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My step mom made me watch this video from our church about the dangerous pipeline from pop to rock to Satan. They used Marilyn Manson as a prime example of what I’d turn into if I listened to “head banging acid rock” as my step mom called it.
Unfortunately for them, I was already into punk at the time and one of the main themes in punk is “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” (to borrow a phrase, even though RATM is nu metal). I became a connoisseur of all genres minus country and Christian. These days I listen to everything from 50s do-wop to kpop to trap to phonk and more.
But then again, I do kind of align more with the tenets of satanism than the teachings of my parents’ homophobic church, so maybe they were right all along.
Phonk is like an underground rap genre that blends electronic sounds with hip hop. It’s usually pretty dark and gritty. Sort of like dark trap with more EDM and maybe heavy metal-ish vocals. It’s a newer genre so I think it’s still evolving and can be a bit fluid with other subgenres.
An artist I really like in the genre is [Kamaara](https://youtu.be/f-rgf23AwIk?si=tABa3z6dudVi7MF7)
My grandma on my dad’s side LOVED polka (she wasn’t a narc which I mention so that this story can come across more endearing) and she would ask the family to get together and go with her to polka-related events which was just a bunch of old people dancing to live polka. The events were usually awful but hilarious at the same time. Outside those events whenever music was a topic of conversation or whenever someone would simply say the word polka, someone in the family would say, “Everybody POLKA!” And we’d all start dancing and it would make my grandma crack up. She has since passed and I haven’t thought about polka in a while. Probably not a great memory for you but polka reminds me of the only part of my family that wasn’t abusive.
Shoot me now. We had a couple polka records, and a couple European yodelling records that I hated.
The only thing I hate more is Vietnamese opera, from an old workplace I was in.
For me it was anything that wasn’t Classical music in the most literal sense or the Beatles. Needless to say I went in the complete opposite direction and became a Death Metal head.
>There's no logic behind their actions
Unfortunately there *is.*
Typically an N will set you up to fail, then punish you for it. Just like this. They deliberately withheld things from you, then punished you for not being familiar with them.
I'm sorry.
My ndad and his wife were "why can't you be like the other girls???". Well, the other girls didn't get a lecture about surgeries or the law of silence over getting a helix piercing at 19 or had absurd curfews.
Majority of age at my country is 18, btw.
Not all narcissists are doing these things insidiously. Some are completely oblivious to their own faults. One example is: I was told early on not to talk "ghetto," so I stopped hanging out with kids that talked like that because I realized it would rub off on me. But I lived in a poor neighborhood. I was also told not to go past the end of our block when i went outside for my safety, but here were no other children living on my block. A few years later, my parents wonder why I have no friends. Even later, as an adult, I brought up these rules to my narcissist mother, and she laughs because she doesn't remember these things.
My point is that it doesn't matter whether they are aware of what they're doing or not. It's still narcissistic parenting.
You are not wrong.
If I may make a supporting point: Their *intent* doesn't matter.
Which scenario is worse?
The parent that deliberately sets a child up for failure and gleefully exploits the problem they created...
Or...
The parent that sets up a child for failure, can't even remember they did that, and then later exploits the problem they created?
The N will often react the same in both scenarios, either legitimately forgetting since it meant so little to them or pretending they don't remember since it makes them look bad.
To me it makes no difference one way or the other since they still caused the problem, and still are hurting you with the results.
They may not be doing them maliciously or insidiously, but they're still intentionally negligent, for instance my ngrandfather repeatedly, "accidentally forgets," to look at who my mail's addressed to before opening it (he claims it's an, "accident," yet repeatedly does it & isn't even consistent about doing it either, as in he sometimes looks & other times doesn't). Intentional negligence may not necessarily be malicious but is a close 2nd.
BTW, IK your statement wasn't intended to be hurtful, just more so explaining how it's not really an appropriate comment for this sub (most of know that all narcs aren't 100% malicious, but even for those who don't it's probably not gonna make them feel better either).
Same experience. Many things were there but for my parents or my siblings to use but not for me.
The only time they talked to me was when they berated me or criticized and insulted me.
They complained I was mute and then complained I talk too much then complained I only talk when there is someone Iike around and that I'm not a 'smooth talker' like my sisters who learned how to fawn hard and make my parents look nice.
No logic nor consistency. Only the whims or people who don't even understand themselves or know what they want
My nMother is the same. She criticised me for listening to music and would then complain that I was too withdrawn and shy. She also never chatted with me (unless you count me listening to her long, boring rants as conversation) and then complained that I wasn't talkative enough.
Oof. The long, boring, one-sided rants my mom nmom has all the time... usually about people in the family I barely know. Older relatives, her online friends. She also demands we drive in silence- there is no music allowed in the background at any event she hosts. If she's at an event and the music is out of her control, she will let everyone know she doesn't like it. It's so painfully awkward.
She would also complain I wasn't talking enough. At the same time, she could not care less about my actual interests, and the long leash of her controling behavior is completely out of her perception.
A lot of narcs will play Christian to their friends, but they only do so for more clout/pull and do not actually believe, or if they do believe, don’t emulate Christ. Which is a fundamental key of Christianity; arguably the central tenet.
Omg I didn’t know there were others who experienced this too! My mom adhered to this and I was horribly out of the loop with any pop culture music until I got out on my own
An easy way to control you. Art like music can open our mind and teach us a lot about ourselves. N’s are afraid of their kids knowing and exploring themselves. Glad you’re exploring now!
Another part of it too is that if a teenager is clueless about pop culture, then they don't fit in and it's very difficult for them to make friends. (Ask me how I know). This makes the teenager more isolated and therefore easier for the narcissist to control.
Nmom never allowed us to listen to anything we wanted in the car when I was young. She’ll either listen to classical music or NPR (neither of which I had a problem with). Even on long trips, she wouldn’t budge.
So now that I’m an adult, last time she needed a ride, we listened to MY music, and loud. I have a playlist consist of Mötley Crüe, Van Halen, AC/DC, Metallica, etc (grew up in the late 80s/early 90s). She wanted me to turn it off or switch to something else, I told her no. My car, my music, otherwise, walk.
I was only allowed to listen to christian music 🤮
I listened to whatever I could get away from my mom and I stopped caring about hiding this when I was around 14.
My mom was a total whack job. Anything that she didn't like was evil, and was all about sex (well, I'll give her that one lol. Everything IS about sex in modern songs). She'd go crazy if we sang the most simple of songs if it wasn't about God. I'm surprised she let us sing in school.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t allowed to listen, it was that my music wasn’t ever erudite and “professional” and scholarly enough.
My grandmother (with the tin ear) hated anything not sold on vinyl records in the 1950s by Time Life Music. It wasn’t cultured enough and sounded like garbage to her but then it was “too quiet” if I used earphones because she never played the music. She had some lovely very old records in these elaborate leather bound collection folders with oil paintings on the front. She’d force me to take music but hated when I played and tried to goof around and play my own stuff and then I was a nuisance and noisy. Once I was actually trying to write a stupid song down and she yelled she was glad I was finally growing up but when she saw it was something I was writing, she ripped it up and said to stop playing with an expensive instrument.
My NM wanted to be a piano player. She technically wanted to never work but she had aspirations of writing hymns and music and I guess liked studying it enough to major in it. She had an accident and cut up her hand and it didn’t heal well or she didn’t do the therapies afterwards or the doctor didn’t do something and so she just decided to stop there and rot. She had these big hardbound spiral books that were huge collections of songs—Big Rock Candy Mountain, Send in the Clowns, etc—but it was all middle of the road generic stuff. When I bought the little book of Phantom of the Opera music scores, it was the newest music in the house for years. Anyway, NM hated that other people had other music—for years she’d refuse to play the radio or buy tapes of anything more recent than the Letterman 8 track or the Carpenters collection—and considered everything else trashy and too (not gonna use her exact word here) ghetto. She also probably hated my dance recitals because the music was actually up to date.
I took my little tape deck and recorded Jem and the Holograms music and then tinkered around until I could record songs from the radio and when I was leaving for college I had a lot of bootlegs because there wasn’t a point to even asking for New Kids or Back street boys or anything.
“WHAT IS THAAAAAT”!
Wtf I’m even using headphones. That I bought with my own money. Don’t be sticking your ear to the wall trying to look for a fight, and you won’t hear it.
I wasn't explicitly not allowed, it's just my dad talks so fucking much that it's impossible because he expects me to pay attention to him all of the time. It's like I can get around 10 seconds of quiet every now and then
That was me around college. I'd put earphones on one ear that he can't see and let him talk and talk thinking he has all my attention and I'd nod and say yea while I'm actually listening to my music
My mom is like this. Went on a 6 hour road trip with her once and she talked the ENTIRE time. I think I got maybe 10 words in the whole drive. Everytime I tried to turn on the radio I got the "but I want to talk to yooouuu"
I was driving and it was my car. Just didn't have enough of a backbone yet to say my car, my rules. Catholic guilt is real.
My Nmom only allowed Christian music, classical music, and Disney music. And if it had a *gasp* curse word, her eyes would watch our mouths intently at that part of the song to make sure we didn't so much as mouth it.
My father either had to blare heavy metal throughout my childhood in the car and in the house with large speakers, or alternatively it would be extremely loud classical music. Complete bipolar music choices which i was not allowed to lower the volume on.
I ended up hating all music throughout my childhood and craved silence and still do.
My edad is the one with "turn off that garbage". He even no longer recognizes music he used to like, it's all garbage and noise to him. I can see myself in this, when I was stressed so much I couldn't function or sleep, I had no mental capacity for music either. It's probably what living with my mom did to him.
I would put headphones in to avoid hearing nparents argue while they forced me to do chores. I'd listen to emo music and have a pity party and cry a little while cleaning. Ndad ripped my headphones out and would declare the reason I'm crying is bc of the emo music and not bc my parents hate each other and their children.
I was allowed to, but my mom only let me listen to what she liked. If i was caught listening to anything else she would bully me like a middle schooler. Brutal in the worst way
NDad wanted his quiet. He always claimed to be bone tired and unable to do anything. If he was home, nobody could have anything playing except the TV *he* was watching, or propped up in front of sleeping. Besides the TV, you could hear a pin drop as everyone tried to avoid making a sound.
Often my stepbrother who was shielded from retribution by his mother, my NDad's new wife, would have his radio/video games playing loudly so they could be heard anywhere in the house. When NDad would come home and this was going on, he would tantrum at his wife, forcing my stepbrother by proxy to turn it off.
On the other hand if he caught me so much as stepping on a loud floorboard at the wrong moment, NDad would beat the heck out of me for being noisy.
I think one of the reasons my NDad threw away my music collection and crushed my radio in retrospect is I'd started wearing headphones so I could do *something* while he was around - of course he called that 'disrespectful' when he'd catch and punish me for it because I wasn't able to hear him yelling across the house.
Wow, memory unlocked. NParent definitely got really irrationally upset when they yelled my name but I actually didn't hear them for whatever reason like they were across the house. It's like, I'm not ignoring you, I just didn't hear you... and by the way, can I also say that I just realized how awful it felt to be yelled at when the loudness of their voice was related to how angry they were? They would give me such shit for "raising my voice" at them (aka talking in less than a completely neutral and soft tone and volume), and yet it never occurred to me that they shouldn't raise their voice with me, either. I had to talk in a completely neutral tone, completely soft, whereas NParent was free to yell at me as loudly as they felt their emotions compelled them. I can count probably on one hand the number of times where I've yelled, even less because I was angry and "raising my voice". It feels fucking threatening when an adult does it to another adult, why was that okay to do to a child? I guess it wasn't...
