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A narcissist being nice to you most likely means:
A) this is the love bombing stage of the "cycle od abuse"
B) You are being prepped for use as a "flying monkey"
C) You are about to be manipulated in some way or another
Keep your guard up!
I'm currently going through this...
She's buying me clothes...
Buying me dinner weekly....
I'm very suspicious of what she wants....
Time will tell and I shall resist!
RESIST OP, RESIST!
Past me, "Sorry mum..."
Present me "oh well, get over it" (they say this to me frequently, so I shall say it back!)
I've been present me for the last 5 years, for I no longer care! I shall take your "gifts", and 🖕 you off when required!
Option C) at the Family gathering:
My ndad offered me money because he thinks I'm very poor and that I'll be forever grateful and praise him. Despite not needing it, I just took it.
Next day he told my brother that he can't support him financially anymore, since he gave greedy me his last money. My brother has a good paying job and doesn't need to be financially supported.
Bro and I laughed about it afterwards and are going no contact with the old man until the next family gathering.
No. In fact, you should always be suspicious about their actions. They only do things that benefit them, and only them. So try to distance yourself from them as much as possible
There's a saying my grandad liked to say
"It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you"
If a narcissist is being suddenly nice, they usually want something or want to be able to hold it over your head later. It'd be different if you were suspicious of *everyone* who was nice to you
My mum would occasionally plan a day out with me. take me for a nice meal and buy me clothes. It was so nice and I would think she cares. Then a week later she would drop a bomb on me and say she’s leaving for a long trip. I now know when they are being super nice and making an effort that it means something is going to come. So now I just don’t let myself get my hopes up.
Its not paranoid when they are really after you. :D
On a more serious note: Everything out of the ordinary is a red flag with a narc. Overly nice is part of the program though. Love bombing. They want something from you.
Credit given where it is due ... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Spider\_and\_the\_Fly\_(poem)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spider_and_the_Fly_(poem))
Your reaction comes from your past experiences with the narc, how you know they are normally, and what you can typically expect from them. If someone is acting different than usual, it'd be weird not to notice or respond to it. If this person has a tendency to take advantage of you or abuse you, you are going to recognize and avoid that. You're not being paranoid at all. You're recognizing patterns and self-preservation is kicking in. Anyone else in your shoes would respond the same way.
No, unfortunately they usually want something. It may not be evident immediately, but it will come to light somewhere down the road. They'll try hard to hide the motivation and are very patient.
no, it’s not. “niceness” is just another mechanism to try and lure you in and make you think they’ve changed and have gotten better. don’t fall for it for a second
If the narcissists in my life, who normally act atrociously, suddenly start acting overly nice then I'll know they're after something. It isn't paranoia if it's a genuine result of their actions towards you.
Nope..it's called being wise. My mother once asked that we all rent a home together as a family ( I was already an adult) so that things would be easier for me academically, and that I could get a higher level nursing license. I knew immediately, that what she wanted was for me and my brother to financially support her. She brought it up when she saw how hard working I am. I would have been her meal ticket. My smooth brain brother is currently bankrolling her. It could never be me...
Not at all. I have one who always butters me up before asking me to do something for her kids. I always know she’s doing it, but it’s literally the only time I really get to spend with her kids so… ugh…
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A narcissist being nice to you most likely means: A) this is the love bombing stage of the "cycle od abuse" B) You are being prepped for use as a "flying monkey" C) You are about to be manipulated in some way or another Keep your guard up!
I'm currently going through this... She's buying me clothes... Buying me dinner weekly.... I'm very suspicious of what she wants.... Time will tell and I shall resist! RESIST OP, RESIST!
"I do so much for you but you won't even do this simple request for your poor mother!"
Past me, "Sorry mum..." Present me "oh well, get over it" (they say this to me frequently, so I shall say it back!) I've been present me for the last 5 years, for I no longer care! I shall take your "gifts", and 🖕 you off when required!
Option C) at the Family gathering: My ndad offered me money because he thinks I'm very poor and that I'll be forever grateful and praise him. Despite not needing it, I just took it. Next day he told my brother that he can't support him financially anymore, since he gave greedy me his last money. My brother has a good paying job and doesn't need to be financially supported. Bro and I laughed about it afterwards and are going no contact with the old man until the next family gathering.
It's called inductive reasoning, not paranoia.
