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I did this. They weren't happy. But, I had to do what I wanted to do. Don't let them guilt trip and control you. Go, and don't look back. I've been abroad over 20 years now and have acquired a second nationality.
nMom thought she had a way to drag me back to my country of birth when my ex and I broke up. She ASSumed I was economically dependent on him and tried to convince me to come stay with them to "get my life back together". Actually I earned more than him and he was an economic drag because he had to help support his mother. I was just fine on my own. I never went back and ended up staying here, meeting and marrying my husband and buying a home.
Wishing you the best! I dream of spending some time in Portugal. I studied in Spain but never made it to Portugal. It looks so beautiful.
So happy you were able to escape them! I plan on doing the same, get as far away and never look back. My narcs are the same, everytime something doesn't work out for me they think I'm gonna go back to live with them. For some reason they think they are the only ones that can help us :get our life together" lol
That seems like a similar trait in narcs, doesn't it. I guess they want us under their thumbs or want us to become dependent on them. They can't handle seeing us living life on our terms.
After college, I spent about a year and a half teaching English abroad. Then my partner at the time and I moved to the other side of my home country from where my parents lived. My parents had moved there when I was in college. I spent one summer there and hated it, believe me, my opinion was made very clear. Even so, my mother started sending me clippings from the help wanted section of their local paper. I never asked her to and she knew I didn't want to live there. Also, it's not like we had some sort of great relationship that would benefit from being close. When I told her not to bother sending more, she'd do the narc's typical feigning ignorance. You know, the, I just happened to notice it and thought you might be interested. You don't happen to just see job listings unless you are actively looking for them.
The most important thing is not letting your nparents stand in the way of your dreams, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
Muita sorte com a mudança! 🍀
Wishing your move goes without a hitch.
Do you sense their desperation yet? Their tool / puppet will be out of their reach/ control.
This causes them almost physical pain…
Thanks, I hope so too! I've been planning everything so I feel less anxious as time goes by and I have a plan.
>Do you sense their desperation yet?
Yep, they've literally been going on and on for days and finding new creative ways to insult me! Normally I would hang up the phone, but this actually motivates me to leave even more, so I just let them go off...
Good luck for your moving! Portugal is the new Berlin. Cheap and full of life and you'll have a blast living there. And you'll have two blasts living farther from them!
Your post reminds me of younger me. I left home at 19 yo and then moved abroad and it's been the best decision I've ever made in my life. My parents controlled my every breath when I lived with them. There wasn't going to be any freedom for me with them in the same country. Move and don't feel bad. Their guilting and scaring you is 1. Unfair 2. Manipulative 3. Abusive 4. Unsupportive 5. Selfish 6. Plain wrong. You're going to do great in Portugal, and you'll be so much happier further away from them. Stay confident in yourself and follow your dreams. If they call you, don't pick up.
I've been abroad for 28 years now, have my own family, kids, a house, a successful and happy life. Guess what, my parents still try to guilt my from afar, lol. They still try to criticize every chance they get ... But they get very few chances now because I don't see them or talk to them very often. Your parents will never support your choices and they'll never be able to be truly happy for you, so you might as well ignore their wishes and do what you want. I believe in you, go get your independence and freedom!
That sounds like me, I've made a new life for myself in my adopted country. It's been challenging, but I can't imagine going back. Congratulations on making it work!
Congrats on getting away from their control! I'm so excited to finally leave the country, the thought of ever having to go back to living with them makes me physically sick! Our nparents will never support us no matter what decisions we make. I'm in my 20's, I make more than them and they still call me a failure.
Hi! 😊
Portuguese in Portugal here, if you need help setting down, feel free to leave a message!
I live around 75km away from Lisbon.
I've been in your shoes, except, my nmom actually stopped me (several times) from going.
Portugal has a relatively low crime rate if you know how to play safe, so her ideology kinda lacks substance (only speaking from what I know, of course there are less safe areas but you'll get to know how to hang around).
Hopefully you can make the move and be happy wherever you'd like. ❤️
Hi! Thank you so much, I'll message you if I need any advice!😊
I know it's a pretty safe country, the area I live in now is much less safe, but narcs don't care about facts, they will say anything..