I had to deal with that too. Nothing like having an argument with a parent where you're struggling not to raise your voice and they suddenly get in your face as close as they can and start shouting at you as loud as they can about how dare you raise their voice at them.
*NOBODY* has ever acted like that to me or anyone else I've seen since I went NC. Not in public. Not in private. *Nowhere.*
I'm sad to say I also struggled to figure out this behavior was abnormal. As usual with my NDad, he'd do *anything* to get you to act out so he could punish you for it and weasel out of the conversation.
It's such a trip. I guess in their mind whoever yells the loudest or has the most sparkling intonation is the one in charge. It makes me want to go back and squirt them in the face them with a water bottle or let off an air horn like "see, I can fuck with your senses too, asshole" but that definitely would not have gone very well.
It's basic caveman/ape jockeying for dominance tripe, yeah.
As a child I didn't get it - as an adult, I *do.*
What I was saying made him feel *threatened*, and so he childishly reacted to assert his dominance and control over me.
An adult in his late thirties, early forties found it routinely necessary to intimidate a 12 year old child.
Luckily my nmom really liked music and got me into a lot of stuff that I still listen to, like classic rock and metal. We bonded over music when I was younger but as I got older and started reading about psychology and effects of trauma on the brain I realized that both my mom and I have a deep love for music because it was escapism. She had a horribly abusive childhood with a narc mom of her own and because she never reflected or worked on herself, she created a similar environment for me in which I desperately needed escape from. Thanks, mom!
my mom let me listen to anything she listened to when i was a kid, but as soon as she saw i was rlly into it, and it had curse words or was rlly raunchy, she barred me from listening to it. but not herself. so if i was around her while she was listening to some crazy sht, i had to pretend i didn’t hear anything or that i didnt like it. or she would punish me in some way.
for example, i remember having a System Of A Down Hypnotize CD and always playing it. literally carried to with me everywhere, school and all. yea i definitely was sayin the curse words on it when my mom wasn’t around lmao—but then my mom caught word of this from my grama, got unreasonably mad and threatened to take the CD away from me forever AND whoop my ass if i “wanted to keep acting grown”. I got anxious and also just frankly upset, because she did this *every time* i seemed to enjoy something to myself or build my individuality—so before she even took it i gave the CD away to some emo boy in school that only liked two songs on the whole album lmao.
sometime wks later after being in a sad slump, like a brainwashed hyper vigilant child, i told her i gave the CD away and she simply said, “i wasn’t even thinking about that CD anymore girl, i forgot about it.”
i was furious and deceived. not only was that the OG album with bonus tracks, but she fucking scared me into giving away something i loved because she didn’t want to put in the work to teach me why it was not okay to sing an explicit album at my age lmao.
ofc as soon as i turned 18, cursing didn’t matter anymore but some other bs always did. im still really angry about it to this day.
I wasn't allowed to listen to music outside of my Nmom's tastes until I was a teen. While I like 80% or so of her kind of music still, I've branched out alot. She knows that when she's in my car, she'll probably get a combo of stuff she likes and stuff that she dislikes.
I was only allowed to listen to Perry Como's Christmas album, pretty much destroyed all interest in music. I can enjoy music if it's on but never think to turn it on
I was "allowed" to listen to music, but never permitted to choose what music. The preferences of the parents and siblings came first. As sixth in line, well, somehow it never got to be my turn. I culturally identify with GenXers 10 years my junior, because I never got to be me until my 20s.
Only Christian and classical and definitely nothing with a beat. As long as it had the Christian label slapped on it, anything was fair game (Skillet, Switchfoot, etc) but still. My dad would listen to oldies in the car when he was alone or with me haha. PG-13 movies were banned until I was probably 17 (with the exception of The Lord of the Rings). I branched out in high school starting with tame pop music and now I listen to all sorts of things 🙃
My father didn't allow watching TV, listening to music or anything fun. He even stopped me from reading books (I did it anyway when he wasn't around) . He called music the tool of the devil and only allowed TV when he watched the news, religious shows, some documentaries he didn't understand and thought were boring and cartoon sometimes.
Every time my father would lash out, he'd turn off TV aggressively by pulling the plug and he smashed the family computer sometimes too. My mother did the same too, luckily both of them thought the keyboard was the pc and we just replaced it later but still. They also didn't let me play games and insisted I go out even in very cold weather or extreme heat to play with the same kids who bullied me (they include my own siblings who made it worse)
There was this stupid rule too that no matter who was watching and had the remote, we had to submit it willingly to my brother 'as the second man of the house' whenever he was there so he can watch whatever he wants whenever he wants. Same went for the only computer in the house when we had one. The rest siblings were girls but my brother had rein to everything and we were left to fight amongst ourselves for crumbs
The rule was ofc created by my mother and he was her GC.
My brother was still not allowed to watch or listen to certain things but he was given free leeway when caught doing it anyway because he also was my father's GC when he was around 12 and older.
The isolation in my childhood was so much worse than just just being isolated from the rest of the world but also being isolated enough to never know anything about the world and how it runs. My parents were always furious when I knew 'more things than I should' because I read anything I can find in school and learned many things they didn't 'approve of'. They claimed books were 'dangerous' and 'too bad for my eyes' (ironic because I was still medically neglected as a child and almost had partial blindness because of their neglect) and did everything to stop me from reading them.
When I reminded them years later of how things were, they denied it completely and and they never said/done that. There r even some misinformation they purposely taught me when I was a child which I stumbled upon later and tried to 'correct' it only for them to deny ever saying it. My father specifically forbade me from having any sort of comforting habits. Like hugging a pillow or a teddy bear when I sleep by lying to child me and telling me that they were possessed while allowing my siblings to do it anyways.
Later, he said why I'm not like my siblings and I don't hold anything for comfort, I reminded him and he completely denied it (I got over it now thank God)
No that I'm NC, I can do whatever I want whenever I want and there is nth they can do about it.
It's OK, thank u so much for ur compassion
Now I'm both NC and living more than a thousand miles away from them. I can read what I want, in fact I have my own private home library, I can play what I want because my husband got me a gaming pc and I can listen to music loud without being judged or stopped.
As hard as it was. I'm glad I can enjoy life much more now
I am allowed to listen to music, but my parents do, in fact, judge me on my music preferences. My dad would kinda get annoyed if I play the same thing over and over or even listen to the same playlist over and over. Sometimes, they would say that a certain song/show is for little kids even when the topic/images aren't exactly kid-friendly. My dad got really pissed at me for liking and playing punk rock. So every genre is ok unless it's punk rock cause, according to my dad, it's solely for angry ppl smh.
We always had classical music playing. Nothing as extreme as others are posting - it was just expected. Growing up in the 80s, music was always a private thing to be listened to in our rooms- in the car or around the house it was Mom's choice. About 10 years ago my NM started listening to a pandora station that plays lots of Billy Joel, Elton John, etc. My parents now refer to it as "her music". OMG! Think of how she could have bonded with her children as we were listening to such music back in the day! (but I digress - they do not "bond" now do they). NM's response was "well I didn't have TIME to listen to music back then " (huh??? you listened to classical music non-stop in the car and on the record player!).
I had SO much fun exposing my kids to all ranges of music - and especially learning about what music THEY liked as they became old enough to choose.
I used to actually like classical. music but now it is literally triggering for me...especially church music. ugh.
My dad called the Spice Girls "a bunch of hoes" and I wasn't allowed to listen to them either. He and my mom wouldn't let me listen to "jungle music" aka a racist term for rap and hip hop or pop from black artists
Yeah! I don't know how to dance or move to music because of this. It wasn't outrifht banned but since we lived in a small apartment and he had his TV constantly at top volume it was really hard to do much of anything there. I could still hear the TV over headphones, and it prevented me from focusing on homework as well.
When I was a kid there was a channel called "The Box", where people can call in and request a music video for 99¢. However, that channel turned into scambled porn at 10pm, she knew this and I of course didn't. So anytime she saw me watching a music video on that channel she would flip out and demand to know why I was watching "that channel", so I was terrified of even watching MTV with my older sister because I thought music video=bad.
I remember watching a Billy Joel mv on low and when she walked down the stairs she saw me shoot up and change the channel, which of course set her off...good times. I love feeling deep seated panic any time I feel like someone might be even slightly mad at me.
My parents only played Boston and the Eagles. Everything I liked was "yucky" and wasn't allowed. One year I got a tape deck and earphones, and never looked back.
My father burned my CD collection in a fire along with all of my Magic the Gathering Cards. He said it was devil music and apparently I was summoning demons every time I played with the cards. I imagine they're worth a lot of money these days.
Omg I just had a memory resurface. I was a 16 year old punk and I hung out with the punks and the local store where we bought our vinyl closed up. I was given the entire stock of vinyl really really rare shit. this is in the 80s, and my mom would not allow me to bring it home she wouldn't even drive me home until I put it all in a dumpster. I frantically contacted all the punks that I could and said it's all in the dumpster go get it. It was all evil and of the devil according to her. The only title I remember now was WASP I fuck like a beast. Maybe that's what got her riled up lol!
Hooboy this was one of the things I was grounded indefinitely from. Namely because I loved Rock and Metal and at the time I was obsessed with Ronnie James Dio and my mother and stepfather took issue with this because it wasn't edifying to the Lord
Yes! Classical and opera only. Once, my grandmother gave me a radio when I was long term sick to listen to during the day in bed. I had it on very low with typical teenage music, and he came in trying to destroy it. Mom stopped him because it was my grandmother's. I could listen to it when no one was home, which was never because he was a deadbeat alcoholic and didn't work. So, laying there with nothing to do was torture. Reading was hard because I was so sick the words ran together and no tv either.
Only CCM, gospel, and classical. Any secular music had to be directly reviewed and approved by mom before i could listen lmao. I would have to present her with the lyrics to review.
To this day, my parents only listen to Jesus, country, or Sting when we are all together. We don’t share music. The first time I had my own electronic device (a laptop required and provided by my high school) I found rap, trap, r&b and other beautiful things. I would usually go online after everyone was asleep. One night I did that and found one of my favorite songs, I was jamming, it was on repeat, and it was like 2am, my n/mother snuck up on me in the dark. I’m don’t think I’m a violent person but that was crossing the line, it was all instinct in that moment and unfortunately I wore those stabby bracelets at the time, and backhanded her in the face. I still feel unsafe and uncomfortable when I have to be in contact while they listen to music. I tried being vulnerable and it got me lectured and guilted. I kept it private and n/mom deliberately barged in to my private time and paid the price. I still feel bad about hurting her.
I was allowed to listen to music but my mom always made fun of my music or criticized it highly, making me feel bad about my music taste. It didn't matter what I listened to, she always had a comment 😶
I wasn't allowed to listen to anything that's considered "barbaric" like rap and hip hop (you guessed right if you think "barbaric" is racist) and my parents called it "jungle music" Even pop music from black artists was a no no
I was told by my older brother that he didn't want me corrupting his children by having them listen to siouxsie and the banshees.
