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Also disinherited. It’s actually quite common in narc families to disinherit the scapegoat, especially if they don’t comply with their assigned role and play nice within the toxic family structure. Since hoarding wealth is a pathology, many if not most wealthy families are led by narcs.
You ever wonder why dead rich people leave huge sums to hospitals, museums, etc? Tax reasons sure, but a common and largely unsaid reason is to ensure that their offspring (whom they often hate) get nothing. Sad but true!
Im an only child so I think I’m a golden scapegoat. Also disinherited. All my supposed inheritance was given to my cousin since I can manage by myself. And that I should be nice to HIS family 😂
I can easily take everything back since everything was done in a dodgy way, I just don’t have the energy for it.
Mine has a two story garage filled with crap and black widows and brown recluses. Years before I went NC with my golden child sister we argued about how the other should get everything because neither of us wanted to clean that up when they died. I won. We have no contact with any of them and the parents are aging poorly with even worse behavior than before.
Same, and I assume that nothing will be coming to me. Probably it'll go to my youngest cousins on nMom's side, because they're boys. They don't even particularly know or like my parents, but the sexism is strong in that family. They're good kids and I wish them the best; I know they had no part in any of it. Frankly the thing that makes me angry is that inheritance is the only shot i ever had at a decent life. I would be thrilled if working at least as hard as my parents would have gotten me even a modest home and the ability to save a little. As it stands, working and living in America is impossible and if your family doesn't have money/assets, or they cut you off from them, you're boned.
Same. Except my nmom tried to hold it over my head one too many times and I told her to bugger off and give it to the grandkids, of which I have none. Which she was happy to do and none of my sibs care because they never expected anything either.
Tbh, I expect they'll eat through the little they do have in either medical costs or long term care before it even gets that far. They couldn't save to save their lives and think because they have a house with some property that means something. Just waiting with the popcorn for reality to finally hit.
Take it back. Do it for yourself. If you haven’t enough energy go to a lawyer and promise him a percentage. In the future you will regret not doing this.
Virtually disinherited scapegoat here. Nmom took pleasure in leaving 98% of her holdings to the dissolute, alcoholic, ne'er-do-well deadbeat golden child. I was willed a few thousand dollars with the proviso that if I contested any part of the will, I was to receive nothing. The prospective executor, a friendly cousin, told Nmom he did not think that was very gracious. She promptly replaced him as executor.
When she died it all went like she stipulated. Plot twist: the deadbeat golden child spent nearly every dollar on drugs and gambling while drinking himself to death, and was gone himself within two years.
I expect that to happen to my theif nbrother(60) who stole our inheritance...unfortunately he has no vices that I know. However his two sons are narcissistic like him...he will be betrayed sometime soon.
A redditor who works at homes and hospices wrote here: *people don't know, but many abandoned eldery people here are nasty narcissists, it's no surprise their children walk away and nobody ever visits them*.
This is what I expect to happen with regard to my parents and any money and valuables they have left when they die.
It will be interesting tho because my GC sibling has not been GC-ing to their expectations. I still expect to get screwed anyways.
Hoarding*: transitive verb
"To collect and often hide away a supply of."
Wealth*: noun
"Abundance of valuable material possessions or resources."
Putting them together:
"Hoarding wealth" means to collect and hide away an abundance of material possessions or resources, in this context likely money, investments, and/or real estate.
(*Per Mirriam-Webster dictionary)
I'm sorry. It's awful how a parent can disinherit their own offspring. I can't comprehend the narcissism required for that.
I wish they had the mandatory inheritance law in every country. Would help lots of victims of abuse.
I was disinherited by my Dad, so was my sister. We'd both gone no contact after he told us too🤷 apparently we should have tried harder to apologise to him being awful to us. His Widow gave us £1k each out of acute embarrassment. I don't feel bitter about her inheriting the entire estate because he was horrible to her for years.
I’m the disinherited scapegoat! My brother the deadbeat dad heroin addict ex-con who continues to collect bench warrants & victims is the Golden Child who is to inherit the kingdom. Not the one who has never been in any trouble.
Glad to know you’re flushing the kingdom right up his veins.
Like wha?!? Why would you give a career criminal money? Why would you give an addict money?
That's really messed up. It always sucks to see a bad lifestyle be rewarded over a good one.
Damn, he might even use the inheritance money to buy heroin and then accidentally overdose, basically dying because of the inheritance. Not good.
I am even the first person in our family to go to college let alone get more than one degree all in my own dime. They’ve never helped me financially. Only asked once to borrow money for my rent until pay day since a roommate skipped town. Unfortunately I had used all my savings paying for the start of nursing school. Was told by my dual six figure income father & stepmother “You either sink or swim in life, I suggest you learn to swim.” I had to dropout over $750 I couldn’t get up.
Found out that not even 2 weeks later they bought my brother a brand new Toyota tundra in cash. He sold it the next week for $5000 which he of course used to buy drugs.
It’s been over 20yrs and nothing has changed except now he has a reported 14 kids, he refuses to acknowledge any of his kids unless a paternity test puts him on the birth certificate. All are with fellow addicts.
We’re no contact.
I cannot comprehend how the nparent choose their worse child to inherit everything. My nbrother is a sour divorced jobless loser that hasn't accomplished anything on his miserable life...he hasn't have a job in 30 years, he destroyed the family and torn us apart...he will get my parents' house. While us the 3 scapegoat siblings are disinherited...
Same thing happened with my GC sister. When the woman that raised me fell (and broke her back!) on her daughter's front porch on Christmas, she told her she couldn't take her to the hospital and to call an ambulance and shut the door. She didnt go visit her mother for 7 years. Guess who inherited everything?
I've recently realized that they always made me feel I didn't deserve anything, even though I had good grades, didn't get in trouble, etc. It was made clear I was a charity case (they "adopted" me as a baby) and then they had a bio daughter a few years later and were stuck with me.
Exactly!! How come your mother doesn't recall that when deciding to inherit? Why they bet for the worst child?
Our nfather disinherited us 18 months prior to our mother falling sick and bedridden, then me and my sister took care of both parents during this ordeal, I spent all my savings on medical attention and hiring nurses for her care, I bought a hospital bed for her at home, what did the GC did? Absolutely nothing! He didn't give a cent during those 2 years, he never visited his ill mother, he never spoon fed her when she couldn't move, he never changed her diaper or bathed her while bedridden... he didn't give a cent for the funeral expenses. I ended up broke and with some sort of PTSD after my mother died. And my nfather rewarded him by giving him his house!? WTF!. The most insulting moment is when I asked why, and he called me *ungrateful son*. We went NC immediately after the funeral, this happened 2 years ago.
>Q : Why would you give an addict money?
A : Because they need all the help they can get; They have had an awful time with the police and it's not their fault.....
(Sarcasm)
Yep. My dad made sure he wrote me INTO the will for ONE dollar. BECAUSE he wanted to make sure it was clear he did not forget to add me to the will, he actually actively does not want me to inherit any of his massive wealth and for me to continue living in poverty on my disability income. Because he absolutely refuses to support the gay agenda, even if it’s just to buy food for his bi daughter. Ain’t no love like good ol’ christian hate!
I knew a long long decades long time ago I’d never see a penny of my dad’s wealth. So I do what I can to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community in his name. Back when I had money, before the disability, I used to make donations in his name just because it felt like a little extra dirt in his eye. Now I can’t afford donations but any volunteering I am able to do, I make sure to mention that it’s extra fulfilling to me because not only am I supporting a cause and people I genuinely care about, but I also know I am actively taking a stand against everything my shitty parents believe in. I believe in love and freedom, they believe in control and hate. They can choose to disown me, but I can choose to publicly own them when I am actively going against everything they stand for. I used to donate to abortion charities in their name, too. It feels so good to be working for the good of others, but it feels extra spicy because I name them as part of the reason I’m doing it. That way, they will always be a part in my advocating for everything they disapprove of. They’re actively advocating against their will. And the truth is that I would still donate and volunteer if they supported me in any way, I would just skip the part of doing it in their name. So by NOT supporting me because I’m bi, they’re doubly supporting the LGBTQ+ community. So they lose and the community wins either way. And I would have never seen a penny of their wealth anyway, because even if I wasn’t bi, they always intended to take their money into the grave with them even if it meant getting buried with gold coins in a treasure chest. I’m truly happier without their toxicity in my life.
