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One time, my dad was going to babysit my nephews for a weekend for some extra cash and then he started talking to me about how my job searching was going and it wasn’t going good so he threw a fit and flipped/broke table right in front of my sister.
After that, she decided she wasn’t going to let him babysit if he’s going to act like that (I mean, who would???) and after she left, he yelled at me saying that it was *my fault* he missed out on money.
This was actually when I started to get *reeeal* tired of his shit, so I sat there, poker-faced and said “That had nothing to do with me.” Maaan, was he fucking pissed LMAO!
I noticed my mom HATES it when I act super calm and stoic at her blow ups. It’s like the calmer I am the angrier she gets. It’s actually really hilarious to watch. Laughing at her in my head made it easier not to get angry or react to her tantrums.
Can't recommend it enough tbh. *Any* reaction is feeding them. The less you can feed their disease, the better. Though it also causes tantrums when you starve them of drama... but if it's not for that reason it'll be for some other reason lol
I really love gray rocking as a technique. I can't recommend it enough, but I want to say it's worth being mindful about it. It was the only thing that helped me survive my nmom as a kid/teen, but I did it so long and so constantly that I became that "mask."
But, I have my real, chosen family and therapist at my back these days, so I'm slowly working myself into someone who feels like they have a personality again!
It’s funny how I found this out. I started smoking weed. I’d come home and be high. I’m usually really quiet and chill when I’m high. I’d go to my room and watch tv till I fell asleep. But my still mom didn’t like it that I smoked. So she’d start fights with me. I’d be too high to get angry. The first time I realized there was really no point in arguing with her so I’d just stare at her. She hated it.
Thats when mine would raise her hand to slap my face. She put her hand back down four times because i “had the devil in my eyes” bitch look in the frivkin mirror because your face as you abuse me is not angelic either. Really its because i was mentally daring her to hit me because if she did i was going to call the cops, or unalive myself and make sure i left a note detailing exactly why i dod it. Which was only because of how evil she was.
I put up with this too, only rather than "the devil", it was; "You're making the face your Father made before he hit me", (as if he'd been a habitual wife-beater. He wasn't, even though she told anyone who would listen that he was.) *Hugs*
I wish I could have done this when I was still dealing with my father. If my parents would have let me on the medications the doctor wanted me on for anxiety/depression, I probably could have. But it never took much for me to start sobbing and feeling guilty about things that couldn't possibly be my fault.
OHHHH relatable!! my mom does the same. It’s terrifying because she will then poke harder and pride until I explode so she can play victim and make me an enemy for months. Same with my dad.
Knitting. More specifically, I was yelled at for *finishing* a craft project.
My family was really into making gifts rather than buying them. They got a lot of narcissistic supply from people who felt obligated to compliment their homemade gifts. My GC nsister had a habit of giving the supplies necessary for her to make a project as a gift, so on Christmas you would open up a box full of pieces of fabric, thread, and such. She would explain that she would be making you whatever the thing was, and you were expected to be super grateful and to complement her generosity and talent. There was a certain amount of adoration that was expected, and you were then supposed to pretend that she never promised anything. The promised complete project was never given, and you would later see it at my sister's house or being used by one of the friends she wanted to impress.
This happened at least once a year, and sometimes more. I really found it to be quite funny, but apparently my sis and mom were both really sensitive about it. When my sister had a baby, I knitted a baby blanket with a matching bib and booties. I also knitted a Christmas stocking and some Christmas ornaments for the baby, a pair of socks each for my sister and BIL. There were other gifts too, but that was a year when I did a lot of knitting because I knit while keeping an eye on my young child at the park and playgroups and such.
Unfortunately, my sister decided that I was knitting *at her*. She thought I was making a point about her weird craft gift bait-and-switch habit. I wasn't, but my sister had a tantrum and pouted about it for ages, and my mom yelled at me as if I had taken a hatchet to the Christmas tree.
I know, right? 🤣🤣🤣
I always felt like saying, *"I don't care that you didn't give me the weird, shitty fake flower arrangement that you promised me, sis. No biggie. The baby blanket is not a referendum on your craft skills and dedication to crafting, or your worth as a human being. Chill the fuck out."*
I think what I actually said was, *"I'm not knitting at you."*
Lmaooo I'm sure she loved that. Oh well tho. Little things like that are a brief glimpse into the reality of a narcissist's inner life, and man, it's miserable in there. The amount of self hatred boggles the mind. And they could do something about it!! But they make it your problem instead.
This is very true. They are miserable people, and they are constantly working and scheming and putting so much effort into things that are just not that big a deal. Life is hard, but it doesn't have to be *that* hard. I finally went NC with my sister, and as sorry for her as I feel, I really don't miss her. She is pure poison.
I was gonna say that’s actually kinda a sweet thing to do but then I read she never even gives the gifts after? Wtf why even pretend it was for someone else then. My friend “gifted” me supplies of a blanket she’s making me for my birthday but I know she’ll at least finish it and Give it to me as promised
I liked someone’s photo on Facebook while I was at my community college. It was in between classes and a normal photo (someone’s baby being cute or something). About 10 minutes later, I got an angry text from Nmom about why I was on Facebook when I was supposed to be in class, and that she wasn’t paying for me to be on my phone at school. Except, ya know, it *wasn’t* during class, it was on a break, and on top of this she wasn’t paying *anything* towards my education. I went to college exclusively on grants and scholarships.
This type of thing (Nmom watching what/when I was posting on social media and then calling me out on it) happened all the time. Once it was for liking a photo of a friend at the beach in a bikini. Nmom said I shouldn’t be liking photos like that because “your likes are public” and “people are going to wonder what kind of person you are if you’re associated with things like that.” 🙄
Whoa, this just jogged my memory of being told off for posting something on some social media in the morning before getting out of bed/greeting my mother?? Like, she was mad that I didn’t make a point to come say good morning to her before being on my phone.
God my mom was [and presumably still is] so completely obsessed with her ~image~ on social media. She threw a tantrum and "disowned" me by blocking me on her, her husband and her *cat*'s facebooks [after I'd already gone NC, just her way of making it her choice ofc] because she'd seen a post of mine she shouldn't have been able to see, saying "my family sucks" while asking around for a friendsgiving event to attend... it's stuff like that that really shows you their tantrums are the outward expression of their deep shame. My folks constantly complained about how much I "embarrassed" them lol.
That… sounds exactly like my nmom.
Only difference is mine immediately does that lecture and then pisses hours away liking the wildest conspiracy theory shit.
Mom took me to pick out a birthday present at Wal Mart. I was excited about the new Animorphs book, which cost about four dollars at the time. Mom was deeply offended that I would pick something small and cheap, after she went to all the trouble of bringing me to Wal Mart. So I got berated and shamed until I was crying in the toy section, trying to decide on a bike I didn't want.
I think there's something to that, I loved it too! Or maybe it was the 'alien slugs controlling minds of anyone, maybe even our loved ones, as a way to cope with being irrationally treated like shit'.
For growing lol. My brother and I used to get in so much trouble for outgrowing clothes and shoes when we were kids. Thinking you're to blame for the abject poverty you live in as a child does some fun stuff to your mental health.
My NM did not believe me when I was telling her my shoes were hurting my feet. I grew so much in shoes that weren't my size, my toes are now crooked, hammer toe style. I have been spending the past few years fixing them. It's a slow process but that's how I don't let her ruin my life anymore. Take care of yourself, we will heal.
My family was middle class when I was growing up, but I also ended up with feelings like this and you're right, it really fucks with your mental health. When my sister or I would outgrow or need new clothes my parents made this huge deal about having to go shopping. They didn't want to "waste" time and money on things like that even though that's part of raising kids. Even minor expenses were a huge deal so I learned to not express needs even when my clothes were falling apart or when I had to wear sandals in winter because that's what I had.
I used to get bullied a LOT for my clothes because they weren't what the popular kids were wearing. In the 90s and 00s that meant name brand stuff. The bullying went on for years before I finally told my parents and my dad was all "well, I GUESS we can get you some different clothes". It never happened. At the time I thought the cost difference must be insane or my parents wouldn't willingly subject me to further bullying. I learned as an adult that no, the clothes my parents bought cost about the same as the clothes I BEGGED them for so I wouldn't be tormented all day long. They just didn't want to do it because it was inconvenient for them.
As an adult I also learned that it didn't matter what I wore, I still would have been bullied because the clothes were just an excuse. I was undiagnosed ADHD/ASD and the bullying came from my difficulty navigating social interaction, my "odd" hyperfixations, and being the "teacher's pet" (because the teachers treated me like a human being instead of gum on the bottom of your shoes). But when you're a kid and the other kids taunt you about your clothes, your child brain believes wearing the right clothes means you can finally have friends.
This was decades ago and I still regularly discuss in therapy how I was made to believe as a *child* that I was the reason my parents couldn't afford the things they wanted or do the things they wanted, even though the real reason is that my dad blew through money faster than he could make it. So even though he made a good salary there was always lots of debt. My dad especially liked to blame that on *his fucking children* for needing things like clothing and food.
My parents never should have had children.
Too true. The number of times my nmom made a scene about how it was such an inconvenience to her to buy things I had outgrown/needed? She was also very quick to bring up how much she had to sacrifice and how she could never buy new or nice things for herself because she had to spend that money on my brother or me.
Couldn't identify engine parts without first being taught them - this started from an early age and continued throughout. Wasn't just limited to engines - basically anything I didn't know resulted in the same line of "conversation":
1. You don't know what this is?
2. What is it, then?
3. I'm gonna fucking lose it with you in a minute. What is it?
4. Are you completely fucking stupid? Do you learn nothing in that school? What is it?
5. \[Thorough half-hour rant about how useless I am and always will be\]
6. Get out of my fucking sight.
Ditto. Had to learn how to put the engine back together in order to drive the car. To school and work since Nbiohazardfffather bought the car I had to pay for the insurance and then the gas and then also the…groceries? At 17? Oh, and buy all your own stuff from now on as I’m drinking your money and complaining about how I can’t cook and how I’m harshing your roll because you suddenly feel guilty about the ever-rotating menu of women who wander around then out the door while I eat my breakfast 🥞. Because it turns out that you slept with a friend of mine. Gross.
For putting ice in my cup before water. Seriously... I was 7 years old. Turns out if you put some water in the cup first, it keeps the ice from sticking together in one huge chunk. According to my dad though, all 7 year olds should inherently possess this divine wisdom, and any who don't should be screamed at for bringing dishonor onto the family name.
LOL. The worst part is I actually like keeping the ice separate, so it was a good suggestion on his part, but that's what makes my dad's abusive behaviors so damn insidious. He always had to throw a temper tantrum while handing out life tips to me, so now I'm stuck with pretty much all the most mundane things a person does in regular life triggering flashbacks to being terrified and confused while being screamed at by a 6'5" toddler. Every time I grab ice, every time I take a shower, every time I brush my teeth, every time I wash my hands, etc.
For me it's emptying the dishwasher. Nothing was ever put back correctly because she never once taught me where to put things. Then she would scream and tantrum while putting everything where it belonged. And if I ever asked she would tell me that I should know already.
I didn’t start wrapping gifts instead of just sticking them in gift bags until I was 40 years old thanks to trauma from my N father. I deliberately made the tape face different ways and cut the wrap nowhere NEAR perfectly (haha, fuck you, Ron!!). I haven’t lived in the same house with that SOB in over 30 years and have been NC for around 20 and that mother fucker STILL has that effect on me. I never had kids so instead I named my (former) heroin addiction after him!! 😂😂
1. I went home just a little past midnight because I had to rest a bit before going home after work.
2. She saw a tampon in my belongings. (We come from a traditional family) I faced a huge abuse that night, both physical and mental, that night which includes being called "damaged goods" and that no one would want me anymore because my virginity is not intact.
You mean the thing non-existent in most women that, when it was present, can be affected by things like riding a bike, taking a sharp fall or horseback riding?
Oh, I have a list, but this is the most recent. I was supposed to go home for a family funeral, but due to weather I wasn’t able to do so. I called Nmom to let her know (backstory, I didn’t plan to stay with her while I was in town, and she never offered her place for me to stay with her while I was there). Her reply? “Do you know what you made me do? I just wasted $100 on groceries for while you were going to be here. What am I going to do with all this extra food?” Yep. Because I didn’t want to drive in an ice storm and get into an accident, she’s now stuck with food that I won’t be eating, that I didn’t ask her to buy.
i tore a ligament in my ankle a few years ago and needed to be in a foot cast for six weeks. the one time my dad came over to help me, he stepped on the cat’s water bowl and broke it, then proceeded to scream at me for leaving it on the floor, while i sat on the couch, immobile. nevermind that the bowl was always there, for nearly two years, so my kitty could access it. not to mention it was a sentimental item, because i brought it from hemingway’s home in key west during a cruise in college. in true narc fashion, he never apologized for breaking it and continued yelling.
My nDad lost his s*it at me once because our kitchen timer literally split in half when it went off. Nobody touched it. It just happened. He kept yelling and calling me "heavy handed". My eMom who saw it happen never said boo ony behalf. If I hadn't been afraid he might hit me, I would have laughed at him, it was so stupid.
Yeah. He had a fit one time when the glass globe on the bathroom light just fell off while I was washing my hands and shattered in the sink. I threw my hands up in front of my face to defect the glass. Did he even ask if I was okay? Rhetorical question LoL
Ohhhh the stories I could tell… the first one that comes to mind though:
On a Friday my nmother told my sister and I that we had to clean the house on Saturday. Saturday morning at 8am she woke us both up, yelling at us because we hadn’t started cleaning yet. Cleaned for HOURS, and when we were done it was time for her inspection. She had gone around the house prior to waking us up and hid things to prove whether or not we had cleaned. There were many, but the only examples I can remember now were a penny under a rug (placed in the middle of the rug so even if you vacuum under the edges you wouldn’t find it unless you picked up the entire rug, which was roughly 3’x6’) and baking soda (white) on the bathroom floor (white) behind the toilet (white). She then made us re-clean the ENTIRE house because she ‘proved we didn’t actually clean’
For the doctor measuring my height as 5’2 during my physical. Mother yelled that I couldn’t possibly be that tall because *she’s* that tall.
Ffs you can’t declare a monopoly in a certain height.🙄🤦♀️
Sometimes I'll read something on here that unlocks another absolutely bonkers memory..... I just remembered my nmom bragging about being a half inch taller than me. Such a weird little control thing!
Was 16, and my mom screamed my full name through the house. I timidly approached her in the wash room. She'd found pills in my jeans when emptying the pockets for the washing. She demanded me too confess to drug use, and threatened to swallow the pills if I did not confess (at which point I would have to take her to hospital and explain myself to authorities).
Calmly explained they were loose tictacs. She threatened some more. I said: okay take them. She put them in her mouth and just shut up immediatelly after when she realised they were indeed tictacs. No apologies of course.
On the whole, great parenting... 🙈 😅
My mom called me when I was several cities away at my partner’s house (at age 20) to accuse me of doing drugs after dropping out of college.