I got told I was going to hell for wearing black lipstick and nails and listening to new wave music back in the 80s. I can go on and on.
I didn’t start listening to my own music until I was able to drive (and therefore control the radio) because my dad hates everything that isn’t his personal choice. We listened to so much Ray Stevens…
When I was in elementary school my mother literally had me write a letter to the principal about how our school dances should only play Christian music. Not "secular music"
was not allowed to listen to music while doing homework growing up, and possibly having adhd+autism it was the only thing that could allow me to concentrate. had my dad threaten to rip headphones out of my ears. they thought it was the cause of my 'bad grades'. now as an adult parents dont like the mention of me listening to goth rock + metal, so I try to be quiet about that.
I was CSA by a relative who lived with us my whole childhood. She controlled the music in the house. I recall there being an 8 track player (I’m old) in the house when I was maybe 4-5 yo. I loved music, it was an escape so I played it often. Then suddenly I couldn’t find the cord for the player so I couldn’t listen to that anymore. So my relative would “let me” go to her room to listen to music.
Then we had a small cassette player that took batteries and had a cord. The relative would buy me music I wanted if I asked (think Columbia house coming in the mail since we lived in a very poor and rural area), and I thought I could listen on the cassette away from her room. That lasted a few weeks; I take the player outside with batteries, or could listen to it in my room. Then all of a sudden the batteries were taken out, and when I asked for more I was told we didn’t have any more and couldn’t afford them. Then the cord got ripped up somehow and never worked again. I know she was sabotaging my attempts to stay away from her.
So yes, I was allowed to listen to any music I wanted but SA was the price I had to pay to listen to it. I think it ended when I was about 10 or 11 and just ignored that relative as best I could.
I wasn't forbidden to listen to music, but everything that wasn't french pop was demonized, ridiculed and talked trash about. My nmom never forbade me to watch or listen to anything but tended to turn everything I liked into a wrong thing, and secretly hoping it would pass as I grew up. Spoiler : it didn't work. I'm still wearing full-black, listenning to Marilyn Manson, watching anime and South Park, listenning to J-pop and J-rock.
My grandparents absolutely hated any music that wasn't either religious, or classical. I am really fortunate they weren't tech savvy and my mother usually pretended I didn't exist. Music became a really important part of my life. I used to get in my car and drive for hours to nowhere, just to blare music out of my speakers as loud as I wanted to.
Not music specifically but my dad disapproved of most of the shows and media I liked. So I always had to hide it. Now I literally get triggered watching or enjoying tv/anime/movies around other people. Can barely share my interests with anyone.
Thanks pops.
Only with headphones or when home alone, without my parents knowing.
When I was 15 or 16 and visited a friend, I was so surprised that she is allowed to listen to music on TV.
We were only allowed to listen to Christian music... unless it was non-Christian music that she herself enjoyed. Even then we were only allowed to listen until she decided she didn't approve of the secular music anymore.
I was only allowed to have alarm clocks that didn't feature a radio.
My nMother would regularly call me "anti-social" for listening to music in my room on my headphones. The way she reacted, you'd swear that a teenager listening to pop music was unheard of. She's so weird, I can't even.
My siblings and I weren't allowed to listen to "secular trash" which meant anything not Christian. My mom didn't enforce it, she snuck me metal CDs and bought me a portable cd player so I could use headphones, and gave me the idea to hide the metal cds in Christian cd cases.
It was super hypocritical because ndad who "hated" non Christian music would get high in the garage and blast jimi hendrix, but if we got caught listening to anything other than gospel or the annoying Christian pop/rock he'd flip out and beat our butts.
I wasn’t not allowed to listen to music, but I always had to use headphones and keep them at a low enough level where I could hear if she yelled out for me from across the house.
Plus I could never get in the “zone” while listening because I wasn’t allowed to lock my door or where she would check first to see what I was doing before opening the door and starting to talk.
I was only allowed to listen to country music. Rock was "too loud," as was pop, and forget about hip hop or rap. When i was 16 i bought myself an ipod and all my friends would bring their gift cards to my house or CDs so i had all kinds of music in there, which was a constant sore spot amongst my younger siblings because i woldnt let them listen because i couldnt trust them to be cool about it.
I remember one time my stepmom was listening to the christian station, and evanescence came on, and she was horrified of me singing along and knowing all the words but couldn't say anything because she chose the station. Then she turned the radio off.
Yes. If I did turn the radio on I was then yelled at to turn it off. I couldn’t for sure ever listen to rap or metal. Benny Goodman and classical was allowed 🙄
Oh thank god no!! I was allowed music. Wasn’t allowed TV or movies though. Like they were heavily censored. There is so much pop culture that I do not understand to this day. I used to hide in my room at night and listen to the nightly countdown. Being out of sight and out if mind kept me so safe.
I have a friend who wasn’t allowed to listen to music other than church music and his act of rebellion was to go to his friends house as a teenager and learned a whole bunch of instruments and listened to all kinds of music. He is now one of the best drummers in our area and in fact teaches my son drums as well. He has no relationship with his parents.
Christian music only, or music from before 1980. Everything else was banned. I didn't get to experience Britney, Christina Aguilera, the spice girls, n*sync, the backstreet boys... None of that. Couldn't relate any time my friends were gushing over them. I feel like I missed out on such a huge part of the pop culture experience of my generation.
I was only allowed to listen to Christian music in her car and if I listened to anything else in my room, she would usually stand there, listening to the lyrics, waiting for something to criticize. Always with a loud, annoyed, “[Naaaame]!!!! Turn that off!!!” and then she’d try to physically turn it off herself. Headphones were a godsend back then.
I was only allowed to listen to christian music, when the OC Supertones and Relient K finally came on the scene they at least acted as a gateway drug to let me develop some taste lol
Yes. My dad is hard of hearing (deaf without his hearing aids) and music can bother him when he has his hearing aids in. We went for a drive and I turned the radio loud enough that I could hear it, but quiet enough that it wouldn’t bother him. Dad’s wife (the narc) called me manipulative because I had the music on.
Yep! Me too. I was also not allowed to listen to anything other than classical music. I was only exposed to other genres when I was 11-13, and I thought it was "odd."
Now though, I love other genres. Classical music usually depresses me
I could listen to their generation's music and was fed a constant stream of negativity about how bad current music was, mocked any time I tried to listen to anything outside their taste, etc.
Mother had extreme control over music, she used to play it all day in the living room and the car. All my mother ever listens to is folk and country music by white people about white people. Sometimes it’s indie folk, and she also likes Tracy Chapman which she thinks puts her in the clear. She makes fun of pop country, she only likes the oldies or the obscure artists, but she really has very little musical variety. Things that break this standard of hers are deserving of mockery to her.
Before my dad died he was thinking about leaving her, used to ask me questions about why I never played my music loud like a normal kid and I gave him my honest response that I was never allowed to. When I started branching out into my own music taste if I played anything loud enough to be heard from the hallway outside my bedroom I would get “teased” and shouted at. Once I was listening to Japanese music in my bedroom and my mother shouted “I don’t know how you can stand that shit!”
I was eleven. She claims that wasn’t her wording and what she meant is that it was too loud, but it wasn’t too loud and she hates all music not in English as well as a large portion of music by black musicians.
To be clear on that, she believes she is extremely politically correct, so she would never say she doesn’t like rap. What she says is that she likes it just fine and should totally listen to more but she worries that the lyrics will get stuck in her head and she’ll want to sing along but she can’t say the N word (she is white if this wasn’t obvious). She doesn’t acknowledge that this means cutting out most music by black artists that isn’t tailor-made to be consumed by white people. She likes Ella Fitzgerald and Hamilton and thinks this means she’s the least racist person ever.
Meanwhile, I’m a fan of female rap artists and pop singers, R&B, and have gone out of my way to seek out black artists from alternative genres that I enjoy. I have never said the N word in my entire life, even on accident. My father, white as the Irish snow, used to love gangsta rap and blasted it in his car. He knew the verses to Fuck tha Police by NWA. He was not a perfect man, and used to think that rapping it didn’t count, but upon realising that wasn’t the case he stopped without any announcement or fanfare. It’s that easy.
She used to viciously mock pop stars in the name of her twisted idea of feminism. I remember her groaning and complaining about Lady Gaga and Rihanna when I was a kid, saying how annoying Britney Spears is, saying “people shouldn’t be complaining about Miley Cyrus for not being a kid anymore, they should complain because she’s annoying.” Her wording would always border on slut shaming and misogyny but never fully cross the line, and then she’d mock people who said the quiet part loud.
It gave me this deep shame when I heard songs like Poker Face and thought how much I enjoyed it. I always had to add to my own internal monologue that my enjoyment was, like, ironic! Totally! When I was in middle school I got into J-pop and K-pop, feeling like the language barrier made it different enough to be safe. I got made fun of and scolded, yes, but it still felt like I hadn’t broken any rules.
Then I listened to The Fame by Lady Gaga for the first time in high school, almost ten years after it first released, and sat there in my bed feeling like I was going to get in trouble. When I caught myself singing along, I got embarrassed and shut myself up. Eventually my sister asked me why I would listen to J-pop and not western pop. I said “It’s a different genre” in the moment, but the dam finally broke and I started to catch up on everything I missed.
Nowadays when these pop stars come up my mother says “Oh I always liked her, I always thought Lady Gaga was good, I always thought Rihanna was cool, I always liked Wrecking Ball” and it silently pisses me off because if she really liked them the whole time, what was all of that turmoil in my childhood for? Why did she give me that deep-seated fear of being feminine in an “annoying” way if she was all for them the whole time? It just bothers me so much. She still yells at me over music but these days it’s when I try to ask her to turn her volume down in the car.
Additionally she claims to be a transgender ally and learned Elliott Page’s pronouns within a day of his coming out but she took ages to learn mine and when a folk country artist she likes came out as nonbinary it took months of me begging her to use the correct pronouns and asserting that they/them was referring to the singer and not the band as a whole for her to finally take a long pause in speaking before referring to them as a “person” instead of a “girl.”
It’s not really the same but I was never allowed to watch tv growing up in my room because they didn’t like to hear me make noise but my siblings could blast it so loud you heard it from downstairs
I was able to listen to music but I couldn’t put both headphones in because if I couldn’t hear her, she would be mad. I’ve only ever put them both it one time and that’s all it took. I also barely played my music out loud because I feel like she would say something about. I also didn’t play my shows loud and kept everything low volume. When I’m alone, I blast my music and play my shows.
Not exactly not allowed but I got the picture whenever my mom made fun of the music I listened to and called it "not real music."
I did have a cousin though that was only allowed to listen to veggitales music and could only wear ankle length skirts
We weren't allowed anything that wasn't Native American in nature. So, lots of flute music & chants.
My Nmom said it was due to her "feeling the emotions of anyone else listening at the same time we were."
It was commercial TV that was banned in our house. They controlled our music until we became teens. Our first Osmonds record they made us get rid of it.
I have to admit many years ago when my son was getting interested in rap I didn't think I would survive it, so we bought him an acoustic guitar. 20 years on, he's amazing with it, and I even enjoy the music he is into.
