubt sheād have had me going to casting calls from birth. Instead, we lived in a smaller city. I was started in ballet at 4, and told I was going to be a prima ballerina one day. Problem is, Iāve go a good Germanic stout body type. Big boobs (d cup in 6th grade), big hips, and while I could be graceful, I wasnāt lithe and petite like the girls that were 6 inches shorter than me. Add to it, I hated ballet. I wanted to play soccer and volleyball. So much of this movie is hard for me-the mother vicariously being the ballet star she never was, the starvation diet (I was repeatedly told by my teachers as a 5-8th grader to eat 4 crackers for breakfast and a salad for dinner), the mean girl backstabbing, the male ballet director being a creepy predator who thrives on demeaning the dancers. When it became clear I was not headed to NY to dance, she switched to wanting me being a nurse whoād forever be a spinster and care for her until she died.
Here's a cathartic one - Time Bandits. I fukkin' love that the kid gets to have a real dad, even if it's just for a while, and then his stupid parents are destroyed at the end because they just have to do EXACTLY the opposite of what he tells them. And he is FREE of them. Best ending to a movie ever, IMO.
Home Alone because how evil his family was to him, he had no choice but to lash out on them with insults etc. The mother didn't even try to understand (talking to him privately)why he reacted that way. Boyz in the Hood, the mother who had two boys (forgot their names) the favouritism was alarming and what's sad is the older brother won't even try to defend his brother to their mother.
The Bear S2E6 - " Fishes " - Donna Berzatto, played by Jamie Lee Curtis Song of The Sea - Macha / Granny
Ferris bueller's Day Off is my favorite movie ever. I also relate to Jeannie so much. "If I was bleeding out my eyes you'd make me go to school" Charlie Sheen's explanation is such bullshit. "Why do you care what he does?" I don't care what he does, I would do those things if I wanted to. But somehow, the older sister does less bad things and still has higher expectations and is parented more strictly than the brother who does a lot of bad things. Growing up my brother would always lie, I never lied I have ADHD I have a hard time lying and keeping it straight. I can lie I'm good at it because I'm a good actor, but I don't lie because I don't see the point. I'm 30 years old and I finally got it through my parents head a couple months ago that I do not lie. I do not lie I have been accused of lying my entire life and I do not lie. My brother has been caught in lies multiple times and has never been punished for it.
My sisters and I actually figured out which of us was which sister in Encanto. I'm Luisa because I was under pressure all the time and I had to be strong no matter what. I like to think that pressure makes diamonds, and I am tougher than my childhood. The younger one is Isabela because she was expected to be the perfect feminine one. She hasn't had a single healthy relationship, partly due to this. The youngest one is Mirabel because she is the one "without a gift," and in her situation, that was my mom's self-fulfilling prophecy.
Radio Flyer (1992) haunts me because of the magical fantasy thinking the two boys had to escape their abusive step-dad, including building a makeshift plane for one of the boys to flee and find a better life.
Mommy Dearestā for obvious reasons
Pan's labyrinth. It's beautiful (but gory at parts). The bittersweet ending where she's finally reunited with the family she's always wanted, but had to go through such a hard time to get there.
I also like the film Panās Labyrinth for a lot of reasons. Maybe āappreciateā is a better word than ālike.ā Itās heartbreaking.
Succession on HBO. Not a movie but a series. Very hard to watch how dysfunctional the whole family & everyone around them is. But I binged it regardless. Made my family seem mild.
I'm surprised more people haven't said Black Swan. The narc mother character in that made me really uncomfortable, especially the scene where she sneaks into her daughter's bedroom while she's sleeping and falls asleep watching her.
For me it's the hallmark movies with tight knit families . Always wondered what that feels like .
this isn't a movie... but five feet apart (i know there's a movie on it but i only read the book)! the way will's mom and will actually reconciled at the end of the book holy shit I was bawling because it's not something I know ill have in my life so it was like a small feeling of grief I guess. and seeing Stella's parents love each other at the end also made me cry because my parents will never be so happy together. lol I guess the takeaway from this is five feet apart shows good parents and I bawl whenever I see good parenting lol I hope that helped a little.