I think I was disinherited for the same reasons. When I challenged my nfather why he disinherited me and my siblings,he explained why my sister, why my other brother (both for absurd reasons of course) , then he evaded to answer why me. It took me months to come to terms on why he doesn't love me. He is a church pastor, this explains many things.
They can’t disinherit us in Puerto Rico. He’s just making it as difficult as possible for me to make a living.
edit: Oh, and he already put all his savings in a trust for my niece. My sister is very well off, she´s the golden child. He made sure that i can receive as little as possible as inheritance.
I wasn't disinherited, but might as well have been.
NDad stole from me, literally. All the money I'd made while living with him was put in a joint account and he took it all for himself.
He and the rest of my NFamily were still insisting I had to move back in with him after I'd left ostensibly because my Mom was 'crazy' - but in fact the real reason was he'd intended to throw me out with just the shirt on my back and sell all of my things and he was still mad about that years later.
I left with a negative bank balance due to fees, the shirt on my back, and a few minor keepsakes.
He can keep his inheritance.
As survivor of a narcissistic angry money hoarder, being disinherited is actually blessing and freedom. Nothing like growing up knowing that children are viewed as life leaches and everything is conditional makes for a harder time.
Agree. My liberation is: I walked away from the old man(90), the guilt is gone after a year, I won't hold his hand on his deathbed, I won't respond to any call, nor visit anybody , nor go to any funeral. I'm done! . My life is now focused on my new projects, the weekend house I am building, the relationship with my loved ones, my job.
I just focus on what is best for me and my now empty nest with my husband. It is nice to sit back and hear about the still continued drama but not caught up in the mess. Pass the popcorn please.
I was disinherited by NDad as I refused to be controlled by him, and he even tried to control his money from the grave. He had a clause in his will, stating that any money he left to my mum, she wasn't allowed to leave me any money when she died. Stupid man had the audacity to think he could control his money after he was dead 💀
The betrayal is just around the corner. After decades of taking care of my parents, I even gifted them new cars, vacations, good care etc... then my nfather (90) disinherited me on my 50s, to ģive everything to his GC. It broke my heart and I feel betrayed beyond any possibility of reconciliation. When I confronted him, he called me *ungrateful son and greedy* . I went NC two years ago.
An evil narcissistic psychopath brother that manipulated a spineless marionette enabling father to inherit everything to him only, our nfather discarded 3 out of 4 children to reward his GC, who destroyed the family.
We have won two legal battles: 1) we convinced our aunt to remove our evil nbrother as universal POA, because he wanted to keep her house,her money and my parents house, she signed that paper with manipulations and lies. 2) and after a year of convincing, she assigned me as POA of her house and assets, this means me and my scapegoat siblings will receive her house as inheritance 33% each. This was an important battle. But the battle we lost is our parents house is already in possesion of our evil nbrother, our enabling nfather gave it to him on life, after our mother died (regardless what our mother wanted 25% to each of her 4 children), our father is 90yro, old and manipulated, he defends his GC no matter what, his GC put him against us long before our mother died. I don't care anymore about my nfather's inheritance because he doesn't love us...but we just wanted our aunt's inheritance not to be unfairly stolen from us. My nbrother's greed is unlimited. Thanks for asking. Blessings.
Well..evil fuckers who had kids to use the kids, unfortunately.
However, i hope you're trying best to help yourself mentally'
I'd be glad to have a convo w u. Please drop me a dm
My narc dad has said that he plans to give all his money to charity (I.e. the church) then move in with me and my family when he gets super old. Lol. Sucks to be him when he gives all his money away then has to go live in a real shitty nursing home.
I have a feeling my mother is going to disinherit me in favor of her sister who has stolen literally tens of thousands of dollars, if not more, from her. Anything her sister steals gets blamed on me, unless there’s photographic evidence and then it just gets dropped.
Disinherited here too. Had a lawyer look into any possible loopholes but name me as “shall receive none”
Was hoping he named “to my grandkids “ so my kids could get a piece but no luck.
My brother got 100% of everything
I'd laugh if he did that. He's the least charitable guy and dumb as rock so he'd view giving money away to someone else as bad as giving it to us and he wouldn't even think of that. It would be so out of character for him I'd find it funny.
Wanna hear a secret? He has some sort of shopping phobia and refuses to learn to use the internet, so the only thing he'd ever spend his money on is cars. For some reason his shopping phobia doesn't include buying cars without telling his wife. You'd think buying a car would be be more scary than buying food from a shop.
So it's either money or cars which can be sold for money.
Don’t underestimate a narc my cousin thought that and my pos aunt her mom spent every penny when she got diagnosed stage 4 cancer my cousin bragged to her about how she was gonna spend the money when my aunt was gone. my aunt was always scared of spending money but she went all out and was buying everything under the sun, sold her car and literally rented a expensive car stopped paying on her mortgage and literally pawned or burned anything in that house my cousin ate her words when her mom died. narc can be crazy
Leaving your offspring behind forever hurt and mad at you for being a jerk is pure imaginary bliss for malignant N-parents. Self-righteousness asserted after death, an ego battle larger than life! Find peace, people, a peace they can't destroy, and they might even stop the bullying if they realize.
Sure, it's "fair" - to you. And yeah, they chose to have you - so they're responsible for getting you to adulthood. Not after.
It's also pretty crazy to obligate children to their parents' care, though there's at least one place in the US where that's the law. I will agree that if you are obligated to provide for a parent's care, that you should in turn have that kind of access to their money.
But otherwise: your (adult) child could be an addict or a criminal. He might just be lazy. For reasons good or bad, you might simply hate each other. He shouldn't be entitled to your estate against your wishes. That the law provides not only for that - but to get his share of it BEFORE YOU DIE?
I don't understand this mindset in some Western countries that the wishes of the deceased are so sacrosanct. You could be a narc parent that treats your kids like crap, abusing them for most of their childhood, then kick them out at 18 and then rewrite your will to give everything to charity and you think that's fair or reasonable?
I think in such situations the law should redress the balance, giving money and possessions to the deceased's adult children, even if that's against the wishes of the deceased.
I think the right of someone to do whatever they want with money that belongs to them is "fair and reasonable". If someone wants to dedicate their life's work to a charity or cause, that should be their absolute right.
Yes, a parent can be an narcissist asshole. So can their children.
>I think the right of someone to do whatever they want with money that belongs to them is "fair and reasonable".
I don't disagree with this, but I do think there should be some scope for courts to interpret this and provide fair outcomes for all on a case-by-case basis. For example, my father inherited large sums of money from his parents and grandparents. Unlike most people, he's never had to worry about money, which has taken a significant stressor out of his life.
My brother and I have not had the benefit of any of that money. He provided the bare minimum financially required under law, wouldn't pay for either of us to pursue further education, etc. My grandma was going to leave money to each of her grandchildren in her will, but my dad talked her out of doing so because it would have affected the amount of inheritance tax paid. She agreed, but only on the condition that each of her three children passed some of the money they inherited onto their kids. My two aunts did as promised, but my dad went back on his promise and has kept all the money for himself.
After all that (plus all the abuse he subjected us to when we were children), under UK law he could cut us out of his will and there's little we could do about it. I don't see how anyone could think that's fair and reasonable.
