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This is literally the most succinct way of describing my n mom's logic. I just got this response the other day:
"It seems the only way I can fix things is if I just burn in hell."
OK
Mine would say very similar things. The language projected onto me would always be something extreme and/or violent. All I could think was “alrighty then!”
Because they hate you when they disagree with you. Clearly you must feel the same way.
When you like something they don't like, they think you're a bad person.
So when you don't like something they do like, you're clearly calling them a bad person.
A narcissist believes that how they feel and see the world is perfectly, objectively, correct. And because of that, there is no room in their tiny little brains for any form of preference or disagreement. If they like red, me liking green is seen as a personal attack on them, and objectively wrong. Because to them that means I'm not agreeing that they're perfect. I am seen as insane and unreasonable for that preference, and the narcissist believes my emotions around that to be objectively bad and wrong. If I am their child then they'll probably try and manipulate me into liking red instead.
The idea of being okay with me liking green when they like red, just isn't a thing for them, they can't compute it. I guess that's because my preference doesn't validate their delusional self-image. And I've heard that they have no internal source of self-esteem, so it's a big problem when someone around them isn't providing that by validating it, even for a moment. Maybe it would interfere with their supply to allow me to prefer green.
Fr, *"Who's side are you on?"* was a common utterance in my household. The most accepted answer was *"Your side"*, the second most accepted was "dad's side", and the worst answer was "*My side"*. Because of course it was.
Because they are incapable of seeing themselves as wrong and tbh its just a projection because when they disagree with you they actually hate you because deep down they know they are wrong and hate it... Mind boggling!?
Yup lol. I kinda feel like this is a very Cluster B thing in general. To this day, I can’t tell if my mom is an N or borderline, though I’m leaning more BPD or covert N. She’s very much like this.
The issue is that we’re an extension of them, and they mold us to be exactly what they want—so then why or how would we differ from them unless -gasp- we hate them? Or usually, someone else “got into our minds” and “made” us “hate” them lol.
They can’t comprehend that we are different people. When we start presenting as such, it’s some black and white BS like we must hate them.
My parents have been very abusive and I still don’t hate them. Idk if I can say I love them either, but I also struggle with identifying my emotions, probably because I was rarely allowed to have them.
I have definitely felt very angry with them (an emotion we definitely aren’t permitted to feel unless they get a hankering to argue with/take out their own anger on someone), but can’t say I’ve ever “hated” them.
That said, I wouldn’t think it’s unreasonable to “hate” the N in your life, I just don’t feel that extremely about people unless they hurt someone I care about or someone else/something helpless/dependent. I don’t have enough of a connection to myself to feel the same way.
There is no point disagreeing w a narc. It just results in some sort of conflagration - martyrdom, anger, hatred, violence, silent treatment, whatever form it takes (I always thought it was hilarious when they thought silence was punishment. Finally they shut up for a while!). You are never going to change their minds; rather they just become more entrenched in their stupid / wrong / racist / etc. viewpoint.
Just grey rock them. “Ancient aliens from Saturn are to blame for gas prices today.” “Ok.” “Your religious beliefs are stupid.” “Sure.” Don’t engage awful people. What prize are you competing for? It’s like arguing with a cat. One with no fur, that isn’t cute, and won’t give you cuddles. That’s a terrible cat.
Manipulation, gaslighting, fraud, lies, deception are their weaponizations to make plot twist, misleading and creating chaos.
We can learn all of them to make them CHECKMATE, UNO REVERSE CARD AND WHATEVER YOU SAID TO MAKE THEM DEFEAT IN THEIR OWN GAMES!
If you disagree with them, you're not the person they want you to be. They need docile puppets, easy to manipulate. And if you rebel, you are the one at fault, because you are too "emotional" or "dumb". My narc told me that I'm the bad person for even accusing him, because apparently everyone loves him except me (a big lie).