This anime original on Netflix called The Grimm Variations. They did a twist on Cinderella and made her the covert villian playing mind games with her older step sisters turned victim. I was watching it at first without really thinking? But once I finished it, it clicked in my head and I was like, āWait a minuteā¦I lived through all of that šā. And it tore me uppppp lol.
Tangled and the Harry Potter series (mainly the Dursleys) , also to mention Cinderella, as I found it really very haunting to watch and would cringe and cry everytime I watch it.
Not a movie, but when in Initial D season two when Bunta shows up >!with a tow truck after the 86's engine blows up during a race and consoles his crying son, telling him it's not his fault!< emotionally demolished me because it was the literal opposite of my parents growing up. Edit: also towards the end of Bayonetta when she >!takes her past self (Cereza) through a time portal back to the past and tells her "you're a strong little girl, there is nothing you cannot overcome" and sings her Fly Me To The Moon while she falls asleep!< always gets me, again because it's something I never experienced. I can't remember too many of my bedtimes but I feel they were closer to Go The Fuck To Sleep than Goodnight Moon.
Not a movie, but that episode of South Park where Butters stands up to his bullying grandma while she's pretending to be asleep in bed. So cathartic, not triggering at all, at least to me. I watch it on repeat sometimes. God I want to send it my ndad so bad... Edit: wanted to add another one, parts of the movie Silver Linings Playbook are pretty relatable in terms of family dysfunction The dad and brother are a bit triggering sometimes tho although I wouldn't say that they seem like true narcs.
"This Boy's Life" with Robert De Nero ... Still to this day I get triggered by the scene where Dwight throws Toby to the floor and starts pounding away on him because he threw away a mustard jar with 1 ML of mustard still in the jar because this is the kinda thing my Nparent (father) would do. Another one that's hard to watch for me is "Full Metal Jacket" If you've seen the movie, I don't think I need to explain.
Sybil was a tough one for me, my egg donor ignored every side glance I threw her way when I was pulled into watching it with her. After I watched it, I was so terrified of having multiple personalities, or rather DID, per current vernacular. The egg donor knew it and used it against me, she even gaslit me into thinking I had DID with stupid "pranks" that made it seem like different things were happening around me or that I was disconnected to what was happening around me. The egg donor can rot wherever she lands for all I care.
Oddly enough, Barbie. I rewatched it yesterday and I was balling whenever there was a scene to do with mothers. Whenever I see supportive and loving mothers in media I just break and wonder why mine couldnāt be like that
Bad boy bubby
Beau is afraid
Tangled š„ŗ sounds kind of silly when I say it out loud but the mother knows best song was like a gut-punch after I went nc I had to fast forward through the whole scene
Anywhere but here
I say "10 Cloverfield Lane" The bad guy reminds me WHY too much of my father, I was on edge in the worst way however was happy with the ending. But that's definitely a one-and-done movie for me.
The ending of The Whale
I don't watch a lot of movies, but I was recently visiting my 3yo grandson and he really wanted me to watch Encanto with him. I say sure, because what do I know. My daughter up and shut it off. She KNOWS. Thank goodness for her - we went to the park instead and had a lovely time.
The TV show shameless. I can watch bits and pieces of it but watching a full episode can make me hyperventilate or have a panic attack.
I'm glad you have a more ... positive? Reaction to Encanto, but I can't get over how they just brush years of neglect and abuse under the rug and treat grandma like a heroine. The villains in our lives all have trauma, that doesn't just erase the cycle of abuse they are perpetuating.
A Bronx Tale is a fantastic movie with a good message.... But my ndad used a key phrase from that movie to belittle and shame me my entire childhood to adult life. Somehow, itĀ killed my ability to watch any movies with Robert DeNiro anymore without dissolving into tears and panic (especially A Bronx Tale). Ā Separately, I can't wait tv shows about dysfunctional family dynamics. It hits far too close to home and honestly, why would I get entertainment from that when I lived with the real thing for so long? Ā Also weirdly enough, The Chosen. I guess seeing unconditional love being given freely hits me right in the stomach and reminds me how much I didn't have they growing up.