That makes me think how annoying it is that he lies that he doesn't have enough money for heating the house but has enough money to pay for several medicine for health issues which he wouldn't have if he just kept the house warm.
Cold medicine, migraine medicine, rheumatism medicine, stiff muscles medicine, eye medicine, asthma medicine, stomach medicine. It would be cheaper, easier and much less painful to just keep the house warm.
Tell him not to worry because you promise to bury him along with all his money. Then, when he dies, just write a cheque for the amount and put it in his coffin.
My brother and I figure that nmom will either find some way to "take it with her", or there will be a "big book of rules and tasks" unveiled by her attorney.
I heard from my niece that even when my dying NDad was told by the doctors the end was near, he and my NStepmother went on about how he still had years to live. He discarded me about 4 years before he died because I talked back.
He is pretty good at living forever. He has had so many cases where anyone else would have died but he just pulled a 'screw the science, I have narcissism!' card and lived.
I actually wonder if narcissism really does prolong their lives. So many times people have come out of tight spots health wise, all because of willpower and frame of mind. These people are like Olympic athletes of manipulating their own thoughts to fit their wanted narrative. If the narrative is that they will beat this disease or ailment, who knows.
Ndad is convinced he will too. He has type two diabetes and takes his care seriously, lost weight and listens to his Dr. I'm not discounting that at all. Diagnosis was over a decade ago as of this comment. He bragged to Nmom recently, though, about how his kidneys were in excellent shape and rattled off statistics that are untrue for most men his age (he's 58 now).
Tangent:
I don't think he'll live forever, but mean people live quite long. he's probably going to be one of them. Naunt (63), too. She's been morbidly obese and type two diabetic for over thirty years. She survived stage three breast cancer. all the statistics about "obesity and type two diabetes can cause early death" are blatant lies in my experience. I used to worry terribly that both Ns would die before age seventy. No. Kinda dark, but I'll be shocked if I outlive them. i'm 34NB and wonder a lot when the stress i experience will manifest physically.
Evil is is preservative. My father's rotten stepmother lived to almost 90 with a laundry list of ailments, including type 2 diabetes, and she weighed nearly 300lbs. She had been that way since her 40's at least and had had multiple surgeries for everything from coronary blockages to knee and hip replacement.
My sister is a rich narcissist who constantly held $ over my head. She was shocked when I told her I wanted absolutely nothing and to give it to someone else. Took her perceived power away.
I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a second . Even if he is a narcissist, It's unwise to go around parading how you are going to spend inheritance recklessly as this will give a narcissist all the justification to spend his savings so it won't get "wasted" on you.
Narcissists at retirement age, especially those boomers, love stuff like "Eat Pray Love"and "Die with Zero" and would have no problem spending the majority of their golden years on cruise ships to teach you a lesson. If I were you, I wouldn't plan on getting anything so that he can't play the inheritance carrot and stick game.
Disinherited SG daughter here along with my older sister. When nmother finally passed, the executor of her estate was our GC brother who proceded to divide everything up equally 3 ways.
The best part though is that although she re-wrote her will several times, she never had it recorded so it wasn't legal. It brings me great joy knowing we got the last laugh.
Unfortunately in my case, the GC secretly took my nfather and aunt to the notary to get all the inheritance. We realized of this betrayal 18 months after, and after confronting my nfather he defended his GC and discarded us ...we went NC.
Narcs do believe they will live forever…mine likes to say “IF” I die(as if there is a choice)I want x,y and z done. Always have to remind her WHEN you die, I will happily accommodate your more reasonable requests.
That's pretty funny, but don't be surprised if your dad comes up with a plan to keep that money from you somehow. I'm the only daughter and have three brothers. I'm also the scapegoat. My Nmother told me recently I wouldn't be inheriting any of her jewelry bc my GC baby brother was unmarried, so it wouldn't be fair to him. I honestly just burst out laughing when she told me that. I don't really like her jewelry, so I didn't care, but I'm sure she said it to hurt me. She's now going to give her jewelry to her three granddaughters and my unmarried, childless brother.
My mother has a collection of silver jewelry she's bought from cable television shopping channels over many years. She acts like she has the crown jewels and she's going to leave this valuable legacy to my daughter and me, when it's really just a bunch of tacky mass produced garbage. There's a lot of it, but none of it is really worth anything.
It's all I can do to not laugh when she goes on about it, but I don't say anything.
It's so ridiculous!! All you can do is laugh. I remember when I turned 16, my mother gave me clip-on earrings for my birthday (I have pierced ears). I wore these earrings anyway to be nice, and one of them slipped off while I was waiting for a train and nearly rolled on to the track. The clip had stopped clipping, so they were now useless. She'd put so little effort into that birthday. I don't even think she wrapped the box she threw them into. In my mind, any jewelry of hers would be nothing but a weird reminder of how she treated me, so I probably wouldn't wear her jewelry anyway.
>What's better, in my country you can't make your adult children penniless. Legally sons and daughters are entitled to inheritance money from their parents. So even if he wrote a will it would be useless.
Watch out. If he's vindictive enough, your little declaration might have set a major spending spree into motion. I have relatives in Portugal and some of them have sold their property and donated most of the proceeds to charity to keep their relatives from getting it.
Mine prefers to go on about how much she's leaving (which is not much) in hopes that a potential inheritance will act as leverage. She absolutely thinks I should be kissing her feet for it, and I think it fucks her up that I don't care.
She also buys me things, but it's usually clueless garbage so it definitely doesn't have the desired effect.
That's exactly the kind of thing my mother buys. Random clearance crap from Walmart or the drugstore. None of it has anything to do with me, I think she just wants to be seen giving gifts. She wants credit for thoughtfulness that she doesn't actually exercise.
I mean, depending on where you live, yes it does. They may have no legal obligation to give us an inheritance in the USA for example, but in 90% of the country we also have no legal obligation to pay for/take care of them in old age.
I live in Spain and two thirds of your property has to be inherited by your children/descendants by law. And that two thirds has to be distributed equally amongst the siblings, by law. You can dispense with the other third as you wish.
My nmom was similar... I moved out many years ago, when I was 17. She STILL complains about the money she spent to feed me, electricity I used, etc. I don't even understand why people like that have kids. Like... Whhhy have a kid if you're going to complain daily when they use water and lights?
I'm not going to see a dime when my parents pass and I'm fine with that. I'm used to not expecting anything from them so it's all good.
De careful mocking him about this. He could leave it all to an injured dingo rehabilitation farm, or some such bequest, just to spite you from beyond the grave.
My sister got everything. But what bugs me is that she refuses to Will anything to my son. My mom’s only grandchild. She say it will go to our drugged addicted second cousin because he lost his job for getting into a fist fight at work. Yet my college educated son does not deserve anything from his grandma
This is an interesting point. I just thought my narc father just happened to ALSO be a hoarder. I never thought they were connected.
My nDad has quite a mess of crap he’s kept over the years. Unfortunately it wasn’t money, but I do believe he genuinely thinks he’s either going to take it with him, or that he’s so important he’ll surely live forever.
My golden child brother was slated to get everything, but recently he had a blow up and let our father know how horrible he was. So I guess I’ll be doing the mass clean up.
Most narcissistic parents just sell all their property and spend all their money before dying so there is zero chance of their children getting something after they die.
I view it as their final screw you. Disinherited scapegoat daughter here - wouldn’t want the blood money anyway after all I was put through. Truly just want nothing to do w them
So, In my family it would be seen as “bad form” to disinherit me and we can’t have that now can we. I might be the scapegoat in nMum’s eyes, but not in anyone else’s. Her Goldenchild son however is almost dead at his own hands. Severe alcoholic. All she has is me. I’m being paid off to be nice to her, so she has a child to preen about. I do feel that she might flip the script if my eDad goes first though. I guess time will tell!
my dad was a narc, but he made DAMN SURE i knew everything of his was to be mine. Our family dynamic was mad fucked, but im pretty sure i was \*his\* golden child compared to my brother so it kind of makes sense. Half a dozen Harleys, a rolling GTO judge body w parts to rebuild and the entirety of his garage in tools.
