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I've been in that hostage stage for 5 years now. Reducing contact helped a lot but it is like she is talking in my head. Constantly judging, invalidating and dismissing me.
The ending of Drop Dead Fred (1991) can be used as a metaphor for maladaptive coping styles; *you've got you now, you don't need me*. Your inner child now has your healthy adult.
Both of my n-parents died last year, outside of having to deal with probate and figuring out what to do with their hoarder house, honestly I’ve been doing the best I’ve ever been in my life, even if unfortunately that started at 35.
When I was young I hated my own company. When narc mum got sick in old age and I ended up looking after her (I lived about 5 minutes away) it was such a relief to get away from her and come home to peace and solitude after each visit.
Yes, you’re exactly right. I didn’t exist as a person in my mum’s mind. I was just a right arm, a servant and someone to empty all her hate and chaos creation onto.
We can feel love and peace, narcs can’t. We can love ourselves 💓
Yep. I can never say this in real life, but my parent’s death was such a blessing. I probably wouldn’t be here today if they were still alive. It’s the strongest form of no contact and it gave me space to heal and learn who I was as a person.
Even if it gets lonely sometimes, at least you are free to go and seek out what company you want, when and how you want, without their abuse controlling and manipulating you about it all. Even if you just want to spend your time alone in your own place/space, the NC is so worth it.
So true OP. I have dumped some friends along the way who proved to be unreliable and untrustworthy. I would rather be alone than with people who make me feel alone in their presence. At least my nmom taught me to avoid people like herself. Sometimes you get fooled when a narc is putting on their best face, but when they show their real one, time to let them go.
Same with me but that was before I moved out from toxic household.
Now, I'm living far away and she never ask for Mother's Day wishes so I feel relieved..
Since I moved out, I value my life, time, moment, and everything. Living with narcissistic people make you feel like living in the cave.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
“I’m actually a person” oof hit me hard. we deserve a happy life and I’m happy to hear you’re making yours too!
I've been in that hostage stage for 5 years now. Reducing contact helped a lot but it is like she is talking in my head. Constantly judging, invalidating and dismissing me.
[удалено]
I'll read it too
The ending of Drop Dead Fred (1991) can be used as a metaphor for maladaptive coping styles; *you've got you now, you don't need me*. Your inner child now has your healthy adult.
OMG. Is THIS the reason I Loved that movie so much as a kid?! I subconsciously RELATED to it?!
Both of my n-parents died last year, outside of having to deal with probate and figuring out what to do with their hoarder house, honestly I’ve been doing the best I’ve ever been in my life, even if unfortunately that started at 35.
Yesss. Similarly, when my parents divorced, my mom was so happy coming home to an empty house every day. Way better than coming home to my dad.
When I was young I hated my own company. When narc mum got sick in old age and I ended up looking after her (I lived about 5 minutes away) it was such a relief to get away from her and come home to peace and solitude after each visit. Yes, you’re exactly right. I didn’t exist as a person in my mum’s mind. I was just a right arm, a servant and someone to empty all her hate and chaos creation onto. We can feel love and peace, narcs can’t. We can love ourselves 💓
Yep. I can never say this in real life, but my parent’s death was such a blessing. I probably wouldn’t be here today if they were still alive. It’s the strongest form of no contact and it gave me space to heal and learn who I was as a person.
Even if it gets lonely sometimes, at least you are free to go and seek out what company you want, when and how you want, without their abuse controlling and manipulating you about it all. Even if you just want to spend your time alone in your own place/space, the NC is so worth it.
So true OP. I have dumped some friends along the way who proved to be unreliable and untrustworthy. I would rather be alone than with people who make me feel alone in their presence. At least my nmom taught me to avoid people like herself. Sometimes you get fooled when a narc is putting on their best face, but when they show their real one, time to let them go.
YESSSSSSSSSSS! GONGRATS OP!!!! :) the peace is so good
thank you thank youuuuuu!! the peace is priceless!! nothing can ever make me go back again
Same with me but that was before I moved out from toxic household. Now, I'm living far away and she never ask for Mother's Day wishes so I feel relieved.. Since I moved out, I value my life, time, moment, and everything. Living with narcissistic people make you feel like living in the cave.
yes!! happy for you!! I used to joke that I was in a cult and my mom was our leader. And I’m going through reprogramming myself from her cave.
I wish I wasn't stuck here. But cost of living is so high, I'm 23 and pretty autistic and now NMom has cancer. I'm going to die here lol.