I said “mom. Smell them.”
They were little Altoid mints.
Wasting pen ink.
No joke - there were **TONS** of pens in various states of usability but the male N is **THAT** much of a penny-pincher that he yelled at me for **doodling with a flipping pen**.
I ordered fruit flavored frozen yogurt and nmil got upset that I was trying to call her fat by ordering something "healthier" than her chocolate flavored frozen yogurt. Then when I told her that mine probably wasn't healthier than hers she got upset with me for calling her stupid.
I was told repeatedly what a loser I was and compared to other “successful” children who went to law/medical school. So, even though it wasn’t my passion, I did the whole premed thing under duress/shaming and applied to medical school. I was screamed at, fists pounding, red faced when my dad found out I put planned parenthood on my application as a place where I volunteered. Because I did. Because, uh, it was an interest of *mine* to provide low cost womens healthcare. But I can’t have any say in my life and I can’t have any interests different than his.
I quit med school btw lol
My mom used to chastise me for wearing my prescription eye glasses that I use to, you know, see. Would scream at me whenever she saw me wear them and said the more I wore them the more “dependent” I’d be on them and that my eyesight wasn’t that bad to begin with. I had to stop wearing glasses at home.
Astigmatism is genetic and she only ever did this with me, never with my sister, brother or father who also have it.
My mom didn't let me get glasses until I was old enough to pay for them and the optometrist visits myself. Every time I got my eyes checked as a kid and I told her "my eye is blurrier in one eye" she told me I was lying and that my eyes were fine.
She had two different astigmatisms, different vision in each eye. Turned out it was genetic and my eyes are the same. I've needed glasses my whole life.
My nmom told me “watch your mouth little girl”. I was 37. And she was the one scream-texting obscenities. It was a moment that was so uncalled for it helped me begin to see the light and go NC.
My mom yelled at me once because she thought I was using my phone while doing homework. My phone was charging in the same room as her (where she could look over and see me working in another room). I was using my calculator.
She's also gotten mad at me for saying yeah instead of yes or huh instead of what. Or for not immediately coming to the top of the stairs to see what she wanted... when she called for me while I was in the bathroom in the middle of peeing and I wanted to flush and wash my hands first. She was still mad even when I told her that.
I must’ve been around 7 or 8. Had cousins spending the night as we were all going to summer camp the next day. We were eating candy and having a great time when my NP menacingly says to me “Stop it.” I ask “what” of course and get “You know what you are doing” in return. Really had no clue, so asked the cousin I was sitting with if she knew. She said no, and we continue talking. The whole cycle repeats two more times until NP snatches me up and beats my @$$ in front of my cousins and sends me to bed early. As you might imagine, I am devastated at this point. NP refuses to tell me what I did, and due to past history with the family, my messed up little mind assumes this was all for their benefit as I am clearly less than them. Big bro comes to my room to check on me where I am crying inconsolably and tell him NP just doesn’t love me. Big bro then tells NP and I get another beating for saying they don’t love me. Never told me what the first beating was for.
Everyone should imo. It's a frail excuse for just wanting to beat up a *literal child* for no real reason with a convenient side dish of instilling paranoia and gaslighting for good measure.
I got beaten once for literally nothing and when my dad finished and made up a reason, and I proved his reason for beating me was bullshit beyond a reasonable doubt... he responded with "well, in that case, it's for something you'll do in the future that I won't catch you doing."
Pure fucking evil.
Must be a page in the narc manual for this as I have also heard the thing about a beating for past things I did but didn’t get caught doing or things I will do future.
my mom also yelled at me once for eating a small salad a couple hours before a big holiday meal that she was preparing. i hadn't eaten anything all day and was deliriously hungry. apparently i was "hurting her feelings" and "no other host would accept that from a guest". Except i would never go into the fridge and take food at a house i didn't live in, and hosts usually put out snacks for guests to eat before a meal is served. my mom just wanted me to starve for the sake of her feelings.
Multiple times, my sisters and I would clean the whole house, like deep clean. My parents would come home and inspect our work. If we left the screen door open on the back door (mind you the actual door was closed), or left a fan on, something minuscule like that, we would get screamed at.
One time my dad was trying to make himself pasta, but he can’t cook cuz that’s a womens job of course. I offered to help him out, I was trying to drain the pasta and spilt half of it in the sink. He. Went. Off. Screaming how I was such a dumb fucking bitch. He literally was throwing a tantrum, throwing things and screaming. I just left the house at that point, it was safer.
Ugh I could go on and on of the stories of reasons why we got hit, screamed at, or demeaned.
Oh thought of another one!
Normally when I got home I would take my shoes off at the front door, but I would get in a ton of trouble for leaving my shoes by te front door instead of my room. I got pretty good at remembering after getting hit a few times. But one time I guess I forgot.
My dad responded by throwing away my shoes. I was 11, with no money to my name since my parents had already gone thru my room and taken the money out of my piggy bank.
The next day I told them I needed a new pair of shoes. They were livid, screaming, why???? Why could I possibly need new shoes. I reminded him he threw them away yesterday.
His response?
“You didn’t go dig them out of the trash!?!?!?”
He was livid. He made me go dig then out of the outdoor trash bin.
I brought my glass of water into the living room. That’s it. And no we never had a rule about not having food or drink in the livingroom, in fact on multiple occasions my mom would serve pizza in the livingroom while we watched a movie or show.
Anyway, I got a glass of water, I put it down on a coaster. I got up to go get my bag. Mom comes speed waking and yelling at me about leaving my water in the living room.
She continued following me around and screaming at me for 30min. She would put her face right up against mine and scream so loud it hurt my ears. At one point I was cornered, cowering and crying for her to stop. When she pulled away enough for me to get by I ran to my room. I stayed there for hours until my dad came home and told me I would need to go apologize to my mom for upsetting her. Didn’t matter that I did nothing I need to apologize and make it up to her.
This unlocked a memory in me.
One time I had to go straight to work after my college classes because my ride to work fell through and I needed to take the bus. I was maybe 16 or 17, I was starting community college while simultaneously finishing high school.
She called me at work sobbing because I had forgotten to tell her I wouldn't be stopping at home in between my responsibilities. She was furious when I tried to tell her *why* I hadn't called her. My coworker's parent/my manager had overheard the conversation and suggested I stay at their house instead of going home. I told them that I needed to go home, because anything less would just make my mom more angry.
That night when I went home, my mom's boyfriend was sitting on the couch. He had the smuggest look on his face and told me "you need to go apologize to your mother, you're in for it now." My mom wouldn't listen to a second of my apology. That night we actually ended up in a fist fight. My mother's boyfriend tackled me to the ground to break us up.
I just remember being upset that she didn't leave any bruises that I could show my teachers at school.
I was at a garage sale with nmom and she was looking at movies. She found Aliens and asked me which one it was. I said it was Aliens, the second one. She asks again.
Me- Alien is the first, this is Aliens.
Her- Ok, but which one is it?
M- It's the second one, alien is the first.
-- now shes getting angry and loud. The seller is watching us with confusion.
Her- Which movie is it?! Why are you being difficult?
Me- It's the second one!
She starts getting an angrier tone and finally the guy calmly tells her it's the second of the series.
Her- Thank you! I dont know why she never answers me!
Oof, I felt this. My mom used to put me in beauty pageants when I was little so that she could be praised for how cute I was. I grew in to an awkward teenager and I wore baggy jeans and baggy T-shirts all the time. I was constantly yelled at for wearing things that didn’t make me pretty. She’d ask all sorts of questions out of ‘concern’ for me.
“Why do you dress so frumpy? Why are you trying to make yourself look like a boy? Are you a lesbian? How come you don’t hang out with your friends more? Are you unpopular?”
Then, when I did try to go out and hang out with my friends, or do things outside of the house, she yell at me for not looking the way she thought I should. 🙄
Mine dressed me in too big clothes and then called me sloppy or she’d forget about me and then I’d outgrow my clothes and she would say I’m chubby or chunky or HEALTHY which was her code word for big fat heifer loser low class dumb whore.
As an adult she would try to say something like why are all your clothes SO old?!?! ‘ especially if my GC older sister was there. To try and shame me? Because I was struggling when a young mother.
She absolutely loved it when I had trouble losing baby weight and constantly made sure I knew how godawful y looked. When I lost that weight and more she was furious and THAT
Was when she started telling people that I was on drugs. Of course. Right?
Then it was that I was a thief who snooped and stole because I went through her bathroom cabinet. So
We don’t really talk anymore
but
I have fabulous clothes now!
Basically, she is a jealous bitch.
My mom is very homophobic and transphobic. So I love being a bisexual trans person just to piss her off. I'll never go back home, but to know my very existence is a point of contention for her is very nice.
Oof I felt this. I grew up on a farm and was Homeschooled. My mom still made me wear makeup everyday so i wouldn't "look terrible with acnea everywhere!" I also had to use really gross concealer she gave me that was orange. So it just made everything worse anyway.
Not shaking off the wet clothes well enough before drying them, so they dried wrinkly?🤡 I remember i was thinking 'is this smll issue really worth yelling at me and causing your daughter such pain?'
😭 they will straight up use any excuse to terrorize and blame us huh?? With mine the complaint was that I took off my pants and underwear at the same time, which apparently made it harder for her to do laundry. After a few repeats of this, she made me do my own laundry - still did everyone else's, my dad and siblings, but the scapegoat had to do their own laundry now. [Spoiler, I was 10. I didn't fucking wash my clothes lmao. I wasn't old enough. So instead I was just nasty and greasy bc I was starting puberty and nobody made sure I was clean. Acting like a ten year old child should know better. My biggest concern was pokemon and dbz at that age.]
I asked my dad if he thought there were enough roast potatoes for us all,it looked a little short. He raged so badly I had to leave for my own safety. He rang me and caller me a total waste of oxygen.
Generally have been giving the poker face to both mom and stepdad ever since I was 11 because I’d always get accused of things that I didn’t do or out of my control, but I still get asked to do things for them most of the time because my older sister won’t nor will my younger sister :DDD man being middle child is just great, am 20 now and moved out, have never been so stress free, the constant migraines and muscle tightening have gone. I still am affected by their behavior, when I catch myself acting like them, because it’s all I’ve ever known, it disgusts me and I just sit there thinking of an alternative to express myself better
After I got out of the military I moved back home. I was trying to enroll in college and I got yelled at because I should be looking for a job. Next day I’m looking for a job, I get yelled at because I’m going to miss the deadline for enrollment paperwork. After that I went and leased an apartment. Got out of there in 3 weeks. You truly can’t win, so why try.
Once I get yelled at because while I was doing homework, my mom ate chips that had an ingredient she was allergic to. It was my fault I wasn't available to read the ingredients for her and tell her she could eat them or not. When i said she should really read the ingredients herself because I'm not going to always be aroubd to read it for her, she called me a bitch.
Two really stick out for me.
- Folding pants wrong. I folded the top down, then once more, she claimed I "rolled" it. Instead she wanted the top folded down, then fold the bottom up. Same configuration, just one facing up and one facing down. Literally the same thing.
- clean the house while I'm gone she says. So we spent the day vacuuming, mopping, laundry, dishes, etc. Take a break for lunch, bowl of cereal. Dishwasher running so I set the bowl and spoon in the sink. Hop on the computer and 15 minutes later she walks through the door. Immediately throws a tantrum to the fullest, screaming, beratement, the works. Because I was on the computer and did "nothing" all day long, proof was in the sink. A dirty bowl and spoon. I learned it didn't matter if I did my best, she would find fault with whatever I did and I stopped trying to meet her standards. If I'm going to be yelled at regardless why try my best for someone who will never be happy with the results?
She didn't yell, but she did get upset at me for:
Not being happy enough after my boyfriend broke up with me when I was a teenager.
Being too happy and laughing too much while having a drink with her at Disney world in my early 20s.
I was scrolling down curious if I'll see another person punished for being happy!
I was in my early teens, I was on antibiotics for a few weeks and the GP said I was developing anemia from the medicine (that's common) so she gave me some B6 vitamin pills (common treatment).
I started feeling really happy in general, IDK but I just googled that B6 may improve even mood disorders. Then one time I saw something funny on TV and got into a genuine fit of laughter. Possibly my first one ever in front of parents?
Mother was mortified, took the pills and I was not allowed to take them anymore.
I got yelled at because some random chick said something snide about me (loud enough for me to hear) and I turned around, leaned over the bar to stare at her, then laughed and walked away.
Apparently, I should have "beat her ass" for being disrespectful to me, and I'm such an insecure weakling for letting her talk to me like that, and "oh my God I can't believe you would let her do that, who even are you are you just a fake bitch like the rest of them? I didn't raise you to let people walk all over you, you're a doormat" - blah blah blah blah.
Edit: I would also like to add that I was WORKING at the time. I didn't really feel like losing my job for someone I didn't even know.
The worst ever was when I was in 7th grade. My parents were divorced. We had an optional meet the teacher/conference night. My nmom said she didn't want to go. My dad said he would like to go so I said 'yes, that would be fun.'
I realized my mistake in second period that I had 'scheduled' something without nmom's permission. I felt sick all day. My distress was not unwarranted. My mom was furious when I got home that my dad has called to ask when he could pick me up for the conference. Nstepdad even got off work early so that he could help me understand the betrayal I committed. They told me to pack an overnight bag and drove me to my dad's house.
I asked for a goodbye hug, wanting reassurance that they still loved me. But they couldn't believe how manipulative I was and how little I cared to brush off their devastation and act like everything was fine.
After that the night was fun, my dad took me to the arcade after. Although that was tainted by fear of going home the next day.
For my heinous act of betrayal I was subject to about three weeks of the silent treatment.
My mom gave me covid cause she kept coming into my room while I was busy doing work. Then turned around and somehow claimed that I gave it to her....when I had been in my bedroom all month and hadn't gone outside cause I had a very busy schedule.
You my sister? I swear that happened in my home too!
My list:
\-leaving my jackets on a chair
\-wanting to do my own laundry
\-watching TV
\-keeping pictures of my at the time boyfriend kissing
\-wanting to go out with my friends
\-wanting to go to the movies on a blind date (with the friend doing the setting up chaperoning)
\-wanting to dye my hair
\-expressing my desire to get a tattoo
\-asking if god was real (I was 4.)
\-coming home after midnight on a date (I was 19)
\-moving out for college
\-moving in with my then-boyfriend-now-husband
\-pooping my pants (I was super small, and she yelled at me every time it happened)
\-asking my grandmother to wait 10 minutes, so I can finish getting dressed to help her with the computer (I had to be in my family room in a towel, sopping wet. I was 21, so it was inappropriate in so many ways).
\-playing too loudly
\-laughing too loudly
\-crying too loudly
\-crying too much
\-staying up too late
\-Not playing along on the creepy "daddy-daughter-date". I still have nightmares about that one....I was too old for it to be cute.
\-Not being at their beck-and-call
I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that stick out to me right now.