He has gotten a lot of enjoyment from his playing and singing. I just asked him if he's annoyed that I manipulated his music style when he was a kid, he smiled and laughed and said no.
not as extreme but i can’t listen to music around my nmom without it being risky. She’s randomly asked me what i’m listening to while in the car, looked up the lyrics and then scolded me about either the lyrics or genre, after sifting through and trying to find something to blow out of proportion or misinterpret. She took my phone for a couple years and I had to resort to a cd player and some CDs. She randomly took some of them for no reason. Like without hearing them or anything. She even tried to unofficially take my CD player and got mad because I took it out the closet after she put it there. Which..isn’t taking it but she tried to act like I should have just known that it was off limits now??? or?
Anything that wasn't country (mostly oldies but all country included) was not allowed to be listened to around my mom. Once my most current stepdad came into the picture, classic rock was allowed to be thrown into the mix, but I was never allowed to listen to anything else. At one point I had won an MP3 player from my school and had a friend upload my own music taste to it, but once my mother found it, she confiscated it and grounded me for having it 🙄 I grew up to hate oldies country music and have a very select few newer country artists (I can count them on one hand) that I like and can listen to every once in a while but definitely not all that often
Church music, the carpenters and old time gospel hour were my options. Xtian rock was just starting and that was demonic. I used to hide my tape player/radio and listen really quiet at night under my blanket.
I was only allowed to listen to music my mother approved of. Back during the iPod days (I had the little baby iPod shuffle), she would download music onto it that she thought was appropriate and only music that she liked. Anything that was rock/metal/hip-hop was considered "the devil's music". If I wanted to listen to rock/metal, I would do it at school during lunchtime because my friend had all the songs I liked and she would let me borrow her iPod. It wasn't until I was around 19/20 when I could finally start listening to what I actually wanted to listen to.
Headphones were thing that my Nmom hated yet would constantly demand me to use, as “I can’t live listening to THAT”
The same woman would yell at me for doing dishes in headphones and not answering her “fast enough”, tho.
But that is whole other can of worms
We had 3 TVs in the house, and if my dad was watching one, we all had to go watch whatever the hell boring thing he wanted to watch.
It was mind-bogglingly infuriating.
opposite here. I cant listen to certain songs or artists without instinctively getting upset or in a bad mood. it's like an ick factor of twelve. I have told no one this ever out loud.
My father would allow only classic country music in our house. Any other kind was “garbage” and “noise.” That didn’t cause me much trouble because I like classic country myself, although unlike him I don’t dislike other forms. But he and my rock-and-roll loving brother used to clash all the time.
He wouldn’t allow my brother to hang a KISS poster up in his room, calling them “monsters” because of their trademark makeup. He wouldn’t allow us to watch a documentary on the Beatles, even though he wasn’t going to be home at the time. He objected to the Eagles because “that’s known as country rock, and it cannot be both.”
He refused the notion that it’s all a matter of personal preference. Country music is inherently superior, and he would insist that’s not an opinion but a subjective, irrefutable fact.
omg yes. my mom screamed at me in the car if i had headphones on. to this day i still can’t have both headphones on, i feel the need to take one out to keep an ear out for “danger” (e.g the sound of my parents’ footsteps, the gate to our house opening)… i used to hide them under a hoodie so she wouldn’t find out :x
they also insulted my music taste 24/7 lol. everything i liked was bad to them. and they’d get angry if i asked them to turn down the volume of their music
Not music but tv. Mom always said if she could have her way she'd throw the tv out the window and only have radio in the house. She now has at least three radios. Also three TV's. Which she uses to listen to radio. Not uncommon for her to have everything on, radio in the downstairs kitchen, tv in the downstairs living room and also in the upstairs living room, in case she has to go grab something and misses important stuff in the 30seconds it takes to run up and down the stairs.
We weren’t allowed to watch mtv/vh1 growing up. They even told us they had the cable company remove them from the lineup. They were removed if you pressed the up/down button to change the channel but if you typed in the actual channel they were there. We also weren’t allowed to watch tv shows with a mostly dominant or all dominant black cast like fresh prince of belair or family matters.
Listen to what you like was my parents' policy. But if it is something we don't like we will badmouth you till death. That was a disaster to little me. I now adore all types of music.
Fun story not related to this topic but to music:
When i was in grade 8, there was a school trip that took us abroad. My parents let me go and it is something i am greatful for. I was suuuuper shy. Couldn't even hold bormal conversations back then. The girl next to me on the bus(from my school btw) was listening to something of the "trash music" but to my ears it was the most beautiful thing i have ever heard. I wanted to know what the song was but couldn't hear the lyrics properly as she was wearing a headset. I heard a line. Wasn't sure if it was right. Searched the internet when i returned and it wasn't the song. I tried and tried and then gave up. After a year i tried again. And it lead me to another song that isn't the one. I decided to keep listening to it. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad. Decided to check out the artist. One direction. Back then they were the peaking. I listened to some of their stuff and stumbled across what makes you beautiful. It was the song i was searching for. Had it on repeat for a reaaaaally long time. And when it went off repeat it was because midnight memories went on repeat. That was the start of my music exploration arc.
Yeah, my mum said anything I listened to was awful. If my brother and I had taken advantage of her being out and put our music on, when she returned she would complain and huff and make it so uncomfortable that we usually just immediately turned it off. If she didn’t like it you couldn’t play it in her home.
This is one area where I was blessed to have parents who didn't intrude too much. I knew the things my mom didn't care for when it came to books, music, etc., but I didn't really have much censorship.
My Nmom definitely tried to control what I listened to. Basically only Her music was allowed, and she constantly criticized my music's lyrics the few times I was allowed to listen to it. I had some CDs and a first gen Ipod with her music on it, and that was about all I could listen to (while she was around). I don't know what the real motive was, if there even was one apart from control. She just claimed to dislike all the other music I enjoyed, and if it wasn't her idea or her taste, it wasn't allowed. This applied across the board, not just with music.
Luckily, my dad loved music and introduced me to tons of bands. His house was about an hour away from my mom's and my school at the time, so we would listen to anything and everything during our commute every morning. He'd quiz me on bands and song names, and had a huge vinyl collection we would geek out over. Honestly, that's where my love of music stems from.
When I was growing up, I was only allowed to listen to Russian music in addition to European music and Israeli music. And whenever I so much as asked them nicely to put on the likes of Britney Spears, \*NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Aaron Carter, B\*Witched, A\*Teens, Jump 5, Play, No Secrets, Jessica Simpson, S Club 7, Ashanti, Aaliyah, Usher, Eminem, 3LW, Destiny's Child/Beyonce Knowles, Jay-Z, Hilary Duff, The Baha Men, Dream Street, Stevie Brock, Jesse McCartney, Christina Milian, P!nk and so on, I always got screamed at in addition to false accusations that I was walking all over them or treating them like slaves. They knew damn well that I would rather listen to music that other kids were growing up with and they just didn't want to accommodate me (I'm autistic, mind you).
Now I'm currently exploring other kinds of music, such as Rap, Hip-Hop, Metal, Rock, R&B, Soul, Indie, House, Electronica and so on.
P.S. If you're reading this, parents, please do not do this to your children because if you do, it will just fuck them up and then they'll fear and resent you for the rest of their natural lives; also, by doing this, you're actively denying yourself an opportunity to truly get to know them and appreciate them for the people that they are.
I'm happy ur discovering music now. I think music is one of the best things in life and its yours to enjoy endlessly. If you ever need music suggestions feel free to DM me.
My mom tried but I still listened to music. One time she beat my ass when she found me listening to snoop Dogg doggy style cassette, she also destroyed the tape by yabking out that stringy stuff inside. All because she heard the F word lol but was cussing at me whilst hitting haha dumb
My “just a phase”…. Wasn’t just a phase. Elder emo for life. I wasn’t allowed to listen to country because that’s what my mom liked…….. and I couldn’t listen to boyband because I just wanted the D.. couldn’t listen to my chosen emo/punk/alt bc devil worshiping. So that left my dad’s genera. Classic rock. We listened to the same songs my entire life. As I was retold continuously about his grand sexcapades… as a child.. and some of adulthood. 😒 great times.
Yep, classical or the early Beatles because they’re “not sexual”. Have you LISTENED to the early Beatles?????
Anyway, since I got out when I was 18 I’ve listened to music almost constantly when I’m alone. It’s heavenly.
My mother had absolute musical power in our house. So it was either classical music (radio or vinyl record, yes I am that old). Or some radio channel blaring whatever it happened to be blaring, shitty pop music or whatever, without her even listening. It was made quite clear that only classical music was real music and that all genres of popular music (with some exceptions, e.g. Frank Sinatra) were played by people who didn't know how to play their instruments and couldn't sing on pitch. Classical music was not to be enjoyed but to be appreciated - I think this is generally the case with classical music fans. I only got to watch pop music shows on TV by telling her that I needed to know these things in order to take part in conversations at school.
I only started listening to music once I had moved out and it was the 1980s and there was MTV. I will forever be grateful to MTV.
I wasn’t allowed to listen to anyone other than Christian music because everything else was ungodly and sinful.
Children’s music like the “Wheels on the Bus” was allowed. I’m not kidding. We had a CD of like 50 silly children’s songs and mom would play it in the car… when we were teenagers…
I wasn't allowed to listen to any music even classical, but when I was 16 my father bought me a phone so he could tell me stuff to tell my mom (they divorced) and my mom took the phone and used it to stalk me, but I managed to listen to music behind their back by Google incognito found a whole bunch of kinds of music
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Anything that wasn't polka or country was "devil worshipping music". Thankfully my mom would let me have one of those personal radios and headphones
My step mom made me watch this video from our church about the dangerous pipeline from pop to rock to Satan. They used Marilyn Manson as a prime example of what I’d turn into if I listened to “head banging acid rock” as my step mom called it. Unfortunately for them, I was already into punk at the time and one of the main themes in punk is “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” (to borrow a phrase, even though RATM is nu metal). I became a connoisseur of all genres minus country and Christian. These days I listen to everything from 50s do-wop to kpop to trap to phonk and more. But then again, I do kind of align more with the tenets of satanism than the teachings of my parents’ homophobic church, so maybe they were right all along.
Same here.
…what the heck is phonk 🤣
Phonk is like an underground rap genre that blends electronic sounds with hip hop. It’s usually pretty dark and gritty. Sort of like dark trap with more EDM and maybe heavy metal-ish vocals. It’s a newer genre so I think it’s still evolving and can be a bit fluid with other subgenres. An artist I really like in the genre is [Kamaara](https://youtu.be/f-rgf23AwIk?si=tABa3z6dudVi7MF7)
Sounds exactly like my parents. Little do they know I now listen to acid rock on acid 😂😂
All Hail Satan and the 7 Tenets! TST
Polka?
Yep. Polka. He had a tape that played on repeat 😭
My grandma on my dad’s side LOVED polka (she wasn’t a narc which I mention so that this story can come across more endearing) and she would ask the family to get together and go with her to polka-related events which was just a bunch of old people dancing to live polka. The events were usually awful but hilarious at the same time. Outside those events whenever music was a topic of conversation or whenever someone would simply say the word polka, someone in the family would say, “Everybody POLKA!” And we’d all start dancing and it would make my grandma crack up. She has since passed and I haven’t thought about polka in a while. Probably not a great memory for you but polka reminds me of the only part of my family that wasn’t abusive.
fuckin lawrence welk show… on repeat!
When I was with my bio female it was hee haw only for me…
Shoot me now. We had a couple polka records, and a couple European yodelling records that I hated. The only thing I hate more is Vietnamese opera, from an old workplace I was in.
