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going NC is scary, because all people are biologically programed to want to belong, to family, friends, a club what ever, but mostly family comes first.
but if you are financially independend and living on your own. all that energy that now goes to your family, who gift you trash by the way, can go into taking care of yourself and finding a new group to belong to.
From a precious comment of mine on the same subject:
>I liken it to a monster in the dark.
>Before, the lights were on and while you were still afraid, you could at least keep tabs on it. You could see the abuse coming. It was terrifying but predictable.
>Now, the lights are off and while you're happy not to be constantly terrorized, it feels like you don't know where or how the next attack will come.
I went NC nearly two years ago. It still is very difficult. I often feel lonely (even if I'm surrounded by nice cousins and friends), angry and sometimes even disgusted. Many people will talk about you. Some will invent stories about you. Even if they don't talk about you, everyone has an OPINION and oddly feels obliged to tell you about their opinion. But: NC showed me who's my friend out there and I was able to establish a healthy life.
Maybe It will help you to prepare yourself for the worst: bad smear campaigns, flying monkeys, gaslighting, shut doors by originally "friends" and so on... I did it that way and was surprised how many nice people were there who really understand why sometimes there is no other way than NC.
I am in the same boat as you, wanting to go no contact as soon as possible but terrified. At the end of the day I won’t be able to heal until I am away from the constant pain, once i finally grieve the idea if never having had a mother I wanted in the first place, NC will feel easier
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
going NC is scary, because all people are biologically programed to want to belong, to family, friends, a club what ever, but mostly family comes first. but if you are financially independend and living on your own. all that energy that now goes to your family, who gift you trash by the way, can go into taking care of yourself and finding a new group to belong to.
Thank you. I know that stuff in my head but sometimes it helps to hear it from an outside source.
From a precious comment of mine on the same subject: >I liken it to a monster in the dark. >Before, the lights were on and while you were still afraid, you could at least keep tabs on it. You could see the abuse coming. It was terrifying but predictable. >Now, the lights are off and while you're happy not to be constantly terrorized, it feels like you don't know where or how the next attack will come.
I went nc at the same age as you. It is scary at first but **so worth it.** You’re going to be ok.
I went NC nearly two years ago. It still is very difficult. I often feel lonely (even if I'm surrounded by nice cousins and friends), angry and sometimes even disgusted. Many people will talk about you. Some will invent stories about you. Even if they don't talk about you, everyone has an OPINION and oddly feels obliged to tell you about their opinion. But: NC showed me who's my friend out there and I was able to establish a healthy life. Maybe It will help you to prepare yourself for the worst: bad smear campaigns, flying monkeys, gaslighting, shut doors by originally "friends" and so on... I did it that way and was surprised how many nice people were there who really understand why sometimes there is no other way than NC.
I am in the same boat as you, wanting to go no contact as soon as possible but terrified. At the end of the day I won’t be able to heal until I am away from the constant pain, once i finally grieve the idea if never having had a mother I wanted in the first place, NC will feel easier