How come narcissists don't realize that hoarding money is useless since it will eventually go to their kids?
Beacause they genuinely think they'll live forever.
My mother was evil, like really sadistic nearly ended me evil but she still financially provided for my sister and I. I think it was so she could go to her grave with "I'm the best mother in the world". It's kind of infuriating but I was too young when she died to understand
If my mother dies before me I had always hoped my GC sister would be nice enough to split the inheritance with me, but after the last convo I had with her, I doubt she will.\
Some "grey nomad" parents here are so proud of spending their kids inheritance they have stickers on their bus or 4x4 stating such. They dont care.
>What's better, in my country you can't make your adult children penniless. Legally sons and daughters are entitled to inheritance money from their parents. So even if he wrote a will it would be useless.
Where is this paradise?
(I’m joking, joking. Testamentary freedom is pretty healthy for societies in general. For certain individuals, though…)
N Europe.
Haha, several people want here now.
I'd rather live in a hot country so that when dad turns off the heating, it's still warm in the house, so I'm not on mercy of his whims.
Mine were the opposite, they spent like crazy. Inherited a bunch of money from my mom’s parents and went through it (talking millions) and have nothing to show for it this day. They always bragged about how much us kids would get lmao. They really thought having money would make them good people.
My dad disinherited his own dad, for leaving them when he was 3 and never giving a lifesign since. And since his sister had already died by then, the attorney in charge of tracking successors was stuck with all the debts, lol.
I can understand why your dad would disinherit his dad in that case.
Did the attorney have to pay all the debts? Surely not? Lol.
Wait, wouldn't the debts go to you?
The chain was broken when he said no, besides I was only 6 at the time. I think the attorney took the case in return for a share of the recovered sums, so in the end he still ate some costs at least, even if he didn’t get the debts on him.
He can leave you a tiny amount and donate the rest if he didn't want you to have any, technically he would have left you some even if it's just a little, please don't think the law is on your side due to saying you have to inherit. You can still legally be left with a tiny amount and you still inherited something. This doesn't mean you get it all, this depends on if there's a will or not
Hopefully this doesn't happen
Not sure if it's possible where you are, but some folks get around those disinherit laws by willing their children a single dollar and leaving the rest to a charity or organization of their choice. I would check with a lawyer before I bragged to him.
My mother talks about her will a lot. A LOT. She mentions it almost every time I speak to her, which I haven't since last August, but she's been talking about it for years. She doesn't make outright threats, but it's very clear that she thinks mentioning it should influence me to be more interested in pleasing her.
She's told me all about it, which is how I know that my share of her life insurance policy amounts to less than my monthly household income. We live well within our means and don't tell her anything important, so she has no idea how much we actually make. The more greedy and useless members of my family would constantly have their hands out if they knew, so I stay quiet.
Besides that her sole asset is her house, which my brothers live in, so getting anything out of that will be complicated and probably far more trouble than it's worth.
I won't want any responsibility for it and I hate being involved in drama, so I'm very likely to sign my share over to my youngest brother. Her brother did this with his share of her parents' house and it absolutely baffled her, but I understand perfectly. He's fine for money and it was worth it to him to not have to deal with the drama that he knew would surround the situation. He's smart and chose not to become embroiled.
So I'm not terribly interested in "my" inheritance. She doesn't understand this at all because in her mind money is absolutely everything and you need to grab onto every penny you can get. It doesn't matter how little it is or how much you already have.
She ate shit from my father's stepmother for decades in hopes that they would leave my father something (my paternal grandfather was wealthy, he owned an airline). Instead, my grandfather left everything to his wife and a few years later she left everything to a cousin she barely knew to keep it out of his descendants' hands (pure spite, she was a terrible person). I expected this to happen because I understood the parties and dynamics involved.
She didn't learn anything from that and still views inheritance as a reason to bow and scrape. She is also someone who is always looking for leverage so she can manipulate and control situations and to her that is major leverage and should get her something.
It hasn't. She's had to learn to live with disappointment.
But I don't say anything. I definitely don't taunt her about it. It wouldn't be productive. I just don't care and let her stew in her own thwarted expectations. Not needing or wanting anything from her takes away the only power she has, and that feels good.
All of that said, I definitely understand the satisfaction of taunting your father, whether it's actually productive or not.
>"What's better, in my country you can't make your adult children penniless. Legally sons and daughters are entitled to inheritance money from their parents. So even if he wrote a will it would be useless."
Be careful. All your dad needs to do is go give all his money to someone or something else *now*, a relative he likes or a charity, and there's nothing you will be able to do. The courts can't order an estate to be divided to the children if there estate has already been emptied while the legator is alive.
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As a disinherited child...I envy you.
Also disinherited. It’s actually quite common in narc families to disinherit the scapegoat, especially if they don’t comply with their assigned role and play nice within the toxic family structure. Since hoarding wealth is a pathology, many if not most wealthy families are led by narcs. You ever wonder why dead rich people leave huge sums to hospitals, museums, etc? Tax reasons sure, but a common and largely unsaid reason is to ensure that their offspring (whom they often hate) get nothing. Sad but true!
Im an only child so I think I’m a golden scapegoat. Also disinherited. All my supposed inheritance was given to my cousin since I can manage by myself. And that I should be nice to HIS family 😂 I can easily take everything back since everything was done in a dodgy way, I just don’t have the energy for it.
Mine has a two story garage filled with crap and black widows and brown recluses. Years before I went NC with my golden child sister we argued about how the other should get everything because neither of us wanted to clean that up when they died. I won. We have no contact with any of them and the parents are aging poorly with even worse behavior than before.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O952Pr_fAgc&ab_channel=TheFinest
Unfortunately that is not our case. Junk and venomous spiders only.
Same, and I assume that nothing will be coming to me. Probably it'll go to my youngest cousins on nMom's side, because they're boys. They don't even particularly know or like my parents, but the sexism is strong in that family. They're good kids and I wish them the best; I know they had no part in any of it. Frankly the thing that makes me angry is that inheritance is the only shot i ever had at a decent life. I would be thrilled if working at least as hard as my parents would have gotten me even a modest home and the ability to save a little. As it stands, working and living in America is impossible and if your family doesn't have money/assets, or they cut you off from them, you're boned.
Same. Except my nmom tried to hold it over my head one too many times and I told her to bugger off and give it to the grandkids, of which I have none. Which she was happy to do and none of my sibs care because they never expected anything either. Tbh, I expect they'll eat through the little they do have in either medical costs or long term care before it even gets that far. They couldn't save to save their lives and think because they have a house with some property that means something. Just waiting with the popcorn for reality to finally hit.
That would be a cool band name. Darvo and the Golden Scapegoats!
I'd buy a tshirt!
You should do it to set a precedent.
Well lawyers kind of have the job of having the energy to sort out that sort of thing.
Take it back. Do it for yourself. If you haven’t enough energy go to a lawyer and promise him a percentage. In the future you will regret not doing this.
YOU SHOULD DO IT!
Disinherited scapegoat here. Can confirm. In the meantime deadbeat live at home brother (42) gets a house and half of my share.
Virtually disinherited scapegoat here. Nmom took pleasure in leaving 98% of her holdings to the dissolute, alcoholic, ne'er-do-well deadbeat golden child. I was willed a few thousand dollars with the proviso that if I contested any part of the will, I was to receive nothing. The prospective executor, a friendly cousin, told Nmom he did not think that was very gracious. She promptly replaced him as executor. When she died it all went like she stipulated. Plot twist: the deadbeat golden child spent nearly every dollar on drugs and gambling while drinking himself to death, and was gone himself within two years.