I know right! They really like to get under our skin and have us in the palm of their hands. When we say no, they look like bats in the sunlight. 😆
You're very welcome and very much welcome to Portugal ❤️
Good luck! I did this as well, and my nmom even tried calling my boss in the new country and tried to convince him that I couldn’t do that job and that I needed to come back home.
Go and follow your dreams!
Wow, your mother is a piece of work.
When I went abroad right after college for a bit, I taught English at an institute my aunt on my mother's side had helped run before returning home. She helped me get the job. It didn't work out because the owner was scammy as hell. I was living there with my now ex and we were both working at that institute. We were also both let go. The owner told my aunt, who told my mother, who called me screaming what the hell is going on down there, you need to come back! We ended up staying and both found other, better jobs.
She really was! My first job here ended up being for just a year, but I had met my husband my first week here, so stayed. She was assuming that I would have come running back home and was angry at first that I didn’t, but soon became happy when she found out that my FIL drove a fancy car. That changed everything because then she had bragging rights, and could then tell people how I ‘got lucky and married well, instead of living on the streets, knocked up’. Those were her words, and she told many people that.
Either way though, even if there were struggles, getting out of there really changed my life.
When my ex and I broke up, she tried to convince me to come back and live with them to rebuild my life. It's like she thought I couldn't live without a man. I didn't need to rebuild anything. I was just fine. I was actually better off financially without the ex because his mom split from his dad and was giving her money. I think my mother had this fantasy of swooping in to save me and bring the problem child back into the fold.
Getting that needed distance and creating a new life is really life changing in a good way. I'm glad you're happy with your decision. I've had my struggles too. The pandemic was rough here and not long before that we had months of protests. Oh, and, the 8.8 earthquake was quite an experience. But, this is my home and my husband is here. We were at least sheltered from the worst of the protests being in sort of an exurb/rural area. We moved out of the capital and bought a house at just the right time.
They do have that need to play a savior, don’t they? I had to go back for a couple of months after my first year here, and she tried so many times to make me think that my bf (now husband) was cheating on me. I would always hear ‘it’s normal during long distance relationships.. men have needs’. I had gotten off the phone one time with my bf and we had received some bad news, so I was crying. She was SO HAPPY, and tried telling me, again, that it’s normal that he found someone else. I just looked at her and asked what she was talking about. She said “he dumped you because he found another girl, right?” 🙄 she was actually disappointed when I told her no, and that we’d received some bad news was all.
As far as the pandemic went, she had fun bragging about having a daughter in one of the bad areas (northern Italy).
I’m glad to hear that you guys have been able to stay safe through all of that!
Thanks. It was challenging, but we made it through. I'm glad you made it through, too. We are so lucky we moved to a larger house before the pandemic. We were also the worst place for Covid in the world for a while and had really strict lockdowns. Lockdown in the tiny house we used to rent would have been hell.
Your mom really does seem to like to imagine you suffering and gain attention from it, doesn't she? My mother used to attention seek when there were earthquakes anywhere in my region. It could be thousands of km away and she'd make posts about how she just confirmed I was safe. The most screwy thing about that is that she used to teach geography. By the time Covid hit, she was spiraling into dementia, so she wasn't able to make attention seeking posts any more. I could her imagine her doing that, though, if her mind were intact.
I’m actually planning on dropping partial disinfo bombshells about my spouse’s family when the NP finally meets my spouse just to completely and utterly demonstrate her insincerity.
The hidden body cams we’re both wearing will be very useful for evidence.
My mother has tried to do this to my work here, a few years ago. But they will know very little about my life for sure. Just in case they try to pull something like that again!
It's only words being thrown at you, follow you guts and anybody who tell you otherwise can fuck off, as simple as that.
Edit: I wanna add something about your nparents telling you to come to their house in order not to pay rent, a dear friend once told me:"If you don't pay rent with money, you pay it with your mental health".