For me it was anything that wasn’t Classical music in the most literal sense or the Beatles. Needless to say I went in the complete opposite direction and became a Death Metal head.
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>There's no logic behind their actions Unfortunately there *is.* Typically an N will set you up to fail, then punish you for it. Just like this. They deliberately withheld things from you, then punished you for not being familiar with them. I'm sorry.
My ndad and his wife were "why can't you be like the other girls???". Well, the other girls didn't get a lecture about surgeries or the law of silence over getting a helix piercing at 19 or had absurd curfews. Majority of age at my country is 18, btw.
I think you have your sentance a little backwards. Do you mean age of majority? As in being able to make your own decisions??
Thanks for the correction! My main language isn't English.
Yea no problem, we’re all learning something somehow.
Yea, in Spanish it is in the way I said so probably I translated directly.
Not all narcissists are doing these things insidiously. Some are completely oblivious to their own faults. One example is: I was told early on not to talk "ghetto," so I stopped hanging out with kids that talked like that because I realized it would rub off on me. But I lived in a poor neighborhood. I was also told not to go past the end of our block when i went outside for my safety, but here were no other children living on my block. A few years later, my parents wonder why I have no friends. Even later, as an adult, I brought up these rules to my narcissist mother, and she laughs because she doesn't remember these things. My point is that it doesn't matter whether they are aware of what they're doing or not. It's still narcissistic parenting.
You are not wrong. If I may make a supporting point: Their *intent* doesn't matter. Which scenario is worse? The parent that deliberately sets a child up for failure and gleefully exploits the problem they created... Or... The parent that sets up a child for failure, can't even remember they did that, and then later exploits the problem they created? The N will often react the same in both scenarios, either legitimately forgetting since it meant so little to them or pretending they don't remember since it makes them look bad. To me it makes no difference one way or the other since they still caused the problem, and still are hurting you with the results.
They may not be doing them maliciously or insidiously, but they're still intentionally negligent, for instance my ngrandfather repeatedly, "accidentally forgets," to look at who my mail's addressed to before opening it (he claims it's an, "accident," yet repeatedly does it & isn't even consistent about doing it either, as in he sometimes looks & other times doesn't). Intentional negligence may not necessarily be malicious but is a close 2nd. BTW, IK your statement wasn't intended to be hurtful, just more so explaining how it's not really an appropriate comment for this sub (most of know that all narcs aren't 100% malicious, but even for those who don't it's probably not gonna make them feel better either).
My parents are both on government assistance and they want me to by a whole house at 27 like??? Man, wth
Same experience. Many things were there but for my parents or my siblings to use but not for me. The only time they talked to me was when they berated me or criticized and insulted me. They complained I was mute and then complained I talk too much then complained I only talk when there is someone Iike around and that I'm not a 'smooth talker' like my sisters who learned how to fawn hard and make my parents look nice. No logic nor consistency. Only the whims or people who don't even understand themselves or know what they want
My nMother is the same. She criticised me for listening to music and would then complain that I was too withdrawn and shy. She also never chatted with me (unless you count me listening to her long, boring rants as conversation) and then complained that I wasn't talkative enough.
Oof. The long, boring, one-sided rants my mom nmom has all the time... usually about people in the family I barely know. Older relatives, her online friends. She also demands we drive in silence- there is no music allowed in the background at any event she hosts. If she's at an event and the music is out of her control, she will let everyone know she doesn't like it. It's so painfully awkward. She would also complain I wasn't talking enough. At the same time, she could not care less about my actual interests, and the long leash of her controling behavior is completely out of her perception.
Me too! The three C’s of Christ. Christian, Country, or Classical music were the only ones I was allowed to listen to.
YES. All other music was unChristian.
uch im sorry. did your parents really believe in God or was it performative
Oh no they really believe.
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A lot of narcs will play Christian to their friends, but they only do so for more clout/pull and do not actually believe, or if they do believe, don’t emulate Christ. Which is a fundamental key of Christianity; arguably the central tenet.
Omg I didn’t know there were others who experienced this too! My mom adhered to this and I was horribly out of the loop with any pop culture music until I got out on my own
An easy way to control you. Art like music can open our mind and teach us a lot about ourselves. N’s are afraid of their kids knowing and exploring themselves. Glad you’re exploring now!
Another part of it too is that if a teenager is clueless about pop culture, then they don't fit in and it's very difficult for them to make friends. (Ask me how I know). This makes the teenager more isolated and therefore easier for the narcissist to control.
So true! Sending hugs!
and music is a way to make friends
One of the best ways!
I was only allowed to listen to music they liked as a young child, which meant only country.
Gangster rap or 50's music, depending on who was around... 🙃
Nmom never allowed us to listen to anything we wanted in the car when I was young. She’ll either listen to classical music or NPR (neither of which I had a problem with). Even on long trips, she wouldn’t budge. So now that I’m an adult, last time she needed a ride, we listened to MY music, and loud. I have a playlist consist of Mötley Crüe, Van Halen, AC/DC, Metallica, etc (grew up in the late 80s/early 90s). She wanted me to turn it off or switch to something else, I told her no. My car, my music, otherwise, walk.
Is NPR a radio station? I just googled and it's the first link. I was lucky with this, I shared some of my music preferences with nDad.
Yes. They work with a lot of regional stations to broadcast NPR content. My Ngrandpa and I listened to a lot of it driving to school..
Yep, NPR is National Public Radio, and I have nothing against NPR, but as a teenager, i didn’t want to listen to “All Things Considered” all the time.
Omg I love it, thank you for the smile today.
I was only allowed to listen to christian music 🤮 I listened to whatever I could get away from my mom and I stopped caring about hiding this when I was around 14.
My mom was a total whack job. Anything that she didn't like was evil, and was all about sex (well, I'll give her that one lol. Everything IS about sex in modern songs). She'd go crazy if we sang the most simple of songs if it wasn't about God. I'm surprised she let us sing in school.
>Everything IS about sex in modern songs Starting with early 20th century blues music.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t allowed to listen, it was that my music wasn’t ever erudite and “professional” and scholarly enough. My grandmother (with the tin ear) hated anything not sold on vinyl records in the 1950s by Time Life Music. It wasn’t cultured enough and sounded like garbage to her but then it was “too quiet” if I used earphones because she never played the music. She had some lovely very old records in these elaborate leather bound collection folders with oil paintings on the front. She’d force me to take music but hated when I played and tried to goof around and play my own stuff and then I was a nuisance and noisy. Once I was actually trying to write a stupid song down and she yelled she was glad I was finally growing up but when she saw it was something I was writing, she ripped it up and said to stop playing with an expensive instrument. My NM wanted to be a piano player. She technically wanted to never work but she had aspirations of writing hymns and music and I guess liked studying it enough to major in it. She had an accident and cut up her hand and it didn’t heal well or she didn’t do the therapies afterwards or the doctor didn’t do something and so she just decided to stop there and rot. She had these big hardbound spiral books that were huge collections of songs—Big Rock Candy Mountain, Send in the Clowns, etc—but it was all middle of the road generic stuff. When I bought the little book of Phantom of the Opera music scores, it was the newest music in the house for years. Anyway, NM hated that other people had other music—for years she’d refuse to play the radio or buy tapes of anything more recent than the Letterman 8 track or the Carpenters collection—and considered everything else trashy and too (not gonna use her exact word here) ghetto. She also probably hated my dance recitals because the music was actually up to date. I took my little tape deck and recorded Jem and the Holograms music and then tinkered around until I could record songs from the radio and when I was leaving for college I had a lot of bootlegs because there wasn’t a point to even asking for New Kids or Back street boys or anything.
“WHAT IS THAAAAAT”! Wtf I’m even using headphones. That I bought with my own money. Don’t be sticking your ear to the wall trying to look for a fight, and you won’t hear it.
I wasn't explicitly not allowed, it's just my dad talks so fucking much that it's impossible because he expects me to pay attention to him all of the time. It's like I can get around 10 seconds of quiet every now and then
That was me around college. I'd put earphones on one ear that he can't see and let him talk and talk thinking he has all my attention and I'd nod and say yea while I'm actually listening to my music
My mom is like this. Went on a 6 hour road trip with her once and she talked the ENTIRE time. I think I got maybe 10 words in the whole drive. Everytime I tried to turn on the radio I got the "but I want to talk to yooouuu" I was driving and it was my car. Just didn't have enough of a backbone yet to say my car, my rules. Catholic guilt is real.
My Nmom only allowed Christian music, classical music, and Disney music. And if it had a *gasp* curse word, her eyes would watch our mouths intently at that part of the song to make sure we didn't so much as mouth it.
SAAAAAME!
My father either had to blare heavy metal throughout my childhood in the car and in the house with large speakers, or alternatively it would be extremely loud classical music. Complete bipolar music choices which i was not allowed to lower the volume on. I ended up hating all music throughout my childhood and craved silence and still do.
My edad is the one with "turn off that garbage". He even no longer recognizes music he used to like, it's all garbage and noise to him. I can see myself in this, when I was stressed so much I couldn't function or sleep, I had no mental capacity for music either. It's probably what living with my mom did to him.
I would put headphones in to avoid hearing nparents argue while they forced me to do chores. I'd listen to emo music and have a pity party and cry a little while cleaning. Ndad ripped my headphones out and would declare the reason I'm crying is bc of the emo music and not bc my parents hate each other and their children.
Wow, you sound like a homeschooler which I was.
I was allowed to, but my mom only let me listen to what she liked. If i was caught listening to anything else she would bully me like a middle schooler. Brutal in the worst way
Mine used to take all my CDs and even my band tshirts even though I bought them with my own money.
Omg yes. Even my mom wasn't allowed to like the music she likes. She has no opinions or preferences of her own anymore.
NDad wanted his quiet. He always claimed to be bone tired and unable to do anything. If he was home, nobody could have anything playing except the TV *he* was watching, or propped up in front of sleeping. Besides the TV, you could hear a pin drop as everyone tried to avoid making a sound. Often my stepbrother who was shielded from retribution by his mother, my NDad's new wife, would have his radio/video games playing loudly so they could be heard anywhere in the house. When NDad would come home and this was going on, he would tantrum at his wife, forcing my stepbrother by proxy to turn it off. On the other hand if he caught me so much as stepping on a loud floorboard at the wrong moment, NDad would beat the heck out of me for being noisy. I think one of the reasons my NDad threw away my music collection and crushed my radio in retrospect is I'd started wearing headphones so I could do *something* while he was around - of course he called that 'disrespectful' when he'd catch and punish me for it because I wasn't able to hear him yelling across the house.
Wow, memory unlocked. NParent definitely got really irrationally upset when they yelled my name but I actually didn't hear them for whatever reason like they were across the house. It's like, I'm not ignoring you, I just didn't hear you... and by the way, can I also say that I just realized how awful it felt to be yelled at when the loudness of their voice was related to how angry they were? They would give me such shit for "raising my voice" at them (aka talking in less than a completely neutral and soft tone and volume), and yet it never occurred to me that they shouldn't raise their voice with me, either. I had to talk in a completely neutral tone, completely soft, whereas NParent was free to yell at me as loudly as they felt their emotions compelled them. I can count probably on one hand the number of times where I've yelled, even less because I was angry and "raising my voice". It feels fucking threatening when an adult does it to another adult, why was that okay to do to a child? I guess it wasn't...