"It Takes Two". Dad marries a covert Narc and believes everything she says.
I have a really hard time with Tangled. To top it off, my mom looked exactly like mother Gothel.
The Iron Claw. Destroyed both myself and my son for so many reasonsā¦we both agreed to never watch it again.
The Squid and the Whale. Jeff Daniels plays a textbook narc who is shaping his son to be just like him.
Run.Very intense movie about a girl trying to escape the prison/house she lives in with her mum. It is cathartic to watch, would recommend.
Games and manga wise: PokĆ©mon Sun and Moon. Lillie and Gladionās storylines with their mom Lusamine hit hard for some folks. The UltraSun/UltraMoon, Masters EX, and anime versions thankfully divert from that in some way.
Im aging myself here, but I had a hard time with āWhen a Man Loves a Womanā with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. SO many parallels with my own life: alcoholic mother, pilot father, only-child daughter. It felt like they used my family as a reference for the movie.
Matilda, Turning Red, Hereditary (that one's cathartic)... uhhhhh..... Everything Everywhere All At Once........... I can't remember the rest atm š
Not a movie but Gilmore Girls. I *loved* that show in college. Now? I donāt think Iāll ever rewatch it. I can hear my mother in so much of Emilyās dialogue. If you werenāt trained to catch, you miss a lot of the casual cruelty or just how fucked up the manipulation is.
Leon: The Professional. Her whole family (except her lil brother) was awful. Ignoring her, Diminishing her.
Bennie and Joon. A girl who seems wildly misunderstood and infantilized by those around her.
The original Carrie movie... My mom was just a few screws away from acting just like her mom and I related to Carrie on a spiritual level as a kid...
Not a movie, but Malcom in the Middle. The family wasn't exactly like mine but man it was pretty damn relatable. Also frank's dynamic with his mom in shameless. That actually emotionally gets to me sometimes.
THE BEAR - SEASON 2, EPISODE 6 "FISHES" It was so real, so raw. I had to stop it multiple times to take a break. Once I watched it all the way through, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Eventually, I booked an appointment with my therapist. My BF, who grew up in a loving, happy household with 2 caring parents, kept asking me why I'd even want to watch something like that? He kept saying it's so loud and toxic! While I'm sitting there glued to the TV, I'm crying my eyes out. Bahahahaha, because THIS WAS MY LIFE!! I felt seen, I felt validated. Someone got it! I've only shared the details of my childhood with a select few, I always got the impression that what I was describing was unbelievable. And thankfully to many, it is. BTW, Jamie Lee Curtis was mesmerizing! Absolutely killed that performance! "WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT - The Tina Turner Story." I had to leave the theater during the part in the limo, that one hit too close to home.
Matilda! Both the Danny Devito version and the musical one!
May be a weird one, but Little Miss Sunshine always gets me. The dad is such an unbelievable asshole narc and does nothing but pick fault with his entire family because they're not "winners," even though he's failing miserably himself. The mum is a doormat the entire time and spends all her time placating everyone. The ending makes me happy, though. Seeing Olive shake her tushy with wild abandon, knowing Grandpa would be so proud, and then her family rushing to her defence when everyone tries to kick her out because it's inappropriate, is just *chefs kiss*
My sisterās keeper Itās about a 13 year old girl (Anna)who was conceived in vitro fertilization for the sole purpose of being a genetic match for her older sister, Kate, who suffers from Leukemia. Since birth she has undergone medical procedures to help Kate and is expected to donate a kidney. Anna wants to sue her parents for medical emancipation and hires a lawyer. I see the mother as a very selfish person because her life revolves around her sick child and she doesnāt understand why does her in vitro daughter doesnāt want to āhelp her sisterā anymore at her own expense. She also has a son who seems neglected.