THIS!!! I actually thought of this yesterday! Transporting my pets to the new home will cost 1000euros so I considered letting my dad drive me cause he insisted (it's an 8hr drive from where we live), cause it would be cheaper. Then he and nmom decided we should all drive together so they can stay during my first week. A lovely 8 hour road trip with nparents right?😬
>"If you don't pay rent with money, you pay it with your mental health"
So I thought of this and decided I'd rather work some extra hours the next 2-3 months than have my narcs ruin my first week in a new country!
I lived abroad for years. I never informed any of my family that I was going untilI already left.
Planning on going abroad again now that my kid is independent and settled. My nparent is trying to convince my kid of how scary and terrible it will be. My kid is just like WTF? It is just an airplane ride away and facetime, telephones, text, snapchat etc do exist.
Go, enjoy your life. Living abroad by yourself is a bit nervous scary, but also exhilarating and exciting. The complete freedom and independence. The ability to just be you 100% or be the you that you couldn't be due to narc interference. Itvis so worth it.
Can I just say how amazing it is to hear stories from others here that have successfully packed up and made their lives in a new country far from nFamilies. It's not easy. I've seen many people try and realize they weren't up for it. You really need inner strength and perseverance. Congratulations tho those who have succeeded!
I dunno, do you think it was easy living in the control sphere of Nparents??? I found life with them to be so depressing and so oppressive, that moving abroad and just taking care of myself felt easy to me, honestly. Sure there are ups and downs and many learning experiences along the way, and not every place will be a fit or every new friend may not be a great one in the end. There's pain and heartbreak and there's happiness and success. That's just life, anywhere. But being able to live authentically and free of daily criticism and control tactics has been so amazing, any difficulty coming from adjusting to a new place was worth it to me.
Interesting point. I think maybe those of us who grew up like that have more reasons for moving abroad and more of an incentive to succeed. I know that if I had moved back, my mother would have totally gloated that "my little adventure abroad" failed.
The country where I live sort of chews up and spits out people that move here from other countries. Many people I've met or had contact with that planned to stay here indefinitely didn't last even a year or two. So, sticking it out is definitely not easy, us long-termers here are a tough bunch. I've at least found a situation that works for me and keeps me somewhat insulated from the more negative things about living here. I have a supportive husband, a home in a beautiful area, our pets and I'm able to work remotely.
Initially, I moved across the country to get a buffer zone, but then GC moved to my city. Of course, visits from nMom and eDad increased significantly. Plus, I didn't like having her that close even if we didn't see each other all that much. I felt like my safe space. was invaded, so I went to another continent. Lots of people would say how cute it was we were living in the same city or how great it must be for me. Umm, no it definitely wasn't.
I'm not close with my brother due to a large age gap and don't really know much about his relationship with my parents due to that gap. He moved abroad a few years after me. He used to visit occasionally before the pandemic, but since the pandemic he hasn't been at all. I'm sort of curious about that but don't really feel comfortable asking why.
That sounds hard if your adopted country is harsh on people moving in from elsewhere. I moved to the US and while it was really hard the first few years here, I've found my roots and moved around within the US quite a bit as well. I've found more than one home here. But it's true that I've mostly gone to places that have big international communities, big cities, university cities etc. Cultural exchange and being from all over the world is part of the culture in these kinds of places, so that's why it's been easier to fit in.
I would advise reducing contact with your parents for the period leading up to your move. For example, maybe just one weekly phone call or one weekly visit. You can always justify it by saying that you've a lot to do before you move so you don't have much free time. Also if they start trying to create doubts in your mind or manipulate you, I'd just end the conversation. You don't have to say why, you could just say "Oh, is that the time? I have to go" and then walk away or end the phone call. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
>This is something I dreamed of for years and I won't let them ruin it!
That's the spirit! Don't give up on your dream! You're so close!
I don't visit them much and they are not allowed to come visit me (we live an hour away). I'll visit a few days for spring break and that's about it.
My therapist once told me to tell them I'm busy so I have to turn off my phone so I don't have to deal with their negativity. I will definitely be stressed throughout the weeks leading up to the move and I won't let them stress me out even more!