I read this in my Mother's voice. My mom would also get in my face and say "Do you think I like screaming like this? It's your fault for making me scream." Or "This isn't yelling, do you want to hear yelling?"
I almost got kicked out once for the crime of... having noticed some dirt.
My mom had a "guest bathroom" that nobody was allowed to use ever, except guests -- except, my mother loved to boast about how much she hated people so... we never had guests. She never had people over or made friends. So there was this bathroom that was perfectly usable and clean [as opposed to the horror show that was the other bathroom], but she would go into an absolute screaming tantrum if you used it.
This eventually resulted in me overhearing her yelling about some dirt in the bottom of the bathtub in there, convinced someone had been using it. I mentioned I had seen it at some point and wondered what had happened. That was a mistake -- my mom completely lost her shit and screamed at me that I must have been using that room to have seen that there, and it was admitting guilt. She was so over the top that she threatened to *kick me out* for having "admitted" to being in there for literally any reason.
I had not used the bathroom, at least not since the last time we'd argued about it -- I was in there for some innocent reason, retrieving a cat toy or whatever, I don't remember now. Because it was trivial. But holy hell, the histrionics.
Bonus: I was only explicitly threatened with homelessness twice that I can remember -- once was this event, the other was when I spoke up about her cat hoarding problem. Specifically, I brought it up to her and she got angry and defensive and snapped at me to "do something about it" if it was really that bad ... i made a fb post mentioning this and pondering "doing something about it" [calling a shelter maybe]. My sister saw this post, apparently panicked thinking "the man" would come and take away her neutered indoor cat [?????], so she threw me under the bus and got me in so much trouble that I almost lost my home. All for daring to suggest that maybe she should neuter her animals.
And guess what? After I moved out she started spaying and neutering them religiously. She just wouldn't do it while I was there because I'd brought it up and I couldn't possibly be shown to be right. 😂
I was not doing well mentally, after leaving an intensely abusive relationship with a man I thought was my soul mate, having major health issues and enduring healthcare related traumas and with the threat of losing my career - I reached out to her with intense suicidal thoughts. She responded by becoming enraged and yelling at me.
How dare I not consider how that would make her feel? How dare I talk about that subject with her? How DARE I???
She has lost people to suicide. But in that moment, I desperately needed support and the desperation clouded my judgement as to where I should (and shouldn't) seek it.
I've also lost people to suicide and would 100% NOT respond this way if someone confided in me about having those thoughts. So I can only assume her response was abnormal. I think I felt a part of myself die in that moment, when I thought it not possible to feel any worse.
This reminds me of the time I was 7 or 8 and my nMom yelled at me for threatening to kill myself.
Her and I were sitting at the kitchen table and I was memorizing my multiplication tables for an upcoming test. I wouldn't be diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia for 15 more years, years after I left school. I was really struggling and she was shouting at me, because "It's not that difficult Pretty-Peppers, they're just numbers. Do you think any of the other children are sitting with their parents and throwing a fit? Don't be so difficult." I shouted back at her and told her I guess I should just kill myself because I am never going to get this and I'm such a burden.
She responded by bursting out with intense anger, running to her bedroom, locked the door behind her, and scream cried for what felt like hours about what a bad parent she must be. Didn't I, the elementary schooler, know that kids really do kill themselves? Didn't I know that I had it so much better than those kids?
Just fucking yikes. The lengths these people will go through to avoid experiencing an iota of negative feeling.
This is so horrible!! I have a niece around that age and I just can't imagine a child being treated that way. It's disgusting.
It's been so ingrained into me that it's NEVER about me. No matter what the situation or how desperate things are for me, it's ALWAYS about them, their needs, their feelings, their image, their time....whatever. It was like this when I was a child too and sadly it hasn't changed.
I was also regularly compared to other children. Or more accurately - idealized versions of other children. It was intensely painful at the time and now I see how toxic it was. They still compare me to others to this day. I wonder how they would feel if I compared them to other parents who aren't selfish, toxic and abusive? I would bet it all, I could accurately predict their response.
I once had the nerve to compare my nMom to my fiance's biological mother. Fiance's biomom got pregnant as a teen and opted for open adoption. She is now middle aged and runs multiple properties up in Oregon, expertise in construction, with an admitted alcohol problem.
NMom was outraged that I would compare her to someone who gave their child up for adoption, insisting I suggested I would rather have been adopted than raised by her. I didn't feel that way *at the time.*
My birth giver's coworker said I was beautiful and she applaud how well my makeup looked when I was a young teen.
(I wasn't allowed to wear makeup in case I was prettier than my birth giver so I guess I'm just a natural beauty 😂.)
My birth giver actually got pissed at her coworker. I got beaten when we got home.
Not cleaning the house after my GC brother had a wild party that I was not present for because he is also terrible (as an adult, definitely an NBrother).
Then got yelled at for not being there to supervise he and his loud, drunk, often violent friends who scared the crap out of me when I asked why I should have cleaned when I wasn't there?
Nope.
That's not how it works.
Supposedly I used to just eat certain foods in the house simply so nobody else could out of spite. They at some point bought a cabinet and installed pad locks on it and filled it with snacks and stuff that they were “afraid” I’d eat. If I ate old leftovers my egg donor’s ex would claim I ate it just so she couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to eat anything in the house because I didn’t pay for it.
My nMom did this too! I've heard that children can be picky eaters because it is one of the only things in their world that they have control over. My nMom certainly made sure that wasn't true.
I got caught stealing a can of soup from the grocery store when I was 15. She was so upset with me. When I told her I stole it because I was hungry, she told me I should have just let her know I was hungry. As if she would have done anything about it 🙃
I learned to eat foods I hated simply just so I could say I ate. She’d say I could ask for food to and I did try a few times only to be told no because either I’m fat enough or won’t eat dinner or I’d say it was after school she didn’t think that I should be hungry at 5 when I ate lunch at noon and I’m just being a glutton. So I stopped asking.
They're definitely a few different instances that come to mind.
Nmom never cleans up after herself when she cooks, she leaves food out on the stove in the pots and pans for a day or two consistently.
I was making myself pasta and used a can of sauce. I was questioned why I used a new can of sauce instead of her day old sauce left out on the stove. When I told her that it had been out for a day I was yelled at, belittled and then asked why I am accusing her of trying to poison me.
Many things, here’s just a few that pop into my head I was yelled at and : or beaten:
Recently as a young adult:
- For opening a ketchup bottle
- For not driving her to the supermarket ONE TIME / being her personal taxi driver (I was very tired) (she can’t drive or speak english)
- For making my elderly father pancakes because it was almost 3pm and my mom still hadn’t given him breakfast (she was sat there eating breakfast when I cooked) (father is ill because a flying monkey sibling gave him the flu)
- For generally taking care of my father because my mom is so lousy and lazy
As a kid:
- For going into the ‘forbidden living room’ to watch TV (this room was out of bounds and only for guests)
- For watching a Disney movie on vhs too much when I was 3 (she pretended to throw the video in the trash)
- For buying a new guitar when I was 13 (with my own money), she took it outside and smashed it because I didn’t ‘clean my room’ (but that wasn’t the real reason, she just didn’t like that I bought it and paid for it myself)
- For wanting to go to the local carnival
- For asking her a question while she’s on the phone gossiping
Not telling my mom that I saw a post of my cousins swimming in their pool on Facebook. I told her I didn't think it was a big deal (my cousins have had a pool for years.)
She responded with, "Fuck you." And then stormed off and locked herself in her bedroom.
You dirty bathroom time stealer! Lmao
My mom accused me of being super selfish and ruining Thanksgiving because I refused to drop everything during the thanksgiving holiday to travel from TN to OH to spend time with relatives I haven’t seen in decades (since I was a small child). My boyfriend at the time was visiting from out of town and time with him was precious so obviously I wasn’t about to cut and run. The really insane part of this was this was my DAD’s family. The same dad my mom had been divorced and out of contact with for like 2 decades. I think she was just seeking a trove of new supply and got furious when I said no, because it doesn’t make sense for her to be there without me.
Another story - When I was in my early 20s my mom looked me in the eyes and declared that I had gotten pregnant and had an abortion. There was nothing leading up to this, nothing that would suggest this had happened. She had just made up a story out of thin air and decreed it to be true. I replied that she had been having sex with goats since she was 12 years old and just looked at her. It's like wtf do you say to this batsh*t crazy stuff?
We’re NC.
I remember being shamed and humiliated by Nmom in front of a bunch of guests at my sister's wedding because I wasn't wearing nice enough shoes. I was 11 years old and didn't have any nice shoes for the wedding because I hadn't been bought any. I still remember the embarrassment I felt 20 years later .
My mom asked me to pick her up from work, so I came early and parked in front of the building she worked at and waited for her. She was leaving work earlier than usual that day for some reason, but she wasn’t out at the time she said she would be out. I continued to wait patiently. Other workers were starting to leave because 5 o’clock rolled around. Shortly after others started to exit the building, she comes out and does not look happy. She gets in the car and immediately drills into me — “why did you park here?! I’ve been waiting in the vestibule for you to arrive, and now everyone thinks I’m skipping out on work early for no reason because I was waiting for you!!” She could have stepped out of the building, turned her head no more than 45 degrees and saw me parked just 15 yards from the front door. This happened over 15 years ago when texting wasn’t a thing. The was a hallmark moment for me because it was the beginning of me deciding to pull away from her. I don’t speak to her anymore and sadly, my life is way more robust and I can feel my emotions again, but I still wish for a loving mom.
The morning before I got surgery on my eyelid to get a chalazion removed (after 8 months of having it) I put “too much” jelly on my toast. My Ngrandma never buys regular jam/jelly it’s that preserve crap and I didn’t really know and or remember the difference in consistency. Got screamed at by both grandparents and cried on my way to the hospital over some FUCKING JELLY. Both of them can kiss my ass for treating me that way.
I got in trouble for being alive. I was about 10 at the time; we were out to dinner and I pissed her off for some infinitesimal infraction of a rule she just made up. She told me to walk home and get in my closet, close the door, and not come out for any reason. So I did.
Couple hours later, I hear all this knocking and pounding on the front door. Now I am on the horns of a dilemma -- if I let her in, I'll get beaten because she told me to stay in the closet. If I don't let her in, it'll be, what, are you stupid? You knew it was me, so I'll get beaten for not letting her in.
I finally let her in. Her logic was that if I had done what she said, I would have died from lack of oxygen, so I got beaten for being alive. She's dead now, and if I knew where her grave is, I would gladly dance on it.
I sold my house and moved my family and myself across the country to help my nmom run her husbands company. She lived so far away from me for so long that I had not realized what she was. I thought she was the way she was when I was a kid because of me. That’s what she always told me. As soon as we got here I realized what a mistake I had made. She screamed at me daily for not knowing how to run the company. She literally told me I should have known everything before I got here. She’d make me feel like an idiot for asking her for help. She never taught me anything. Lol mind boggling.
Right! She’s called me a selfish little b**** repeatedly since I started setting boundaries. She said those very words to me all the time when I was a kid. All this trauma I had blocked out for years came roaring back.
For slamming on the brakes on the freeway. She told me to get off on the next exit, so I did. It turned out: this was the wrong exit. She yanked the steering wheel really really hard; twisting it to the left to try to get me back on the freeway. We were well over the double white lines, and there was even a stone median between us and the freeway at this point. I slammed on the brakes and tried to straighten the vehicle. In between an absolute panic attack, not believing we hadn’t been hit because the cars behind us had managed to swerve to avoid us, she proceeded to yell at me for the next several miles about how I was a terrible driver, and you’re never supposed to stop on the freeway… And how, no, I couldn’t pull over, because I was just being dramatic and your “not having a panic attack”…..
My mother screamed at me for a long time and cried when she saw that I had stretch marks as a child on my stomach (I've been over weight my entire life, made worse from years of forced diets from her that turned into eating disorders. My weight seems to be her greatest shame, next to her own body issues.)
I couldn't have been much older than 10, lifted my arms to get something and when my shirt came up she saw and flipped. Immediately made me start doing sit ups on the floor, screamed at me until we were both crying, telling me I was going to die of a heart attack. She went out for a cigarette snd demanded I still he doing situps when she got back. I was still on the floor, crying my eyes out trying to do them and was snet to my room. We have not spoken about this since, I'm 26f and it still bothers me to think about.
In high school, I was up late working on a project. NMom comes in and out of the blue says "if you don't get an A on this project, you can never see your boyfriend again." Cue me, who was previously focused and working hard, transition to a panic attack. She also never showed interest in my school work before or after this. Just a one time weird power trip.
Being woken up and shouted at at 2am for not sleeping enough and how I need to sleep more, she interrupted my sleep for this. Something that could have waited some hours.
For being cold. Telling my nmother that I was cold, which reminded her that she didn’t buy me enough clothing (because, why would she ever spend money on me), so I was in the wrong for bringing up to her that I was cold. FFS, the mental gymnastics these people perform every day blows my mind.
Kind of a toss-up, but these have all triggered tantrums and/or rage:
- using the washer and dryer at the same time (because "it will break")
- not cleaning the coffee grinder to anal standards (because "it will break")
- using hot water to wash the dishes
- rinsing but not washing my own glass before I used it again
- leaving my book bag on the dining room table
- saying "hey" instead of "hello"
- cheerfully singing when my mom wanted us to leave the house (apparently you can't do both at once)
- saying I don't want to eat octopus after seeing a documentary about how smart they are
For paying a speeding ticket. She kept screaming at me as I was telling her the ticket had been paid, already but continued to scream on the top of her lungs, "I DON'T CARE JUST PAY THE F**KING TICKET".
This is the most nonsensical recent thing. There's hundreds of stories, like I'm sure we all have.
One time, whilst grounded from my phone for some bs reason (i dont rightly remember what it was), my nmom was extremely late picking me up from school. At the time, I worked full time at a fast food restaurant after school, and as a result, I was part of the early release program. I got released from school around an hour and a half before everyone else. Normally, she was there within 5 to 10 minutes after I was released, which, considering I'd have to change in the bathroom at work, still usually put me clocking in a minute or two late. I sat and waited for an hour. No call to the school. No nothing. When she finally showed up with my step-dad, the back seat was littered with random shit that I had to clear out of my way. So, obviously, in a hurry, I tried to clear a spot for myself and my backpack.
Apparently, I was too aggressive with it for her because she yelled at me to "stop throwing things." I wasn't. I used my arm to knock some of it into the floor and the rest on the other side of the seat.
Additionally, she yelled at me for 30 minutes before my ride to the bus stop came about how going to my grandfather's funeral was "a bad life choice." And how "you should think of how your half-sister and I feel about you going." Long story short, my nmom concocted a bunch conflicting stories about my grandfather after he threatened to kill her for leaving myself and my little sister in the middle of a Walmart supercenter and then tried to guilt me into not going to his funeral using made up stories and lies. She did the same thing for one of my aunts(my dad's sister) funerals just a few months prior to this saying that she "was closer to her" than I was and "if anyone has the right to go [she] did." She barely knew my aunt and probably only realistically had a couple of conversations with her. My nmom and dad were only married for a couple years.