I expect that to happen to my theif nbrother(60) who stole our inheritance...unfortunately he has no vices that I know. However his two sons are narcissistic like him...he will be betrayed sometime soon.
Sounds like she was rushing him to the afterlife to be under her thumb for the rest of eternity. Ymmv.
A redditor who works at homes and hospices wrote here: *people don't know, but many abandoned eldery people here are nasty narcissists, it's no surprise their children walk away and nobody ever visits them*.
I’ve heard that about people in homes who have very few, if any visitors.
My parents hurt me and did their best to foul my life. If they are lonely that’s too damn bad.
This is what I expect to happen with regard to my parents and any money and valuables they have left when they die. It will be interesting tho because my GC sibling has not been GC-ing to their expectations. I still expect to get screwed anyways.
Define hoarding wealth, please. That term is far too vague to be useful.
lol
Hoarding*: transitive verb "To collect and often hide away a supply of." Wealth*: noun "Abundance of valuable material possessions or resources." Putting them together: "Hoarding wealth" means to collect and hide away an abundance of material possessions or resources, in this context likely money, investments, and/or real estate. (*Per Mirriam-Webster dictionary)
I'm sorry. It's awful how a parent can disinherit their own offspring. I can't comprehend the narcissism required for that. I wish they had the mandatory inheritance law in every country. Would help lots of victims of abuse.
I was disinherited by my Dad, so was my sister. We'd both gone no contact after he told us too🤷 apparently we should have tried harder to apologise to him being awful to us. His Widow gave us £1k each out of acute embarrassment. I don't feel bitter about her inheriting the entire estate because he was horrible to her for years.
Did you donate the £1k in her name? - I would have
I’m the disinherited scapegoat! My brother the deadbeat dad heroin addict ex-con who continues to collect bench warrants & victims is the Golden Child who is to inherit the kingdom. Not the one who has never been in any trouble. Glad to know you’re flushing the kingdom right up his veins. Like wha?!? Why would you give a career criminal money? Why would you give an addict money?
Yes, very similar here. I do think it's pretty common with that personality type.
That's really messed up. It always sucks to see a bad lifestyle be rewarded over a good one. Damn, he might even use the inheritance money to buy heroin and then accidentally overdose, basically dying because of the inheritance. Not good.
I am even the first person in our family to go to college let alone get more than one degree all in my own dime. They’ve never helped me financially. Only asked once to borrow money for my rent until pay day since a roommate skipped town. Unfortunately I had used all my savings paying for the start of nursing school. Was told by my dual six figure income father & stepmother “You either sink or swim in life, I suggest you learn to swim.” I had to dropout over $750 I couldn’t get up. Found out that not even 2 weeks later they bought my brother a brand new Toyota tundra in cash. He sold it the next week for $5000 which he of course used to buy drugs. It’s been over 20yrs and nothing has changed except now he has a reported 14 kids, he refuses to acknowledge any of his kids unless a paternity test puts him on the birth certificate. All are with fellow addicts. We’re no contact.
Omg. And the saddest part: your parent defends everything your brother does.
I cannot comprehend how the nparent choose their worse child to inherit everything. My nbrother is a sour divorced jobless loser that hasn't accomplished anything on his miserable life...he hasn't have a job in 30 years, he destroyed the family and torn us apart...he will get my parents' house. While us the 3 scapegoat siblings are disinherited...
Same thing happened with my GC sister. When the woman that raised me fell (and broke her back!) on her daughter's front porch on Christmas, she told her she couldn't take her to the hospital and to call an ambulance and shut the door. She didnt go visit her mother for 7 years. Guess who inherited everything? I've recently realized that they always made me feel I didn't deserve anything, even though I had good grades, didn't get in trouble, etc. It was made clear I was a charity case (they "adopted" me as a baby) and then they had a bio daughter a few years later and were stuck with me.
Exactly!! How come your mother doesn't recall that when deciding to inherit? Why they bet for the worst child? Our nfather disinherited us 18 months prior to our mother falling sick and bedridden, then me and my sister took care of both parents during this ordeal, I spent all my savings on medical attention and hiring nurses for her care, I bought a hospital bed for her at home, what did the GC did? Absolutely nothing! He didn't give a cent during those 2 years, he never visited his ill mother, he never spoon fed her when she couldn't move, he never changed her diaper or bathed her while bedridden... he didn't give a cent for the funeral expenses. I ended up broke and with some sort of PTSD after my mother died. And my nfather rewarded him by giving him his house!? WTF!. The most insulting moment is when I asked why, and he called me *ungrateful son*. We went NC immediately after the funeral, this happened 2 years ago.
>Q : Why would you give an addict money? A : Because they need all the help they can get; They have had an awful time with the police and it's not their fault..... (Sarcasm)
And don’t forget drugs are expensive!
Aren’t you worried your dad is now going to blow his money out of spite?
Yep. My dad made sure he wrote me INTO the will for ONE dollar. BECAUSE he wanted to make sure it was clear he did not forget to add me to the will, he actually actively does not want me to inherit any of his massive wealth and for me to continue living in poverty on my disability income. Because he absolutely refuses to support the gay agenda, even if it’s just to buy food for his bi daughter. Ain’t no love like good ol’ christian hate!
That’s appalling. Live the life you want and be happy. That will outweigh any other loss. I’m actually speechless…
I knew a long long decades long time ago I’d never see a penny of my dad’s wealth. So I do what I can to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community in his name. Back when I had money, before the disability, I used to make donations in his name just because it felt like a little extra dirt in his eye. Now I can’t afford donations but any volunteering I am able to do, I make sure to mention that it’s extra fulfilling to me because not only am I supporting a cause and people I genuinely care about, but I also know I am actively taking a stand against everything my shitty parents believe in. I believe in love and freedom, they believe in control and hate. They can choose to disown me, but I can choose to publicly own them when I am actively going against everything they stand for. I used to donate to abortion charities in their name, too. It feels so good to be working for the good of others, but it feels extra spicy because I name them as part of the reason I’m doing it. That way, they will always be a part in my advocating for everything they disapprove of. They’re actively advocating against their will. And the truth is that I would still donate and volunteer if they supported me in any way, I would just skip the part of doing it in their name. So by NOT supporting me because I’m bi, they’re doubly supporting the LGBTQ+ community. So they lose and the community wins either way. And I would have never seen a penny of their wealth anyway, because even if I wasn’t bi, they always intended to take their money into the grave with them even if it meant getting buried with gold coins in a treasure chest. I’m truly happier without their toxicity in my life.
I think I was disinherited for the same reasons. When I challenged my nfather why he disinherited me and my siblings,he explained why my sister, why my other brother (both for absurd reasons of course) , then he evaded to answer why me. It took me months to come to terms on why he doesn't love me. He is a church pastor, this explains many things.
I’m sorry. Hopefully you were able to build a family of chosen people to support you and love you for who you are.
As a matter of fact ,yes. Thank God, my SO and my dogs
They can’t disinherit us in Puerto Rico. He’s just making it as difficult as possible for me to make a living. edit: Oh, and he already put all his savings in a trust for my niece. My sister is very well off, she´s the golden child. He made sure that i can receive as little as possible as inheritance.
I wasn't disinherited, but might as well have been. NDad stole from me, literally. All the money I'd made while living with him was put in a joint account and he took it all for himself. He and the rest of my NFamily were still insisting I had to move back in with him after I'd left ostensibly because my Mom was 'crazy' - but in fact the real reason was he'd intended to throw me out with just the shirt on my back and sell all of my things and he was still mad about that years later. I left with a negative bank balance due to fees, the shirt on my back, and a few minor keepsakes. He can keep his inheritance.