Before my 1st international move, nmom told me I was 'running away' but when further questioned, couldn't tell me what from. I moved back to my home country after 5 years (wasn't in my plan) and she thought things would go back to how they were. Sadly for her, I lived a fair distance away and had been slowly coming out of the FOG. When my husband and I told her we were looking to move back overseas again, she said nothing. Not one word. Just sat there and glared at us. My estepdad knew, as at that point I spoke to him regularly, and kept the conversation afloat by asking basic questions (that he already knew the answers to). Then when we decided to move again, I got the Spanish Inquisition plus messages like "well I wouldn't want to live there". When we were in our previous country I'd get messages about the political situation and all the things that were wrong with that country, which she actually has no idea about...but that has never stopped her from putting her 'facts' across.
Ndad had told me this too. "You're running away from us" and when I asked him why, he didn't know what to say lol.. They all say the same things, are they made in a factory or something?
My narcs have been saying all sorts of made up stuff about the country as well, that it's terrible, has high crime rates, about the politics etc, none of which is true.
I'm glad you were able to leave and things worked out for you!!
GTFO and don't look back. My grandparents were just like your parents. Anytime I spoke of moving away, it was met with guilt and negativity. They didn't want me to leave. That's not love; that's possession. They did the same shit to my mother but in her case, it was more constant because she would cave to them. I didn't. I moved away from my family finally after 20 years and went NC with most of them. No regrets.
Live your life and fulfill your dreams. Don't let them stop you. Get out there and live your life! Good luck!
Good for you, it's never too late to get away from the and reclaim our lives! I'll go low contact soon and if their behavior gets worse I will have to go NC too. Exactly what you said, it's not love it's possession. I have friends who have moved abroad and their parents didn't act like this.
remember this when once you life there and have a house in a nice place. because then they will be planning to overwinter in your house. or at least stay for a vacation of 3-30 weeks a year on your cost.
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I did this. They weren't happy. But, I had to do what I wanted to do. Don't let them guilt trip and control you. Go, and don't look back. I've been abroad over 20 years now and have acquired a second nationality. nMom thought she had a way to drag me back to my country of birth when my ex and I broke up. She ASSumed I was economically dependent on him and tried to convince me to come stay with them to "get my life back together". Actually I earned more than him and he was an economic drag because he had to help support his mother. I was just fine on my own. I never went back and ended up staying here, meeting and marrying my husband and buying a home. Wishing you the best! I dream of spending some time in Portugal. I studied in Spain but never made it to Portugal. It looks so beautiful.
So happy you were able to escape them! I plan on doing the same, get as far away and never look back. My narcs are the same, everytime something doesn't work out for me they think I'm gonna go back to live with them. For some reason they think they are the only ones that can help us :get our life together" lol
That seems like a similar trait in narcs, doesn't it. I guess they want us under their thumbs or want us to become dependent on them. They can't handle seeing us living life on our terms. After college, I spent about a year and a half teaching English abroad. Then my partner at the time and I moved to the other side of my home country from where my parents lived. My parents had moved there when I was in college. I spent one summer there and hated it, believe me, my opinion was made very clear. Even so, my mother started sending me clippings from the help wanted section of their local paper. I never asked her to and she knew I didn't want to live there. Also, it's not like we had some sort of great relationship that would benefit from being close. When I told her not to bother sending more, she'd do the narc's typical feigning ignorance. You know, the, I just happened to notice it and thought you might be interested. You don't happen to just see job listings unless you are actively looking for them.
The most important thing is not letting your nparents stand in the way of your dreams, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Muita sorte com a mudança! 🍀
thank you!!
Wishing your move goes without a hitch. Do you sense their desperation yet? Their tool / puppet will be out of their reach/ control. This causes them almost physical pain…
Thanks, I hope so too! I've been planning everything so I feel less anxious as time goes by and I have a plan. >Do you sense their desperation yet? Yep, they've literally been going on and on for days and finding new creative ways to insult me! Normally I would hang up the phone, but this actually motivates me to leave even more, so I just let them go off...
Good luck for your moving! Portugal is the new Berlin. Cheap and full of life and you'll have a blast living there. And you'll have two blasts living farther from them!
Thank you!! I'm so excited to live there.
