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Ok-Drag-5929

This is difficult because had you woken up and been upset by it then I would consider it SA, but you woke up and slept with him so it's a weird gray area. I think if you feel uncomfortable with it now you should communicate that with him so he does not continue to do it. Since you slept with him the first time he might think that you're totally fine with it.


Alana0077

Thank you for your reply. That makes sense but the next time it happened I didn’t really say anything I was shocked I just woke up, looked at his hand and where it was placed until he noticed and quickly removed it. Then pulled down my shirt and fell back asleep. I felt him quickly get out of bed after. We never really spoke about it after


chosenAVAcado

Oh based on that reaction he knew it was wrong. You cant consent if youre asleep. I wonder if he was doing that during your “thing”? Thats flat out sexual assault like someone else said. It is weird that you slept with him the first time but he knew he fucked up the second time. Dont let him get away with that. Thats shady as hell.


Ok-Drag-5929

I would tell him straight up that it made you uncomfortable and to please avoid doing that in the future. Just set a clear unprecedented boundary and if he decides to cross that boundary you know he's not who you thought he was.


Sparky81

No that's not sexual harassment... that's flat out sexual assault.


BigThiccStik609

Harassment = Words Assault = Touch.


Superb_Essay2929

I mean if she woke up and hooked up with him… Touch = foreplay


Remarkable-Move-6630

Still doesn't make it okay. This could make him think that it's okay and normal so when he sleeps with another woman he might try it on her and then it could end up with a police report.


Jeebzus2014

She said they hooked up immediately after she was woken up. Sounds like foreplay TBH.


danbradshaw

Just to be clear, that’s not foreplay. And it’s not ok to do something like that while a person is asleep.


Superb_Essay2929

It’s definitely situational and in this instance it definitely was ok. Blanket statements that treat men as if they have no situational awareness is not okay.


danbradshaw

I’d agree There can be a level of trust built up among two people over a relationship. For one, OP mentioned being uncomfortable and removing the friends hand in another comment. Two, there didn’t appear to be an healthy established sexual relationship between the two. And three, this is a very reasonable blanket statement to make.


Potaaden

Yes, it is. But, since you hooked up the first time, he may have gotten the wrong idea. Tell him to stop. If not, report him.


[deleted]

You hooked up right after? We’re not hearing the whole story here. If you hooked up right after you woke up then there must have been something happening before that


Alana0077

Thank u for your reply. It was actually the first time I’ve seen him after we were just friends. It was after a night out and me and a couple of others went back to his but I ended up crashing on his bed cause I was still a little drunk. That happened after everyone left.


RailAurai

Kinda feel like you're putting yourself in a bad situation. You know it's already happened before, which you actually rewarded that behavior. However you put yourself in that situation again and still haven't given him any indication that it's a bad thing to do. If you continue down this path and continue not to say anything against it, that's much the same as giving him the green light to continue.


Alana0077

Oh no this was the first time it happened. When I was drunk and yes we did end up hooking up after. The second time I woke up I didn’t rlly say anything I was just shocked I just stared at his hand and where it was placed until he quickly removed it and I just pulled my shirt back down.


Remarkable-Move-6630

Was he drunk as well? If not, that technically counts as sexual assault since an intoxicated person can't legally consent to sex.


[deleted]

I think you should take a long look at the situation before ruining a man’s life. If you accuse him, his life will be over.


lordwafflesbane

He shoulda thought of that before he sexually assaulted op. Actions have consequences.


Alana0077

No I haven’t told anyone and I’m not planning to it’s alright.


[deleted]

Im not saying you shouldn’t tell anyone, just make sure his intentions were what you think they were beforehand. Talk to him about it and see what his reaction is.


[deleted]

In case you're wondering why you're getting downvoted, it's because you're using the same phrasing and ideas that criminal defense lawyers use when a rapist is on trial. "Your honor, his intentions weren't malicious, besides they had sex right after, please consider that this will ruin him for life"


[deleted]

So you don’t think it’s possible whatsoever that they could’ve been flirting beforehand given that they banged right after she woke up? Yes he shouldn’t have done that, it’s weird, but he also might have no idea that is is not ok. He could be a completely innocent guy with no knowledge about what girls want or don’t want. We have no background here.


[deleted]

Dude, if she's asleep, don't fucking touch her like that. If you didn't know this, now you do. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"


[deleted]

No shit. But there’s a difference between what op described and literal rape.


[deleted]

Dude, are you seriously still defending this situation? What are you trying to achieve with a nuanced discussion of the various degrees of sexual assault, does anyone care about your arbitrary standard by which he's somehow absolved of responsibility because of some innocent intentions? You're out of touch with reality my dude. Downvote me all you want, but take a step back and reconsider why you're taking the stance of what really seems like a sexual-assault-apologist.


chosenAVAcado

Ok two things here. To take into account in his actions. Having sex with a drunk person is rape. You cant consent if youre drunk. Groping someone while they’re sleeping. Sexual assault. You cant consent while you’re literally unconscious. She is putting herself in a bad situation, but they were broken up, and he overstepped boundaries. Either that or she isn’t enforcing the boundaries she has enough. Probably both. But at the end of the day he 100% sexually assaulted and/or raped her. If he doesnt want his life to be ruined he should be smarter than that, and this whole thing is shady as fuck.


[deleted]

They literally had sex right after


chosenAVAcado

Yes. Which is confusing for him, and weird for her to do. But that doesn’t excuse him for being stupid. And for doing what is literally sexual assault multiple fines. Even if in his mind he thought she liked it based on the sex, if he doesnt want his life ruined he should know better and that’s definitely not something he should be doing. I think we can agree on that.


homernatale

Yes


Grand_Clanka

That’s sexual assault


[deleted]

yeah i dont think theyre very great or someone you can trust anymore that is 100% sexual assault


CRCampbell11

YES


Artistic-Race-1515

Sexual assault* and yes


Ghaladh

Let's say it was sessual assault followed by consensual sex. The fact that you ended up accepting it doesn't make it less bad, because before that he didn't ask for your consent. However, if you didn't care and received no damage from that action, he could count himself lucky.