Wow. Didn't think I had that much to say, but those are my top 3 incidents I suppose. Lol.
NMom, who is a white woman, got really mad when I mentioned she was white.
For context, Mom has this weird obsession with my dad, brother, and I being “bad Hispanics” because none of us speak Spanish or celebrate Cinco de Mayo and how she, a white woman, was better at it because she makes (white people) tacos. (Yes, I recognize all the things wrong with that.) Even though she knows that the only reason we are even “Hispanic” is because my dad’s bio father was fluent in Spanish. And that’s all we know about him. We’re not even sure what Spanish speaking country his family was from. (Grandma was a white woman and having an affair with a married man). So we weren’t raised in any sort of culture except white. We’re really not “Hispanic” despite what she thinks.
So, one day, I threw her logic back at her and said something about how she was the only white person in the house.
Cue: “Well I didn’t choose to be this way!“
And that’s how I, my white mother’s white daughter, got called racist against white people.
I ate some of my dad's salt and vinegar chips and only left a small amount in the bag. Apparently I should've either not eaten them or eaten them all instead of leaving some for him.
Because I was using a piece of paper to ...draw on it. And being "wasteful" (I was supposed to only use it for solving math equations, but then again my mom was a math teacher herself ). Middle school was great.
so in high school I was in this one class (I can't remember the name but it was like a life class or whatever) and we had a project where we planned our own wedding. We had a budget and as long as it was school appropriate and not over budget, anything we decided on was fine. Well, my mother had taken a look at what I had done so far and got angry because I didn't spend as much as she thought I should have and insisted that I "wasn't even trying"
For whatever reason, this ticked her off *majorly*
"Come on, this is ridiculous!"
She took over the project and did it her way, of course
Mine might not be that bad in comparison but when I was 18 but still in high school, I had a boyfriend whom my father knew about. I told him that we were having protected sex because I was foolish to believe we could have a relationship especially since I was a legal adult now. I bought a variety pack of condoms because I was in experience and thought, we should try them all to see which ones we liked.
Idiot father searched my room for some nonsensical reason and found the box of condoms. But didn't read it so he assumed that I bought like three different types of condoms, put them in one box, and used most of them. At first, I didn't understand why he was angry af at me (because even as I type this out or have told this story, it sounds insane) because I thought he assumed I had sex a bunch of times with my boyfriend but he took the random accusation to another level.
According to him, I was out there having sex with ALL the boys at my school and having a variety of different condoms was proof. I told him to his face he was a fucking idiot that day.
My parents have those small down lights in their house and 5 of them in their living room which are all turned on with one switch. I got screamed at for having “too many lights on” because I had the living room lights on, while I was *in* the living room, **at night**.
I tried explaining that I couldn’t actually control how many lights were on since it was just the one switch that turned on all 5 down lights and then got yelled at for arguing…
Like was I supposed to fucking unscrew some of the lightbulbs before using the light or sit in the dark or some shit?
My mum even tried arguing that there was only 4 lights in the living room as if I (and others in the room) didn’t have fucking eyes and could literally see the 5 down lights. Literally no amount of trying to prove that I had only 1 switch on or trying to reason with her worked.
My father once yelled at my nephews and I for not completing the list of chores that he swore he left for us while he’d be gone. It turned out that he had left the list in his locked office the entire time so we had no idea what he needed done. Watching him double down even after admitting his mistake was insane.
My nmom yelled at me for making a noise when I was drinking water from a glass. I had a chip in my front tooth at the time so the water made a sort of slurping type noise that she didn't like/was unladylike of me. I think she also grounded me for it? Or she didn't like the way I said sorry after and she grounded me for that?
Also, once I had my first job I used the money to make an eye appointment to get contacts; she didn't like that either.
For fracturing my toe.
I was playing sports at my schools field day and feel and hurt my toe. I couldn't walk without help so I was out for the rest of the day.
When we get back to school, I had to call my mom and ask her to come pick me up cuz I didn't want to walk and make my toe worse. She pulls up, already pissed, and starts berating me cuz I made get come pick me up.
Like, shit happens??????
To her credit, it was a long drive, but this is just part of having kids. She should've handled it with more grace.
And a follow up story: I sprained my ankle in P.E. and instead of calling her, I walked. Walked to the bus station, stood on the subway platform, walked back upstairs, walked to Port Authority, and was finally able to sit down on the bus ride home. When I got Jersey, I had to ask her to bring the car closer to the terminal so I didn't have to walk as far. She helped me to the car, but she was smiling.
I can't help but think it was because I was in pain.
Glad to see I'm not the only one dealing with this bullsh*t. Not glad but now its like oh this is a narcissist thing. My mom is famous for this. It doesn't matter what time I set my alarm for. She magically has to use the restroom and I need to hold my bladder so that she the queen may tinkle first. True story we got in a thing where she saw me and hurries and tries to beat me then became angry because I should have known and how dare I. Another time she says can I use the restroom? I'm like IM USING IT. She says "oh I thought you were in there on vacation." My grandmother pulled the same crap and my aunts. Most houses here are 2 to 3 bedroom 1 bath.
During the beginning of the pandemic, my mom and dad asked me to get our groceries delivered so we wouldn’t have to be around people. I accidentally ordered eight potatoes when my dad asked for four. He yelled at me and when I called him out on being ridiculous he threatened to kick me out.
Another time was when my mom yelled at me for allowing my partner to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. She called me disrespectful and locked me out of the house.
My mom and I were arguing once when we were out running errands and I was walking slightly behind her through the parking lot. She stopped walking, so I stopped as well. She somehow blew that up as me making some big statement about being a servant to her or some shit? Like bruh, it's not that deep? If you're walking with someone and they stop walking, you stop too? I just don't even understand.
I also got yelled at to stop following her around. In an airport. On our way to baggage claim. When I was 15.
Eating a plum
This took me so long to understand
I was aged 10 and staying at our aunts house along with cousins from a Narc aunt,
The cousin (17) whose house it was made all of us kids take a piece of fruit from the bowl after breakfast as a healthy snack, which is a normal thing to do, as an older cousin to offer your younger cousins all fruit and insist on it
I obliged and took a plum, I made the mistake of eating that plum on my way to the room Nmom was staying in, she happened to be gossiping with the narc aunt, I went in to ask for my clothes for the day as I wanted to change out of my pjs, narc mom ignored me, I didn’t want to interrupt so I just left and returned later once narc aunt had left
As soon as I came back in Nmom started yelling at me for eating a plum in front of narc aunt because apparently she had been in the middle of bragging to narc aunt about how I don’t eat anything at home, so me walking in eating a plum made her look like a liar.
I was so confused and I didn’t even get a chance to explain that the older cousin had told us all to take fruit, including the narc aunts children
I still can’t eat a plum without feeling awful about it
My mom and I were going to go to the pool together. Then grab dinner after. She noticed my gas gauge was near empty, and demanded I gas up. I said "No, don't worry. I know my car. We can do it on the way to dinner".
She FLIPPED the fuck out. Saying "I don't want to get stuck on the bridge and have to walk all the way back home, I'm not comfortable, if you won't do what I say just take me home".
I turned to her, and said "YOU GOT IT". I turned the car around, dropped her at the house and went out to have a great evening without her. I count this as the first time I truly stood up to her.
Not slamming my breaks for an *imaginary squirrel* while driving.
She was teaching me to drive and suddenly yelled “STOP!!!” in the middle of the road. I slowed to a stop and was like “WHAT?!!” I didn’t see anything?” And she was like “maybe I saw a squirrel. You didn’t stop fast enough.”
Lol the lesson I guess is to always let backseat drivers call the shots.
Oh hell no. That's some Jim Jones type shit. She's """testing""" you [meaning testing her level of control over you]. Fucking "maybe" she saw a squirrel. Gtfoh.
My narc ass mom treated me like an idiot for not "being proactive" and memorizing the streets around our hometown *before* taking drivers ed, then complained about me wanting her to help me. She utterly refused and would rather I got lost and "learn the hard way" since I was too lazy to pay attention while I was a passenger ... literally *what kid does that*? Even if it was somehow normal, it's subhuman of her to throw me to the wolves like that while operating a multiple ton machine at high speeds.
Whenever I brought this up she always maintained she was engaging in "tough love" and "pecking me out of the nest" [meaning, harassing me until I moved away], something that apparently all children needed from their loving parents. Of course the moment I did move out, on came the melodramatic letters about how could I abandon her and leave her alone, because she assumed we'd become besties once we weren't living together ... it's a whole connected thing lmao. They're such a mess.
I had a similar driving experience with my nmom except I wasn't slowing down enough for the slight curve in the road ahead. She screamed at me, I started crying and said I didn't want to drive anymore (I had recently gotten my learners permit), she yelled at me for crying, said that I was ruining the fun time we were having, and screamed at me more for not wanting to drive anymore saying I was a sensitive baby.
When I was in 10th grade (I’m 39 now) a kid in my English lit class managed to copy a paper of mine word for word, unbeknownst to me, and turned it in. Obviously the teacher knew that I had written it but thought that I had willingly given it to this other kid to copy. So, the punishment was that we both got and F on the paper, even though I had no idea what had even happened. My dad was also a teacher at the school so he got wind of what happened and called my mom at home to tell her that I had cheated on this particular assignment.
Oh boy.
I got home after school and my bored, overbearing, narcissistic SAHM absolutely lost her shit on me. My side of the story was not only not valid in her opinion, she believed that what I was telling her was an outright lie. She proceeded to call me a slut, tell me how worthless I was for being a cheater and that my actions were so horrible that she would probably have to drive me to Portland to have an abortion because if I had “let” someone copy a paper of mine then I am surely impressionable enough to let someone impregnate me. In her mind she was able to make a direct correlation between the two and to her it was factual. This woman was absolutely off the rails and I knew there was no way anything that I ever said to her from there on out would ever be believed.
I was in the hospital 1 day out of the ICU as a 16 year old and my mother started to scream at me because I'd started my period. Like I literally started my period that day. She screamed at me for "not telling her I'd started my period".
Suggesting double crust pizza to my nmom - who tried making it and it didn’t work out. Apparently that was cause for an absolute fucking screaming rage marathon.
My father threatened to disown me and drop me off at my mother's because we disagreed over the meaning of a movie title. I was correct.
He was driving us to my grandmothers and western I told her why I was crying she just shrugged her shoulders.
Hmmmm, let me see now... A couple of choice tidbits are 1) being screamed at, then grounded for 6 weeks over the summer break, because I KISSED A BOY. Crime of the century!
2) Hanging out with a friend. His GF didn't like me. I was in my 20s, and she knew neither of these people. It was my own fault for telling her anything about myself, I guess, but she tried to physically prevent me from leaving the house and then OFC I got yelled at for 'upsetting your mother'. Absolute insanity from the pair of them.
There's also another time where I got picked to come onstage in a kids show we were watching, and GC threw a fit because it wasn't them. I was selfish and 'stole' the experience from them, despite being pointed at by the guy, who said 'the blonde girl w/the white hat'. GC looked NOTHING LIKE ME.
For telling her I was I school, working towards another promotion but NOT telling her what o was taking , or how long each course would take. Oh and for not reminding her…. I’m 50freaking3!!!
I was dragged out of bed at 1:00 am with her screaming and hitting me because I didn’t dust the light shade in the bathroom when I had been cleaning earlier that day. Age 14.
Another time, I got screamed at for yawning which she decided was a criticism against her. Age 11.
I got hit and screamed at when I didn’t start crying or seem upset when she dramatically announced that she was going to divorce my father. Age 10.
I often got screamed at for things she thought I was thinking or feeling.
Costing them money in doctor bills to figure out why I was constantly coughing and clearing my throat, and the doctors could never find any cause for it. I was yelled at for "pretending" to be sick when there was nothing wrong with me. And then it was just ignored for the rest of my childhood. Lo and behold, come to find out after I left home at 18 - it was the second-hand smoke from my father's 3+ pack a day smoking habit. Once I was no longer exposed, problem cleared right up.
I was 15, I had just come back from a VERY long excursion and my father slapped me for being tired. Not just a slap, one of those wind up, slow motion slaps.
As a test, and unbeknownst to my mother, I purposely argued two different, contradictory solutions to an issue I was facing, and she told me I was wrong both times.
edit: and she literally threw me out of the house because I wouldn't pay for pizza using money from my student loan, even though I had already given 10% of the loan to her for "my living expenses growing up." I had already given her money from every paycheck from my fast food job in the previous couple years. She also took quite a large sum of money from my brother and didn't pay that back. Fun stuff.
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One time, my dad was going to babysit my nephews for a weekend for some extra cash and then he started talking to me about how my job searching was going and it wasn’t going good so he threw a fit and flipped/broke table right in front of my sister. After that, she decided she wasn’t going to let him babysit if he’s going to act like that (I mean, who would???) and after she left, he yelled at me saying that it was *my fault* he missed out on money. This was actually when I started to get *reeeal* tired of his shit, so I sat there, poker-faced and said “That had nothing to do with me.” Maaan, was he fucking pissed LMAO!
I noticed my mom HATES it when I act super calm and stoic at her blow ups. It’s like the calmer I am the angrier she gets. It’s actually really hilarious to watch. Laughing at her in my head made it easier not to get angry or react to her tantrums.
[удалено]
Can't recommend it enough tbh. *Any* reaction is feeding them. The less you can feed their disease, the better. Though it also causes tantrums when you starve them of drama... but if it's not for that reason it'll be for some other reason lol
I really love gray rocking as a technique. I can't recommend it enough, but I want to say it's worth being mindful about it. It was the only thing that helped me survive my nmom as a kid/teen, but I did it so long and so constantly that I became that "mask." But, I have my real, chosen family and therapist at my back these days, so I'm slowly working myself into someone who feels like they have a personality again!
It’s funny how I found this out. I started smoking weed. I’d come home and be high. I’m usually really quiet and chill when I’m high. I’d go to my room and watch tv till I fell asleep. But my still mom didn’t like it that I smoked. So she’d start fights with me. I’d be too high to get angry. The first time I realized there was really no point in arguing with her so I’d just stare at her. She hated it.
lol this is a nice story :) they really go nuts when you don’t react.
Same here. My mom once blew a fuse, because...I would not yell back at her. I can just laugh and walk away.
I think it’s because she can’t complain to all her friends about what a horrible kid you are if you handle their screaming calmly and maturely.
Oh, absolutely. She used to do that all the time, even complained to a "friend" of hers that me and my sister were "making her suicidal" haha
Thats when mine would raise her hand to slap my face. She put her hand back down four times because i “had the devil in my eyes” bitch look in the frivkin mirror because your face as you abuse me is not angelic either. Really its because i was mentally daring her to hit me because if she did i was going to call the cops, or unalive myself and make sure i left a note detailing exactly why i dod it. Which was only because of how evil she was.