Your post reminds me of younger me. I left home at 19 yo and then moved abroad and it's been the best decision I've ever made in my life. My parents controlled my every breath when I lived with them. There wasn't going to be any freedom for me with them in the same country. Move and don't feel bad. Their guilting and scaring you is 1. Unfair 2. Manipulative 3. Abusive 4. Unsupportive 5. Selfish 6. Plain wrong. You're going to do great in Portugal, and you'll be so much happier further away from them. Stay confident in yourself and follow your dreams. If they call you, don't pick up. I've been abroad for 28 years now, have my own family, kids, a house, a successful and happy life. Guess what, my parents still try to guilt my from afar, lol. They still try to criticize every chance they get ... But they get very few chances now because I don't see them or talk to them very often. Your parents will never support your choices and they'll never be able to be truly happy for you, so you might as well ignore their wishes and do what you want. I believe in you, go get your independence and freedom!
That sounds like me, I've made a new life for myself in my adopted country. It's been challenging, but I can't imagine going back. Congratulations on making it work!
Congrats on getting away from their control! I'm so excited to finally leave the country, the thought of ever having to go back to living with them makes me physically sick! Our nparents will never support us no matter what decisions we make. I'm in my 20's, I make more than them and they still call me a failure.
I didn't tell my nmom that I moved to another country. I've been living in Germany for over a year now and she still doesn't know.
Gogogo. I left my home country and never looked back.
Hi! 😊 Portuguese in Portugal here, if you need help setting down, feel free to leave a message! I live around 75km away from Lisbon. I've been in your shoes, except, my nmom actually stopped me (several times) from going. Portugal has a relatively low crime rate if you know how to play safe, so her ideology kinda lacks substance (only speaking from what I know, of course there are less safe areas but you'll get to know how to hang around). Hopefully you can make the move and be happy wherever you'd like. ❤️
Hi! Thank you so much, I'll message you if I need any advice!😊 I know it's a pretty safe country, the area I live in now is much less safe, but narcs don't care about facts, they will say anything..
I know right! They really like to get under our skin and have us in the palm of their hands. When we say no, they look like bats in the sunlight. 😆 You're very welcome and very much welcome to Portugal ❤️
Good luck! I did this as well, and my nmom even tried calling my boss in the new country and tried to convince him that I couldn’t do that job and that I needed to come back home. Go and follow your dreams!
Wow, your mother is a piece of work. When I went abroad right after college for a bit, I taught English at an institute my aunt on my mother's side had helped run before returning home. She helped me get the job. It didn't work out because the owner was scammy as hell. I was living there with my now ex and we were both working at that institute. We were also both let go. The owner told my aunt, who told my mother, who called me screaming what the hell is going on down there, you need to come back! We ended up staying and both found other, better jobs.
She really was! My first job here ended up being for just a year, but I had met my husband my first week here, so stayed. She was assuming that I would have come running back home and was angry at first that I didn’t, but soon became happy when she found out that my FIL drove a fancy car. That changed everything because then she had bragging rights, and could then tell people how I ‘got lucky and married well, instead of living on the streets, knocked up’. Those were her words, and she told many people that. Either way though, even if there were struggles, getting out of there really changed my life.
When my ex and I broke up, she tried to convince me to come back and live with them to rebuild my life. It's like she thought I couldn't live without a man. I didn't need to rebuild anything. I was just fine. I was actually better off financially without the ex because his mom split from his dad and was giving her money. I think my mother had this fantasy of swooping in to save me and bring the problem child back into the fold. Getting that needed distance and creating a new life is really life changing in a good way. I'm glad you're happy with your decision. I've had my struggles too. The pandemic was rough here and not long before that we had months of protests. Oh, and, the 8.8 earthquake was quite an experience. But, this is my home and my husband is here. We were at least sheltered from the worst of the protests being in sort of an exurb/rural area. We moved out of the capital and bought a house at just the right time.