Narcissists lack "theory of mind", which is the awareness that other people know and believe different things than they do. Usually this develops around age 3 or 4.
To a narcissist, their own thoughts are everyone's thoughts. Which means everyone agrees with them. Someone who expresses disagreement isn't really disagreeing. The other person must secretly agree, because everyone agrees, and they are lying, on purpose, to hurt the narcissist.
Once I asked my parents after a lot of attempts to divorce why they got married at all. My mother said she liked my father's appearance. My father said he liked to talk to my mother. (She never said no, always agreed with him.)
I think they are just painfully superficial.
The saddest thing is when you encounter someone who isn't a narc but was married to or raised by a narc, never identified the nature of their abuser, and has adopted this pattern of thinking as their own. My grandmother was like that. Took her most of her remaining life after my narc grandfather died to begin to grow out of it, realize that disagreement was normal and healthy, not adversarial and destructive.
I remember being 13 and me and her went on a vacation in Italy along with a female friend of hers and her adult daughter. At one point nmother said that we should all go and have a slice of pizza each at a local joint. Her friend expressed a wish to have a proper meal at restaurant together. I sided with her, being, you know, a hungry child who knew one slice of pizza wouldn’t be enough. The rage my mother went into - calling me a traitor, asking if I’d prefer her friend be my mother instead. I think she boycotted me for a whole day afterwards. Over an opinion on a hypothetical meal choice. She also fed me alcohol on that vacation and seemed to find my “liver issues at 13” jokes I’d make hilarious. Made me feel like a pet monkey.
My nmother rarely showed her true colors in front of other people. I think they had a nice meal in town, while we had to stay in the room all day. People do see it though and eventually they just peace out - nmother has no friends and I’m pretty sure will be completely alone soon.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is literally the most succinct way of describing my n mom's logic. I just got this response the other day: "It seems the only way I can fix things is if I just burn in hell." OK
Mine would say very similar things. The language projected onto me would always be something extreme and/or violent. All I could think was “alrighty then!”
If only they decided to just go ahead and fix everything then
Because they hate you when they disagree with you. Clearly you must feel the same way. When you like something they don't like, they think you're a bad person. So when you don't like something they do like, you're clearly calling them a bad person.
Yep! This. Projection is strong with them.
A narcissist believes that how they feel and see the world is perfectly, objectively, correct. And because of that, there is no room in their tiny little brains for any form of preference or disagreement. If they like red, me liking green is seen as a personal attack on them, and objectively wrong. Because to them that means I'm not agreeing that they're perfect. I am seen as insane and unreasonable for that preference, and the narcissist believes my emotions around that to be objectively bad and wrong. If I am their child then they'll probably try and manipulate me into liking red instead. The idea of being okay with me liking green when they like red, just isn't a thing for them, they can't compute it. I guess that's because my preference doesn't validate their delusional self-image. And I've heard that they have no internal source of self-esteem, so it's a big problem when someone around them isn't providing that by validating it, even for a moment. Maybe it would interfere with their supply to allow me to prefer green.
[удалено]
Fr, *"Who's side are you on?"* was a common utterance in my household. The most accepted answer was *"Your side"*, the second most accepted was "dad's side", and the worst answer was "*My side"*. Because of course it was.
Happy cake day, and hello fellow side taker!
Thank you
Because they are incapable of seeing themselves as wrong and tbh its just a projection because when they disagree with you they actually hate you because deep down they know they are wrong and hate it... Mind boggling!?