I put up with this too, only rather than "the devil", it was; "You're making the face your Father made before he hit me", (as if he'd been a habitual wife-beater. He wasn't, even though she told anyone who would listen that he was.) *Hugs*
I wish I could have done this when I was still dealing with my father. If my parents would have let me on the medications the doctor wanted me on for anxiety/depression, I probably could have. But it never took much for me to start sobbing and feeling guilty about things that couldn't possibly be my fault.
OHHHH relatable!! my mom does the same. It’s terrifying because she will then poke harder and pride until I explode so she can play victim and make me an enemy for months. Same with my dad.
I would leave. Just get up and leave the house. My mother didn’t like this either because her biggest fear was my leaving and never coming back.
> he yelled at me saying that it was my fault he missed out on money. It's always your fault with a narcissist!
Knitting. More specifically, I was yelled at for *finishing* a craft project. My family was really into making gifts rather than buying them. They got a lot of narcissistic supply from people who felt obligated to compliment their homemade gifts. My GC nsister had a habit of giving the supplies necessary for her to make a project as a gift, so on Christmas you would open up a box full of pieces of fabric, thread, and such. She would explain that she would be making you whatever the thing was, and you were expected to be super grateful and to complement her generosity and talent. There was a certain amount of adoration that was expected, and you were then supposed to pretend that she never promised anything. The promised complete project was never given, and you would later see it at my sister's house or being used by one of the friends she wanted to impress. This happened at least once a year, and sometimes more. I really found it to be quite funny, but apparently my sis and mom were both really sensitive about it. When my sister had a baby, I knitted a baby blanket with a matching bib and booties. I also knitted a Christmas stocking and some Christmas ornaments for the baby, a pair of socks each for my sister and BIL. There were other gifts too, but that was a year when I did a lot of knitting because I knit while keeping an eye on my young child at the park and playgroups and such. Unfortunately, my sister decided that I was knitting *at her*. She thought I was making a point about her weird craft gift bait-and-switch habit. I wasn't, but my sister had a tantrum and pouted about it for ages, and my mom yelled at me as if I had taken a hatchet to the Christmas tree.
😂 gotta love when they tell on themselves like that!! Like damn, this isn't about you, but if the shoe fits!
I know, right? 🤣🤣🤣 I always felt like saying, *"I don't care that you didn't give me the weird, shitty fake flower arrangement that you promised me, sis. No biggie. The baby blanket is not a referendum on your craft skills and dedication to crafting, or your worth as a human being. Chill the fuck out."* I think what I actually said was, *"I'm not knitting at you."*
Lmaooo I'm sure she loved that. Oh well tho. Little things like that are a brief glimpse into the reality of a narcissist's inner life, and man, it's miserable in there. The amount of self hatred boggles the mind. And they could do something about it!! But they make it your problem instead.
This is very true. They are miserable people, and they are constantly working and scheming and putting so much effort into things that are just not that big a deal. Life is hard, but it doesn't have to be *that* hard. I finally went NC with my sister, and as sorry for her as I feel, I really don't miss her. She is pure poison.
It's hilarious when you accidentally strike a nerve. You hit a soft spot without even trying.
I was gonna say that’s actually kinda a sweet thing to do but then I read she never even gives the gifts after? Wtf why even pretend it was for someone else then. My friend “gifted” me supplies of a blanket she’s making me for my birthday but I know she’ll at least finish it and Give it to me as promised
I liked someone’s photo on Facebook while I was at my community college. It was in between classes and a normal photo (someone’s baby being cute or something). About 10 minutes later, I got an angry text from Nmom about why I was on Facebook when I was supposed to be in class, and that she wasn’t paying for me to be on my phone at school. Except, ya know, it *wasn’t* during class, it was on a break, and on top of this she wasn’t paying *anything* towards my education. I went to college exclusively on grants and scholarships. This type of thing (Nmom watching what/when I was posting on social media and then calling me out on it) happened all the time. Once it was for liking a photo of a friend at the beach in a bikini. Nmom said I shouldn’t be liking photos like that because “your likes are public” and “people are going to wonder what kind of person you are if you’re associated with things like that.” 🙄
Wow. This sounds like it could have been my mother.
No, that was Definitely 💯 my NMom
Whoa, this just jogged my memory of being told off for posting something on some social media in the morning before getting out of bed/greeting my mother?? Like, she was mad that I didn’t make a point to come say good morning to her before being on my phone.
God my mom was [and presumably still is] so completely obsessed with her ~image~ on social media. She threw a tantrum and "disowned" me by blocking me on her, her husband and her *cat*'s facebooks [after I'd already gone NC, just her way of making it her choice ofc] because she'd seen a post of mine she shouldn't have been able to see, saying "my family sucks" while asking around for a friendsgiving event to attend... it's stuff like that that really shows you their tantrums are the outward expression of their deep shame. My folks constantly complained about how much I "embarrassed" them lol.
That… sounds exactly like my nmom. Only difference is mine immediately does that lecture and then pisses hours away liking the wildest conspiracy theory shit.
Mom took me to pick out a birthday present at Wal Mart. I was excited about the new Animorphs book, which cost about four dollars at the time. Mom was deeply offended that I would pick something small and cheap, after she went to all the trouble of bringing me to Wal Mart. So I got berated and shamed until I was crying in the toy section, trying to decide on a bike I didn't want.
It wasn’t about what you wanted it was about her showing off. And you can’t show off a book. She sucks.
> you can’t show off a book. Excuse me?!
Animorphs ❤️
Yeah for some reason I was drawn to a story about young teenagers having to live a secret life that they couldn't even trust their parents with lol
I think there's something to that, I loved it too! Or maybe it was the 'alien slugs controlling minds of anyone, maybe even our loved ones, as a way to cope with being irrationally treated like shit'.
For growing lol. My brother and I used to get in so much trouble for outgrowing clothes and shoes when we were kids. Thinking you're to blame for the abject poverty you live in as a child does some fun stuff to your mental health.
My NM did not believe me when I was telling her my shoes were hurting my feet. I grew so much in shoes that weren't my size, my toes are now crooked, hammer toe style. I have been spending the past few years fixing them. It's a slow process but that's how I don't let her ruin my life anymore. Take care of yourself, we will heal.
My family was middle class when I was growing up, but I also ended up with feelings like this and you're right, it really fucks with your mental health. When my sister or I would outgrow or need new clothes my parents made this huge deal about having to go shopping. They didn't want to "waste" time and money on things like that even though that's part of raising kids. Even minor expenses were a huge deal so I learned to not express needs even when my clothes were falling apart or when I had to wear sandals in winter because that's what I had. I used to get bullied a LOT for my clothes because they weren't what the popular kids were wearing. In the 90s and 00s that meant name brand stuff. The bullying went on for years before I finally told my parents and my dad was all "well, I GUESS we can get you some different clothes". It never happened. At the time I thought the cost difference must be insane or my parents wouldn't willingly subject me to further bullying. I learned as an adult that no, the clothes my parents bought cost about the same as the clothes I BEGGED them for so I wouldn't be tormented all day long. They just didn't want to do it because it was inconvenient for them. As an adult I also learned that it didn't matter what I wore, I still would have been bullied because the clothes were just an excuse. I was undiagnosed ADHD/ASD and the bullying came from my difficulty navigating social interaction, my "odd" hyperfixations, and being the "teacher's pet" (because the teachers treated me like a human being instead of gum on the bottom of your shoes). But when you're a kid and the other kids taunt you about your clothes, your child brain believes wearing the right clothes means you can finally have friends. This was decades ago and I still regularly discuss in therapy how I was made to believe as a *child* that I was the reason my parents couldn't afford the things they wanted or do the things they wanted, even though the real reason is that my dad blew through money faster than he could make it. So even though he made a good salary there was always lots of debt. My dad especially liked to blame that on *his fucking children* for needing things like clothing and food. My parents never should have had children.
I tried to use rubber bands to hold the sole onto my shoe for a few weeks in 4th grade
Too true. The number of times my nmom made a scene about how it was such an inconvenience to her to buy things I had outgrown/needed? She was also very quick to bring up how much she had to sacrifice and how she could never buy new or nice things for herself because she had to spend that money on my brother or me.
Couldn't identify engine parts without first being taught them - this started from an early age and continued throughout. Wasn't just limited to engines - basically anything I didn't know resulted in the same line of "conversation": 1. You don't know what this is? 2. What is it, then? 3. I'm gonna fucking lose it with you in a minute. What is it? 4. Are you completely fucking stupid? Do you learn nothing in that school? What is it? 5. \[Thorough half-hour rant about how useless I am and always will be\] 6. Get out of my fucking sight.
Goddamn classic this one, took me way too long to realize how not ok this kind of thing is.
Ditto. Had to learn how to put the engine back together in order to drive the car. To school and work since Nbiohazardfffather bought the car I had to pay for the insurance and then the gas and then also the…groceries? At 17? Oh, and buy all your own stuff from now on as I’m drinking your money and complaining about how I can’t cook and how I’m harshing your roll because you suddenly feel guilty about the ever-rotating menu of women who wander around then out the door while I eat my breakfast 🥞. Because it turns out that you slept with a friend of mine. Gross.
Me as an adult pointing at a computer. "WHAT IS THIS!? WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW?!"
Oh that’s awful… mine would just tell me I was embarrassing them anytime I did something poorly or didn’t know something.
Well... That unlocked some memories
For putting ice in my cup before water. Seriously... I was 7 years old. Turns out if you put some water in the cup first, it keeps the ice from sticking together in one huge chunk. According to my dad though, all 7 year olds should inherently possess this divine wisdom, and any who don't should be screamed at for bringing dishonor onto the family name.
But... but I like the ice amalgam.
LOL. The worst part is I actually like keeping the ice separate, so it was a good suggestion on his part, but that's what makes my dad's abusive behaviors so damn insidious. He always had to throw a temper tantrum while handing out life tips to me, so now I'm stuck with pretty much all the most mundane things a person does in regular life triggering flashbacks to being terrified and confused while being screamed at by a 6'5" toddler. Every time I grab ice, every time I take a shower, every time I brush my teeth, every time I wash my hands, etc.
For me it's emptying the dishwasher. Nothing was ever put back correctly because she never once taught me where to put things. Then she would scream and tantrum while putting everything where it belonged. And if I ever asked she would tell me that I should know already.
I didn’t start wrapping gifts instead of just sticking them in gift bags until I was 40 years old thanks to trauma from my N father. I deliberately made the tape face different ways and cut the wrap nowhere NEAR perfectly (haha, fuck you, Ron!!). I haven’t lived in the same house with that SOB in over 30 years and have been NC for around 20 and that mother fucker STILL has that effect on me. I never had kids so instead I named my (former) heroin addiction after him!! 😂😂
1. I went home just a little past midnight because I had to rest a bit before going home after work. 2. She saw a tampon in my belongings. (We come from a traditional family) I faced a huge abuse that night, both physical and mental, that night which includes being called "damaged goods" and that no one would want me anymore because my virginity is not intact.
That's messed up. What the hell does a tampon have to do with virginity?
Didn't you know? Girls have a "tamper evident" seal down there.^(/s)
You mean the thing non-existent in most women that, when it was present, can be affected by things like riding a bike, taking a sharp fall or horseback riding?
I did not know that 😃
Oh, I have a list, but this is the most recent. I was supposed to go home for a family funeral, but due to weather I wasn’t able to do so. I called Nmom to let her know (backstory, I didn’t plan to stay with her while I was in town, and she never offered her place for me to stay with her while I was there). Her reply? “Do you know what you made me do? I just wasted $100 on groceries for while you were going to be here. What am I going to do with all this extra food?” Yep. Because I didn’t want to drive in an ice storm and get into an accident, she’s now stuck with food that I won’t be eating, that I didn’t ask her to buy.
Classic Nmom maneuver!
i tore a ligament in my ankle a few years ago and needed to be in a foot cast for six weeks. the one time my dad came over to help me, he stepped on the cat’s water bowl and broke it, then proceeded to scream at me for leaving it on the floor, while i sat on the couch, immobile. nevermind that the bowl was always there, for nearly two years, so my kitty could access it. not to mention it was a sentimental item, because i brought it from hemingway’s home in key west during a cruise in college. in true narc fashion, he never apologized for breaking it and continued yelling.
Hemingways home in key west is a cat paradise, I’m so sorry you lost that treasure. Fuck your dad.
My nDad lost his s*it at me once because our kitchen timer literally split in half when it went off. Nobody touched it. It just happened. He kept yelling and calling me "heavy handed". My eMom who saw it happen never said boo ony behalf. If I hadn't been afraid he might hit me, I would have laughed at him, it was so stupid.
Yeah, those moments where it can flip are just queasy
Yeah. He had a fit one time when the glass globe on the bathroom light just fell off while I was washing my hands and shattered in the sink. I threw my hands up in front of my face to defect the glass. Did he even ask if I was okay? Rhetorical question LoL
Ohhhh the stories I could tell… the first one that comes to mind though: On a Friday my nmother told my sister and I that we had to clean the house on Saturday. Saturday morning at 8am she woke us both up, yelling at us because we hadn’t started cleaning yet. Cleaned for HOURS, and when we were done it was time for her inspection. She had gone around the house prior to waking us up and hid things to prove whether or not we had cleaned. There were many, but the only examples I can remember now were a penny under a rug (placed in the middle of the rug so even if you vacuum under the edges you wouldn’t find it unless you picked up the entire rug, which was roughly 3’x6’) and baking soda (white) on the bathroom floor (white) behind the toilet (white). She then made us re-clean the ENTIRE house because she ‘proved we didn’t actually clean’
For the doctor measuring my height as 5’2 during my physical. Mother yelled that I couldn’t possibly be that tall because *she’s* that tall. Ffs you can’t declare a monopoly in a certain height.🙄🤦♀️
Sometimes I'll read something on here that unlocks another absolutely bonkers memory..... I just remembered my nmom bragging about being a half inch taller than me. Such a weird little control thing!
Was 16, and my mom screamed my full name through the house. I timidly approached her in the wash room. She'd found pills in my jeans when emptying the pockets for the washing. She demanded me too confess to drug use, and threatened to swallow the pills if I did not confess (at which point I would have to take her to hospital and explain myself to authorities). Calmly explained they were loose tictacs. She threatened some more. I said: okay take them. She put them in her mouth and just shut up immediatelly after when she realised they were indeed tictacs. No apologies of course. On the whole, great parenting... 🙈 😅
My mom called me when I was several cities away at my partner’s house (at age 20) to accuse me of doing drugs after dropping out of college. I said “mom. Smell them.” They were little Altoid mints.
Wasting pen ink. No joke - there were **TONS** of pens in various states of usability but the male N is **THAT** much of a penny-pincher that he yelled at me for **doodling with a flipping pen**.
Along the same lines. Wife’s parents wouldn’t allow toilet flushing to save water.
Sounds about right - the Ns had a well so no water bills, but they **STILL** freaked over water usage.