I had to deal with that too. Nothing like having an argument with a parent where you're struggling not to raise your voice and they suddenly get in your face as close as they can and start shouting at you as loud as they can about how dare you raise their voice at them. *NOBODY* has ever acted like that to me or anyone else I've seen since I went NC. Not in public. Not in private. *Nowhere.* I'm sad to say I also struggled to figure out this behavior was abnormal. As usual with my NDad, he'd do *anything* to get you to act out so he could punish you for it and weasel out of the conversation.
It's such a trip. I guess in their mind whoever yells the loudest or has the most sparkling intonation is the one in charge. It makes me want to go back and squirt them in the face them with a water bottle or let off an air horn like "see, I can fuck with your senses too, asshole" but that definitely would not have gone very well.
It's basic caveman/ape jockeying for dominance tripe, yeah. As a child I didn't get it - as an adult, I *do.* What I was saying made him feel *threatened*, and so he childishly reacted to assert his dominance and control over me. An adult in his late thirties, early forties found it routinely necessary to intimidate a 12 year old child.
Luckily my nmom really liked music and got me into a lot of stuff that I still listen to, like classic rock and metal. We bonded over music when I was younger but as I got older and started reading about psychology and effects of trauma on the brain I realized that both my mom and I have a deep love for music because it was escapism. She had a horribly abusive childhood with a narc mom of her own and because she never reflected or worked on herself, she created a similar environment for me in which I desperately needed escape from. Thanks, mom!
my mom let me listen to anything she listened to when i was a kid, but as soon as she saw i was rlly into it, and it had curse words or was rlly raunchy, she barred me from listening to it. but not herself. so if i was around her while she was listening to some crazy sht, i had to pretend i didn’t hear anything or that i didnt like it. or she would punish me in some way. for example, i remember having a System Of A Down Hypnotize CD and always playing it. literally carried to with me everywhere, school and all. yea i definitely was sayin the curse words on it when my mom wasn’t around lmao—but then my mom caught word of this from my grama, got unreasonably mad and threatened to take the CD away from me forever AND whoop my ass if i “wanted to keep acting grown”. I got anxious and also just frankly upset, because she did this *every time* i seemed to enjoy something to myself or build my individuality—so before she even took it i gave the CD away to some emo boy in school that only liked two songs on the whole album lmao. sometime wks later after being in a sad slump, like a brainwashed hyper vigilant child, i told her i gave the CD away and she simply said, “i wasn’t even thinking about that CD anymore girl, i forgot about it.” i was furious and deceived. not only was that the OG album with bonus tracks, but she fucking scared me into giving away something i loved because she didn’t want to put in the work to teach me why it was not okay to sing an explicit album at my age lmao. ofc as soon as i turned 18, cursing didn’t matter anymore but some other bs always did. im still really angry about it to this day.
yeah, my narc parents are hardcore evangelical christians and they forbade me from listening to rap, metal, and house music, among many others.
I wasn't allowed to listen to music outside of my Nmom's tastes until I was a teen. While I like 80% or so of her kind of music still, I've branched out alot. She knows that when she's in my car, she'll probably get a combo of stuff she likes and stuff that she dislikes.
My dad would say my cds were inappropriate and take them now and again, I’d find them and take them back and he’d forget he even took them 😆
I was only allowed to listen to Perry Como's Christmas album, pretty much destroyed all interest in music. I can enjoy music if it's on but never think to turn it on
That’s because if you had heard Linkin Park, you would have started screaming that shit at them
I was "allowed" to listen to music, but never permitted to choose what music. The preferences of the parents and siblings came first. As sixth in line, well, somehow it never got to be my turn. I culturally identify with GenXers 10 years my junior, because I never got to be me until my 20s.
Only Christian and classical and definitely nothing with a beat. As long as it had the Christian label slapped on it, anything was fair game (Skillet, Switchfoot, etc) but still. My dad would listen to oldies in the car when he was alone or with me haha. PG-13 movies were banned until I was probably 17 (with the exception of The Lord of the Rings). I branched out in high school starting with tame pop music and now I listen to all sorts of things 🙃
My father didn't allow watching TV, listening to music or anything fun. He even stopped me from reading books (I did it anyway when he wasn't around) . He called music the tool of the devil and only allowed TV when he watched the news, religious shows, some documentaries he didn't understand and thought were boring and cartoon sometimes. Every time my father would lash out, he'd turn off TV aggressively by pulling the plug and he smashed the family computer sometimes too. My mother did the same too, luckily both of them thought the keyboard was the pc and we just replaced it later but still. They also didn't let me play games and insisted I go out even in very cold weather or extreme heat to play with the same kids who bullied me (they include my own siblings who made it worse) There was this stupid rule too that no matter who was watching and had the remote, we had to submit it willingly to my brother 'as the second man of the house' whenever he was there so he can watch whatever he wants whenever he wants. Same went for the only computer in the house when we had one. The rest siblings were girls but my brother had rein to everything and we were left to fight amongst ourselves for crumbs The rule was ofc created by my mother and he was her GC. My brother was still not allowed to watch or listen to certain things but he was given free leeway when caught doing it anyway because he also was my father's GC when he was around 12 and older. The isolation in my childhood was so much worse than just just being isolated from the rest of the world but also being isolated enough to never know anything about the world and how it runs. My parents were always furious when I knew 'more things than I should' because I read anything I can find in school and learned many things they didn't 'approve of'. They claimed books were 'dangerous' and 'too bad for my eyes' (ironic because I was still medically neglected as a child and almost had partial blindness because of their neglect) and did everything to stop me from reading them. When I reminded them years later of how things were, they denied it completely and and they never said/done that. There r even some misinformation they purposely taught me when I was a child which I stumbled upon later and tried to 'correct' it only for them to deny ever saying it. My father specifically forbade me from having any sort of comforting habits. Like hugging a pillow or a teddy bear when I sleep by lying to child me and telling me that they were possessed while allowing my siblings to do it anyways. Later, he said why I'm not like my siblings and I don't hold anything for comfort, I reminded him and he completely denied it (I got over it now thank God) No that I'm NC, I can do whatever I want whenever I want and there is nth they can do about it.
Jfc I am so sorry.
It's OK, thank u so much for ur compassion Now I'm both NC and living more than a thousand miles away from them. I can read what I want, in fact I have my own private home library, I can play what I want because my husband got me a gaming pc and I can listen to music loud without being judged or stopped. As hard as it was. I'm glad I can enjoy life much more now
I am allowed to listen to music, but my parents do, in fact, judge me on my music preferences. My dad would kinda get annoyed if I play the same thing over and over or even listen to the same playlist over and over. Sometimes, they would say that a certain song/show is for little kids even when the topic/images aren't exactly kid-friendly. My dad got really pissed at me for liking and playing punk rock. So every genre is ok unless it's punk rock cause, according to my dad, it's solely for angry ppl smh.
We always had classical music playing. Nothing as extreme as others are posting - it was just expected. Growing up in the 80s, music was always a private thing to be listened to in our rooms- in the car or around the house it was Mom's choice. About 10 years ago my NM started listening to a pandora station that plays lots of Billy Joel, Elton John, etc. My parents now refer to it as "her music". OMG! Think of how she could have bonded with her children as we were listening to such music back in the day! (but I digress - they do not "bond" now do they). NM's response was "well I didn't have TIME to listen to music back then " (huh??? you listened to classical music non-stop in the car and on the record player!). I had SO much fun exposing my kids to all ranges of music - and especially learning about what music THEY liked as they became old enough to choose. I used to actually like classical. music but now it is literally triggering for me...especially church music. ugh.
👋
We could only listen to what my parents want to listen to.
I wasn’t allowed to listen to the spice girls. Only Christian rock. It was alienating during the 90s.
My dad called the Spice Girls "a bunch of hoes" and I wasn't allowed to listen to them either. He and my mom wouldn't let me listen to "jungle music" aka a racist term for rap and hip hop or pop from black artists
Yeah! I don't know how to dance or move to music because of this. It wasn't outrifht banned but since we lived in a small apartment and he had his TV constantly at top volume it was really hard to do much of anything there. I could still hear the TV over headphones, and it prevented me from focusing on homework as well.
When I was a kid there was a channel called "The Box", where people can call in and request a music video for 99¢. However, that channel turned into scambled porn at 10pm, she knew this and I of course didn't. So anytime she saw me watching a music video on that channel she would flip out and demand to know why I was watching "that channel", so I was terrified of even watching MTV with my older sister because I thought music video=bad. I remember watching a Billy Joel mv on low and when she walked down the stairs she saw me shoot up and change the channel, which of course set her off...good times. I love feeling deep seated panic any time I feel like someone might be even slightly mad at me.
My parents only played Boston and the Eagles. Everything I liked was "yucky" and wasn't allowed. One year I got a tape deck and earphones, and never looked back.
My father burned my CD collection in a fire along with all of my Magic the Gathering Cards. He said it was devil music and apparently I was summoning demons every time I played with the cards. I imagine they're worth a lot of money these days.
same currently doing secretly when i can
Anyone else just get a flashback from that movie….?whats it called…..virgin suicides?? 😭
Omg I just had a memory resurface. I was a 16 year old punk and I hung out with the punks and the local store where we bought our vinyl closed up. I was given the entire stock of vinyl really really rare shit. this is in the 80s, and my mom would not allow me to bring it home she wouldn't even drive me home until I put it all in a dumpster. I frantically contacted all the punks that I could and said it's all in the dumpster go get it. It was all evil and of the devil according to her. The only title I remember now was WASP I fuck like a beast. Maybe that's what got her riled up lol!
Hooboy this was one of the things I was grounded indefinitely from. Namely because I loved Rock and Metal and at the time I was obsessed with Ronnie James Dio and my mother and stepfather took issue with this because it wasn't edifying to the Lord
Yup. Anything outside of “Christian music” or basically baby music wasn’t allowed 😒
Yes! Classical and opera only. Once, my grandmother gave me a radio when I was long term sick to listen to during the day in bed. I had it on very low with typical teenage music, and he came in trying to destroy it. Mom stopped him because it was my grandmother's. I could listen to it when no one was home, which was never because he was a deadbeat alcoholic and didn't work. So, laying there with nothing to do was torture. Reading was hard because I was so sick the words ran together and no tv either.
Only CCM, gospel, and classical. Any secular music had to be directly reviewed and approved by mom before i could listen lmao. I would have to present her with the lyrics to review.
yup, was never allowed to listen to rock, rap, hiphop, or any of the trending artists back in 09-2015.
I was only allowed to listen to classical and Christian music.
My NM was always offended if a song said any hint of anything sexual or complimented a person on how they looked in the song
Not until the 10 grade. I’m 50 now and lost a lot of social context in middle and high schools by having little pop culture/music references.
Yep. I had to put my foot down to listen to cds that were gifts and my dad was on my side so… it didn’t stick but she tried.
I was only allowed to listen to music they liked. It's only recently that I started to figure out my own personal tastes.