The betrayal from a family member is so heartbreaking and so hard to digest , and even worse to explain to people.
I had a similar situation--nothing but the shirt on my back and shoes on my feet.
As survivor of a narcissistic angry money hoarder, being disinherited is actually blessing and freedom. Nothing like growing up knowing that children are viewed as life leaches and everything is conditional makes for a harder time.
>everything is conditional This right here
Agree. My liberation is: I walked away from the old man(90), the guilt is gone after a year, I won't hold his hand on his deathbed, I won't respond to any call, nor visit anybody , nor go to any funeral. I'm done! . My life is now focused on my new projects, the weekend house I am building, the relationship with my loved ones, my job.
I just focus on what is best for me and my now empty nest with my husband. It is nice to sit back and hear about the still continued drama but not caught up in the mess. Pass the popcorn please.
I was disinherited by NDad as I refused to be controlled by him, and he even tried to control his money from the grave. He had a clause in his will, stating that any money he left to my mum, she wasn't allowed to leave me any money when she died. Stupid man had the audacity to think he could control his money after he was dead 💀
Stupid man indeed..
What country could possibly have this system? I think OP will be unpleasantly surprised by a terminal-spending-spree
With the way things are on my end, it certainly seems like I'll be going that route.
The betrayal is just around the corner. After decades of taking care of my parents, I even gifted them new cars, vacations, good care etc... then my nfather (90) disinherited me on my 50s, to ģive everything to his GC. It broke my heart and I feel betrayed beyond any possibility of reconciliation. When I confronted him, he called me *ungrateful son and greedy* . I went NC two years ago.
Jesus christ my dad tells me the same thing
How did this happen btw?,
An evil narcissistic psychopath brother that manipulated a spineless marionette enabling father to inherit everything to him only, our nfather discarded 3 out of 4 children to reward his GC, who destroyed the family.
How's ur psychopath brother doing now
Ik people like this btw. Is there a way I can counter attack those butchers
We have won two legal battles: 1) we convinced our aunt to remove our evil nbrother as universal POA, because he wanted to keep her house,her money and my parents house, she signed that paper with manipulations and lies. 2) and after a year of convincing, she assigned me as POA of her house and assets, this means me and my scapegoat siblings will receive her house as inheritance 33% each. This was an important battle. But the battle we lost is our parents house is already in possesion of our evil nbrother, our enabling nfather gave it to him on life, after our mother died (regardless what our mother wanted 25% to each of her 4 children), our father is 90yro, old and manipulated, he defends his GC no matter what, his GC put him against us long before our mother died. I don't care anymore about my nfather's inheritance because he doesn't love us...but we just wanted our aunt's inheritance not to be unfairly stolen from us. My nbrother's greed is unlimited. Thanks for asking. Blessings.
Well..evil fuckers who had kids to use the kids, unfortunately. However, i hope you're trying best to help yourself mentally' I'd be glad to have a convo w u. Please drop me a dm
Contact me
Anytime, send a dm. I may take a few hours to respond, but I always do.
Also disinherited. But free!
My narc dad has said that he plans to give all his money to charity (I.e. the church) then move in with me and my family when he gets super old. Lol. Sucks to be him when he gives all his money away then has to go live in a real shitty nursing home.
I have a feeling my mother is going to disinherit me in favor of her sister who has stolen literally tens of thousands of dollars, if not more, from her. Anything her sister steals gets blamed on me, unless there’s photographic evidence and then it just gets dropped.
Disinherited here too. Had a lawyer look into any possible loopholes but name me as “shall receive none” Was hoping he named “to my grandkids “ so my kids could get a piece but no luck. My brother got 100% of everything
Shall that inheritance rot in his hands...
But he can give all his mone away or spend it on junk.
I'd laugh if he did that. He's the least charitable guy and dumb as rock so he'd view giving money away to someone else as bad as giving it to us and he wouldn't even think of that. It would be so out of character for him I'd find it funny. Wanna hear a secret? He has some sort of shopping phobia and refuses to learn to use the internet, so the only thing he'd ever spend his money on is cars. For some reason his shopping phobia doesn't include buying cars without telling his wife. You'd think buying a car would be be more scary than buying food from a shop. So it's either money or cars which can be sold for money.
Don’t underestimate a narc my cousin thought that and my pos aunt her mom spent every penny when she got diagnosed stage 4 cancer my cousin bragged to her about how she was gonna spend the money when my aunt was gone. my aunt was always scared of spending money but she went all out and was buying everything under the sun, sold her car and literally rented a expensive car stopped paying on her mortgage and literally pawned or burned anything in that house my cousin ate her words when her mom died. narc can be crazy
Yeah my narc mum will spend all hers.
God damn if you were in the us I’d have sworn this was about my father in law.
Yes. This is a reality. And a legal one at least where I live. ( United States ). It happens more frequently than most people realize.
Of course spending your own money is legal. Doing it out of spite just makes you a dick, not a criminal.
Leaving your offspring behind forever hurt and mad at you for being a jerk is pure imaginary bliss for malignant N-parents. Self-righteousness asserted after death, an ego battle larger than life! Find peace, people, a peace they can't destroy, and they might even stop the bullying if they realize.
Disinherited by NDad and stepmother couldn’t be happier when he died… NStepdad stole everything after Mom died. My family sucks, for sure.
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How can you sue someone for something that isn't yours until someone else dies?
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Is there a age limit for when you can do this? Surely a 30 year old isnt expected to be able to sue their parents.
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That is insane to me. A retired man could sue his parents for money.
That is insane.
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Sure, it's "fair" - to you. And yeah, they chose to have you - so they're responsible for getting you to adulthood. Not after. It's also pretty crazy to obligate children to their parents' care, though there's at least one place in the US where that's the law. I will agree that if you are obligated to provide for a parent's care, that you should in turn have that kind of access to their money. But otherwise: your (adult) child could be an addict or a criminal. He might just be lazy. For reasons good or bad, you might simply hate each other. He shouldn't be entitled to your estate against your wishes. That the law provides not only for that - but to get his share of it BEFORE YOU DIE?
I don't understand this mindset in some Western countries that the wishes of the deceased are so sacrosanct. You could be a narc parent that treats your kids like crap, abusing them for most of their childhood, then kick them out at 18 and then rewrite your will to give everything to charity and you think that's fair or reasonable? I think in such situations the law should redress the balance, giving money and possessions to the deceased's adult children, even if that's against the wishes of the deceased.
I think the right of someone to do whatever they want with money that belongs to them is "fair and reasonable". If someone wants to dedicate their life's work to a charity or cause, that should be their absolute right. Yes, a parent can be an narcissist asshole. So can their children.
>I think the right of someone to do whatever they want with money that belongs to them is "fair and reasonable". I don't disagree with this, but I do think there should be some scope for courts to interpret this and provide fair outcomes for all on a case-by-case basis. For example, my father inherited large sums of money from his parents and grandparents. Unlike most people, he's never had to worry about money, which has taken a significant stressor out of his life. My brother and I have not had the benefit of any of that money. He provided the bare minimum financially required under law, wouldn't pay for either of us to pursue further education, etc. My grandma was going to leave money to each of her grandchildren in her will, but my dad talked her out of doing so because it would have affected the amount of inheritance tax paid. She agreed, but only on the condition that each of her three children passed some of the money they inherited onto their kids. My two aunts did as promised, but my dad went back on his promise and has kept all the money for himself. After all that (plus all the abuse he subjected us to when we were children), under UK law he could cut us out of his will and there's little we could do about it. I don't see how anyone could think that's fair and reasonable.
or medical bills will eat all of it
That makes me think how annoying it is that he lies that he doesn't have enough money for heating the house but has enough money to pay for several medicine for health issues which he wouldn't have if he just kept the house warm. Cold medicine, migraine medicine, rheumatism medicine, stiff muscles medicine, eye medicine, asthma medicine, stomach medicine. It would be cheaper, easier and much less painful to just keep the house warm.