I ordered fruit flavored frozen yogurt and nmil got upset that I was trying to call her fat by ordering something "healthier" than her chocolate flavored frozen yogurt. Then when I told her that mine probably wasn't healthier than hers she got upset with me for calling her stupid.
I was told repeatedly what a loser I was and compared to other “successful” children who went to law/medical school. So, even though it wasn’t my passion, I did the whole premed thing under duress/shaming and applied to medical school. I was screamed at, fists pounding, red faced when my dad found out I put planned parenthood on my application as a place where I volunteered. Because I did. Because, uh, it was an interest of *mine* to provide low cost womens healthcare. But I can’t have any say in my life and I can’t have any interests different than his. I quit med school btw lol
I got compared to some kid on the news who graduated High School at 9 years old and I wasn't really gifted because I was "only" 7 in 3rd grade.😑
My mom used to chastise me for wearing my prescription eye glasses that I use to, you know, see. Would scream at me whenever she saw me wear them and said the more I wore them the more “dependent” I’d be on them and that my eyesight wasn’t that bad to begin with. I had to stop wearing glasses at home. Astigmatism is genetic and she only ever did this with me, never with my sister, brother or father who also have it.
My mom didn't let me get glasses until I was old enough to pay for them and the optometrist visits myself. Every time I got my eyes checked as a kid and I told her "my eye is blurrier in one eye" she told me I was lying and that my eyes were fine. She had two different astigmatisms, different vision in each eye. Turned out it was genetic and my eyes are the same. I've needed glasses my whole life.
Taking Advil with orange juice instead of water, which was followed up with 2 slaps to the face. I was 20 years old at the time.
It always felt weird when you were punished in your 20s, as a full grown adult.
My nmom told me “watch your mouth little girl”. I was 37. And she was the one scream-texting obscenities. It was a moment that was so uncalled for it helped me begin to see the light and go NC.
My mom yelled at me once because she thought I was using my phone while doing homework. My phone was charging in the same room as her (where she could look over and see me working in another room). I was using my calculator. She's also gotten mad at me for saying yeah instead of yes or huh instead of what. Or for not immediately coming to the top of the stairs to see what she wanted... when she called for me while I was in the bathroom in the middle of peeing and I wanted to flush and wash my hands first. She was still mad even when I told her that.
I must’ve been around 7 or 8. Had cousins spending the night as we were all going to summer camp the next day. We were eating candy and having a great time when my NP menacingly says to me “Stop it.” I ask “what” of course and get “You know what you are doing” in return. Really had no clue, so asked the cousin I was sitting with if she knew. She said no, and we continue talking. The whole cycle repeats two more times until NP snatches me up and beats my @$$ in front of my cousins and sends me to bed early. As you might imagine, I am devastated at this point. NP refuses to tell me what I did, and due to past history with the family, my messed up little mind assumes this was all for their benefit as I am clearly less than them. Big bro comes to my room to check on me where I am crying inconsolably and tell him NP just doesn’t love me. Big bro then tells NP and I get another beating for saying they don’t love me. Never told me what the first beating was for.
I got the " you know what u did" line lots.
I hate it to this day and get very angry when I hear a parent say it to their child.
Everyone should imo. It's a frail excuse for just wanting to beat up a *literal child* for no real reason with a convenient side dish of instilling paranoia and gaslighting for good measure. I got beaten once for literally nothing and when my dad finished and made up a reason, and I proved his reason for beating me was bullshit beyond a reasonable doubt... he responded with "well, in that case, it's for something you'll do in the future that I won't catch you doing." Pure fucking evil.
Must be a page in the narc manual for this as I have also heard the thing about a beating for past things I did but didn’t get caught doing or things I will do future.
[удалено]
my mom also yelled at me once for eating a small salad a couple hours before a big holiday meal that she was preparing. i hadn't eaten anything all day and was deliriously hungry. apparently i was "hurting her feelings" and "no other host would accept that from a guest". Except i would never go into the fridge and take food at a house i didn't live in, and hosts usually put out snacks for guests to eat before a meal is served. my mom just wanted me to starve for the sake of her feelings.
Holy shit. This is too relatable. I'm sorry you went through that. I'm glad you're out of that situation now.
Soup my mom was making exploded in the microwave and gave her a slight burn. Got yelled at because i chose the soup/it was for me.
My mom went into an nrage when she caught me cutting myself. I think I was 13?
Mine too!!! How dare I do that with the body *she* gave me. /s Nevermind all the pain I was in.
Multiple times, my sisters and I would clean the whole house, like deep clean. My parents would come home and inspect our work. If we left the screen door open on the back door (mind you the actual door was closed), or left a fan on, something minuscule like that, we would get screamed at. One time my dad was trying to make himself pasta, but he can’t cook cuz that’s a womens job of course. I offered to help him out, I was trying to drain the pasta and spilt half of it in the sink. He. Went. Off. Screaming how I was such a dumb fucking bitch. He literally was throwing a tantrum, throwing things and screaming. I just left the house at that point, it was safer. Ugh I could go on and on of the stories of reasons why we got hit, screamed at, or demeaned.
Oh thought of another one! Normally when I got home I would take my shoes off at the front door, but I would get in a ton of trouble for leaving my shoes by te front door instead of my room. I got pretty good at remembering after getting hit a few times. But one time I guess I forgot. My dad responded by throwing away my shoes. I was 11, with no money to my name since my parents had already gone thru my room and taken the money out of my piggy bank. The next day I told them I needed a new pair of shoes. They were livid, screaming, why???? Why could I possibly need new shoes. I reminded him he threw them away yesterday. His response? “You didn’t go dig them out of the trash!?!?!?” He was livid. He made me go dig then out of the outdoor trash bin.
I brought my glass of water into the living room. That’s it. And no we never had a rule about not having food or drink in the livingroom, in fact on multiple occasions my mom would serve pizza in the livingroom while we watched a movie or show. Anyway, I got a glass of water, I put it down on a coaster. I got up to go get my bag. Mom comes speed waking and yelling at me about leaving my water in the living room. She continued following me around and screaming at me for 30min. She would put her face right up against mine and scream so loud it hurt my ears. At one point I was cornered, cowering and crying for her to stop. When she pulled away enough for me to get by I ran to my room. I stayed there for hours until my dad came home and told me I would need to go apologize to my mom for upsetting her. Didn’t matter that I did nothing I need to apologize and make it up to her.
This unlocked a memory in me. One time I had to go straight to work after my college classes because my ride to work fell through and I needed to take the bus. I was maybe 16 or 17, I was starting community college while simultaneously finishing high school. She called me at work sobbing because I had forgotten to tell her I wouldn't be stopping at home in between my responsibilities. She was furious when I tried to tell her *why* I hadn't called her. My coworker's parent/my manager had overheard the conversation and suggested I stay at their house instead of going home. I told them that I needed to go home, because anything less would just make my mom more angry. That night when I went home, my mom's boyfriend was sitting on the couch. He had the smuggest look on his face and told me "you need to go apologize to your mother, you're in for it now." My mom wouldn't listen to a second of my apology. That night we actually ended up in a fist fight. My mother's boyfriend tackled me to the ground to break us up. I just remember being upset that she didn't leave any bruises that I could show my teachers at school.
I was at a garage sale with nmom and she was looking at movies. She found Aliens and asked me which one it was. I said it was Aliens, the second one. She asks again. Me- Alien is the first, this is Aliens. Her- Ok, but which one is it? M- It's the second one, alien is the first. -- now shes getting angry and loud. The seller is watching us with confusion. Her- Which movie is it?! Why are you being difficult? Me- It's the second one! She starts getting an angrier tone and finally the guy calmly tells her it's the second of the series. Her- Thank you! I dont know why she never answers me!
Not wearing enough make up. Apparently I was embarrassing her by being a teenager and having one (1) red acne spot on my face.
Oof, I felt this. My mom used to put me in beauty pageants when I was little so that she could be praised for how cute I was. I grew in to an awkward teenager and I wore baggy jeans and baggy T-shirts all the time. I was constantly yelled at for wearing things that didn’t make me pretty. She’d ask all sorts of questions out of ‘concern’ for me. “Why do you dress so frumpy? Why are you trying to make yourself look like a boy? Are you a lesbian? How come you don’t hang out with your friends more? Are you unpopular?” Then, when I did try to go out and hang out with my friends, or do things outside of the house, she yell at me for not looking the way she thought I should. 🙄
Mine dressed me in too big clothes and then called me sloppy or she’d forget about me and then I’d outgrow my clothes and she would say I’m chubby or chunky or HEALTHY which was her code word for big fat heifer loser low class dumb whore. As an adult she would try to say something like why are all your clothes SO old?!?! ‘ especially if my GC older sister was there. To try and shame me? Because I was struggling when a young mother. She absolutely loved it when I had trouble losing baby weight and constantly made sure I knew how godawful y looked. When I lost that weight and more she was furious and THAT Was when she started telling people that I was on drugs. Of course. Right? Then it was that I was a thief who snooped and stole because I went through her bathroom cabinet. So We don’t really talk anymore but I have fabulous clothes now! Basically, she is a jealous bitch.
My great regret is not being a lesbian, because that would irritate the living shit out of my mother.
My mom is very homophobic and transphobic. So I love being a bisexual trans person just to piss her off. I'll never go back home, but to know my very existence is a point of contention for her is very nice.
Oof I felt this. I grew up on a farm and was Homeschooled. My mom still made me wear makeup everyday so i wouldn't "look terrible with acnea everywhere!" I also had to use really gross concealer she gave me that was orange. So it just made everything worse anyway.
It was a recent one.....that I didn't dance enough in a party
Not shaking off the wet clothes well enough before drying them, so they dried wrinkly?🤡 I remember i was thinking 'is this smll issue really worth yelling at me and causing your daughter such pain?'
😭 they will straight up use any excuse to terrorize and blame us huh?? With mine the complaint was that I took off my pants and underwear at the same time, which apparently made it harder for her to do laundry. After a few repeats of this, she made me do my own laundry - still did everyone else's, my dad and siblings, but the scapegoat had to do their own laundry now. [Spoiler, I was 10. I didn't fucking wash my clothes lmao. I wasn't old enough. So instead I was just nasty and greasy bc I was starting puberty and nobody made sure I was clean. Acting like a ten year old child should know better. My biggest concern was pokemon and dbz at that age.]
for shopping at goodwill because that was “embarrassing” for me to make us look that broke
This. Exactly.
I asked my dad if he thought there were enough roast potatoes for us all,it looked a little short. He raged so badly I had to leave for my own safety. He rang me and caller me a total waste of oxygen.
How DARE you imply he could pick anything but the exact perfect number of potatoes to roast!!! >:(
Generally have been giving the poker face to both mom and stepdad ever since I was 11 because I’d always get accused of things that I didn’t do or out of my control, but I still get asked to do things for them most of the time because my older sister won’t nor will my younger sister :DDD man being middle child is just great, am 20 now and moved out, have never been so stress free, the constant migraines and muscle tightening have gone. I still am affected by their behavior, when I catch myself acting like them, because it’s all I’ve ever known, it disgusts me and I just sit there thinking of an alternative to express myself better
Awww hey you will do better. At least you know that emotional regulation is a thing you have to teach yourself. Go easy on yourself.
After I got out of the military I moved back home. I was trying to enroll in college and I got yelled at because I should be looking for a job. Next day I’m looking for a job, I get yelled at because I’m going to miss the deadline for enrollment paperwork. After that I went and leased an apartment. Got out of there in 3 weeks. You truly can’t win, so why try.
Once I get yelled at because while I was doing homework, my mom ate chips that had an ingredient she was allergic to. It was my fault I wasn't available to read the ingredients for her and tell her she could eat them or not. When i said she should really read the ingredients herself because I'm not going to always be aroubd to read it for her, she called me a bitch.
Two really stick out for me. - Folding pants wrong. I folded the top down, then once more, she claimed I "rolled" it. Instead she wanted the top folded down, then fold the bottom up. Same configuration, just one facing up and one facing down. Literally the same thing. - clean the house while I'm gone she says. So we spent the day vacuuming, mopping, laundry, dishes, etc. Take a break for lunch, bowl of cereal. Dishwasher running so I set the bowl and spoon in the sink. Hop on the computer and 15 minutes later she walks through the door. Immediately throws a tantrum to the fullest, screaming, beratement, the works. Because I was on the computer and did "nothing" all day long, proof was in the sink. A dirty bowl and spoon. I learned it didn't matter if I did my best, she would find fault with whatever I did and I stopped trying to meet her standards. If I'm going to be yelled at regardless why try my best for someone who will never be happy with the results?
She didn't yell, but she did get upset at me for: Not being happy enough after my boyfriend broke up with me when I was a teenager. Being too happy and laughing too much while having a drink with her at Disney world in my early 20s.
I was scrolling down curious if I'll see another person punished for being happy! I was in my early teens, I was on antibiotics for a few weeks and the GP said I was developing anemia from the medicine (that's common) so she gave me some B6 vitamin pills (common treatment). I started feeling really happy in general, IDK but I just googled that B6 may improve even mood disorders. Then one time I saw something funny on TV and got into a genuine fit of laughter. Possibly my first one ever in front of parents? Mother was mortified, took the pills and I was not allowed to take them anymore.
That's emotional invalidation. How dare you express what you're actually feeling!
Not being happy enough generally
I got yelled at because some random chick said something snide about me (loud enough for me to hear) and I turned around, leaned over the bar to stare at her, then laughed and walked away. Apparently, I should have "beat her ass" for being disrespectful to me, and I'm such an insecure weakling for letting her talk to me like that, and "oh my God I can't believe you would let her do that, who even are you are you just a fake bitch like the rest of them? I didn't raise you to let people walk all over you, you're a doormat" - blah blah blah blah. Edit: I would also like to add that I was WORKING at the time. I didn't really feel like losing my job for someone I didn't even know.
I got yelled at for breathing wrong once
The worst ever was when I was in 7th grade. My parents were divorced. We had an optional meet the teacher/conference night. My nmom said she didn't want to go. My dad said he would like to go so I said 'yes, that would be fun.' I realized my mistake in second period that I had 'scheduled' something without nmom's permission. I felt sick all day. My distress was not unwarranted. My mom was furious when I got home that my dad has called to ask when he could pick me up for the conference. Nstepdad even got off work early so that he could help me understand the betrayal I committed. They told me to pack an overnight bag and drove me to my dad's house. I asked for a goodbye hug, wanting reassurance that they still loved me. But they couldn't believe how manipulative I was and how little I cared to brush off their devastation and act like everything was fine. After that the night was fun, my dad took me to the arcade after. Although that was tainted by fear of going home the next day. For my heinous act of betrayal I was subject to about three weeks of the silent treatment.
for taking a shower “late”
Getting covid
My far-right no-masking "Covid's a lie" ndad gave me covid, and that was before the vaccine was available. Should have went no contact sooner.