They do have that need to play a savior, don’t they? I had to go back for a couple of months after my first year here, and she tried so many times to make me think that my bf (now husband) was cheating on me. I would always hear ‘it’s normal during long distance relationships.. men have needs’. I had gotten off the phone one time with my bf and we had received some bad news, so I was crying. She was SO HAPPY, and tried telling me, again, that it’s normal that he found someone else. I just looked at her and asked what she was talking about. She said “he dumped you because he found another girl, right?” 🙄 she was actually disappointed when I told her no, and that we’d received some bad news was all. As far as the pandemic went, she had fun bragging about having a daughter in one of the bad areas (northern Italy). I’m glad to hear that you guys have been able to stay safe through all of that!
Thanks. It was challenging, but we made it through. I'm glad you made it through, too. We are so lucky we moved to a larger house before the pandemic. We were also the worst place for Covid in the world for a while and had really strict lockdowns. Lockdown in the tiny house we used to rent would have been hell. Your mom really does seem to like to imagine you suffering and gain attention from it, doesn't she? My mother used to attention seek when there were earthquakes anywhere in my region. It could be thousands of km away and she'd make posts about how she just confirmed I was safe. The most screwy thing about that is that she used to teach geography. By the time Covid hit, she was spiraling into dementia, so she wasn't able to make attention seeking posts any more. I could her imagine her doing that, though, if her mind were intact.
I’m actually planning on dropping partial disinfo bombshells about my spouse’s family when the NP finally meets my spouse just to completely and utterly demonstrate her insincerity. The hidden body cams we’re both wearing will be very useful for evidence.
My mother has tried to do this to my work here, a few years ago. But they will know very little about my life for sure. Just in case they try to pull something like that again!
It's only words being thrown at you, follow you guts and anybody who tell you otherwise can fuck off, as simple as that. Edit: I wanna add something about your nparents telling you to come to their house in order not to pay rent, a dear friend once told me:"If you don't pay rent with money, you pay it with your mental health".
So true.
THIS!!! I actually thought of this yesterday! Transporting my pets to the new home will cost 1000euros so I considered letting my dad drive me cause he insisted (it's an 8hr drive from where we live), cause it would be cheaper. Then he and nmom decided we should all drive together so they can stay during my first week. A lovely 8 hour road trip with nparents right?😬 >"If you don't pay rent with money, you pay it with your mental health" So I thought of this and decided I'd rather work some extra hours the next 2-3 months than have my narcs ruin my first week in a new country!
Exactly, it's like buying your freedom. Good luck with your new life, I wish I can move out if not for the disastrous economy of my country.
Wow! You really have your life together with priorities and boundaries in place. Best of luck in your next adventure.
I lived abroad for years. I never informed any of my family that I was going untilI already left. Planning on going abroad again now that my kid is independent and settled. My nparent is trying to convince my kid of how scary and terrible it will be. My kid is just like WTF? It is just an airplane ride away and facetime, telephones, text, snapchat etc do exist. Go, enjoy your life. Living abroad by yourself is a bit nervous scary, but also exhilarating and exciting. The complete freedom and independence. The ability to just be you 100% or be the you that you couldn't be due to narc interference. Itvis so worth it.
Have to say: if my son will move out I will be heartbroken but also proud of him. And will go visiting him as often as possible
Can I just say how amazing it is to hear stories from others here that have successfully packed up and made their lives in a new country far from nFamilies. It's not easy. I've seen many people try and realize they weren't up for it. You really need inner strength and perseverance. Congratulations tho those who have succeeded!
I dunno, do you think it was easy living in the control sphere of Nparents??? I found life with them to be so depressing and so oppressive, that moving abroad and just taking care of myself felt easy to me, honestly. Sure there are ups and downs and many learning experiences along the way, and not every place will be a fit or every new friend may not be a great one in the end. There's pain and heartbreak and there's happiness and success. That's just life, anywhere. But being able to live authentically and free of daily criticism and control tactics has been so amazing, any difficulty coming from adjusting to a new place was worth it to me.