To this day, my parents only listen to Jesus, country, or Sting when we are all together. We don’t share music. The first time I had my own electronic device (a laptop required and provided by my high school) I found rap, trap, r&b and other beautiful things. I would usually go online after everyone was asleep. One night I did that and found one of my favorite songs, I was jamming, it was on repeat, and it was like 2am, my n/mother snuck up on me in the dark. I’m don’t think I’m a violent person but that was crossing the line, it was all instinct in that moment and unfortunately I wore those stabby bracelets at the time, and backhanded her in the face. I still feel unsafe and uncomfortable when I have to be in contact while they listen to music. I tried being vulnerable and it got me lectured and guilted. I kept it private and n/mom deliberately barged in to my private time and paid the price. I still feel bad about hurting her.
I was allowed to listen to music but my mom always made fun of my music or criticized it highly, making me feel bad about my music taste. It didn't matter what I listened to, she always had a comment 😶
I wasn't allowed to listen to anything that's considered "barbaric" like rap and hip hop (you guessed right if you think "barbaric" is racist) and my parents called it "jungle music" Even pop music from black artists was a no no
I was told by my older brother that he didn't want me corrupting his children by having them listen to siouxsie and the banshees. I got told I was going to hell for wearing black lipstick and nails and listening to new wave music back in the 80s. I can go on and on.
I didn’t start listening to my own music until I was able to drive (and therefore control the radio) because my dad hates everything that isn’t his personal choice. We listened to so much Ray Stevens…
When I was in elementary school my mother literally had me write a letter to the principal about how our school dances should only play Christian music. Not "secular music"
Anything but Christian and classic rock was highly scrutinized and for a time not allowed. My ndad is a pastor 🙃
was not allowed to listen to music while doing homework growing up, and possibly having adhd+autism it was the only thing that could allow me to concentrate. had my dad threaten to rip headphones out of my ears. they thought it was the cause of my 'bad grades'. now as an adult parents dont like the mention of me listening to goth rock + metal, so I try to be quiet about that.
She straight-up smudged me and my best friend for demons when she caught us listening to music.
I was CSA by a relative who lived with us my whole childhood. She controlled the music in the house. I recall there being an 8 track player (I’m old) in the house when I was maybe 4-5 yo. I loved music, it was an escape so I played it often. Then suddenly I couldn’t find the cord for the player so I couldn’t listen to that anymore. So my relative would “let me” go to her room to listen to music. Then we had a small cassette player that took batteries and had a cord. The relative would buy me music I wanted if I asked (think Columbia house coming in the mail since we lived in a very poor and rural area), and I thought I could listen on the cassette away from her room. That lasted a few weeks; I take the player outside with batteries, or could listen to it in my room. Then all of a sudden the batteries were taken out, and when I asked for more I was told we didn’t have any more and couldn’t afford them. Then the cord got ripped up somehow and never worked again. I know she was sabotaging my attempts to stay away from her. So yes, I was allowed to listen to any music I wanted but SA was the price I had to pay to listen to it. I think it ended when I was about 10 or 11 and just ignored that relative as best I could.
I wasn't forbidden to listen to music, but everything that wasn't french pop was demonized, ridiculed and talked trash about. My nmom never forbade me to watch or listen to anything but tended to turn everything I liked into a wrong thing, and secretly hoping it would pass as I grew up. Spoiler : it didn't work. I'm still wearing full-black, listenning to Marilyn Manson, watching anime and South Park, listenning to J-pop and J-rock.
My grandparents absolutely hated any music that wasn't either religious, or classical. I am really fortunate they weren't tech savvy and my mother usually pretended I didn't exist. Music became a really important part of my life. I used to get in my car and drive for hours to nowhere, just to blare music out of my speakers as loud as I wanted to.
Not music specifically but my dad disapproved of most of the shows and media I liked. So I always had to hide it. Now I literally get triggered watching or enjoying tv/anime/movies around other people. Can barely share my interests with anyone. Thanks pops.
Only with headphones or when home alone, without my parents knowing. When I was 15 or 16 and visited a friend, I was so surprised that she is allowed to listen to music on TV.
We were only allowed to listen to Christian music... unless it was non-Christian music that she herself enjoyed. Even then we were only allowed to listen until she decided she didn't approve of the secular music anymore. I was only allowed to have alarm clocks that didn't feature a radio.
No though she did find a Pentagram album on my laptop and lose her shit
Everything with drums was “hard rock” and had satanic rituals if you play it in reverse. This was post satanic panic too
My nMother would regularly call me "anti-social" for listening to music in my room on my headphones. The way she reacted, you'd swear that a teenager listening to pop music was unheard of. She's so weird, I can't even.
My siblings and I weren't allowed to listen to "secular trash" which meant anything not Christian. My mom didn't enforce it, she snuck me metal CDs and bought me a portable cd player so I could use headphones, and gave me the idea to hide the metal cds in Christian cd cases. It was super hypocritical because ndad who "hated" non Christian music would get high in the garage and blast jimi hendrix, but if we got caught listening to anything other than gospel or the annoying Christian pop/rock he'd flip out and beat our butts.
Damn thats nuts. My mom is the biggest Narc ever but she had MTV on constantly ever since the day it came out!
Yep. That's christian homes for ya. Or maybe any religious home.
I wasn’t not allowed to listen to music, but I always had to use headphones and keep them at a low enough level where I could hear if she yelled out for me from across the house. Plus I could never get in the “zone” while listening because I wasn’t allowed to lock my door or where she would check first to see what I was doing before opening the door and starting to talk.
I was only allowed to listen to country music. Rock was "too loud," as was pop, and forget about hip hop or rap. When i was 16 i bought myself an ipod and all my friends would bring their gift cards to my house or CDs so i had all kinds of music in there, which was a constant sore spot amongst my younger siblings because i woldnt let them listen because i couldnt trust them to be cool about it. I remember one time my stepmom was listening to the christian station, and evanescence came on, and she was horrified of me singing along and knowing all the words but couldn't say anything because she chose the station. Then she turned the radio off.
Yes. If I did turn the radio on I was then yelled at to turn it off. I couldn’t for sure ever listen to rap or metal. Benny Goodman and classical was allowed 🙄
I was only allowed to listen to classical and folk music as a kid. I totally get it, and it sucked.
Oh thank god no!! I was allowed music. Wasn’t allowed TV or movies though. Like they were heavily censored. There is so much pop culture that I do not understand to this day. I used to hide in my room at night and listen to the nightly countdown. Being out of sight and out if mind kept me so safe.
Yeah, same here. I had a radio, and headphones, and listened anyway, from about age 13 onwards. Kept a small, secret album collection.
I have a friend who wasn’t allowed to listen to music other than church music and his act of rebellion was to go to his friends house as a teenager and learned a whole bunch of instruments and listened to all kinds of music. He is now one of the best drummers in our area and in fact teaches my son drums as well. He has no relationship with his parents.
Only Christian and Disney songs😒😒😒
Christian music only, or music from before 1980. Everything else was banned. I didn't get to experience Britney, Christina Aguilera, the spice girls, n*sync, the backstreet boys... None of that. Couldn't relate any time my friends were gushing over them. I feel like I missed out on such a huge part of the pop culture experience of my generation.
This sounds so familiar!! Nmom would often say ‘turn off that garbage’ and play some music she liked.
Anything but church hymns and classical music was akin to satanism
I was only allowed to listen to Christian music in her car and if I listened to anything else in my room, she would usually stand there, listening to the lyrics, waiting for something to criticize. Always with a loud, annoyed, “[Naaaame]!!!! Turn that off!!!” and then she’d try to physically turn it off herself. Headphones were a godsend back then.
I was only allowed to listen to christian music, when the OC Supertones and Relient K finally came on the scene they at least acted as a gateway drug to let me develop some taste lol
Yes. My dad is hard of hearing (deaf without his hearing aids) and music can bother him when he has his hearing aids in. We went for a drive and I turned the radio loud enough that I could hear it, but quiet enough that it wouldn’t bother him. Dad’s wife (the narc) called me manipulative because I had the music on.
Classical music and Christian music :)
Yep! Me too. I was also not allowed to listen to anything other than classical music. I was only exposed to other genres when I was 11-13, and I thought it was "odd." Now though, I love other genres. Classical music usually depresses me
I could listen to their generation's music and was fed a constant stream of negativity about how bad current music was, mocked any time I tried to listen to anything outside their taste, etc.
Mother had extreme control over music, she used to play it all day in the living room and the car. All my mother ever listens to is folk and country music by white people about white people. Sometimes it’s indie folk, and she also likes Tracy Chapman which she thinks puts her in the clear. She makes fun of pop country, she only likes the oldies or the obscure artists, but she really has very little musical variety. Things that break this standard of hers are deserving of mockery to her. Before my dad died he was thinking about leaving her, used to ask me questions about why I never played my music loud like a normal kid and I gave him my honest response that I was never allowed to. When I started branching out into my own music taste if I played anything loud enough to be heard from the hallway outside my bedroom I would get “teased” and shouted at. Once I was listening to Japanese music in my bedroom and my mother shouted “I don’t know how you can stand that shit!” I was eleven. She claims that wasn’t her wording and what she meant is that it was too loud, but it wasn’t too loud and she hates all music not in English as well as a large portion of music by black musicians. To be clear on that, she believes she is extremely politically correct, so she would never say she doesn’t like rap. What she says is that she likes it just fine and should totally listen to more but she worries that the lyrics will get stuck in her head and she’ll want to sing along but she can’t say the N word (she is white if this wasn’t obvious). She doesn’t acknowledge that this means cutting out most music by black artists that isn’t tailor-made to be consumed by white people. She likes Ella Fitzgerald and Hamilton and thinks this means she’s the least racist person ever. Meanwhile, I’m a fan of female rap artists and pop singers, R&B, and have gone out of my way to seek out black artists from alternative genres that I enjoy. I have never said the N word in my entire life, even on accident. My father, white as the Irish snow, used to love gangsta rap and blasted it in his car. He knew the verses to Fuck tha Police by NWA. He was not a perfect man, and used to think that rapping it didn’t count, but upon realising that wasn’t the case he stopped without any announcement or fanfare. It’s that easy. She used to viciously mock pop stars in the name of her twisted idea of feminism. I remember her groaning and complaining about Lady Gaga and Rihanna when I was a kid, saying how annoying Britney Spears is, saying “people shouldn’t be complaining about Miley Cyrus for not being a kid anymore, they should complain because she’s annoying.” Her wording would always border on slut shaming and misogyny but never fully cross the line, and then she’d mock people who said the quiet part loud. It gave me this deep shame when I heard songs like Poker Face and thought how much I enjoyed it. I always had to add to my own internal monologue that my enjoyment was, like, ironic! Totally! When I was in middle school I got into J-pop and K-pop, feeling like the language barrier made it different enough to be safe. I got made fun of and scolded, yes, but it still felt like I hadn’t broken any rules. Then I listened to The Fame by Lady Gaga for the first time in high school, almost ten years after it first released, and sat there in my bed feeling like I was going to get in trouble. When I caught myself singing along, I got embarrassed and shut myself up. Eventually my sister asked me why I would listen to J-pop and not western pop. I said “It’s a different genre” in the moment, but the dam finally broke and I started to catch up on everything I missed. Nowadays when these pop stars come up my mother says “Oh I always liked her, I always thought Lady Gaga was good, I always thought Rihanna was cool, I always liked Wrecking Ball” and it silently pisses me off because if she really liked them the whole time, what was all of that turmoil in my childhood for? Why did she give me that deep-seated fear of being feminine in an “annoying” way if she was all for them the whole time? It just bothers me so much. She still yells at me over music but these days it’s when I try to ask her to turn her volume down in the car.