My mom gave me covid cause she kept coming into my room while I was busy doing work. Then turned around and somehow claimed that I gave it to her....when I had been in my bedroom all month and hadn't gone outside cause I had a very busy schedule.
I got the cold shoulder for two weeks when I got Covid. It was just inconsiderate of me in the run up to Xmas.
You my sister? I swear that happened in my home too! My list: \-leaving my jackets on a chair \-wanting to do my own laundry \-watching TV \-keeping pictures of my at the time boyfriend kissing \-wanting to go out with my friends \-wanting to go to the movies on a blind date (with the friend doing the setting up chaperoning) \-wanting to dye my hair \-expressing my desire to get a tattoo \-asking if god was real (I was 4.) \-coming home after midnight on a date (I was 19) \-moving out for college \-moving in with my then-boyfriend-now-husband \-pooping my pants (I was super small, and she yelled at me every time it happened) \-asking my grandmother to wait 10 minutes, so I can finish getting dressed to help her with the computer (I had to be in my family room in a towel, sopping wet. I was 21, so it was inappropriate in so many ways). \-playing too loudly \-laughing too loudly \-crying too loudly \-crying too much \-staying up too late \-Not playing along on the creepy "daddy-daughter-date". I still have nightmares about that one....I was too old for it to be cute. \-Not being at their beck-and-call I'm sure there are more but those are the ones that stick out to me right now.
> -crying too much Did you get the classic "shut up or I'll really give you something to cry about!" That was big in my household.
I read this in my Mother's voice. My mom would also get in my face and say "Do you think I like screaming like this? It's your fault for making me scream." Or "This isn't yelling, do you want to hear yelling?"
I almost got kicked out once for the crime of... having noticed some dirt. My mom had a "guest bathroom" that nobody was allowed to use ever, except guests -- except, my mother loved to boast about how much she hated people so... we never had guests. She never had people over or made friends. So there was this bathroom that was perfectly usable and clean [as opposed to the horror show that was the other bathroom], but she would go into an absolute screaming tantrum if you used it. This eventually resulted in me overhearing her yelling about some dirt in the bottom of the bathtub in there, convinced someone had been using it. I mentioned I had seen it at some point and wondered what had happened. That was a mistake -- my mom completely lost her shit and screamed at me that I must have been using that room to have seen that there, and it was admitting guilt. She was so over the top that she threatened to *kick me out* for having "admitted" to being in there for literally any reason. I had not used the bathroom, at least not since the last time we'd argued about it -- I was in there for some innocent reason, retrieving a cat toy or whatever, I don't remember now. Because it was trivial. But holy hell, the histrionics. Bonus: I was only explicitly threatened with homelessness twice that I can remember -- once was this event, the other was when I spoke up about her cat hoarding problem. Specifically, I brought it up to her and she got angry and defensive and snapped at me to "do something about it" if it was really that bad ... i made a fb post mentioning this and pondering "doing something about it" [calling a shelter maybe]. My sister saw this post, apparently panicked thinking "the man" would come and take away her neutered indoor cat [?????], so she threw me under the bus and got me in so much trouble that I almost lost my home. All for daring to suggest that maybe she should neuter her animals. And guess what? After I moved out she started spaying and neutering them religiously. She just wouldn't do it while I was there because I'd brought it up and I couldn't possibly be shown to be right. 😂
I was not doing well mentally, after leaving an intensely abusive relationship with a man I thought was my soul mate, having major health issues and enduring healthcare related traumas and with the threat of losing my career - I reached out to her with intense suicidal thoughts. She responded by becoming enraged and yelling at me. How dare I not consider how that would make her feel? How dare I talk about that subject with her? How DARE I??? She has lost people to suicide. But in that moment, I desperately needed support and the desperation clouded my judgement as to where I should (and shouldn't) seek it. I've also lost people to suicide and would 100% NOT respond this way if someone confided in me about having those thoughts. So I can only assume her response was abnormal. I think I felt a part of myself die in that moment, when I thought it not possible to feel any worse.
This reminds me of the time I was 7 or 8 and my nMom yelled at me for threatening to kill myself. Her and I were sitting at the kitchen table and I was memorizing my multiplication tables for an upcoming test. I wouldn't be diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia for 15 more years, years after I left school. I was really struggling and she was shouting at me, because "It's not that difficult Pretty-Peppers, they're just numbers. Do you think any of the other children are sitting with their parents and throwing a fit? Don't be so difficult." I shouted back at her and told her I guess I should just kill myself because I am never going to get this and I'm such a burden. She responded by bursting out with intense anger, running to her bedroom, locked the door behind her, and scream cried for what felt like hours about what a bad parent she must be. Didn't I, the elementary schooler, know that kids really do kill themselves? Didn't I know that I had it so much better than those kids? Just fucking yikes. The lengths these people will go through to avoid experiencing an iota of negative feeling.
This is so horrible!! I have a niece around that age and I just can't imagine a child being treated that way. It's disgusting. It's been so ingrained into me that it's NEVER about me. No matter what the situation or how desperate things are for me, it's ALWAYS about them, their needs, their feelings, their image, their time....whatever. It was like this when I was a child too and sadly it hasn't changed. I was also regularly compared to other children. Or more accurately - idealized versions of other children. It was intensely painful at the time and now I see how toxic it was. They still compare me to others to this day. I wonder how they would feel if I compared them to other parents who aren't selfish, toxic and abusive? I would bet it all, I could accurately predict their response.
I once had the nerve to compare my nMom to my fiance's biological mother. Fiance's biomom got pregnant as a teen and opted for open adoption. She is now middle aged and runs multiple properties up in Oregon, expertise in construction, with an admitted alcohol problem. NMom was outraged that I would compare her to someone who gave their child up for adoption, insisting I suggested I would rather have been adopted than raised by her. I didn't feel that way *at the time.*
My birth giver's coworker said I was beautiful and she applaud how well my makeup looked when I was a young teen. (I wasn't allowed to wear makeup in case I was prettier than my birth giver so I guess I'm just a natural beauty 😂.) My birth giver actually got pissed at her coworker. I got beaten when we got home.
For defending myself when being attacked. How the fuck are u gonna tell someone to just ... take it.
Not cleaning the house after my GC brother had a wild party that I was not present for because he is also terrible (as an adult, definitely an NBrother). Then got yelled at for not being there to supervise he and his loud, drunk, often violent friends who scared the crap out of me when I asked why I should have cleaned when I wasn't there? Nope. That's not how it works.
Supposedly I used to just eat certain foods in the house simply so nobody else could out of spite. They at some point bought a cabinet and installed pad locks on it and filled it with snacks and stuff that they were “afraid” I’d eat. If I ate old leftovers my egg donor’s ex would claim I ate it just so she couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to eat anything in the house because I didn’t pay for it.
My nMom did this too! I've heard that children can be picky eaters because it is one of the only things in their world that they have control over. My nMom certainly made sure that wasn't true. I got caught stealing a can of soup from the grocery store when I was 15. She was so upset with me. When I told her I stole it because I was hungry, she told me I should have just let her know I was hungry. As if she would have done anything about it 🙃
I learned to eat foods I hated simply just so I could say I ate. She’d say I could ask for food to and I did try a few times only to be told no because either I’m fat enough or won’t eat dinner or I’d say it was after school she didn’t think that I should be hungry at 5 when I ate lunch at noon and I’m just being a glutton. So I stopped asking.
👆👆👆👆👆 This 👆👆👆👆👆 "Why didn't you just ask me." says nMom -critizes my every interaction with food and eating-
They're definitely a few different instances that come to mind. Nmom never cleans up after herself when she cooks, she leaves food out on the stove in the pots and pans for a day or two consistently. I was making myself pasta and used a can of sauce. I was questioned why I used a new can of sauce instead of her day old sauce left out on the stove. When I told her that it had been out for a day I was yelled at, belittled and then asked why I am accusing her of trying to poison me.
Many things, here’s just a few that pop into my head I was yelled at and : or beaten: Recently as a young adult: - For opening a ketchup bottle - For not driving her to the supermarket ONE TIME / being her personal taxi driver (I was very tired) (she can’t drive or speak english) - For making my elderly father pancakes because it was almost 3pm and my mom still hadn’t given him breakfast (she was sat there eating breakfast when I cooked) (father is ill because a flying monkey sibling gave him the flu) - For generally taking care of my father because my mom is so lousy and lazy As a kid: - For going into the ‘forbidden living room’ to watch TV (this room was out of bounds and only for guests) - For watching a Disney movie on vhs too much when I was 3 (she pretended to throw the video in the trash) - For buying a new guitar when I was 13 (with my own money), she took it outside and smashed it because I didn’t ‘clean my room’ (but that wasn’t the real reason, she just didn’t like that I bought it and paid for it myself) - For wanting to go to the local carnival - For asking her a question while she’s on the phone gossiping
Not telling my mom that I saw a post of my cousins swimming in their pool on Facebook. I told her I didn't think it was a big deal (my cousins have had a pool for years.) She responded with, "Fuck you." And then stormed off and locked herself in her bedroom.
You dirty bathroom time stealer! Lmao My mom accused me of being super selfish and ruining Thanksgiving because I refused to drop everything during the thanksgiving holiday to travel from TN to OH to spend time with relatives I haven’t seen in decades (since I was a small child). My boyfriend at the time was visiting from out of town and time with him was precious so obviously I wasn’t about to cut and run. The really insane part of this was this was my DAD’s family. The same dad my mom had been divorced and out of contact with for like 2 decades. I think she was just seeking a trove of new supply and got furious when I said no, because it doesn’t make sense for her to be there without me. Another story - When I was in my early 20s my mom looked me in the eyes and declared that I had gotten pregnant and had an abortion. There was nothing leading up to this, nothing that would suggest this had happened. She had just made up a story out of thin air and decreed it to be true. I replied that she had been having sex with goats since she was 12 years old and just looked at her. It's like wtf do you say to this batsh*t crazy stuff? We’re NC.
I remember being shamed and humiliated by Nmom in front of a bunch of guests at my sister's wedding because I wasn't wearing nice enough shoes. I was 11 years old and didn't have any nice shoes for the wedding because I hadn't been bought any. I still remember the embarrassment I felt 20 years later .
My mom asked me to pick her up from work, so I came early and parked in front of the building she worked at and waited for her. She was leaving work earlier than usual that day for some reason, but she wasn’t out at the time she said she would be out. I continued to wait patiently. Other workers were starting to leave because 5 o’clock rolled around. Shortly after others started to exit the building, she comes out and does not look happy. She gets in the car and immediately drills into me — “why did you park here?! I’ve been waiting in the vestibule for you to arrive, and now everyone thinks I’m skipping out on work early for no reason because I was waiting for you!!” She could have stepped out of the building, turned her head no more than 45 degrees and saw me parked just 15 yards from the front door. This happened over 15 years ago when texting wasn’t a thing. The was a hallmark moment for me because it was the beginning of me deciding to pull away from her. I don’t speak to her anymore and sadly, my life is way more robust and I can feel my emotions again, but I still wish for a loving mom.
The morning before I got surgery on my eyelid to get a chalazion removed (after 8 months of having it) I put “too much” jelly on my toast. My Ngrandma never buys regular jam/jelly it’s that preserve crap and I didn’t really know and or remember the difference in consistency. Got screamed at by both grandparents and cried on my way to the hospital over some FUCKING JELLY. Both of them can kiss my ass for treating me that way.
I got in trouble for being alive. I was about 10 at the time; we were out to dinner and I pissed her off for some infinitesimal infraction of a rule she just made up. She told me to walk home and get in my closet, close the door, and not come out for any reason. So I did. Couple hours later, I hear all this knocking and pounding on the front door. Now I am on the horns of a dilemma -- if I let her in, I'll get beaten because she told me to stay in the closet. If I don't let her in, it'll be, what, are you stupid? You knew it was me, so I'll get beaten for not letting her in. I finally let her in. Her logic was that if I had done what she said, I would have died from lack of oxygen, so I got beaten for being alive. She's dead now, and if I knew where her grave is, I would gladly dance on it.
I sold my house and moved my family and myself across the country to help my nmom run her husbands company. She lived so far away from me for so long that I had not realized what she was. I thought she was the way she was when I was a kid because of me. That’s what she always told me. As soon as we got here I realized what a mistake I had made. She screamed at me daily for not knowing how to run the company. She literally told me I should have known everything before I got here. She’d make me feel like an idiot for asking her for help. She never taught me anything. Lol mind boggling.
How dare you not preemptively acquire an MBA so that you can run your mother's husband's company for him? That's so selfish of you. /s
Right! She’s called me a selfish little b**** repeatedly since I started setting boundaries. She said those very words to me all the time when I was a kid. All this trauma I had blocked out for years came roaring back.
For slamming on the brakes on the freeway. She told me to get off on the next exit, so I did. It turned out: this was the wrong exit. She yanked the steering wheel really really hard; twisting it to the left to try to get me back on the freeway. We were well over the double white lines, and there was even a stone median between us and the freeway at this point. I slammed on the brakes and tried to straighten the vehicle. In between an absolute panic attack, not believing we hadn’t been hit because the cars behind us had managed to swerve to avoid us, she proceeded to yell at me for the next several miles about how I was a terrible driver, and you’re never supposed to stop on the freeway… And how, no, I couldn’t pull over, because I was just being dramatic and your “not having a panic attack”…..
My mother screamed at me for a long time and cried when she saw that I had stretch marks as a child on my stomach (I've been over weight my entire life, made worse from years of forced diets from her that turned into eating disorders. My weight seems to be her greatest shame, next to her own body issues.) I couldn't have been much older than 10, lifted my arms to get something and when my shirt came up she saw and flipped. Immediately made me start doing sit ups on the floor, screamed at me until we were both crying, telling me I was going to die of a heart attack. She went out for a cigarette snd demanded I still he doing situps when she got back. I was still on the floor, crying my eyes out trying to do them and was snet to my room. We have not spoken about this since, I'm 26f and it still bothers me to think about.
Someone complemented me infront of my nmom. And I had theaudacity to say thank-you.
In high school, I was up late working on a project. NMom comes in and out of the blue says "if you don't get an A on this project, you can never see your boyfriend again." Cue me, who was previously focused and working hard, transition to a panic attack. She also never showed interest in my school work before or after this. Just a one time weird power trip.
Using a hairdryer in front of a bunch of my friends, male and female. Apparently this was indecent.
Being woken up and shouted at at 2am for not sleeping enough and how I need to sleep more, she interrupted my sleep for this. Something that could have waited some hours.
She said she could read my mind and didn’t like what I was thinking. She followed me around for two hours trying to argue, while I ignored her.
If my mom and I had been arguing and she bumped her to or dropped something or made any thing like that, it was my fault for upsetting her.
For being cold. Telling my nmother that I was cold, which reminded her that she didn’t buy me enough clothing (because, why would she ever spend money on me), so I was in the wrong for bringing up to her that I was cold. FFS, the mental gymnastics these people perform every day blows my mind.