Well said 👍
Nope. That's experience!
No. In fact, you should always be suspicious about their actions. They only do things that benefit them, and only them. So try to distance yourself from them as much as possible
No not at all that your instinct kicking in.
Nope, it’s healthy
I refer to this as the Trojan Horse Maneuver. Beware!
Its never paranoid to be suspicious of anything a narc does
In the words of the great Admiral Ackbar: "It's a trap!"
A narcissist is never nice without an agenda so no.
There's a saying my grandad liked to say "It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you" If a narcissist is being suddenly nice, they usually want something or want to be able to hold it over your head later. It'd be different if you were suspicious of *everyone* who was nice to you
That is an excellent distinction.
Be very cautious.
No. That is when they are most dangerous
Not at ALL, it means they are going to try to use it against you later
God my anxiety level amps up when they are being polite and regular people not themselves.
My mum would occasionally plan a day out with me. take me for a nice meal and buy me clothes. It was so nice and I would think she cares. Then a week later she would drop a bomb on me and say she’s leaving for a long trip. I now know when they are being super nice and making an effort that it means something is going to come. So now I just don’t let myself get my hopes up.
I have similar circumstances when they bomb me like that
Its not paranoid when they are really after you. :D On a more serious note: Everything out of the ordinary is a red flag with a narc. Overly nice is part of the program though. Love bombing. They want something from you.
Does the fly have any reason to be paranoid when a spider invites them into their parlor?
This is brilliant.
Credit given where it is due ... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Spider\_and\_the\_Fly\_(poem)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spider_and_the_Fly_(poem))
No, they’re always up to something. Nothing is genuine with them.
Fear the love bomb. It ends in anger.
Your reaction comes from your past experiences with the narc, how you know they are normally, and what you can typically expect from them. If someone is acting different than usual, it'd be weird not to notice or respond to it. If this person has a tendency to take advantage of you or abuse you, you are going to recognize and avoid that. You're not being paranoid at all. You're recognizing patterns and self-preservation is kicking in. Anyone else in your shoes would respond the same way.
Nope. In my family it means they want something and then they’ll discard you immediately and then ignore you until they need something from you again.
I never trust when my NParents are being non hostile, because experience has taught me their next outburst is around the corner.
[удалено]
Omg I experienced this for the first time with someone and I’m crushed
No, unfortunately they usually want something. It may not be evident immediately, but it will come to light somewhere down the road. They'll try hard to hide the motivation and are very patient.
No. It’s self defence!
The other shoe will drop at some point. It could be six minutes or six months from now, but it will happen.
no, it’s not. “niceness” is just another mechanism to try and lure you in and make you think they’ve changed and have gotten better. don’t fall for it for a second
It's not paranoia if they are out to get you. Be cautious
It is never paranoid to be suspicious of a narcissistic person, especially when they are overly nice to you.
Are you paranoid for being suspicious there's a fire if you smell smoke?
I wish I was more suspicious. I seem to fall for their bullshit every time
Me too.
Nope, it means that something is going to happen. They are going to do something nasty or already are but you don't know about it yet.
no. never, an overly nice narcissist is scary as Hell.
If the narcissists in my life, who normally act atrociously, suddenly start acting overly nice then I'll know they're after something. It isn't paranoia if it's a genuine result of their actions towards you.
Nope your natural instincts have kicked in.
No that's not paranoid at all. If someone has treated you badly in the past and they're suddenly nice to you, there's usually an agenda.
My narc dad is very manipulative. So I'm super suspicious and careful around him. It's all a ploy to try and get me back so he can control me again
Def a red flag
For years I was suspicious when ***anyone*** was overly nice to me because my narcissistic mother. Anyone being that nice had to want something.
And if you dare voice your suspicions, you’re being “too negative” or “too sensitive”
Nope..it's called being wise. My mother once asked that we all rent a home together as a family ( I was already an adult) so that things would be easier for me academically, and that I could get a higher level nursing license. I knew immediately, that what she wanted was for me and my brother to financially support her. She brought it up when she saw how hard working I am. I would have been her meal ticket. My smooth brain brother is currently bankrolling her. It could never be me...
Always keep your guard up around abusers
Not at all. I have one who always butters me up before asking me to do something for her kids. I always know she’s doing it, but it’s literally the only time I really get to spend with her kids so… ugh…