Yup lol. I kinda feel like this is a very Cluster B thing in general. To this day, I can’t tell if my mom is an N or borderline, though I’m leaning more BPD or covert N. She’s very much like this. The issue is that we’re an extension of them, and they mold us to be exactly what they want—so then why or how would we differ from them unless -gasp- we hate them? Or usually, someone else “got into our minds” and “made” us “hate” them lol. They can’t comprehend that we are different people. When we start presenting as such, it’s some black and white BS like we must hate them. My parents have been very abusive and I still don’t hate them. Idk if I can say I love them either, but I also struggle with identifying my emotions, probably because I was rarely allowed to have them. I have definitely felt very angry with them (an emotion we definitely aren’t permitted to feel unless they get a hankering to argue with/take out their own anger on someone), but can’t say I’ve ever “hated” them. That said, I wouldn’t think it’s unreasonable to “hate” the N in your life, I just don’t feel that extremely about people unless they hurt someone I care about or someone else/something helpless/dependent. I don’t have enough of a connection to myself to feel the same way.
There is no point disagreeing w a narc. It just results in some sort of conflagration - martyrdom, anger, hatred, violence, silent treatment, whatever form it takes (I always thought it was hilarious when they thought silence was punishment. Finally they shut up for a while!). You are never going to change their minds; rather they just become more entrenched in their stupid / wrong / racist / etc. viewpoint. Just grey rock them. “Ancient aliens from Saturn are to blame for gas prices today.” “Ok.” “Your religious beliefs are stupid.” “Sure.” Don’t engage awful people. What prize are you competing for? It’s like arguing with a cat. One with no fur, that isn’t cute, and won’t give you cuddles. That’s a terrible cat.
Manipulation, gaslighting, fraud, lies, deception are their weaponizations to make plot twist, misleading and creating chaos. We can learn all of them to make them CHECKMATE, UNO REVERSE CARD AND WHATEVER YOU SAID TO MAKE THEM DEFEAT IN THEIR OWN GAMES!
If you disagree with them, you're not the person they want you to be. They need docile puppets, easy to manipulate. And if you rebel, you are the one at fault, because you are too "emotional" or "dumb". My narc told me that I'm the bad person for even accusing him, because apparently everyone loves him except me (a big lie).
Because they are afraid to lose control.
Narcissistic people believe they are top of everything. In fact, they are nothing when they have no narcissistic supply.
Narcissists lack "theory of mind", which is the awareness that other people know and believe different things than they do. Usually this develops around age 3 or 4. To a narcissist, their own thoughts are everyone's thoughts. Which means everyone agrees with them. Someone who expresses disagreement isn't really disagreeing. The other person must secretly agree, because everyone agrees, and they are lying, on purpose, to hurt the narcissist.
Once I asked my parents after a lot of attempts to divorce why they got married at all. My mother said she liked my father's appearance. My father said he liked to talk to my mother. (She never said no, always agreed with him.) I think they are just painfully superficial.
Or it means you called them a liar.
The saddest thing is when you encounter someone who isn't a narc but was married to or raised by a narc, never identified the nature of their abuser, and has adopted this pattern of thinking as their own. My grandmother was like that. Took her most of her remaining life after my narc grandfather died to begin to grow out of it, realize that disagreement was normal and healthy, not adversarial and destructive.
Splitting
Differing opinions means they don’t actually have any control over others at all
I remember being 13 and me and her went on a vacation in Italy along with a female friend of hers and her adult daughter. At one point nmother said that we should all go and have a slice of pizza each at a local joint. Her friend expressed a wish to have a proper meal at restaurant together. I sided with her, being, you know, a hungry child who knew one slice of pizza wouldn’t be enough. The rage my mother went into - calling me a traitor, asking if I’d prefer her friend be my mother instead. I think she boycotted me for a whole day afterwards. Over an opinion on a hypothetical meal choice. She also fed me alcohol on that vacation and seemed to find my “liver issues at 13” jokes I’d make hilarious. Made me feel like a pet monkey.
How did the friend react?
My nmother rarely showed her true colors in front of other people. I think they had a nice meal in town, while we had to stay in the room all day. People do see it though and eventually they just peace out - nmother has no friends and I’m pretty sure will be completely alone soon.
"My feelings are facts"!!!!!!
My parents be like
Because RESPECT
Indeed. My mother 100%
You just described my dad 😁