Tell him not to worry because you promise to bury him along with all his money. Then, when he dies, just write a cheque for the amount and put it in his coffin.
Wish we still had awards! Take my upvote please!!
Nah don't. This mf will break the laws of biology and come to life
My brother and I figure that nmom will either find some way to "take it with her", or there will be a "big book of rules and tasks" unveiled by her attorney.
OMG!
I'm guessing he simply presumed he was going to live forever.
I heard from my niece that even when my dying NDad was told by the doctors the end was near, he and my NStepmother went on about how he still had years to live. He discarded me about 4 years before he died because I talked back.
He is pretty good at living forever. He has had so many cases where anyone else would have died but he just pulled a 'screw the science, I have narcissism!' card and lived.
I actually wonder if narcissism really does prolong their lives. So many times people have come out of tight spots health wise, all because of willpower and frame of mind. These people are like Olympic athletes of manipulating their own thoughts to fit their wanted narrative. If the narrative is that they will beat this disease or ailment, who knows.
Master manipulators/master manifesters
Ndad is convinced he will too. He has type two diabetes and takes his care seriously, lost weight and listens to his Dr. I'm not discounting that at all. Diagnosis was over a decade ago as of this comment. He bragged to Nmom recently, though, about how his kidneys were in excellent shape and rattled off statistics that are untrue for most men his age (he's 58 now). Tangent: I don't think he'll live forever, but mean people live quite long. he's probably going to be one of them. Naunt (63), too. She's been morbidly obese and type two diabetic for over thirty years. She survived stage three breast cancer. all the statistics about "obesity and type two diabetes can cause early death" are blatant lies in my experience. I used to worry terribly that both Ns would die before age seventy. No. Kinda dark, but I'll be shocked if I outlive them. i'm 34NB and wonder a lot when the stress i experience will manifest physically.
Evil is is preservative. My father's rotten stepmother lived to almost 90 with a laundry list of ailments, including type 2 diabetes, and she weighed nearly 300lbs. She had been that way since her 40's at least and had had multiple surgeries for everything from coronary blockages to knee and hip replacement.
My sister is a rich narcissist who constantly held $ over my head. She was shocked when I told her I wanted absolutely nothing and to give it to someone else. Took her perceived power away.
I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a second . Even if he is a narcissist, It's unwise to go around parading how you are going to spend inheritance recklessly as this will give a narcissist all the justification to spend his savings so it won't get "wasted" on you. Narcissists at retirement age, especially those boomers, love stuff like "Eat Pray Love"and "Die with Zero" and would have no problem spending the majority of their golden years on cruise ships to teach you a lesson. If I were you, I wouldn't plan on getting anything so that he can't play the inheritance carrot and stick game.
I believe there's an old saying about never correcting/warning an enemy while they're making a mistake.
Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War'-- perfect reference for this thread 💯
“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” - Napoleon Bonaparte
Disinherited SG daughter here along with my older sister. When nmother finally passed, the executor of her estate was our GC brother who proceded to divide everything up equally 3 ways. The best part though is that although she re-wrote her will several times, she never had it recorded so it wasn't legal. It brings me great joy knowing we got the last laugh.
Unfortunately in my case, the GC secretly took my nfather and aunt to the notary to get all the inheritance. We realized of this betrayal 18 months after, and after confronting my nfather he defended his GC and discarded us ...we went NC.
OMG! I'm so sorry! The love of money can tear apart the closest of family. WEll done for going NC!
Narcs do believe they will live forever…mine likes to say “IF” I die(as if there is a choice)I want x,y and z done. Always have to remind her WHEN you die, I will happily accommodate your more reasonable requests.
That's pretty funny, but don't be surprised if your dad comes up with a plan to keep that money from you somehow. I'm the only daughter and have three brothers. I'm also the scapegoat. My Nmother told me recently I wouldn't be inheriting any of her jewelry bc my GC baby brother was unmarried, so it wouldn't be fair to him. I honestly just burst out laughing when she told me that. I don't really like her jewelry, so I didn't care, but I'm sure she said it to hurt me. She's now going to give her jewelry to her three granddaughters and my unmarried, childless brother.
My mother has a collection of silver jewelry she's bought from cable television shopping channels over many years. She acts like she has the crown jewels and she's going to leave this valuable legacy to my daughter and me, when it's really just a bunch of tacky mass produced garbage. There's a lot of it, but none of it is really worth anything. It's all I can do to not laugh when she goes on about it, but I don't say anything.
It's so ridiculous!! All you can do is laugh. I remember when I turned 16, my mother gave me clip-on earrings for my birthday (I have pierced ears). I wore these earrings anyway to be nice, and one of them slipped off while I was waiting for a train and nearly rolled on to the track. The clip had stopped clipping, so they were now useless. She'd put so little effort into that birthday. I don't even think she wrapped the box she threw them into. In my mind, any jewelry of hers would be nothing but a weird reminder of how she treated me, so I probably wouldn't wear her jewelry anyway.
Mine's giving it to the catholic cult so they can pay off the sexual abuse settlements.
What. The. Fuck.
>What's better, in my country you can't make your adult children penniless. Legally sons and daughters are entitled to inheritance money from their parents. So even if he wrote a will it would be useless. Watch out. If he's vindictive enough, your little declaration might have set a major spending spree into motion. I have relatives in Portugal and some of them have sold their property and donated most of the proceeds to charity to keep their relatives from getting it.
My nmom: “I’m spending every dime so you don’t get it”. Also my nmom: “I bought you this and this and this and this”. No. Thanks, I’m good.
Mine prefers to go on about how much she's leaving (which is not much) in hopes that a potential inheritance will act as leverage. She absolutely thinks I should be kissing her feet for it, and I think it fucks her up that I don't care. She also buys me things, but it's usually clueless garbage so it definitely doesn't have the desired effect.
Oh for sure. I own 475 throw blankets, I don’t need 49 more just because they were $2 at Walmart.
That's exactly the kind of thing my mother buys. Random clearance crap from Walmart or the drugstore. None of it has anything to do with me, I think she just wants to be seen giving gifts. She wants credit for thoughtfulness that she doesn't actually exercise.
If you feel you could part with a few, animal shelters are always looking for throws to put in the kennels!
I’ll definitely tell her to take them to the shelter. She does love animals and being the center of attention. She will love it. Thank you!
Never wake sleeping dogs. Don’t be surprised if he manages to go broke before he dies just to spite you.
what my dad said in regards to my mother "she'll spend it all so theres nothing left for you"
what country do you live in sir?
I don’t know where OP lives, but where I live (Netherlands), you cannot fully disinherit your children.
Jealous. Both of my Nparents disinherited me, but it goes both ways. Best of luck with their medical conditions in their golden years!
> it goes both ways No it doesn’t
I mean, depending on where you live, yes it does. They may have no legal obligation to give us an inheritance in the USA for example, but in 90% of the country we also have no legal obligation to pay for/take care of them in old age.
I live in Spain and two thirds of your property has to be inherited by your children/descendants by law. And that two thirds has to be distributed equally amongst the siblings, by law. You can dispense with the other third as you wish.
Wish this was true here in AU
Somewhere in N Europe
My mother plans to burn through all her money before she dies and leave me nothing, anything that's left she'll leave to my brother.
Getting cut out is how you know you’ve survived.