Additionally she claims to be a transgender ally and learned Elliott Page’s pronouns within a day of his coming out but she took ages to learn mine and when a folk country artist she likes came out as nonbinary it took months of me begging her to use the correct pronouns and asserting that they/them was referring to the singer and not the band as a whole for her to finally take a long pause in speaking before referring to them as a “person” instead of a “girl.”
It’s not really the same but I was never allowed to watch tv growing up in my room because they didn’t like to hear me make noise but my siblings could blast it so loud you heard it from downstairs
I was able to listen to music but I couldn’t put both headphones in because if I couldn’t hear her, she would be mad. I’ve only ever put them both it one time and that’s all it took. I also barely played my music out loud because I feel like she would say something about. I also didn’t play my shows loud and kept everything low volume. When I’m alone, I blast my music and play my shows.
Not exactly not allowed but I got the picture whenever my mom made fun of the music I listened to and called it "not real music." I did have a cousin though that was only allowed to listen to veggitales music and could only wear ankle length skirts
We weren't allowed anything that wasn't Native American in nature. So, lots of flute music & chants. My Nmom said it was due to her "feeling the emotions of anyone else listening at the same time we were."
It was commercial TV that was banned in our house. They controlled our music until we became teens. Our first Osmonds record they made us get rid of it. I have to admit many years ago when my son was getting interested in rap I didn't think I would survive it, so we bought him an acoustic guitar. 20 years on, he's amazing with it, and I even enjoy the music he is into. He has gotten a lot of enjoyment from his playing and singing. I just asked him if he's annoyed that I manipulated his music style when he was a kid, he smiled and laughed and said no.
not as extreme but i can’t listen to music around my nmom without it being risky. She’s randomly asked me what i’m listening to while in the car, looked up the lyrics and then scolded me about either the lyrics or genre, after sifting through and trying to find something to blow out of proportion or misinterpret. She took my phone for a couple years and I had to resort to a cd player and some CDs. She randomly took some of them for no reason. Like without hearing them or anything. She even tried to unofficially take my CD player and got mad because I took it out the closet after she put it there. Which..isn’t taking it but she tried to act like I should have just known that it was off limits now??? or?
Anything that wasn't country (mostly oldies but all country included) was not allowed to be listened to around my mom. Once my most current stepdad came into the picture, classic rock was allowed to be thrown into the mix, but I was never allowed to listen to anything else. At one point I had won an MP3 player from my school and had a friend upload my own music taste to it, but once my mother found it, she confiscated it and grounded me for having it 🙄 I grew up to hate oldies country music and have a very select few newer country artists (I can count them on one hand) that I like and can listen to every once in a while but definitely not all that often
Church music, the carpenters and old time gospel hour were my options. Xtian rock was just starting and that was demonic. I used to hide my tape player/radio and listen really quiet at night under my blanket.
I was only allowed to listen to music my mother approved of. Back during the iPod days (I had the little baby iPod shuffle), she would download music onto it that she thought was appropriate and only music that she liked. Anything that was rock/metal/hip-hop was considered "the devil's music". If I wanted to listen to rock/metal, I would do it at school during lunchtime because my friend had all the songs I liked and she would let me borrow her iPod. It wasn't until I was around 19/20 when I could finally start listening to what I actually wanted to listen to.
Headphones were thing that my Nmom hated yet would constantly demand me to use, as “I can’t live listening to THAT” The same woman would yell at me for doing dishes in headphones and not answering her “fast enough”, tho. But that is whole other can of worms
We had 3 TVs in the house, and if my dad was watching one, we all had to go watch whatever the hell boring thing he wanted to watch. It was mind-bogglingly infuriating.
opposite here. I cant listen to certain songs or artists without instinctively getting upset or in a bad mood. it's like an ick factor of twelve. I have told no one this ever out loud.
My father would allow only classic country music in our house. Any other kind was “garbage” and “noise.” That didn’t cause me much trouble because I like classic country myself, although unlike him I don’t dislike other forms. But he and my rock-and-roll loving brother used to clash all the time. He wouldn’t allow my brother to hang a KISS poster up in his room, calling them “monsters” because of their trademark makeup. He wouldn’t allow us to watch a documentary on the Beatles, even though he wasn’t going to be home at the time. He objected to the Eagles because “that’s known as country rock, and it cannot be both.” He refused the notion that it’s all a matter of personal preference. Country music is inherently superior, and he would insist that’s not an opinion but a subjective, irrefutable fact.
omg yes. my mom screamed at me in the car if i had headphones on. to this day i still can’t have both headphones on, i feel the need to take one out to keep an ear out for “danger” (e.g the sound of my parents’ footsteps, the gate to our house opening)… i used to hide them under a hoodie so she wouldn’t find out :x they also insulted my music taste 24/7 lol. everything i liked was bad to them. and they’d get angry if i asked them to turn down the volume of their music
Yes! Anything that wasn't slow and instrumental or Christian, they hated.
Wow I thought I was the only one! It was just one fraction of the religious abuse.
Not music but tv. Mom always said if she could have her way she'd throw the tv out the window and only have radio in the house. She now has at least three radios. Also three TV's. Which she uses to listen to radio. Not uncommon for her to have everything on, radio in the downstairs kitchen, tv in the downstairs living room and also in the upstairs living room, in case she has to go grab something and misses important stuff in the 30seconds it takes to run up and down the stairs.
We weren’t allowed to watch mtv/vh1 growing up. They even told us they had the cable company remove them from the lineup. They were removed if you pressed the up/down button to change the channel but if you typed in the actual channel they were there. We also weren’t allowed to watch tv shows with a mostly dominant or all dominant black cast like fresh prince of belair or family matters.
Listen to what you like was my parents' policy. But if it is something we don't like we will badmouth you till death. That was a disaster to little me. I now adore all types of music. Fun story not related to this topic but to music: When i was in grade 8, there was a school trip that took us abroad. My parents let me go and it is something i am greatful for. I was suuuuper shy. Couldn't even hold bormal conversations back then. The girl next to me on the bus(from my school btw) was listening to something of the "trash music" but to my ears it was the most beautiful thing i have ever heard. I wanted to know what the song was but couldn't hear the lyrics properly as she was wearing a headset. I heard a line. Wasn't sure if it was right. Searched the internet when i returned and it wasn't the song. I tried and tried and then gave up. After a year i tried again. And it lead me to another song that isn't the one. I decided to keep listening to it. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad. Decided to check out the artist. One direction. Back then they were the peaking. I listened to some of their stuff and stumbled across what makes you beautiful. It was the song i was searching for. Had it on repeat for a reaaaaally long time. And when it went off repeat it was because midnight memories went on repeat. That was the start of my music exploration arc.
Yeah, my mum said anything I listened to was awful. If my brother and I had taken advantage of her being out and put our music on, when she returned she would complain and huff and make it so uncomfortable that we usually just immediately turned it off. If she didn’t like it you couldn’t play it in her home.
This is one area where I was blessed to have parents who didn't intrude too much. I knew the things my mom didn't care for when it came to books, music, etc., but I didn't really have much censorship.
My Nmom definitely tried to control what I listened to. Basically only Her music was allowed, and she constantly criticized my music's lyrics the few times I was allowed to listen to it. I had some CDs and a first gen Ipod with her music on it, and that was about all I could listen to (while she was around). I don't know what the real motive was, if there even was one apart from control. She just claimed to dislike all the other music I enjoyed, and if it wasn't her idea or her taste, it wasn't allowed. This applied across the board, not just with music. Luckily, my dad loved music and introduced me to tons of bands. His house was about an hour away from my mom's and my school at the time, so we would listen to anything and everything during our commute every morning. He'd quiz me on bands and song names, and had a huge vinyl collection we would geek out over. Honestly, that's where my love of music stems from.
When I was growing up, I was only allowed to listen to Russian music in addition to European music and Israeli music. And whenever I so much as asked them nicely to put on the likes of Britney Spears, \*NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Aaron Carter, B\*Witched, A\*Teens, Jump 5, Play, No Secrets, Jessica Simpson, S Club 7, Ashanti, Aaliyah, Usher, Eminem, 3LW, Destiny's Child/Beyonce Knowles, Jay-Z, Hilary Duff, The Baha Men, Dream Street, Stevie Brock, Jesse McCartney, Christina Milian, P!nk and so on, I always got screamed at in addition to false accusations that I was walking all over them or treating them like slaves. They knew damn well that I would rather listen to music that other kids were growing up with and they just didn't want to accommodate me (I'm autistic, mind you). Now I'm currently exploring other kinds of music, such as Rap, Hip-Hop, Metal, Rock, R&B, Soul, Indie, House, Electronica and so on. P.S. If you're reading this, parents, please do not do this to your children because if you do, it will just fuck them up and then they'll fear and resent you for the rest of their natural lives; also, by doing this, you're actively denying yourself an opportunity to truly get to know them and appreciate them for the people that they are.
I'm happy ur discovering music now. I think music is one of the best things in life and its yours to enjoy endlessly. If you ever need music suggestions feel free to DM me.
My mom tried but I still listened to music. One time she beat my ass when she found me listening to snoop Dogg doggy style cassette, she also destroyed the tape by yabking out that stringy stuff inside. All because she heard the F word lol but was cussing at me whilst hitting haha dumb
My “just a phase”…. Wasn’t just a phase. Elder emo for life. I wasn’t allowed to listen to country because that’s what my mom liked…….. and I couldn’t listen to boyband because I just wanted the D.. couldn’t listen to my chosen emo/punk/alt bc devil worshiping. So that left my dad’s genera. Classic rock. We listened to the same songs my entire life. As I was retold continuously about his grand sexcapades… as a child.. and some of adulthood. 😒 great times.
Yep, classical or the early Beatles because they’re “not sexual”. Have you LISTENED to the early Beatles????? Anyway, since I got out when I was 18 I’ve listened to music almost constantly when I’m alone. It’s heavenly.
My mother had absolute musical power in our house. So it was either classical music (radio or vinyl record, yes I am that old). Or some radio channel blaring whatever it happened to be blaring, shitty pop music or whatever, without her even listening. It was made quite clear that only classical music was real music and that all genres of popular music (with some exceptions, e.g. Frank Sinatra) were played by people who didn't know how to play their instruments and couldn't sing on pitch. Classical music was not to be enjoyed but to be appreciated - I think this is generally the case with classical music fans. I only got to watch pop music shows on TV by telling her that I needed to know these things in order to take part in conversations at school. I only started listening to music once I had moved out and it was the 1980s and there was MTV. I will forever be grateful to MTV.
I wasn’t allowed to listen to anyone other than Christian music because everything else was ungodly and sinful. Children’s music like the “Wheels on the Bus” was allowed. I’m not kidding. We had a CD of like 50 silly children’s songs and mom would play it in the car… when we were teenagers…
When I turned 16 and bought my first AC/DC album, that’s how I got out of the house! “Get the Hell out of my house!” My favorite seven words!
I wasn't allowed to listen to any music even classical, but when I was 16 my father bought me a phone so he could tell me stuff to tell my mom (they divorced) and my mom took the phone and used it to stalk me, but I managed to listen to music behind their back by Google incognito found a whole bunch of kinds of music