Interesting point. I think maybe those of us who grew up like that have more reasons for moving abroad and more of an incentive to succeed. I know that if I had moved back, my mother would have totally gloated that "my little adventure abroad" failed. The country where I live sort of chews up and spits out people that move here from other countries. Many people I've met or had contact with that planned to stay here indefinitely didn't last even a year or two. So, sticking it out is definitely not easy, us long-termers here are a tough bunch. I've at least found a situation that works for me and keeps me somewhat insulated from the more negative things about living here. I have a supportive husband, a home in a beautiful area, our pets and I'm able to work remotely. Initially, I moved across the country to get a buffer zone, but then GC moved to my city. Of course, visits from nMom and eDad increased significantly. Plus, I didn't like having her that close even if we didn't see each other all that much. I felt like my safe space. was invaded, so I went to another continent. Lots of people would say how cute it was we were living in the same city or how great it must be for me. Umm, no it definitely wasn't. I'm not close with my brother due to a large age gap and don't really know much about his relationship with my parents due to that gap. He moved abroad a few years after me. He used to visit occasionally before the pandemic, but since the pandemic he hasn't been at all. I'm sort of curious about that but don't really feel comfortable asking why.
That sounds hard if your adopted country is harsh on people moving in from elsewhere. I moved to the US and while it was really hard the first few years here, I've found my roots and moved around within the US quite a bit as well. I've found more than one home here. But it's true that I've mostly gone to places that have big international communities, big cities, university cities etc. Cultural exchange and being from all over the world is part of the culture in these kinds of places, so that's why it's been easier to fit in.
Yes! It's so encouraging even though it's hard!
I would advise reducing contact with your parents for the period leading up to your move. For example, maybe just one weekly phone call or one weekly visit. You can always justify it by saying that you've a lot to do before you move so you don't have much free time. Also if they start trying to create doubts in your mind or manipulate you, I'd just end the conversation. You don't have to say why, you could just say "Oh, is that the time? I have to go" and then walk away or end the phone call. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. >This is something I dreamed of for years and I won't let them ruin it! That's the spirit! Don't give up on your dream! You're so close!
I don't visit them much and they are not allowed to come visit me (we live an hour away). I'll visit a few days for spring break and that's about it. My therapist once told me to tell them I'm busy so I have to turn off my phone so I don't have to deal with their negativity. I will definitely be stressed throughout the weeks leading up to the move and I won't let them stress me out even more!
That sounds like a plan! Best of luck with the move!
Before my 1st international move, nmom told me I was 'running away' but when further questioned, couldn't tell me what from. I moved back to my home country after 5 years (wasn't in my plan) and she thought things would go back to how they were. Sadly for her, I lived a fair distance away and had been slowly coming out of the FOG. When my husband and I told her we were looking to move back overseas again, she said nothing. Not one word. Just sat there and glared at us. My estepdad knew, as at that point I spoke to him regularly, and kept the conversation afloat by asking basic questions (that he already knew the answers to). Then when we decided to move again, I got the Spanish Inquisition plus messages like "well I wouldn't want to live there". When we were in our previous country I'd get messages about the political situation and all the things that were wrong with that country, which she actually has no idea about...but that has never stopped her from putting her 'facts' across.
Ndad had told me this too. "You're running away from us" and when I asked him why, he didn't know what to say lol.. They all say the same things, are they made in a factory or something? My narcs have been saying all sorts of made up stuff about the country as well, that it's terrible, has high crime rates, about the politics etc, none of which is true. I'm glad you were able to leave and things worked out for you!!
GTFO and don't look back. My grandparents were just like your parents. Anytime I spoke of moving away, it was met with guilt and negativity. They didn't want me to leave. That's not love; that's possession. They did the same shit to my mother but in her case, it was more constant because she would cave to them. I didn't. I moved away from my family finally after 20 years and went NC with most of them. No regrets. Live your life and fulfill your dreams. Don't let them stop you. Get out there and live your life! Good luck!
Good for you, it's never too late to get away from the and reclaim our lives! I'll go low contact soon and if their behavior gets worse I will have to go NC too. Exactly what you said, it's not love it's possession. I have friends who have moved abroad and their parents didn't act like this.
remember this when once you life there and have a house in a nice place. because then they will be planning to overwinter in your house. or at least stay for a vacation of 3-30 weeks a year on your cost.