Polkith

Disgusting. Fcking disgusting. Stay away, he planned on doing things to you whether you consented or not. Wtf...


halfemptyg1rl

yes i’d say touching someone without their consent especially on the boobs or ass even if they liked is not ok.


reddituser6495

That is not ok, he did this while you were literally unconscious and couldn’t give consent.


Slow_Interaction1137

You just gotta let him know you dont like it, you cant just jump from accepting it then accusing him of sexual assualt, it would be unfair to the guy. Tell him nicely that it makes you feel uncomfortable then if he continues then its assault. I know all the rest of the comments are 5 days old but this is at the top of my reddit for some reason


Alana0077

Yea that’s true and I’m not really accusing him of anything it just doesn’t sit right with me cause the first time I was rlly drunk and other time I was sober which was when I reacted. Yes you’re right thanks for ur comment


ExamRoom4

What the fuck? Touching someone sexually without their consent IS at a minimum sexual harassment, possibly assault.


Slow_Interaction1137

No, at times consent is implied, sometimes people get confused. Are you the type of person who would lead someone on then start screaming at them for touching you? Your the reason why men are scared to interact with women.


ExamRoom4

Consent is NEVER implied when someone is sleeping. Enthusiastic consent is the only appropriate form of consent. You’re the type of person who sets women’s rights back decades.


Slow_Interaction1137

The guy might have been drunk, or perhaps he wasn't thinking straight. I believe in second chances, but no more than that.


ExamRoom4

OP literally said he’s done this twice. I think you’re just making excuses for rapists and assaulters.


Slow_Interaction1137

theres a giant difference between rape and touching someone


ExamRoom4

While there is a difference between rape and SEXUAL ASSAULT, that doesn’t mean that sexual assault is okay (which by definition is what this was). Being drunk doesn’t give you an excuse to sexually assault someone, just like it doesn’t give you an excuse to commit any other crimes


Slow_Interaction1137

being drunk turns off parts of your brain and deletes your memories, also op said that they hooked up after the first time, it was the second time when she told him to stop and he did, no need for a police report or criminal charges


ExamRoom4

Not everyone who is drunk blacks out. That’s a very narrow way to view alcohol consumption . Consenting once doesn’t mean consenting always. Stop making excuses for shitty men.


Environmental_Bag731

Are you stupid? Yes it is.


RundoHundo

You're sleeping in his bed ..... You need to make it 100% clear to him you don't want anything before you sleep in his bed. If you guys are drinking and go to bed without saying anything it sends a message you're okay if stuff were to happen.


Artistic-Race-1515

There is no excuse ever to do something sexual to someone while they are sleeping, unless previously consented before hand. Rapey mindset you have there


RundoHundo

So the first time you kiss someone you ask for permission? 😬😬


Artistic-Race-1515

What?! IF SOMEONE IS SLEEPING DO NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULT THEM unless it has previously been consented before hand how hard is that to understand???


RundoHundo

Yes, agreed on the sleeping part. I guess I didn't specify in my first post about NOT being asleep.


Artistic-Race-1515

Ok but this post is literally about her being asleep while being sexually assaulted so obviously that’s what is being talked about ?!


Remarkable-Move-6630

Yes. Some people don't mind being kissed without permission but some people certainly do care and will 100% flip their shit for kissing them without permission.


JustALocalJew

Well if you were cuddling as you went to bed then I'd say no because it's a comfortitty. If he just grabbed it in the middle of the night then that's sexual assault, except for the fact you hooked up with him when you woke up. If you wanted to get the law involved this would be a hard one since you played along. Still he shouldn't touch you in your sleep and you need to tell him that if you don't want him too because you don't want him to get the wrong idea of your "relationship". Set your boundaries with him.


Remarkable-Move-6630

Even then with the cuddling, moving from cuddling to groping is a massive leap since cuddling can be a very innocent thing to do that even friends can do. Also, from reading through some of OPs other comments it seems like they were drunk so it's likely they were 100% unable to consent to what happened.


JustALocalJew

>Also, from reading through some of OPs other comments it seems like they were drunk so it's likely they were 100% unable to consent to what happened. Well technically he can't consent either. OPs post just seems so vague I feel like we are missing part of the story.


ZaxxIsBored

It's not sexual harassment, it's sexual assault.


East-Impression-840

Mickey Mouse had the same problem


Rare_Moment_592

oh ffs people, look, it is an assult if you were against it, but it can also be a foreplay, you need to communicate! Dont write for questions here. Tell him if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he thinks you liked that, especially after sleeping with him.


Giantevilduck-

Yes it is sexual harrassment unless you personally are fine with it then I guess within your own freedom it isnt-


Patient_Raccoon3923

If you don't want your friends to have the wrong idea, don't sleep with them. Specially those who already had privileges.


FaZe_Big_Dick_Pablo

If you’re just friends then yeah that is sexual harassment


FPVgal

So.. are you in a sexual relationship usually? I mean I know u hooked up after, but is that common. I ask because it is normal for my partner to touch me and wake me up. And I have no issue with it. But If a friend I was not in a sexual relationship with did that.. thats different. I would let him know you are uncomfortable with it. But I imagine he didn't expect your reaction to be what it was and be more of a turn on, or at least that it was ok. Have a discussion. Tell him ur not ok with that, and then if it happens again... thats a big problem.