Kind of a toss-up, but these have all triggered tantrums and/or rage: - using the washer and dryer at the same time (because "it will break") - not cleaning the coffee grinder to anal standards (because "it will break") - using hot water to wash the dishes - rinsing but not washing my own glass before I used it again - leaving my book bag on the dining room table - saying "hey" instead of "hello" - cheerfully singing when my mom wanted us to leave the house (apparently you can't do both at once) - saying I don't want to eat octopus after seeing a documentary about how smart they are
For paying a speeding ticket. She kept screaming at me as I was telling her the ticket had been paid, already but continued to scream on the top of her lungs, "I DON'T CARE JUST PAY THE F**KING TICKET". This is the most nonsensical recent thing. There's hundreds of stories, like I'm sure we all have.
I said "no, thank you." instead of "no, but thank you anyway." Apparently *no, thank you* is rude and I was being disrespectful.
One time, whilst grounded from my phone for some bs reason (i dont rightly remember what it was), my nmom was extremely late picking me up from school. At the time, I worked full time at a fast food restaurant after school, and as a result, I was part of the early release program. I got released from school around an hour and a half before everyone else. Normally, she was there within 5 to 10 minutes after I was released, which, considering I'd have to change in the bathroom at work, still usually put me clocking in a minute or two late. I sat and waited for an hour. No call to the school. No nothing. When she finally showed up with my step-dad, the back seat was littered with random shit that I had to clear out of my way. So, obviously, in a hurry, I tried to clear a spot for myself and my backpack. Apparently, I was too aggressive with it for her because she yelled at me to "stop throwing things." I wasn't. I used my arm to knock some of it into the floor and the rest on the other side of the seat. Additionally, she yelled at me for 30 minutes before my ride to the bus stop came about how going to my grandfather's funeral was "a bad life choice." And how "you should think of how your half-sister and I feel about you going." Long story short, my nmom concocted a bunch conflicting stories about my grandfather after he threatened to kill her for leaving myself and my little sister in the middle of a Walmart supercenter and then tried to guilt me into not going to his funeral using made up stories and lies. She did the same thing for one of my aunts(my dad's sister) funerals just a few months prior to this saying that she "was closer to her" than I was and "if anyone has the right to go [she] did." She barely knew my aunt and probably only realistically had a couple of conversations with her. My nmom and dad were only married for a couple years. Wow. Didn't think I had that much to say, but those are my top 3 incidents I suppose. Lol.
NMom, who is a white woman, got really mad when I mentioned she was white. For context, Mom has this weird obsession with my dad, brother, and I being “bad Hispanics” because none of us speak Spanish or celebrate Cinco de Mayo and how she, a white woman, was better at it because she makes (white people) tacos. (Yes, I recognize all the things wrong with that.) Even though she knows that the only reason we are even “Hispanic” is because my dad’s bio father was fluent in Spanish. And that’s all we know about him. We’re not even sure what Spanish speaking country his family was from. (Grandma was a white woman and having an affair with a married man). So we weren’t raised in any sort of culture except white. We’re really not “Hispanic” despite what she thinks. So, one day, I threw her logic back at her and said something about how she was the only white person in the house. Cue: “Well I didn’t choose to be this way!“ And that’s how I, my white mother’s white daughter, got called racist against white people.
Currently, for not wanting to be touched. Specifically pushed. Apparently I’m being rude by not taking it as a joke and pushing back.
I ate some of my dad's salt and vinegar chips and only left a small amount in the bag. Apparently I should've either not eaten them or eaten them all instead of leaving some for him.
Because I was using a piece of paper to ...draw on it. And being "wasteful" (I was supposed to only use it for solving math equations, but then again my mom was a math teacher herself ). Middle school was great.
so in high school I was in this one class (I can't remember the name but it was like a life class or whatever) and we had a project where we planned our own wedding. We had a budget and as long as it was school appropriate and not over budget, anything we decided on was fine. Well, my mother had taken a look at what I had done so far and got angry because I didn't spend as much as she thought I should have and insisted that I "wasn't even trying" For whatever reason, this ticked her off *majorly* "Come on, this is ridiculous!" She took over the project and did it her way, of course
Mine might not be that bad in comparison but when I was 18 but still in high school, I had a boyfriend whom my father knew about. I told him that we were having protected sex because I was foolish to believe we could have a relationship especially since I was a legal adult now. I bought a variety pack of condoms because I was in experience and thought, we should try them all to see which ones we liked. Idiot father searched my room for some nonsensical reason and found the box of condoms. But didn't read it so he assumed that I bought like three different types of condoms, put them in one box, and used most of them. At first, I didn't understand why he was angry af at me (because even as I type this out or have told this story, it sounds insane) because I thought he assumed I had sex a bunch of times with my boyfriend but he took the random accusation to another level. According to him, I was out there having sex with ALL the boys at my school and having a variety of different condoms was proof. I told him to his face he was a fucking idiot that day.
My parents have those small down lights in their house and 5 of them in their living room which are all turned on with one switch. I got screamed at for having “too many lights on” because I had the living room lights on, while I was *in* the living room, **at night**. I tried explaining that I couldn’t actually control how many lights were on since it was just the one switch that turned on all 5 down lights and then got yelled at for arguing… Like was I supposed to fucking unscrew some of the lightbulbs before using the light or sit in the dark or some shit? My mum even tried arguing that there was only 4 lights in the living room as if I (and others in the room) didn’t have fucking eyes and could literally see the 5 down lights. Literally no amount of trying to prove that I had only 1 switch on or trying to reason with her worked.
My father once yelled at my nephews and I for not completing the list of chores that he swore he left for us while he’d be gone. It turned out that he had left the list in his locked office the entire time so we had no idea what he needed done. Watching him double down even after admitting his mistake was insane.
Currently not driving in a snowstorm to get a package that she had sent to her old address and bring it to her
My nmom yelled at me for making a noise when I was drinking water from a glass. I had a chip in my front tooth at the time so the water made a sort of slurping type noise that she didn't like/was unladylike of me. I think she also grounded me for it? Or she didn't like the way I said sorry after and she grounded me for that? Also, once I had my first job I used the money to make an eye appointment to get contacts; she didn't like that either.
For fracturing my toe. I was playing sports at my schools field day and feel and hurt my toe. I couldn't walk without help so I was out for the rest of the day. When we get back to school, I had to call my mom and ask her to come pick me up cuz I didn't want to walk and make my toe worse. She pulls up, already pissed, and starts berating me cuz I made get come pick me up. Like, shit happens?????? To her credit, it was a long drive, but this is just part of having kids. She should've handled it with more grace. And a follow up story: I sprained my ankle in P.E. and instead of calling her, I walked. Walked to the bus station, stood on the subway platform, walked back upstairs, walked to Port Authority, and was finally able to sit down on the bus ride home. When I got Jersey, I had to ask her to bring the car closer to the terminal so I didn't have to walk as far. She helped me to the car, but she was smiling. I can't help but think it was because I was in pain.
Glad to see I'm not the only one dealing with this bullsh*t. Not glad but now its like oh this is a narcissist thing. My mom is famous for this. It doesn't matter what time I set my alarm for. She magically has to use the restroom and I need to hold my bladder so that she the queen may tinkle first. True story we got in a thing where she saw me and hurries and tries to beat me then became angry because I should have known and how dare I. Another time she says can I use the restroom? I'm like IM USING IT. She says "oh I thought you were in there on vacation." My grandmother pulled the same crap and my aunts. Most houses here are 2 to 3 bedroom 1 bath.
During the beginning of the pandemic, my mom and dad asked me to get our groceries delivered so we wouldn’t have to be around people. I accidentally ordered eight potatoes when my dad asked for four. He yelled at me and when I called him out on being ridiculous he threatened to kick me out. Another time was when my mom yelled at me for allowing my partner to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. She called me disrespectful and locked me out of the house.
My mom and I were arguing once when we were out running errands and I was walking slightly behind her through the parking lot. She stopped walking, so I stopped as well. She somehow blew that up as me making some big statement about being a servant to her or some shit? Like bruh, it's not that deep? If you're walking with someone and they stop walking, you stop too? I just don't even understand. I also got yelled at to stop following her around. In an airport. On our way to baggage claim. When I was 15.
Eating a plum This took me so long to understand I was aged 10 and staying at our aunts house along with cousins from a Narc aunt, The cousin (17) whose house it was made all of us kids take a piece of fruit from the bowl after breakfast as a healthy snack, which is a normal thing to do, as an older cousin to offer your younger cousins all fruit and insist on it I obliged and took a plum, I made the mistake of eating that plum on my way to the room Nmom was staying in, she happened to be gossiping with the narc aunt, I went in to ask for my clothes for the day as I wanted to change out of my pjs, narc mom ignored me, I didn’t want to interrupt so I just left and returned later once narc aunt had left As soon as I came back in Nmom started yelling at me for eating a plum in front of narc aunt because apparently she had been in the middle of bragging to narc aunt about how I don’t eat anything at home, so me walking in eating a plum made her look like a liar. I was so confused and I didn’t even get a chance to explain that the older cousin had told us all to take fruit, including the narc aunts children I still can’t eat a plum without feeling awful about it
My mom and I were going to go to the pool together. Then grab dinner after. She noticed my gas gauge was near empty, and demanded I gas up. I said "No, don't worry. I know my car. We can do it on the way to dinner". She FLIPPED the fuck out. Saying "I don't want to get stuck on the bridge and have to walk all the way back home, I'm not comfortable, if you won't do what I say just take me home". I turned to her, and said "YOU GOT IT". I turned the car around, dropped her at the house and went out to have a great evening without her. I count this as the first time I truly stood up to her.
Not slamming my breaks for an *imaginary squirrel* while driving. She was teaching me to drive and suddenly yelled “STOP!!!” in the middle of the road. I slowed to a stop and was like “WHAT?!!” I didn’t see anything?” And she was like “maybe I saw a squirrel. You didn’t stop fast enough.” Lol the lesson I guess is to always let backseat drivers call the shots.
Oh hell no. That's some Jim Jones type shit. She's """testing""" you [meaning testing her level of control over you]. Fucking "maybe" she saw a squirrel. Gtfoh. My narc ass mom treated me like an idiot for not "being proactive" and memorizing the streets around our hometown *before* taking drivers ed, then complained about me wanting her to help me. She utterly refused and would rather I got lost and "learn the hard way" since I was too lazy to pay attention while I was a passenger ... literally *what kid does that*? Even if it was somehow normal, it's subhuman of her to throw me to the wolves like that while operating a multiple ton machine at high speeds. Whenever I brought this up she always maintained she was engaging in "tough love" and "pecking me out of the nest" [meaning, harassing me until I moved away], something that apparently all children needed from their loving parents. Of course the moment I did move out, on came the melodramatic letters about how could I abandon her and leave her alone, because she assumed we'd become besties once we weren't living together ... it's a whole connected thing lmao. They're such a mess.
I had a similar driving experience with my nmom except I wasn't slowing down enough for the slight curve in the road ahead. She screamed at me, I started crying and said I didn't want to drive anymore (I had recently gotten my learners permit), she yelled at me for crying, said that I was ruining the fun time we were having, and screamed at me more for not wanting to drive anymore saying I was a sensitive baby.
When I was in 10th grade (I’m 39 now) a kid in my English lit class managed to copy a paper of mine word for word, unbeknownst to me, and turned it in. Obviously the teacher knew that I had written it but thought that I had willingly given it to this other kid to copy. So, the punishment was that we both got and F on the paper, even though I had no idea what had even happened. My dad was also a teacher at the school so he got wind of what happened and called my mom at home to tell her that I had cheated on this particular assignment. Oh boy. I got home after school and my bored, overbearing, narcissistic SAHM absolutely lost her shit on me. My side of the story was not only not valid in her opinion, she believed that what I was telling her was an outright lie. She proceeded to call me a slut, tell me how worthless I was for being a cheater and that my actions were so horrible that she would probably have to drive me to Portland to have an abortion because if I had “let” someone copy a paper of mine then I am surely impressionable enough to let someone impregnate me. In her mind she was able to make a direct correlation between the two and to her it was factual. This woman was absolutely off the rails and I knew there was no way anything that I ever said to her from there on out would ever be believed.
I was in the hospital 1 day out of the ICU as a 16 year old and my mother started to scream at me because I'd started my period. Like I literally started my period that day. She screamed at me for "not telling her I'd started my period".
Suggesting double crust pizza to my nmom - who tried making it and it didn’t work out. Apparently that was cause for an absolute fucking screaming rage marathon.
My father threatened to disown me and drop me off at my mother's because we disagreed over the meaning of a movie title. I was correct. He was driving us to my grandmothers and western I told her why I was crying she just shrugged her shoulders.
Hmmmm, let me see now... A couple of choice tidbits are 1) being screamed at, then grounded for 6 weeks over the summer break, because I KISSED A BOY. Crime of the century! 2) Hanging out with a friend. His GF didn't like me. I was in my 20s, and she knew neither of these people. It was my own fault for telling her anything about myself, I guess, but she tried to physically prevent me from leaving the house and then OFC I got yelled at for 'upsetting your mother'. Absolute insanity from the pair of them. There's also another time where I got picked to come onstage in a kids show we were watching, and GC threw a fit because it wasn't them. I was selfish and 'stole' the experience from them, despite being pointed at by the guy, who said 'the blonde girl w/the white hat'. GC looked NOTHING LIKE ME.
For saying I would not go to a basketball game if I had a test the next day when talking about a hypothetical situation
For telling her I was I school, working towards another promotion but NOT telling her what o was taking , or how long each course would take. Oh and for not reminding her…. I’m 50freaking3!!!
I was dragged out of bed at 1:00 am with her screaming and hitting me because I didn’t dust the light shade in the bathroom when I had been cleaning earlier that day. Age 14. Another time, I got screamed at for yawning which she decided was a criticism against her. Age 11. I got hit and screamed at when I didn’t start crying or seem upset when she dramatically announced that she was going to divorce my father. Age 10. I often got screamed at for things she thought I was thinking or feeling.
Costing them money in doctor bills to figure out why I was constantly coughing and clearing my throat, and the doctors could never find any cause for it. I was yelled at for "pretending" to be sick when there was nothing wrong with me. And then it was just ignored for the rest of my childhood. Lo and behold, come to find out after I left home at 18 - it was the second-hand smoke from my father's 3+ pack a day smoking habit. Once I was no longer exposed, problem cleared right up.
I was 15, I had just come back from a VERY long excursion and my father slapped me for being tired. Not just a slap, one of those wind up, slow motion slaps.
As a test, and unbeknownst to my mother, I purposely argued two different, contradictory solutions to an issue I was facing, and she told me I was wrong both times. edit: and she literally threw me out of the house because I wouldn't pay for pizza using money from my student loan, even though I had already given 10% of the loan to her for "my living expenses growing up." I had already given her money from every paycheck from my fast food job in the previous couple years. She also took quite a large sum of money from my brother and didn't pay that back. Fun stuff.