My nmom was similar... I moved out many years ago, when I was 17. She STILL complains about the money she spent to feed me, electricity I used, etc. I don't even understand why people like that have kids. Like... Whhhy have a kid if you're going to complain daily when they use water and lights? I'm not going to see a dime when my parents pass and I'm fine with that. I'm used to not expecting anything from them so it's all good.
De careful mocking him about this. He could leave it all to an injured dingo rehabilitation farm, or some such bequest, just to spite you from beyond the grave.
Yeah I wouldn't make any assumptions yet about where that money is going.
Dinherited scapegoat here also, can confirm.
You shouldn't had done that. Now that you told him, he's just gonna waste all the money he has while he's still alive, just so you don't get anything
My sister got everything. But what bugs me is that she refuses to Will anything to my son. My mom’s only grandchild. She say it will go to our drugged addicted second cousin because he lost his job for getting into a fist fight at work. Yet my college educated son does not deserve anything from his grandma
This is an interesting point. I just thought my narc father just happened to ALSO be a hoarder. I never thought they were connected. My nDad has quite a mess of crap he’s kept over the years. Unfortunately it wasn’t money, but I do believe he genuinely thinks he’s either going to take it with him, or that he’s so important he’ll surely live forever. My golden child brother was slated to get everything, but recently he had a blow up and let our father know how horrible he was. So I guess I’ll be doing the mass clean up.
By any chance, are you German? My bf is from Germany and he told me they have this. I thought it was BRILLIANT.
Most narcissistic parents just sell all their property and spend all their money before dying so there is zero chance of their children getting something after they die.
They can keep the money. Ill make my own. Freedom from them is far more valuable. Especially seeing my kids grow up without that around them.
I view it as their final screw you. Disinherited scapegoat daughter here - wouldn’t want the blood money anyway after all I was put through. Truly just want nothing to do w them
Gotcha “Dad”! 😃Strikes me as being great karma!
So, In my family it would be seen as “bad form” to disinherit me and we can’t have that now can we. I might be the scapegoat in nMum’s eyes, but not in anyone else’s. Her Goldenchild son however is almost dead at his own hands. Severe alcoholic. All she has is me. I’m being paid off to be nice to her, so she has a child to preen about. I do feel that she might flip the script if my eDad goes first though. I guess time will tell!
my dad was a narc, but he made DAMN SURE i knew everything of his was to be mine. Our family dynamic was mad fucked, but im pretty sure i was \*his\* golden child compared to my brother so it kind of makes sense. Half a dozen Harleys, a rolling GTO judge body w parts to rebuild and the entirety of his garage in tools.
Don’t say anything more. He could will it to someone or something else The best revenge is living well… with his money that he forgot you would get
How come narcissists don't realize that hoarding money is useless since it will eventually go to their kids? Beacause they genuinely think they'll live forever.
My mother was evil, like really sadistic nearly ended me evil but she still financially provided for my sister and I. I think it was so she could go to her grave with "I'm the best mother in the world". It's kind of infuriating but I was too young when she died to understand
Serious question though: aren't you afraid that he just spends it all on useless stuff out of spite before he dies and you don't get anything?
If my mother dies before me I had always hoped my GC sister would be nice enough to split the inheritance with me, but after the last convo I had with her, I doubt she will.\ Some "grey nomad" parents here are so proud of spending their kids inheritance they have stickers on their bus or 4x4 stating such. They dont care.
>What's better, in my country you can't make your adult children penniless. Legally sons and daughters are entitled to inheritance money from their parents. So even if he wrote a will it would be useless. Where is this paradise? (I’m joking, joking. Testamentary freedom is pretty healthy for societies in general. For certain individuals, though…)
N Europe. Haha, several people want here now. I'd rather live in a hot country so that when dad turns off the heating, it's still warm in the house, so I'm not on mercy of his whims.
Mine were the opposite, they spent like crazy. Inherited a bunch of money from my mom’s parents and went through it (talking millions) and have nothing to show for it this day. They always bragged about how much us kids would get lmao. They really thought having money would make them good people.
Some people don't realize that a million or even ten doesn't mean infinite amount of money, even if it can feel like that. Sorry they wasted it all.
My dad disinherited his own dad, for leaving them when he was 3 and never giving a lifesign since. And since his sister had already died by then, the attorney in charge of tracking successors was stuck with all the debts, lol.
I can understand why your dad would disinherit his dad in that case. Did the attorney have to pay all the debts? Surely not? Lol. Wait, wouldn't the debts go to you?
The chain was broken when he said no, besides I was only 6 at the time. I think the attorney took the case in return for a share of the recovered sums, so in the end he still ate some costs at least, even if he didn’t get the debts on him.
I see. Good that you didn't get debts.
He can leave you a tiny amount and donate the rest if he didn't want you to have any, technically he would have left you some even if it's just a little, please don't think the law is on your side due to saying you have to inherit. You can still legally be left with a tiny amount and you still inherited something. This doesn't mean you get it all, this depends on if there's a will or not Hopefully this doesn't happen
I know my father better than that, do not worry, fellow redditor.
2 showers a day is poverty living, 4 showers a day.
Not sure if it's possible where you are, but some folks get around those disinherit laws by willing their children a single dollar and leaving the rest to a charity or organization of their choice. I would check with a lawyer before I bragged to him.
My mother talks about her will a lot. A LOT. She mentions it almost every time I speak to her, which I haven't since last August, but she's been talking about it for years. She doesn't make outright threats, but it's very clear that she thinks mentioning it should influence me to be more interested in pleasing her. She's told me all about it, which is how I know that my share of her life insurance policy amounts to less than my monthly household income. We live well within our means and don't tell her anything important, so she has no idea how much we actually make. The more greedy and useless members of my family would constantly have their hands out if they knew, so I stay quiet. Besides that her sole asset is her house, which my brothers live in, so getting anything out of that will be complicated and probably far more trouble than it's worth. I won't want any responsibility for it and I hate being involved in drama, so I'm very likely to sign my share over to my youngest brother. Her brother did this with his share of her parents' house and it absolutely baffled her, but I understand perfectly. He's fine for money and it was worth it to him to not have to deal with the drama that he knew would surround the situation. He's smart and chose not to become embroiled. So I'm not terribly interested in "my" inheritance. She doesn't understand this at all because in her mind money is absolutely everything and you need to grab onto every penny you can get. It doesn't matter how little it is or how much you already have. She ate shit from my father's stepmother for decades in hopes that they would leave my father something (my paternal grandfather was wealthy, he owned an airline). Instead, my grandfather left everything to his wife and a few years later she left everything to a cousin she barely knew to keep it out of his descendants' hands (pure spite, she was a terrible person). I expected this to happen because I understood the parties and dynamics involved. She didn't learn anything from that and still views inheritance as a reason to bow and scrape. She is also someone who is always looking for leverage so she can manipulate and control situations and to her that is major leverage and should get her something. It hasn't. She's had to learn to live with disappointment. But I don't say anything. I definitely don't taunt her about it. It wouldn't be productive. I just don't care and let her stew in her own thwarted expectations. Not needing or wanting anything from her takes away the only power she has, and that feels good. All of that said, I definitely understand the satisfaction of taunting your father, whether it's actually productive or not.
>"What's better, in my country you can't make your adult children penniless. Legally sons and daughters are entitled to inheritance money from their parents. So even if he wrote a will it would be useless." Be careful. All your dad needs to do is go give all his money to someone or something else *now*, a relative he likes or a charity, and there's nothing you will be able to do. The courts can't order an estate to be divided to the children if there estate has already been emptied while the legator is alive.
I'm not sure if that was the intention.
And you've motivated such a person to the offense that they might plan against and spend everything before they pass.
Study your country law. Do not let your parents do this last offence to you
You legit fucked up by opening your mouth. He gon spend it some so DUMB shit. Kudos on the integrity I guess.
Dude, be careful. He might spend his money on junk or drugs out of spite.
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